The Red Flag List

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I've Had It" – Episode: The Red Flag List

Release Date: February 27, 2025

Hosts: Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Special Guests: Kylie and Seth

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Introduction to The Red Flag List

In this episode of "I've Had It," hosts Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan, alongside their guests Kylie and Seth, dive deep into the world of online dating, specifically focusing on identifying red flags within dating profiles. The conversation is laced with humor and sharp social commentary, aiming to help listeners navigate the often tumultuous landscape of modern romance.

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App Overreach and Privacy Concerns

The episode kicks off with Jennifer sharing a personal frustration about receiving incessant solicitations from an app, which she describes as feeling "like a stalker app."

Jennifer (01:05): "I got a direct solicitation from an app on my phone asking me why I was no longer using the app. I about freaked out."

Kylie echoes this sentiment, highlighting the pervasive neediness in late-stage capitalism manifested through incessant app notifications and email campaigns aimed at re-engaging users.

Kylie (02:14): "There's a neediness to late stage capitalism that is blooming right now that drives me absolutely crazy."

The hosts discuss the challenges of breaking away from these relentless marketing tactics, emphasizing the frustration of trying to limit personal relationships in an increasingly connected digital world.

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Analyzing Dating Profiles: Spotting the Red Flags

The core of the episode revolves around dissecting various dating profiles from apps like Christian Mingle and Tinder, uncovering numerous red flags that potential daters should be wary of.

Christian Mingle Profiles

1. Eugene

   • Profile Highlights: Claims to be "a man in God since I was 29," celebrates "3 million miles accident free."
   • Hosts' Take:

     Jennifer (13:51): "What's so crazy about that is that that's when you do the pros and cons... It was 3,000 3 million miles accident free. Wow."

     • Suggests that such exaggerated claims are unrealistic and off-putting.

2. Retired Policeman

   • Profile Highlights: Traditional values, age-specific preferences, and hobbies like motorcycle riding.
   • Hosts' Take:

     Kylie (14:34): "I don't know that. I don't know that."

     • Criticizes the outdated and controlling nature of the profile, expressing disappointment over preferences that seem restrictive.

3. Corey's Profile

   • Profile Highlights: Enjoys reading, riding an e-scooter, thrifting.
   • Hosts' Take:

     Kylie (15:58): "That's just cheap. I'm out."

     • Dismisses the profile due to lack of enthusiasm and vague interests.

Tinder Profiles

1. Jesse

   • Profile Highlights: Emphasizes physical attributes and "high value alpha male" traits.
   • Hosts' Take:

     Jennifer (17:02): "I'm exactly what he needs."

     • Sarcastically points out the superficiality and arrogance in the profile.

2. Trey

   • Profile Highlights: Boasts about boats and horses, excludes "fat bitches."
   • Hosts' Take:

     Jennifer (18:17): "I mean, I'd love to know who are the people that respond to these acts."

     • Highlights the discriminatory language and exclusionary criteria.

3. Jack

   • Profile Highlights: Focuses on physical prowess and specific sexual preferences.
   • Hosts' Take:

     Jennifer (19:16): "He does satisfy your size queen tendencies."

     • Critiques the overtly sexual and shallow nature of the profile.

4. Chris Red

   • Profile Highlights: Extensive list of exclusions, including pets, political views, and physical attributes.
   • Hosts' Take:

     Jennifer (20:13): "He excluded himself on the... that's kind of scary."

     • Emphasizes the extreme nature of the red flags listed.

5. Jonathan

   • Profile Highlights: Detailed list of physical and personal requirements.
   • Hosts' Take:

     Jennifer (41:57): "He must want somebody to cook and clean, support his ass, live in their apartment..."

     • Criticizes the controlling and transactional tone of the profile.

6. Micah and Mike

   • Profile Highlights: Unusual preferences and controversial statements about lifestyle choices.
   • Hosts' Take:

     Jennifer (30:18): "He wants the cop to handcuff you and stuff."

     • Points out the bizarre and unsettling nature of the profiles.

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Hosts' Commentary and Insights

Throughout the episode, Jennifer and Angie provide incisive and humorous critiques of the dating profiles discussed. They highlight the absurdity of certain preferences and the glaring red flags that indicate potential issues in personal character and relationship dynamics.

• Jennifer (17:44): "A high value alpha male. That's a huge red flag."
• Kylie (21:35): "This guy is psychotic now."
• Jennifer (25:39): "These people are so emboldened to be dicks."

The hosts frequently use sarcasm and exaggeration to underscore the problematic aspects of the profiles, making listeners both laugh and reflect on the traits they should avoid in potential partners.

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Social Commentary: The State of Modern Dating

Beyond individual profiles, the episode delves into broader societal issues reflected in online dating behaviors. The hosts discuss the prevalence of misogyny, the pressure to conform to unrealistic physical standards, and the manifestation of extreme political views in personal advertisements.

Jennifer (24:17): "We wonder why all these, like, white men in their mother's basements can't form relationships with women. Well, exhibit A."

This commentary serves as a critique of toxic masculinity and the challenges of finding genuine connections in a landscape saturated with superficial and controlling behaviors.

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Promotional Segments and Advertisements

Interspersed within the main content are promotional segments for products and services, including Booking.com, HoneyLove wireless bras, Cologuard colon cancer screening, and wellness apps like Calm. While these ads are notable parts of the transcript, per the summary guidelines, they are acknowledged but not delved into deeply to maintain focus on the core content.

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Jennifer and Kylie mused over the absurdity of the dating profiles and the broader implications for modern relationships. They suggest that a significant portion of red flags present in online dating mirrors deeper societal issues, making it paramount for individuals to remain vigilant and mindful when seeking connections online.

Jennifer (45:00): "Everybody wants a trad wife that gives a good blow job, that's thin and has big tits. I mean, the misogyny jumps off the page. So thank you. I'm out. No, thanks."

The hosts conclude with a reaffirmation of their commitment to helping listeners identify and steer clear of these red flags, fostering healthier and more respectful relationships.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jennifer (01:05): "I got a direct solicitation from an app on my phone asking me why I was no longer using the app. I about freaked out."

• Kylie (02:14): "There's a neediness to late stage capitalism that is blooming right now that drives me absolutely crazy."

• Jennifer (13:51): "What's so crazy about that is that that's when you do the pros and cons... It was 3,000 3 million miles accident free. Wow."

• Kylie (21:35): "This guy is psychotic now."

• Jennifer (24:17): "We wonder why all these, like, white men in their mother's basements can't form relationships with women. Well, exhibit A."

• Jennifer (41:57): "He must want somebody to cook and clean, support his ass, live in their apartment..."

• Jennifer (45:00): "Everybody wants a trad wife that gives a good blow job, that's thin and has big tits. I mean, the misogyny jumps off the page. So thank you. I'm out. No, thanks."

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Final Remarks

"I've Had It" successfully blends humor with critical analysis, offering listeners both laughs and valuable insights into the pitfalls of online dating. By spotlighting red flags in various dating profiles, Jennifer and Angie empower their audience to make more informed and discerning choices in their romantic endeavors.

Transcript

[Jennifer]

Get the Angel Reese Special at McDonald's. Now, let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? I participate in restaurants for a limited time.

[Angie]

This episode of I've had it is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. Every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the US I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options, from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that booking.com has something for everyone. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah.

[Kylie]

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

[Jennifer]

Ready? One, two, three.

[Kylie]

Patriots. Gatriots. Patriots. All right, pumps. What have you had it with?

[Jennifer]

Okay, what I've had it with, I got a direct solicitation from an app on my phone asking me why I was no longer using the app. I about freaked out. So here's exactly what happened. It was like a stalker app. So I noticed one day while we were filming, I had my phone on do not disturb. I had like seven or eight calls from the same New York City number, but there were no messages. I was like, well, that's weird. So the next day I had like four or five. Well, then the next time they called, like, so now we've done this for two days. On the third day, this number calls again and I answer and I go, who is this? They were like, oh, this is so and so app. And we were just calling about your usage. I was like, you are calling me to see why I haven't used your app? If I haven't used your app, I don't need your app anymore. Quit calling me. And I was probably too harsh with the girl because it wasn't her fault. I've never heard of anything like that. Calling to see why you're not using an app anymore. I mean, that was like a bridge way too far.

[Kylie]

That's crazy. I mean, that's just. That is way too much. I. I just can't. There's a neediness to late stage capitalism that is blooming right now that drives me absolutely crazy. They're just so needy. Want our information. Can you join our club? Can you join our newsletter? And it's just like, I don't want to be this close to you. What I'm trying to do is limit my relationships. I want to have Limited relationships. And you're wanting to have an exclusive relationship, and I don't. I don't want any part of it. It's so annoying.

[Jennifer]

Well, they won't let you break up with them. Like, if it's not them calling you to see why your app, you know, why you're not using the app, then it's sending you emails. Can we get you back? Or you try to unsubscribe and it says, what can we do to change your mind? It's like, I'm breaking up with you. We're broken up. That's it. Full stop.

[Kylie]

All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with the crusty, unattractive white guy that reads to convicted felon Trump at his executive orders. Yeah, I. I've just had it. He's like, so this executive order is, you know, blah, blah, blah, some stupid, horrible, terrible idea. And Trump acts like, the first time he's ever heard it, he's like, oh, that sounds pretty important. And he signs it, you know, some chicken. Something like, we're changing the name of, you know, the Gulf of Mexico. Something that matters zero to anybody that has any depth or intelligence. And it's like, you know, Orgasm City for all the maggot nuts. And I've just had it with that guy. I think he's has a terrible job. I'm disappointed that Dosh hasn't cut his job right, because I think it's unnecessary. And if we have a president that has to have everything read to him and translated to him, I mean, I know that we are screwed beyond all measure. But the fact that he has to have people kind of guide him like a host all the time, like an emcee to his presidency, tells me that he's not all there mentally because they have to keep him on schedule and have somebody kind of babysit and lead every single thing. And I think it's pathetic. I think it's weak, and I've had it.

[Jennifer]

No, I completely agree. When you have an interpreter for English to the US President, that's cause for alarm. But here's the thing. You've read the articles, like, I have, that he has a really hard time reading. Like, it. It's not. He can't pick it up. Like, he has to read it over and over and over again. My guess is he probably hasn't read what these orders are. I mean, that would not. Project 2025 rolls them out and he just signs them.

[Kylie]

The first he's ever hearing of it is when they roll out that dork crusty ass white guy who thinks, oh, I've made it. You know, I'm reading to this dip and I get my time to shine. You know, I mean he's going to be the biggest one hit wonder on the planet. But it's. Of course he doesn't read them. Of course he doesn't care about any of this. He just wants to go play golf and avoid prison time. Meanwhile, you know, the real dangerous blowhards are setting up a shadow government, in my opinion. So uplifting. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie and Kylie is with us today. Kylie, hi.

[Jennifer]

Hi.

[Kylie]

Hi. What's going on on the world wide web?

[Seth]

I've got two reviews I'm going to pull up for you here. This one is five stars titled My Happy Place from Proud Libtard. And they write the hours I get to listen to these incredible women say everything I've been thinking and more is my weekly zen. I cannot go into my local grocery store in parentheses filled with old white men and MAGA hats without these ladies playing in my head. I laugh out loud, especially knowing that they have no idea that I am silently bashing them with my girls. Thank you, thank you, thank you, caca.

[Jennifer]

I love to listen to stuff like that because it's like you're, you're in a miserable spot but you're laughing at the people and they don't know it. So there's just a real, I don't know if it's superiority or like you're. I guess it kind of is. It's like, haha, we're laughing at your expense. We're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you and you don't know it. I like that.

[Kylie]

I do too. I like it. Pumps. All right, okay.

[Seth]

This one is one star titled possibly the worst pod. And they write never been more annoyed or given up on trying a new pod so quickly would give zero stars if possible.

[Jennifer]

Here's the deal. I'll take it because it goes to our overall rating or like number of reviews. So I'm going to say thank you.

[Kylie]

I think it's just hilarious when you're so impacted by something like when I'm watching TV or listening to a pod, if I don't like it, I, I just leave that and go to something that I find more palatable. The attention and the time and the care to go make that comment is what just tickles me so much. All right, listener, here's what we're going to do today because we all feel overwhelmed and like cinder blocks are sitting on our shoulders. It's a tough time to be an American and watch the horror show. So today we are going to razzle.

[Angie]

Dazzle you with a fabulous episode where.

[Kylie]

All we are going to do is completely belly laugh. And the subject of today's episode is our illustrious producers. Kylie and Seth have been very busy on the dating apps and they made a yassified pumps and they've been marketing her on the dating app. So I'm let. There she is.

[Jennifer]

App.

[Kylie]

Kylie gave her the bang. Kylie gave her the bangs that she's wanted to get when she's 60 and completely yassified her. And so look at how yassified she is. And so a lot of the apps. Her name is Angela dawn and this is Angela Dawn's second voyage into the dating apps. We did another episode about this several months ago and Kylie and Seth have great fun with it. And I think she was on Christian Mingle just briefly, but then they think that she's a catfisher. So let's go into Angela Dawn's Christian Mingle profile. Is that. Do I have everything up to speed, Kylie?

[Angie]

Yep, that's it.

[Kylie]

Here's her.

[Seth]

Her prompts.

[Kylie]

Okay, her prompts. Why does Jesus. Jesus matter to you? In your own words. And Angela dawn responds, when I have faltered, Jesus was there for me, unlike my ex husband.

[Jennifer]

I like that. That's a good one.

[Kylie]

What are your hobbies, activities or interests? And our Angela dawn responds, I love to cuddle my dog. I'm a simple woman who loves Jesus, looking for a man to lead me into the last and last is underlined chapter of my life.

[Jennifer]

This is so good.

[Kylie]

What part of the Bible has recently inspired you and our Angela dawn response? I have been rereading the first few pages of Genesis for the last few years, unable to get much further, but still trying.

[Jennifer]

Now, Kylie, did you answer these or you and Jennifer together?

[Seth]

Angela dawn answered them.

[Kylie]

I didn't. Kylie did all that.

[Jennifer]

Okay, Kylie, I like that. Those are good answers.

[Angie]

Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up. When you say pumps, I would say damn near psychotic.

[Kylie]

Totally.

[Angie]

And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is Life is.

[Jennifer]

Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches.

[Angie]

In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show Notes to pre order your copy now.

[Kylie]

This episode of I've had it is.

[Angie]

Brought to you by booking.com booking yeah, every time I use booking.com I find a place to stay in the U.S. i know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that booking.com has something for every everyone. Recently I took my oldest son and his girlfriend to New York City. They wanted to stay in Soho. Through booking.com I was able to find the perfect hotel for us.

[Jennifer]

What I like about booking.com is I can find a great vacation rental where my kids and I both have our own space and we have a common area to enjoy so we don't get sick of each other.

[Angie]

Listener no matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking yeah, some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. Could it be because it has a sleek spam free site or the most in depth school info? Homes.com knows every parent wants the best for their kids so they're the only ones with school and district details and reviews from multiple sources including niche. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent direct. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com has 22 data visualization layers, seven environmental layers, and allows you to search by commute and architectural factors. It's the home search you've been searching for. Go to homes.com today for home shopping the way it should be. Homes.com we've done your homework.

[Seth]

Okay, so these are a couple of your matches on Christian Mingle.

[Jennifer]

Okay.

[Kylie]

All right, we have Eugene and he says, I've been a man in God since I was 29 and our Lord has saved my life many times. I have approximately 3 million miles accident free and I enjoy nature, fishing, traveling, camping and cooking. He's charismatic and he attends church every week. He has 3 million miles accident free because of Jesus.

[Jennifer]

What's so crazy about that is that that's when you do the pros and cons, like what's good about me that I'm going to put on my dating site. It was 3,000 3 million miles accident free. Wow.

[Kylie]

Yes. No, maybe.

[Jennifer]

Pass.

[Kylie]

Pass. Okay. The next one you matched with on Christian Mingle says I'm the old fashioned type. Still believe in opening a car door and help seating a lady. I treat a lady as she should be treated and I do not like to argue. Everything can be settled by a civil conversation. I've been in law enforcement for 45 years and I retired three years ago. I wrote a book about two years ago. I love riding my Harley on the weekends with my friends.

[Jennifer]

You know, that's, I mean there's nothing that jumps out at me as awful on that. I've always wanted to have sex with somebody in a, like a military or fireman or policeman, but the age was, I mean, a little. Angela dawn, you knew that.

[Kylie]

I know. I, I don't, I don't know that.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I've always wanted to have like sex with like a cop or a firefighter or like a Air Force person.

[Kylie]

Let me ask you follow up questions. Do you want to have sex with them in their uniform?

[Jennifer]

Yeah, maybe.

[Kylie]

Do you want handcuffs involved?

[Jennifer]

No handcuffs, but I'm not ruling it out. But if I really liked him and it was like fun, I mean I might.

[Kylie]

Angela Don. I like it. This is, this is the type, type of content we need in Trump's America.

[Jennifer]

That's right.

[Kylie]

Also listeners, if there are any firefighters, military or law enforcement that would like to date Angela dawn, please email or text Kylie. Okay, next. Corey. I live a quiet and drama free life. I enjoy reading, walking and riding my E scooter. I'm not a foodie person but like the occasional pizza, salami and cold tomato slices. Also like thrifting and getting savings on food, etc.

[Jennifer]

That just tells me it's cheap. I'm out. No, no, no, no.

[Kylie]

What about the e scooter? Didn't you say in an episode you'd had it with those?

[Jennifer]

I'm sure I have because they're just everywhere, like in big cities.

[Kylie]

Oh God. These are her Tinder matches. Okay. She matched with Jesse and he says, hi there, my name is Jesse. I'm a 6 foot 1 inch and weigh 215 pounds. I'm high value alpha male that is very driven, competitive, successful and productive. I'm well traveled, high emotional iq, extremely fit and very passionate about life. Looking for someone that's fit, smart, respectful, fun, feminine, cooperative, agreeable, inspirational, beautiful and has a family first mentality. Sharing similar interests and values are important. No masks, no games, no cats, no libs, no smoking slash drugs. And no bad attitudes. I think you sound like the woman of his dreams.

[Jennifer]

I think I'm exactly what he needs. Hey, Kylie, put that back up there. I want to. I want to go over a few things. Okay, here we go. He's got his height and weight listed. That's a red flag. He's an alpha male. A high value alpha male. That's a huge red flag. Successful comma. He has a high emotional intelligence, which tells me he doesn't. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. Which is even worse than not having one. He's looking for one. Someone that's fit, smart, respectful. So I guess that means he has. You have to ask before you can use the bathroom. Fun, feminine, cooperative and agreeable are my two favorites.

[Kylie]

What do you think a high value alpha male is versus just an alpha male?

[Jennifer]

I don't know. That's a great question.

[Kylie]

What is a hot.

[Jennifer]

How do you go? I'm assuming that means she has high values, high morals, high ethics. But I don't know. That's a guess.

[Kylie]

Oh, that's probably right. That's probably right. Okay, the next one is Trey. He says a good time is always welcome. So come with it. Got boats and horses. You tell me which one you want to ride. No fat bitches allowed.

[Jennifer]

You know, I'd love to know who are the people that respond to these acts. I mean, who are the people that are like, that's my guy.

[Kylie]

I believe one of them is Angela Dawn.

[Jennifer]

I mean a real person.

[Kylie]

Okay, next. Jack says about me, 6 foot 4 inches tall, wild, barefoot. My tongue flaps faster than a hummingbird's wings. My fingers are dexterous from years of guitar playing. Not looking for a hookup, just looking for my size queen who'd enjoy being stretched out daily by my 6 inch girth. Eggplant emoji. Bonus points if you golf, lift or outdoorsy, have perky little titties and. Or a strong libido. And here's what I have to say about Jack. Number one, he does satisfy your size queen.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

Tendencies.

[Jennifer]

100.

[Kylie]

The perky little titties could disqualify you.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, that totally takes.

[Kylie]

Like a dragon situation.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. No, and he's really young.

[Kylie]

What about 6 foot 4 inches barefoot?

[Jennifer]

Barefoot, not. Not in shoes, not in lifts. How about the telling you how fast his tongue goes like a hummingbird? I mean, it's not a bad quality pump.

[Kylie]

So what do we say about Men that are over 6 foot 4, 6 foot.

[Jennifer]

Floor drops to the floor.

[Kylie]

There you go. All right, next up, we have Chris. He has an American flag. And then he says, you degenerates make me appreciate my girlfriend more. I'm not going to message your Instagram. Swipe left. If you can't parallel park, swipe left. If you've ever had an abortion.

[Jennifer]

He. He excluded himself on the. Regardless of his emotional intelligence, the American flag, that. It just immediately runs all through me. No.

[Kylie]

Okay, next up. Okay, here's a new profile. I am a Christian and I'm against gay marriage. If you have a problem with me texting you a lot, then don't waste your time, because I know I won't. And think this. If I'm texting you a lot, it's because you didn't answer the first time when you should have, instead of ghosting the person. And if you block that person over it, then it's your loss. If you really care about someone, you won't care how much they call you. And it does not make them clingy. I will call you a lot. Maybe they just. Maybe they've just been at work. And I just want to point out his heights. 4 foot 11 inches.

[Jennifer]

This cannot be real. It can't be real.

[Kylie]

Angela. Don, I'm afraid it's real. And I like how we started off with, I am against gay marriage.

[Jennifer]

I'm against gay marriage. And.

[Kylie]

And I'm a psycho texter.

[Jennifer]

I'm a.

[Kylie]

Well, he's a stalker and it's your fault. I like that he's already blaming in advance. Like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna psycho text you and I'm gonna stalk you, and if you don't like it, it's your fault.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, no, this guy is, like, psychotic now.

[Kylie]

Okay, Matt. Looking for someone who dislikes brunch as much as I do. $13 for eggs? No, thanks. He makes a list of pros about himself. The First Pro is 6 foot 2 inches sommelier, lives alone. Grilled cheese king, owner of Scottish Fold Oyster. Better looking in person. Look a lot like your new boyfriend. Skilled crock pot chef and above par cunnilinga skills. I think that's got a lot of potential.

[Jennifer]

That does have a lot of potential.

[Kylie]

I think he sounds like a total catch.

[Jennifer]

I mean, he is the oyster thing. A dog?

[Kylie]

I have no idea.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I've got to wonder, Is it like a gerbil? Is it a ferret? Is it a dog? What is it? What is he collecting? I do like a Grilled cheese.

[Kylie]

Okay, we have an anonymous. Kylie's blacked out his name. Looking for fun? Open to more. I have two border collies that never get tired. Most of you are way too ugly to be making demands. Free advice, ladies. Stop eating vegetable oils. And you can be as thin that is healthy as you want. Calling yourself vaccinated or boosted is a supreme display of ignorance. Single moms, no thanks.

[Jennifer]

Boy, I can't believe this guy hasn't found somebody already. He sounds like a charmer.

[Kylie]

I love it when people like they make the vaccination issue their entire identity in their dating profile.

[Jennifer]

This guy's got some problems. I mean, he's got some serious anger issues.

[Kylie]

All right, Chris Red. Okay, Chris is 40 years old and he just made a red, red flag list. And so I'm going to read to you what his red flags are. Cottage cheese, ass. Bipolar disorders. No. Head meds is a must. Pet moms, Libby's or rainbow sympathizers, Kool aid, colored hair, beached whales, more than two piercings, mustache, pronouns, fake accounts, cam girls, and only fans. Pregos, tats, feminists, people that have PhDs, daddy issues must know body counts matter. Single moms, pro choice, technical virgins. No jibby jabbers. Hashtag, me too. BLM and antifa. Another red flag of his are B cups or under. And then also anybody that's anti guns.

[Jennifer]

And you know, here's the thing. Like, we wonder why all these, like, white men in their mother's basements can't form relationships with women. Well, exhibit A. We just. The last two have just been a profile. And what would terrify any woman that is. That's kind of scary. I mean, putting this out there. I mean, you think it's real. You think he's like, serious as a heart attack.

[Kylie]

I think the one thing we've learned in Trump's America after we all watch January 6th is this is 1000% real.

[Jennifer]

Wow. Scary.

[Kylie]

So is that a yes? No.

[Jennifer]

100% yes.

[Kylie]

Okay. All right, next up. All right, here's a guy that's 6 foot 6 inches. We know you like that.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

These are his words, not mine. Done. Three years of college, full time employed with benefits, zero debt, three cars. Hobbies include high fashion cars, computer, anime, gaming, camping, etc. No hookups, no gold diggers. Looking for someone with similar qualities as myself. Looking for something serious, but not in a rush. Swipe left if you can't hold a conversation. Single moms. Swipe left if you were a catch, he wouldn't have left you and the kids.

[Jennifer]

Oh, my gosh. These people are so emboldened to be dicks. It's unbelievable that they think that that's attractive. I mean, that's scary. Scary. Why are these people matching with me? Kylie, that's. I mean, what is mindset?

[Seth]

Angela? Don's a patriot. I made that clear.

[Jennifer]

Great. Excellent. Thank you. All you have to do is say patriot, and this is the kind of crazies you get.

[Kylie]

Okay, Angela, dawn matched with Shane. I will not date you if you wear masks, if you've had a COVID vaccine. I prefer women who are not brainwashed or genetically modified. If you meet the criteria, then let's talk. And he spells then T H A N. Inbox me to learn about how our government is funding the production of bioweapons and brainwashing people into thinking that masks and injections are a replacement for actually living healthy.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, we're back to the COVID thing. Defining me. What? There was another thing on there that put my red flag antenna up. What was it brainwashed or met? Genetically modified. Like paranoid. That. Okay, whatever. Kylie, what did you put my age range on? This is like the third 20 something year old.

[Seth]

It's about 20 to, like 99, I'm pretty sure.

[Jennifer]

Okay. Leaving my options open, of course.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And in that whole age range, this is the best we've got. Excellent.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Seth]

These are your top matches.

[Jennifer]

Okay.

[Kylie]

Chris, I'm a single father of three and another one on the way. They are my world. If you don't have what it takes to help me raise my kids, then move aside and let a real woman step up. Must have your own car, preferably a minivan. Must be able to cook, clean, and be submissive. No taller than 5 foot 5 inches. Must be fit, have your own source of income and no kids of your own. How about that? He's got three kids and one on the way and prefers that you have a minivan.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, and he's searching for a maid, not a date.

[Kylie]

If you can't raise my kids, step aside and let a real woman step up.

[Jennifer]

Somebody's got one on the way and he's on Tinder.

[Kylie]

That's so good. I love how it's like. It's like a. Like a threat, like it's manipulative, like you're not a real woman. Then you just step aside.

[Jennifer]

Step aside for the real women that want to raise my kids and drive a minivan.

[Kylie]

Okay, next up, all right, we got Micah. He says, I like my women the way I like my toaster. Turned on and in the hot tub with me. Can you imagine yourself living in your own home? Swipe right. If you want a better life, you return your shopping cart to the cart corral. You're kind to cats, dogs, children, and older folks. You're childless, but dream of motherhood. You can fit into a size 0 to 6 dress size. You enjoy solitude, but loneliness blows. Gemini rabbit. Yes. No.

[Jennifer]

I'm gonna pass.

[Kylie]

Okay. All right, next one. This is Mike. He says, have you ever wanted to date a homeless guy? Here's your chance. I'm able to work remotely and have decided to sell my house and embrace the nomad lifestyle. I figured if Elon can do it, so can I. Hotel and Airbnb bop with me willing to stay local if we click. And I can take you with me. I think it's amazing that these people, like, they don't understand. The problem is they don't have billions of dollars.

[Jennifer]

Right. Elon can do it because he's the richest man on earth. But living, you know, hotel, that whole transient lifestyle, that's not super attractive. I mean, I just. Here's the thing. I have a lot of crazy in my head. Like, a lot of stupid, weird stuff that I'll think.

[Kylie]

Yeah, like that you want the cop to handcuff you and stuff.

[Jennifer]

That was. I think that's much more.

[Kylie]

I know. I just wanted to remind everybody.

[Jennifer]

All right, go ahead. But, like, then you say an idea or you sleep on an idea, you know, you say it out loud, and then you sleep on it. These people, like, they had these ideas in their head, but they put them down and published them on the Internet for everybody to see. And there was zero, like, inclination that maybe this is not a good look or maybe I'm not projecting the right image because they're so ingrained that if you're a vaxxer and don't want to cook and clean and wipe his kid's ass, you know, you're missing out on the great. And they think they're great. Like, great catches. That's the amazing part. To me, this little aside.

[Kylie]

You think this is why they're single listener. February is the month of love, and there's nothing that pumps. And I love more than treating ourselves to comfortable bras. Seriously, life is just way too short to wear a bad bra. And luckily, today's episode is brought to you by HoneyLove, the brand that's completely revolutionized the wireless bra.

[Jennifer]

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[Kylie]

Oh, I love that. The star of our show and her bra enhancement. That's great. And listener Honey Love isn't just about bras. They've got shapewear, tanks, leggings that are just as comfortable and supportive. Honey Love's best selling Superpower short is a must have listener Treat yourself to the most comfortable bra on Earth and save 20 off site [e-mail] had it. Use our exclusive link to get 20 [e-mail] had it. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Treat yourself to Honey Love because you deserve it.

[Angie]

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[Addie]

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[Angie]

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[Jennifer]

I really enjoy the calm meditation because it helps you work through anxiety and stress. It boosts my focus and it has helped me build healthier habits and it helps me take care of my well being better physically.

[Angie]

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[Kylie]

Okay, next up. All right, here's Harold. He says about me. How do I describe myself? Three words. Hard working, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable.

[Jennifer]

Three words.

[Kylie]

Hard working, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable. There's seven words.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

What about the jackhammer? Do you think that means the jackhammer is.

[Jennifer]

It's intriguing. The rest of it is no.

[Kylie]

Do you think he's confessing to be a quick shot?

[Jennifer]

I think he's confessing to be a gyrater.

[Kylie]

Most gyraters are quick shots.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, true. So both. Yeah.

[Kylie]

All right, next up, Joshua, dad of two, separating. Moving forward with my life. Honestly, just going to be myself. My wife of eight years blindsided me with I don't love you anymore after we have two children together and I have been faithful the entire time and never even thought about cheating on cheating or with another or being with another woman. But the level of disrespect showed to me now has opened my eyes and I'm ready to see who needs a good man. Hit me up. I'll never cheat. We're separated so it's fair game. Just in need of someone to start over with. Someone genuine.

[Jennifer]

He's Got his little feelings hurt, hasn't he? He needs some therapy before he goes on these apps. That's my personal opinion.

[Kylie]

All right, next up, Tom. Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. Looking for new friends who want to go hiking, get drinks, and do other fun stuff. I'm a journalist who writes about technology and culture.

[Jennifer]

Nothing super red flag there.

[Kylie]

Do you think we. If we put him in a police officer uniform instead of him being a journalist, you could hit it?

[Jennifer]

No, I'd like a journalist if they're smart.

[Kylie]

What do you think? Do you think Jeffrey Epstein killed himself or you think DOJ had him offed? It would have been Bill Bars doj.

[Jennifer]

Oh, well, Bill Bars doj. Yeah, because noticeably absent from all these releases of confidential files, we're getting UFOs, Kennedy, blah, blah. The one case we're not getting access to is Jeffrey Epstein, and that's because Trump is all over his message boards and on his plane. So there you have it.

[Kylie]

Okay, next up, Jeremy, please know the difference between their t h e r e their t h e I r their t h e y apostrophe r e your, your, your two and two. Please don't have all your pictures with you using the middle finger, duck faces or some form of a gang sign. I understand you're representing your set, but it's not attractive. Furthermore, please stop with wanting someone to join your OnlyFans.com. some of us here are actually decent people and probably already getting it free. Sorry I had to bring that up.

[Jennifer]

Okay, here's the deal. Obviously, on these dating sites, there are a lot of only fans people. Is that what you're getting? Because it's like the second or third reference, right?

[Kylie]

I mean, it's gotta be.

[Jennifer]

It's gotta be. Yeah, he's sorry to bring it up, but he's just not going to do the only fans.

[Kylie]

All right. You also matched with Will aged and retired porn star looking for a nice butt to snort crushed blood pressure medication off of. Kind of like Coke in the 90s. Back in the early 90s, I was called a closer. I specialized in climax shots, kind of like a stuntman, but different. Still signing autographs for fans that recognize my junk at nudist resorts, hot springs and such. Just don't ask where I carry the pin. You gotta go out with this guy. You gotta let him snort blood pressure medication off your ass.

[Jennifer]

How about people recognize him from his junk at nudist resorts? I mean, it must be distinguished.

[Kylie]

He specialized in climax shots, kind of like a stuntman.

[Jennifer]

He was a Closer.

[Kylie]

I just, I think in Trump's America, pumps, dates, retired porn star, story arc is something that could really, I mean, help us pass some time.

[Jennifer]

It's not without complete value. I mean, I would think you'd probably be pretty well versed in all the.

[Kylie]

Things I would imagine considering you're such a size queen. He probably has a very large penis.

[Jennifer]

You'd almost have to think he does, wouldn't you?

[Kylie]

I mean, you would think so if he specialized in the money shots, right? So I don't think they're trotting out teeny weenies for the money shot.

[Jennifer]

No, I wouldn't think so. Unless it's like that kind of video.

[Kylie]

What do you mean? Like a teeny weeny video? Yeah, we looked that up.

[Jennifer]

They have little weenie porn sites or did I make that up?

[Kylie]

Yeah, I think we had Kylie get on pornhub and she found it.

[Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

Okay, next. Jonathan looking for my lovely ever after. Must be blond or brunette. Be fit and toned. Go to the gym more than four times weekly, but no more than 5 foot 11 inch and no less than 5 foot 4 in height. Be available at all times. Give good head. Be able to cook and clean. Devote as much as your time to me as possible. Have a steady and good income. More than $70,000 annually. Have own apartment that I can crash at occasionally. If you fit these criteria, swipe right. If not, settle for it. I will not settle for anything less. Also not interested in BBWs and single moms. What's a BBW?

[Seth]

It stands for big beautiful woman.

[Jennifer]

Oh, oh, so like like chubby or like tall? Both.

[Seth]

Like thick.

[Jennifer]

Thick, yeah. Okay, here's the deal. This guy must want somebody to cook and clean, support his ass, live in their apartment. Go fuck yourself. I mean, what a dick. I gotta hate him.

[Kylie]

Yeah. What about give, get ahead and he just puts it right out there.

[Jennifer]

Okay. I mean that part I at least have. Like, okay, like all these other men are funning around. I want a long term relationship. I want to hold you in my arms and tell you I love you. Like you can imagine all the. Really? They just want a good blow job. So, you know, that was the only thing about it that I was like, okay. Yeah. Everything else was just awful.

[Kylie]

Okay, next up. All right, this person's bio says I'm looking for a woman with conservative values. Pro Life 2A and liberal. Please be 5 foot 2 to 5 foot 6, 105 pounds to 115 pounds, 32B to 32C, size 12 to 16 waist and size 6 to 7ft. Be fun, but down to earth. Be manicured, pedicured, and keep yourself fairly clean. Your attire should be 80% casual, 20% formal. Be into wearing costumes in bed. Be trustworthy, honest, and also into movies, road trips and family stuff. PG stuff with others. Rated R. Xxx. With me, you must also have or love dogs. And no kids. 18 to 20. 18 to 26 year olds.

[Jennifer]

Okay, what's conservative values? Pro life? What is A2A and liberal. I don't even know what that means. And then he gives a height range, a weight range, a bra, cup size, a waist size, shoe size, shoe size. What the is going on with this guy? Your wardrobe. He wants to control your wardrobe. 80% casual, 20 formal. Okay. Oh, he's five. Five. Yeah. This guy is a nut right here.

[Kylie]

Okay, next up, what I'm looking for in my woman. This man just makes a punch list. Long hair, nice feet with straight toes, big tits, kind, Always responds to my messages fast. Does not get mad if I take too long to reply. Can cook good food, has own house, has nice car, not vain, good credit score, lets me make the decisions, says she loves me every day. Good at cleaning, has a good job, likes anal, Is voting for Biden. Let me try new sex things. Respects men, is not fat, is a good dancer, is bilingual, supports LGBTQ plus.

[Jennifer]

This sounds just like a real catch. Just a real catch.

[Kylie]

So pumps. What I've learned today is this, Angela dawn, if you just get really like you feel crazed and unhinged in Trump's America, Angela dawn, you could just dive into that personality, cat bangs like you've always wanted to and just go live your best life. I mean, I think that you've got all these amazing hits on social media, I mean, on these dating sites.

[Jennifer]

Here's what I've learned today, why I would never be on a website for dating. I mean, all of these people are like, terrifying. Everybody wants a trad wife that gives a good blow job, that's thin and has big tits. I mean, it's the misogyny jumps off the page. So thank you. I'm out. No, thanks.

[Kylie]

Okay, what if we put Angela dawn on like a liberal dating site?

[Jennifer]

I mean, that would have probably better results because all these people are nuts. They define themselves by being anti vaxxers. They want to tell you what to do. They want to tell you what color your hair. It's like these guys are not catches.

[Kylie]

I just, I just want, I want to know, Kylie, are there dating sites for liberals?

[Seth]

There are.

[Angie]

I wonder if they kind of Want to.

[Jennifer]

Normal.

[Seth]

You kind of want to get Angela dawn on there.

[Kylie]

It's just a small segment, not a whole episode.

[Jennifer]

Just a little.

[Kylie]

Just a small. Yeah. I'm just curious. Here's the deal. I think dating sites in general have a larger percentage of freak flags in them than the general population.

[Jennifer]

Agree. And people are trying to catch your eye.

[Kylie]

Do you want to have any input over your bio and stuff?

[Jennifer]

No, because I'm. I mean, no, I would never do. I would never put myself on a dating site. Never, ever, ever.

[Kylie]

Let me ask you one more question.

[Jennifer]

Okay.

[Kylie]

What if there was a dating site for men in uniform, like firemen, policemen. I think you mentioned the Marines earlier, that you were rather turned on by the. By the Marine Corps.

[Jennifer]

I mean, I don't care, though. I'm any Air Force.

[Kylie]

You're turned on by the Air Force. Army.

[Angie]

Navy.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

[Kylie]

I like all this. Tyler, is there a dating site for men in uniforms?

[Seth]

Right now I'm looking at. There's a website called Military Cupid to meet single military guys and there's also MD Date to meet doctors.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I think we've got probably a lot of lying on that site, if I'm guessing. I mean, a lot of these things. But I mean, I'm like, I'm kind of disturbed about all the controlling men that are looking for a single woman with no children to cook and clean their house. That's a size zero. That's the ideal, I guess.

[Kylie]

I mean, I. I think Kylie's just plucked a high concentration of them. But I think in Trump's America, we're all abundantly aware pumps. And I know you like to pretend like it's not out there, but we're abundantly aware that this quote unquote alpha male movement is a big problem.

[Jennifer]

It's a huge, huge problem.

[Kylie]

All right, well, thank you for joining us today. Next week we'll be back together in studio and listen to our other podcast, I Hip News. Check us out on Substack. Join our Patreon, buy some merch, pre order our book Pumps.

[Jennifer]

Tell them we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I'll tell you what I've had it with.

[Addie]

Let's hear it.

[Jennifer]

I've had it with that.

[Angie]

Listen up, patriots, gaytriots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called Ihip News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.

[Jennifer]

We are on all the available platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

[Kylie]

Please go, rate, subscribe and review so.

[Angie]

That we will chart Edwards with America's greatest legal mind.

[Kylie]

Pumps, Pumps.

[Angie]

What does an eagle say?

[Jennifer]

Caca.

[Angie]

A little bit more enthusiasm.

[Jennifer]

Caca.

[Kylie]

That's it.

[Jennifer]

That's.

[Kylie]

That's caca. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

[Harold]

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