Two Uglies Make Beauty

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Two Uglies Make Beauty" — "I've Had It" with Jennifer Welch and Angie Sullivan

Release Date: January 9, 2025
Hosts: Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Special Guest: Comedian and Actor Roy Wood Jr.

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Introduction: Renewed Frustrations for 2025

As the new year kicks off, hosts Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan dive straight into their signature style of airing grievances. They humorously lament the lack of change despite the turn of the calendar, with Jennifer quipping, "We are not changing. If anything, I want to find more things to be pissed off about in 2025" (00:15). Angie agrees, highlighting the ease of expressing annoyance in today’s world: "It's getting so much easier to be an asshole. It is."

Overused Sayings and Social Media Saturation

Angie opens the episode by expressing her frustration with the repetitive use of the phrase "give her/her the flowers," which gained popularity around the Olympics as a way to encourage people to appreciate others' performances. She vents, "I fucking had it with the jumping on and repeated use of the phrase give him or her the flowers" (00:31). Jennifer probes deeper, questioning whether their own critics use similar clichés, to which Angie concedes, "There's a little bit of truth to it" (01:56). This segues into a discussion about handling online negativity, emphasizing the importance of conserving energy by not engaging with negative comments.

Personal Anecdote: The Road Rage Encounter

Jennifer shares a vivid story about encountering a provocative driver early one morning. She narrates how a fellow driver repeatedly flipped her off using a digital sign installed in his car, leading her to confront him at a subsequent traffic light. Jennifer reflects on the man's inability to express his frustration genuinely, stating, "This little pink arm motherfucker... the perfect example of a quote unquote alpha male, all bark, no bite" (05:41). Angie humorously labels the driver a "small wiener," reinforcing the theme of superficial aggression.

News Segment: Generational Shifts and Health Concerns

Millennial Dads Embracing Parenthood

Jennifer and Angie discuss a heartening study revealing that millennial fathers spend three times more time with their children compared to their predecessors. Jennifer highlights, "Millennial dads are taking on parenthood with a newfound sense of responsibility" (08:49). Angie applauds this shift, noting the decline in fathers who have "never changed a diaper," celebrating paternity leave and the dismantling of outdated gender stereotypes (09:20).

Global Decline in Sperm Counts

The conversation shifts to a concerning study indicating that sperm counts have declined by almost 50% globally in recent decades. Jennifer elaborates on potential causes, including lifestyle factors like poor diet, obesity, and environmental toxins: "The trend has been observed globally with potential causes including lifestyle factors such as poor diet, obesity, smoking and stress" (10:30). Angie humorously connects this to societal habits, suggesting that increased sedentary lifestyles contribute to overall unhappiness and health issues.

Listener Feedback: Positive Vibes Amidst Grievances

Jennifer and Angie share glowing reviews from their listeners, showcasing the community's appreciation for their candidness and humor. A Hispanic listener praises their honesty, saying, "May Jennifer always have her sass and may Mima always have her curtains" (15:22). Another listener admires their ability to connect, remarking, "They make me cackle each episode, those beautiful jerks" (15:43). These testimonials highlight the podcast's impact in providing both humor and relatability.

Guest Interview: Roy Wood Jr. on "Lonely Flowers"

Introduction to Roy Wood Jr.

The episode welcomes comedian and actor Roy Wood Jr. as their special guest. Roy introduces his upcoming Hulu special, "Lonely Flowers," set to release on January 17th, where he explores societal loneliness with humor: "I feel like we're all beautiful people, but we have all somehow become siloed" (22:12).

Workplace Romances: A Nuanced Perspective

Roy delves into the topic of workplace relationships, arguing that not all office romances are detrimental. He states, "Every now and then it works out when you bang your coworker" (27:52). While acknowledging the potential for power dynamics and coercion, Roy emphasizes the importance of judging such relationships on a case-by-case basis. Jennifer concurs, highlighting societal biases and the unique American puritanical judgment on workplace romances.

Comedy and Social Commentary

The discussion turns to Roy's comedic insights on public displays of affection (PDA). He humorously critiques excessive PDA, sharing anecdotes like witnessing people being overly intimate in public spaces: "What you're witnessing is the creation of someone amazing" (22:32). Their exchange underscores the balance between humor and social critique that Roy brings to his work.

"Lonely Flowers" Special Insights

Roy explains the inspiration behind his special, connecting loneliness to societal changes post-COVID: "We are all struggling. Everybody has to live in Trump's America" (49:40). Jennifer adds her perspective on the need for genuine human connections amidst the rise of AI and digital interactions, advocating for kindness and personal interaction to combat societal disconnection.

Humorous Interactions and Final Thoughts

Throughout the interview, Jennifer and Angie engage in playful banter with Roy, touching on various humorous topics like failed attempts at intimate moments in public places and exaggerated critiques of public figures. Roy's lighthearted yet pointed humor adds depth to the conversation, making complex social issues accessible and entertaining.

Conclusion: Embracing Kindness and Connection

As the episode wraps up, the hosts and Roy reiterate the importance of human connection and kindness in everyday interactions. Jennifer expresses a renewed commitment to positive engagements, inspired by Roy's perspectives: "I'm going to start the retail charm offensive and we need to be super kind to all of these people out there" (53:13). Roy echoes this sentiment, encouraging listeners to engage more authentically with those around them.

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Notable Quotes

• Jennifer Welch (00:15): "We are not changing. If anything, I want to find more things to be pissed off about in 2025."

• Angie Sullivan (00:31): "I fucking had it with the jumping on and repeated use of the phrase give him or her the flowers."

• Roy Wood Jr. (22:12): "I feel like we're all beautiful people, but we have all somehow become siloed."

• Jennifer Welch (53:13): "I'm going to start the retail charm offensive and we need to be super kind to all of these people out there."

Key Takeaways

• Embracing Positivity: Despite their frustrations, Jennifer and Angie emphasize the importance of focusing on positive interactions and conserving energy by not engaging with negativity.

• Generational Progress: The hosts celebrate the increased involvement of millennial dads in parenting, highlighting a positive shift in gender roles and family dynamics.

• Health Concerns: The global decline in sperm counts serves as a wake-up call about lifestyle and environmental factors affecting men's health.

• Human Connection: Roy Wood Jr.'s insights into societal loneliness underscore the necessity of genuine human interactions in an increasingly digital world.

• Kindness in Daily Interactions: The episode concludes with a strong message advocating for kindness and authentic connections in everyday encounters, fostering a more compassionate society.

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This episode of "I've Had It" masterfully blends humor with poignant social commentary, offering listeners both laughs and thoughtful reflections. Whether venting about overused sayings or exploring deep-seated societal issues, Jennifer, Angie, and Roy Wood Jr. deliver an engaging and meaningful conversation that resonates with a wide audience.

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For more episodes and to stay updated, subscribe to "I've Had It" on your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Jennifer]

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

[Angie]

Ready, one, two, three.

[Jennifer]

Patriots, gaytriots, theatriots. All right, listen up. It's new year, same old bit. Or us.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

I mean, we are not changing. If anything, I want to find more things to be pissed off about in 2025.

[Angie]

Yes. And I'm finding it easier all the time.

[Jennifer]

Really is.

[Angie]

It's just getting easier.

[Jennifer]

It's getting so much easier to be an asshole. It is. All right, pumps, what have you had it with?

[Angie]

Okay. In the spirit of our new year, I have had it with people piling on the same saying. So about six months ago, I heard around the time of the Olympics, give her her flowers. Give him his flowers. Meaning they should get credit. Their performance deserves praise. I hear give him or her the flowers three or four times a day on different, like, clips, social media. I'm. I've had it. Why do we all have to say the same thing? There's no originality in sayings. Everybody has to say the same thing. I'm not against people praising performance or any other thing. Form of success. You can say I'm a bitter old hag, and that's true. But I do cheer for other people to have good things. But I fucking had it with the jumping on and repeated use of the phrase get. Give him or her the flowers.

[Jennifer]

Let me ask you this. We get a lot of piling on in critiques of us, right? Particularly the bitter old hag. And do you apply that same anger and grievance towards the piling on in the comment section of them calling us.

[Angie]

Bitter old hags because it's unoriginal and overused? I would, but there's a little bit of truth to it.

[Jennifer]

There is. And I think that we are so desperate that any sort of attention we greet with a smile, positive or negative, we're all attention. Hey. They took the time out of their day to comment on how bitter and how haggish we are. And so, I mean, kudos to them.

[Angie]

It could be love. It's passion.

[Jennifer]

It is. It's something.

[Angie]

It is something, yes.

[Jennifer]

Because I certainly don't spend my spare time commenting on podcasters, social media accounts that I don't like.

[Angie]

Right.

[Jennifer]

What I do when I don't like somebody is I have nothing to do with any of it. There's zero energy.

[Angie]

Well, you know what they say. The opposite of love is not hate. It's ambivalence.

[Jennifer]

I think that's apathy.

[Angie]

It's always been ambivalence when it comes to divorce.

[Jennifer]

Anyway, I Want to share a story with you. What I've had it with. I've had it with drivers that intentionally provoke road rage on purpose. And the other morning I was going to an appointment that was at 7am and so I left my house around 6:40am and as I'm going through a light, right when I hit like the right where I'm about to cross into the intersection, it goes from green to yellow. So I'm totally golden to go on through. At the same time, this guy who is in the lane that's going to cross the street the other way pulls out about, I don't know, 40% into the intersection. So I have to stop because I'm afraid that I'm going to crash into him. And he kind of looks at me and I kind of look at him and I thought, it's early, whatevs. And the light, I look up, it's still yellow at this time. So I have to kind of go around him. Well, he turns right so that he can be behind me. And then he gets in the lane next to me. And then I hear his engine rev up and he speeds up so that he can be in front of me, but he's in the lane to the left of me. So we're in opposing lanes, but he's. We're in parallel lanes but going the same direction. He has one of those illuminated middle finger things. I've seen those that you've seen online. So he can light it up. And he starts repeatedly flipping me off with his little sign that he had installed into his car. And I thought to myself, this little pink arm motherfucker, right? So we get to the next light and we're right next to each other. So I just go ahead and roll down my window. I mean, guns be damned, right? So I just go ahead and roll down my window and lean over and I go, do you feel better about yourself? Mind you, it's like 6:40am Right? This guy is such a pussy. He will not look at me. He nothing. He is acting like I'm not even there. And I'm like, oh, so now. So now I'm really starting to feel emboldened. So I'm like, oh, so now you don't have flip me off with your own finger? Can you flip me off with your own finger? Can you not do that? And he's just like, you know, grasping the steering wheel for dear life. So here's what I think this guy does. I think he saw this little sign that you could buy, right? To put on the back of your car to flip people off with, you know, a little digital remote control. And he thought, oh, this is fantastic. And he gets up in the morning and he creates instances where he had the red light. I clearly had the right of way. Where he knew he was going to create some form of me being pissed at him for him protruding into the intersection. And then he tries to create this whole thing so that he can use a sign. And then I get right next to him, and this guy doesn't have the balls to flip me off with his own finger. Because if he wanted to flip me off with his own finger once, as soon as we got next to each other, if he doubled down, I'd still think he was a nut, but I would respect it.

[Angie]

Right?

[Jennifer]

But the fact that he had to hide behind his little sign and then death grip his steering wheel, I just thought, you know, this is the perfect example of a quote unquote alpha male, all bark, no bite.

[Angie]

Well, it's also the perfect example of a small wiener. I mean, that just jumps off the page to me.

[Jennifer]

It's been a while since you started talking about penis. No, I mean, 2025.

[Angie]

Yeah, 2025 we're going to start talking about small penises. That is little dick syndrome. Little dick energy. Like, I've never seen it. So he comes around. I mean, he's obviously not going the direction you are, but he flips it around so he can give you his neon light finger and then won't look at you. That is a per se.

[Jennifer]

Will not. When we got to. After he flipped me off four or five times, I thought, oh, he's so proud of his new sign.

[Angie]

Right?

[Jennifer]

I wasn't even that worked up, but I thought, okay, I'm gonna pull up next to him. So I rolled down my windows, like, do you feel better now? Like, you know, 6:40 in the morning on a Tuesday? Do you feel good about yourself now? Can we. Can we all go on with our day? Will not look at me and I'm like, come on, come on, at least put your finger out. Flip me off with your own hand. Won't do it.

[Angie]

What a pussy. I mean, just a titty Baby deluxe.

[Jennifer]

Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer.

[Angie]

I'm Angie.

[Jennifer]

All right, I have some news stories. I would like to share this. I believe this. This is a study that says people who walk fast tend to be less happy in life. And I have to say, I am a very fast walker. You are a very fast walker. Those are facts we have A podcast called I've had it that has a negative, unhappy premise to it. So I would say kudos to you scientists. Right?

[Angie]

I would say that's probably right. We are probably the evidence for that. Because Kylie always bitches about how we walk so fast and she doesn't. Do we. Do we think Kylie's happier than we are?

[Jennifer]

Kinda. I worry about how on earth Kylie has any dopamine or serotonin, because I think she gets, like, 800 steps per day.

[Angie]

On a good day.

[Jennifer]

On a good day.

[Kylie]

That's about right. And that's pushing it. That's like. Because I go up and down the stairs at the studio.

[Jennifer]

That's it.

[Kylie]

And that's it.

[Angie]

You have to go to the bathroom. So do you think you're happier than we are as people?

[Kylie]

I don't know about happier. I'm pretty happy. But I kind of think you guys are secretly happy too. We don't want people to know that, but yeah.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. Zip it, Kylie. That we have a brand. Super tech. Okay, the next story that I thought was pretty good news. Millennial dads spend three times more time with their kids than their father spent with them. Millennial dads are taking on parenthood with a newfound sense of responsibility, spending triple the time with their kids compared to the past. Research shows a big change in how parents share responsibilities, with the number of dads who've never changed a diaper, dropping from 43% to in 1982 to just 3% today.

[Angie]

Oh, my gosh. That is great news.

[Jennifer]

I think that's excellent. That is great news.

[Angie]

You know, paternity leave wasn't a thing when we were younger and having kids. I had never heard of it. But now we know men that are taking paternity leave. And I think it's super important. And I think this generation, millennials, Gen Z. What I've been most impressed by with them is that they are destroying gender stereotypes. And to see hear that men are taking on responsibility in the TAs aren't so male, female. I think that's great news.

[Jennifer]

I do, too. And I know a frustration that we both had when our kids were really little is like, I would go out of town for like, maybe a day or two, and I'd get back and Josh would say, I babysat the kids.

[Angie]

Right?

[Jennifer]

And I'm like, no, you didn't babysit the kids. You lived your life in the house with the humans that live there with you. That's not babysitting. That's not a job. That's just waking up and being Josh. That's what that is. And so I hope that that kind of gets dismantled because I found that to very frustrating. And I think a lot of Gen X baby boomers, they felt like anything they did for the kids was extra because all of the roles were so squarely put on a woman's shoulders. And I think that was just, it's just really unfair.

[Angie]

I do too. I remember going to dinner or going on a girls trip and my ex husband would call me 57 times. I'd have to leave spiral notebooks of stuff to do with the kids. And that's, I mean, that's just bullshit. They're your fucking kids. Take an interest. Be a parent. So I just think that's nothing but good news and I think it'll be good for the kids eventually.

[Jennifer]

Okay. I think you'll really like this news story. It's right in your wheelhouse.

[Angie]

Excellent.

[Jennifer]

Sperm count has declined almost 50% in men across the globe in recent decades. This trend has been observed globally with potential causes including lifestyle factors such as poor diet, obesity, smoking and stress, as well as environmental exposure to toxins like pesticides and plastics. Sedentary habits, prolonged heat exposure and hormonal imbalances may also contribute to this decline, highlighting the multifaceted nature of the issue.

[Angie]

You know, before you said globally, I was going to assume that the sperm count in the United States was down because in Trump's America, beta males thrive and we sit on our computers and we are hateful and misogynistic and racist. But the fact that it's global, I can't blame that on Trump. I'd like to, I'd like to find a reason to blame it on him. But, you know, that doesn't surprise me. Sedentary, we're on our computers more as a society. You know, the hunting gathering days are more like on an app, on your phone ordering stuff. So that's not necessarily a surprise to me.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, it's, it doesn't surprise me one bit. And I think a lot of the reason that people are so much less happy, you know, like happiness factors are decreasing, is because we're not moving. Like, it is just this total sedentary lifestyle. And when I sit around too much, I am not happy. I do not feel good. We're the opposite that way. Like, the more you lounge, the more I learn your happier factor goes up. If I lounge too much, I feel, start to feel this depressive, like, state or I feel some form of anxiety. But, you know, it's going to be Interesting to see like all the GLP1s ozempic. WeGovy. Josh and I were out recently and we were, we were at a basketball game and he was like, let's look in the audience and see if we can like spot the people that are on Ozempic or WeGovy because of the hollowed out cheeks.

[Angie]

Right.

[Jennifer]

And so it's going to be interesting like how all of this plays down. Everything is a quick fix.

[Angie]

Right.

[Jennifer]

Nobody ever has to do the work for anything anymore. Like, you want something delivered to your house, click it on your phone, it's there in 10 minutes. You want to lose weight, you get a shot. You want, you know, to date somebody, you get on your app. And so I wonder what the long term, I don't think we'll live long enough to see like this, all of this skirting the system, what the impact is going to be on our species.

[Angie]

Right. Because in 20 years we've been anti skirting for a long time.

[Jennifer]

The whole world is set up now to skirt the system. How can you do less to get more?

[Angie]

Absolutely. Right. I mean, I was just thinking when you were saying that like I grocery shop when I get up first thing in the morning and it's at my house when I get home from work. You know, I don't have to go to the grocery store anymore.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Angie]

Of course. I will never give up my GLP work. That's my favorite thing on planet Earth. So, you know, I, I'm a skirter.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I am too.

[Angie]

I'm a total skirter. I get it. But I do not think don't do glp. One, you can underestimate how the skirting is going to affect long term.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Angie]

It's got to.

[Jennifer]

There's just it. We are particularly Americans. It is a. There is a pill for everything because we have fallen prey so much to big pharma. And the amount of pills that Americans take compared to other countries is staggering. It is staggering and it's because of all the capitalism in the country. So I think it's going to be really interesting like when we're old or much older and we have like grandchildren, seeing what the impact. I don't think it's going to be good.

[Angie]

Yeah, okay. I have a question on that. It just reminded me if Americans are taking more pills, I can believe that. Do you think with all the ads for all the erectile dysfunction shit that we have, you know, we've got wipes, we've got pills, we've got cream. I see it all the Time on ads. Do you think American men are taking more erectile dysfunction, some type of medication supplement, whatever, than European and other countries?

[Jennifer]

No.

[Angie]

You don't. You think it's universal?

[Jennifer]

I think the penis is the penis and the sex drive is the sex drive. I would love to. You know, I would love for there to be a study that came out that said that MAGA men took more erectile dysfunction than other men. And I welcome the scientists to do that study. But my gut tells me that sex drive is a universal, genetically encoded type thing and that the skirting of trying to get a more fantastic erection would be universal. All right, Kylie, what's going on on the Internet?

[Kylie]

I've got a couple reviews for you.

[Jennifer]

Okay.

[Kylie]

This one is titled Eagle Noises. Five stars and she writes as a Hispanic woman. I so appreciate the honesty and unity y'all bring after non stop yapping of I've had it. May Jennifer always have her sass and may Mima always have her curtains.

[Angie]

Yeah, unfortunately, I think I'm stuck with the curtains.

[Jennifer]

You could go, there's a plastic surgery for that.

[Angie]

I know. I've told that story on there before.

[Jennifer]

Okay.

[Kylie]

Okay. This one is 5 stars from Jay titled Brow Beating Works. Okay, Jen, Fine. Here I am. These white women with southern accents have my heart. I make it a point to have women's voices emanating from my phone as often as possible. It delights me when I hear my husband laugh at them from the other room. If you think you don't have anything in common with them, you're wrong. If you think you know what they're gonna say, you're wrong. They make me cackle each episode, those beautiful jerks.

[Jennifer]

I love it. What a nice review.

[Angie]

I like that.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. You know, even like us can people can find the goodness, you know, that shows you how unique and amazing our listeners are and smart that they see goodness in us into washed up old. And just for the record, I don't think I've said this that much in 20, 25 years. Significantly, significantly older than I am. So. All right. I think that's all we have for our intro today. Listener. We do have a guest today and our guest is comedian and actor. His name is Roy Wood Jr. And he has a special called Lonely Flowers that is going to drop on Hulu on January 17th. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, wouldn't you say, Pumps?

[Angie]

I would say damn near psychotic.

[Jennifer]

Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto and the book title is Life is.

[Angie]

A Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches.

[Jennifer]

In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre order your copy now. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Listener New Year, New you. It is time to dive into therapy to start off 2025 better than ever. Pumps and I both use Better Help because it's so convenient and it just makes my life so much more centered and I find so much more serenity.

[Angie]

Let's face it, the holidays are stressful. Being around family stressful. Shopping financial woes are stressful. I love the Better Help Therapist because I can do it from home where I feel zero restrictions and I can absolutely be myself.

[Jennifer]

Listener Better Help is fully online making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30, 000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. You can easily switch therapists at any time, extra cost. Write your story with better help visit betterhelp.com had it to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h lp.com had it listener it's January and do we have a little New Year's gift that you can give to yourself? This is a 5 in 1 wellness hack. It is the Tushy Bidet. It helps improve your skin, health, hygiene and self care while saving you time and money. Pumps do you love your tissue bidet?

[Angie]

I love my tissue bidet. I feel so much cleaner and fresher throughout the day for having installed the Tushy bidet and it's such an easy installation. It's easy to clean. It is everything you want a toilet to be.

[Jennifer]

Listener Washing with a precise stream of fresh water removes 99% of bacteria compared to wiping with toilet paper. Installation is simple and takes about 10 minutes to complete. Literally anyone can do it, even pumps. Tushy Bidet gives you two in one benefits reducing irritation and preventing micro tears with soothing water instead of scratchy toilet paper or damaging wet wipes. Improve your wellness from the bottom up for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use the code Hattit at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hello tushy.com and be sure to use that promo code Hatit. This podcast is brought to you by eharmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pups, let's be honest. You're single, and sometimes when you start dating somebody, you're not really dating that real person. You're dating their representative. How has eharmony helped you navigate this?

[Angie]

Eharmony is so great because they have a competitive compatibility quiz, and your personality is the star of your profile, not your looks. And for. For me, I'm cynical. I've had it with everything. I have to find somebody that is compatible with my personality that I can be myself with. So I really like eharmony because it cuts through a lot of the rigmarole in dating listener.

[Jennifer]

That's what eharmony is all about, helping you find someone you can be yourself with. Eharmony's compatibility quiz brings out your personality. That helps you meet people who will you for you. They want people to be like you for the right reasons. What's not to love about that? I'd love for you to give eharmony a shot. Get started with their compatibility quiz for free so you can find someone you can be yourself with. Eharmony. Get who gets you. As promised, we're back with our guest, comedian and actor Roy Wood Jr. Roy, how are you today?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I am well. I'm very well. This is my. This is my voice for you all. Because this. This podcast has reverence. It is very focused. Anger, I think, is the proper way to put it. It's not belligerent, yelling, ESPN bait anger. It's very exacto knife. I'm tired of ugly people kissing each other.

[Jennifer]

That's right.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And there's a passion to it. I've. I've done some research.

[Jennifer]

Yes. You know the thing about ugly people kissing each other? Of course we want ugly people to kiss each other. Of course they should do that. I just don't want to see it. I think when it comes to pda, you know, we need to have some.

[Angie]

Sort of, like, a minimum threshold, a.

[Jennifer]

Minimum threshold of attractiveness.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Is it fair to ugly people? As we've already deduced scientifically, two ugly people make a pretty person. So what you're witnessing is the creation of someone amazing. And I think we're just so disconnected and angry as a society. I legitimately like it when I see two people making out in public. I know it can be a bit extreme.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

But I. I watch, and I don't know if that's creepy, but for like, a split, I look for, like, half a beat too long, and I'm like, man, that's all right. In the midst of all this anger and cussing and yelling and political discord, there's two people on this bus who love each other enough to say, I don't care who else is on this bus. I'm gonna grab that ass right now.

[Angie]

Grab that ass.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. I'm sorry for coming in hot like that, but I just. I just think we have to give a little bit of respect to ugly people. That's why you never really see the parents of gorgeous actors and actresses in Hollywood. Like it's award season right now. You don't really see those parents. They keep them off in storage.

[Angie]

That's something I have noticed in my life. Like exceptionally beautiful people. I feel like they have average looking kids, but I know a few people that are just unbelievably attractive and I think their parents are below average. So I think there's something to, like the unattractive kind of makes attractive to.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Sixes make a 10. And that's why when you see two sixes, you know, in your case at a gas station making out, pumping 87 octane into the car, I think we have to just, we have to go up to them and tell them thank you for what they're about to do for society.

[Jennifer]

Thank you for your service. Let me ask you this. As a connoisseur of watching pda. Where is it too far? What physical movements would you be? Would you kind of go, okay, you just took it a little bit too far? What's acceptable and unacceptable in pda?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I'm pretty sure the couple in front of me on the plane was fingering once and I thought that was a little. It's like, like, I understand, like maybe like over the panties or like over the pants. Like, you know, you can just rub the hump or just, you know, play with each other on top of your draws, but once you're like, over and under and into each other's draws. I thought that was a little.

[Jennifer]

Do you know who Congresswoman Lauren Boebert is?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, yeah. You talking about Beetlejuice hand jobs?

[Jennifer]

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

That's how I have her log in my brain. She saved this beetlejuice hand job.jpg so.

[Jennifer]

What, what do we, what do we think about that? What do we think about the, the hand job at Beetlejuice while vaping, which is, I mean, she's doing two things at a time. She's vaping and giving a hand job.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Which is terrible because smokers have dry mouths. So whatever comes after that hand job is going to be terrible only because the theater was crowded. And Beetlejuice kind of has kids, I think. And this is. As a person who has tried to have sex in a movie theater, shout out to barbershop, too. You have to do it week three, when it's a little less packed in the theater, I think that's the time to do it. And to be fair, Barbershop 2 came out at a time before, like, the stadium seating and the wider, because, like, this is one of those older theaters where the armrest didn't go up yet. So we're trying to find an angle, right? You can't. Like, the only angle. We're both facing away from the screen. Well, that's not cool. But to face the other way, like to do doggy style in the theater, facing the screen, there's no railing for her to keep her from falling forward. So we try to go the other way on the side. But you can't lay down because the aisles aren't wider. We were both kind of big. I used to be, like 50 pounds heavier, and she was about the same weight as me. So we were both two huskies, if you will, trying to. So, you know, to Boba's credit, though, they left. I mean, I can. I know they were kind of kicked out, but you left. Once you know that you've got it in the bag, why are you still out? Go home and bang.

[Jennifer]

Wait, I need to get back to barbershop, too.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Were you barbershop, too, back in business?

[Jennifer]

Were you able to execute? Were you able to take it over the finish line? Or was this a failed attempt?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It was failed because once we got on the floor and it was sticky, you're kind of out of the mood of it. And, like, when you're doing something that slutty, once you get out the theater, you kind of look at each other and just, what are we doing? And we just went to California Pizza Kitchen, and I dropped her off, and I didn't even. I didn't even try to, like, go in the house. I just walked into the door like a Southern gentleman. Just drove away. Popcorn kernels, the back of my Tommy heel figure sweater.

[Jennifer]

Oh, that's so good. Well, Roy, what have you had it with?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I. I don't even know where to begin with you all, but I figured we start a little more serious. I have two or three I for sure want to get to. And if we have time, I have some more nuanced ones. I've had it with worked sex scandals being this super big issue in this country without acknowledging that every now and then it works out when you bang your co worker. I'm not saying every time it works out. I'm not saying that this doesn't contribute to a power dynamic that creates an opportunity for discrimination and workplace coercion. I'm not saying it's all good. But we act like the act of daring to be attracted to a person who's getting a check with you in the same building is this wrong thing, and it's not.

[Jennifer]

So do you think workplace romances should be judged on a case by case basis?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yes. Now, if you're banging to get ahead and get a promotion and only you did it one time. No, but I'm talking, like, this idea that there are some people who work together and are having sex and it works out fine.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Kelly Rip and her husband are number one in daytime.

[Jennifer]

Right.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Their ratings. Their ratings are higher than what they were when she was hosting with Ryan Seacrest. Now, I'm not going to say that sex with your co host is the sole reason why. It could have been some chemistry issues, but also sex. I feel like there's instances where it kind of works out. There were. There were these two. I'm gonna try and do this without saying people's names because I'm trying to be respectful of people's space, but there were these two daytime talk show hosts that got outed a while back for having an affair with each other. They were both married, but it turns out they were actually having sex. Okay. We can argue the rights or wrongs of that, but that couple is still together. Is that not finding love? How is that not considered, like, how you got there? Yeah, we can argue that that's right or wrong, but the idea that you're still with that person, still in a relationship. They got fired. And after getting fired, they started making public appearances together. They didn't hide like some scandal. They were like, no, we were in love. And it's like the idea that because of where you met means that your love is unsanctioned or invalid or not. Right. I don't know. I just think we put a lot of stress on people. And when I say workplace, I'm talking like a real workplace with, like, Fortune 500 company. I'm not talking about somewhere with a deep fryer. That doesn't count. Everybody does if you work.

[Jennifer]

I agree with you. I think there is obviously, like, a Matt Lauer situation, which is unacceptable. And we would all agree that there's no space for that. In a Fortune 500. But what you're talking about. I agree that society puts this puritan, like, judgment on that. And we don't know what the state of their marriages were before. And let's. It's really nobody's business. But the fact that they choose to get divorced and choose to stay together really shouldn't be the business of the consumers. And I think this is a very American Puritan judgment about sex that we have to get rid of, because it's like in France, this kind of shit goes on all the time and nobody thinks anything of it. But this is a uniquely American puritanical bullshit judgment thing. And I know the couple that you're talking about, and I don't think it's my business. And I thought they were both good at their jobs and good for them for being in love.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You fumbled your family and your career, and every picture we see of you since then is smiling.

[Jennifer]

Right?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

That's. Is that not what they tell us to pursue in life? It's happiness. You find your person. So it's possible to find your person at your job. And I think that part of the conversation, like Joe and Minka over at msnbc, that's another great example of just, yeah, we're in love. Now, granted, they didn't meet that, like, you can get into the nuances of how you got there, but I think it is possible to be in a relationship with somebody at your job and it be okay and it work out okay. From time to time, we act like it's this huge live grenade that's being juggled around. And I understand that because. Because of the Matt Lauers, because of the abuse of politics within the workplace from men. And I get it. But let's not ignore that every now and then you can work with your spouse and maybe it's okay.

[Jennifer]

Right. I'm far more concerned when it comes to Joe and Mika about them slinking off to Mar a Lago to kiss the ring of Donald Trump without bringing their cameras. That bothers me far more than whatever slap and tickle took place before they did that.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. And I. I think that when you have a. When you have happy co workers, like, there's. There's also another company. I won't name this company, but there's a company that encourages co workers to date and celebrates when those marriages happen within the building, as if to say, our company is a place where you can meet. Not only do your career, you might meet the love of your life. Well, does that not encourage people shooting a shot at the Christmas party and getting drunk and doing something wrong on the dance Floo. Probably. I just, you know, I don't know. It's. It's a. It's a weird thing to be fed up with, but I just feel like we only look at one side of the poem with that. And I speak about this as a man who had a girlfriend who worked with him at golden corral in O2.

[Jennifer]

Let me ask you this, was the girlfriend at golden corral in O2 the same person at barbershop too? Or is this a different oh no, baby.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh no baby. Barbershop too. I don't know where she is in life. I don't know where she is in life. I hope she's doing well, but it's one of those things you can never run back. Like once you've tried to have sex in a value movie theater. This is back in the day where movies would go. Let me tell you a story, children. There was not only the movies, then there was the dollar movie before the movie got the blockbuster. So we were in the value movie theater.

[Angie]

Yeah. Sticky Knees is not romantic.

[Jennifer]

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[Angie]

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[Jennifer]

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[Angie]

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[Jennifer]

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[Roy Wood Jr.]

I think that at some point we have to have a conversation about how can. How can I put this? The lack of fighting in professional sports. I'm fed up with the lack of fighting in professional sports. I think that violence is part of the entertainment value of the sport and when we really look at The NBA and everything that's been going on in the NBA regarding ratings. I know this is an amazing NBA podcast is a great topic to bring up with you, too.

[Jennifer]

No, we're huge OKC Thunder fans. Shout out to.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, they are running the earth right now.

[Jennifer]

Crushing.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Do they ever lose?

[Jennifer]

No, never. I was just at the Boston Thunder game two days ago. It was magnificent. Shout out to the team. Love you guys.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. SGA is not to be fooled with. And Pope and like, they are. That's. That's a whole other conversation.

[Jennifer]

Well, let's go.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Thunder up, baby.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You need a fight once a week in an NBA game. Baseball gives you a fight about once a month. NFL is inherently violent. Hockey fighting is already part of the culture. But the NBA, I just think we need a little bit more fighting. I think golfing. I think golfing could benefit from that. I don't know quite what you do after the fight. Like. Like in the. You know, in the NHL, there's a locker room to go to after you got your ass whooped. But in golf, you're just kind of outside.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, that.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

That kind of sucks. I don't know, maybe you have a golf cart or something to take you away. I was out with my son, and we went to a natural history museum. And, you know, he's big in history and science and stuff like that. And I've gone to enough of these museums now to where, you know, a lot of natural history museums, they're curated by the same group of people and, you know, the same people with the same tendencies for what they think the museum should have. Right. The curators. Right. I am fed up with us praising extinct animals. They did. They lost. Why are we praising these animals who couldn't figure out how to stay alive?

[Angie]

Kind of a point.

[Jennifer]

It's a pretty good point.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It's. It's. You go into these exhibits and they go, here's the woolly mammoth. And the woolly mammoth was one of the most dangerous at most. Yeah. Then they got cold and he froze like a had wool.

[Jennifer]

What about the T. What about that game?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Game?

[Jennifer]

Let me ask you this. Have you seen the Jurassic park movie?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. Yeah, I've seen them all. I've seen Chris Pratts and the Gold.

[Jennifer]

Okay. If. Let's say the. The crazy billionaires, if they opened up a Jurassic park, would you go there?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

No. You know that's coming, right? You know that's coming. They're digging up the bones. They're splicing the jeans. They're gonna give it some AI and then we're gonna have super creatured, super smart creature, chip controlled. We're going to reintroduce the velociraptor to the ecosystem. I, I just, I love the history of the Earth and I love exploring that. But look, whenever we talk about dead animals, we just, whenever we talk about extinct animals, it's just, oh, they were great and then they died. And we're not talking about animals that like died because of human pollution and us changing up the ecosystem. The duck bill platypus checked out a long time before mankind. It's bitch ass.

[Angie]

Bitch ass.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay to say that some of these animals was bitch made and they just couldn't, they couldn't cut it.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, they lost it.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Evolution couldn't cut it. Yeah. What would the world be like if it was still here? It lose again because now it's got to go up against pollution.

[Jennifer]

Okay, Roy, now we're going to play a game with you called had it or hit it. Oh my God. Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Had it or hit it. Circling back emails.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, hit that. I circle back. All my circle backs on Jan6. I put up a post on Twitter. There's a scene at the end of Terminator 3, Rise of the Machines where Skynet takes over and they fire off all the nuclear missiles to start the end of the world to start Judgment Day. And there's a beautiful shot of a barn in Iowa and there's like 50 nuclear missiles rising up on the horizon to end civilization. That's my Gmail outbox at the end of Christmas. I've preset all these emails. I was typing emails on the Christmas night I like. My brain doesn't turn off, but out of respect to you, I set it to go out Jan6. I wish I could do that with text messages. I'm all for circling back because here's the thing. You're not going to hide from me. You're not going to avoid me. I am as imminent and inevitable as the sunrise. So if you think that ignoring me or slowing your replies is going to change this issue, it's not. I'm going to be right here and I want you to know that. And so one email turns into two. There's an issue right now with the charity. I'm not going to say the state that was supposed to donate some money in my name to a cause and they have not. And it's been four months. I'm not around. You have until Wednesday. So I sent that judgment day missile up on and lo and behold, got an email back. I'm going. I want, I want. This is. I'm not going to read you the email I sent them, but I'm going to read you back the email that they sent me. They said, hey, I apologize for this oversight. I thought it was taken care of in November, but there was an issue with our system. We screwed this up. I'm grateful that you pointed this out so that we could correct it. That's some good quality ass kissing right there. Thank you for showing me that I'm a fuck up so that I can correct being a fuck up. That's respect. That's what a circle back. That's what a nice stern circle back email get you.

[Jennifer]

That's inspiration for me to take into 2025 because I'm pretty pissed off heading into this new year. And I like that. I like that a lot. Okay, had it or hit it? Masculine commercials.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, had it. Had it. Why does every commercial have to have of. Of dude bro voice? Do you need dude bro voice to sell everything to men? I'm a man. Just tell me to take a bath. I'll buy Old Spice. Just like every commercial is just a man. And this one. And I wear their underwear. So this isn't hating the Loop Trading company underwear for the man. You could just say Dr. Draws like they've sold. Hanes has sold draws to men for years. They had Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley back in the olden days selling T shirts. I don't. You don't have to do Mike Todd lemonade. It's like, hey, man, it's okay. Like the Old Spice commercials. I love the Old Spice commercials, but I wish that there was a tweak. If there was a tweak, I would make to the commercials. Like, you know the ones I'm talking about? It's Dion Cole and Gabrielle Dennis.

[Jennifer]

Yes.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And every. Every Old Spice commercial is the woman that I took your. And then. And then the man turns to the camera, why you take my shit? I wanted to take a bath. Why as a man are they selling me body wash under the premise that. That women are annoying. Flip it. Because they're in a happy marriage as far as I can tell. You could flip it and you could have the woman just come in and go, hey, babe, I love you. Thanks for being a man and supporting and providing and putting a roof over me and the kids heads and loving us so much. Here's some Old Spice. Imma you when you get out the tub. And then Dion Cole turns to the camera, go see, if you be a man, your woman will take care of you the way she take care of me. And you'd have some Old Spice, but you at the house. Musty. That would be just as great of a commercial. And it's framed under the structure of a healthy relationship and not two people arguing like the bath is his escape. She should be in the tub with him. But you can't do that, because God forbid some religious group get outraged at two black people butt naked in a tub enjoying Old Spice. I just. I don't know. It's just. You must be a man or you must be mad at woman. This is a Ford truck. Look at the engine drop down in that Ford. Did you a man to drive your truck next to horses out in the wilderness? Where the are you going? This is horses.

[Jennifer]

Okay, last one. Had it or hit it. Herschel Walker.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And too many people hit Herschel Walker. Yeah, heard that brother talk. That is. First of all, let me make sure I get this right. You're saying the word Herschel Walker, but he is United States ambassador to the Bahamas.

[Jennifer]

Correct?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Herschel Walker. Now, the second question is to get Herschel Walker to find the Bahamas on a map, like this map that's behind me. For the people who are just listening, there's a map behind me. You should put Herschel Walker in front of this map of the world and then just go point to the Bahamas and you can have the job. And I guarantee you Herschel Walker would point to the Philippines.

[Jennifer]

Oh, no question.

[Angie]

No question. If he didn't point to Africa, like a continent, I mean, I wouldn't be surprised.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, it's a very interesting administration. And I will say that I'm nervously anxious to see how it all unfolds.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I think we all are. I mean, I. You know, it's. It's one of these things, like, where it's terrifying, but also, like, something delicious about watching the train wreck. And that's, I think, indicative of how screwed up we've all become the last nine years, you know, that it's that we all haven't just, you know, retreated into nihilism. So. So I don't know.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, it'll be interesting to see, you know, and I think that's part of why I wanted to make sure that my comedy special came out before the inauguration, because I didn't know what the hell was gonna happen.

[Angie]

You might be arrested.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, no, I don't know. I'm very scared.

[Jennifer]

So let's talk about your comedy special. It's dropping on January 17, three days before Trump's America begins on Hulu, and it's called Lonely Flowers.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I chose to call the special Lonely Flowers because I wanted to talk a little bit about how collectively, as a society, I feel like we're all beautiful people, but we have all somehow become siloed. And when you see a flower by itself on the street, you're like, oh, that's sad. Where are your friends? But when you see flowers together, it's a beautiful and amazing thing. So I just hope that, you know, we can talk a little bit about the loneliness epidemic that's going on in this country and, you know, dare I say, make a couple jokes about it as well. Do you all feel like one of your. One of your callers on your show a while back was talking about how. How she was done with the people asking the extra questions at the register when you're trying to get rung up, right. And you're, oh, do you support this cause? Donate the money? Do you want to round up to the next whole dollar? I hate that, too, but I still rather that than self checkout, because I feel like the interaction we've had with the cashier, like, have you ever had a bad day and a cashier just said, hey, nice sweater? And that's enough, right? That's enough to change your whole emotional dynamic and like, that. I don't know. Like, I really feel like the retail experience is where a lot of the disconnect started in this country. And because we didn't have casual interactions with strangers, we now view all strangers as threats and weirdos, and you don't want to be around anybody in public. And so it's just. It's a fun way that this. I'm thankful to Hulu for giving me an opportunity, but it's a fun way to just dissect what we've turned into since COVID Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And I'm. I'm with you. Like, intellectually, I think, yes, we need more human interaction, and this is what's missing. And then I go out and interact with humans, and then I think I want the self checkout. And then when I get to the self checkout, it's wanting me to tip and donate and do all this, and then I'm like, oh, my God, I want the humans. So I don't know what's going on. I'm both a part of the problem and a part of the solution. But at the end of the day, when I do spend time with other people, like this fantastic non stop award winning podcast that we just episode that is going to obviously go viral that we've just recorded with you, I feel better. I like hearing your take on life and it's the connections that our listeners are hearing right now, hearing us talk. And I do think that with all of the AI that's coming out, AI accounts that's coming out, that human connection is going to be so much more important. So I think I'm going to have to be a big girl, get on my big girl panties, and when I go to check out if the, the registered lady is annoying, I need to just embrace it and just answer right back. Like, I don't really want to donate to that today, but I really do like that lipstick shade on you. You know, start giving what what I need and just, and I'm, I'm. You know what? I'm going to start the charm offensive in 2025. First of all, I'm going to circle back like the that you are. I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to match that energy, which I don't know that I can do. I think you're probably going to be undefeated. But secondly, what I've learned from you, Roy, to start the retail charm offensive and we need to be super kind to all of these people out there working in all of these places, you.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Know, one services, one place where you can easily attack and be different is when you go to these places. Because I'm also done with everything being locked up. Like depending on where you live, you go on a Walgreens, all the is locked up. Can you, can you come with me to get the lotion, please? Okay, so then on that walk to get the lotion, how you been? What's been going on? What's the craziest customer? You'd be surprised retail employees, no one talks to them, so they would be thrilled to just tell you something about their day. Just in the a who was shoplifting that hold. And then you laugh about crazy people, right?

[Jennifer]

And you can make it juicy. You can get some tea and bring that back. Roy, I'm telling you, I, I can't wait to watch your special.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Ask these people, people who's having sex with each other in this building right now, what's the workplace sex drama? Oh, let me tell you, the girl in the pharmacy having sex for Percocets right now. Be surprised.

[Jennifer]

Roy, it has been so much fun having you on. You are fantastic. I Know our listeners have loved this. And I want to direct everybody to Hulu to listen to. I'm sorry to watch Lonely Flowers, your standup Special. Special dropping January 17th.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Thank you. And next time I'm on, I'll have a camera that has a battery that lasts the entirety of our interview.

[Jennifer]

Get your shit together.

[Angie]

Right.

[Jennifer]

You know what? Give me an email address because I'm gonna start circling back to that thing until the next time you show up with a goddamn camera that works. Roy.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

One email and got $5,000 for inner city baseball. That's how. That's the energy you gotta have in the Deuce 5. We're not around with people.

[Jennifer]

I like it. I'm bringing it. I'm absolutely bringing it. All right, thanks so much, Roy.

[Angie]

Thanks, Roy.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

All right, thank you. Go.

[Jennifer]

Bye. I'm 100% in on his life plan.

[Angie]

Absolutely.

[Jennifer]

For 2025.

[Angie]

You know what's interesting? The way he explained the flat, lonely flower, it's. That was kind of heartwarming to me like that. That's a picture I can get behind.

[Jennifer]

It's really heartwarming. And as big of a. As we are.

[Angie]

Right.

[Jennifer]

I agree with him that when you go to these places, instead of being so irritated at people, they're doing their jobs or asking questions, just how are you doing today? Just show some kindness because everybody's struggling. Everybody has to live in Trump's America.

[Angie]

Right.

[Jennifer]

You know, and so I think that, that his advice on that is really good. If you want to make it juicier, you can. So, you know, I hated circle backs. Now I'm going to embrace them. Although I am a circle backer, I'm a huge E. Miller.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

No, and I don't like the fact.

[Angie]

That I think you have the energy.

[Jennifer]

No. 100%. He is full blown inspos. Hashtag moodboard for me.

[Angie]

Hashtag manifest it.

[Jennifer]

All right, pumps.

[Angie]

Tell him we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.

[Jennifer]

I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.

[Angie]

We are on all the available platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube, please go rate, subscribe.

[Jennifer]

And review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps. What does an eagle say?

[Angie]

Caca.

[Jennifer]

A little bit more enthusiasm.

[Angie]

Kaka.

[Jennifer]

That's it. That's. That's kaka. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.