Episode Overview
Podcast: Jabin Chavez Leadership Podcast
Episode: Becoming A Man Pt. 1 | #068
Host: Jabin Chavez
Date: October 15, 2025
In this episode, Pastor Jabin Chavez tackles the challenge and process of "becoming a man" from a biblical, practical, and deeply personal perspective. Drawing from his own experiences and scripture, he speaks boldly on maturity, masculinity, and the deliberate steps that separate boys from true men. Jabin emphasizes actionable principles, accountability, and spiritual growth for men seeking to lead themselves, their families, and organizations with integrity.
Main Theme
The Journey from Boyhood to Manhood is a Choice.
Jabin explains that manhood is not something that just happens with age; it's a conscious, daily decision to mature, put away childish things, and embrace responsibility. He challenges listeners to examine their lives, make preparations for the future, connect with others, and reject isolation.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Manhood is about Decision, Not Age
- Jabin opens by referencing 1 Corinthians 13, highlighting the Apostle Paul's teaching that becoming a man is marked by putting away childish things (00:00).
- "Become. This is a choice word. This is a decision word. This is a maturity word... This is not something that happens at 13 or happens when you hit puberty or happens when you turn 18 or 21. This is the decision you make." (01:05)
Notable Quote:
"I know children who are 50 because they haven’t put away childish things yet." – Jabin (01:30)
2. The Biblical Distinction of Manhood
- Paul’s directive in 1 Corinthians 16: "Act like men" (06:05). Jabin explains this means:
- Don’t act like a woman (not demeaning, but honoring the distinct roles and design differences; see 07:00).
- Don’t act like a boy.
Notable Quote:
"You did not choose to be born a male, but becoming a man is your choice." – Jabin (09:00)
3. Four Contrasts: Boys vs. Men
First Contrast: Boys are Shocked, Men Prepare (10:30)
- Boys live reactively; men live proactively and intentionally.
- Jabin stresses the importance of preparation—budgeting, planning, and being strategic with time and resources.
Scriptural Reference:
- Joseph in Genesis: Years of plenty and famine, teaching the principle of preparation (13:30).
Notable Quotes:
"Boys are shocked. Men prepare." – Jabin (12:05)
"I am planning for tomorrow and I’m living today expecting to wake up tomorrow... but I better prepare for tomorrow." (18:02)
Practical Application:
- Men need a budget (to tell your money where to go) and a schedule (to tell your time where to go) (24:20).
- "The budget tells your money where to go, and your schedule tells your time where to go." (25:15)
- Think in years, not in days.
Challenge to Listeners:
- Reverse-engineer your life by asking: "What do you want your life to look like in a year?" (21:40)
- Take daily action: Start your day in the Word and prayer, and do something every day that feels like a win. (29:50)
Memorable Moment:
"Just go to the gym. You don't even need to go inside. Just pull up and look and say, 'I got a little closer, Lord.' Order a salad. Don't even eat it. Just throw it away... but just order it." (31:25)
4. Men Need Wins
- The importance of stacking small, daily wins to build confidence and momentum in life (32:10).
Notable Insight:
"Men need wins. We tell boys it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, but men know that’s a lie. When you’re 50, you need a win. When you’re 18, you need wins." (34:40)
5. Remove What Strips Confidence
- Jabin shares his personal mission to remove anything in his life that strips him of confidence, from habits to relationships to how he approaches daily activities (36:05).
6. Boys are Isolated, Men are Connected (37:00)
- Scriptural Basis: Proverbs 18:1—"A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment."
- Men are called to seek out, invest in, and stay connected to friends who share their values and faith journeys.
Notable Quote:
"Your ability to surround yourself with like-minded men will be the deciding factor in your spiritual success." (40:10)
Real-Life Application:
- Example from Mark 2: The paralyzed man couldn't get to Jesus without four friends carrying him (41:30).
- "Some days you're carrying, and some days you're being carried... Both are necessary. When you’re carrying, that’s purpose. When you’re being carried, that’s humility." (42:10)
- Discusses the epidemic of male isolation and how it contributes to emotional damage and higher suicide rates (43:45).
7. Dealing with the "Father Wound"
- Many men have wounds due to absent or un-affirming fathers.
- The key is to surrender the unfulfilled need for fatherly affirmation and embrace friendship and the affirmation found in God (45:15).
Notable Quotes:
"You must surrender your need to be fathered, and you must embrace friendship." (46:50)
"Shared values had to become more important than validation." (50:34)
8. Vulnerability and Forgiveness in Leadership
- Jabin shares about needing affirmation from his team and learning to "die" to the question, "Are you proud of me?" (47:10)
- Humorous and vulnerable recounting of leaving and rejoining a staff chat due to emotional pain (48:15).
Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps
- "I know children who are 50 because they haven’t put away childish things yet." – Jabin (01:30)
- "Paul has to tell males to act like men… If Paul’s telling us to act like men, firstly, that means don’t act like a woman. Not because women are bad… but because we’re different." – Jabin (06:30)
- "You did not choose to be born a male, but becoming a man is your choice." – Jabin (09:00)
- "Boys are shocked. Men prepare." – Jabin (12:05)
- "The budget tells your money where to go, and your schedule tells your time where to go." – Jabin (25:15)
- "Men need wins. We tell boys it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, but men know that’s a lie." – Jabin (34:40)
- "Your ability to surround yourself with like-minded men will be the deciding factor in your spiritual success." – Jabin (40:10)
- "You must surrender your need to be fathered, and you must embrace friendship." – Jabin (46:50)
- "Shared values had to become more important than validation." – Jabin (50:34)
Key Takeaways for Leaders
- Manhood is not automatic—it is chosen daily through maturity, preparation, and action.
- Preparing for life’s seasons (financial, spiritual, relational) is a mark of maturity.
- Wins—no matter how small—are crucial for a man’s confidence.
- Genuine connection and accountability with other men is vital; isolation leads to regression and pain.
- Finding wholeness means seeking affirmation ultimately from God and healthy friendships, not endlessly from unhealed wounds of the past.
- Vulnerability, forgiveness, and humility are central to growth and leadership.
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 00:00 – Opening and context: 1 Corinthians 13 and the choice of manhood
- 06:05 – Paul’s command: "Act like men" and embracing masculinity
- 10:30 – Boys are shocked, men prepare; practical teaching on preparation
- 24:20 – The need for a budget and a schedule
- 29:50 – The discipline of daily wins and building confidence
- 37:00 – Boys are isolated, men are connected
- 40:10 – Building connections and the importance of male friendship
- 41:30 – The Mark 2 story: Some days you carry; some days you are carried
- 45:15 – Healing the father wound, pursuing affirmation and wholeness
- 47:10 – Personal story about affirmation, humility, and leadership vulnerability
Final Word
Jabin’s guidance in this episode is both practical and heartfelt, challenging men to maturity, connection, and purpose. The call is clear: Becoming a man is a continual series of intentional choices—about relationships, planning, emotional health, and spiritual pursuit.