Becky Robinson & Nicky Paris: Capes & Hat-fished

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode Title: Becky Robinson & Nicky Paris: Capes & Hat-fished
Date: February 13, 2026
Host: Jeff Lewis
Guests: Becky Robinson, Nicky Paris, and others

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedians Becky Robinson and Nicky Paris joining Jeff Lewis for a lively conversation full of personal anecdotes, tour stories, chaotic dating mishaps, quirky life updates, and lots of playful roasting. The trio doles out hot takes on sick kids, dating app disasters, touring with questionable props, luxury cars, body hair upkeep, and the classic calamity of being "hat-fished" in modern romance. It’s an episode packed with oversharing, irreverent humor, and memorable tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Parenting, Sick Days & Spoiled Requests (03:06–05:00)

• Jeff shares his new, proactive approach to managing his daughter Monroe’s fever. Instead of waiting for a fever spike, he alternates Tylenol and Motrin every three hours:

  "We ward off the fever. Fever never comes. But see, I didn’t do that before...Stupid. And I got it down." (03:06)

• Becky and Nicky reminisce over childhood sick days and how it meant more attention from parents.
• Monroe’s picky breakfast orders—a French toast from Mel’s Diner, not IHOP—are noted:

  "She goes, no, I would like it from Mel’s Diner on Sunset. She goes, I don't like the French toast at IHOP." (03:54)

2. Touring: Capes, Hoods & Theatrics (06:07–10:30)

• Nicky unveils her new stage persona—entering with a hooded cape (originally a $75 sex shop rental in Orlando, now being custom made).
• The story of the sticky, suspiciously "jizzy" cape and its dramatic debut:

  "It had white stuff on it. It looked jizzy." (06:39, Nicky Paris) "These ideas hit us like diarrhea and three hours til the show." (07:24, Guest Female Comedian)

• Becky and Nicky describe the intro music to their "Beasts and Me" tour, and audience reactions to their over-the-top showgirl entrances, complete with hopes for pyrotechnics.

3. G Wagons, Car Features & White Claws on Ice (10:30–13:00)

• Nicky reveals her splurge on a white 2026 G Wagon with beige/caramel interior.

  "You got ripped off if you didn’t go to Keys. I bet you spent 10% more than you needed to." (11:46, Jeff)

• The group debates the virtues of in-car coolers and avoiding lukewarm drinks:

  "Especially someone like you who drinks and drives." (12:33, Jeff Lewis, in jest)

4. The Super Flu & Sick Households (13:00–15:00)

• The “super flu” is running through everyone’s households—Gladys is described as a “long hauler.”
• Becky jokes about the chaos:

  "Look at the havoc I wreaked." (13:43)

5. Kids & Money: The Birthday Money Race (14:39–15:12)

• Monroe compares her savings account to a classmate’s, jealous of the disparity.
• Jeff reassures her by citing her “convertible” assets:

  "I said, you can always convert that to cash. And I go, it's far more than what she has." (15:00)

6. Mishaps with Staff, Payments & Awkward Compliments (16:08–17:17)

• Jeff shares staffing and payment mishaps, like forgetting to pay Arden and odd accountant behavior, including unusual “compliments” (“You look just like Fortune Feimster.”).

7. Safety Stories: Aurora & The Bedazzled Mace (18:16–19:07)

• Jeff recounts how staffer Aurora wielded her bedazzled mace to ward off a harasser while walking his dog:

  "She was ready to go down—with a bedazzled mace." (18:54, Jeff)

8. Comedy OnlyFans Experiment & Sexual Market Uncertainty (21:57–22:55)

• The group discusses OnlyFans:
  • Guest attempted a topless selfie but lost followers.

    "I thought maybe I'm a sleeping sexual icon...Nope." (22:28, Guest Female Comedian)

  • Nicky quips about niche markets:

    "I wonder if maybe there's a market for people that want to see, like, the uncertain stripper." (22:35)

9. Body Maintenance and Pubic Hair Artistry (23:22–24:36)

• The group jokes candidly about electrolysis, waxing, vajazzling, and even coordinating “pusscuts” with the tour schedule.

• "We should style it on the road. Is anybody from Tresemme listening?" (23:54, Guest Female Comedian)

10. The Dating Scene: Toyota, Tardiness, and Taquya (25:50–33:12)

• Becky shares a disastrous date setup—accidentally sends her date to a Toyota dealership instead of Taquya restaurant.

  "Let me just pay for everything...I sent it from the shower." (29:13, Guest Female Comedian)

• The group debates whether Taquya is date-appropriate and reflects on dating etiquette.

11. Food Poisoning & Hotel Horrors (39:00–41:50)

• Nicky recounts getting food poisoning from a door-dashed Chili’s meal in Orlando.
• The group plays "Holiday Inn or Holiday Out?"—a game deciding which hotel scenarios are simply too tragic to endure (46:51–49:16).

12. "Rolex" and Hat-fishing: Awkward Hookups & Dating Red Flags (40:11–46:30)

• Nicky’s one-night stand included a guy doing the "Rolex"—wrapping his penis around her wrist and calling it a watch.

  "Takes his penis, wraps it around my wrist like a bangle...look, a Rolex." (40:41, Nicky Paris)

  • The crew is equal parts horrified and fascinated.
• The crew discusses "hat-fishing"—when men never remove their hats to hide balding.

  "I met this guy, and mid-hookup he wouldn’t take off his glasses or hat...That’s hat-fishing!" (42:15–46:25)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parenting:

  “I’m running a pediatric hospital right now.” (03:06, Jeff Lewis)

• On the smelly cape:

  “It looked jizzy. It was from a sex shop. These ideas hit us like diarrhea and three hours till the show.” (07:10, Nicky Paris & Guest Female Comedian)

• On awkward dates:

  “I accidentally sent him to the Toyota dealership, and I was really embarrassed. And then I was like, let me just pay for everything.” (29:08, Guest Female Comedian)

• On OnlyFans mishap:

  "Let me post maybe a topless selfie after the gym with a little areola. I lost followers." (22:28, Guest Female Comedian)

• On food poisoning:

  "I was pacing around the bathroom...put in a nicotine pouch and was strapped to the toilet for several hours." (39:36, Nikki Paris)

• On “the Rolex”:

  "Takes his penis, wraps it around my wrist like a bangle. Look, a Rolex. I took a picture. I go, don’t move." (40:41, Nikki Paris)

• On hat-fishing:

  "He wouldn’t take his hat off—you're insecure, and that's gross." (42:30–43:00, Nikki Paris & guests) “That is life of hatfishing. That's hat fishing.” (46:21, Caller Lisa)

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Important Timestamps

• 03:06 – Jeff’s fever-fighting hack and parenting talk.
• 06:07–10:30 – The cape/hood saga and touring theatrics.
• 11:16–13:00 – Nicky’s G Wagon purchase and cooler feature debate.
• 14:39 – Monroe and the birthday money competition.
• 16:08 – Staff mishaps and awkward accountant moments.
• 18:16–19:07 – Aurora’s heroic bedazzled mace incident.
• 22:28 – OnlyFans topless selfie joke gone wrong.
• 23:54–24:36 – Touring and body hair “styling.”
• 29:08 – Date detour: Taquya vs. Toyota mishap.
• 39:36 – Nicky’s Chili’s food poisoning event.
• 40:41–41:20 – The infamous “Rolex” one-night stand story.
• 42:15–46:25 – Hat-fishing and dating anxieties.
• 46:51–49:16 – “Holiday Inn or Holiday Out?” hotel horror scenarios.

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Tone & Language

• The tone is candid, irreverent, and rapid-fire—full of self-deprecating humor, quick jabs, and zero filter.
• Language is casual, explicit, and fits the high-energy, confessional brand of Jeff Lewis’s podcast.

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Final Notes

This episode is a showcase of comedic chemistry and behind-the-scenes chaos. Jeff, Becky, and Nicky serve up raw, unfiltered stories about parenting, disaster dates, and the unpredictable life of touring comics. From hat-fishing to luxury car drama, "Jeff Lewis Has Issues" once again proves that no topic is too embarrassing if you can laugh about it.

For more, catch Becky and Nicky’s “Beasts in Me” tour or check out Jeff’s live Phoenix event, as plugged around [37:27–38:57].

Transcript

[Jeff Lewis]

So good. So good.

[Becky Robinson]

So good.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Nikki Paris]

Because I always find something amazing. Just so many good brands.

[Jeff Lewis]

Cause there's always something new.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Nikki Paris]

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[Advertisement Voice]

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

[Jeff Lewis]

Stop fucking apologizing. You're not making it any better. You're just reminding me how late we are. I know I'm specific. I know I'm a little high maintenance, which is why I tip really fucking well. I don't want to start shit, but okay. Really?

[Caller Lisa]

Jeff Lewis has issues.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has Issues. In today's episode, Becky Robinson and Nikki Paris joined the show. We talk about wearing capes and food poisoning. Plus Becky gets hatfished by a one night stand. But you know, Nikki and Becky are here. Woo. Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

That's my mating call.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, here we go.

[Guest Male]

Hey.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Hey, Jeff.

[Nikki Paris]

Good morning.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you guys get your breakfast? Who has the eggs?

[Nikki Paris]

I'm gonna get. I'm gonna swoop those eggs on.

[Guest Female]

I just walked into you.

[Guest Male]

They were extra, so we're gonna put.

[Jeff Lewis]

A little salt on them. Does she have salt?

[Guest Male]

No. You took the salt out of raw dog.

[Jeff Lewis]

You did what?

[Nikki Paris]

I raw dog? The hard boiled.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh. Do you want salt or pepper or anything? No.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. All right. Did you everybody have what they need?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yes.

[Guest Male]

He doesn't get a thing. He brings his own coffee. And you downgrade it to the grande.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, they got the size wrong today.

[Nikki Paris]

He never drinks the whole thing anyways.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, I just nurse it till 4.

[Jeff Lewis]

What? 4. Really?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Usually I like to sip on it all day.

[Guest Male]

He gets like the train tank. He gets the biggest cup. It's like a Big Gulp.

[Jeff Lewis]

How many shots?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Flavor. Oh, I don't need the shots. I could drink a decaf.

[Nikki Paris]

You should have seen him in Greece. Give me the biggest. I want the biggest iced coffee you got. And they gave him like a little miniature. You know how they do.

[Guest Female Comedian]

And I said, what the hell is this?

[Guest Male]

I need to a thimble of coffee.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you need caffeine, Becky? Cause he does a really nice Skinty. What are you doing now? For me?

[Guest Male]

Okay, here's my new drink that I invented for the skinties. I invented the Americano. It's a double shot of espresso, one packet of coffee, mate creamer, and like an inch of hot water.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's so nice.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Shaun Maxwell House.

[Nikki Paris]

So why are we starting off targeting me? Telling me I need a skinty beverage? Is it cause of my fat arms?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, not at all. I just saw you drinking Diet Coke and I'm like, she needs caffeine. I can get you a skinty drink. And then.

[Guest Male]

Are you. Wait, Jeff, did you drink the coffee? Cause now I see the Celsius is open as well.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, I drank the coffee already.

[Nikki Paris]

Little double.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then just remember, I'm operating on very little sleep.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I know Monroe's sick. I heard.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm running a pediatric hospital right now. But you know what? I finally got smart. So rather than waiting for her to get up with some crazy fever and like throwing up or the chills, we wake her up very quickly, give her a little Tylenol. Three hours later, alarm goes off, wake her up, give her a little Motrin. And you just keep doing that. You alternate it every three hours. We ward off the fever. Fever never comes. But see, I didn't do that before. The night before, I waited for that fever to show up. The chills, the bath, the whole thing. Then gave her the Tylenol. Stupid. And I got it down.

[Nikki Paris]

Now you're getting ahead of it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now I'm getting ahead of it.

[Guest Male]

Becky.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I liked. I. Growing up, I liked to be sick because you would always get more attention from your parent.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Cause I heard you saying before that you like when she's sick because she holds onto you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh. She's like, daddy. I go, do you have to eat? I go, we're giving you all this medication. I said, you have to eat. Can I please get a French toast? I said, yeah, I'll just order it from ihop. She goes, no, I would like it from Mel's Diner on Sunset. She goes, I don't like the French toast at ihop. I'm like, I'm fucking.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Does anyone.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't blame her.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Does anyone.

[Nikki Paris]

Good girl.

[Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

But fortunately, it was only 20 minute delivery priority.

[Guest Male]

Oh, they just bopped right down. Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Ihop, it comes with a side of crime. It's never the right meal.

[Guest Male]

I love ihop. I don't care.

[Jeff Lewis]

I like IHOP too. I don't have a problem.

[Guest Male]

Go to the IHOP on Sunset.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I've Always seen someone getting assaulted while having breakfast there.

[Guest Male]

That was me too.

[Jeff Lewis]

Are serious?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yes. It's very dangerous.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you ever go to Mel's on Sunset? I like that place.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Is that a diner?

[Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. What about Swingers On? Is it Beverly's? She doesn't. She wants the. She wanted the French toast from Mel's. I don't know what it was.

[Guest Male]

Specific. She likes what she likes. She's been having on since she was a baby.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Mm.

[Jeff Lewis]

And she has a. She has two pairs. They're the cutest things I've ever seen. Wicked pajamas.

[Guest Female]

Those are our matching pajamas.

[Jeff Lewis]

We have Wicked and then we have Wicked for good.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

They're the cutest things I've ever seen.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Those girls have such sexual tension.

[Jeff Lewis]

If there was.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Don't you. I mean, who needs two girls? One cup Elphaba and Glinda there. You know, Tot.

[Jeff Lewis]

I like her home. Actually, I'm thinking about homeschooling her.

[Nikki Paris]

You should.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, just like her home.

[Nikki Paris]

I feel like this is gonna turn into like a Munchausens by proxy situation.

[Jeff Lewis]

It is a gypsy room.

[Becky Robinson]

We just keep giving her the Motrin.

[Nikki Paris]

She never gets out of bed.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, I even thought to myself, I wish there was a hormone I could give her just to keep her right this size.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, Right.

[Guest Male]

Dee Dee, stop. No, that's what she did. And it didn't turn out well for Dee Dee.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Right? No, she was slain.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know.

[Nikki Paris]

Didn't that happen to Simon Birch as well?

[Guest Male]

I don't know who that is.

[Nikki Paris]

Great.

[Jeff Lewis]

What'd she get? 10 years. She got 10 years?

[Guest Male]

Chips. Yeah. Chips got 10 years and now she's an icon.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, she is. She's.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I relate to her. I think we need to understand her side of the story more.

[Jeff Lewis]

You do?

[Nikki Paris]

Mm.

[Guest Male]

I'm surprised she does not have a podcast or something by now.

[Nikki Paris]

Truly.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. I have a question for you.

[Nikki Paris]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I know that you're, you know you're now doing a whole new stand up routine, correct?

[Advertisement Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's with the cape and the hood? Like a traitor.

[Guest Female Comedian]

What?

[Nikki Paris]

What?

[Jeff Lewis]

What? What's going on?

[Nikki Paris]

Well, first off, I haven't seen traitors.

[Guest Male]

Ever.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I haven't. Same.

[Nikki Paris]

No, I need. I need. I've been hearing everyone says that we should be.

[Guest Male]

You should be on the next season, but as entitled Housewife.

[Nikki Paris]

Fuck yeah.

[Guest Male]

I would love it.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Put the visor under the hood.

[Jeff Lewis]

Who came up with this idea?

[Nikki Paris]

Well, Jeff, the thing is, is I went out on a limb and I sang. I sang. I'm a singer now.

[Guest Female Comedian]

You have to Hear it? The song.

[Nikki Paris]

I made a new intro song for the Beasts and Me tour and I'm absolutely wailing balls deep with influenza. So there's a lot of growl to it. And we thought, you know, Nikki and I were just blasting it in this dump of an Airbnb in Florida and you know, we just started blocking out some moves and Nikki was on his knees whisking around and thought, I need a cape. I need to up the ante. And the only thing we could find within an hour to showtime was this rental that was like. It had white stuff on it. It looked jizzy.

[Jeff Lewis]

It was from a sex shop.

[Nikki Paris]

It was a rental.

[Guest Male]

Yeah. You rented something from a sex shop?

[Jeff Lewis]

Black cape and a hood.

[Nikki Paris]

It was all they. It was Orlando.

[Jeff Lewis]

Throw me a bone from a sex shop for $75.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Couldn't you buy one for that?

[Guest Female Comedian]

We couldn't get it in such short time. These ideas hit us like diarrhea and three hours till the show.

[Jeff Lewis]

How did it smell?

[Nikki Paris]

Awful. I bet it smells worse now. Is dragging like the aisle girls. I was picking up chum on the way down the aisles, tripping over it.

[Jeff Lewis]

So weird. So are you coming out now to this song in the black stained, smelly cape?

[Nikki Paris]

It was a one time thing with that cape. Where we now have one being made.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah. Custom, custom wood sleeves.

[Jeff Lewis]

So the audience responded.

[Guest Female Comedian]

They went crazy.

[Nikki Paris]

Jeff. Well, I don't want to give it all away.

[Guest Male]

Can you play it?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Can we play the song?

[Nikki Paris]

I guess.

[Guest Female Comedian]

This is a Jeff Lewis exclusive you're playing from.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. You can't play it.

[Nikki Paris]

Trying to get a little deeper on this tour.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can you sing with the music?

[Nikki Paris]

I do.

[Jeff Lewis]

I did.

[Caller Lisa]

Oh, live.

[Nikki Paris]

A little Spice.

[Jeff Lewis]

Another.

[Nikki Paris]

Day, another vice what.

[Jeff Lewis]

Get me through the hell that is this life. Don't be embarrassed. I guess maybe I have to be there.

[Guest Female Comedian]

First of all, we're going up the Billboard chart with this one. We are ready. Why wouldn't you just send that to me instead of playing it on your phone up to the microphone? Well, I'm not an audio engineer, so.

[Jeff Lewis]

The audience, they loved the opening song. They loved the cape. And now you're going to have one made.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, well, I don't know yet if they love the song or if they love the cape. They do, but there's something fun about like doing something through the audience instead of just coming out on the stage. You know, I can feel them being.

[Guest Male]

Like hype AF with that playing and that blasting you running. I mean, she's a showgirl.

[Jeff Lewis]

And is it true that you now Have Nikki Manning a spotlight which follows you as you run through the crowd.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nikki Paris]

So he finishes his set and sprints dead sprints with a spotlight like a gazelle.

[Becky Robinson]

When the beat drops, is there like a lighting shift, too?

[Nikki Paris]

Yes.

[Becky Robinson]

Yeah, we can see it.

[Nikki Paris]

It shifts into, like, rap thing and things fly. And there'll be pyro at some point. I'll probably come down on wires. No, you know, it's just the beginning. It's the beginning.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, we're gonna.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, my God, I love that idea.

[Guest Male]

Put her on a trapeze, Joe.

[Jeff Lewis]

This is how.

[Nikki Paris]

I mean, Jeff, this is how these things start. You know, it's just a seedling right now.

[Jeff Lewis]

Be careful. Careful with the pyrotechnics. I don't think most clubs are gonna allow you to do that. Cause we asked.

[Guest Female Comedian]

We're doing theaters.

[Nikki Paris]

I'd love nothing more than to be lit on fire.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I'm willing to lose an eyebrow. That's how excited I am about this.

[Nikki Paris]

I know the theaters.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, they won't. Well, obviously you're doing well because I heard about your new purchase. A brand new 2026 G Wagon.

[Nikki Paris]

I'll be sent back.

[Jeff Lewis]

Keys, Keys, Keys.

[Guest Male]

So I know you got a great deal.

[Caller Bridget]

G Wagon.

[Nikki Paris]

All the housewives pulling up.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you go to Keys?

[Nikki Paris]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

What? What were you not doing? It's one of the largest Mercedes dealerships in the country.

[Nikki Paris]

Well, I remember I told you I was working with a middleman, and they just. So I wasn't even gonna buy it. And then I went in and they had the exact color that I wanted.

[Guest Male]

What color?

[Jeff Lewis]

White.

[Nikki Paris]

White. With this.

[Guest Male]

It was a sign.

[Jeff Lewis]

It was so hard to get.

[Nikki Paris]

I couldn't believe it. The interior, though.

[Guest Male]

What is it?

[Guest Female Comedian]

It's beige, brown, caramel.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nikki Paris]

You guys, I never see that.

[Guest Female]

Basic as fuck.

[Jeff Lewis]

I see it everywhere. Look outside, there's two on my street.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Is this the congratulations you give to a new car owner?

[Guest Male]

Okay, so it's white and tan, 20, 26.

[Jeff Lewis]

You got ripped off if you didn't go to Keys.

[Nikki Paris]

Well, what's ripped off?

[Jeff Lewis]

I bet you spent 10% more than you needed to.

[Nikki Paris]

No.

[Guest Male]

20?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Oh, you think 20 for sure.

[Nikki Paris]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

I bet they charged you 450 grand. No.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It also comes with a bidet.

[Nikki Paris]

It does massage you.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. It's so nice.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It does.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you have a cooler?

[Nikki Paris]

I haven't checked. I really haven't explored it much because.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't have one in mine.

[Nikki Paris]

Was it the new Range Rovers, you were saying?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, the Mercedes. The new Mercedes doesn't have a cooler. I miss it. I miss it. My drinks are lukewarm now.

[Nikki Paris]

Terrible.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I can't imagine driving around with that and it being helpful. Like it doesn't melt.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, it's so nice really having like.

[Guest Male]

A chilled glass of water at all times.

[Jeff Lewis]

Especially someone like you who drinks and drives.

[Nikki Paris]

Right?

[Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Nikki Paris]

No, it's crucial. I'd have to put my whole yeti cooler in the trunk.

[Guest Female Comedian]

We need the white clothes cooled to the perfect temp.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did Gladys survive the super flu?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Not by much. She's still fighting and hanging on by the red. She keeps calling me.

[Jeff Lewis]

She should not have been near her.

[Guest Female Comedian]

She keeps facetiming. She keeps coughing up phlegm and I don't know, you know, it's like being on the set of Osmosis Jones. There's all types of things flying at me. I'm scared. It was like watching a flubber exorcism. And I'm trying to be, you know, but she's saying she's not holding it against me.

[Jeff Lewis]

Gladys is a long hauler.

[Guest Female Comedian]

She's a long hauler.

[Jeff Lewis]

How long she had it now?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Almost two or three weeks. We're still not 100%. We both had it.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. Same.

[Nikki Paris]

I'm still gargling up a little. Is that what Monroe has?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep. She got the super flu. You know where we all got it.

[Nikki Paris]

Jameson?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Our own little Celtic beauty over there.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why are you playing that? We need to get into keys.

[Guest Female Comedian]

How else are we gonna drive to the urgent care?

[Jeff Lewis]

Is that where people are getting super flu?

[Becky Robinson]

Allegedly. I don't know.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wow.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It sounds like I jungle.

[Becky Robinson]

It sounds like I really should have taken off more days. Look at the havoc I wreaked.

[Jeff Lewis]

Half Monroe's class is out. Half. That's how bad it is.

[Nikki Paris]

Super fun staying home, watching movies.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Oh, she loves it. We had to cancel the tutor again today.

[Nikki Paris]

Amazing. What's she doing right now?

[Guest Male]

She's watching GC for the fourth time.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, it makes me nuts. She just watches it over and over and over again. She's sitting on that sofa in her wicked for good pajamas eating her. Eating her French toast from Mel's Diner.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah. Not ihop. Not that trash.

[Jeff Lewis]

Nope.

[Guest Female Comedian]

What is her lunch gonna do? She like chicken nuggets? Like, what does she like to have for lunch?

[Jeff Lewis]

She'll probably do a pasta and peas.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Oh, beautiful. A primavera.

[Jeff Lewis]

Whatever.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Nice little primavera.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm never going to go back to school. She's not going to go back to school.

[Guest Male]

Why would piccata if you will.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I was always at the nurse. I had every fake illness. I was like, I think I need to get in a wheelchair, too. I had every excuse. I was like, I think I have to go home. They're like, no, you're good. Go back to class.

[Jeff Lewis]

She was telling me last night, she goes, she has a savings account where she takes, like, her birthday money and Christmas money and all that. And then she's like. She mentioned the name at school. She's like, so and so has $11,000 in her account. What? I go, well, you're not doing bad. I go, I think you got like five or something in there. She goes, yeah, but she's got 11. I go, well, you have purses and you have jewelry.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, that's a fib.

[Jeff Lewis]

I said, you can always convert that to cash. And I go, it's far more than what she has. So she seemed to be calmed by that.

[Nikki Paris]

You should get her a brick of gold.

[Guest Male]

She get her 26, the only thing holding its value.

[Jeff Lewis]

And we did. The Zoomomo arrived.

[Guest Male]

I know, it's so cute.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you know what a Zoomomo is?

[Guest Female Comedian]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, look it up. It's a huge labubu.

[Guest Male]

A 22.8 inch labubu.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I thought it was a vacuum cleaner. The ones that were cleaned.

[Jeff Lewis]

Zumomo.

[Guest Male]

Zoomomo.

[Jeff Lewis]

What? Did you see the Zumomo?

[Guest Female]

I saw it. It's so cute.

[Nikki Paris]

When are they gonna make, like, an evil Chucky doll? Labubu movie?

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh.

[Guest Male]

Oh, that's clever.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's a Zoomomo. But Zoomomo's real tall as hell.

[Guest Male]

Justin almost screwed up. He was like, how is there? How do you like your new Z Zububu? And she was like, I don't have a Zububu or Zoomomo.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, fucking Justin. Are you serious?

[Guest Male]

And he was like, oh, I must have been thinking about someone else. And then she, like, moved on. But I was like, justin, that was a gift. She hasn't got it yet.

[Jeff Lewis]

There's a reason why it's hidden in the closet, Justin.

[Guest Male]

I know. I was like, justin, pay attention.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. I go, yesterday. I'm getting worried about him.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I know. This is the accountant.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. I go, so you know, when we first have a new guest, we gotta get their Venmo or whatever it is. Zelle, the W9's the whole thing. And I said to him yesterday, I go, hey, did you end up getting Arden Marine paid? He goes, oh, she on tomorrow. I go, no, she was on last week. We put it on the check request. You were supposed to pay her. I get a Little worried about him.

[Guest Male]

I know. Well, to him, to him, the names, like, he doesn't associate the names with people, so he just thought you were saying a new name, I think.

[Jeff Lewis]

And what did he say to you? You were wearing a sequins top yesterday.

[Nikki Paris]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Female]

He goes, you look like Fortune Feimster.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wait, what?

[Guest Male]

She was so. Yeah, he was trying to say it as a compliment because she was wearing a really shiny showy top. And so he was like, wow, Annie, you're dressed up today. You dress like a comedian. You look just like Fortune Feemster. She was like, the fuck.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, this is really weird shit.

[Guest Male]

That's really funny.

[Nikki Paris]

Fortune doesn't really even don sequins.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, she doesn't.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Not giving 4 chin.

[Jeff Lewis]

That makes no sense.

[Guest Male]

He should have said, you're giving entitled Housewives.

[Nikki Paris]

Exactly. This guy sounds like he's maybe been dropped on his head. This is your accountant?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Looks like Bieber. Just my type.

[Jeff Lewis]

Let me know if you don't get paid honestly today.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Really?

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, the last one didn't pay him, Nikki. Remember the last one didn't pay you? Yeah, like for two times.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It happens.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, it doesn't.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I'm so agreeable. I wasn't that funny that day.

[Guest Male]

I don't deserve to get paid.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well then the other thing too is.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I dropped one F box. I didn't deserve it.

[Jeff Lewis]

I looked at the register today and I noticed that he paid Chaz Dean. And I go, when was Chaz Dean on?

[Guest Male]

Yeah, we talked about it. He was on the 19th. And he paid it, but he didn't put it in the book. And the payment for Teddy didn't go through, so the book was balancing. So we didn't realize. He didn't put in the book.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I would be afraid. There was an under the table deal for hair care products.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, you think so?

[Guest Male]

Trying to slip up some payments for Tanner.

[Jeff Lewis]

By the way, did you hear about the mace that Aurora bought?

[Guest Female]

Yeah, to match me.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you hear what happened?

[Guest Male]

There was an incident.

[Jeff Lewis]

She was walking Toby.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Is that a dog?

[Jeff Lewis]

Toby's my dog.

[Guest Male]

Yes, he's the other bookkeeper.

[Jeff Lewis]

And there was a woman, one of my neighbors was walking ahead of her. Some guy showed up out of nowhere, started getting into the woman's face like, what's your name? What's your name? What's your name? And Aurora took out her mace.

[Guest Female]

Yeah, she did.

[Jeff Lewis]

And she pointed at him. And then Toby was like. And he took off. And the woman was like, thank you so much.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Wow, boss.

[Jeff Lewis]

She was ready to go down.

[Guest Female]

I'm With a bedazzled mace. I'm so proud of that.

[Jeff Lewis]

For sure.

[Nikki Paris]

Toby took one to the eye.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know if it's like a homeless guy or something or.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, I do.

[Guest Male]

You carry Mace when you go to.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I just have it in a little purple canister.

[Nikki Paris]

I need to get some weaponry.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, no, just a taser that's not.

[Nikki Paris]

Charged and that's about it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, Bridget in York agrees with me. Line two. Hey, Bridget. Hello.

[Guest Male]

Hey, Bridge. Hello.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's up, Bridget?

[Caller Bridget]

Hi, guys. Oh, my God. So I just wanted to say there's nothing better than a sick child.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Not terminally. Of course I know.

[Caller Bridget]

No, I mean. So my kid just turned 6, and she is, like, the biggest bitch ever.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. They're so demanding.

[Caller Bridget]

Try to parent her. It's crazy. Well, you know, whatever. I'll give her things, but, like, I'll try to parent her and she'll just be like, why are you bossing me around, you butt cheek. Like, she's just like a nasty girl, but when she's sick, she's beautiful.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know, Bridget. I know. They're just sweet and calm and quiet and vulnerable. I just love it.

[Caller Bridget]

You can snuggle them.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know.

[Nikki Paris]

Like a dog.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't. I really don't want to film today. Like, I want to just enjoy it. I just want. I really get it.

[Guest Male]

I cancel plants.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Caller Bridget]

I have two kids, and sometimes I let the sick one just get the other one sick.

[Guest Female Comedian]

So an illness incubation hub at your home.

[Nikki Paris]

Try giving them little Amazon sleep aids.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's so worth it, Bridget. I absolutely agree. Thank you for calling.

[Caller Bridget]

Thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you think Gladys is going to.

[Caller Bridget]

Thank you so much.

[Jeff Lewis]

You think Gladys is going to survive?

[Guest Female Comedian]

She better.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is she coughing?

[Guest Female Comedian]

She's coughing up all different colors. You know, it's like Pride month.

[Jeff Lewis]

See, that's coming up. How old is she now?

[Guest Female Comedian]

She's 88. My sweet angel.

[Jeff Lewis]

This could take her out.

[Guest Female Comedian]

She has quite a story. She slept in a crib until she was nine.

[Guest Male]

Why?

[Jeff Lewis]

All right, Bridget.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Her mother. Bridget was like, I think you have another fever, dear. Stay down, snuggle. You get a mama's bosom.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm worried about Gladys.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Me, too, but she's still having me work on her script.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, God.

[Guest Male]

What's the script?

[Guest Female Comedian]

She's writing this comedy movie for about 27 years. And, yeah, she wrote me a part. And as my career has been growing, the part's been getting bigger. So now I'm somehow rewriting lines for the part. You know, my Charity work. It just doesn't end. I'm like the March of Dimes.

[Nikki Paris]

You're so giving.

[Jeff Lewis]

Weren't you on Onlyfans?

[Guest Female Comedian]

No. They paid me like a little chunk of money to do a comedy special. It was not. And in fact, they gave me, I think, I don't know, like, 10 grand or something like that to do like a 10 minute set.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's nice.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It was a nice little thing.

[Nikki Paris]

I was in it.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, exactly. I wasn't thrilled to be on it. And then I said, you know what? Maybe I will get a little sexual. You know, maybe I'll do a little bit of a top. Jameis in your face. He literally was just like this. So I said, let me post maybe a little. A topless selfie after the gym with a little areola. I lost followers.

[Nikki Paris]

I wonder if there's a.

[Guest Female Comedian]

And I was. So I thought, maybe I'm a sleeping sexual icon. I didn't know.

[Nikki Paris]

I wonder if maybe there's a market for people that want to see, like, the Uncertain stripper. The unconfident.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, that's right. I'm sexy, but I'm a little autistic.

[Nikki Paris]

You're not so sure. You know, you're like everything but the Scarlett resonate real.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's gonna be great.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I want to dance on the pole, but I have to disinfect it first.

[Jeff Lewis]

You could do Onlyfans, Becky.

[Nikki Paris]

And show what?

[Jeff Lewis]

Everything.

[Nikki Paris]

My pecs are my hemorrhoids.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Cover your breasts in different Taco Bell items.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now that you fixed your teeth and got electrolysis, you look good.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Beautiful. The both of you look like you just got off a boat.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know where we are. You do?

[Guest Female Comedian]

You look like you just nibbled down a lobster roll and came to do radio.

[Guest Male]

I don't know.

[Nikki Paris]

I did.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, you finished your electrolysis.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Right?

[Nikki Paris]

It's never done. It's truly never. It's.

[Jeff Lewis]

I would always throw us back.

[Nikki Paris]

It's a scheme. Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, well, it looks good today.

[Nikki Paris]

And her machine was out, so I was gonna roll up again today with a heavy turtleneck.

[Jeff Lewis]

You overheated it last time. Blew a fuse.

[Nikki Paris]

Blew a fuse. On the old happy Trail she went. I'll be back in there next Monday.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Getting weed whacked your holiday bush.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah. I can't get my New Year pusscut correct. I mean, I am. Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

We should style it on the road. Is anybody from Tresemme listening?

[Nikki Paris]

Do you guys make shapes? No.

[Guest Female Comedian]

What, of yourself?

[Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, like. Like a.

[Nikki Paris]

You get waxed? Yeah.

[Guest Female]

I guess I could tell my girl to Make a shape.

[Guest Female Comedian]

What would you get, Annie?

[Guest Male]

Do a little star.

[Guest Female Comedian]

You're single now.

[Guest Female]

True.

[Guest Male]

I don't know.

[Guest Female]

Get creative. Have you ever heard of vajazzle where you bejazzle your vagina?

[Jeff Lewis]

You should do that.

[Nikki Paris]

How does that work? Is that a piercing?

[Guest Female]

No.

[Nikki Paris]

Sounds itchy.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is it glue?

[Guest Female]

I don't know. We should go do it.

[Nikki Paris]

Okay.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Let's go to a Michaels after this. We're gonna vagazzle Becky. A good team building exercise.

[Nikki Paris]

It would match my new cape.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're not doing a lip flip anymore?

[Guest Female]

No, I think I am. I think I'm gonna start with the lip flip. See how I like it and then do filler.

[Guest Male]

Maybe go on a filler.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Hold on. What's a lip flip?

[Guest Female]

This is Rinna told me to.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. She told you to get a little filler.

[Nikki Paris]

A little bit.

[Guest Male]

A little bit Filler's scary.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, but you have a top lip.

[Guest Female]

Not when I smile.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, she doesn't. No, she doesn't have any lips.

[Guest Male]

So then the lip flip would help it. Cause you have the lip and then it'll just stay up.

[Guest Female]

So we're gonna see.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you use a lip liner?

[Guest Female]

I do, but not today because you.

[Nikki Paris]

Can just draw one in.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, we'll get you a few Crayolas. Come on.

[Jeff Lewis]

Again.

[Nikki Paris]

Sounds like a trip to Michael's.

[Becky Robinson]

I believe the vagazzle is a series. It's like a series of stones in a shape and then they stick it on your pubic area.

[Nikki Paris]

That's beautiful.

[Jeff Lewis]

Beautiful.

[Nikki Paris]

And what, you don't sweat it off.

[Becky Robinson]

Eventually it starts to peel off.

[Guest Male]

Start.

[Jeff Lewis]

Popping out underneath your skirt.

[Guest Female]

We can stream you getting it on your onlyfans.

[Jeff Lewis]

Perfect.

[Guest Male]

They'll be like, I'm not opposed.

[Jeff Lewis]

You'd leave a trail of glitter and bedazzles, I think everywhere. Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Leaving a little bit for the next generation.

[Guest Male]

We'll always know where you went Now.

[Jeff Lewis]

I heard that you went on a date.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I did. Yes, I did. I've been out there.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm glad that you branched out.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is that because your therapist told you to stop going out with a married man?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I don't know that I'm dating a married man. And we haven't crossed that bridge.

[Jeff Lewis]

What did your therapist say when you said, I suspect. Tell the truth. Tell the truth.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No. You know, she just wants me to be happy. And she could see, you know.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know, we all at someone else's expense.

[Guest Female Comedian]

We don't know that it's at somebody else's expense.

[Jeff Lewis]

We do know.

[Becky Robinson]

Did you tell your therapist were you hey, Jameson.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, so you lie to your therapist. You're one of those.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, I didn't. For. Everybody, just calm down for 10 seconds, all right? We're kicking up the heat, and I don't think we need to. No, she. She's aware. Um, you know, and I think we're ready to. We're gonna. We're gonna cross that bridge with the right knowledge when we get there.

[Nikki Paris]

I would love to do a little undercover.

[Guest Female Comedian]

That'd be a great idea.

[Nikki Paris]

I'll throw on a wig, and we'll get to the bottom of this.

[Guest Female Comedian]

We'll get your vagabond.

[Jeff Lewis]

Just wear that cape. That's inconspicuous.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, it really is. She could be in the shadows anywhere.

[Jeff Lewis]

You want to follow him home?

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, I would like to see, because not knowing is killing me.

[Guest Female Comedian]

That would not be fun.

[Jeff Lewis]

Not a bad idea.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I've always wanted to spend more time with you guys.

[Nikki Paris]

This whole thing when you can. Where you can hang out with someone again and again and again and not really know anything about him. I don't like that.

[Jeff Lewis]

No?

[Guest Female Comedian]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm like, you know, I bet he's a serial killer. Hot like that.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

What was he talking about yesterday?

[Guest Male]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

David Carpenter.

[Guest Female]

Maybe we need to look inward. Are you asking him questions about himself?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, you know, I want a guy to take my breath away, and maybe it's just he needs to have his hand around my windpipe. Maybe that is, you know. But I did go on a date.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then I heard there was a little bit of a mishap.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, you know, I'm rushing. You know, I'm only home for three days, and I asked him to meet me at Taquya, and I asked him, where is that? Let's not say which exact one, if that's okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why? Are you going right now? No, you already left. Which Taquya is it and where is it on Sun?

[Guest Male]

It's by Mel's. Right, on Sunset?

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Have I been there?

[Guest Male]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

North or south side of Sunset.

[Nikki Paris]

In Hollywood. I mean, Holloway.

[Guest Female Comedian]

There's a few. There's a few locations.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's a chain restaurant.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Like, no mom and Pop, but they got two.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Guest Male]

There's like, many.

[Nikki Paris]

There's. There's like, at least 10 in the. In the area.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It's mom and Pop.

[Guest Male]

They're.

[Guest Female Comedian]

They're.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do we order takeout from them?

[Guest Female Comedian]

They're family owned.

[Guest Male]

It's like they put pomegranates in their guac, like little seeds.

[Jeff Lewis]

So it's fast food?

[Guest Male]

No, fast cash.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It's Organic Leisure.

[Nikki Paris]

I tell you what, they make a pretty good margarita.

[Guest Male]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is it a good date restaurant?

[Nikki Paris]

No.

[Guest Male]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's what I thought.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, we didn't exactly gel like we were just talking about. I did open that. I was, you know, an artist and, you know, we're talking about.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is that what you're calling yourself now?

[Guest Female Comedian]

A Vincent Van Ho? But I. No, I was telling him, you know, if we were talking about. If you. We talk about this a lot. If we weren't doing what we were doing, what would we be doing? And I said, tim, I think I'd want to be a judge. And he goes on Drag Race. I said, no in a court. So we didn't exactly see eye to eye on.

[Jeff Lewis]

But didn't you have trouble connecting?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, okay, so here's the deal. So I was in a rush, and I said into my phone to Koya, but my phone picked it up as Toyota. So I accidentally sent him to the Toyota dealership, and I was really embarrassed. And then I was like, let me just pay for everything. I was really. You know, I just have a lot going.

[Becky Robinson]

Wait, wait, wait. You didn't read back a text that you text to speak to Tex?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I sent it from the shower. So I reached my arm out and spoke it into the phone and said, send him the address for Tacoia.

[Becky Robinson]

And he's thinking he's going there. And you know what's across from that Toyota?

[Guest Female Comedian]

An ihop.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, no.

[Guest Male]

He could have got.

[Nikki Paris]

Right now.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where's the Toyota dealership?

[Becky Robinson]

It's across from In N. Out on Orange and Sunset.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Jameson, are you a Camry driver?

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, I know exactly where that is. Okay, the Toyota that's coming over by El Compadre.

[Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yes, yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so you sent him to the Toyota dealership.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Not. Yeah, accidentally.

[Guest Male]

Why did he go, yeah, that's weird that he's not asking if my date said, meet me at Toyota.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Everybody just hold your horse.

[Guest Female]

Are you gonna buy me aircon?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Hold on.

[Guest Male]

Are you buying me a Camry?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Okay, hold on. Everybody hold up.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'd go for a Land Cruiser. I love those cars.

[Guest Male]

Or RAV4. It's not bad.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Okay, let's just get. Hold on one second.

[Jeff Lewis]

Four runners are nice, too.

[Nikki Paris]

Love the four runners.

[Guest Female Comedian]

These are good cars.

[Jeff Lewis]

Sexy.

[Guest Female]

Did you buy him a car to apologize?

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, but I paid for the meal.

[Nikki Paris]

Tacos.

[Jeff Lewis]

You should have paid for the meal. Anyway, you invited him. Were you not planning on paying for the meal?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, he actually asked me out, but, yeah. No, I paid for the meal. It was the classy thing to do.

[Guest Male]

Where did you eat?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Taquia.

[Guest Male]

So he came all the way to you after all this?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I'm the talent.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

[Jeff Lewis]

So what happens when he's like, I'm here?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I said, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I must have been rushing. Like, here's the new location. And luckily it's just, just 11 minutes away.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hmm.

[Guest Male]

Hello.

[Nikki Paris]

So do you, like, do you think you'll see him again?

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, unfortunately, no. And I want my $50 back.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why didn't you click, do you think? Do you have something to say?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Keon Kian?

[Guest Male]

Why didn't you go, no, I'm just looking up the menu for Takoya. Why didn't. I mean, it's like a burrito bowl.

[Guest Female]

Bowl.

[Guest Male]

That's like, not a date.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why don't you take him to Chipotle?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Literally?

[Guest Female]

It's really bright in there too.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. What were you thinking?

[Nikki Paris]

That's a bad place for chin hair.

[Guest Female Comedian]

There's a reason I, I, you know, that's my convenience spot for reason.

[Nikki Paris]

You know, it's a fun, like, yeah, casual. You can sit outside and I live right there.

[Guest Female Comedian]

So I don't tell. I live right there. Can they do that?

[Nikki Paris]

I live right behind it. It'd be easy for me. Even though he went all the way to Toyota.

[Guest Male]

No one heard. Oh, I see. Which one?

[Nikki Paris]

Good for you for, like, going on a D.

[Guest Male]

We live so close to each other. I know.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I, you know.

[Guest Male]

Do you want to go to Tacoya?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I would love that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Meet him at the Toyota dealership.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Meet me at the Toyota. We could look at different Camrys together.

[Guest Male]

So you said, let's go to Tacoya and hop on.

[Guest Female Comedian]

So it said, I'd heard Toyota.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you walked there from your house?

[Guest Male]

Yeah, for sure.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you paid for his Uber. But you paid for his Uber.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, he drove from El Segundo.

[Guest Male]

Go to like, oh, my God, Mother walked.

[Jeff Lewis]

El Segundo? Really?

[Nikki Paris]

That's never gonna work out, you know.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I don't see, I don't see.

[Nikki Paris]

Financial class would be nice for airport jaunts, though. Shacking up over there.

[Guest Male]

You could park there.

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, he likes you if you drove that far. What time of day?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, we were originally supposed to do seven, but I ordered a new coffee table, which was supposed to come on February 5th. And then I got a knock at the door and it was there. So I had to get a task rabbiter in you.

[Guest Male]

The chaos of your life is really.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, it's hard being a small business owner.

[Guest Male]

So you were late.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you were late.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I had to push it back to 8:30 but yes, I got there. So din din din din. Yes, yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

At 8:30.

[Guest Female Comedian]

At 8.

[Guest Female]

How much notice did you give him?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well I hit him around 5:30 and I said how do we feel about like are there any other options? Because tonight's a little tight. I just had a coffee table and I had a. Well I also had a dryer rack that I got for Christmas and people can't expect me to build that myself. So he had a few things to build for me.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you postponed the date. That's a little self involved.

[Guest Male]

Literally. Lose the box.

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Guest Female Comedian]

Yes I do.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you want to go over some of the dates?

[Nikki Paris]

Becky yeah, this weekend we're going to be in Phoenix Scottsdale area for waste management. If you're out there for the golf tournament, we'll be at we Kapawa Casino Friday and Saturday. The following weekend Valentine's weekend Plano, Texas Friday San Antonio Saturday and Austin on Sunday. And then we're in Hawaii March 13th and 14th. So come to those. Are you serious going to Hawaii?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, we're doing obliques.

[Jeff Lewis]

Which island?

[Guest Male]

Honolulu.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Honolulu.

[Nikki Paris]

Honolulu.

[Guest Female Comedian]

They're gonna pop over to Maui for a little vacation. We went.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, nice. Where are you staying? Okay.

[Nikki Paris]

You don't know the somewhere. Right, Right.

[Guest Female Comedian]

The look by the water, by the sea.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do they have a Takoya there?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Buy the toucan.

[Jeff Lewis]

Also, I want to promote. We're doing a live event. It's Jeff Lewis and the Chumps. Hot to go in Phoenix on March 26th. It's a Thursday evening. For tickets, you can go to phoenix.standuplive.com. i don't know if there's any VVIPS left, but we do have VIP. We have plenty of VIPs and plenty of general admission. And then we're still working on the lineup, but right now it is Duff, Jameson, Shane, myself, Patrick, Paul. I think Kian and Annie are going. And then we're also. I think Todd Lewis might be doing the opening show. And then we also have two other celebrity guests that we're waiting to confirm.

[Guest Female]

And the link, we'll get back to you.

[Jeff Lewis]

The link is on my Instagram. Thank you, Ann. Nay. Appreciate it. Did you get food poisoning from Chili's?

[Guest Male]

No way.

[Nikki Paris]

Well, I ordered 17 entrees, but yes, something. Something happened at Chili's.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, we got it doordash.

[Nikki Paris]

We're the hot honey chicky tendies. I got a couple kids meals. I got some sort of a salad and I think. I don't know, something about the tender. My stomach was cramping. Could have been a thousand other things, though. I don't know.

[Guest Male]

I wouldn't doordash it. I feel like that's something you need to eat, like fresh in house. If that sits.

[Nikki Paris]

Boots on the ground. Chilies. Yeah.

[Guest Male]

Yeah, I gotta have the boots in the house.

[Nikki Paris]

It was also in Orlando, outskirts of Orlando.

[Becky Robinson]

Was it just tummy grumbles or was it coming out?

[Nikki Paris]

It was like extreme, extreme cramps that I like. I was pacing around the bathroom. I was jumping. I was like, something, some movement come. And then I. I put in a nicotine pouch and was strapped to the toilet for several hours.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, God.

[Nikki Paris]

Can I tell you the most humiliating thing happened, Jeff?

[Guest Male]

Aside from that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Aside from that, it gets worse.

[Nikki Paris]

Yes. That's why I'm saying I think it's so good that you guys are going on dates and you're meeting nice people out and about, because I'm doing something wrong. And I really need to fix it.

[Guest Female]

Well, tell us the embarrassing thing.

[Nikki Paris]

Well, I had this guy over, okay, named Mike. And I'm just curious if this is a thing that men do, because this. This is something I have never experienced. Well, first off, we were hooking up. He was like, you're so sweaty. And I'd been tanning a lot and putting on a lot of lotion. I was like, it might be you too, asshole. So he's first off calling me sweaty. You know, large. And then we're, like, laying there, and he. He goes, have you ever seen a Rolex? And I go, what? Takes his penis, wraps it around my wrist like a bangle.

[Jeff Lewis]

What?

[Guest Female]

That's never happened to me.

[Nikki Paris]

He goes, look, a Rolex. I took a picture. I go, don't move. And then I was like, get out. Get out.

[Guest Female Comedian]

And that's luxury.

[Nikki Paris]

I will never see this person again.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I've seen the picture. It literally looked like something from a street market. Like some type of a Moroccan street.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can we see the picture?

[Guest Female Comedian]

That's huge.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thanks. So you didn't have sex with him?

[Nikki Paris]

No, I did.

[Guest Male]

She was like, what time is that?

[Nikki Paris]

He did that after. Which is so.

[Jeff Lewis]

He did the Rolex after.

[Nikki Paris]

Isn't that cruel?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I thought it was kind of hot.

[Advertisement Voice 2]

I didn't.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, you would think that.

[Nikki Paris]

Thought it was absolutely foul. You really want me to hold this up?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, I want to see it. So you were. Were you sweaty?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Come on. This could be the new Jewel.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can we put that on the Jeff Lewis Instagram? That does look like a Rolex. Wow.

[Nikki Paris]

Oh, my God, you guys.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Costume jewelry.

[Nikki Paris]

Yes, I was sweaty because I was. I went to the tanning bed a few times because they're calling it red light therapy now, so I assume it's healthy. And I was lathering up with a lot of lotion right before.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you have the air conditioning on?

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, I did. It was like, 67.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, wow.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I like it. That temp, too.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Okay, so you had sex with him, but obviously it wasn't that great. No, because you're done with him after the. If he had not wrapped his penis around your wrist, would you have gone out with him again?

[Nikki Paris]

You know what was weird, too, is, like, he kept saying that I was being, like, reserved. He was like, you're not being fun. You're not being fun. And then this guy, like, mid. Like, we started hooking up, wouldn't take off his glasses or his hat. I was like, are you gonna take your hat off? Because he's, like, balding. A little bit.

[Guest Male]

Do you think he was?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I like when they leave it on.

[Nikki Paris]

And then I was like, can you take your glass off? And he's like, I can't see without him. I was like, all right.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where are you meeting these people?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I was on the phone with.

[Becky Robinson]

Orlando.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, when you. He came over for the first time. I was on the phone with you. And, you know, we made sure that he wasn't a killer.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was he good looking? Yeah, yeah.

[Nikki Paris]

With his hat on. Oh.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh. Did you see him without the hat?

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, I don't think it's that bad, but I just. The fact that he, like, wouldn't take it off was just like, all right, you're. You're like upper 30s and we can't.

[Guest Female]

You're insecure, and that's gross.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I've been with guys that I'm like, you have to keep the hat on. And some of them are okay with it.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah, I should send this hat your way.

[Jeff Lewis]

Keeping their clothes on. So you were in Paris and some guy asked to paint you without your shirt.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Okay.

[Guest Male]

Titanic.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. And you applied?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, I was going through a phase about two years ago where I was really intrigued by Mediterranean European art. So I was at a bar and some guy was like, you are so gorgeous. Would you mind if I painted you? And I said, what a story to tell my grandchildren that. I was just walking down the streets of Paris and somebody said, you are so stunning that I'd love to put it on canvas.

[Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

So I did it.

[Guest Male]

Do you have it?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah.

[Guest Male]

Home.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It's in a frame.

[Guest Male]

Show us a picture.

[Advertisement Voice 2]

Wow.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I mean, I'd have. I don't.

[Jeff Lewis]

How long did you have to sit there without a shirt for him to paint you?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Like, 35 minutes.

[Guest Male]

Not bad.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know anybody that would do that.

[Nikki Paris]

Pants on.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, you know.

[Guest Male]

Good question. Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

But. Yes. You don't know anybody that would do that? Well, you know, it was an interesting thing to do, but I said, how many people could say they went to Paris and somebody, you know, just want. Does that give you clout? Don't you? I think that's kind of a flex. That's honestly one of my biggest accomplishments, like, went to a foreign country.

[Jeff Lewis]

You need some more accomplishments when tough work at your. How many people can say that that's your biggest accomplishment? We got a problem here.

[Guest Female Comedian]

It's up there. It's up there in maybe my top 30. But I'm quite proud of that because I felt I inspired someone's art.

[Nikki Paris]

Did he do your face?

[Guest Male]

Yeah, of Course, Yeah, he did. Insane.

[Nikki Paris]

When we were in New Orleans and we got our caricatures, you remember how that turned out?

[Guest Female Comedian]

Oh, that was. No, that was mean. That was bullying via a paintbrush. We got a caricature drawn. I'm sure I.

[Nikki Paris]

For some reason, Nikki came out looking like a hedgehog dog. He looked at it and was like, no.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I literally, like, yelled at the artist. I said, that is so disrespectful. We could see what I actually look like.

[Guest Male]

Jameson and Frank just got one at the baby shower. And the artist put a penis on Jameson's nose.

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Guest Female]

It's the weirdest thing as his nose is a penis.

[Jeff Lewis]

It is the weirdest thing you've ever seen. Becky, hold on. Look at the picture.

[Nikki Paris]

Stop it.

[Jeff Lewis]

His nose looks like a penis. Jesus. The guy did not look like a Rolex.

[Becky Robinson]

You ever seen a Rolex?

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Guest Female Comedian]

That's hardy.

[Jeff Lewis]

Quickly, let's take Lisa in Oklahoma. Line two. Hi, Lisa.

[Caller Lisa]

Hey, Jeff.

[Caller Bridget]

How are you?

[Jeff Lewis]

Great. What's your comment?

[Caller Bridget]

You guys? You guys have been cracking me up today, but I had to tell you about. I don't know if you have seen the new story about Bella Hadid and her. She broke up with her rodeo handsome cowboy boyfriend. And your story about the guy showing up and he won't take his hat off. So she posted there. Somebody posted a picture of Bella headed's hot cowboy without his cowboy hat off. And the comments were all, we've all been hatfished. And I'd never heard that before, but when you think about it, those people that will never take their hat off. And there's a lot of them.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Caller Bridget]

That is life of hatfishing. That's hat fishing.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's what it is. Thank you, Lisa.

[Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

You were getting hat fish.

[Nikki Paris]

Me and Bella in the same echelon.

[Guest Male]

You're just Belle. Yeah, I get you guys confused.

[Jeff Lewis]

All right, we're playing a new game today called Holiday Inn or Holiday Out. Becky, Nikki, you're always in hotels around the world, but your standards are questionable. I'm going to give you a hotel scenario. You're going to tell us if you tough it out. Holiday Inn or do you check out immediately? Holiday Out. There's no hair dryer.

[Nikki Paris]

I bring my own.

[Jeff Lewis]

So Holiday Inn.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, Holiday Out. I need a dryer.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Caller Lisa]

So tragic.

[Jeff Lewis]

There is a pool, but it's indoors and only three feet deep.

[Nikki Paris]

Holiday Out. But we won't be jumping in the pool.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, Holiday Out.

[Caller Lisa]

So tragic.

[Jeff Lewis]

There's one bar of soap that states it's for hair, hands and Body.

[Guest Female Comedian]

I'm gonna say out, because we just had a little bit of an issue.

[Nikki Paris]

Out.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Caller Lisa]

So tragic.

[Jeff Lewis]

There's a sign outside that flashes always vacancy.

[Guest Female Comedian]

No, no.

[Caller Lisa]

So tragic.

[Jeff Lewis]

The man checking you in has no teeth.

[Nikki Paris]

In.

[Guest Male]

Maybe it's Ryan's. Sad.

[Guest Female Comedian]

We love giving back.

[Jeff Lewis]

The rooms only have twin beds.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Oh, we love that.

[Guest Male]

She said immediately.

[Jeff Lewis]

Holiday Inn.

[Guest Female Comedian]

One to eat on, one to sleep.

[Jeff Lewis]

You have to pay for wi fi.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Well, we are. We have status.

[Nikki Paris]

We've got status. It just wouldn't happen.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah, but for a common person.

[Jeff Lewis]

The hotel is directly off the freeway.

[Nikki Paris]

And probably close to a McDonald's as well then.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Good for doordash.

[Guest Male]

Yeah. Close to Chili's.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

The curtains don't fully close. Ooh, ouch.

[Nikki Paris]

We need our sleep.

[Caller Lisa]

So tragic.

[Jeff Lewis]

There are bars on the windows.

[Guest Female Comedian]

We tried to open the balcony this weekend, and we couldn't get it open in Miami. Yeah, I tried to jump holiday.

[Jeff Lewis]

Out.

[Nikki Paris]

Out.

[Caller Lisa]

So trudgy.

[Jeff Lewis]

The shower has a shower curtain. Curtain instead of shower glass.

[Nikki Paris]

Sounds like every night of my life.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Yeah.

[Caller Lisa]

So tragic.

[Jeff Lewis]

There are dead bugs in the light fixture.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Oh. Out. Immediately.

[Becky Robinson]

Out.

[Nikki Paris]

Out.

[Caller Lisa]

Traji.

[Jeff Lewis]

The bed is on wheels and rolls when you lean on it. The carpets are visibly stained out. And the last one, the mini fridge, has the previous guest's leftovers.

[Nikki Paris]

Oh, hell no.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, hell no.

[Guest Female Comedian]

Out. But what is it?

[Nikki Paris]

Is it still good?

[Jeff Lewis]

Thank you for playing Holiday Inn or Holiday Out. All right, so when you. How did you meet the hatfished guy?

[Nikki Paris]

On a dating app, but a long time ago.

[Jeff Lewis]

I see. Are you still on dating apps?

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

I would imagine someone of your fame gets DMed a lot.

[Nikki Paris]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Did you ever follow through with that?

[Nikki Paris]

Uh, no. Hmm.

[Jeff Lewis]

No one's interesting.

[Nikki Paris]

I don't know.

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Nikki Paris]

I mean, no, not really.

[Jeff Lewis]

Chuckle fuckers.

[Nikki Paris]

Right?

[Guest Male]

Chuckle.

[Nikki Paris]

I'm always kind of weirded out by them that, like, how could you listen to this and be interested, you know, about my show?

[Guest Female Comedian]

The men love her. Especially the older men. I see their. Their stunts. They go crazy. We were at a golf event. The older guys get very excited.

[Jeff Lewis]

Would you do older?

[Nikki Paris]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. I feel like you should be dating. Maybe it's you.

[Nikki Paris]

I think it is me.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Nikki Paris]

I think it is me.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then Nikki. Maybe it's you.

[Guest Male]

What?

[Guest Female Comedian]

I don't think it's either of us. I think I couldn't think of two sweeter people.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Guest Male]

Agree.

[Nikki Paris]

I just like when I'm home.

[Jeff Lewis]

Add delusion to my lolo.

[Nikki Paris]

I don't like to leave my house, so I'm like I don't want to meet anyone out. I'm just like, come here to the lair.

[Jeff Lewis]

Congrats on the new G Wagon.

[Nikki Paris]

Thanks babe.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Lad every weekday on Sirius XM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel exclusively on the SiriusXM app.

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[Jeff Lewis]

So good. So good.

[Becky Robinson]

So good.

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[Nikki Paris]

Because I always find something amazing using just so many good brands.

[Jeff Lewis]

Because there's always something new.

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