
Bob the Drag Queen, Zach Noe Towers, & Shane Douglas join Jeff Lewis in Los Angeles.
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Jeff Lewis
Why does St. Nick get all the credit when moms do all the work? Michelle Pfeiffer stars as Claire Closter in oh, what Fun, a heartwarming holiday comedy from acclaimed director Michael Showalter. When Claire's family accidentally leaves her at home after she's planned the perfect Christmas outing, she's had enough. So she embarks on an impromptu adventure that turns into the holiday freedom she never knew she needed. Stream oh, what fun on December 3rd on Prime Video and discover why sometimes the best traditions are the ones you never planned. This episode of Jeff Lewis Has Issues is brought to you by the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. You know, there's something about Vegas at night. The buzz of the crowd, the high energy, and that undeniable magic that makes you feel alive. When the sun sets, Las Vegas transforms. And at the heart of it all is the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas, a luxury resort destination where bold experiences unfold. Sip a martini inside the chandelier, discover hidden speakeasies, striking art and unforgettable views of the Bellagio fountains and the Las Vegas skyline from your Terrace Suite. It's not just a hotel stay, it's an only in Vegas experience. Book your stay now. Cosmopolitan LasVegas.com when you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops. I have no problem prioritizing myself.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm glad that you're feeling so good.
Caldwell
About this, but the truth is I.
Shane Douglas
Got fired and it's your fucking fault.
Jeff Lewis
She gets paid for this shit.
Shane Douglas
You get paid for this shit.
Bob the Drag Queen
Jeff Lewis has issues.
Jeff Lewis
Hey, it's Jeff Lewis and I have issues. In today's episode, comedians Bob the Drag Queen and Zach Noe Towers join the show. We talk about laugh tracks, wisdom teeth extraction and the struggle of self control. I'm here with Bob the Drag Queen, comedian Zach Noe Towers and Shane Douglas. Bob, what is your name?
Bob the Drag Queen
Why was that funny? That's a crazy way to start.
Jeff Lewis
You know why? Because I was Bob the drag.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, God.
Jeff Lewis
Because I thought to myself, what is your real name? I don't even know your real name.
Caldwell
My name is Caldwell.
Jeff Lewis
What's your last name?
Caldwell
Caldwell. But everyone Caldwell.
Jeff Lewis
Caldwell.
Caldwell
Okay, so except like Uber drivers, they call me Christopher.
Jeff Lewis
Okay, so we can call you Bob or Caldwell.
Caldwell
Everyone calls me Bob, but a few people call me Caldwell. My partner's call me Caldwell. But most people in my life, even my close friends, call me Bob. Even in like serious. It's really the funny thing. Like in New York City, all of us, the drag queens, we all go by our drag names all the time. No Matter where we are, no matter what we're doing.
Jeff Lewis
I see.
Caldwell
So you can be in a serious meeting or in a serious argument, and you'd be like, listen, Bubbles, I've had it with your shit.
Jeff Lewis
Now, what about a restaurant reservation? Would you say Bubbles, party of three? Would you say Bob the Drag Queen?
Caldwell
There are queens who I've known for almost two decades, and I still don't know their real names. And then someone would be like, oh, you know, Craig? And I'm like, who the fuck is Craig? And it's like, it's Bubbles.
Jeff Lewis
Bubbles.
Caldwell
The whole time it's been Bubbles. Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Now, we spoke briefly about BravoCon is coming up this weekend. You are not popular with. It's not all Bravo liberties, but with the Housewives in particular.
Caldwell
Specifically Housewives of New York fans. Dorinda Medley really didn't like me on my season of the Traitors.
Jeff Lewis
Season three. Correct.
Caldwell
Season three. Because I kind of led a charge to murder her.
Bob the Drag Queen
So who hasn't?
Jeff Lewis
Why did you have. Why did you have it out for the Housewives?
Caldwell
Oh, it was just strategy based because, you know, the Housewives are a unified front. Like, if you're there with the Survivor people, the Survivor people are actually like, they are. They don't like each other. Like, they are constantly plotting against each other. And, you know, with Survivor, like, this person is the reason why this person didn't win a million dollars. So they want to get Tony Vlachos back. And the Housewives are just, like, there to be unified. And I was a dragon and they.
Jeff Lewis
Could give a shit about the money.
Caldwell
Yeah. And I was there from Drag Race, so I hadn't. There was no one else. I don't know why they won't cast more than one Drag Race contestant at a time, but there'll be, like, 19 Survivor people. 87 Love Islands, 99 Big Brothers.
Bob the Drag Queen
That is interesting.
Jeff Lewis
Would you. Would the Drag Queens band. Oh, like a housewife?
Caldwell
No, for sure.
Jeff Lewis
Okay, so there were four Housewives.
Caldwell
They have two Olympic gold medalists this season. That's crazy. I was like, you guys can put two Olympic medalists, but you can't put two drag race girls together.
Jeff Lewis
So were there four Housewives on Traitors?
Bob the Drag Queen
Three.
Caldwell
Dorinda. No, there's more. Dorinda Medley.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah.
Caldwell
Dolores, Ian.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, yeah.
Caldwell
Robin.
Bob the Drag Queen
Ayan was such good.
Caldwell
Maybe it was just four. Yeah, maybe it was just four.
Jeff Lewis
And you. You orchestrated their murders.
Caldwell
Correct. Just two. Just two. I didn't last that long. I was there for only four episodes. So I got rid of Ayan and I got rid of Dorinda.
Jeff Lewis
Did you get Dorinda? You got rid of her?
Caldwell
Like, the first one, she first out, first murdered.
Bob the Drag Queen
That blew my mind kind of.
Caldwell
And Ayan was like. I remember Ayan was like, my son said that I would be dead the first night, and I wanted to show him. And I was like, okay, I'll let you last the second.
Bob the Drag Queen
Crazy.
Caldwell
Crazy. But I let her show her. She showed her son who was a. Who was a Survivor.
Bob the Drag Queen
So true.
Caldwell
There was a moment where she kept being like, everyone is saying, they have survivors. They have survivors. And she goes. Because she had never heard of the show Survivor, she's like, what are they surviving? And she's like, because I survived typhoid fever. She was dead ass. She was like, I survived female genital mutilation, typhoid fever. So what did you survive? And someone's like, I lost 25 pounds. And she's like, this is. This is not surviving. She had never heard of the show.
Jeff Lewis
Survivor, but it shows, really, that, you know, that you can play the game without producer interference. Right. Because I don't think any producer would get rid of Dorinda Medley in the first season. And, you know, a lot of these competition shows, from what I understand, if someone is real good TV or a real good ratings draw, like Dorinda Medley would be, they keep her. But they didn't interfere.
Caldwell
I didn't really. I mean, I don't watch Housewives. I didn't know much about. I didn't know. I didn't know anyone from the house. From the house. From the Castle. Like, I didn't know a single. I had never heard of a single person from that house before I went in there because I don't. I don't really watch any of those shows.
Jeff Lewis
How many enemies do you have now after doing traitors? 3.
Caldwell
You mean from the Castle? Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Like, how many people would not speak.
Caldwell
To you again, I'm pretty cool with everyone. Even. Even Dorinda. Me and Dorinda are cool. We text. We have text. We don't text, but we have text before.
Unknown Female Staffer
So I'm actually pretty sure she's coming back on season four, so she came out. Okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
Of Traitors?
Unknown Female Staffer
Yeah.
Caldwell
Oh, yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
If.
Caldwell
If going back to a job you were fired from is a mark of. It's a mark of, you know, triumph. And, yes, she's doing okay.
Jeff Lewis
And do you like that idea of someone who has been murdered? Right, Tipa.
Unknown Female Staffer
They don't usually do this, but she really didn't get to play the game, and she Is a fan just like.
Caldwell
The same girls who got Just like the same people who were eliminated from the season one and season two. So I don't. I don't get why she came back. To be honest. In my own opinion, I'm like, well, she just didn't. She didn't make it. Like, what of it? That's not you. They brought back what's her name? She made it, like, halfway through. Kate.
Unknown Female Staffer
Kate.
Caldwell
So she made it, like.
Unknown Female Staffer
I mean, just fan favorites, I guess.
Caldwell
I thought she was fine. I don't even think she was that great enough to bring back for a second round. I don't think she was that good. I mean, she was kind of fun tv, but, like, for a whole new season, I don't think I'd bring anybody back. Me either.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like one and done?
Jeff Lewis
I think it depends.
Bob the Drag Queen
You're dead.
Jeff Lewis
Purpose of the game.
Caldwell
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it also. It just. It takes away a lot of the merit of the game. It just seems like if you do a bad job and we just feel bad for you, or we'll just bring you back and we'll just, you know, give you another round. I'm like, if you didn't do a good job, you didn't do a good job. I didn't. I only made it four episodes. I would. I mean, would I have loved to gone back? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe not immediately. I wouldn't have gone back right away.
Unknown Female Staffer
If they called you to go back next season, are you going?
Caldwell
No. I mean, there's like. If there's like an all stars, I don't want to re recompete with brand new crop.
Jeff Lewis
Plus, there's so many people that want to be on that show now.
Caldwell
My best friend's on this season.
Shane Douglas
Who?
Jeff Lewis
Oh, another drag queen, right?
Caldwell
Yeah, that's my best friend.
Jeff Lewis
Really?
Caldwell
Yeah.
Shane Douglas
Wow.
Caldwell
Best friend. Best person I've ever met.
Bob the Drag Queen
Damn, that stings.
Caldwell
She's top 1, 2, and 3.
Jeff Lewis
Really?
Caldwell
Where does Zach fall in, like, 53?
Bob the Drag Queen
That's my.
Caldwell
Are we talking about his age?
Bob the Drag Queen
I got my ass before you could.
Jeff Lewis
You're inviting, let's say, 25 of your closest friends over to the house. Is Zach. Does he make the list?
Caldwell
Oh, Zach's making it. If I'm only inviting, like, I would say five. Zach's making it.
Bob the Drag Queen
That means I'm fifth.
Jeff Lewis
Well, that's. Well, okay. That's a testament.
Bob the Drag Queen
No? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Okay. Cause you guys met. What I had read is you had. Well, we spoke about it, but you had originally met on a Gay cruise. Is that correct?
Caldwell
Yeah. RSVP rip to rsvp. Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Sir.
Jeff Lewis
Now, I wasn't sure how you met, but I got a little more detail. So you both were performing on the cruise, Is that correct? Now, you wasn't your best show from what I heard.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, I told her a joke on.
Jeff Lewis
The first night that did not resonate with the audience to the point where they were calling you a foul mouthed twink.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Caldwell
It was a long time ago.
Jeff Lewis
And they wanted to drown you or.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, throw me over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't like me.
Caldwell
Wow.
Unknown Female Staffer
Were they right in not liking you, or do you stand by it?
Jeff Lewis
Do you look back and think it was a mistake?
Bob the Drag Queen
It was a misstep. Um, but it. I still stand by the joke.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Caldwell
We discussed it on. On my podcast. When you came, when you filled in.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Caldwell
Yeah.
Shane Douglas
Can we hear the joke? Is it a fun brand for Sierra 6M?
Unknown Female Staffer
I don't think so.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, no, I. Probably not. Yeah, I won't do it.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
We have a new brand partner, so I don't want to ruin it for you.
Caldwell
Let's just say it's about the Epstein list. No, I'm kidding.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. No, but it was like, I didn't. I just didn't. Yeah, I didn't think it was an older gay cruise, and all these men had lived through something that I casually made a joke about balding.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, okay.
Unknown Female Staffer
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
So then what did you felt bad for him? Bob?
Caldwell
No, I think I clung to Zach. He had this, like. I mean, Zach is actually a year older than me.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Really?
Caldwell
Wow. Yeah, Zach is a year older than I dragged him.
Bob the Drag Queen
Wow.
Caldwell
But we were both very young on this crowd cruise. It was. It was like a daddy cruise. Like a lot of these. Like, if you were there and you were our age, which was in our late 20s at the time, I think.
Bob the Drag Queen
You looked like a child.
Caldwell
I think I was 28. You were like 29.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Caldwell
If you were our age, you were like, you were chicken. Like, you were like you were the youngest person on the crew and they.
Jeff Lewis
Still didn't want him.
Bob the Drag Queen
Hey, hey. The people who didn't see me perform did.
Caldwell
So we connected and we bonded over our love for Ke$. Of course. Actually, we both are really big Kesha fans. Animals, if you will. And then we just kind of bundled over that, and then we just. I don't know, we just hit it off. We just really, really hit it off.
Jeff Lewis
So it wasn't a situation where you went up to him and be like, hey, man, I'm really sorry. You just bombed and.
Caldwell
No, I thought I. No, we just bonded in general. I mean, I will say I was the toast of the ship.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, Bob was celebrity on the ship. It was so popular that they added. They added a third solo show that was standing room only.
Jeff Lewis
Pre drag.
Caldwell
Yeah, Pre Drag Race.
Jeff Lewis
How did they know you?
Caldwell
No, I mean, I had been booked just from. As a local talent. Okay. So I was doing drag, but it was pre drag Race. I had been booked as a local talent. Someone came to see me perform at a bar I was at and I was. I will say I was. You were working her like a dog. Like an actual house.
Bob the Drag Queen
So hosted all the standup shows and.
Jeff Lewis
There were two per night, so you're probably really funny.
Caldwell
I did. I'm pretty funny. Yeah, I'm pretty funny.
Jeff Lewis
I did perform again that week.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, they did, Jeff.
Caldwell
Oh, okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
I just omitted that joke.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
And everyone's been doing. Okay.
Jeff Lewis
Did they move you to like a later show, like 2:00am no, they just.
Bob the Drag Queen
Want you back on stage.
Caldwell
Yeah. When the show stops during the party. But no. So I ended up doing like, I think I ended up doing 13 shows on a five. On like a seven day cruise.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six night cruise.
Jeff Lewis
And you had one?
Bob the Drag Queen
No, I had like four.
Caldwell
Four? Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Okay, you did four. So now you believe in Zach's talent.
Caldwell
Yeah, Zach's really, really funny.
Jeff Lewis
And you are producing his special. Your production company.
Caldwell
Yes, Zach has a special coming up. Have you announced the name of it yet? Is it.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, yeah, we can call it. It's called.
Caldwell
Yeah, so love.
Jeff Lewis
That makes sense.
Caldwell
I mean.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay, bitch.
Caldwell
I mean, I've been a fan of Zach. Zach is actually like my first LA friend. Like the first person I know to like, actually take me around la. I remember we went to a thrift shop when we first got here.
Bob the Drag Queen
You were here shooting the movie Cherry Pop. Yeah, the movie.
Caldwell
Yeah, I had just. I was shooting a movie called Cherry Pop that's I think now, which is great.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah, it's a drag movie.
Caldwell
You remember when gay movies were, like, so camp and like whenever, like, girls would be girls and just these kind of like gay movies that you don't get anymore. Now gay. I feel like something happened around, like, I don't know, I'm gonna say around Brokeback Mountain where gay movies reached this level.
Unknown Female Staffer
They're for straight people now. Like, gay movies are for straight people to watch. Like, there's like, there's no gay shows for gay people.
Jeff Lewis
Also, not every gay stuff. Not every gay guy is really over the top, campy dresses in drag. You know what I mean?
Caldwell
There's like everyone in this room. Not that this is any representation of that.
Jeff Lewis
Um, but I do want to go back to Zach's special. What is taking so long to edit it?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, now it's officially in front of the streamers. My manager took it out to the streamers and we're just waiting to get feedback. And if there's. If it's no's across the board, it'll premiere on Bob's YouTube channel, Purse First Productions, very soon, I imagine.
Caldwell
Which I would say too, like, it is really, really funny. I mean, Zach is. I say that Zach is like a. Is like a comedy la socialite. Like everyone, everyone in the business knows Zach. Everyone respects Zach's talent. Zach is just like a no brainer if you get a chance to go see Zach. And it pains me to say nice things about Zach.
Bob the Drag Queen
I know.
Jeff Lewis
Did you have to use a laugh track?
Caldwell
No, we did the real thing. The real. The old fashioned humor.
Jeff Lewis
So it must have been a tough edit.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, my God. Just because you didn't laugh doesn't mean everyone else didn't laugh.
Caldwell
You didn't laugh at Zach's comedy.
Unknown Female Staffer
You weren't there.
Caldwell
Oh, that's right, you were there.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'd catch eyes with Jeff and he'd just be smiling.
Jeff Lewis
I. I liked it. I told you I liked it.
Bob the Drag Queen
I know, I know that meant a lot when you texted me after and I also.
Jeff Lewis
But I've seen you more than once.
Unknown Female Staffer
We saw him all over the place.
Bob the Drag Queen
You saw me open for Fortune, which is when you fell in love.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, I thought you were great. Opening for Fortune.
Caldwell
Yeah, me and Zach and Fortune were just at this like Hollywood party and it was insane.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was for Brittney Broski. Do you know that name?
Jeff Lewis
No.
Bob the Drag Queen
You should have her on.
Caldwell
She's a massive youtuber.
Bob the Drag Queen
Huge.
Jeff Lewis
Did you use the same material when you opened up for Fortune as you did your special?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, all that material was in my special.
Caldwell
You got to burn it.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
I also think what I'm going to tell you, which I think you should consider doing down the line.
Caldwell
Comedians love this.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
It has nothing to do with this comedy.
Caldwell
Okay, here we go.
Jeff Lewis
I think you are a good. I think you can procure talent. Like I think the way you curate talent because you did something that I loved. And actually I think there was four or five comedians. What was that? We went to Shane, where you were on. Maybe you were hosting.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, my After Hours live at Netflix. Ms. Pat.
Unknown Female Staffer
Oh, you saw yes.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, that's when I was introduced to.
Bob the Drag Queen
Ms. Pat Sky Branham.
Caldwell
You have Ms. Pat?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah. So I feel like you are. You surround yourself by very talented, funny people as well.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
I think he's a socialite.
Caldwell
I'm telling you. Comedy socialite.
Jeff Lewis
Maybe you should produce your own special.
Caldwell
We had our own show that we used to do over.
Jeff Lewis
Do you have a laugh track we could lend him?
Caldwell
We had our own show over at Beaches. Drop a cannon. I saw that Zach would help with the crowd.
Jeff Lewis
I think we want a. Do we want a really over the top crowd reaction or something more subtle?
Unknown Female Staffer
I want like full house.
Bob the Drag Queen
The over the top is probably more accurate to what I elicit.
Jeff Lewis
Is it? Because that's not the show.
Caldwell
I was at least the cruise more like.
Jeff Lewis
Mm.
Bob the Drag Queen
The cruise was the sound of people getting up and walking out.
Jeff Lewis
Did you hear the chairs, like, falling?
Caldwell
It was worse. There were groans.
Bob the Drag Queen
I saw this. And you don't understand. These were elderly men. They needed help getting out of the.
Jeff Lewis
Room to walk out.
Caldwell
They were in, like their early 30s.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was a bunch of Jeff and Shane's helping them out.
Caldwell
But like, he told they'd be like, ugh. And then like, Mutter's like, I don't know.
Bob the Drag Queen
I get it. We got a buffet and they left.
Caldwell
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Holy shit.
Shane Douglas
I've got a few options for you.
Bob the Drag Queen
There's a real good job.
Caldwell
That's a witch. That's. That's a. That's a. That's Dracula.
Shane Douglas
Black.
Caldwell
So we have creepy witch vampire and creepy clown.
Jeff Lewis
No, that was Leah black.
Unknown Female Staffer
Oh. Oh, he hates by it. She was a housewife.
Jeff Lewis
Housewife.
Caldwell
I don't watch housewives.
Jeff Lewis
She hates you too.
Caldwell
When I tell you, I. When I tell you I don't. The only housewives I know are, like, the really famous ones, like Nene Leakes.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Caldwell
Phaedra. Phaedra. Bethenny Frankel, Teresa Giudice. And those are the only ones I know. And maybe a couple more for Sheena. No.
Jeff Lewis
What's her last name?
Caldwell
Oh, well, I got into a fight with one of them from Beverly Hills. Who's the one who drinks a lot? The one.
Unknown Female Staffer
Blm. Washington's fa.
Caldwell
Brandi Glanville. Years ago, me and Brandi Glanville got into a big fight at my show.
Jeff Lewis
I think she's fought with everyone.
Unknown Female Staffer
She threw a Jeff on a drink on Jeff and watch Robbins live. It was iconic.
Caldwell
Why? What did you say to her?
Jeff Lewis
Oh, I just made a joke about an STD that she.
Bob the Drag Queen
There it is.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, I like this.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's a Zach Noitower special if I ever heard one.
Jeff Lewis
I like that. Can we use that on this show?
Caldwell
We'll see what we got.
Bob the Drag Queen
He said, we can try.
Caldwell
Yeah. Me and Brandy got into a massive fight at Barracuda in, like, the early, early 20 teens. And she came into the bar, like, wasted. And I was like. I happened to be talking about plastic surgery when she walked in. Bear in mind, I had never watched her show. I don't even know who she is, but the audience is, like, reacting. So I'm like, who's this lady? And she walks in, and she walks right onto the stage.
Jeff Lewis
What?
Caldwell
Like, onto the stage? And I was remembering, like, okay, who is this woman? We're standing there toe to toe, like, you know, tits, the eyes. And she's like, what were you saying about plastic surgery? And I was like, well, you seem to have a lot of expertise. Do you wanna say anything? And she was like, well, maybe what I would say is about that hair on your neck. And then I said, well, then maybe we can say something about the varicose veins on your tits. And then she got really mad and she stormed off stage. And she went to the manager and she was like, I'm not leaving here until that drag queen apologizes to me. And he was like, well, you better camp out. Cause I don't think she's gonna. He's like, you wanna drink?
Jeff Lewis
Well, I'm trying to lose a few pounds, Bob, for Bravocon this weekend, which is tomorrow. I have 24 hours. But I've been asking the listeners to please DM me and just, you know, just a gentle support of staying. Staying true to my diet. Okay, my diet is not eating, so. But they're starting to get aggressive.
Caldwell
I say, when did they kick in?
Jeff Lewis
I mean, they started calling me fat fuck, but that's fine.
Unknown Male Staffer
But because it's true.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, but then today. Oh, my God, today I got one. Hey, fat. Make everyone chuckle. Keep shoving those salty. Make you swell caviar bagels in your big mouth. Yummy, yummy for your jiggly tummy. Idiot.
Bob the Drag Queen
That was almost like a haiku.
Caldwell
Walt Whitman could never, not on his best day, could he have written that.
Jeff Lewis
They're getting very confident, creative.
Caldwell
My favorite. My favorite read ever was when. When Wendy William. Wendy Williams says she's a. Called Wendy Williams, they call her Wendy Williams. Wendy Williams is a fat whale.
Jeff Lewis
Zacky, are you still looking for condos?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, I looked at one yesterday.
Caldwell
You're moving?
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Caldwell
You can't leave that place.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, no.
Jeff Lewis
It's time.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm just looking to see if I could buy something.
Jeff Lewis
You can buy something.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thank you.
Caldwell
But you have to keep that place or something. That place is, like, iconic.
Bob the Drag Queen
I know. It is.
Jeff Lewis
Time to move on. You know, Zach saved a lot of money. Did he tell you?
Bob the Drag Queen
Zach, I've been saving.
Unknown Female Staffer
You dropped his hands.
Caldwell
Congratulations.
Bob the Drag Queen
Thanks.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, he's a saver.
Bob the Drag Queen
It's so funny. I'm in, like, someone said, golden handcuffs because my rent is so cheap in this, like, two bedroom, one bath in West Hollywood.
Jeff Lewis
How much is it again?
Bob the Drag Queen
1930.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Unknown Female Staffer
Wow.
Bob the Drag Queen
Very cheap.
Caldwell
And for the record, it's 2025. If you're listening to this in the future, that matters. It was like in 1993. That's not a big deal.
Jeff Lewis
Did you already talk to a mortgage broker about your payment and everything?
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, no.
Jeff Lewis
Is it gonna be like three grand?
Shane Douglas
No.
Jeff Lewis
Three grand?
Bob the Drag Queen
Really? Yeah, but then you're gonna get hoa.
Jeff Lewis
But you can write off the HOA to four, probably.
Caldwell
What's the budge?
Jeff Lewis
But you can write out.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm looking at like 600.
Caldwell
I don't think it'll be four.
Bob the Drag Queen
Really?
Jeff Lewis
No, it'll be no with association, taxes, insurance.
Caldwell
No, it won't be four.
Unknown Female Staffer
I just did this and like, my mortgage is four. You probably.
Bob the Drag Queen
You put a bunch down.
Jeff Lewis
I bet probably a 2 1/2% interest rate.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know what's so crazy is I'll never forget when Bob was about to get his place, they, like, pulled some shenanigans last minute. And you were like, I'm gonna like, get $90,000 this weekend. And you did like three random gigs to get like an extra $90,000 to throw at this. Like, I was like, book it.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, I worked for a celebrity, pretty big celebrity.
Caldwell
But we can't say their names. No, but it rhymes with okay, what industry were they in?
Jeff Lewis
But what she did is, okay, we.
Caldwell
Gotta have this woman.
Bob the Drag Queen
She got Michelle Obama.
Jeff Lewis
She got motivated to again. It was a similar situation where she wanted to purchase something and she just did a couple of those autograph conventions and wow. I mean, like 150 grand in no time.
Caldwell
What if she want to buy like a small child? Like, what was she buying?
Jeff Lewis
I think honestly, she already owned the house. She was doing a rebottle with me. And of course I went over budget, of course. So she's like, fuck.
Caldwell
I'm telling her right now, never trust more money. I got to say, if there are layers of hell, I think like in the deepest pit is like, like, like child Predators. And then, like, people who beat their partners outside of that, then designers right past that is gonna be like, contractors.
Jeff Lewis
Yes.
Caldwell
I mean, interior designers. People like contractors. You guys lie.
Jeff Lewis
We don't lie.
Caldwell
No, we don't.
Jeff Lewis
I'm gonna tell you what happens.
Caldwell
But, you know, when you have $40,000.
Bob the Drag Queen
It ends up being $86,000.
Jeff Lewis
I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen. They say, we've got $100,000 to spend on this kitchen. I said, okay. And then you start showing them. Sorry. These are the slabs we can buy based on your budget. These are the cabinets we can get based on your budget. Okay, well, we really like this cabinet. Well, that cabinet's gonna be another $25,000. You're in control, Bob, do you want to go with. If you can either increase your budget and get the cabinets you want and the countertops you want, or you can stick to your budget and get something that you're not gonna love.
Caldwell
I feel like we're being gaslit because all of us have had a bad deal with the all of us contracts. Like, it's gonna be $3 in two days, eight years later.
Jeff Lewis
Now, that I don't lie about. I don't lie about time frame. They're like, when's it gonna be done? I'm like, I don't know. I have no idea.
Caldwell
When will I have access to my home? You'll get it when you get it.
Bob the Drag Queen
How about that?
Jeff Lewis
But there's somebody right now who's already pushing me. I told you I needed to be in by March. Yeah, she keeps adding things she wants.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, that's crazy.
Jeff Lewis
She keeps adding things, and it's like, I already know what's gonna happen come February. You told me that was ready for March. Yes, but you. What'd you think? What'd you think was gonna happen?
Caldwell
You gotta be magical. But I could never be a contractor. And, you know, I made a mistake one time when I was redoing my mom's home in Atlanta and another contractor. I told them what I did, and they were like, you did what? I was like, yeah, I just paid the contractor in full. They were like, what?
Jeff Lewis
Oh, my God.
Caldwell
This is the same reaction.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, my God. You'll never see him again.
Caldwell
I was like, what? I just wanted him to trust me. And she was. She was like, no. He was like, you will never see this guy ever again. He will work at his own pace. Yeah. Why would you give him all.
Jeff Lewis
I was like, just gave him all the control.
Caldwell
I was like, what do you mean?
Jeff Lewis
I mean, look, he's probably gonna finish, but it's gonna be on his schedule, and then he's gonna put everyone else in front of you and it.
Caldwell
And he did.
Jeff Lewis
Well, see you next Tuesday. You know, we'll be back next Tuesday, if you're lucky.
Caldwell
Exactly what happened, by the way.
Jeff Lewis
Yes, of course.
Caldwell
But we.
Jeff Lewis
So we have this new client in Sherman Oaks, and he's a very, very, very famous comedian. You guys would know him, but I don't think he wants me to talk about him. But he has. Where's he from?
Caldwell
You have to tell me off air, though.
Unknown Female Staffer
Yeah, well, Brooklyn.
Jeff Lewis
Brooklyn. He's got a real strong accent, and it fucking makes me laugh. Chris DiStefano, the way he talks.
Caldwell
Chris.
Jeff Lewis
So yesterday I got on the phone with him, he and his wife, and she's like, I want heated floors and I want heated towel racks. And what was he saying yesterday?
Unknown Female Staffer
It was like, I don't want the heated towel racks. You touch it and you burn your finger.
Shane Douglas
And.
Jeff Lewis
But he goes, but. But I like. I like the heated floors.
Unknown Female Staffer
I love the heated floors.
Jeff Lewis
I don't want to put a towel down You.
Unknown Female Staffer
You step off and it's hot, and I don't even have to dry my feet. It's so nice.
Jeff Lewis
But he's like. But he goes, here's the problem, because I know you. I know you guys. You do one bathroom, and then all. You got to redo all the other bathrooms. And I go. And he's like, listen over here. Listen over here.
Caldwell
Listen over here.
Jeff Lewis
I love the way he talks. I just laugh the entire time.
Caldwell
I mean, understand, I'm obsessed with the accents. My best friend has a slight Caribbean accent and a New York accent. So she says things like, instead of here, she says hair. Instead of earrings, she says earrings. That's like the. The. The Caribbean accent coming out, and it just really tickles me every time. She goes, well. She goes like, well, I have, like a. I can't. I can't hear how much hair I have.
Jeff Lewis
I can't.
Caldwell
Or I can't hair because my hair is in my. I can't hair because my hair is covering my ears. And I'm like. I can't even decipher what you're saying right now.
Jeff Lewis
You both have met. I know you've met a lot of famous people. And it's interesting when you have this idea of someone. I mean, this guy's like a tough guy, right? But he's so. Just in the couple interactions we've had so far, he's so sweet and warm. And the way he talks about his kids is so endearing. And it's just like, this is not at all, like, if you look at his act and all this, like, this is not at all who I thought you were.
Unknown Female Staffer
It's also what you.
Jeff Lewis
It's like a pleasant surprise.
Unknown Female Staffer
It's like what you do. You're in their homes. Like, it couldn't be more intimate. He's planning, like, his closet for his wife, fiance and his wife. Like, you know, it's like, it's a.
Jeff Lewis
Soft side, but based on this guy's Persona, you wouldn't think, like, he's. He adores his wife, speaks to her so nicely, like, whatever she wants. Whatever. He just is so sweet. Like, and this is not his Persona.
Shane Douglas
Do you think this is a little what people think of you, like, when they see you with Monroe?
Caldwell
What?
Unknown Female Staffer
Wow.
Caldwell
Wow.
Shane Douglas
I felt that way. Like, when I see you with Monroe. It's so sweet.
Caldwell
I'm like, I think he actually adores that. He just treats Zach like trash on the air, but he actually loves and adores Zach, so.
Bob the Drag Queen
Facts. Thank you. Thank you, twin.
Jeff Lewis
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Caldwell
I thought you were going to talk about my studio. I just got. Yeah, years ago. Years ago I had an idea that I was going to own a vending machine with my best friend at the time, Michelle. Shout out to Michelle Roberts.
Jeff Lewis
Where is Michelle Rank right now?
Caldwell
She is Michelle six, seven, eight. Michelle's in the top 15 right now. Fine I mean, we don't. She lives. She's a lawyer in Norway now.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, oh, I see.
Caldwell
Norwegian lawyer now. But at the time, she was my number one and I convinced her to buy a vending machine with me. And the crazy part is actually I couldn't get into my apartment cause I lived in a walk up. So I had to have it delivered to a friend's home with an elevator. And then my friend. Jeff. Jeff, I owe you an apology. If by any chance you're listening. Jeff, Jeffrey, if you're listening, I owe you an apology. He's a Jeffrey, not a Jeff. I set the vending machine up. I set it up in his living room, left it there. And then I put his passport in the machine. I found his pass. It was like sitting on his nightstand. And I put his passport in the machine. Cause I thought it'd be funny when he came home and his passport was in the machine.
Bob the Drag Queen
Wow.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Caldwell
It only costs a dollar to get it back. I taped the dollar to the machine to be fair.
Jeff Lewis
I think that's funny.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
So then where did you end up ultimately? Well, first of all, how much did you pay for the vending machine?
Caldwell
I believe this was like 2010. So it might have been like $3,000, maybe $2,500. That sounds familiar in my head.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Caldwell
And we. So it was in my friend's living room for two months because I couldn't.
Shane Douglas
Make a lot of money.
Caldwell
Let me tell you right now. Yes, I put it. I kept going back, putting his toothbrush in, his house keys in. Because the vending machine business is kind of like the mafia. It's like drug turf. Like, get off my turf. Like, you can't put your vending machine here. Hey, buddy, you can't put your fucking vending machine over here. This is my block.
Jeff Lewis
Listen over here, Get.
Caldwell
Hey, listen over here. Get off my fucking block, buddy. You know what I mean? So I finally found an apartment complex in Brownsville. Brownsville, Brooklyn. And then we put it down there and I went and filled it up one time and I never saw that machine again. I just left it.
Jeff Lewis
First of all, what kind of snacks did you put in?
Caldwell
We put in like potato chips, M&MS. Skittles, typical, like snacks that kids would like. But they put the vending machine in the leasing office, which means it closed at like 5:00'.
Bob the Drag Queen
Clock.
Caldwell
I'm like, I want 24 hour access. They're like, they were like, no, no, no. This is Brownsville, Brooklyn. You do not want anyone to have 24 hour access. To your vending machine in Brownsville. It will get robbed. They'll break your machine and take your candy. And I was like, okay. I guess you guys, you know the area better than I do. I was new to New York City, and I just got sick of going.
Bob the Drag Queen
Back for, like, the one time.
Jeff Lewis
The one time you had to go back once? And what?
Unknown Male Staffer
Did you ever get the money out of it?
Caldwell
Yeah, I got money. I think I made, like, 40 bucks.
Unknown Female Staffer
What?
Caldwell
Yeah, like, 40 bucks off of it. And I was like, this is. This is not good. And I just left it.
Bob the Drag Queen
I just.
Caldwell
I just gave the lady behind the counter the keys. I said, listen, why don't you just hang on to this, and if I ever need it, I'll come back. And I just never.
Jeff Lewis
Let's go back and get it.
Caldwell
I probably should at this point. I mean, I can't remember what we.
Jeff Lewis
Could put it at. Serious.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, we have free snacks.
Jeff Lewis
Oh. The problem is there's nobody here either.
Unknown Female Staffer
And the snacks are free.
Unknown Male Staffer
And then we could only put brown sugar pop tarts in it so we get all Jeff's money.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, that'd be cute.
Caldwell
You like? That's your pop tart choice.
Jeff Lewis
Yep.
Caldwell
I respect it.
Jeff Lewis
Thank you.
Bob the Drag Queen
What's yours?
Caldwell
I'm classic. Strawberries, strawberry frosted. You know what I'm not gonna respect ever, unfortunately?
Shane Douglas
Oreos.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, same.
Caldwell
If you eat Oreo pop tarts, you got a problem.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, they're Oreo pop Tarts.
Jeff Lewis
I respect the strawberry. That's my second favorite one.
Bob the Drag Queen
What about blueberry? Blueberry is good.
Jeff Lewis
No cinnamon bread.
Caldwell
I respect blueberry. I respect blueberry.
Bob the Drag Queen
Have you heard of antioxidants, anybody?
Caldwell
But. I did. But I will tell you this. I was. I was just telling them when you went to the bathroom, we were talking about you behind your back. I did, actually.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, we were talking behind your back in the bathroom. Funny.
Caldwell
I did, so. I actually have a studio, and Zach is always in my studio. I just love this little man.
Bob the Drag Queen
You almost said something mean, I think.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, we were gonna say twink, but since you turned 40, we can't say twink anymore.
Caldwell
I had to stop myself and say something nice. Actually, Zach, I was by. But I just got a studio space across. I just expanded my studio space, and I actually now own a studio that rents to the housewives. How ironic is that?
Jeff Lewis
We could put the vending machine in the studio.
Unknown Female Staffer
They don't eat. The housewives. They don't eat.
Caldwell
We'll put Botox in it.
Unknown Female Staffer
Yeah, we'll put Restylane, Ozempic.
Caldwell
Yeah, put restylane, Ozempic and silicone. And baby, I just don't understand.
Jeff Lewis
If you made $40, was that for one week?
Caldwell
It was like two weeks. Cause I was still working as a full time waiter and I was doing. I was like breaking into stand up at the time. So I didn't really have. And like it was like I had to go on the train. Like, I didn't have a car. So I'm on the train with like a suitcase full of snacks. And then I also kept.
Bob the Drag Queen
Not much has changed.
Caldwell
And then also the snacks. All right, not too much, not too much. Ginger.
Jeff Lewis
We need this every time Zach's on.
Caldwell
And then I started also eating the snacks in my house. Oh, you were.
Jeff Lewis
See, that's what I would do.
Caldwell
I was getting high on my own supply.
Jeff Lewis
That's what I would do. And even if I left them in the car, I'd probably go out there at midnight and open up that trunk.
Caldwell
Absolutely.
Jeff Lewis
Especially if it's pop tarts in there.
Caldwell
I just bought this. These snacks that I don't recommend you buy. Cause to me they're so addictive. It is freeze dried Fruit roll ups.
Bob the Drag Queen
That makes them crunchy though, right?
Caldwell
And baby, when I tell. Yes, it does. And it's worth it. And they are crunchy and they're so delicious. And I bought a full and I was like, I'm just gonna have. These are gonna last me a couple of days.
Bob the Drag Queen
One day.
Caldwell
Not a day. Yeah, I wish. Three hours max.
Bob the Drag Queen
What? Fruit Roll up. You're gonna roll it up into a ball and suck on the ball.
Caldwell
Suck.
Jeff Lewis
Who wants a fruit Roll up? Nobody's good.
Bob the Drag Queen
Tropical fruit Roll up.
Caldwell
Yeah, not since I played.
Jeff Lewis
I wonder if we could make money with a vending machine.
Unknown Female Staffer
Where would we locate it?
Caldwell
I don't know.
Jeff Lewis
I got to figure out where.
Caldwell
There's a lot of traffic, hard to place.
Unknown Male Staffer
I know someone who supports his whole life doing like, he has like 30 vending machines.
Caldwell
And really he. He's one of the mafia bosses and you can't get on his turf.
Unknown Male Staffer
He is. He has like employees that go fill it up and collect the money.
Unknown Female Staffer
And that was my thing.
Caldwell
That was my plan. I will tell you, to quote Oprah Winfrey in the Color Purple, don't trade places with what I've been through. It is not worth it. Do not get into the vending machine business. It is hard to get into. And this, this, this gentleman, she knows, he's probably been in the business for a hot minute.
Jeff Lewis
I'm an expert on snacks. I think we just need to find the right location.
Unknown Female Staffer
You'd be great.
Shane Douglas
My father was a teacher, and as a side hustle, he would manage the vending machines at the school. So he'd always bring home the change and the singles. So me and my brothers, one of our chores was to sort the change, like, this vibrating machine and, you know, like, come down this machine, and we have to put them in the sleeves. That was part of our chores.
Caldwell
What did your dad teach?
Shane Douglas
He taught math.
Caldwell
And did you go to his school? No, because that'd be weird, right?
Shane Douglas
Yeah. No.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, we need a school for that vending machine. We'll put everything in like peanuts.
Caldwell
Oh, no. Schools is the hardest place to get approved or something. No, because the first thing they hit up.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, sure.
Caldwell
No, not like these vending machine places. The first place they're going is schools. Rec centers. You want to be where children are. I want to be where the children are. You go where the kids are because they're going to spend the money. Kids want snacks more than they want their next breath.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, it's in their price range, too.
Caldwell
So you kids.
Jeff Lewis
One at the park.
Caldwell
Yeah. Kids at the heart outside.
Bob the Drag Queen
Busted, I bet.
Caldwell
Oh, they'll break.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, they'll break into it.
Bob the Drag Queen
Have you ever been to a hotel where they have, like, bottles of champagne in, like, vending machines?
Jeff Lewis
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Maybe you do an elevated one with, like, caviar.
Jeff Lewis
Meredith Marks caviar.
Bob the Drag Queen
There you go.
Caldwell
If you really want. If you really want. If you really want the money, I think what you got to do is go to some sort of a hipster cool area, put vapes in the machine. These vape crackheads go crazy.
Jeff Lewis
Crack.
Unknown Male Staffer
Put it in the.
Bob the Drag Queen
Crack in it.
Jeff Lewis
That's what we.
Bob the Drag Queen
A crack vending machine crack. Pipes drop and just shatter every time.
Caldwell
I'm glad we troubleshot this.
Jeff Lewis
Now is it. I think it's a good business plan. Now, is it true that you needed a tooth pulled and you looked up the dentist on Google?
Caldwell
Yeah, that is true.
Jeff Lewis
So explain what happened.
Caldwell
So I had a wisdom tooth emergency. While I was traveling. My wisdom teeth were coming in. They were fully impacted. And if you ever had the experience, you basically, you're just chewing on your gum all day. You have to, like, keep your mouth slightly open.
Bob the Drag Queen
I didn't know that was that.
Caldwell
Yeah, you're. Because they're. When they're impacted, your teeth are supposed to grow up, but then they kind of grow, like, sideways, but it's pushing your gums up so your teeth can actually breach. They're kind of, like, breaching the gum a little bit. And it's just like. You're just chewing on your gum all day. It's really, really painful. And it was just really. I was just, like, so fucked up. So I just looked up a dentist on Google and I was like, I need this done, like, today.
Jeff Lewis
But you're do surgery today.
Caldwell
But I didn't know. I didn't know the time that you needed a. You need an oral surgeon. Dentists don't pull wisdom teeth. Oral. I did not know this at the time. And this is going to make any crazy. I want to be very clear that when I did this, this was years ago. I've already addressed going to this place. And I would. I'm not going to this place again. But I was in Israel.
Bob the Drag Queen
Whoa.
Caldwell
I was doing a show in Tel Aviv. Not that I would ever do that again today. I didn't know then what I know now, but I was in Tel Aviv, and I looked at this place to go get my teeth done, and I was this. I met this, like, lady. This, like, lady at a doctor's office. And then she walked me to an apartment building.
Jeff Lewis
No.
Caldwell
And then there was just a dentist chair in the living room on the first floor of this apartment building. And I was in the chair, and she's pulling out her syringes and stuff and her tools, and I was like. I remember, like, panicking. I almost started crying, and I was like, I have to get out of this country. I have to get out of this dentist chair. I have to get out of here. Like, I was like, I'm gonna be trafficked.
Unknown Female Staffer
Had you taken sedatives or anything?
Caldwell
No, I hadn't. I had taken a walk. I took a walk, and I was like, I have to get out of here. So. And then I had to, like, find my way back. I'm in a foreign country. It was crazy. So one of the many reasons you probably shouldn't go to Israel.
Jeff Lewis
So then you. You got home and then hired a oral surgeon to remove your wisdom, too.
Caldwell
Yeah. In the West Village, a nice gentleman did my.
Jeff Lewis
And it was.
Caldwell
He was handsome. My God. My oral surgeon was handsome.
Jeff Lewis
And it was in an office, not in a part. In the living room of an apartment.
Caldwell
Yes, it was in a beautiful apartment in the West Village.
Jeff Lewis
How long did it take for you once you. Did you actually sit down in the dental chair in the apartment?
Caldwell
Yeah, I sat down.
Jeff Lewis
How long did it take for you to realize, like, I'm uncomfortable here and I'm gonna leave?
Caldwell
I think that I was immediately uncomfortable. And I. As I also. There was no one around to help. She didn't have an assistant. Crazy. It was just a studio apartment, basically. And I think I might have been there for maybe 15 minutes before I left.
Jeff Lewis
Was it, I would say, nicer than Zach's apartment?
Caldwell
Hey, not even close.
Bob the Drag Queen
Did it have a vending machine?
Jeff Lewis
I love how you bought. You bought a house and a studio, and then. Yes. You want Zach to stay in that little apartment.
Caldwell
It's cute.
Unknown Female Staffer
He wants to keep his friends small.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, he sure does. He doesn't want anything nicer for his friends.
Unknown Female Staffer
I just expanded my size.
Caldwell
Well, how much larger are you?
Bob the Drag Queen
You make it sound like I live in a fucking shed.
Caldwell
Like. Like you're the little lady who lives in the shoe.
Jeff Lewis
I think that. I think the apartment is cute on the inside. The building on the outside is not awful. Yeah, I mean, it's a decent location.
Caldwell
Louisiana has two, three kind of apartments. The high rise buildings, which aren't a ton of. And then it has like the. The. The. They're like low rises, but they kind of look like high rise, but they're just low. And then you have these ones where, like, you walk out your front door and you're outside.
Jeff Lewis
Right.
Caldwell
And Zach. And it's like a. I think it's like a nice area. The neighbors talk to each other.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Caldwell
They're all like, zach.
Bob the Drag Queen
And the courtyard's cute. It's like, very green.
Shane Douglas
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
If you want me to move in with you, I'll move in with you.
Jeff Lewis
No, those feeds are very green.
Caldwell
Do you have. Do you have a. Do you have a guest home?
Jeff Lewis
I don't have a guest house. Well, I honestly. Look, I applaud you for living below your means for so long, saving a very good chunk of money for a down payment, because that's. That's the. You know, a lot of people we know have a good income, but they don't have the money for the down. So you have to sacrifice for a while to get the money for the down. You've done that.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
So now it's time to make the move.
Caldwell
Wow. Are you gonna hire Jeff to remodel?
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't think I can afford Jeff.
Jeff Lewis
Well, here's the thing. He'll pay 6 for the condo and 800 to remodel.
Caldwell
You don't have, like, a friend thing you do for friends?
Jeff Lewis
Fuck no.
Caldwell
Oh, my God.
Jeff Lewis
I mean, I'd come over and give him advice. I'm not doing the work for him. And maybe if he needed somebody like an electrician? Sure. I'd give him the number.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, my God. Thank you.
Caldwell
Not all heroes wear capes.
Bob the Drag Queen
I could be indebted to you. I could do this for free. I could be your little psych here for free or something.
Unknown Female Staffer
That position's taken.
Caldwell
Watch it, queen. Watch it.
Jeff Lewis
And we're gonna spend a lot more than $500 every two weeks. Yeah, maybe we're not doing an even, even trade now. I will say, although you need more product in your hair. It is really, really grown in. Yeah, it is.
Bob the Drag Queen
I know Jeff. The first thing Jeff said to me, we shared an elevator. And he goes, your hair looks like a wig today.
Jeff Lewis
I said, you look like a golden girl.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay, thanks for the clarification.
Caldwell
Which is an accom, considering that Zach has been struggling to grow hair and got this hair transplant. I'm also one of these people. I just got a hair transplant, too.
Jeff Lewis
Yes, I was gonna ask you about that.
Caldwell
So going from looking like you have no hair to having to looking like you're wearing a wig.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, that's a good problem.
Jeff Lewis
I feel like you're overcompensating now. Like, I want my hair as big and fluffy as possible, and you've achieved that this morning, but I do really. It was effective, that transplant.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
And you went all the way to Korea.
Bob the Drag Queen
I went to South Korea.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Caldwell
Thank you for clearing that up. Well, thank you for clearing up. Wish Korea.
Bob the Drag Queen
You made me go to North Korea. They don't let me leave.
Caldwell
That's.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, you're going to prison.
Bob the Drag Queen
My God, you're going to prison. I cannot believe that just happened.
Caldwell
You're going to.
Jeff Lewis
Did you play that on the game?
Bob the Drag Queen
It also didn't feel Korean, if I'm being honest.
Caldwell
It wasn't Korean.
Unknown Female Staffer
Play some K pop.
Caldwell
It wasn't Korean. I do want to say, when I got here today, there was like. There was like a meeting going on apparently, or something with Staples. And I went. And I went into. I went into the conference room, and when I went in the conference room, your Jameson, your redhead staffer here, came in and was like. And just like, don't be loud. And I was like. And I was like, I just want to know, did you say that before the black guy came in or did the black guy should be like. And don't be all like. And he did, like, in his neck like this.
Jeff Lewis
That's what he does. That's what he does.
Ad Reading Voice
I don't like.
Shane Douglas
No, no, no. I just imagined you two seeing each other and being so excited to see each other and Zach already knew that.
Jeff Lewis
He's turning red.
Caldwell
Zach knew that you called him out. He was like, don't be loud. I remember saying, oh, oh, he's a.
Jeff Lewis
Gay with a clipboard.
Caldwell
I said, that's crazy. That was crazy. And then he left. Was like, you know how you all get? You have it recorded. You can't deny. I. I record every. I've learned the way of Jeff. I record every interaction. We got Matcha girl over here lying about the matcha. She got me last time and now I got you. I'm taking this whole fucking staff down.
Jeff Lewis
Yep, yep. Your next twink. No, it is definitely something he would say.
Shane Douglas
Oh, as if. Yeah, right.
Jeff Lewis
And by the way, so Miranda Mayday is next. She has an issue with him too, because you went off on her the last time about the mic chord.
Shane Douglas
Well, I. I had noticed Miranda putting on the headset. And like, this happens almost every day. People look and they're trying to figure out which way the chord should be. I think the chord should be on the right. That it would. Right justify for me, however, on the left. No, no, no. But the way it's designed, it's on the left. But I would think all chords would be on the right.
Bob the Drag Queen
Right.
Shane Douglas
You would justify to the right. Where in a.
Unknown Male Staffer
So you're.
Caldwell
You lean right.
Unknown Male Staffer
Why the right?
Bob the Drag Queen
I always think left.
Shane Douglas
Like, you stay to the right. You read from left to the right.
Caldwell
So you lean right.
Jeff Lewis
But why do you give a shit where people have their chords?
Shane Douglas
I was looking at it and I was like, oh, the chord's on the left. That' design of these headphones, which I think is wrong, but whatever.
Caldwell
But you.
Jeff Lewis
Okay, so.
Shane Douglas
And then she's like, I know, I've been here before. Yeah. And that's fine. That's happened to me more than once here. I was trying to help, and no good deed goes on, but.
Jeff Lewis
Whole thing is, you're bossy about it, and you're short and you're bitchy, and so that's why it puts people on. He put you on the defensive. Correct. Yeah.
Caldwell
How tall are you? You're not that short.
Unknown Female Staffer
How tall?
Shane Douglas
Five, nine?
Unknown Female Staffer
No, he meant short.
Caldwell
Oh, you're. Oh, you're. Yeah. Oh, you're very short with words.
Jeff Lewis
I don't know the way he spoke to you. I know you think it's because you're black. It's not. He speaks to everyone like that.
Caldwell
Wow. You treat everyone like they're black.
Shane Douglas
Bob.
Ad Reading Voice
I don't see color.
Jeff Lewis
That's exactly, exactly correct. I do want you to have the opportunity to promote your shows. Zachy, you go first.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, I'm doing zany Chicago Thanksgiving weekend. So that's November 28th through 30th. And then I'm doing Desert Ridge improv in Phoenix, Arizona on December 29th. And then I'm doing Orlando in January 22nd.
Jeff Lewis
Okay, so where do people go?
Bob the Drag Queen
Zachnoy towers.com. i'm gonna veto that song.
Caldwell
If you want to fuck a vampire, go to that song.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah. Zachnoytowers.com it's all there.
Jeff Lewis
Okay. Your shows, upcoming shows.
Caldwell
Yeah, I got shows in Brookville, Wisconsin on November 21st. 22nd, November 23rd. I'm in Madison, Wisconsin at one of my favorite comedy clubs, Comedy on State. December 2nd, I'm gonna be right here in Los Angeles, California at the Comedy Store.
Jeff Lewis
Oh really?
Caldwell
And Zach doesn't know it yet, but think he's doing that show.
Jeff Lewis
You Both would just.
Bob the Drag Queen
December 2nd. Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
Caldwell
Yeah, Zach, I would want to go.
Jeff Lewis
To that if Bob is. Yeah, I would love to see Bob Tuesday maybe.
Caldwell
And then December 4 through 6, I'll be in Eugene. Org. You can get tickets@seethedra queen.com s e the drag queen.com.
Jeff Lewis
So then would Zach be on? Would be before you or after you? Because I want to know when to.
Caldwell
Leave sex before you know. Cuz you never. Except for the. The little time you saw me do as x show. You never seen me do stand up, have you? No, I'm really funny.
Bob the Drag Queen
Really funny.
Jeff Lewis
I think you are probably funny.
Caldwell
I'm a great writer. I weave a great narrative in my.
Jeff Lewis
Story, you know, for a minute. Cause I love having comedians on this show. Funny comedians. And Zach and then. And Akeen and I were talking about going to more comedy shows and just scouting. Yeah, scouting.
Bob the Drag Queen
We can also tell you people.
Caldwell
I'm telling you, you've told us great things. Zach knows every comedian worth their salt in town. You not allowed to tell a joke in this town unless you rented by Zack.
Bob the Drag Queen
Noita was unlike the vending machine guy of comedy.
Jeff Lewis
Pam in Atlanta, line two. She has some advice. She has a vending machine company, Bob.
Caldwell
Okay, let's listen.
Jeff Lewis
Hi, Pam.
Pam (Caller)
Hi, how are you, Tom? Shout out change.
Jeff Lewis
How do we make money in vending machines, Pam?
Pam (Caller)
Well, I would tell you this. Most large locations like a hospital, school system, they all require contracts, but they also require commissions. They want part of the money.
Jeff Lewis
Fine, fine.
Pam (Caller)
I would say that's not a good idea, but I've been doing this almost 10 years now. I have 52 vending machines, snack machines and drink machines. And I have all those snacks, candy bars, potato chips. And I don't touch anything, okay? I look at it all the time.
Caldwell
How are you not getting high on your own supply? That's crazy.
Bob the Drag Queen
It sounds like she burnt out on it at some point and she just doesn't do it anymore.
Jeff Lewis
We should sell GLP1.
Caldwell
Oh, what is that?
Bob the Drag Queen
Lego Zampe.
Jeff Lewis
So Pam, what is the most popular snack bestseller?
Bob the Drag Queen
Cheetos.
Pam (Caller)
I would probably say Snickers candy bar. Snickers candy bars. I would say honey buns. And I would say cherry.
Caldwell
That's. You live in Atlanta. I don't know if you guys know this or not. I did not know this. White people don't eat honey buns.
Jeff Lewis
I don't know what a honey bun is.
Caldwell
Black people love honey bull cinnamon roll. But like just you live in Atlanta, which is one of the blackest cities in America and I'm not gonna make you say it cuz you sound white. But I'm going to go ahead and say it. Black people love honey buns. We love them.
Jeff Lewis
I. I learn new things every day on this show.
Caldwell
Thank you, man. By the time I'm back, I'm bringing you a honey bun.
Jeff Lewis
Will you could bring me a honey bun, please?
Unknown Female Staffer
Thanks Honey bun.
Bob the Drag Queen
Anytime.
Jeff Lewis
Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Loud every weekday on Sirius XM as well as the Jeff Lewis channel exclusively on on the SiriusXM app.
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Caldwell
Com in.
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Date: November 21, 2025
Host: Jeff Lewis (SiriusXM)
Guests: Bob the Drag Queen (aka Caldwell), Zach Noe Towers, Shane Douglas
This episode is a fast-paced, candid, and comedic conversation where Jeff Lewis is joined by comedians Bob the Drag Queen and Zach Noe Towers, along with Shane Douglas. They riff about their personal lives, careers, memorable encounters with reality TV celebs (particularly the Housewives), the pitfalls of the vending machine business, home renovations, and dental mishaps abroad. True to form, Jeff’s no-filter approach leads to plenty of playful jabs, hot takes, and behind-the-scenes stories from the worlds of comedy and home design.
On drag queen names:
“You can be in a serious meeting or in a serious argument, and you’d be like, ‘Listen, Bubbles, I’ve had it with your shit.’” — Caldwell [02:17]
On reality TV alliances:
“The Housewives are just…there to be unified. I was a dragon, and they…could give a shit about the money.” — Caldwell [03:15]
On comedy bombing:
“They didn’t like me. They wanted to drown me...throw me over.” — Bob [08:54]
“We connected and we bonded over our love for Kesha...and then we just hit it off.” — Caldwell [10:26]
On the vending business:
“The vending machine business is kind of like the mafia. It's like drug turf. Like, get off my turf.” — Caldwell [32:20]
On home renovations:
“You can either increase your budget and get the cabinets you want…or you can stick to your budget and get something that you’re not gonna love.” — Jeff [22:16]
On pop culture divides:
“White people don’t eat honey buns…Black people love honey buns. We love them.” — Caldwell [50:53]
Zach Noe Towers:
Bob the Drag Queen (Caldwell):
The episode is irreverent, sharp-witted, and playful—loaded with inside jokes from the comedy circuit and reality TV world, honest (sometimes biting) banter about fame, friendship, and failures, and a back-and-forth rhythm that feels equal parts roast, therapy session, and industry roundtable.
This episode delivers classic Jeff Lewis candor paired with whip-smart, offbeat comedy guests. It’s a must-listen for reality TV fans, comedy nerds, and anyone curious about the behind-the-scenes reality of queer fame, showbiz hustles, and surviving (or bombing) in both.
(Ad sections, intro/outro skips as per instructions.)