Bob the Drag Queen & Zach Noe Towers: Twink Death & Teeth

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode: Bob the Drag Queen & Zach Noe Towers: Twink Death & Teeth

Date: November 21, 2025
Host: Jeff Lewis (SiriusXM)
Guests: Bob the Drag Queen (aka Caldwell), Zach Noe Towers, Shane Douglas

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Episode Overview

This episode is a fast-paced, candid, and comedic conversation where Jeff Lewis is joined by comedians Bob the Drag Queen and Zach Noe Towers, along with Shane Douglas. They riff about their personal lives, careers, memorable encounters with reality TV celebs (particularly the Housewives), the pitfalls of the vending machine business, home renovations, and dental mishaps abroad. True to form, Jeff’s no-filter approach leads to plenty of playful jabs, hot takes, and behind-the-scenes stories from the worlds of comedy and home design.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bob the Drag Queen’s Name and BravoCon Fallout

• [01:42] Introduction of Bob the Drag Queen, whose real name is Caldwell ("Everyone calls me Bob, but a few people call me Caldwell. My partner calls me Caldwell.").
• Bob describes how, within drag circles, everyone consistently uses their stage names, even in serious contexts:
  • “You can be in a serious meeting or in a serious argument, and you’d be like, ‘Listen, Bubbles, I’ve had it with your shit.’” – Caldwell [02:17]
• [02:43] Discussion of Bob's appearance on the show Traitors and his lack of popularity among Housewives fans, especially after orchestrating the early elimination of Dorinda Medley:
  • “Because I kind of led a charge to murder her.” – Caldwell [03:04]

2. Reality Competition Politics

• [03:15] Bob shares that Housewives contestants usually act as a united front on reality shows, while Survivor contestants are always at odds:
  • “With Survivor, this person is the reason why this person didn’t win a million dollars. The Housewives are just, like, there to be unified.” – Caldwell [03:15]
• Caldwell reflects on the apparent producer neutrality on Traitors, questioning why he, as the only Drag Race contestant, didn’t get the same in-group support as other reality show factions.
• Notable Moment: Caldwell admits to knowing very few Housewives by their real names, referring only to the most iconic ones. [16:42]

3. Origin Story: Bob and Zach’s Friendship & Comic Bombing

• [08:05] The comedians reminisce about meeting as young performers on a gay cruise. Zach bombed with a joke that didn’t land with the older crowd:
  • “They were calling you a foul-mouthed twink... they wanted to drown you or throw me over.” – Jeff Lewis and Bob [08:40; 08:54]
• Bob was a star of the ship, doing 13 shows before competing on Drag Race, while Zach’s first set bombed — but he later won everyone over.
• Shared fandom for Kesha ("Animals") was the bonding moment for their friendship.

4. Comedy World: Specials, Laugh Tracks, and Socialite Status

• [11:56] Bob is producing Zach’s upcoming comedy special, which awaits streaming deals. The special is called Yeah, So Love.
• Jeff praises Zach as a “comedy socialite” who surrounds himself with top talent:
  • “Everyone, everyone in the business knows Zach… it's just a no-brainer if you get a chance to go see Zach.” – Caldwell [13:22]
• Jokes fly about the use of laugh tracks and audience reactions, with everyone poking fun at each other’s comic styles and histories of bombing:
  • “The cruise was the sound of people getting up and walking out.” – Bob [15:46]

5. Housewives Culture Clashes & Celebrity Feuds

• Recap of Caldwell’s Housewife run-ins, including a dramatic onstage spat with Brandi Glanville:
  • “She came in, wasted...We’re standing there toe to toe, like, you know, tits to eyes… ‘You seem to have a lot of expertise [about plastic surgery].’ ... She stormed off and went to the manager.” – Caldwell [17:57]
• Caldwell notes he often doesn't know who Housewives are, making his beefs with them somewhat comically accidental.

6. Body Image, Diet, and Audience Interaction

• [18:37] Jeff shares that his listeners have become aggressive in their “support” of his Bravocon crash diet, with comically mean DMs:
  • “Hey, fat. Make everyone chuckle. Keep shoving those salty…yummy, yummy for your jiggly tummy. Idiot.”— listener message [19:00]
• The crew laughs about increasingly inventive "reads" and the culture of public weight loss shaming.

7. Real Estate, Frugality, & Home Renovations

• Bob (Caldwell) and Zach joke about the struggles and milestones of buying property in LA. Zach is applauded for living frugally in a rent-controlled West Hollywood apartment:
  • “I’m in golden handcuffs because my rent is so cheap…$1930 for a two bedroom, one bath.” – Bob [20:11]
• Chat about renovation budgeting, and clients pushing for add-ons despite tight timelines. Classic client-vs-contractor stories:
  • “You’ve got $100,000 to spend on this kitchen…You can either increase your budget and get the cabinets you want, or you can stick to your budget and get something you’re not gonna love.” – Jeff [22:16]
• Caldwell admits to rookie contractor mistakes—paying in full upfront and getting ghosted. [23:49]

8. Vending Machine Adventures

• [30:46] Caldwell shares a hilarious failed business venture: buying a vending machine with a friend:
  • “It was in my friend’s living room for two months because I couldn’t…make a lot of money. I think I made, like, 40 bucks.” – Caldwell [32:20; 33:36]
• Discussion of snack preferences, favorite Pop-Tart flavors, and why vending machines are cut-throat business in NYC.
• Advice from real-life vending moguls: Go where kids are; honey buns are bestsellers in Atlanta; and never get high on your own supply.

9. Dental Drama Abroad

• [39:03] Caldwell recounts a scary wisdom tooth emergency while in Tel Aviv—where he almost got a tooth pulled in a dentist’s chair set up in someone’s apartment:
  • “I remember, like, panicking…I have to get out of this country. I have to get out of this dentist chair. I have to get out of here. Like, I was like, I'm gonna be trafficked.” – Caldwell [40:23]
• He eventually gets proper oral surgery back in New York—with a much more handsome (and qualified) doctor.

10. Aging, Hair Transplants, and the End of the "Twink" Era

• [44:19] Zach and Caldwell both discuss recent hair transplants:
  • “Going from looking like you have no hair to looking like you’re wearing a wig…That’s a good problem.” – Caldwell & Bob [44:27; 44:33]
• Bob cracks, “We can’t call you twink anymore, now that you’re 40.” [44:47]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On drag queen names:
  “You can be in a serious meeting or in a serious argument, and you’d be like, ‘Listen, Bubbles, I’ve had it with your shit.’” — Caldwell [02:17]

• On reality TV alliances:
  “The Housewives are just…there to be unified. I was a dragon, and they…could give a shit about the money.” — Caldwell [03:15]

• On comedy bombing:
  “They didn’t like me. They wanted to drown me...throw me over.” — Bob [08:54]
  “We connected and we bonded over our love for Kesha...and then we just hit it off.” — Caldwell [10:26]

• On the vending business:
  “The vending machine business is kind of like the mafia. It's like drug turf. Like, get off my turf.” — Caldwell [32:20]

• On home renovations:
  “You can either increase your budget and get the cabinets you want…or you can stick to your budget and get something that you’re not gonna love.” — Jeff [22:16]

• On pop culture divides:
  “White people don’t eat honey buns…Black people love honey buns. We love them.” — Caldwell [50:53]

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Important Timestamps (MM:SS)

• 01:42 – Bob’s real name, drag queen naming conventions
• 02:43 – Traitors/Housewives reality show strategy
• 08:05 – Origin story: Bob and Zach meet on gay cruise
• 13:22 – Zach as a “comedy socialite”; producing his special
• 15:46 – Reminiscing about Comedy Cruise bombing ("chairs falling")
• 17:57 – Caldwell’s feud with Brandi Glanville
• 18:37 – Jeff’s aggressive listener DMs about his weight
• 20:11 – Bob’s rent-controlled LA apartment (“golden handcuffs”)
• 22:16 – Jeff on renovation budgeting and client expectations
• 30:46 – Caldwell’s vending machine saga
• 39:03 – Caldwell’s wisdom tooth misadventure in Tel Aviv
• 44:47 – “Twink Death,” hair transplant stories
• 50:53 – Honey buns as cultural snack; vending business tips

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Upcoming Shows & Promotions

• Zach Noe Towers:

  • Zanies Chicago (Nov 28–30)
  • Desert Ridge Improv, Phoenix (Dec 29)
  • Orlando (Jan 22)
  • Info: zachnoetowers.com [47:55]

• Bob the Drag Queen (Caldwell):

  • Brookville, WI (Nov 21–22)
  • Madison, WI—Comedy on State (Nov 23)
  • The Comedy Store, LA (Dec 2)
  • Eugene, OR (Dec 4–6)
  • Info: seethedragqueen.com [48:20]

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Tone & Language

The episode is irreverent, sharp-witted, and playful—loaded with inside jokes from the comedy circuit and reality TV world, honest (sometimes biting) banter about fame, friendship, and failures, and a back-and-forth rhythm that feels equal parts roast, therapy session, and industry roundtable.

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For New Listeners

This episode delivers classic Jeff Lewis candor paired with whip-smart, offbeat comedy guests. It’s a must-listen for reality TV fans, comedy nerds, and anyone curious about the behind-the-scenes reality of queer fame, showbiz hustles, and surviving (or bombing) in both.

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(Ad sections, intro/outro skips as per instructions.)

Transcript

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm glad that you're feeling so good.

[Caldwell]

About this, but the truth is I.

[Shane Douglas]

Got fired and it's your fucking fault.

[Jeff Lewis]

She gets paid for this shit.

[Shane Douglas]

You get paid for this shit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jeff Lewis has issues.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, it's Jeff Lewis and I have issues. In today's episode, comedians Bob the Drag Queen and Zach Noe Towers join the show. We talk about laugh tracks, wisdom teeth extraction and the struggle of self control. I'm here with Bob the Drag Queen, comedian Zach Noe Towers and Shane Douglas. Bob, what is your name?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why was that funny? That's a crazy way to start.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know why? Because I was Bob the drag.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, God.

[Jeff Lewis]

Because I thought to myself, what is your real name? I don't even know your real name.

[Caldwell]

My name is Caldwell.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's your last name?

[Caldwell]

Caldwell. But everyone Caldwell.

[Jeff Lewis]

Caldwell.

[Caldwell]

Okay, so except like Uber drivers, they call me Christopher.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so we can call you Bob or Caldwell.

[Caldwell]

Everyone calls me Bob, but a few people call me Caldwell. My partner's call me Caldwell. But most people in my life, even my close friends, call me Bob. Even in like serious. It's really the funny thing. Like in New York City, all of us, the drag queens, we all go by our drag names all the time. No Matter where we are, no matter what we're doing.

[Jeff Lewis]

I see.

[Caldwell]

So you can be in a serious meeting or in a serious argument, and you'd be like, listen, Bubbles, I've had it with your shit.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, what about a restaurant reservation? Would you say Bubbles, party of three? Would you say Bob the Drag Queen?

[Caldwell]

There are queens who I've known for almost two decades, and I still don't know their real names. And then someone would be like, oh, you know, Craig? And I'm like, who the fuck is Craig? And it's like, it's Bubbles.

[Jeff Lewis]

Bubbles.

[Caldwell]

The whole time it's been Bubbles. Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, we spoke briefly about BravoCon is coming up this weekend. You are not popular with. It's not all Bravo liberties, but with the Housewives in particular.

[Caldwell]

Specifically Housewives of New York fans. Dorinda Medley really didn't like me on my season of the Traitors.

[Jeff Lewis]

Season three. Correct.

[Caldwell]

Season three. Because I kind of led a charge to murder her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So who hasn't?

[Jeff Lewis]

Why did you have. Why did you have it out for the Housewives?

[Caldwell]

Oh, it was just strategy based because, you know, the Housewives are a unified front. Like, if you're there with the Survivor people, the Survivor people are actually like, they are. They don't like each other. Like, they are constantly plotting against each other. And, you know, with Survivor, like, this person is the reason why this person didn't win a million dollars. So they want to get Tony Vlachos back. And the Housewives are just, like, there to be unified. And I was a dragon and they.

[Jeff Lewis]

Could give a shit about the money.

[Caldwell]

Yeah. And I was there from Drag Race, so I hadn't. There was no one else. I don't know why they won't cast more than one Drag Race contestant at a time, but there'll be, like, 19 Survivor people. 87 Love Islands, 99 Big Brothers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is interesting.

[Jeff Lewis]

Would you. Would the Drag Queens band. Oh, like a housewife?

[Caldwell]

No, for sure.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so there were four Housewives.

[Caldwell]

They have two Olympic gold medalists this season. That's crazy. I was like, you guys can put two Olympic medalists, but you can't put two drag race girls together.

[Jeff Lewis]

So were there four Housewives on Traitors?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Three.

[Caldwell]

Dorinda. No, there's more. Dorinda Medley.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Caldwell]

Dolores, Ian.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, yeah.

[Caldwell]

Robin.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ayan was such good.

[Caldwell]

Maybe it was just four. Yeah, maybe it was just four.

[Jeff Lewis]

And you. You orchestrated their murders.

[Caldwell]

Correct. Just two. Just two. I didn't last that long. I was there for only four episodes. So I got rid of Ayan and I got rid of Dorinda.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you get Dorinda? You got rid of her?

[Caldwell]

Like, the first one, she first out, first murdered.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That blew my mind kind of.

[Caldwell]

And Ayan was like. I remember Ayan was like, my son said that I would be dead the first night, and I wanted to show him. And I was like, okay, I'll let you last the second.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Crazy.

[Caldwell]

Crazy. But I let her show her. She showed her son who was a. Who was a Survivor.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So true.

[Caldwell]

There was a moment where she kept being like, everyone is saying, they have survivors. They have survivors. And she goes. Because she had never heard of the show Survivor, she's like, what are they surviving? And she's like, because I survived typhoid fever. She was dead ass. She was like, I survived female genital mutilation, typhoid fever. So what did you survive? And someone's like, I lost 25 pounds. And she's like, this is. This is not surviving. She had never heard of the show.

[Jeff Lewis]

Survivor, but it shows, really, that, you know, that you can play the game without producer interference. Right. Because I don't think any producer would get rid of Dorinda Medley in the first season. And, you know, a lot of these competition shows, from what I understand, if someone is real good TV or a real good ratings draw, like Dorinda Medley would be, they keep her. But they didn't interfere.

[Caldwell]

I didn't really. I mean, I don't watch Housewives. I didn't know much about. I didn't know. I didn't know anyone from the house. From the house. From the Castle. Like, I didn't know a single. I had never heard of a single person from that house before I went in there because I don't. I don't really watch any of those shows.

[Jeff Lewis]

How many enemies do you have now after doing traitors? 3.

[Caldwell]

You mean from the Castle? Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like, how many people would not speak.

[Caldwell]

To you again, I'm pretty cool with everyone. Even. Even Dorinda. Me and Dorinda are cool. We text. We have text. We don't text, but we have text before.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

So I'm actually pretty sure she's coming back on season four, so she came out. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Of Traitors?

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Yeah.

[Caldwell]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If.

[Caldwell]

If going back to a job you were fired from is a mark of. It's a mark of, you know, triumph. And, yes, she's doing okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

And do you like that idea of someone who has been murdered? Right, Tipa.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

They don't usually do this, but she really didn't get to play the game, and she Is a fan just like.

[Caldwell]

The same girls who got Just like the same people who were eliminated from the season one and season two. So I don't. I don't get why she came back. To be honest. In my own opinion, I'm like, well, she just didn't. She didn't make it. Like, what of it? That's not you. They brought back what's her name? She made it, like, halfway through. Kate.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Kate.

[Caldwell]

So she made it, like.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

I mean, just fan favorites, I guess.

[Caldwell]

I thought she was fine. I don't even think she was that great enough to bring back for a second round. I don't think she was that good. I mean, she was kind of fun tv, but, like, for a whole new season, I don't think I'd bring anybody back. Me either.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like one and done?

[Jeff Lewis]

I think it depends.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're dead.

[Jeff Lewis]

Purpose of the game.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it also. It just. It takes away a lot of the merit of the game. It just seems like if you do a bad job and we just feel bad for you, or we'll just bring you back and we'll just, you know, give you another round. I'm like, if you didn't do a good job, you didn't do a good job. I didn't. I only made it four episodes. I would. I mean, would I have loved to gone back? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe not immediately. I wouldn't have gone back right away.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

If they called you to go back next season, are you going?

[Caldwell]

No. I mean, there's like. If there's like an all stars, I don't want to re recompete with brand new crop.

[Jeff Lewis]

Plus, there's so many people that want to be on that show now.

[Caldwell]

My best friend's on this season.

[Shane Douglas]

Who?

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, another drag queen, right?

[Caldwell]

Yeah, that's my best friend.

[Jeff Lewis]

Really?

[Caldwell]

Yeah.

[Shane Douglas]

Wow.

[Caldwell]

Best friend. Best person I've ever met.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Damn, that stings.

[Caldwell]

She's top 1, 2, and 3.

[Jeff Lewis]

Really?

[Caldwell]

Where does Zach fall in, like, 53?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's my.

[Caldwell]

Are we talking about his age?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I got my ass before you could.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're inviting, let's say, 25 of your closest friends over to the house. Is Zach. Does he make the list?

[Caldwell]

Oh, Zach's making it. If I'm only inviting, like, I would say five. Zach's making it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That means I'm fifth.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, that's. Well, okay. That's a testament.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. Cause you guys met. What I had read is you had. Well, we spoke about it, but you had originally met on a Gay cruise. Is that correct?

[Caldwell]

Yeah. RSVP rip to rsvp. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sir.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, I wasn't sure how you met, but I got a little more detail. So you both were performing on the cruise, Is that correct? Now, you wasn't your best show from what I heard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I told her a joke on.

[Jeff Lewis]

The first night that did not resonate with the audience to the point where they were calling you a foul mouthed twink.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Caldwell]

It was a long time ago.

[Jeff Lewis]

And they wanted to drown you or.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, throw me over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't like me.

[Caldwell]

Wow.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Were they right in not liking you, or do you stand by it?

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you look back and think it was a mistake?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was a misstep. Um, but it. I still stand by the joke.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Caldwell]

We discussed it on. On my podcast. When you came, when you filled in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Caldwell]

Yeah.

[Shane Douglas]

Can we hear the joke? Is it a fun brand for Sierra 6M?

[Unknown Female Staffer]

I don't think so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, no, I. Probably not. Yeah, I won't do it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We have a new brand partner, so I don't want to ruin it for you.

[Caldwell]

Let's just say it's about the Epstein list. No, I'm kidding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. No, but it was like, I didn't. I just didn't. Yeah, I didn't think it was an older gay cruise, and all these men had lived through something that I casually made a joke about balding.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, okay.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So then what did you felt bad for him? Bob?

[Caldwell]

No, I think I clung to Zach. He had this, like. I mean, Zach is actually a year older than me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Really?

[Caldwell]

Wow. Yeah, Zach is a year older than I dragged him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wow.

[Caldwell]

But we were both very young on this crowd cruise. It was. It was like a daddy cruise. Like a lot of these. Like, if you were there and you were our age, which was in our late 20s at the time, I think.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You looked like a child.

[Caldwell]

I think I was 28. You were like 29.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Caldwell]

If you were our age, you were like, you were chicken. Like, you were like you were the youngest person on the crew and they.

[Jeff Lewis]

Still didn't want him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hey, hey. The people who didn't see me perform did.

[Caldwell]

So we connected and we bonded over our love for Ke$. Of course. Actually, we both are really big Kesha fans. Animals, if you will. And then we just kind of bundled over that, and then we just. I don't know, we just hit it off. We just really, really hit it off.

[Jeff Lewis]

So it wasn't a situation where you went up to him and be like, hey, man, I'm really sorry. You just bombed and.

[Caldwell]

No, I thought I. No, we just bonded in general. I mean, I will say I was the toast of the ship.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, Bob was celebrity on the ship. It was so popular that they added. They added a third solo show that was standing room only.

[Jeff Lewis]

Pre drag.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, Pre Drag Race.

[Jeff Lewis]

How did they know you?

[Caldwell]

No, I mean, I had been booked just from. As a local talent. Okay. So I was doing drag, but it was pre drag Race. I had been booked as a local talent. Someone came to see me perform at a bar I was at and I was. I will say I was. You were working her like a dog. Like an actual house.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So hosted all the standup shows and.

[Jeff Lewis]

There were two per night, so you're probably really funny.

[Caldwell]

I did. I'm pretty funny. Yeah, I'm pretty funny.

[Jeff Lewis]

I did perform again that week.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, they did, Jeff.

[Caldwell]

Oh, okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just omitted that joke.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And everyone's been doing. Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did they move you to like a later show, like 2:00am no, they just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Want you back on stage.

[Caldwell]

Yeah. When the show stops during the party. But no. So I ended up doing like, I think I ended up doing 13 shows on a five. On like a seven day cruise.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six night cruise.

[Jeff Lewis]

And you had one?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I had like four.

[Caldwell]

Four? Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, you did four. So now you believe in Zach's talent.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, Zach's really, really funny.

[Jeff Lewis]

And you are producing his special. Your production company.

[Caldwell]

Yes, Zach has a special coming up. Have you announced the name of it yet? Is it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah, we can call it. It's called.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, so love.

[Jeff Lewis]

That makes sense.

[Caldwell]

I mean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, bitch.

[Caldwell]

I mean, I've been a fan of Zach. Zach is actually like my first LA friend. Like the first person I know to like, actually take me around la. I remember we went to a thrift shop when we first got here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You were here shooting the movie Cherry Pop. Yeah, the movie.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, I had just. I was shooting a movie called Cherry Pop that's I think now, which is great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, it's a drag movie.

[Caldwell]

You remember when gay movies were, like, so camp and like whenever, like, girls would be girls and just these kind of like gay movies that you don't get anymore. Now gay. I feel like something happened around, like, I don't know, I'm gonna say around Brokeback Mountain where gay movies reached this level.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

They're for straight people now. Like, gay movies are for straight people to watch. Like, there's like, there's no gay shows for gay people.

[Jeff Lewis]

Also, not every gay stuff. Not every gay guy is really over the top, campy dresses in drag. You know what I mean?

[Caldwell]

There's like everyone in this room. Not that this is any representation of that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Um, but I do want to go back to Zach's special. What is taking so long to edit it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, now it's officially in front of the streamers. My manager took it out to the streamers and we're just waiting to get feedback. And if there's. If it's no's across the board, it'll premiere on Bob's YouTube channel, Purse First Productions, very soon, I imagine.

[Caldwell]

Which I would say too, like, it is really, really funny. I mean, Zach is. I say that Zach is like a. Is like a comedy la socialite. Like everyone, everyone in the business knows Zach. Everyone respects Zach's talent. Zach is just like a no brainer if you get a chance to go see Zach. And it pains me to say nice things about Zach.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you have to use a laugh track?

[Caldwell]

No, we did the real thing. The real. The old fashioned humor.

[Jeff Lewis]

So it must have been a tough edit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. Just because you didn't laugh doesn't mean everyone else didn't laugh.

[Caldwell]

You didn't laugh at Zach's comedy.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

You weren't there.

[Caldwell]

Oh, that's right, you were there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'd catch eyes with Jeff and he'd just be smiling.

[Jeff Lewis]

I. I liked it. I told you I liked it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know, I know that meant a lot when you texted me after and I also.

[Jeff Lewis]

But I've seen you more than once.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

We saw him all over the place.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You saw me open for Fortune, which is when you fell in love.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, I thought you were great. Opening for Fortune.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, me and Zach and Fortune were just at this like Hollywood party and it was insane.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was for Brittney Broski. Do you know that name?

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You should have her on.

[Caldwell]

She's a massive youtuber.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Huge.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you use the same material when you opened up for Fortune as you did your special?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, all that material was in my special.

[Caldwell]

You got to burn it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

I also think what I'm going to tell you, which I think you should consider doing down the line.

[Caldwell]

Comedians love this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

It has nothing to do with this comedy.

[Caldwell]

Okay, here we go.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think you are a good. I think you can procure talent. Like I think the way you curate talent because you did something that I loved. And actually I think there was four or five comedians. What was that? We went to Shane, where you were on. Maybe you were hosting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, my After Hours live at Netflix. Ms. Pat.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Oh, you saw yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, that's when I was introduced to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ms. Pat Sky Branham.

[Caldwell]

You have Ms. Pat?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. So I feel like you are. You surround yourself by very talented, funny people as well.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think he's a socialite.

[Caldwell]

I'm telling you. Comedy socialite.

[Jeff Lewis]

Maybe you should produce your own special.

[Caldwell]

We had our own show that we used to do over.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you have a laugh track we could lend him?

[Caldwell]

We had our own show over at Beaches. Drop a cannon. I saw that Zach would help with the crowd.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think we want a. Do we want a really over the top crowd reaction or something more subtle?

[Unknown Female Staffer]

I want like full house.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The over the top is probably more accurate to what I elicit.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is it? Because that's not the show.

[Caldwell]

I was at least the cruise more like.

[Jeff Lewis]

Mm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The cruise was the sound of people getting up and walking out.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you hear the chairs, like, falling?

[Caldwell]

It was worse. There were groans.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I saw this. And you don't understand. These were elderly men. They needed help getting out of the.

[Jeff Lewis]

Room to walk out.

[Caldwell]

They were in, like their early 30s.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was a bunch of Jeff and Shane's helping them out.

[Caldwell]

But like, he told they'd be like, ugh. And then like, Mutter's like, I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I get it. We got a buffet and they left.

[Caldwell]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Holy shit.

[Shane Douglas]

I've got a few options for you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a real good job.

[Caldwell]

That's a witch. That's. That's a. That's a. That's Dracula.

[Shane Douglas]

Black.

[Caldwell]

So we have creepy witch vampire and creepy clown.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, that was Leah black.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Oh. Oh, he hates by it. She was a housewife.

[Jeff Lewis]

Housewife.

[Caldwell]

I don't watch housewives.

[Jeff Lewis]

She hates you too.

[Caldwell]

When I tell you, I. When I tell you I don't. The only housewives I know are, like, the really famous ones, like Nene Leakes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Caldwell]

Phaedra. Phaedra. Bethenny Frankel, Teresa Giudice. And those are the only ones I know. And maybe a couple more for Sheena. No.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's her last name?

[Caldwell]

Oh, well, I got into a fight with one of them from Beverly Hills. Who's the one who drinks a lot? The one.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Blm. Washington's fa.

[Caldwell]

Brandi Glanville. Years ago, me and Brandi Glanville got into a big fight at my show.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think she's fought with everyone.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

She threw a Jeff on a drink on Jeff and watch Robbins live. It was iconic.

[Caldwell]

Why? What did you say to her?

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, I just made a joke about an STD that she.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There it is.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, I like this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's a Zach Noitower special if I ever heard one.

[Jeff Lewis]

I like that. Can we use that on this show?

[Caldwell]

We'll see what we got.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He said, we can try.

[Caldwell]

Yeah. Me and Brandy got into a massive fight at Barracuda in, like, the early, early 20 teens. And she came into the bar, like, wasted. And I was like. I happened to be talking about plastic surgery when she walked in. Bear in mind, I had never watched her show. I don't even know who she is, but the audience is, like, reacting. So I'm like, who's this lady? And she walks in, and she walks right onto the stage.

[Jeff Lewis]

What?

[Caldwell]

Like, onto the stage? And I was remembering, like, okay, who is this woman? We're standing there toe to toe, like, you know, tits, the eyes. And she's like, what were you saying about plastic surgery? And I was like, well, you seem to have a lot of expertise. Do you wanna say anything? And she was like, well, maybe what I would say is about that hair on your neck. And then I said, well, then maybe we can say something about the varicose veins on your tits. And then she got really mad and she stormed off stage. And she went to the manager and she was like, I'm not leaving here until that drag queen apologizes to me. And he was like, well, you better camp out. Cause I don't think she's gonna. He's like, you wanna drink?

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, I'm trying to lose a few pounds, Bob, for Bravocon this weekend, which is tomorrow. I have 24 hours. But I've been asking the listeners to please DM me and just, you know, just a gentle support of staying. Staying true to my diet. Okay, my diet is not eating, so. But they're starting to get aggressive.

[Caldwell]

I say, when did they kick in?

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, they started calling me fat fuck, but that's fine.

[Unknown Male Staffer]

But because it's true.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, but then today. Oh, my God, today I got one. Hey, fat. Make everyone chuckle. Keep shoving those salty. Make you swell caviar bagels in your big mouth. Yummy, yummy for your jiggly tummy. Idiot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was almost like a haiku.

[Caldwell]

Walt Whitman could never, not on his best day, could he have written that.

[Jeff Lewis]

They're getting very confident, creative.

[Caldwell]

My favorite. My favorite read ever was when. When Wendy William. Wendy Williams says she's a. Called Wendy Williams, they call her Wendy Williams. Wendy Williams is a fat whale.

[Jeff Lewis]

Zacky, are you still looking for condos?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I looked at one yesterday.

[Caldwell]

You're moving?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Caldwell]

You can't leave that place.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, no.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just looking to see if I could buy something.

[Jeff Lewis]

You can buy something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you.

[Caldwell]

But you have to keep that place or something. That place is, like, iconic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know. It is.

[Jeff Lewis]

Time to move on. You know, Zach saved a lot of money. Did he tell you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Zach, I've been saving.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

You dropped his hands.

[Caldwell]

Congratulations.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thanks.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, he's a saver.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's so funny. I'm in, like, someone said, golden handcuffs because my rent is so cheap in this, like, two bedroom, one bath in West Hollywood.

[Jeff Lewis]

How much is it again?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

1930.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Wow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Very cheap.

[Caldwell]

And for the record, it's 2025. If you're listening to this in the future, that matters. It was like in 1993. That's not a big deal.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you already talk to a mortgage broker about your payment and everything?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, no.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is it gonna be like three grand?

[Shane Douglas]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

Three grand?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Really? Yeah, but then you're gonna get hoa.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you can write off the HOA to four, probably.

[Caldwell]

What's the budge?

[Jeff Lewis]

But you can write out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm looking at like 600.

[Caldwell]

I don't think it'll be four.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Really?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, it'll be no with association, taxes, insurance.

[Caldwell]

No, it won't be four.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

I just did this and like, my mortgage is four. You probably.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You put a bunch down.

[Jeff Lewis]

I bet probably a 2 1/2% interest rate.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what's so crazy is I'll never forget when Bob was about to get his place, they, like, pulled some shenanigans last minute. And you were like, I'm gonna like, get $90,000 this weekend. And you did like three random gigs to get like an extra $90,000 to throw at this. Like, I was like, book it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, I worked for a celebrity, pretty big celebrity.

[Caldwell]

But we can't say their names. No, but it rhymes with okay, what industry were they in?

[Jeff Lewis]

But what she did is, okay, we.

[Caldwell]

Gotta have this woman.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She got Michelle Obama.

[Jeff Lewis]

She got motivated to again. It was a similar situation where she wanted to purchase something and she just did a couple of those autograph conventions and wow. I mean, like 150 grand in no time.

[Caldwell]

What if she want to buy like a small child? Like, what was she buying?

[Jeff Lewis]

I think honestly, she already owned the house. She was doing a rebottle with me. And of course I went over budget, of course. So she's like, fuck.

[Caldwell]

I'm telling her right now, never trust more money. I got to say, if there are layers of hell, I think like in the deepest pit is like, like, like child Predators. And then, like, people who beat their partners outside of that, then designers right past that is gonna be like, contractors.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Caldwell]

I mean, interior designers. People like contractors. You guys lie.

[Jeff Lewis]

We don't lie.

[Caldwell]

No, we don't.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm gonna tell you what happens.

[Caldwell]

But, you know, when you have $40,000.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It ends up being $86,000.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen. They say, we've got $100,000 to spend on this kitchen. I said, okay. And then you start showing them. Sorry. These are the slabs we can buy based on your budget. These are the cabinets we can get based on your budget. Okay, well, we really like this cabinet. Well, that cabinet's gonna be another $25,000. You're in control, Bob, do you want to go with. If you can either increase your budget and get the cabinets you want and the countertops you want, or you can stick to your budget and get something that you're not gonna love.

[Caldwell]

I feel like we're being gaslit because all of us have had a bad deal with the all of us contracts. Like, it's gonna be $3 in two days, eight years later.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, that I don't lie about. I don't lie about time frame. They're like, when's it gonna be done? I'm like, I don't know. I have no idea.

[Caldwell]

When will I have access to my home? You'll get it when you get it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How about that?

[Jeff Lewis]

But there's somebody right now who's already pushing me. I told you I needed to be in by March. Yeah, she keeps adding things she wants.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Jeff Lewis]

She keeps adding things, and it's like, I already know what's gonna happen come February. You told me that was ready for March. Yes, but you. What'd you think? What'd you think was gonna happen?

[Caldwell]

You gotta be magical. But I could never be a contractor. And, you know, I made a mistake one time when I was redoing my mom's home in Atlanta and another contractor. I told them what I did, and they were like, you did what? I was like, yeah, I just paid the contractor in full. They were like, what?

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, my God.

[Caldwell]

This is the same reaction.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, my God. You'll never see him again.

[Caldwell]

I was like, what? I just wanted him to trust me. And she was. She was like, no. He was like, you will never see this guy ever again. He will work at his own pace. Yeah. Why would you give him all.

[Jeff Lewis]

I was like, just gave him all the control.

[Caldwell]

I was like, what do you mean?

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, look, he's probably gonna finish, but it's gonna be on his schedule, and then he's gonna put everyone else in front of you and it.

[Caldwell]

And he did.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, see you next Tuesday. You know, we'll be back next Tuesday, if you're lucky.

[Caldwell]

Exactly what happened, by the way.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes, of course.

[Caldwell]

But we.

[Jeff Lewis]

So we have this new client in Sherman Oaks, and he's a very, very, very famous comedian. You guys would know him, but I don't think he wants me to talk about him. But he has. Where's he from?

[Caldwell]

You have to tell me off air, though.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Yeah, well, Brooklyn.

[Jeff Lewis]

Brooklyn. He's got a real strong accent, and it fucking makes me laugh. Chris DiStefano, the way he talks.

[Caldwell]

Chris.

[Jeff Lewis]

So yesterday I got on the phone with him, he and his wife, and she's like, I want heated floors and I want heated towel racks. And what was he saying yesterday?

[Unknown Female Staffer]

It was like, I don't want the heated towel racks. You touch it and you burn your finger.

[Shane Douglas]

And.

[Jeff Lewis]

But he goes, but. But I like. I like the heated floors.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

I love the heated floors.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't want to put a towel down You.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

You step off and it's hot, and I don't even have to dry my feet. It's so nice.

[Jeff Lewis]

But he's like. But he goes, here's the problem, because I know you. I know you guys. You do one bathroom, and then all. You got to redo all the other bathrooms. And I go. And he's like, listen over here. Listen over here.

[Caldwell]

Listen over here.

[Jeff Lewis]

I love the way he talks. I just laugh the entire time.

[Caldwell]

I mean, understand, I'm obsessed with the accents. My best friend has a slight Caribbean accent and a New York accent. So she says things like, instead of here, she says hair. Instead of earrings, she says earrings. That's like the. The. The Caribbean accent coming out, and it just really tickles me every time. She goes, well. She goes like, well, I have, like a. I can't. I can't hear how much hair I have.

[Jeff Lewis]

I can't.

[Caldwell]

Or I can't hair because my hair is in my. I can't hair because my hair is covering my ears. And I'm like. I can't even decipher what you're saying right now.

[Jeff Lewis]

You both have met. I know you've met a lot of famous people. And it's interesting when you have this idea of someone. I mean, this guy's like a tough guy, right? But he's so. Just in the couple interactions we've had so far, he's so sweet and warm. And the way he talks about his kids is so endearing. And it's just like, this is not at all, like, if you look at his act and all this, like, this is not at all who I thought you were.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

It's also what you.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's like a pleasant surprise.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

It's like what you do. You're in their homes. Like, it couldn't be more intimate. He's planning, like, his closet for his wife, fiance and his wife. Like, you know, it's like, it's a.

[Jeff Lewis]

Soft side, but based on this guy's Persona, you wouldn't think, like, he's. He adores his wife, speaks to her so nicely, like, whatever she wants. Whatever. He just is so sweet. Like, and this is not his Persona.

[Shane Douglas]

Do you think this is a little what people think of you, like, when they see you with Monroe?

[Caldwell]

What?

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Wow.

[Caldwell]

Wow.

[Shane Douglas]

I felt that way. Like, when I see you with Monroe. It's so sweet.

[Caldwell]

I'm like, I think he actually adores that. He just treats Zach like trash on the air, but he actually loves and adores Zach, so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Facts. Thank you. Thank you, twin.

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Caldwell]

I thought you were going to talk about my studio. I just got. Yeah, years ago. Years ago I had an idea that I was going to own a vending machine with my best friend at the time, Michelle. Shout out to Michelle Roberts.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where is Michelle Rank right now?

[Caldwell]

She is Michelle six, seven, eight. Michelle's in the top 15 right now. Fine I mean, we don't. She lives. She's a lawyer in Norway now.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, oh, I see.

[Caldwell]

Norwegian lawyer now. But at the time, she was my number one and I convinced her to buy a vending machine with me. And the crazy part is actually I couldn't get into my apartment cause I lived in a walk up. So I had to have it delivered to a friend's home with an elevator. And then my friend. Jeff. Jeff, I owe you an apology. If by any chance you're listening. Jeff, Jeffrey, if you're listening, I owe you an apology. He's a Jeffrey, not a Jeff. I set the vending machine up. I set it up in his living room, left it there. And then I put his passport in the machine. I found his pass. It was like sitting on his nightstand. And I put his passport in the machine. Cause I thought it'd be funny when he came home and his passport was in the machine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Caldwell]

It only costs a dollar to get it back. I taped the dollar to the machine to be fair.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think that's funny.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So then where did you end up ultimately? Well, first of all, how much did you pay for the vending machine?

[Caldwell]

I believe this was like 2010. So it might have been like $3,000, maybe $2,500. That sounds familiar in my head.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Caldwell]

And we. So it was in my friend's living room for two months because I couldn't.

[Shane Douglas]

Make a lot of money.

[Caldwell]

Let me tell you right now. Yes, I put it. I kept going back, putting his toothbrush in, his house keys in. Because the vending machine business is kind of like the mafia. It's like drug turf. Like, get off my turf. Like, you can't put your vending machine here. Hey, buddy, you can't put your fucking vending machine over here. This is my block.

[Jeff Lewis]

Listen over here, Get.

[Caldwell]

Hey, listen over here. Get off my fucking block, buddy. You know what I mean? So I finally found an apartment complex in Brownsville. Brownsville, Brooklyn. And then we put it down there and I went and filled it up one time and I never saw that machine again. I just left it.

[Jeff Lewis]

First of all, what kind of snacks did you put in?

[Caldwell]

We put in like potato chips, M&MS. Skittles, typical, like snacks that kids would like. But they put the vending machine in the leasing office, which means it closed at like 5:00'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Clock.

[Caldwell]

I'm like, I want 24 hour access. They're like, they were like, no, no, no. This is Brownsville, Brooklyn. You do not want anyone to have 24 hour access. To your vending machine in Brownsville. It will get robbed. They'll break your machine and take your candy. And I was like, okay. I guess you guys, you know the area better than I do. I was new to New York City, and I just got sick of going.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Back for, like, the one time.

[Jeff Lewis]

The one time you had to go back once? And what?

[Unknown Male Staffer]

Did you ever get the money out of it?

[Caldwell]

Yeah, I got money. I think I made, like, 40 bucks.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

What?

[Caldwell]

Yeah, like, 40 bucks off of it. And I was like, this is. This is not good. And I just left it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just.

[Caldwell]

I just gave the lady behind the counter the keys. I said, listen, why don't you just hang on to this, and if I ever need it, I'll come back. And I just never.

[Jeff Lewis]

Let's go back and get it.

[Caldwell]

I probably should at this point. I mean, I can't remember what we.

[Jeff Lewis]

Could put it at. Serious.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, we have free snacks.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh. The problem is there's nobody here either.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

And the snacks are free.

[Unknown Male Staffer]

And then we could only put brown sugar pop tarts in it so we get all Jeff's money.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, that'd be cute.

[Caldwell]

You like? That's your pop tart choice.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep.

[Caldwell]

I respect it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's yours?

[Caldwell]

I'm classic. Strawberries, strawberry frosted. You know what I'm not gonna respect ever, unfortunately?

[Shane Douglas]

Oreos.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, same.

[Caldwell]

If you eat Oreo pop tarts, you got a problem.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, they're Oreo pop Tarts.

[Jeff Lewis]

I respect the strawberry. That's my second favorite one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What about blueberry? Blueberry is good.

[Jeff Lewis]

No cinnamon bread.

[Caldwell]

I respect blueberry. I respect blueberry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you heard of antioxidants, anybody?

[Caldwell]

But. I did. But I will tell you this. I was. I was just telling them when you went to the bathroom, we were talking about you behind your back. I did, actually.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, we were talking behind your back in the bathroom. Funny.

[Caldwell]

I did, so. I actually have a studio, and Zach is always in my studio. I just love this little man.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You almost said something mean, I think.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, we were gonna say twink, but since you turned 40, we can't say twink anymore.

[Caldwell]

I had to stop myself and say something nice. Actually, Zach, I was by. But I just got a studio space across. I just expanded my studio space, and I actually now own a studio that rents to the housewives. How ironic is that?

[Jeff Lewis]

We could put the vending machine in the studio.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

They don't eat. The housewives. They don't eat.

[Caldwell]

We'll put Botox in it.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Yeah, we'll put Restylane, Ozempic.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, put restylane, Ozempic and silicone. And baby, I just don't understand.

[Jeff Lewis]

If you made $40, was that for one week?

[Caldwell]

It was like two weeks. Cause I was still working as a full time waiter and I was doing. I was like breaking into stand up at the time. So I didn't really have. And like it was like I had to go on the train. Like, I didn't have a car. So I'm on the train with like a suitcase full of snacks. And then I also kept.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not much has changed.

[Caldwell]

And then also the snacks. All right, not too much, not too much. Ginger.

[Jeff Lewis]

We need this every time Zach's on.

[Caldwell]

And then I started also eating the snacks in my house. Oh, you were.

[Jeff Lewis]

See, that's what I would do.

[Caldwell]

I was getting high on my own supply.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's what I would do. And even if I left them in the car, I'd probably go out there at midnight and open up that trunk.

[Caldwell]

Absolutely.

[Jeff Lewis]

Especially if it's pop tarts in there.

[Caldwell]

I just bought this. These snacks that I don't recommend you buy. Cause to me they're so addictive. It is freeze dried Fruit roll ups.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That makes them crunchy though, right?

[Caldwell]

And baby, when I tell. Yes, it does. And it's worth it. And they are crunchy and they're so delicious. And I bought a full and I was like, I'm just gonna have. These are gonna last me a couple of days.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One day.

[Caldwell]

Not a day. Yeah, I wish. Three hours max.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What? Fruit Roll up. You're gonna roll it up into a ball and suck on the ball.

[Caldwell]

Suck.

[Jeff Lewis]

Who wants a fruit Roll up? Nobody's good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Tropical fruit Roll up.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, not since I played.

[Jeff Lewis]

I wonder if we could make money with a vending machine.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Where would we locate it?

[Caldwell]

I don't know.

[Jeff Lewis]

I got to figure out where.

[Caldwell]

There's a lot of traffic, hard to place.

[Unknown Male Staffer]

I know someone who supports his whole life doing like, he has like 30 vending machines.

[Caldwell]

And really he. He's one of the mafia bosses and you can't get on his turf.

[Unknown Male Staffer]

He is. He has like employees that go fill it up and collect the money.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

And that was my thing.

[Caldwell]

That was my plan. I will tell you, to quote Oprah Winfrey in the Color Purple, don't trade places with what I've been through. It is not worth it. Do not get into the vending machine business. It is hard to get into. And this, this, this gentleman, she knows, he's probably been in the business for a hot minute.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm an expert on snacks. I think we just need to find the right location.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

You'd be great.

[Shane Douglas]

My father was a teacher, and as a side hustle, he would manage the vending machines at the school. So he'd always bring home the change and the singles. So me and my brothers, one of our chores was to sort the change, like, this vibrating machine and, you know, like, come down this machine, and we have to put them in the sleeves. That was part of our chores.

[Caldwell]

What did your dad teach?

[Shane Douglas]

He taught math.

[Caldwell]

And did you go to his school? No, because that'd be weird, right?

[Shane Douglas]

Yeah. No.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, we need a school for that vending machine. We'll put everything in like peanuts.

[Caldwell]

Oh, no. Schools is the hardest place to get approved or something. No, because the first thing they hit up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, sure.

[Caldwell]

No, not like these vending machine places. The first place they're going is schools. Rec centers. You want to be where children are. I want to be where the children are. You go where the kids are because they're going to spend the money. Kids want snacks more than they want their next breath.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it's in their price range, too.

[Caldwell]

So you kids.

[Jeff Lewis]

One at the park.

[Caldwell]

Yeah. Kids at the heart outside.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Busted, I bet.

[Caldwell]

Oh, they'll break.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, they'll break into it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you ever been to a hotel where they have, like, bottles of champagne in, like, vending machines?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe you do an elevated one with, like, caviar.

[Jeff Lewis]

Meredith Marks caviar.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There you go.

[Caldwell]

If you really want. If you really want. If you really want the money, I think what you got to do is go to some sort of a hipster cool area, put vapes in the machine. These vape crackheads go crazy.

[Jeff Lewis]

Crack.

[Unknown Male Staffer]

Put it in the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Crack in it.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's what we.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A crack vending machine crack. Pipes drop and just shatter every time.

[Caldwell]

I'm glad we troubleshot this.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now is it. I think it's a good business plan. Now, is it true that you needed a tooth pulled and you looked up the dentist on Google?

[Caldwell]

Yeah, that is true.

[Jeff Lewis]

So explain what happened.

[Caldwell]

So I had a wisdom tooth emergency. While I was traveling. My wisdom teeth were coming in. They were fully impacted. And if you ever had the experience, you basically, you're just chewing on your gum all day. You have to, like, keep your mouth slightly open.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't know that was that.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, you're. Because they're. When they're impacted, your teeth are supposed to grow up, but then they kind of grow, like, sideways, but it's pushing your gums up so your teeth can actually breach. They're kind of, like, breaching the gum a little bit. And it's just like. You're just chewing on your gum all day. It's really, really painful. And it was just really. I was just, like, so fucked up. So I just looked up a dentist on Google and I was like, I need this done, like, today.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you're do surgery today.

[Caldwell]

But I didn't know. I didn't know the time that you needed a. You need an oral surgeon. Dentists don't pull wisdom teeth. Oral. I did not know this at the time. And this is going to make any crazy. I want to be very clear that when I did this, this was years ago. I've already addressed going to this place. And I would. I'm not going to this place again. But I was in Israel.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Whoa.

[Caldwell]

I was doing a show in Tel Aviv. Not that I would ever do that again today. I didn't know then what I know now, but I was in Tel Aviv, and I looked at this place to go get my teeth done, and I was this. I met this, like, lady. This, like, lady at a doctor's office. And then she walked me to an apartment building.

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Caldwell]

And then there was just a dentist chair in the living room on the first floor of this apartment building. And I was in the chair, and she's pulling out her syringes and stuff and her tools, and I was like. I remember, like, panicking. I almost started crying, and I was like, I have to get out of this country. I have to get out of this dentist chair. I have to get out of here. Like, I was like, I'm gonna be trafficked.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Had you taken sedatives or anything?

[Caldwell]

No, I hadn't. I had taken a walk. I took a walk, and I was like, I have to get out of here. So. And then I had to, like, find my way back. I'm in a foreign country. It was crazy. So one of the many reasons you probably shouldn't go to Israel.

[Jeff Lewis]

So then you. You got home and then hired a oral surgeon to remove your wisdom, too.

[Caldwell]

Yeah. In the West Village, a nice gentleman did my.

[Jeff Lewis]

And it was.

[Caldwell]

He was handsome. My God. My oral surgeon was handsome.

[Jeff Lewis]

And it was in an office, not in a part. In the living room of an apartment.

[Caldwell]

Yes, it was in a beautiful apartment in the West Village.

[Jeff Lewis]

How long did it take for you once you. Did you actually sit down in the dental chair in the apartment?

[Caldwell]

Yeah, I sat down.

[Jeff Lewis]

How long did it take for you to realize, like, I'm uncomfortable here and I'm gonna leave?

[Caldwell]

I think that I was immediately uncomfortable. And I. As I also. There was no one around to help. She didn't have an assistant. Crazy. It was just a studio apartment, basically. And I think I might have been there for maybe 15 minutes before I left.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was it, I would say, nicer than Zach's apartment?

[Caldwell]

Hey, not even close.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did it have a vending machine?

[Jeff Lewis]

I love how you bought. You bought a house and a studio, and then. Yes. You want Zach to stay in that little apartment.

[Caldwell]

It's cute.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

He wants to keep his friends small.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, he sure does. He doesn't want anything nicer for his friends.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

I just expanded my size.

[Caldwell]

Well, how much larger are you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You make it sound like I live in a fucking shed.

[Caldwell]

Like. Like you're the little lady who lives in the shoe.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think that. I think the apartment is cute on the inside. The building on the outside is not awful. Yeah, I mean, it's a decent location.

[Caldwell]

Louisiana has two, three kind of apartments. The high rise buildings, which aren't a ton of. And then it has like the. The. The. They're like low rises, but they kind of look like high rise, but they're just low. And then you have these ones where, like, you walk out your front door and you're outside.

[Jeff Lewis]

Right.

[Caldwell]

And Zach. And it's like a. I think it's like a nice area. The neighbors talk to each other.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Caldwell]

They're all like, zach.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And the courtyard's cute. It's like, very green.

[Shane Douglas]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you want me to move in with you, I'll move in with you.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, those feeds are very green.

[Caldwell]

Do you have. Do you have a. Do you have a guest home?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't have a guest house. Well, I honestly. Look, I applaud you for living below your means for so long, saving a very good chunk of money for a down payment, because that's. That's the. You know, a lot of people we know have a good income, but they don't have the money for the down. So you have to sacrifice for a while to get the money for the down. You've done that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So now it's time to make the move.

[Caldwell]

Wow. Are you gonna hire Jeff to remodel?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think I can afford Jeff.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, here's the thing. He'll pay 6 for the condo and 800 to remodel.

[Caldwell]

You don't have, like, a friend thing you do for friends?

[Jeff Lewis]

Fuck no.

[Caldwell]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, I'd come over and give him advice. I'm not doing the work for him. And maybe if he needed somebody like an electrician? Sure. I'd give him the number.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. Thank you.

[Caldwell]

Not all heroes wear capes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I could be indebted to you. I could do this for free. I could be your little psych here for free or something.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

That position's taken.

[Caldwell]

Watch it, queen. Watch it.

[Jeff Lewis]

And we're gonna spend a lot more than $500 every two weeks. Yeah, maybe we're not doing an even, even trade now. I will say, although you need more product in your hair. It is really, really grown in. Yeah, it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know Jeff. The first thing Jeff said to me, we shared an elevator. And he goes, your hair looks like a wig today.

[Jeff Lewis]

I said, you look like a golden girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, thanks for the clarification.

[Caldwell]

Which is an accom, considering that Zach has been struggling to grow hair and got this hair transplant. I'm also one of these people. I just got a hair transplant, too.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes, I was gonna ask you about that.

[Caldwell]

So going from looking like you have no hair to having to looking like you're wearing a wig.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, that's a good problem.

[Jeff Lewis]

I feel like you're overcompensating now. Like, I want my hair as big and fluffy as possible, and you've achieved that this morning, but I do really. It was effective, that transplant.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

And you went all the way to Korea.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I went to South Korea.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Caldwell]

Thank you for clearing that up. Well, thank you for clearing up. Wish Korea.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You made me go to North Korea. They don't let me leave.

[Caldwell]

That's.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, you're going to prison.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My God, you're going to prison. I cannot believe that just happened.

[Caldwell]

You're going to.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you play that on the game?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It also didn't feel Korean, if I'm being honest.

[Caldwell]

It wasn't Korean.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Play some K pop.

[Caldwell]

It wasn't Korean. I do want to say, when I got here today, there was like. There was like a meeting going on apparently, or something with Staples. And I went. And I went into. I went into the conference room, and when I went in the conference room, your Jameson, your redhead staffer here, came in and was like. And just like, don't be loud. And I was like. And I was like, I just want to know, did you say that before the black guy came in or did the black guy should be like. And don't be all like. And he did, like, in his neck like this.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's what he does. That's what he does.

[Ad Reading Voice]

I don't like.

[Shane Douglas]

No, no, no. I just imagined you two seeing each other and being so excited to see each other and Zach already knew that.

[Jeff Lewis]

He's turning red.

[Caldwell]

Zach knew that you called him out. He was like, don't be loud. I remember saying, oh, oh, he's a.

[Jeff Lewis]

Gay with a clipboard.

[Caldwell]

I said, that's crazy. That was crazy. And then he left. Was like, you know how you all get? You have it recorded. You can't deny. I. I record every. I've learned the way of Jeff. I record every interaction. We got Matcha girl over here lying about the matcha. She got me last time and now I got you. I'm taking this whole fucking staff down.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep, yep. Your next twink. No, it is definitely something he would say.

[Shane Douglas]

Oh, as if. Yeah, right.

[Jeff Lewis]

And by the way, so Miranda Mayday is next. She has an issue with him too, because you went off on her the last time about the mic chord.

[Shane Douglas]

Well, I. I had noticed Miranda putting on the headset. And like, this happens almost every day. People look and they're trying to figure out which way the chord should be. I think the chord should be on the right. That it would. Right justify for me, however, on the left. No, no, no. But the way it's designed, it's on the left. But I would think all chords would be on the right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Right.

[Shane Douglas]

You would justify to the right. Where in a.

[Unknown Male Staffer]

So you're.

[Caldwell]

You lean right.

[Unknown Male Staffer]

Why the right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I always think left.

[Shane Douglas]

Like, you stay to the right. You read from left to the right.

[Caldwell]

So you lean right.

[Jeff Lewis]

But why do you give a shit where people have their chords?

[Shane Douglas]

I was looking at it and I was like, oh, the chord's on the left. That' design of these headphones, which I think is wrong, but whatever.

[Caldwell]

But you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so.

[Shane Douglas]

And then she's like, I know, I've been here before. Yeah. And that's fine. That's happened to me more than once here. I was trying to help, and no good deed goes on, but.

[Jeff Lewis]

Whole thing is, you're bossy about it, and you're short and you're bitchy, and so that's why it puts people on. He put you on the defensive. Correct. Yeah.

[Caldwell]

How tall are you? You're not that short.

[Unknown Female Staffer]

How tall?

[Shane Douglas]

Five, nine?

[Unknown Female Staffer]

No, he meant short.

[Caldwell]

Oh, you're. Oh, you're. Yeah. Oh, you're very short with words.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know the way he spoke to you. I know you think it's because you're black. It's not. He speaks to everyone like that.

[Caldwell]

Wow. You treat everyone like they're black.

[Shane Douglas]

Bob.

[Ad Reading Voice]

I don't see color.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's exactly, exactly correct. I do want you to have the opportunity to promote your shows. Zachy, you go first.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I'm doing zany Chicago Thanksgiving weekend. So that's November 28th through 30th. And then I'm doing Desert Ridge improv in Phoenix, Arizona on December 29th. And then I'm doing Orlando in January 22nd.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so where do people go?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Zachnoy towers.com. i'm gonna veto that song.

[Caldwell]

If you want to fuck a vampire, go to that song.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Zachnoytowers.com it's all there.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. Your shows, upcoming shows.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, I got shows in Brookville, Wisconsin on November 21st. 22nd, November 23rd. I'm in Madison, Wisconsin at one of my favorite comedy clubs, Comedy on State. December 2nd, I'm gonna be right here in Los Angeles, California at the Comedy Store.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh really?

[Caldwell]

And Zach doesn't know it yet, but think he's doing that show.

[Jeff Lewis]

You Both would just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

December 2nd. Yeah, yeah, I can do that.

[Caldwell]

Yeah, Zach, I would want to go.

[Jeff Lewis]

To that if Bob is. Yeah, I would love to see Bob Tuesday maybe.

[Caldwell]

And then December 4 through 6, I'll be in Eugene. Org. You can get tickets@seethedra queen.com s e the drag queen.com.

[Jeff Lewis]

So then would Zach be on? Would be before you or after you? Because I want to know when to.

[Caldwell]

Leave sex before you know. Cuz you never. Except for the. The little time you saw me do as x show. You never seen me do stand up, have you? No, I'm really funny.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Really funny.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think you are probably funny.

[Caldwell]

I'm a great writer. I weave a great narrative in my.

[Jeff Lewis]

Story, you know, for a minute. Cause I love having comedians on this show. Funny comedians. And Zach and then. And Akeen and I were talking about going to more comedy shows and just scouting. Yeah, scouting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We can also tell you people.

[Caldwell]

I'm telling you, you've told us great things. Zach knows every comedian worth their salt in town. You not allowed to tell a joke in this town unless you rented by Zack.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Noita was unlike the vending machine guy of comedy.

[Jeff Lewis]

Pam in Atlanta, line two. She has some advice. She has a vending machine company, Bob.

[Caldwell]

Okay, let's listen.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hi, Pam.

[Pam (Caller)]

Hi, how are you, Tom? Shout out change.

[Jeff Lewis]

How do we make money in vending machines, Pam?

[Pam (Caller)]

Well, I would tell you this. Most large locations like a hospital, school system, they all require contracts, but they also require commissions. They want part of the money.

[Jeff Lewis]

Fine, fine.

[Pam (Caller)]

I would say that's not a good idea, but I've been doing this almost 10 years now. I have 52 vending machines, snack machines and drink machines. And I have all those snacks, candy bars, potato chips. And I don't touch anything, okay? I look at it all the time.

[Caldwell]

How are you not getting high on your own supply? That's crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It sounds like she burnt out on it at some point and she just doesn't do it anymore.

[Jeff Lewis]

We should sell GLP1.

[Caldwell]

Oh, what is that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Lego Zampe.

[Jeff Lewis]

So Pam, what is the most popular snack bestseller?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cheetos.

[Pam (Caller)]

I would probably say Snickers candy bar. Snickers candy bars. I would say honey buns. And I would say cherry.

[Caldwell]

That's. You live in Atlanta. I don't know if you guys know this or not. I did not know this. White people don't eat honey buns.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know what a honey bun is.

[Caldwell]

Black people love honey bull cinnamon roll. But like just you live in Atlanta, which is one of the blackest cities in America and I'm not gonna make you say it cuz you sound white. But I'm going to go ahead and say it. Black people love honey buns. We love them.

[Jeff Lewis]

I. I learn new things every day on this show.

[Caldwell]

Thank you, man. By the time I'm back, I'm bringing you a honey bun.

[Jeff Lewis]

Will you could bring me a honey bun, please?

[Unknown Female Staffer]

Thanks Honey bun.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anytime.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Loud every weekday on Sirius XM as well as the Jeff Lewis channel exclusively on on the SiriusXM app.

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[Caldwell]

Com in.

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