
Nischelle Turner, Des Bishop, & Shane Douglas join Jeff Lewis in Los Angeles.
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Narrator/Advertiser
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Jeff Lewis
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Jeff Lewis
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Nichelle Turner
when you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.
Jeff Lewis
This is our love language. We terrorize each other, Right? You're the villain. You're now the villain. Yeah, same girl. But that's kind of the deal. You come on here, you get made fun of, right?
Nichelle Turner
Uh, yeah. Jeff Lewis has Issues hey, welcome to
Jeff Lewis
Jeff Lewis has Issues. In today's episode, DEZ Bishop and Nichelle Turner join the show. We talk about hotel cheaters, the meaning of names and quick proposals. Good morning.
Dez Bishop
Good morning.
Jeff Lewis
I heard you brought. You took a Waymo here, Des,
Nichelle Turner
it
Dez Bishop
wouldn't have been my opening bit. I've never had a Waymo before.
Nichelle Turner
It's a death trap. I would love it.
Jeff Lewis
You did.
Dez Bishop
I loved it.
Jeff Lewis
You're not. So you haven't done any research. You don't know about all the accidents. You don't know that they drop people off in the middle of the street.
Dez Bishop
I'll tell you about human behavior in cars. I'll find you some accidents. But no, listen, I'm not. I'm not a Waymo Spokesperson. I'm just a classic New Yorker, came to la, got excited about taking away.
Nichelle Turner
Was this your first? It wasn't your first time or was
Dez Bishop
it not my first time in la? It was my first time in a way.
Nichelle Turner
In a way.
Dez Bishop
I've never used a Waymo.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, you obviously don't have them in, in this, in the city.
Dez Bishop
We don't have them in New York. And, and you know, I don't, I, I certainly don't have any bits about it. It's the first time I got in it. But I've heard people say, like, it's a unique experience. So I wanted to have it and I was actually excited.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Narrator/Advertiser
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
It is exciting because it's, it's weird.
Jeff Lewis
Have you done it?
Shane
I did one last night.
Jeff Lewis
You did a Wayo last night?
Shane
I did a Waymo last night.
Dez Bishop
You sounded like you're taking an ecstasy tablet the way you said that last night. I didn't want anyone to know, but I waymoed. It was a little boy, wasn't it?
Jeff Lewis
Is it cheaper?
Shane
It was cheaper, but also I got two, I had two cameos to do and I think it's funny to do them from the Waymo because I'm like, look guys, I'm in a Waymo.
Dez Bishop
I know, but you don't need to feel self conscious about it. That's what's so cool. And you could pick your own music.
Jeff Lewis
Where are you coming from? You're at a hotel?
Dez Bishop
Yeah, I'm at the addition. West Hollywood.
Jeff Lewis
That's nice.
Dez Bishop
That's nice.
Jeff Lewis
Have you gone to the rooftop?
Dez Bishop
Oh, sorry. It's okay, it's okay. The chumps are gonna. The chums are gonna get on me.
Jeff Lewis
Did you go to the rooftop yet?
Dez Bishop
I had breakfast there this morning.
Jeff Lewis
It's so beautiful up there because I'm
Dez Bishop
such an early riser. And then I'm on New York Times. I was literally waiting for it to open, but it was. It's amazing.
Jeff Lewis
You've been to the Edition Rooftop?
Nichelle Turner
I have not.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, it's, it's.
Nichelle Turner
It's a must.
Dez Bishop
A great spot, but I'm more of a one hotel guy since we're going full on.
Jeff Lewis
We love one hotel. We used to put guests up there. I love that bar.
Dez Bishop
I love it. And it just. You feel like you're in Tulum when. When Tulum was cool.
Jeff Lewis
There's a lot of hookup. It's, you know, it's a big hookup spot.
Nichelle Turner
What the one hotel is.
Dez Bishop
Yeah. What do you mean?
Jeff Lewis
Like the bar tonight.
Kian
What's that.
Dez Bishop
Oh, really?
Jeff Lewis
Lot of cheaters.
Nichelle Turner
Oh.
Dez Bishop
Oh, dear.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, no, they're informatic.
Dez Bishop
Well, the good news. The good news is that it was my wife that put me onto the bar. So either she's cheating.
Jeff Lewis
No, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry to tell you, of all the hotels in la, she's someone else.
Dez Bishop
Well, I'd rather her. Somebody that loves a good hotel. You know, if you. At least they have good taste. That's all I can say now.
Jeff Lewis
Speaking of sex.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, boy.
Jeff Lewis
Michelle Turner, you had a mystery man, which we believe is 62. I've narrowed it to the Bay Area. I think he lives in the Bay Area. Now.
Dez Bishop
Michelle's been dancing since I met her.
Nichelle Turner
I did. I walked in, I was, like, doing a booty pop. When he walked in, he was like, oh, okay.
Jeff Lewis
Did you tell him about your bone contusion?
Nichelle Turner
No. But you know what? It's better. And you know why it's better? Because the mystery man worked it out.
Dez Bishop
What does that mean?
Jeff Lewis
What do you mean? Wait, what do you mean he worked it out?
Nichelle Turner
Well, I told you, last time I was here, we were having a date, right? We were gonna have a date. He was coming to visit. We were gonna have a day date, and we did, and it was incredible. But I was telling him about my bone contusion. Right.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, that's.
Nichelle Turner
Wow.
Dez Bishop
He was so hard. The horniness. Oh, my God.
Nichelle Turner
Well, he did say lay down on the couch, and I did. And he started, like, massaging, like, the bone. And this sounds bad.
Jeff Lewis
He started massaging the bone and then you reciprocated.
Nichelle Turner
Well, yeah.
Dez Bishop
That's the thing, though.
Nichelle Turner
Well, it was a day date. It was. I was right here. I was tunnel vision. Just a day date.
Jeff Lewis
This was your first date, right?
Nichelle Turner
No, this was the third date.
Jeff Lewis
And he flies in from the Bay Area to see you.
Nichelle Turner
Jeff.
Dez Bishop
Just, you know, is he, like a tech. Is he, like a tech billionaire?
Nichelle Turner
He's not, but that would be nice. But he's not. But he was telling me that my IT band was hurt, and so he was, like, working that out. Ever since he did that, it has been feeling. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Dez Bishop
That's the thing about you. Date an older guy, they're gonna know about all the ailments.
Nichelle Turner
You see what I'm saying?
Dez Bishop
Yeah. There's not a man over 45 that hasn't been told they have a tight it band.
Nichelle Turner
There you go. Get yourself an elder. Cause apparently these elders know everything.
Jeff Lewis
So. How long did he work on?
Nichelle Turner
Wasn't long. It was just like 20 minutes or so. But then I fell asleep.
Jeff Lewis
God, you're a real fun date.
Kian
I know.
Shane
Really?
Dez Bishop
What a stereotype reversal right there.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, is that bad, or is that a sign that I feel comfortable with him? Because I did fall. And he goes. He was talking to me. And he goes, nichelle, you're falling asleep. You've fallen asleep, like four times. I'm like, have I? Oh, I didn't realize it. And so then he was like, okay, so I gotta go catch my flight back. So then he left to go catch his flight. So I don't know if that was a bad thing.
Shane
I'm gonna say that this is your
Jeff Lewis
third date and you didn't put out.
Dez Bishop
And you put in a lot of effort, too.
Nichelle Turner
That's the question. I think that's the mark of a good girl. Am I supposed to put out on the third date when we haven't established, like, you're my dude? Des, answer this for me.
Dez Bishop
No, I think it's totally up to you. I don't. You know, I think a guy at 62, he's not really in. He's not. He doesn't mind. He's happy with the company.
Nichelle Turner
Sure.
Dez Bishop
He's happy that he was able to, like, please you in that way, but
Nichelle Turner
he's not like 62 where he walks with a cane.
Dez Bishop
No, but I'm just saying he's passed. He's. He's. He's only got a certain amount of loads, so he's not. He's not that worried about wasting guarantee.
Jeff Lewis
He took. He took something. He took a Cialis or a Viagra or something because he knew third date, it was going to happen. You're going back. You're going back.
Nichelle Turner
Ian said this yesterday.
Dez Bishop
He wasted a Cialis.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, he sure did.
Nichelle Turner
So you took a Viagra and he was ready to rock and roll. And I.
Dez Bishop
Did he have a runny nose? Did he have a runny nose by any chance?
Nichelle Turner
No, but. Is that a mark of a Viagra? Listen, we had an event.
Dez Bishop
If the guy says, sorry, I have a bit of a cold, is that
Jeff Lewis
why my nose is always running?
Dez Bishop
That's amazing.
Nichelle Turner
That's amazing Now. Thank you for putting me on.
Jeff Lewis
You should have done something. I mean, you should have done just, like, to show them you're interested.
Dez Bishop
What's that?
Nichelle Turner
What do you think?
Dez Bishop
Sorry, I'm not. I'm not circumcised, so I don't need to use that much lubrication. That's not the noise. I just have skin to do. I'm European in That way.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, my God. You know what? I just learned something. So if you're not circumcised, you can't.
Jeff Lewis
You don't need lube.
Dez Bishop
You don't you. For masturbation. No. I mean, you never know.
Jeff Lewis
I would save some money.
Dez Bishop
I got a lot of warnings about be careful what you talk about on Jeff Lewis. Yeah, you would save a lot of money, but you need lube for. In your world, you need lube for other things, but for masturbation, you don't need lube.
Nichelle Turner
You know, maybe not.
Jeff Lewis
How much. Imagine how much money Doug would save.
Shane
Oh, my God. A lot.
Nichelle Turner
This is really an education. I did not know that.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, well, it's fascinating because, you know, I just happened to be born in London, and then I wasn't circumcised because they don't do that. There's. But then I lived my life in America, where I was the odd one out, you know?
Nichelle Turner
Wait, so how many places have you lived?
Dez Bishop
I did ignore London, but that's just. Anyway, I'm not circumcised. That's the main thing. So I. It's only over here that people are, like, fascinated by all the things you learn about not being circumcised, because in Europe, it's just totally normal.
Nichelle Turner
Do you know what I'm getting by all your questions, though, about the date and the way you're looking at me? You're looking at me like, this man does not like you.
Jeff Lewis
No, he. I don't. No, no, no. I don't think that at all. I'm just worried. I don't want him to feel like you put him in the frame.
Nichelle Turner
I don't like him. Okay.
Shane
Has he planned date number four?
Nichelle Turner
Okay, so we have planned date number four.
Jeff Lewis
He postponed.
Nichelle Turner
But it's for. But we planned. It's like, for the end of August.
Kian
Oh, what?
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, I know.
Dez Bishop
I have.
Nichelle Turner
I have a busy schedule coming up. Nope, he's a little busy.
Jeff Lewis
It's over. You put him in the friend zone. You went on three dates with him, you talked about your fucking bone contusion, and you fell asleep. It's over.
Nichelle Turner
But we had a beautiful line.
Dez Bishop
Treat him like a physical therapist, not a boyfriend.
Nichelle Turner
You know what he did say to me? Don't tell people that I'm over here massaging. I'm like, well, let me tell everybody, right? It's not.
Dez Bishop
Tell everyone.
Nichelle Turner
No one knows who he is.
Jeff Lewis
I'm afraid you messed up.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, no.
Jeff Lewis
Because now he doesn't want to see you till the end of August. Which, by the way, he's not going to follow through. It's not going to.
Dez Bishop
Oh, well, no dude is going to wait. Breath. Well, no, except it's. It's a long distance thing, so it's like.
Jeff Lewis
It's not that long distance. It's an hour flight, guys.
Nichelle Turner
It's not that long distance. But here's the thing. So I only have a couple days, like, leeway before the end of August. Cause I am really busy. And so I'm thinking about saying to him, like, hey, I have a day. Do you want to do something? But then the thing is, is that me being in my feminine.
Jeff Lewis
You're looking difficult. You're looking difficult. Oh, I'm busy on this day. This day, this day, this day. But fly here and then you can rub my feet.
Nichelle Turner
Okay. When he came to my house, though, he was very impressed with my Emmys. So he knows that I'm a busy girl. Very impressed.
Dez Bishop
Listen, if you. If you. If you care about him enough, then maybe take a step forward and see if he recipes.
Nichelle Turner
That's not like leaning into the masculine. Aren't you supposed to let a man lead? Aren't you supposed to let the man talk?
Dez Bishop
You're making it too complicated.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, it's not.
Dez Bishop
You don't need to.
Kian
It.
Dez Bishop
There's no masculine, feminine. If you like the guy, step forward a little bit. Because you maybe have been playing it a bit cool against realizing that you were doing that. Look forward to it. See what happens.
Nichelle Turner
Well, okay, let me give you all this scenario and you tell me what you think about this. Because when we were leaving my house to go to lunch, by the way, Casalina was delicious. If you haven't gone, go Delicious diet. Delicious.
Jeff Lewis
Where is it?
Nichelle Turner
Woodland Hills. It's delicious. It's on Ventura in Woodland Hills. I mean, we had this appetizer that was like whipped ricotta, honey pistachios.
Jeff Lewis
It was great for my cholesterol.
Nichelle Turner
Prosciutto. It's radiant.
Narrator/Advertiser
Some.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, it was delicious. I. I'm still thinking about it. Anyway, so when we were leaving my house to go to the restaurant, I was like, oh, I forgot something in the house. I gotta go back and get it. When I came outside, the door was open. He had opened the door for me, but he was sitting in the car, so it was like he opened the door, but he really didn't.
Dez Bishop
Oh, my God. So you're very complicated.
Nichelle Turner
Is that. I'm wondering, though, there's a whole scene
Dez Bishop
in the Bronx Tale about all he
Nichelle Turner
has to do is open the door for you.
Dez Bishop
That's enough.
Nichelle Turner
The test. Okay, so he shouldn't have. Like, should he have?
Jeff Lewis
I think that's so considerate. He went around and opened up your door, then got in the car?
Nichelle Turner
Yes.
Dez Bishop
Yeah. Because he didn't know how long you were going to be.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, so that wasn't. Because Keon said that was a red flag. Kean said, the man should have been standing out there.
Jeff Lewis
Keen is single. Why are you listening? Why are you listening to him?
Nichelle Turner
Okay, well, okay, here's the other thing he did. So when we were leaving, because I told him I just wanted to be a passenger princess that day, I just wanted to be like, take care of me. Just be a passenger princess. He said, fine. So we were leaving the restaurant. The valet was going to open the door, and he said, no, she wants me to open the door for her. Now, would you have said that, or would you have just opened the door?
Dez Bishop
Oh, he's being sarcastic. Yeah, he's just a bit of humor.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, so I'm just looking too far.
Jeff Lewis
Spicy. I like that.
Dez Bishop
Yeah.
Nichelle Turner
Okay.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah.
Nichelle Turner
He gives me the business sometimes, and I do like that.
Jeff Lewis
I do like that. You need that.
Nichelle Turner
I do. Put it in.
Jeff Lewis
You look good today, by the way.
Nichelle Turner
I do.
Jeff Lewis
Who did your makeup?
Nichelle Turner
Rebecca Epps.
Jeff Lewis
Are you going somewhere after this work? Oh, so you get your makeup done at home before you go to the studio?
Nichelle Turner
No, no, no. I went to the studio this morning, got my hair, makeup done, came here to do the show, then I'm going back. I have three shows to do today. But because I love y' all so much, and we love you at Entertainment Tonight, they said we're gonna push back production for Jeff Lewis today.
Jeff Lewis
I did want to talk about something, though.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, boy.
Jeff Lewis
Okay. Congratulations. I know you were nominated for four. Your show was. No, four different.
Nichelle Turner
Four Emmys yesterday.
Shane
Yes.
Jeff Lewis
Here's the problem, Des. You can, you know, jump in on this. Access Hollywood, which was their rival for years and years and years, they. That has been canceled. Usually what's gonna happen is I'm afraid Access Hollywood is gonna. I think they're gonna get most of the Emmys because they're. They're done. Remember that year with Schitt's Creek? They canceled it, and then it was the Emmys, and they won every single Emmy. Okay, so outstanding arts and popular culture program, Access Hollywood.
Dez Bishop
Oh, who are you up against? Who else?
Nichelle Turner
We're up against Extra and Access Hollywood for that. But then in the personality over the host category.
Jeff Lewis
Well, we'll get there.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, boy.
Jeff Lewis
So I'M gonna give it to Access. Sorry.
Nichelle Turner
Okay.
Jeff Lewis
Outstanding arts and popular culture program.
Nichelle Turner
Okay.
Jeff Lewis
Outstanding directing for a daytime studio nonfiction series. Access.
Dez Bishop
Really?
Nichelle Turner
So you're basically saying I shouldn't even go to the show.
Jeff Lewis
Well, it's up to you. I mean, if you want to waste a dress.
Dez Bishop
You have four already. Have a good time. Maybe take the mystery guy.
Nichelle Turner
I have 11 outstanding
Jeff Lewis
outstanding entertainment news series. Yeah, that's for sure. Access. Here's the other one, though. You could get this. And okay. It is outstanding daytime personality daily. Now they're looking at as kind of an ensemble, right?
Nichelle Turner
Yes.
Jeff Lewis
And that Kevin Fraser has a great personality.
Nichelle Turner
He sure does.
Jeff Lewis
Funny. Could win it for you.
Nichelle Turner
He could.
Jeff Lewis
We won it last year because of Kevin.
Nichelle Turner
We. There you go.
Dez Bishop
Because of the man.
Jeff Lewis
But Mario Lopez and Zuri hall, they are hot.
Nichelle Turner
Mario has dimples. Zuri has.
Jeff Lewis
No, they're hot. They're gorgeous together. But that Kevin's funny.
Nichelle Turner
He's funny. He's a funny guy.
Dez Bishop
And Mario Lopez got a little stink on him at the moment. Oh, his Trump support.
Kian
Oh.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, I wasn't aware of that.
Nichelle Turner
You know what?
Jeff Lewis
Just had Courtney on. We should have. We should have discussed politics. That always goes really well.
Nichelle Turner
There you go. We should have jumped right in. So here you're maga. Courtney, how you doing?
Dez Bishop
Hey, but this is how you win. You gotta. You gotta start playing the politics. They went after the safdies with the Timothy Salamat. You got to play politics. You want to win that thing.
Nichelle Turner
Jeff Lewis is divisive enough. The last thing he needs to do is talk politics.
Dez Bishop
No, no, I'm saying you. You can get one of those dirty campaigns to get your Smear. That's the word. Sorry. Sorry. That's what I meant. That's what I meant.
Nichelle Turner
I can smear Mario. Here we go. Get ready.
Jeff Lewis
You don't have to plant stories. All you got to do is just show up to work.
Nichelle Turner
That's all I got to do.
Jeff Lewis
Just report on it.
Dez Bishop
By the way. Allegedly. I don't want to get in any trouble. Especially because I was like a childhood hero of Mario Lopez. I feel like I've been with him.
Nichelle Turner
From the Slater fan.
Dez Bishop
No, that. With Kids Incorporated. He was.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, that's right. He was.
Dez Bishop
Okay, I forgot. D s. He's gonna get incorporated. They're gonna Gen X. Gen X.
Jeff Lewis
They're gonna sweep the Emmys. I'm sorry.
Shane
Yeah.
Nichelle Turner
Listen, I. I may be of a bit of the same mindset. I actually thought last year that there would. They. We were gonna lose. I thought that they Were gonna give it to E Because they had gotten canceled and they were nominated. That didn't happen. We won. No, we won. But. But I was pretty good though, you know? You know, so you guys.
Dez Bishop
You guys are like the last game in town.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah. Us an extra. And then now that. That we may be one company, I don't know what they're gonna do.
Jeff Lewis
That's why they only renewed our contract for one year.
Shane
One.
Kian
Really?
Nichelle Turner
One year.
Dez Bishop
Start working on that content, you know?
Jeff Lewis
Yep. While you're hot. Do those dance videos.
Nichelle Turner
I don't have my boob job yet, so I can't do.
Jeff Lewis
How are we with that? What's happening?
Nichelle Turner
Okay, so here's the thing.
Dez Bishop
I'm still thinking, you know, so much about her life.
Nichelle Turner
Listen, last time we here, I'm talking,
Dez Bishop
I'm thinking about having a 62 year old. Would have made more of an effort.
Nichelle Turner
Well, the 62 year old thinks I need to get. He thinks I should get a D. He was like, I think you should
Jeff Lewis
have D. Not on you. That's a red flag.
Dez Bishop
That's a red flag.
Nichelle Turner
Everyone said the same thing.
Dez Bishop
That's a red flag.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, so I'm still thinking about it, but I'm just nervous because I am seeing these stories about people getting sick. Remember Yolanda Hadid said she was like, had to take implants out.
Dez Bishop
People getting sick, they have like a disease obsessed.
Nichelle Turner
All have Lyme disease. Yeah, they all have Lyme disease. But. But then I've seen other people say I'm sick because of it or whatever. And then I'm seeing a lot of girls saying, we're going back to natural. We're getting them taken out. We don't want the implants anymore. So part of me is like, maybe I should just stay. And I decided that I am getting the eyes done, but I'm still waiting on the boobs.
Jeff Lewis
All right, so the woman who cuts my hair, she just did a boob job, but she did the fat transfer. And she's like, you, skinny, skinny, skinny. I don't know where they got the fat. They look so good.
Nichelle Turner
Do they look good?
Jeff Lewis
So good, so natural. And by the way, not too large, but, like, because she's really thin like you are.
Nichelle Turner
What is like a C?
Jeff Lewis
I don't even know if it's a C. I think it might be a
Nichelle Turner
full B. I think I would want a B.
Jeff Lewis
A full B. She looks fantastic. It looks so natural. I think I'm gonna get that doctor for you.
Nichelle Turner
Please do. And I'm getting the same procedure done. The fat transfer under my eyes that you got done.
Jeff Lewis
So I have lots of Questions for you, Dr. Groth.
Nichelle Turner
No, I'm doing Dr. Mend.
Jeff Lewis
Okay. Yeah, I'll tell you about it. It's so easy. It's so easy.
Nichelle Turner
Is it because they scared me when I was talking to the nurse? No.
Jeff Lewis
What did she say to you?
Nichelle Turner
Basically, she said, it takes nine to 12 months to really be able to see anything. And she said this to me, which I don't think you say this, people. You're gonna have good days and bad days. I'm like, excuse me. She was like, some days you might.
Dez Bishop
What did Bradley Cooper get in his eyes?
Nichelle Turner
Oh, he got.
Dez Bishop
Whatever he got. Don't get it. That's all I can say.
Nichelle Turner
He looks pulled.
Jeff Lewis
That's a facelift.
Dez Bishop
Oh, is that what that is?
Nichelle Turner
He swears he didn't do anything. He swears he didn't do anything.
Dez Bishop
It just looks weird.
Jeff Lewis
Maybe you should go to Groff. You think it was such an easy recovery. Not for Shane, but for me.
Nichelle Turner
He's great, though. Dr. Menace. They put you up. I'm getting it done in Vegas. They then put you up at the Four Seasons for, like, four days. And they have four hours. They said I could drive the next day.
Jeff Lewis
This was silly. I was just home for a weekend. I had it done on Friday. I was back to work Monday. Back to work Monday?
Nichelle Turner
Are you serious?
Jeff Lewis
It's no big deal.
Nichelle Turner
Taking, like, two weeks off work.
Jeff Lewis
This is stupid. Go to Roth in Beverly Hills. It's the easiest thing.
Nichelle Turner
I've already paid, and I'm already like.
Dez Bishop
But if you're going under, get your tits done, too. Just get true.
Jeff Lewis
Take the fat from your eyes and
Nichelle Turner
put it in your tits.
Jeff Lewis
That's all you. Because I don't know where they're going
Dez Bishop
to get the fat they're doing.
Nichelle Turner
From my inner thighs. They're taking the fat from my inner thighs. I do have a thigh gap, thank you. Thank you very much, but no. Yeah, I'm getting. I'm getting them done. I'm booked for doing it. I'm staying at the Four Seasons. They're gonna take care of me 24 hours.
Jeff Lewis
This is silly. You're gonna be there for two nights and go home, put on some sunglasses, get on Jet, Suite X. You're good, and we're fine.
Nichelle Turner
See, I was gonna drive to Vegas because I didn't know if I should fly.
Dez Bishop
Everybody's getting. Everyone's wearing sunglasses when they get their eyes done. Just fly.
Nichelle Turner
But I'm supposed to have a Date with the guy, like 10 days.
Jeff Lewis
You're fine. You're fine. Totally fine.
Nichelle Turner
Okay. Okay. Okay, Good. Okay.
Jeff Lewis
I don't know who you're talking to.
Nichelle Turner
This is what the nurse is. She goes, some days your eye might be wonky. And I said, ma', am, I'm on TV every day. She goes, oh, but only you will be able to, like, understand.
Jeff Lewis
No, you're wonky eye. Now, it's simple fat transfer.
Narrator/Advertiser
This is.
Jeff Lewis
This is crazy.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, but what do they do? They just pull your eye. They cut on the inside of your eye and they put the little layers of fat underneath there.
Jeff Lewis
It's the easiest thing in the world. Okay, but you gotta do it every five years. That's the problem.
Narrator/Advertiser
Oh, really?
Dez Bishop
Why? You absorb the fat back.
Jeff Lewis
It's just. I mean, I need it again. But now they're saying we should cut, so.
Nichelle Turner
Wait, you didn't.
Jeff Lewis
Okay, I already did it. I did it five years ago. But now I'm gonna cut to cut into a little, little, little stitch there.
Nichelle Turner
So on the inside. And they're gonna lift it up a little bit. Okay?
Narrator/Advertiser
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
It's gonna pull it a little bit.
Kian
I'm nervous.
Jeff Lewis
You should not be nervous.
Dez Bishop
Okay.
Jeff Lewis
Aren't you glad you showed up today, Dustin?
Kian
I am.
Dez Bishop
Because I love talking about this. And I'm a straight man. You think I could talk about this shit with my friends? This.
Jeff Lewis
You look really good.
Dez Bishop
No, but if I was your eyes, if I was going to get anything, they have this mini facelift. Now. Just a little pullback here, because this is starting.
Jeff Lewis
I would tell you if you needed it. I don't think you.
Nichelle Turner
I don't think you need it.
Jeff Lewis
And I actually. And here's the thing. I know you have a thing about dyeing your hair. I'm glad you don't, because you're not a bit.
Dez Bishop
He's. I have a joke.
Jeff Lewis
You're all gray.
Dez Bishop
To going gray.
Jeff Lewis
It looks really good.
Dez Bishop
I dyed it during the going gray period.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Dez Bishop
We're under construction. You know, it's like the scaffolding. But once it was fully gray, I was totally excited.
Jeff Lewis
And you were humiliated when you died. Is that correct? You were embarrassed?
Dez Bishop
No. There was a time when I was in China where I couldn't find the right color and I dyed it anyway. And it looked.
Nichelle Turner
Did you look like George Clooney when he was on Broadway doing Goodnight?
Dez Bishop
Yeah, but he had to do it. But actually, when I saw him, I was like, yes. I remember that feeling. It was pretty embarrassing. That's wild, because the joke I have in the show is that, you know, when women dye their hair, it's like, totally fine. But when a man dyes his hair, everyone's like, who does he think he's fooling?
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, it's true. No, it is true.
Dez Bishop
But I. By the way, I contrast that with how tough it is for women in general. But I just use that as a quick punchline. Just, I don't want anyone.
Jeff Lewis
And your new special is Bridge and Tunnel, and it's on Hulu. I didn't realize this is your. Is this your seventh special?
Nichelle Turner
Wow.
Dez Bishop
He. Keon would know a bit. Most of those are in Ireland.
Jeff Lewis
I see.
Dez Bishop
No, I've had a very long Irish career that Americans are completely oblivious to. It's really my second American special.
Jeff Lewis
Got it.
Dez Bishop
Yeah. And it was on Hulu, but It's also on YouTube now, too.
Nichelle Turner
I'm going to go home and watch it.
Jeff Lewis
So, wait, you were born in Ireland, right?
Dez Bishop
No, My birth is confusing because my parents happen to be living in London. So ignore that because I was back in New York within four weeks. So I grew up in New York. When I was 14, I went to boarding school in Ireland.
Nichelle Turner
Wait, did your mother not know she was about to have a baby?
Dez Bishop
No. You couldn't travel. They waited to have me because it wasn't back then. They didn't let you travel when you were, like, not even that long pregnant.
Nichelle Turner
Got it.
Shane
Okay.
Dez Bishop
So I was born in London, grew up in New York. That's the important part. And then at 14, I was sent to boarding school in Ireland.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, right.
Jeff Lewis
Because for how long?
Dez Bishop
Oh, I ended up spending the rest of my life there. Until the pandemic. So I went to boarding school. But then college was so cheap. I stayed for college. Then I got into comedy when I was in college, and then I had a very long Irish.
Jeff Lewis
You were an actor also, correct?
Dez Bishop
A bit.
Jeff Lewis
Okay.
Dez Bishop
I mean, I can say I'm an actor. I have an IMDb. But you've been in New York. If actor was the only thing that I was doing, then I would have been a very unsuccessful actor.
Jeff Lewis
How did you end up back in New York?
Dez Bishop
I met Hannah during the pandemic. My now wife.
Nichelle Turner
You met her in Ireland?
Dez Bishop
No, no, here we were. We were out in the Hamptons. I decided when Ireland was shutting down, and I was, because we've always. My family always had a summer house in West Hampton, Long Island. So I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to get out of Ireland, that I was going to be stuck in Ireland. And I wanted to have the summer in West Hampton. I didn't know that Ireland wouldn't open up for over two years. Anyway, so when I left, I was out in the Hamptons. The world was shut down. And then I saw I was following Hannah for whatever reason, and I saw her story.
Jeff Lewis
Stalker.
Nichelle Turner
I was gonna say following her.
Dez Bishop
Like, no, no. I follow her because I think she was on Nikki Glaser's story a few months before. And I was like, oh, cute comic. I followed her. That's it.
Nichelle Turner
Right.
Dez Bishop
So then I see she's out in Shelter Island. Fun fact. She was having lunch with the Countess. Luan.
Shane
Who?
Dez Bishop
I didn't even know who the Countess was at the time. That's how much I was now.
Jeff Lewis
So you were tracking her?
Nichelle Turner
No.
Jeff Lewis
Well, you knew she was having lunch.
Dez Bishop
She posted the location, and I was like, oh, she's. Yeah, she was feeling. Yeah. So she. The location was the Hamptons. And then I saw she was following me, which I never knew. She followed me back. So I said, she followed me back. I shot my shot. I said, hey, are you out east? She said, yeah. I said, you want to meet for coffee in Sag Harbor? She said, yeah. And we went for coffee. And that was it.
Nichelle Turner
I'm such an idiot, because now all the pieces are coming together. Hannah.
Dez Bishop
Hannah Berner is my wife. That's the only reason I'm here.
Nichelle Turner
You were on Summer House for, like.
Jeff Lewis
No, I didn't even know.
Nichelle Turner
I'm such an idiot. It's awes coming together now, Keon, you didn't tell me that. Okay, I got it.
Dez Bishop
So there's a lot of Hannah and Paige have giggly spots.
Nichelle Turner
I got it.
Dez Bishop
But what I discovered after being announced on this show. Lot of crossover.
Nichelle Turner
Yes.
Dez Bishop
Between the chumps and the gigglers.
Nichelle Turner
Yes, for sure.
Dez Bishop
So I was. I was trying to come up with a name, which I think it would have to be Chigglers, because you can't do gimps. So it's going to be chigglers. There's a lot of chigglers out there.
Jeff Lewis
Just wait. There's nothing like the chumps. No, nothing.
Dez Bishop
Hey, you know, I grew up with a lot of chumps. It turns out Emily Boodle, my first girlfriend, reached out to me. Shout out. Elizabeth o'. Hara. Girl I grew up with in Queens. Big chumps. Like, a lot of excited women messaged me being like, I can't believe you're going to be on Jeff Lewis.
Nichelle Turner
I get a lot of guys, too, now. Like, there's a lot of CBS News correspondents that are like secretly email me. They're like, we're chumps.
Dez Bishop
Oh, nice. It's a cult.
Jeff Lewis
It's embarrassing. It's like nobody, nobody. They whisper. They don't. Yeah. Honestly, they're not proud. They're not. They're humiliated. If they.
Nichelle Turner
I had chumps coming up to me at the Grammys going, I'm a chump.
Dez Bishop
Hey, I'm a chump.
Jeff Lewis
But see, they don't say it in front of other people.
Nichelle Turner
No, they don't scream it, they whisper it.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, but that's fun. It's better to listen. It's secretive. It's like the, you know.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah, they're in their club.
Jeff Lewis
Wait a minute. Didn't you go live in China for a while?
Dez Bishop
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
So you didn't, you didn't mention that.
Dez Bishop
I have a very complicated story. It's very hard to get it through on a light hearted show like this. But anyway, no, I had a very like, I had an Irish comedy career, like a lot of TV shows and different things. And then I pitched a TV show where. And I had done these type of like immersion documentary shows. So I pitched a TV show where I moved to China and I had one year to learn enough Mandarin to do stand up comedy in Mandarin in China for a Chinese audience. And it was a six part series about China through the, through the lens of somebody who was trying to achieve that. And I did it. So anyway, I ended up living there for two years because I liked it so much. I stayed another year.
Jeff Lewis
And did you have a girlfriend the second year?
Dez Bishop
So when I stayed in my second year, I dated a Chinese woman for a while.
Jeff Lewis
Was it a woman or was it a lady boy?
Dez Bishop
That's Thailand, number one. Okay, let's get our Asian stereotypes.
Jeff Lewis
There's Chinese lady boys. There is Chinese lady boys.
Dez Bishop
I have no doubt that there's Chinese lady. I actually, I do believe that that term is maybe outdated now even. But no, in Thailand they don't take that from us.
Jeff Lewis
What would we call them? They're trying to make us like we're supposed to say unhoused now too.
Dez Bishop
Oh yeah, that didn't stick.
Jeff Lewis
That actually didn't stick because I'm holding on to homeless.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, that didn't stick. A few things didn't stick. You know, Please.
Jeff Lewis
And I'm holding on to ladyboy.
Dez Bishop
Okay, that. Hey, you guys, you guys, do you. Okay.
Jeff Lewis
Is there another term? See, it's not available.
Dez Bishop
I could be wrong. I could be. Anyway, that's a Thailand thing.
Nichelle Turner
So you went on Summer House a little Bit Right. You were on for, like, a three days. Brief message. Three days.
Dez Bishop
But that was literally right after I met Hannah. So I met Hannah.
Nichelle Turner
They didn't give you a good edit.
Dez Bishop
Oh, yeah.
Jeff Lewis
But really, was he a dickhead?
Nichelle Turner
No, they were trying to paint it like.
Dez Bishop
No, Hannah was. Listen, that we don't. In our house. We have moved on from. From season five of Summer.
Nichelle Turner
Okay. But I haven't. And you're here.
Jeff Lewis
Well, it sounds like I need to watch it.
Nichelle Turner
You're here.
Narrator/Advertiser
I didn't see that.
Nichelle Turner
Well, no, they didn't. They did Hannah dirty. They really did do her dirty.
Dez Bishop
You know, I'm not gonna express any opinions.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, well, I will. They did her dirty. But when you came on, they kind of made it, like, trying to make it, like, oh, she has this guy, this random guy, and he's. And who is this guy? And do we know anything about that?
Dez Bishop
Yeah, but that's all, you know. They can portray it any way they want. Here's the reality, though. When I met Hannah, literally, she got in my car, Sag harbor, the ferry from Shelter island, she got in my car, and within three minutes, I knew that I was gonna marry her.
Nichelle Turner
Are you serious?
Dez Bishop
I knew. No, no, listen, I'm not. Hannah will tell you. I'm not like, a romantic, like, affectionate guy. I'm like, you know, typically Gen X, whatever.
Jeff Lewis
But he's also a stalker.
Dez Bishop
No, but. No, but I knew we. The minute she got in, we had, like, an immediate connection.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
And it wasn't just the humor, but the humor was a big part of it. I'd never dated a comic, and I. To my surprise, I was like, this is amazing. So I knew the problem was she was going in there immediately afterwards. She didn't know.
Jeff Lewis
So I get. I bet she didn't know.
Nichelle Turner
Well, that was. That was a season. They did her really dirty.
Jeff Lewis
I wonder how long it took her. Well, I don't even know she's there yet.
Dez Bishop
I don't mind, because, you want to be honest, she's really killing it since we met, now we're married. So, yeah, it really has been a real win.
Shane
But no, all.
Dez Bishop
Listen, all joking aside, I knew. So she went in there, and it was, you know, all the way. It was going down. They were locked in the house.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
You know, and so it was a bit, like, full on. Like, the energy was like a weird energy. And I was going in there because I was like. I was. I was smitten. You got to understand. I was smitten. You could tell back in the day there's an Irish comedian called Joanne McNally and we were doing podcasts at the time, and I. She was, like, getting annoyed at me. I was so sm. I was googling. I was googling. What does the. What does being like falling deeply in love do to your body hormonally? Because I was, like, finding it hard to deal with. I was looking at the. The hormone secretion. Anyway, long story short, I'm worried for
Jeff Lewis
him with the divorce.
Dez Bishop
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
I'm. I'm worried he's gonna kill him.
Shane
That was the same.
Dez Bishop
That was. That was the early days. But anyway, no, we have a great. We have a great marriage. So, anyway, so. But I didn't call. So when I had this opportunity to go in there, I just wanted to see her again because we were talking on the phone every day. So I didn't tell my agent. I didn't tell anybody because I knew they'd be like, no way.
Nichelle Turner
Don't go on that show.
Dez Bishop
No way. So I hid it and went in there covertly to lock down Hannah. Now, the price to pay was we didn't come across great on that season.
Nichelle Turner
Right.
Dez Bishop
So be it. Because that is reality TV is not reality. And our reality is pretty cool.
Kian
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
So I'll take it. I take it.
Nichelle Turner
I'm glad, you know, that they didn't give you a good.
Dez Bishop
Yeah. But I didn't watch it. So when people started messaging me, I was like, that's not what happened. But, you know, like, I don't care.
Nichelle Turner
Got it.
Dez Bishop
I didn't watch it deliberately because, like, why am I going to be annoyed at whatever they chose to show versus the experience that I had?
Shane
Right.
Dez Bishop
You know what I mean?
Nichelle Turner
And.
Kian
And she.
Nichelle Turner
I mean, she had up and down. You know, I think I love her. I think she's great and I love
Dez Bishop
her regardless of what you think and how bad that was. What. What a resilience to keep going and have the success that you're going back.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
You know, and Giggly Squad is a behemoth
Narrator/Advertiser
flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them. That's bullspend. And marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions.
Jeff Lewis
I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow.
Kian
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
It wasn't.
Narrator/Advertiser
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Jeff Lewis
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Kian
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Dez Bishop
I did. I have a picture of it, actually.
Nichelle Turner
Are they supposed to be on the freeway? Well, then I asked if it had a driver in it, which you said, yes, it did.
Jeff Lewis
So it's not really a Waymo. Well, if it has a driver, it's a Waymo.
Nichelle Turner
They must be testing on the freeway
Dez Bishop
is what it is, because it says Waymo engineering.
Jeff Lewis
But someone was driving it.
Dez Bishop
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
So it's not totally the same thing.
Dez Bishop
Well, I mean, it could have been like a Tesla where you put it in self drive and someone's just monitoring it.
Nichelle Turner
When Waymo's first came out, they had drivers in them not actually driving. This was wrong with society today.
Dez Bishop
Why do you suddenly sound like Martin Luther King? It's like, suddenly it's like I feel
Nichelle Turner
the mountain behind the trees. One day, little Waymo girls and little Waymo boys will join together. Honestly, what is happening with. We put it in self drive and we just put my hands on 10 and 2 in my car that they lied to me about that everybody else has, and let us all be on the.
Jeff Lewis
My neighbor just got it nine houses up.
Nichelle Turner
Shut up.
Dez Bishop
I don't want it from my cold day.
Jeff Lewis
She got no des. She got so fucked over. So she has a beautiful X5, right? It's like. And it's a great color combo. It has, like the Hermes leather, like, interior with green. But they told her it was, like, special. It was a special custom, one of a kind. And I've literally seen it 11 times. And my neighbors just got it.
Nichelle Turner
I'm so mad right now. They totally screwed me.
Dez Bishop
But why do you even care if
Jeff Lewis
it's a shoe in my neighborhood now?
Nichelle Turner
Because she paid extra. Thanks, Shane.
Dez Bishop
All cars look the same, though.
Jeff Lewis
Anyway, it is a beautiful car.
Nichelle Turner
It's so dumb.
Jeff Lewis
I see it every day when I walk my dog. Sorry.
Dez Bishop
But you know. Cause it's also one of those things. Once you get a car, then you constantly see it.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah. And I've seriously seen like 50 of them since I've had this car. I'm so mad.
Dez Bishop
So blast out who sold it to.
Nichelle Turner
Well, then my car guy invites me to a party at his house. I'm like, I'm not coming to your house after you jacked me with my car.
Kian
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
And everyone would be wearing the same dress as you.
Nichelle Turner
Exactly, exactly. I'd be like that girl at Taylor Swift's. Wedding. That's the same dresses on.
Jeff Lewis
So do you still do standup in China?
Dez Bishop
I haven't done stand up in China in quite a while actually. Again, it's too much of a serious topic. But it was a little more open when I was there. It's. They've really cracked up because, you know what happened. Stand up got quite popular there, like our style of western style stand up. And as a result, the government started to pay attention. So now it's. In fact, I booked a show in Shanghai, an English language show, and I canceled it because this censorship is so intense that you have to send the script word for word.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, yeah.
Dez Bishop
And if you. If you stray from the script, then the promoter can get in trouble. So I was like, I. I can't take. I can't have that responsibility.
Jeff Lewis
Why did you break up with the lady boy?
Shane
Oh, it's offensive. The term is offensive in the US if you're talking about, like actual trans people. But it's okay if you're referring to ladyboys in Thailand. That's what that.
Jeff Lewis
Or China in this case.
Shane
Or China in this case.
Jeff Lewis
Okay, so I can say it?
Shane
You can in this scenario.
Jeff Lewis
I just can't say it here. I should say it here about them there.
Nichelle Turner
You can't say it here about trans people here, but you can say it here about ladyboys.
Jeff Lewis
I've said lady boys are gorgeous. I watch them on TikTok all the time.
Dez Bishop
For the record, none of this is relevant to the question that you asked me. Just for the record, Xuanxuan was a cisgender Chinese woman, to use the term.
Jeff Lewis
What was her name?
Dez Bishop
Xuan Quan.
Nichelle Turner
That was really her name. I thought you were just making. Okay, shut up, Nishia. I'm not getting canceled. No, no.
Dez Bishop
So her full name is Li Bingxuan. Li being the last name which comes first. But often in China they have like, nicknames. So Xuanzhren. It's. It's basically her name twice, but it's the first tone because Mandarin is tonal, so it's Xuan shrin, which sound.
Jeff Lewis
You're dealing with a bunch of idiots. Like you're wasting your time.
Shane
So absolutely am I. Shane. Shane.
Dez Bishop
Shane. I think that should stick. Shane.
Shane
Shane.
Jeff Lewis
I do too. I really like Shane. Shane.
Shane
Yes, me too.
Dez Bishop
Especially the way your face brightens up when you say your name. Have you ever had. Have you ever had as much say,
Jeff Lewis
he makes a real pretty girl.
Shane
Thank you.
Nichelle Turner
You know, Shane, you make a really.
Jeff Lewis
Shane is a beautiful girl.
Nichelle Turner
You've got like your the cheekbones and like the skin is just glass. You make a really pretty woman. Yeah, I agree.
Dez Bishop
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
So anyway, Jaz is really fixated.
Dez Bishop
Xuanxuan. We had a. We had. We had a good relationship, but I couldn't stay in China forever. And initially she said she was going to emigrate, but then she just decided that she didn't want to leave and that's.
Jeff Lewis
She found somebody else, which would have been also fun. Right. Do you ever talk to Shenzhen anymore?
Dez Bishop
The last time I took to Shrin's room was the pin shrink.
Jeff Lewis
No, I'm trying to get it right.
Dez Bishop
Yeah. So anyway, I checked in during the pandemic because obviously China, you know, is where it began. And she's doing fun. She's a. She was a comedian too. I said I never dated comrade English speaking comic. And she had kind of blown up online, you know, like in. In the recent years. So she had a good career, but she never got married.
Jeff Lewis
Are you. Oh, because you probably broke her heart.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah, you did.
Jeff Lewis
She. She decided she's probably with women now.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, totally fine.
Nichelle Turner
But why does your voice go up when you.
Dez Bishop
Because it's the first tone. Because Mandarin's tonal, so if you say Xuan Shwen, you've said a different thing. Oh, yeah, that's.
Jeff Lewis
The Keyan said that you went to China because you're funnier in Mandarin than English. Kian. You did say it.
Dez Bishop
You got to look after your own Kian.
Nichelle Turner
That is a pissy little boy over there in the corner there.
Dez Bishop
Bulla me who? That's Gaelic.
Nichelle Turner
What does that mean?
Dez Bishop
I'll hit you.
Jeff Lewis
What does Xuan Xuan mean in.
Dez Bishop
I actually don't know.
Nichelle Turner
You gotta say Xuanxuan.
Dez Bishop
It's just her name.
Jeff Lewis
No, because you were saying that I think a lot of names, they have like deep meaning.
Dez Bishop
Oh, that. That's the joke that I have. Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, it's a joke. It's not. Oh, no, no, no.
Dez Bishop
The names do.
Jeff Lewis
The names do have meaning, but not Xuanquan.
Dez Bishop
Mingxuan probably does have a meaning. I actually don't know what it means.
Jeff Lewis
She was your girlfriend for two years. You didn't care to look.
Dez Bishop
I'd have.
Jeff Lewis
Wow, so you're really that self involved. You didn't even care that Ming Xuanquan. You didn't even care even looking up her name, like, the meaning.
Dez Bishop
Oh, you want to know? Because obviously we had a lot of translation issues. Right. So the very quick, funny story that I have is one time we were having like a blazing argument, like, who Knows over what? And she. She started shouting at me, wohen wei qu. Right. Which I had no idea what wei chu meant, so I had to look it up on my phone. But so she. Then she went crazy. She was like, I'm trying to talk to you and you're looking at your phone. And I had to say, I have no idea what wei chu means. Right.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
So then she stormed out of the house. She went all the way home. And two hours later, I finally got her to come back, and she admitted to me that she wanted to laugh when I said I didn't know what wei chu means. But she said, to laugh is to lose. So that's what you're dealing with.
Nichelle Turner
What does wei chu mean?
Dez Bishop
It means I feel wronged.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, that's.
Dez Bishop
But in China, it's a feeling like f you.
Nichelle Turner
Screw you. I thought she was giving you a good one. She said, I feel wrong.
Dez Bishop
Fuck you said as I like.
Jeff Lewis
To laugh is to lose. She loses the argument.
Dez Bishop
To laugh is to lose. So she left rather than lose. Ooh, that's the Asian women. No joke.
Nichelle Turner
I would have laughed.
Dez Bishop
Dragon ladies, man.
Nichelle Turner
Okay. I'm not okay.
Dez Bishop
What?
Jeff Lewis
What?
Nichelle Turner
No, they're not. Are they? Is that.
Dez Bishop
No, like, as in, like, they're strong, you know?
Nichelle Turner
Okay, okay.
Dez Bishop
The dragon is a positive thing in Chinese.
Jeff Lewis
Was the language, Barry a problem for you?
Dez Bishop
By the time I met Xunquin, my. My Mandarin was pretty good, and it got a.
Narrator/Advertiser
From.
Dez Bishop
From being with her.
Shane
Wow.
Dez Bishop
So by the time I finished my second year in China, I was pretty good.
Jeff Lewis
How'd you meet her?
Dez Bishop
Sun Chun was just. She was trying stand up on one of my. One of my shows.
Kian
Oh.
Jeff Lewis
And she. Was she funny?
Dez Bishop
You know what's funny? I could really make Chinese audiences laugh, like, with pretty basic Chinese, but I never understood one of the many comedians that I performed with, I never understood a single joke that they said.
Jeff Lewis
I see.
Dez Bishop
That they. They spoke too fast. And even when I kind of understood the language, I didn't actually know what they were joking about, you know, whatever sort of childhood references they were using or cultural things. So I don't know if she was funny. She. She got some laughs. She was good looking, you know, Sounds
Jeff Lewis
like she wasn't funny. That was a long way of long story. She's not funny.
Nichelle Turner
Good point.
Shane
There's no serious sex time in China. She can't hear this.
Nichelle Turner
Good point.
Dez Bishop
Oh, yeah.
Nichelle Turner
Languages do you speak? Because you.
Jeff Lewis
How do you know we're not in China?
Shane
No,
Dez Bishop
I. I speak three and I'm learning Spanish now. For my own.
Jeff Lewis
And are you back and forth from NYC to Ireland?
Dez Bishop
No, I. I go to Ireland a small bit now. But since, honestly, you know, because Hannah's so busy and I'm. I'm really focusing on the US I just go back the odd time to do a few shows and check up on things.
Jeff Lewis
Sounds possessive. Maybe with Hannah.
Dez Bishop
Oh, my God.
Shane
Right?
Jeff Lewis
Seems possessive.
Shane
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
I got to keep an.
Nichelle Turner
I mean, she is like a PYT and you.
Jeff Lewis
She's a good looking.
Shane
Yeah.
Dez Bishop
Hey, listen, it's a win. She really is a win for me. But the, The. So the joke I say, which is true because we're only together half the time, right? She's on the road, I'm on the road. So we're together about half the time. And when you say that to people under 35, they're like, oh, that must be tough. And when you say to people over 50, they're like, you're gonna have a great man. I believe in long distance, you're gonna
Nichelle Turner
have a great marriage in it, I believe I don't even want to live
Dez Bishop
because absence makes the heart grow fond, you know? And being together all time makes sure.
Jeff Lewis
Not in Michelle's case, she goes right to sleep. Well, you realize. You realize you ruined that.
Dez Bishop
You gotta make a man feel more than a masseuse.
Nichelle Turner
He had fed me. I was comfortable. He was massaging.
Jeff Lewis
You're more excited about the food than you were the sex. Well, that's our age.
Nichelle Turner
By the way, have you had a good meal?
Dez Bishop
You got like an early night? A good meal and an early night.
Nichelle Turner
Perfect.
Dez Bishop
That's Woodstock for me, baby.
Nichelle Turner
But you know what I have found I've got a bit of a libido though. I don't know.
Dez Bishop
So have you not had anything with him like it?
Nichelle Turner
Well, it's just because I'm a good girl too, and I gotta.
Jeff Lewis
I don't think you're into him.
Nichelle Turner
I am into him.
Jeff Lewis
I don't think.
Nichelle Turner
Have I showed you a photo of him?
Shane
No.
Jeff Lewis
No.
Nichelle Turner
Oh, he's hot.
Dez Bishop
Well, let me ask you this. Why is having sex with him mean that you're a bad girl? Where's that coming from?
Jeff Lewis
Oh, right, Good question.
Nichelle Turner
I am a bad girl.
Dez Bishop
No, but I. I get it now. You're joking. Away from whatever Christian shame
Jeff Lewis
she has. Intimacy.
Nichelle Turner
I do, though.
Jeff Lewis
I do actually des Clocked it.
Nichelle Turner
I'm a bit of an avoidant.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, that's why she likes b. The Bay Area.
Nichelle Turner
I'm a bit of an avoidant. I'm like this. Come, come.
Shane
Stop.
Nichelle Turner
Come Come, come. Stop. Yes, that is me.
Dez Bishop
Okay?
Nichelle Turner
But I'm trying to overcome that because I do want a partner. I do want a life partner.
Dez Bishop
Yeah.
Nichelle Turner
Yeah.
Jeff Lewis
Well, you got to rub your feet.
Nichelle Turner
Yes, baby.
Jeff Lewis
And buy you dinner then.
Dez Bishop
Our only advice here is post mask massage, hand job, minimum.
Jeff Lewis
That's what I said.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, exactly.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, I'm down with that. We can do that, but it has to be more than.
Dez Bishop
I hope he listens so he knows it's worth his while to come in August.
Nichelle Turner
But it was a day date for
Dez Bishop
a hand job like a teenager.
Nichelle Turner
It was a day date. Aren't you supposed to.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, a day flight hour for that?
Nichelle Turner
Yeah, it was a day date, sure. Yeah.
Dez Bishop
So he only came for the day he was flying out?
Nichelle Turner
Yeah, he flew it.
Dez Bishop
So the fact that he booked a flight means he knew that he wasn't getting any.
Jeff Lewis
He's an avoidant, too.
Dez Bishop
No, because he would have booked the
Shane
flight for the next day if you hadn't fallen asleep. He would have stayed over.
Nichelle Turner
You think he would have stayed?
Shane
I guarantee he had a backup. One way ticket the next day. Booked already.
Nichelle Turner
He had to work the next day.
Jeff Lewis
I think Shane. Shane's right.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, Shangchang.
Jeff Lewis
I think he's right.
Nichelle Turner
Well, I wouldn't have minded if he wanted to stay.
Shane
He should have offered.
Nichelle Turner
I wouldn't mind. I had like. I got my hair.
Jeff Lewis
This is a disaster.
Nichelle Turner
No, I gotta make. I gotta make.
Jeff Lewis
You'd never look better.
Kian
I know.
Nichelle Turner
You know, I was trying to look cute.
Jeff Lewis
Even with those big bags under your eyes. You'd never look better. Right? I do want to promote Bridge and Tunnel on Hulu, which is now your second American stand up special. You can now stream it on Hulu.
Dez Bishop
And YouTube.
Jeff Lewis
And YouTube. I know that you watched it.
Shane
Yeah, I loved it.
Jeff Lewis
Shane. Shane loved it.
Dez Bishop
Amazing.
Jeff Lewis
Kian loved it. Now, I do want to ask you about your proposal. Now, how long did you know Hannah before you proposed? Did you wait at least a week?
Dez Bishop
I waited. It was. I met her July 11th and then I proposed. On Valentine's Day?
Nichelle Turner
Almost. Yeah. Six months.
Dez Bishop
Six months.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, how original. On Valentine's Day, you know, it was a pandemic, bro.
Dez Bishop
What were we gonna do?
Jeff Lewis
Oh, okay.
Dez Bishop
It was a lockdown, you know?
Jeff Lewis
And then how'd you do it
Dez Bishop
to tell the story? It's. It's not, you know, it's not exciting, you know? So I guess I'm not gonna get away.
Nichelle Turner
I love love, Dad.
Dez Bishop
I was trying to block it, you know?
Jeff Lewis
Is it true that you woke her up in the morning?
Dez Bishop
I I did. I did a wake up proposal. Yes. That's sweet.
Jeff Lewis
Yeah, that would work for me.
Dez Bishop
Okay. But that's.
Jeff Lewis
It worked. She. She liked that. She wants to be disturbed.
Dez Bishop
We had this running. We. Our, Our relationship was really cemented by humor and jokes and we were joking with each other. So I proposed in a continuation of one of our running jokes.
Nichelle Turner
Okay, but did she think it was a joke?
Dez Bishop
Like, as in, like she knew once, obviously I was on my knee that the proposal was happening, but.
Jeff Lewis
But for a second she said, are you joking?
Dez Bishop
No, no. She was delighted. It was Valentine's Day. There's a. Come on, you have to understand. Valentine's Day, it's a day where, you know, it's a romantic day. So why not begin the day with a proposal? And then we had our full Valentine's Day of the excitement of telling everyone we were going to get married.
Jeff Lewis
Did you have the ring?
Dez Bishop
I had the ring.
Jeff Lewis
Nice. Good.
Dez Bishop
She, she. We had done. We hadn't done ring shopping, but she had given me a decent parameter of the type of vibe that she was looking at.
Jeff Lewis
She had it reset, yet it has not been reset. Okay, that's a good sign.
Dez Bishop
She loves the ring.
Jeff Lewis
That's a good sign.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, I like. By the way, we've been married for, you know, we have a very. You keep making it seem like it's still in the probation period.
Jeff Lewis
Four years. I think four years is. I think five. We'll see if you get to five and then we'll see if you get to seven. Okay, but it sounds like, you know, I mean, you're really into her.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, well, we, we don't have her to see the reciprocation.
Jeff Lewis
Right. But I mean, I can see the love, the one sided love.
Dez Bishop
Yeah, you're getting, you're getting one side of the love.
Jeff Lewis
Correct, Correct.
Nichelle Turner
I, I want some of it to rub off on me because I gotta.
Dez Bishop
Well, you gotta open up. You gotta stop being offensive. You know, literally, you gotta, you gotta stop. What are you afraid of? What are you protecting yourself from?
Nichelle Turner
He. Really?
Dez Bishop
No, but I'm just.
Jeff Lewis
Can you get her number? I'm the counselor.
Nichelle Turner
I have abandonment issues.
Dez Bishop
Dad, you know what you need like, you need like a New York, like a Queens, somebody from the boroughs of New York therapist. That's like when you fucking.
Jeff Lewis
You need a New York guy is what you need. That's the problem.
Shane
LA bars.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, oh, but you went to the Bay Area, so that's different.
Dez Bishop
So you never married before?
Nichelle Turner
No. I was asked once, 30 years ago, I said no. And I've never been.
Dez Bishop
Okay, so listen, you're a good looking, successful woman, so it's on you.
Jeff Lewis
You have very few options.
Nichelle Turner
I'd have been living in the Bahamas. I mean. No, in Bermuda. In Bermuda. He was from Bermuda.
Jeff Lewis
Can we contact him?
Dez Bishop
You know, what's he doing now?
Nichelle Turner
He's married now.
Dez Bishop
Does he have children?
Nichelle Turner
They have a stepchild.
Dez Bishop
Oh, okay.
Nichelle Turner
I actually had breakfast with them. I went to Bermuda and I had breakfast with my ex and his.
Jeff Lewis
Oh, so you did try to. Oh, recycle that.
Nichelle Turner
It's 1056. We're about to be done.
Jeff Lewis
And you knew he was married?
Dez Bishop
Put me on the hot seat.
Jeff Lewis
And you knew he was married.
Nichelle Turner
This.
Jeff Lewis
Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on SiriusXM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app.
Dez Bishop
So good, so good, so good.
Kian
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Dez Bishop
Amazon Health AI presents Painful thoughts I.
Nichelle Turner
I can't stop scratching my downtown. Mm, yeah, but I'm not itching to go downtown and tell a receptionist I'm here to talk about my downtown. Some things you'd rather type than say out loud.
Dez Bishop
There's no question too embarrassing for Amazon Health AI. Chat your symptoms and get virtual care. 24. 7 Healthcare just got less painful.
Jeff Lewis Has Issues – July 24, 2026
Guests: Dez Bishop (comedian, Hulu’s "Bridge and Tunnel") & Nischelle Turner (Entertainment Tonight)
This episode dives into Jeff Lewis’s signature blend of irreverent banter, relationship overshares, and celebrity gossip. Comedian Dez Bishop and TV host Nischelle Turner join Jeff to unpack everything from LA hotel hookup hotspots, awkward dating territory, Emmy predictions, and Dez’s whirlwind international love story and fast proposal. Expect Jeff’s no-filter commentary, the guests’ candid stories, and plenty of laugh-out-loud moments on love and life in the public eye.
“This is our love language—we terrorize each other, right?”
— Jeff (01:34)
“Get yourself an elder. Cause apparently these elders know everything.”
— Nischelle (06:05)
“You went on three dates...and you fell asleep. It's over.”
— Jeff (09:43)
“Treat him like a physical therapist, not a boyfriend.”
— Dez (09:55)
“You don't have to plant stories. All you got to do is just show up to work.”
— Jeff (16:02)
“If you care about him enough, take a step forward…Maybe you’ve been playing it a bit cool, not realizing you were doing that.”
— Dez (11:05)
“When women dye their hair, it’s fine; when a man dyes his hair, everyone’s like, who does he think he's fooling?”
— Dez (22:14)
“I knew within three minutes I was going to marry her.”
— Dez, on meeting his wife Hannah (29:13)
“Intimacy. [She has] Christian shame.” — Jeff (45:33);
“I'm a bit of an avoidant...I'm like, ‘come, come...stop.’” — Nischelle (45:48)
"Hand job minimum."
— Dez on reciprocating a day of affection (46:01)
Listen for:
For fans of comedy, reality TV, and brutally honest takes on relationships—this episode is both a pep talk and a hoot.