Dr. Donna Dannenfelser, Joey, & MJ

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Jeff Lewis Has Issues"
Episode: Dr. Donna Dannenfelser, Joey, & MJ
Release Date: January 3, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of "Jeff Lewis Has Issues," host Jeff Lewis delves deep into personal dynamics, relationships, and the challenges that arise within them. Joined by guests Dr. Donna Dannenfelser and Joey Zauczyk, the conversation navigates through Jeff's recent experiences, his interactions with family and friends, and the complexities of maintaining honesty and gratitude amidst personal and professional pressures.

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Weekend Recap with Friends

The episode kicks off with Jeff recounting his recent weekend spent with friends Shane Douglas and Brogan. They share highlights from their time together, including dining experiences and unique culinary adventures.

• Jeff Lewis [01:20]: “We talk about Starseed, children, the truth and Dr. Donna's hotel room. No Shane Douglas. Today he is in Washington with his family.”

Jeff describes their visit to the Scratch Bar in Encino, praising its exclusive sushi experience.

• Jeff Lewis [03:06]: “It's sushi like you have never ever had. It's insane. And you get like 16 pieces of sushi and it's a whole experience.”

However, not all interactions are smooth. Joey expresses discomfort with eating sushi, highlighting personal preferences and sensitivities.

• Joey Zauczyk [03:39]: “I just can't eat sushi. I know. It's like, alive. I don't like to eat anything that's alive.”

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Seed Children and Calming Crystals

The conversation shifts to a more personal topic as Jeff discusses his daughter's use of a pink crystal to calm herself during stressful moments. This leads Joey to introduce the concept of "Seed Children," emphasizing a newer generation's innate ability to manage emotions through alternative means.

• Joey Zauczyk [05:14]: “The children that are being born today... they are coming in with a special knowing of how to calm themselves down. No joke. And they're actually called seed children.”

Jeff remains skeptical about the efficacy and origins of these calming techniques.

• Jeff Lewis [05:11]: “It seems like drama to me and semantics, but she says, I'm gonna. I need my calming crystal.”

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Gratitude Jar and Its Contradictions

Joey introduces the Gratitude Jar as a tool to foster appreciation and happiness. Jeff acknowledges the concept but points out a perceived inconsistency.

• Joey Zauczyk [08:22]: “Every week you add a note with a good thing that happened that week. And next New Year's Eve, empty the jar and read about the amazing year you had.”

• Jeff Lewis [09:19]: “I agree with you. When I saw the gratitude jar... I do it. I consciously, daily... I go through and thank God for the things that I have.”

However, Jeff calls out Joey for not practicing what he preaches, especially concerning recent complaints about the hotel arrangements.

• Jeff Lewis [09:35]: “You are preaching to people to be grateful, yet you came in this morning, and all you did was complain about your hotel room.”

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Hotel Accommodation Dispute

A significant portion of the episode centers around a dispute over the hotel accommodations arranged for the show. Joey expresses dissatisfaction with The Godfrey hotel, which Jeff had chosen for its proximity and convenience.

• Joey Zauczyk [09:35]: “Now, when I came in, the reason why I said to you down the hallway in private was... that hotel may not be the right hotel for your guests.”

Jeff becomes visibly frustrated, explaining his rationale for selecting the hotel and his commitment to providing comfort for his guests.

• Jeff Lewis [10:27]: “I want it to be extremely comfortable for you. I don't want you to have to in traffic in the morning.”

The tension escalates as Dr. Donna clarifies her reasons for not staying at a more expensive hotel, highlighting Jeff's pattern of overextending generosity.

• Dr. Donna Dannenfelser [33:36]: “The reason why this is happening is because you're very generous... And people just... you don't ever want to be questioned.”

Jeff reflects on his past behavior of spoiling people, which inadvertently sets high expectations and leads to recurring conflicts.

• Jeff Lewis [31:45]: “I have spent my whole life spoiling people... once I don't do it anymore, they're... angry with me.”

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Principles of Honesty in Relationships

Joey emphasizes the importance of "telling the truth quicker" in relationships to prevent misunderstandings and resentment.

• Joey Zauczyk [15:51]: “Tell the truth sooner. It's the manner in which you present it.”

Jeff shares his evolving perspective, recognizing that while honesty is crucial, it's essential to consider the potential fallout, especially with individuals prone to overreacting.

• Jeff Lewis [17:08]: “Is this something that's gonna affect everyone else in the room? And is this something... is this the hill I want to die on?”

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Listener Interaction and External Opinions

The episode includes a listener call-in from Kat in California, expressing concerns about Jeff's behavior towards Dr. Donna.

• Kat [30:05]: “I can't believe that you have the audacity to get so upset with her when she's trying to protect you... What’s up with that?”

Jeff responds by explaining his triggers related to generosity and the expectations it creates.

• Jeff Lewis [31:45]: “I have spent my whole life spoiling people... Maybe I should say, like, hey, look, this isn't what you're used to.”

Dr. Donna reinforces Jeff's challenges with overextending generosity, emphasizing the need for appreciation and understanding.

• Dr. Donna Dannenfelser [35:18]: “You want to feel appreciated for it. And I don't think that you should have brought it up the way you did.”

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Setting Boundaries and Saying 'No'

In the latter part of the episode, Jeff discusses the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say "no" to prevent burnout and maintain personal well-being.

• Jeff Lewis [36:24]: “I'm gonna start telling people no.”

• Joey Zauczyk [36:58]: “Tell the truth sooner. Tell the truth sooner.”

The guests share strategies for managing expectations and avoiding unnecessary drama, especially during high-stress periods like the holidays.

• Shane Douglas [21:44]: “I'm trying this year to, like, not... just kind of shut up.”

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Jeff acknowledging the need for personal growth and the challenges that come with balancing generosity, honesty, and boundary-setting. The conversation underscores the complexities of interpersonal relationships and the continuous journey toward self-improvement.

• Jeff Lewis [37:00]: “I am gonna start telling people no... Here's your choice. You can either take that room or you can drive in.”

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Notable Quotes

• Jeff Lewis [05:11]: “It seems like drama to me and semantics, but she says, I'm gonna. I need my calming crystal.”

• Joey Zauczyk [15:51]: “Tell the truth sooner. It's the manner in which you present it.”

• Dr. Donna Dannenfelser [35:18]: “You want to feel appreciated for it. And I don't think that you should have brought it up the way you did.”

• Jeff Lewis [36:24]: “I'm gonna start telling people no.”

• Joey Zauczyk [36:58]: “Tell the truth sooner. Tell the truth sooner.”

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Final Thoughts

"Jeff Lewis Has Issues" offers an unfiltered glimpse into the host's personal struggles and growth. Through candid discussions with Dr. Donna and Joey, listeners gain insights into handling generosity, setting boundaries, and the delicate balance of honesty in relationships. The episode serves as both a reflective and instructional piece for anyone navigating similar personal and interpersonal challenges.

Transcript

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Jeff Lewis]

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[Jeff Lewis]

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[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

You'Re Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm sorry, we didn't mean to offend anybody. We offend everybody.

[Joey Zauczyk]

We live in a nest of positivity.

[Jeff Lewis]

I live in a nest of negativity.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

She said, I swear you'll love him. I said, you could swear all day long.

[RuPaul]

I hate that guy.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Jeff Lewis has issues.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, it's Jeff Lewis and I have issues. In today's episode, Dr. Donna Dannenfelser and Joey Zauczyk join the show. We talk about Starseed, children, the truth and Dr. Donna's hotel room. No Shane Douglas. Today he is in Washington with his family. He is on a well earned three day vacation. He's got to come back on Christmas.

[Shane Douglas]

I can't believe on Christmas you're making him come back.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, I'm not making him come back. I am making him come back because we're doing a show the day after Christmas and then we go to Tahoe and Shane's coming. Shane and Brogan, they're coming with us. All right, so I just want to say I had a fan because people will say, why is he on one today? I'm not on one today. However, I'm going to point out inconsistencies and injustices today.

[Shane Douglas]

Oh, God.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so I don't want people to say, oh, he's in a bad mood, whatever. I had a fantastic weekend. The Dallas guy came in for three nights.

[Brogan]

Oh, yeah?

[Shane Douglas]

How'd that go?

[Jeff Lewis]

Fantastic.

[Shane Douglas]

Really?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't have a negative thing to say.

[Shane Douglas]

Wait, this was the one that was gonna stay with you and we were trying to Figure out what to do and the dates and whatever the. Did you take any of my recommendations?

[Jeff Lewis]

You know, what do we do? We went. Okay. So Friday night we met Brogan and Shane for drinks at Catch Steak. And then we had dinner.

[Brogan]

Perfect.

[Jeff Lewis]

Saturday, we did a little Christmas shopping. I did. We did coffee reads with Pole, which was really cool, like, for him. He really liked it. And I have to say that Pole has got a gift.

[Joey Zauczyk]

He really does.

[Jeff Lewis]

The shit he was pulling out of his hat.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yep.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like, I'm like, is this true, Ty? And he goes. He's like, yeah. He goes. It's like dead on. It's really crazy.

[Joey Zauczyk]

He is great.

[Jeff Lewis]

So we did that. Then we went to that Sushi Scratch bar. Have you been there?

[Shane Douglas]

What's Sushi Scratch?

[Jeff Lewis]

It's called Scratch Bar and it's in Encino. And they do this most amazing, like, omakasa experience. And it's sushi like you have never ever had. It's insane. And you get like 16 pieces of sushi and it's a whole experience. Like, you can do sake pairings and all that.

[Shane Douglas]

It looks like an experience.

[Jeff Lewis]

You would love it, Joey.

[Brogan]

It's very me. It's so small. Is it like a small.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like, it's only eight people. I love that the seating is only. They do three seatings a night and it's eight. Eight people a seating.

[Shane Douglas]

Cute. It looks really nice.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You know, I just can't eat sushi.

[Brogan]

What?

[Joey Zauczyk]

I know. It's like, alive. It's like alive. I don't like to eat anything that's alive.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're not in your head.

[Shane Douglas]

Not even like a crisp tuna rice, fried or smoked. I don't want it.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You know, it starts moving on the plate. I don't know if it has eyes and it's looking at me.

[Shane Douglas]

No, there's no eyes. It's just cut up fish into a corner.

[Joey Zauczyk]

It's like you took the fish, slapped it on the table and started cutting it.

[Shane Douglas]

Well, that's true.

[Jeff Lewis]

When we go to dinner with Dr. Donna, we always like, Shane and I want the tartare, the hamachi. And then we like Dr. Donna. Like, can we get an order of the meatballs, please?

[Joey Zauczyk]

It really is true. Things are moving on the plate. I don't. I can't. I just can't.

[Jeff Lewis]

So, yeah, so I just. I'm gonna preface that by saying I had a great, great weekend. And by the way, when Aurora met Ty.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's like, oh, like the detergent.

[Shane Douglas]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

I go, no, not tide, Ty.

[Shane Douglas]

That's Fucking funny.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's funny. And then let me ask you about this Dr. Donna, because I'm gonna jump around today, okay? So it feels like drama to me, but my daughter, whenever she's, like, upset if she's being punished or whatever she is, feels like, I can't breathe, Daddy. I need to calm. I need to get my pink crystal. And she has this pink crystal upstairs in her room that she will then hold. And she says it calms her. And I go along with this. It seems like drama to me and semantics, but she says, I'm gonna. I need my calming crystal.

[Joey Zauczyk]

First of all, who taught her about the calming crystal?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay?

[Jeff Lewis]

But I'm gonna fire them.

[Joey Zauczyk]

No, don't do that. You know, this is really interesting, right? A lot of people are hearing about this great awakening. This great awakening is supposed to happen, right? And all that is is knowing that there's something bigger than ourselves. The children that are being born today in your child's generation, My grandchildren, they are coming in with a special knowing of how to calm themselves down. No joke. And they're actually called seed children.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, I have a seed child.

[Shane Douglas]

Sounds like it. That's what we're talking about.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Seed children. They're called seed star children, and they come in with an extra knowing. They're much more attached to the earth. They're much more attached to rocks. They feel a lot more. They're also. They get stressed out a little bit more. They have a little bit more anxiety, but they are much more in tune with the things that we cannot see. And I am just going to start cracking up that you have a child.

[Jeff Lewis]

The seed child, who is going to.

[Joey Zauczyk]

A seed star child who is now connecting with. No, it's not.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's so strong.

[Joey Zauczyk]

No, no. She needs. It's a great way to calm down. Would you like her to start shaking?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, but she does it at. She'll get in trouble.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's now in a timeout. Yeah, now she has anxiety. She's just so upset. I'm like, I'm sorry. She's turning it around on me. I'm like, I'm upset because of what you did. You're now being punished. And now you're trying to flip this on me, saying that you're upset. And now we got to get the calming crystal so she can calm. Where's my calming crystal?

[Joey Zauczyk]

Calming crystal. It's called meditating. Well, she have a. No one has taught how to meditate. This is interesting to me.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's eight.

[Shane Douglas]

I don't even know how to meditate yet. And I'm fucking 32.

[Jeff Lewis]

You can't spell it either.

[Shane Douglas]

I haven't figured it out. Me neither.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I mean, I'm really interested in this. Did she in school, do they do any type of.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know. I think it has to do. I don't know, Maybe it was my nanny or something.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Why?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know. Somebody's into crystals. I don't know.

[Shane Douglas]

Lisa definitely gave her the crystal moment, for sure.

[Joey Zauczyk]

All right, first. Well, I mean, listen, we can make it really funny. I'm so excited that she knows how to calm herself down.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Shane Douglas]

Does it work when she uses the curse?

[Jeff Lewis]

So then, of course, you know, she loves sympathy when she's being punished, Right? So then, of course, she gets what she wants. Aurora comes over and it's like, oh, sweetie, you know, if you ever need to talk, which this girl, my daughter, is exactly like my grandma and I already know. So she's like, sweetie, if you ever need to call, you can call me. And this is what Monroe says. That would make it worse.

[Shane Douglas]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I'm like, oh, there she goes.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yeah, I think it's great. I think she knows how to calm herself down. I'm gonna get you a crystal. I mean, I did get you a gratitude jar, but maybe we have to move up, get your crystal.

[Shane Douglas]

You guys should see these gratitude jars. They're like little mason jars with little ribbons on them that are green and red. It's very Christmassy. And it has a paper in it.

[Brogan]

That says gratitude jar.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Well, it tells you how to do it. It says the January, start the year with this empty jar. Every week you add a note with a good thing that happened that week. And next New Year's Eve, empty the jar and read about the amazing year you had.

[Shane Douglas]

That's cute.

[Joey Zauczyk]

This is great to give to your kid.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Joey Zauczyk]

What?

[Jeff Lewis]

I agree with you. When I saw the gratitude jar. I don't have an issue with not being grateful. I do it. I consciously, daily, if not twice a day, I go through and thank God for the things that I have. And I have read that people that are grateful are happier people.

[Joey Zauczyk]

100%.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. I like the gratitude jar from Monroe. I think that is a great idea for me to kind of like baby steps get into that. Like, what are we grateful for this week?

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I actually like this. And I'm going to implement it starting today because she comes home at 12, because I think it is actually a really good idea to teach kids to be grateful.

[Joey Zauczyk]

100%.

[Jeff Lewis]

However. And this is where I'm going to call out the inequities and inconsistencies. You are preaching to people to be grateful, yet you came in this morning, and all you did was complain about your hotel room. A hotel room that. I don't have to book you.

[Joey Zauczyk]

No, you do not.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You do not. You do not. Now, when I came in, the reason why I said to you down the hallway in private was, hey, I want to talk to you. And you said, yes. And I said, that hotel may not be the right hotel for your guests.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I said, every guest has been happy except for you.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Well, no, wait, we don't know that. And any guests who were listening to.

[Jeff Lewis]

Me, I'm going to call them all today.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay, listen, I'm going to post. I am posting the video that I took of it. Listen, I was fine. Really. Not so much, but I was fine. A little sleeping in a closet. But if there's somebody that's saying, oh, it was great, they're lying to you, and I don't want them to be talking about you behind your back, I think that's bullshit.

[Shane Douglas]

People love that rooftop.

[Jeff Lewis]

You don't like the hotel. People complain about it last time. And so this. This is where I'm triggered right now. Because, number one, I don't have to set anybody up in a hotel. I do this for you because I want it to be extremely comfortable for you. I don't want you to have to in traffic in the morning. The other thing I do for you is most people are on an hour, and I feel like, oh, she's gonna be making. She's gonna be driving out here an hour and 15 minutes, hour and a half. I want her to. I want it to be worthwhile. I'm gonna keep her on it for two hours and pay her a thousand dollars. So when you come in and complain, it makes me want to hire a local therapist that, like, I just. I just. It doesn't sit well with me. And so that's where, like, everyone's gonna be like, Jeff's in a bad mood today. No, Jeff walked in in a great mood until. Until you started complaining.

[Shane Douglas]

We need some of those rocks. I mean, we need a calming rock or something.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay, but wait, no, wait, no, no.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you are not walking the walk because here you say you give me a gratitude jar. I'm sorry, Dr. Donna, I'm gonna give this back to you because you're the one that needs a gratitude jar.

[Shane Douglas]

Oh, my God. Let's not Give each other back.

[Joey Zauczyk]

No, no, this is. This is good. No, this is. This is really good.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm gonna regift this.

[Brogan]

Oh, God.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I am so grateful for you. Really, I am. I tell you year after year after year how much I love you. I don't want you to be embarrassed.

[Jeff Lewis]

I wasn't embarrassed. It's a nice hotel.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay, well, it is a beautiful hotel. I mean, it's a very clean hotel. It's brand new, but if you went.

[Jeff Lewis]

Into the rooms, the room seems small, and what I said is, I'll look into a suite to see if. I don't know how much it is.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I don't need a suite. I was just concerned that no one.

[Jeff Lewis]

Else has complained, but thank you.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay.

[Shane Douglas]

I feel like people rave about that hotel, though.

[Brogan]

Usually, like, on the radio. Like, they love the rooftop, and they love the restaurant and they love the.

[Jeff Lewis]

It depends who you talk to.

[Shane Douglas]

I mean, I'm not gonna go to.

[Joey Zauczyk]

The rooftop, per se, but it's a very nice hotel. And I wouldn't have said a word, but I was thinking.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, you said it last time, too.

[Joey Zauczyk]

What did I say?

[Jeff Lewis]

You complained about it last time, too.

[Joey Zauczyk]

What did I. I don't even remember complaining last time.

[Jeff Lewis]

So.

[Shane Douglas]

Yeah, maybe it's just the type of room you have. Maybe next time.

[Joey Zauczyk]

No, no, I think. Listen, I know where it came from, and it came from. I hope he doesn't put somebody more prominent in here that they would think, wow, he's really, you know, not honoring who I am. That's not what I was saying. It's just that I didn't want you to be put in a situation like that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[Brogan]

That's cute. You have his back.

[Shane Douglas]

Oh, it was a protection complaint.

[Joey Zauczyk]

It really was more of a protection than it was a complaint.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Joey Zauczyk]

But can I ask you a question?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I've known you for over a decade. Do you think that I'm grateful? Because I really say thank you to you a lot, and I love you a lot.

[Jeff Lewis]

I do. I think you're grateful. Yeah.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay. I just want.

[Jeff Lewis]

In general. Yes, generally, normally.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. You have been.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay. I was really doing it to protect you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thank you. All right, so we were also.

[Shane Douglas]

That was heavy, girls. That was a lot.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Well, you know.

[Jeff Lewis]

Sorry to hit you Monday morning.

[Shane Douglas]

I know. I'm, like, not even, like, half awake.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Wait, you know what? I think it's great because one of the things I wanted to talk about today was to tell the truth quicker.

[Shane Douglas]

I like that we all get everything off our chest. You Know, even if it's live on air in front of all these people.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I think it's great to tell the truth quicker.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. I want to tell the truth. Okay. This is the hotel we offer?

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

If you or anyone else doesn't like it, they can drive in traffic. So that's. That's my truth.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I totally.

[Jeff Lewis]

Because I feel like I pay. No one else pays people to be on. On their shows. I do. No one else gets people car services and hotels. I do. So I just feel like if I'm going to tell my truth, I will. For you, Dr. Donna, and. Or for everyone. I'll look into. Maybe we could get a little bit of bigger room for another $50. I don't care. But that's my truth.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I don't need a bigger room. I was telling it to you so that I thought I was protecting you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, Got it. All right.

[Joey Zauczyk]

But I don't. Look at me. I don't need a bigaroo. I was just saying it to protect you.

[Brogan]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Jeff Lewis]

All right, so you were talking about. We were talking about postponing. What were you saying about telling the truth and not postponing it?

[Joey Zauczyk]

Telling the truth quicker. Telling the truth quicker. We don't do that. Especially when we get into relationships, we don't tell the truth. What we do is we. I don't want to hurt your feelings. And then one thing leads to another, and then before you know it, it becomes a big deal, and then you start fighting over something that's not really why you were upset. Example. So you start dating somebody and he doesn't. He or she doesn't smell good, but you don't want to say anything.

[Jeff Lewis]

So why are you looking at Joey?

[Shane Douglas]

Yeah, Literally right into my eyes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why did you look at Joey? Joey? You don't smell today.

[Brogan]

I think I smell good.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think you smell good today.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You smell good.

[Brogan]

I think it smells great.

[Shane Douglas]

Give me one more sniff.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. I think Joey smells good today. Why were you looking at him?

[Shane Douglas]

Okay, so what is the consensus?

[Joey Zauczyk]

Because I wanted him to make sure that if somebody doesn't smell good to you, you tell. Now, there's a way to say it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Your breath is good today, too, Joey.

[Shane Douglas]

I have the opposite problem. I tell the truth too quick and then it scares people off because I'm too honest.

[Brogan]

But I am with someone right now that doesn't tell the truth quick enough. And it boils. Boils, Boils.

[Shane Douglas]

Until we get into a huge.

[Brogan]

And I'm like, why didn't you just tell me the Truth before.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, finish what you're saying, and then we're gonna poke holes in your theory, okay?

[Joey Zauczyk]

Oh, wow. You are all over me today. Because Shane is not here, and neither is James here.

[Shane Douglas]

Without Shane here, things could get dark.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Bring it, bring it, bring it. Okay. Okay, so let's say these two guys are going out. One doesn't smell good. The other one doesn't want to say anything. So they wait week after week after week. Then all of a sudden, he goes to give him a hug, and it's like, ugh, you know what? I just can't stand that smell. Okay, that's not gonna work. Let's say the first or second date. The first date, he doesn't smell so good. The second date, he still doesn't smell so good. And it's the cologne, right? And it's. There's a conversation. You bring up a conversation about, you know, there's certain colognes that really, really don't. I don't work well. And that kind of is the smell that you're. That's on you. And I'm just wondering, what are you wearing? It's a conversation. I'm not attacking him. I'm not pushing him away. I'm not doing anything but kind of working with him, right? And there's no argument. Why are you looking at me like that?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, I'm listening. Okay, I'm listening. I think there's certain circumstances where we don't tell the truth. I think there's certain circumstances that it's not worth the drama that is going to come from it. Because if you know someone and you know someone's history, and let's just say that they are. They don't take any accountability or responsibility. They blow up. They gaslight. They would. I just think it's Going home for the Holidays is a perfect example, right? There are people that I know are confrontational that will think nothing of ruining the entire holiday for everyone. So regardless my truth, I keep quiet with my truth because. And with these. With these person. Because I don't want to antagonize them because they will explode. They'll, like. They'll ruin people's holidays. So I just think, yeah, sometimes you tell the truth. I used to be the tell the truth. I used to be like you, Joey, where I would just constantly tell the truth whether you wanted to hear it or not. And now I just. I'm trying to think about other people in the room. How is this gonna affect. If this turns into something which it will. How's this gonna Affect everyone else in the room. And is this something. And I constantly ask myself this, is this the hill I want to die on? And I stop myself, is this the hill I want to die on? Most of the time it's not.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yeah, I understand that. But there, you can tell anybody anything. It's the manner in which you present it.

[Shane Douglas]

My delivery is always off.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You know, it's about delivery.

[Brogan]

Mine's always up.

[Joey Zauczyk]

It's about, you know, if you really love somebody, timing. And if you really love somebody and you, you know, and you want to get your point across, there's a delivery. You soften up, you lighten up, you lower your voice. You know I love you. So it's kind of. That kind of thing.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you want to over. Let's go over Jeff's guide to surviving the holidays. Okay, so this is. Maybe some of you can take this. These suggestions.

[Shane Douglas]

I hope so.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I go Christmas Eve, and what I do is I inevitably get into a conversation I don't want to have with. I'm not going to say specifically, okay, I have to go to the restroom. I will go see. And I hate helping in the kitchen, but I will get up, excuse myself to help in the kitchen. Or I'll be like, hey, Claudia, do you need any help? And that's code. Yeah, Jeff, I could use help. So we have, like, a plan, and then. Or I play with their pets. I get very, very into the pets.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's a real good distraction.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

I put on a movie, most likely Christmas vacation, because then it sucks in everyone else. And then we don't have to talk.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Oh, wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

So there's a. I make a drink. I'll make drinks for other people.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay. Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

That keeps me in the kitchen. Hey, Oscar, would you like a drink? So then I get to leave the conversation again. So what I would. This is what my. What am I suggesting to you is. Don't get in arguments. Don't cause friction. Just keep making up excuses to leave the conversation. That's what I do.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay, there's a couple of things.

[Shane Douglas]

Same thing. Me and Andy have code words.

[Jeff Lewis]

You do?

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Yeah.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I love code words. I love code words. I think there's a couple of things you definitely stay away from. Politics and religion or the past?

[Jeff Lewis]

The past.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Well, it's not yet. You're. You're right. Holidays is not the time to talk about the past.

[Jeff Lewis]

No. Because that triggers people.

[Joey Zauczyk]

That's why you have a gratitude joy. You can go around. Go around and say, what are you grateful for? Or, you know, what good Things. See, that's another thing, too. You know, when you're in the middle of this mess and you're trying to get away from stuff and it's on the tip of your tongue, you could actually feel the tension in the room. You could break it by saying, hey, I break it. You could say, hey, what good thing happened to you this year?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, I don't say that.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You don't? I do.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know what? I do.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

All you do is you start talking about their kids, and then, you know, and you compliment what happens if they.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Don'T have kids or dogs.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm just saying, like, in my.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Oh, in your group. Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

In my hypothetical situation, I just start talking about kids. Kids. Oh, my God. Everybody. Everybody lightens up. And everybody gets happy to brag about their kids.

[Shane Douglas]

That's true.

[Jeff Lewis]

So that's like a real good deflection. I use that a lot, too.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Or you could start talking about that damn elf on the shelf and how everybody suffers because of it.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, they're. All the kids are a little older now, so. Okay, we don't have to deal. I'm the only one dealing with elf on your elf on the show.

[Shane Douglas]

But how do you control yourself from.

[Brogan]

Saying something like, I get, like, excited.

[Shane Douglas]

So that I'm like, okay, I really want to say this. I want to get it.

[Jeff Lewis]

You have to remove yourself.

[Shane Douglas]

And then what happens is, like, it blows up into something, and then I've ruined Christmas for the third.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. I've ruined it a few times.

[Shane Douglas]

Yeah, me too. So I'm trying this year to, like, not well in all my relationships, just.

[Brogan]

Like, kind of shut up. I think also it's time for me to kind of like to stop, I.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Think, going for a drink, but I'm aware.

[Brogan]

But it's never worth it. And it's not the mountain you want to die on or whatever.

[Jeff Lewis]

You just said, the hell up the hill I'm gonna die on.

[Joey Zauczyk]

The problem is when you go for a drink that lowers, you know, your senses. It lowers your. Your everything. And you're kind of like, I'm just saying it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Unless you're a happy drunk like me.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Oh, really?

[Jeff Lewis]

Then I don't care. Actually bothers me less the drunker I get. Yeah. The more numb I become. And I don't care.

[Shane Douglas]

I wish I was like that. I just want a little bit of drama. So I'm like, fuck it. I'm just going to bring it up at the table. And then I dropped the bomb. And then it's really. I did it this weekend.

[Brogan]

And my friend the next day talked to me and she was like, she's like, I really didn't appreciate when you brought that up in front of everybody. And I really don't appreciate when you do that. I think that you like to, like, jet. Like, you think it's going to be like, this good drama, but every time you do it, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Everyone at the table felt uncomfortable when you brought it up. And, like, she had that conversation with me and I, and I, and I said, I really appreciate you telling me that I'll be more aware of, like.

[Shane Douglas]

The way that I'm bringing things up and, like, when I'm bringing it up in my delivery, because it's always off.

[Jeff Lewis]

To be honest, I have to say something, Joey, that I have a lot of respect for you. So, first of all, I drag Joey all the time about everything. He has. No, he gives really great advice, and he's got, I think it's a big responsibility, really, because he's got like 4 or 500,000 followers on Instagram, and they're all, you know, they hang on every word he says. And he gives very good advice, but he doesn't take his own advice. He's like you. He doesn't walk the walk. So I, I. There was an Instagram post where I was like, okay, all right, Joey. I get. He's like, me on the way to my on again, off again situationship house, right after preaching to my girls to ditch him and have higher standards. And I'm like, all right, there you go.

[Shane Douglas]

I'm really taking accountability this year.

[Jeff Lewis]

I love that you said that of.

[Shane Douglas]

Like, because it's true. It's so trippy to, like, I'm literally.

[Brogan]

Post a video of, like, fuck him. He's not good enough. And I will literally the next second be with the person that's emotionally unavailable and on again, off again that I can't be with, but I want to be.

[Joey Zauczyk]

It's crazy. You know what just happened in that moment?

[Shane Douglas]

What?

[Joey Zauczyk]

You became human.

[Shane Douglas]

Yeah.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You became human.

[Shane Douglas]

And I mean, it did what?

[Brogan]

How many likes does it have? It's pretty good. Because people appreciate the honesty.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yes. That's what happens. We know what we're supposed to do. We know what we're supposed to do. But being human is, is falling weak to that.

[Jeff Lewis]

But I, I feel like you as a therapist and then you as an influencer, you have a responsibility to your community, your followers, whatever you call them. And I felt like when you did that, Joey, it just, you took accountability. Like, hey, you're right. I'm human, I'm imperfect. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm doing this anyway.

[Shane Douglas]

Exactly.

[Jeff Lewis]

And that made you very real.

[Brogan]

It was kind of like eating me up inside, to be honest, for, like, the whole summer when I went through because I didn't share enough of it and I was still doing the videos. And now I'm like, it's time to.

[Shane Douglas]

Just be, like, honest about, like, that I'm not perfect. Like, I don't have all the answers, because I don't. And I've learned that this year. Going through everything and, like, being a situationship for the first time, that's pretty fucking toxic at the end of the day. Like, I'm learning how to. To cop to that with my audience because they do rely on me. And again, like, you just said, like, we're all human and I want to be transparent.

[Jeff Lewis]

You owned it.

[Joey Zauczyk]

What's great is you owned it. You know, if you can own. I mean, I could be a therapist. I mess up. But if I own it, you know, and say I'm sorry if I hurt you, it was not my intent.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, right.

[Shane Douglas]

But what I'm also learning is that just taking accountability for it and apologizing for it, it gets old. So you eventually have to, like. Like, even the bringing things up at the dinner table thing, like, just because I'm accountable and I say, sorry, whatever, it's gotta change. So for me, it's like, I can't keep apologizing for things and making the same mistakes.

[Jeff Lewis]

But, Joey, let me ask you this, because do you feel sometimes in certain situations, especially my family situation, sometimes I feel like bombs are dropped. But it's like bait. It's like, who's gonna take the bait?

[Shane Douglas]

Absolutely.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm ready to fight. Who's gonna take the bait? And I'm like, I just let those bombs drop now. And I, like, look the other way. I'm like. And I just go and talk to someone else.

[Joey Zauczyk]

So true.

[Jeff Lewis]

But before, I was the one that reacted. Always.

[Shane Douglas]

Oh, me too.

[Jeff Lewis]

Always.

[Shane Douglas]

If I'm giving the bait, I'm reacting. And that's the.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Watch body language. Watch body language. There was a Thanksgiving that my family was going a little crazy and my brother walked. Was walking into my house. My son went outside to meet him, and I watched my brother chest bump him. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? He just bumped, like. I knew my brother was coming in that house and there was going to be a showdown. Just by the body language, you can Tell when people are fidgeting or they're staring like, you know, like in their head. I'm coming at you, you know, and you just know. Watch the body language. That's actually very entertaining. It really is. This is crazy.

[Jeff Lewis]

I feel like I'm going to pick up some cigarettes, too.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Really?

[Jeff Lewis]

Before Christmas Eve?

[Shane Douglas]

Might as well.

[Jeff Lewis]

There's a smoke shop right on Sweetser. I didn't realize it. I found it the other day when I was walking the dog. Yeah. So I'll be the one by the pool, the glass of wine, smoking a cigarette.

[Shane Douglas]

That's iconic. Actually, we need to get a picture of that. I'll be like Doris and a cigarette. That's everything.

[Jeff Lewis]

If you dunk, Michelle, you could dunk a dunk your way back into the competition.

[RuPaul]

RuPaul's Drag Race is back, only on MTV with the show stopping celebrity guest judges like Katy Perry, Dochi, Sam Smith and Adam Lambert and more. The splashiest season in her story is making major waves.

[Jeff Lewis]

Raider Queen is back. I hold their face in my dainty.

[RuPaul]

Little hands because wetter is better. Grune Hall's Drag Race is back. New season tonight at 8, 7 Central on MTV.

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Joey Zauczyk]

Hey.

[Jeff Lewis]

With her holiday sweater.

[Shane Douglas]

That's all so cute.

[Jeff Lewis]

Blinking and lighting up. Wow.

[Shane Douglas]

It's LED lights. This is insane.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I love it.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

There was the sweater that I was gonna wear, said, this bitch loves Christmas, which I knew you were gonna like, but then Tommy was like, no, this one is nicer.

[Jeff Lewis]

I was like, okay, I think I would have. I mean, that's a nice sweater, but I think I would have liked. This bitch loves Christmas.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

I know.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, this loves Christmas.

[Shane Douglas]

This bitch loves Christmas. Is there, like, a battery pack in it?

[Brogan]

Or, like, how is it.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

There's a battery pack.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do we charge it?

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Yeah. I don't know what happens if it changes, because then, like, I might have to just get another one. I don't see a world where I'm.

[Jeff Lewis]

Going to find a solar powered.

[Shane Douglas]

Yeah, it's definitely solar powered. Like, you have to, like, have the panel on.

[Jeff Lewis]

You have to be in the sun.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Yeah, no, I can find it here. It's this.

[Shane Douglas]

You look great, by the way.

[Jeff Lewis]

Have you been listening to the show in the car?

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

I have.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so you're aware of the drama.

[Brogan]

Oh, my God.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Can I control this?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Why you're doing this?

[Jeff Lewis]

I.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

What hotel was it?

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm not doing anything.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

What hotel was it?

[Jeff Lewis]

The Godfrey.

[Shane Douglas]

Okay.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Okay. That was the party that we should have gone to that Sutton had.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where was I? Was that My drinks?

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

My paid drinks? You and I both didn't go, and it was a really bad choice, and I feel bad. We'll just go to her next thing.

[Jeff Lewis]

All right, well, let's take. Let's take line three. Kat in California. Happy holidays, Kat.

[Kat]

Hi, Jeff. How are you today?

[Jeff Lewis]

Great. How are you?

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Hi, Joey.

[Kat]

Hi. Everybody, shout out Kat. So I'm calling because I was driving in my car and I heard how you were talking to Dr. Donna, and I grasped my pearls because I can't believe that you have the audacity to get so upset with her when she's trying to protect you and just say one thing and you're not even listening to what she has to say. What's up with that? I think you had a great weekend.

[Jeff Lewis]

I did have a great weekend. That's why I preface it by saying I have a great weekend and I'm not in a bad mood at all.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Well, Joey is terrified. Completely.

[Kat]

I'm terrified, too, because I can't believe he's going after you like that. Dr. Donna, none of us, you know.

[Joey Zauczyk]

You know. Look, listen. You know, I love.

[Jeff Lewis]

I didn't go after her, by the way. She came after me today when I walked into the green room.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay, well, no, I didn't really, like, immediately. No, I didn't. But you know what? That's what love is all about. If you can express that you don't like what somebody said and you can talk it out, that's what love is about. You're supposed to be able to do that. It's, you know, talk about. Tell the truth sooner. I expressed. I thought about it. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should. I didn't want him to get hurt. I hope I wasn't hurting him, and if I did, I apologize. That was not my intent. But I think that it's. It shows that there's a good relationship here, that he can get upset with something that I said and I can explain what the intent was behind that. And I appreciate you, Kat, for, you know, calling in and understanding, but I've known Jeff, like, forever, and we should be able to talk about stuff like that.

[Jeff Lewis]

And to be honest with you, Kat, I don't think it's like, specifically. Dr. Donna, this is probably my trigger because my. I have been. And I'm not including you in this, but I have spent my whole life spoiling people, giving people a lot. And at one point, oh, it seems to always happen where people are expecting that. And then once I don't do it anymore, they're, like, angry with me because I no longer provide what I have provided. And I'm not saying that's you, Dr. Donna, but yes, I used to put you up in a much nicer hotel that was more than twice the amount because I have a deal with the Godfrey now. And I guess in my head I was like, oh, I get it. Like, I spent all this money on this hotel prior. Now the hotel is not maybe as nice as what we had before. Maybe I should say, like, hey, look, this isn't what you're used to. This isn't a five star. But this is. Because what happened was I didn't realize. Thank you, Kat, for calling, by the way. I didn't realize how much money I was spending. And I said to Shane, we have to find something else because this is getting way too expensive.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Are you kidding me? Don't you remember that you checked me and. Excuse me, the reason why I stay in your house was because you checked me into the SLS and I canceled it so that you would save like eleven hundred dollars for like two hours. Because essentially we would go out to dinner, we would come home, and then we'd have to wake up very early the next day. So it was just such an exorbitant expense. Yes, I appreciate that, but, like, when the Godfrey. Is it in a part of Hollywood that's sketchy just to like, walk to your car because. Is that maybe.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yeah, well, look, listen, look, I. I've even.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't Think it is.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

I don't know. I haven't been there yet.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yeah, it wasn't.

[Shane Douglas]

It's a nice hotel, I think so.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I really. I really want to re. Emphasize this. It wasn't because I couldn't stay there. It was because I was thinking of the people that he has on this show. And if he put somebody that was prominent, and I don't think that I'm prominent, but somebody who's prominent in that room, I felt it would make him look bad. And I didn't want to do that. So I think my intention to protect was not what he heard, because his trigger is they're never grateful. When in fact, I think that I am very grateful.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

No, I think from. I heard everything on the radio on my way in. And by the way, you probably should have driven in today because there's no.

[Jeff Lewis]

One on the way in. I know. I thought about that too.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

There's no traffic, but. Right. But I think that what you're saying is that the neighborhood around the Godfrey is probably not up to par.

[Joey Zauczyk]

No, that really wasn't. No, that's.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

What was the last night comment that you said.

[Jeff Lewis]

By the way, we also chose that hotel. Cause it's four and a half minutes from the city studio. It's very close, which makes it very convenient for guests. Because a lot of these hotels that we were booking, it was taking people a long time to get here and they were cutting it close.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So that was the other thing. Like, you can't. The proximity is.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

It cancels out the whole point of.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. And so like when Shannon lost her key to her car and then she couldn't find it, and then her phone. And then her phone. She lost her phone. And then, I mean, she was able to find both and still make it here on time because it's four and a half minutes away.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

No one that the. The reason why this is happening is because you're very generous. And that generous generosity is where you don't ever want to be questioned. You don't ever want to feel like you're not doing something that. I don't even think it's about Dr. Donna anymore. I think it has to do with just. You do go above and beyond.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

And people just. You want to feel appreciated for it. And I don't think that you should have brought it up the way you did.

[Jeff Lewis]

I was. Yes. I think because it was fresh. It was like fresh fresh. Because we just talked about it when I walked in.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

Or like, be more playful, like offer her a cocktail maybe.

[Joey Zauczyk]

And Also, Jameson's not here and Shane's not here.

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

So Jameson would let it. No, Jameson would let it ride. He would let it ride because you could tell Jameson's job is to let Jeff do his thing, but Shane's presence might have calmed him down.

[Joey Zauczyk]

I think it was a good exercise in. No, no, no, no. I do. I think it was a good ex. You know, people that are. That are friends, people that love each other and, you know, let's talk about it.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think for me, in the future, and I have had consciously thought of this, I'm gonna start saying no a lot more. And guess what? I'm not gonna be as popular. Well, I'm not popular now. Could you imagine? But I'm gonna start saying no a lot. And even, like, we have Christmas Eve and we have Christmas Day, and I'm finding, like, people are starting to call me. Can you do this? Can you buy this? Can you pick up this?

[Dr. Donna Dannenfelser]

No, no, no.

[Shane Douglas]

It's boundaries.

[Jeff Lewis]

I can do this, but I can't do this.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Okay, which. Which Tell the truth sooner. Tell the truth sooner.

[Jeff Lewis]

I am. I'm gonna start telling people no.

[Joey Zauczyk]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So if, you know, when you say, I really, you know, I don't like this hotel room. No, that's where. That's where we're booking. That's where all the Jeff Lewis live guests are going. Here's your choice. You can either take that room or you can drive in. Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Ladd every weekday on SiriusXM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app.