Jackie Schimmel & Mercedes Javid

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues Episode: Jackie Schimmel & Mercedes Javid
Release Date: January 29, 2025
Host: SiriusXM

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Introduction

In this episode of Jeff Lewis Has Issues, host Jeff Lewis welcomes guests Jackie Schimmel and Mercedes Javid to discuss a range of personal and relational challenges. The conversation delves into parenting struggles, home emergencies, evacuation experiences, societal critiques, and the complexities of modern dating.

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I. Scheduling Conflicts and Parenting Responsibilities

The episode opens with a lighthearted exchange about scheduling mishaps, highlighting the juggling act of managing personal commitments alongside parenting duties.

• Jeff Lewis kicks off the discussion:
  “Sorry Jackie, about the scheduling miscommunication. Meaning Shane fucked up.” ([00:52])

• Shane admits his fault:
  “I did.” ([01:09])

Mercedes shares her morning routine adjustments to accommodate unexpected changes:
“I was gonna bear the six minute drive from my house to his Montessori.” ([01:45])

Key Insight: Balancing personal life and parenting often leads to last-minute changes and stress, as demonstrated by the need to rearrange schedules to accommodate children’s needs.

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II. Home Flooding and Renovation Challenges

Mercedes recounts a harrowing experience of her West Lake Village home flooding, leading to significant damage and extensive renovations.

• Mercedes Javid details the situation:
  “We noticed, like, in between the planks, there was water coming up.” ([06:05])

• Jeff Lewis probes further:
  “Why is she not available at 9? When did you become a hands-on mom?” ([01:35])

Key Insight: Unexpected home emergencies can disrupt lives profoundly, leading to financial strain and the need for extensive home repairs. Mercedes’s story underscores the unpredictability of such disasters and the challenges in managing them.

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III. Evacuation Due to Malibu Fire

Mercedes shares her terrifying experience during a Malibu fire, including the abrupt evacuation and the emotional toll it took on her and her family.

• Mercedes Javid recounts:
  “They had to come into the house and be like, you need to get out.” ([08:06])

• Jeff Lewis expresses concern:
  “Are you serious? You just slept in the parking lot.” ([08:24])

Key Insight: Natural disasters like wildfires can cause immediate danger, forcing families to evacuate with little warning. The emotional and logistical challenges of such evacuations are significant, as illustrated by Mercedes’s ordeal.

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IV. Critique of Influencers and Grief Groupies

The conversation shifts to a societal critique of individuals who exploit disasters for personal gain on social media.

• Mercedes Javid calls out:
  “I call them grief groupies. There is something sick and twisted about a certain type of person that wants to be the poster person of catastrophe.” ([09:20])

• Jeff Lewis agrees:
  “It's actually so condescending and rude to people who are actually going through something very.” ([09:20])

Key Insight: The podcast criticizes those who sensationalize personal or societal crises on platforms like Instagram for attention, highlighting the frustration and irritation it causes among those genuinely affected by such events.

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V. Dating Dilemmas: Gift Cards and Relationships

Jeff introduces a segment on dating challenges, particularly focusing on the use of gift cards in early-stage relationships.

• Jeff Lewis shares his dilemma:
  “There was a gift card... Shane said you can't take a gift card when you're first dating someone.” ([25:18])

• Oscar offers advice:
  “When you get to the table, go wash your hands... Take this gift card.” ([25:19])

Key Insight: Navigating financial gestures in new relationships can be tricky. Jeff grapples with the appropriateness of using a significant gift card early in a relationship, while Oscar suggests a straightforward approach to avoid misunderstandings.

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VI. Restaurant Reservation Woes and Flight Mishaps

The episode delves into the frustrations of making restaurant reservations and the ripple effects of missed flights.

• Jeff Lewis discusses a missed flight:
  “He missed it by three minutes.” ([34:01])

• Jackie Schimmel reflects on punctuality:
  “You have to read your ticket as the boarding time is the departure time...” ([35:14])

Key Insight: Minor delays and miscommunications, such as missing a flight or a dinner reservation, can lead to significant inconveniences and disappointments, highlighting the importance of punctuality and clear communication in planning.

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VII. Opinions on Retail Experiences: Target vs. Costco

Jeff and his guests share contrasting opinions on shopping experiences at Target and Costco, reflecting personal preferences and frustrations.

• Mercedes Javid criticizes Target:
  “The lines are set up makes no mother fucking sense.” ([22:22])

• Jackie Schimmel defends her shopping habits:
  “It's expensive. It really is.” ([23:48])

• Mercedes Javid praises Costco:
  “I just got into Costco like a couple months ago. Nobody told me how great Costco was.” ([24:09])

Key Insight: Retail experiences vary widely among individuals. While Target is criticized for its inefficiency and aesthetic shortcomings, Costco is lauded for its value and product quality, indicating that shopping preferences are highly subjective.

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VIII. Parenting Challenges and Childcare

The conversation touches on the complexities of childcare arrangements and the reliance on nannies.

• Jeff Lewis questions the nanny’s availability:
  “But is the nanny there anyway also, or...” ([02:30])

• Mercedes Javid responds:
  “I probably will.” ([02:36])

Key Insight: Dependence on external childcare solutions like nannies introduces another layer of complexity to parenting, emphasizing the need for reliable support systems to manage children’s daily routines effectively.

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IX. Relationship Struggles and Personal Boundaries

The discussion explores the dynamics of romantic relationships, including exclusivity and personal boundaries.

• Jeff Lewis remarks on being exclusive:
  “They make a big deal out of being exclusive.” ([13:00])

• Mercedes Javid comments on relationship pressures:
  “It's a whole thing where he kind of asks her at a restaurant with flowers.” ([13:03])

Key Insight: Establishing and maintaining exclusivity in relationships can be fraught with expectations and pressures, often leading to dramatic gestures and heightened emotional stakes.

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Conclusion

This episode of Jeff Lewis Has Issues offers a candid exploration of the multifaceted challenges faced in modern life, from chaotic personal schedules and home emergencies to the intricacies of dating and societal critiques. Through honest conversations and shared experiences, Jeff, Jackie, and Mercedes provide listeners with relatable insights and practical perspectives on navigating life's unpredictable hurdles.

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Notable Quotes:

• Jeff Lewis: “Have you met Allmodern?... That's modern made for real life. Shop [e-mail].” ([00:01])
  (Note: Advertisement content excluded from main discussion summary)

• Mercedes Javid: “I call them grief groupies... They insert themselves in situations.” ([09:20])

• Oscar: “When you get to the table, go wash your hands... Take this gift card.” ([25:19])

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Disclaimer: Advertisements and promotional segments within the transcript have been excluded from this summary to focus on the core content and discussions of the podcast episode.

Transcript

[Jeff Lewis]

Have you met Allmodern? Allmodern thinks making your home modern with fresh furniture and decor should be easy. That's why their team of modern obsessed experts hand vets each design for quality. Plus Allmodern's fast and free shipping lets you upgrade your home in days, not weeks. So whether you're updating your living room or reimagining your dining area, Allmodern has the very best of modern all in one place. That's modern made for real life. Shop [e-mail].

[Jackie Schimmel]

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, I'm doing charity right now. I think that twice in one year you're doing charity? Yes, twice. What was the first one you went to dinner with me.

[Mercedes Javit]

Do people want to be in your circle? Buy your way into friendship with Jeff Lewis?

[Jeff Lewis]

I think people are trying to get out.

[Shane]

When I first started coming here, I.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was like, Jeff Lewis.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Jeff Lewis has issues.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has Issues. In today's episode, Jackie Schimmel and Mercedes Javit join the show. We talk about gift cards, self checkout and becoming official. So sorry Jackie, about the scheduling miscommunication. Meaning Shane fucked up.

[Shane]

I did.

[Mercedes Javit]

Shane fucked up.

[Shane]

Thank you for being here.

[Mercedes Javit]

You're welcome.

[Shane]

I scheduled both Kelly and Rick and Jackie for the 10am hour and I didn't know until I went to confirm them last night and I was like, oh my God. Hey Jackie.

[Jeff Lewis]

So Jackie rearranged her schedule today to be here at 9:00 promptly to accommodate Shane.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Thanks girl.

[Mercedes Javit]

You're welcome.

[Jackie Schimmel]

What does this mean for Shane? Is he gonna be in detention now?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, it's okay. It all worked out.

[Mercedes Javit]

Thanks to me.

[Shane]

Thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Literally. But what's more surprising about all this is why is she not available at 9? When did you become a hands on mom? You were gonna take Clyde to school.

[Mercedes Javit]

I know. I was gonna bear the six minute drive from my house to his Montessori.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why?

[Mercedes Javit]

I don't know. I was just feeling generous before I dumped him off for eight hours.

[Jeff Lewis]

Cause when I heard that you were gonna take him to school and why you couldn't be here. Do you do that often?

[Mercedes Javit]

No. Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So it is kind of fun and tricky at the same time to drop off your kid and then be in the car to be here on time. Because I do have to drop shamps off on the early side.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And I knew I was thinking of you because I thought whatever I do, you're probably a click further. So more power to the moms.

[Mercedes Javit]

Thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Good for you.

[Mercedes Javit]

I know, I just. So relatable, so maternal.

[Jeff Lewis]

But is the nanny there anyway also, or. No, I'm just curious. Is the nanny there every day?

[Mercedes Javit]

Maybe.

[Jeff Lewis]

Who will pick him up from school?

[Mercedes Javit]

I probably will.

[Jeff Lewis]

I kind of like it. I like it. I like picking up Monroe from school. Well, I know, but she's busy.

[Shane]

It's actually a two hour show.

[Mercedes Javit]

So much to do today for her.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, wait. There is something that we don't like other people to drive our children. So when Shamps is in the car. He's never been driven by anyone other than me, his father, and that's not sustainable. Well, what?

[Mercedes Javit]

No, I mean, I love that for you. I just. I can't personally co sign on that because I would be lying.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So who else do you trust?

[Mercedes Javit]

Basically anyone with four wheels and a.

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean the neighbor four doors down. You mind taking him to school?

[Mercedes Javit]

I'm not like, I would say Andrew, my husband is definitely the warrior in the hovercraft and I'm pretty lax, if you know what I mean.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, so this means that I can not adopt, but babysit. And Sham's gonna have a little brother named Bud.

[Mercedes Javit]

Pick him up anytime. I'll leave him. How old is he now? He is 17 months. Oh, that's so annoying to say. I'm sorry. He's almost a year and a half.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thank you.

[Mercedes Javit]

I'm so sorry.

[Jeff Lewis]

I did it too. I did it too.

[Mercedes Javit]

It's so annoying.

[Jeff Lewis]

We all do it.

[Mercedes Javit]

That's terrible.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so he is in preschool five days a week.

[Mercedes Javit]

He's in a Montessori little program three days a week.

[Jeff Lewis]

Fine, but it's all day.

[Mercedes Javit]

I can leave him there as long as I'd like.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, we always do. We'd always pick up Monroe at lunch.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, that's nice.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then she'd come home for lunch and then she'd have her nap at home.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

But we started with a couple of days and then went to four days and five days.

[Mercedes Javit]

And he loves it. Yeah, he's happy. He's like happy as a clam over there.

[Jeff Lewis]

She loved her second school.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Intelligent child who wants to be stimulated by other things. People, environments.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, I love that. A genius then. Because he's totally fine now.

[Jeff Lewis]

Annie has completed her three day water fast.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh God. That sounded so.

[Jeff Lewis]

How are you doing, Annie?

[Shane]

I'm good.

[Mercedes Javit]

I had food this morning.

[Jeff Lewis]

What did you have?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Greek yogurt.

[Mercedes Javit]

So thin.

[Jeff Lewis]

I am so glad you didn't eat at 10:00 because the fast technically ended at 10:00pm Last night, but I said, just do it another eight hours.

[Mercedes Javit]

Just water? Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

For three days.

[Jackie Schimmel]

72 hours.

[Shane]

Isn't that crazy?

[Mercedes Javit]

Like, ice chips or what? Like, just sparkling water for, like, my treats. And then you're crazy wild skinny yesterday.

[Jeff Lewis]

At the end of the show. So, you know, Jamis and I, we share, you know, similar tummy issues. So I don't. Not really, but so I opened up my bag, and I was getting my car keys, and I saw some Tums in there. And so I said to. I said to Jameson, I'm like, hey, would you like a Tums? And he said, no, thank you. And I could hear Annie. Oh, that sounds so good right now.

[Mercedes Javit]

I'm proud of you.

[Shane]

Thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know how you did it. That's so hard.

[Mercedes Javit]

It's so hard.

[Shane]

It was hard.

[Mercedes Javit]

What was your breakfast this morning? I had a boiled egg, a bagel, and then early this morning, I had a Greek yogurt. Okay, great. I thought you were gonna say, like, a Splenda, a cigarette and a celery stock.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That would have been the move.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you. So I'm just trying to, like, catch up here. So you were living in your West Lake Village estate, and it flooded.

[Mercedes Javit]

So we had. There was water coming up from the floor. So we noticed, like, in between the planks, there was water coming up.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Mercedes Javit]

So around Thanksgiving, we were going to Palm Springs. I had my contractor come over and I said, hey, why don't we just lift this? I thought it was just maybe like a. Like a pipe leak or something because our plumbing was run underground. So they lift the floors, they find tons of stagnant water and mold. So as we're, like, packing up to leave to Palm Springs, it's like a code red. All the dudes are, like, hacking up their lungs. They're like, you gotta get out. There's mold. They're, like, grabbing masks. I'm like, what the fuck's going on? So we leave the house, they lift up the floor, they find mold throughout the house, underneath the floorboards. It turns out that before we had resided the house, etcetera, we didn't have a slab leak. We didn't have a high water table. We didn't have any plumbing issues. Water was coming in from the outside planters because the drains were so backed up. So insurance isn't covering anything. So that's hilarious and adorable. And basically, we had to. During Christmas, we left the country. They redid all the plumbing, all the exterior drains. They ran the plumbing through the attic.

[Jeff Lewis]

Attic? Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, My God.

[Mercedes Javit]

And opened drywall, ripped out all my floors, and had to redo all my floors.

[Jeff Lewis]

Are you back in the house? Yes. Okay, so you went to your friend's home in Malibu.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where while the construction was happening.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, wasn't there another fire, like a Malibu fire a couple months ago?

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah. The day before we left for London, we were woken up by, you know, three people with flashlights in our faces while we were sleeping, because the fire was coming down the hill and there was no cell reception and there was no power, so we were just sleeping. I had taken, like, too Dramamine. I was foaming at the mouth. And they had to come into the house and be like, you need to get out.

[Jeff Lewis]

They came in the house.

[Mercedes Javit]

So we have some friends that live in the neighborhood, and the police were, like, shining. Like it was a whole situation. We had police and friends come and tell us to get the hell out. So we had to pack up all of our shit again. And I slept at the Erewhon Calabasas parking lot.

[Jeff Lewis]

Are you serious?

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, you didn't.

[Mercedes Javit]

I swear to God. Because it was in the middle of.

[Jeff Lewis]

The night in your Range Rover. Yeah.

[Mercedes Javit]

Very spacious.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wow. You just slept in the parking lot.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's spacious. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wow.

[Mercedes Javit]

I didn't know what else to do. I was. I was, I mean, like, in a stupor.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so then you get back to the Westlake Village home.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

And were you evacuated again?

[Mercedes Javit]

No, we never left the house. We were. It was. It was dicey. You know, you live in Calabasas. Right. So when that Hidden Hills fire broke out, they were like, just prepare. So we packed up the car, but then we ended up staying.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, now you're like me, where you're very triggered by these influencers and other people that are on Instagram extremely and basically over exaggerating the situation. Like, the fires are not even near them.

[Mercedes Javit]

I call them grief groupies.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, explain.

[Mercedes Javit]

There is something sick and twisted about a certain type of person that wants to be the poster person of catastrophe. You know what I mean? They insert themselves in a narrative that. That isn't even affecting them because they want to garner sympathy from others because they're lacking attention so deeply and just internal validation that they look for it anywhere they can, usually by inserting themselves in situations. Exactly. And it's actually so condescending and rude to people who are actually going through something very. And I find it to be deeply, deeply triggering.

[Jeff Lewis]

I feel the same way.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Especially when there's people that, you know, have had real Loss.

[Mercedes Javit]

Exactly.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know, we haven't heard from them.

[Mercedes Javit]

You're taking.

[Jeff Lewis]

But then you've got people that weren't anywhere near the fires. They evacuated. They. They documented it all on their Insta stories.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, I had enough time to do that, huh? Set up your fucking ring light right for the updates. It's a joke.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's really crazy. Yeah, well, I'm glad that you're. Cause I was worried about your area. Cause you're right there, like the Malibu Westlake Village border. And let me ask you this. After you've now been evacuated, You've been evacuated before. Is there a part of you that thinks, eh, maybe I should move?

[Shane]

No, no, not with those new floors.

[Mercedes Javit]

Not with my new floors.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. And your new plumbing, your new drains.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah, my new drains. The wallpaper is irreplaceable in my house. Are you kidding me? I can't move.

[Jeff Lewis]

But there's that pool. There is that pool with the dolphin at the bottom.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah. I have mosaic dolphins in my pool. That's a problem.

[Shane]

Dolphin funds get depleted with this stupid plumbing issue.

[Mercedes Javit]

Sure did. Sure did.

[Jeff Lewis]

So now we have to swim in the dolphin pool for another couple of years probably.

[Mercedes Javit]

Andrew's like, I like the dolphins. I'm like, fuck.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You learn to love the dolphins.

[Mercedes Javit]

Some people love them. I find them to be atrocious.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I expect Jeff to have a solution that would be temporary, where you can peel and stick something over the dolphins. Like a temporary tattoo.

[Shane]

Ew.

[Jeff Lewis]

You think Jeff doesn't have that kind of solution? Jeff drains the pool, demos it and pebble text.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No. No templates.

[Jeff Lewis]

Or quartz.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, well, yeah, but it's only like every other tile, right? It's like every 12th dolphin around the pool. It's not that long.

[Mercedes Javit]

There's two 69 dolphins at the bottom.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Mercedes Javit]

So, I mean, if we could figure out some stickers, some waterproof stickers. I don't know.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

When you do re. When you redo the pool at the Valley Vista house, I did pebble tech, and Monroe would scrape her knees on the Pebble Tech. So now they have. Matt was telling my contractor, because I'm about to redo the new pool. There's like a quartz and there's something else softer.

[Mercedes Javit]

What about like blue stone?

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, the funny thing, he's like, yeah, there's this. Make this. This line. It's sparkly. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no sparkles.

[Mercedes Javit]

I can't go from dolphins to a spark. It's like Polly Pocket.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, no. Nya's Big night is tonight. Are you aware of this I heard.

[Mercedes Javit]

On the way in?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes, Now.

[Mercedes Javit]

Wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

She called in sick today.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No way.

[Jameson]

She is working, but she's working remotely today.

[Jeff Lewis]

And by the way, we haven't seen Alyssa. We haven't seen Alyssa in weeks. I brought that up today.

[Shane]

Yeah, she was evacuated.

[Jeff Lewis]

She was evacuated. Yeah.

[Shane]

And there's probably smoke damage and, like, whatever else.

[Jeff Lewis]

Evacuated or there's nothing wrong.

[Jameson]

Don't say where she is. Oh, but don't say where she is.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's in Pasadena. What street?

[Jameson]

No, letter B. No, she's in a hotel somewhere.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Got it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, she's still in the hotel.

[Jameson]

Yeah, she's still in a hotel somewhere. Don't say.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, so she's still evacuated.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yes. So that something's wrong. Because I didn't know. Costly.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's right. And insurance is not going to blindly write.

[Jeff Lewis]

Not for her and her new job. Oh, yeah. She makes a lot of money now.

[Mercedes Javit]

Love that for her.

[Jeff Lewis]

Sorry. James said you got passed on that promotion.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Harder.

[Jameson]

I'm happy for Alyssa, my sister.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I'm very excited. I mean, I think Nya's still going tonight.

[Shane]

She has to.

[Jeff Lewis]

Let's be honest.

[Shane]

No. If I woke up with, like, a tickle in my throat, but tonight was the night, I'd be like, fuck work. I'm sleeping all day.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Shane]

To go out tonight.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Why is the state so important?

[Shane]

He's gonna ask her something.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I didn't hear.

[Jeff Lewis]

They've been dating for three months. And we think. Which I don't know, like, we're a little older than these kids, you know, she's 24, but they make a big deal out of being exclusive. Like, it's a whole thing where he kind of asks her at a restaurant with flowers. It's kind of drama. Do you remember that?

[Mercedes Javit]

Drama?

[Jeff Lewis]

How did. Okay, so when Andrew was like, hey, I want you to be my girlfriend, I don't want to see anyone else. Like, how did he do it?

[Mercedes Javit]

Just like that, Right? Basically.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, these.

[Jameson]

These on the phone if you want to chat.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Who?

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, hey, Naya.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Amazing.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hi, Naya.

[Naya]

Hello. Hi, Jeff.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh.

[Shane]

How are you feeling?

[Jeff Lewis]

Wow, you sound terrible.

[Mercedes Javit]

Naya, are you okay?

[Naya]

I just have a cold sore.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, you cannot go out.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can't explain that tonight.

[Shane]

Whoopsie. What are you gonna do?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Did he give it to me?

[Naya]

He already knows. We're just not gonna kiss, I guess.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You're still.

[Shane]

He can't ask him his girlfriend if you're not gonna kiss.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wait, so you stayed home today because you have A cold sore.

[Mercedes Javit]

I find that to be interesting.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Naya]

I want to rest as much as possible. I have to wake up early if I have to come into work.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a symptom of an autoimmune disease. So if you have one of those and it flares up, it means you're overly exerting yourself.

[Naya]

Yeah, I've been working a lot.

[Jeff Lewis]

Does this qualify as a sick day when you get a cold sore?

[Jameson]

I don't think I'm legally allowed to question.

[Shane]

And she's working because you're her boss.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So you could get in trouble, right, Jameson?

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jameson]

If she says that, she's not. Yeah. I trust also feel better and I trust you.

[Mercedes Javit]

Where is the cold sore?

[Jackie Schimmel]

In her mouth.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. That is a very good. Is it inside your mouth? Is it obvious? Is it on your lips?

[Naya]

It's on my lip.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can you cover it with lipstick and lip liner?

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah. Are we gonna over line?

[Jackie Schimmel]

There's nothing you can do.

[Naya]

Well, I don't want to give it to him then.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But you're still going.

[Mercedes Javit]

But if you're gonna be in a relationship, you should share things. Who cares?

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, he's probably gonna get it anyway, right? Hope you've been kissing him. So you are going tonight? What restaurant are you going to? Debarbara.

[Naya]

No, I don't think so.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so what city are you going out to? We'll just narrow it down. Okay. West Hollywood.

[Naya]

I think it'll be in Koreatown.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, you're not one of those where you have to make your own food?

[Shane]

Oh, I hate that.

[Jeff Lewis]

I hate that too.

[Shane]

Don't give me a hot pot.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I hope he's not taking you to Benihana. That's not in Koreatown, though.

[Mercedes Javit]

No, no, I love Benihana.

[Jeff Lewis]

Me too, but I don't want to go there to be proposed to.

[Mercedes Javit]

No, I don't think so.

[Jeff Lewis]

Right?

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

If you sit at a table with 12 other people, it's too communal.

[Mercedes Javit]

It's not intimate.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[Jackie Schimmel]

The first time I was asked out, he goes, will you go with me? And that was the way they asked. How. How is he going to word it? Nya.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. How do you think?

[Naya]

I have no clue.

[Mercedes Javit]

Perhaps a poem.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, sorry about that. Cold sore.

[Mercedes Javit]

Bad timing.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. That's not hot.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's not holding her back. He's going.

[Jeff Lewis]

He honestly might change his mind when he sees that cold sore. Do you guys are shallow. Naya.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But it's covered with abreva. That abreva will dry it out. You have to have, like, a glob of that on and absorb it and don't, like, let it rinse off.

[Naya]

I have that on as we speak.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, good.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It does dry it up really fast.

[Jeff Lewis]

Look, we're pretty. We're pretty surface people here. We understand why you would stay home with a cold sore.

[Mercedes Javit]

I get it.

[Jeff Lewis]

As much as I want to be critical of it, I get it.

[Shane]

You're more critical of those evacuating from the fire than her with the cold sore.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well. Cause they're phonies and they're liars and they're bullshitters and they're nowhere near the fires. All right. NYA can't wait to talk to you on Tuesday because we are. You know, we're not gonna be here on Monday, because Martin Luther. We're observing.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, Love that.

[Jeff Lewis]

So good luck tonight. Get some rest.

[Naya]

Thank you.

[Shane]

Go back to bed.

[Jeff Lewis]

Love you. All right. So speaking of dating. Committing. You went back to Target yesterday, Oscar. To find your love interest.

[Oscar]

I did. I did what you said. I went to Starbucks and I walked around.

[Jeff Lewis]

Great. What did you get? What kind of coffee did you get?

[Oscar]

Well, I didn't want to be too gay, so I got a black coffee with two sugars. And it was gross.

[Jeff Lewis]

Very butchered.

[Mercedes Javit]

Good choice.

[Jeff Lewis]

Very butchered.

[Oscar]

Around with a black coffee. And I just rolled through the halls, like, sup? You know? No.

[Jeff Lewis]

What did you really want to get, though? What did you really want to order?

[Oscar]

My cousin loves to get this, like, vanilla bean. So I was gonna get a vanilla.

[Shane]

Bean or a Frappuccino.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Or a tree.

[Mercedes Javit]

Wrong message.

[Oscar]

A little too gay. So.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But does anyone know what's in the cup? It's not a transcript.

[Shane]

A Frappuccino is a clear cup.

[Mercedes Javit]

That's a clear cup with a whip.

[Oscar]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know what?

[Oscar]

Love that. Whipped cream.

[Jeff Lewis]

Take your mom and a straw.

[Mercedes Javit]

Very gay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Straw.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No straws. Men should.

[Oscar]

Oh, yeah. And a straw.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah. No.

[Jeff Lewis]

All right, so you got your black coffee.

[Oscar]

Right?

[Jeff Lewis]

You strolled around Target, and what happened?

[Oscar]

I had a brave face on because that black coffee was terrible. Nothing. She wasn't there.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, Jesus.

[Shane]

Do you think she quit?

[Jeff Lewis]

That's what Annie said.

[Shane]

It's been several times.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure she wouldn't quit because of, you know. Of you. No, I'm sure. Maybe she has something else.

[Mercedes Javit]

Do you remember the day and the time where you first saw her?

[Oscar]

No, I don't.

[Mercedes Javit]

So it wasn't clearly that memorable.

[Oscar]

Probably like, the middle of the day. Like, right after work. I went home.

[Mercedes Javit]

We can't like trace this. You can't remember what you did the rest of the day and then reflected.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Refer back to somebody else. Yeah. Like you would have texted a friend and then you would have known that day and time that you were there. Right.

[Mercedes Javit]

Or like timestamp from the radio.

[Oscar]

You know what, now that I think about it, I was talking to my brother so I could look up what time it was.

[Shane]

Check the records.

[Mercedes Javit]

Check the records, Skip. Resourceful.

[Jeff Lewis]

Never thought about that. So you think she'd be working the same shift? I think so, don't they? Okay.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you're gonna go back tomorrow?

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He can't go every day. That's creepy. That's when it gets.

[Jeff Lewis]

He's going to Starbucks. You can go to Starbucks every day.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah, but you're doing. He's doing Starbucks and a lap. That's weird.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know. I love Target. I think there's always things to find. And you were looking for men's cologne.

[Oscar]

I did.

[Jeff Lewis]

Does Target still men's clothes?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Are you going with a basket? Are you free balling it or with a cart?

[Oscar]

I went with a cart because I do go and buy tea and other things. Drinks. I needed water, so I need.

[Jeff Lewis]

You don't need a cart. You don't need a cart for that.

[Oscar]

Cases of water. You do.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, how many cases did you buy?

[Mercedes Javit]

I bought four.

[Oscar]

They were on sale.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Mercedes Javit]

You need a cart, that's fine.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I also need to have water delivery. So you don't do single use plastics?

[Mercedes Javit]

I just did that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's the best.

[Mercedes Javit]

The Mountain Valley spring water with the glass.

[Jeff Lewis]

I love that. Water with the green glass bottles.

[Mercedes Javit]

Beautiful.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, they look so good in my refrigerator. We need to buy that again.

[Mercedes Javit]

No, you need to get the big one, the dispenser.

[Shane]

You can get that and then you.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't like the look of that though.

[Mercedes Javit]

No, you just keep it in the garage.

[Jackie Schimmel]

They're gorgeous.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't have a garage. Should I just put it in the front yard?

[Mercedes Javit]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

On the driveway.

[Mercedes Javit]

No.

[Jackie Schimmel]

They have good looking. They have good looking ones. Stainless and you can get instant hot room and cold. We need out of the sink.

[Jeff Lewis]

It is, I think in the new house we have space. Cause it could go in the laundry room or it could go in the secondary kitchen.

[Shane]

Secondary kitchen.

[Jeff Lewis]

But this house, it's too open floor. There's no way. There's no where to put it.

[Mercedes Javit]

Like a white ceramic. Put it in the laundry room, hide it sort of thing.

[Jeff Lewis]

So since we were talking about dating and I think you should go back to Target, maybe. Does he skip a day? Does he go on Sunday?

[Mercedes Javit]

I would say, like, give it a little bit of a breather, you know?

[Shane]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

What should he go on Monday?

[Mercedes Javit]

Monday feels fresh. Martin Luther King Day.

[Shane]

It's a holiday schedule. She might be off. I would go back during the week. Go back Tuesday maybe.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's working for time and a half.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Just check your text if she's a husband first.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, so we should. Okay, we're not going every day, but maybe Monday you go.

[Oscar]

Yeah, Monday or Tuesday.

[Mercedes Javit]

How many times have you gone so far?

[Oscar]

Just two times.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, thank God.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, he went yesterday.

[Oscar]

It's my local Target. I'm there all the time for stuff anyway, but.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. I don't think there's any shame in.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Going, but maybe every day.

[Mercedes Javit]

Every day is very.

[Jeff Lewis]

If it was Bristol farms or Air1, that's fine. You can go every day.

[Mercedes Javit]

That's a grocery necessity place.

[Jeff Lewis]

Correct.

[Mercedes Javit]

Target is like a once. I don't like Target personally. We know how I feel about Target. I won't get into it again.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, let's get into it. Okay, let's get into it.

[Mercedes Javit]

I would like to know. I think it's the saddest place on earth.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why would you say that about Target?

[Mercedes Javit]

Okay, first of all, preach this. The way that the lines are set up makes no mother fucking sense. The cashier on a cashier. So the line. You gotta pick a line within a line. Like, it doesn't make sense. The way that they stagger the cashiers.

[Shane]

Have you seen it? They're like infuriated, double parked.

[Jeff Lewis]

I have seen tandem.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Tandem?

[Mercedes Javit]

What the fuck is that?

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, I go to the one in La Brea. They're always open. There's not a big line. I have never waited more than five seconds for a register.

[Shane]

What?

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, the one I. What I don't want to do is check myself out. Did they do that at Target? I can't stand that. I can barely get out of the parking structure on my own. I cannot check out groceries by myself.

[Mercedes Javit]

What is the lighting concept in Target?

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, that's a problem. That is a problem. There is just nobody looks good in Target.

[Mercedes Javit]

Not one person.

[Jeff Lewis]

So she's probably beautiful, Oscar. She's probably beautiful because if she looks good in Target, she's probably a fucking supermodel. Just nobody knows because she works at Target under that bad lighting, I'd say so.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Mercedes Javit]

And a red vest to boot. Nobody looks good in a red vest.

[Jeff Lewis]

No one.

[Mercedes Javit]

And it's not a good deal. No it's not. It fiscally responsible. And you just. I don't like the camaraderie of the Target lifestyle. You know, like, oh, grab the kids and go to Target. I don't wanna.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's expensive. It really is.

[Mercedes Javit]

And it's ridden with disease.

[Jeff Lewis]

How do you. Oh, come on.

[Jameson]

This is all a legend. We do not know any of these.

[Jeff Lewis]

My laa. Target, so clean.

[Mercedes Javit]

It's a word.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Gave me a disease.

[Mercedes Javit]

It's where Naya got her cold store.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, what about. You're into Costco, right?

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, I just got into Costco. I just got into Costco like a couple months ago. Nobody told me how great Costco was. I went like very recently and I'm like, holy shit, this place is amazing. Yeah, it's to die for. The wild chili and sea bass is unbelievable.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, okay. We have to. We have to do that one.

[Mercedes Javit]

You have to try it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Field trip.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can I ask you before we go to break? Well, I have more dating questions, but the first one I have for you ladies is. So Ty, the guy from Dallas is in town for four days. He's staying with me. And I've been trying to. Okay, so we're trying to figure out restaurants. So Shane and I were making reservations. Was it yesterday or the day before yesterday? Okay, no, two days ago. Okay. So I had a gift card for Funk and I really want to go. And right now, just a little life hack with all the evacuations and everything, you can get into good restaurants. So there was a. There was. There was a space. But Shane said. And Andy and Keon, they said, no, no, no, no, no. You can't take a gift card when you're first dating someone.

[Mercedes Javit]

I agree.

[Jeff Lewis]

You agree?

[Mercedes Javit]

I agree.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's $300.

[Shane]

Gift cards are for relationships.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah. You're gonna put your gift card. I mean, can you just slide it under the bill so that.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't think so.

[Oscar]

Jeff, let me give you some advice. Cause I've done this before. When you get to the table, go wash your hands, right? Take the gift card to the servant, say, hey, I have this gift card. Take this. Here's my card too. When the meal is over, check it out. And good to go.

[Jeff Lewis]

Once in a while you say something very smart. And that is. Today's the day.

[Mercedes Javit]

Today's the day.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, you're right.

[Mercedes Javit]

That's a great idea.

[Jameson]

Cut to the server. Well, Mr. Lewis, we applied your gift card and here's the remaining pallet. It didn't work.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's right.

[Shane]

Would you think you'd get not as good service if they think you're paying with a gift card.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So tip in advance.

[Jeff Lewis]

Somebody's gift card didn't work, remember?

[Shane]

Yeah, I just tried the El Pollo one. It didn't work.

[Jeff Lewis]

Jamie Kennedy gave me a hundred dollar gift card to El Pollo Loco. I went to order and it didn't.

[Shane]

But I trust him. No, no, I trust. It was actually no because it was an online E gift card. So I just copy and paste it because ordering online and it said it didn't work. I said, you gave me the number. How's it not gonna work?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, I don't trust gift cards for that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you see that attitude?

[Shane]

I was so mad, so upset.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's a scam.

[Shane]

So I just had to use Jeff's card instead.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It was really fucked up. They can sell you the gift card and not activate and load any money onto it and you'll never know. You can't. You can't.

[Jeff Lewis]

How much? How much should we order? In El Pollo Loco the other day.

[Shane]

Like $85 and I had to pay.

[Jeff Lewis]

For it with my Amex. The gift card didn't work.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Fancy.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

What do you think? Just. They only take Discover.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, like only the regular people money.

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh.

[Jeff Lewis]

Which is a difficult reservation.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Had to cancel it because Tai missed his flight.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, shit.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I had to.

[Shane]

What did I. I've never seen you so excited. Like, Jeff was like, checking the menu, like, talking about, like the omakasecs experience.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like, he was, do I do the soma casa? Do I do the oma casa?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Don't do the oma casa.

[Jeff Lewis]

I was going to do the oma casa over the soma casa.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I don't want the intense, like, sea urchin orange stuff.

[Jeff Lewis]

I do want all that same. I want to try shit that I normally would not order otherwise. I'm going to get a spicy tuna roll.

[Mercedes Javit]

Exactly right.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Well, no, it's not.

[Jeff Lewis]

Which I did last night.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And always get the soy paper over the seaweed.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. Thank you, Mercedes. So hot tips. I'll tell you how he goes. He goes, jeff, I am so sorry. I have never missed a in my whole life. And I said, what happened? He goes, I parked my car in one of those accessory kind of parking lots where the shuttle comes around, picks you up and takes you to the terminal. He said at 2:00 he was there, right? At 2:00 the shuttle pulled up. At 2:05, perfect. Gets on the shuttle. He's the only person on the shuttle. I don't know if it's. If they're supposed to sit and wait or what, but he goes, he gets. The guy gets off the shuttle. He goes, I'm boarding at 2:25. I'm on the shuttle at 2:05. The guy gets off the shuttle, talks to another shuttle driver for 10 minutes. It's now 2:15. So there's different shuttles depending on the terminals. The shuttle he was in was terminal A, B and C. And so what happened was he goes, I would think that it would be in order, A, B, C. But he gets on and the guy's like, he noticed that they're gonna go to terminal C first. So you go to terminal C. No one there. Sitting, waiting, five minutes.

[Shane]

What?

[Jeff Lewis]

No one there. I think maybe it's like the bus where you have to wait. I don't know. So then he goes. I was cutting it real close, but I knew that. Okay, we're now on our way to Terminal B. No, no, no, no. He goes to Terminal A. He passes Terminal B. So Ty says to the guy, I. Sir, I need to. This is Terminal B. You need to let me off here. He goes, no, no. I go to Terminal A first, then back to Terminal B. So now he's at Terminal A, and he's sitting and waiting another five minutes. By the time he. So then by the time he goes, I'm. He goes, I'm gate B17. He goes, well, I can't drop you off at B17. I can drop you off here. B39.

[Shane]

What?

[Jeff Lewis]

So now he's like, I literally have got minutes before we're bored. He had a carry on. So he gets off the. He gets off the shuttle and the handle breaks off.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, shit.

[Jeff Lewis]

So he has a roller bag with the handle breaks off completely. So he's having to carry the bag.

[Mercedes Javit]

Oh, man.

[Jeff Lewis]

From gate 39 to gate 17. Now he's like, I'm TSA Precheck. I thought, okay, this is gonna. I can make it. I can just make it.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

They closed TSA Precheck. They merged TSA Precheck with the regular line. So he was in this huge line. Needless to say, he missed. They closed the doors. He missed it by three minutes.

[Jameson]

That was the world saying, dude, don't go on that trip.

[Jeff Lewis]

Stay home.

[Jameson]

Don't go.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Or was everybody else warning him he.

[Shane]

Had every chance to stay home?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So he was late. Bottom line, he was late. If he just got there at 2:00 and he was boarding at 2.25-he- was late to arrive to the airport and park his car.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Sorry.

[Jeff Lewis]

But, yeah, no, he was.

[Mercedes Javit]

True.

[Jeff Lewis]

So. But he could have. He could have made it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But, you know, I noticed that if you pay attention to your boarding, you cannot be paying attention to the departure time.

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah, of course.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You have to read your ticket as the boarding time is the departure time, or else. Because there's no grace period, they don't keep the flights open as late as they used to in yesteryears. And so I always get there early. I was never that person. I would always want to, like, push the line. But now, like, not the actual line, but.

[Mercedes Javit]

Right.

[Jackie Schimmel]

The fact that they would close TSA ever at that airport means that he's eternally effed.

[Jeff Lewis]

You can't rely on that in Dallas airport. No, TSA Precheck. You're fucked.

[Mercedes Javit]

Crazy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Jeff Lewis]

So he had to take a later flight, and then I had to cancel my Uchi reservation. But I had to be like, cool, easygoing Jeff. Pretend where it's like, yeah, no problem. I'll just move the reservation. I was like, fuck, yeah. I really was looking forward to that for like, the last three days.

[Mercedes Javit]

It's too fresh. You have to be lovely.

[Jeff Lewis]

So then I ordered Nico Nico. And then they delivered it, but it's, you know, it's no Uchi, but it's fine.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Are you going to Uchi tonight?

[Jeff Lewis]

No, we moved it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, and there's the other thing. I had to give them a deposit. I had to give them a deposit. But the fortunate thing is they let they.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Because of the fires. You're a victim.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, because I. Because I moved it to another day, they're not gonna charge me the 50 bucks.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Nice.

[Mercedes Javit]

Okay, good.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. But here's the other problem. So he said. I said, I'm just gonna order sushi, then what would you like? And so I ordered two rolls for him, one roll for me.

[Mercedes Javit]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm realizing if I continue to date him, I'm going to become a feeder. Because he's real fit and he doesn't eat much. So piggy over here wanted. And by the way, that's still dieting me. One roll is still dieting. I was going to say, normally I get like four. Yes, thank you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He eats half of what you eat.

[Jeff Lewis]

So he got the shrimp to him. I ordered him a shrimp tempura and a spicy tuna. And then I got my spicy tuna. Now, I had been starving myself, so I was really looking forward to that whole roll.

[Shane]

One spicy tuna roll. That's nothing.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, no shit.

[Mercedes Javit]

That's insane.

[Jeff Lewis]

So he had like a few bites. He hadn't eaten all day. He had just like a few bites of this roll.

[Mercedes Javit]

Did he bite around the shrimp tempura? Cause he didn't want to eat fried food.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, no, he's not that. But he just doesn't eat a lot. So then I'm like, oh, fuck. So. Because I'm trying to follow his lead, right?

[Mercedes Javit]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So he has one. I have one. Cause normally I would, like, finish those rolls in minutes for sure. And then I was like, please have another one. I'm just thinking to myself, please have another one. So I kept kind of like forcing the food, like, oh, here, there's still some here. So long story long. Out of the six pieces, I had four. And I almost. I put them in the fridge and I almost went downstairs after he fell asleep to sneak food, but that's just so tragic.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You should invite Joey's houseig to the next time you guys go out and he'll eat everything and then you will look like the skinny one who doesn't.

[Mercedes Javit]

Eat with.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Live every weekday on SiriusXM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel exclusively on the SiriusXM. Applied.