Jackie Schimmel & Zach Noe Towers: Bribing Kids & White Cars

Summary

Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode: Jackie Schimmel & Zach Noe Towers: Bribing Kids & White Cars
Release Date: February 28, 2025

In this engaging episode of Jeff Lewis Has Issues, host Jeff Lewis welcomes special guests Jackie Schimmel and Zach Noe Towers to discuss a variety of personal and humorous topics. From navigating dual celebrations to parenting dilemmas and quirky stereotypes, the trio delivers a candid and entertaining conversation. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps for reference.

---

1. Valentine's Day and Andrew's Birthday Celebrations

The episode kicks off with the overlap of Valentine's Day and Andrew's birthday, sparking a lighthearted debate among the guests.

• Jackie Schimmel expresses her disdain for celebrating birthdays on Valentine’s Day:
  "So selfish. So rude. It's so. It's gross." [00:35]

• Zach Noe Towers concurs, stating:
  "Men shouldn't have birthdays on Valentine's Day." [01:38]

• Jeff Lewis probes into how they celebrated the day:
  "So what is a typical day then, on a Valentine's Day, Andrew's birthday, What did you do to celebrate?" [01:58]

• Jackie shares her thoughtful yet unconventional celebration plan:
  "I did not get him a gift. I got him a gift. Beautiful flowers, a lovely handwritten note. We went sushi. We had a gorgeous omakase sushi lunch together." [02:20]

This segment highlights the balancing act of celebrating multiple significant events simultaneously, blending tradition with personal preferences.

---

2. Parenting Challenges and Bribing Kids

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the complexities of parenting, especially regarding discipline and the use of bribery.

• Jeff Lewis recounts an extreme disciplinary action:
  "I bought her that toy in New York... And she was... I took that toy and broke it in half and threw it right in the trash can in front of her. Honestly, it traumatized her, but she was a perfect child for the rest of the trip." [07:45]

• Jackie Schimmel discusses her challenges with her child's reluctance to walk:
  "He's too good at crawling. He can get anywhere he needs to go at rapid speed. Crawling, creepy." [05:19]

• Zach Noe Towers humorously suggests:
  "Maybe you put a bunch of thumbtacks on the ground." [05:39]

• Jackie emphasizes her use of emotional manipulation over gentle parenting tactics:
  "If you're thinking about sliding into my DMs with your gentle parenting tactics or you shouldn't do that. Please don't do that. Please. I don't have the bandwidth today." [07:10]

This segment underscores the diverse approaches to parenting, highlighting the tension between discipline and bribery.

---

3. Doug's Manipulative Behavior

The guests discuss a mutual acquaintance, Doug, portraying him as manipulative and deceitful.

• Jeff Lewis describes Doug's takeover of Jamie Rubin's show:
  "He worked his way in. He took it over. He stole it from her. He publicly humiliated her." [13:10]

• Jackie Schimmel adds:
  "He's a silent assassin." [13:40]

• Jeff sarcastically comments on Doug's potential over-the-top behavior at a funeral:
  "I want a front row seat at that funeral because I want to watch Doug and his faux grief." [15:28]

The conversation paints Doug as a cunning figure who undermines others for personal gain, adding a dramatic flair to their discussion.

---

4. Car Ownership and Stereotypes about White Cars

A humorous yet thought-provoking dialogue emerges around the stereotype that men who drive white cars are gay.

• Jackie Schimmel boldly states:
  "Yes. Oh, oh, explain." [20:45]

• Jeff Lewis shares his skepticism:
  "Do I know a straight guy that drives a white car? Only one. And questionable Kian." [20:55]

• Annie counters the stereotype by sharing her father's white truck:
  "Oh, my dad's truck is white, but it's a Toyota Tundra." [22:37]

• Zach Noe Towers humorously suggests:
  "But maybe he blacked out those windows to do all that gay shit in that car." [22:26]

This segment explores societal perceptions and the complexities behind car color choices, blending humor with social commentary.

---

5. Business and Customer Service Issues with Marina

Jeff shares his frustrations with a contractor named Marina Marshall, highlighting issues with service delivery and billing.

• Jeff Lewis narrates a billing mishap:
  "I got a bill for over seventeen hundred dollars. And I work with them all the time. So now I'm like, what the fuck this?" [24:00]

• Annie inquires about the resolution:
  "So did you have to pay it, or did he honor the price?" [24:56]

• Jeff elaborates on Marina's lack of accountability:
  "He fucked up, and he's trying to cover his ass." [25:15]

The discussion sheds light on the challenges of maintaining professional relationships amidst service disputes.

---

6. Dining at Cheesecake Factory and Related Anecdotes

The guests reminisce about dining experiences, particularly at the Cheesecake Factory, intertwining personal stories and preferences.

• Jackie Schimmel shares her latest visit:
  "I got Clyde little cheeseburgers like the kids. Sliders. Very delish." [30:55]

• Jeff Lewis expresses his aversion to waiting times:
  "It's the wait that's the problem. I would go all the time, but I've got to park at the Grove and then I've got to. I Don't want to wait 30 minutes to eat." [30:34]

• Zach Noe Towers adds:
  "They have a lunch menu." [30:47]

This segment highlights the social dynamics of popular dining spots and the balance between convenience and quality.

---

7. Weight Loss and Health Discussions

A humorous exchange about weight loss strategies and personal struggles provides comic relief.

• Jeff Lewis shares a tough encounter with his psychic:
  "She said this to me. She said, you look fat. I can see your stomach. I've never seen your stomach before. But you know what? I appreciate I didn't eat for the rest of the day." [29:26]

• Jackie Schimmel sympathizes:
  "I love that for you." [29:46]

• Zach Noe Towers offers a comical solution:
  "You gotta keep yourself, like, satiated. Like, eat a nut every 10 minutes." [32:20]

The conversation playfully addresses the pressures of maintaining physical appearance and the lengths one might go to achieve weight loss goals.

---

8. General Banter and Humor

Throughout the episode, the guests engage in lighthearted banter, sharing jokes and amusing anecdotes that add to the episode's entertaining nature.

• Jackie Schimmel humorously remarks on her Las Vegas tumbler:
  "This is my JLO cup." [16:43]

• Jeff Lewis engages in playful insults and jokes:
  "I'm dramatic. It was. Yes. It was very theatrical." [08:30]

• Zach Noe Towers contributes to the humor with witty remarks:
  "I'll tell you you're fat." [30:00]

This ongoing humor fosters a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere, making the episode relatable and fun for listeners.

---

Conclusion

In this episode of Jeff Lewis Has Issues, Jeff Lewis, alongside Jackie Schimmel and Zach Noe Towers, navigates a tapestry of personal anecdotes, parenting dilemmas, social stereotypes, and humorous exchanges. The candid discussions, punctuated with memorable quotes and relatable humor, offer listeners an intimate glimpse into the hosts' personal lives and perspectives. Whether tackling the challenges of dual celebrations, the intricacies of parenting, or the quirks of social stereotypes, the episode delivers both laughs and thoughtful insights, making it a compelling listen for fans and newcomers alike.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "Men shouldn't have birthdays on Valentine's Day." — Zach Noe Towers [01:38]
• "I bought her that toy in New York... And she was... I took that toy and broke it in half and threw it right in the trash can in front of her." — Jeff Lewis [07:45]
• "He worked his way in. He took it over. He stole it from her. He publicly humiliated her." — Jeff Lewis [13:10]
• "Do I know a straight guy that drives a white car? Only one. And questionable Kian." — Jeff Lewis [20:55]
• "She said, you look fat. I can see your stomach. I've never seen your stomach before." — Jeff Lewis [29:26]
• "I'll tell you you're fat." — Zach Noe Towers [30:00]

These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of humor, candidness, and insightful commentary, providing a snapshot of the lively discussions that unfold throughout.

Transcript

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[Jackie Schimmel]

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, I'm doing charity right now. I think that twice in one year you're doing charity? Yes, twice. What was the first one? You went to dinner with me.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Do people want to be in your circle?

[Jeff Lewis]

Buy your way into friendship with Jeff Lewis? I think people are trying to get out.

[Andrew]

When I first started coming here, I.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was like, jeff Lewis.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Jeff Lewis has issues.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has Issues. In today's episode, Jackie Schimmel and Zach Noe Towers join the show. We talk about bribing kids, chain restaurants, and the truth about men who drive white cars. How was your Valentine's Day?

[Jackie Schimmel]

So Andrew's birthday is on Valentine's Day.

[Jeff Lewis]

So selfish.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So rude. It's so. It's gross.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Men shouldn't have birthdays on Valentine's Day.

[Andrew]

Men shouldn't have birthdays, by the way.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I totally agree. I find it to be so embarrassing.

[Andrew]

Kind of a nick.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm like, do you want breakfast in bed? Like, so embarrassing. Grow up.

[Zach Noe Towers]

But also, you get both of them out of the way. That's kind of nice.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I still hijack the day. It's still about me, you know?

[Jeff Lewis]

So what is a typical day then, on a Valentine's Day, Andrew's birthday, What did you do to celebrate? Did you go to dinner? Did you get him a gift?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I did not get him a gift. I got a gift. Beautiful flowers, a lovely handwritten note. We went sushi. We had a gorgeous omakase sushi lunch together.

[Jeff Lewis]

Nice. Where?

[Jackie Schimmel]

A place called Tomodachi by me. Okay, lovely.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then do you have sake, too?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, not for me. I'm a responsible love.

[Jeff Lewis]

A sake pairing.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Hands off, mother. I'm not a day drinker. Really. It's not my thing. And then we went and did separate errands. You know, I like to toodle on a Friday. I didn't want to spend too much togetherness. Time. Also had to, like, have dinner together.

[Jeff Lewis]

You had to have dinner too?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you have to go out again?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, I made dinner.

[Jeff Lewis]

Whoa. Oh, that's nice. What did you make?

[Jackie Schimmel]

So I made uncrustables. Yes, exactly. I made gorgeous filets. I made, like, a homemade blue cheese wedge salad. We had caviar.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wow.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Martinis.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wow. That sounds very nice.

[Jackie Schimmel]

We watched Anora.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Did you like it?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you get a gift for Valentine's Day?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Um, we're going on a trip this weekend, so that's kind of our gift.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where are you going? Are you taking the kid?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I am taking the kid with a babysitter.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, thank God.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a trip without a baby. I'm never leaving my house without somebody helping me. That's not a vacation. Same.

[Jeff Lewis]

Same.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I really commend the people that do that. I feel bad for them, but I commend them. You know, when you see the families on their. You know, in Mexico with the kiddos, having dinner at 5. I'm not doing that.

[Annie]

Mm.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Where are you going?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'm going to Los Olivos.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, how nice. Where are you staying in case anyone wants to call?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Well, there's only really one place to stay. It's gorgeous. You have to go there.

[Jeff Lewis]

And will it be under your last.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Name in At Matty's Tavern? Please send vodka.

[Jeff Lewis]

So it's probably under Andrew's last name because we're using his credit card. Maybe. Is his last name Schimmel?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That'd be so funny.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, my God. Wouldn't that be amazing, though, if he changed his last name to Shimmel? Oh, God. A dream.

[Jeff Lewis]

How is Clyde?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Clyde is delicious.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. How old is he now?

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's a year and a half.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Wow.

[Jackie Schimmel]

And refusing to walk even though he can walk. He just doesn't like to walk. So that's. That's kind of the.

[Jeff Lewis]

I get it.

[Zach Noe Towers]

He gets that. Mom.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's so embarrassing because I've taken him to 4pts and I'm like, what the hell's going on? Like, why isn't he walking? Like, it's getting. You know, it's getting embarrassing. I'm starting to get questions and.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, It's a bad reflection on you.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

As a mother.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's not about like him and his functionality, it's just like about me. Also, like these brittle hips. I can't hold him anymore. He's breaking my spirit and my body. And I'm like, fucker, we gotta start walking. Yeah, Cardio as well, you know. And they're like, no, he can walk, he just doesn't want to. I'm like, cool, what am I supposed to do? Like, what do you do with that? Like, no, he can walk. Okay, great. So. And they're like, no, he just doesn't want to. He just doesn't want to. He just doesn't want to.

[Jeff Lewis]

So is he crawling?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, like rapid fire. Okay, like crawling like that. He's too good at crawling. He can get anywhere he needs to go at rapid speed. Crawling, creepy.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's just not gonna be good when he's 16. Just like crawling through high school.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, exactly.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can he pull himself up?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally. Okay, no creepy, cruising, all of that. But is very scared to walk independently. Like, has to be holding on to my pants, my hand, something.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Maybe you put a bunch of thumbtacks on the ground.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh my God, I love that. Yeah, that's such a good idea. We should do that at Chump con Broken Glass.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now. Just wait til they're. I mean, I don't know, girls are different. But my kid, she was manipulating, manipulative. Monroe was in full force yesterday. So she came to me and I felt fell for it for a second. Right, Daddy, I would love to have dinner with you. Can you take me to dinner? I'm like, oh, and where would you like to go? She goes, javier's. I go Century City. She goes, mm. I said, isn't there American Girl Doll there? She goes, mm. I thought we could just stop by after dinner. I said, you don't even want dinner. You're gonna pretend like you want dinner, you're not gonna eat. And then we're gonna go to American Doll. She goes, and then she started giggling and I said, you know what? I would love to have dinner with you. We're going to the Grove. And she goes, can we go to Barnes and Noble? And I said, oh, the bookstore? She goes, mm, the second floor. They have a toy. They have a toy section.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Of course.

[Jeff Lewis]

So she's. Yeah, she already knows all the malls.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Smart.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I might as well just go to Century City. And I love Javier's. Yeah, but I'm going to end up an American girl.

[Jackie Schimmel]

How early did she, or I should ask you this. At what point did bribery come into play with your parenting? Like, do you bribe her with things? Because I'm, like, very on the tip of bribery right now.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't think I bribe her.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Like, you eat this, gives herself this. Okay, so it's not like, a transactional. Like, if you finish your dinner, then maybe we could get ice cream. And by the way, if you're thinking about sliding into my DMs with your gentle parenting tactics or you shouldn't do that. Please don't do that. Please. I don't have the bandwidth today.

[Andrew]

You tried that one time to get her to eat more food. So there was, like, a frozen Barbie sitting on the island. And he was like, if you try five new foods, you can get it. But it just became a standoff because she was like, you're gonna give me that Barbie if I try these shits or not.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay. Whoa.

[Andrew]

And then he did.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh. But remember the one thing that I've only done once since. In eight years of her life, which made a big impact when? Remember when I bought her that toy in New York?

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

And she was. Honestly, she was, like, the most misbehaved she'd ever been in her life. And I was so mad. And I kept warning her and warning her, and I took that toy and broke it in half and threw it right in the trash can in front of her.

[Andrew]

On the streets of New York.

[Jeff Lewis]

On the streets of New York. And honestly, it traumatized her, but she was perfect child for the rest of the trip.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Whoa. You had a full psychotic break. How old was she? I did three, four.

[Jeff Lewis]

She was young, probably five.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's old enough.

[Zach Noe Towers]

And that toy was a puppy.

[Jeff Lewis]

But it sucked. Cause I think it was, like, 80 bucks. I'm like, this is gonna be. You know, this is expensive. More than it hurts more. I know, but it's gonna be a good lesson.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You broke it in half, like, what? With your kneecap. Like, limb Del. Like a psycho.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know me. I'm dramatic. It was. Yes. It was very theatrical. And, you know, I had to break it. And then I, like, threw it down in the trash can, and she just started crying. And I'm like, I warned you. I warned you 14 times, and it worked.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, I love that.

[Jeff Lewis]

But then I've never done anything like that since. And then. So I wouldn't. Don't talk to me about discipline.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, well, thank you for sharing that story. That's heartwarming.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, the funny thing is, too, is she's very much learned from her dad. And to her Aunt Jackie, because she's got five babies from American Girl and she wants six, but she's overwhelmed right now with taking care of them.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

So she brings them into the office and asks Shane and Annie to watch her babies.

[Jackie Schimmel]

She's outsourcing, like a great mother does.

[Andrew]

So she can go play on her iPad. And I'm stuck feeding her baby.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's really fun.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I was talking to her about that. I'm like, monroe, I said, I know you want a six. She goes, I want to go to Century City tonight. I said, I know you want a sixth baby. I said, but you can't take care of the five babies you have.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Exactly.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I said, you are taking your babies and making Annie take care of them. She's like, she loves the babies.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, Monroe has it right. It's very important that your child doesn't have extreme, strange or danger. You want them to be able to go and feel safe with lots of different people. That's why I left Clyde with the lovely saleswoman at Bottega Veneta Topanga Mall three days ago while I tried on clothes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He went right to her. Right to her.

[Jeff Lewis]

She probably spends more time with him.

[Jackie Schimmel]

She breastfed him. It was lovely. It was lovely.

[Jeff Lewis]

We have names. It's like. Because I was like, what are the names of your dolls?

[Andrew]

Quinn.

[Jeff Lewis]

How do you know Bella.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's the babysitter.

[Zach Noe Towers]

How do you know? Stepdad over here.

[Jeff Lewis]

Kiara. Yeah, you're right. Quinn, Kiara, Melody, Bella, Eloise.

[Andrew]

Eloise.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, wow. Cute names.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Solid names.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. So I said, so you making Shane and Annie watch your babies? She goes, I was making them dinner. And I said, what did you make them? She goes, pastries. I said, that sounds healthy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Healthy for babies. Yes. But she claims, Annie, that she was making dinner for the babies.

[Samantha]

That's sweet. We were feeding them, too, so they're overfed for sure.

[Jeff Lewis]

By the way, be careful on P3. That's where Annie parks. So was it yesterday that she almost. Or the day before?

[Andrew]

Two days ago.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm on P4. Come around the corner. Annie does not turn and look before she backs up. Just be very, very careful.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I love that for you.

[Jeff Lewis]

She just backs up. She doesn't look. I was right there. Thank God. Because I see that I didn't know it was her because she's in the. Are you in your second rental car?

[Samantha]

No, this is the og.

[Jeff Lewis]

But I don't even recognize it because she's been in rental cars for so long that I didn't even know was her real car. Car. So I didn't know it was you, Annie.

[Samantha]

No, no, this isn't my real car. This is the first loaner that I just got back from the. Whatever.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It doesn't matter, Samantha.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, wait, so it's not your real car?

[Samantha]

I would never drive a blue Subaru.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's the first rental.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so it's the first loaner because you wrecked the second loaner.

[Andrew]

No, no, I'm never back from the shop.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, the one that you wrecked.

[Samantha]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so it's back. I didn't recognize it. So you know how when you. You're in a parking lot and you're not sure if someone sees you? Half the time, I assume they see me. And I go.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right.

[Jeff Lewis]

But in this particular moment, and I didn't. The Annie part didn't even register to me. I'm like, you know, I don't know. If this girl sees me, I'm just gonna stop. Sure enough, just backs right up. Doesn't even look. And then. So Michael Beck was in his Porsche ahead of her on P2. I said, be real careful. Annie's right behind you. He goes, I could see her. He goes, I could see her by rear view mirror. She's literally looking in the mirror. And on the phone, she's not even paying attention where she's going.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Do you turn your rear view mirror to you so you can see yourself?

[Samantha]

Of course.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Same. Totally same. It's always facing me. My husband gets so mad. He's like, what are you doing? I'm like, sometimes I like to lip sync in the car and re lying. Checking my angles, you know?

[Jeff Lewis]

Now you know Doug's mom's in town.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know what's gonna happen. But, you know, he's got his sight set on that apartment trying to kill me.

[Doug]

What?

[Jeff Lewis]

I said, he's trying to kill me.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Live footage.

[Jeff Lewis]

But I get all. I get all of these DMs. Like, leave poor Doug alone. He's so nice. Do you ever get those kind of DMs?

[Andrew]

Yeah, of course.

[Jeff Lewis]

Here's the thing. Two words for you. For everyone that thinks that Doug doesn't have it in him, let's just remember Jamie Rubin. What he did to Jamie Rubin. He took her out. Remember? C and K was her brainchild.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

He worked his way in. He took it over. He stole it from her. He publicly humiliated her. Have we heard from her since?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Nope.

[Jeff Lewis]

Nope.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He's a silent assassin.

[Annie]

It's so hard to even remember it. Started with the tune Jackie.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I remember. I know every detail.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I called that from the jump.

[Annie]

Just now that you're saying. I'm like, oh, my God, that's right. It started as a co hosted experience.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, yes. But that was Jamie Rubin's show, and he hijacked it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Jamie is the chef, not duck.

[Annie]

I think it was a little bit of your bullying and your.

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, it has nothing to do with me. Yeah. I mean, he might paint that narrative, but no, no, no, no, no. He pushed her out.

[Jackie Schimmel]

He laser cut a tiramisu stencil and sideswiped her.

[Jeff Lewis]

But not only that, he would cut her off when she was talking. He would tell his long stories. You could see her eyes roll to the back of her head.

[Andrew]

My favorite was when he started talking. He was telling a story. She hit the blender.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right. I have it saved in my favorites folder. I can show you. I hit break.

[Jeff Lewis]

They hated each other. You hear about these, like, TV series and things like where the. Where the stars hate the leads hate each other. That was this situation.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Wow.

[Jackie Schimmel]

This is my Roman Empire.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, my God.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Blending mashed potatoes with that tight smile and, like, a little twitch in the left eye. Oh, you'll have never seen anything like that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Because she knew it was happening.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

She knew he was taking over.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes. And everyone else is like, oh, Doug's so sweet. Like, aw, Doug. But you're so right. This is a classic Jamie Rubin 2.0.

[Andrew]

He'll do it to his own mom.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, for sure he will.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You know, he's got coffee stencils just ready to go for his mother.

[Andrew]

If he did that for a 5pm time slot on Instagram Live, he'll do it for an apartment on Central Park West.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm so curious. I want a front row seat at that funeral because I want to watch Doug and his faux grief.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It'll be like the role of a lifetime.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep.

[Andrew]

Danielle on traitors whenever. So she's the traitor. So she kills someone, and then whenever they find out who died, she's like, oh.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew]

And she's, like, shaking and goes crazy. Yeah, that'll be Doug.

[Jeff Lewis]

And here's the thing. You know, Doug plays big, over the top characters. You don't want to be big, over the top at a funeral. I think the hysterics, the crying, the.

[Andrew]

I think.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, yeah, the big glasses, black veil. Yep. So that's why I want to see it, because I think he's. I don't think he's going to play it well.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh. Over Performing?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew]

Jackie hates when we bring up Rhonda, but she walked in here with a sparkly Las Vegas tumbler.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Wait. I would just like to clear homage. This has nothing to do with Chump Con, but I did purchase this at the Las Vegas airport for 29.99. Violently hungover. I bought one for all of my friends who refused to drink out of them. They're like, jackie, that is disgusting. This comes with me everywhere. Speaking of funerals, I will be buried with this cup.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, look, If I spend $29 on.

[Zach Noe Towers]

A cup, or it could be.

[Jeff Lewis]

You gotta use it.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Don't you think it looks so much more expensive? This is my JLO cup.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can I tell you something? Until I saw Las Vegas on it, I thought it was really. I thought it was probably $65.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You have to get one for Monroe.

[Annie]

Do you?

[Jeff Lewis]

I just don't like the Las Vegas part.

[Andrew]

Jeff has no concept of what cups cost.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But that's.

[Andrew]

This is $5 for a Starbucks tumbler.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know.

[Jackie Schimmel]

1999.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't even know what gas cost. I know.

[Andrew]

What could that cup cost?

[Jeff Lewis]

What does gas cost now?

[Andrew]

It's like 560.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, that's not bad.

[Andrew]

It's pretty bad.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's pretty bad. It's been worse, though, I think.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Wasn't it higher? I don't know, like 8?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, no, like 6?

[Jeff Lewis]

Ish.

[Zach Noe Towers]

You guys are getting premium, I assume.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Annie]

The regular is like 489.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know people don't want to talk about this, which is why I keep talking about it, but I. Jameson and I had a little pep talk at the break in regards to the car thing. Okay, hold on. Because I think this is a very good point that I made. It took me many years to come up with this, but I realized I was in his head. This is a major life decision for him. It doesn't have to be. It's a car. You're gonna own it. You can sell it whenever you want.

[Annie]

Right?

[Jeff Lewis]

You might have it a year, you might have it five years, you might have it 12 years. Who gives a fuck? Just buy the car. If you screw up, then you sell it and you buy another one.

[Annie]

Yeah, it does feel like a major decision.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, well, it's not. And also, don't be so tethered to material things.

[Annie]

Thanks, Jesus.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Jesus.

[Annie]

The woman with the bejeweled Las Vegas. She'll be buried with live in abundance.

[Jeff Lewis]

That is. Yes, you're right. Live in abundance.

[Annie]

I love that. I love that. I Love that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Annie]

I'm getting two cars.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, let's not get crazy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It's just because you've been with your car for so long that you've built up this, like, very sophomoric relationship to a vehicle.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's like that movie Christine missed, that one.

[Zach Noe Towers]

You remember, Christine kills people.

[Jeff Lewis]

The car kills people. But he had a weird relationship with her. Yeah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, I just think it's funny. You two are so much richer than Jameson. Telling him, just buy it. If it doesn't work out, just return it and take a lot.

[Jackie Schimmel]

We already know that Jameson's gonna buy something that he can. He's not a reckless spender.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, he's not.

[Jackie Schimmel]

So we put enough thought into it. Now it's getting weird, so let's just go for it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You could get hit by a bus tomorrow. You could get abducted by the aliens.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well. And he would die in that car if he got killed by a bus. There's no airbags. It's not safe.

[Annie]

I do have airbags and power windows and door locks. Thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Whoa, wait, I thought you had to crawl into the passenger door.

[Annie]

Well, the front door, it's complicated anyway, so.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, explain. I want you to explain what's happening.

[Annie]

The engine in the driveway, driver's side door doesn't like the engine for the. Or the mechanics for the door unlocks. So I have to turn the key and pull the handle. If you have one arm, you can't open the front door.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Cheryl can't buy it.

[Jeff Lewis]

What do you do with the valet?

[Annie]

I don't valet.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, I guess I wouldn't either with that car.

[Annie]

I absolutely do not.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, so live in abundance.

[Annie]

Franck's always like, your life is gonna just be so much better. You don't realize. It's like, you know, when you just get used to things and then you don't realize other people are doing it.

[Jeff Lewis]

So even Franck is over it. Your life is gonna be so much better. Oh, that's code. Make a fucking decision.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Let's go.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, he's gonna start getting angry and resentful like the rest of us.

[Annie]

He's patient.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, you're doing.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Let's not test that.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're doing well. You're making money. I think, you know, like what she said, you know, you live in abundance. I think let's manifest it and let's maybe just keep a car like a normal period. Like what people do. Like five years, right?

[Annie]

Yeah, maybe.

[Jeff Lewis]

Right? Is five years a good time to keep a car? Maybe.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, your theory, which Is very interesting. You believe that men who drive white cars are gay?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes. Oh, oh, explain.

[Jeff Lewis]

Explain.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's it. There's nothing to explain.

[Jeff Lewis]

Cause I have been thinking. Do I know a straight guy that drives a white car? Only one. And questionable Kian.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, gay stuff.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Gay stuff. It's not that men who drive white cars are definitively gay. It's just that they might be gay.

[Jeff Lewis]

It is a strange. It's usually a girl color.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I just. I mean, if it's a choice, I find that to be interesting.

[Jeff Lewis]

The only thing in Kian's defense, it's a Jameson. It's all blacked out. Like, he's got the black windows, the black wheels, the black trim. It's the M package. It's kind of sexy. But I wouldn't get white. You're right.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Is it because. Did you choose the white car? Is it because of a.

[Jeff Lewis]

Chose the white.

[Jackie Schimmel]

A clean thing? Because black cars get dirty. Okay, so there is black cars got dirty.

[Zach Noe Towers]

No, no.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Black cars show everything.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, I didn't realize that.

[Jeff Lewis]

If I live. Well, if I lived in Palm Springs. If I lived in Palm Springs, I'm most likely gay. But.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right.

[Jeff Lewis]

And old with the heat. I would consider if I was living in extreme heat like Arizona.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

I might get a white car.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You're also gay.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's true.

[Annie]

Keep in mind.

[Jeff Lewis]

Also that's true.

[Annie]

Kian is European.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, okay.

[Annie]

So there could be.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, they don't know any better.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay, so that's. There's a lot of.

[Zach Noe Towers]

But maybe he blacked out those windows to do all that gay shit in that car.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, gay stuff.

[Jackie Schimmel]

See, it goes both ways. We're not sure.

[Annie]

Yas Queen.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. I'm gonna think I don't know a straight guy who owns a white car.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Oh, my dad's truck is white, but it's a Toyota Tundra.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well. And two of his sons are gay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, see, there's something. If it's a truck, it kind of cancels out. There are loopholes to this thing.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, you think the truck cancels it out?

[Zach Noe Towers]

I don't picture white trucks.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Cause. Oh, that's true. I don't plan. Yeah, you're right. Cause they're all the workmen. Like the subcontractors. They have white vans and the white trucks.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That's an exemption 1,000% because exact. Exactly. My contractor. It's a white truck. Didn't think about that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Speaking of listening to this bullshit. Cause you're used to dealing with construction. This guy's trying to cover his ass. Mario. Oh, I shouldn't say his name.

[Andrew]

No, don't.

[Jeff Lewis]

I already did.

[Andrew]

He's great.

[Jeff Lewis]

Marin Marshall. Marin. Marina. Marina Stevenson. So Marina comes over, and she gives me an estimate to put mirrors in a client's home. Mirrors on the cabinetry doors. The cabinet doors.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay. I've done this. I understand.

[Jeff Lewis]

$824. I'm like, that's a. Yeah, let's do it.

[Andrew]

It's one wall.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

It's like. It's like four.

[Jeff Lewis]

Four panels.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I've never seen that.

[Andrew]

824, like, inset into the cabinet.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Antiqued or regular?

[Jeff Lewis]

We did regular.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'll tell you why. It's a playroom. Yeah. So we just. Regular. So 824. I said, let's do it. I asked my client. I'm like, this is a great price. And he puts them in, and I get a bill for over seventeen hundred dollars. Okay. And I work with them all the time. So now I'm like, what the fuck this? You said 824. And then Shane sent him the invoice. And what does he say?

[Andrew]

He said, oh, that was just for the.

[Jeff Lewis]

The mirror.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Not installation or delivery.

[Jeff Lewis]

I said, who the fuck do you think was gonna install it? Me, Shane.

[Andrew]

Like, I'm not super gluing it.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's annoying.

[Jeff Lewis]

What I think happened is I think he. He. I think he accidentally gave me his price.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

And then he had to cover his ass by saying, oh, no, that didn't include installation. So now my calling to him is because I have all this work with him on my house. I'm like, all that better include installation.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Because you're doing what, seven shower enclosures, mirrors, all of this. But don't think you're gonna pull that on me. But it's such.

[Annie]

Ugh.

[Jackie Schimmel]

There's nothing more annoying.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I've worked with him for years, and he's never. Not included installation.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Right. Yeah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

He fucked up.

[Jeff Lewis]

He fucked up.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

Just say you fucked up.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Marina fucked up.

[Annie]

So did you have to pay it, or did he honor the price?

[Jeff Lewis]

He didn't honor the price.

[Annie]

Wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I'm not. I don't want to burn the relationship, you know, meet in the middle.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's not fair. To go more than double what the quote was.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's crazy.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Very annoying.

[Jeff Lewis]

But he fucked up, and he's trying to cover his ass.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally.

[Doug]

Lowe's knows how to help you get the most out of your store Run. That's why members save more with Milo's rewards, earn points towards Mylo's money on eligible purchases. Get access to member only deals and free member gifts. Plus unlock free standard shipping when you reach silver key status. So what are you waiting for? Join for free today. Lowe's we help you save loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Details@lowe's.com Terms subject to change. Focus Features presents Black Bag Starring Cate Blanchett, Michael Fassbender and directed by Steven Soderbergh.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I can feel when you walk watching me.

[Jeff Lewis]

I like it.

[Doug]

It's the perfect marriage of love and deception.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I watch her.

[Jeff Lewis]

I assume she watches me.

[Jackie Schimmel]

There's a traitor in the house. Find the leak.

[Doug]

Black Bag is the most anticipated espionage thriller of the year.

[Jeff Lewis]

Who's the suspect?

[Doug]

Your wife?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Would you kill for me?

[Doug]

Black Bag. Rated R under 17 nanometer without parent. Only in theaters March 14 with special engagements in Dolby.

[Christina]

First decision of the morning. Hmm? A creamy mocha Frappuccino drink. Or will we ease into the day with a sweet vanilla, Maybe a smooth caramel? Ooh, what about that white chocolate mocha? No matter which flavor you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Better coffee starts a better day. Start with bottled Starbucks Frappuccino drinks. Pick up a bottle near you wherever you buy your groceries.

[Jeff Lewis]

Christina in New York. Hi, Christina. Hey.

[Mike]

Hey. I'm laughing about the conversation about the cars because I just got a new car. It's black. And my husband got my old car, which is white. And it's a 2012 Nissan Altima. And he works from home most of the time. But I think Jameson just has to go for the new car because I honestly felt like I was driving around, like, in a Flintstone car for a long time because it was so outdated. It has, like, a CD player. The doors weren't opening properly. It was just. It was, you know, cloth seats. And now I have, like, my commute is so much better because I have heated seats, which is great in New York. And the remote start. My. My husband's shouting, save your money, dude.

[Jeff Lewis]

Don't. What's your husband's name? What's your husband's name?

[Mike]

I'm trying to get involved. This is not about you. Mike, okay?

[Jeff Lewis]

His name is what? So you gave Mike garage to get away from him. You gave Mike white car.

[Mike]

I certainly said, why don't you just.

[Jeff Lewis]

Put him in a dress at this point?

[Mike]

Be opposed to that. He probably, you know, Jeff, I called before. He had the lightsaber. This is Mike with the lightsabers doing that. I. Yeah, so there's other issues.

[Zach Noe Towers]

We don't Want him to be gay, then.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. No, he's. There's too many things he's dealing with already.

[Mike]

I might be very happy with that. It could work out.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

It might be something we See who wears the pants in that family.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I like a husband taking the wife's old car.

[Jeff Lewis]

Of course you would.

[Andrew]

Didn't Andrew drive your purple car?

[Jackie Schimmel]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thank you for your call, Christina, but no. You know that. Speaking of cars, Annie drove in college two hours to go see you live.

[Jackie Schimmel]

You did.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you know how many people died on that highway that day?

[Jackie Schimmel]

What took you so long to bring that information? Annie?

[Jeff Lewis]

She didn't want to look like a stalker.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, Annie, that's. Wait, where?

[Samantha]

Well, actually, it was a little bit further than two hours. It's from Mississippi to Dallas. Eight hours.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, that's.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, my God. All the lives, the injuries, the deaths, the carnage of the. On the highway.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, my God. There's blood.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's like Final Destination. Oh, God.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, Annie, that's so sweet. That makes me. Wow. We're bonded forever.

[Samantha]

Yeah, it was fun. It was a good show.

[Andrew]

How was the show?

[Samantha]

It was really good. She wore cute red boots.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I was so thin. I was just looking at old videos. I was like, oh, God. So thin. Yeah.

[Andrew]

Are you gonna go back on tour?

[Jackie Schimmel]

I'll have to eventually.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yesterday I went to see Scary Sherry, my psychic. Never has. She said this to me. She said, you look fat. I can see your stomach. I've never seen your stomach before. But you know what? I appreciate I didn't eat for the rest of the day. Yeah, that's what I need. I need strangers telling me I'm fat. Because it truly works.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Totally.

[Jeff Lewis]

And so today I was down a pound.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Look at that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Thank you, Sherry.

[Jackie Schimmel]

God bless her.

[Jeff Lewis]

196. I got six to go.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

I need six strangers to tell me I'm fat.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Line up, guys.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I'll tell you you're fat.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Jackie Schimmel]

All right.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, you went to Cheesecake Factory with Clyde.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yum.

[Jeff Lewis]

Cheesecake Factory.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's so good.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, my God. It is so good.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you get the bread?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Of course. I haven't been to a physical Cheesecake Factory in, like nine years.

[Andrew]

Whoa.

[Jackie Schimmel]

I know. And I missed it.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah, it's good.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Here's why so worried.

[Jeff Lewis]

This is why we don't go.

[Zach Noe Towers]

There are 10 years.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's the wait that's the problem. I would go all the time, but I've got to. I've got to park at the Grove and then I've got to. I Don't want to wait 30 minutes to eat.

[Jackie Schimmel]

No, totally. It's.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's a whole so popular Cheesecake Factory.

[Jackie Schimmel]

But I got there early.

[Jeff Lewis]

When did you get there?

[Jackie Schimmel]

1108.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, we can go for lunch here.

[Andrew]

I forget about going for lunch.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Oh, it's great for lunch. It's better for lunch.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm gonna go in a food coma, though.

[Zach Noe Towers]

They have a lunch menu.

[Andrew]

What did you get? Cause I get overwhelmed.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay. Thank you for asking. So I got Clyde little cheeseburgers like the kids.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Sliders.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Sliders. Very delish. Fries weren't great, but that's okay. He could miss a fry. I got the pot stickers.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yum. They're so great.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Tried and true. Great.

[Jeff Lewis]

Great choice.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Delicious. They also now have an additional lettuce wrap taco on the Skinnylicious menu.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Which I was very intrigued by. But not a great share plate with Clyde, so I didn't get that. And then I got. Let me tell you, the stuffed mushrooms are the sleeper hit.

[Jeff Lewis]

I have never had the stuffed mushrooms.

[Jackie Schimmel]

They are stunning, stunning, Garlicky, breadcrumby. And then you dip the bread in the residual.

[Andrew]

I had the honey truffle chicken and I was like, craig's who? Like this.

[Jackie Schimmel]

It was to die for. It was good. Service is to die for.

[Jeff Lewis]

See, I can't eat until probably 6 o'clock tonight when I go to Javier's. Cause I can only do one meal a day, like a snake. So this is gonna be real bad. Yeah, this is gonna be a real bad day for you, Shane. Yeah, but where do we go for protein shakes?

[Andrew]

Oh, creation.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, we're gonna have to do that.

[Jackie Schimmel]

That'll hold you over.

[Andrew]

Well, they're very strong.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're just gonna have to. Jackie, I can't. I gotta stay at 196. I can't go up.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Yeah, I tried to do that yesterday. It didn't. I only made it to 130.

[Zach Noe Towers]

And sometimes don't you, like, slingshot back where you. Then you kind of like, binge when you finally let yourself eat?

[Jackie Schimmel]

Mm.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's why you gotta keep yourself, like, satiated. Like, eat a nut every 10 minutes.

[Andrew]

Eat what?

[Zach Noe Towers]

One nut.

[Jackie Schimmel]

Okay. Yolanda Foster.

[Jeff Lewis]

She went up really good. Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Live every weekday on SiriusXM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app.

[Christina]

First decision of the morning. Hmm. A creamy mocha frappuccino drink. Or will we ease into the day with a sweet vanilla? Maybe a smooth caramel? Oh, what about that white chocolate mocha. No matter which flavor you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Better coffee starts a better day. Start with bottled Starbucks Frappuccino drinks. Pick up a bottle near you wherever you buy your groceries.