Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode: Jackie Schimmel & Zach Noe Towers: Bribing Kids & White Cars
Release Date: February 28, 2025

In this engaging episode of Jeff Lewis Has Issues, host Jeff Lewis welcomes special guests Jackie Schimmel and Zach Noe Towers to discuss a variety of personal and humorous topics. From navigating dual celebrations to parenting dilemmas and quirky stereotypes, the trio delivers a candid and entertaining conversation. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps for reference.

1. Valentine's Day and Andrew's Birthday Celebrations

The episode kicks off with the overlap of Valentine's Day and Andrew's birthday, sparking a lighthearted debate among the guests.

• Jackie Schimmel expresses her disdain for celebrating birthdays on Valentine’s Day:
  "So selfish. So rude. It's so. It's gross." [00:35]

• Zach Noe Towers concurs, stating:
  "Men shouldn't have birthdays on Valentine's Day." [01:38]

• Jeff Lewis probes into how they celebrated the day:
  "So what is a typical day then, on a Valentine's Day, Andrew's birthday, What did you do to celebrate?" [01:58]

• Jackie shares her thoughtful yet unconventional celebration plan:
  "I did not get him a gift. I got him a gift. Beautiful flowers, a lovely handwritten note. We went sushi. We had a gorgeous omakase sushi lunch together." [02:20]

This segment highlights the balancing act of celebrating multiple significant events simultaneously, blending tradition with personal preferences.

2. Parenting Challenges and Bribing Kids

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the complexities of parenting, especially regarding discipline and the use of bribery.

• Jeff Lewis recounts an extreme disciplinary action:
  "I bought her that toy in New York... And she was... I took that toy and broke it in half and threw it right in the trash can in front of her. Honestly, it traumatized her, but she was a perfect child for the rest of the trip." [07:45]

• Jackie Schimmel discusses her challenges with her child's reluctance to walk:
  "He's too good at crawling. He can get anywhere he needs to go at rapid speed. Crawling, creepy." [05:19]

• Zach Noe Towers humorously suggests:
  "Maybe you put a bunch of thumbtacks on the ground." [05:39]

• Jackie emphasizes her use of emotional manipulation over gentle parenting tactics:
  "If you're thinking about sliding into my DMs with your gentle parenting tactics or you shouldn't do that. Please don't do that. Please. I don't have the bandwidth today." [07:10]

This segment underscores the diverse approaches to parenting, highlighting the tension between discipline and bribery.

3. Doug's Manipulative Behavior

The guests discuss a mutual acquaintance, Doug, portraying him as manipulative and deceitful.

• Jeff Lewis describes Doug's takeover of Jamie Rubin's show:
  "He worked his way in. He took it over. He stole it from her. He publicly humiliated her." [13:10]

• Jackie Schimmel adds:
  "He's a silent assassin." [13:40]

• Jeff sarcastically comments on Doug's potential over-the-top behavior at a funeral:
  "I want a front row seat at that funeral because I want to watch Doug and his faux grief." [15:28]

The conversation paints Doug as a cunning figure who undermines others for personal gain, adding a dramatic flair to their discussion.

4. Car Ownership and Stereotypes about White Cars

A humorous yet thought-provoking dialogue emerges around the stereotype that men who drive white cars are gay.

• Jackie Schimmel boldly states:
  "Yes. Oh, oh, explain." [20:45]

• Jeff Lewis shares his skepticism:
  "Do I know a straight guy that drives a white car? Only one. And questionable Kian." [20:55]

• Annie counters the stereotype by sharing her father's white truck:
  "Oh, my dad's truck is white, but it's a Toyota Tundra." [22:37]

• Zach Noe Towers humorously suggests:
  "But maybe he blacked out those windows to do all that gay shit in that car." [22:26]

This segment explores societal perceptions and the complexities behind car color choices, blending humor with social commentary.

5. Business and Customer Service Issues with Marina

Jeff shares his frustrations with a contractor named Marina Marshall, highlighting issues with service delivery and billing.

• Jeff Lewis narrates a billing mishap:
  "I got a bill for over seventeen hundred dollars. And I work with them all the time. So now I'm like, what the fuck this?" [24:00]

• Annie inquires about the resolution:
  "So did you have to pay it, or did he honor the price?" [24:56]

• Jeff elaborates on Marina's lack of accountability:
  "He fucked up, and he's trying to cover his ass." [25:15]

The discussion sheds light on the challenges of maintaining professional relationships amidst service disputes.

6. Dining at Cheesecake Factory and Related Anecdotes

The guests reminisce about dining experiences, particularly at the Cheesecake Factory, intertwining personal stories and preferences.

• Jackie Schimmel shares her latest visit:
  "I got Clyde little cheeseburgers like the kids. Sliders. Very delish." [30:55]

• Jeff Lewis expresses his aversion to waiting times:
  "It's the wait that's the problem. I would go all the time, but I've got to park at the Grove and then I've got to. I Don't want to wait 30 minutes to eat." [30:34]

• Zach Noe Towers adds:
  "They have a lunch menu." [30:47]

This segment highlights the social dynamics of popular dining spots and the balance between convenience and quality.

7. Weight Loss and Health Discussions

A humorous exchange about weight loss strategies and personal struggles provides comic relief.

• Jeff Lewis shares a tough encounter with his psychic:
  "She said this to me. She said, you look fat. I can see your stomach. I've never seen your stomach before. But you know what? I appreciate I didn't eat for the rest of the day." [29:26]

• Jackie Schimmel sympathizes:
  "I love that for you." [29:46]

• Zach Noe Towers offers a comical solution:
  "You gotta keep yourself, like, satiated. Like, eat a nut every 10 minutes." [32:20]

The conversation playfully addresses the pressures of maintaining physical appearance and the lengths one might go to achieve weight loss goals.

8. General Banter and Humor

Throughout the episode, the guests engage in lighthearted banter, sharing jokes and amusing anecdotes that add to the episode's entertaining nature.

• Jackie Schimmel humorously remarks on her Las Vegas tumbler:
  "This is my JLO cup." [16:43]

• Jeff Lewis engages in playful insults and jokes:
  "I'm dramatic. It was. Yes. It was very theatrical." [08:30]

• Zach Noe Towers contributes to the humor with witty remarks:
  "I'll tell you you're fat." [30:00]

This ongoing humor fosters a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere, making the episode relatable and fun for listeners.

Conclusion

In this episode of Jeff Lewis Has Issues, Jeff Lewis, alongside Jackie Schimmel and Zach Noe Towers, navigates a tapestry of personal anecdotes, parenting dilemmas, social stereotypes, and humorous exchanges. The candid discussions, punctuated with memorable quotes and relatable humor, offer listeners an intimate glimpse into the hosts' personal lives and perspectives. Whether tackling the challenges of dual celebrations, the intricacies of parenting, or the quirks of social stereotypes, the episode delivers both laughs and thoughtful insights, making it a compelling listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "Men shouldn't have birthdays on Valentine's Day." — Zach Noe Towers [01:38]
• "I bought her that toy in New York... And she was... I took that toy and broke it in half and threw it right in the trash can in front of her." — Jeff Lewis [07:45]
• "He worked his way in. He took it over. He stole it from her. He publicly humiliated her." — Jeff Lewis [13:10]
• "Do I know a straight guy that drives a white car? Only one. And questionable Kian." — Jeff Lewis [20:55]
• "She said, you look fat. I can see your stomach. I've never seen your stomach before." — Jeff Lewis [29:26]
• "I'll tell you you're fat." — Zach Noe Towers [30:00]

These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of humor, candidness, and insightful commentary, providing a snapshot of the lively discussions that unfold throughout.