Kym Whitley & Zach Noe Towers: Ground Squirrels & Gay Cruises

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode: "Kym Whitley & Zach Noe Towers: Ground Squirrels & Gay Cruises"
Date: July 15, 2026
Host: Jeff Lewis
Guests: Kym Whitley, Zach Noe Towers (plus show regulars and assistants)

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of "Jeff Lewis Has Issues" is full of Jeff’s signature “no-filter” banter, featuring comedian Kym Whitley and comic Zach Noe Towers. The episode swerves through topics ranging from tense text exchanges and assistant drama to electric car mishaps, hair transplants, neighborhood crime, rodent invasions, and the wild realities of gay cruises. In addition to lots of comedic moments, the show offers candid behind-the-scenes looks at Jeff’s business, the realities (and absurdities) of LA living, and witty social commentary.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Assistant Drama and Professional “Breakups”

• Kym’s Canceled Appearance: The episode kicks off with Jeff recounting a testy text exchange with Kym Whitley after a last-minute cancellation. He reads the messages aloud, highlighting both professional boundaries and the comedic edge between their friendship.

  • "[Your team said you need to rebook your Thursday appearance. This is the second time you have canceled. You cancel again. I will not rebook you. I love you, but I'm running a business.]" (Jeff, 02:35)
  • Kym blames her new assistant, Jeray, for the abrupt cancellation message, sparking jokes about lesbians’ supposed organizational skills.
  • "Lesbians don't make mistakes." (Jeff, 05:13)

• Introducing Jeray on Mic: Jeff interrogates Jeray about her sexuality, organizational style, and ultimately jokes about hiring her away due to her competence.

  • "I will give you a lot more money than Kim." (Jeff to Jeray, 10:17)
  • Conversation touches on race and representation in Jeff’s workplace, with jokes about quotas and being “black adjacent” (24:08).

2. Personal Updates & Tangents

• Zach’s Hair Transplant Journey: Zach shares his trip to South Korea for a discreet hair transplant, debunking stereotypes about overseas procedures.

  • "South Korea was like, we'd love for you to stay, like, five days so we can keep checking it... unlike Turkey, where they're, like, fast and nasty." (Zach, 12:01)
  • The panel discusses the unexpected allure Zach’s new hair has for millennial women.

• Self-Driving/Electric Cars and a Volvo Horror Story: The group commiserates on the sometimes dangerous quirks of modern cars, especially with automatic features and recalls.

  • Kym shares near-accidents in her new BMW (17:57), Jeff relays a listener’s terrifying Volvo crash story (19:06-20:03), further fueling his distrust of self-driving tech.
  • "I'm telling you, I don't want it driving for me." (Jeff, 20:27)
  • Zach humorously admits to having hit a “twink” (young gay man) with his car—who happened to be a former date (21:11).

3. Neighborhood Security & “Hot Prowl” Burglaries

• Defining Hot Prowl: Jeff describes a local “hot prowl”–a burglary where thieves purposely avoid interacting with residents, even tossing small rocks at windows to check if occupants are awake.
  • "They did not want to engage with the homeowner. So what they did—this was an actual mistake—they went in the home, they threw little rocks at the primary bedroom window..." (Jeff, 15:12)
  • The discussion turns comedic as Kym jokes about being burglarized “without knowing”—and not minding the ‘prowl’ if it was, ahem, more fun (16:18).

4. Food Talk – Waba Grill, Bowls & LA Lunch Favorites

• Jeff and the gang rave about their lunchtime favorite, Waba Grill, debating its merits over places like Yoshinoya, Sweetgreen, Cava, and Chipotle.
  • "I do the teriyaki sauce, and then I add soy. A lot of salt, a lot of pepper. I just do the rice and the chicken." (Jeff, 33:02)
  • Debates ensue about vegetables, sodium, and “hidden veggie” recipes (34:00), and a hunt to figure out the mysterious Boom Boom Sauce (34:27).

5. Kym’s BET Awards Ordeal & Red Carpet Mishaps

• Kym recounts her harrowing foot injury on the BET Awards red carpet—her toes turned blue due to too-tight shoes, and paramedics suggested urgent care.
  • "They pulled the pants up... And my toes were blue. No circulation..." (Kym, 35:53)
  • Improvisational solutions (borrowing shoes from her godchild) and European witchy “Boom Boom” gel that saved her feet.
  • Her son’s delight at meeting celebrities on his first red carpet.

6. The Saga of the Ground Squirrels

• Kym’s Backyard Crisis: Kym reveals that her newly renovated tennis court is under siege by a “town” of ground squirrels after removing boards that contained them.
  • "That let out the ground squirrels. They dug up all the gravel. They're digging gravel." (Kym, 40:16)
  • The group spirals into laughter over the number and strength of the squirrels, debating if they have “mayors,” “condos,” and are engineering marvels.
  • Jeff jokes that Kym now needs to disclose the pest problem when selling (41:33).
  • "Your house just lost $200,000 in value today. The good news is you made $500 appearance fee." (Jeff, 41:40)
  • Disputes about solutions, neighborly accusations over dumped rocks, and Jeff’s advice on making peace with a Waba Grill gift card.

7. Comedy Careers, Travel, & Gay Cruises

• Upcoming Shows: Both guests plug upcoming performance dates (Kym in Tampa and Landsdowne, Zach on tour plus back-to-back gay cruises, 45:51-46:47).
• Inside Gay Cruises: Zach shares the wild side of gay cruises—including inevitable cruise deaths and stories from the “dick deck,” to which Kym playfully asks if straight people (or herself) can attend (“You would have a great time!” Zach, 48:54).
  • "Every time these gay cruises, people die." (Jeff, 47:30)
  • "You don’t have to suck on dick before you get on the boat." (Zach, 48:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Assistant Drama and Diversity

  • "You don't even have any black employees. What are you talking about? That's probably what he needs to fit a quota." (Kym, 10:42)
  • "I just hired two black women live on the radio... what you would pay a white person, right?" (Zach in mock-defense, 23:54)

• On Hot Prowlers

  • "They did not want to engage with the homeowner... they threw little rocks at the primary bedroom window..." (Jeff, 15:12)

• On Car Tech Mishaps

  • "As someone who has hit someone, it's not a big deal." (Zach, 20:41)
  • "They were on a motorized scooter, so they deserved it." (Zach, 20:47)
  • "Now, did he hit the car and, like, fly off?" (Jeff, 22:13)

• On Ground Squirrels

  • "That let out the ground squirrels. They dug up all the gravel. They're digging gravel." (Kym, 40:16)
  • "You’ve got a city under your yard." (Jeff, 41:13)
  • "They have like a mayor." (Zach, 43:24)

• On Gay Cruises

  • "Every time these gay cruises, people die." (Jeff, 47:30)
  • "You don’t have to suck on dick before you get on the boat." (Zach, 48:51)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Assistant & Text Drama: 02:27 – 06:36
• Jeray/Earlene Interviewed + Lesbians in the Workplace: 04:40 – 12:00
• Zach’s Hair Transplant Story: 12:01 – 14:34
• Hot Prowl Robbery Explained: 14:42 – 17:18
• Electric Car Mishaps & Volvo Horror Story: 17:35 – 24:00
• Hit-and-Run Story: 20:41 – 22:32
• Race in the Studio/Racism Jokes: 23:26 – 24:08
• Waba Grill Enthusiasm & Lunch Orders: 24:28 – 28:40, 33:00 – 34:35
• Kym’s BET Awards Red Carpet Injury Story: 35:16 – 37:10
• The Epicenter of the Ground Squirrel Crisis: 40:16 – 44:48
• Comedy Tour & Cruises, Gay Cruise Deaths, Dick Deck: 45:51 – 49:00

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Episode Tone & Style

• Fast-paced, boisterous, razor-sharp wit with lots of playful shade and affectionate ribbing.
• Frequent banter about race, sexuality, and workplace politics—never mean-spirited, always comedic.
• Plenty of pop culture and LA-lifestyle references.
• The show feels like friendly gossip among quick-tongued, mischievous friends unafraid to “air it out.”

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Final Takeaway

This episode is a classic, energetic installment of "Jeff Lewis Has Issues," blending unscripted moments, irreverent humor, and real-life absurdities for fans who love fly-on-the-wall access to Jeff’s personal and professional misadventures. Whether you’re in it for the spicy personal dynamics, cautionary tales of LA life, or just the laughs, this one delivers from start to finish.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

when you're Jeff

[C]

Lewis, the drama never stops.

[A]

This is our love language. We terrorize each other.

[C]

Right?

[A]

You're the villain. You're now the villain. Yeah, same girl. But that's kind of the deal. You come on here, you get made fun of, right?

[B]

Uh, yeah. Jeff Lewis has issues.

[A]

Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has issues. In today's episode, Kim Whitley and Zach Noe Towers join the show. We talk about ground squirrels, lesbian assistance, and death on gay cruises. Hey, Zach.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Oh. Oh, Kim. Hi, Kim. Kim Whitley's here. Can you look up her text, please?

[B]

You're gonna.

[C]

Oh, I'm ready for it. I am ready for this.

[A]

Great.

[C]

Hey, chumps. How y' all doing out there? This is the only reason I'm here is for the chumps. And of course, Jameson, Oscar, Ken, and Shane and Zach. And no little naked girl today. But I'm here.

[A]

Okay, so let's just start with the text.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

All right, so I read this on the radio yesterday because I wanted.

[C]

You did?

[A]

I wanted everyone to know the truth about you and your business I said hi. Your team said you need to rebook your Thursday appearance. This is the second time you have canceled. You cancel again. I will not rebook you. I love you, but I'm running a business. You say hi, Jeff. Thanks for your rude ass text. So crazy. I have a new assistant who jumped the gun on canceling. Her text was unintentionally off putting. FYI, I canceled my prior appearance because of a medical appointment and Thursday is a network test. As you said, we are both running businesses. I so appreciate that you have included me in your show family. So if the spot is still open, my ass is going to be there tomorrow. But I will be ignoring you. I said I'm not optimistic, but I'm open to repairing this fractured personal and professional relationship. I will see you tomorrow at 10am Please be on time. You see that I'm running a business?

[B]

I do.

[A]

She wrote, I can't stand you. All right, what's your excuse?

[C]

I can't stand you.

[B]

She said her network test. That's huge.

[C]

Will you tell. He does not.

[B]

He doesn't get it.

[C]

No, he does not care. He's running a business of slavery.

[B]

Everyone agrees. Everyone agrees.

[C]

He doesn't care. So look Dre over there in the corner. She did not. Okay, there's Earlene. Earlene's a little more season has been with me for about 12 years. Jerae's new. Jeray didn't give a. I don't know if you can curse on here. Dre didn't give a damn about no Jeff Lewis. She sent. I said I got a network test. She knew. Woo money. This is huge. Jeff Lewis. She just sent a text real quick. Hey, Kim got a rebook. It was disrespectful. She could have said, hey, Kim has a huge network test. You mind if we rebook? That was on Jerre. She has already gotten beat down. But I'm here. I brought her here for you to beat her down.

[A]

Jerae, you're on mic.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

Can I ask you something? And it's a personal question. You don't have to answer it, but are you gay?

[C]

No. Yeah, obviously.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

She said no. I went.

[A]

It's not obvious to me.

[C]

Really?

[A]

It's not obvious to me.

[C]

She thinks it's so popular.

[A]

I had a theory. Let me just explain.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We worked together for a few weeks. Months, you and I.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I found you to be incredibly organized, competent, smart, to the point, resourceful. Uh oh, here's the thing. Lesbians don't make mistakes.

[C]

I Will pull out that heterosexual vagina and I will rub it on this table.

[A]

You are blaming the wrong assistant. I know Earlene, there's somebody. This is not flying. I'll tell you why. Earlene's been with you forever. She knows how to. She knows what she's doing. Jeray is a lesbian. There is no fucking way she made this kind of mistake.

[C]

Are you saying that's the problem with lesbians? They just be way doing too much. She gotta put on her lesbian clothes. She gotta make sure she got her lesbian hair. I get out your closet, though, Kim. That was good. So it's a lot. Okay, so maybe in her. She was maybe too fast because. Because everyone knows you're sensitive. Everyone knows me as soon as she sent the mess. Okay. Me. I'm sorry. Petty Zach? Is that what you're talking about? Petty?

[A]

No, you're right with that too. I'll take.

[C]

Oh, we knew immediately. I didn't know what happened until I got your text. I said, oh. Oh. I was a little sensitive because I have this giant test coming up. And you know. You know, Jeff just was like, you know, your stuff don't mean nothing.

[B]

So cruel.

[C]

It was cruel.

[A]

I've had more fights with you than the person I have been dating for two years. And I haven't even known you that long. I don't think we're compatible.

[C]

Oh, no, we're staying together. That's. This is the problem. No man leaves me. I leave them. And listen because. And I said that too. And I was like, oh, I gotta be clear. I gotta go to this network task. But I like our relationship and I love this show. And I know that I make this show better.

[B]

She's right. No lies detected.

[C]

So I had to think about the people, the chumps. I had to think about the Goblins. The Goblins. Okay. The Goblins. I got it together now. So I had to think about the whole family. How long this show been on there?

[A]

Eight years.

[C]

Damn. I came in here and made it right at the end. Didn't I recognize they were waiting on me?

[A]

I do wanna say thank you for one thing that you've really done for me.

[C]

I know what you're gonna say.

[A]

You introduced us to Caroline Rae. She is fantastic. She is one. She is a huge fan favorite on this show. Don't you agree, Shane? For sure. Everybody loves her. She is beloved.

[C]

I'm looking at Jamison's.

[B]

We do love her, but we love you too.

[C]

Oscar said he loves me and he said it with bass in his voice. So therefore yeah. Caroline. Ray. Yes. I appreciate I could introduce you to a lot of things, Jeff, if you stay with me. Okay. You got your little motor thing in your pool. I got you better. That cracks me up when you say that. Because I was like Betta. I thought he made the name up.

[B]

It better work.

[A]

There's one problem I've been having with Beta. He's now getting stuck on the shallow step. Do we need more water in the pool, Shane?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Cause that wasn't happening before.

[C]

Oh, that means your water level's gone.

[A]

I think the water level is too low.

[C]

But there's autofill.

[A]

I know it might need to be adjusted. Cause Betta's getting stuck on the steps now and I gotta go and give him a little kick.

[C]

Oh, that's unusual.

[A]

Do you have to kick Betta?

[C]

Nope. Betta was getting stuck on the pool holes that I have for the bottom.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

But I put little weights on it to bring him down a little bit so he can go straight around.

[A]

I'm gonna. Cause I'm not gonna get an honest answer out of you. Sheree. How's my pool?

[C]

Not today.

[B]

It's beautiful, actually. Really?

[C]

I check it every day.

[A]

I know you do. I know you do. Because that's the kind of person you are. You don't make mistakes.

[C]

Because also I was there when you were very disappointed. So I was like, oh, no, no. Oh, my heater doesn't work now.

[A]

You know who our next employee is going to be?

[C]

Who?

[A]

Jeray.

[C]

Listen, the way she yells at me,

[B]

I might be available.

[C]

Let me tell you, I play no games.

[A]

Why would she yell at you?

[C]

Everything. Any and everything.

[A]

But it's not your fault, is it?

[C]

What? Okay. This morning. She's a lesbian. Tell me this morning woke up, it's

[B]

not Pride Month anymore. About why her makeup wasn't on the calendar.

[C]

I sent her a screenshot of the calendar. She said, my bad. I did say my bad because I didn't see it.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

It was a paragraph. Wait a minute. Let's really start with the truth then. Hold up. Jeff Lewis is a big deal, but you think he ain't shit because I'm on the Mediterranean Sea. And you never said, hey, Jeff Lewis, they want you on the show. All I know is I got back here jet lagged all of a sudden. Yesterday, day before, I was like, wait a minute, I think this is a mistake. Got Jeff Lewis on the calendar. Go ahead, you can speak now.

[A]

You know what? I love? That you're not intimidated by my celebrity.

[C]

No, she came back the 21st. Okay, that was Sunday.

[A]

It's the second.

[C]

That was Sunday.

[B]

A week ago.

[C]

But I don't look at my calendar. So I have two assistants. What are we talking about?

[A]

So I've had hundreds of employees. My hands down, best employee was a lesbian. I think you and I should talk. I will give you a lot more money than Kim.

[B]

Listen.

[C]

Oh, listen. But the pain and suffering.

[A]

I'm not gonna yell at you. You know why? I will never. I do yell at people, but I'm not gonna yell at you. You know why? Cause you're competent. You'll never give me a reason to yell at you.

[B]

You're making a deal with me, Earlene. I'll let you know you're coming, too.

[C]

I'm coming out of here, too.

[A]

I'm taking Earlene, and I'm taking Charay.

[C]

You don't even have any black employees. What are you talking about? That's probably what he needs to fit a quota.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

I need two more.

[C]

This is horrible. We're all getting canceled. Oh, my gosh. This was. Yeah. So I.

[A]

Well, how are you, Zach?

[B]

I'm good. I want to keep talking about Kim, though.

[C]

No, Zach, I love you. You're a bright light.

[A]

He's sweet, isn't he?

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Do you see how I did you. What I was talking about? I wish I was more like you in my 20s, 30s, and 40s.

[B]

Really?

[A]

A.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yep. I wish I would have slept with more people. I wish I was in so many relationships.

[C]

Are you?

[B]

Yeah. I'm pretty single and ready to mingle at all times.

[A]

Well, you got that new hair, so that's like.

[B]

I got a hair transplant.

[A]

That is.

[C]

Wait a minute. You got a hair transplant?

[A]

How good does it look?

[C]

No, you've seen him before, and now after, like, you look crazy before.

[B]

I didn't look crazy. I just, like, filled. I filled in the. The peak. Like, the peaks were receding pretty bad.

[A]

One of the best jobs I've seen.

[B]

South Korea, motion clinic. Wait a minute.

[C]

Korea? Not. How long did you stay there?

[B]

That's. That's crazy. Jameson, that was fun.

[A]

Good job.

[B]

I don't even know if that equates to Korea.

[C]

Okay, how long did you.

[B]

It was a year ago. And they. Unlike Turkey, where they're, like, fast and nasty, they're like, 10 patients a day. Plug, plug, plug, plug, plug. Get out of here. South Korea was like, we'd love for you to stay, like, five days so we can keep checking it. Wash your scalp every day. Just make sure everything's Going well. So I blocked off nine days and I went, had the surgery. Hung around South Korea. It was in Gangnam, Seoul. Had a bunch of Korean fried chicken. Went shopping at the Zara over there. Saw some temples.

[A]

I'm sorry, you went all the way to Korea to shop at Zara?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because they had, like, different things.

[C]

They changed with them. They don't. Yes.

[B]

Every market is different.

[C]

Come on.

[A]

It's the same shit everywhere.

[B]

I shopped it everywhere. But, like, you know, I'm also thrifty. I'm not spending. I'm not designer. I'm not a designer boy. Zara's kind of like, you know, I

[A]

like Zara, but you could buy it here.

[C]

Yeah, now it's different.

[B]

No, it is different.

[C]

Jeff hasn't traveled, so listen. Yeah, what? I'm like. So he did it.

[B]

He did it in secret. He didn't tell us.

[C]

So did you have to wear a hat? Like, how did they. How did you hide them?

[B]

I didn't have. It cost more money because I didn't let them shave my head, which was. And so I had hair. So I just, like, wore it down for a few months. And then I told them that I had the transplant surgery. And now it takes, like, a full year to all grow in. But it's like, grown in and, like, the front stuff and the peaks are all like. It's hair from back here.

[A]

Do you have a whole new demographic now? I would imagine of guys, yeah.

[B]

Well, you know what's really crazy? I'm turning on Millennial girls because I look like a 90s singer.

[C]

Pop singer.

[B]

And so these.

[A]

I know, I know. But, like, guys, I have the same problem.

[B]

I don't know if guys even. I don't even know if guys are into this hair, but I'm keeping it.

[A]

But girls are.

[B]

Yeah, girls are.

[C]

But wait, let me see the back of your head.

[B]

You can't tell.

[C]

So it's just there. They just took it out.

[B]

They took 2,000 hairs from all over single follicles. So you cannot tell where it is.

[C]

How long was the surgery?

[B]

Four hours. Taking four hours planting.

[A]

I need somebody really good here because I can't go to South Korea for nine days. I have to work.

[B]

You go for four days.

[A]

It'll cost me a jillion dollars to

[C]

get four days on your vacation.

[A]

You take vacations? I don't have vacations.

[B]

I guess traveling also is like. It's a long flight there. It can be jet lag. But South Korea is very cool and fun. Also for skin and skin stuff. Too. I want to go and get facial. Walking around with bandages all over because it's just like.

[A]

So I just do everything when I'm there.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Maybe that you could get a new personality, too.

[A]

Oh, do they sell those in South Korea?

[C]

That would be expensive.

[A]

We have an update on the hot prowl that happened in my neighborhood. Are you familiar with this now?

[C]

No.

[A]

Now they're distinguishing certain robberies from burglaries from home invasions. So a hot prowl is when they break in when you're home, but they don't. They don't engage with you. They sneak around. They take shit. They don't wake you up. They don't put a gun to your head. Oh, I don't know. They're calling it. My patrol service is calling it hot prowl. So listen to what these people did. There's more information.

[C]

This is so interesting.

[A]

They. They did not want to interact. Engage with the homeowner. So what they did. This was an actual mistake that they went in the home. They threw little rocks at the primary bedroom window. Throwing rocks at the windows to see if somebody would wake up and turn the light on. Because these people probably were using Venus cbd also.

[B]

They slept through the night.

[A]

No one got up. So here they are throwing rocks at the windows. They didn't break the window because they didn't break the window.

[C]

Small rocks.

[A]

Small rocks at the windows. No one responded. No one woke up. No one turned on a light. So they went in, and then they discovered that the occupants were home. But I. I mean, honestly, they could blast a rocket through my window and I would not wake up.

[C]

So how did they discover they were home? They were in the kitchen or.

[A]

Because when they walked in, they heard them break in, and then they started screaming at the top of the stairs.

[C]

The alarm went off, and then it caused the scene.

[A]

I don't. Oh, the alarm went off, too, because they're not afraid of alarms because it takes so long for the cops to respond. But that woke up the homeowners who

[C]

were home, but they didn't know that they were home.

[A]

So they don't even care about alarms because you could just. They could be in and out in three minutes. They know exactly where to go. They go right to the primary bedroom,

[C]

sneak in, take what they want, and you don't. I was wondering why I woke up sore this morning. I didn't know that, you know, people

[A]

can come in and take.

[B]

What. What did they do to you?

[C]

They stole it. They stole it. It's so dead down there. I didn't even know.

[A]

Oh, hell no. So you think they broke in, had their way and left?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And you didn't even wake up?

[C]

No. This is horrible. That was a hot robot.

[B]

It was the better robot. It came in.

[C]

I would have said thank you. This is crazy. What is this called? I'd like to write this down.

[B]

Did you check the nightstand? There might have been $100 on the nightstand.

[C]

No, they would have taken 100 from me.

[A]

So it's different than home invasion. Home invasion is when, you know, they have their own.

[B]

Oh, is that what that means?

[A]

When they like, that's home invasion.

[C]

I'd rather have a prowl than a home invasion.

[A]

Oh, no. I'll take a hot prowl any day.

[C]

Any day.

[B]

Hot prowl me on Tuesday night, honey.

[C]

Okay, you can hot prowl me. And this was so crazy. My dumb dogs be sitting there, right there with them. There it is over there.

[B]

Do you have dogs that they be friendly towards them?

[C]

Yeah, you just gotta throw them a little piece of meat.

[A]

Kim Whitley, I wanna ask you about your car. You have that newer BMW, right? Does your car do what mine does, where it kind of will drive itself in the sense of if a car is too close, it will slam on the brakes? If a car. It'll. It'll stop the car. It'll move over. It'll. It'll jerk. It'll jerk the steering wheel.

[B]

I don't like it.

[A]

I don't like it. I don't want it.

[C]

Turn it off. No. You understand? Yes. I'm not used to an electric car, first of all. Oh, my God. Almost killed everybody. I pushed. I pushed the little gas pedal just a little bit to get over in the lane. These electric cars. That sucker took off. I was like, oh, my God, I almost ran into another car. It will move. It will do all. It will stop. But there is a button. It's called lane departure. You can turn it off. You can hit it and turn it off. The man at the dealership told me

[A]

I need to learn how to disable it. I don't like, stopped suddenly on me a couple of times. Shane's been in the car to God. I got whiplash, of course. And there was like nothing there.

[B]

Nothing there. Why are you stopping?

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

Really scary.

[C]

I need dress. Did you call the dealership? Make sure you don't have a lemon. How old is this car? When did you get it?

[A]

Oh, no, it's new.

[B]

It's brand new.

[C]

Oh, absolutely. You could have.

[A]

I just want to disable it. But listen to This. I was on a Fan Social 2. Two weeks ago, one week ago last week. And so nice woman, lives in Houston. She buys. She's like, I want to buy the safest car on the road. What's the safest car on the road?

[C]

Genesis.

[B]

A Subaru.

[A]

She goes and gets a Volvo, right? That's the reputation. Safest car on the road. I've got my neighborhood, suburbs, all sorts of volvals, right? These moms buying the safest car on the road for their kids. So she has one of those systems in the car. A car got close, it hit the accelerator. It goes 0 to 60 in I don't know how many seconds. She's. Now the car is out of control, she can't stop it. And she crashes into a restaurant, into an actual restaurant. Thank God it was being renovated. She's. It's smoking. She could smell gas. She can't get out of the car. It's all the doors. She can't get out. She has to crawl over into the backseat, into the back, go out the tailgate to get out.

[C]

How much money is she going to get?

[A]

Well, I told her, I'm like, you need to lawyer up. She said that she feels like. I guess something was. I guess there was a recall on the car and she missed the recall. So now they're trying to blame her.

[B]

I'm her.

[A]

Yeah, it was recalled. You didn't bring it in.

[C]

You got to make sure your customers bring them in. Then you should have an account of

[B]

every car that is not homing.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Isn't that insane? Now I want to disable that thing in my car. I do not.

[C]

Don't play with it.

[A]

I'm telling you, I don't want it driving for me. I.

[C]

Fine.

[A]

If I hit somebody.

[C]

What?

[B]

As someone who has hit someone. It's not a big deal.

[C]

It's really not. Oh, my God.

[B]

I hit someone with my car. Yeah, you did. They were on a motorized scooter, so they deserved it.

[C]

Oh. What?

[B]

I thought she was gonna be with me on that one, but yeah, those little fucking death traps. No, they. I didn't have a stop sign and they did. And they went flying through their intersection. Went right into my windshield.

[C]

A twink.

[B]

A twink. Which is a little gay guy. Oh, shout out.

[C]

It was a twink.

[B]

Yeah, it was like a Shane esque person.

[A]

And didn't you go out with them?

[B]

We had gone on a date a year before.

[C]

Wait a minute. So now it seems like you did that on purpose.

[A]

I agree. I agree.

[B]

Text me back. It's not that hard.

[C]

What, did you get a police report or anything?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did. You called the police? It was 100%.

[A]

Did you call the police on you?

[B]

No, I think I called the police.

[A]

Why would you call the police on yourself?

[B]

Called an ambulance? Because it was my first time hitting someone with my car. I didn't want to be like any sort of hit and run. I didn't want to be any sort

[A]

of like, why don't you put yourself in handcuffs? What were you doing?

[B]

I'm trusting, I guess.

[A]

Everybody knows you leave the scene, just flee.

[B]

Did you say everyone knows you've leave. That's insane.

[C]

Now, was he upset with you?

[B]

No, he knew it was his fault.

[C]

Oh, he knew.

[B]

I even, like, his phone was, like, 10ft away. I picked it up, it was shattered. I was like, oh, no, your phone. And he goes, no, it was locked that before you hit me.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh. So he was slow.

[B]

I mean, after the accident.

[A]

Slower.

[B]

Yeah, slower.

[A]

Now, did he hit the car and, like, fly off? I remember you talking about this. Yes.

[B]

So we passed the windshield. I slammed on the brakes, he flew off.

[A]

Oh, I bet that hurt. Like, two days later.

[B]

He was wearing a Canadian tuxedo, denim jacket, denim pants, pretty. Okay. Knuckles very bloody.

[C]

Okay, right.

[B]

Shout out.

[C]

Canada. Denim saved him.

[A]

Linda Dallas. Must be a friend of yours. Line for Kim. Hey, Linda.

[C]

Hey, Jess. What's up?

[B]

I was calling because we love Kim Whitley on the show and Caroline Rae.

[C]

She's late every time she's on. Oh, she is late.

[A]

That is not true, Linda. Caroline Rae was on. Was it this week?

[B]

She was on on Monday.

[A]

She was on on Monday, and she was a half an hour early. Granted, she had no hair or makeup on, and she did put it on the green room. But she was here ready to appear.

[C]

But she's been. If Linda is a listener watcher. Linda knows.

[B]

Linda does know.

[C]

Linda knows.

[A]

Caroline was ready. Caroline Rae was late the time before. Yes, but I sent her a nasty text, and then she now is early.

[C]

But this doesn't matter.

[B]

Read it. Read the text.

[C]

I've never been late. Right.

[B]

Read the text. What I hear is you siding with a white woman over a woman of color.

[C]

Linda. Thank you.

[B]

Suddenly Dre is reconsidering her options.

[C]

Look at that. Thank you, Zach.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I appreciate you so.

[A]

Okay. So the takeaway is I'm racist, obviously. Is that what the takeaway is?

[B]

We went in thinking that we're leaving, thinking that

[A]

I just hired two black women live on the radio, hang them twice.

[B]

What you would pay A white person. Right?

[C]

Oh, look at Jeff's face. Oh, my God. He can't take it. He's black adjacent.

[A]

Yeah, I am black adjacent.

[B]

By injection, maybe.

[C]

Oh. Oh.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Ouch.

[A]

Oh, Linda just hung up.

[C]

Linda, Dang.

[B]

Yeah, she had enough of your shit.

[A]

She didn't even say bye.

[C]

No, Linda tried to say she understood. She was like, caroline Ray has been late. White woman. And that's unusual.

[B]

I know.

[C]

She's Canadian, though. So that's what.

[A]

Jamison, I think your next car should be a Volvo. Um, no, I used to like Volvos. I used to like them.

[C]

Oh, wait, is that the one that went into the restaurant?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, no, no, the suv. Those are nice, right?

[C]

But it's that. Nope. I need you to get yours fixed. That button.

[B]

Did she happen to say if she was able to prove that it was the car? Like, is there some kind of mechanical log or something?

[A]

You know, she's a smart woman, a successful woman. Maybe she didn't want the drama of a lawsuit, but I would lawyer up.

[B]

Oh, my. No, but I'm saying they would. She would be responsible for all. For the repairs and everything.

[A]

Oh, I see what you're saying. Oh, yes, I'm sure they were able to prove that. I mean, she ran into a building.

[B]

I feel like.

[A]

Oh, my God. I have pictures I gotta show you. She sent it to me.

[C]

Whoa, wait a minute. Did you get permission?

[A]

She show you?

[B]

She doesn't do permission, does she?

[C]

Listen to this.

[A]

What are you talking about? Permission? What is the word?

[B]

Permission?

[A]

I don't even know what that means.

[B]

She was okay, though. I'm first one. Permission, Consent.

[A]

She still had the burns from the unearth hands from the airbags.

[C]

Crazy. Oh, the airbag. I got airbagged once.

[A]

I wish. I wish she would let me post this on my in. Look at that.

[C]

Wow. Oh, she went inside the.

[A]

Inside the whole building.

[B]

She added a drive through. Yeah, that's a car. So maybe.

[A]

Is that not insane?

[B]

She's in the building.

[C]

Let's give a shout out because it looks okay. The car is back. Look at the car. But that's just the front. It's just the same thing.

[B]

It took out a wall. Like, that's pretty good.

[C]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

The back is intact.

[C]

Right? That car is pretty good. Because if your kids were back there, hey, they were good.

[B]

I have something similar on my car called lane assist. So if I start drifting out of the lane, it pushes me back.

[A]

That's what mine does, too.

[B]

I don't want for drinkers, chumps, if you're listening, don't turn it off.

[A]

I don't want a self driving car. I don't.

[C]

No, I don't either.

[A]

I don't need it to change lanes for me. I don't need it to stop for me. I certainly don't need to run into restaurants. Could you imagine how pissed I'd be if that was Waba grill?

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Did I have to close it down?

[C]

He's so crazy. Have you been to Wabagrill?

[A]

We're super into wobba right now. Oh, it's so good.

[B]

Is that Japanese?

[C]

What is it?

[B]

It's like flame broiler.

[A]

It's like chicken and it's South Korean.

[B]

Oh, you can get a hair transplant in the drive thru.

[C]

It's pretty good. What? I have to go. Where is it? I want this hair transplant.

[B]

Do you really? A lot of women do it.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yes. They just don't talk about it.

[C]

Wow, this is exciting.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I want to hear more about this. I'm not a waba.

[B]

Waba grill.

[C]

Rabba.

[B]

That's rabba.

[C]

Waba.

[A]

It's rice and chicken. If you want vegetables, fine. I don't get the vegetables.

[B]

I get the.

[C]

Where is it?

[B]

I think I've seen.

[C]

I've seen Waba.

[B]

Yeah, they're all over.

[C]

I've seen it all over.

[B]

Yeah, right there. Look. We go on Sunset in the brea.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It's a great place to order lunch for the team.

[B]

How did you discover? Doesn't it? It looks cheap as hell.

[C]

It does.

[B]

When I grab it.

[C]

I've never. But now that Jeff said it's good.

[A]

The quality is really good.

[B]

This strikes me and it is cheap.

[A]

It is cheap.

[B]

What's that Japanese place?

[A]

Oh, Yoshinoya. No fucking way.

[B]

That's what I think of though when I say. Yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna go.

[C]

I see it. I'm going to.

[A]

I always think of like, you know, kittens at that y. Oh, no.

[C]

Stop it.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

It's just the food is.

[C]

The food's not good to be but in the 90s it used to be the bomb that was.

[A]

I don't think the food was ever. I don't think the chicken was ever good.

[C]

There it is a little. I went back about a month ago just for nostalgia. I said, I want to try it. And the chicken was together like something was not coming upon.

[A]

Not chicken. It's not chicken.

[C]

Don't say that because ate it.

[A]

Waba has some quality chicken.

[B]

I'm a sucker. I'm a sucker for a bowl. I love a bowl.

[C]

I love a bowl. I love a bowl. I had a bowl yesterday for sweet green. I love a bowl.

[B]

Wait, are we all kava heads?

[C]

I went to Cava first. I found one. Cava's good. The Mediterranean.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Chipotle.

[B]

All of it. Yes, it is.

[A]

The best dancers from across the globe are about to join me for the audition of a lifetime.

[B]

ABC Mondays.

[C]

Do they have what it takes to

[B]

compete and be the next Dancing with the Stars pro? I'm here to win.

[A]

Nothing is gonna stop me.

[B]

Our star judges will decide. This is what hunger looks like.

[C]

It was 100% the wrong choice.

[B]

Robert Irwin hosts.

[A]

The next era of ballroom starts right here on Dancing with the Stars.

[B]

The next all new Mondays, 8, 7 Central on ABC. Next day on Hulu.

[A]

One thing about summer is that everything just feels easy. It's the season for comfortable go anywhere pieces that make getting dressed simple. That's what makes Quince such a great fit for the season. They focus on well made essentials that you'll actually live in all summer long. Quince's 100% European linen pants and shirts are breathable, easy to throw on and and the summer upgrade your rotation needs. Their tees are soft enough to live in all day and the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when summer nights cool down. I recently got a casual organic cotton dress and adorable washable cashmere sweatsuit from my daughter that are perfect for summer travel or hanging out at home with dad. Plus I love the Mongolian cashmere sweaters that I ordered a while back. So much that I ordered more. Make youe Summer Wardrobe easier. Go to quince.com jeff for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com jeff for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com jeff

[C]

mazda has been named Consumer

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[C]

Mazda More of what matters most to you.

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Go to mazdausa.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse or promote any product.

[A]

There are things in life you don't want to be transparent like your swimsuit or your search history. But when it comes to your wireless bill, transparency is everything. That's why Mint Mobile's wireless plans have no gimmicks and no gotchas. Just high speed data and reliable coverage on the T Mobile 5G network. And right now, all plans are $15 per month, even unlimited. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com jefflewis that's mintmobile.com jeffleWis cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com jeffleSwis that's it. There's no catch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required, $15 per month. Equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20GB hotspot capable. Device required. Availability, speed and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com. I know you don't agree with my tactics, but as you know, during the breaks, our Nepo baby intern, she used to come in. She used to ask everyone about their drinks. Do they need to be refreshed? I'm thirsty and parched. And she didn't come in. So I just poked my head in the green room and I realized she was texting. So I just said loudly, publicly, when you're done texting, can I please have a glass of water? Now, I have found that when you publicly humiliate people, they do not make the same mistake twice. Now, HR will disagree with me, but what did they know?

[C]

But that was really passive aggressive.

[A]

That's what I do.

[C]

You're good at passive aggressive. Now listen, Deray Earlene. See? See what you'd be dealing with?

[B]

Yeah, that's a change.

[C]

Do you see that?

[B]

This is aggressive versus passive aggressive.

[A]

However, let me point something out. Lunchtime, Waba Grill. You might want to put up with some passive aggressive for Waba. Should we get it today? Yeah, I'm thinking about it. Today's actually.

[B]

Maybe I'll get it. Fuck.

[A]

Oh, come over. I'll order it for you.

[B]

I gotta come over.

[A]

Okay, so this is what we're doing. We do the teriyaki sauce, and then I add soy. A lot of salt, a lot of pepper. I just do the rice and the chicken. I know I should not be doing

[B]

the carbs, but that's a lot of sodium.

[C]

What's wrong with you? Wait, wait. You should not. You have a figure that you're always worried about.

[B]

You're gonna bloat.

[C]

Why don't you just do the vegetables and the meat and a little carb loading. Rice.

[B]

Carbo load.

[C]

So what do you get you get the chicken, the rice, and you're supposed to get what, the vegetables?

[A]

Rice. It's normally veggies, rice and chicken, but I get double rice, teriyaka sauce.

[B]

Double rice.

[A]

All right. No, I just.

[C]

I just.

[A]

I told them no vegetables, and then they just bring me more rice. Give me rice.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Why no vegetables? You eat vegetables. Why is.

[C]

What's wrong with you? You work hard.

[A]

I don't like ve.

[B]

I hate vegetables, you know, Always hate.

[C]

What are you teaching your daughter? What are you teaching her?

[A]

She's a veggie person. Thank God.

[C]

Good. Okay.

[B]

Have you seen those hidden veggies recipes where people, like, roast and then, like,

[C]

brownies with spinach in them?

[B]

Mushroom brownies. But they, like, emulsify roasted veggies and use it as, like, a creamy sauce on pasta.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

All right. Do you know does wabba do that?

[B]

I'm just trying to keep you alive, dude.

[C]

And then the puts the soy sauce on top.

[B]

Great. 2 Sal.

[C]

It does sound good.

[A]

Jeray. You guys should pick it up on the way home.

[C]

Oh, we are definitely order it.

[A]

Pick it up, take it home.

[B]

And don't forget about the boom boom sauce. I haven't tried.

[A]

I haven't tried the boom boom sauce.

[B]

I don't know what that is. That sounds like a creamy sauce. You linked. That sounds like it's a creamy sauce. I'm not sure. It didn't have a description. It just called it boom sauce.

[A]

Can somebody look it up, please?

[B]

It's gotta be. It's creamy. I can feel it. It's creamy.

[A]

Look, I don't like, picked up her phone. Look, turn around. She picked up her phone immediately and started looking. I'm telling you, it's a creamy. I would fire everybody. And I'm a higher lesbians. That's it. I'm done. Creamy.

[C]

Creamy.

[B]

Swipe. Creamy, spicy, sweet, creamy. You were right.

[A]

You were right.

[B]

Similar to a sriracha aioli.

[A]

I'm getting the boom boom sauce.

[B]

I got some boom sauce for you.

[C]

What is wrong with you?

[B]

I'm sorry.

[C]

You got new hair and you're rubbing yourself. Why are you constantly.

[B]

I'm feeling myself. Literally put some boom boom on it.

[A]

You looked stunning at the BET Awards.

[B]

Look at that photo.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

I've already seen the photos. They were circulating.

[B]

I've already seen them.

[A]

They were circulating. No, I mean now. What happened that you ended up. Did you have to go to the hospital?

[C]

No, but the. The paramedics suggested I go to urgent care. But it was great. The carpet made it all the way through the carpet, I had these very tall shoes on with a little bitty hole for my toes to stick out. Well, once I got to the. Into the carpet, I felt my feet were burning. And I said, oh, my God. It feels like my. My toes are. Feels like they're bleeding. I'm joking. They pulled the pants up, the very long pants. And my toes were blue.

[A]

No circulation.

[C]

Never seen anything like that. Scared me. They pulled the shoes off, but the pain of the blood rushing back to your toes was even worse. But I made it. I changed shoes with my godchild. She wears the same size. I said, give me your shoes. And I made it to my seat, but my foot kept kicking the guy next to me. There was some kind of nerve damage and it jerked and jerked and Joshua was embarrassed and the guy was like, why do you keep kicking?

[B]

What are you doing?

[C]

It was weird. So the paramedics were up top. They came, got me and I sat up top. They wrapped my foot in ice and put me in the handicap section and put my foot up on the rail. So everybody walking out to the bathroom, saw the coochie. Yeah. They were like, kim, what happened? What's wrong? It was a mess. It was a mess. But I'm telling you, the throbbing, it was crazy.

[A]

How long did it take for them to feel okay again?

[C]

So I got home one o' clock in the morning. My foot kept waking me up, just jumping, jumping. So I got this. I don't know what, this hoojoo witch, witchy, witchy poo jail on the cruise. This European. Because, you know, Europeans have things that we don't. Yeah, this jail. The lady said, oh, when your legs hurt, I put the jail on my. It stopped.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

One minute.

[B]

Was it arnica?

[C]

It was boom, boom, boom. It had arnica in it. I had my doctor look it up. It had arnica in it. Some of the Icy Hot and some other stuff because they wouldn't. They didn't have the ingredients on the European bottle.

[B]

That's wild.

[C]

But here they have ingredients. But it stopped it.

[B]

The European bottle just said Boom Boom Sauce.

[C]

That's all it.

[A]

Who dressed you? Was it rainbow and butterfly?

[C]

No, almost. It was Flutter designs. Yolanda Scott, who's been my stylist. And that is naked wardrobe that I have on. And I had to put on a long spanx thing because it was see through.

[B]

It's like a sheer zebra print kind of white and brown.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[B]

Very flowy.

[C]

But check out the tee. You see that nice brown, like, tank top under There not a tank top at all. No one had time to shop. That is a piece of brown material that we folded in like a dickey. That was it. We folded it in. Had to go. Had to hurry up and hit that carpet. All I needed was one good gust of wind and it was.

[B]

The headline would have been different than Kim hurts her foot. And you're with your son in this photo, which is so sweet.

[C]

My son, his first time on the carpet. He's 15 years old. He had a ball. He chased every social media person, every rapper. They were all kind. It was just amazing. He was like, that's such and such. Oh, my God. That's Rick Ross. This, that, and he ran around. The host of the show is a social media person. Drew Ski.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And that was Rick Ross. He was. I didn't know him. He was so nice to my son.

[B]

Did you get, like, mom points out of this?

[C]

I did get mom points. He was nice for 24 hours. Nia long. And the little boy that played Michael Jackson.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Yes. Very nice. Look at. And he put all that on social media. I know he wanted me out of the pictures, but I.

[B]

He puts Drewski where you are.

[C]

Yeah. He was doing it. And we chased Drew Ski. Do you understand? We chased him down the carpet and back up. There's the man.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Aaron Bass. And she's known Joshua for a while. You know, I work on her campaign. So it was really. I don't know. It's a rapper.

[A]

So I do have a question. Yes, I heard there's a new pro. No, it's not my responsibility anymore because I quit.

[C]

Oh, here we go.

[A]

But I heard there's a new problem over at your home. Ground squirrels.

[C]

The tennis court. The tennis court. No, you don't. That's horrible. You left, and I don't think I'd have ground squirrels if you didn't tell me to finish the tennis court. If you done, just go and minded your business. Now, these. I didn't know they were ground squirrels. These. Whatever it is, I took. I fit the tennis court. So there's boards behind my tennis court. You know, for some reason in the back, there was these boards. But once I took off all the covering of the tennis court, I saw the boards, and I was like, why did the previous owner have these boards? Get rid of these boards. Well, that let out the ground squirrels.

[A]

You let them free.

[C]

I let them free. They dug up all the gravel. They're digging gravel. So I had to have the exterminators Come on. Because everybody's like, oh, that's skunks. That's what do skunks dig under the ground? Oh, my God. They came out. And the man said, nope, that's ground squirrels. I said, what's a ground squirrel?

[B]

Is that gopher?

[A]

I didn't even know what a ground squirrel was.

[C]

Me neither. Now, if you look, they have shorter tails. Look it up in the trees.

[A]

They got more than one squirrel.

[B]

That's a dog.

[C]

Yeah, they are. No, you can't. They're under. That's all the gravel. Look how much gravel they have dug up. How strong are these little squirrels? They say they put their babies in the summertime. They put their babies in the ground.

[A]

So listen to this, Zach. Ground squirrels dig up piles of rocks because they naturally seek out rocky terrains, boulder piles, and debris to use as protective cover or harborage for building their underground burrow systems.

[C]

Oh, wait a minute. It's a whole system.

[A]

You got a city under your. Neath.

[B]

Your yard.

[C]

Wait a minute. The tennis court's gonna fall in then. The man didn't say that, Dre, did he? The man just said, let's keep his baby. Let's stay. Wait.

[A]

Problem is no real solution to get rid of them.

[C]

That's what the man said. He was like, they're gonna.

[A]

No real solution.

[C]

No solution. You know what he said? Put the boards back. I said, what?

[A]

You gotta disclose that when you sell the house.

[B]

No, I've never heard of it.

[C]

He didn't tell me. He didn't tell me.

[A]

We just talked about it. You have to disclose it now.

[C]

No, I do not.

[A]

Oh, shit. Your house just lost $200,000 in value today. The good news is you made $500 appearance fee. Shit. If there's. Oh, my God. They've probably dug everywhere.

[C]

Did you see the gravel? No. You don't look at all the gravel. I think they went under. I know.

[B]

That's a lot of.

[C]

No. How did they do that? Is there like 75 of them at 90?

[A]

There's a lot.

[C]

Oh, there's a lot of these.

[A]

Oh, that's not one squirrel.

[C]

I'm gonna put a camera. And I said I was gonna do it, but someone's like, oh, it's scum.

[A]

You look up ground squirrels, I'll put

[C]

a camera to see what they're doing. But what we did was put the board back. So they haven't. The man said, if you put the board there, they have nowhere to put the gravel. But soon as I. I want to

[A]

point out something real quick.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Real quick. Jameson just spilled his beverage all over the desk.

[B]

I was looking up around Spot.

[A]

He screams at people, shames people, criticize people, bans people for spilling. And you just spilled.

[B]

In my defense, my cup has a lid. It's water.

[C]

I did.

[A]

Look at mine. Look at. Look.

[B]

I was looking up ground squirrels, and then there was a sound effect, and I wanted to hear the sound effect. Lola's here with paper towels.

[A]

Get your shit.

[C]

Look at Lola. Look at Lola. Look at Lola. Look.

[B]

So we're looking for. That's why I spilled.

[A]

Okay, that was worth it. That was worth it.

[C]

Oh, my God. That sounds fun.

[B]

We're looking for a third new black employee.

[C]

Then a third new black employee. My blood pressure's up by the ground squirrels.

[A]

Did somebody look up? Did somebody look up? Ground squirrels. I want to know how many there are.

[C]

Right, but you see, they have smaller tails, but they mix in. They're like groundhogs, but they're tiny. How are they moving? No, this is real gravel. They are digging up. How are they getting. You don't understand.

[A]

They've got condominiums under there.

[B]

They have, like, a mayor.

[C]

How do they move the rock? They don't have.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

They're not giant little one.

[B]

One rock at a time.

[A]

No, these are big rocks.

[C]

They're huge.

[A]

Squirrels are strong. Did you know that, Shane?

[C]

I had no idea.

[B]

I didn't know what a ground squirrel.

[A]

I didn't even know there was more than one squirrel.

[B]

Cute. I think they are adorable.

[C]

They're dangerous.

[A]

They're gonna fuck up your irrigation lines. No, they're dangerous.

[B]

You're building up. You're building a plot to. To get danger.

[A]

We have to kill him.

[C]

No, you can't. Oh, Dexter is after them every single day.

[A]

I bet Dexter's gonna get one.

[B]

Oh, what if it's a baby? Oh.

[C]

Oh, that's what you're saying? Sorry. A baby. No. That's why I didn't put the rocks back in. Because they said the babies are in there. Oh, my God.

[B]

Suffocate. Yeah.

[A]

It says here on Google that because

[C]

of their constant digging, they are often considered pests.

[B]

Their tunneling can undermine structural found ruined

[A]

sidewalks and damage agricultural crops.

[C]

Oh, my. What?

[A]

Or other landscaping.

[B]

But they must be something good.

[C]

What do they do? Pools, right? Wait a minute.

[A]

Do you manage to redo the pool again?

[C]

No. That's what I'm saying. So, do you know, I called my neighbor. I said, please tell your contractor to stop dumping his rocks over the fence.

[A]

Oh, you bitch. Stupid.

[C]

There were Thousands of rocks. Nobody would think an animal could do that.

[B]

I know. That's so true.

[C]

I was like, that is the crazy.

[A]

You should have done it. Research first.

[C]

How? What do I research? Rocks. Rocks. Rocks. What is wrong with you?

[A]

You called and screamed at the neighbor.

[C]

I did. I was so mad. I was like, please tell him to stop.

[A]

You know what you do?

[C]

What?

[A]

Put together one of those beautiful baskets you did for me. Oh, that's for my birthday.

[C]

That's too much. That's too much for one phone call.

[B]

Yeah, Get a wob mascara.

[C]

I wasn't nasty, but I just said. Could you please tell me?

[A]

You're right. A WABA gift card. A gift card from waba.

[C]

She probably. They're high end.

[B]

Yeah. She's like, what the is this?

[A]

Yeah, get her Yoshimoya or whatever.

[C]

Yes, that would be better for her.

[A]

Chipotle.

[C]

Oh, that. Oh, she might. She's Armenian. I don't know if she eats, but I can get her something.

[B]

Kava.

[C]

Kava. Kava.

[B]

That's closer. Probably.

[A]

Did you want to promote you have an upcoming show?

[C]

Yes, next week I'm going to be in Tampa at the funny bone. Friday, July 10th and 11th, and then August 22nd in Lansdowne Theater and Lansdowne, Penn, with Earthquake doing a show there in the theater.

[B]

That's so fun.

[A]

And then where do we go to get tickets? Times, venues. Is it Kim Whitley.com? what is it?

[B]

I am Kim Whitley dot com.

[C]

Really? Jameson, stop it. Oh, I said go. Just squirrels. What's wrong with him? I'm never coming back here.

[A]

With every ticket you get a free ground squirrel.

[C]

I want the goblins. I mean, not the goblins. I want the chums. The chumps. I want the chumps to come out,

[B]

see the show, and then I'll be in London, August 1st, Philadelphia, September 23rd, St. Louis, September 24th, Portland, Oregon, October 15th, and Portland, Maine, February 5th and 6th.

[C]

That is so funny. It's so different. You see how black comics go one place and then white comics go another place? I'm like, you're gonna be where you're

[A]

going on two back to back.

[C]

Two back to back.

[B]

Gay cruises.

[A]

Cruises.

[B]

I go to Greece tomorrow.

[C]

Oh, are you. Wait, what's your stops? I need you to stop in Turkey.

[B]

We do stop in Turkey.

[C]

Okay, look, there's a bag. Yeah, really? See? I'm gonna get that bag. This is my boy. Yes.

[A]

There's a bag you want in Turkey.

[C]

Yes. The info I forgot to get when I was there last week.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So which Part of Turkey is called. What was the name of the place? It starts with the E. What cruise line are you on?

[B]

Virgin.

[C]

I'm a C. I'm a C. You stop and you get this bag.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Now, every time these gay cruises, people die.

[C]

What?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Every time somebody dies, somebody dies on.

[B]

Yeah, every cruise.

[A]

Drugs.

[C]

What kind of drugs?

[A]

Probably right.

[B]

Sometimes natural causes.

[A]

All the sex.

[B]

Because it's like, it has to be. I guess sex is a natural cause. But yeah, sometimes it's a young twink who does too much drugs. One time a guy jumped off on

[A]

purpose, probably on drugs.

[B]

Maybe. But then sometimes it's just cruises have old people on them and, like, they. Because, honey, you got an oxygen tank coming next year. But, yeah, sometimes it's just an old person who dies in their sleep.

[C]

But why the gay. I just came off a cruise.

[B]

Oh, any cruise, really.

[C]

Any cruise.

[B]

You've got the gay cruise by the gay cruise. There's usually something.

[C]

No, I heard that the gay cruises have a level. Like, you go up to level. They're like, if you go up to level seven, like, that's the place.

[B]

The dick deck.

[C]

Yeah. Like, you shouldn't. Like, if you're not really into that, stay on the. Don't go.

[A]

Do they have that in the straight cruises? The dick deck?

[C]

No.

[B]

They should.

[C]

No. Cause I've been looking for. No, I had been looking for the dick deck, I'd have had a free pass. My son would have looked for me. I'd have been like, I'm at the dd. Oh, my goodness. That is crazy. Can straight people go on the gay cruise?

[B]

Yeah, of course. They don't make you, like, suck on dick before you get on the boat.

[C]

Oh, what do you do? Like, would I just be hanging out with the gays?

[B]

Oh, you would have a great time. And they have. Do you want to do one? Because I'll tell them that you're open to it.

[C]

I am open to it.

[B]

You would be a main stage performer. You do your hour or whatever. Oh, my God, I would die.

[C]

I like the gays. I did the gay Pride parade right here.

[A]

You did?

[C]

I did. First time ever being in the Gay Pride parade. I did angel project. Angel food. I was part of that.

[A]

I heard Caroline Ray was in the parade.

[C]

We were together.

[A]

Oh, you were her plus one. They asked her.

[C]

They did.

[A]

Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on Sirius XM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app.

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