Luenell & Zach Noe Towers: Diamonds & Trolls

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues

Episode: "Luenell & Zach Noe Towers: Diamonds & Trolls"

Date: August 29, 2025
Host: Jeff Lewis
Guests: Luenell, Zach Noe Towers, Kim Whitley (briefly)

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Overview

In this lively, no-holds-barred episode, Jeff Lewis welcomes comedian Luenell and comic Zach Noe Towers, with a brief drop-in from Kim Whitley. The episode is packed with chaos, banter, and candid stories centering on stand-up comedy, Las Vegas adventures, extravagant jewelry, relationship drama, and the unique challenges of hustling in entertainment. As always, Jeff and his guests are never shy to let it all hang out—whether dissecting sex and gifting etiquette or roasting each other with love.

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Main Themes

• Comedy and stand-up careers: Touring stories, club culture, and live show dynamics.
• Personal relationships: Parenting, gifting culture, dating as a celebrity, and friendship betrayals.
• Self-care and indulgence: Diamonds, nails, gifts to oneself, and what it means to treat yourself.
• Vegas and wild nights: Notably Zach's infamous Vegas threesome.
• Aspirations and real talk about the entertainment industry.
• Authenticity and boundaries in personal and professional life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kim Whitley’s Drop-In and Comedian Camaraderie

• Kim opens up about her packed schedule: "I have stand up...DC Comedy Loft next week ... also have a movie out on prime called Killing Mary Sue. It’s a dark comedy, very funny." (02:04)
• She and Jeff riff on promoting gigs, with Kim noting folks should follow her on social media for tickets: "Social media is Kim K Y M Whitley. W H I T L E Y. Across the board." (02:59)
• Kim jokes about her friendship with Sherri Shepherd and missed calls, showing comic relationship dynamics:
  • "She didn’t call me back. You know, not that good a friend." (03:08)
• Playful banter about astrology, heights, and comedy circuit overlap ensues, with Luenell and Kim swiping at each other affectionately.

2. Jewelry, Gifting, and Self-Sufficiency

• Luenell discusses buying herself diamonds, explaining it's about independence:
  • "Everything you see on me and down to everything that goes in me, I bought it myself." (07:24)
• Kim admits, "Wendell bought her her first friend Gucci glasses...Look at that. Wendell bought her her first friend Gucci. Gucci glasses." (07:53)
• Luenell counters with her philosophy:
  • "You should definitely buy some shit for yourself. Because you know, diamonds do not depreciate." (08:02)
  • "Treat yourself, don’t cheat yourself. You know what I’m saying?" (15:58)

3. Parenting and Legacies

• They talk about leaving inheritances and the different vibe of raising a son versus daughter:
  • Kim: "The fact that my son’s girlfriend or wife will come and take my...Let me tell you something I’m worried about when I get older." (08:19)
  • Luenell: "If I had a daughter, it would be different..." (08:16)
• Riff on cultural art at home and white sensitivity, with biting humor:
  • "That kills me, that shit. The white sensitivity gets on my nerves." (08:45)

4. Dating Stories, Blocking, and the Art of the Threesome

• Luenell’s strictness about boundaries:
  • "My block game is strong...I block you off of all the socials...every goddamn thing." (17:02)
• On being ghosted: "You gonna ghost me and think I’m gonna let you back in my life so you could ghost me again? I’m a new bitch." (17:20)
• Zach’s epic tale of a Vegas threesome, blending humor and horror:
  • "Every threesome I’ve ever been approached with has been a combination of the hottest man I’ve ever seen and his troll doll boyfriend. Every time I’m taking one for the team." (19:52)
  • "We go downstairs and their department door is unlocked. We go in there and troll doll is beside himself. He’s sobbing because he thinks we’ve gone to hookup without him." (22:22)
  • "Boners are deflating in real time. But again, the drugs have worn off. I’m not leaving this apartment. So I start to like, counsel them..." (22:43)
  • "We all had a cuddle puddle." (25:22)

5. Turning the Comedy Lens Inward

• Zach shares his unusual photoshoot:
  • "Do you understand? This was a micro session we had. We shot for 45 minutes." (37:02)
  • "It’s giving cosplay...She crocheted that. It took her five years to make that." (37:33)
• Jeff roasts the photos:
  • "Can she return it? It’s awful." (37:44)
  • "Now, that’s art. You and lingerie. That is art. This, what, what Zach is selling is not art." (38:30)

6. Flirting, Social Media, and Generational Shifts

• Luenell laments the loss of in-person flirting:
  • "That’s what social media took away from us, the art of flirting. I flirt every chance I get." (29:10)

7. Club Life and Venue Gossip

• Luenell talks Flappers comedy club:
  • "Not when my people show up. Cause you got, you know, 150 black women in there, all different perfumes on. So it smells like an instant." (29:22)
  • Monthly shows: "That show is once a month till the end of the year, every first Wednesday of the month." (30:46)
• Praise and ribbing: "Aside from the smell, it's a great venue." (31:08)
• On room size: "I prefer like a 300 to 500 seat room...I like more intimate shit.” (31:14)

8. Aspiring for More: Radio Dreams & Industry Reality

• Luenell pitches her own radio segment:
  • "I want you to help me get a SiriusXM radio show." (47:29)
  • "Let me tell you, I love radio. I’ve always loved radio. I love radio even more than television..." (47:41)
  • Jeff: "So can I. I wouldn’t put you live because the two time, the two times you’ve been here, you were late. So I would. We’d have to do a pre. Tape." (48:31)
• Brief perhaps-too-real digressions about being “late,” with Luenell defending herself:
  • "I don’t try to be late. Traffic in la. Even if you leave an hour and a half, some shit is going to happen." (49:14)

9. Parenting, Spoiling, and Working for Mom

• Jeff and Luenell admit to being "one and done" parents:
  • Luenell: "There’s no way to not spoil Them if you only have one." (49:59)
  • "I’ve tried not to spoil my daughter but she’s the daughter of Luenell. She’s got bragging rights..." (50:06)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Luenell’s philosophy on independence:
  • "Everything you see on me and down to everything that goes in me, I bought it myself." (07:24)
• On blocking exes:
  • "My block game is strong...I block you off of all the socials, all the everything—Messenger, WhatsApp, Marco, Polo, Twitter, twerk, tweet, every goddamn thing." (17:02)
• Jeff on comedy crowd smells:
  • "Does it still smell like sewage?...Not when my people show up....it smells like an instant." (29:22)
• Zach’s Vegas story kicker:
  • "We all had a cuddle puddle." (25:22)
• Luenell on older men:
  • "I don’t like older men. Because I’m not trying to be a fucking nurse." (39:30)
• Kim on white art:
  • "Caroline Rae came in my house and she was like, why you don’t have any white people on your wall?" (08:33)
• Jeff on the chaos:
  • "I love the seven conversations that are going to happen." (12:31)
• Zach on queer club life:
  • "Every threesome I’ve ever been approached with has been a combination of the hottest man I’ve ever seen and his troll doll boyfriend." (19:52)
• Luenell pitching herself:
  • "I want you to help me get a SiriusXM radio show...I love radio even more than television." (47:29)
• Luenell on spoiling her daughter:
  • "She’s the daughter of Lunel. She’s got bragging rights, you know what I’m saying?" (50:06)

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Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment/Topic | |---|---------------------------| | 02:04 | Kim Whitley discusses stand-up, movies, and promotions | | 07:24 | Luenell explains her self-sufficiency and view on gifts | | 17:02 | Luenell’s "block game" philosophy on exes | | 19:52 | Zach recounts his wild Vegas threesome | | 25:22 | “Cuddle puddle” resolution to Vegas story | | 29:10 | Luenell on the lost art of flirting | | 30:46 | Luenell explains her monthly Flappers residency | | 31:14 | Discussing preferred venue sizes for comedy | | 37:02 | Zach and Jeff roast Zach’s quirky new headshots | | 47:29 | Luenell pitches herself for her own radio show | | 49:59 | Parenting an only child and spoiling them |

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Overall Tone & Highlights

• The episode is riotously funny, deeply confessional, and often raunchy, with ample swearing and uncensored opinions.
• It pulses with the warmth and barbs of friends who know how to tease and support each other, spanning topics of family, love, disappointment, and big Vegas energy.
• Luenell’s trademark candidness and Zach’s self-deprecating storytelling draw out the best from Jeff, making for a rollicking listen packed with memorable zingers and real-life confessions.

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This summary captures the wild ride of “Diamonds & Trolls”—from Flappers green rooms to Vegas hot tubs, and from Craigslist-worthy headshots to SiriusXM aspirations. If you crave unapologetic laughs and real talk about comedy, relationships, and self-worth, this is an episode not to miss.

Transcript

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Lunel]

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

[Jeff Lewis]

This dementia's aggressive.

[Lunel]

Really?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

So is the drinking.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know, I've never been on a private plane before, and I'm very. Are you serious?

[Lunel]

No. Never.

[Jeff Lewis]

What are you, a Martian?

[Zach Noe Towers]

You're really demented. You're actually demented. Jeff Lewis.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, it's Jeff Lewis. And I have issues. In this bonus episode from a few weeks back, Lunel and Zach Noe Towers joined the show. We try to convince Kim Whitley to stay in the studio with us. Plus, talk about Vegas, threesomes and expensive gifts. Kim Whitley was kind enough to keep Lunel's seat warm until she gets here. We believe she's on P4.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

She hit a record on her way up.

[Jeff Lewis]

Real quick, Kim, I did not do a great job promoting everything, so I know you're in Happy Gilmore 2, which is that. Can we watch that on streaming now?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Streaming on Netflix right now.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so it's streaming on Netflix. Netflix now and then anything else you'd like to promote that I. That I failed to do?

[Kim Whitley]

I did not. Let me tell you something. I had a lot of fun with you. There's a lot of people on your show, and it's a lot of people in your life, and I got to know you, and I actually like you. So, Abigail.

[Zach Noe Towers]

You noticed no one echoed.

[Kim Whitley]

That's a lot.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Get to know me better. Keep coming back. I'll check in.

[Jeff Lewis]

What about your live shows, your stand up?

[Kim Whitley]

I have stand up. I'm going to dc. DC Comedy Loft next week. But I also have a movie out on prime called Killing Mary Sue. It's a dark comedy, very funny. But Happy Gilmore on Netflix. And I have a movie. It's called walkinthelight movie.com that is an animated short that I'm trying to get. We're doing crowdfunding for and trying to move it toward The Oscars. And of course, two Funny Mamas. My podcast with Sherri Chaplain.

[Jeff Lewis]

I forgot. Yes, I forgot to mention that. But I also. Your live show. So you have August 14through16th in Washington, D.C. september 11th through 13th in Arlington, Texas. November 28th through the 29th, you're in Cleveland, Ohio. Where do people go for tickets for all the information?

[Kim Whitley]

You know what? They can my social media, but they can also go to the clubs and get the tickets.

[Jeff Lewis]

But we don't know where the clubs are. So let's go to your social media.

[Kim Whitley]

Social media is Kim K Y M Whitley. W H I T L E Y. Across the board, Kim Whitley.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you're very good friends with Sherri Shepherd.

[Kim Whitley]

Very, very good friends. And she didn't call me back. You know, not that good a friend.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Damn.

[Kim Whitley]

I know, because I came in here, she was like, I'll call you back. And then she didn't call me back. But very, very good friends.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I think Kim follows astrology pretty closely. What is your side?

[Zach Noe Towers]

I'm a Libra. Hey, you love it.

[Kim Whitley]

It's interesting.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Okay.

[Kim Whitley]

Libras are very interesting. This late assignment.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Look who's here.

[Kim Whitley]

Don'.

[Lunel]

And look at her.

[Kim Whitley]

Cute.

[Zach Noe Towers]

She's a vision.

[Kim Whitley]

And you didn't invite me to your show at Flappers? Lunel Lunell. You see? You see, this bitch has not said hello to me when I tell you these heifers, these comics. I'm so tired of this heifer. She. Don't. Come on.

[Jeff Lewis]

Look at her. She's just the queen. Just look at her hugging everyone else.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Holding court right now is holding court.

[Kim Whitley]

Bring your titties over here and say hello. She's hugging everyone and scratching back.

[Jeff Lewis]

All the handsome man.

[Zach Noe Towers]

We did a Good Morning America together.

[Kim Whitley]

Really?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yes. Because we both did a show on Vice.

[Kim Whitley]

This is my girl right here.

[Lunel]

I love.

[Kim Whitley]

Look at your.

[Lunel]

I've been trying to say, please give me an apple crate. I can't never get this tip.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do we have Lunel's drinks and her breakfast at Flappers?

[Kim Whitley]

Why don't you ever call me when you come in town and say, kim, I have a residency at Flappers and come to the show.

[Jeff Lewis]

Will you help with the chair once.

[Lunel]

A month for the rest of the year?

[Kim Whitley]

Okay, that's nice.

[Jeff Lewis]

That chair is too high for Lenue Outlet.

[Kim Whitley]

She's friends with Sherry, but not.

[Jeff Lewis]

She's gonna need a ladder. She needs a ladder.

[Kim Whitley]

Oh, Sherry. Cause Sherry. Right. But Sherry will fly out and see her on the road. I have not done that yet. Oh, so I understand.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

So as soon as she's in there.

[Kim Whitley]

But they do.

[Jeff Lewis]

Sorry. It's too high, that chair.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

I think that's as low.

[Kim Whitley]

They had to do the same thing for me. But she is.

[Lunel]

No, but you're taller.

[Jeff Lewis]

Kim is five eight. Lunel, how tall are you?

[Kim Whitley]

Three foot two.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Three foot two? That's savage. That's savage.

[Lunel]

That would make me a little person.

[Kim Whitley]

So cute. All right, I'm gonna let Lunel jump on in here then.

[Jeff Lewis]

Kim Whitley, it was lovely meeting you.

[Lunel]

No, don't.

[Kim Whitley]

I gotta go to a Whitney.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Just bring Karen in here.

[Kim Whitley]

Karen. I gotta do another show down the hall.

[Jeff Lewis]

Whose show are you doing?

[Lunel]

Hey, Karen's actor.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

She's or she. Karen Hunter. I think she's on Urban View.

[Lunel]

Urban. What?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

That means it's another big show.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is it a good big show?

[Lunel]

Yeah, she's around there forever.

[Jeff Lewis]

I haven't heard of Karen. Are you sure?

[Kim Whitley]

How long have you known Lunel?

[Jeff Lewis]

About a year, maybe. Yeah, about a year.

[Kim Whitley]

Have you.

[Lunel]

Yeah, but.

[Kim Whitley]

Oh, okay.

[Lunel]

It was like, put your headset on. Okay. I thought he was going to be a mean.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, yeah.

[Kim Whitley]

Why are you?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know.

[Lunel]

We're trying to.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm the sweetest guy. No, why are you laughing?

[Kim Whitley]

I've gotta dig in deep. Cause something's not right in adding up to here.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, he's not right. You got that right.

[Lunel]

No, when he had his TV show.

[Jeff Lewis]

It was another life.

[Lunel]

He was a dick.

[Jeff Lewis]

I was. It was another life.

[Lunel]

But not in real life, I got to say.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, in real life I kind of.

[Lunel]

Was too, but, well, in real life I absolutely am. So I'm not.

[Kim Whitley]

That's true.

[Jeff Lewis]

But I'm older now and you have a child and that changed me.

[Kim Whitley]

That changed you. I knew it.

[Lunel]

Yeah, it does. It does. It changed.

[Kim Whitley]

It stopped me being a hoe.

[Jeff Lewis]

Stopped. Well, I'm waiting for that.

[Zach Noe Towers]

God, I need a kid.

[Jeff Lewis]

I guess I might need another one.

[Lunel]

I put the cocaine down, but I picked up the formula. How about that? You're not gonna have as much fun over there as you are over here, Kim. No, I know, but I wish that we got. You know, I don't do their little bullshit podcasts either. Oh, Two Funny Mamas. They don't have two Funny mamas and a friend. This is Two Funny Mamas.

[Kim Whitley]

But you should look at the diamonds.

[Jeff Lewis]

Three Funny Mamas would be nice.

[Lunel]

These are my daytime jewels.

[Jeff Lewis]

We've talked about her jewelry. Every time she Big show, she buys another piece of jewelry.

[Lunel]

But I have not. Lately I've been buying mattresses and My daughter just moved into a new apartment, so I furnished it.

[Kim Whitley]

Oh, nice. But maybe I should do that when I do a show by Janelle.

[Jeff Lewis]

Janelle, right.

[Lunel]

Look at you. Janelle. Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did she still work for you?

[Lunel]

She was there last night. She wasn't doing too much working. No. Kim, you should absolutely listen well. You have had relationships where I'm sure you have got gifts. I'm not that girl. I never got shit from no motherfucking man. Everything you see on me and down to everything that goes in me, I bought it myself.

[Jeff Lewis]

Guess what? Kim got a car. She told me she got a car from a guy window.

[Lunel]

A window? Didn't you get a Mercedes or did.

[Jeff Lewis]

You get the electric car?

[Kim Whitley]

Look at that. Wendell bought her her first friend Gucci. Gucci glasses.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, she got a car.

[Kim Whitley]

I did. Probably cost the same, but it wasn't right.

[Lunel]

No, but you know, you should definitely buy some shit for yourself. Because you know, diamonds do not depreciate. And I have a daughter, you have a son. So I'll be leaving all this to her.

[Kim Whitley]

Never thought about that, but.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you're gonna have to leave it to your son's wife.

[Kim Whitley]

That's the problem. If I had a daughter, it would be different. The fact that my son's girlfriend or wife will come and take my. Let me tell you something I'm worried about when I get older.

[Lunel]

And what if she's white with all that African American art you got.

[Kim Whitley]

Oh yeah, I'mma love that shit. I told you. Caroline Rae came in my house and she was like, why you don't have any white people on your wall?

[Lunel]

One bitch. And how many black people you got on your motherfucker? That kills me, that shit. The white sensitivity gets on my nerves. Do you ever have friends? You ever had friends that are like, well, am I gonna be the only white person there? I'm like, bitch, I live in an all white world. Cry me a fucking river. If you come to my party, ain't no white people there. Which there will be, by the way, because I have multicultural friends.

[Kim Whitley]

You do. I'm getting better. I'm bringing some more whites into my life.

[Jeff Lewis]

What about me?

[Lunel]

There's other nationality.

[Jeff Lewis]

She just brought me into her life.

[Lunel]

I'm down. I ride with the essays. I'm a total Mexican lover myself.

[Kim Whitley]

I've been a total Mexican lover for a long time.

[Lunel]

They love me. When the brothers won't holler at me. Them Latinos with.

[Kim Whitley]

I have not gotten a Latino.

[Lunel]

Well, you ain't been to the right sp. You Gonna go to El Floradita on La Brea on Vine, El Florida. Go dancing.

[Kim Whitley]

Oh, that's the thing, you know, I can't.

[Lunel]

I didn't say I dance. I just said go dancing. Oh, I'm a chair dancer. I'm bonafide. I'd be like, I'm a chair dancer. And then they'd be like, you wanna dance? And be like, nah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

There's also a place called Plaza on La Brea and they do. It's like a total, like, Latin bar. And they do, like, Latin drag shows.

[Lunel]

Plaza.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Plaza.

[Lunel]

Yeah. Can I.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Pink's Melrose.

[Lunel]

Oh, my Pinks. Yeah. Can I tell you what I stumbled upon last night?

[Jeff Lewis]

Wait, Kim, what's going on?

[Kim Whitley]

Oh, I was just. I was talking to bottom dude.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Kim has to go to another interview. We don't take a break for another 20 minutes.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's the problem? Why? What's Karen? Is Karen live?

[Kim Whitley]

Ask Elizabeth.

[Jeff Lewis]

Karen's.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Yes. Yes. And she has.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't think Karen's live. I don't think it matters.

[Kim Whitley]

Oh, oh, you don't think so?

[Lunel]

Imagine if someone did. I'm a dango.

[Jeff Lewis]

Just hang on.

[Kim Whitley]

Look at the people.

[Lunel]

Gonna have more fun over here.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why does she need you for a whole segment?

[Kim Whitley]

This is fun. I never get to be with Lunel. We always cross.

[Lunel]

We never have a show.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know what?

[Kim Whitley]

We had a show we were gonna do together. I substitute for her Jimmy Kimmel. But we never, ever get to hang out.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm going to call in sick to Karen. Okay, that is just so. You're sick.

[Kim Whitley]

Ignorant as he can be.

[Lunel]

I don't know who the fuck she.

[Kim Whitley]

Is either, but I want to know who he was. I want to know who the fuck he was.

[Lunel]

I don't know who the fuck was.

[Kim Whitley]

I want to see who you used to.

[Lunel]

Don't get Karen back.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're so stressed out. You're not even on the Karen show. What do you care about?

[Kim Whitley]

He cares about.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I'm not stressed out.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm saying. Zach, Connie is so stressed out about Karen. We don't even know her.

[Zach Noe Towers]

She has a show. If someone didn't show up here, you would be mad, too.

[Kim Whitley]

I love the chaos.

[Lunel]

Yeah, but this is way funner.

[Jeff Lewis]

I've never met Karen.

[Lunel]

We don't know fucking Karen. And that name is triggering for me, by the way. Fucking Karen.

[Kim Whitley]

Look, I'm gonna have to get my titties by you, so I'm gonna put them on your back.

[Jeff Lewis]

Bye, Kim. Love you.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

Look at. She got bullied into going To Karen's show.

[Lunel]

Can you take a picture?

[Jeff Lewis]

I'll just tell you, Kim, Karen's not the right fit for you. I've never met her, but she's not the right fit.

[Lunel]

No, she's not the right fit.

[Kim Whitley]

Send it to me.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Oh, cute picture.

[Jeff Lewis]

They're taking pictures together.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Video of this show.

[Lunel]

I thought there was one.

[Jeff Lewis]

Please don't start.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I know, I know. You should know this. They're leaving money on the table. Not having like you not having a video of this show.

[Jeff Lewis]

Actually, I don't think they are because people still subscribe to the app anyway. I said, I pay for it. They said, well we have to have somebody to upload it.

[Kim Whitley]

Then fucking get somebody to upload it.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm paying for the whole thing.

[Zach Noe Towers]

This is so funny.

[Jeff Lewis]

I love the seven conversations that are going to happen.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I know it's chaos in the studios. Stressed Kim's off mic but we can still hear him.

[Lunel]

Oh, they mad.

[Jeff Lewis]

Look, they are mad. Oh, they're mad. Oh look. Everyone's standing outside the studio door pissed.

[Lunel]

Off, trying to get Karen.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Now Karen's been vamping for five minutes.

[Jeff Lewis]

I love you so much.

[Lunel]

Well, oh well, oh well.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

We'll have to have you both on when you come back.

[Lunel]

Can I share a fucking story though, please?

[Jeff Lewis]

Tell me when, when, Tell me.

[Lunel]

Okay, so me and Mark over there, my valet, concierge.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey Mark, how are you?

[Lunel]

You've seen her before. Me and Mark, I had. There was a lot going on when I first got in town and I had to do a self tape audition which I don't audition well, so I don't like to audition. Give me the fucking job. I'll do the job. But I do choke and auditions, it's a terrible thing. But I had to do this self tape and it was a really big thing. So I have a studio, studio like this sort of in Sherman Oaks. Me and Mark go to Sherman Oaks later in the evening, like to do this self tape at 9 o' clock at night. So we're in there till about 11 because you know, I fucked it up like 12 times and had to retape, retape, retape. So now it's about 11 maybe. And I'm like, I'm fucking hungry. And I said, I wonder if Mel's open. Do you know Mel's on Sunset was closed? I didn't. I've never even known Mel's to be closed.

[Jeff Lewis]

I thought it was 24 hours it was closed.

[Lunel]

That's what the, that's what the app said. I Thought the Mel's on Sunset Was closed.

[Jeff Lewis]

Was 24 hours.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I thought so too.

[Lunel]

Okay. Anyway, he said it was close. So I thought about someplace else and they said that was close. And usually I'll go to Saddle Ranch for late night eats. And then we were crossing Santa Monica and I said, wait, turn left. Let's go to the Abbey. He never been to the Abbey before.

[Jeff Lewis]

He's never been to the Abbey.

[Lunel]

He's never been to the fucking Abbey. Wow. We go to the Abbey. Of course, they're popping like it's Mardi Gras.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep.

[Lunel]

It's Tuesday night.

[Jeff Lewis]

What was going on there, man?

[Lunel]

There's always some mayhem. Had a drag show. Mayhem from RuPaul's Drag Race. They had a drag show. They had a ball, you know, a ball. On the other part they had naked, almost naked dancers. It was cracking. And I had a good ass boyga. And he had some bomb ass street tacos that I don't even normally eat. Cause I like the crunchy ones. That shit was fire. And I hadn't been to the Abbey in a minute. And I was like, oh, I done been here with Fantasia. I done been here with Da Da Da and all that kind of stuff. We had a fucking ball. So shout out to the Abbey.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wait, the food is good at the Abbey.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I don't eat there.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't eat there.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's not bad.

[Jeff Lewis]

Really? As good as that muffin you're eating better. Okay.

[Lunel]

All right.

[Zach Noe Towers]

She said fuck.

[Jeff Lewis]

What did you have to drink? Do you drink tequila?

[Lunel]

I didn't drink any liquor.

[Jeff Lewis]

Really?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Why the first sober person?

[Lunel]

Because I knew I had to drink yesterday.

[Jeff Lewis]

I love that emerald ring you have. That is fantastic.

[Lunel]

It goes with the bracelet.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep, I see it.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

Please tell me you're insured.

[Lunel]

I'm insured, baby.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, good.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Get her.

[Lunel]

That's under the umbrella of my house.

[Jeff Lewis]

You've got a little Van Cleef going on. You've got the. You've got the diamonds by the yard. You've got. I mean, wow.

[Lunel]

Hey, you only live once. Treat yourself, don't cheat yourself. You know what I'm saying? I can't find nobody to give me shit. I've never got no presidents.

[Jeff Lewis]

It sounds like you got sunglasses.

[Lunel]

I have got sunglasses.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did those Gucci sunglasses come from a man?

[Lunel]

All my Gucci sunglasses have came from men. I must say that Nick Cannon gave me about nine pair. What?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Well, you have his, baby.

[Lunel]

I took nine pair and then I found out they were Gucci. And the guy who got Kim's Car window. He's a gift giver. And so he gave her a car. He gave me some sunglasses. But as far as jewelry, and nobody, only jewelry, I've ever got from a man. I got a watch from a guy named Ashley when I was like 19 and I got my wedding ring. That was it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, the last time you were here, we were looking at pictures on your phone of a beautiful, hot, younger man. And is he the one that had ghosted you? I'm trying to remember. Did he ever resurface?

[Lunel]

No, because my block game is strong.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Ooh, good girl.

[Lunel]

I block you off of all the socials, all the everything. Messenger, WhatsApp, Marco, Polo, Twitter, twerk, tweet, every goddamn thing.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why not let him. But why did not let him just go away and come back when he wants? He was just a thing.

[Lunel]

Are you out of your fucking mind? All right.

[Jeff Lewis]

I mean, these guys.

[Lunel]

You gonna ghost me and think I'm gonna let you back in my life so you could ghost me again? I'm a new bitch. Cause the old bitch would have.

[Jeff Lewis]

But I didn't think you were that into him anyway. I thought it was just like sex. It was just sex.

[Lunel]

And sex is important, baby.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's a respect.

[Jeff Lewis]

You don't block people, do you?

[Zach Noe Towers]

I. I do block sometimes.

[Lunel]

Yeah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

We block as a family. We block nephew Lunel and I. I just.

[Jeff Lewis]

You just used to. These gays, like, you go out with them and you see them for a couple weeks and they disappear and they come back.

[Lunel]

Such a transient lifestyle.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know, I know.

[Lunel]

Why?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know.

[Lunel]

And then the breaks up. Breakups are so ugly.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know. They sure are.

[Lunel]

Why gays?

[Jeff Lewis]

Now? Tell me about your nails for a second, because I know you're known for your nails. That's gotta be a very expensive manicure. What does it cost every time you get your nails done?

[Lunel]

I would never discuss my personal finance.

[Jeff Lewis]

500.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's what I was gonna guess too.

[Jeff Lewis]

500. 400.

[Lunel]

Not 5. Maybe between 3 and 350, depending on.

[Jeff Lewis]

But then you got a tip. But then you got a tip and.

[Lunel]

I always tip, depending on the embellishments.

[Jeff Lewis]

So then how long does it last? How long? How often do we have to do this?

[Lunel]

Couple weeks. I always. I do like two weeks and I.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you're doing $1,000, almost $1,000 a month.

[Lunel]

On nails? Yeah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

They let you through TSA with those? I'd be scared.

[Lunel]

This is not the weapon of mass destruction TSA has got to worry about when it comes to me. I'm sitting on that. No, but see, being that I am single and I'm an earner, I buy what I want, period. If I want seven fucking appetizers, I'm going to get them. And if I go out with a guy and I get seven appetizers, if he raises a fucking eyebrow, I will never go out with you again. Because I should be able to get what I want. Why am I gonna downgrade? Cause I'm with you. But if I was by myself, this is what I would do. I wanna try the sushi. And I wanna try the little meatballs. And I wanna try. You know, maybe I won't get a whole dinner, but I might get seven appetizers because I'm with your bitch ass. I can't get seven appetizers blocked, Bitch. By your block.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why did Keon bring up some sort of Vegas tryst you had?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Keon was mining me for information yesterday. He's like, tell me things. And I did. I had. I had a crazy Vegas threesome.

[Lunel]

Nice. Yeah. Thank you.

[Zach Noe Towers]

No, it was someone who lived there. So they were, like, off the Strip? Yes, an apartment complex. Started at the hot tub up above, of course. But it was. It really went bad. Like, it started.

[Lunel]

Started.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It started also.

[Lunel]

Okay, how is that possible?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Every threesome I've ever been approached with has been a combination of the hottest man I've ever seen and his troll doll boyfriend. Every time I'm taking one for the team. So we go to this hot tub. They're like, let's get a bottle of wine. We go up to the hot tub.

[Lunel]

How do these scrubs get the hot person? Tell me.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Well, I'm right in between a troll and a hot person. Like, I'm like a sexy Keebler elf. Like, I know what I love, especially.

[Lunel]

With your new bangs.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Because you got a hair transplant. Lift up the bang.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's growing in.

[Lunel]

Wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

It really isn't.

[Lunel]

Did you need that?

[Zach Noe Towers]

No, it was kind of preventative. I just wanted a better hairline.

[Lunel]

Oh, honey.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, how did it go? Bad then.

[Lunel]

Yeah. Back to the.

[Jeff Lewis]

Not the hairline.

[Lunel]

So back to the three.

[Zach Noe Towers]

We go up to the hot tub with the bottle of wine. There's two straight guys in the hot tub. So it's kind of ruined. I know. Well, it's ruined the vibe. So troll doll is like, I'll go downstairs and get the apartment ready. You guys have a glass of wine.

[Lunel]

Yeah. Like Diddy.

[Kim Whitley]

Yeah.

[Lunel]

Set it up. The sheets and the baby oil.

[Zach Noe Towers]

So I'm up there with the hot guy. Who's the dumbest person I've ever talked to in my entire life, ever in mind? He had been in a fender bender that week. He kept saying he was going to find the. He was worried the insurance company was going to find him reliable. Like he kept saying that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh no.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Then out of nowhere, he turns to the straight guys and goes, hey, you guys gay? No. They had board shorts on below the knee. They were drinking full calorie Budweiser like we were a confederate flag short of a hate crime with these two men. And they're like, nah, man. And hot dummy goes, you want to be? And I was like, oh, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go. So we go downstairs. He takes us to their door, but it's locked. Their apartment doors locked. Now, mind you, I'm in my underwear. Cause I'd been partying in Vegas. My keys, wallet, phone are on the other side of the store. Hottie's passing out in the hallway. At this point, I pound on this door one last time and the deadbolt goes. The door swings open. But it's not troll doll because dummy has taken us to the wrong floor in the apartment complex. And I've been pounding this person's door for like 20 minutes.

[Lunel]

In your underwear? Yep.

[Zach Noe Towers]

And it's this roided out man who. I don't know if he hated gay guys before this moment.

[Lunel]

Well, he damn sure hates him now. God.

[Zach Noe Towers]

So then we go downstairs and their department door is unlocked. We go in there and troll doll is beside himself. He's sobbing because he thinks we've gone to hookup without him.

[Lunel]

Oh, he's a crier.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is he really crying?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yes. It's opened all these relationship wounds. Like they're fighting, they're screaming at each other. Boners are deflating in real time. But again, the drugs have worn off. I'm not leaving this apartment. So I start to like, counsel them. Like I, I fully. I got my like psychiatrist way to.

[Lunel]

Make your dick go down on a threesome when you got a council of fucking people.

[Zach Noe Towers]

But we're all naked, we're all having a talk on the couch. I get them, I get them to apologize to each other.

[Lunel]

Oh, God. Like Dr. Ruth. Oh, Jesus.

[Zach Noe Towers]

But it was all for the good of the threesome. I was trying to get the threesome back on track. Yes.

[Lunel]

Okay, so we all start. It turned around.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Ok. Oh, you turned it around.

[Zach Noe Towers]

We all start making out. It gets sexy. We go into the bedroom and hottie immediately passes out and you're left with troldoll. Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yes. And we're both wide awake. And this is the thing. Like, Troll Doll has put in his hours, so I'm gonna let him fuck me.

[Lunel]

You know, every time I come over here, there's some wild, gay motherfucking story. Zach, Zack. Zach. I need you to realize who you are.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, I know who I am, Auntie.

[Lunel]

Little celebrity. You cannot be screwing around with these trolls and shit, baby. My God. Nephew.

[Zach Noe Towers]

But he. Yeah, he's going at it hard.

[Lunel]

Is it good?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah. Well, okay. You know when someone's having. You're having sex and you're like, this is about something else? Like, he had a bad day. He, like, lost Fortnite or something.

[Lunel]

Yes.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Or it's like, did I call him Troll Doll out loud at some point, you know? But then all of a sudden, hottie, like our good buddy Jesus Christ comes back, is risen. Yes. Hottie sits up out of nowhere. But he doesn't engage with us. He walks to the center of their carpeted floor and starts peeing.

[Lunel]

Like the Exorcist.

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yes. Fully in his sleep. Fully peeing in the middle of the room.

[Lunel]

That's gay shit.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know if that's gay specific. Cause I think people get drunk and they take back.

[Lunel]

I take that back.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Dumb sh.

[Lunel]

But people do get drunk.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Troll.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, they do.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Troll all doesn't stop.

[Lunel]

What?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Me? Well, he just starts screaming his boyfriend's name. So he's like, jason. Jason.

[Lunel]

Oh, my God. Jason. Wow. Okay, let me know. It comes. My turn.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's your turn.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Sorry.

[Lunel]

Because I'm getting. I'm getting the visual.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I didn't mean to derail the whole show.

[Lunel]

No, but that's all right. It was a great. I'm trying to get troll dogs doing this screaming, his boyfriend's name is peeing on the floor out of my head.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, well, good luck. But it was. It actually wound up being a very, like, good sexual experience, I guess.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Zach Noe Towers]

We all had a cuddle puddle.

[Lunel]

It was Vegas. A cuddle puddle. I'm gonna use that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you find more men in Vegas, or are you like Kim, where you meet people on the road?

[Lunel]

I don't meet anybody anywhere.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where'd you meet the guy that you showed his pictures of last time?

[Lunel]

He had been in my DM for three years.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, that's right. Okay. Anyone else DM you?

[Lunel]

No, nobody wants me. Let me tell you something. You gays, you got it good being an older black woman in society these days. Don't nobody want us. All the black men want white girls. Are you? Oh.

[Jeff Lewis]

She'S looking at Zach now. You like guys with dirty jobs, you were saying?

[Lunel]

Yes, Grimy. Like guys that work on the side of the mechanics.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like that mechanics, Construction workers.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Wait, have you ever hollered at like an Amazon delivery guy?

[Lunel]

It used to be. See, I'm older, so it used to.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Be the ups, yes, sure.

[Lunel]

Delivery guys for me. I like, I like them.

[Zach Noe Towers]

What can brown do for you?

[Lunel]

Temp job. And when they had temp job jobs, I used to work at Temp Job that did the screening for UPS guys. So I know that they have to pass a drug test, they have to have a background check, all that kind of stuff. So the UPS guys were a hot commodity for a while. But no, nothing. I got nothing.

[Jeff Lewis]

I've got a good looking mailman in my neighborhood.

[Lunel]

Really?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep.

[Lunel]

You get to see him every day.

[Jeff Lewis]

Like every three days or something.

[Lunel]

That's all you need. That's all you need in any relationship.

[Zach Noe Towers]

My friend has a hot pool guy who like we sometimes like try to plan, like laying out around the time the pool guy comes.

[Lunel]

I have a hot friend who was cleaning my pool that I posted and said he was my pool guy. My pool guy is a dumpy little fuck.

[Jeff Lewis]

Phyllis in Georgia, she just wants to know where she can see your jewelry and your emerald ring and your nails on your Instagram.

[Lunel]

A lot of it is on my Instagram.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's your Instagram?

[Lunel]

Unle N E L L. The last.

[Jeff Lewis]

Time you were here, you taught me what Iraq was.

[Zach Noe Towers]

The country.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thousand bucks.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Lunel]

Okay. Iraq. Five racks.

[Jeff Lewis]

Five racks.

[Lunel]

Have you been using that, Jeff? I do. Invited me out to a party and I wanted to go, but I ended up not being able to go. Please don't stop inviting me.

[Jeff Lewis]

I won't stop inviting you because we.

[Lunel]

Are going to show up somewhere and kik and turn that motherfucker out. That TMZ article, can you, can you see it?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

I do want to ask you if you know, since it's been a year, you know, the last time you were on the show, I think it was September. Now you were late because we had a small, small earthquake that morning. And apparently even though the power did not go out anywhere else, it went out in your apartment and then as a result, you weren't able to put your eyelashes on. Was that a lie?

[Lunel]

Probably.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's what I thought, but I thought, it's a year later. I don't care. You can tell us the truth.

[Lunel]

Probably. No, I probably just was running late. I don't know. I Might have had a show. You know, I had a show last night. I don't have lashes on now. I have on liner and I have on lip gloss, but I don't know how many lashes I don't see.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Aww, so cute.

[Jeff Lewis]

Still cute. You don't need the lashes.

[Lunel]

Well, I do them because maybe because it was the first how you got a batch of. I have to bat my eyes. Even though I have an icebox where my heart used to be and I'm not really in a relationship right now, I still do flirt. I think it's a lost art. That's what social media took away from us, the art of flirting.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I agree with that.

[Lunel]

I flirt every chance I get.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now you were at Flappers last night.

[Lunel]

Yes, I was.

[Jeff Lewis]

And you've been doing very well there. You've had a couple sold out shows, correct?

[Lunel]

Yes, that's correct.

[Jeff Lewis]

Does it still smell like sewage?

[Lunel]

Not when my people show up. Because you got, you know, 150 black women in there, all different perfumes on. So it smells like an instant.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you've smelled it before, right?

[Lunel]

No, I have not experienced Flappers smelling like sewage.

[Jeff Lewis]

But Jay Leno showed up when we were there and he opened for us. Has he ever shown up with you?

[Lunel]

Not yet, but I hope he does.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Lunel]

You know, Flappers is sort of like an industry room. Like, you know, you're right down the street from the studios and it's much easier for somebody who is interested in you to come see you rather than to go, you know, across the hill and go to Sunset or, you know, the improv on Melrose.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Was JLO funny when Jay Leno funny when he opened for you?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

JLO was hilarious.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think everybody did like him a lot. I mean it was, it was kind of incredible. You go to see the chumps and then Jay Leno opens. I mean. Yeah, Was kind of an incredible surprise.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah, I get that.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think everybody loved it.

[Lunel]

Yeah.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

I don't remember hearing a set.

[Jeff Lewis]

Not a single. Yeah, and he was. I remember we sat in the smelly green room with him.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

And that was when Andrew Freund had.

[Lunel]

You know, the green room of Flappers, the little tiny, tiny.

[Jeff Lewis]

We had so many people in that green room.

[Lunel]

Oh, I know.

[Jeff Lewis]

By the kitchen.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Maybe it was just Yalls smell all around.

[Jeff Lewis]

It wasn't.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

No, it was sewage and it was all white people in the audience. So the perfume was like skimpy.

[Lunel]

Not enough. Well, I won't say what I would say. But listen, that show is once a month till the end of the year, every first, excuse me, every first Wednesday of the month. So we just did August. So I have to do September, October, November, December. I don't see any reason to stop next year unless they don't want to make that money.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's a good gig and it is a great venue. You know, aside from the smell, it's a great venue.

[Lunel]

I prefer like a 300 to 500 seat room.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yes, you do.

[Lunel]

I prefer that. I've been on big stages. I'm see Chappelle next week. I've been done. I've done MSG. I've done, you know, Radio City. I've done 20,000. I've done all that. That's not my thing. I can do those shows on somebody else's show, but I don't want the responsibility. I just don't want it. I like more intimate shit.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's what comedy should be. The comedy shouldn't be. You're looking at a big screen from, you know, two miles back.

[Lunel]

You'll stay home and watch tv.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah. Watch the Netflix special.

[Jeff Lewis]

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[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Lunel]

So who's this Karen?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

She's a New Yorker. At home. At least she was on Zoom. So I don't know.

[Zach Noe Towers]

On Zoom? We got ditched for Zoom.

[Jeff Lewis]

Honestly, Kim looks bored af. Bored af. She did not wanna leave.

[Zach Noe Towers]

You need to have Kim and Lunel on together.

[Lunel]

Exactly.

[Jeff Lewis]

We just did.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I knew you did.

[Lunel]

Yeah, but not long enough.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, I want you to look at and I want you to give your honest feedback, Lunel. Because I know that we can always count on you to be direct.

[Zach Noe Towers]

We're about to drag me. We're about to drag me. Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, I know. You had a new photo shoot, right? And you have some new headshots.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Do you understand? This was a micro session we had. We shot for 45 minutes. We shot for 45 minutes.

[Jeff Lewis]

Annie's laughing, and these were humiliating.

[Zach Noe Towers]

These were her favorite pictures.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay. They're very odd. Bizarre. Bizarre.

[Lunel]

They're not bizarre.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

They're.

[Lunel]

They're different.

[Zach Noe Towers]

They're quirky, for sure. But look.

[Jeff Lewis]

So describe this one.

[Zach Noe Towers]

This is also one of them.

[Lunel]

Okay?

[Jeff Lewis]

Describe them. I mean, how do you describe them?

[Zach Noe Towers]

And look how hot.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, that's cute, but why are you wearing, like, a.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's giving cosplay to. We're looking at one where he's got a quilt wrapped around him. She crocheted that. It took her five years to make that.

[Lunel]

She got too much time.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can she return it? It's awful.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Some of these pictures would make you blush in your undies.

[Jeff Lewis]

So what's this one? You're looking up at the ceiling. What do you have in your hands?

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's yarn.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why do you have colored yarn in your hands?

[Zach Noe Towers]

You know what other people would praise? Do the slinky. Put the slinky shot up medium. But that is a slinky. And I made it art.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know about that. He's got a slinky around his head.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That is a dynamic photo done in less than 45 minutes with just a little toy.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're getting defensive.

[Lunel]

Why? You didn't put up some of my Savage X fancy lingerie photos when I work for Rihanna.

[Jeff Lewis]

You look good. I did see that. Yeah, I did see that.

[Lunel]

You didn't pull them up, though.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, that's art. You and lingerie. That is art. This, what, what Zach is selling is not art.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

It's a statement on the passage of time. He has yarn.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I just have. I had to remind myself, deep down, you're in love with me.

[Jeff Lewis]

Are you gonna take that quilt on your gay cruise? He's going on a gay cruise?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah.

[Lunel]

I would never.

[Zach Noe Towers]

The Greek Isles. The Greek Isles.

[Jeff Lewis]

Unless they paid me.

[Lunel]

The floors are going to be so slippery.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, it's a hazard walking down the stairs for sure.

[Jeff Lewis]

I would need a lot of money.

[Zach Noe Towers]

It's a slip and slide, if you know what I mean.

[Lunel]

500 person circle jerk on that motherf.

[Zach Noe Towers]

500 or 1500 people.

[Lunel]

I know, but 500 there. Wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

Look at these lingerie photos of Linnell. Where can people see this one?

[Lunel]

That's okay, though.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's stunning.

[Lunel]

Thank you, child. Rihanna, make me do that.

[Zach Noe Towers]

That's so sexy. Look, I don't. I don't really believe you when you say guys don't want it. Literally, Unfortunately. Is it that, like, the guys you want don't always want you?

[Lunel]

Yeah, maybe that's it. Because I don't like older men. Because I'm not trying to be a fucking nurse.

[Zach Noe Towers]

There you go.

[Lunel]

I don't like older guys. I like age appropriate. Like maybe 50 and under.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Okay, Jeff, you are cut.

[Lunel]

You gotta be a real bad motherfucker to catch vintage. That's not the cutest ones. Where's the ones with my booty?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Jeff, do you have pink eye?

[Lunel]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

I have a sty. Oh, and you think it's karma, but I don't.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

You literally made fun of Ronnie. Like two days ago.

[Jeff Lewis]

I told Ronnie, I have the same problem and I'm going to this doctor. And I gave him my doctor.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

You made it sound positive.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think Ronnie got in before me. By the way, I'm not going till 3 o' clock tomorrow and it's getting bigger by the day.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Your eyes gonna shut up.

[Lunel]

Last time I was, I did the John Mulaney show and Bill Hader was sitting next to me and he had a sty on his eye. It's Googleable. My response. That's all I'm gonna say.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, well, here's the thing. I have, you know, said many times that it's caused from fecal matter, but here's the thing.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Did you go to Dallas last week and I seen it.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, that's not. I'm telling you how I got it. I think I shake so many hands in a day. I think some dude had dirty hands, shook my hand, and then I happened to rub my eye. That's what I think.

[Lunel]

Or the lie detector.

[Jeff Lewis]

Determined.

[Lunel]

That was a lie detector. Well, that could be it. I do this, I do this. I don't do all that handshaking anymore. I'll do a fist bump.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, you do fist bumps?

[Lunel]

Yeah.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Or just do a light tongue kiss.

[Lunel]

You know, I wasn't that horny when I was his age. I swear to God I wasn't. A little hot in the ass, little motherfucker, ain't you? Nah, Zack, he was talking about fucking the last time I was here. He was talking about fucking a few minutes ago. Zach, stop all that fucking.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I've been led and I've been built. I've been painted into a corner, a whorish corner.

[Lunel]

Little corner.

[Jeff Lewis]

Are you still dating a secret celeb?

[Zach Noe Towers]

We haven't gone on another date, no.

[Jeff Lewis]

How many dates did you go out with? This one. Just one? Yeah. You didn't block him, did you?

[Zach Noe Towers]

Nope. We're on great terms, and I think it could happen. I think he's busy and I think I'm stubborn.

[Lunel]

Can I share a story real quick?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Real long.

[Lunel]

So I have a friend. I have a friend. Just a friend. Guy friend. Very attractive. I met him on a set, right? And we became friends. Like, we would go out to eat, and he went to, like, San Diego with me one time when I was doing the show and, like, helped out. You know, just helped out and stuff. Like, had his own room, all this kind of. We've been friends. I confided in him, he confides in me. So I thought. And then. And I would go to his house, fall asleep, watch tv, all this kind of stuff. We was cool, cool friends. I knew that there was nothing gonna go on between us, but he was cool. So my friend fell silent for, like, almost a year. I'm like, well, what happened? You know, I. You know, are you okay? Are you upset with me about something like that? Then I fucking opened the Instagram, and I see said friend has now gotten engaged to Jesse Smollett. Oh, wow.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

No, that's a plot twist.

[Lunel]

Didn't even know he was gay, though.

[Jeff Lewis]

And you were close?

[Lunel]

Yes, we were very close tonight. Why the fuck wouldn't you tell? Yeah, usually my gaydar's pretty good. No read on this brother at all. They're fucking engaged. Like kissing in Paris. I'm like, we got a picture of him.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah. The proposal went viral, I think. Him on his knees on the street.

[Lunel]

Yes.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah.

[Lunel]

I'm like, wow.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Did Jussie. Did he propose to him?

[Lunel]

Yeah. Wow. And he's like. So all of a sudden, this brother I know, he's in Paris on the street, like, oh, my God. Like that.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I guess he wasn't as open and honest.

[Lunel]

I'm not gonna say his name.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Handsome.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Jabari Red. Well, it's own people.

[Lunel]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's public.

[Lunel]

Wow. That's my feeling.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you feel slighted, like he didn't tell you the.

[Lunel]

I feel slighted like we were good friends. You could have said something, you know. I didn't. I didn't. And I was thrown because my gaydar didn't pick it up. Oh. And I've been to his house. It wasn't fabulous. Like, a gay, you know, household would be straight house, straight guy, straight guy, house.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Did he have the lights on? Or lamps?

[Lunel]

Lights.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Straight.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Yeah. Or a top, maybe?

[Lunel]

No, no. Lamp? No. All right. Straight, straight.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't have great gaydar either.

[Lunel]

I do, but I didn't see. Look, look. There they go.

[Jeff Lewis]

Aw, There they are, getting engaged.

[Lunel]

Aw. Sweet. My friend.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Did he text him? Congrats.

[Lunel]

Yeah, I text him. Congratulations. That's nice. I didn't really.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't think you're gonna get invited to the wedding. I don't think you're as close to him as you thought.

[Lunel]

I don't give a fuck.

[Jeff Lewis]

And he didn't talk to you for a year. Yeah, well, you know, I don't like all these obligations anyway. You don't want to go?

[Lunel]

I don't want to go. Listen, I always want to be invited. Just like the NAACP Awards. I want to be invited. I don't really want to go because those award shows are dry and they're long. You gotta go to the bathroom. It's awkward. It's weird. Then people fan out on you in the bathroom. Child. People fan out on you in the bathroom all the time. And, you know, Soul Train Awards, I like that one. Cause those are active. I would go to. Do they still have American Music Awards?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, I think they do.

[Lunel]

You know, shit to do with music and stuff like that. But Rita I always want to be invited. I don't always want to go.

[Jeff Lewis]

Rita in Vegas has a question for you.

[Lunel]

Hey, Rita. Hey.

[Rita]

How are you?

[Lunel]

I'm great. How are you, dear?

[Rita]

Fine, thanks. I have some. I have something to tell you. No disrespect, but when you block a guy, not always a good thing. Don't block him. I had a guy that texted me. Well, we were supposed to get together for Thanksgiving. I live in Las Vegas. We. I made other plans. Anyway, long story short, eight months later, which was just recently, he texts me back. He texts me out of the blue, oh, how you doing, beautiful? I don't say nothing. That pisses them off more when you don't block them and they text you and you're not responding. You want to piss them off, don't block them.

[Lunel]

I don't have that ability.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think you're right, Rita. I think if you block him, it shows that he got to you.

[Lunel]

Well, I don't care about that. I don't play them games. You did get to be bitch. And don't text me after they're talking about, hey, beautiful. Cause now I'm riding by, hey, you cocksucker. Where the fuck you been? You know what I'm saying? I don't have the ability to just let it go. So I have to block them. And I have to delete you off my phone so I never try to text you.

[Zach Noe Towers]

I get that.

[Lunel]

Because I'm known for blocking, unblocking, saying something fucked up and blocking you back so you can't respond.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Damn.

[Lunel]

I'll do that.

[Jeff Lewis]

So, Rita, I'm on the same page with you on that.

[Lunel]

I can't do it, Rita.

[Jeff Lewis]

She can't do it, Rita. She doesn't have the self control.

[Lunel]

I don't have the self control.

[Rita]

By the way, Jeff, I'm Theresa from irs.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, the irs.

[Lunel]

Oh, I need to send it to IRS reader DM me at Lunell at L U E N E L. Do.

[Jeff Lewis]

You need a payment plan?

[Lunel]

No, I'm good. My shit's paid up. But I just always need friends at the irs. Yeah, we always do. Come see me at Jimmy Kimmel's, baby. Sundays and Mondays at 10pm thanks for calling, Rita. I know what I wanted to ask you.

[Jeff Lewis]

What, Lunel?

[Lunel]

Jeff, you like me, right?

[Jeff Lewis]

I do like you.

[Lunel]

And we have pretty good chemistry, don't we?

[Jeff Lewis]

We do.

[Lunel]

And you think that I connect with the people pretty well, don't you?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes.

[Lunel]

I want you to help me get a SiriusXM radio show.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, period.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

I love that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Idea. I think it makes sense.

[Lunel]

Yeah. I need a segment.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's gotta be more exciting than Karen.

[Lunel]

Hunter, whoever the fuck that is. She got me looking right now. She gonna be like, these bitches are doing a joke show. No, I really. Let me tell you, I love radio. I've always loved radio. I love radio even more than television, which is why I like to do voiceover more than actual movies. Because you don't have to get made up, you don't have to go dress up. But back in my day before there was a lot of cable and stuff. Like if you move to a new place, the only thing you have have is radio. You're unpacking your boxes and da da, da, da. You only have radio. If you're lonely on New Year's Eve, you can listen to the radio and some DJ will be talking right to you. Make you feel better. I love radio.

[Jeff Lewis]

So can I. I wouldn't put you live because the two time, the two times you've been here, you were late. So I would. We'd have to do a pre. Tape.

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

Pre tape situation.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Lunel]

And I think honestly, how late Was I today? 2 minutes?

[Unknown Female Guest 1]

4 minutes.

[Lunel]

4 minutes.

[Jeff Lewis]

But imagine if they're relying on you to do a live show.

[Lunel]

Okay. Okay.

[Zach Noe Towers]

You're not.

[Jeff Lewis]

But can I ask you though, I do want to. Cause maybe in your defense, do you ever leave the house not looking cute? Cause the two times you've been here, you look cute and that takes a little extra time.

[Lunel]

Well, I don't look as cute now as I looked last night because that was a show. Show. I know this is a show, but it's not, you know, like it's radio.

[Jeff Lewis]

But it's very appropriate for daytime. You look very daytime. Cute.

[Lunel]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I don't try to be late. Traffic in la. Even if you leave an hour and a half, some shit is going to happen.

[Zach Noe Towers]

You never know.

[Lunel]

Some detour, some.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're right.

[Lunel]

Some fuckery and so it's not a colored person thing.

[Jeff Lewis]

I never said it was.

[Lunel]

I know. I'm just putting that out there. Putting that out there. So just think about it. Okay. I wouldn't be live. Okay, so we'll talk about that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Now, please tell me about Danelle. She is. She is a queen. She is a bit spoiled. Correct?

[Lunel]

Uh huh. Yeah, correct.

[Jeff Lewis]

I kind of feel like my daughter's gonna end up working and I say that in quotes for me too.

[Lunel]

Do you have just the one?

[Jeff Lewis]

I just have the one.

[Lunel]

Okay, me too. There's no way to not spoil Them if you only have one.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah.

[Lunel]

You're only buying one car, you're only insuring one car. You only have to worry about one vagina. One college one, you can keep up with one. There's no way. And there's just no way. I've tried, I've tried not to spoil my daughter but she's the daughter of Lunel. She's got bragging rights, you know what I'm saying? She's gonna get like I furnished her whole apartment. She just got a new apartment, finished it. But why wouldn't I, right? You know what I'm saying?

[Jeff Lewis]

I feel the same way. Now I have this client who I'm working on their house right now. They just had to pay tuition. Private school tuition for five kids. Hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh my God.

[Jeff Lewis]

Five kids? No, one of them's boarding school.

[Lunel]

Oh wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

That one alone is 65,000.

[Zach Noe Towers]

Oh, I'd send the dumbest one to the public.

[Lunel]

One of you get.

[Jeff Lewis]

Could you imagine that?

[Lunel]

Lun your on the cement in the yard. I'm not paying those 65. Although I paid for my daughter to go to San Diego State University. Yeah, but one, she's got no one. No financial aid debt.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep, that's one though.

[Lunel]

That was hund. Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

You would not have that jewelry if you had five kids.

[Lunel]

No, I'd be. I can't tell you what I'd be doing if I had five kids to try to support them. I don't know what I'd be doing.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on SiriusXM as well as the Jeff Lewis channel exclusively on the SiriusXM app.

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