
Mercedes Javid, Jamie Kennedy, & Shane Douglas join Jeff Lewis in Los Angeles.
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When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.
A
This dementia's aggressive.
C
Really?
D
So is the drinking.
A
You know, I've never been on a private plane before and I'm very excited. Are you serious?
C
No, never.
A
What are you, a Martian?
C
You're really demented.
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You're actually demented. Jeff Lewis has issues.
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Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has Issues. In today's episode, Mercedes Javed and Jamie Kennedy joined the show. We talk about giving hugs, Jamie's demands and real estate agents. Before we get started, I just want to finish up the last hour by taking this one call line five, Lauren in Fort Lauderdale. Hi, Lauren.
E
Hi. Shout out. Shane. Jamie, I love you. You're a God's gift. Mercedes, keep giving. Last second was amazing but I had a. Yeah, you keep saying they're such good Christian boys and I gotta correct you on this, Jeff. They're really not good. That good of Christian boys. I used to see one briefly. They're all pretty young and the party animals too. They're. They're. They live up to their name. So I'll just leave it at that.
A
So they're full of. With this Christian act is what you're saying?
E
Absolutely.
A
They're horse.
E
My whole life we're all full of. When it comes to the whole private school thing. No offense. Can Jamie, I know you went there too, but like come on school. You gotta vouch.
C
I just woke up. I'm catching a stray. Yep.
A
No, I know.
C
We're.
A
We're degenerates.
D
I love to hear it. That the boys are as fun as.
A
Even better news, I heard there's four teams to dm Four separate Savannah Banana teams. Yeah. There's a party I think I'm gonna throw. I'm thinking.
C
Are you talking about the bananas?
D
Yeah.
C
Yeah, dude. I was on the banana train before. They were huge.
A
Savannah Bananas.
C
The Bananas are huge. But now the party.
A
Why didn't you tell us about the Savannah Bananas?
C
I. So up your alley. They're so good. But they're not just the Harlem Globetrotters. They're amazing athletes. They're entertainers. They're selling out football stadiums. But, yeah, I could see you enjoying the bananas, Lauren.
A
Did they drink?
E
Oh, yeah. All of them. A lot of them. Some of them have girlfriends, some of them don't. Some of them are. It's just like any, you know, team. It's filled with a bunch of different kinds of guys that they're like. They're all really sweet, but, you know, it comes down to it, like, this whole Christian innocent. They know they're hot shit. And, you know, they know that, like, they get these views and they know they're talented. Like Jamie said, they're really fun, but, like, you know. Yeah, I mean, you gotta.
A
They like to let loose.
C
Like.
A
Like chops.
C
Oh, I didn't hear the last hour, and I apologize. But basically, I know what you're talking about. But listen, there's rock stars, there's actors, there's comedians, and then there's baseball players. And so the bananas are baseball players, but X next level. They have fun. So I bet they're really.
A
Did you sleep with more than one Savannah banana, Lauren?
E
No. He wanted to sleep with me, but he was too immature, so I kind of said. I. Listen, I. You know, I don't have that issues to that level.
C
Wait, too immature? Yeah, that's a. That's an annoying answer, Lauren. Oh, he's immature. I can't have sex.
A
But I'm sure you did. I'm sure you did other things, Lauren.
E
Okay, he was. He was too young. Like, I'm 33. I mean, I don't look at obviously, hello, but I'm a chump.
C
How old was he?
E
No, he was like 25, 24.
C
Yeah. Does he have a banana?
E
Eight years? Well, yeah, I mean, you know, it was. It was nice. But, you know, again, when you're constantly trying to and, like, impress a girl through, like, corny jokes, like, for hours on end, I'm like, listen, like, you don't do stand up. You're not. Jamie, like, chill out. Like, you know, you're not on the field, bro.
A
You know Jamie Kennedy.
C
Oh, I have a Savannah Banana fan. Yeah.
E
No, they're really great guys, but, like, not to date or, like, you know. But they're awesome. They're super talented.
A
I appreciate the expose on Savannah Bananas. Thank you, Lauren.
C
Can I say what it says in the call sheet, Lauren? It says, Lauren in Fort Lauderdale, has personally been with the Savannah Banana. That's the fucking call. Has personally had a Banana. Yep. I mean, Savannah's a beautiful.
B
You're right about the baseball players. All their pimps, biggest hoes.
C
Let me give Jeff a little rundown. I didn't know we're talking about this mlb.
B
You're talking about.
C
Let's be clear really quickly. There's the Citrus League, and then there's the Cactus League. Okay, so let's say you, like baseball players, go to spring training in February. Cactus is out in Arizona. Citrus is in Florida. You sit in the games, you applaud. They catch a ball, you jump up and down. Yeah. Boom. You're.
A
I need a wig.
C
Yeah, 100%. But, no, some of them are on the DL.
A
Oh, okay.
C
I'm sure. I'm sure.
B
My friend was a sports agent, so she would. He. Her husband would always tell us where to go and invite us to the tables. The MLB players all year long are, like, the biggest hoes.
C
Yeah.
B
And they're all, like, 22, and none of them speak English.
C
They just. They're. They're. They're studs. And I want to say this. The umpire and the Savannah Banana. Shane. Shout out. Shane, the best dancer in the whole league.
A
So is our Shane.
C
Yeah. He's like, Shane. He's hilarious. He's always on beat, so you got to watch the umpire. He's. He murders it. So they're funny. They're great.
D
That tracks.
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They're coming to San Diego. I think Lakendra and I are going.
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Hop on Surfliner.
C
Let's all go. I've never been to a Banana game.
B
Can somebody pull up a picture of the Havana Bananas?
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Savannah, we're not going to kill them.
C
Did you really say that? This is what I had to deal. Oh, God, who they are.
B
Been talking about them all week.
C
Wait, fine. You've been talking about them all week, Jameson.
A
All week. But, you know, we try to bring it back to the Savannah Bananas when we can.
C
I can't believe you guys are just discovering the Bananas.
A
I know.
D
They were just in Anaheim.
C
No, no. What's great about these guys is they're insanely athletic.
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We don't care if they fucking play baseball. We just care what they look like.
C
But they're great. They're great looking guy.
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But that's all we care about.
C
They're fun.
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Drinking is Celsius.
A
Yeah. I just got introduced to this.
C
Are you Jeff? Is it 2014? Like you're just learning about the banana.
A
Because you people don't tell me shit.
C
Okay? Celsius. We do.
D
You don't listen.
C
Celsius is terrible for you, by the way.
B
Add it.
C
I don't care.
A
With my Ruby.
D
Ruby diculous koozie.
B
That's a cute koozie.
A
Isn't it cute?
B
Yeah. I want one.
A
I'm going to keep this.
B
But that's the same stuff that's in Red Bull. What's the chemical called?
A
Well, I have been drinking Red Bull, but they got sugar free Red Bull mj. Look at that.
B
They're hot.
A
Yep.
B
How old are they? Are they young? They're babies.
A
We don't ask.
B
I'm not a child.
C
They're like 24.
A
No, they're older.
D
24.
A
Well, they look older.
B
Okay. They're cute.
A
Don't worry about it.
C
If. Yeah, that's stupid. They're great. They're great guys. I love entertaining dudes that are cool and I would like to. I'll go to game with them. I probably can go in the clubhouse because they probably.
A
You can get us in the clubhouse 100%.
C
I'm sure. I'm sure they like comedy, so they might know me. I'm not saying that. Please don't kill me in the comment section. I'm just saying I've gone to baseball games and they seem baseball players come to comedy shows.
B
Did you talk about what you did in Malibu this week?
C
No, it's not important. Ah, we'll talk about it later. By the way, I don't even want to say about what I saw. It's so sad.
A
Oh, in Malibu?
C
Yeah. I was the first time out there, by the way.
A
Yeah.
C
And it was.
B
That's not what I was gonna say.
C
I know. I don't want to talk about that. Mercedes, you're just trying to take the heat off the shit that's coming.
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Oh, is there shit coming today?
C
I did a whole.
D
Walked into the studio and said, guys, shit's about to get real.
C
Yes.
D
We're just gonna.
A
I got distracted because I noticed Oscar standing by the door like a.
E
Some.
A
Like some kind of receiving line to give you a hug.
D
Now he's trying to prove a.
A
No one else does that.
D
Wait, Oscar does not do that. But now he's like, no, I hug all of our guests of Course.
C
Yeah.
D
I don't have a crush on Nikki. So now he's, like, greeting everyone with these hugs.
C
Oscar gives me a hug all the time. But here's the thing. I want to say this, Jeff, you're not a hugger, but can you keep my microphone up? Dude, I like it loud. You are a hugger after you get a couple in you.
A
True.
C
Because you did.
A
I'll hug people I like.
B
Well, yeah, I hug you.
C
Are you stepping? Because at first, I've never.
A
I like you, though. But we don't have a hugging relationship.
C
No, I think that'd be weird. But you do hug. But no.
A
I hug you.
B
Yes.
C
Yeah.
A
But you don't hug Oscar.
B
And a kiss.
C
Why don't you hug Oscar?
A
It's just. I don't. We're not hugging people.
D
Well, we see him every day, so it's not like, oh, yeah, you're right.
A
I see you once a week. I'm excited when I see. I'm not excited when I see him. I'm excited when I see you guys.
C
That's pretend. He's a banana.
A
That's me, too. Annie. I think because we see each other every day, all day, and you're my boss, but if I hadn't seen you, if you were gone for, like, two weeks, okay. And you walked in, I would hug you.
C
Okay.
A
But we see each other all day, every day. Same with you. Ken.
B
Ken. Can I have a Diet Coke, please? It's really hot.
C
What are you doing?
A
Yeah, can we turn the air? It is hot.
C
Yeah, it's crazy hot.
A
You know why? Because we're talking about Savannah Bananas.
D
Because James is gone and it's going to. No one's running all the air conditioning.
B
I. I agree with that.
C
If he's not on a Vespa right now with a kerchief, eating a piece of brio on a cracker, she's not doing it right.
D
Oh, you know she is.
C
Okay. I want to see a picture of her in some sort of, like, rectangular glasses. It's hot as a mofo.
D
I have your jacket.
C
Why? Because it was cold outside.
D
Kian just adjusted it.
A
I will tell you, it has been such a great week.
C
Fun, really.
A
No rules, no restrictions, no guardrails. No somebody, like, cutting us off. Okay, Moving on. Like, it's so nice. I love doing the show without git. Connie. No one tell Yas Queen.
C
No one telling someone who's been in the business for 35 years now speak into the microphone.
A
Condescending.
C
No.
D
He's like Ryan Bailey. So Condescending.
C
Wow. It's just.
B
Can we talk about that?
A
We do have to talk about it.
C
What happened now?
A
This is what he said to you.
C
This was weeks ago.
D
I know, but then he came on and said he didn't say that.
C
Mercedes is so avoiding the lashings. Go ahead.
B
Okay, wait, what happened? This is important.
A
Ryan said to Jamie, like, you. Really? What do you say?
D
Okay. So Jamie came on the show and said he was offended because he said, Ryan said, you've really found your confidence.
A
Not offend your confidence.
C
Stop saying I'm not.
A
Would you imagine saying that was weird to somebody who's been in the business as long as he has?
B
Rather he say speaking to the mic.
D
But then Ryan came on the show and said, I did not say that. I just said I really liked the last two times you're on. I laughed a lot and it was just like a lighthearted compliment.
C
Wait, he didn't say he said the word confidence, correct? No, he said he didn't say the word confidence.
A
He's backpedaling now.
C
What do you think triggered me? The confidence part, exactly. This is. I had this whole conversation with Mercedes. I said that whole night was a bunch of people telling me things about my life that they didn't understand. I already know. And so Ryan was as sweet as pie. And he.
A
You guys, I think he's sweet as pie.
C
I know. I. Dude, I hung with him at 3am at Chumcon. I know he gets a couple of swirlies in him and that's like a tequila sunrise. He starts talking.
A
He sure does.
C
Things come out of that mouth. And so he likes to talk. And he love. Let me tell you, he love. Can I tell you? He loves being the official reporter of the chump land. He loves having a podcast and talking about Bravo. He loves famous people. You agree with that?
B
So bad. It's good five days a week.
C
Exactly. And he's doing great. But what I'm saying is he was being sweet and I was a little sensitive.
A
I don't know if he was being sweet. All right, well, he just sell some to tell someone, like, you've really built up your confidence.
C
But he did say that. He said you're really confident, but he lied. He said he didn't say it.
D
He says he didn't say it.
B
There was a round two. A very heated round two. Are you aware of this with me at your drinks at the One Hotel, former me, formerly the Jeremy, where I got married. I'm sitting in between these two six.
A
You got to bring that back to Yourself?
D
Yes, I do. Watch shots of sunset since 1 through 9. Streaming now on Peacock.
B
Exactly. So I'm sitting, little old me in between these two. Six foot two white men.
C
Still fucking hot.
B
They're having round two. Jamie and Ryan, they were yelling at each other at your drinks night.
C
I didn't yell at him.
B
Yes, you guys were. You were very huge.
A
You're not afraid of confrontation.
B
Yeah, that's right.
C
Part of life.
A
What was? With your new confidence.
C
It's part of life. But actually I did remember Mercedes. Oh, God. I'm not gonna say something else. No, you weren't hard.
A
Yes, you are. You're gonna say it.
C
No, but hold on. You. You told. You pulled me aside and said, go easy on the guy after you say easy. Don't, like bite the guys in his fucking head. And I was like, I'm not biting, we're just talking. Yeah, she did. But I did say something else to someone else. Please don't bring up names. And Mercedes. Do not. And Mercedes defused it brilliantly. I will say that.
A
Oh, there was something else. You had a confrontation with someone else.
C
Not a confrontation. I said something that possibly made someone uncomfortable and Mercedes like. Well, what he meant was. And then got.
A
Translate for him.
D
Translate. Change the meaning.
C
Yes. She got me out of it. Wasn't.
A
Was it a female or male?
C
A male.
B
We were invited to their house. This.
C
Shut the. Shut the up. What did I tell you yesterday? I said, mercedes, you're gonna shut up.
A
Oh, my God. What did you say to Rob?
C
Shut up.
A
What did you say to Rob Mickoff?
C
Told you at fucking cafe yesterday. Do not say this shit on the radio. What did you say yesterday?
B
Yesterday? We didn't even say.
A
What did he say to Rob McGough?
C
This is a dumb joke. That didn't land. That he. Now, I don't want to report it to them now I don't want to report it on the radio.
B
It'll never be said. It'll never be said.
A
But he already said it to Rob.
C
Yes, I know, it was a dumb joke.
B
Die right there.
C
And I think I.
B
Let's get back to Ryan.
C
You know what's annoying, Mercedes? You're annoying because you're avoiding all the shit that you know I'm annoyed at you at. And Jeff, you're feeding right into it. Talking about bananas and pineapples. I wasn't surprised.
A
And your confidence, or lack thereof. Why.
B
Yeah, you are.
A
Oh, yeah, you're right. You're supposed to go to that con tonight.
C
I am. And I just want to say that we should have. I wish we came up.
A
Judas burp. Yeah.
C
Street meat at 3am why did you do that?
A
You smell like garlic.
C
I know. No, Mercedes said that. Because.
A
Why do you smell?
C
Because I went. I closed the Comedy store main room. I was talking with Annie and she had a show last night. Then I went at midnight, went on till 12:30, was driving around, left at 1 and then I was hungry, so I went and got a. I got a falafel.
A
I was at that late. I almost ate last night.
C
I'm hungry, dude. I'm hungry.
A
You know what I did? I was so afraid I was gonna eat last night that I had all the lights on downstairs and I was upstairs. I'm like, no, don't go down there. Don't go down there, Jeff, because you're gonna eat. So I just left all the lights on downstairs last night. Fuck it. I was like, if I go down there, I'm gonna eat, bitch.
D
You have control four.
A
I don't know how to use it. I don't know how to use it. All the lights are on.
C
What do the lights have to do with eating?
A
Because if I had. Because I left all the lights on downstairs. So normally I go down there, I turn off the lights and go back upstairs. I forgot I could do that. From control four panel in your room.
D
Anyway, you have the app.
A
So what happened was I just elected not to go downstairs, Jamie, because I don't want to do what you did and eat at 1am Can I tell you?
B
You can have a snack that's safer at night, like string cheese low skim.
D
Or banana Trader Joe's.
B
They have like, the light skim.
C
Can I tell you this?
A
We do have bananas.
B
And you could do like, the whole food, whole wheat pita.
A
And I was so happy 196 this morning.
B
Nice.
C
You're 196?
A
Yeah.
C
Guess how much I am.
A
How much?
C
194. And you're six. Two. And I'm six. So I'm fat.
B
You're only six?
C
Six and change.
A
I gotta lose another six pounds only next Wednesday.
C
Oh, poor Res is talking about Hawaii. Yeah. Oh, you're gonna have rez.
A
Is not gonna lose that weight.
B
He doesn't need to.
A
He's on a 1200 calorie diet. He's been on it for a week and he's only lost two and a half pounds.
C
1200 calories a day. He probably needs 1700 just to exist. So that's a $500 deficit. Deficit. That's good. He's gonna Be good.
A
But he's not losing. Really? He only lost two and a half pounds.
C
It's only been a week. But that's insane. How does he doing it?
B
He did that. He started doing those age and he did. You nailed it. He did fuck up his metabolism.
A
He can. He's got to let that Fendi go. He needs to sell it on your poshmark.
B
I will. Because next to my Fendi.
A
Yes.
B
My baguette for 10k.
A
Why don't you let Lisa sell your Fendi baguette? But you got to be realistic about it. My nanny who does all the person Lisa shout out. She sold so many friends bags.
B
That one's not for sale.
C
I got a bag off Elisa lightly.
A
Oh yeah?
C
Yeah.
A
You got a nice. I did too.
C
I got a great bag. And he's several. Yeah, she's got any bag you want. I might have a Birkin.
A
Yeah, but it's gonna be more.
B
I don't even wear purses anymore. Anything that doesn't fit in my pocket. Look. Do I have a purse? Oh yeah, I do.
C
Oh my God.
E
Yes.
C
This is you.
B
The poshmark cup has got to be popping someday. When I. On a rainy day. I'll get it back up.
A
What's happening? I almost.
C
No, because you don't want to talk about it.
A
I do want to talk about it.
C
I had so much to say.
D
I can't go right there.
C
But it's like we had other things.
A
We had to cover.
C
Bananas.
A
Jamie Kennedy made an offer on a house. Finally.
C
Well, we're right there. We're about to.
B
Yay.
A
Well, you haven't signed it yet.
C
Oh, well, guess what you and I think. And what her and she thinks are two different things.
A
No, we're totally on the same page. I spoke to her this morning about it.
C
Well, you didn't tell me that.
B
Yes.
C
This is Mercedes in a nutshell. So are we at the number?
A
I like yes.
C
Okay, so then why don't you say it last night? Mercedes, why do you have to go to Jeff at 7:00am and then get. Oh, Jeff said it. But when I say it, it's like, oh, well, I'm literally right after we.
B
Hung up the phone, Jamie, I sent it to you last night.
A
I actually think it's a solid offer.
C
Okay, well, I. Cause last night when you called me, you. When the guy. He said, well, somebody came in and said, we'll be in touch. And you said that don't mean.
A
Doesn't mean shit.
B
Shit.
A
That means nothing.
C
Yes, but Mercedes is like, oh, it's competition. It's competition.
A
Don't get scared.
C
Yeah, I'm not.
A
And you're a solid buyer. You can afford way more than what you're actually buying.
B
So here's the thing.
C
This is not. Go ahead.
B
I do want to say he is amazing. On paper, he has been fully pre approved. Pre qualified. He is such. Your FICO score is astronomically high. All of your tax returns have been submitted to the lender. He is what they call like an A plus. A paper borrower.
C
Wow.
B
Like, he can close it as fast as he wants.
C
What's the credit score, Mercedes? Like 8, 38, 17.
A
That's hot. Wow, that is hot.
C
This is what I'm saying.
B
He has no debt. No debt. Like, he literally has $1 500 balance.
A
I can't believe you're saying this. Do you want to also mention his income?
B
No, because it's totally incorporated.
A
He has this much in the bank.
C
No, but here's why.
B
He has nothing. No debt.
C
Here's why. Because there's so much to say. So I'm just going to skip through it, Jeff, because we just start the way I wanted. But here's what it is. Me and Mercedes had some beefs, you know, and the salad.
A
She should have got you the salad.
C
No, Mercedes, here's what it is. You call, I'll start it. And I love that you said those nice things about me. She calls me, I stay late to do this show. I miss half three quarters of the Friday to fly in to Houston because I did this show, because I like doing this show and I want to promote it. They were nice enough to let me go late, so I was able to make up an extra two hours by staying at the con and signing. It was amazing. As soon as I get off the plane, Mercedes is like, so when do you want to make an offer? What lender do you want to use? Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I'm literally on the tarmac. And so she starts talking to me and she's like, what do you want to do this? I go, I don't even know yet. I don't know what the number is. I don't know anything. Right? So I'm annoyed. Okay, this is through text. And then she starts calling me because she can see I'm getting annoyed through the text. And I said, mercedes, I don't. I wanted to sit with you and you had your meeting with your friend for an hour and 15 minutes.
A
That wasn't a meeting.
C
Well, that's a whole other conversation.
A
You can have That's a side piece.
C
So, Jeff, let me explain this to you. So I go, mercedes, if I want to meet you at midnight at the Four Seasons with a bowl of spaghetti and talk about the deal, you're going to meet me at midnight. And she goes, oh, she goes, that's so Hollywood. And hold on, Jeff, hold on. No. And I'm like this, this is where I want to educate her. Who are you selling to, Mercedes? I don't work at a school, no offense. You're in Hollywood. It's. We have weird lives and you're part of Hollywood. And it's like if Tyler. If Steven Tyler says, meet me at 1am at Mel's because that's the only time he can meet and you're going to get a $3 million sale. You fucking made him. Correct. So then she's like, you're so Hollywood. And that's. That's when you became a square.
A
You know who said that too?
C
You know what?
A
It's Ryan Bailey called you. He said you were so Hollywood.
C
No, he didn't.
A
Yeah.
C
Dude, are you trying to actively piss me off?
B
And also, did you know that?
A
Yes, I am, actually.
C
But do you agree, Jeff? Like, if I. If a fucking producer says.
B
Dated comment?
C
If a producer meets me at 1am.
B
So 2016, if someone says meet me.
C
At 1am to audition for a movie, guess what? I'm fucking going, all right?
A
I've had some high maintenance design clients.
B
You don't audition. I just called you out. He doesn't audition.
C
No, but can I tell you, I've met directors at the Chateau at midnight because they're on weird schedules and they can only see she's got a kid.
A
And a husband she can't meet. I mean, I know you're exaggerating, but.
C
There'S another thing, Jeff. Every time I'm on the phone, she's like, okay, well, what we're gonna do is 25%. Mommy, mommy, can we play ball? Okay, not now, honey. Okay? It's 23% down payment, your monthly debt. Mommy, Mommy, it's like, just get the sitter, put the kid over in timeout. There's commissions to be made. Do you agree with that? And then the husband. Hey, babe, what's for dinner? Put the husband in time out.
B
Yeah, put the husband out last night.
C
See, this is where.
B
But I do walk away. I do do walk outside.
C
If I had a kid and a husband and I was going to make commission. Bye, guys. You want to eat? Leave me alone. I'm doing deals. I do you Agree with that, Jeff.
B
I've bribed the child before. I'll take you anywhere you want. Just let me finish this call.
A
So was the offer written?
C
Yes, it's written. I have to sign it. So I didn't even know.
A
And are these the terms that we spoke about?
B
It's a shorter escrow than you said, but not all the way shorter.
C
Here's what Helen's good. She, she wants 45. And let's just be 100% clear.
A
No, I want 45.
C
No, you want 45. And you said, don't let her fucking con you. Those are your words. 30 days in the 30s. Don't let her fucking kind she try.
A
To do that with Shane.
C
That's what you said.
A
And when did you close Shane?
D
I needed it. I don't. 41 days.
C
Don't let her fucking Kanye. Remember you said that we fought over.
A
And over and over about Shane's escrow. Yeah, she kept saying 30. It's already pre approved. It's. Nope. It took 42 fucking days to do that long.
B
Yeah, I actually said 45. We're all God's other side that kept on fighting for 30 because it was.
C
You know what, so. And then I said.
B
And we ended up getting 40.
C
I said, I think I can do a quicker one, but I want to listen to Jeff. And I did say, if I can do it quicker, maybe I'll get a better deal. Do you agree with that?
B
Fingers crossed.
C
So I could get a better deal if I do it quicker. Do you agree with that?
A
Well, I mean, are you talking about after the fact or the 30? Are you planning on doing a 30 day. If you need a few more days, asking for an extension?
C
No, I'm planning on doing whatever it is, 30 days and closing it in 17. Putting 25% down and seeing if I close it quicker.
A
You're not gonna close it that fast.
B
Your thing, what you're thinking is that you don't want.
C
Have you heard my rating?
B
You don't want him to pay a per diem, which there's no per diem automatically in an offer. So if you need an extension, a seller usually grants you an extension anyway.
A
Even with when you sold Woodland Hills, they couldn't do it. We needed an extension. We had to give them like, I don't know, several weeks extension to do that loan.
B
I think two at least.
C
All right, whatever you guys suggest. But I'm just gonna say that I did. Look, yesterday I went back again. The realtor is the sweetest guy. He's a huge Dipshit goon. And. And a trump Love. Yeah. He loves me. He loves Mercedes.
A
They're synonymous.
C
He loves me. He's probably listening right now. And that house is absolutely beautiful. And this is where I do give you your flowers because you told me it's like. It's just done. It's a beautiful area. I've never lived up there. And it's like, honestly, you're equally close to Sunset as you're in the Valley, and so. And it's just good vibes all around, so I didn't think I would do it.
A
Yes, but you're willing to walk away if you don't get the right price.
C
Obviously, I agree with you. Yeah, right. You said, don't be emotional just in.
A
Case the dipshit goon is listening. Well, I think, but I'm not. You're not emotionally attached?
C
No.
A
There's other homes you're looking at.
C
Yes. No, you told me that. You said that. And I am, by the way.
B
Well, all Mercedes, he sends me houses, like, five times a day. I'm like, let's just focus on this one. But like, no. He's like, no, I want to see this one.
A
And you guys, you call this a. Like, my ass house.
B
No, lick my ass.
A
Lick my ass house.
C
No, hold on. You jumped a gun there. So we are looking around, and there's these houses. And then me and Mercedes pulled up. It's this beautiful hidden thing that once you go behind the wall, which is great to have a wall. It's a whole oasis, which is beautiful, right? And I said, mercedes. And she goes, oh, yeah. I go, this is an fu house. And she goes, oh, no, it's an S. My D house. And I said, I think it's a lick my ass house. And she goes, no, it's an eat my ass house.
D
What is going on in that house?
C
Like. Like, if you have this house, basically, we both agree without even that this is what we require.
A
So it's a sexy house.
C
No, it's just sexy, but it's like, off. You're not coming in here.
D
I'm gonna sty in this house.
C
Yeah.
B
No, it's basically like. Yeah, it's.
C
It's basically like, f you, like, no.
A
Right.
C
You want to come through these doors as my date? I mean, you don't have to. What? We're just saying.
D
But if you watch, it doesn't make sense.
C
And she was saying, lick the ass.
B
It's called an entertainer's delight.
C
Yes, that's.
D
It sounds like a delight.
C
Yeah. This came out terribly wrong. But what I'm trying to say is it was just like. Like a few months. That's what it was.
A
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E
Oh hi. I just wanted to say that I wish I worked for a man like you. You're. You guys have so much fun. Jamie Kennedy, you're like the best and you keep it so non political. Andy Cohen ruins it every single show. You're just awesome and I love listening to you guys and I miss you Mercedes.
B
Thank you. Thank you. What did Andy say? What is. I just want to know.
A
Don't garbage started.
B
Okay.
A
Thank you Michelle. Appreciate the compliment.
C
Thank you.
A
Is it true that you were minimizing real estate agents and you had said. I think the quote I have here is even Annie could sell real estate. Did you say that?
B
Really? Did you?
C
I hate the pre show how he takes my words and mangles them.
A
Who is he?
C
Keon. So here's the thing. I wish we did the show on Monday because I was so angry and I had so much to say but me and Mercedes had such a good week that I'm not mad anymore.
A
But why would you bring any into it? Because why would you bring Annie into it?
C
It's a compliment to you.
A
No, it's not.
C
Yes, it is. Because Mercedes was saying like, oh, she says lines. Mercedes was saying lines like this because, babe, I know real estate, babe. That's what you do in real estate, babe.
A
Condescending.
C
Oh, fuck yeah. Like it's. And I'm like, I'm like, you and.
A
Ryan should be a real estate team.
C
I'm like, do you know how you get your real estate license, $10 to apply and a number two pencil. It's not fucking hard.
A
So why would you say even Annie?
C
Because this town.
A
That sounds derogatory.
C
Hold on. I could spit out on Sunset boulevard and hit 20 real estate agents. Do you agree with that? So average, 25 actors. No shit, 100 actors. So I said, so when Mercedes is giving me like, I know the real estate and this and this and not showing me what I want, I'm in my mind going, girl, I know so many actors that are successful at real estate, I can fucking build my own agent. And I was saying, even Annie, I could take Annie, give her a Jill Sander fucking purse picking pair of Louboutins and send her out and by Friday have four one bedroom baths sold in Tarzana. I could do that.
A
I interpreted it differently.
C
Yes, I was giving Annie a compliment.
A
It doesn't sound like a compliment.
C
No, it is. Because Mercedes was acting like it was brain surgery to be to real estate. She was like, well, this is so.
A
You take what you think is the opposite of a brain surgeon, Annie.
C
Me, me. And all the times. What I'm saying is Mercedes was being precious about it. So I got annoyed in my mind. So then I told Kian that I could put Annie and make her a top selling agent and Mercedes is gonna fight.
A
It's a joke that didn't. It doesn't seem funny. It's probably something along the lines of what you said to Rob Minkoff. Another joke that didn't land.
B
Oh, God.
C
This was supposed to be my day and I'm fucking getting shit on Keen. I'm never doing a pre interview again. Forget that. That's Don.
A
Did you also say it was much harder to be cast in Scream than be a real estate agent?
C
Oh boy. Dude, you're making them hate me. No, I'm just saying I know so many actors that are worse. Jay Lux, great guy, he owns la. Okay. He was an actor. Okay. Brandon Williams, also great guy, owns la, an actor. So I'm saying I think it's harder sometimes to get acting jobs than it is to sell a two bedroom, two bath. And Mercedes was acting.
A
So you would never say, even Annie can get an acting job. You would never say that. It wouldn't make sense.
C
I could train Annie to get an acting job. She couldn't get an acting job. I can train her to get an acting job. Okay, but no. Dude, you took everything and you fucking twisted it.
A
I didn't twist anything.
C
Yes, you did. And no. But Mercedes was big timing me, so that's why I was.
B
That was the word you used with Ryan Bailey that made him upset.
A
There is something I'm gonna agree with you.
C
Can you please. And by the way, Jeff, you're doing this. You're kissing ass to your listeners.
A
I am not.
C
You're kissing their ass. There's two types of listeners you have on the show. You have. Have Karen's who are annoying.
A
True.
C
And then you have Corinne's who get it. And it's really. It's 60, 40. Corinne's to the Karens, but you're kissing ass to the Karens. They're gonna come to me and they're gonna call me. Oh, Jamie's ego, he's washed up all this.
A
Okay, so you think had a great week.
B
Thriving.
A
All right. You called MJ pushy as a mofo. I love that you are pushy.
B
Good.
A
But you know what? It makes her a good real estate agent.
B
Thank you.
C
But she's pushy and also bubble brain at times.
B
Yeah.
C
Do you agree with that?
B
I am.
C
She's bubble brain.
B
I have a lot of my mind.
C
She's bubble.
B
I do a lot.
C
Can we call her a pushy bubble brain?
A
I don't know about. I mean, yes, she's a little flighty, but I think she was very focused when I worked with her.
C
She was. But can I.
A
She was not bubble brained. And I didn't get one call from Tommy.
B
That's right.
A
Not one.
C
Every time I call her babe. You got the Hamburger Helper ready? Mommy, Mommy, can you play ball, baby? Putting cheese on it now. There's a two bedroom. Two. Mommy, Mommy, can I. Not now, sweetie. It's a one bedroom. The contingencies. Mommy, Mommy. Put the kid away. Put the husband in time out. Okay, listen to me. Listen to me. I'm gonna tell you. Bubble brain right here. There's a house for everyone listening. Who's mad at me? I'm not this person.
A
No one's mad at you.
C
Completely gaslit me today.
A
Ryan's mad.
C
Listen, there's a place Frank Lloyd Wright and Rob Minkoff Annie, man, everyone listen to me.
A
Oh, and Annie and Ian, Frank and.
B
Reza.
D
Kerry, probably too.
A
All right, you're right.
C
I'm taking a break. There's eight Frank Lloyd Wright houses in la. There's something called Lautner's. Who was his mentor. There was a Lautner.
B
John Lautner.
C
Owning a place like this, for everyone listening, is like owning a piece of art. It was one for 2.4 million. I was like, oh, my God, Mercedes, we gotta look at it. Because it's not even a house I'd like. But it's just a piece of art. Might go up. I send it to Mercedes. It's in my old neighborhood, not far from Wen. Okay, Wen, man. So she goes, honey, it's 1.4. To even get it approved by the state and then to live in it, it's too much of a suck. And I said, you're right. And I go, who owns it? She goes, a writer? Director. I go, who? And she goes, john. John. John Gray. And I said, oh, I don't. Let me think I know him. And she's like, yeah, he did a show. You ready? She goes, he did a show called the Ghost Whisperer. I go, you mean the show I was. Years that people know me from? Because it was. And she's like, oh. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, right. Mommy. Mommy. I mean, this is. She didn't even know. Like, this was, like, the guy that I knew. But, like, it was like, Jeff had a show called Flipping Up. Like, no, who? You know? Am I wrong? Am I crazy?
B
He's right. And it was a Lloyd, right? It wasn't a Frank Lloyd Wright.
C
It was Lloyd.
B
Right?
C
I don't know.
B
And. And it is currently for sale if someone's interested.
C
This is why I'm gonna go.
A
Where? It's your Instagram.
B
Glendale. Yeah, it's a.
A
No, your Instagram. You will show it to them.
D
Go to Glendale. Hop on the 134.
A
No, they're gonna go to your Instagram and you're gonna show them the house.
C
And this is where I'm gonna give Mercedes her flowers. Because she broke it down. Which I said, I love details. And she broke it down, and she told me how much it was, and I was like, okay, but when you don't do that, it's annoying.
B
I know. So I gave him. I took the notes, Jeff, and I gave him a lot of. I gave him a lot of information because rather than glossing over his questions, I gave him attention and detailed answers, and he appreciated that.
C
Can I tell you this?
B
Because, remember, the thing. You're the kid in the candy shop, and I'm the grownup that's gonna tell you how bad the sugar is for your body.
C
She did say that. She said, you're buying the house. You're the kid in the candy shop. I'll tell you how sugar's bad for me. But yesterday, Jeff, once my credit score came in, and once the guy said, I don't want to ask my own d again. I'm sorry, guys, if you hate me. He said, I see a client like you once every once a month. He says, you're a top four and knock on one. I've been very fortunate, so my credit's good. What did she do? She took me right to the mart. Oh, you want to have lunch? She goes like this. She goes, you want the pasta salad? And I go, yes.
A
And she goes, she had time for you.
C
Oh, my God, Jeff. She bought me pasta salad. She bought me Greek salad. She goes, you want a latte? And then I go, I want a sandwich, because what do you want? She goes, give him what he wants. Turkey sandwich, extra turkey, one extra turkey, a bag of Hawaiian chips.
A
She saw that Fico dude.
C
She bought me so much shit. And I go. I go, what time you have to leave today? Because I want to talk about task. She goes, I cleared my day.
A
Oh, interesting. Because before, she didn't have time. She didn't even bring you a salad.
B
Dropped him off on the corner.
C
And Jeff.
A
Chevron.
C
Jeff. We said for two fucking hours. And I went through my whole, like, history of real estate with her, and she just sat there and nodded. Huh.
A
I got some bad news for you.
C
What?
A
Real estate agents are coming for you. Line one, Rebecca.
B
Hell, yeah. Bring it.
E
Hi, Jamie. How are you?
C
I'm good.
E
So since being a real estate broker so easy, why don't you just represent yourself?
C
I can right now. Save me the commission. Probably $48,000. Want to start there?
E
Yeah. And if I was Mercedes, I would drop you as a client.
C
Oh, that's so nice of you. Why, Rebecca?
E
And you have no boundaries.
C
Oh, do I need boundaries?
E
Yes, you do. With a professional. I don't appreciate how you're treating Mercedes. And I don't appreciate what you're saying about her last week either.
C
Okay, well, you should call the police.
B
A lot of people were mad. Thank you for sticking up for me, Rebecca. A lot of people were mad, and they said, make sure you listen to last week before you come in, because you're gonna have to clap back and stand up for yourself.
A
This is what I'm gonna say.
C
Rebecca, a lot of people were mad at you.
A
It is fairly easy to get your real estate license.
C
Thank you.
A
It is very difficult to be successful at it.
C
Hey, Rebecca. Hey, Rebecca, you want to hear something? Do you know who the biggest real estate agent is in LA? Ellen DeGeneres. Guess what, Rebecca. She bought a house for 17 million, just sold it to Scooter for 34. She doesn't have her license. Call me, Rebecca. We'll talk.
B
Oh, my God.
C
Courtney Cox sold four houses, sells more, Commit.
A
She doesn't have real estate agents.
C
Yeah, no. Ellen does it herself. She does. She has Kurt.
A
She's like. She puts up the open house sign, shows it herself.
B
She's hosting.
C
But guess what?
A
Would you like a cookie? They're gluten free.
C
She's the best. She's the smartest. What I'm saying is Rebecca got all her.
B
She actually likes to flip houses.
A
I just think you weren't clear. I think you weren't clear that it's. Yes, it is very simple to get a real estate license.
C
No, I.
A
To make a living at. It is a whole nother conversation.
C
No shit. It's very hard. But what I'm saying is the barrier to entry is different than being an AI coder.
B
I told him.
C
You agree with that.
A
But even Annie could get her license.
C
I could make Annie a successful fucking real estate agent. In fact, we should have that as a show. I will fucking get Annie. And she will train and I will get her without any license.
B
Jeff Lewis Real Estate Seminars.
C
Jeff, these agents are comfortable.
B
I told Jamie it would be like saying stand up comedians go right on stage and they just wing it. And they don't do any preparation for their craft. And how much, how laughable would that be?
C
Jamie, you were right. And I did. You know what I did.
A
Well, maybe he needs to work on it because Rob Minkoff didn't think he was funny.
C
No, I'm so. I wish I punched that ball. I wish this week I was busy.
A
Oh, Jennifer in Nashville's team. Jamie.
C
Oh, yes, yes, yes. She wants to. By the way, Mercedes, she wants to drop me before I take this. Jennifer, she said drop me as a client. You drove me around three days in LA. We had salad. She'll make 50K. Is that bad?
B
Jeff, that is so.
C
Give me a break. Jennifer, talk to me.
E
Hi. So my blood was boiling last week and I was screaming at the radio, fire her immediately.
B
Right here.
C
Hey, girl.
A
Hey, girl. Fire her.
E
And then today it just. It makes my blood boil. Even More. When you. She told your secret, you're like, don't say it, don't say it. And then she want to be cute and tell your secret. But yes, yes, fire her. She does not respect you, girl.
B
Honey, I did not tell his secret. I'm the vault.
A
Here's the thing. You fire her today, you're still gonna have to pay her a commission because she wrote the offer, showed you the house. Yep. By the way, you're locked in.
C
By the way. I'm happy with her. I went through the taxes with her.
A
You don't sound happy.
C
I am now because I have someone in Teen Jean.
A
But I will say you did kind of turn things around when you saw his FICO score.
B
I sure did. And his funds.
C
Yes, yes.
B
And his long ass money and all his investment, his portfolios. This man has done very well for himself.
C
Love you.
A
And now all of a sudden, you're taking him very seriously and buying him a salad.
C
We're getting lobster salads, three salads.
B
He. You know what he did? Which was.
A
Did he pull a Cynthia?
E
Yeah.
B
You know what he did?
D
Four croissants, three salads.
B
He got three entrees, and then he picked up a Coke and a bag of chips and he goes, here, I want you to carry it for me to the table.
A
And I bet you did.
B
I sure did, honey. I was like, here you go, baby. I pretended he was champs. It was cosplay.
C
By the way, that's 100% true. And that was extra. And I do apologize if people are offended by that. I did do that, but I just wanted. It was payback.
A
Okay, real quick, Jennifer, thank you so much for your call. All right, Mercedes, I would like to know, why did you leave a voicemail? Why did you try to call Ryan Bailey late at night?
B
I. Was it late?
A
Yeah, I was late.
B
Oh, good. Really? Because that's what time I'm free. That's my time when I have for myself.
A
He's an engaged man, and I think when you get a call from a woman at 10:00pm now, as you know, Rebecca was asleep. He was very clear about that on his chest. And then all of a sudden, his phone started blowing up. And that was you calling him at 10. What were. What did you want? Why did you need it to reach him at that time?
B
I was lonely, Jeff. You know, I couldn't sleep. And Tommy was also asleep, snoring deep. And I needed someone. I was in my. I was in dire need that night. No, for real. So what had happened was that I felt that I wanted to make sure that he was okay. He was visibly upset.
C
With what?
B
At the night of the drinks at the one hotel.
C
Because of why?
B
Because you were like, I'm big Manning you. And he said.
C
I never said that. He said, I'm getting blamed for this phone call.
B
He goes, jamie. He goes, I'm just happy to be in the room. I'm grateful to be invited. And he goes, well, like, you guys were going back and forth. I was like a kitten with a barn yarn. Okay. Poly yarn. And then I was worried about Ryan. I really thought, what if he's taking this to heart? And I wanted him to feel okay.
C
I text with him.
B
You do?
A
Why are you always cleaning up Jamie's messes?
B
Yeah, why do I?
A
What is it?
C
Because I have no boundaries?
A
You're like the fixer.
C
I have no boundaries. Can I tell Rebecca something? And everyone listening right now.
B
She's coming.
A
Okay, be careful. You've already alienated the entire real estate community.
C
The reason why you like me on the show. Who likes me? Is because I don't have any boundaries. But you want to fucking go in the animal kingdom and you want to pet a lion. Sometimes you're gonna get scratched, Brian. Get it?
B
Why didn't you call me back? That was a nice long message that I.
A
So you scratched Ryan and no. You felt the need to address the wound.
B
Yeah. If you're not cool, if you want to talk to somebody, I hope you're okay, because it was a very heated exchange.
C
It wasn't that heated.
B
Ryan met his hero. And this hero.
C
Oh, my God.
B
Never want to meet your heroes. That type of thing.
C
This is such lies. It wasn't as bad. Oh, my God. Such fucking bullshit.
A
So are you saying that don't go to the San Jose Comic Con this weekend? Dude, I want to meet.
C
Please protect your hero.
A
I don't want to be your hero.
C
The team Jamie's to call in. Mercedes was, by the way. She was hovering in the corner with Ryan.
A
Do not go to The Galaxy Con 815 through 817 in San Jose this.
C
Weekend, which I'll be signing autographs, I guess, for a discount now. But listen.
B
Do not listen to till the day.
A
Buy one get one free.
C
Yes, I have to give a bogo. I love Ryan. And it wasn't that heated, but Mercedes did have a weird little cuddle. Not cuddle, but talkie session before I got there. And they were just talking and giggling like a couple of schoolgirls, so whatever that is. Yes.
B
You were saying that to Gaslight Rebecca.
C
No, I wasn't.
B
No. I always ask Ryan. I give him.
A
You do kind of insert yourself in.
C
All of this thousand persons.
A
It's person under the guise of. Are you okay?
C
Are you okay? Do you need a hug? Are you okay? You want to take a walk outside? Calling at 10pm Are you okay?
D
That's called being a good friend.
C
Sorry, I'll take this off.
D
She saw he was uncomfortable. She was being a good friend and checking in, making sure he's cool and.
B
Actually 10pm is a respectable time.
A
He's editing Perpetuating the feud.
C
Dude, she's calling.
D
She's calling on a friend.
B
By the way, if anyone wants to call me at 10 o' clock at night, that's my hour and tell them how. Call me.
C
Call me, Tell them.
B
Bring in.
C
Tell them how late you've called me midnight more.
B
12:30.
C
Yeah. 12:45.
B
Yeah.
A
What?
C
But I don't think that's weird because I'm a late bird.
D
Because if he says I want spaghetti at midnight, she better get her ass to spaghetti at midnight.
A
If I say call me at 1245, you better fucking call me at 1245. You want your $50,000 commission?
C
Yes.
D
Put shanty down. Pick up the phone, bitch.
B
But to all the real make his own man meet.
C
To real all the real estate agents out there. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but that's what I would do if there's commission on the line. I do whatever it takes to you compared the deal.
A
All of them to Annie.
C
I'm giving Annie a compliment. I think she's a kid.
A
Was not a compliment. It was not a compliment.
C
Any yes or no?
D
You're going to get a bad look in the BTS tomorrow.
C
Oh.
A
Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis us live every weekday on Sirius XM as well as the Jeff Lewis channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app.
C
So I was just parking my car.
B
And then I saw you.
E
The Gecko. Huge fan.
C
I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.
E
The honor is mine.
C
I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app. Well, the Geico app is top notch.
E
I know you get asked this all the time, but.
C
But could you sign it? Sign what? The app. Yeah, sure. Oh, that means so much.
B
Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again?
C
Anything to help, I suppose. You're the best. Get more than just savings.
A
Get more with Geico.
Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues – "Mercedes Javid & Jamie Kennedy: Entertainer’s Delight & Bubble Brain"
Date: August 27, 2025
Host: Jeff Lewis (A)
Guests: Mercedes Javid (MJ/B), Jamie Kennedy (C), Other Panelists (D), Callers (E)
This episode captures Jeff Lewis’s trademark blend of personal drama, no-filter honesty, and sharp humor, joined by Mercedes Javid (Shahs of Sunset) and comedian/actor Jamie Kennedy. Themes include the chaos of celebrity real estate, the drama around friendship and boundaries, playful bickering, and inside industry tales. The group bounces from hilarious pop culture tangents (Savannah Bananas, energy drinks) to behind-the-scenes wrangling about real estate and their own relationships.
0:59–7:14
"They're not just the Harlem Globetrotters. They're amazing athletes. They're entertainers. They're selling out football stadiums." (02:49–03:01)
08:45–10:13
18:53–41:52
"He is such...your FICO score is astronomically high...he literally has a $1,500 balance." (20:07–20:40)
"If Steven Tyler says, meet me at 1 AM at Mel's...you fucking meet him. Correct?" (22:57–23:02)
33:10–44:33
"Do you know how you get your real estate license? $10 to apply and a number two pencil. It's not fucking hard." (34:11)
"You have no boundaries." (42:10)
Jamie: "Oh, do I need boundaries?" (42:11)
"It is fairly easy to get your real estate license. It is very difficult to be successful at it." (42:35)
11:00–17:59, 46:31–50:11
15:41–17:17
"Wait, does he have a banana?" – Jamie Kennedy (04:22)
"You're not a hugger, but... you are a hugger after you get a couple in you." – Jamie Kennedy (09:04)
"If Steven Tyler says, meet me at 1am at Mel's... Guess what? You fucking meet him. Correct." – Jamie Kennedy (23:02)
"Do you know how you get your real estate license? $10 to apply and a number two pencil. It's not fucking hard." – Jamie Kennedy (34:11)
"You have no boundaries." – Rebecca, Caller (42:10)
"The reason why you like me on the show...is because I don't have any boundaries." – Jamie Kennedy (48:06)
Full of bombastic banter, self-aware jokes, and genuine friendship drama, this episode is a classic Jeff Lewis dose of "too much information"—with plenty of raucous laughter. Listeners get candid takes on the LA real estate hustle, showbiz egos, and the fine art of late-night boundary-crossing phone calls. Jamie Kennedy’s lack of filter is both the episode’s greatest gift and greatest chaos-maker, but MJ keeps up, showing her own "pushy bubble brain" realness.
For fans and newcomers alike, this episode delivers inside gossip, candid confessions, and plenty of moments where friendships are both tested and celebrated—all with the irreverence that defines Jeff Lewis Has Issues.