Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues - Episode: Patti Stanger & LaKendra Tookes: Pheromones & Monogamy

Release Date: June 20, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Jeff Lewis Has Issues" hosted by SiriusXM, Jeff Lewis sits down with renowned matchmaker Patti Stanger and dating coach LaKendra Tookes to delve into the intricate dynamics of modern dating. The conversation navigates through topics such as the resurgence of matchmaking shows, the role of pheromones in attraction, and the importance of monogamy in relationships. The trio also addresses listener questions, offering expert advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships in today's fast-paced world.

1. The Revival of Matchmaking Shows

Timestamp: [01:29] - [02:28]

Jeff opens the discussion by referencing Patti Stanger's presence on Netflix with multiple seasons of "Millionaire Matchmaker" streaming. Patti shares her insights on the comeback of matchmaking and dating reality shows, highlighting their growing popularity amidst an increasingly single society.

Patti Stanger: "When I first started, nobody thought love would last on these shows. Now, every network has love programming, which was the goal."

LaKendra Tookes adds that as society becomes more single, the demand for such shows continues to grow, emphasizing that the matchmaking genre is evolving to meet these needs.

2. Navigating Online Dating Platforms

Timestamp: [03:23] - [06:58]

The conversation shifts to the effectiveness of various dating apps like Facebook Dating, Tinder, The League, and Raya. Patti and LaKendra critique the prevalent issues such as dishonesty, fake profiles, and the pressure to present an idealized version of oneself.

LaKendra Tookes: "Tinder is 75% AI. Seriously, it's a bunch of guys pretending not to want to video chat to avoid being caught in a catfish scenario."

Patti Stanger shares her frustrations with app limitations, such as being unable to change age on Facebook Dating, leading her to advise starting new profiles for accuracy.

The duo emphasizes the importance of transparency and authenticity in online dating, advising listeners to vet potential matches carefully and prioritize genuine connections over curated profiles.

3. The Black Cat vs. Golden Retriever Dating Archetypes

Timestamp: [12:17] - [28:50]

A significant segment of the episode explores the "Black Cat" and "Golden Retriever" archetypes in dating, a concept introduced by LaKendra Tookes. These archetypes represent different approaches women take in relationships:

• Golden Retriever: The giving, always-pleasing partner who tends to fix problems.
• Black Cat: The more reserved, independent partner who maintains boundaries.

LaKendra Tookes explains, "Women are naturally givers, but biology dictates that men fall in love when they give," referencing hormones like vasopressin and oxytocin that influence bonding.

Patti Stanger: "I'm a cat. I want to set boundaries and let men pursue me without being overly available."

Jeff and LaKendra debate the balance between these archetypes, suggesting that a mix can lead to healthier relationships. They advise women to maintain self-respect and not to rush into intimacy, allowing men to invest emotionally before deepening the relationship.

4. Listener Questions and Expert Advice

Timestamp: [33:14] - [50:26]

The latter part of the episode features listener call-ins where Patti and LaKendra provide personalized advice on various dating dilemmas:

• Challenging a Man Who Ditches a Date: Patti shares her experience of being stood up after an hour-long date, prompting advice on holding men accountable and recognizing red flags.

• Age Differences in Relationships: LaKendra discusses dating older men, emphasizing the importance of shared financial stability and readiness for commitment.

• Monogamy Negotiations: LaKendra offers strategies for discussing monogamy with partners, recommending open conversations early in the relationship to establish mutual expectations.

• Managing Expectations with Younger or Older Partners: The experts provide insights into handling relationships with significant age gaps, highlighting the need for clear communication and understanding each other's life stages.

Throughout these interactions, both Patti and LaKendra stress the importance of self-awareness, setting boundaries, and prioritizing one's emotional well-being in the dating landscape.

5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Timestamp: [49:28] - [50:26]

In the closing moments, Jeff reflects on the diverse perspectives shared, acknowledging the balance between waiting for emotional investment and the natural progression of physical intimacy in relationships. Patti and LaKendra reiterate their commitment to empowering listeners to make informed and healthy choices in their romantic lives.

LaKendra Tookes: "There’s a happy medium between waiting too long and rushing intimacy. It's about finding what works best for you and your relationship."

Patti Stanger: "Always hold yourself accountable and recognize when something doesn't feel right. Trust your instincts."

The episode wraps up with a mutual emphasis on continuous learning and adapting to the evolving dynamics of love and relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Patti Stanger: "I’m a cat. I want to set boundaries and let men pursue me without being overly available." [20:24]

• LaKendra Tookes: "Women are naturally givers, but biology dictates that men fall in love when they give." [12:25]

• Jeff Lewis: "You better be good in bed if you're fugly." [47:15]

Conclusion:

This episode of "Jeff Lewis Has Issues" offers a rich exploration of modern dating challenges through the expert lenses of Patti Stanger and LaKendra Tookes. By addressing both the psychological and practical aspects of relationships, the hosts provide listeners with valuable tools to navigate their personal lives more effectively. Whether it's understanding the impact of pheromones, balancing dating archetypes, or handling the intricacies of online dating, this episode serves as a comprehensive guide for anyone looking to improve their romantic endeavors.