Patti Stanger & LaKendra Tookes: Pheromones & Monogamy

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jeff Lewis Has Issues - Episode: Patti Stanger & LaKendra Tookes: Pheromones & Monogamy

Release Date: June 20, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Jeff Lewis Has Issues" hosted by SiriusXM, Jeff Lewis sits down with renowned matchmaker Patti Stanger and dating coach LaKendra Tookes to delve into the intricate dynamics of modern dating. The conversation navigates through topics such as the resurgence of matchmaking shows, the role of pheromones in attraction, and the importance of monogamy in relationships. The trio also addresses listener questions, offering expert advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships in today's fast-paced world.

---

1. The Revival of Matchmaking Shows

Timestamp: [01:29] - [02:28]

Jeff opens the discussion by referencing Patti Stanger's presence on Netflix with multiple seasons of "Millionaire Matchmaker" streaming. Patti shares her insights on the comeback of matchmaking and dating reality shows, highlighting their growing popularity amidst an increasingly single society.

Patti Stanger: "When I first started, nobody thought love would last on these shows. Now, every network has love programming, which was the goal."

LaKendra Tookes adds that as society becomes more single, the demand for such shows continues to grow, emphasizing that the matchmaking genre is evolving to meet these needs.

---

2. Navigating Online Dating Platforms

Timestamp: [03:23] - [06:58]

The conversation shifts to the effectiveness of various dating apps like Facebook Dating, Tinder, The League, and Raya. Patti and LaKendra critique the prevalent issues such as dishonesty, fake profiles, and the pressure to present an idealized version of oneself.

LaKendra Tookes: "Tinder is 75% AI. Seriously, it's a bunch of guys pretending not to want to video chat to avoid being caught in a catfish scenario."

Patti Stanger shares her frustrations with app limitations, such as being unable to change age on Facebook Dating, leading her to advise starting new profiles for accuracy.

The duo emphasizes the importance of transparency and authenticity in online dating, advising listeners to vet potential matches carefully and prioritize genuine connections over curated profiles.

---

3. The Black Cat vs. Golden Retriever Dating Archetypes

Timestamp: [12:17] - [28:50]

A significant segment of the episode explores the "Black Cat" and "Golden Retriever" archetypes in dating, a concept introduced by LaKendra Tookes. These archetypes represent different approaches women take in relationships:

• Golden Retriever: The giving, always-pleasing partner who tends to fix problems.
• Black Cat: The more reserved, independent partner who maintains boundaries.

LaKendra Tookes explains, "Women are naturally givers, but biology dictates that men fall in love when they give," referencing hormones like vasopressin and oxytocin that influence bonding.

Patti Stanger: "I'm a cat. I want to set boundaries and let men pursue me without being overly available."

Jeff and LaKendra debate the balance between these archetypes, suggesting that a mix can lead to healthier relationships. They advise women to maintain self-respect and not to rush into intimacy, allowing men to invest emotionally before deepening the relationship.

---

4. Listener Questions and Expert Advice

Timestamp: [33:14] - [50:26]

The latter part of the episode features listener call-ins where Patti and LaKendra provide personalized advice on various dating dilemmas:

• Challenging a Man Who Ditches a Date: Patti shares her experience of being stood up after an hour-long date, prompting advice on holding men accountable and recognizing red flags.

• Age Differences in Relationships: LaKendra discusses dating older men, emphasizing the importance of shared financial stability and readiness for commitment.

• Monogamy Negotiations: LaKendra offers strategies for discussing monogamy with partners, recommending open conversations early in the relationship to establish mutual expectations.

• Managing Expectations with Younger or Older Partners: The experts provide insights into handling relationships with significant age gaps, highlighting the need for clear communication and understanding each other's life stages.

Throughout these interactions, both Patti and LaKendra stress the importance of self-awareness, setting boundaries, and prioritizing one's emotional well-being in the dating landscape.

---

5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Timestamp: [49:28] - [50:26]

In the closing moments, Jeff reflects on the diverse perspectives shared, acknowledging the balance between waiting for emotional investment and the natural progression of physical intimacy in relationships. Patti and LaKendra reiterate their commitment to empowering listeners to make informed and healthy choices in their romantic lives.

LaKendra Tookes: "There’s a happy medium between waiting too long and rushing intimacy. It's about finding what works best for you and your relationship."

Patti Stanger: "Always hold yourself accountable and recognize when something doesn't feel right. Trust your instincts."

The episode wraps up with a mutual emphasis on continuous learning and adapting to the evolving dynamics of love and relationships.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Patti Stanger: "I’m a cat. I want to set boundaries and let men pursue me without being overly available." [20:24]

• LaKendra Tookes: "Women are naturally givers, but biology dictates that men fall in love when they give." [12:25]

• Jeff Lewis: "You better be good in bed if you're fugly." [47:15]

---

Conclusion:

This episode of "Jeff Lewis Has Issues" offers a rich exploration of modern dating challenges through the expert lenses of Patti Stanger and LaKendra Tookes. By addressing both the psychological and practical aspects of relationships, the hosts provide listeners with valuable tools to navigate their personal lives more effectively. Whether it's understanding the impact of pheromones, balancing dating archetypes, or handling the intricacies of online dating, this episode serves as a comprehensive guide for anyone looking to improve their romantic endeavors.

Transcript

[Jeff Lewis]

Have you met Allmodern? Allmodern has the best of modern furniture and decor all in one place. So refreshing your home for summer has never been easier. Their team of modern obsessed experts hand vets each designed for quality. Plus, Allmodern's fast and free shipping lets you upgrade your home in days, not weeks. So whether you're updating your living room or reimagining your patio, Allmodern has the very best of modern all in one place. That's modern made simple. Shop [e-mail] Instacart is here to keep you on the couch this basketball season. With pre game rituals and post game interviews, it's hard to find time for everything else. Let Instacart handle your game day snacks or weekly restocks with delivery in as fast as 30 minutes because it's bad luck to be hungry on game day. Download the Instacart app today and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurants.

[Patty Stanger]

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops.

[Jeff Lewis]

I've learned from my mistakes and that's what I want to teach people. Don't do what I have done.

[Lakendra Tookes]

This show, I mean, you guys really start some shit.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as an asshole. I just want people to do their jobs.

[Patty Stanger]

Jeff Lewis has issues.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis has Issues. In today's episode, Patty Stanger and Lakendra Tookes join the show. We talk about black cats, monogamy and splitting the bill. Good morning, Patty.

[E]

Hi.

[Jeff Lewis]

Welcome back.

[E]

Hi. Missed you.

[Jeff Lewis]

We have, I've missed you. We've paired you with a Kendra today because she desperately needs your help. First of all. So I was saying over the weekend, once I got back from New York, I was home and I was just kind of like, you know, channel surfing. And I go onto Netflix and there you are, Patty, front and center on Netflix. Right now they are streaming seasons five, six and seven.

[E]

Weird.

[Jeff Lewis]

A Millionaire matchmaker.

[E]

Not a season four, which was the New York season. I'm shocked at that. But maybe that's coming. But I will tell you, you know how I always say this Netflix is the boyfriend that keeps on giving. When you break up, you go to Netflix. So I love Netflix.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, well, I guess I would too. So this, I mean, this show is just, I mean, it just keeps going and going and going, which is very interesting right now because, you know, you did, I believe, an interview for LA Times where you said the matchmaker shows are making a comeback.

[E]

Yes.

[Jeff Lewis]

So is that specifically? Because obviously dating shows have made a huge comeback. Are you saying that dating shows too? Or more like.

[E]

Well, I mean, when I first came out, you know, I created the Bachelor, and that's a whole other story for another day. But when I came out, Bravo was second to that. And like, nobody thought love was gonna last. I remember my agent telling me that, like, oh, you probably have a two year thing and it'll go away. Cause it's not really the thing that people buy in unscripted. Look where we are right now. I know, like, Love is Blind is the messiah. But we used to have you 90 day fiance, the biggest shown, right? And so, like, now every network has love programming, which to me, that was the goal. You know, of course we're Bravo people, so hats off to us. We love our Bravo. But I mean, I think it's gonna just keep growing and growing. Cause as society keeps getting singler and singler, there's more singles than ever before in history.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, I've been watching Love Hotel on Bravo. I really like it. I like the show. And it just makes sense for season two for you to be involved in some way.

[E]

I want to. Okay. I am single. Right? Bravo. Francis, Andy, whoever produced this.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, you want to go on the show?

[Patty Stanger]

You want to go in as a dater?

[E]

I'm ready to be the dater now. Let's flip the script.

[Jeff Lewis]

I didn't think about it like that.

[E]

I thought you need to be the extra. I mean, I can if they need it, but I would totally go on as a dater. Any of the love shows that I want to date. Mel Owens from the Golden Bachelor. So if he doesn't find anyone on this particular season, and I'm putting my hand in the ring because he lives in Orange County. He's like ex NFL and I love the NFL And a lawyer. And he's really hot.

[Jeff Lewis]

Perfect.

[E]

And he's like, older than me. He's older than me. I never date any. I never date anyone older. Like, it's always younger. So be nice.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's okay. And that is my next question for you. Now, no one knows how old you are, Lendra, because you refuse to tell us.

[Patty Stanger]

It's a mystery.

[E]

She does have readers, and that could mean she's in the early 40s, but she looks like 30s.

[Patty Stanger]

I like to just magnify things.

[E]

Maybe I just like to magnify. But she will never tell. And a lady should never tell. Just like a man. You don't have to tell us your height, but we Know when you're, you know, you say you're 5 11, you're 5 10. Come on.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So when do you tell a man your age when you're dating?

[E]

And is it really when you're married? My aunt did that. My aunt did that at the wedding day. She kept, like, lying about her. She was 10 years younger. And she goes, all right, so I'm 10 years younger, and they're going to the altar.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Now, the first time. I'm not telling you to do that. But, yeah, I don't think age is important unless you're having children. Okay, what's the point? If you love someone, you love something, it's just a number.

[Jeff Lewis]

But when. What date do you actually tell them? What day is it appropriate to ask?

[E]

I don't think a man should ask. We have Google for that, right? Well, you can figure it out.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, not like Kendra's case.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, but if you're on the app, it has your age there on the app.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, but people aren't telling the truth about it.

[E]

Yeah, they're lying. Everybody's lying. I'm 10 years younger. Everybody lies.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, okay, on my apps, I do tell the truth about my age, but on one of my apps, it has my age wrong, and it won't allow me to change it.

[E]

Which one?

[Patty Stanger]

Facebook Dating. I am on that.

[E]

Is that good?

[Patty Stanger]

It's okay. I met a couple guys. Have you tried.

[E]

Have you tried the league yet?

[Patty Stanger]

I'm on the league. The league. I don't like the league. All the guys on the league. There's, like, no cute guys on the league.

[E]

I tried the league for a long time, and I don't like the fact that they give you people and you don't get to choose.

[Patty Stanger]

You only get, like, three. They want you to.

[E]

They never knew my type. Are you on Raya, too?

[Patty Stanger]

I got off Raya. Raya. I was on Raya for a month. Nothing.

[E]

I was talking to Kristin Cavaliere yesterday because I was on her show, it's Coming out, and she said to me, in the beginning, it was good, but then when she got back on, it was the same 10 people over and over again. And they don't even live in Nashville, so what's the point? And I was like, yeah, I remember that too. But I got kicked off. Cause I said, Ben Affleck was on a talk show.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, they won't let you screenshot if you screenshot. Cause I saw Zach Braff on there, and I was like, oh, I screenshot. And they were like, hey, don't screenshot. And I was like, oh, but I didn't meet anybody on there. So I said, I give it up. And then I joined Tinder. Cause the last time I was here.

[E]

I met my ex on Tinder.

[Patty Stanger]

Really? Well, MJ was saying she met Tommy on Tinder. You met your man on Tinder. So I got on Tinder. Let me tell y' all about Tinder. Tinder is 75% like, AI. Seriously, it's a bunch of guys. So many fake guys. Because you can tell they're fake if they don't want to do a video chat or a FaceTime. If they start, like, you know, we've all watched Catfish. So then they're giving me the excuses. The microphone doesn't work on my phone. And one guy, I did video chat with him, but it was clearly not the same guy in the pictures. I was like, what do you think? I don't have eyes. Like, clearly, this glass is not. Yeah, you put my readers on. You are not the same guy.

[E]

So Tinder has video chat like Bumble does inside the system, or do you want to get off and face and FaceTime?

[Patty Stanger]

Get off and so, like, so these guys, what they'll do to the WhatsApp.

[E]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

You know, because I feel like I.

[E]

Don'T trust the WhatsApp. Because you are married. If you're using WhatsApp, you're married.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, I feel like unless you put.

[Bianca]

Me on your eye.

[E]

Unless you live in another country.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, that's.

[Bianca]

Or I'm an Android. But then I don't trust you regardless.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, but that's what these guys do.

[E]

An Android, like, don't even talk to me.

[Patty Stanger]

They say that they're French. Right. I agree. Yeah. Because I want to be able to FaceTime. You know what I mean? I like it to all. We're all.

[Bianca]

I want a shared calendar.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[Bianca]

I want to find my friends. I want to FaceTime.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. Like, I want everything uniform. But what the guys do on Tinder, too, I realize their little system. They do. They say they're French. Because us American girls, we love that. Now, I notice they all say they're French. They all say that they have a fiance or ex wife that passed away. I noticed that. I had, like, 10 guys with the same story.

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[Patty Stanger]

My fiance passed away. They're lying. It's crazy. I don't know. And then they're trying to sell you crypto. They're trying to. They're trying to sell you crypto.

[E]

Oh, yeah, I heard that. I heard Tinder is a way to sell crypto. I've heard this before.

[Patty Stanger]

This guy gave me this long thing about Charles Schwab. I was like, man, I know Charles Schwab. I want to meet a man. My finances are great. I'm trying to get my loved ones together.

[E]

I think LinkedIn should have dating.

[Patty Stanger]

LinkedIn should have dated.

[E]

Out of all the little things we use, LinkedIn should be the dating site. Because now you can see where they work and see all their history. It's like, come on, LinkedIn, let me set you up on your dating.

[Patty Stanger]

Come on. Oh, they should hire you.

[Jeff Lewis]

You represent a lot of women, 40s, 50s, 60s. Do you find? Because I'm noticing with Love Hotel and actually asking Shann questions about Love Hotel.

[E]

I love Shanna.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's interesting, but I'm gonna say three, if not four of those girls are looking for financial security.

[E]

Well, no, because they.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, they have their own money, but they're also very much looking for somebody.

[E]

Okay, so a man can date down because the woman looks up, but a woman can't. A man will resent them. That's what happened in my last relationship. He said, like, I was intimidated by your sex. Sex. And I said, but you didn't tell me that when we were dating. He told me after the fact. And I, like, the whole time you were thinking that I wasn't even working. It was after Covid is the resentment phase. So you kind of go equal or up or it's not going to work. So I understand that, but I was looking at. I saw a clip of Love Hotel the other day, and I was like, those guys have any money? The guy with the shirt off with Luann, I was like, does he have a dollar?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't know.

[E]

Does he have a dollar? Like. Like Mel Owens, who they picked for the. For the Golden Bachelor, is a lawyer. Like, he's got a job. Like, he's career job.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, I think these people have jobs. I just don't think.

[E]

I don't want actors.

[Jeff Lewis]

They have the kind of money that the girls are.

[E]

So. Well, they. Okay, so what kind of money? Like, do they fly first class, have a home, have a car? Like, what are they? What level of money?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, okay. I don't. You know, I just.

[E]

Because that's important.

[Patty Stanger]

You haven't seen their taxes.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't. I mean, God, I hate to call people out, but, you know, I just think, yes, they have a job, maybe a modest home in another state.

[E]

Oh, yeah. So then it's cheap. It's like 600 grand or less. It's not like we're 4 million and up here, you know, nobody gets that a shack In Brentwood is 4 million literally. And nobody understands how we live. Plus our tax situation. Everybody's leaving the state. They're all going to Austin, Texas, and Miami, Florida.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think it's okay if someone's looking for financial security, but then when do you make that very clear? How do you make that clear?

[E]

So I'll give you a story.

[Patty Stanger]

That's one of my questions.

[E]

My stylist is one of my best friends. Pray she doesn't listen to this podcast. She will kill me for this. She met a guy on Bumblebee. Gorgeous. They go on first date and they're already in love. Like, he already said, like on the. I thought he was love bombing her on the first one. You're the one. I knew it from the pictures.

[Bianca]

That was love bombing.

[E]

So anyway, I said, go slow. She said, he said he wants to marry me. I said, great, get a ring. You can get a ring on the first date. Second date, Pat Allen 101, go to Tiffany's. And so he's doing this whole thing with her, and he's kind of like, you know, pulling her along. And she had the power because she was using Black Cat Academy, if you know, from Ana Christina, which I'm developing a TV show on this, where you basically make the man the golden retriever and you're the black cat. So the man should always love the woman more. Jewish Dating 101, by the way. So this is what the mother's Jewish mothers teach. And so she's using my plan, but she's getting nasty. And so finally he says, you know, I'll give you the ring if you're nice, but you're really nasty. And that's not the way we want to go. You know what I mean? Like, we want to have him pursue us, but be kind in it. Like, smile like, I can't see you Tuesday, but I'd love to see you Friday. Like, sweeter stuff. Not like, you know, I'm not seeing you, call me never. You know, that kind of thing.

[Patty Stanger]

Wait, what is this? Black Cat.

[E]

Black Cat Academy is Ana Christina. But anyway, the point of the story is that.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, what is the point? I'm confused. Where are we?

[E]

What was the question? What was the question?

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't even know what the question was.

[Patty Stanger]

The question was, how soon do you let a guy know that you want his financial security?

[E]

So she said. So I said to her, you want to get married? It's six weeks in now you talk finances. And he. And he. And I'm like, red flag, red flag, red flag. Because he. They went on, they went to go see Coldplay. The room at Font Blue is a thousand. She's like, well, you know. And they started arguing about money six weeks in. And I'm like, no, this is a sign that his BS of I'm gonna give you the life and pay the bills and do all this was to woo you in love bombing. But it wasn't true because you gotta sit down and it's dirty and it's ugly, but you gotta talk about your finances.

[Jeff Lewis]

When you say talk about your finances, like, how's it specific?

[E]

How? Like, are we gonna have a kid? Where are we gonna live? Who's contributing? Who pays for the. For the utilities? Who pays for the mortgage? Like, you have to sit down and talk about these things. Jeff, you're rich. So if you date a guy and he doesn't have enough money, you're like, fine. You've always been generous. You always take care of your family. You're a different animal. There's not a lot of men like you, gay or straight, because you're always been so generous. That's Anna, and I'm producing a TV show with her.

[Patty Stanger]

Wow, she does.

[Jeff Lewis]

Can you tell me the black cat thing?

[E]

It's great.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, tell me that.

[Patty Stanger]

Give us the layman's version.

[Jeff Lewis]

I want to understand.

[E]

I'm sorry I took a detour for listeners. I'm sorry I went a little off book. So here how it works. So Anna is a firm believer that women are too much of a giver. We were born that way. Our parents train us. And when a man starts to pull away, we run towards them. Which is wrong, because a man, after he has sex with you, his testosterone drops and he has to miss you for his testosterone to raise. That's biology. So she's teaching women not to give so much and let the man give to you. Now, why should the man give to you? Because a man falls in love when he gives to a woman. That's what vasopressin is. And then they get the oxytocin. And that's the love gene, you know, the love hormone. And so she's teaching techniques on, hey, don't make him a seven course meal or, you know, like call him all the time or over text.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where does the cat come in? Is that I want to be the cat.

[E]

You want to be the black cat?

[Jeff Lewis]

I want to be a cat. I don't want to be the golden retriever.

[E]

I feel you've always been the black cat in most of your relationships, except when it goes wrong, then you become the golden retriever, like you're always trying to fix.

[Jeff Lewis]

I feel like I'm the golden retriever.

[E]

No, you're the black. I see black cat in this new relationship, Shane.

[Bianca]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I feel that because you're very calm right now.

[Bianca]

Like, Patrick just, like, walks around the house, does not give a fuck where we are. Toby's following you around.

[E]

Yeah. Okay, that makes sense.

[Bianca]

You want to be Patrick, not Toby.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[E]

Were you the black cat with you, the gage you both switched off? One was black cat one day. One was the golden retriever. You switched a lot with him.

[Jeff Lewis]

I feel like if the golden retriever is the person that's trying to please, then yes, I think we can be. We can all be golden retrievers.

[E]

Oh, my God. I can fall in in five minutes because I'm naturally that way. And I have to stop myself.

[Patty Stanger]

Me too. Because I'm so lo and giving, and immediately I'm like, I love you. I want to do everything for you, but I'm trying to chill more. I'm doing better retriever. I'm chilling.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know what, Lendra?

[Patty Stanger]

I'm a cat.

[Jeff Lewis]

First of all, can you briefly tell Patty what happened to you on your date?

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, my God, Ms. Patty.

[Jeff Lewis]

Let me tell you, Patty, you're going to be so pissed.

[Patty Stanger]

I went on a date with this guy and he ditched me.

[E]

Wait, wait, slow down. Were you. Did you already see him on the date? And then he walked to the bathroom.

[Patty Stanger]

We had already had a drink, and we had been talking for maybe like an hour. And he said, I'm going to the bathroom. And then he laughed, unmatched me.

[Jeff Lewis]

And he ordered a second drink before he went to the bathroom.

[Bianca]

And stuck her with the tab.

[Jeff Lewis]

And stuck her with the tab.

[Patty Stanger]

I know why.

[E]

So what are we gonna do to him?

[Jeff Lewis]

We're gonna. We're gonna say his name on radio.

[E]

No, we're not only. Not only gonna do that, we are going to put him. Are we dating the same guy in the group?

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, you know, honestly, I don't even know. Like, we never even exchanged numbers. He's like, what's his name?

[E]

What's his name?

[Patty Stanger]

Chase.

[Jeff Lewis]

Chase what?

[Patty Stanger]

I don't know his last name.

[Jeff Lewis]

Get his name. Get his Instagram.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't have anything about him. Like, I never even gave him my phone number. He was so eager about the date.

[E]

No, but you do photo recognition on Google and it'll tell you who he is.

[Patty Stanger]

Right. But I don't even think I screenshot his picture. Like, honestly, that's like so old news for me. I actually went on a good first date the other day.

[E]

Wouldn't it?

[Jeff Lewis]

We won't talk about this, though.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, this? Okay. He ditched me.

[E]

Okay. But he. Did he. Do you have him on the file on Bumble? That was like, you know, we didn't meet on Bumble.

[Patty Stanger]

We met on what? Facebook. Dating.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think this is honest. I've been thinking a lot about this, like Hendra. Because I. I am traumatized by what happened to you.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

And I think. Okay, I think you're really hot. I think you have a lot of pictures, like bikini pictures and all of that. I think he thought I'm gonna hit it.

[Patty Stanger]

I think he did.

[Jeff Lewis]

And when he's like, meets this nice Christian girl who's looking for a relationship, wants to get married, he's like, fuck this, I'm not gonna get laid tonight.

[Patty Stanger]

I think that's all it was.

[Jeff Lewis]

He bailed. Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

[E]

But here's the deal. Talk about a man who doesn't matter. If you're gonna bail, you know, just say, hey, look, I don't think this is gonna work out. And pay the bill. I know you don't go off to.

[Patty Stanger]

The badge of power.

[E]

That is. I could say a lot of curse words right now. Holding back the karma.

[Patty Stanger]

The karma's gonna get him. What goes around comes around in life.

[Jeff Lewis]

Seriously?

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. No, I mean, no, that guy, he sucks. He's definitely paralyzed.

[E]

Okay, so the thing is, you know, a lot of people are. A lot of guys are asking girls to pay, you know, on the date.

[Patty Stanger]

I've heard about this. Or they'll be like, venmo. They'll send you a verb.

[E]

I say to girls, if a guy says to you, you know, pay. Go to the bathroom and leave and tell the matri d you're leaving because he who asks you out on the date is the payer.

[Patty Stanger]

Absolutely.

[E]

Doesn't matter whether you're gay or straight.

[Patty Stanger]

So. Okay, let me ask you about that because that's something that I wanted to know about. Like, should I should the guy.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm sorry, let me just get wrap.

[Patty Stanger]

My head about the ditching.

[Jeff Lewis]

So you go on a date and you ask the girl to venmo.

[E]

You guys are doing my ex.

[Patty Stanger]

They call it venbro.

[E]

My ex assistant had that. They do. Like, my ex assistant had that. And she was at a very fancy restaurant and he kept ordering a lot of Things.

[Bianca]

And then he sent her a Venmo request.

[E]

And then he said, listen, you know.

[Patty Stanger]

How do you want to do this?

[E]

Teddy wants you to pay for the drinks. You want to pay for the tip.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think my dad would literally hit me in the back of my head if I did that. And I'm 55 years old. I think he would just be like.

[Patty Stanger]

I would kick my brother's ass.

[E]

Like, 30 year old kids, we're a different generation. And so he's really rich, lives on the beach in a two bedroom apartment, and he's 30 years old. And I'm like, what?

[Patty Stanger]

Why is he cheap? A lot of the men are cheap now.

[E]

And then she paid for the drinks. I wanted to clobber, but I had one, my other assistant, and I said to him, when you, if this happens, go to the bathroom, see the maitre d and tell her you're leaving. You know, like, tell him, you know, I don't feel comfortable with the situation. They don't know if it's sexual harassment or whatever.

[Patty Stanger]

Right.

[E]

So she walked out the back of the restaurant on Abbot Kinney, and he starts screaming at her on texts. And she blocked him, which I told her to. I said, look, if anything happens, you call me and tell me what happened.

[Patty Stanger]

You know what? Okay. Because we were talking about age, Because I'm attracting a lot of younger guys right now.

[E]

Younger or older.

[Jeff Lewis]

But you also don't tell people your age. You look so much younger than your age. Well, we don't know how old you are.

[Patty Stanger]

I will tell a guy that I'm on a date with because I like to be honest. Like, I like to be honest.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, good, good. But you won't tell us.

[Patty Stanger]

No, because I'm not dating you, Jeff. Unless you want to take me.

[E]

Look, when she gets the guy, she's going to be really comfortable and tell you everything. But right now, like me with my Instagram and all the things, I'm very careful what I post because we're being judged. Judged. And no matter time, men judge women. Women don't judge men as much.

[Patty Stanger]

No.

[E]

I'll look at a crappy T shirt and I'll be like, he has a little pot belly. And I'll be like, all right, he's cute. He's workable. Men are like, no, if you're not perfect, I'm not dating you.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[E]

So we have to be careful. I know what that is about.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. So I'm honest with the guys that I go out with. I wouldn't mind being with an older guy. I really don't care about the age, but I see this now on Instagram. I'm seeing more black girls that are kind of like my age or around my age, and they're dating, like, older white men who are really, really rich.

[E]

Okay. So a lot of white men had their wives. Maybe they went white, Asian, whatever, and they go, I got a minimum system. Now let's go back to Badonki Dogs, Jeff. That's what it is.

[Jeff Lewis]

Totally me.

[E]

Yeah. That's what they do. And so you had the white wife.

[Jeff Lewis]

I've had several white wives.

[E]

My manager was married to a nice little Married and Asian, but he went through his little African American phase, and I was like, wow, you really like exotic. So I love those white men because I got a lot of black girls in my database. So I like a white guy to come in and go, I want that.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. Well, I attract a lot of white guys. I am a white guy magnet. It's like insane. I could be in the middle of Sudan and I'm gonna meet a white guy.

[E]

You got beautiful hair, beautiful skin. You got a great body. You're dressed gorgeous today. You look very rich and expensive.

[Patty Stanger]

Thank you, Ms. Petty.

[E]

You look expensive. Like you are Birkin.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, thank you.

[E]

You are Birkin. There are certain girls that are Chanel, but you are Birkin.

[Patty Stanger]

Thank you, Ms. Patty. I received that.

[Jeff Lewis]

You do present well.

[Patty Stanger]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Let me ask you this, though, because I was surprised. So we went to, you know, Vegas and Lakendra was there for the week.

[E]

Yeah. I wasn't invited to. And I'm really upset. We're have a conversation.

[Jeff Lewis]

We'll talk about 26, but. 20, 26. But there were a lot of men at this pool. A lot of men.

[E]

Straight men. Huge.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yes. Huge pool of men.

[E]

Where were you at? What part?

[Jeff Lewis]

We were at Resorts World Pool. And Lakendra chooses the guy that's, like, in college and chooses to spend the weekend with him. And I thought to myself, did you.

[E]

Know he was in college when you met him?

[Patty Stanger]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

No. She thought he was in high school.

[Patty Stanger]

I thought he was your nephew, but I. But he chose me. No, we just bonded. We just started chit chatting and we just bonded because, you know, I have such a big personality. So it's like, I will just start chit chatting with the guy.

[E]

No, no, no, no. So you're all wrong. Your game's wrong. Your game's wrong.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thank you.

[E]

You have to filter. So if you've got an hour at a pool or an hour at a bar, you got no time to wait.

[Jeff Lewis]

Not on a college guy.

[E]

Your job is. You gotta separate from the pack. If Jeff and Shane are drinking in the corner, you go, hey, guys, I'll be back in 20. And you gotta walk around and smell each person, look at each person and.

[Jeff Lewis]

Go, do we have to smell them too?

[E]

Yeah, yeah. Women fall in love through smell.

[Jeff Lewis]

You know what? Guys do too. I'm attracted to smell.

[E]

Maybe because, you know, when you're a gay man, you're a little more feminine and you need that test. So we have to like, know, like, if you hear a voice and it's feminine, you're like, out, right?

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, I don't like that. I like my man to be white.

[E]

I need a deeper.

[Jeff Lewis]

So hold on. So you walk up to someone and you say, hi, and this person says.

[E]

Can I get you a drink?

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, honey, let me get you a drink.

[E]

You're like, sweetheart, we're. Anyone goes shopping. Yeah, that's what it's like.

[Jeff Lewis]

But she wasted, I think, a valuable, important opportunity. And if you said to me, I know you were working, but look, I'm all about. If you like, hey, Jeff, I'm going downstairs to do a lap, I'd be like, go do it. I did.

[Patty Stanger]

I, you know, we were up on the balcony.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

Able to look down and I did see this really good looking black man. And I went up to him, but I didn't. I always can see the ring, but I didn't see his ring. And I went up to him and I was like, hi. When I went up to him, he.

[E]

Was, he immediately told me, okay, so he's married now. Here's the deal. Good for him, move on. Too bad you're single. You're a beautiful man. Let me go find one. Like, like, why waste time? And. But if you see. Do you not ask the, these questions when you meet the guy for the first time? Where do you live?

[Patty Stanger]

Are you in college?

[E]

I was gonna say, like, what do you do? I'm in college.

[Jeff Lewis]

What grade are you in, Ms. Patty?

[Patty Stanger]

No, but I'm in Vegas.

[E]

Are you over 18?

[Patty Stanger]

We're in Vegas. You know, we're just. I wasn't like, expecting much.

[E]

Okay, but why.

[Jeff Lewis]

Don't waste your time.

[E]

Okay, so Vegas is the center of the universe.

[Bianca]

It's a Mecca for single men.

[E]

That's right. And Vegas is where they all go to gamble and like, you know, like, poker is like huge in Vegas and all this. And so, like, you gotta go to the poker tables. That's where most of the men are. And so if you have a whole hub where they all come from all over the country, why wouldn't you utilize it?

[Bianca]

You don't want a man who's drinking by the pool. You want a man who's gambling his life savings away to make more for you.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, guys, this was my first Chub Con. I didn't know what it was.

[Jeff Lewis]

You made a lot of mistakes at that Chubb Con.

[Patty Stanger]

It was my first one. Next year, I'm gonna have it. I'm gonna be ready.

[E]

But, I mean, like, if BravoCon was happening, you separate from Bravo. I worked BravoCon. Now I'm gonna go separate. Because, like, you're in Vegas.

[Jeff Lewis]

But Patty, if white guys are into her, Right? You're finding that white guys are drawn to you. Maybe you should really strongly consider that then.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, I do. I give the white brother who think.

[E]

He'S gonna buy you the Birkin. The white guy.

[Patty Stanger]

The white brother.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Why are you saying that black guys can't afford a Birkin?

[E]

No, no. Cause they're not like a brother. In my Bible, a white guy.

[Jeff Lewis]

Black guys can't also afford a Birkin.

[E]

I've never said that. And don't put that out there. Cause you're gonna make a PR moment. That's not true. I never said black men can't afford any. I'm saying that the white guy has this. This image of you being the goddess.

[Patty Stanger]

They do.

[E]

So they want to. They want to pamper you.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[E]

And black guy's like, it's a sister. Let's see what she's got. But a white guy is gonna go, oh, my God. And a Chinese guy. Oh, my God.

[Patty Stanger]

I've never.

[E]

You know, I've never dated in a. Chinese men love. You're canceled.

[Patty Stanger]

We're gonna get letters.

[E]

My rich Chinese guys from Shanghai and all those, like, you know, like, crazy rich. My crazy rich Asian guys, okay. They were the first ones to say, I went on a second date. Can. What's her favorite thing? Can I buy it? And I'm always like, wait, you don't even know this girl. Like, I'm. I'm slowing it down. And they're like, my mother taught me. Like, one guy sent pearls that were the most expensive thing a couple weeks ago. And I was just like, what's that about? He's like, my mom taught me that when I like a girl, I gotta send a gift.

[Patty Stanger]

Wow. I like that.

[E]

And I was like, oh, my God.

[Patty Stanger]

I know. Should I be with a Chinese man? You know, little Blasian babies are so good.

[E]

Why do you think they're buying up America? They have like all this money.

[Patty Stanger]

We're gonna get less.

[Jeff Lewis]

My neighbor is half Asian. He's so hot.

[Patty Stanger]

Really? Is he sing?

[Jeff Lewis]

No. We're waiting.

[Patty Stanger]

You know what's waiting for him to get divorced.

[E]

What's the guy from Crazy Rich Agents that is in Henry Golding. I have such.

[Jeff Lewis]

No.

[E]

He's so good looking. I have such a crush on him. He's very sexy.

[Jeff Lewis]

Fern and Dallas, line two for Patty.

[E]

Okay, I gotta see. What is the question?

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, she'll say it. That's the great part about it.

[E]

Okay, good. Okay, good.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah, I wanna. Hey, guys, I want to make this real simple. Patty, you just said that when men give to women, they get these. Not testosterone, but the. That's a presence.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Okay.

[E]

Okay. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. I gotta stay focused. Okay. So my thing is, is that we've got to. I think the problem is, is we got to get the money in the men's hands. You know, I'm saying that we got to get them. We got to get the money in the men's hands. And I think like, Kendra may have been onto something when she went for the young guy getting out of school who's going to be bankable soon.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, you're right.

[E]

I think the age difference is too big. But the age difference is going to be a problem.

[Patty Stanger]

That was a little too bad because.

[E]

Like, she's not 30. You know what I mean? She looks 30, but she's not 30.

[Patty Stanger]

Ms. Kathy.

[E]

I know, girl. I want to find you a rich older man. I'm not giving you a young college kid who's. Because what will happen is he'll age up, then he'll get bored and ditch her. We want that. We want the lasting love.

[Patty Stanger]

Yes, I do want somebody who forever love is.

[E]

I like to call it the forever love.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't want to have to convince someone to be ready. I want somebody who is ready. But Ms. Fearne in Dallas, thank you so much for supporting me in my decision to go.

[E]

She had like a fun weekend.

[Patty Stanger]

It was fun.

[E]

Yeah. And you didn't clean out your pipe. So you're good. Cause you didn't know you didn't do any. No sex before monogamy, so I like that.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, no, we did not. I promise y' all.

[E]

Did she?

[Patty Stanger]

I did not. She's a gentleman. And he was a gentleman. It was like.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, but stuff happened. But you're just saying.

[E]

Well, you can make out.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, stuff happened. But maybe she go in. I don't Know if she went in soaking?

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, no, I'm not a Mormon. I'm not doing that. But I mean, you know, you could.

[E]

Do the back door, though, because that's actually called the Provo push.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oh, I don't know. On the first date.

[E]

No, they do, because they don't break their virginity.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, I'm sorry. That's still in the eyes of the Lord. That is still a sin.

[Jeff Lewis]

I hate to break it. That still sex.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, so I actually, I do want to talk to you about the. Because I know you said no. Intimacy without commitment. Yes, but before. Because it's like you don't want to rush the intimacy. You don't want to rush.

[E]

Wait three months and he'll fall madly and live. And you'll get a ring.

[Patty Stanger]

You got to wait three months.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're not waiting for me.

[E]

I'm not kidding. I've done it. You get engaged.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're not waiting to get married. No, no, no, no, no.

[E]

You can flirt around, you can flurry and get naked. You just can't do the front door.

[Patty Stanger]

Wow.

[E]

And you and ye will fall madly. I've seen it with every one of my clients. You will fall madly in love and you will get a. Wow. Get a ring. Or you don't want to get a ring?

[Patty Stanger]

I do want a ring.

[E]

Is it working now the way you're doing it?

[Patty Stanger]

No.

[Jeff Lewis]

He's going to want it. I think he's going to test drive you before he gives you a ring.

[E]

No. No, he doesn't. That's not true. Vasopressin.

[Patty Stanger]

Not a car.

[Jeff Lewis]

But maybe, you know, I understand waiting a few dates, but three months? Three months.

[E]

Three months.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think most people I know would.

[E]

Be once or twice a week for three months. He will go insane. He'll want to take you away on vacation. That's how he's going to try to. He'll take you to a nice resort because he's want to get in.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so look, if he has to do that to get in. Okay, fine.

[E]

You need that first time to be where he spent money. And the stakes are high for. For him.

[Jeff Lewis]

So a weekend away.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, so the first time. I like that. I like the first time being on a vacation.

[E]

So maybe I do do this for a living, you know?

[Patty Stanger]

I know. No, I'm. I'm. Trust me, I am taking notes. But I do have to tell you.

[Jeff Lewis]

But no back door, Patty.

[E]

No, no, I laughed at that. I said the Mormons do the provo push. I said the Mormons.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

No, I don't want to do that.

[E]

I mean I'm by the way, I'm in love with Secret Lives and Mormon Wives. I'm in love with Jessie. She's my favorite.

[Bianca]

Jesse's my favorite.

[E]

I want to go to her. I've been dming with her. I want to go to her hair salon in Utah and get my Jay Z styles.

[Bianca]

You have to?

[E]

Yeah. I love watching her do it with her mom. I want to fix her mom up. Mom.

[Jeff Lewis]

Your new beginning starts now. Dr. Horton has new construction homes available in Ellensburg and throughout the greater Seattle area. With spacious floor plans, flexible living spaces and home technology packages, you can enjoy more cozy, cozy moments and sweet memories in your beautiful new home. With new home communities opening in Ellensburg and throughout the Seattle area, Dr. Horton has the ideal home for you. Learn more@doctor Horton.com Dr. Horton America's builder and equal Housing Opportunity Builder. You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. While you're planning beach trips, barbecues and three day weekends, your wireless wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back. Make the switch to Mint Mobile with plans starting at $15 a month, Mint Mobile gives you premium wireless service on the nation's largest 5G network. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text. The coverage and speed you're used to, but way less money. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile. So while your friends are sweating over data, overages and surprise charger, you'll be chilling, literally and financially this year. Skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium Wireless [e-mail] Jeff Lewis that's mintmobile.com JeffLewis Upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5GB plan required equivalent to $15 per month New customer offer for first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra C Mint Mobile for details. You do everything you can to keep your cat healthy, giving them the best treats, food and toys. So why not use the best litter too? Pretty Litter helps monitor your cat's health, detecting abnormalities in your cat's urine by testing acidity and alkalinity levels and showing the visible presence of blood. You know how much my animals mean to me and as they get older I love being able to get ahead of potential illnesses. Plus I love that Pretty litter is lightweight and ships right to my door. It's non clumping formula, traps odor and it's keeping my home smelling Great. Right now, save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy at prettylitter.com jeff that's prettylitter.com jeff to save 20% on your first order AND get a free cat toy. Pretty litter.com jeff prettilitter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose diseases. A diagnosis can only come from a licensed veterinarian. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details. In case you haven't heard, the newest fashion trend is finding clothes that feel good and last. And that's where Quince comes in. Their lightweight layers and high quality staples will become your new everyday essentials. Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. I just got an adorable organic cotton dress for my daughter for spring and summer that's perfect for school or a dinner date with dad. Plus the Mongolian cashmere sweaters I ordered a little while back. Continue to work with my wardrobe from season to season. Not to mention I love the quality versus the cost. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince quince.com jeff for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com jeff to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com jeff Now Patty, you took a look at Lakendra's dating profile during the break and do you have any notes for her?

[E]

Well, the thing I like is she's very photogenic, but I didn't love the photos that much, which is interesting. She did a lot of side shots. Like she's like this. They're kind of like an awkward position. And also I want her to put more simpler clothes on, like solid black mini dress like, like, because those things will date after a while. So I just want her to change her photos out. I think she is beautiful. And the Facebook one lets you have a lot of photos on there, which is unusual because most of them are like four to six. Right. And that's it? Yeah, I just wanted her to change her photos.

[Jeff Lewis]

What about some of the things she said?

[Patty Stanger]

Did you read my bio? Let me show you my bio.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, but now there's a problem with the age on that particular app.

[E]

What happens? It wouldn't let her change it, won't.

[Patty Stanger]

Let me change it. But in my bio I put a disclaimer, my age is Wrong. But I said if we. If we go on a first date, I will let you guess, which I think is cute.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, that's not cute. I think you should. If they're. If they're not letting you.

[E]

I don't like what you wrote.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, but talking to the mic. Okay, but also. I'm so sorry, are you saying you can't not change the date?

[Patty Stanger]

It won't let me change it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Or the age on Facebook.

[Patty Stanger]

It won't.

[Jeff Lewis]

Then you need to probably. What, start a new profile?

[E]

Yes.

[Bianca]

Well, then she has to start her Facebook complet over.

[E]

No, no, no, no. You can't do that because Meta. Jeff Zuckerberg. You know, you got a problem with your customer service.

[Jeff Lewis]

I don't think he's listening. Pretty sure he's not listening.

[E]

You know, like, he. They have the worst customer service and they don't care.

[Bianca]

It's impossible.

[E]

You can't get through. Okay, so here's what she wrote. I'm happy and I'm blessed. Okay. That means she's Christian. I have a great career, family, friends, and a cute dog. Okay. Would love to meet a great guy with a stable career and financial stability. I don't love that. No, no. I like when they say you need a successful guy. Screw the stable.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, so I should say successful loves.

[E]

God, loves to laugh, and is ready to settle down with the right girl and have an amazing life. Okay. They're basics. I want to see details. We're gonna go home, we're gonna read you the paragraph. I want a lot of details. Of what? You don't have to sell yourself. I want you to. I want them to sell you. Okay, so I want to see. What do you want out of the guy?

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, my gosh, I'm excited.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, so. So, Bianca and Houston, line one.

[E]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hi, Bianca.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Oh, my God. Penny, I need your help. Okay, so. Hello? Can you hear me?

[E]

Yes, yes, we can hear you.

[Jeff Lewis]

Are you at work?

[Lakendra Tookes]

Okay. Yeah, I've got my head. Let me take them off. Hold on, I'll take them off.

[E]

Is it like, headset or something?

[Bianca]

Yeah, she's at the call center.

[E]

Yeah.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Hello?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah. Much better.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Hello?

[E]

Hi.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Yeah. Hey. So I'm going out with this older guy. I'm 39, he's 61. He's in oil and gas. He has money and, like, we've been going out for like a month and a half.

[E]

Okay.

[Lakendra Tookes]

And I don't know, like. So when you say, like, no sex before monogamy, what do you mean? So.

[E]

Okay. So are you from Australia?

[Lakendra Tookes]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, I love your accent. So sexy. Okay, so the thing is, you can have sex with men if you don't want a serious relationship or to lead to marriage. Like, I'm not saying don't have fun and get your pipes cleaned out. I've done it a million times. We all have. But when you're on the road to wanting a serious relationship, the animal of the male is. Is quite different than the female. So you are trying to say to him, slow it down. Get to know me. Let me get to, like, see if you even like him. That is usually a two to three month process. Most people go three and it's twice a week that you see the guy and you pull back because he will fall in love with you and let him do things for you. Like, if he needs to build your IKEA shelves in your house, let him do it. If he needs to walk your dog or, you know, take your garbage out, let him do it. Because that's how men fall in love. This is. I am not saying this.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think men fall in love through sex.

[E]

Frankly, they do not. So women fall.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's my experience.

[E]

Women fought. Well, you're gay. There's difference. Women fall in love through sex. Men fall in love by doing things for women.

[Patty Stanger]

I have a question, and Bianca, this is going to piggyback on your question. How long? Like, 30 days. From when? From, like, the first day.

[E]

You match the first date.

[Patty Stanger]

Wow.

[Jeff Lewis]

How many dates have you been on, Bianca, with this man?

[Lakendra Tookes]

I've been seeing him for a month and a half. And we've been seeing each other like, one to two times a week.

[E]

Good. Perfect.

[Jeff Lewis]

Eight days.

[Lakendra Tookes]

My sister told him. Yeah, but like. Yeah, my sister said to wait six months.

[E]

No, no, no, no. That's too long. That's too long.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think you're ready.

[E]

No, wait. Let me ask you a question. Did he ask you for monogamy in the sober light of day? Did you have the talk?

[Lakendra Tookes]

No, I like.

[E]

Okay, so you're gonna go over to Amazon, you're gonna download my book, Become youe Own Matchmaker. There's a whole chapter on how to negotiate monogamy. And it give. You won't even just memorize the words. Okay? Take him out to cat, to coffee, or, like, lunch in the middle of the day. Do not do it at home. Don't do it at night. And then say the words and watch what he does. If he says, oh, my God, of course we're exclusive. You want to hear him say it. But if he says, well, you know, we Never had sex. I really don't know you that well. I got to, you know, drive the car before I buy it. Then he's not your guy.

[Jeff Lewis]

Bianca, have you been naked yet with him? No, not at all.

[E]

Good job.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's time to give him something.

[Bianca]

He's thinking about her. He's asking all of his friends. We have great dates, we have great.

[Jeff Lewis]

When she has sex with him, he's gonna commit. No, that's my theory.

[E]

That's not the way.

[Jeff Lewis]

Call back, Bianca, because I really think. I feel like it's time to start doing stuff. Maybe not like.

[E]

No, you can fool around. Look, you can get naked and go skinny dipping. I have no problem. You just can't put it in.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, you got to give him a handy or a blowjob.

[E]

Look, look. And he's got to touch her, too. It's like Equal Pro. But the thing is, the longer you wait, the more he falls in love with you. And our second caller after you is going to prove my theory.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, Bianca, you're getting close, okay? So you're going to have to do something soon.

[Patty Stanger]

How soon should we have the monogamy check?

[E]

Okay, when he hits on you sexually, like, you're sitting in the couch and you're watching a movie, and then he starts at the bar, that's when you go, hey, listen, listen. I am so attracted to you. I'm having the best time, okay? But I'm just not the type of girl to go there. I'm a one woman man. Stop.

[Jeff Lewis]

Bianca, is he initiating sex with you at all?

[Lakendra Tookes]

No, but he asked me to go to his beach house.

[Bianca]

Vacation.

[Jeff Lewis]

That's it.

[E]

How many days? Wait, has he not. Has he not made out with you? Hang on. Yeah, Jameson, Hang on. No, no. Could he be gay? Could he be gay? There's a lot of gay trying to be straight. There's a lot of gay trying to be. No, no, not though.

[Jeff Lewis]

Why are you looking at me?

[Lakendra Tookes]

No, no, no, no, no. He's a. He's in oil and gas. He's 61. He's very like Texas.

[Jeff Lewis]

I know, but he hasn't kissed you.

[E]

Okay, so listen, my girlfriend went out with a guy for two months and he pulled the stunt, like the way he's pulling with you. And that might mean. Is he over 50?

[Jeff Lewis]

He's 61.

[E]

His testosterone's dropped and he has to go get his hormones, shoot him up. She doesn't want a project, so that's a project. But you, you need to do the pellet. You need to do is just Use your vibrator until he's ready, and then it'll come out. But he's. You're gonna probably have to take him when you get him for testosterone.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, first, why don't we go to the beach house first? Let's go to the beach house. Let's see what happens. Bianca. And if nothing happens, we're done. We're done.

[E]

But, like, what you need to do is find his history in dating. Like, did he have a lot of guy friends and. There's not a lot. He's not gay.

[Jeff Lewis]

He's probably just not into it anymore.

[E]

How do you not know he's gay? We see a lot of these gay men.

[Jeff Lewis]

The testosterone. I've been there. The testosterone has dropped. You are absolutely right.

[E]

I know, but we also need to figure out which side of the street he's on.

[Patty Stanger]

You could be on both sides of the street. Just saying.

[E]

Oh, Oscar. Oscar knows. Oscar's.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oscar doesn't know that Oscar's bi.

[E]

He's bi.

[Jeff Lewis]

Oscar doesn't know.

[E]

Okay.

[Jeff Lewis]

All right, Bianca, thank you. Keep us posted.

[Patty Stanger]

All right.

[Jeff Lewis]

Blair in Florida, line two.

[E]

Hi, Blair.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Hey, how are you guys?

[Patty Stanger]

Hey, Blair.

[Lakendra Tookes]

So I've been a big fan of Patty's forever.

[E]

Thank you.

[Lakendra Tookes]

And I completely agree with her. Yes. And I'm living proof, because I made my husband wait. Well, when we were first dating, and Patty's right, if you were young ladies out there, if you want to have fun, that's fine. But if it's somebody you think that you possibly would want to marry, you got to make them wait. Because when I was younger, I would.

[Patty Stanger]

Always tell my friends, the longer they're.

[Lakendra Tookes]

Waiting to find out what it's like. My husband now, he's now my husband for over 23 years, he told me he loved me. We were completely monogamous before we had sex.

[Jeff Lewis]

Yep. My guess is, Blair, you're hot. That's.

[E]

You're hot.

[Jeff Lewis]

So. And then someone is going to wait five months for a hotel. Yeah. So.

[Lakendra Tookes]

And it was probably like, no, we were engaged. We didn't wait five months. It was maybe. I'd have to do the exact math. It was maybe six weeks or two months. But then we were engaged. We went from five months, like, around October.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay.

[Lakendra Tookes]

No, the five months.

[Patty Stanger]

I told engaged in five months.

[Jeff Lewis]

So here's the thing. You're also good in bed. You're good in bed. So what happened is you waited six weeks, you had sex with them, and you closed the deal. You closed the deal.

[Bianca]

That's what I was telling Bianca eight weeks after.

[Patty Stanger]

But also 23 years ago, I think men were different. Men today, they drank.

[E]

They drank the plastic water. They all have estrogen in them.

[Patty Stanger]

They're all like.

[E]

Like the plastic water. My theory. And it's. And it. And look, I'm like. You know, everybody forgets I'm psychic. I'm intuitive. I knew Blair Lively was going to win this case. They all told me I was crazy, Michigan, and nuts.

[Jeff Lewis]

Where are we going?

[E]

And so the point is that I read vibration. I read vibration. I don't look at it like that. I'm very psychic. So it's like the men are getting very feminine.

[Patty Stanger]

They are. They're very feminine.

[Jeff Lewis]

So Blair is an exception because she's hot and she was good in bed and he fell in love with her. He fell in love with her after he had sex with her.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

I rest my case. I rest my case. Thanks for calling, Glenn.

[E]

Can another expert come on? One day when I'm here with a science expert, like. Like one of the famous relationship experts that do science.

[Jeff Lewis]

We don't need experts.

[E]

Westermeyer's dead, but somebody like that. Because I want to prove my theory on Vasov.

[Jeff Lewis]

Is this Alana? Is it Alana or Aliana?

[Bianca]

Elena.

[Jeff Lewis]

Elena, Canada, line one.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, yep, Elena.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's up, Elena?

[E]

Very different Canada. Very nice.

[Bianca]

The rules are different.

[Patty Stanger]

Canada's different.

[E]

I've dated a lot of Canadians.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, I dated a Canadian.

[E]

Yeah, I was in love with a Canadian from Montreal.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay, let's talk to. Hi.

[E]

Hi.

[Jeff Lewis]

What's your question?

[Patty Stanger]

Elena?

[E]

Elena. I just wanted to say that I had sex with my partner on the first date and we've been together 21 years.

[Jeff Lewis]

There you go.

[E]

Probably really hot.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're hot and good in bed.

[E]

Well, she's Canadian. They're giving.

[Jeff Lewis]

I think waiting is game.

[E]

Wait, okay, wait. Is she gay or straight? Straight.

[Patty Stanger]

She's straight.

[Jeff Lewis]

Straight.

[E]

Okay. All right.

[Jeff Lewis]

It's game playing you. When you're waiting three to four to five months, you're game playing.

[E]

No, you're getting.

[Jeff Lewis]

I'm sorry. I'm out. I'm out.

[E]

Well, Jeff, no one said three to.

[Bianca]

Four to five months.

[E]

Ask the straight guy writes, jeff, you're a girl. You don't have. Look, men don't have feelings like us. We could commit suicide if somebody breaks up with us because they didn't do it right. You were just on to the next one. When I deal with my gay guys, they go one to the next to the next to the next. And straight guys do, too, because they don't want to feel their feelings. We spend years figuring out what went wrong.

[Jeff Lewis]

Well, I'm glad it worked out for you.

[Patty Stanger]

Way to go, Alayna.

[E]

Canada. Go to your Canada in the house.

[Jeff Lewis]

Did you want to promote your pheromone spray? Because I. Yeah.

[E]

I mean, I'm not really working with them anymore, but I love the company. It's matchmaker fragrance. It's pheromones. You have to get them through them online on ioflove.com.

[Jeff Lewis]

But, yeah, ioflove.com.

[E]

That'S where they are.

[Jeff Lewis]

Okay.

[Bianca]

I'll just put it on and we're gonna. She's gonna. You're gonna find the love of your life.

[E]

I still use it. They're. They're like family to me. They just don't want to grow. Like, they don't want to get into Ulta and Sephora, and I really like to start seeing that happen.

[Jeff Lewis]

I will say I've tried several of the pheromones sprays that you have given me. My favorite is the matchmaker bottle Black Diamond. It's not only.

[E]

Is that the one I gave you?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, it's. It's a pretty bottle, number one. Number two, you can wear it as a cologne.

[E]

Yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

So I think you get. You know, it's. It smells great. People compliment me when I wear it, but it's also fair. It has the pheromones.

[E]

And if the fragrance goes away, it's still in your system, in your bloodstream, so it's still excreting pheromones, which is really nice, but, I mean, I want to excrete pheromones. Yeah, they're excreting. You're excreting. You already have a boyfriend. You have to excrete.

[Patty Stanger]

Doctors you could excrete.

[E]

Were you wearing it when you met him in the mall?

[Jeff Lewis]

I was. Yeah, I was.

[E]

There you go.

[Patty Stanger]

You were excreting.

[Jeff Lewis]

Tracy in Houston. Oh, she's upset with me. Line one.

[E]

What did you do?

[Jeff Lewis]

Hi, Tracy.

[E]

Hi, Tracy, can you hear me?

[Jeff Lewis]

Yeah, what's up, Tracy?

[Lakendra Tookes]

Okay. I just wanted to say I think.

[E]

There'S, like, a happy medium between how Jeff feels and how Patty feels, because, yes, I think you need, like, monogamy and him to say I love you first. But I don't think you need to make him wait a full three months like I did two months. And I'm coming up on five years of marriage, so I think there's a happy medium, if that makes sense. I agree, but two months is a lot, too. It's like, you got to take. You got. I Just don't feel like we're gonna hear, like, Kelly Dodds is one of the questions. And she's on. And she's like, I slept with Rick on the first day. And I'm like, okay, great. That's the exception to the rule. That wasn't for me. It's not for everybody. It's not for everybody. And you have to take. Everybody has. Everybody's gonna trial and error it until they find where they live. I'm a person. Like, I can't feel safe sexually unless I have monogamy.

[Patty Stanger]

Right?

[E]

Right.

[Jeff Lewis]

Tracy, my guess is you're good.

[E]

I did what I did.

[Jeff Lewis]

You're good looking, and that's why your husband waited.

[E]

Oh, my God, Jeff, you're just, like, the best. Jeff's like a hairdresser. You know, you get a hairdresser and they tell you how beautiful you are.

[Jeff Lewis]

No, I'll tell you if you're fugly. If you're fugly, you should not wait. Right? And you better be good at. You better be good at something.

[E]

So you gotta know how to do a good blow job.

[Jeff Lewis]

Correct?

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff Lewis]

You better be real good in bed if you're fugly.

[E]

So you go gay best friend guy and say, teach me how to give a good blowjob.

[Jeff Lewis]

Or ask Patty.

[E]

That's what I did in high school. That's what I did in high school.

[Jeff Lewis]

Or if you look like Tracy, you can wait two months and it's on your terms. But the problem is we don't all look like Tracy.

[E]

Yeah, but everybody can get GLP now. So everybody can. Well, then there's that GLP everybody's getting. Not Ozempic. It's Terraziptide. Nobody is on Ozempic. Everybody's on Terraziptide. Why doesn't everybody know that? Terraziptide with an nad. Everybody's on it.

[Bianca]

That's why they all know about Tara.

[E]

I didn't know about Terra is the number one. Nobody is.

[Jeff Lewis]

Wait, how do I spell that?

[E]

But it's got nad in it now. It's got nad in it.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, that's really.

[E]

I mean, I will give you all.

[Jeff Lewis]

But why don't you. Why are you just telling us this now?

[E]

Because you just started talking about it.

[Jeff Lewis]

Jesus. Thank you, Tracy.

[E]

You can all be hot. Everybody can be hot.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, because that was. That's what I was thinking, Jeff. I was like, I don't think you really need Weight Watchers. I think you might just, you know.

[E]

Why are you taking.

[Jeff Lewis]

I need to excrete more.

[E]

So you're doing excret. You're doing points now she's about to.

[Jeff Lewis]

Ashley in Seattle. Line four.

[E]

He's skinny.

[Bianca]

Depends on the day.

[E]

I think he's hot. The way he looks right now, I.

[Bianca]

Can perfect just the way you are.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, Ashley, we're running out of time. Ashley, you gotta hurt.

[E]

Oh, we can't get to Kelly the bummer. What?

[Patty Stanger]

Go ahead, babe.

[Lakendra Tookes]

I just wanted to say I am with Jeff. I waited three dates and I've been with my husband for. For 13 years.

[E]

And you're hot and you're hot and that's hot. And you guys after three weeks and you probably give great head. So there you go. Hot and with head hot.

[Jeff Lewis]

Do you, Ashley? Well, you're doing something right, Ashley.

[E]

Or your cooch is tight.

[Patty Stanger]

What can I say, baby?

[E]

Tight cooch. Shout out to the tight cooc tc.

[Patty Stanger]

That's where you're going to really excrete from.

[E]

The tighter you are, the quicker you get the ring.

[Patty Stanger]

Go ahead, Ashley.

[Jeff Lewis]

Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on SiriusXM as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app.

[E]

Hi, I'm Ashley Flowers, creator and host of the number one true crime podcast, Crime Crime Junkie.

[Patty Stanger]

Every Monday, me and my best friend Britt break down a new case, but.

[E]

Not in the way you've heard before.

[Patty Stanger]

And not the cases you've heard before. You'll hear stories on Crime Junkie that haven't been told anywhere else. I'll tell you what you can do to help victims and their families get justice. Join us for new episodes of Crime Junkie every Monday. Already waiting for you by searching for Crime Junkie. Wherever you listen to podcasts, substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating.

[Bianca]

And so, as a black woman in.

[Patty Stanger]

Recovery, hope must be loud.

[Jeff Lewis]

It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable.

[Bianca]

It is the thread that lets you.

[Patty Stanger]

Know that no matter what happens, you will be okay. When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible. Find out how now at startwithhope.

[E]

Com.

[Patty Stanger]

Brought to you by the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, Shatterproof and the AD Council.