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What's up, guys? Welcome to the Jesus People Podcast. This is a unique episode because I'm clearly not in my studio. I am sitting on a beach in Door County, Wisconsin, and today I'm not interviewing anybody. I'm going to share my story with you guys, which, reflecting here, just walking on this beach and talking to the Lord and spending time with him, I'm just, I was coming back to these moments in my life and a couple scriptures, a couple stories that I want to unpack for you guys that have just meant a lot to me where God has showed up in some incredible ways in my life and got me to the place where now God's got me as an online evangelist and a filmmaker. And there's so many things that you guys don't know about me. I, I, all the time I hear people tell me, like, you're like, man, you're so different than your content. You're so different than your content on social media. You're such, like, a goofball. Like, you're such a jokester. And I'm like, dang, I wish, I wish people could understand that about me because, because, dude, I am a weird cat. Like, I am, I am a. I am an odd bird. I am. I have a very strange sense of humor. And people, it, like, it like, throws them off when, when they meet me. And so hopefully you guys get to know that side of me more and more. But today, what I want to do is I want to share some of these things that have happened in my life. Some, like, miracles, some God stories, the, you know, my childhood, like, what the Lord's done in my life to, to cultivate this faith in me. And then I want to go into a couple scriptures that have meant the world to me that I feel like nobody preaches on, but have really changed the way I see Jesus in the Bible and the scriptures and the gospel and have come to understand his heart in such a unique way. And so I'm going to weave those stories throughout. They're weird stories. One of them is about a prophet who marries a prostitute. You might have heard that story of Hosea. But the second one is about this. The great high priest Joshua standing in the holy of holies, covered in poop in front of Jesus on the judgment seat. And Satan is at his right hand rebuking him. And people are like, that's in the Bible. I'm like, yeah. And it's probably one of the coolest pictures of the gospel that I've ever seen in the Bible. And so we're gonna unpack that. I want to share that kind of as it weaves through my story. But my story is. Is like, I think it's. It's hard to share your story without going into your family of origin, because I think so much of who we are is shaped by the time we're like 10 years old, 15 years old. And for me, I grew up in a really interesting and really beautiful family in many ways. But, you know, my extended family, very successful. Everybody in my generation of cousins and brothers, of, like, there's like, I don't know, 15 of us or something. Everyone has a PhD. That's not hyperbole. Literally everyone has PhD. My uncles and my dad. Like, everyone's just like, hyper, hyper successful. And as a kid, I just never felt that smart, to be honest with you. I just kind of felt like I was not. I was kind of a dumb kid. And like, comparatively, you know, and. And I, like, met the Lord early on. My parents know Jesus, but no one else in my family really followed Jesus. So I kind of was like this black sheep Christian in a way where I, like, I'm. I was just this chubby, awkward, like, I had a fro, like a white guy fro. And I would just. I just love Jesus. Like, I just met him at a summer camp in my freshman year of high school and felt madly in love. And I just started sharing my faith like crazy. I'd be like, in shops, I would, like, be going into just like a store, and I'd walk up to the cashier and I'd just be like. Be like, hey, can I. Can I tell you about Jesus? Like, I saw you had some, like, witchcraft stuff over there, like, can I talk to you about this? And people would be like, sure. I remember going on planes, and I. I like, would map it out. I'd, like, have a Christian book with me. I wouldn't have the Bible out of a Christian book with me. I'd struck up a conversation with the person next to me, and I knew they were going to ask me what I was reading. And I was like, yes, I get to share Jesus with these people. And I'm like 12, you know, like, I'm like 13 years old, having this zeal for the Lord. And what I kind of want to share with you is how I lost that, like, where that went over the course of my life. Because I did lose it. And I lost it in a lot of religious ways. And then I think I've found it in many ways, maybe not all the way I Think I still look back at those that little boy and I'm like, man, I think he probably had a lot more faith than even I do today. Like this childlike faith. But yeah, I got into high school and met Jesus and just wasn't good at anything. My grades weren't good. I didn't care about school. I probably could have gotten good grades. I just didn't care. I got cut from the baseball team three years in a row. Outright cut my first two years. Cut from varsity my junior year. So I'm like playing with all the young kids and I was just like 5 foot 2, a buck 15 buck but like somehow fat and like gangly and like awkward and just like this. The girls didn't like me. I just became like kind of like a clown. Like I become just like this Jesus loving clown and, and that kind of became my identity is I just, I just found this ministry to be a part of. It's called Student Venture back then, it's now called Crew in High school. And I just, I just like started talking about Jesus with everyone I could. And I think looking back now and I'll get a little bit in more into my story, but like I really look at some of these scriptures like in Matthew 5 where it's like blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God. Like blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Blessed are the peacemakers. It's like blessed are the meek for they will inherit the ear. It's like all these backwards things, all this, all, all, all this like Jesus is saying this is what the kingdom looks like. And it looks more like that 115 pound awkward freshman than it does this successful dude over here. And I keep coming back to that. The word the Lord has given me now in my 30s is meekness. And I'll get into what that means a little bit in my story. But it's just a complete loss of ownership of your life. It's like I have nothing. And I think that's why the meek will inherit the earth because they just have nothing. So they'll just go for stuff, they'll just try stuff. And that was me as a high school kid. It's like I wasn't good at baseball. It was my dream ever since I was little to play professional baseball. And here I am, I can't even make my high school team. The other thing is my brother came out of the closet and we looked like twins. So we were like, we looked identical. So we're walking down the hallway, everyone in the school knew that's the gay kid. And so now I'm like being labeled gay as a freshman in high school in like 20, like this was what, like 2006, like that was not cool. Like, like now it might be a little bit different to come out when you're in high school. Like it's celebrated in some ways at some schools. But like when I was in high school, that was like the like pinnacle of weirdness, of like not accepted. And so I'm like, don't have great friends. I not good at sports, I'm not getting good grades. Who am I? And it was so clear to me. Like I, I'm a follower of Jesus. Like, I love Jesus, I'm an evangelist. I, I, I would go home and I would just sit on the trampoline and I would just like look up at the sky and talk to God. And that was my high school experience. I walked on, I decided I want to play baseball in college. I walked onto A Division 3 school, Wheaton College in Illinois, made the team. And I grew 8 inches and 40 pounds in a year and all of a sudden was tearing it up. I was being scouted by the Cubs the next year after I like literally sitting on the bench in high school, go up to the, the probably the second best collegiate summer baseball league in the nation with all top Division 1 talent, like Aaron Judge, Patrick Wisdom. Like all these top dudes I was playing against now in this, in the Alaska League. And of course I sucked. I like, wasn't good at all because I had never seen a 95 mile an hour fastball before in my life. I was like, what was that? But now I start to get good at stuff. I'm like, this is interesting. Girls started finding me attractive for the first time because I'm at 5:2 with a fro, you know. And so like I now am interested in school. I started like actually taking classes I wanted to take. So I'm like, oh, maybe I'll actually study because I like this, not because I'm forced to. And so everything started falling into place. And I'll never forget coming back to the dorm room and just wondering like, why, like this, this weird feeling that I had of emptiness. I'm at a Christian school, crushing it on the baseball field. Like I'm now dating very attractive girls. And like, like everything that I saw in high school, in the guys, where I'm like, you're the man. I'm now that guy. And I'm feeling this emptiness and it Wasn't until I ended up getting cheated on by a girl. And it tanked my season, my junior year season, where I was supposed to be, you know, like, getting a lot of attention from professional scouts, and it just, like, tanked. I've never experienced that betrayal and that level of pain. Like, I didn't know the world was unsafe. If you've ever felt that way, like, oh, shoot. Like, that really came out of nowhere. My friend Matthias Barker, he's a therapist, he has this quote where he says trauma is less about severity but more about surprise. And it was just so surprising that the world was not safe. And what had happened was, when I was in high school, I had nothing to lose. So if I would have. That would have happened to me in high school. Like, it would have hurt, but I would have been like, oh, all right, Jesus, let's go pray about it now. I had stuff. Now I had, like, a future that I was looking forward to and, like, cool things that were gonna happen. And it just wrecked me, tanked my season. And then I got into. I got. I. I finally. I got a chance to play minor league baseball, and I'm playing minor league baseball. And I kind of went on this journey of, like, trying to prove my manhood because I had felt like I had lost it so much. Now I can look back and see that. It's funny how, like, in the middle of trauma, you never really know. Like, oh, this is what was happening with me. You probably, like, have it in the back of your head, like, oh, I'm being unhealthy right now because I just got cheated on. So I'm compensating by trying to be super masculine. And I started doing crazy stuff. Like, I, cold turkey, the Chicago Marathon, had never run more than a few miles in my life. I started doing the CrossFit deal and, like, was doing, like, 600 burpees in an hour. And just, like, stuff. Like, I was training to be a Navy seal. I had a mentor who was a Navy seal. I'm like, after baseball, I'm going to be a Navy seal. I didn't want to be a Navy seal. I just wanted to prove to people that I wasn't a wimp, and I felt like a wimp. And all the. The stuff from my childhood, too, where there was some sexual bullying, there was some weirdness that had happened, kind of like, in my family. All this stuff started rising to the surface that I didn't know was in there, this performative identity. And I kind of just, like, came to the End of myself. I remember I got released from my final baseball team. Basically they like fired me. And so I remember going home. I had a wedding the next day. And I crushed like 30 beers at that wedding just to numb out. And then just started becoming this like savage in my mind. And the whole time it was like just this misguided desire to be seen and respected and honored because I felt like the opposite. Whereas like I said in high school, couldn't have cared less. I'm like, you don't honor me. Well, whatever. I'm just. I'm just the guy who loves Jesus and talks about him a lot. And what happened was I started. I started like refinding the gospel. I told the story to Niza in my last interview of the story of the Prodigal Son, where that story was set up, where the Pharisees and scribes grumbled, this man welcomes sinners and eats with them. And that word welcome in the Greek has two tenses decimise, like a generic, like, nice to meet you, welcome. Prostec is like this deep, intimate welcome where like a soldier gets off the plane and the wife with her kids dragging their teddy bears run up to him and wrap him up. And they're like, like welcoming everything that he is. And I heard that story and I started weeping because it was like Jesus was telling me that I intimately welcome the part of you that you know is not living the right way right now. I was addicted to pornography. I was drinking way too much. I was numbing out this failed life in my mind. Now I didn't make it to the big leagues. And in a lot of ways I started to question, like, is this really where I've gotten to? Like, is this what my faith is? Where like I. I don't feel like I'm communing with Jesus anymore. And I'll never forget I heard this sermon. It was on Hosea, chapter three. And this is where I'll kind of get into the first story here. But like this really weird story, like Hosea is the holiest man in Israel, and the story is about God commanding him to go into the red light district to find a prostitute and to marry her. And so that's chapter one. Okay, so he goes into the red light district, finds a whore, marries her, and they have a bunch of kids together. And like all these kids names are like prophetic, like no mercy and stuff like that. And like, like for God's talking to Israel, he's like, I'm not going to have mercy on you because you've been, you've been like, screwing up. And so if you read like chapter one, it's kind of scary. You're like, oh gosh, like, there's no mercy. And the story goes that this, that Gomer, this prostitute, goes back into the red light district and she basically says, like, I've screwed up my life. I'm going back into what's. What's what I know, which is being a prostitute. And I'm not worthy to, to be in your presence. Hosea, you're a holy man. You chose me for some reason. I'm dirty. I'm leaving you. I'm going back into that old lifestyle. And then it picks up this story on, in chapter three and it's, this is God. He's speaking to Hosea, who says, and the Lord said to me, go again. Love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress. What? She left me. What are you talking about? God? Like, like my wife, who you told me to go and marry, this project that you wanted me to do, failed. It failed. She went back into the red light district. She left me and my kids. Like, what, what are you talking about? You want me to go back there and find her? Can you imagine that scene? Like the holiest man. Pick your pastor, pick them up. Pick who, whoever you think is the most spiritual guy for you right now. And imagine him going into the red light district in Chicago or something and peering behind brothels and, and looking in, into rooms and, and like, you're not supposed to be there, Hosea, like, what are you doing? And he's finding himself going into the worst neighborhood with the worst people to pick out the worst woman who has just left him and their children. Talk about like trauma. Like, I can't even, I can't even go there if that happened to my family and my wife. What? And he finally finds his wife and it picks up here, it says this, it says, so I bought her for 15 shekels of silver and a humer and ledek of barley. And I said to her, you must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the or belong to another man, and so I will be to you. He renews his vows to her in the middle of that process. Think about that. She is actively sleeping with another dude. She's having, potentially she. Or, or imagine this scenario. She's there, like on some platform, some pedestal, and there's all these men trying to buy her. And there's her pimp right there. And Hosea goes up to the Pimp. And he says, hey, that's my wife up there. Like, I. I need my wife to come home. And he goes, I don't care who you think that woman is. This is her price. 15 shekels of silver and a homer. Homer of barley. Now, who else got betrayed? Or who else got sold for silver? Think about this. Who else in the New Testament was sold for silver? So this is a prophetic picture we're talking about here of Jesus. And imagine Hosea paying for what was already his. He hands over the money to buy back what was already his. And said, what was lost now is found. And you're not going to play the whore anymore. No, no, no. You're coming home with me. And I will be the same to you. I will be faithful to you. What a crazy story. And I remember reading this, and it says here, it says, this is the crazy part, because it says, afterward, the children of Israel shall return and seek the Lord their God and David their king. Who's David their king? Jesus. And they shall come in fear of the Lord and his goodness in the latter days. So we're going to fear the Lord's goodness. What does that mean? The fear of the Lord is this reverence, this honor, this holy, like, oh, my goodness, how could you choose me in. In everything that I've done? And we're not fearing him in his wrath in the latter days, now that the veil has been torn, now that Jesus said, it is finished, now that you and I have been washed clean by his blood, we're fearing his goodness. And it was like, for me, all the years that I had meandered and run, all the times of my lukewarmness, feeling like, wow, is this really what I made of my life? What he was telling me is like, I will go again and find you again and again and again. Go again, love a woman who's loved by another man. Go again, love a young man who keeps running to pornography, who keeps medicating with drinking. I don't know what the blank is, what you would fill in that blank. Go again, love this person. But what I can tell you is that this is a prophetic picture because it says, in the latter days, this is going to happen. And no offense, you're the Gomer, and so am I. And our Hosea has come and he's redeemed us. And when I read this story, it was like all of the desire to add up in this life to be noteworthy and successful, it was gone in an instant. I remember running. This is. This is A real story. I remember running through like the south side of Chicago after hearing the gospel for the like in a new way for the first time. And I was not like I did not have money at this time, but I started, I went to an atm, I unloaded all my cash, I just started giving it to people. Like I don't know why, why I did that, it was weird but like, like this was not a safe area. And I just remember thinking I don't need anything like here. Like I think maybe now looking back on it, maybe it was like a prophetic picture of like I'm all in, I'm pushing all my chips in and I'm giving it all for you Jesus. I remember having this thought like I could work at McDonald's for the rest of my life. And I'm fully satisfied because I've got Jesus, because I, I got it. I got the gospel. I would have sold anything to, to like to have him. And that's I think when Jesus can use you. And I, I went on in my life and I went in and out of failures, like big time failures. And one of those was a film project where I had this idea, this was kind of after I, I was a pastor for a little while and I decided I want to go in the film industry. And I wanted to, I had this idea like cuz I was always a wild kid. So like I wanted to take these wild boys right out of gang's prison, foster care, addiction and pair them with these wild mustangs to tame and train over 40 days. And we did this project and the Lord provided like millions of dollars and an Oscar award winning producer and Emmy award winning director. Because I emailed literally thousands of people saying I was an executive producer of this project. I had no idea what that term even meant. I had no clue what I was doing, but I was just a dog with a bone. Like I'm going to show people the gospel that God pursues. The wild ones, the ones who've been branded these wild mustangs that have been discarded in this prophetic image of like these wild mustangs literally in America right now, like they're roaming. There are tens of thousands of them roaming the western plains and being rounded up by helicopter and putting, put behind bars because the federal government has protected them so you can't kill them, but they're overpopulating and so they're eating all the grazing land for like the cows and stuff. And the farmers are mad about it. So what do you do? The government rounds them up, puts a big Brand on their neck and shoves them behind a cage. And. And so, like, I. I saw this and I'm like, wow. I felt that way. I felt like it didn't fit in the church. I felt like I understand the gospel in a real way, but I kind of just want to hang out with the bad kids and like, like do all this crazy stuff and like, again, my content. You probably don't see that for me that I was like a nutcase and still am a nutcase. But yeah, I did this project and a lot of it was like, selfish ambition that I think I wanted to be like, Christian famous. And it turned out amazing. Like, we started getting million dollar offers from Hollywood, and then the Lord told us to pull it from Hollywood in like, dreams and visions. And I still had a loan for a quarter of a million dollars on this project that was outstanding. The minute I said, okay, Lord, I'm gonna listen to your voice. And I pulled it from Hollywood, fired our agency, which was the biggest agency in Hollywood. We were being repped by the vice president. That day, a check came in the mail from the state of Alabama. They're like tax incentive program to do films in their state. Came back $252,000. And the Lord was like, you can ship it. And I started having panic attacks in the morning because again, I was going through these peaks and valleys of, who am I? What's my identity? Am I this performative person? And then I would go back into the gospel and be that kid, that like, high school kid with the backpack on him, Hear the gospel afresh through like Hosea or, or like, you know, something in the gospels of Jesus. Like I would. And so it wasn't this, like, linear thing for me. It's totally nonlinear, my story. But the Lord had to, like, strip this project from me. And then he gave me this word. He gave me the word meekness. He started whispering it to me every morning I would wake up and I'd be like, lord, what are you doing? And he kept saying, I'm doing meekness, doing meekness. And finally I just kept hearing it so much that I just looked up this word in a Greek lexicon and about fell out of my chair right there. The definition of meekness meant to tame a wild mustang. The word is prowse. And I just done a whole film project, multi million dollar film project. Been on a ranch for two months studying how you tame wild mustangs. And the Lord hands me this nugget that's like, what I'm doing in you is Meekness, I'm getting you into a round pen. Because here's the thing. The Greeks, in the time of Jesus, they would go into the mountains, they would find wild mustangs, and they would tame them into war horses. And that process was called meekness. And they specifically found the wild ones, the wild mustangs. Because a wild mustang can kill you, it's hazardous. But a tamed mustang is the most loyal horse you can ever find. But not a lot of people take the time to tame it. And what the Lord has been doing in my entire life of taking me in and out of success and failure and weird stuff with my family and not making it in baseball, and like, having this failure with this film project and then, like, multiple failures in ministry after that, to the point where I just start, like, going on these hikes, being like, what do I even do anymore? And I start encountering the voice of the Holy Spirit to the point where I'm like, I gotta share this with someone. What if I just talk to Tick Tock. I used to pull out my phone, I start posting it to Tick Tock, and now all of a sudden, it blows up and I become an influencer with millions of followers and half a billion views each year. And I'm just like, all of that. The Lord had to get me to a place where I was completely surrendered to the place where I was actually on the hiking trail with nothing but him again, where I was just the kid with the backpack again. And I think so many of us were pursuing what we think is the goal. We think we want to get to the place where we're the war horse. And Jesus is like, you need multiple years in the round pen. David had to wait 15 years. Moses had to wait 30 years. Paul had to wait three years. Joseph had to wait multiple years, being misunderstood, falsely accused, put into prison, all these different things. And the Lord got me to this place where now I legitimately do not care what people think about me anymore. Like, I've done the tour in the wilderness for 40 years, and I've come in and out of this success. I've done the thing, you know, in the baseball that didn't work out. I did the film thing that didn't work out. Now the Lord's redeeming all of it, which is something that is coming soon. But. And here I am, like, now finding myself, like, as this influencer with all these views, because now all of a sudden, I just hand it to the Lord, and he's like, I'll 10x it. And because you don't want it anymore. And that's where I think we have to get to is. We have to understand that it's the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance. It's understanding the gospel, that it's his goodness, his goodness in the latter days that we're going to come to fear. It's not his wrath, it's not his anger. It's not that we don't stack up. It's not all these things that, like, we put on this Christian, this weird Christian life. It's literally just coming back to prosthecamai, the intimate welcome, the Hosea, going into the brothel and pulling us out. You see, the first step in taming wild mustang is you get this wild mustang into this round 10, and you pursue it around this round pen, and it starts going crazy. Because they're prey animals. They've got eyes on the side of their head scanning for predators. We walk in, it, instinctually knows that we're a predator. We have eyes in the front of our heads attacking prey. So the question becomes, how do I get this thing that thinks I'm gonna kill it to trust me? And the first step is called acknowledgement, where you pursue this wild mustang around this round pen. And the moment it gets curious and stops and just kind of turns its head and looks at you, you back away, you relax your posture, and you just walk away from it. And you do that over and over again to the point where the mustang thinks, huh? The way I get this thing to do what I want to do, which is to get the heck away from me as I just look at it. So it gets addicted to looking at you. And the craziest thing happens next. After it keeps looking at you, eventually you release the pressure, you walk away from it, and it begins to follow you. And it's a picture. It's a prophetic Picture of Romans 2, 4. It's the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance. And my story is a story of believing the gospel and realizing it's his kindness that has changed my life. And I don't care about anything that this world can offer because I've tasted and seen that the Lord is good, that he's kind, that he's for me, that he's not against me. And the next story I want to share with you is story of Zechariah. It's this really weird story. It says, then he showed me Joshua, the high priest, standing before the angel of the Lord. Anytime you see the angel of the Lord, in the Bible, that's the pre incarnate Christ. Before Jesus came on the scene in the book of Matthew, He. He existed from the beginning of time. He's the author of all creation. He is the word that created the whole earth. So the angel of the Lord Jesus, Joshua, is seeing the high priest, Joshua standing before the angel of the Lord. And Satan is the prosecuting attorney standing at his right hand to accuse him. And the Lord says to Satan, oh, I'm sorry. And it says, now, now. Joshua was standing before the angel clothed in filthy garments. That translated means poop. So Joshua is standing in the holy of holies, Remember where you had to be so clean you're atoning for the sins of the people. The high priest, they would go through these rituals for weeks where they would have people bring them their food. They would bathe thoroughly. They would only wear pure white linens. They would prepare themselves to be pure because they didn't want to step into the holy of holies and have anything unclean in them because they would just flat out die. They would literally wear bells around their ankles so that if they died in the presence of the Lord, the Almighty, someone could just like hear that the bell stopped. And then they could just like, they had a, also a rope attached to their leg so they can just pull them out because this is how holy God is. And so this is a nightmare Zechariah is having of this scene, the Day of Atonement, where he's atoning for the sins of the people. And Joshua is there covered in poop and Satan's there like, look at your boy, he's covered in poop, he's unholy in your sight, kill him. And Jesus, it says this, this is crazy. Goes on and says, and the angel said to those who were standing before him, or it says earlier, the Lord rebuke you, Satan. The Lord rebuke you. Who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you. And he said to those standing before him, remove the filthy garments from him. Behold, I have taken your sin away from you and I will clothe you with pure vestments. And he put a clean turban on his head. The picture here is that no matter how dirty you look stupid standing before the Lord, it's his kindness that leads you to change your life. It's his kindness that is your salvation. He is the judge and you deserve hell, but you get heaven. The goal of the Gospel is not to make bad people good. It's to make dead people alive. And the story here is, you are Dead in your sin. But by his blood, by the pure white linens that he wants to wrap you with, you have been made clean. And it's nothing you did. It's the judge stepping off the judgment seat to take the punishment you deserve and looking at Satan and saying, the Lord rebuke you, Satan, you don't know what I'm doing. I'm making him clean. I'm making her clean. No matter her past, no matter how much she screwed up. This is what's changed my life. This is what has lit a fire in me and a zeal in me. It has inspired the woman I've married. It's inspired the way I raise my kids. It has inspired the job I have. It inspires everything because it is the most important truth that anyone could ever believe. That while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While we were standing in the holy of holies in front of a holy God, covered in our sin, covered in poop. He gets down and he rebukes Satan and he wraps you in pure white linens. When he said, it is finished, he gave you access to those pure white robes. Be called a child of God. That's my story. That's what I'm trying to live every day. I'm not perfect by any means. I screw up all the time and I have not arrived. Like I said, this has been non linear. This hasn't been like a trajectory like bad good, like sinner holy. Now, dude, I. I think a lot of people see like people in the public spotlight and think that they just got it all mapped. Dude, I like yell at my kids. There are times I drink too much. There are, there are so many things in my life. I argue with my wife, there's all these things. And now, now mind you, like, I have an amazing marriage. I have an amazing life because I follow a lot of the principles of the kingdom. So I'm not trying to make it sound like something that it's not. But at the end of the day, like, our good deeds are like filthy rags to Jesus. But he removes those filthy rags and he puts on pure white garments and he says, you're mine, you're clean. That's my story. It's Jesus story. I'd love it if you'd share maybe your story in the comments. Here, send me a message. I'd love to hear it. But I'm really grateful for you guys. Thank you for listening. What an honor that God gives me the opportunity to interview people. It's really beautiful. So thanks for watching the Jesus People podcast. Hope you guys come back next week. Would you guys mind sharing this with someone? That would mean a lot. Yeah. Love you guys a lot.
Host: Ryan Miller
Title: Baseball, Brokenness, and the God Who Wouldn’t Let Go
Date: August 13, 2025
In this special solo episode, Ryan Miller steps out of his usual interviewer role to share his own faith journey, recounting formative moments of brokenness, failure, identity struggles, and ultimately the relentless grace of God. Speaking candidly from a beach in Door County, Wisconsin, Ryan weaves together deeply personal stories, two transformative biblical narratives (Hosea and Joshua the High Priest), and reflections on identity, failure, and the kindness of God that repeatedly pursued and restored him.
“I am a weird cat. I have a very strange sense of humor. And people, it, like, throws them off when they meet me.” (01:30)
“I was just this chubby, awkward ... white guy fro. And I would just. I just love Jesus.” (06:45)
"Trauma is less about severity and more about surprise.” (Quoted from Matthias Barker, 19:15)
“The whole time it was just this misguided desire to be seen and respected and honored because I felt like the opposite.” (27:15)
“Imagine Hosea paying for what was already his ... it’s a prophetic picture of Jesus.” (38:45)
“He renews his vows to her in the middle of that process ... I will go again and find you again and again and again.” (41:30)
“We’re not fearing him in his wrath ... now that Jesus said, it is finished ... we’re fearing his goodness.” (43:00)
“The minute I said, okay, Lord, I’m gonna listen to your voice ... a check came in the mail ... $252,000.” (56:00)
“What the Lord has been doing in my entire life ... is Meekness. I’m getting you into a round pen.” (58:00)
“It’s the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance.” (1:02:15)
“I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, that He’s kind, that He’s for me, that He’s not against me.” (1:05:00)
“No matter how dirty you look standing before the Lord—it’s His kindness that leads you to change your life. The goal of the Gospel is not to make bad people good. It’s to make dead people alive.” (1:12:10)
“I screw up all the time and I have not arrived. Like I said, this has been nonlinear.” (1:16:30)
On being different in person:
“I wish people could understand that about me because, because, dude, I am a weird cat ... I am an odd bird.” (01:15)
Childlike evangelism:
“I’d be going into a store, and... I’d just be like, hey, can I tell you about Jesus?” (08:10)
On trauma and surprise:
“Trauma is less about severity but more about surprise.” (19:15, quoting Matthias Barker)
On the meaning of meekness:
“The definition of meekness meant ‘to tame a wild mustang.’ The word is prowse.” (58:15)
On performance vs. acceptance:
“The whole time it was just this misguided desire to be seen and respected and honored because I felt like the opposite.” (27:15)
On the Gospel and Grace:
“The goal of the Gospel is not to make bad people good. It’s to make dead people alive.” (1:12:10)
On life’s direction:
“It wasn’t this, like, linear thing for me. It’s totally nonlinear, my story.” (1:03:40)
| Timestamp | Segment | Key Themes/Events | |-------------|-------------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–04:00 | Opening/Beach Reflection | Why this solo episode, candid introduction | | 04:00–10:00 | Family & Identity | Feeling out of place, first encounters with Jesus | | 10:00–20:00 | Teenage Zeal vs. Loss | Childlike faith, dreams of baseball, social struggle | | 20:00–31:00 | College, Betrayal & Performance | Success and sudden brokenness, striving, addiction | | 31:00–44:30 | The Hosea Story | God’s relentless love and grace, personal revelation | | 44:30–57:30 | Filmmaking, Failure, and 'Meekness' | Wild mustangs, personal surrender, “meekness” as identity | | 57:30–1:05:30 | The Kindness of God: Mustang Parable | How God pursues, wins over the fearful and wild, personal impact | | 1:05:30–1:15:00 | Zechariah's Vision & Justification | Grace cleanses, not performance—“standing covered in poop” | | 1:15:00–end | Honest Conclusion & Invitation | Ongoing flaws, rooted identity, invitation to share stories |
Ryan’s tone is open, humble, and conversational—balancing depth, biblical teaching, and honest self-deprecation. He speaks in vivid, story-rich language, using humor and vulnerability to invite listeners into his journey.
This episode of the Jesus People Podcast stands out for its raw vulnerability. Ryan Miller presents his story not as a tale of tidy triumph, but as a testimony to the God “who wouldn’t let go”—who pursues, restores, and transforms us even (and especially) at our lowest moments. The recurring motif is this: Even when you’ve wandered, “your Hosea” has come to bring you home, and, covered in mess, the Judge himself clothes you in righteousness. The call is not to perfection, but to return again and again to the kindness of the Lord.