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Jesus People Podcast
School bus driver evangelist saves 220 lives through TikTok: Joshua “Nick” Sergent | JPP Episode 32
01:10:40
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- [00:00]
A
She's on her way to the abortion clinic to get an abortion.
- [00:03]
B
Amazing.
- [00:03]
A
She watches the video, stops, messages me, and says, you don't know this. I was about to get an abortion. I now, three years later, see her making Christian content on TikTok with a boy. Guys, welcome to the Jesus People podcast. I'm here with my buddy Nick Sargent, who, man, we go way back. All the way back. You're like one of the OG Christian content creator Tiktokers that I was looking up to back in the day. So thanks for being here, man.
- [00:48]
B
You're welcome, brother. Thank you for the invite.
- [00:50]
A
Of course. Of course. So, yeah, I remember hitting you up. You and I had a chat and hearing your heart for these kids, and. And what you do is. Is quite special because you just get online and pray. And I. I remember being so moved by your videos. But also when we connected, there was no, like, I want to be famous in you. There was no, like, I want the views. And that was so personally convicting for me as someone who I think, you know, at times I can. I can experience the dopamine hit of going viral and just want more of it. And you're like, man, no, I just want to see people saved. I want to be hitting up the kids who are suicidal, who are anxious, who are depressed, and we're going right after them. And there's so many cool things to your story that I want to get into, but my first question to you would be, like, how did that start? How did that initial connection with the Lord leading you into this kind of unique ministry start for you?
- [01:53]
B
Well, my. My first few TikToks or Facebook. Well, let me go back. I didn't have TikTok. I didn't know what TikTok was until I got banned on Facebook. And I didn't have no platform, and I downloaded TikTok, so I didn't know nothing about it. And I just kind of put some funny stuff on there when I. Because I didn't know how to do it, you know, it was TikTok. And then I grew out of beard, and then I started the beard company. Holy Beards is what I'm known as right now. The bearded man that prays. When I'm. When someone sees me out, I'm not known in. As. I'm not known as the pastor or nothing like that. Is. Are you the bearded man that prays? That's. And that's. Okay, I'll take that. It's like a John the Baptist. Okay, I'll take that. So Like, I was all about my beard products and promoting my beard products. And the Lord just says, you're leaving me out. I said, okay, okay, so what do I need to do? And he says, well, you always had a heart for those that, you know, you keep hearing people's taking their life. Start praying against that. Because I, you know, I heard 10 year old and 20 year old and 60 year old and all this, and I'm like, this is not normal. And God just told me to speak, come against it, speak against it, push it back. And man, I remember my first video might have went 400 views. And I just, I just didn't give up, Brian. I kept posting, posting. I think maybe you might have seen the one me coming through the, the tunnel, the. The metal tunnel. That's probably the first one, right? It went like 8 million views. That was my first ever viral, you know, going through the tunnel. And I actually ripped my pants in that video coming out of that tunnel. I stretched too much, I guess, and I ripped my pants. But that video gave me so much hope because I really didn't have a lot of fruit, I guess, you know, as a minister, as we do this for people, for the Internet, you want to see that you're making progress. You want to see that you're reaching people. Right?
- [03:59]
A
Right.
- [03:59]
B
And not everybody gets to see that. And I wasn't seeing that. And then I started getting messages. Hey, you know, I watched your video. I had a bottle of pills. I was a mama of four. I felt like a letdown. That was my first one. I never forget it. I felt like a failure. I had the note written out and she said this. I'm going to scroll TikTok one last time. Wow. One last time, Ryan. She literally had her mind made up. I'm going to literally sit here and I'm going to scroll one last time. The suicide notes written out. She had four kids. She felt like a failure as a mother. And the second video was me saying, whoa, whoa, don't scroll. I love you. Let me pray for you. And she dropped the pills, man. And it's just, I'm like, okay, this is what I need to do. This is affirmation. This is fruit. This is what I need to do. And Ryan, I kid you not, I went from like 900 followers to where I'm at today at 3 million. We're at 3 million followers. Just because I listened to the voice of God and I shifted from about me, myself, my money, my income, how I can make the next dollar, to praying for the Loss, praying for those that's hurting. And God grew that social media, man, from like 5 to 900 to where we're at today at 3 million. It's just unbelievable.
- [05:23]
A
Yeah, dude, I, I'll never forget seeing it and I remember watching you take off on TikTok, you know, in the early days and being like, I know exactly why he's going viral. And I don't think a lot of people maybe like dissect why you were going viral. But I knew it right away that Nick Sargent is now dad. You're now dad to a fatherless generation. And when I saw you starting and just being like, let me pray for you, there was no bells and whistles to your videos. You were just like, I want to pray for you today. If you're struggling, let's pray over that anxiety. And people stayed, I think, because they saw your heart and because they saw that there was no. Which is so hard to do in social media. Like, how do you have no walls? How do you have no facade? How do you just completely bare and be vulnerable? I don't think a lot of people who don't do social media at least, you know, maybe like professionally or, or do it as a content creator, they don't understand how hard it is for, for the average person to just get out of the way of the camera. If you put a camera on yourself, how do you get out of the way and let the Holy Spirit move? And I think that's what happened with you is I was seeing, I'd be really interested to know your analytics on TikTok, but I'm sure it's a lot of really young people because yeah, they need D. So they see this hyper masculine looking dude with a, who's big and got a big beard and you're coming in with tenderness. And I think that is exactly what this generation has needed. Have you had people reaching out to you? Maybe, maybe not just saying, hey, I'm suicidal, you saved my life. But sharing that type of story of like, hey, listen, I don't really have a good home life.
- [07:09]
B
Yes, I wish I was a big enough ministry to where I can invest because all I can do is reply back to a message. Ryan, I would love to be able to disciple. And that's what I lack. I think that's what social media lacks in general is how can we permanently help. Okay, so this person did not take these pills. Well, let's help her next week. How do we continue to help? And that's always been a struggle with me. And also Billy Graham, because Billy Graham, as you know, led thousands. But what now? Are they going to church? What are they doing? Day two? So it's one thing to, to get these messages that I'm getting every day and saying, hey, thank you for this, but how they doing now? And I know we can't save everybody, man. And I think the realness of it all is if, if it takes me two or three times, Ryan, to do a video, I will not do a video. Because I feel like now it's myself. Now I'm in myself, because I like to be what, what it's called spirit led. I. I want the Holy Spirit to lead God and direct. I don't want Nick Sargent. And I believe when the Holy Spirit is in the video and I say, hey, the Holy Spirit can go through this phone, can touch you, heal you. I believe that them are just not words. Because the Holy Spirit, man, not by power, it's not by might, it's by his spirit. So what I started doing is allowing the Holy Spirit, even though I may not be able to see these people Day 2, Day 5 or Day 10, the Holy Spirit can do more than I could anyways. So then I just started saying, all right, Holy Spirit, go through this phone. And that may sound crazy to a lot of people, especially the world, like, what is this dude talking about now? I believe that if someone's watching this video in Wisconsin, I believe if someone's watching this somehow in a jail cell, I believe if someone's watching this at one o' clock in the morning, they got a gun. The Holy Spirit, Ryan, can go right through that phone and hit them and save them right where they're at. And man, when you believe that your, your tone changes your belief, the way you talk, your continents, the way you look. And people want real, man. They're tired of the fake. And that's why I don't care if my shirt is sweaty. I don't care if I'm out in the middle of a field. I don't even have no filming, no camera. I still have my iPhone because, you know, I'm not against any of that stuff. It's just I don't know how to operate all that stuff. I barely even know how to edit my stuff. But Holy Spirit can do more than editing, Ryan. I don't want to lose that foundation of saying, okay, we need a better camera. We need better. No, we need Holy Spirit. Yes. And I'm not against all that. You can have Holy Spirit and the best camera, but when you start to Thinking it's more about the technology than Holy Spirit, then you're losing it. You know what I'm saying? And I don't want to lose that. I do not check my videos. I post and I leave, Ryan. I don't get caught up in the numbers. I don't care. If I reach 10,000, 20,000, I don't look anymore. I let it go. I put it in God's hands. If it reaches one, praise God, it reaches one. TikTok is one of the darkest apps out there, Ryan. So if we can reach one, that is saying something. And let me say something to try to change your mind of thinking about numbers. If a hundred people walks in my house right now and they want to hear what I got to say, that is a big deal. 10 people. That means 10 people stopped everything. Stopped everything. To listen to what this bearded man has to say, that is a big deal. Now we're talking about millions of people stopped. See what I'm saying? But we all know it started with 1, it started with 10, it started with 20. And God just adds, just like the fish in the loaves, brother, what can I do with this little platform with my little numbers? And God says, give it to me. I will feed the thousands, I will feed the millions. And that's what I do, man. I completely. If I don't feel like doing a video, I don't post every day. If I don't feel like. If it's not in me and I don't feel spirit led, I will not post. I'm not in this for the money. Yes, I'm in the creative rewards program, but I'm not in it for the money. Clearly, if you're representing Jesus, the platform's very little anyways. It's already pushed against you. And you know that, Ryan. You know that I've got videos that's been deleted. You know, I've been. I don't know how many times I've been banned. I don't know how many times I've been reported just by saying Jesus, brother, or whatever it may be. So we're already against the wall anyways. So, yeah, man, I just feel like the more real, the more raw if I don't say a word, right? I remember I didn't say a certain word, right? And I was going to go back and correct it or do another video and God says, no, you're given the appearance of a fake. You're given the appearance of you're somehow perfect and you don't have no flaws. And I'M like, okay, so I need to show these people. He said, yeah, show these people. You cannot pronounce this word. So that other people that wants to be content creators, they're like, well, this guy stumbled. He didn't even say that word. Right. That gives me the chance and the ability to pick up a camera and do social media and change the world, right? So I don't go back and edit, brother. I don't cut anything out. I don't. If I'm sweaty, I'm sweaty. I don't care how I look, if my beard's a mess, if my hat's messed up, people don't even look at that. The comment sections of my videos is, brother, I was about ready to take my life. Thank you for this prayer. I needed it. I was desperately needed. Needed this. Anxiety, depression. I lost my mom, I lost my dad. You know, I lost my wife. They don't care what you look like.
- [13:06]
A
No, right.
- [13:08]
B
They just need a word, man. They need encouragement. And that's why I'm still. This right here and you're still wearing a plain look at your shirt. Like, we're not getting stylish points here. Like, you know, oh, no, no. We're just. We're just who we are in Christ, man. So.
- [13:24]
A
And I think there's a couple key points there that I think the Lord's taught me through social media, and I think he's taught me it through my own sin, my own fl. Flesh. It's cool how God can take what was intended for, use it for good, because my flesh does want the views. And I have heard the Lord on so many occasions be like, I'll take it from you if you make it about you, the very that you're idolizing. I'll take it from you.
- [13:45]
B
I'll take it.
- [13:46]
A
And so what I've. And then I've even learned, like, even. Even if I was just wanting to get views, the best thing to do is just to be real and authentic is just to. Just to think about the end user, think about the person on the other side of the screen. How do we love them? Like Jesus? Like, how do we hold the pain that they're experiencing?
- [14:06]
B
That's right, man.
- [14:07]
A
Dude, I'll never forget this one video. I Need a woman messaged me saying, well, I prayed one time and I asked the Lord, what do you want me to talk about today? And he said, I want you to pray for someone who's about to make a big decision. I get a message and I like, for me, I'm like, that's not going to go viral. That's not going to go viral. A woman emails me and it didn't go viral, but a woman message or she commented, she goes, I was on my way to get an abortion and I'm like, Lord, you go after the 1 and not the 99. And video that reached 10,000 people as opposed to a million people was more valuable to the Lord.
- [14:55]
B
It is more val Kingdom of God.
- [14:57]
A
Than the Mar video that went viral because I had a splashy topic of, you know, and good. It was listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit. And that's what's inspired me about. That's how you've inspired me is because I'll, I'll never forget our early conversations where you were encouraging me that to that end, like Ryan, just be real, just be authentic. And then the other thing you encourage me to do is then to build up the other content creators instead of feel competition with them. It is for a competitive guy like me. I'm like, oh, I want to be on his level. And I've stopped and the Lord has checked me so many times like there are different talents apportioned to different people. And we need to be celebrating as a body of Christ. We need to be celebrating those people who are, who are killing it, who are reaching a lot of people. Because you're right. If a hundred people walk into my house and I got a big deal, yeah, praise God.
- [15:52]
B
What a day.
- [15:53]
A
We put out video on social media and it reaches a half a million people. That is 10 football stadiums. I know we are in a culture in a time of the Kingdom of God where it is mind blowing what the Lord is doing. And if we don't have a fear of the Lord to first check our own hearts and be like, what are we putting out? You know, because teachers will be judged more harshly according to the book of James. And so we need to have a fear of the Lord about what we're putting out. And not in a fearful sense where it causes us to be paralyzed, but in a, in a sense that allows us to look at God and be like, wow, help me Lord, help me stick to youo word. Help me to hear your voice clearly so that I can make this for the one lost sheep. Because I'll tell you this, that same woman who heard that video and did not get an abortion, I see her making Christian content on Tik Tok. There you go, son. In the video that she was on the way to abort. So a woman watches my video that I Pray about. And I say, holy Spirit, what do you want me to say? He says, pray for someone who's about to make a big decision. She's on her way to the abortion clinic to get an abortion.
- [17:00]
B
Amazing.
- [17:01]
A
She watches the video, stops, messages me and says, you don't know this. I was about to get an abortion. I now three years later see her making Christian content on TikTok with a boy, three year old, sweet little boy in the video. That video that reached maybe 10,000 people is a million times more powerful to the king. It is than a stupid viral crazy impact. You know all the people, you know, hype, hype, hype video. God cares about the one lost sheep. He forsakes the 99, which is such a mind boggling story. Like you left the 99 sheep. What happened to the 99 sheep? He's like, My mission is for the 1. My mission is for the lost. My mission is for the woman on her way to get an abortion. My mission is for the person who's about to kill themselves, the person who's depressed, the person who's anxious. And you have a ministry right now, Nick, that I think almost better than anyone I see online is pure. It's just pure, it's just prayerful and, and like I like the thing I see you boasting in online is how many souls have gotten saved and how many lives have been saved from suicide. And that to me is so cool.
- [18:13]
B
That we need to count them all, man. We're at 220. I count them all just as much as God counts us, man. I, I count them all. When my book finally comes out, the back two or three pages is going to be all of them. In the bubbles that sent me in the back of my book of all the people that has not committed suicide, it's going to be in the back of my book. Yeah.
- [18:36]
A
So 220 people have reached out to you because of the.
- [18:39]
B
That I know of. Yes sir.
- [18:41]
A
That you know of. They've reached out and said because of your prayer videos, I decided in my life. Yep, tell, tell me more of those stories. Obviously keep names anonymous and all that but like are there or there are a few powerful stories and then have you been able to do follow up with any of them?
- [18:58]
B
I, well, I get to watch their, well I give them a follow and then I get to, you know, like you do, you said you get to see the lady and her son. So I do do that and I, I do try to comment on their videos and encourage them and say, hey, look look, look how far you've come and stuff like that. But as you know, man, we live in a busy world and you know, we got so much stuff and I own my own company, my own business, so I'm trying to do all of that as well. So. And I travel three to six thousand preaching the gospel. So like I'm staying at a hotel about every weekend away from my family and you know, and all that. So it's, it's a lot. I actually need a team of people. If I continue to grow like I am, I would love to have two or three people come along and, and help me do what I do, man, to help me with my content or help answer questions because everybody, man, wants a response. And sadly I can't. I can't give and you can't. None of us can. We can't, we can't respond to every comment, man. And you know, that's what people want and sadly we can't. But back to what she's talking about. The numbers is don't look desperate, brother. People can see it. I noticed when that's what the Lord spoke to me. Don't look desperate. I know when Facebook started paying people for content, people was they'd show their body, they got desperate. Whatever it took to get that money. So do not people can see that, man. They're like, oh my God, like he looks so desperate for money. Like, let's not sell out for money, man. Let's not be Judas. You know what I'm saying? Let's don't do it. Let's not trade it in for the money. And that's why I still work, that's why I still have an income. That's why I still do the things that I do. Because I don't depend on and I'm not saying those that depend on social media, but man, it can go tomorrow. Then what? Right? So just don't look desperate, man. That's what the Lord showed me. In all of your content, all your videos, do a good hook but don't look desperate because people can see it, man.
- [20:54]
A
Yeah, right. Yeah. I see so many people pimp themselves out to the algorithm and they will like and you know what it is? It's fear. I see a lot of Christian content creators who started out pure and now they're every single video is this is a warning from God. I'm like, bro, if you just looked at through all your videos and you see that no to 90% of them are fear based hooks that are kingdom of God, the kingdom of God is, is that perfect love casts out fear. And so hopefully there's let the goodness.
- [21:27]
B
Of God lead people to repentance.
- [21:28]
A
Yeah, yeah, kindness, man. It's not his wrath, it's not his fear, it's kindness. But. And guess what it says in the book of Hosea? It says, in the latter days, the children of God will come to seek the Lord their God and David their king. That's Jesus, the Davidic king. And they will come to fear his goodness in the latter days. So it's not fear that repels you from God, it's fear that causes you to fall on your face in front of God and say, holy Spirit, don't leave me. Like, one thing that has just so moved me recently is when David sinned with Bathsheba. Yes, David sleeps with his buddy's wife, kills him off in battle so that he could take her as his wife. And, and he's found out, right? He's found out his sins before the Lord. And he doesn't ask the Lord to like, lord, please, please keep my status. Please keep me as king. Lord, please, please keep my wealth. Please keep all the things that you've given me. He says, don't take your spirit from me. If people only knew that you are forsaking a greater portion of his spirit, that the present is in the presence. Right? The gift of it all is in the of Jesus. Then you wouldn't pimp yourself out to an algorithm or to a job or to money or to a relationship that doesn't draw you closer to Jesus. And I think one thing that I'm grateful for to the Lord about social media is like, it's so inspiring for me to see like, your pure heartedness in all this. I don't know that I share that, to be honest with you. I think it's a, it's a daily flesh battle for me to have to come back into alignment and to stop and to commune with the Lord before I communicate about the Lord.
- [23:13]
B
Well, just post and go, man. Just post and go. That's what I don't even look, man, I just post and go. I mean, I don't, I don't look at it.
- [23:21]
A
It's, it's inspiring. It's, it's, it's seriously inspiring. Where did that come from?
- [23:27]
B
Where?
- [23:27]
A
Because, because a lot of people, they, they know you as the bearded man that prays on social media. But like, take me back into, like, where did this deep faith get cultivated for you? I'm sure there was some hardship. I'm sure you know, your childhood as all of ours was not easy in many ways. But like, could you give us a, like a snapshot of.
- [23:45]
B
Yeah, man. I'm a three time suicide survivor. At about the age of 18 years old. I was also an atheist. I was raised in a very strict holiness environment to where it. I did the opposite. Like I ran away from God. I thought it was in clothing. You had to dress, you had to. But I don't want to. My mom and dad's dead. So I don't want to. I don't want to stay on that trail long. But the first two attempts was because of the raising that, you know, the way I was brought up. So like, I was like, okay, so how can I prevent this from happening to others? And clearly praying against it, you know, that's what God told me, man. And if you notice in any of my videos, it's pretty much the same prayer videos. Anxiety, depression. Because we know it's a real thing. We know people are going through anxiety and depression right now. I promise you, someone is struggling right now. They don't need a million dollars, they don't need a Cadillac. Like some will say they need a breakthrough. And that's the difference, man, with the fear tactics. God told me to tell you this. Like, man, you better hope that God really. Because then we're right. I mean, you got to be careful. When you and I did one video, the devil does not want you to watch this video. And I used that off someone else's hook. And that's when I knew I was in trouble. And we start taking other people's stuff. And I deleted that video. It did good, but I deleted it. I said, no, I'm not, I'm not going to use. I don't even want to say the dude's name. I don't even want to say the word devil. And you know, I don't want to give him no clout, no nothing, you know. So when growing up, it was very tough, man. I was bullied through school. I wasn't the size I am now. That's why when I got to the gym, I got really big, man, because I was really small. I didn't take up for myself. I was bullied. I got beat up. When I mean beat up, teeth knocked out, busted nose, fought every day, man, just to survive. I would hide in the bathrooms from the bullies on the toilet where they couldn't see my feet. Like, all that goes very deep. They'd smack me in the back of the head. They'd throw Things at me. Like, it was a terrible. I do not want to talk much about my childhood. It's a door I tried to shut, not reopen. But for what we're talking about right here, it was just that bad that, brother, I'm just now living my childhood back over again. I'm just now, like, my daughter noticed that. She's like, daddy, you're. You're doing this? You're buying this? I'm like, yeah, because I didn't have it in my childhood, right? Like, I didn't have this. Daddy didn't have this. I was raised up poor. There was eight of us, 10 counting mom and dad. So yes, now I have a little bit of money now since I work like I am. Re. Have you ever done that? Relived your childhood? Right? That's what I'm doing. It's a real thing. And my daughter's 19 year old and sees it. But I stopped it with her, man. I was abused. I was beaten. I don't want to go down that trail very long on how I was beaten and all that, but I was. And there's nice. I didn't sleep because of it. I was hurting and all that. Went to school the next day with belt marks on me and all that. I mean, it was brutal, bro. But, you know, I ended it with my daughter, man. And I raised her up. And I've done a lot out for my daughter to raise her the right way, to try to give her the childhood that I did not have. I want my daughter to have a childhood. I want her to have good things. I want her to enjoy life. I don't want her to have to lock a door thinking daddy's going to come in there and whoop her bros. Like, that was my childhood, okay? So, like I had to come and I don't talk much about it. It's probably the first time you ever heard about it because I don't want to talk about it. They're both dead. My mom and dad's both gone. I don't want to push them any more down in the grave than what they already are. You know, they did what they did. Life goes on, man. I am not. I'm not evidence of my. Of my past, but of my father in heaven. So I don't. I could, I could, I could live this life of my mom and dad. Beat me. I'll never have nothing and live this life. I don't, I don't want to live that. I want to live a, you know, God's, you know, John 10:10. A thief cometh, steal, kill and destroy. But I come to give you life, that life more abundant. I want that abundant life. I want that joy that God's given me. You know, the joy of the Lord is my strength. So that's what I choose to focus on. My past is not me. Yes, it's broken, yes. But I got a new chapter in the book of Hebrews. It says that Jesus looking unto Jesus, the author and the finisher of my faith, that that's just a bad chapter in my life. Now I got good chapters in my life. God is writing out my story. That's why it's such a blessing to be known as the bearded man that prays.
- [28:21]
A
Amen.
- [28:21]
B
Because I wasn't known for anything. I was not popular in school. I didn't go to proms. I didn't play sports like my childhood. I didn't have nothing. Mom and dad wouldn't let me be competitive in sports. They were scared I'd get hurt. I didn't have athletes experience of running a football down, touchdown. Everybody cheering. You know, nobody cheered for me when I graduated. Like, I didn't have none of that. To now I'm preaching and people, Amen. And like, I'm. I'm living the moment right now, man. I am 41 years old. I am 41 years old and I am living life at the fullest. Man never had a chance to do that, man never had a chance to do that till now. So that's why I'm so crazy about my Jesus. Because I know the moment I step out of line. Just like David said, please don't remove. And that's back when they didn't have the Holy Spirit within them, brother, the Holy Spirit would move on them. We had the Holy Spirit within us.
- [29:15]
A
So, yeah, this is Old Testament, Old Covenant. He was getting a taste of it.
- [29:22]
B
I know.
- [29:22]
A
Well, how powerful is that? That he was so attuned or he was so desiring, so desperate for it that he's like, that's even in its small measure, it's the greatest thing I have. And dude, I would just. I mean, I'm so curious. I was telling someone the other day, I've gotten a chance to know some of the largest evangelists in the world, people who are doing incredible things for the kingdom of God. And I was telling a buddy the other day, I'm like, there's one common factor between every single one of them and no one knows it. And it's that they all have traumatic childhoods. And I was like, and these are dudes that you would know, these are dudes that people listening would know that I'm obviously not going to out them on this podcast. But the largest names in Christendom, a lot of them have had so much pain in their childhood that they met a heavenly father who, who was so kind and so meek and so loving and so tender. And they're like, I'm all in. And so there's a fearlessness because it's the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance. But they've also experienced a touch from the Holy Spirit to be like, I'll do whatever you say to do because I am so madly in love with who you are and your character because I was the opposite of that. Has that been your experience at all?
- [30:48]
B
Well, when at my third suicide attempt in the back bedroom of my brother in law's house at the age of 18. An atheist now, someone that didn't believe in any of this, that had, like I said, that childhood, so dramatic and all of that, where was God at? And all them, my mom and dad being Christian, you know, this is hard, man. I'm telling you, it's not easy. And them how they treated me, I didn't want no part of their God. And that's why we got to be very careful, man. Let's be the people that lead people to Christ, not away from them. And that's why I try to be such a role model the best I can and be so real because, you know, I want to lead people to Christ. I don't want my actions, my feelings, my motives, my anger. Someone's watching that say, well, if that's what a Christian is supposed to act like, then I don't want no part of his God. So we got to be very careful. No, we're not perfect, but we can, we can walk this thing out, man. We don't have to cuss how many Christian and I. You can edit this if you want to, brother. If not, that's fine. People still, you know, you just cuss like a sailor and you're saved, man, and all that. I just, I just don't understand. Like, people are listening to you, bro. You know, they're listening to that mouth, that dirty mouth. And I've learned you don't have to cuss. I've learned if you become more like Christ, well, Christ ain't going to do it. So I'm not going to do it, but I'm going to hop off that trail, brother. But it's just being Like Christ, man, is what I want to be every day, regardless of my failures, my mistakes. Knowing that I want to become more like him, not Holy Beard's character on social media, whatever. People look at me as I'm the person I am today. And people see me as the person I am today because I want to reflect Christ. And as long as I'm reflecting that man in the mirror, Christ, the word of God, that's why it's a mirror. As long as I look in that mirror and not see me, my accolades, my millions of followers, I open up that word of God and I can see Christ in me, then I know, man, every day is going to be okay. Because I want to become more like him. That ought to be every Christian's desire, is become more like him. And that's what I try to do, man.
- [33:02]
A
I want to take a quick break and I want to tell you about a ministry that my family personally supports. It's called Global Christian Relief. And you may not know this, but there are more persecuted Christians around the world than ever before before. And Global Christian Relief sends medical aid. They send Bibles to persecuted countries that don't have access to them. They're providing shelter, they're taking care of the least of these in the name of Jesus. And if you want to support them, you can click the link in the show notes. You can read stories of what God's doing in the persecuted church. And know this, Jesus says that what you've done for the least of these, you've done for him. But also that when we love each other as a body of Christ, the rest of the world will see him. So go check it out. Okay, so. So this childhood led you into this deep faith. After this bad attempts, how did you finally find Jesus?
- [33:48]
B
Oh, I'm sorry, Yeah, I cut that off, didn't I? So at my third suicide attempt, I had the gun ready. My brother in law knocked his own door down. I guess he knew what I was going to do. He knocked the gun out of my hand. All I do is chamber it. That's how close I was, is just chambered around. That's it. I know, I know guns. Been around guns my whole life. Still have them today. And he knocked it out. We prayed. I felt the Holy Spirit. It's the first time I ever had that was my first ever encounterment. Okay. I've been in church my whole life. Been going to church my whole life. Slept underneath the church pews when I was a baby. But when I felt. That's why I say you know, you feel a love that will not let you go. That's the reason why I say that in my videos, because I felt a love that would not let me go. That day that came down from the ceiling, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt a love that I've never felt before and got saved not too long after that and then was told that I was going to preach. I've been in this 23 years, clean and sober. I ran for 15 years from my calling. If anybody's watching this, look, if you got a calling, you'll never find peace. You'll continue to run.
- [34:59]
A
You.
- [34:59]
B
You won't. It's just. It's very difficult for you to do this. But I didn't think I was smart enough, brilliant enough, educated enough. None of that stuff matters, man. If I can help one young minister on here that's watching this right now get into the Word of God, just like Ryan does, just like I do. Eat that Word of God, man. Live it, breathe it, and. And it will lead you and guide you. I ran 15 years. I've only been ministering for, like, going on 10 years now. And I could have been ministering for 23 years, but I ran from it, man. I ran, but that's how it happened, man. So the Lord got me young. I'm 41, and he got me at the age of 18, man. Because I would have literally, Ryan, I would have took my. When the Lord saved me, he saved me from myself, because I would have destroyed myself. Yeah, I made 23 years clean and sober, man.
- [35:55]
A
Praise God, man. So how did that sobriety happen? Was it just the touch from the Holy Spirit? Did you go to a.
- [36:01]
B
That was it. Yeah. I've never. Now, I. I struggled with pornography, and that's back when they had VHS. And this is something that, you know, a lot of people don't talk about. And it's a big problem today because we don't talk about it. I believe it's a problem because people don't talk about it. But I struggled with two years. I was still a Christian, just struggling. So don't throw stones when the Holy Spirit's dealing with you, he's wanting it out. I'd be worried when the Holy Spirit's not dealing with you, right, Ryan? So as long as the Holy Spirit's dealing with you, he wants to get this out of you. And I had to go to my wife, man. And that. Yeah, I went. She's right here listening to me. And I went to her. I showed her everything. And, Ryan, to be honest with you, I didn't think I was really doing anything wrong because it wasn't with another woman. But her response was, basically, you was getting off looking at other women and saying I was not enough. And that did it. That did it right there. Saying that I was not good enough for you to where you had to look at another woman to do that. And so when she said that, it was like, man, why am I like, God's given me this beautiful bride, God's given me this wife, and I have to look at another woman to, you know, no, it's done. It's over. It's over. So that's. That's what did it right there, when she said that, it was. That was over. It was done.
- [37:30]
A
Yeah, totally, man. I. I will never forget looking into my wife's eyes after I confessed looking at porn.
- [37:38]
B
Oh, so you went to R2, huh? Yeah, dude. The.
- [37:40]
A
The pain in her eyes on. In the cry. I'll never, ever forget it. And I remember myself, you're never doing this again. And then I did, and I had to continually process why I was looking at porn because I thought before I got married that once I get married and start having sex, I'm no longer going to like the porn.
- [38:03]
B
That's right. Yeah.
- [38:04]
A
That's not the case. I wasn't looking at the porn because I was horny. I was looking at the porn because I was medicating a wound that was instilled in me when I was nine years old. And now I've been trying to prove for so long that I'm not inadequate, that I am a man, that I, you know, sure. Like, I do. I do have those desires as a man. But then that gets like. That gas gets lit by your woundedness, and then it just turns into a wildfire if you let it go. And the way to extinguish it is you bring it into the light. That's what Jesus says. It's going to continue to. It's not in the light. So bring it all into the light. And so I had to bring it in the light and confess to my wife, because guess what, dude? She started getting nightmares. If I wouldn't confess looking at pornography to her, my wife started getting nightmares. And I'm like, lord, you are not. You are not letting me get away with anything here. And I'm so grateful for it, because.
- [38:52]
B
Amen. Yes.
- [38:54]
A
I'm so thankful, because I can. I can say now I'm not even tempted towards it. And I could say that Freedom now. And I'm not. I know, but I was addicted for 10 years. And I remember thinking. I remember thinking, I don't know that I'll ever be able to shake this. I was in college, and I. I got so desperate to get pure that I told one of my buddies, I said, if I look at porn in the next month, I have to run a marathon. That's my punishment. I have to run 26 miles and 26 miles. That's how addicted I was. That's how much I was medicating with it. And now I'm free. And the reason I'm free is because what I realized was it wasn't the porn. It was the wound. And I finally got curious enough to say, oh, there's. I felt. You know, I had this wound happen. I had this injury happen. And I've still got all the crap in my knee, so. Got all that crap. So all the dirt, all the. And now it's getting infected. Now it's spread. Now that wound is spread till I go in and I scrape out that wound and I put the hydrogen peroxide on and I put the antibacterial on. I put a band aid on it and heal. I'm going to continue to have this infection spread. And then I'm going to look at the symptom of the infection and be like, oh, I've got a porn problem. No, you don't have a porn problem. You have a wound problem, and you haven't addressed the wound yet. And so I went to therapy, and I started talking to the therapist. And my first therapy session, I'm like, this did nothing. That was a waste of time. That was weird. I just shared with this random lady everything that's ever happened to me. And then I got into my car, closed the door, and just started bawling my eyes out. And I didn't know why I was crying, but I was crying because I just released it. I just released something. So. That's right, that had been festering. And so I would encourage every single person out there, whether you're married, whether you're not married, if you are battling pornography, you will not stop pornography until you let the holy spirit deal with your wound. Until you actively deal with your wound and you get to the root of why you're looking at it, because the porn is a symptom. There's a deeper wound underneath. And if there's anything that you can learn from me and. And. And Nick's story here, it's the fact that we did not stop Looking at porn. When we got married, it continued. And the reason it continued because it was never about the porn or the hoardiness in the first place. It's not about that. That is a contributing factor. I'm not going to say it's not a factor, but you don't have a porn problem. You have a wound problem. And hopefully there will be hundreds of people that listen to that and that they go get the help they need. They have the humility.
- [41:23]
B
I hope so too. And that's probably the reason why I mention it, because he was acting about, you know, clean and sober. I never picked up alcohol again. I never picked up drugs again. But porn stayed, brother. So, like, yes, I believe you can go to an altar of repentance. Yes, I believe God can take even porn from your life. I believe all this could happen at one time because I'm not putting a measure on the Holy Spirit of what he can do. You know what I'm saying? But it was the battle of porn. Now, I don't know how old you are to. How old I am. I'm 41. How old are you?
- [41:54]
A
I'm 35.
- [41:56]
B
So you, you was probably on your phone then during that time, correct?
- [42:00]
A
Yes.
- [42:00]
B
Yeah, see, I didn't have that. Yeah, we had like flip phones, the 6010. So I couldn't imagine the. Mine was VHS, bro. And you had to go somewhere and put it and see it on the tv. Now you can hide it more, is what I'm saying. And that's why it's a sin. That's the most hid sin. Because someone drunk, you can tell and all that. But when you're doing that, you can do your deed and nobody know nothing about it. There's really no facial expressions of what you just did. And of course you're going to say, oh, Lord, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Right. We went down that trail. I'll never do it again. Right. How many times do you tell God you'll never do it again?
- [42:40]
A
Every.
- [42:41]
B
And you did it again. Yeah. And you did it again. Yeah. So, yeah. So if you're. If you're on here and you're struggling with that, find a friend. If you're not married. And Ryan, what would you say to those? Now I'm gonna put you on the spot because I was told this. What if you go to your wife and she doesn't accept it and she leaves you or whatever because you do bring it to her attention that you are doing this behind her back, but she has to another effect, and not me and you, of nurturing us and helping us to where we can defeat this pornography. But says, you know what? No, I'm out. If you're doing that behind my back, I'm out. So what would you say to that?
- [43:20]
A
Yeah. So if your wife tells you, if I ever catch you looking at porn, I'm leaving you. Here's what I would say to you. I would say your first step, if you're looking at pornography, is to bring wise counsel around you. So your first person that you confess to does not need to be your wife. I know the sin was against her, and I know eventually you do need to confess to her because you did sin against her as well. Two people become one flesh in marriage, so that means you sinned against your own body. You sinned against her body as well. But what I would say is, go get wise counsel. Go find someone that is a. A person of trust. So I would not say, go to your homie when you guys are hanging out at the bars.
- [43:56]
B
That's right. Yeah.
- [43:57]
A
And say, hey, dude, I slipped up. I looked at porn, yada, yada, yada. Go find someone trustworthy. And if you don't have someone trustworthy, we have a full ministry of Christian coaches who would love to support you. Go to sharethestruggle.org you can find someone who you can chat with. There's tons of Freedom Ministries out there. If you're really hungry to get help, you will find the help. So go get it. Go get wise counsel. The second thing you need to do is you need to spend some time with the Lord in prayer and fasting. You need to pray for the strongholds of the priority to be broken. And you need to pray for wisdom to know how to address your wife. And then what you need to do is you need to. You need to come up with a plan with the Holy Spirit and with the wise counsel and with the wisdom of the word of God and say, how are we now going to bring this to her? How are we going to bring this into the light? Because you do eventually have to bring in the light. And you might get something from wise counsel because every situation is nuanced. Every situation is different. You might. Every. No person is going to be the same. But you have to get the wise counsel. You have to get the word of God. You have to get the wisdom from the Holy Spirit through prayer. And then you can go to your wife in the right way, in the right timing. And I don't mean you're going to her in five years. I mean, you're going to her within a set amount of time that's, you know, contained that you do decide with your wise counsel. And then you come in with humility. You come in recognizing that you just broke trust. And even though for us guys, we think the pornography is like, what's the big deal? Like, I, I like, I think a lot of women don't understand that it doesn't mean that we're dissatisfied with you in sex. So that's the standpoint of the man is like, no, dude, you don't understand. This isn't about you at all. But for a woman, how can you even hear that? How could you even hear that? Like, wait, what you're telling me that you going and looking at other people having sex or looking at naked women has nothing to do with me in our marriage? Like, that doesn't, that doesn't compute. And it shouldn't compute because that it is a full on breach of trust. It is fully painful. It wrecks you. And then what I would say to the wives is this. I would say your job is not to be his accountability partner or to the husband's. If the wife's looking at it, your job is not to be her accountability partner. What I would say your job is, I think you have the right to check in occasionally and you have the right to hold him to boundaries. And so checking in on the boundaries and what those boundaries look like is, are you getting up and are you consuming the word of God daily? Because in Psalm 119, how can you weep his way pure? By living in God's word. So you have to be consuming it. Number two, do you have men in your life that are holding you to a high standard? I'm not talking Johnny, bro from the bars. No, no, no. Your best, who's just the homie. He's going to be like, oh, dude, I looked at it too. No, no, find wise counsel. That's actually going to hold you accountable. The third thing is, are you pursuing authentic intimacy in marriage? And that doesn't just mean sex intimacy, emotionally, men, spiritually, because what that's going to do, that authentic intimacy is going to reject the fabricated imagery. So you are replacing with the imagery that you're looking at online authentic intimacy in your marriage. Because that's how I designed it. So what we do is we move in the opposite spirit in the kingdom of God. So yes, I've been looking at porn for many years. I've been looking at this fake, disgusting, fabricated sense of, of intimacy Found in imagery.
- [47:12]
B
Yes.
- [47:12]
A
What I'm going to do is I'm going to move in the opposite spirit. We're going on a date night every single week. And what we're going to do is our phones are off, we're going to look each other in the eyes. I'm going to try list and I'm going to tell you everything I appreciate about you. And then I'm going to come up with three questions and we're going to, you know, and then we're going to have sex. You know, and we're. And what I would say to the wives is you're not going to want to do that. But what your husband desperately needs more than anything is he needs your presence and he needs you to. Disgraceful. He needs you to be. He needs you to be a. A figure of grace in his life because here now feels like he's screwed up. He's looking at the porn because he feels. He's looking at the porn because shame has been controlling him. So how do you move in the opposite spirit wife? What you do is you say even though I'm deeply wounded and this is not fair, this is not easy. This is not, this is not anything that I. I just want to, I want to have a fear of the Lord on this because I know this is difficult.
- [48:05]
B
Yeah.
- [48:06]
A
Move as a person of grace in his life. Now I will say if there's. If it's habitual, if, if he keeps, if he keeps breaking the boundaries. More than anything been meeting with accountability. He hasn't been going to therapy, he hasn't been opening his Bible. That's when you start to put up boundaries. Yeah. Because and are not contingent on what he's. They're contingent on what you have decided. So a boundary is saying if you do this, this will be my response. So it's not on him, it's on you. You're saying this is my boundary. If you continue to not meet with the therapist then what I'm going to do is I'm actually going to have to stay a weekend at my parents house. Okay. You did it again. What I'm actually gonna do is I'm gonna have to elevate that boundary. And so Eric just gets saved is by boundaries create safety. And so the last thing he needs you to do is to blow up at him and tell him he's more of a failure. What he is. He needs you to help him with the boundaries because he might have a spot. And when you help him with the boundaries, what it does? It Gets the accountability role off of your plate because you're his wife's accountability partner.
- [49:14]
B
That's good, man. I could tell you, you studied that stuff up and whatever you want. You want to say the website or whatever again, for those that's watching this. Yeah. Are you. Are you part of that, Ron? Are you part of that?
- [49:29]
A
Yep, yep. So it's called fearandstruggle.org and what it is is there's actually courses on freedom from pornography. There's courses on anxiety, there's courses on trauma. We've gone out and we've rounded up a lot of the world leading experts like Dr. Caroline Leaf and Matthias Barker and Rebecca.
- [49:44]
B
Awesome.
- [49:45]
A
And they put courses together to help you, but we've also got one on one support. So we have a ton of coaches who are either certified coaches or they're licensed therapists. And these aren't just like, you know, good mental health professionals. These are Christians who love Jesus, who walk by the spirit, who will pray with you.
- [50:04]
B
Wow, that's awesome, man. I need to. I need to look into that myself, man. I kind of got depressed a few months ago. Never really got depressed or anything like that in my lifetime. And I just felt like a heaviness, like a cloud that was over me, brother. And I actually thought about taking my life a time or two. And I don't know where those thoughts come from. But, yeah, I've been. I've been going through some stuff here recently through my mind, and I. I need to look into that. So if you can send me some of that stuff, I wouldn't care to do the anxiety and depression part of it.
- [50:34]
A
Right. Well, thanks for sharing that, man. Yeah, yeah, I'll send you.
- [50:39]
B
I'm seasoned. I'm seasoned in this too, man. I've been saved for, like I said, 23 years, but I don't know what happened, bro. I'll go ahead and tell you if it's okay. I was just driving up the road and I heard in my mind, pull out front of that truck in your life, you'd be better off dead. And I'm like, where'd that come from? Right.
- [50:57]
A
Yeah, right. The enemy attacks, especially those who are getting after it in the kingdom of God.
- [51:03]
B
Yeah, man.
- [51:04]
A
And pray for you right now, Lord, I just lift up my brother. I just ask that your peace right now would flood his mind and his body. In the name of Jesus and even people who are listening right now. I pray that you would, or I ask that you would pray for him as well as I'm praying. Because there's power in numbers where we're, we're aligned in faith. Holy Spirit, would you remove all anxiety, all depression from his body right now, from his mind? Lord, would you untangle what has gotten tangled? Lord, we know that anxiety is a signal that something's out of whack. And so would you give him wisdom to know the next steps to take. Lord, thank you for his humility to share. I pray that you bless that. And I just pray that your peace, which surpasses understanding, would guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Lord, you are the prince of peace and you've given us your spirit, so that means you've given us a spirit, not a fear, but of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control. And so I pray that over you, in the name of Jesus, Nick, I just ask in, in, in, in your Lord, your powerful, that any ambiguous spears, any flaming arrows of the enemy to pull out in front of traffic or that all this is going to go wrong. Lord, I pray that he would pick up his shield of faith. And what is that faith? In it's the fact that we are a child of God, that nothing can snatch us from your hand, that it is finished, that you love him more than he could ever possibly comprehend. And Lord, you go before him, you say, fear not little flock, for it is your father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. What is the kingdom, Lord? It's all the good things that you are. It's access to the throne room, it's access to your rule and reign in every single aspect of our lives. So I bless you in the name of Jesus, Nick. I ask for a greater measure of peace in his life to be felt, Lord, that the fruit of the spirit of peace would rule and reign in his body as he moves in, advances for your kingdom, Lord, that you would bless him, that you would hear the prayers of your saints right now as we rally for our brother and that no weapon that has been formed against him shall prosper. Yes, and that God, you have given him the keys to the kingdom, you have called in your child, you have said that you have lavished your love upon him. So I don't pray that that would be a head knowledge thing. I pray that that would move into his heart, into his body and you would create this safety, this security, this holy swagger to realize that nothing can stand against him, Lord, not even the gates of hell can stand against him right now because he's a son. And if, if you're a king, then what does that make him. It makes him royalty, Lord. So I pray that he would move in advance with that authority knowing that that is his true identity. In Jesus name. Amen.
- [53:44]
B
Thank you man. I know I've never been through anything like this in my life until I started getting those thoughts, man. And I had to keep telling myself I'm not these thoughts, I'm not these thoughts, I'm not these thoughts. And I would quote the word of God over me. And I remember the Lord showing me a little deeper revelation in faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God. And as I would speak, crying, not knowing why. These thoughts of wanting to take my life since I was 18, now I'm 41, why am I getting them again? And it was the fiery darks as you prayed over, as what other ministers has told me too. It was the fiery darks. Just let's take out the one that prevented the 220, right? Let's just take him out, right? That's how it works, right? Take them out. So as I was praying and as I was quoting scripture, greater is he that's in me than he that's in this world. And I'm more of a conqueror through Christ Jesus. The Lord said, say it again. I said, I am more of a conqueror through Christ Jesus. He says faith come by hearing. He said, if you have to repeat that, listen to it. I always looked at that scripture as listening someone else speak it. Yes, but I've come to encourage you. If you could only speak the word of God. Listen, don't make a repetition out of it just because you know it. I know greater is he, we know that. But listen to it. When it comes out of your mouth, listen because your inward faith can grow. And that's what I was doing, Ryan. I was crying, I was bleeding, I was hurting. Why do I want to take my life for? The ministry's doing good. My wife loves me, I got a 19 year old daughter, I have a little bit of money. What is this? And I had other ministers. I finally opened up to my wife and other ministers because I didn't know what was happening. Said man, them were fiery darks. And I never forget one minister told me if he could take you out, then there goes the 220. So you're see what I'm saying?
- [55:52]
A
Been prevented from taking their life from you.
- [55:55]
B
Yes sir, that's what I mean. Let's take out the one that's preventing it, right? Like the devil has some smarts, you know what I'm saying? But. And I think I was not expecting. I wasn't expecting to tell you that, Ryan. But, yeah, be in prayer for me, man. I still. I'm at 90%, brother. I'm not at a. I still have the thoughts. I guess once you think of something, it's kind of hard. I need it to permanently go away. Ryan's. What? I mean, it's still there.
- [56:24]
A
Well, it will. I promise you it will. And here's how I know that I have enough data now on what happens when I ask people to pray on these podcasts to know. Because we've gotten some spiritual warfare. You know, we've got crazy spiritual warfare. We've been having, like, people who were, you know, men who were living as a woman before. We've had Satanists on. We've had psychics. We've had all this swirl of spiritual warfare. But I'm telling you, dude, the minute we call up some. Some air support, we call in some firepower of prayer, boom, it's gone. Yeah, it's gone. It has been the coolest lesson in prayer for me to have all this spiritual attack and then just to put out an Instagram story and then just say on these podcasts, hey, guys, we need some prayer. We'll get some attack. And, dude, I'm telling you, gone. In a instant, all of the attacks leave. It's because the saints just come rushing in and their prayers are just, like, ringing the ears of heaven. And, dude, it's been epic. And the thing I would encourage you, too, is you're getting the flaming darts of the enemy, the intrusive thoughts he's coming in through. Your mind's very clear. What do you do? Two things. You pick up your shield of faith, which extinguishes the flaming darts. But then in Flip four, it says, don't think the what ifs. It says, whatever is true, Whatever is lovely, whatever is praiseworthy. Think on these things. And so I think that the model for getting rid of intrusive thoughts is you don't just say, how do I get rid of these what ifs? You say, okay, I'm going to pay no attention to that. I'm going to take that thought captive, make it obedient to Christ and what to Christ? It's whatever is true. So if you're anxious about your job, you actually start praying and thanking the Lord for your job. What is true about my job? I have a job. What is true about my marriage? My wife is lovely. What is true about my current situation right now? The Lord pays my bills. The Lord Takes care of me. The Lord's done it. He'll do it again. You replace the what if with the what is and the anxiety. Please. I've seen over and over and over again in my own life, and I think the enemy just wants you to think that you just need to go on attack and just keep swatting away these. These flies. Like these intrusive thoughts. Just get. Oh, just don't think them. Don't think them. Don't think them. Because some of these thoughts can be really weird. Like, you're like, why. What's wrong with me? Why did I just think that thought? And I think the Lord is like, no, no, no, don't look there. Look over here. Don't. Don't look at those. Don't. Don't pay those. Don't mind. Look. Look at the kingdom. Memorize scripture. Renew your mind according to the word of God. And when that happens, you. You just realize all the nut. All the buzzing of those flies, they just kind of dissipate because. Because the flies, like when. When you. When you're like. Like Rion says, the former head of the church, saying, he's like, nothing sticks to oil. If you're the anointed of God and you proclaim that you're anointed of God, nothing sticks to you. And I think so often we think that we're garbage. And that attracts flies. Was a demon. In the Bible, Beelzebub literally means something about the flies. Like. Like the. The spirit of the flies. What. What do flies stick to? They stick to woundedness. But the enemy tries to get you to stay in your woundedness. I'm just an anxious person. I just. You know, I've just. I'm. I'll never have a break in life. I guess I've just cursed. I'll never. I'll never be desirable to a man. I guess I'm just too old now. I'm not gonna get married.
- [59:45]
B
That's right.
- [59:46]
A
You're proclaiming the kingdom of darkness over yourself and is coming and sending the flies of the intrusive thoughts to warp your mind. And what you do is you simply say, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am. I'm not trash. I'm a child of God.
- [60:02]
B
I would write it down, Ryan. I over. I'm getting through this. Greater is he it to me here in this world, this is just a season. So I did more than just say it. My wife's like, start writing it down. I start, man, I had a whole book. Yes, it was bad. I went through Six months of it, brother. And I didn't tell nobody. I, I told my wife and a few other people, but I still prayed for people. If you go back and watch a few of my videos, man, you can see the brokenness. It took everything inside of me to pray for others, knowing that I was hurting myself, man, that's, that's tough, man. Like God, you're. I'm getting responses from people being set free, but here I am going through this, but I still showed up, man. I still prayed, I still believe God. And, and I've come a long ways, man. I have. Like I said, I'm about 90 to 95% of the nick. It was 100. I was 10% brother at one time. Couldn't sleep, couldn't do nothing, couldn't drive, man. I was scared even. This is for a different time, but whenever you have time. But that was now. I'm saved. Everybody watching this. I am a born again. Ryan knows me. I've been saved for 23 years. Yeah. And somehow I got attacked hard, man. I got like ambushed, brother. I got ambushed is what I did. Yeah.
- [61:29]
A
You're not alone, man. I think there, there needs to be more people like you that, that have the courage to share that. Just because you're a public figure and people look up to you and they think that everything's wild in your life. No, like there, we still have, we still have stuff like we still, we still struggle with sin, we still struggle with human emotions of anxiety and depression and, and we need prayer. I don't think the world has really caught on to the impact of social media. Like you mentioned before, stadiums, a video that does poorly for us, like a bad video for us. Stadium and the attacks that come. I think I would encourage everybody watching this video. Every time you see a Christian content creator on social media.
- [62:17]
B
Yes.
- [62:17]
A
Pray for them. Pray for them.
- [62:18]
B
Pray for them. Absolutely.
- [62:20]
A
There are attacks and I'm getting, I mean, you and I are kind of the old guys on the block, but I get calls from like these, these 21 year old social media influencers that are having far more reach than we are. These kids are going off like for the kingdom and they're calling me and they're struggling and they need prayer and they need people to rally around them. And I would even say right now, if you're listening to this and the Holy Spirit's moving you go bless Nick's ministry. Like, Nick, tell us where we can find you. Go bless him because he's reaching. He's the top of the funnel. We need to get him down the funnel so we can start discipling people. Is there, like a link? Is there a website or anything?
- [62:59]
B
I need to do better, Ryan, but I do. Holybeards.com, man, is where they can go get all the hats they want to help support me, man. I got tons of shirts, beard products and all that, man. Thank you for the opportunity to say that, by the way. But, yes, you can go support me, man. I travel for free. I don't charge nothing. Love offering is appreciated. I travel. I've traveled as far as West Virginia, and. And. And love offer, Grant. I just. I. I just do it for the kingdom, dude. I can't put a price on it. And I just. I just love the Lord. It's where I'm at right now, man. So that's what I tell folks, man. I'm not against those that want to put a price or whatever. It's just where I'm at, man. You got to do where your heart's at. I can't. I can't do Ryan Miller. I can't do all these other people. I got to do me and what God's called me to do. So, yeah, they can go support me in that kind of way, brother. But I. I appreciate you, man, and. And we'll talk a little more on this, but it's been hard. It's just been my. This has been my toughest year, man, since I was 18 years old. It's. It's been a tough year, brother.
- [63:57]
A
Well, I think there's breakthrough coming. I think that the prayers are. Are going to move powerfully, and I think God's got you. Obviously, there's so much fruit from your life, and I can relate to seeing a lot of fruit and internally being wrecked and being like, well, you're using me, Lord, but I don't have any peace right now.
- [64:20]
B
That's right. Yes. That's where I was at. I've learned to fight wounded, brother. And tired. I'm tired and I'm wounded. And I've learned I'm not out of the fighting game, but I'm tired, I'm wore out. And I know how it feels to other people now. That come to me. That's battling anxiety, depression, and all this because I can relate at a scale now, but I'm not out of the game. I'm not fresh. I'm not the guy that comes straight off the bench in the ball game. That's 100%. I'm learning how to fight wounded, man.
- [65:03]
A
Yeah, well, there's A. A scripture that comes to mind that the Lord will refer those who refresh others. And that's my prayer for you is that he just. You just experience his and his kindness and his good pleasure over you because he is so proud of you, Nick. Like he. He loves you so much and you are one of the most pure hearted people I know and God is using that. And I just pray that you would encounter his peace in greater measure. That there would be a pendulum swing from, you know, a little bit of anxiety and depression back to just grace and peace and just like ease in your life. And sir, gotta encourage everyone listening to just be praying that for him. Because I think our prayers are really powerful. It's almost like in Star wars or something when like all the laser beams converge and then it makes one.
- [65:54]
B
Yes.
- [65:54]
A
Or being to like take out the Death Star or whatever. I think, I think that's kind of like what prayer is in heaven is like if the Lord, if we're ringing the bell for ringing the ear of the Lord, like hey, like when we stand united on something, I think it moves. Heaven. Well take. Okay, so I want. I have one more question for you.
- [66:12]
B
Yeah.
- [66:12]
A
Because I just think this is so fascinating. So you start social media and then you tried to become a school bus driver.
- [66:24]
B
I think that was probably about four years ago. And it was pretty cool. Man. I just wanted to get in a school system. I've always, I've been able to get into the school system with the FLA or whatever they fellow Christian fca. I've been able to get into gyms and stuff with that way. But I was like, man, I want to be able to talk to these kids. So I just, I went through the training and went and become a school bus driver. Everybody around would sit up front when they found out who I was. Nobody would sit in back. Man, it was the Holy Beards, dude. And it was, man, they could not wait. You know, I told my mom, my bus drivers, holy Beards, you know, and it's just crazy, dude. It was, I, I think it was a season thing and I will retire one day driving a bus. Big old gray beard driving a bus. But it's just a great way to pour in because man, I've noticed. And no offense to anybody watching here or to anyone else, most of these kids was getting off the bus to their grandparents, dad in jail, mama not around. And man, that's, that's tough to see, dude. I seen it. I seen the, the man walking with a cane picking up his grandson. I've seen it. And it's just heartbreaking. I'm like, where's the mom and dad at? And they could be at work. Okay, that could be at work. But I'm just saying, statistically, I'm sure there's a lot of where the grand. The grandparents is raising grandkids these days. Cause the mom and dad's not there. But that was one of the reasons why I wanted to invest in the kids, man. And I did it for like a year. I sure did, man. I learned how to. I couldn't go above 45. And I love, I love to go fast, but not that bus. But yeah, 45 was the max for the safety of the kids. Even if the spieling it was 55. Even though the speed limit was 60, you had to do 45. So.
- [68:15]
A
Oh, you were going fast in the kingdom. I'm sure you've had tons of conversations with kids.
- [68:21]
B
Oh, it was, it was. They. They would jump. Can you put me. Would you follow me? Will you follow me? And I'm like, yeah, show me. And they show me the tick tock now. Oh my God. You followed me. You followed me. You know, and they, they might have had 10 followers, brother, but me following them made their day, you know? So, yeah, it's. It was great.
- [68:41]
A
It was so cool.
- [68:43]
B
Yeah.
- [68:44]
A
Well, bro, I'm so thankful for you and your vulnerability in your ministry and guys, go to holybeards.com go get some merch, invite into your church. You can reach out, I'm sure in the dms. Is that the best place to get tunic?
- [68:58]
B
Yes. I'm gonna set up an Internet site that will be helpful with that. But. But as you can tell right here, this is my. I'm going to show you my calendar. And so I'm, I'm old school here, but yeah, I have to get better on it. But the Lord's blessed me, man. I have two Sundays that's open for the rest of the year. I'm somewhere almost every Sunday or Saturday. Yeah, man. So it's. We have a baptism coming up in Florida, in Panama. October 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st and 22nd. And we're just going to baptize people. It's daring October, Fast bikers, Big burly bikers. And we're going to be right there in front of all of it. It's huge biker event and we're just going to love on them, brother. We're going to show them Jesus and, and have a sign that says baptism. We're going straight to the beach. Man. So, yeah, I look forward to that. It's gonna be cool.
- [69:57]
A
It's epic. That's epic. Well, Nick, you're a man, bro. I'm so thankful for you. And thanks for being on the podcast. Guys, go support Nick. Go follow him at holybeards. And God bless you, man. I'm gonna continue to be praying too, brother.
- [70:11]
B
Yes, man. I appreciate it. And I appreciate you praying, not just saying it, but you did it online and that shows me your character. I look for stuff like that. I look for stuff like that. And when I see people act on what they say, there's a greater respect. So if anything on this live or this podcast, I've got a greater respect for you.
- [70:32]
A
Thanks, man. God bless.
- [70:33]
B
Yes, sir.
- [70:34]
A
Well, thank you guys for joining us with the Jesus People podcast. We will see you guys next week.