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- [00:00]
A
This is the Jocko Underground podcast number 192, sitting here with Echo Charles. We have got some questions, life questions, relationship questions, leadership questions, raising children questions, jujitsu questions, working out question. We've got a bunch of questions and we get them every week and we answer them every week. So let's get into it. First one, first question.
- [00:27]
B
How do you approach swear word usage by kids? Did you allow your children to swear and if so, from what age, in what circumstances did you swear around your kids? Also, how do you teach children that there is evil in the world and that it can be in unfair place? We have two boys, 7 year old and 6 year old.
- [00:51]
A
So swearing. I didn't swear in front of my kids and I actually didn't swear really in front of my wife. I still don't like get crazy swearing in front of my wife but I do swear more around my kids now because they're adults and what have you. Don't get me wrong, because I did swear all the time in the teams, like totally. Every third word was an F bomb or some other profane word. And I will still swear at this time with the boys, you know, we're doing whatever. But when I'm interacting with someone on anything out outside of like my kind of direct crew, then I, generally speaking I don't really swear. And now, you know, when you're raising your kids you might your kids be swearing, you know, at some point. I remember one time I took my, I was out camping with my son for his, maybe his like 8th or 9th birthday or something like that. May know maybe his 10th birthday. Anyways, he's with his buddies and I'm in the RV and his buddies and him are in the tent on the beach. And I woke up early because we're surfing and it's cold, but I, I walk over to their tent and I can hear that they're already up and they're like swearing and I'm kind of like okay, you know, it's the boys, you know, the 10 year old boys get wild and I unzip the tent and I look in there and they're like, they're like horrified. Yep. And I go, put your wetsuits on. And they were like, oh, you know, it's one of those moments. So you know, again it's like a little relationship thing, right when you get all bent out of shape because your kid said a bad word. So I don't think you need to get crazy with it. But they definitely need to understand that it's Sub optimal communication methodology. Right. If you have to swear all the time, it's. There's better ways to get things done. And I would err on the side of not swearing, but you know, I don't make a huge deal out of it. You know, more like you don't want your kids to swear all the time. They just need to recognize that it's not a good look. Right. It's not a good way to gain respect. Not that occasional F bomb at the right moment, can't get the attention of someone again. But if you're swearing all the time that it won't get anyone's attention. So, yeah, that's kind of that as far as teaching them about evil in the world, I think it's just a slow exposure to reality. Like what you see in the news. What you see in the news, I think you expose to them over time. And you kind of start off with lesser evil. You start off with, you know, there's people stealing things and people being people hurting other people, people fighting other people, people hurting animals, people doing some kind of sadistic behavior. Then abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, you know, sexual abuse. You got to tell kids about this stuff. And then you get into like murders. And, you know, you can first explain that, you know, there's a crime of passion where the husband's mad at the wife and he kills her. And then you can start talking about serial kill, like so. But again, you kind of have to do this over time where they can understand and they're not overwhelmed by it. It's wrong to not let them understand that these things are in the world. But it's also wrong to expose them at a young age when they can't really comprehend it. So I think you got to do exposure therapy. Kind of just start off slow and grow from there. You know, I. I've talked about this before, but I think one of the best things that ever happened to my son was we saw a. Again, we were surfing early in the morning. We saw a tweaker at 5 in the morning, just as the sun's coming up, or six in the morning just as the sun's coming up. And this guy's just tweaked out on drugs and he's being arrested and he's acting totally insane, screaming. He's got the spit hat on and he's got like ripped pants and no shirt. He's all beat up and just dirty and he's saying crazy things. And my son, again, at this time he was probably like 7 or 8 and he's like, dad, what is going on with that guy? And I said, that guy's on drugs. That's what drugs does to you. That left a mark. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I. I think that you have to kind of do exposure therapy with your kids. So they. And, you know, it's. Another good thing is, like, movies. You know, the rated R movie thing. You. How old were your kids when you let it start to let them watch rated R movies?
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B
Yeah, it was. It was. I mean, young, technically, but it's not that. That's not how I categorize it. Like, oh, you can watch this. It's rated R. It's like, it totally depends on the movie, what the actual.
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A
R rating is for.
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B
Exactly. Right. Like Deadpool.
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A
Yeah.
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B
My son, as soon as it came out, he was like 4 or 5.
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A
No kidding. Is that rated R?
- [06:04]
B
Big time. Because of what wildly inappropriate stuff. There's, like. There's violence, but it's sensationalized. There's swearing. There's like, sex jokes and, like, just. It's really flagrant. But given my son's personality, that's not going to affect him. He's just going to think it's funny. But then if I show him, like, I don't know, like a. Like a Friday the 13th or something like this, it'll mess with him, you know? Yeah. So it depends. It depends on, you know, his personality.
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A
Does your kid like scary movies? Do your kids like.
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B
No. Well, my daughter does, but my son does not.
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A
Coach Hannah. Yeah, my daughter, she watches scary movies, but they, like, horrify her. But she likes to watch them.
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B
Yeah, that's real.
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A
Yeah, she. She, like, when she starts talking about him, you can tell that they landed the way she says. There's a movie called Midsommar. I actually haven't seen it. Yeah, but the way that she says the name Midsommar, you're like, oh, she has ptsd. She knows. She'll be like. She'll, like, shift her positioning.
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B
So.
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A
But I do think that you can show kids movies, you know, because they're fictional and you can say, hey, look, this isn't real, but this does happen. And then you can get. Then you can move to movies that are based on reality, and then eventually you can show them to a documentary. Right. And you can, but I think you just got to slowly introduce these things to kids over time.
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B
Yeah, then. And like I said, I do believe this. As of right now, I do believe that it does depend on the movie, because that Midsommar, like, that Movie's not. I didn't. I don't think that one was actually scary. It was disturbing, a real disturbing. But it wasn't scary. Like, it didn't. You didn't leave the movie and, like, be scared. But back in the day, when you watch Friday the 13th or Candyman, you ever watch Candyman? That first one. Holy cow. I was in, like, eighth grade or something, and bro. You say his name in the mirror, like. Like three times or something or five times, I don't know. And he'll appear behind you and kill you. Bro. It was. Bro. I couldn't go in, like, the bathroom anymore, like, by myself at night. It was hard. That's scary. You know, different.
- [08:06]
A
We watched the Exorcist when I was a kid, which is. Which was horrific. You know, as a little kid, you're like, oh, my God. So. But I think you can utilize movies as a introduction to things and that. That way they're a little bit more controlled. You know what the movie's about, right? So I think you could do that, too. But I think my kids were watching. Rated our movies maybe around 12. And, you know, again, same as you. Like, generally speaking, I think my youngest daughter watched Black Hawking, you know, so. And that is. That's where we're at.
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B
Does Black Cop down have any, like, disturbing things that.
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A
It's got people, the kid, you know, getting their legs blown off and be dying. I mean, it's. It's definitely violent. High violence.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Bloodshed.
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B
So, yeah, it. It feels like it doesn't play on a kid's fears as much as, like, a Friday the 13th, that there's a crazy, maniac, unknown, unseen killer out there in the darkness.
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A
Do you remember Uncle Fester? I think he's from the Adams family. I had a friend in the SEAL teams that would have nightmares that there was, like, an Uncle Fester type person, sir, that was going to kill him. And. And the thing was, it was like he was way bigger and way stronger. Uncle Fester, this Uncle Fester type character was way bigger and way stronger. And if you think about. That's pretty horrifying, you know, like, you and I, you know, we trained Jiu jitsu. We left, you know, we're in shape. We have concealed carry. Like, we're, you know, we're kind of like, in the game, we are the danger. We are the danger, as they say. Right, Cheeseball? But if you start thinking like, oh, there's someone that's. Even to the nth degree, and it was kind of superhuman.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Kind of a superhuman scenario.
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B
Yeah.
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A
I ended up thinking it was, like, in the book Blood Meridian, which I don't think you've read, but in Blood Meridian, there's a character called the Judge, and he's sort of the same way. He's like, bigger, stronger, cat like reflexes. And you're like, bro, this is kind of. You're kind of at the whim of this dude from a physical way, you know?
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B
Yeah.
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A
And I think that's why my friend was so scared of this Uncle Fester type dude. But if you're a kid, pretty much everyone's like that. Pretty much everyone's bigger and stronger than you, so it's pretty horrifying.
- [10:30]
B
Yeah. Yeah, it's true. What? The swearing thing. I kind of went back and forth on it, and I like. Like, I think your way is kind of optimal, I think, because I. I do swear, but not that much around the kids. And I'm gonna make it a point. This is where I arrived at where I don't want it to be, like, normalized, you know, like, really. Because I. In fact, I wish it was less normalized for me, actually freaking. Now that I'm however old I am. There's a lot of things, looking back that I thought were cool because it was fine. I. You know, my parents did this or whatever, and I turned off and I realized maybe I didn't turn out as fine as I could have been, you know, if these. There's a handful of things that are normal, like. But I think he kind of jammed me up, to be honest with you. But the swearing one wasn't a big deal. But every once in a while, I was like, I think I shouldn't have been swearing, you know, like, that kind. Like, there's this. It was at the muster, and it was actually some people that we know, and they were. So there's the daughter, the dad. You know these people. You completely know them. But I'm not gonna say their name just for privacy. But there's the daughter, the dad, and the mom. I didn't know they were all related. I knew them individually, the daughters, maybe 20s, early 20s. So young, way younger than me, you know? And then the mom and daddy, slightly older than me. So, anyway, I'm like. She goes, oh, hi. You know, And I'm like. I was like, shoot, have I met you? Right? Like, and they're all standing in front of me, but I didn't know they're already. So she's like, oh, yeah, I met you last time. And I'm like, yeah. And I'm trying to figure it out. And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, yeah, it was at this other time. And I was like, oh, wait, was it at this time? She was like, no, no, it was at the other time. I was like, are you sure? She was like, yeah. I go, are you with me? And she's like, no, no. And then the mom and the dad were right there, and the mom, you could tell, she was like, hey, like, you shouldn't talk to my daughter like that. Like, that was the vibe. She didn't say that, but that was the vibe, because she goes, this is our daughter, like, interrupted the conversation, you know? And me, like, I'll say that to anybody, you know, all my friends, like, are you fucking about me? Like, right now? Like, asking, you know? And then I remember thinking that swearing kind of came out real naturally, you know, like, almost like a default. That, like, that's how, you know, I was like, shoot, maybe swearing was normalized a little bit too much. See what I'm saying? So. And that's just one time. I mean, maybe there's another time or whatever. So it's not a huge problem. But I'm saying if it wasn't normalized, if my default was like, you. Whereas, like, you kind of only swear under certain circumstances.
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A
Try to.
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B
Yeah, yeah. And the default was no swearing. Brian wouldn't have to endure that, you know? And I feel weird. Like, every time I see her at the mustard stuff, I feel like kind of like, off shoot, you know? So I try to be extra nice and stuff like that, but I'm like, man. But, yeah, so I think I'm with you now. Like, my kids will hear me swear, but I'm not just swearing. Like, it's all good. They don't swear at all. They think, like. I think, like, a lot of kids who are, you know, have.
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A
They'll get through it.
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B
No, but, you know, like, like, your boy, when you. He was swearing.
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A
Yeah, yeah.
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B
He's like, my. And how kind of I felt when I was really young, where I was like, hey, when no one's around, I say it. It's like, ooh, so crazy, right? Or whatever. Oh, my kids are totally like that. Like, if they're. If there's a song going on and they're swearing in it, they'll, like, kind of look at me like, oh, that was crazy, you know, or whatever.
- [13:52]
A
My oldest daughter ratted out some of her friends or some of her kids at school or something when she was probably in, like, third or fourth grade or something for saying the S word to my wife.
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B
Word. S, H I T. No, it was.
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A
So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jockounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms so we are not subject to their control. And we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko podcast, which will remain as is free for all as long as we can keep it that way. But we. But we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors. And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us. And to do that, we are, we're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. It's Jocko underground.com it costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. Just email assistancecounterground.com and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized Underground.