← Joy with Craig Ferguson
Joy with Craig Ferguson
Texas Coffee Time Chat
00:35:00
Craig is on the road in Texas and that's where you will find him this week for some more coffee time and him answering all your burning questions. Shout out to Jacob and Austin at Elm Street Tattoo shop for giving Craig and KT their...
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- [00:00]
A
This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, it's actually, it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the Tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond. For a full list of dates, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com See you on the road, my dears.
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Hi everyone. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. I'm your host, podcast's Craig Ferguson, coming to you today. Any of you who are regulars on this journey that I'm on will know that or have followed the podcast recently. Well, know that I've been very, very busy. I've been all over the world. I can't be there. I have not been able to book guests because I don't like doing the zooms and excuse me, I don't like doing the zooms and although I will do them occasionally, but I spent so much of my life having meetings on zooms and stuff like that. So I don't really like doing a podcast on the zoom. So until I can do a in person podcast again, what I've been doing is accepting tweets and emails and this again today is tweets and emails segment of the podcast. In the podcast, when it's the tweets and emails, you tweet me questions in the form of an email or I don't think tweets exist anymore, a Twix or, or you can post it on the social medias on the stuff. And I think thecraigfergusonshow.com is where you can go anyway, look, you ask me a question and I'll answer the question to the best of my ability. It's basically the podcast is you are the guest on the podcast and you're sort of interviewing me because you're asking me questions, but at the same time, I'm sort of interviewing you because you're on my podcast. Anyway, that's what it is. And so today in the podcast, I don't know if you can tell out the window here, it's nighttime here in Dallas, Texas. I'm in Dallas, Texas because of the job that I'm working on. And it's nighttime here because tomorrow morning. Last week I was in Los Angeles, week before that was in London, a Week before that, I was in New York. Anyway, I'm in Dallas, Texas, today or tonight, as you can see. Really like cowboys and, you know, hats and oil and stuff. And I'm having a lovely time, but I'm very busy. And next week I'll be, I think, in Phoenix, Arizona. I don't know. I'm very busy and so I want to just keep in touch. So let's start with your questions. Dallas, Texas. By the way, what a town I'm having. I had a day off to dine, actually, and I got a little tattoo. I got a little additional cactus. Got a little cactus there. Looks like some. I look forward to your supportive things, telling me what it really looks like. But it was passive aggressive, wasn't it? It's a theme with me these days, apparently. Anyway, let me look at my. I've got my computer here. This is a computer. And I'm glad. I've got your emails and tweets. This is from Ahmed El Talib. He says, are you a hat guy? I used to wear a trilby because I love Leonard Cohen. That's no reason to wear a trilby. I also love Leonard Cohen. I'd never wear a trilby. Leonard Cohen is a genius. Canadian, French Canadian genius. Dark, twisted, but also beautiful, poetic. Just a lovely, lovely writer of song and lyrics. Leonard Cohen's lyrics, fantastic. I don't think I'm the first person to say that, but as much as I admire Leonard Cohen, I wouldn't wear a trilby because there's only one person that ever really gets away with wearing. Two people that get away with wearing a trilby. Leonard Coyne and a little monkey. Little monkeys can wear trilbys because they look adorable in them, but that's about it. And unless you're a little monkey, I suspect you're not with your sending emails and stuff, because I've never had. As clever as monkeys are, I do not believe that they could. Here's an interesting proposition, actually. I do not believe a monkey could use a computer to send a tweet or an email. You know, when they say that thing, 400 monkeys working for 200 years or something would be able to write Shakespeare's Hamlet. That's insane. One monkey can't work a typewriter. Or was it one monkey using a typewriter for. I don't know, whatever it is. Anyways, Nonsense. This is just utter nonsense. But life is full of utter nonsense. But not here in Texas where I'm enjoying myself. So he says I looked. So Ahmed said I used to win A trilby, because I love Leonard Cohen. Is that light going weird or am I having a stroke? Whatever it is, we'll keep going and we'll find out. It's the light, isn't it? I don't know. Anyway, is it doing every time I look away or am I getting. I don't know what it is you. It's probably not even showing up in the computer anyway. And certainly if you're just listening to this, then you wouldn't have a clue what I'm talking about. But I suppose that's nothing new. So Amed asked, am I a hat guy because he used to wear a troll because he loved leather coin, and I shamed him for that, and rightly so. And Ahmed says I look nothing like an unleaded coin. And my friends made fun of me and I stopped wearing it. Well, that's a true friend. A true friend. If you wear a trilby, we'll mock you until you stop wearing the trail be. You mustn't wear trilbys, everybody. And I say that as your friend. That light is definitely flickering. There's a light flickering. It's kind of annoying me. Stay right there. And what I'm going to do. So I'm going to go over there and I think I'll turn it off, which it could get a little darker in here, but at my age, that's no bad thing. Hold on, Turb, I'm going here. I'm turning up the light and. Oh, you know what? That's actually better, isn't it? I think we're getting to know each other a little better. I turned down the lights. At least it wouldn't be flickering anymore. And I can still read the screens because, you know, they light up anyway. Leonard Cohen and trilbys. Now am I a hat guy? That was Ahmed's original question. And the answer is surprisingly, yes. Yes, I am a hangai. But only recently. In fact, yesterday I went to a store in Dallas, Texas, called Wild Bills. And in Wild Bills, where the people are just, oh my goodness, the people ain't are so nice. And they were just so lovely in Wild Bills. And I got myself a ston hat. I got a hat and it got branded, but by Wild Bill's son or grandson, I'm not sure. John, he brand that lovely man who put a little cactus brand on my hat and I like the cactus so much, I got a little extra cactus on my wrist and I'll tell you the story about that in a minute. But he branded my hat John. John's the son or grandson of the original Wild Bill who started this westernware store in Dallas. And Wild Bill was a bit of a legend. He was on the original Dallas TV show a few times. And I think he's been on Yellowstone. He's a lovely. And John, his son or grandson, I think son is in the store and he wears a six year on his hip. And I was like, well, it's pretty tight. But that never came up. Anyway, he said, you want your hat branded? He didn't say it in that accent, but I have learned as a Scotsman, because everywhere in the world, if you're Scottish, thinks they can do. You know, no matter where you go, people think that they can do your accent as well as you can. And then to show their friendliness to you, they will do your accent to you. Sometimes people do that. And I feel people in the South, Texas and other places, they suffer from the same thing. People think that they can do their accent. People club them and say, oh, you're from the South. Hooded Leong dong dong dong, honey boom. But. Or, you know, if you're from Scotland, the O Shrek farty donkey. But I got my hat branded with a little cactus on it. And I was with my friend, my friend Katie Tunstall. Now, some of you may know Katie Tunstall from being a rock star. And it's interesting because Katie is a rock star. And sometimes when she behaves very well, I say, you're a rock star there. And she also is. Anyway, we got hats and they got branded with a little cactus. And I said to John, hey, you know what, John? Brand me with the branding iron. Brand me with it. And he's like, no. I was like, yeah, come on, take that little branding iron. Brand me in the ass. And he was like, no, I'm not doing it. And. And he wouldn't do it. And I'm grateful he didn't because I was just pretending. But he did brag my hat. He put a little cactus sign on my hat, which is just fabulous. It's in my truck, so I can't show it to you. Otherwise I'm in my hotel room, but my truck's parked outside and so my hat's in it. It's a long story, but I thought, I do like that cactus. And Katie and I were doing some work here in Texas and we thought, oh, it'd be nice if maybe we'll get cactus tattoos while we're here. Because she's got a few tattoos and I've got a few tattoos and so we went to a tattoo store today, and, oh, man, I've got the name of it. Jacob was the tattoo artist. And I can't remember the name of the store, and I'm really sorry. But anyway, it was fabulous. Maybe I'll put it on the website or something later. Someday I'll put it up, but. Or we'll put it on the social media or something. But they were great. And Jacob gave me a little cactus tattoo, and Katie got a little cactus tattoo as well. Isn't that adorable? Because we're friends, Our cactus is different to mine, but I looked up the symbolism for cacti and the spiritual significance of them, and I liked it. I liked what it said. It was, you know, it's about survival and resources and adaptability and strength and being able to, you know, suck up a lot of water, I suppose, which I'm trying to do because I'll get on to why in a minute. Plus, my goodness. Excuse me. And so we got tattoos, and that's why. So I am a hat guy. That's what I was answering the question. I am a hat guy now because I have a Stetson hurt. So if you guys are looking for me in Texas, I'll be the one wearing the cowboy hat now. Now you'll know where's Craig? And then you'll see a guy wearing a cowboy hat, and he'll be like, oh, it's Craig. And come and say hi. Come and see. Oh. In fact. And what to do is, if you're in Texas and you see someone wearing a cowboy hat, you'll know it's me. So you'll be able to come over and say, oh, Shrek, farty donkey. Shrek farty donkey, Craig. And we'll laugh. That'll be fun. Anyway, I'll get over the tweets and emails. You know what else I did, by the way, while I was here? I will get back to your tweets and emails, but I want to tell you about my trip to Texas a little bit. I went to the Texas State Fair, which is amazing, and it's the biggest state fair in the world, which obviously is in Texas, so it would be. But the Texas State Fair is at this Texas State Fair. I went to the rodeo. I went to the rodeo at the Texas State Fair. And at the rodeo, it was. It wasn't like my first rodeo. I'd never been to a rodeo before. But now when I go to a rodeo again, I'll be able to say with complete confidence, this is not my first rodeo. And it won't be because I've been to my first rodeo, which was yesterday. It was amazing. Amazing horsemanship is something I admire. I don't really have it much. I am married to a woman who has some horses, and so I suppose by proxy, I have horses. We have three horses. Two. They're called cobs in the uk, but here I think they're called. And they're not in the uk, they live here. But they came. Oh, it's a long story. A long, expansive story. But anyway, they came over with us. They're called cubs there, but I think they're called draft horses here or something. They're big, anyway. And I thought they were the biggest horses I'd seen. And then at the rodeo I saw these. I think they're called Pergeron. French draft horses. Honestly didn't like it. Like, it was like 18, 19 hands, these things. I mean, that's. It's wither. So it's like the. It's back, you know, just at the back where his neck starts to go up on a horse, you know, like, this is the back of the horse where the saddle goes and its neck goes up. That's its withers right there. It was taller than my head. And I'm six. I used to be six foot two and a half. Apparently I'm six foot one and a half now, which it can only get worse. Soon I'll be small bits. Sobering thought. Anyway, so I went to the Texas State Fair and I went to the rodeo and I had a fantastic time. And so now when I go to a rodeo, I can say, this is not my first rodeo, and we'll laugh and then I'll say, Shrek Farty Dunk. All right, now, let's see. This is from Tarek Mooney, from Algeria. I've never been to Algerian. Tariq says I'm probably your only Algerian fan. Okay, thanks. Do people not like me in Algeria, or. It's just they don't know who I am. I suspect little column A, little column B. If they do know I am, they talk like. Except Tarek. Tarek says, because he's my only Algerian Fahrenheit, which is why I've never performed in Algeria, because I think it's probably more cost effective if Tariq just comes here if he wants to see me. Anyway, Tarek says I'm probably. Oh, yeah, he said that I'm a psychologist who thinks Freud was a scam. Controversial. And Freud's Anal Stage theory. Yes, that's new. You can check it. I Heard about it. I know about Freud's anal stage theory. He claimed that if kids between 2 to 3 years old don't poop properly, they'll grow up stingy. Do you know any stingy celebrities? Well, I suppose I do know some stingy people. I don't know that it's fair to call out people for being stingy. I'm not a big believer in calling out people for anything, to be honest. I like it's so available to be public now that it's hard to avoid being public. So I think calling people out, it's kind of a bullshit live, really, I think unless they've committed a crime or something and then maybe that's more like it. But anyway, stingy people. Yes, I do know that, but I feel like. I feel it might be an imposition to ask, you know, to try and check an already debunked theory. Anyway, the Freud, you know, I think Freud was like trying to find his way. He was a developer, almost a new science really. So, you know, mistakes were made. He was experimenting. Here's the thing, by the way, experiment. Now, you can look this up on the Internet because when I was on Sesame street for one episode, Elmo and I were. We had a. We tried to find the meaning of the word experiment. We talked about the word experiment. And in the experiment we tried to see how many chickens it would take to carry me across the road. It was a whole thing. Anyway, the thing is the word experiment. And in Freud's experimental stage, at the early stages of psychoanalysis, he got some things wrong. Well, that's what experiments do, they give you information. I think people sometimes think, or I think, yeah, I think people sometimes think that experiments only work if you get the result you're looking for. But that's not the case at all. The scientific approach to an experiment is keep an open mind and go in and look at the data when you have it. So if you do an experiment and it doesn't work out or it doesn't work out the way you thought, then it's still a success because you got the information. The experiment's just getting information. Now, I understand what you're saying, Tarek, you know, saying, well, this is a theory, it's not an experiment, but it's a theoretical. It's a theoretical thing. Anyway, Tariq stopping so mean to Freud. I think Freud takes a lot of hits. But, you know, truth is, this was a guy who's trying to figure some stuff out and some stuff he got right, some stuff he got wrong. How many sizes have you invented? Tarek the Now I say that he might invent a few. I don't know. Tariq and I don't know each other. You may have Mike in Louisville, Kentucky. Or to pronounce it correctly, people in Louisville know this, that if you're from Louisville, you don't pronounce it Louisville. If you say Louisville, people will know you're from out of town. So what you say is that's how it's pronounced in Louisville. Anyway, so making says, do you have any spiritual beliefs? I do. I do have spiritual beliefs. I'll tell you something about spirituality. For me, anyway, I mean, it's the, I think spirituality is a little bit like yoga or skin tight underwear. It looks different on every different person. Do you know what I mean? Like, it tends to take shape of the person that it's on. So whether it's yoga or skin tight underwear or spiritual beliefs, it takes, it takes the shape of the individual, I think. And I have an evolving questioning mind, I think. And spiritually I feel without certainty. So I think about God and the universe and how we're all connected and love and redemption and goodness and badness, I suppose as well. I think about all these things and I try and make sense of it and try to feel a sense of connectedness to it, try to look it out. And I read a lot of things and you know, from the Upanishads to that big man that jumps in cold pools. Was his name Tony Robbins? And you know, I, you know, I get limited results from different things that I look at, but I'm prepared to listen to anyone's idea of spirituality and beliefs. Do you have any spiritual beliefs? He asked me. Yeah, but I wonder if mean this forum is the best place to discuss them. I have an instinctive feeling. It's probably not. I feel like, I feel like it's better to discuss spiritual beliefs when there's another person in the room. What I mean by that is this. If I'm talking to someone who's interested in spirituality and they're in the room with me, which sadly you are not at the moment. Mike, in Louisville, when you're in Louisville, I assume, unless you're on the road working like me, in which case it'd be come on over and we'll discuss it. I think it's probably better to discuss spirituality when you have someone there who at least is another voice in the room. I think the danger of spirituality sometimes, certainly for me, is that if I, if I'm too much in My own head. If I'm not hearing some kind of counter argument or at least. Or at least a point of view that's stimulating, then I can kind of disappear up my own ass a little bit, which I think I might be doing right now. Yes, I am. See, that's why I don't like to talk about this on my own. It's not that I'm on my own. I know that you guys are here, but you know what I mean. I mean, technically I haven't. This is from Jason Heroes in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. I think that's how he pronounces his name. I can't know for sure. He's not in the room. Jason says, if you could no longer be a vulgar lounge entertainer, gosh, what would you do for a career? Oh, geez. I'll tell you what. It was last night and I was in a place called the Red River. I think it's a dance hall in Dallas, Texas. The Red River Dance Hall. It's a kind of honky tonk, but it's big and they have dancing and a band and a mechanical duel and stuff. I mean, you can probably imagine what it's like, except your problem, in fact, if you're not, if you've never been to Red River Dance hall, you probably don't know what it's like, because I had a preconceived notion about who would be there and what they would be like. And I was wrong. This place was fantastic. Fantastic. I'd never seen so many different people from different walks of life and different backgrounds, different ethnicities, different orientations, everything, all dancing as couples. And he was amazing, just a lovely thing. And I thought if. So to answer your question, if I was not a vulgar lounge entertainer, I'd like to own and operate the Red River Honky Tonk Dance hall place in Dallas, Texas. Or just go there. I'd just like to go there and see. I was really, really loved. It was really nice. All right, this is from DGM8520. Sometimes you think maybe this may be from a bot. This may be one of those times where I think this may be from a bot. DGM852 says, Dear Craig, in regards to self driving cars. I was talking about that the last time I was doing one of these. Sitting there on in your room talking to a screen podcast. He said in regards to self driving cars, you left Jeff when you left cbs and he had to find work, so he moved to San Francisco and got the airport gig. That is not true. That Is not true. And I'll tell you, I know it's not true because I didn't leave jeff@cbs.dgm852, if that is your real name. Jeff is in my house and Jeff is Ben my part. And as Jeff would say, Jeff is joining everyone in your pants. So there you go. That is the thing that Jeff said. This is from Jorge O Gul og. I think that's how this is Jorgen in Mexico City, who says when you've done interviews or had guests, who was the guest that made you laugh the most? Easy peasy lemon squeezy? Robin Williams. Robin was one of the most rapid. I mean, I, look, I don't have to describe Robin to you guys. I'm sure you know him. And if you can't, if you don't know him, very easy to look up his body of work that he left behind and, and, and see what he did. What, what I loved about Robin as a guest, and he was, he was a little bit like this when he was not on camera as well, but certainly more so when he was. When he was on camera and switched on. And it was, it wasn't always as switched. People always say, oh, Robin Lewis was switched on all the time. Not my experience with him. I didn't feel like he switched on all the time. He was, he was who he was. He was like, like many people when they're in front of a camera or he's performing, he's a sort of amplified version of himself. But. But he wasn't like crazy. Well, he was a little bit crazy, but in a beautiful way. But Robin's mind was moving so quickly that sometimes he would say something and it would, he would say a thing. And I remember as a guest, we would both miss it. And then it would land with me maybe a couple of seconds later and I had to go back to the thing he said to say, wait, did you say that? And that really made me laugh. There was something about rolling down a hill at great speed, out of control about interviewing Robin Williams, which was one of the great joys of my life. Whenever Robin was on the old show, the old late night show, whenever I saw his name on the board, there was a big board in the office and there would always, you know, there'd be names up coming in next Tuesday, next Wednesday, all that kind of stuff. And I would see Robin's name up. When I saw his name up there, I'd be like, oh, gosh, creep away. It was exciting, you know, and when you become a jaded Hollywood type, which I think I did for a while. I'm not that way anymore. I don't think I'm different now. Different in so many ways. But I think I got a little jaded when I was doing that show and. But never was Robin. I always, always was pleased to see walk out and hear whatever nonsense he was up to. So I hope that answers your question. I feel that's the most concise answer I've given to a question in all this time. And finally, because I have to go, I know I'm kind of phoning it in you guys the past few weeks, but to be honest, I hope you don't mind. I am literally phoning it in because I'm recording this on my phone. But I feel like I made a deal with you guys to throw a podcast once a week, and I don't have a deal with anyone else. This is what I kind of quite like about this. I don't have a deal with a large conglomerate or multinational to make a podcast every week. I did, and I found myself resenting it a little bit. Not their fault. I just didn't like the vibe. But now I feel much like my contract's kind of with you, and. And so I said I would do this, and so I'm doing it. So. So I'm. I'm going to have to. I'll do this one. And I have to go because I have to go very early tomorrow morning. As you can see, it's nighttime near Texas. You can probably hear the yeehaws and such. Like, I have to go very early to morning, and I'm going very, very far into Texas. I don't know if you know this about Texas, but it's a very big state, and I'm going south and west, so I'm going deep, deep into Texas, and I'm going in my truck with, you know, other people and stuff, but my truck's gone as well. And I don't know how exciting my truck is. I think probably as exciting as me, which is quite exciting. I'm going down to Big Bend, the national park there and stuff, and then I'll be up in Phoenix, Arizona, next weekend. So next weekend or next Tuesday, when you get this, the podcast will be from Phoenix, Arizona. So if you have any questions you want to ask me about Phoenix, Arizona, or Big Ben or Martha, Texas, or There's another place we're going to in Texas. I can't remember the name of it. It's very small town, so probably best I shouldn't remember the name of it. Anyway, you know, for now I'm going there tomorrow. So ask me questions and I'll answer them next week in the Phoenix. Why are you going to Phoenix next week, Craig? I hear you ask. Because I'm going to, amongst other things, going to be the Monster Truck Rally in Glendale in Phoenix. I'm so excited. I can't wait to go. I'm just so excited. Monster truck. I've never been to a monster truck rally and if they have a rodeo there, I'll say this is not my first rodeo. But I won't be able to say this is not my first monster truck rally because it is my first monster truck rally. I'm very excited about it. Anyway, this is from Truly Jefferson and doesn't say Truly. Doesn't say where she's from. I presume Truly is a she only because of the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang when Truly Scrumptious was the name of the lady who I think was a sort of stepmother, nanny type figure who sang a bit and sang Truly Scrumptious. I think that. I think that was Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I asked Dick Van Dyke once when he was on the old late night show. He was a lovely man as well. Dick Van Dyke. I asked him, I said, why didn't you use a cockney accent for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? And he said, did you hear the cockney accent I did in Mary Poppins? I said, I did. I said, that's why I didn't use a cockney accent and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I just used my own voice. It was probably a good choice. And he went, oh, I think so. Self deprecating man. Lovely. He told me it must be 100 years old almost, I think. Good for him. Truly Jefferson, who is not truly Scrumptious. Or maybe she is. Maybe Jefferson. Maybe she is Truly Scrumptious and Jefferson's her nom de guerre. Truly says, do you believe in past lives? Now, at the risk of offending people who do believe in past lives, I do not. I do not believe in past lives. That doesn't mean they don't exist. Just means I don't believe in them. It doesn't seem to me to be a viable answer, but I'm not saying that that's a definitive position on it. I'll keep an open mind in the true insight, the true ancestors. In the true interest of trying to have a scientific attitude about these things, I will keep an open mind. There's no proof of past lives. There's no proof against past lives. Therefore, it's kind of open. So it falls into the realms of belief and faith. And it doesn't seem plausible to me. It just doesn't seem plausible as a thing. But perhaps there are echoes of personalities. I don't know. St. Augustine said, trying to understand the mind of God is trying to pour the ocean into a cup. And I feel like when you think about questions like past lives and all that kind of stuff, I hear that. I just think. I don't think there's a simple, easy answer to any of it. And so I'll think about that in the coming week when I'm out in. Arguably, I think probably on immediately, I think probably pretty much. Truly, the last wilderness in the lower 48 is southwestern Texas. That's where I'm going tomorrow. I'm going to the desert, my friends. I'm going out there, going out, find myself and some other stuff, and I'll report back when I get back. I may be different. I may be the same. This is pretty different, but not different. I may have another tattoo. I've tried not to and get another tattoo in the desert, but I do like my little cactus. I hope you guys like it, too. It's just a cute little guy. Look at him. And I got him underneath the sun. This was Katie Tunstall's idea. She said. I was like, well, where will I put my cactus? She said, put it under the sun. In the cactus. Be under the sun. I was like, oh, that's good. And that's where I put it. Anyway, that's about it for this. For this one. My dears. Sorry about the sound and light quality, but, you know, I'm literally phoning this thing in right now. I'll get back to the studio as soon as I can, I promise. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Talk to you soon. Bye.