Thomas Lennon Returns

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Thomas Lennon Returns" on Joy, Hosted by Craig Ferguson

Release Date: October 1, 2024
Host: Craig Ferguson
Guest: Thomas Lennon
Platform: iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Joy, host Craig Ferguson welcomes his longtime friend and multifaceted entertainer, Thomas Lennon. Together, they delve into the essence of joy amidst the complexities of modern life, weaving personal anecdotes with broader reflections on the entertainment industry, cultural quirks, and their personal journeys toward happiness.

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1. Setting the Scene: Humor and Friendship

Craig Ferguson kicks off the conversation with his characteristic humor, referencing his new chair modeled after Angie Dickinson—a playful nod to his unique taste and lasting friendships.

[03:14] Craig Ferguson: "This is like being on CNN."

The light-hearted banter sets a warm tone, emphasizing the camaraderie between Craig and Thomas.

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2. Navigating the Entertainment Industry: Auditions and Rejections

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the challenges of auditioning and the often unpredictable nature of show business.

Savannah Guthrie shares her frustrations with auditions:

[23:00] Savannah Guthrie: "I'm in a very weird place where... I have to audition for roles that you would think I would just get."

Craig echoes similar sentiments, recounting his experiences with casting directors and the sting of rejection:

[38:16] Craig Ferguson: "I auditioned it. I don't get the job."

Their stories highlight the perseverance required in the entertainment industry and the emotional toll of constant auditions.

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3. Cultural Exchanges: Jellied Eels and UK Traditions

The conversation takes a cultural turn as they discuss British delicacies and traditions, particularly focusing on jellied eels—a traditional East End London dish.

Craig defends the culinary practice:

[07:20] Craig Ferguson: "Eels will eat anything organic... They just think, wow, what's all this amazing, delicious stuff coming out of this pipe."

Savannah expresses her hesitation but shows openness to experiencing different cultures:

[08:58] Savannah Guthrie: "I’m dying to try some of these jellied eels once I get back to that part of the world."

Their exchange underscores the theme of finding joy in diverse experiences, even those outside one's comfort zone.

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4. Iconic Works and Personal Connections: Hitchhiker's Guide and Braveheart

Thomas Lennon and Savannah Guthrie delve into their connections with beloved franchises like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Braveheart.

Craig reminisces about his admiration for Douglas Adams and the missed opportunity in adapting the iconic series:

[29:14] Craig Ferguson: "The Hitchhiker's Guide series, the best. I thought that movie was a great missed opportunity."

Savannah shares her evolving perspective on the Hitchhiker's movie adaptation:

[29:58] Savannah Guthrie: "I ended up really liking the movie of Hitchhiker's Guide for the first time now."

Their reflections reveal how personal experiences and time can reshape one’s appreciation of creative works.

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5. Personal Anecdotes: Starstruck Moments and Family Stories

The hosts share humorous and heartfelt stories about encounters with celebrities and family dynamics.

Savannah recounts her starstruck experience with Tom Waits:

[47:28] Savannah Guthrie: "I asked Tom Waits for his autograph... He said, 'What are you gonna do with it?'"

Craig speaks fondly of holding the bathroom door for Mick Jagger, highlighting his unintentional brush with fame:

[48:04] Craig Ferguson: "I held the bathroom door open for Mick Jagger... He said, thanks."

These stories emphasize the joy found in unexpected moments and the enduring bonds of friendship.

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6. Creative Projects and Future Endeavors

Moving towards their creative pursuits, Savannah discusses her work on a Broadway musical adaptation of Trading Places, while Craig contemplates personal projects inspired by historical figures like Aaron Burr.

[50:05] Savannah Guthrie: "I've written the book of the musical, Trading Places, the old movie. It's been very, very fun."

[50:21] Craig Ferguson: "There's a great musical in there with Aaron Burr as the hero and Hamilton... the other side of the story."

Their aspirations reflect a continuous pursuit of joy through creativity and storytelling.

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7. Reflections on Joy and Life

Throughout the episode, both hosts reflect on what brings them joy, from professional achievements to personal milestones. They acknowledge the ups and downs of their careers, finding happiness in resilience and the support of loved ones.

Craig emphasizes ongoing efforts to find joy despite setbacks:

[38:30] Craig Ferguson: "I had to become English and go on the Drew Carey show... I've never been so crushed."

Savannah highlights the importance of family and personal growth:

[34:40] Savannah Guthrie: "I have the worst non-audition story... but it's fine."

Their candid discussions offer listeners relatable insights into maintaining happiness amidst life's challenges.

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Conclusion

In "Thomas Lennon Returns," Joy masterfully blends humor, personal stories, and thoughtful reflections to explore the multifaceted nature of happiness. Craig Ferguson and Thomas Lennon, alongside guest Savannah Guthrie, navigate the complexities of the entertainment industry, cultural experiences, and personal relationships, illustrating that joy often resides in resilience, connection, and embracing the unexpected.

Notable Quotes:

• Craig Ferguson [03:14]: "This is like being on CNN."
• Savannah Guthrie [23:00]: "I have to audition for roles that you would think I would just get."
• Craig Ferguson [07:20]: "Eels will eat anything organic... They just think, wow, what's all this amazing, delicious stuff coming out of this pipe."
• Savannah Guthrie [29:58]: "I ended up really liking the movie of Hitchhiker's Guide for the first time now."
• Savannah Guthrie [47:28]: "I asked Tom Waits for his autograph... He said, 'What are you gonna do with it?'"

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This episode serves as a testament to finding joy through friendship, perseverance, and the willingness to engage with diverse experiences. Whether navigating professional hurdles or savoring unique cultural treats, Craig, Thomas, and Savannah illustrate that joy is both a journey and a destination.

Transcript

[Craig Ferguson]

All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the partisan.

[Tom Lennon]

Partisan.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off. So how about a cosmopolitan or a mistletoe margarita?

[Tom Lennon]

I'm thirsty.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Watch.

[Craig Ferguson]

I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow.

[Tom Lennon]

Beginning to feel more seasonal in here already.

[Craig Ferguson]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Tom Lennon]

Tis the season to be jollier.

[Cindy Crawford]

Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartesian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off. Don't delay.

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[Savannah Guthrie]

Hi, everyone.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's Savannah.

[Cindy Crawford]

Guthrie and Hoda caught me from the Today show.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Nobody does the holidays like today.

[Craig Ferguson]

From festive performances and great gift ideas.

[Savannah Guthrie]

To tips for the perfect holiday feast.

[Cindy Crawford]

Join us every morning on NBC and.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Make today your home for the holidays.

[Craig Ferguson]

The Craig Ferguson Pants on fire tour is on sale now. It's a new show, it's new material, but I'm afraid it's still only me. Craig Ferguson on my own, standing on a stage telling comedy words. Come and see me. Buy tickets, bring your loved ones. Or don't come and see me. Don't buy tickets and don't bring your loved ones. I'm not your dad. You come or don't come, but you should at least know it's happening. And it is. The tour kicks off late September and goes through the end of the year and beyond. Tickets are available at the craig fergusonshow.com tour. They're available at the craigfergusonshow.com tour or at your local outlet in your region. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings them happiness. On the podcast today is one of my oldest friends. Well, he's not old at all. In fact, he's younger than me, but he's. Which doesn't make you young by any stretch of the imagination. But he's a lover. Lovely man and a good friend of mine and an excellent member of the show business community. He's a writer, he's an actor, and he has a moustache. His name is Tom Leonard. This is good. This is like being on cnn.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I see you finally got that chair of your dreams that you were dreaming about.

[Craig Ferguson]

You know, this is. This chair is. It's from a. I don't know if you've heard of this company. They're very exclusive. Is what they do is you buy the chair in a flat pack form and then you have the chair, it gets delivered to your house by Vikings and then that's a clue to the company.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Bloodthirsty people. Yep.

[Craig Ferguson]

And then. But luckily, what you have to do is you have to hide while the Vikings raid, pillage and all the other stuff they do.

[Savannah Guthrie]

No, they do a lot of stuff. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, they do a lot of stuff.

[Savannah Guthrie]

As a result from stuff they do.

[Craig Ferguson]

Those guys do.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I mean. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

Do you know that the Vikings were actually. I'm just turning the sound up so I can hear you better. Vikings were the most prolific traders and slaves in human history, apparently.

[Savannah Guthrie]

That seems like it tracks. Also, could I say it feels a lot like when you went to the catalog for the chair, you had just had a fever dream about the show Dynasty and everybody and like the shoulder pads on all these foxy 80s ladies. See what I'm saying? It's got a foxy.

[Craig Ferguson]

Are you saying that you think it's a foxy? It feels like shoulder pad.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It feels like in a nightmare where Angie Dickinson as like an 80s sex pot. Where she's gonna.

[Craig Ferguson]

She was absolutely.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I think she still is was and is. So let's say some evil wizard was like Angie Dickinson. You shall now live as a chair.

[Craig Ferguson]

You shall spend eternity as a chair.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Now that you have done so many evil deeds.

[Craig Ferguson]

But wait, you shall work.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You shall sit under Craig Ferguson for the rest of your life.

[Craig Ferguson]

First of all, there's a flaw in your logic here because Angie Dickinson, whilst a gorgeous 80s sex. 100% not evil in any way. No, no, no.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

Not evil at all.

[Savannah Guthrie]

No. Delight. Delight.

[Craig Ferguson]

And also, I noticed that your Evil wizard was English and also Irish, so I don't think that works.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Well, he started off, they always land a little bit Irish. You know, it's better to land. You land over it that way.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, when I do accent work, it's usually, can you do a Scottish accent? And I say, yes. And that's pretty much it. The only English. I did an English voice in the Drew Carey show, but that was bad. That was a bad English voice.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Let's go to a clip. Craig Ferguson from Drew Carey. I'm gonna fire you right away. Get the hell out of here. Drew Carey. My name is Craig Ferguson.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, no, it was Mr. Wick. It was Mr. Wick.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Okay?

[Craig Ferguson]

So I say, kerry, you're fired.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, very good.

[Craig Ferguson]

Very good. I went for Porsche. I went for Posh before Downton Abbey.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Before.

[Craig Ferguson]

It was cool. It's still not cool.

[Savannah Guthrie]

But I. I just learned something about British people. You, you know, very close to you in Scotland. The British people. But did you know that? Very. Like, until our childhood, you could go to a shop in the. In the East End and get jellied eels to eat.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, oh, wait, wait. You can still. You can still go to stores in the East End of London and get jelly deals. It's a delicacy.

[Savannah Guthrie]

How.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, what you do is you go into the store, first of all, you get on your flat cap.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Go in and do an undoing. Some pretty weird.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah. Thumb thumbs in your ways. Go.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, shit. Okay.

[Craig Ferguson]

You go into the store and you say, I'd like some jelly deals, please. And they say, why, certainly.

[Savannah Guthrie]

And they don't put you in a straitjacket and take you. They say, we're taking you to the lunatic asylum because no one would eat these.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, they eat jellied eels and. But the thing is, the eels are very good near the sewage outlet because you know what eels like to eat. So the eels that they eat threw.

[Savannah Guthrie]

That out so casually. No, we don't know what they'd like to eat. Do eels eat poop there? Are we saying that eels eat something like poop or something? I don't want to be a part of this.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I think eels. Eels will eat anything organics, and that includes, you know, so, you know, they don't know it's poop. They're eels. They. They just think, wow, what's all this amazing, delicious stuff coming out of this pipe? They don't know it's poop and it's.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Probably got other eel. God, with. This thing went sideways quick. I'm sorry. I asked about it. I just thought you'd probably know about it as it's a delicacy from nearby you.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, English people eat, well, cockneys, basically. They call them cockneys because they eat.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Cockney because their cops go the cock. Oh, the cock's got totally different reason. I've always assumed. I heard Michael Caine and I. When I heard Cox knees, I just thought, wow, this guy seems. I thought his acting was amazing. I didn't know it's.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's that their favorite in the East End of London. That's why they have. That's why they have their thumbs and their waistcoats for balance. It's about center of gravity. They have to. They have to hold themselves back. Thumbs in his. In order.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Otherwise the weight. The weight would. The. The eel. We're back to. Their jellied eel would just tip them straight forward. They'd go.

[Craig Ferguson]

But here's the thing. That's only male cockneys. Female cogniz. Female cockneys. Actually, the correct name for a female cockney is a vagni.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You got a vagni?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, Cockney and a vagni.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Anyway, I'm dying to try some of these jellied eels once I get back to that part of the world.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, you know, you can get eel. You get maguro. Isn't that. No, that's tuna. But you can get eels in sushi restaurants. Japanese people eat eels, and by extension, people who enjoy Japanese food eat eels.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I know your family is a big Marmite family. You're a Marmite guy, aren't you?

[Craig Ferguson]

We are Marmiters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that. There's no eels in Marmite.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It could be.

[Craig Ferguson]

That could be.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Just takes.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, no.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It takes one genius to do that.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, no, no, that's absurd. Tom. Marmite is a vegetarian treat. You add eel to it, it's not gonna work.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I would actually think if I'm gonna eat an eel in any way, Marmite's gonna be my way out. Marmite's gonna be the only. Gonna be the only way to get me to the other side of this tunnel.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, you mean like for taste wise?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Taste wise. I need something that's never. I've never had.

[Craig Ferguson]

You never tried eel?

[Savannah Guthrie]

No. Not gonna do it. Never had it. Not gonna do it.

[Craig Ferguson]

Have you ever been to Japan?

[Savannah Guthrie]

No, I haven't.

[Craig Ferguson]

See, now you have to get yourself to Japan because I went to a sushi restaurant in Japan. Now, I said before I went, I was just like you. I was like, I will never eat eel.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Never.

[Craig Ferguson]

And I went to Japan and I went to. Have you ever seen the documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Only like a million times. I know that. Did you go to that place?

[Craig Ferguson]

I went to that exact place.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Did you meet Jiro?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yes, I did.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Was he nice to you?

[Craig Ferguson]

He kind of was. Yeah, he was. Okay.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Because I've heard he was standoffish. I heard he's a little standoffish.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, no, I think he's formal. I think he's very. He's very formal. It's very manners. And I went to the restaurant with Milo, my oldest.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Of course I know milo, who was.

[Craig Ferguson]

13 at the time. Right. So Milo and I go to this restaurant. Cause we had watched the documentary and we go in and they just. Jirosan just tells you what you're gonna have.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah. You can't own. Yeah, yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

You don't get to choose. It's like, here's what it is. And if you've seen the documentary, you'll know that his son is really big time sushi.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Said the son is how they got the Michelin star repair or the.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right. Exactly.

[Savannah Guthrie]

He's a three.

[Craig Ferguson]

I mean, it's.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I think he's a three. He's a three star, which is the highest. It goes. And then they took one away because it's too hard to get a table. So. And he had. He had agreed. He said, that's okay. You can take one away. But one of the rules of Michelin stars is, I think, his restaurant. How many seats are in the restaurant total?

[Craig Ferguson]

It's not big. It's about the size of a little diner. Yeah, it's like a little diner. It wasn't busy when I was in. It was.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I'd argue you have. I've been to your house. You have a bigger sushi restaurant in your house.

[Craig Ferguson]

In my house.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I've been there. I've seen it.

[Craig Ferguson]

There you go. My house. I've. I've never been. Sometimes I go. I go to areas of my house. I'm like, wow, look at this chair.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Who had this sushi restaurant then? You've got that weird karaoke place over there.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, it's pretty big. But here's the thing, though. I've moved back to America.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I know. I keep. I keep tabs on you. I keep tabs on you a little bit.

[Craig Ferguson]

I live in New England now. I actually had a party this summer and I was invited you to come to the party in the summer and you didn't come.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I know I didn't make it. I do want to Come, though. I'm dying to come.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You know why you should come here?

[Craig Ferguson]

We have eels like you wouldn't believe.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You know why I couldn't come? I couldn't come because I had to go do. I had agreed to do something and I forgot when it was happening. But have you ever done one of these? I never would do it. I never would do it. Except the. You know how the movie business is in a giant recession? Well, for all shows. No, for me it is so.

[Craig Ferguson]

I hear you.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I did the first ever. And I'd always been sort of dubious about these, but I went and did a. I had to do. Had to do. I got to do. It was really fun. I did a fan convention. I'd never done a fan convention.

[Craig Ferguson]

All right.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's a really. You've never done one?

[Craig Ferguson]

Supply and demand, my friend. I don't have enough fans.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, no, you definitely have enough fans. You have a lot of fans.

[Craig Ferguson]

I don't have enough.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You do.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, not enough for a convention. Maybe enough for. If we all went to the sushi restaurant Michelin Star.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I'll tell you right now, not everybody at the fan convention has enough fans for a fan convention. I imagine that some folks definitely do. Some folks definitely do. You'll meet some real interesting folks at the fan convention. Oh, but wait.

[Craig Ferguson]

Is it a fan convention that, like, they. First of all. And here's my main concern. Do they pay you to go?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yes.

[Craig Ferguson]

Okay, good. So I'm still listening.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

And secondly, is it Fans of Reno911? Is it fans of.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's fans of the idea of show business in general. So, like, here's a perfectly logical one corner of the fan convention that makes perfect sense. Ready? Is me. And then Dennis Rodman and then Priscilla Presley, just the way that you always pictured us. You know how they sell that ice cream? That's like three, if you can't decide what you want. You know, Neapolitan, I think it's called, after the flag.

[Craig Ferguson]

I'll have Rodman Presley Lennon, please.

[Savannah Guthrie]

But you don't know. You're like, yeah, I don't want that much of any one of those three. But that for one corner in one beautiful place in Pittsburgh this year, the Neapolitan ice cream flavor of three tables in a row. Priscilla, Lieutenant Dangle, number 91, Dennis the Worm Rodman. And it makes. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, in a fan convention. So describe the people to me that turn up at a fan convention.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You know, it's a very fun bunch it was just. It's a little. It feels a little bit like you're at Comic Con. You know, it feels like you're at. It's people.

[Craig Ferguson]

Okay.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You know, it's Uber fans. I'll say this. I've been on. You know, I've been on. And I know you've done this, too. I've been on a couple of book tours when I've written a novel and gone out with a book.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

And you know who shows up at bookstores?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Almost no one.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, yeah. No, that's true. Oh, God, it's true.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I've been sitting in so many books.

[Craig Ferguson]

Especially now. Especially now. I mean, I. Look, I'm a very booky person, as you can tell. Oh, I know.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You've been bragging about your literacy for years.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah. I'm like, I'm a reader, but I can't tell you the last time I read a book. It's hard with all the business of. I don't know.

[Savannah Guthrie]

On my last Looking at Pictures of Eels, my last novel and stuff, my last novel that I wrote, I had a book event up in San Francisco, just kind of just outside San Francisco. And I'm like, this is going to be so cool. Something like that. Could have been.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Could have been. And I got to the book event and there were 12 people at the book event. Craig, you ready? And six of them were my cousins. Six of them. Six of them was the San Francisco branch of the Lennons, of which there's a pretty big. There's a lot of San Francisco Lennons. And thank goodness, because they showed up for the book. The book event. Because otherwise you're not always going to get folks at the book event.

[Craig Ferguson]

You know, it's funny that you surprised me. I don't think that I didn't know the Irish went to San Francisco.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. So the Irish went to San Francisco. Have you not seen the picture called Dirty Harry Callahan?

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, that's true. Yes.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Not only that, my uncle Mike Lennon. Speaking of. So Michael Lennon, my father's older brother, was a captain on the San Francisco police force for like 40 something years.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, well, that's. That's. That's the police, though. All police.

[Savannah Guthrie]

No, no, that's what we do. We're. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

Until 19, about 1987, every policeman in the United States, that's what we're doing.

[Savannah Guthrie]

And many of. Most of them are my cousins. Many or most of them, yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, that's Ireland. And then that's the Viking thing.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's a good Job for us. It's a good job for us.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, it seems to work out. I have a couple of Irish. No, no, it doesn't at all, actually, now when I think about it. It's one of the reasons, though, that I always felt very comfortable in Boston because I felt like I looked like every cop in the city.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's classic. If I was doing like, a Muppet Christmas Carol where there's a Boston cop, Ferguson, you're my number one.

[Craig Ferguson]

Really?

[Savannah Guthrie]

You would be like, oh, my God, number one. Like, who do we need?

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, first of all, are you doing a Muppet Christmas Carol?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Are you ready for this? You're ready for this. I made a sort of a joke about that. I think that's because in my subconscious, the State is working on a. Do you ever remember a State sketch called Porcupine Racetrack that I wrote? Oh, no. We did it live. We did it live. We do it live at the end. I come out in the porcupine.

[Craig Ferguson]

I saw it in the show Live. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

We're kind of working on. We were working on a musical of that with Brian Henson's company. Do you know Brian Henson? He's the heir.

[Craig Ferguson]

I do know. I know Brian very well, actually. We've not made a bunch of television shows.

[Savannah Guthrie]

That's what we're doing right now. He and I are not making something.

[Craig Ferguson]

He's a lovely guy. I love not making television with him.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I'm close to having almost not made something with him.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yep, that's. I've. I've. I have not made about four great TV shows with Brian Head. I think he is a lovely man, though. He's so lovely. Did you get a tour of the studios, the Henson Studios?

[Savannah Guthrie]

We did. We got to go in that crazy meeting room. So it's not. I mean, it's so crazy. It's Chaplin Studios. It was Charlie Chaplin.

[Craig Ferguson]

Charlie Chaplin's old studios in Hollywood. Yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

And they recorded We Are the World there, which I'm sure you've seen the documentary.

[Craig Ferguson]

Wait.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, Throw It On Tonight. That's recorded at. Yes, yes, yes, yes. When it was then it was a music company for a long time. And they recorded right there.

[Craig Ferguson]

I think. I think I did hear that because I think they had also said that the Carpenters had recorded on there.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Very, very likely.

[Craig Ferguson]

Karen Carpenter, major drummer.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Big drummer.

[Craig Ferguson]

As a drummer. Karen Carpenter was a great drummer. Let's go to a clip. And we're back. I mean, weren't she amazing?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah, that was great. Karen Carpenter clip. So, no, we're working we were working on. I'm going to act like we're working on it and it's going to work out fine, you know, and it just.

[Craig Ferguson]

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[Tom Lennon]

I'm thirsty.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Watch.

[Craig Ferguson]

I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow, it's beginning to.

[Tom Lennon]

Feel more seasonal in here already.

[Craig Ferguson]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Tom Lennon]

Tis the season to be jollier.

[Cindy Crawford]

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[Craig Ferguson]

Have you noticed in television right now though, I mean, this is true. I. It's certainly true for me. Like, I'm like, I'm not involved in television right now. Whenever I pitch anything to anyone, they're like, oh, that's great. Then I never hear anything again.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I'm in a very weird place where I do, you know, like, I'm writing a show for Fox that I've been writing for about two years now, but then I'll have like auditions for like roles that you would think I would just get, you know, like, recently I auditioned for like weird guy who's in charge of the pickleball rules. At like, weird guy, they're like 50s, mustache, persnickety asshole who's in charge of the pickleball committee. And I'm like, I have to audition for this.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, here's. I had the same thing. Somebody said, I got, Somebody said to me, they said, we'd like you to do a chemistry read with the other act star that we want to put you with. I went, well, I don't need to do a chemistry. What are you talking about, a chemistry? Read this part, by the way.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Was this recently?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yes.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Was it this within this last year?

[Craig Ferguson]

Definitely within the last six months.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Did we read for the same role and neither of us get it. Did you sign a non disclosure agreement where you couldn't talk about it?

[Craig Ferguson]

No, I didn't.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, I did.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, you did. All right, let me. No, because I. Because I wouldn't do the chemistry read or.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You didn't even do it?

[Craig Ferguson]

No, I'm like, you know who I am?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Could we get vaguely more specific? Was it, it wasn't for some. Is it for okay, I'm gonna. Okay. People playing along can guess. Was it for a streaming service whose logo is a famous bird?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I believe it was.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yes, it was. So it was for a streaming. It was a high end streaming show. Their logo is a beautiful bird famous for showing off its beautiful plumage. And I'm not saying the name of anything, but he has beautiful plumage. He's got his cock, goes down to his knees. Cockneys. That is so interesting.

[Craig Ferguson]

And the role, I can't imagine we were up for the same role because the guy was Scottish.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, no, then we. No, we weren't. We weren't.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, wait, no, wait. I read the script and I said, no, no, no, no. Here's what happened. I read the script. This guy's Scottish.

[Savannah Guthrie]

That's just something you thought. Of course.

[Craig Ferguson]

That's why I do. In every script I read, I read the script and go, well, this guy's clearly.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Well, I'll tell you right now, why do I read it? And I'm like, well, thank God this guy has a mustache. And then nowhere does it say that. And I just told you he does. I'm like, well, lucky it's another mustache part for me.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, I don't know. I mean, it just seems like a very odd time. And every time I talk to a television executive now, I mean, look, I never loved television executives, but now I just think you guys are fucking idiots. I wouldn't trust you to park my car.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Can I say what's better about your version of the story, though? So we both were reading for something for the Beautiful Bird streaming service, Right. I did do the chemistry read.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right?

[Savannah Guthrie]

And I did it and I thought it felt like I was having. Maybe I'm delusional. I might be a little delusional. You've known me for a long time. It seemed like one of.

[Craig Ferguson]

A little delusional, but not bad.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It seemed like one of the great auditions of my life.

[Craig Ferguson]

Really.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I just knew I was killing it. Were you reading with an actress? An actress who's sort of specific?

[Craig Ferguson]

No, I know who the actress was, but I refused to do the reading. I was like, no, give me a job or fuck off.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, see, that should have worked better for me because I did do the reading and I still didn't.

[Craig Ferguson]

It didn't work for me either. They didn't get it. We gotta find.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Let's go. Let's. Right now. Let's find out who got that and get them on this fucking podcast right now because I want to figure out what did.

[Craig Ferguson]

Let's go to. Let's go to a commercial break.

[Savannah Guthrie]

When we come back, we'll bring in who actually scooped me Ferguson, I love that you had the balls not to just say, I'm not going to do that.

[Craig Ferguson]

I don't, by the way. That's a blanket policy for me. Not.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah, but I can't do that. I can't do that.

[Craig Ferguson]

What? Of course you fucking can.

[Savannah Guthrie]

No, I can.

[Craig Ferguson]

They know who you are.

[Savannah Guthrie]

No, they don't.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yes, you. But they don't. Yes, they do. They do. They do, otherwise they wouldn't have asked you.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Well, my hubris is always, the second they see me read it, I'm gonna get it. Like, there's no way they see me do this and not give it to me. Cause I'm so amazed.

[Craig Ferguson]

I mean. Yeah, well, you are very amazing. My feeling is that if they see me doing it, they'll never give me the job. So the only chance I've got.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Keep the mystery.

[Craig Ferguson]

The money chance I've got.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Keep the mystery up there. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

Just think, oh, you'll be sorry you.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Never gave it to me. They'll never knew what it was like. You'll never know what it was like over here.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah. I don't know, though. I always had a hard time with auditions. I could never do them. I failed so many editions.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Worst one ever. Worst one ever. For fun.

[Craig Ferguson]

Braveheart.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Did you. You did not audition for Braveheart?

[Craig Ferguson]

I did audition for Braveheart.

[Savannah Guthrie]

The friend, like, his best friend, guy who. There's that other dude.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, the one I got. I auditioned for. I can't remember the exact part, but the actor who got it was David O'Hara, who's a very good actor.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Sure, sure, of course. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

And it was between David and I to get the part and David got it, and I. And it's crushed me ever since. Crushed me. And then. But recently I was talking to someone and they said, well, you know, have you talked to David recently? Maybe he would have liked to have gone the way you went. I went, oh, I never thought.

[Savannah Guthrie]

That's a very good point. The one that always broke my heart was there was about six weeks where it was pretty certain that I had the role of Ford Prefect in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, man.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah. No, I, like, basically, I'd read it. Did it seemed amazing. Didn't hear for a little while. And then I got a call. They're like, hey, they want you to do the voice of the spaceship. I'm like, oh, wait, that's like two or three lines off camera. They're like, yes. And did you do it? Of course, of course. But because the. The role Ended up going to Most Def. It's the only time I think that Most Def and I were up for the exact same role.

[Craig Ferguson]

I wouldn't put you guys in a competitive situation.

[Savannah Guthrie]

He never has the mustache. Hardly ever.

[Craig Ferguson]

You know, I actually feel now it's funny, that film, because I was a was. And I'm a huge fan of the Hitchhikers guys I met.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Best books of all time. Do you knew Douglas?

[Craig Ferguson]

I knew Douglas.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You did not.

[Craig Ferguson]

And I did. So I knew him in London. Yeah. And. And I was a big fan of these books. In fact, Stephen Fry introduced me to. Stephen Fry and Douglas Adams were the first two guys in London to ever own the Apple computers. They were very early adopters of. Of PC, these Apple PCs, and they were both tech geeks. But Douglas Adams is the world. The Hitchhiker's Guide series, the best. I thought that movie was a great missed opportunity.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You know, I actually, recently I'd been talking so much smack about it to my son because I gave him Hitchhiker's Guide and I gave him basically, Restaurant at the End of the Universe and the Long Dark, you know, all of the books. And then I was talking smack about the movie a little bit, and Ollie's like, but you're in the movie. I'm like, yeah, my voice is in the movie for a couple seconds here and there, but. And then I actually threw it on the screen and we watched it, and it was way better than I remembered it. I think I was really. I was really down on it at the time. Maybe I was just too close to the books, but this time around, and maybe now, you know, with Alan Rickman being gone, like that had a little gravitas to me that it didn't have before. And I ended up, damn it if I didn't end up really kind of really liking the movie of Hitchhiker's Guide. But I liked it for the first time now, which is only interesting because at the time I was mad, but I thought it. I really thought it. Kind of missed at the time.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, you know, that's fine. Well, maybe that. Maybe I should go and look at it again. That happens quite a lot.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

What's the biggest movie you've been in where you thought, I really wish I wasn't in this movie. This movie sucks. Or I just don't like this movie even although I'm in it.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, okay. I can tell you. I mean, here's a huge one. Here's a huge one. And this is interesting. My name's on the poster. Of this movie. So I read the script for this movie and the movie is called Ready? Puppet Master, the Littlest Reich. Puppet Master, the Littlest Reich.

[Craig Ferguson]

So I have to. I have to see this. I have to see this.

[Savannah Guthrie]

So it's like the seventh.

[Craig Ferguson]

I already love this movie.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's like the seventh, eighth or ninth of these haunted puppet movies. And I get a call. We were supposed to go to. We're supposed to go on vacation, and I get a call and they're like, we have a straight up offer for you. And I'm like, well, the answer is yes. You know me. I mean, like, if it's a chemistry read for Peacock or a straight offer, I'm going to take the straight offer. And so I read the script and I definitely, when I say read the script, you know me, I skimmed the script a little bit. I see.

[Craig Ferguson]

Does my guy read the bits you're in?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah, yeah, I read the script.

[Craig Ferguson]

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. My life.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Do I do anything funny? Do I do anything funny?

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You know, there's some sort of kissing and fun stuff and some stabbing. I get stabbed by a puppet and, you know, there's a lot of dumb. Just dumb joie de vivre. You know, the joie de vivre that you enjoy. It's like go down to Dallas, stay in an awful hotel, murder, fight puppets for, you know, a couple, three weeks or something like that.

[Craig Ferguson]

Beautiful.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah. You have nice dinners, stuff like that. Now, then I went, I saw the picture and not only they actually, the producer and the guys that had made the movie, after we finished the movie, they added way more scenes that were never in the script that are so stunningly violent and so gross that actually, had they been in the script when I agreed to it, I might not have said yes. It gets so gross and so intense.

[Craig Ferguson]

That's the problem with agreeing to do a movie when you only read your lines in the script. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I do, too. It's my technique.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

But that happened to me because I'm in a very, very big. This movie that I was at. It's made more money than any other movie I've ever been in. It won the Oscar that year for Best Animated Movie.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I know what this movie is. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

What is it?

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's not brave.

[Craig Ferguson]

It is brave.

[Savannah Guthrie]

No. I don't know.

[Craig Ferguson]

Brave.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I wasn't sure if we were saying the name or if we were just saying, yeah, no, it's brave.

[Craig Ferguson]

And I'm in that movie. And when I was sitting watching the movie and I Was like, I don't like this movie at all.

[Savannah Guthrie]

The thing about. We've had, like, so many movies now where somebody, the mother or the daughter, turns into a bear. It just keeps being a thing. I don't know when this became a thing that we're doing, but it is a thing that we're doing.

[Craig Ferguson]

You can't poison. You don't get what you want, and so you poison your mom to turn her into a bear. That is no lesson to be given to young people.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You know, I might be against you on this one. I think I enjoyed that one. Aren't you on how to train your dragon also?

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, yeah, I did all of that.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, yeah, that's some good ones.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah. Yeah, those are great.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Those are really great. I love those ones.

[Craig Ferguson]

They are good. They're really good. I have nothing bad to say about them. They were fun and I love doing them. They're doing a live action of that.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Really? That's going to be interesting.

[Craig Ferguson]

I'm not in it, but you could be.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Are you willing to do a chemistry test? You do a quick chemistry test?

[Craig Ferguson]

No, I'm not. I'm definitely not. I'm not in it, and they didn't ask me to be in it. But it doesn't. I think Jerry's doing it, and he's the only one from the original cast that I think is doing it, and then everybody else, because, you know, there's obvious problems in the sense that, you know, we don't look like the people that we were in the thing.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Well, that's a good thing about animation. Yeah. We have a fun. I have a funny thing. I have so many. Like, I've gotten to the point now where I've created things that just kept going without them even telling me about them. Like, I actually hosted the pilot for at the original at Midnight. Do you remember that?

[Craig Ferguson]

I knew.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Do you remember that?

[Craig Ferguson]

I hosted that?

[Savannah Guthrie]

I didn't want to do it. No, I didn't want to do it. So I wanted. Chris was going to do it, and Chris hosted the whole time. And then I just found out, but I'd sort of produced it and kind of helped create it. And then I just found out later, I got a call from the funnier die guys, like, hey, we're going to keep doing the show. I'm like, lucky me. Kaching, Kaching, Kaching. I don't own any of it at all. Turns out I own none of it at all. No, none.

[Craig Ferguson]

None.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Now I have to go sit next to Dennis Rodman every weekend. Every Weekend. I sit next to Rodman. I get to sit next to. I get to sit next to Robin. I've only done one. I've only done one.

[Craig Ferguson]

I'm into it, though. I like. Do you just sign autographs and stuff?

[Savannah Guthrie]

Is that why you just be charming all day? You'll be exactly the way that you are at home, except it's out in person and people are squeezing your buns a little bit. Oh, you get a little bit of honk, honk. Let me squeeze them. Let's get this little Glasgow boy up, you know.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, you go. You put it like that. Yeah, I might do it.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You got a couple little pats on the bottom, just so you know you're doing a good job. And then. No, it's all right. Yeah, it's a good time, but. Oh, no. And then I also, like. They made Disney made a. A full animated. Speaking about just auditioning for something, I got a funny audition story. So I got the, you know, just an email from my agent, which is, you know, there's an animated night at the museum that Disney plus is doing. Oh, that's fourth night at the museum. And would you like to read for the role of Teddy Roosevelt, which, of course was played by Robin Williams in the live action films, who was not a close friend, but we were friendly and it was just a funny audition to have because I wrote Night at the Museum.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I know.

[Savannah Guthrie]

So it was like. It was just so odd to get like, hey, put yourself on tape. Just record yourself. And so I just did a totally normal audition and thank you, God, I booked it. Yeah. Because if I didn't get that, I would have been like, wow, that's pretty embarrassing.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, let me give you a codicil to my Braveheart story. So I didn't get the role in Braveheart. Every Scottish actor in the UK gets a job in Braveheart except me. I'm disillusioned beyond belief, of course. So it's the early 90s. I go, well, I've had enough of this. Clearly, I can't do anything here. I go to America, right? I'm in Los Angeles. I'm trying to get work in Los Angeles. And my agent at the time says, hey, they're doing an audiobook of the movie Braveheart and they're looking for a Scottish actor to read the audiobook of Braveheart. And I'm like, fine, I'll go, because I'll get it. I'm the only Scottish person in Los Angeles at that time. And I go to the thing and I Do the reading. And I'm, you know, I kind of lay on a little bit with Milady thinks that it's time.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, God. You're perfect for this. Perfect.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, Right, Exactly.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I don't know. By the way, I can't believe you had to audition even for this.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, here's the thing, though. I auditioned it. I don't get the job.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, shit. You didn't get the movie. Or the audiobook.

[Craig Ferguson]

Or the audiobook.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, my God.

[Craig Ferguson]

And the casting director told my agent. Cause I'm like, how could they not give me the job? I'm the only Scottish person in between here and New York City.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

And they said, well, we just didn't feel his accent was authentic.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, my God.

[Craig Ferguson]

I'm like, right? I give up.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Nothing like, oh, my God.

[Craig Ferguson]

And at that point, I had to become English and go on the Drew Carey show, which I booked about a week later. But that was. It was. I've never been so crushed. I couldn't even get a job as a Scotsman.

All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Bartesian.

[Tom Lennon]

Bartesian.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites, too. I just got it for 50 off. So how about a Cosmopolitan or a mistletoe margarita?

[Tom Lennon]

I'm thirsty.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Watch.

[Craig Ferguson]

I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow, it's beginning to.

[Tom Lennon]

Feel more seasonal in here already.

[Craig Ferguson]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian. Because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Tom Lennon]

Tis the season to be jollier.

[Cindy Crawford]

Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartesian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off. Don't delay.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's better over here.

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[Savannah Guthrie]

I have the worst non audition story. The worst thing I just found out about later, I never had an audition for it ever. I just found out later because there was a book about the office that I was on a casting list for the Michael Scott role in the Office.

[Craig Ferguson]

That would have made sense.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I know, it does make sense. And then in some ways when it came out and it was like, apparently there was a memo and there was a bunch of funny people on it. Paul F. Tompkins was on it as a gene and a bunch of really funny people and. But then I was like, oh, you know, maybe I wish. I don't know, maybe it would have been more fun not to know that. It's fine. It's fine. Any way you slice it, we did great. We had a great run. You got that beautiful chair that you always dreamt about, the one that looks like Angie Dickinson.

[Craig Ferguson]

My Dynasty chair.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You got the Dynasty Angie Dickinson chair.

[Craig Ferguson]

I was a big fan of Angie Dickinson actually, because I was coming of age as she was policewoman.

[Savannah Guthrie]

She's like a boss. She's like a real alpha lady. She's like, there was a certain era of lady like that that, yeah, she'd be the boss. You know, she'd.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, she would like, she would look great in heels, but she could also fire a gun and jump over a car and catch perps.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Mine was, mine was like step. Mine was Stephanie Powers from like Heart to Heart.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, I sort of call.

[Savannah Guthrie]

My vision of myself as an adult was basically that I would be in sort of like a. My lifestyle would be a very heart to heart lifestyle of like fast cars, murders.

[Craig Ferguson]

What is your lifestyle?

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's very much my. It's very much my lifestyle.

[Craig Ferguson]

Very heart to heart.

[Savannah Guthrie]

The murders, the bubble baths and murders.

[Craig Ferguson]

Champagne in a hot tub.

[Savannah Guthrie]

So much champagne, bubble baths.

[Craig Ferguson]

So much champagne in hot tubs. That is so dangerous. Do you know that mine is a pretty obscure one? This is my absolute. The absolute Sex symbol for me when I was a kid was an actress called Alexandra Bastido.

[Savannah Guthrie]

You're going to have to give me a little bit of background on this.

[Craig Ferguson]

Okay. So in the UK, and I guess it would be the late 60s, early 70s, there was a TV show called the Champions.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Okay.

[Craig Ferguson]

And the Champions, they were kind of.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Previously on the Champions.

[Craig Ferguson]

Previously on the show.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Previously on Champions.

[Craig Ferguson]

They were three spies, sort of secret agents, and they had superpowers.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh.

[Craig Ferguson]

Like they could talk to each other.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, it's like a mob, almost. Yeah. But they just did telekinesis or they had, like.

[Craig Ferguson]

Right. The superpower they had is. They would go like that and then they would. In post production, it would go.

[Savannah Guthrie]

They had Doctor who superpowers.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, that's right. Like they would like an egg whisk or something would come in and float around and then go out. But. But Alexandra Bastido was in the show and she was a young woman at the time. I was a child. But there was. She used to wear. She had these kind of like, Chanel suits and they were kind of tight, and she would, like, drive cars, you know, and walk into places and kind of.

[Savannah Guthrie]

This was a real thing at the time. This was very much of a thing in our era because there was always those commercials with, like, Ginette after Bat Splash. And she's like a lady and she, like, rides a motorcycle, but then she's in a suit and you can't believe when she takes off. Motorcycle helmet. She's in a. She has gray hair.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, all of that. So she was. She was a very, very, very attractive woman. And. And I always. I've always taught my whole life. I always said to Megan, the. The ideal woman for me was when I was a kid. The first was. Not until I met Megan was Alexandra Bastida. So for my birthday one year, no Megan, no sat Megan. And the boys got me a signed photograph.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Nice.

[Craig Ferguson]

From that period of Alexandra Bastido.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Nice.

[Craig Ferguson]

And it was a great. So I hung it up because when I come back from Japan, I'd been in Japan with Milo, I thought, I love the toilet so much in Japan that I bought a nice.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's a toto or one of those amazing.

[Craig Ferguson]

Unbelievable. Like the one that goes up your bottom.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It'll say a haiku. It'll do a haiku.

[Craig Ferguson]

Unbelievable. I am happy to accept your worst. I mean, it's unbelievable.

[Savannah Guthrie]

So you've got. Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

No, wait. Here's what happened. So I get this photograph of Alexandra Bastido and I put it up in My bathroom. Because then every time I go in.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Everybody'S like, why is Craig. Has Craig been in the bathroom for.

[Craig Ferguson]

He's so.

[Savannah Guthrie]

He's missing Christmas dinner. Where is he? He's looking at it. He's got his photo up. You know what he's doing?

[Craig Ferguson]

But here's the thing, the Alexander, because the photograph is up there. The slang word for going for a poop in my house now is he's got to. The bustito.

[Savannah Guthrie]

He's copping a bustito. He's got, I remember, a young boy crush. These are always such a fun thing, young boy crushes. Because I got on an airplane one time and I almost fainted with how starstruck I was by the Ms. Susan Lucci.

[Craig Ferguson]

Okay.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I saw Susan Lucci in person. And, I mean, did you give her a naming?

[Craig Ferguson]

I.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Was she not nominated for, like, 35, 40 years or something like that?

[Craig Ferguson]

Unbelievable.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

I mean, it was just outrageous. Terrible.

[Savannah Guthrie]

But I saw Susan Lucci in person. It was at O'Hare, I think, getting on. We were getting on the same flight, and I was just like, I can't. Oh, my God, I'm about to be on the same airplane as Susan Lucci. Really freaked me out. I was just so, like, I'll just. I. I'm sure I look. I must look fine, right? I'll just fix this. And. Hello. And I might have said hello, but.

[Craig Ferguson]

Do you ever get that now? I mean, I used to get an adrenaline rush when I. Like when I starstruck when I was. Yeah, I don't get that anymore. It just doesn't happen.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I'm trying to think, who could star strike me these days? Occasionally there's a music person that, you know. I got very starstruck my first week in Los Angeles. I asked Tom Waits for his autograph.

[Craig Ferguson]

Okay.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Which was a huge mistake. Never do that. Never, ever, ever do that. Do not approach Tom Waits. He does not want.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's kind of like asking Lou Reed, what's the word?

[Savannah Guthrie]

I literally stepped towards him with a pen and, like, a pad of paper, and he said, make it quick. And then he asked. I was like, Mr. Waits, could I have your autograph? And he said, what are you gonna do with it? And I said, I'm putting it on the bulletin board, but I shouldn't have done it. But I'm trying to think, who would I get, really? I mean, you know. But you've met. Oh, I held the bathroom door open for Mick Jagger at the Chateau Marmont one time.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah.

[Craig Ferguson]

I worked with Mick Jagger. Yeah. You know, Mick didn't make a movie with Mick Jagger.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Yeah, exactly. That's your famous thing, is you almost make movies and TV shows with people.

[Craig Ferguson]

I almost make movies for about a year. I didn't make a movie with Mick Jagger.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I think I was a little starstruck. And he said, thanks. I held the bathroom door and he said, thanks. And that was pretty neat.

[Craig Ferguson]

But when I go into the bathroom, I don't want you waiting around.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Don't go.

[Craig Ferguson]

Trying to just go back out.

[Savannah Guthrie]

But he's awfully nice. I was at the Chateau Marmont.

[Craig Ferguson]

He's very, very nice man. Very nice.

[Savannah Guthrie]

But, I mean, I guess I was just hanging out with Dennis Rodman, so in some ways it's like Rodman. If I didn't get Star Struck by Rodman, which I did a little bit. He's also 6 foot 7 inches tall. Of course. You know, also, he knows. Talk about cockneys. I mean, talk about, talk about cockneys when you're number 91. The worm.

[Craig Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah. Is that why they called him the worm?

[Savannah Guthrie]

I'm not, actually. I think that was because he's kind of hard to wrangle. Why did the.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's easy to wrangle worms. Worms. You just pick them up.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Not a big one. No, not a big earthworm.

[Craig Ferguson]

Look, a worm is just a land eel. That's all it is. It's just a land eel.

[Savannah Guthrie]

We're closing every loop. We've closed every loop. We got cockneys, we got land eels.

[Craig Ferguson]

I think we've closed every loop. I think it's time to stop. I think it's time to stop. I think we've closed them all. I think we did. We started with eels and we finished with eels. And I'm very delighted that you did the show again.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Are you kidding? I would do the show every day. Whatever the.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's not a show, though. It's not a show.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I would talk to you every day, whether someone was listening or not.

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, I know. And in fact, when are you next back east or.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I'll actually be back east, either late in the fall or January. Speaking of things that are always happening, I've written a musical that is going very, very slowly, but at some point.

[Craig Ferguson]

Like a Broadway musical.

[Savannah Guthrie]

A Broadway musical. I've written the book of the musical, of Trading Places, the old movie.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's amazing.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's been very, very fun.

[Craig Ferguson]

I was hoping you were going to say it was about Aaron Burr as a kind of, you know, counterpiece to how.

[Savannah Guthrie]

By the way, that's A fabulous idea. Why don't you do that?

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, I love the idea. Aaron Burr. I've just read Gore Vidal's biography of Aaron Burr. Have you ever read it?

[Savannah Guthrie]

I have not.

[Craig Ferguson]

You have to. It's amazing. Yeah, amazing. I mean, when people talk about the election now, this has never been like this. I go, wait a minute. When Aaron Burr was the vice president, he was on trial for murder and treason, and still the vice president, he ran away to New Orleans to raise an army to try and become the emperor of Mexico. Mic drop to everybody that's doing stuff today.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Okay. I did not know the emperor of Mexico stuff. Wow.

[Craig Ferguson]

Oh, my God. See, I think there's a great musical in there with Aaron Burr as the hero and Hamilton, you know, is the other side of the story.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I always remember when I saw Hamilton. The first time I saw Hamilton, I talked to you after, I was like, I saw Hamilton and I loved it. And you were like, do you think that they say, son of a whore and a Scotsman, that it was a little derogatory?

[Craig Ferguson]

Well, a little bit.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Just because the way he says, like, whore and a Scotsman. Like, whore and a Scotsman.

[Craig Ferguson]

Like, what could be worse? Whore's not bad enough. Scotsman. How can the bastard. Son of a whore and a Scotsman.

[Savannah Guthrie]

It's like taking an eel and you put it in jelly. Jelly meat, eel.

[Craig Ferguson]

And scene. We're done. Get the hell out of here. Tom Lennon.

[Savannah Guthrie]

I love you. Craig, I love you too. It.

[Craig Ferguson]

All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Bartesian.

[Tom Lennon]

Bartesian.

[Craig Ferguson]

It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites, too. I just got it for 50 off, so how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita?

[Tom Lennon]

I'm thirsty.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Watch.

[Craig Ferguson]

I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength, and.

[Tom Lennon]

Wow, it's beginning to feel more seasonal in here already.

[Craig Ferguson]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Tom Lennon]

Tis the season to be jollier.

[Cindy Crawford]

Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartesian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off.

[Craig Ferguson]

Don't delay this podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video phone or chat. Here's BetterHelp head of clinical operations Hes Yoo Jo discussing who can benefit from.

[Hes Yoo Jo]

Therapy I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day. But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody. There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people. So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody.

[Craig Ferguson]

Find out if therapy is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com today. That's betterhelp.com it's beginning to sound a.

[Roku Channel Representative]

Lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel, your home for free and premium TV is giving you access to holiday music and gen genre base stations from iHeart, all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart, Christmas and North Pol Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, Web, Amazon, Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iheartradio on the Roku Channel. Happy streaming.