Transcript
Craig Ferguson (0:00)
Hi friend. It's your inner child calling and they want churros, a new toy and a new adventure. Or maybe five with the bestest besties on earth. Find your moment at Walt Disney World Resort.
Ryan Seacrest (0:30)
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's Stock up savings time now through March 25th. Spring in for store wide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible cleaning items from Charmin, Tide and Downey and dinner essentials from Stouffer's, DiGiorno, Arby's, and Violife, plus many more. Then clip the offer in our app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
Eric Andre (0:59)
Hey, what's up, y'all? This is Eric Andre.
Craig Ferguson (1:01)
I made a podcast called Bombing about absolutely tanking on stage. I tell gnarly stories and I talk to friends about their worst moments of bombing in all sorts of ways. Bombing on stage, bombing in public, bombing in life. Like the time I stole a girl's phone during a sentence, she jumped on.
Eric Andre (1:16)
Stage and threw a big haymaker punch to my nose. Listen to Bombing with Eric andre on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever.
Craig Ferguson (1:25)
You get your PODC.
Colleen Witt (1:28)
Are you hungry? Colleen Witt here and Eating While Broke is back for season four every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. This season we've got a legendary lineup serving up broke dishes and even better stories on the menu. We have Tony Baker, Nick Cannon, Melissa Ford, October London and Carrie Harper. Howie turning Big Macs into big moves. Catch Eating While Broke every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts. Wherever you get your favorite show, come hungry for season four.
Eric Andre (2:01)
This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, it's actually it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while anyway. Come and see me live on the Pants on Fire tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the Tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond. For a full list of dates, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com See you on the road, my dears. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings them Happiness. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're looking behind me here and you're thinking, craig, are you in an enchanted, magical forest? Is that in the wintertime? Are you doing a show from Narnia? Are you going to be talking to Mr. Tumnus, the man that has horse legs for trousers or something? No, I'm not actually in Narnia, but very close to Narnia, I'm in a place called New Jersey. And in New Jersey, I don't know if you can hear in the background. You may be able to hear in the background and buy something called a freeway in New Jersey. They have a couple of freeways in New Jersey. And the reason why I'm talking to you from there today is this. Last week on the Joy podcast, we did an episode of Tweets and Emails where I answered tweets and emails and like I used to do in the old late night show, you know, you guys send in some tweets and emails and I answer them and rabbit on and blether about whatever nonsense comes into my head as, you know, stimulated from the conversation or from the email. It's not really a conversation because it's just me talking. But what I'm saying is this. It was an overwhelmingly positive response. Apparently, everybody was very happy about it. And I thought, well, you know, it's quite hard to put together a podcast from the road. And I'm on the road doing some shows right now. Hence, I'm in New Jersey, which is a much maligned state, by the way. It's actually very nice. Much nicer than you would think. In fact, I think that should really be what the state motto should be. New Jersey. It's much nicer than you would think. I think that would be a more accurate description of, of the. Of the area, because you think it's going to be just all the freeway and nudie bars and car dealerships, and it certainly has that. But doesn't every state. Doesn't every state have that? Well, some. Some states have that. New Jersey has that. Anyway, look, what I'm saying is it's not. It's much nicer than you would think. New Jersey. It's much nicer than you would think. So I'm in a hotel in New Jersey and I'm traveling from one show. I did a show last night and I'm going to do another show tonight in Pennsylvania. So I stopped at this hotel. The bottom line is we're going to do a second episode of tweets and emails on the Joy Podcast, where we have received further tweets and emails and questions from everybody. And what we're going to do is answer those as accurately or as irresponsibly as possible, and then we'll resume normal Joy podcasting next week when I'll be talking to someone about something as opposed to me talking to you about your thing. But I have the tweets and emails and I will begin. This is an email from Pana Slaughter. Pana Slaughter. Now, it's a lovely name, Panislotter. It sounds a little like panna cotta, which is a delicious thing to eat. Panna cotta, I think it's is clearly Italian. I wonder if Panaslota is Italian or maybe more kind of around that area. Maybe eastern, east of Italy in the Adriatic somewhere. I don't know. I don't know. But Panaslota, who's not Panna Cotta, asks, who would you never invite on the show? Well, you know, I don't really have rules about that. I, I'll kind of talk to anybody, as long as they'll talk to me. I'm kind of interested. The only people I do avoid and I avoided, when I was doing the late night show, there was a bunch of people I avoided. And New Jersey springs to mind, actually, because I would never. I loved the TV show the Sopranos, and when I was doing late night, the Sopranos was on tv and I would never invite any of the cast members from the Sopranos. I don't know if they would agree to come on. Anyway, I didn't invite them, but I, I would never invite them on because I was watching the show and I loved the show and I didn't want to meet the actors and have the actors be the actor and kind of destroy the fourth wall thing that I enjoy in tv, which is an interesting thing that, because actually a few years ago I was having a conversation with Kevin Bacon. Now, Kevin Bacon, as you know, is a very interested man, very, very busy actor. And, and he was telling me that he had done a TV show. I wouldn't say which one because he's done so many, but he was doing a TV show and the production company had asked him to tweet as the show was going out about his experience as doing the show. Like, you know, oh, this day was raining and I farted or something. And he said he really didn't want to do it for the same reason as I wouldn't invite the Sopranos on the show, because his job as Kevin Bacon is to convince you he's not Kevin Bacon. That's. That's kind of the job. That's what he was saying is like, I have to do all this work to convince you I'm not Kevin Bacon. I'm actually somebody else. I'm, you know, Joe the astronaut or Bob the guy who works in Starbucks or something. And he's, you know, and it's clearly, it's Kevin Bacon because you can see it's Kevin Bacon. But the art and cleverness of what he does is convince you he's not Kevin Bacon. And if he's tweeting out on his account that he is Kevin Bacon and he was Kevin Bacon when he was doing it, he's kind of working against himself. And I see that. Anyway, that's why I wouldn't invite anyone from the Sopranos on the show. And the other people I wouldn't invite on the show. There's only one other person, and I've talked about this at the time, that I would never invite David Bowie on the show. Now, I'm not saying that he would ever agree to have been on the show, but. But I would never invite him on the show because I was concerned because of the never meet your heroes thing. I. I always like the. The mystique and the kind of. The kind of slightly from another planet version of David Bowie. He sort of was from somewhere else with his eyes a different color. And I thought, if he becomes normal to me, I'll lose something. Because people do become normal sort of when you meet them. Like, over the years, I was doing late night and doing this show and doing other shows, you meet people who are very famous or very accomplished in what they do. And of course, they're human beings. And when they become human beings, they cease to be demigods to you. And whilst I'm fine with that, most of the time, boy was a demigod that I kind of didn't want to give up. Is that weird? I don't know. I mean, I guess I'm just a fanboy. And it's funny because some people who came on the show, you know, I were only. I was only kind of a little bit aware of. But as they came on the show, I became much more of a fan of them. So I guess it. And some people are disappointed, but I think it would be kind of mean to. To say that, you know, so I won't say that. But who I would never invite on the show is the cast of the Sopranos, which is not TV anymore, or David Boy, who's not available anymore to do talk shows anyway. So pretty much everybody else is good. All right, I hope that helped. Mrs. Or Ms. Or Sir Panna Slaughter. I don't know the correct pronoun for that name, actually. Pana. I don't know if Panna. I don't know what is connected. I don't even want to talk about this. All right, so this next one is from Eliza Vezin. Eliza Vezin or Ven or Elisa Vezone? I don't know. But Eliza said, what made you want to become a comedian? Well, I don't know that I ever did want to become a comedian. I think. I don't even know if that is entirely an accurate. I mean, I do it. I do stand up comedy and I enjoy doing it. And it is. Is a very big part of my life and I love it. I love doing it and it seems to go okay. It went well in Jersey last night and the night before in Boston. It went well and you know, I'm kind of blowing my own trumpet here a bit and it's going to humble brag. But what I'm saying is I do it, but I don't define myself by it, if that makes any sense. It was kind of the same as being a late night host. I mean, for me, late night, there are people, young people I'm aware of now you see, who like, they look for a career in comedy or they would like to be a late night host. And whilst I understand it, I mean, it's been very good to me and it's a lovely job, I never really set out to do that. I wanted to be what everyone else wanted to be when I was a kid, which was. There was really three things I wanted to be when I was a kid. I either wanted to be an astronaut or. Which in Scotland was limited. There wasn't a huge space program in Scotland in the 1960s when I was born or indeed now. I don't even think they have a particularly big space program. I'm sure there must be a Scottish astronaut somewhere. But anyway, I wasn't cut out for astronauting and I either wanted to be a sports star. You'll be really good at sports, particularly football or as we call it in America, soccer. But football in Scotland. I wanted to be a star football player, but I wasn't any good at football. So that gets in the way. It's a bit. I mean, you really can't hide in sport. It's one of those things like. Like in show business you can be. It doesn't matter, you know, if you get a good agent and you're in a good thing and people like you the right way and stuff, you can. And even in a band you can kind of hide as long as somebody else kind of covers for you. But in sports, it's on you, man. You better be good or you're fucked. But anyway, I wasn't good. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't even remotely good. I wasn't, I wasn't good enough to be even sort of considered as a. Someone who could hang around. And the other thing I wanted to be, of course, was a musician. And I, I think in a very strange way that's kind of what I am. I mean, I still play. I, you know, I, I play the drums and I play the guitar and I don't play them publicly because that I think would be a way to, to look foolish in a way which probably I'm not quite ready for. And then the. I sung in my life. I've, you know, I've done shows where I've sung songs and I'm not a great singer. But you know, you kind of don't really have to be a great singer to sing. I mean, there's a lot of. Particularly now with Auto Tune. Good lord. I mean, you just kind of. And then they put it through a program and you sound like, you know, Maria Callis or something. I don't know who's a really good singer anyway. I don't know enough about opera or even what she did. I don't know. I think so. I think I've wandered off track here. What I'm saying is I don't consider myself really a comedian as such. I think of myself more as a kind of. I mean, look, I write. That's what I do. I express myself writing. I express myself orally in a kind of Socratic sense, I suppose, in doing stand up comedy. But I don't really tell jokes in that same way. I mean, it's not. And I'm not even. I don't think so. I don't think I'm one of those kind of. Hey, have you ever noticed how some things are like other things or what's the deal with those things? I'm not really like that. My standup tends to be more anecdotal. I mean, look, it's A lot of it is, let's be honest, it's lies, fabrication of or artistic license. Certainly the current tour, it's called Pants on Fire. Just that flat out admitting that a lot of this Is made up, but it's based on truth. I always think that when I. You see. When you see a movie and it starts with, this is based on a true story, and you go, well, isn't everything based on a true story? Who the fuck are you kidding? Based on a true story? Sure, and it's based on a true story. But then you add, you know, aliens and stuff and, you know. Or whatever you're adding. Anyway, the upshot is I don't think I did want to be a comedian. It wasn't something I aspired to. Some people are do. And I admire it. I guess it's a skill set which there are some great. Like Billy Connolly, I think, who. The great Scottish comedian who was. Billy's about 20 years older than me. So when Billy was just coming through and breaking through, he was in his early 30s and I was in my early teens. And he was very profane. And comedy was done in albums, vinyl albums back then. And we would get his vinyl album and our parents would not allow us to listen to it because he sent swear words and he was dirty and stuff. But it was great. He was so good. But Billy is also a musician, so he would play a little. He actually came through playing in a band called the Humble Bums with Jerry Rafferty. He was a folk musician. He's a good banjo player, Billy, and he's a good singer. And so he kind of drifted into comedy from doing. Playing folk clubs. And so I was very heavily influenced by Billy because he was from the same socioeconomic background as me. He was the first person I ever saw who was famous, who sounded like we did, like, you know, my family or my friends and stuff. So he. He was very. And he was. And he's. He was and is a great comedian. I mean, for me, he's like. He's like Jackie Robinson almost, if you know what I mean. For me, it was like he had that kind of. He was the. The first guy into the big leagues. And I think that. That if anything made me want to be a comedian, it was maybe to emulate Billy. But Billy is a very. Is a raconteur. He's a musician, he's a writer, he's an artist. And so whatever path he carved, I think I kind of rather pathetically follow in his wake like a little kind of tribute band. Not the Zen wrong being a tribute baron, but that's what it is.