Juicebox Podcast: Type 1 Diabetes

Episode #1803 – After Dark: Phoebe Needs a Break
Host: Scott Benner
Guest: "Phoebe" (pseudonym)
Date: March 20, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of the Juicebox Podcast’s After Dark series features a deep, raw, and ultimately hopeful conversation between host Scott Benner and a returning guest using the pseudonym "Phoebe." Two years after her first emotionally charged appearance (Episode 1322 "Borderline"), Phoebe shares her harrowing journey through the end of a 23-year marriage marked by emotional, verbal, and financial abuse, and her new life as a single parent of five—two of whom live with Type 1 Diabetes. The conversation delves into breaking free from abuse, the impact of trauma and mental illness on family dynamics, parenting through crisis, building resilience, and finding new beginnings. The episode also addresses practical Type 1 management through immense adversity.

Key Discussion Points

1. Family Medical History and Context

• Phoebe is a mother of five (ages ranging from 10 to adulthood), with two children living with T1D and another with celiac disease.
• Discussion of diabetes and autoimmune conditions running on both her and her (now ex-) husband’s sides (02:04–03:01).
• “We’re kind of rather blindsided by that.” – Phoebe (04:12)

2. Revisiting the Past (Episode 1322) and Timeline of Events

• Recap of Phoebe’s difficult situation at the time of the first interview: on the verge of leaving a long, abusive marriage, frequent interstate moves for her husband’s career, intense financial dependence (04:43–05:13).
• “It’s a little bit of a golden handcuff.” – Phoebe (05:13)
• The experience of recording the previous podcast coincided with the critical juncture of seeking separation (03:01–06:25).

3. Abuse, Mental Health, and Leaving the Marriage

• Forms of abuse: “emotionally, verbally, financially abusive marriage”; not physically violent but persistent self-harm threats (05:13–06:38).
• Phoebe details safety planning, being stalked and tracked by her ex (“I was just very anxious. Real.”) (06:38–07:13).
• The role of community: reliance on friends, family, law enforcement, and being triggered by similar tragedies within her extended family (07:18–08:29).
• Struggles with faith-based marriage counseling: Phoebe’s pastor advised more time together, missing signs of abuse, and the pressure to uphold religious/family expectations (10:22–12:01).
  • “Pastors are wonderful, but most cannot counsel through, especially an abusive marriage.” – Phoebe (10:49)

4. Escalating Crisis & Making the Break

• Several police interventions, threats to harm others, manipulation with finances, threats and access to firearms—all in rapid sequence after she stood firm about separation (16:09–23:02).
• Her father intervenes to remove firearms from the house for family safety (19:33–20:57).
• The tracking and intimidation by her husband even as she tries to escape (20:01–21:07).
• The children’s exposure to trauma—impact on daily functioning and security (21:07–28:29).
  • “I don’t want to make him angry... That’s coming from an 18-year-old boy.” – Phoebe (34:13)

5. Aftermath & Healing

• Immediate post-breakup: collapse of the ex-husband into rapid new relationships, dating and remarrying, seeking Phoebe's emotional care and advice even after separation (25:33–28:29).
  • “You treat him like a child. You sound like you’re talking to a child.” – Phoebe (26:24 referencing a friend’s observation)
• Effects on her and the children: sleep disruptions, emotional exhaustion, need for therapy for herself and the kids, cautious hope for healing (35:06–39:32).
• “I was tired. I slept a lot... I started a job. My kids were homeschooled...I would cry every day driving to work…” – Phoebe (35:06)

6. New Beginnings and Support Systems

• Support group for partners of people with personality disorders, leading to a new, thoughtful relationship (36:25–38:05).
  • “Six weeks ago, he asked my dad if he could date me. I’m 51, he’s 49.” – Phoebe (36:56)
• The importance of thorough vetting and slow, cautious progress in new relationships after trauma (42:01–43:51).
• Observations on how religious communities and society at large often fail to grasp the full spectrum of abuse when it isn’t physical (39:38–40:10).
  • “Even today…if you say no, they don’t consider abuse until you’re getting hit.” – Phoebe (39:38)

7. Parenting with Type 1 Under Extreme Stress

• Balancing T1D management with overwhelming life circumstances (“winging it,” but basics are getting covered) (47:04–48:12).
  • “We’re not running any alarm bells on the kids—they’re doing fine...I went away for three nights last fall and [my eldest] changed her sister’s pump for her.” – Phoebe (47:41–48:12)
• Helping children towards diabetes independence and recognizing normal developmental hurdles versus trauma responses (49:35–52:25).
• The goal is to raise resilient, independent adults—“your job as a parent is to work yourself out of a job” (52:59).

8. Building & Modeling Resilience

• Scott and Phoebe discuss the limits of parental control, the uniqueness of every child’s journey, and the unpredictability of outcomes, especially for kids affected by trauma and chronic illness (54:03–57:26).
  • “The problem with life and raising kids is that you’re not going to know until it’s too late to do something about it.” – Scott (55:40)
• Phoebe’s mantra for herself and her family: “Do better today. Today will be better.” (53:06)

9. Recognizing and Naming Abuse

• Scott outlines red flags of abusive relationships—gaslighting, isolation, threats, financial control, monitoring, sleep deprivation, intimidation, etc., connecting these to Phoebe’s experience (66:26–69:31).
  • “Am I afraid of my partner? In a healthy relationship...In an abusive relationship, you are afraid of their reaction.” – Scott (69:20)

10. Advice for Others in Similar Situations

• Take suicidal threats seriously but know it’s not on you to be someone’s only lifeline—encourage seeking professional help (62:16–64:23).
  • “If you live with someone who is talking about killing themselves, they need help. You cannot save them, and that is not for you to help them out of.” – Phoebe (62:16)

11. Type 1 Diabetes—Personal Risk and Monitoring

• Phoebe’s own health: elevated A1Cs, overnight blood sugar spikes, and connecting this to chronic lack of sleep and stress—monitoring closely and pending further evaluation (64:35–66:01).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Pastor’s Advice:
  “I laid out your entire situation to that pastor, and he said, ‘Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you hang out with the guy a little more?’” – Scott (11:21)

• On Life After Abuse:
  “I just cried the whole way to work. Then I’d come home, take a nap, get the kids to bed and go to sleep. I was just…so tired.” – Phoebe (35:12)

• On Dating Again:
  “Are we dating? … He asked my dad if he could date me. I’m 51, he’s 49.” – Phoebe (36:56)

• On Parenting & Diabetes:
  “If you can keep two kids with diabetes alive, then everyone listening can. … You people will make a lot of people, I hope, feel better about their situation.” – Scott (72:15)

• On Resilience:
  “Every day, like, we have a lot of rotten days, and the next day I just get up and my mantra is, do better today. You know, today will be better.” – Phoebe (53:06)

• On Red Flags:
  “The separating you from other people who can normalize your life and make you realize how crazy the thing is you’re involved in—that’s got to be a big piece of it. The threats. ‘I can’t live without you.’ … Those are huge red flags.” – Scott (63:53)

• On Being Free from Chaos:
  “I do crave just quiet and calm, which I get very little of.” – Phoebe (74:48)

Timestamps of Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Summary | |----------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:04–03:13 | Family history, T1D, celiac, and genetic context | | 04:05–05:13 | Marriage backstory, golden handcuffs & abusive dynamics emerge | | 06:38–07:13 | Tracking, safety plans, living in fear | | 10:22–12:01 | Faith-based counseling, the limitations of community support | | 16:09–23:02 | Escalation, police involvement, financial abuse, firearms | | 25:33–28:29 | Ex’s rapid new relationships, boundary crossing | | 35:06–36:25 | Post-separation burnout and emotional exhaustion | | 36:56–38:05 | New supportive relationship through support group | | 39:38–40:10 | Societal misunderstanding of non-physical abuse | | 47:04–48:12 | Type 1 management as a single working parent | | 53:06 | Phoebe’s daily mantra for resilience | | 62:16–64:23 | Advice for others: recognizing you can’t be someone’s suicide prevention plan | | 66:26–69:31 | Recognizing and outlining the signs of abuse | | 74:25–77:24 | Life after chaos: craving and embracing calm | | 77:24–77:36 | Episode’s closing remarks |

Tone, Language & Final Thoughts

• The conversation is honest, vulnerable, and sometimes darkly humorous.
• Scott combines empathy and warmth with his trademark irreverent, validating style.
• Phoebe’s narrative is matter-of-fact, humble, and full of self-insight—her resilience shines throughout.
• The episode is not just about surviving abuse; it weaves in the realities of parenting children with T1D under profound adversity and the importance of finding (and accepting) everyday hope and support.

For Listeners Seeking Support

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788
• Juicebox Podcast Private Facebook Group: For diabetes-related community and support

Core Takeaways

• Abuse can be invisible and is not always physical; mental health in partners and the cycle of manipulation can trap even the most well-meaning spouses.
• Parenting through crisis—especially with T1D in the mix—requires flexibility, self-forgiveness, and focus on “good enough” over perfection.
• Recovery and new beginnings are slow, but possible, and community—whether online, through therapy, or new friendships—can be life-saving.
• Each child’s journey, especially those shaped by trauma and chronic illness, defies formulaic solutions—modeling resilience and giving up control are key.
• Listeners facing similar abuse are encouraged to seek help, recognize the red flags, and know they don’t have to do it alone.

A moving, instructive episode for anyone navigating trauma, chronic illness, or rebuilding life after crisis.