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Thank you.
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Delightful. Delightful.
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I was waiting for amazing things.
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I always say all the great things but I feel like you have truly recently up really bad as a husband.
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Nice to relive It Every. Every day as a husband. Yeah.
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You know, word got to me.
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Right. Right.
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You have shared on your very successful podcast Cover to Cover Cover. Your insanely popular Patreon.
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Yes.
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Which you do a great job at.
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Thank you.
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A horrific story.
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Horrific.
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Horrific.
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Yes.
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Story. I have a similar one which is
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why I believe everybody probably does. I hope at least.
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But because it make you feel less bad.
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It'll make me feel less bad.
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Why don't you quickly catch the people up to what happened to you?
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Okay. I mean I'll. I'll make it as, as, as concise as possible. I had a birthday trip planned.
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Happy birthday.
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Thank you very much. And I was going to Cabo San Lucas.
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All.
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Everything ready to go? We're already. Can we say yes. The Esperanza.
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Beautiful, beautiful.
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One of the best out there.
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Yes.
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And yeah. So. And first class tickets, everything ready to go.
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How many nights?
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I think four nights.
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Three nights.
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Four nights. I'm like that. Yeah. The weekend, more or less Memorial Day weekend.
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Like a Thursday to a Monday.
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Yeah, exactly.
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Okay.
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And. And I go to get my passport about 11 o'. Clock. We're leaving in the morning, 9am so our bags are packed. Now it's grab the passports and we'll be ready.
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My wife has put together all the
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outfits, bikinis, bags are zipped up like they're by the door.
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Oh, you guys are prepared.
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Out the door. And now with my 6 year old daughter, there's a lot of moving parts. My mother in law is coming over to get her so a ton of things going on.
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She's got her week planned, everything's done. Yeah.
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She's excited about where she's going. I go to look for my passport in the place that I keep it constantly. Now I also have to say in my defense, I have been traveling every weekend for 35 years, more or less, you know, on the road.
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Totally.
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I've never had one issue ever. I've never had. I've never lost keys, a wallet, anything ever. And I can't find my passport. I look, I can't find it now.
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Okay, so you open the drawer, it's not there. And you. And then what's internally, your nervous system, your butthole, your heart, what's going on.
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All of it like went up to where. I don't know where it goes, you know. And it was like a thing where I knew it wasn't. I knew it was gone the moment I opened the drawer. Of course we checked every other thing in the world for hours.
A
But how soon, how much time do you look on your own before you approached your beautiful wife?
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Oh, she knew right away. I approached her because it was like, I can't find my passport. So we began to look together.
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Was she like, calm down, we'll find it.
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Or was she pretty calm about it?
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And then. When do you call it?
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Well, we had to call it because we couldn't go to bed because then we'd miss out on. We had to call the flight pretty quickly, a couple hours in.
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So we were able to get your money back, or we got money back
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on a flight, no problem. Just stay money back. But the hotel, we lost a day. We got a couple. We did okay on the hotel. We lost some. We lost some.
A
I don't know how you are as a couple.
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Yeah.
A
Was she like, it's your birthday. I don't want you to feel bad about it. You work so hard. You provide everything for this family.
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No. Well, hardly. My wife provides much more. Yeah.
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Okay. Was it. Where was it in the screaming, Yelling? Crying.
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No screaming.
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Silent treatment. What was it?
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I don't think it was any of that. It was just a disappointment. She was. You know, we were happy to be away from the child for a couple of days. We were meeting some friends there. They were already there, so it was a whole ordeal.
A
Yeah. And they're bummed, too.
B
Yeah. Yeah. So they go a lot anyway, so I don't feel too bad. Like, it's their place.
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If I was looking for.
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I felt like shit. I felt like shit. I felt like I let everybody down. It was. It was not a good. But I should also say this. So at about three hours before that, I can't find the best part. A pipe in our house burst under the sink and just water gushing out, ruin the entire kitchen that we just got redone. So that happened.
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So that's horrific.
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Horrific, horrific. So now, just before I came here, I was with insurance at that time.
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Did a bear come in your house?
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It might as well have been. I mean, it was just like how
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we get into the stories of how the bears have entered Woodland Hills, Calabasas.
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I would have. I would have prayed at that point for a bear to come and just eat my fucking head off, because it would have been better than dealing with the shit I had to deal with. We wound up pivoting a little bit and having. We went down to Laguna Beach.
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I just said, you gotta do something.
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And we went and we had a pretty fun weekend down in Laguna Beach.
A
So was it overcast, though, or did it come out?
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It came out eventually. I mean, it was great.
A
Not as sunny as this time of year.
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That's what I kept hearing anyway. And then of course, now I'm going through the process of getting a new passport, which is a nightmare.
A
Okay, so let me tell you my story.
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Okay.
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So I've been using my passport to travel for the last two years or whatever it is because. Or year because I hadn't gotten the real id.
B
Yeah.
A
Okay. So I was bringing it to places that were not out of the country.
B
Yeah, that was like to get on any flight.
A
And we were going to Cabo first week of April or something. And like two months before, somehow Peter was like, give me your passport or something. And I went up to the drawer that I keep it and it was not there. And it was immediate panic. And I look in the purse that I remember traveling with.
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Right.
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And all of that because I'd always like put it in this little purse. I always have like a cross bag and like a normal size purse, kind of small when I travel. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm not going to fuck around. So we start looking. What's the quickest way? And this. Gov.comorg and then all of a sudden.
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Oh, there's no quick one.
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Then. Then the scams start coming. Yeah, this and that. We start to pay. And I'm. Anyway, so we're in the process of doing it. I think we spent like 250 or something. We're still waiting on it. And I went again and looked, started to open every purse and I forgot that I took a purse to Palm beach for a wedding in January that I don't normally travel with. And it was there.
B
You found it?
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Yes, I had it.
B
Oh my God.
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So then I stopped the process.
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Yeah.
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So I never got a second. Yeah, passport. I am out 200 or whatever. I do, I do have it. I sense after attempting seven different times, I haven't finally gotten the real id. So I have the real ID and I have the passport.
B
Nice.
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But I think you will find it.
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No, I don't think so. I really don't think so.
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Where do you think it went? If you had to have it for Toronto, how did you get home from Toronto?
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I got home from Toronto because I had other stops after Toronto. I stopped in several other cities. I was driving a rent a car.
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So you think it could be in the rent a car?
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Maybe perhaps a hotel room Rent a car. You know, that's the other thing you start tracing back.
A
I think it's in some weird spot.
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I don't do weird spots, though. I don't really do weird people. Like, it's in your jacket pocket. I'm like, it's in a case that doesn't fit in my jacket pocket.
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Like, if you find it.
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Well, now it's been canceled, so.
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Okay. If you find.
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I moved on. It's just. If I find it now, it's just throwing the garbage because.
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Will you tell.
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Yeah.
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Anybody that you found it?
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Yes, I thought about that, actually, because
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I think I wouldn't.
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You just. You just keep it. Not even Peter, actually.
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You know what I would do? I would take it and I would put it in one of his junk drawers under some stuff.
B
Yeah.
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And I would blame him for trying to gaslight me and make me crazy.
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I thought about all this. This is all. These are all the things that if I found it, that's what I would have. But anyway, it all worked out. It's all. It all married. I'm still married. I'm over it. Like, it took like five days for me to, like, just get back to, like, a comfortable place where. Because we lost a couple of bucks. But also, also, we were just so excited about going on vacation. Yeah.
A
And also just like the anticipation before. And even just like, I hate Pac.
B
Right.
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And every time I go anywhere, I'm like, heather, no, you don't have to do the Instagram photos anymore. You don't have to have multiple purses. You don't have. So I'm trying to pack less and more late, but still I spend days thinking and leading up to the packing. So it's like, that's where I would be mad if I hadn't already packed. But the packing is what. But at least you were packed then for Laguna Beach.
B
Yeah, we already. We just grabbed our bags and went right down there.
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Wow. Well, I'm so sorry. Well, speaking of going on romantic trip. Also tying into.
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Yeah.
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We both remember in our Chelsea lately days, there was an editor who, when they got up to.
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We were all heading to Cabo for something.
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No, no, no. It was his Italy.
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That's right. It was his honeymoon.
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His honeymoon to Italy. And I believe either it was the night before or they might have been at the place.
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They were at the airport.
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They were at the airport. And he could. Not expired. It was expired.
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Yeah.
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And he let her go ahead.
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Yeah.
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And then he joined her like five days later. But that was a story we talked and talked about. I wonder if they're still together.
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Yeah, I. I wouldn't know. But anyway, we're still together.
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Well, who's still together?
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I think we're gonna make it.
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Is. I do too. Is Amanda. And West. I've had people say me, correct me and say his name is Wes. I think it's west, like east West. And my audience knows the story. I filled you up. This is an illicit affair. This is summer house reunion.
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Summer house.
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But the latest is Amanda, who was having a deceptive relationship with west behind her husband's back where. But they were separated. But her best friend Sierra, who had also dated West. It's all coming out. They sat on the reunion. They didn't have sex till after they put out their statement, which would have been late February. No one believes that they. As the reunion came out, they took off. We're seen in the airport thanks to, I think Dumois. And then overlooking a restaurant. This looks to be like they're in Rome or something, right? Someone got a photo of them and they're both just looking at their phones. The whole reason for you to leave
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America is to not look at your phone.
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Is to not look at your phone. Fuck Wes brains out while he nibbles on his pinky finger. He's so gross. And see if you guys can just live a life.
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Right?
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But also you choose a place that's extremely popular to go this time of year, especially with New Yorkers because it's a shorter flight than LA to Italy. Like if you really wanted to just get away, you should be going to like a sandals or something, you know, like where middle aged people wouldn't recognize you and who could just whatever, you
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know what I mean? Right, right. Anyway, like remember those weekends you'd go Hedonism.
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Yeah, those.
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And you went. And everyone just like. It was like a bunch of bros. And there was supposed to be women there. I think there were, there was. And it was like sexual.
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There was a movie that Rosie o' Donnell did where she was going to be Gary Marshall. She had like lost some weight and she was going to try to be sexy. She just came out and said that she got a facelift even though she's been bashing people that get plastic surgery.
B
Oh, really?
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She said, I finally, you know, I jumped on the wagon too and got a facelift. Good for her. Good.
B
They use for that a fucking crane. I mean, I love Rosie. I do.
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I shouldn't say at least, you know, hey, she's sharing anyway.
B
Can you just fill me in a little bit? I'm not familiar with the Bravo ver at all. I know a little bit about it. Is A big deal.
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Cuz it's kind of like a scand of all.
B
But. But I want to just even before that go back before summer house. What is that now? Why are a bunch of adults in a house together anyway?
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Well, when it started 10 years ago with the OGs, they were all like 31.
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Yeah.
A
So they were, you know, but it's
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like a party house. Are they party.
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One of those things that, you know, city New Yorkers that have a job go, let's rent a house all together in the summer, out in Montana, Hamptons. So they got the idea of we'll give you a house, we'll kind of cast you. But people knew each other and people hook up when they go to parties and they put cameras all over the house. Kind of like a real world.
B
Like a big brother. A real world.
A
And then they also have the people filming it and they always have a party with a theme every weekend and people. And so it's been on for 10 years.
B
There's like when it was Hannah Burner and Paige to Sorto and those type.
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Paige just left Hannah few years ago. And you know, and that's where Kyle and Hannah had some issues. Kyle is, was a married to Amanda and he's a, a boozer and he's definitely like the star of the show.
B
But are they all in the same home?
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They're all in the same home. So the couples that are couples will share a room. Girls that are good friends will share a room, guys will share a room.
B
Right.
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People then start hooking up and you know, all that kind of stuff.
B
And these are adult people sharing a house.
A
Well, now it's weird because now they're like in their early 40s and it's.
B
That's very.
A
You're like, what's going on?
B
When someone was telling me the plot, I'm like, well, why would anyone 40 year old be in a house with more 40 year olds?
A
Well, the thing is, is that just like the housewives, they try to age them out into pasture.
B
Okay.
A
You know, much like my cat, who was a breed. Not my cat, my dog Raven was a showgirl. She was a breeder dog.
B
Yeah.
A
Once she got to be seven. They said, you can't have any more babies. Her career is over. She never made it as a showgirl.
B
Right.
A
Now we'll just. You could adopt her for free at 7.
B
Wow.
A
That's kind of what they do with old housewives. And so they get new ones in and then they put them out and they go, you can do some other show like, we gotta. And they go, so you've made too much money, so now we also have to get rid of you. So that's kind of what happens.
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Go, like touring. They sing songs.
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Yes, they start to sing songs and go into it and. But then they bring in younger people.
B
Okay.
A
And so with this, they said, okay, there's a couple of you that are pretty old. Lindsay, Kyle, Amanda, and Carl, we're going to put you on a new show called the City. We're going to actually see what you do during the week.
B
Oh, nobody cares about that.
A
And now they've gotten some new couples to join that.
B
Oh, okay.
A
That are friends. And that show just started.
B
Oh.
A
But this messy ending to Kyle and Amanda's marriage involves her now going for West. And one of the greatest moments is one of the other girls says, you know, west had a girlfriend this whole time too, Right. Not Sierra, a whole nother outside person. And this one girl goes to me, goes to Amanda. Amanda, you really are pathetic. You went from being married to being one of West's side chicks.
B
Yeah.
A
And she just stands there. She just stares. She's just like. And she doesn't know what to say. And then Sierra is just going after her, and they're like, he's a clout chaser. He's a this, he's a that. And it was very entertaining last night. It was a very good reunion. And so who knows if they'll make it.
B
I hope so. I mean, I'm rooting for them. I don't even know who they are.
A
The only way that people will leave them alone is if she does what everyone does when they're about to be canceled is with child. Oh, if she can get pregnant.
B
Yeah.
A
With. With West's child.
B
Okay.
A
Then they both can stay together for at least a while.
B
Yeah.
A
No one's gonna be mean to a pregnant woman. Whether it's caller daddy or Stassi or whoever.
B
Right.
A
Once you say you're pregnant, people leave you the alone.
B
Call her, daddy's pregnant. Right.
A
She's pregnant.
B
Yeah.
A
Perfect timing because she was getting a lot of heat. Was an a tyran. And then they're like, she's with child.
B
Yeah. So back off.
A
So then they went over. Those people with the pitchforks went over to say, amanda, the Scarlet Letter. You're the worst person. Be nice. Or you're just. You're disrespectful. You're. You're too smug sitting there and. But if she gets pregnant with west cha. If I was her, okay. I would Be screwing West. And then while he goes to the bathroom to eat his fingernails off. He has a very bad habit. I would twirl my body around and put pillows under my pelvis and lift my legs up, get it in there, and hope that it gets in there. And then that's right. I would be like, I'm pregnant. And then they'd be like, ew, you're pregnant? And I'd be like, excuse me, Lindsay, who's also star of the show, you got pregnant with a guy you dated for two months that you're not with anymore. Wow. So whether west is out or not, I have a baby. I'm having a baby now.
B
Summer House. Is that, is it still happening?
A
Summer House? We don't know they. But you know what? They always start filming in the summer, so I assume yes.
B
So they're in the Hamptons again.
A
Who knows if the two of them will film Summer House or if they'll just take a break and get a bunch of couple more young people. Keep the B team. The B team graduates, becomes the A team.
B
Okay.
A
And they continue to make bacon and drink rose.
B
Is that what it is?
A
Yeah, it's like I like to turn it on. I had Brandon and Julie here. We made bacon and we watched it.
B
Oh my God. You know, you have to have bacon for it.
A
Well, Brandy really wanted the bacon. She loves that they eat the bacon in the morning.
B
I mean, it is kind of like that big brunchy everyone gets back together.
A
You're hungover, right?
B
I, I, I have to say that I, I can think of nothing that I would rather do less than be in a house with a bunch of other people. I feel like there's too many quirks
A
that I people have. Agree.
B
And I also think I want to deal with.
A
I also think those two close of quarters as couples.
B
Yeah.
A
Is what also ruined their relationship. They didn't have a chance.
B
Right.
A
If their life is. Then everybody saying you were rude to her and he goes to the guy. She gives me no attention. So now besides America looking at you, there's actual people in your house.
B
Right.
A
Saying that your marriage sucks or you, you shouldn't be a dj or she's a. Or whatever. So like that didn't help.
B
And I feel like with now all these homes have open floor concepts and there's no talking shit rooms. You know, you need, you gotta go. There's gotta be like a place where you go, can you believe what that guy said? You know? But now there's not enough that's gone.
A
Right?
B
So you gotta all be in the same place and all you want to do is talk shit about the other people. That's the way I feel.
A
I predict she's gonna get pregnant and the baby will be called Capri.
B
I love it.
A
Okay, you guys, it's grilling season. It's summer and you want quality meats. And how easy if they could deliver right to your door. Let me tell you about Butcherbox. It delivers over 100 premium protein options straight to your door. From grass fed beef to wild caught seafood. It's all raised and sourced the right way. No antibiotics, no added hormones, no fillers, just clean, reliable protein. You can feel great about serving. I absolutely love it. We just used our barbecue for the first time this season and we had incredible filet mignons and they were so delicious. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between free sirloin tips, ground beef or chicken wings in every box for life, plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com juicy scoop. That's right, your choice of free sirloin tips, ground beef or chicken wings in every box for life, plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com juicy scoop. Don't forget to use our link so they know Juicy Scoop sent you. You guys know I care a lot about my hair. This is all my hair. I don't have hair extensions, but it has gone through some stages in the last five years that needed help. It wasn't as shiny, fluffy, as thick. Feeling there was some brittleness, I felt some shedding until about three years ago when I started using Nutrafol. I absolutely love it. And Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand. And it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Nutrafol's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed, NSF certified for sport and clinically tested to measure improvements in hair growth, quality and strength. Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster. Growing hair in three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering Our Juicy Scoopers $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code juicy scoop that's nutrafol.com spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code juicy scoop what do we think about the last episode ever of Stephen Colbert? This person really American media. Somehow it came across. I did not watch this. I never watched a show ever. Not because I have anything against him. I never watched a show. But see the clips, of course. But that he hilariously made his band play copyrighted material so that CBS would be sued for millions. Did you hear that?
B
Yeah. I mean, that's. Everyone does that. Conan o' Brien did it. They. At the end of that show, they do these things to. Letterman did it when he was finishing up. They do things to kind of like, make them. I don't even know if they. It's real. I don't even know. I think it's a stunt for the show.
A
Yeah.
B
Like.
A
Oh, okay.
B
Right.
A
It reminded me of our last day over.
B
Chelsea Laidley.
A
Chelsea. And we did a song that we. I don't know if we had to pay for it or not, but we did. We did a parody song to the tune of We Are the World.
B
Was it We Are the Children.
A
We did it, too. Goodbye to E. Oh, really? Goodbye to E. And then we had all the stars up there saying goodbye to E. It really sucks. And we're moving on to Netflix. And you wonder why E. Well, I mean, didn't really want to. With anyone. Anyone from our group again. But, yeah, that was the song.
B
I barely remember that. I barely.
A
I remember everything, unfortunately. And. Unfortunately.
B
Yeah.
A
But, yeah.
B
Wow.
A
That. That was the show.
B
That seems like a thousand years ago.
A
I'll tell you Exactly. It was August 21st or something of 214.
B
Yeah.
A
So
B
12 years.
A
We're coming on 12 years.
B
And speaking of that, Chelsea Handler in the news a lot lately.
A
Oh, yeah. Let's talk about the roast. I, you know, it was a couple weeks ago, but it's still getting talked about because now all the comedians are going on their shows and other talk shows and podcasts and reflecting on. Were they offended? Did they like the experience? Do they hate these other comedians? Were their jokes okay? But this person's joke was okay, right? What is your opinion of the whole thing and the aftermath? Chris Frangola.
B
I was at the roast. I went live to see the roast at the Forum in Los Angeles, and I thought it was a blast. I was thoroughly enjoying it.
A
Now, I talked to some people because I went to the after party.
B
Yeah.
A
And I watched it at home. And I thought it was great, too. Right. I liked being shocked. I liked being appalled. I liked seeing the stars in the audience and all of that. But some of the people that I like, I talked to Bert Kreischer and his wife, and they said, you know, where they were sitting? It was hard to hear and catch everything oh, yeah.
B
I was in. I guess I was in better hearing seats.
A
Oh, maybe. Yeah, maybe if you're right in front. Like, if you're one of those where they wanted to get the camera on you. I don't know. So. Okay, good. So it was fun to be in the audience.
B
A lot of fun. A little long, of course. Like, everything.
A
But now were you concerned? Like, I was when it was first starting, as we were going midway through, I saw these other people on stage, like a Tiffany Haddish, and I'm like, oh, I think this is gonna go eight hours.
B
I know, I know. I'm so glad that they didn't.
A
So they were. Yeah. And that's also something I don't believe they've ever done in previous roasts where you could just be, like, a side comic supporter.
B
Yeah.
A
And look cute but not speak.
B
Yeah.
A
And not be a target for the jokes either.
B
No. It was interesting that Tiffany Haddish was even up there because she's kind of a big star. And she didn't really say anything.
A
No, no, she was one of those. And then there were a couple guys on the other side that I feel were like, his friends and his writers, but they were not part of it either.
B
No. Yeah. Because it was getting long.
A
Yeah.
B
So thank God they weren't.
A
No. But I mean.
B
Yeah, it was. Here's what I feel about the whole thing, and I've said it before. I mean, it's been a couple weeks now.
A
Yeah.
B
So. But I know this is not a fun for podcast way to look at it, but, I mean, I felt like I watched it, I enjoyed it, and the next day, I got lunch and paid bills and went on with my life. You know what I mean? Like, nothing in it I thought about ever again.
A
Right.
B
And I think that's kind of the way they're supposed to be. I mean, the roast of the roast, it's such a weird thing now because they've been around forever, and I know things are a little different these days.
A
Well, yeah. And it's like they show old clips of roasts. There was an old roast that they show, like, the Friars Club, when it's like Almost All Men. Maybe Phyllis Diller was there. I don't even know. And it was like the roast of, like, Rob Reiner, Rest in Peace. And every joke was about that his dad, Carl Reiner, pimped him out as a child. It was all pedophilia jokes.
B
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
A
At least the one. They clipped it together. Right. There were many pedophilia jokes.
B
Right.
A
He was passed around. We got into bed with him. I mean. And, you know, of course, you see that. And people are like, what the fuck is this? And I'm like, well, they went. Remember there was that other show that was called, like, the Aristocrats.
B
Yeah.
A
And it was a whole documentary about an extremely dirty joke.
B
Yeah.
A
And they go to all this.
B
Dirtier the better.
A
Yeah. And all these. And basically, it's like the whole family, each other or something. Like, it was disgusting. And so it's. Because it's the joke. It's like, it's. So far, it's so ridiculous that nobody really feels this way.
B
Right. Of course.
A
It's almost making fun of that. And so I think that's where in this climate, it gets confused. And. But now, you know, to hear some of the other comedians say, like, oh, I thought they were racist and bigots and Nazis and all this other stuff, and I'm like, well, you guys kind of knew what was gonna happen.
B
I know they were preparing it for three weeks, like.
A
Yeah.
B
And there were rehearsals, and it certainly wasn't sprung upon anybody.
A
Right.
B
It was literally hours and hours of rehearsals before the live show where they all heard the jokes that were coming.
A
Yeah. About themselves.
B
There might have been some that were
A
a little bit of surprise, you know,
B
just for the element of surprise. But outside of that, everybody was pretty well aware of what was coming. And also the people that they hired to do it. Shane Gills, Tony Hinchcliffe. That's. That's what they do. Like, if you don't like it, I mean, just. Just move on, I think. I don't know. And then Chelsea goes on, like, podcasts last week saying that, you know, she hated it and hated these certain jokes.
A
I'm like, she had to do it. Like, it was like, her Christian service to do it. She's Jewish.
B
Like, she can't have it both ways.
A
Right. I had to do it to elevate it for Kevin. Needed an elevated thing, so I had to do it for Kevin. And I. I did was. I was like, hey, look, I remember being at Chelsea lately. Joan Rivers was doing a roast, and she really wanted Chelsea to participate.
B
Yeah.
A
And this is when it was Comedy Central, and she was just like, no. And I didn't know if she was saying no, because then you put yourself out there, and she knew all the jokes would be that she's dating Ted, the President V. Right. Or it just wasn't her thing, or she was too busy, or she just didn't want to do it.
B
Yeah.
A
But so this was her first one that she ever did, and I don't know if she did it because she saw what it did for Nikki Blazer with Tom Brady. That really was a thing that popped. Nikki, honestly was.
B
Oh, yeah, well, absolutely. I mean, it gets millions and millions of views. They're huge. All over the world. They're huge.
A
Right.
B
But also, I thought Chelsea was great. I thought she nailed.
A
I thought she looked great. I thought she landed all the good jokes. I thought she was. Was. It was good. But I think then when so much time goes on and then people and you read all the stuff, and then it's like, maybe you do get now hurt or annoyed by the things that were said to you. I don't know.
B
Everybody's different, you know, I mean, I think this. The thing. We all knew what was going to be said about Chelsea. You know, she's a. And abortions.
A
But you know what it was interesting is they didn't bring up the Ted Harbert thing.
B
No.
A
Maybe because they felt it was too old, too long ago.
B
That was too long ago.
A
Yeah, yeah.
B
No, I don't. There was no. No talk of E. Or Chelsea.
A
Layla.
B
But like, that. That's all too long ago.
A
I mean, now they had to focus on the Epstein dinner.
B
Yeah, yeah, the Epstein dinner.
A
Right, right.
B
Exactly.
A
Yeah. You know, I always wonder what would be said about me, you know, And I'm sure it would be like, Heather McDonald's here. You know, her husband only married her because she's gorgeous and he believed in her that she'd be successful. I mean, really mean jokes like that.
B
Did I ever tell you the time? I'll tell you a quick story about a roast. You know, just. They're hot now, you know, and then every now and again, people will be like, let's do one for friends of ours at a party or something.
A
We want you to roast our friend.
B
Roast a friend. So I got called years ago to roast Michael Yo's. Michael Yo. You guys know Michael yo used to be on Chelsea Layla. Maybe they know him. Anyway, he's a great guy.
A
No, he's a nice guy.
B
And he's married. And his wife calls and says, could you. We're gonna do it at a comedy club in the Valley. Bunch of comedians. We're gonna roast Michael for his birthday. So I'm like, sounds fun. I'll do it. And I was like, all right, let's. It was a roast. I thought Michael would be on board at. His parents were there. You know, Michael's half Asian and half black. So plenty to work with.
A
And that's his whole act, too, also. That's his whole shtick.
B
So I had a couple of drinks in the back. I think I was up, like, fifth or something. And I went up and I roasted hard. The family's there. And, you know, I'm looking at the dad, and I. I mean, they were just like, what is happening? Like, this is not what we. I was so mortified when it was over because I don't think anybody signed up. I think they signed up for a cute roast.
A
Can I ask you, as a horrified thing in this business.
B
Yeah.
A
How often. How many times a year does it flash and remind you of? Like, that was awful.
B
From time to time, anytime a roast comes up, I think about.
A
Yeah.
B
Though that thing.
A
Because I have certain things like that in my life. It just, like, will haunt me.
B
Yeah, that's one of them. Yeah.
A
Wow.
B
Michael. You know.
A
And so did you want to get out of there?
B
We were never really friendly anyway.
A
Like, I knew it was funny. Were the other roasters too soft or.
B
They were too soft, because I think they were decent people. And I had. You know, I think we were just coming off Chelsea lately where we had been, you know, through it and hardened by everything.
A
We made fun of him in the writers room.
B
Yeah, I know. So it was like, one of those things where it's just like, oh, I'll just do what I thought you wanted me to do. It was wild. I felt so bad, and I haven't talked to him since, but I hope he hears this.
A
Yeah.
B
Knows that I felt bad. I don't think they cared much, but it was. I think his parents were upset anyway. But, you know, I did it. I roasted. And it was. It wasn't, like, on Netflix or anything. It was in, like, a comedy club in the Valley. So it's not like it was. I got anything out of it.
A
No.
B
Other than being an asshole and just.
A
It haunting you.
B
Yeah, haunting me, exactly.
A
Oh, my God.
B
Yeah. It's one of those things where if it sounds like a good idea, because people will do that. Let's ro. Let's do a roast for their 50th birthday or something. It's never a good idea.
A
No. Those are professionals. That's what they want to. And the thing is, like, Tom Brady, like, hated it after he said his kids were really hurt by it and everything.
B
Right.
A
And so now. Now he comes out and he's doing it, and he's now, like, acting like fucking Zoolander modeling. Like, I'm so over him.
B
Really.
A
I'm over him.
B
Yeah. I feel like you're. You're. A lot of people are.
A
I heard a really good rumor about him that I hope will be true.
B
Oh, really?
A
I'll tell you after.
B
Okay. It's not like a gay one because that's. Who knows, Old news. I mean.
A
Well, go on. We'll see. Okay, so the bears. There was a family of bears, four of them, caught in Woodland Hills going over a wall of someone's backyard. The neighbor caught it on the ring camera and like called 9112 and that was like on Abbeville. Okay. Then they were seen. I don't know if they're the same ones bears caught. They said into a Calabasas school, which is Viewpoint.
B
Yeah.
A
Off of Mulholland. The bears were there.
B
Okay.
A
People are like, oh, the bears are there because of the Simi Valley fire. No, we're not close enough to see me valley.
B
Right.
A
Are the bears there because of the 187 billion dollar bridge? The bridge that the. Yeah, or 81. 87 million. Or 187 billion. Anyway, there's a wildlife bridge so that the mountain lions were getting pissed, as you said. They didn't like their sister anymore. And they said that that's cruel, unusual punishment. So they made a bridge. Which is still not done.
B
No, it looks nice. I just. I just drove under.
A
Yeah.
B
On the way here.
A
But are the bears going on it too?
B
Yeah, it's for everybody. The wildlife bridge.
A
So now the bears are open to all.
B
All kinds.
A
So do you think the bears are coming? Do you think the bears are coming from there? I mean, we really have never. I've lived in the valley my whole life. We have never had bear sightings. We have had mountain lion sightings, of course. Tons of coyotes.
B
Yeah.
A
But the bear is a whole nother thing.
B
Yeah, it is. And there has been quite a few sightings recently. And I think it's a food thing, you know, because they come down and then they want to go to erewhat.
A
They're like, I will have a Haley beaver smoothie.
B
Now it's a fight for the food. Who's gonna get the food first? The homeless people or the bad. It's fun out here. Come on out, everybody.
A
I mean, that's terrify. Like, that's scary.
B
Yeah.
A
Like, they look cute.
B
I think they're very. I don't think they bother anybody. Like, if you just make.
A
What about hikes and stuff? Haven't you ever seen. When you're on hike and you have to go like this and Just hold your head down. And someone's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, I. And then I'm like, what do you do? Like, the bears in your backyard, what do you do? And I guess then you call the wildlife people, and then they tase them, and then they bring them.
B
Yeah.
A
Then they drive them over the bridge.
B
Yeah, they drive. They take them back home to. I don't know. Who knows?
A
It's scary. Okay. This is always one of those things that I think would be if I was going to get some fake publicity. I honestly want this to be.
B
It's my fate.
A
It's my favorite one, which is somebody announced you were dead, but you weren't. And TMZ said, exclusive. Barry Gibb, not dead. Singers, healthy and happy.
B
Because how did someone announce that he was dead?
A
I guess it went.
B
Yeah.
A
In the Internet. That he was dead. And then there was like, no, I'm not dead. And I'm just like. I just kind of think that would be my favorite kind of press, because how great is that?
B
Yeah.
A
Like, you thought I was dead and I'm not. Like, Jesus Christ. Like, I mean.
B
Right. But, you know, good one. When you have to. I don't know if. I mean, Barry Gibbs had a very good career. He's doing fine, and he looks fine.
A
I mean, according to this photo.
B
But it's tough when you have to tell people you're not dead. Yeah, that's got to be a tough.
A
I mean, it's a little embarrassing if you're old or drug addicts, and you're like, well, I didn't die, but I would be, like, amazing.
B
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'll start to spread the rumor that you're dead.
A
Yeah. When I did that golf tournament at Netflix, I was walking recently with, and my neighbor is like, oh, hi. And we're talking, and she goes, oh, I was watching you do the golf tournament, you know, because it was at this club. And she's like. And I asked the photographer, oh, are there any, you know, female comedians playing? And he goes, oh, yeah, Heather McDonald's here with her boyfriend. They thought Drake was my boyfriend.
B
Wow, that's. I mean, that's both. That's creepy and exciting.
A
That's a rumor I want out there. Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
B
Not that your son.
A
Not that I'm actually screaming my son. But that, like, Heather has a young boyfriend.
B
Right. I'm going to write these down off of the roast on next year's Netflix Roast.
A
For the last couple years, I had the issue of waking up at 3am I didn't know what would fix it. So many it would happen like four to five nights a week. Take me about an hour and a half to get back into bed, fall back to sleep, turn off my phone, stop my brain from racing until I found magnesium. Breakthrough by Bio Optimizers it is so important. Many women are talking about the benefits like sleeping better, less stress, better workout recovery, even improved digestion. But I don't really like to recommend anything unless I tried it personally. So that's why I've told you guys I've been trying it. I've been using it for a couple months now and I've really noticed a difference. Thank God in my sleep. Here's what you get when you go to HTTPs://bioptimizers.com juicy scoop and use code juicy scoop 15 off your entire order A free bottle of Mass Zymes Bio Optimizers best selling digestive enzyme added to your order automatically when you use our exclusive code. That's a 20 product free on top of your discount. This is a limited time offer and while supplies last, you cannot get this on Amazon. You can't get in stores. This offer exists in one place. My link, my code. That's it. So if you're already thinking about trying it, this is your sign. Go to. Use code Juicy Scoop and grab it before it's gone. Make 2026 the year you finally start sleeping great again. I know there's so many what ifs in life. What if I had started this podcast even five years earlier than I had? Now where would I be? I think of things like that and you might be sitting on a great idea that could generate money and a new business venture for you and you haven't started yet and you wonder how could it make money? That is where Shopify comes in and I say don't waste another day. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US. From household names like Skims and so many others. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. I mean, already so easy to get going, get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you, easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling, which you know is essential in this day and age. But many of you don't know how to get started and you need that reach to happen immediately. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today, sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com juicy go to shopify.com juicy that's shopify.com juicy a lot of us want to do a reset when it comes to spring summer. What can we do different? How can we change it up a little bit? Sleep is always a priority and a best way to do that is I switched to the original mattress by Leesa. It is so great and you know you have your nighttime routine and sleeping well and sleeping great is so important. And I've been trying to create a more peaceful nighttime routine, deeper sleep and when I made this upgrade I felt like, wow, this mattress is doing the job. Leesa has a lineup of beautifully crafted mattresses tailored to how you sleep. Each mattress is designed with specific sleep positions and feel preferences in mind. From night one you're going to feel the difference. Premium materials that deliver serious comfort and full body support no matter how you sleep. Just take the Leesa Sleep quiz and you'll find the perfect match in less than two minutes. Leesa mattresses are meticulously designed and assembled in the USA for exceptional quality. And they back it all up with free shipping, easy returns and 120 night sleep trial. Go to Lisa.com for 30% off select mattresses plus get an extra 50 off with promo code Juicy Scoop exclusive to my listeners. That's L EE E S a.com promo code juicy scoop for three 30% off select mattresses plus an extra $50 off. Support our show Juicy Scoop and let them know Heather McDonald sent you after checkout Lisa.com promo code juicy Scoop I love this. Speaking of old people, do you remember when certain people would have the vaccine that would look like a scar? Yeah, I remember Wayne said like they'd be at the club and then they would. That's how you would know how old someone was.
B
It was.
A
I think a woman could look really good but if she had that. Yeah, that little like punch scar that meant that only old people.
B
I think it was for rubella, a disease that I don't even think exists anymore.
A
This person wrote, most people born in the 60s and 70s have a large circular scar from a vaccine. I don't have it. I don't have one. I'm sure my parents were.
B
I don't have any but I got that vaccine. But I think they later on did it in a different area and so you didn't see it.
A
Yeah, like, I mean, how awful. You have a full scar in Your arm for the rest of your life. Like a branding. Anyway, I thought that was funny. Alumni. A Real Housewives of Beverly Hills alumni. This is from the Real Housewife Zone. I saw she has a podcast. Of course. Everyone does. She's had hers very long. She confessed about possibly having ring or ringworm in her throat after performing sex acts with a male porn star. Oh, and wow. This title of a thing. This is. The comments were so funny. They're like, and this is when I need to put my phone away.
B
Like, this is when eventually you get to the point. Yeah.
A
This is when you're like, do you have to share everything?
B
Right.
A
Like, I get it.
B
You go to your phone like, is Barry Gibbs all alive? And you're like, what the hell? She got a ringworm in her throat
A
with a porn star.
B
I know. And how does that happen? I didn't even know that was a. You just take the ringworm off his dick or something. He had.
A
I don't know. It's like a real thing that can happen. But she also said that she had a. Like a moving worm in her face.
B
I remember that.
A
But a ringworm has nothing to do with a real worm, right?
B
No, I think. I don't think it's an actual worm. I think it just. Although I could be wrong. I don't wanna.
A
This is the problem with everyone having a podcast. They run out of guests. They run out of stories to tell.
B
Yeah.
A
And, you know, and. Or then they tell a story that they then regret. You know, and.
B
Do you think that. Let me ask you a question about podcasting. How you want to. One of the biggest in the business, and I've been doing it for a very long time, and you could be offended by this. So I apologize in advance.
A
There's no way you can.
B
But don't you feel like the secret to podcasting, which nobody is mentioning, is the fact that it's easy? You know what I mean? Like, don't you think when Amy Poehler ends her podcast with whomever she's with, say it's, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow.
A
Yeah.
B
And they're done. And they cut camera microphones off. Yes. You believe they fucking pay me for this shit. We're sitting here talking about making bread or, you know, what time I wake up in the morning? And Gwenpatch's like, and how much did they pay you at whatever, Spotify. $70 million. And they would. I just know that when they cut the microphones, all them are like, can you believe this shit? I was working over On Parks and Rec. Busting my ass.
A
People at that level. Yes. Yeah. And they have so many people working on it too.
B
Yeah.
A
That real. And also she has a great personality, so it's like, it's good. It's easy for her.
B
Yeah.
A
It works for her. And she was watching her ex husband make, you know, hundreds of millions of dollars with the two other guys, so why wouldn't she do it, you know? But I saw something where she said, like she was starting to complain about it a little. You know what I mean? Like, it's. It. It will get old.
B
Oh, absolutely.
A
Like, once you've gone through all your friends.
B
Yeah.
A
And you want to stay a little private, then what do you do?
B
That. Right. Right.
A
And then you're. Then you're going to be like, I do miss being on set. I do kind of crave wanting to do something. That's what I think will happen with people like Amy, I think it's not saying she won't keep it forever, but yeah, there will be like a dip in the fun of it because it will. You've run out of stuff and you've run out of all your friends.
B
Yeah. And look at like, Mel Robbins. I mean, that woman's been banging her head against the wall trying to be famous forever.
A
Right.
B
Been on all sorts of different things. And also radio show. She had like a show on one of those HGTV things or something, remodeling. And then one day she's just like, you know, you people need to drink more water. And for whatever reason, clung to it. And now she's like, can I. You believe this shit? I feel like that's what everyone's doing and nobody will say it. I just said it. I mean, I'm not saying you're. What you do is easy.
A
Well, it's in doing it, though, sometimes in like my algorithm of my phone and seeing so many clips of other podcasts, it makes me hate. Makes me want to go, oh, God. Like, yeah, I. I did. But I'm like, it doesn't mean that that takes any away from. From what I do, because I know people love it and I still love doing it, but there's something about the saturation that like goes. It makes me go, I agree. But I still do it.
B
But I feel like never run out
A
of things to talk about, so.
B
Well, I mean, thank God, because there's ringworms in people's throats, you know, and
A
also because something in our. Our way and which. Why people get over it. And also it's why I think stars stop doing it sometimes, too, because they can't handle seeing all the negativity.
B
Yeah.
A
Like, I don't like your voice. I don't know. You know, so unless they have a team around them keeping them from looking at the reviews or looking the comments under the videos.
B
Yeah.
A
And they really are disciplined like that. Like, they must be. Like, they're sober coaches, and they're. Then there should be, like, social media coaches that live with you.
B
Like, if you're ever having a great day. Like, you're having a great day.
A
Yeah.
B
I recommend a couple of minutes over at Reddit to bring you right back down to earth. That's real fun over there.
A
Oh, my God. Yeah. And so anyway, Yeah, I. I do. I. Yeah, I think that for. For someone. Compared to being on Grey's anatomy set for 12 hours. Yeah.
B
Yeah, 12. Maybe even more. Yeah.
A
But, you know, again, like, only a few people, even the big stars can, like, pop like that.
B
Right.
A
And. And. And do well with it. And then other people, after the year is up.
B
Yeah.
A
They're like. The network is like, okay, well, you didn't work out. We lost, you know.
B
Yeah.
A
Paying. We paid you 4 million, and that was a big waste, so goodbye. Or they're just like, I'm dreading every Thursday. Leave me alone. Like, I don't want to do this. Yeah.
B
Or come up with another concept, you know, every six months for another. Like, if I have to see Freddie Prinze Jr throwing another concept at the wall. I'm talking about wrestling now.
A
Like, when. When Juliana Rancic and Bill Rancic are like, big announcement. Guess what it's gonna be. I'm like, it's a podcast.
B
We know what it is.
A
It's not you watching a clothing line. It's not you doing a TV show. It's not a Hallmark movie.
B
It's.
A
We're gonna. We're not gonna hold back.
B
We're gonna tell it like it is.
A
I'm gonna talk about this one. Snoring.
B
Nothing's. Nothing's off limits. Nothing's off limits.
A
Off limits.
B
You gotta hear the way she is in the morning. You're gonna hear it.
A
Okay. I wear a face mask at night. It's a red light there. He doesn't like it because we fuck every night.
B
I feel like I'm sleeping with an alien sometimes. These are the kind of things you're gonna hear. It's real.
A
We're not gonna hold back. And that's why. You know what? We have to. We have to get Kelly Ripa And Mark Consuelo.
B
The things they could talk about. They don't. You.
A
They're a sexy couple that also don't always get along.
B
Yes.
A
Stop it.
B
So much fun. Tune in on all the places you listen to podcast.
A
You actually did an incredible Bill Ramsay impression. Thank you. Literally, you morphed into him right there.
B
Yeah. Thank you. I forgot what he looks like. But wasn't he an apprentice or something?
A
He was in the Apprentice and then they had the reality show for a year on. For years on E. They have a ton of, like, restaurants and stuff. Yeah, they do well, but not well enough that they could not do a podcast. Yeah, they had to do a podcast. But also, I think they. I think couples think that we've been married so long, which is a flex, by the way. Today is my 26th wedding anniversary.
B
For real.
A
For real.
B
I'm glad I could be here for it.
A
Also, I post for today's show.
B
And where's Peter on your 26? What are you guys doing?
A
I mean, honestly, he is at Trader Joe's, which is pretty great.
B
Oh, really?
A
Yeah. I told him I want. I'm like, I need. Don't buy so many packaged salads and stuff. I'm going to make my own salad. I came across. This is a lot of calories. This isn't stuff I never realized.
B
Huh.
A
So I'm going to just be making my own salads.
B
Right.
A
And so that's exciting.
B
Yeah, that is exciting.
A
And also I. My. My. On my grid is like, a very. A great photo of Matt Murphy and I from my party last year because he was on my show for Juicy Crimes.
B
Yeah.
A
And then tomorrow, it'll be like, you and me looking cute, and I don't even know if I want to do a whole thing.
B
Oh, no.
A
Should I?
B
I don't know. Maybe. Yeah.
A
But anyway, I think a couple goes. This is what I think. I think couples that are in Hollywood that don't have a podcast yet are like, I can't believe we made it to, like, whatever. 17 years at such a flex. And we should do this together. And people will think we're so fun and great. And I would say, yeah, the reason you made it to 17 years is because you're not doing a podcast together.
B
Absolutely. Don't you dare do that. That'll be the end of it. It won 18.
A
I came across this thing where it's, you know, all these people, all these lines, whether it's LA or New York, where people wait in line, like, two and a half hours for different things. A Greek yogurt bagels or, you know, a. A chicken Caesar wrap.
B
Yeah.
A
And it's all because they film it for. They're all influencers. Like every. That's the only. Like none of these people have a regular job in New York or. And there's all these other places don't have lines. And I'm like, you're just standing there looking at your phone by yourself for one and a half hours.
B
I can't. This influencer world that we are now living in, nothing unnerves me more. I was down in, like I said, Laguna beach at the Montage. And the full photo shoots that these people are doing. I mean, I'm not kidding. I'm not. Not two, 25 people. Yeah, full photo shoots. I don't know if it's the husband who's doing the pictures. They're in full outfits. They're, you know, gotta. Got that thing that shines the light.
A
Right.
B
It's insanity. All for. For what? Like, it's. I just can't. I see a line somewhere. I'm like, I'm out on that.
A
Yeah.
B
No line anywhere.
A
I. Yeah, it's very weird. I don't get it. And then this other guy, Stephen Bartlett, he kind of went viral. He has a podcast called diary of a CEO. And he said, I had two glasses of wine and it ruined me for three days. Because he is. He's only 30, but he does all the, you know, thing about wellness, checking your sleep, doing that. When I watch these also videos of someone being like, get ready with me. You know, they wake up at 4:30 and they're young. They're like in their 30s, and they take off their mouth tape and they take off this. And they take off. They have all these contraptions on their face. Like, must have been the worst night's sleep ever. And then they put their face in a hot and cold ice thing. Then they drink this, they do this elixir, they do that, they do this serum. Then they do the gua sha to shape their face and they do this. Then they do a red light. Then they, you know, make a coffee. It's like finally by 7am like, then their kid wakes up and I'm like, just wash your face. Put some sunscreen on and get Botox. Like, yeah, well, I. This. Enjoy your life a little bit too much with. I don't even know where to begin. I'm like, am I supposed to be taking. They said, Kim Kardashian takes 30 vitamins. I'm like, I don't know, do I want to live till I'm 100? I don't think I do.
B
I don't think anybody lives to 100 anyway. You know, we always hear lift 100. Remember they used to do the thing on the Today show, it was Willard Scott, remember? And he'd go, hey, now we got Susan Jones out in Nebraska. She's gonna be 101. And she says the secret of her was she has a scotch every day.
A
Yeah.
B
Remember? And it was always though you never saw One of those 101, 102 year old people ever was like, something.
A
Because I'm like, If you're doing 29 steps and you have a 29 step. And I also think it's really weird that that's like, what? But like now like 10 year old birthday parties are like, they're getting, you know, spa treatments and like they're, they have a ten step skin routine and stuff. I'm like, why would you want to start that already? I'm just kind of like my daughter.
B
We've gone to a lot of them. We've gone to a lot of like full on. It's. They have a, like buildings for it, like this pretty. Get pretty princess or whatever. And you go in and it's a full. You get a silk robe and then you put on all the stuff. And. And then at the end they do like a, like a, like a Runway.
A
Yeah, but they're dressing up as princesses.
B
Yeah, yeah. Some.
A
Okay.
B
Other one. I mean, sometimes the Runway show, I'm like, what are we on, Epstein's Island? What the hell's going on? What the hell's going on over here? Bikinis and shit. I'm like, okay, I think we got it. Let's go, honey. We're leaving. Get your goody bag. We're leaving. My daughter's got pumps on and a thong. Okay. She's six.
A
That's why I'm so happy that Drake was born October 29th. Because I'm like, every birthday party will be Halloween.
B
Yeah.
A
No goodie bag. Your goodie bag is your.
B
Yeah.
A
Candy that you got in the neighborhood. People be like, where's the goodie bag? I'm like, no.
B
Yeah.
A
No. I don't know. It's. But, but I do think like when you do all that stuff, it's just kind of like maybe that's why you're not happy because you're so stressed about the optimizing and everything. And I'm, I, I don't want to open my phone anymore and hear about how bad alcohol is for me, I just don't know.
B
I'm. I. Me too.
A
I mean, I get it. Like, curtail it, skip a day, whatever.
B
But, like, also, everything's bad for you. I mean, come on, we live in everything.
A
I mean, there's chemtrails, there's. You're on a. You know, you're eating. Do you hear about the strawberries? They're like. Don't have strawberries. I don't even know.
B
Little bugs on them.
A
I mean, it's just like. I just kind of like. Oh, like, why? That's why everyone should be like it. Yeah, everyone should be it. Let's drink. I mean, eat.
B
Enjoy our.
A
Eat as well as you can eat.
B
Yeah.
A
Take a shot to be thin and have some fun.
B
I go, I am 100. Especially now. It's summertime. Get out there, enjoy your lives.
A
JLO has a new show out, a
B
new movie that looks exactly like every other movie she's ever done. You know, it's just her falling in love with. They always find, like, the hot act, you know, whoever the hot person is at the time. This guy is the writer of, you know, he's Goldberg. Goldstein. Goldstein. Brett Goldstein.
A
He's the actor in it.
B
Yeah, he's the actor.
A
Okay.
B
Yeah. And he's. Of the moment guy. Yeah. So, yeah.
A
Let's guess what the plot is. Remember I used to do that at Chelsea Lately? Heather predicts. Heather reviews movies she hasn't seen yet.
B
I think it's called Office Romance. So right away, it's in an office.
A
I guess it's in an office there. They are going to address that. It's a problem that you're having a romance with someone you work with.
B
Right.
A
There is going to be an HR person. There's going to be a lot of diversity.
B
Who's. Who's the head of the office? Is it her? Is it him?
A
It's her. For sure.
B
Yeah, for sure. She's not like, a new secretary or something?
A
I don't. Do you think this new. Which I would call is like a dry bar movie, but for today on Netflix. Will it have that? The sound, the music behind, like, all that, like, goofy stuff?
B
Yeah.
A
Of like, you know, when they're, like, getting stressed and, you know, walking and you show the shoes and. Will there be a scene where she's on a treadmill and then rolls out of scene or. We finally passed.
B
I feel like we're past that. I feel like we've all. We did it. We all moved on. Julia Roberts did it already.
A
Okay. Heel, heel. Getting caught in a. A plank wood. Okay, we're done with that.
B
Did it. They go. Moving on to something different. Here's a new the Office. Other people in the Office. Not the two stars. The other people are going to be a lot of. Of people.
A
A mix of characters.
B
You got it.
A
It is going to be where the whole movie. You're going to be confused or you're going to be. Yeah. A guy wearing a skirt which everyone. No one addresses and thinks it's great. He has a big Birkin bag. It's totally fine.
B
That's fine.
A
Everything.
B
That's the new one.
A
Then there's going to be a character that you. You're not sure.
B
Yeah.
A
Which way they're transitioning or not.
B
Right.
A
Okay. And their partner. There's gonna be that.
B
Yeah.
A
And no one's gonna say anything or be confused by it or anything. That's just gonna be just.
B
Yeah.
A
And then, you know, but that, that, you know, you're gonna be wondering about it. You're gonna be like, wait, hold on.
B
And then basically, me at every coffee house I go into in America, I'm like, let me just get a latte.
A
I think that's fine. That's gonna be in the movies. Cause you're gonna be like, o. There's going to be some big. It's going to be all about some big deal that's going to happen. And there's going to be an element that they could make a lot of money doing this AI data center thing.
B
Right.
A
But in the end, just, just, just like. Remember at the end of Pretty Woman where he's like, I'm not going to sell the company. I'm going to make ships instead.
B
Yeah.
A
Ships. That'll give people a lot of jobs. So there's gonna be some good element at the end where they're like, we're not gonna go the easy money route and sell out to high tech.
B
Yeah.
A
Together. First we hated each other, then we. Then we acted like we hated each other again. But in the end, they're gonna do something good for the company that's going to benefit the world. And it's not going to be the easy money thing.
B
Yeah. Well, I mean. And if. If you watch it, anybody out there watches it and it sucks. I highly, highly recommend Devil Wears Prada, too, in theaters. It's fantastic. I loved it. I went a few weeks ago. Anyway, that's all. That's all I'm gonna say.
A
I haven't seen that or Michael Jackson.
B
Saw them both.
A
I might. Maybe I'LL go to a movie tonight, but I kind of want to see Obsession.
B
That looks good too.
A
That movie we just heard about, the guy's only 26. YouTube guy, he had a budget of only 750.
B
It's already made $200 million. Yeah, it's huge.
A
Amazing.
B
Supposed to be great.
A
I'm really excited for, for that's. That makes me feel great when those type of movies do well. So, you know, poor Matthew Perry, rest in peace. He had, you know, this whole, this whole thing happened where he died of the ketamine and the assistant is now facing up to three years. His name's Kenneth. Why Amasa? Because he gave him the dose or got him the drugs, left him in the jacuzzi, went to go do some errands, came back, found him dead. But also like got rid of some evidence and stuff. But the One girl got 15 years. She's the ketamine queen. The other guy that, that was the doctor, he got like 30 months or something. Another person got like five years. I will say in all the OD cases because he's high profile. I mean, my God, his stepdad is Keith Morrison.
B
Yeah.
A
These people did. There was some justice for these people. I'm sure people would love that if they're. If there was that for other people. But you know, the whole thing is this guy was the assistant. That's going to be his defense.
B
Yeah.
A
And he was getting paid150,000 a year, which is a good, good paying job. And where do the lines cross where you are an enabler, you're an assistant, you're a catch. All you do everything. The guy has a drug issue.
B
Yeah.
A
It's coming from a doctor.
B
Right.
A
Because the doctor got in trouble too.
B
And I guess in this case he's the one who injected him. Or with it, he had. He got to the point where. I don't know, some people.
A
Yeah.
B
Themselves. I met John Belushi, was famous for it. That woman injected him. So I think this guy actually injected Matthew Perry with. He said something like, get me the big one. Whatever that means. And. Yeah. So there's an article in the paper today about assistance and. And what. How far they should go and how far they're asked to go with a bunch of different things, not just this.
A
Yeah.
B
Apparently they're asked to do like crazy things for certain people. And you know, if they say no, they're fired. You know, in some cases. So they don't. They want to keep the job and they're like, I'll just Give Matthew Perry more ketamine.
A
It's. It's such a hard position to be in in both of these worlds.
B
Yeah.
A
You know, it's like, there's the assistant. You know that. Then you, you know, NDA or not. Can you really trust that they're not going to, like, like, tell your story or whatever?
B
Right.
A
And then. Yeah. And then there's a person that's like, well, now where will I go? Because if I leave you, will I be able to get another assistant job?
B
Yeah.
A
Or will you kind of, like, blackball me because you don't want me telling stories about this person to the. I remember there was a Larry David where he wanted to get rid of his, like, assistant or secretary or whatever, and he was like, like, someone needs to. I need to give her to someone else. Like, I can't just fire her and have her be, like, disgruntled.
B
Right.
A
I need to get her a job somewhere else to, like, get her off my hands.
B
That's funny. Yeah.
A
The Hollywood assistant world, they've always were trying to do a show about assistance.
B
Oh, yeah.
A
And like, what? That would be like, a scripted show. I think it would have to be scripted because no one would want to be.
B
Right. It's too hard.
A
Everyone want to be on it.
B
Yeah.
A
Hayden Panettieri,
B
she's got a book coming out.
A
Yes, she has a book out and there's been a few. I was like, I'm seeing all these articles and I'm like, okay, what is going on with her? So she was an actress, but there were a few. So I was like, what are the bombshells? One was she was on a yacht, thought she was going to have a fun yacht day, and someone she trusted brought her down to, like, one of the rooms and, like, put her in a bed with, like, a naked older guy.
B
Somehow she a celebrity, they said. Yeah.
A
And somehow a lister was what I read.
B
Whatever. Then.
A
Yeah. Then she. We somehow got out of it and, like, hid in a small room till they docked. And then that changed her view of Hollywood.
B
Yeah.
A
This yacht trip. And then there was another time where she was a. Some guy in the set of Heroes or something. An executive producer tried to kiss her at, like, a holiday party. And then there was another one where there was an Oscar guy who said, is there gum on my jeans? And she looked down and is just. His balls were outside.
B
Yeah, I. I forgot.
A
Outside of his zipper. And visually, that's horrific.
B
Yeah, I forgot how to get your
A
balls and not the dick part out.
B
It depends. I mean, some People had longer balls than others, I would imagine. But I think it's a. I think it was a prank back in the old days when people used to go, because it looks like gum.
A
Yeah.
B
You know, and like boys used to do it. The other boys. I. It's not. I. I had forgotten all about that until somebody told me like that's what it was. I thought they were actually talking about gum.
A
I remember during the beginning before there was. You know how there were like two rounds of Me too.
B
Yeah.
A
There was like a me too pre 2015 that happened. And then a me too.
B
So who went down in. That was like spacey. Was that spacey first or.
A
I kind of feel. And then there was like, you know, then there was Matt Lauer. No. And then Weinstein was really where it then started again.
B
Yeah.
A
But. Or, or maybe it was just about stuff in writers room or whatever. But there was a writer and it's just coming to me now so I can't think of her name who had a story either read it or some. Or they told me personally. But they were in a writer's room and they were like the only girl and so awful. And they're just like doing like comedy writing, whatever. And it was like one of the guys just like laid his dick on their shoulder.
B
Yeah.
A
And it was like tapped her and she to like go over and it was just like a dick. And they all laughed and. And then it was like, well now what do I do? Like I don't want to leave this high paying hit show that I'm writing on. I don't want a dick on my shoulder anymore.
B
It's so that mentality, whatever bro mentality that is. It's so strange to me.
A
I mean honestly, that SNL viral song Dick in a Box is basically that it came from a writer that just thinks it's funny that a dick. Like a dick in a box. You open a box and a dick that you didn't ask for is there.
B
Yeah.
A
You know, and. And the same thing like you didn't. You shouldn't ask for this dick to be on your shoulder.
B
That dick bit like in a box or in a popcorn thing was like. It was the premise for every movie I saw in the 80s. You know they went to the movies with a girl, put their dick in the popcorn. It was in the five different movies. Yes. And then the Dixon has and Porky's. It was in. It was in like nine movies. Just different times.
A
They were writing them all.
B
Yeah.
A
And they just think that we would think that's okay. But then when you see it so much, it does make you think, oh, no, it's okay.
B
I would never. I'm not. I'm not saying I'm a saint or anything, but I would never even begin to think of doing something like that. I don't know.
A
It's wild. Also talked about how she had a really bad alcohol problem, like, to the point where, like, she'd, like, liver issues. And then she had. And then she willingly, like, let her daughter be raised by the husband, and now she's bisexual.
B
And her husband is a very famous boxer. Right, Kisco? Yeah. Okay.
A
And then she's like, finally, I realized I was bisexual, and I'm so happy to finally say it.
B
Yeah, that's the way to go. In the end, I feel like.
A
Like, I mean, yeah, bisexual is the best because it's like, all right, you can't hold me to anything.
B
Yeah, exactly.
A
I don't. I'm not leaving the hetero world, and I'm not. And then if I go back to the hetero world with a dude, you can't say, like, I abandoned the movement.
B
Yeah.
A
Because I'm just bi.
B
Well, good.
A
I think there's more women that would just like to come out as asexual after they're married. They're like, actually, I'm asexual, and so I won't ever have sex with you.
B
I.
A
This clavicle.
B
Clavicular. Clavicular. He's my favorite. I am a looks maxer.
A
So he's only 20, and he started this thing again, like the optimizer. Is this, like, where you're supposed to do, like, jaw exercises and stuff or what?
B
Yeah.
A
What?
B
He actually hits himself in the face with a hammer to, like, chip away and make his jaw more.
A
Well, everybody. I mean, do you think it works? Because, I mean, that there's so many things that are, like, lifting. Look. Look at my face. I lifted it up, and I've done it before. I've had things, and I do feel like, does it look kind of better, or is it really making a difference? Or is it making a difference for, like, six hours? I don't know.
B
I. I don't know either. I mean, I feel when you're 20, I feel like that's.
A
You could shape your face.
B
Your face is already shaved. Kicked.
A
Anyway, so he was out with his friends, and there were alligators around, and there was a dead alligator, but they shot the dead alligator anyway. And that is a crime.
B
Yeah.
A
And so he then went to the judge and the Judge is, is extremely good looking.
B
Yeah, he's like better looking than.
A
Yeah, yeah. He has like a perfect face. And why is like, oh, here it is. Okay. And so they made tmz. Kind of made a funny thing about that because it was all the analysis, like his hairline to where his bro is. That's the perfect forehead, the nose, the eye spatial.
B
Familiar with what this is? This is called mogging. Okay. You're being Drake.
A
It is.
B
It's called moggy. So when a good looking person goes next to another good looking person in a picture and then the comments underneath, one of the people will be mogged. Okay.
A
Meaning one is better looking than the other guy.
B
Yes. And that. And then the people in the comments be like, his jawline's better than the other guy. So if you have the poorer jawline, you're being mogged. So this guy, the judge and clavicular is the one who came up with all this bullshit? I think. So this guy mogged clavicular right to his face while on trial.
A
Well, he did pretty well because it's like he just got like a probation and it could actually be removed from his hole.
B
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
A
But shooting at the alligator. Remember when shooting at lobsters.
B
Yo. Something. It was like a Chelsea was doing or something. Yeah, I, I.
A
No, I do think there's actual people that like, like shoot at fish to kill it. Well, yeah, that's a real thing, right?
B
I think so.
A
But versus just fishing.
B
Yeah. I do believe that there is something to that. Sure.
A
Yeah.
B
I'm not. That's a world I don't know at all. But I've heard that some people throw dynamite into the lake too.
A
And just.
B
And all the dead fish come up and then they eat them.
A
Well, you know, it's shark. Shark summer.
B
Oh, is that right?
A
They said.
B
And bears and sharks ready? Oh my God.
A
On both coasts.
B
Really? And I also heard ticks too. A lot of ticks. Gonna be a pretty big tick Summer.
A
Oh yeah.
B
This is a good episode. People learning a lot.
A
So the sharks, they said because of the warmer weather in the water. That's what I don't get. They said because the water's getting warmer, they come closer to shore. But why would they? Isn't the water always warmer closest to shore?
B
Probably.
A
Anyway they do and they. There's a lot of them and they're like eating seals. And like there was like a drone shot. Was just like blood everywhere, but it was a seal. And now they have this thing called Lulu's law, which is like a Megan's Law. Or not a Megan's Law. Like an AMBER Alert.
B
Yeah.
A
But for sharks. So. Because there's been times where a shark will bite someone or kill someone or whatever, attack someone. And now they'll be able to put out a notice to everybody that's on the beach in the next whatever, five miles saying, beware, get out. There's a shark that's eating people.
B
Yeah.
A
And this poor girl Lulu got her leg and her arm removed from a shark that had already attacked someone else. So that's why it's called Lulu's Law.
B
Okay, that's.
A
And they. I just think I'm coming to a point in my life. I love swimming in the ocean. I really do. I don't really swim in, like, LA ocean, but like, sure, when you're out on vacation, Hawaii or whatever, a lot of people get eaten by sharks or they get stuck in like a turmoil thing.
B
I think it happens a lot less than you're, you're letting on.
A
Anyway. I just, right, feel that I have done all these things. Things. I have gone scuba diving and not died. I have gone snorkeling. I have gone ziplining. I've gone on a horse and not become a quadriplegic. And it's like, you done it, girl.
B
You lived a full life.
A
You don't need to do it again.
B
Is there anything that you, you have on, like the bucket list or whatever they say that you want to do?
A
One you were talking about. What's summer travel?
B
Yeah, summer travel.
A
So summer travel. I follow a lot of trips. Travel people.
B
Okay.
A
I follow these two girls. Chic. Stay.
B
Okay.
A
And I don't know what they look like or anything because they just do the, the voiceover that's like, got it. So lovely. And, and they're staying at nice places. Yes. And here's a perfect itinerary for my that we just booked for three days in Capri. We go here and here. First you're going to wake up and get your latte at this place. Then you're going to go to. And I just go, oh, my gosh. And it gives me sort of some anxiety because I don't have any plans.
B
You don't.
A
I don't have any plans. And I'm like, time is running out.
B
You better.
A
The world is ending. I know I'm gonna get eaten by a shark. And like, I gotta go. So I gotta go. I, I, I'm gonna start making some plans. But I feel like it's Memorial Day.
B
It's already the summer.
A
I don't know. That's what's stressful.
B
That is you waited a little too long. I mean, I'm sure you could probably still get something.
A
But I mean, I'm also extremely happy to stay in my neighborhood.
B
That's nice, too.
A
I mean, we do have beautiful weather here.
B
Yeah.
A
And that's never going to change. Well, of course it will be because
B
it's going to get pretty warm.
A
Yeah. But I'm saying, like, oh, I like it here, you know, but that's. I don't know, like. And then it's hard. Do you want to do a yacht thing? You want to just stay at a hotel? Do you really? Do you want to make sure that you actually see something, like a real museum?
B
Do you?
A
Do I need to go fly so far away if I'm just gonna be like, frolicking on the beach?
B
Right.
A
Could I frolic on another beach that's closer?
B
Yes.
A
So then I have stress about that.
B
I'm with you on all these.
A
I mean, it's. Of course it's. You know, I'm very lucky person to have this kind of. But it, it really does.
B
Right.
A
And then just seeing everyone else's great time and seeing someone say, who's like 28, that's like, you know what? Every time I go to Italy, I lose weight and feel better. I'm like, how many times have you gone to Italy? I've gone once in my whole life.
B
But you're at the point now where your kids are older and you don't. You could go on vacation where you don't have to. Like, I'm in.
A
What about the Juicy Scoop?
B
Oh, yeah. People. People will wait.
A
They won't.
B
I know. They lose their mind. You take like one week off. Like, what happened? You can go one week without hearing about the fucking girl's ringworm in her throat. Yeah. But it's one of those things where I now have to be every vacation is just constant pool. My daughter gets in that fucking pool at seven o' clock in the morning and never gets out. If there's a body of water anywhere on our vacation, whether it be a river, a dirty creek of ocean pool, we are in it all day. That's.
A
I personally vibe with her because I remember going on a Hawaii trip. First time we ever went to Hawaii.
B
When you were a child.
A
Yes. I was like 12 and my sister was 14 or something and it was December and we went and, you know, my parents had asked every single person in the valley, every client they had, where should we go in Hawaii? We went three islands. So we lost all these days because each day, you know, my dad was like, you know, we have to get the airport. Even though it's like a jumper plane, we're the airport, like, three hours before we have to pack the bags, you know? And then it was like, we have to go to Pearl Harbor. Which, you know, was good. But then he, like, kept missing the off ramp, and my mom was like. And he's like, it. And then the next day, we had to go back to Pearl Harbor. So we lost, like, a whole day. Then we had to go to the Polynesian Culture Center. Then we had to go, like, to the other place. And I remember on actual Christmas, we were in Maui, you know, and the little pool had, like, a water slide or something. And it was beautiful weather that day because it kind of rained a lot, too, which bummed me out. And my sister and I would just watch the video, the hotel video, over and over again because there was, like, no other tv. And my dad thought it was so funny because I memorized it with this lady was like, this is what they call moo Moos. And, like, they were like a movie. And then it was like, sailing Take me. When we would do the whole thing, like, he'd be like, do the commercial again. I'd just be, like, performing for them. Anyway, so one day it was sunny, and that day we didn't have to go anywhere, and we could just enjoy the pool. And you went at all and get the pina coladas. And I said, one day, when I am old enough and rich enough to go on a vacation, I'm going to stay on the lounge chair.
B
That's it.
A
At the hotel. I'm gonna enjoy the pool. I'm gonna enjoy the beach.
B
Right. I'm with you on that. That's what I want. I don't want to do anything. I don't need the museum. I don't want.
A
But then when I do do something like that, like I said, I went to Pompeii, and I loved it. Like, I do think there's some stuff that I want to do.
B
Yeah.
A
Like, but I. When I went to Rome, I didn't even go to the Vatican.
B
Yeah, I mean, you know, you're doing other things. You'll get back.
A
Will I, though?
B
I don't know. I was trying to make you feel better.
A
Where are you going?
B
We go. We have a house in Montauk.
A
So you're doing that like you always do?
B
Yeah.
A
The same house or a different house?
B
A different house, actually. Which I'm kind of excited about. We did all change it up at the other one, so I'm excited about a different house. Yeah, it's gonna. But it's, you know, a lot of just. I'm just a dad who follows my kid around, so. Yeah. It's not like I'm going out to clubs or anything. And those days are over.
A
Right.
B
Yeah. Not that there's any of that anyway. But it is like a scene now more than ever.
A
Yeah.
B
You know, which is both bad and good.
A
Is it bad? Yeah.
B
Well, I mean, it's only on Friday and Saturday, like during the week.
A
And they all. I had a full day party. Okay. Then they. It's like everyone leaves. All the extras leave or whatever they are. And then they're like, are we going out? And then they go out at like 11 at night.
B
Yeah.
A
And party till 2. And I'm like, oh, that happens at the beach. I would have thought it, even though it's young people, that it kind of. I didn't know that it was still. It made me happy to think that there's still a real nightlife.
B
There is out there.
A
Yeah.
B
Yeah. I mean, they just announced it, I think. Fourth of July on July 4th, Snoop Doggs performing in Montauk at Surf. Surf Lodge.
A
Now can you get into there?
B
I have no desire. I mean, I could probably pull a string or two.
A
Dog is from our generation.
B
I know. But also, I feel like he's gonna really half ass it through three songs and get back on his, you know, head back to New York City.
A
Okay.
B
I don't know. I mean, I say yes, but. But that probably starts at like 11:30. And I'm like, I'm out on that 11:30 at night. Yeah.
A
Finally the person comes out.
B
Yeah.
A
Yeah. I don't know how I can get back into going out late at night anymore.
B
I went a couple of years ago to go see Vanilla Ice was performing in Montauk.
A
Yeah.
B
Okay. And everybody. Place was packed. This bar in Montauk. Vanilla Ice was going to go on and I don't know, you remember that he had a song from Ninja Turtles, baby. Oh, he had a song from Ninja Turtles. It was one of his other big hits.
A
Yeah.
B
So they had a bunch of little people dressed like turtles in the bar. They were going to do a whole show when Ice. When Van. I showed up. Oh, really? So they had little people dressed like turtles.
A
Good.
B
About 10 of them. Yeah. Anyway, Vanilla Ice never made it. He never showed up. It's a long way from New York City and He just, he said, I'm not coming. So they got on a microphone, said, vanilla Ice won't be coming.
A
And are the. I know the little people still have like the turtles on their back.
B
Yeah, the little outfit on. They were dressed like turtles.
A
Did they have green on their faces?
B
Yeah, they were turtles.
A
Okay.
B
They were just like turtles. So they decided, well, we're not. We. The gig's over. We're not doing a gig, so let's just have some drinks. And they all had a lot of
A
drinks and they get drunk because they're. They're like. It's like a kid. They have a smaller body. I mean, they're adults, so they build up a resistance, distance.
B
Yeah.
A
Well, I remember when I told you that we went. Do you know what? I'm going to tell you the story. I'm going to tell you.
B
I think so. We. We used to work with a little person. No, we had a lot of run ins.
A
Well, he was sober.
B
Yeah. But I'm saying that we had to do a lot of different things.
A
Yeah, we'd hire little people. Well, the first time I got invited to Lisa Vanderpump's Dog Gala. Yeah, Vanderpump Dog Gala. Peter and I went and we were seated at a table and there were a lot of people I knew there. So I was bouncing around, talking to Lance Bass and seeing other people. Mario Lopez that I knew and stuff. And at our table were these two little women. They were from the show Little Women on tlc. They were a mother, daughter.
B
Got it.
A
And Peter's like, I come back. He's like, like, oh, my God. Like, what. What are you doing? Just leaving me here. And normally he never cares if I leave him. He'll talk to somebody, whatever. But the little people he was with, one of them got so drunk that she puked in her purse at the table.
B
Oh. Oh, no. Really?
A
And then proceeded like she did a puke and rally. Yeah, she proceeded have another drink because it was free and like, like have her second course and just keep going. And he's like, I'm gonna throw up. He's like, I cannot. Like, we have got to, like, go.
B
Well, I. I mean, that's what I saw. I saw. But they were in turtle costumes and they were like hammered, barely standing up, so that. I mean, it was literally like on their backs at the end of the night. Internal costumes. It's.
A
You could like, spin them.
B
Yeah, Like, I saw that.
A
That people always get they people. I remember I went to a holiday party about three years ago and they had little people because, you know, elves or whatever else.
B
Yeah.
A
And they're like, oh, my God. You know, people are like, you better not take a photo with them. You better not post a photo with them. You'll look like, you know, whatever, like, plantation owner or something. I'm like, right, well, what is it? You know, they're making money at this party, and they. This is a time that these little people, if they're actors. Now, some little people are doctors and lawyers and everything else, but if you're an actor, little person, and you do holiday parties on the side, they. You want to be hired. Like, it's kind of like, why are you taking this opportunity away? This is not appropriation. I'm not acting. I'm not getting on my knees.
B
Yeah, right.
A
And acting like a little person and taking a role away, they're the little people, strangely enough.
B
Go back to Chewie, who was on Chelsea. Anyways, the only reason Chewie got the job, basically, in a weird way, was because there was. I used to work on the other show before Chelsea. Layla. Yeah. Chelsea Handler show. And we were gonna hire an assistant to be, like, her assistant, like, first. So we needed a little person.
A
Yeah.
B
That was our joke. And we got a guy named Little Prince Selwyn. That was. He got the part, and he was gonna be the guy. And last minute, he said, I got a job as an elf in a Radio Shack commercial, so I'm out. And we wound up getting Chewy instead. And now he went on to become Chewy. So.
A
And, you know, sometimes an opportunity like that comes and it leads, you know, you never know. Yeah, I think that would be pretty awful for that guy.
B
Yeah.
A
I mean, what was his life like for the next seven years? Every time he'd see an E thing or a billboard, and he's like. Like, I can't believe I chose the wrong thing.
B
The Radio Shack commercial.
A
Now, maybe he wouldn't have lasted the seven years.
B
Maybe he wouldn't have hit all the things, and he wasn't. He wouldn't have hit it all. Yeah.
A
But still, he was the first.
B
Yeah. Chewy had a pretty good. He was good at what he did
A
of, like, you know, choosing. There's been a few things like that in this business where it's like, oh, my God, like, there was a job right when I was going out for two, right before Chelsea, lately a job on, like, bet, Like, a BET comedy show. And I was up for that, and I was really bummed I didn't get it. And I always thought, what if I'd gotten that, then had to turn down Chelsea lately and then never like, got back.
B
That's the way I look at my lost passport. You know, it happened for a reason. Who knows what would have. Maybe would have drowned in Cabo. Who knows?
A
Was there anything. So then when you're trying to make lemonade out of it. Well, yeah, you're trying to make lemonade. Are you? Were you like. Well, I'm glad we don't have to get on plane. Well, I'm glad we didn't have to go through customers. Was part of you hoping to open the weather for Cabo and see that there was a hurricane?
B
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
A
That's like what would have mean?
B
I mean, I didn't want S. John to die. Yeah.
A
You don't want them to have a bad time.
B
Yeah. Everybody else could have died. That's fine.
A
Not died, but like, you know, what if they. This is the thing. If there wasn't another couple that you're close to that you were going to enjoy to have fun with, if it was just the two of you going to the hotel and you lost the passport, then you're definitely hoping for fighting out. Cartel invaded the hotel.
B
Yeah.
A
There was a shark attack.
B
Unfortunately, none of that happened. It was a perfect weekend and everybody had a great time. But I was down in Laguna beach, which I got to see a little of that. I never been there before, so I got to see like the weird. All the art galleries, all that. No, I went to like some place called the dock because I heard it was like a, you know, the scene.
A
Oh, yeah.
B
So I got to see like Laguna beach scene where it just a bunch of people trying to each other. Oh, it is like 40. A bunch of 52 year old people trying to each other.
A
I'd say the people watch.
B
Oh, it's great.
A
In Newport. Laguna at a cini place.
B
That's what this was.
A
Such a good time.
B
Oh, it was amazing. We, my wife and I were sitting
A
there because there's a lot of older dudes.
B
Yeah.
A
And that are douche. That are looking for the third wife.
B
Third. They say it. We were listening. We were overhearing some of it.
A
Yeah.
B
And that's exactly what they're saying. You know, this wife hates me. That one. Hey. My kids hate that wife. But now I'm here on a Saturday
A
and then the girls are like looking for a daddy.
B
They were. They were all of. Of the same age. There was no, like young.
A
Oh, okay. All right.
B
Seemed like that scene.
A
Yeah.
B
You know, it was fun.
A
I love it. I love it down there. It's better. I have to once it. But it gets gloomy. It's like gloomy to like July a little bit.
B
Yeah.
A
Or breaks out later in the day.
B
Right? Yeah.
A
So I like it like hot and fun. Well, Chris, I. I'm so glad your marriage made it.
B
Me too.
A
I know you're gonna find it and I need you to tell me where you find it.
B
I will.
A
It is going to be in some pocket or some extra piece of luggage or some. Something that you didn't think.
B
Yeah, I can't.
A
But I'm telling you, I don't think it's gone.
B
Okay.
A
I just don't think it's gone.
B
All right, well, I'll. I'll let you know.
A
Because I think if you would have left it in a hotel.
B
Yeah.
A
If you would have left it in a rent a car, they would have called you.
B
Yeah. But passports are weird. You know, people want them for different reasons. So I, you know, I. I don't. Maybe there was that. I don't know.
A
I don't know.
B
Yeah.
A
Well, when is the new one coming?
B
So I'm in the process. You know, we're gonna get it pretty quickly, I think. I don't. I don't have any international travel coming off, so I'm good.
A
You know, we don't.
B
I just help Nashville Zane, he's coming up this weekend. Nashville Zany's this Friday and Saturday night I'm at. I'm in Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville. Zany's in the lab. The little room on the side, the lab. So come on down.
A
Very, very fun. Are you gonna do anything fun in the day?
B
I love Nashville so much. I can't wait. So I'm looking excited about that. Nashville Zany's staying at the little condo that they have like behind it. And it's always a good time. Funny bone. Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. My only time in Ohio this year. Columbus, Thursday, June 4th. That's where I'm going. Then I'm going to see no Doubt in Las Vegas.
A
Oh, great.
B
You did it, right?
A
Yeah.
B
Then I'm in Cap City. Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas, the 11th of June. Fort Worth, Texas, the 12th and 13th of June. Hyenas.
A
And then I'm gonna do a little. You're gonna drive?
B
I think I'm gonna drive.
A
Remember we screwed up last year? Yeah.
B
And then I'm in a Mohican sun comics. Mohican sun in Uncansville. What is that? Connecticut? Connecticut. 25th, 26th, 27th of June, frangola.fun has everything. The podcast will all cover to cover and come out and see me live.
A
Absolutely. Everyone that sees Chris, they just, just. They're always in the Juicy scoop. One more thing.
B
Oh, my God, yes. One more thing. I brought a summer hat to show you.
A
Oh, please do.
B
Because every year I bring something to show off my summer look.
A
Right now your hair is a great length.
B
Is it perfect?
A
It's pretty cute.
B
Yeah.
A
And let's see it now. You're entering a new decade of life.
B
I'm entering a new decade. I know. Shockingly 60 years old.
A
You look amazing.
B
I mean, you know, whatever. Okay.
A
Why are we doing this?
B
Oh, you're gonna see. It's a whole thing. Are you ready?
A
Okay. He's got a bandana, everybody.
B
I know, but here's what. Okay, here, I'm showing you a look for the summer. This is for everybody.
A
Okay. Everyone can steal this look. This works for everyone.
B
You can steal the look. Okay. This is going to be the look that everyone's going for this year.
A
Okay.
B
Okay.
A
Okay.
B
They're everywhere.
A
I, I.
B
Okay, now, not just me, they're everywhere.
A
Okay.
B
Okay. That. This is first. Okay, okay. Okay. Ready? There's more.
A
Okay.
B
Okay, hold on now. I'm gonna give you two.
A
Okay, okay.
B
Hold on. Okay, now go ahead.
A
First, now the shape of these glasses.
B
Okay. I'm not married to these.
A
Okay. Everybody has those. A lot of women have them. They wear them all day long.
B
Okay. Okay.
A
I have not gotten on that wagon. I would like to see how they look on me.
B
Absolutely.
A
Because I feel like it's.
B
I think they look great.
A
Really?
B
Yeah.
A
All right. I mean, they are, like, the more in style. I still stick with my look. You know, I don't change my hair. I don't change my glasses.
B
Right.
A
Okay.
B
Okay. Now this is just another eyeglass look, because these are th.
A
Those are always good. Let me see the. The hip ones on again.
B
My wife rejected these in Laguna Beach. She said, no, that's. That's too much. You're too much.
A
Can I see the glasses without the hat?
B
Yeah, well, of course. That's. That's a whole different thing, but I gotta wear a hat.
A
Okay. I will say, you know, you don't want to get skin cancer. I will say with the hat. I don't like the hipster glasses without the hat. I think the hipster glasses are a cool, different look.
B
Yeah.
A
Yeah, those are better.
B
Yeah. Okay.
A
I'm. I still feel like the hat, like, curls up too much.
B
That's part.
A
I know. That's the look.
B
It's part of the look. Cuz if it goes down.
A
How much was that?
B
Then you're a different guy.
A
Then you're. Then you're a woman.
B
Yeah. Then you're. Exactly. Now I'm. Now I'm Martha Stewart. The thing is, you want to look as much like Cracker Jack as possible, you know, so you want to have the. This is. I'm. I'm. I'm kind of kidding with this, but I'm not.
A
Not. I don't think that looks bad. That little handkerchief thing. First when you came out, I thought you were doing like colors. It was like a gang member.
B
No, no, no. You do it like this.
A
Okay.
B
You know, and you. What a day, huh?
A
Yeah.
B
Having fun.
A
Oh. Oh. Cuz it's.
B
So this would be me if I was on Summer House.
A
Yeah.
B
Hey, man, we're all going to go out after this.
A
I knew some. Sometimes these looks, I'm just like. Like the giant jeans. The giant jeans on a girl only looks good.
B
Yeah.
A
If you have the flattest, skinniest, tiniest waist.
B
Oh, yeah.
A
And you have to show that off.
B
Right.
A
Otherwise.
B
Okay.
A
You'll just look like a giant person.
B
Yeah.
A
There's just these looks that I'm like. I'm just gonna wait for that to, like, go out of style or come back or whatever. All right, I like it.
B
Thank you. All right, that's it.
A
I think we're okay with this. Does she. Does the wife like the hat?
B
Hat? She likes the hat. Yeah, she likes the hat. You know, it's not her favorite, but I have to wear hats, you know? Yeah, yeah, everyone has to wear hats now. That's what they tell you. This. Everything that was fun 20 years ago is now killing you.
A
You mean the sun?
B
The sun, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything. Drinking the sun, everything. Everything that was fun. Everything is going to kill you.
A
Giving porn stars blow jobs, you get ringworm in your throat, then you have to talk about it on a podcast. Yeah. Like, that's what I was saying about Khloe Kardashian.
B
Right.
A
So she has a podcast, of course. And you know, she does very well on it and thought she was being vulnerable and telling a parenting moment, but she said that her three year old son, who's very cute, they got invited to her best friend's son's kindergarten party.
B
Yeah.
A
It sounded like it might have been at the patio on Cast in Casalita.
B
Okay, okay.
A
Where my juicy scoop cocktail is still there, everyone. Anyway, so he said, I don't want to go to this party today. He's three. And she's like, you gotta go. It's whatever the little boy's name is. And he goes, well, if I. If I go, like, I'm not gonna be good. And she was like, whatever. So she takes him there, and from the moment he gets there, it's like she said, it's like the Tasmanian Devil. He's running around, he's trying to ruin the balloon display, and. And, you know, almost ran to the cake. She blocked him. She had, like, you know, three other kids with her, you know, and so she luckily called the nanny, who happened to be around, and she was like, do you have the car seat? Just come get him. Like, he's gotta leave. And so she's laughing about it, and she's like, well, he told me he wasn't gonna be good. He wasn't. Well, of course, the Internet goes crazy, you know, criticizing her, criticizing him, how rude he was. How could he try to ruin the kindergarten party? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Then Malika's like, hey, like, she did the right thing. She removed him. He was a three year old. He's a toddler. But what I took from the whole thing is, even though they put their kids on TV and all this other stuff, I think people don't realize with podcasting, if you have a minor child, you better watch the stories you tell about them without their consent.
B
Yeah.
A
Because now all these people think he's, like, a total spoiled brat.
B
Yeah.
A
Who would ruin a kid's party. And if she. I don't think she'll ever tell another unflattering story about him. So I'm glad the lesson got learned, but I'm like, yeah, just. Would someone maybe be like, we don't need Chloe's kids at our fancy school. Yeah, like. Like, you know what I mean? Those kind of things. But I just think people run out of stories, and then they're like, they don't think about that. But I remember when Drake was little and I went to this parenting class, and they said if they're ever being a brat, you, like, give them a warning. And then you have to leave. Even if you're having a good time.
B
Yeah. Okay.
A
You have to leave, you know, and sometimes you're having a good time.
B
Wow.
A
We went to a party and he was a real dick about Thomas the Train. He just.
B
Just, wow.
A
Drakey do it, like, doing this train thing, and I go, stop it. We're gonna leave. We're gonna leave. And then we left. And I'm telling you, I know. I'm telling you I could bring this up.
B
Yeah.
A
For like three years. I could be like remember what happened at Mikey's party or whatever and he'd be like okay, yeah. And he'd remember.
B
Right?
A
That's my lesson. Let's see. Look, I told it but I told it when he's old enough.
B
Yeah.
A
And if he wants you can. Cut it out, Drake. You know what people to know that
B
you were unfortunately my daughter's an angel, so.
A
Well Chris, you look adorable for the summer and we will see you again back here soon. Everyone go to Frangola Fun Franjola fun for all those dates and you get tickets and all of that meet and greets and of course I'm@heathermcdonald.net join my patreon. Thank you. And make sure you subscribe to the YouTube and also for the juicy crimes which is on YouTube as well. Thank you.
Release Date: May 28, 2026
Guests: Chris Franjola
Podcast Host: Heather McDonald
Platform: Studio71
This episode of Juicy Scoop dives into a mix of hilarious personal mishaps, pop culture drama (with a heavy Bravo/“Summer House” focus), reflections on celebrity roasts, and sharp observations about everything from wellness trends to vacation FOMO. Comedian Chris Franjola joins long-time friend Heather McDonald for a signature mash-up of juicy stories, reality TV gossip, and candid advice that will entertain both loyal listeners and newcomers.
[03:29 – 11:39]
Memorable Moment:
[12:29 – 20:44]
Notable Quote:
[26:27 – 36:47]
Notable Moment:
[47:54 – 55:29]
[56:13 – 60:53]
[65:10 – 70:33]
[79:00 – 85:47]
[95:31 – 98:54]
Chris on vacation disasters:
“I felt like shit. I felt like I let everybody down... I would have prayed at that point for a bear to come and just eat my fucking head off.” [07:21]
Heather on Summer House and scandal PR:
“If I was her, I would be screwing West... then I’d be like, I’m pregnant! And then they’d be like, ew, you’re pregnant? And I’d be like, excuse me, Lindsay, you got pregnant with a guy you dated for two months." [19:02]
On Podcasting Reality:
“Don’t you feel like the secret to podcasting, which nobody is mentioning, is the fact that it’s easy?” [48:05] – Chris
“Yeah, the reason you made it to 17 years is because you’re not doing a podcast together.” [55:29] – Heather
On Roast Regret:
“They were just like, what is happening? Like, this is not what we... I was so mortified when it was over because I don’t think anybody signed up. I think they signed up for a cute roast.” [34:09] – Chris
The episode is fast-paced, witty, and irreverent—true to Juicy Scoop’s trademark. Heather's and Chris’s chemistry keeps the dialogue sharp, self-deprecating, and relatable. Topics transition seamlessly from silly to serious, always anchored by pop culture references and honest observations.
If you love behind-the-scenes Hollywood gossip, reality TV snark, hilarious parental confessions, and comedy war stories—with a dose of fashion and wellness hot takes—this episode delivers. Chris Franjola’s “roast regret” and lost passport saga, plus Heather’s uncanny pop culture instincts and unapologetic advice, make this another classic Juicy Scoop.
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