Bottled Up Trauma with Lindsie Chrisley

Summary

Podcast Summary: Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Episode: Bottled Up Trauma with Lindsay Chrisley
Release Date: November 26, 2024

In this emotionally charged episode of Karma & Chaos, hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter welcome reality TV personality Lindsay Chrisley as a guest. The conversation delves deep into personal traumas, family dynamics, and the complexities of maintaining relationships amidst past conflicts.

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1. Introduction & Unveiling Past Conflicts (00:41 - 07:00)

The episode kicks off with an unexpected confrontation as Lindsay Chrisley addresses past grievances with Kailyn and Becky. Lindsay feels hurt by instances where she believes the hosts spoke negatively about her on their podcast without her awareness.

Notable Quotes:

• Lindsay Chrisley (03:00): "You guys talk shit on me on your podcast while we weren't friends."
• Kailyn Lowry (06:05): "I don't think there was a better way to handle the situation."

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2. Lindsay's Journey with Reality TV and Family (07:00 - 25:00)

Lindsay shares her experiences growing up in a complex family structure, highlighting her father's role in the reality show Chrisley Knows Best. She discusses the challenges of being the eldest daughter, the impact of her parents' divorce, and her estrangement from her mother.

Notable Quotes:

• Lindsay Chrisley (11:08): "I never thought that healthy relationships are boring... People often say, I don't even love this person, I don't feel anything."
• Becky Hayter (20:11): "It was a very produced version of reality TV."

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3. Navigating Trauma and Personal Growth (25:00 - 43:00)

The discussion shifts to how past traumas have shaped Lindsay and Becky's current lives. Lindsay emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive people to overcome personal struggles, while Becky reflects on her own coping mechanisms and the influence of her upbringing on her motherhood.

Notable Quotes:

• Lindsay Chrisley (34:40): "What peace looks like for them, I want that for them. And what peace looks like for me, I want that for me."
• Becky Hayter (33:52): "I have never known like a non-chaotic love... I would never stop him from being able to [see Jackson]."

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4. The Impact of Family Dynamics on Parenting (43:00 - 67:00)

Lindsay and Becky delve into how their childhood experiences influence their parenting styles. Becky discusses her efforts to provide a stable environment for her child, contrasting it with her own upbringing marked by instability and limited parental support.

Notable Quotes:

• Becky Hayter (63:29): "I have to look back on it now and had I made the wrong decision, then I would be blaming myself."
• Lindsay Chrisley (65:06): "I want to see other people experience that [loving relationship], too, because I think everyone deserves that."

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5. Healing and Moving Forward (67:00 - 72:50)

As the conversation progresses, Lindsay encourages Becky to explore healing her past traumas to foster healthier relationships. Both hosts express their emotional responses to discussing these deep-seated issues, highlighting the vulnerability of the episode.

Notable Quotes:

• Lindsay Chrisley (72:15): "I just want to see other people experience that [loving relationship], too... This isn't the end."
• Becky Hayter (72:25): "I feel like there's so many layers... I want peace for myself and everyone else."

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6. Light-Hearted Segment: “Marry, Fuck, Kill” Game (72:50 - 73:47)

To lighten the intense discussion, the trio engages in the classic "Marry, Fuck, Kill" game. They joke about their choices, showcasing the enduring friendship and camaraderie despite past conflicts.

Notable Quotes:

• Becky Hayter (71:58): "I'm going to marry Lindsay, kill Becky."
• Lindsay Chrisley (69:30): "I came into this episode fully expecting it to be an entire podcast full of sunshine, rainbows, and me convincing Lindsay to be a lesbian. And so I'm not disappointed..."

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Conclusion

This episode of Karma & Chaos offers a raw and unfiltered look into the personal lives of its hosts and guests. By addressing bottled-up traumas and unresolved conflicts, Kail Lowry, Becky Hayter, and Lindsay Chrisley provide listeners with a candid exploration of healing, growth, and the intricate web of human relationships.

Recommended for listeners interested in:

• Personal growth and overcoming trauma
• Family dynamics and their impact on adulthood
• Real-life conversations about mental health and relationships

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Notable Timestamps for Key Moments:

• 03:00: Lindsay addresses past podcast grievances.
• 11:08: Lindsay discusses her views on healthy relationships.
• 25:00: Transition to trauma and personal growth.
• 43:00: Influence of family on parenting styles.
• 67:00: Encouragement for healing and moving forward.

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Thank you for tuning into Karma & Chaos. For more engaging and heartfelt conversations, subscribe and follow us on your favorite podcast platform.

Transcript

[Kailyn Lowry]

With the five dollar meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece McNuggets.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That's a lot of McDonald's for not.

[Kailyn Lowry]

A lot of money. Price and participation may vary. For a limited time only.

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[Kailyn Lowry]

Welcome to the show, Lindsay Chrisley.

[Becky H.]

So what's this about?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It is the first time I've. I'm meeting her though, in the trip. Yeah, right.

[Kailyn Lowry]

But this podcast is not the first time that you're meeting her.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, I met her yesterday.

[Kailyn Lowry]

In fact, they slept together.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

We did.

[Becky H.]

We didn't.

[Kailyn Lowry]

In a buck bed. In a.

[Becky H.]

We did not.

[Kailyn Lowry]

She was on the bottom. She's on the top.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Camera turns on and the vibes turn quick.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You know what? I. I don't know. What? How I feel about that. I don't know how I feel about this friendship right here.

[Becky H.]

Why? You're jealous of it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I. The fact that Alessandra is behind the camera and saying she's jealous. Y'all said that in unison. I would not call it jealousy.

[Becky H.]

Well, it kind of looks like it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh. It's called possessiveness.

[Becky H.]

What are you possessive of?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't know.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Me?

[Becky H.]

No. Let's get into it. What are you.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Let's get into you. Because that's what we're here for, is to have you on karma and chaos.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky H.]

I thought this was like a two way street.

[Kailyn Lowry]

It's not. I know that you are used to being a host, but you are the guest on this particular situation.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. And. And good thing I know nothing about you.

[Becky H.]

Oh, yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I love that. And so it gives me the opportunity to ask invasive questions that I normally wouldn't ask because you're in the hot seat.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You're on the spotlight.

[Becky H.]

Let's go.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay.

[Becky H.]

Where are we going? Are we going to get drinks after this?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm not.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think there's drinks and we should get some drinks flowing, but we should have them here.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't want to go anywhere.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What do you want to know?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

There's a lot that I'd like to know about you.

[Becky H.]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

First and foremost is what do you hate most about Kale?

[Kailyn Lowry]

That is not where I saw this going. I thought you were going to say like, oh, how did we meet, like, anything like that? Well. And like, who is Lindsay Chrisley Outside?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Actually, you know, I'm just going to go. I'm going to just start where I want to start. Okay. You guys talk shit on me on your podcast while we weren't friends. Oh, did we? Yeah. And I don't recall because it was sent to me.

[Becky H.]

I mean, I always co sign her bullshit and she co signs mine.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So someone sent me the clip of you guys talking shit about me.

[Becky H.]

Well, who was that?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I'm not gonna.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I personally don't think it was talking shit. I was working through some.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I would like. I would like to walk through the situation because the way that you guys spoke through it, I don't think took into mind my position.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay, okay, okay, let's hear it out.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So you guys talk shit about me texting Kale.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Define it, because was it talking or was it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You guys were saying that basically that I was. I used you, which wasn't the case.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That is not what I said.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes, it was. It was something along those lines.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yes, it was something along those lines, but I didn't say those words exactly. I was working through the fact that I never really thought that until it was spoken to me and said to me, and then I really started feeling that way.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay, so here's the situation for all of those listening to put out the situation, and then we all can say who was wrong.

[Becky H.]

Okay, is that who's. Who's all of us can say? Because it's me and Kale against you. The loyalty.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

The loyalty is there for now. You'll be on this side soon.

[Becky H.]

Okay, so tell us. Tell us what we did.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So the situation was five years ago, Kayla and I were going to start a podcast together.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh, no, the podcast was going to start way before that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So it's like longer than five, longer.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Than five years ago. We created. I built a website, I built our branding, we built an Instagram, launched the idea concept of podcast. The Instagram got followers on it. And then for the past, at the time, four years, it just sat there. Didn't do anything with it, but it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Had a nice following.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, it had like 20,000 followers on it, but it just sat. It was. There was nothing to do with it. And so at the time, I was a part of a startup and I was like, oh, why don't I just use that? Like, it's just sitting there. It's been there for four years. And then I was like, I can't just use it because I wouldn't feel Good about myself. If I didn't bring it up to Kale, to her have an opportunity to tell me not to. Right. So I thought I was doing the right thing by texting you and saying, hey, this is the situation. Hope you're doing well. I know that, like, we hadn't talked in four years. I'm starting a company. Let me know if this is an issue. And you never answered, so I switched it over.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh, did you?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky H.]

Well, Kale changed her number also, like, seven times.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

She read it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I got the message.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, you guys talked about the message on your podcast.

[Becky H.]

I don't remember this.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I. I vaguely remember it, but I. Once you finish, I. I have some things. Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so I switched it over. She never responded. I sent. Because I texted her. It didn't go through, so I sent it on Instagram. I saw. I see red, so I know that she got it. I did my. My part in giving you the opportunity to tell me. No, that, like, I want ownership of it or whatever it is. And then months, a month or two later, I get a text. It's like, looks like someone's talking about you on their podcast. And I said, what the. I did. I don't know how else I could have handled that situation better, but what.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't think there was a better way to handle the situation. I don't think that there was.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And then y'all were talking on me, and you're like, well, what did we say?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Here's the thing.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I know who it was. What?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh, you knew who it was that I was. Oh, Because I didn't say your name.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I know you didn't.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh, okay. But so now people know that I was talking about you. The thing is that I don't think that it was a month or two after. I think it was, like, actually significantly way longer after.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, because the. I only was with them for a little bit, and the Instagram was only active for a couple months.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So I think it was, like, a couple months after.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay. Because I didn't know if I should respond. And at the time that my team, like, I was trying to, like, process that, they told me not to respond. Okay. I didn't talk. I was just.

[Crowd Voice]

Yeah, you said I used you.

[Kailyn Lowry]

To be fair, that was what was being said to me. I never questioned your loyalty, and I never thought you were using me. People this.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You said something like, yeah, that sounds like something she would do.

[Kailyn Lowry]

This particular person had been saying things about you to me our entire friendship. And then when.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Hearsay.

[Kailyn Lowry]

When we had our falling out and everything transpired, and then that occurred. I felt like I was ignoring the red flags that that person was trying to point out to me for a long time.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I guess that's fair.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But I just felt like I. I.

[Becky H.]

Was just talking out of my ass. I'm sorry.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Absolutely. I think that she was just co signing my. Yeah, but to be fair, I mean, I don't think that you personally, I don't think that was. You weren't doing anything wrong. Okay. I just didn't know how to work through it. And I also was, like, hearing one thing, feeling another.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay, okay, enough about the situation.

[Becky H.]

Water on the bridge. Apologizing to Becky for co signing Kayl's bullshit and talking about shit I didn't know shit about.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, I don't think you talked shit at all.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes, she did.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What did she say?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It hurt my feelings. I said to myself, I never did know. I said, I never did anything to Lindsay.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You didn't say anything.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, I bet I could find the clip right now.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Please don't.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, we don't need to bring up. Okay. Anywho. What.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What do you want to know about Lindsay?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I want to know how many siblings do you have?

[Becky H.]

Five. Actually, I don't. I have four. I'm one of five.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, you're not. Your mom has other kids.

[Becky H.]

I know, but you have, like, a hundred. I know. So my parents are divorced.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay.

[Becky H.]

I have one fully biological sibling. My dad got remarried, had three other kids.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky H.]

My mom got remarried, had two other children.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Do you not consider your mom's other kids your siblings?

[Becky H.]

I do, but I was not raised in the same home as them.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay. So it raised a little bit of a disconnect.

[Becky H.]

A little bit.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So you do have more siblings.

[Becky H.]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Interesting. Do you have a relationship with any of them?

[Becky H.]

No.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

What do you do for the holidays?

[Becky H.]

Whatever I want.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Do you want to come spend them with me?

[Becky H.]

Yeah. You going to come spend them with me? The level of possessive that Kale is is, like, borderline terrifying.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

This is. This is your first time seeing Kale and I interact together.

[Becky H.]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Do you get the lore about it?

[Becky H.]

Do I get the do what lore? Are you trying to make up a word?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Probably Becky. Becky has a really good way of, like, sounding smart when it's not correct. And I never correct her on it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay.

[Kailyn Lowry]

It's sort of like me when I said addicted, and it was like I was 10 toes down on that, and.

[Becky H.]

I just let it ride also.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So, like, the lore. She means like, do you get why we play into what people think they see and what they actually don't see.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Or is a word.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, it is, but I just didn't.

[Becky H.]

Know what it meant.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Really? Yeah. So just like, the. The illusion.

[Becky H.]

Yes, I do. I get it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay, cool.

[Becky H.]

And I also am pissed off that y'all were not friends for, like, five years. Our lives could have looked completely different.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, so when we talked to Macy yesterday, she told us too. She was like, I'm. I was really upset about that friendship, like, dissolving.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I. I honestly think that what the rest of our lives is going to look like is going to be significantly better that we weren't friends the past five years. I wouldn't be as good of a person. I am, no offense. If I was still around her for the, like, when I didn't leave, like, I don't even know if I still would have been with Leah. Right. Like, I think that there would have just been so much other things that affected my life that it wouldn't have navigated this way. And I. I really. Even this weekend, I think it's brought out a lot of the possibilities of what can happen. And even my respect towards you, my respect towards you as a person is. I don't think it would have been there five years ago.

[Becky H.]

Right? Really?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. Because, like, you've grown over the past five years. You're not who I thought you would be. And even in conversation, like, I've valued and enjoyed the conversations with you. I've even. I told you, I texted Leah, like, five times. Like, wow, can't believe how much I like Lindsay. We're completely different people. And so you would never think that we would be able to engage in a conversation like, we do.

[Becky H.]

Wait, what did you think about me?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I don't know. I guess that, yeah, like, not a bitch, but there's this, you know, preconceived idea of, like, a blonde girl from the South. Right. You grew up in a Southern family. I'm a queer person from New Jersey. Right. Who would think that the two of us in a singular room would have anything to talk about?

[Becky H.]

Becky and I had the most to talk about.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, no, we've been just giggling.

[Kailyn Lowry]

The same can be said, I think, for Lindsay and myself. Like, nobody pictured us to be.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No.

[Kailyn Lowry]

To work together. And I think that they're. They're. We should acknowledge that, because I think that Lindsay is not what is perceived by some people.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And no, if. I mean, this can, I guess, be taken offensive, but I think for either of you, I wouldn't think that you would have such like a business savvy mindset and have the ability to look at things from a business perspective. Right. You make decisions based on a business perspective and the both of you value the things that you've built and from a business mind. And I wouldn't have expected to have be in that conversation.

[Becky H.]

Did you think we were dumb?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Not dumb, but airhead. Kale before was a very.

[Kailyn Lowry]

How did this get flipped on me? This is an interview with Lindsay Chrisley.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, but Kale before was a very. You do it for me. I don't want to do it. And Kale now is a give me.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Do it for me and I don't want to do it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, you're a very. Give me a list of everything I need to do and I'm going to do it. And like, I've seen that just from being around you and just your conversation yesterday, the you knowing your needs and you knowing what you need from a business perspective. I wouldn't have imagined being in a conversation around the two of you like.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That part of that is me being with Lindsay because Lindsay has, since the day I've known Lindsay has been a very direct person and very clear in what she wants, how she wants it and what her expectations are. And I've always been a people pleaser. And so in that way, only recently, since 2017, like I'm talking within the last two years, have I. Not even the last two years, the last year, have actually applied some of what she's saying and what she does to. And Alessandra and I had a conversation about this on this trip where it's like, okay, if I say something to you that is business related or something just constructive, just anything. I'm going to come to you, I'm going to be direct about it and she's going to come to me and be direct about it. And we're not going to take it offensively because we are so used to being people pleasers. Lindsay is not necessarily that way. She knows exactly what she wants and how to say it. And it doesn't. Like she doesn't care if she hurts your feelings in that way, respectful way. Because that is not the point.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

The point is. No. Nobody's feelings are supposed to get hurt. It's that she knows what it is she's looking for.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky H.]

Yeah. It's not about feelings to me.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. But most people don't have those thought processes. Right. Most people aren't thinking forward from a business perspective. They're just thinking forward from, like, what's next for me, not what's next for us perspective, Right? And just the conversations I've been around wouldn't have been what I would expect to walk into being around the two of you. It's a breath of fresh air because for, like, someone like me, I've spent my entire life building the people that surround me of great people, people smarter than me, people I can learn and grow from. And I can add you guys to that list. Right? Like, I'm not putting myself in a position like I was before, surrounding myself with you and the people around you that made me a worse person. Right. I can tell by being around you guys already just from this weekend that I'm going to be a better person, you know, when I walk away from this. So the outlook of what this could look like is a lot different than the outlook if I was here five years ago.

[Kailyn Lowry]

All right.

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

Two more.

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[Becky H.]

I have a question for you. Do you think that I am the typical oldest child? Like, do I fall into the stereotype?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think you give only child.

[Becky H.]

I always wanted to be an only child. Can we talk about it?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I hated being an only child. I literally child.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, you're scary. Like, you're like your aura is scary.

[Becky H.]

Why?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Because you're direct. You know what you want, you don't take. And people think it's the opposite. Like people. I would go out on a limb and say that people think that that's me, but that's you. Like, you are very direct, clear, concise, all of the things and that can be. I don't think scary is the right word. It's intimidating. I think that people are a little bit. Yeah, like a little bit of afraid of strong minded women like you.

[Becky H.]

I think I should have been an only child.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Have you ever told Todd that?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So blunt. You're so like, so blunt. That's what I think I appreciate about you.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You've never told Todd that. What do you.

[Becky H.]

I thought you said if I ever talked about that, I was like, no. Like, not publicly, but yes, if I ever said that to my dad. 100. Why did you keep doing this?

[Kailyn Lowry]

You're like you. You did perfection one time.

[Becky H.]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What was his reaction to that?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Did you pen palate to him?

[Becky H.]

No.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh, this person pals. Does he have an iPad in prison?

[Becky H.]

No, I don't think so. I don't know.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Do you talk to him?

[Becky H.]

We don't talk.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No.

[Becky H.]

So I don't. I don't know anything about that. But yes, I have told him many a times. Like, why could I have not been an only child? Like, if I would have been an only child, I guaranteed would have gone to an Ivy League school. I would have been an attorney and I would just be like traveling the world and I would be like a world traveler.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You don't even want to leave the country now.

[Becky H.]

I would with my parents. Okay, but I'm not doing that with you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Why?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm.

[Becky H.]

Because she's scary.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So the one thing that all three of us have in common sitting in this room is that in one way or another, we don't have a dad. Right. Your dad is dead. Mine is a dead beat, and yours is in prison. So.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, I'm just curious about. Right. Like, what was your relationship with him growing up? Did you have a relationship with him? I know you just said you don't.

[Becky H.]

I was a favorite child for a long time, and then when the show started, that took a shift, and I think that it probably was reality TV that made that shift, just from the dynamic of how they set the show up.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Can I ask a question? Just for the picture? I never watched the show, so what was the show based? Like, why were they filming you guys? Why did you get.

[Becky H.]

Didn't you. I don't.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Why did you get picked that there was cameras in the house?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't know what the. What the selection process was, but the. The basis of the show was very. It was not a docu series, in my opinion. I don't know if that's how they. They marketed it.

[Becky H.]

They said it was.

[Kailyn Lowry]

They said it was a docu series, in my opinion. It felt. And this is no shade to anyone because I actually liked watching the show was just that it was more of a produced version of reality tv. And there are levels to the production in reality TV or the levels of producing to reality tv. Teen mom was very limited, limited producing, where I think based on what I know and what I've seen, I think Chrisley Knows Best was more of a produced reality.

[Becky H.]

It was a full production, and it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Was just a show based on your family, and that was it. The lives that you lived, and a.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Lot of humor, a lot of southern values. The dynamic between the family members, too, is like, you know, Nanny Faye was a huge part of that show. And the dynamic between Todd and his mom and the family, you know, humor and just all kinds of. Of things. Is growing up in a very wealthy home.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Was your dad wealthy from inheritance or was he wealthy? He grew wealth himself.

[Becky H.]

Yes. He grew wealth himself.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh.

[Becky H.]

His parents were textile factory workers. He grew up in a very, very small town. And from everything that I can remember for, like, as long as I can remember back, he always said that he wanted to leave, like, where he grew up because it wasn't big enough. And so we made the move to Atlanta. He got into real estate, made a couple of companies, made a couple million dollars. And then when I was a freshman or sophomore in college was when he was approached for the TV show, he had met someone in reality tv. That pitch shows at New York Fashion Week. And that's how it came about. And they were like, hey, let's do this sizzle reel, whatever. And it'll. It'll be like seven days worth of work. And we'll pitch it out to networks like, no harm, no foul if, like nothing happens. And then there was a lot of offers that came back. I think it was pitched to nine networks and there was eight offers that came back. And so immediately I just feel like I was already out of the house and had already been married, had Jackson, my other brother, had a daughter that is on the show because my parents raised my brother's daughter. She was born 45 days before my son. There was a little bit of conflict in that because I felt like I had done what I felt like was all the right things, right? Like, I had put myself through school, got my degree, got married, bought a house, had a baby. And then my brother on a one night stand goes out, has this baby, is not raising. It comes 45 days before my child. And it just felt like a robbery to me. And that's something that I definitely struggled with. And so the combination of like, not wanting to work with him and then the other kids still being in the house, it made it easier for them to be bigger parts of the show because I had to go to my parents house to film because that was like the home base of the show was in their home. And so it felt much more contrived for what I was participating in because the cameras weren't in the home that I was living in unless I approved that they could film at my house. And so there was just a disconnect from the time that the show started. I was estranged from my dad through college. He didn't agree with the lifestyle that I was living and, you know, to each their own. But premarital sex was not a thing that was condoned in my raising. And I had sex with my college boyfriend, ended up moving in with him because my parents owned where I lived. And they said that there would be no premarital sex under a roof that they paid for. And so I had to make the hard choice if I want to stay in school and I also want to stay with him. I don't have a choice, like, I have to leave and I have to do this on my own. So I did. And I was not reached out to until it came time for the sizzle reel. And then I was reached out to and asked if I would be willing to participate and said sizzle reel. And so I did. And I didn't like the direction of where the show was going because I had already been married and was already six months pregnant by the time this sizzle reel came around. And I had to lie about that when I was filming for the Sizzle, because my dad's whole point, he went straight into producer mode. He was like, okay, if we do this is a real. And a production company, like, wants this, we're going to get a season one. So I want to stockpile, like, all of the things that could be potentially, like, good storylines for season one. I want to stockpile those. So I just felt like what was going on in the sizzle was not like my real life, and I didn't like that. And then there was already, like, the disconnect of me being outside of the house, having my own family. My husband wasn't a part of it. I was pregnant. It was just, like, crazy. And so I just think that the gap continued to get wider as the show went on longer.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think Lindsay very much had, what is it called, eldest daughter syndrome. Lindsay was very much like a mother to her younger siblings, the parentified eldest daughter. What's interesting here is Lindsay is the oldest of five siblings and Becky is the youngest of five siblings. And I could imagine that you guys are worlds of different in that capacity.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think that's the least of what makes us different in the way that we grew up, though.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, for sure. But I'm just saying, like, that's. I mean, that alone, I think you guys don't have. You guys could compare and contrast stories for days over that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, I'm just. I'm trying to get a better grasp of, you know, what your childhood was like. Like, if. If you had, like, why were you raising your. Your siblings?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think she raised them.

[Becky H.]

I don't. I think that was it. I think it was. And I think this is very common in families with an oldest daughter. Right. Where there was a seven year gap from me and my oldest sibling of my dad's second marriage. So seven years up on them. So by the time he was 7 years old, I was 14. So I was able to stay at home and do whatever my parents wanted to go and look at real estate or go grab lunch on a weekend or have, like, go to the mall, whatever. I would stay home and cook and do laundry and, like, do all of the things. And I think that I probably would have been a different kid had I not had younger siblings, which is why I just, like, laugh saying I should have been an only Child. I still wish like I was, but I just don't feel like I ever was a kid.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. And did your. You. Your mom got remarried?

[Becky H.]

Yeah, she did.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But you lived with your dad growing up?

[Becky H.]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You never spent time with your mom?

[Becky H.]

Until I was in fifth grade. I did. They split a 50, 50 custody. And then in fifth grade, my dad relocated to Atlanta. We're originally from South Carolina, and when he relocated to Atlanta, then we moved with him.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What was that like for you? Because I. I know that you've talked about some of the feelings that you had. You almost were like a pawn between your parents, but your dad relocating and not having 50. 50. Can you talk about that?

[Becky H.]

Yeah. So I was made aware that there was going to be a move, but I didn't understand the complexity of the move. I think that I just always thought, oh, my parents are just always going to do this. Like, I'll just be with her some and then I'll be with him some, and that'll just be what it is. Like, I had accepted that. Right. I didn't even know what Atlanta was. I was like, did you at that age?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Because I think in fifth grade, you're what, 10?

[Becky H.]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Did you understand that that would. That move, your dad relocating, would change the dynamic between you and your siblings for the rest of your life? And did you also know that that would change the trajectory of the rest of your life?

[Becky H.]

No, I don't think at 10 that you have the ability to forward think in that way because you're thinking about things that today and tomorrow. Yeah. I'm like, thinking about whose birthday party I'm going to at the skating rink or like the bowling alley or like, that's what I'm thinking about.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It was you and your brother both.

[Becky H.]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Went through this.

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[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

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[Crowd Voice]

Each workout is a mix of fun and challenges. With strength, cardio and yoga classes, you'll always find something to keep you motivated. Plus lose yourself to the music that moves you. They have everything from reggaeton to merengue and you know the music says the vibe and the tone for us for everything. Especially when it comes to working out. They have really great instructors that keep you super pumped and motivated, which for me I need. I love working out with a trainer and Peloton is really great way to do that every day in your own home. Whether it's their playlist, classes taught in Spanish or personality, there's someone to match with whatever mood you're in. So whether you need 10, 20 or 45 minutes of you time to sweat or get you grounded, Peloton provides flexibility with daily, on demand and live classes that fit your schedule and life. So find your push, find your power with [e-mail] if your day sounds like.

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[Kailyn Lowry]

Did they ever ask you what you wanted to do and would you have wanted them to ask you?

[Becky H.]

No. And I I think that my my brother probably would have wanted to be asked and I think he would have chosen to stay with my mom. He was always way closer to her from birth than I ever was. And I was always closer to my dad. But it was a two person deal, right? It's like wherever you go is where he's going. So that was just the situation. I don't wish that they would have really ever asked me because I think that I would have to look back on it now and had I made the wrong decision, then I would be blaming myself. And I don't think that that's a kid's decision to make.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I mean, you're working through the trauma of even not being asked, right? Like, you weren't asked and you, I mean, not necessarily a trauma in the way that we think of like pain and suffering or like a big life event, but in, in a way like your, your father relocating is a trauma because whether you chose or didn't choose.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yourself, parents splitting is a trauma.

[Kailyn Lowry]

100. So I think just going from a 50, 50 situation to you're being uprooted in, in a very like pivotal time. I feel like middle school, fifth grade to eighth grade is really rough.

[Becky H.]

Really, really rough. And I think even more so for a girl because I don't think that my parents like really thought about the fact, okay, she's eventually going to go through puberty and she's going to get a period and like, is she gonna go to her dad for that? I don't think those were any of the things that they thought about. I think it was lifestyle. And I think my dad looked at it as, okay, I can provide all of these things financially better for her and therefore that makes me the better home. And I don't necessarily believe that that makes it a better home. It might make it an easier financial home, but I don't believe that that makes it a better home.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That's really interesting. And then because. Do you think that was sort of what made you closer to the siblings in your dad's house versus the siblings in your mom's house?

[Becky H.]

Because I was being raised with him every single day.

[Kailyn Lowry]

How do you feel about that? Because don't you have half siblings? I don't like to say half siblings or siblings. But you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, my two oldest siblings are half siblings, but I was raised with them. So it never like, I never question their, them being half siblings or not.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Do they have relationships with their other parents?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

They do, yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Interesting. But you.

[Becky H.]

I don't think my dad ever viewed us as like step or half was like never allowed to be discussed in our home. It was just like your brother and sisters.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I'm. What, sorry, what life did your mom live after the divorce? Like, what was her. What was her environment of life like? Did you ever go see her? Did you spend time with her?

[Becky H.]

So when we relocated to Atlanta, she ended up relocating to Oklahoma, where her now husband and then husband was from. And I think that she just accepted the fact of defeat that we were not coming back. And I now look at it then. When I was a kid, I was like, why would my mom go, like, so far away from me? Like, she can't get here. And now I look at it as maybe that was a coping thing for her, for her to be able to take herself out of the environment that she knew while she had us and now she no longer does. And it was just like a way for her to get away and start over. It's like an out of sight, out of mind.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

How many kids did she have?

[Becky H.]

Two.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So you never went back to, like, to spend time with your mom?

[Becky H.]

I've never been, like, from the time that I left in fifth grade, my brother has gone to see my mom and lived with my mom for a little while in the state of Oklahoma. I have never been there, and I never want to go there.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

How come?

[Becky H.]

I think it is a life that I never want to know in what way. I have to think about, like, what my life would have been like as a child if I went and what I would be today if I had made that choice. And I just, like, don't want to.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Unlock that, but in a way that you would. You are sad that you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like a life you could have had.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Or a life that you didn't want to have.

[Becky H.]

Like, it's a life I didn't know. And I've. I fear on both sides. Like, would it. Would I unlock that it was a life that I never wanted, or would I unlock that it was a life that I should have had? I don't know.

[Kailyn Lowry]

And you don't want to go there?

[Becky H.]

No.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Do you talk to your mom?

[Becky H.]

Yeah. But it's a very. I don't want to say a strained relationship because that would be a disservice to the situation. I think it is. I do with that relationship what I can, like, I handle it the best that I possibly can. She was not there to raise me every single day. She was not there to take me to school every single day. And people can say whatever they want to say about my dad. They can say he is a felon, that he's a prison rat. They can say all of these things. But at the end of the day, he did raise Me and.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Which seems like in a way up to a standard that you were okay with.

[Becky H.]

Because it's what I knew.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, I guess I'm just, I'm fascinated.

[Kailyn Lowry]

If you dig deeper, I think that there is a lot of trauma based decision making here. And like, I don't ever think that you get the credit that you deserve for, you know, the things that you've been through. I think that they're from a, from a consumer standpoint of Chrisley Knows Best or just podcast or any of that. And this is no shade to any of your siblings or your parents. I don't know them. I think they sort of villainized you in the same way they villain. They villainized me. Right. Like you are the problem. But when you dig deeper, the amount of suffering and pain that you went through as a child and into young adulthood, I think is. Speaks volumes.

[Becky H.]

I think that people. And it was very hard for me growing up with siblings who had same parents in a home. Right. Because when there was ever any conflict, the understanding's not there. And so I would always say things like, you can't have an opinion because you have two parents under the same roof and you guys are all like the same. I don't have my mother here. He is just my dad. So it just created conflict. And then when you have people having opinions about things that they have not lived or experienced, it makes it very hard. And so for me, there is just no place. And, and, and it's not shade. It's like not to be shady at all. I don't wish anything bad on them. Like I want them to live a fulfilled life, but there is no place. Place for me in their life and there is no place for them in mine.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think my, my questions. The reason like I'm asking and where my questions are rooted from is not really curious about really your relationships at all. I'm. There has to be some level of grief in it all. And that's, and that's where. Where I'm trying to reach and get to. Of when and when were you able to mourn these relationships? Because you can't just not have a relationship with someone like a brother or a parent and without some aspect of grief that comes along with it.

[Becky H.]

I think I disassociate. I don't think I've ever mourned.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That I think Lindsay puts on a tough exterior, but I don't know if I think it's because she's in survival mode, she's in protection mode. I think that a lot of it. I mean, you can't look at me and tell me that not having a relationship with your parents, even your stepmom and your siblings on both sides is not super painful. I mean, when you get to the depths of it and you really dig.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Deep, that's what I mean.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I can't imagine the. Because I didn't have to go through it. Right. Like living in a household where, you know, you cannot relate to your siblings. You're being raised as full siblings, but on the in, on the same token, they have both their parents, like you were saying. And then you're sort of just mesh by default. You're just sort of meshed, but you're not really the same. I raise my kids the same, but I. And I think that it's a little bit different because all of their dads are involved to some capacity, and you didn't have that. But I. I'm curious and it would be really interesting to hear from your mom's perspective, like, why didn't your mom also go to Atlanta? Did she not have the means to do it?

[Becky H.]

I don't know if.

[Kailyn Lowry]

If it's a financial thing, obviously that's a completely different story. But also, was there a world where your dad could have waited a little bit longer until you were old enough to sort of.

[Becky H.]

I don't think he ever thought about that. I think that his relationship and marriage to Julie was so fast after the divorce and there was already another child on the way, that it was this mindset of we are creating what our family will be, and if that means that we're moving to Atlanta, we're doing that and we are moving these kids. I don't think that there was ever a thought process of timing of school, age. Like, I don't think any of that was ever thought. To answer your question about my biological brother, yeah, by the time he was in, I believe it was sixth grade, he was sent to boarding school to a military academy, and he actually ended up graduating in Samoa. He went through various different military academies, wilderness camp and Samoa school.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I don't know what Samoa school is.

[Kailyn Lowry]

It's. It's sort of like what did you. Conversion camps. It's like that. But it's like for like people who. Their parents feel as if their children are out of control, I think. And in other instances, it could be like self harm or whatever the case may be. There's always like a factor that usually your parents are sending you that there. From my understanding, from watching like different documentaries on it, there's a Various. Like, a plethora of reasons why your parent would send you. It costs a lot of money, but it's very much, like, from my perspective, a lot of times I think that it's. It's very adolescent type behavior, but the. The parent feels like they're out of control where, like, for us, it's like, okay, that's like, normal teenage activity. Yeah, that's a trauma in and of itself. What. How were you explained where he was going?

[Becky H.]

Oh, I just, like, knew because I saw this stuff, like, going down in the house. So it would be like he would get in trouble at school and then come home, and it was like a war inside the house. Why can't you behave? Why can't you do this? Why can't you do that? And I think it probably, looking back on it now, I never identified it then, but I think looking back on it now, it was probably him acting out because of the divorce and not having the mom that he wanted there.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, and also just the tools to get through it.

[Becky H.]

I think it was probably attention also. And he would, like, skip a Math test in 6th grade and then get a zero just doing stupid shit. And my dad just got sick of it. And he was like, you're going to a boarding school. And so he was shipped off to a boarding school. He came home occasionally on the weekends, and then he would move from, like, boarding school to boarding school, went to a wilderness camp in Utah and lived outside.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

There's just so and so people don't.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Know this about Lindsay or they hear it and they forget because we've briefly touched on some of this on coffee combos. But it's infuriating to me when people don't, like, understand the background.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I know.

[Kailyn Lowry]

It makes me feel so. Like, it hurts my heart for you because I feel like you are so villainized in your own family. Family.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I don't think you're a villain, but I don't really know your family, so I'm coming from a. I just feel.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Like she's so villainized by her own family. And I don't think that anyone. Like, does Savannah know that your brother went to boarding school? Where was she? Was she born yet? Yeah, she was.

[Becky H.]

Yeah. She knows about it. Yeah, for sure. Like, we.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You experienced. You were old enough to understand what was going on. I don't think that she was at that age, right?

[Becky H.]

No, probably I would say kindergarten or first grade. Maybe.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

This episode is brought to you by Better Health.

[Becky H.]

All right, y'all.

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

You know, we really know that it's hard sometimes to remind ourselves that we are trying to do our best to make sense of everything. The world is crazy. It isn't easy. We talk about this pretty frequently and often on our podcast just around making sure we're taking care of ourself. We have to be our best self to be able to be there for other people. And so BetterHelp is a way that we can make sure that happens with therapy.

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[Peloton Ad Voice]

It'S about to be that time where everyone comes out and they're like New Year, New me. But with Peloton, I think it makes it a lot easier to feeling motivated, getting into your fitness life. They have variety and flexibility that can be beat. Peloton honestly offers a wide variety of classes to fit every season of your life. So whether you're just starting out or looking for a challenge, you can train at home, at the gym or wherever with your all access membership.

[Crowd Voice]

Each workout is a mix of fun and challenges. With strength, cardio and yoga classes, you'll always find something to keep you motivated. Plus lose yourself to the music that moves you. They have everything from reggaeton to merengue and you know the music says the vibe and the tone for us for everything. Especially when it comes to working out. They have really great instructors that keep you super pumped and motivated, which for me I need. I love working out with a train trainer and Peloton is a really great way to do that every day in your own home. Whether it's their playlist, classes taught in Spanish or personality, there's someone to match with whatever mood you're in. So whether you need 10, 20, or 45 minutes of you time to sweat or get you grounded, Peloton provides flexibility with daily on demand and live classes that fit your schedule and life. So find your push, find your power with [e-mail] if your day sounds like.

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

I feel like your life makes a little bit more sense to me. What is interesting to me, I speak with a lot of people. I'm very open about who I am, the things that I've been through. And I'm able to live a life better because I'm able to speak through those things and come face to face with trauma that I've been through, things that I've been through. And it sounds like you've never dealt with anything that you've been through, which has a lot of layers just built up somewhere inside of you. And that would often lead to the inability to have a relationship with just about anyone. And obviously I'm not trying to diagnose you because I'm not a licensed therapist, but like, clear abandonment issues throughout your entire life and.

[Becky H.]

Oh, I definitely have those. Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so I'm curious why there's like, is there ever a point in time where you say to yourself, let me try to heal some of these broken parts that have never been touched so that I can live a different life so I don't have to keep running from my past or, you know, have a future that I believe that I deserve. Because I feel like you probably don't even think you deserve a good future in a capacity of love. Right. In a capacity of partnership.

[Becky H.]

I feel like I have reached a point that this is just like what my life was supposed to be.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky H.]

And I don't necessarily feel like I'm running from anything per se. I think I just avoid it, maybe. And when you start talking about it too much, it's too heavy. And I don't feel like I can function like, in my daily life the way that I need to function by unpacking it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think a lot of people can resonate with that. I think I was like that for a really long time. Like a really long time. And super abrasive and defensive. And I think that's relatable to a lot of people. It's like, no, we don't want to talk about it. You don't want to unlock it.

[Becky H.]

Well, and it's like, you have all of these life obligations, right? It's like, I am a mother, and I do business, and sometimes I'm a girlfriend and.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Becky's girlfriend.

[Becky H.]

Sometimes I'm Becky's girlfriend, and sometimes I'm other people's girlfriend.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, clip that, Becky's girlfriend, please.

[Becky H.]

I just feel like there's so many layers, and then it always feels like when you get to a place to where you're like, okay, I might could have time to do that. It's like, oh, fuck. Well, we're going on tour, and now the holidays are here, and that's not a good time to do it. So, like, when do you make the decision to say, okay, this is a good time, and you're just gonna cry for, like, five days?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, I think that's a really good point, though, because therapy is work. And so whether you're working out with, you know, working it out with a therapist or you're, you know, another way, I think that it is work, and you do have to dedicate time to it. So that's. I mean, that's a good point.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, I know. And, like, at what point? I'm just. That's why my question, like, at what point do you choose to do that, or do you never do that? Right? Like, do you. Like, you just said that you think that this is the life that you deserve. This is what you were. But unironically, my shirt says hopeless romantic. I just.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I believe you say un Erratically.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Unironically.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh, unironically.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Why are you guys busting me for words?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm saying because I will never live indicted down. And so now I'm trying to place.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That on somebody else unironically, I'm wearing a hopeless romantic. I just believe that life is this beautiful thing that is created to be lived with someone else. And I know that you are a mother, and I don't know that yet what that life looks like, but I do know people's choices based on their history. And a lot of people that have trauma in the past make not that great of choices in their dating and relationship, because all they know is chaos. All they know is trauma. And I don't live in that world anymore. I have, like, a very loving relationship that makes me a better person. And I just want to see other people experience that, too, because I think everyone deserves that. And I'm looking forward. I'm Looking forward to even getting to know you more as a person off camera and, like, talk and talking through whatever life at what capacity it looks like. Because I think that you need a little bit of good and hope in your life. Because this isn't it. It doesn't have to be it. This isn't the end. Right.

[Becky H.]

When I think it's also just so triggering because my family does have such a large social footprint.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky H.]

That everything is like another trauma because something is said and it's like, okay, now I have to live that for however long this is going to be brought up. Right.

[Kailyn Lowry]

And it's like, why you were sort of apprehensive to talk about certain things that makes sense.

[Becky H.]

Yeah. Like, because I don't want to harm anybody. Like, I don't want to harm myself. I don't want to harm anybody. Like, I just want to move forward and have peace. And, like, whatever peace looks like for them, I want that for them. And what peace looks like for me, I want that for me. I don't see a world where we could ever reconcile. And I've said this before, and then went against me saying that I don't see us ever reconciling. I think I was hopeful that everybody could be at the same place at the same time and that that would be genuine. I do believe it was genuine on my part. And if anyone really dissects that reconciliation on my part, I feel it is very clear that I was genuine in that I believe that there were other players that were involved in that, for whatever reasons those may be, was not genuine. And the rug kind of got ripped out from under me. And so I never want to put myself back in a position to where anyone has. Or multiple people have that much power over me. That is a decision that I've made for my life. I actually talked to my therapist not too long ago about. She said, do you. I never remember my parents being together, like, my mom and my dad. And my therapist said, do you want to try to unlock some of that stuff? And I said, no, What I don't know can't hurt me.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Agreed.

[Becky H.]

And so I don't know if that's the right decision to make, but it's.

[Kailyn Lowry]

The best decision that you can make right now. And that's all we can ask for, is that you have to do what's right for you right now. And maybe there's a world where you can unlock that in the future.

[Becky H.]

And to Becky's point about relationships, and they're always being chaos. I feel like that's something that has always existed in every relationship in my life. Some level of chaos and some level of toxicity. And I was absolutely in love with my last boyfriend. And because of the lack of chaos that was there, I felt like I looked for and like overemphasized things that would make me upset so that it could have a level of chaos because it felt comfortable.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. And that's very common within people that come from chaos and find healthy relationships. We talked about this. We talk about this with you as well. People that are born and raised in pure chaos think that healthy relationships are boring. Right. They. They feel not as surprising. They don't feel as emotion provoking. And so people often take that and say, I don't even love this person. I don't feel anything. But in reality, love and you know, healthy feels a lot different than love and, and chaos and. Yeah.

[Becky H.]

I've just never known like a non chaotic love, like even with Will, because him and my dad did not get along.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You found comfort in that chaos?

[Becky H.]

I found comfort because I knew that as long as I wanted to stay in that relationship with him, that I could. And my dad was the chaotic part of that that I was fighting. Right. Like, I can hold on to this.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What was the, what was the disconnect between him and your. Him and Will? Like, what was it that he didn't approve of? Because I feel like I've met Will. He's funny, he's great.

[Becky H.]

Put my finger exactly on it. But if I had to just say my perspective on it, I would say it was a lack of control that my dad had over me.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think I wasn't Will, it was you.

[Becky H.]

I think that it. He projected onto Will because Will was what took me away from him.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Interesting. Okay. I mean, I could.

[Becky H.]

It's kind of like when somebody no longer has access to you in the same way that they had access to you, you're gonna lash out on whoever.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, you can hurt.

[Becky H.]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Do you feel like there's any world that you have a relationship with your dad again, even after like, I don't know how long he's in jail for?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Prison, not jail.

[Becky H.]

Yeah. That's very different.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay. Sorry. I don't know many felons.

[Becky H.]

Yeah, I'm sure you do. I think there's like one in three people have a felony in the United States or something.

[Kailyn Lowry]

One in three?

[Becky H.]

She's checking on the statistics. Eight percent of the adult population in the US has a felony. So what is that numbers wise? I would love to know.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't know percentages or fractions, so I would be the last person you should ask on that.

[Becky H.]

As Becky says, we're good at business.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. We're good at ideas.

[Becky H.]

We're great at ideas.

[Kailyn Lowry]

We're gonna talking.

[Becky H.]

Yes, we are professional talkers.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Sit here and like, obviously, I've known you over the years, so, like, I. I know some of this information, but even just hearing it firsthand from you in person is a little bit different than talking about it over rivers, like, on virtual podcast. But also for Becky to not know much about you and sort of pick your brain is really interesting to me because I think that I don't. Like, Becky just came what I know of, like, from a life full of love and, like, a childhood full of love.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, for the most part.

[Kailyn Lowry]

And so she doesn't really understand. Like, not that you don't understand childhood trauma, but, like, it's fascinating to you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, I think that I experienced my own childhood trauma in ways that are a little different and valid in its own world, but nothing in comparison to either of you. And again, I live a life surrounded by love currently, and I want that for other people. And so as you. I mean, we're. I love and care for you. And as you become someone in my life that I start to care about, I want that for you too. And so I'm probably gonna pry and prick around your life to. To see what you can do to. Even if I can help you mend a small fraction of your life. Like, I feel like I've. I've done my job to the world. Not that it's a job.

[Becky H.]

Look at that noble Becky.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I just. I want Lindsay to have, like, deep, meaningful connections with people. That's what I want for her.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

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[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, I love that for you.

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[Kailyn Lowry]

Duh.

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

I have a question af, but I really wanted to see your answer around your dad. Like, do you think that. Because obviously I just lost my dad. I grieve that in a different way. I. I had. I never had an adult relationship with my father. I don't have regrets around him. And so I just wonder what that grief looks like for you and if you find yourself.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, I think she's probably grieving and I'm not speaking for you, but from an outsider's perspective, like, would it be similar to grieving the loss of someone who is still here?

[Becky H.]

I don't want to compare, like, harder.

[Kailyn Lowry]

But I don't know for sure.

[Becky H.]

I always.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And do you feel grief? Right. Do you. Do you allow yourself to feel grief for your dad?

[Becky H.]

Yes. And I cry over it some.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky H.]

I think it's hard to grieve the loss of someone who's still living because they're, you know, that they're still potential or if you have hope, like, there's still hope there.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Do you still have hope?

[Becky H.]

I would say not a lot, but some. I do. I hope through the time and maybe the distance that maybe things will change eventually. If it doesn't, I'm okay with that, though.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, I'm okay. And do you have any hope open for your mom? No, none.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Which mom?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like her. The one in Oklahoma. I. I just. I find that really interesting that you shut a door at 10 years old, then you never opened it again.

[Kailyn Lowry]

She didn't shut the door. She didn't shut the door. Her parents shut the door. Whatever. Whatever that dynamic.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Let me rephrase it. The door was shut for you when you were at 10. 10 years old and you never opened that door.

[Becky H.]

My relationship with expect a child to.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Have opened the door.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

She's not a child.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, no. But she was.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I think that I'm not, I'm not blaming her. No, there's no blame or speculation about when she was a child. It's. It's just now there is a feeling that people have that want the acceptance and approval of their parents, regardless of how involved they are in your life. That is something that naturally.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't agree it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Most people naturally go through.

[Becky H.]

I did used to want it. I used to think, like, I wonder if she, like, thinks about me or I wonder if she, like, wonders what I'm doing or like, what my life looks like and like all of these things. And I think that was part of a grieving process. But now I don't wonder those things anymore. And it's not that I don't have any relationship with her, it's just not a mother daughter relationship. And I am okay with that because I do not feel it would ever be healthy for me to truly have a mother daughter relationship with her when she was not there during my pivotal years of raising with all of that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I know that we're still just getting to know each other, but from what I see is you portray a lot of love and, and put that into to your own child and what, what does that look like for you and how have you been able to navigate your journey as a mother and you know, protecting Jackson from your family and protecting him from, you know, the idea of what, of the things that you kind of grew up with.

[Becky H.]

I feel like I've struggled with this a lot and I've had to do a lot of therapy over it because I definitely overcompensate for what I did not have as a child, for my child. And that's not fair necessarily to him because I have an expectation, not a set expectation on him, but an expectation that I've set in my mind that like, this is how this relationship is going to be with him because I did not have it. And I will not fail as a mother. My child will never have to wake up on any day wanting his mother. I also have very much, I think I get a lot, a lot of backlash on my co parenting and the way that I navigated my divorce. But from what I saw from my parents, I also never wanted to be them in that situation. And I never wanted my child to have to struggle in the way that I did, ever. And so when people say stuff like, oh, you still fuck your ex husband or you still do whatever, yeah, I'm not perfect. And like, yes, did I do that after divorce? Yes, I did. But was my child aware of that? No, he never was.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't necessarily think it's even, that's not the issue I, that I see when I read comments or I hear things about how they, they believe you don't go about things a certain way or you use Jackson, you know, you try to control will with Jackson. I just don't see it the same way because I understand you on a different level and I understand that like what you went through as a child and the overcompensation, like, I get all of that. And so I, I see how fiercely you love Jackson and it's strictly out of one survival, but also pure love and intense mother child love that you.

[Becky H.]

Didn'T have that I never had. And at the moment, we might need to get into this, like, on another episode. But when it came time for Jackson to be born, my mom came to the hospital, and my. My stepmom, who became my adoptive mother, was also there. And they were both in the room whenever I gave birth to him. And it was a really hard decision for me to make to allow them to be in there, because I knew in my heart that I was going to be a mother that I never had. And to have to watch a woman watch me do that, knowing that she did not do her job, but it healed me. That healed me in a way. Like, I thank God every day that I allowed her to be in there, because that healed me in a way that I would have never had that healing. As far as my son with his grandparents, I never would cut them off from being able to have a communication with him because they have never shown an unhealthy communication. He understands that my parents are in prison, and he understands that my biological mom lives far away. And along the way, I've been able to explain certain complexities to him that will resonate with him on his level. I don't think it's important to trauma dump on him, but for him to understand, like, you know, mommy doesn't have the same relationship that I have with you with my mom, or, you know, my parents are in prison, and that makes a relationship really difficult. He is aware of all of these things, but he's aware of all of these things in a healthy way. If my dad got out of prison and came to me and said, I want to see Jackson, I would never stop him from being able to do that. But there would also be parameters around that, because you can't just come in and out of someone's life and expect me to be okay with that, because I do have the right as a mother to say, that is not healthy for my child.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, you're protecting him. And in every capacity there is of life, I mean, at any. I mean, both of you, right? Like, both of you have children, and both of you have gone through trauma. And I've said this a million times to Kayl is, you know, the reason I've stayed so true to. As a friend to her is because she was always a good mom. That, like, that never faulted throughout our entire relationship. And regardless of how her relationships were around her, she was always a great mother to her children. And that's something that I valued above, you know, anything else. And I would imagine that's the Same for you. And I don't know you all that well yet, but I know and can tell that you love your child and would do absolutely anything for him. And so for the both of you, I think that you need to recognize that growth that it takes to not give forward what was done to you. And that's a very huge thing and a very mature thing to do from all the. All. Especially all of the unhealed trauma that the both of you kind of deal with, because healed trauma is a lot different than unhealed trauma, and y'all are bottled up with it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Back to the pack, to the brim. Yeah.

[Becky H.]

Roll that eight ball on Kale shirt.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I came into this episode fully expecting it to be an entire podcast full of sunshine, rainbows, and me convincing Lindsay to be a lesbian. And so I'm not disappointed, because these are the conversations that I absolutely live for. And I'm really glad that we were able to have this conversation and connect in that capacity. We owe you guys a little bit of fun, because we did pre empathy. Yeah. We've been crying all day.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, truly. I think out of the five episodes that I recorded today, I've cried for three of them.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So I. We posted a little game on my Instagram.

[Becky H.]

I posted it, too, so I want to see the answers.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I changed kill to harass because I just feel like kill is not a great word. And so here are some of the responses that we got on. On mine and I. And Lindsay's might be different because obviously it's tailored to your following. The first one is Becky, Mary, Kale, harass Lindsay. I'm so sorry. I really love her. Kale, marry Becky, kill Lindsay, harass. It's harass. Okay. Fuck Kale, marry Lindsay. That's interesting. Harass Becky. So it would be like, kill slash harass you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Why was that interesting?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, why me? Like, is it fuck you, or is it, like, have sex with you?

[Becky H.]

Have sex with you.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Oh, all right, I'll take it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So we're even right now, though.

[Kailyn Lowry]

There's so many.

[Becky H.]

Well, I have one that's really funny.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay.

[Becky H.]

Marrying all of you. Guess I'm a polygamous now. See, mine are marry you, fuck Becky, harass Kale. But I really want to be your best friend. Fuck Kale, marry Lindsay, kill Becky.

[Kailyn Lowry]

This one. I got that one, too. Fuck Kale, Mary, Lindsay, kill Becky. But would Becky if I had to choose? What does that mean?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

The irl.

[Becky H.]

Oh, okay. I have a lot of Mary, Lindsay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Well, that's your following, right? Your following knows has zero clue who I am. Like, that's why it would be different.

[Becky H.]

Well, no, because all these people are saying Fuck Becky.

[Kailyn Lowry]

This one says fuck kill Mary, Lindsay and Kill Becky. I just like, like I don't understand.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Scrolling through all of them, just finding the ones that say Kill me.

[Kailyn Lowry]

One said Will Hobby Joe.

[Becky H.]

Oh, should we do that? Oh, let's play it in this room.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Go ahead.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Oh, don't even put me in that situation.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Go ahead.

[Becky H.]

You saw what my ex husband looks like.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I would have to.

[Becky H.]

I already know mine.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What is yours?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I would have to. Will marry.

[Becky H.]

No, I'm going to my ex husband because I've already done that. I'm going to marry. Gonna kill.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm going to marry Will.

[Becky H.]

Okay.

[Kailyn Lowry]

And. And kill. The wrong choice. Yeah, but when you get married, sometimes you stop having sex. So it's like we're just like coexisting. So that's with Will.

[Becky H.]

Oh, perfect. Okay, I think I've had enough.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That is Lindsay Chrisley edition. Thank you so much. Don't forget to follow and subscribe on all your favorite platforms. All the things. Lindsay, thank you so much for coming on Karma and Chaos.

[Becky H.]

Thank you guys for having me and I'll be back.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, I hope to. I want to make sure that we have more time to talk about.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Y'all should do a one on one.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, we should have done a one on one for this conversation and we should have kept it light hearted, but apparently today is just full of cries. Thank you everyone for listening and come back next week. Thank you, Lindsey. Love ya.

[Kailyn Lowry]

See ya.

[Becky H.]

Thank you. Love y'all.

[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Becky H.]

Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies.

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[Becky H.]

More to us than each other.

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