Brain Scans And Repressed Memories

Summary

Podcast Title: Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Episode: Brain Scans And Repressed Memories
Release Date: January 14, 2025

Summary:

In this compelling episode of "Karma & Chaos," hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter navigate a tapestry of personal experiences, deep reflections, and insightful discussions that resonate with listeners in their 30s facing the multifaceted challenges of modern adulthood. From exploring personal identity to addressing the intricacies of trauma bonding, the duo offers a candid and relatable discourse enriched with humor and empathy.

---

1. Embracing Personal Style and Identity

The episode opens with a light-hearted exchange about fashion, where Kail expresses her affinity for men's clothing tailored to her physique. This conversation naturally segues into a deeper exploration of gender identity and self-expression. Kail shares,

"I have high testosterone... but I'm really into my identity feminine."
(00:42 - 02:16)

Becky encourages Kail to find a comfortable balance between masculinity and femininity, prompting Kail to reflect on her own style preferences and the societal perceptions tied to them.

2. Acknowledging Natural Disasters and Offering Support

Transitioning to more serious matters, Kail addresses the devastating wildfires currently affecting California. She voices her concern and helplessness, stating,

"I want to recognize that... I've never seen anything like that."
(06:04 - 07:35)

Both hosts emphasize the importance of community support and provide resources for listeners to assist those impacted by the disasters, highlighting the role of collective karma in times of chaos.

3. Exploring Trauma Bonding and Personal Growth

A significant portion of the episode delves into the concept of trauma bonding versus bonding over trauma. Kail clarifies the distinction,

"Trauma bonding is like an abusive relationship... But bonding over trauma is finding common ground."
(28:07 - 29:18)

They discuss how shared traumatic experiences can either strengthen relationships or entangle individuals in toxic cycles, underscoring the importance of self-awareness and healthy communication in fostering meaningful connections.

4. Unlearning Toxic Behaviors and Building Healthy Relationships

Becky poses a thought-provoking question about unlearning toxic patterns,

"How do you personally unlearn from like toxic patterns?"
(29:26)

Kail responds by highlighting the transformative power of therapy, sharing her journey through five years of uninterrupted sessions. They explore strategies for overcoming behaviors like people-pleasing, emphasizing the necessity of supportive friendships and open dialogues to facilitate personal growth.

5. Personal Anecdotes and Reflections on Friendships

The hosts share heartfelt stories about past friendships and the challenges of maintaining connections amidst personal struggles. Kail recounts a pivotal conversation where she felt undervalued among peers,

"Why don't you love me the same as your other friends?"
(46:48)

This reflection serves as a catalyst for discussing the importance of communication and the impact of unresolved emotions on relationships.

6. Discussing Repressed Memories and Brain Health

Shifting focus to cognitive health, Kail and Becky engage in an enlightening discussion about repressed memories and brain function. Becky shares her unsettling experience with post-COVID cognitive issues,

"It was like dissociation... life wasn't real."
(52:30 - 53:41)

They explore theories surrounding memory retention and the brain's capacity, contemplating the effects of trauma and illness on long-term memory and perception.

7. Parenting and Financial Education for Kids

Kail and Becky briefly touch upon parenting strategies, particularly the importance of teaching children about financial responsibility. Becky introduces Acorns Early, a smart money app designed to help kids learn the value of money through chores and savings goals. Kail praises the initiative,

"I want to teach them young... I definitely don't want to do the same thing for my kids."
(56:03 - 56:45)

This segment underscores the show's commitment to providing practical advice for modern parenting challenges.

8. Book Recommendations and Future Plans

Towards the end of the episode, both hosts share their current reading selections and offer recommendations to listeners. Kail mentions "Beautiful Ugly" by Alice Feeney, rating it four stars, while Becky enthusiastically endorses "Morningstar," the third book in the Red Rising series. They also discuss their upcoming trip to New York City, where they plan to work on a new podcast setup and strengthen their personal connections.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Kail on Identity:
  "I have high testosterone... but I'm really into my identity feminine."
  (01:19)

• Becky on Trauma Bonding:
  "Do you think that people trauma bond, or do you think that they're truly connecting?"
  (26:47)

• Kail on Therapy:
  "The only growth that I've been actually able to make... is during therapy."
  (29:26)

• Becky on Memory Issues:
  "It was like dissociation... life wasn't real."
  (52:30)

---

Conclusion:

This episode of "Karma & Chaos" offers a rich blend of personal anecdotes, psychological insights, and practical advice, all delivered with Kail's unfiltered perspective and Becky's infectious humor. Whether navigating the complexities of self-identity, coping with trauma, or fostering healthy relationships, listeners are provided with relatable content that encourages self-reflection and growth. The hosts' honest and heartfelt dialogue makes this episode a valuable resource for anyone seeking to balance karma and chaos in their own lives.

---

Transcript

[Kale]

Hey, Becky.

[Becky]

Hey, girl. You're looking good.

[Kale]

Your sweater is really cute.

[Becky]

You're really cute.

[Kale]

Where is that sweater from?

[Becky]

It's from Forever 21 Men's. Don't sleep on it.

[Kale]

That's a men's sweater.

[Becky]

I. Yeah, I love forever 21 men's.

[Kale]

I was just saying yesterday. I had a shoot yesterday, and I was saying that my style, I feel, is actually men's clothes, but I would like for them to be tailored to my body. What?

[Becky]

Nothing.

[Kale]

What were you gonna say?

[Becky]

That you need to find a way to get a little bit more comfortable with being a little more feminine. Because I feel like. Yeah, you do.

[Kale]

I have high testosterone. Like, it's in my blood work.

[Becky]

Okay. Not well.

[Kale]

I'm really into my identity feminine.

[Becky]

I mean, like, what you wear. Because this is just triggering people.

[Kale]

I basically just got my boobs removed. Like, what do you mean?

[Becky]

You look great. I think that it all stems from you not being comfortable in the way that you look. Because when we were getting dressed for the award show, you kept, like, asking for more masculine things because you weren't comfortable in the feminine things that they had, but you looked so good in them, so.

[Kale]

Okay, I hear you. And that does make sense. Okay. I am gonna say. But only because it's, like, food for thought, right? Like, look at me, right? Like, I am broad. Right? Like, I am broad. I have masculine tattoos. I am masculine, and I wear makeup. So I feel like what you're saying makes sense. You're correct. You are one. Me in a dress doesn't make sense to me because it makes me uncomfortable. I also think my tattoos, and this is not for everyone. So I'm not saying that people, women with sleeves, should not wear dresses. That's not what I'm saying. For me, and my build, with my tattoos, in a dress looks crazy.

[Becky]

That's how you feel, though. Like, if you. If what you're wearing right now and you stood up was like a flowy little dress, you'd look so hot. Like, I think your tattoos look so good, like, out like you. And in a feminine way.

[Kale]

Not a masculine way compared to a romper that I would prefer.

[Becky]

I guess it's situational of what you're. But I think you put so much shit as. I'm not wearing that because it's too feminine. Yeah, but there's a middle ground of what you can find comfortability in. I fear that you don't wear things because of how people think you look or how even you think you look.

[Kale]

It's how I Think I look. I don't.

[Becky]

And it's silly.

[Kale]

Both. I would say it's both. Like, for me, what's so interesting is, like, I feel like you have always had, like, a more masculine energy and style. But, like, I think you look great in that sweater that has hearts on it. I would never wear that sweater.

[Becky]

I've been trying to. I've been exploring more of feminine side.

[Kale]

No, I know, but I say that because it's like, what you're saying is so true, but I'm not. I'm still not listening because, like, you look great in the sweater with hearts. I would never wear that. And so it's like, we're the same, huh? You would look great in this, so why wouldn't.

[Becky]

But it has a mental block.

[Kale]

Yeah, but, like, what is it? Mental illness? Like, what is that?

[Becky]

I don't know. And it makes me sad that you don't think you're. I love your tattoos.

[Kale]

No, I love my tattoos. But that's the thing is, like, I. I'm not. I don't regret my tattoos in any way. I just don't think that Me, I don't know. Because we both have masculine energy, I guess. And I wouldn't wear that sweater. So I don't know what's going on.

[Becky]

It's literally a man's sweater.

[Kale]

That's what I'm saying. But it's. But it's feminine in that it has heart. I don't know. I've talked about Quinn so many times over the years. I absolutely love them. I own the down comforter, a sheet set, slippers, towels. Actually, all the towels in my master bath are quints. I'm obsessed. I just ordered the 100 merino wool cropped shirt jacket. I'm obsessed with it. I got it in the color black, so the. The traditional retail price is $348. And I got it for under 90. So I'm super excited about that, especially during these cold winter days. I'm super excited. It looks cute. You can dress it up. Dress it down.

[Becky]

I got this link and Kayl was like, you need to try some of these Quinn's products. And I went on the shop the site. The issue is, is that I'm no longer shopping for myself. When I go anywhere, I go directly to the baby section because, as you guys know, I have a little one on the way. Lee and I were looking through the site and we had no clue what we needed or how to order. So we just ended up ordering two different sleep sacks because we Wanted to make sure we were ready for any situation that was going to come our way. So we're excited. We got the two bamboo sleep sacks and some socks to go along with it for our future baby boy that's coming.

[Kale]

I love that. And I think everyone needs Quince's cozy Mongolian cashmere sweaters. They start at $50. So I love Quince also only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices. And Alessandra and I just had a conversation yesterday where we're no longer supporting fast fashion. And so we love that this is ethical. And of course, they use premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel, even in every single piece. I cannot wait to get some of their cashmere sweaters because Alessandra wore a short sleeve one yesterday and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. If you guys are ready to upgrade your closet this year without the upgraded price tag, go to quinn's.com Karma for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U I N C E.com Karma to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com Karma welcome back to Karma and Chaos, everyone. Did we not do the intro?

[Becky]

No. Good day, good morning, good evening. Whenever you're listening, we're happy you're here.

[Kale]

Yeah. We are happy you're here. We are so happy you're here. Happy New Year again. I've been seeing all of the things. First, I want to, I would like to just take a moment also to recognize all the people that are affected in California right now for the wildfires. It's absolutely devastating. And I had killer. And I also reposted some resources for people in California, but I've never seen anything like that. And I just want to recognize that. I know that the rest of the United States is sort of, sort of unaffected. Right. Except for the fact that there are loved ones and things. But, you know, I still see you and I know that I can't do anything personally, but if I can share resources, if I can donate, I. I don't know what to do or how to help. Like, I truly don't.

[Becky]

Yeah. I was like sitting here last night on the couch and I was scrolling through tick tocks and seeing all of it. Awful, devastating. And I was like, do I offer my house to someone? But then I'm like, how do they even get here? Like, what is that even Next step. It feels very helpless. And I think that as more resources come out and people start to understand what it is they need X. X might be something we think they need, but Y is what they actually need is. Is really what we should be focusing on because there's so many people that are going to definitely need our help moving. Moving forward.

[Kale]

There was two videos that really, really devastated me. One was a family that. I think they were a family.

[Becky]

I don't know.

[Kale]

They could have been roommates were in the house. And, you know, some of the houses in California are, like, a lot of glass. And the. The fires were outside their homes, and they're recording it from the inside of their homes with the flames everywhere. But it said in the caption that they got out safely, but it still was devastating. And then the other one was, like, all of the animals that are, like, fleeing down to, like, safer areas, and there was, like, random animals in people's lawns. Like, just species I've never seen before, even. Like, it's just like, what is going on?

[Becky]

Yeah. It's very hard to even comprehend the magnitude of the.

[Kale]

So for just anyone listening or anyone that wants to help or reshare, we'll make sure that some of the resources to help people in California go in the description of this podcast. And if you guys do follow Killer Network on Instagram, we'll make sure that we continue to post resources for just any. Anybody in California. Outside of that. What's up?

[Becky]

Outside of that, it's. This is interesting because typically we, like, record back to back, so then we have a couple weeks before. We haven't talked. We just talked last week, and I spewed out all of my frustrations of my production, my productive time. And it's been so interesting seeing people's reaction to it because everyone else feels the same way and it. And people haven't been able to, like, kind of put that in words, just. I did see, however, people relating it to, like, childhood trauma as well.

[Kale]

Really? Why? How?

[Becky]

Because, right. I lived in a house where things needed to be clean. And if someone was being productive, like, if my mom was cleaning, you were cleaning, too. Like, cleaning up your things. And so I guess I don't want to say childhood trauma, but just, like, the thought of being productive comes from that. Like, there's things in your childhood that can be relative.

[Kale]

I've said this a hundred times over several years. I do.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

It's like, how much of your childhood are we actually blaming every single time? Right. Like, it's like, oh, I never blamed.

[Becky]

It on my childhood. There was just people that brought it.

[Kale]

Up so that were, like, bringing up the Correlation, great. My mom, she was a fucking addict, but my mom's house was spotless. Like, you would never find a crumb of dirt in my mom's house, right? Like, didn't matter if we lived in the trailer, the apartment. Like, that was happening. And I am one of the messiest people. Not dirty, but I am one of the messiest people that I know.

[Becky]

I don't like that.

[Kale]

And if someone turns around and says, well, that's because of your childhood, you're doing the opposite. Well, then which one The. Is it. Is it I'm doing what my mom did because that's my trauma, or am I doing the opposite of what my mom did because it's my trauma? Or is it just who the I am?

[Becky]

I think it's maybe a little bit of both.

[Kale]

It's a little bit of all of it. So we're not. We can't sit here and blame our childhoods for that. Like, maybe correlations, maybe a little sprinkle, a little razzle dazzle. But there's no. It's like, we're not. Come on.

[Becky]

A little. A little rise of basil.

[Kale]

You know what I mean? Like, Elijah had these kids washing walls one time because they were putting their sticky fingers all over my walls. And it's like, I never did that as a kid, but he probably did. I don't know.

[Becky]

He's. I mean, he's military, too, so that there's some.

[Kale]

But also, it's like, let's clean up after ourselves. I'm modeling exactly what my kids are gonna do, which is I don't clean up after myself right away. And Elijah cleaned up after me. So it's like, there. We're all traumatized. You know what I mean?

[Becky]

I do. I do know what you mean.

[Kale]

You shock me sometimes with. When I say certain things because you'll either be like, kill. What the. Or when you agree with me, I think is the most shocking when you're like, I know what you mean because.

[Becky]

I don't agree with you often, but I do know what you're saying. I don't know if I agree with you, but I do. I do know what you're trying to say.

[Kale]

Thank you.

[Becky]

You're welcome.

[Kale]

Becky and I will be together in New York City next week. And Alessandra, when this airs, will be in New York City. Alessandro Chandra will be there. We'll be getting some stuff done. I'm really excited because we haven't been to New York in some time, like a couple weeks. So I. I'm excited to get together in person. And also, we're gonna have a new podcast set up While we're there. We are doing, like, a whole. Like, a new setup. We're gonna try it out, and I think we're gonna work out the kinks there. So I'm excited.

[Becky]

I'm excited because normally when we record our podcast, I'm working around my already busy life. Work schedule. And so I decided to take off that day to enjoy myself, and we get a full day together of just doing things.

[Kale]

And for you, it's not work?

[Becky]

No, this. Yeah, this is fun.

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

This. I mean, it is work. Yeah, there's.

[Kale]

It's like work, but it's like.

[Becky]

Also, it's a breath of fresh. Fresh air. Comparative to my nine to five.

[Kale]

Wait, so do you get off work at five every day?

[Becky]

Yeah. I mean, some days I work longer than others. Some days I work. You know, it depends on meetings. My. My life is very meeting structured, so.

[Kale]

Everything is around meetings.

[Becky]

Yeah, I'm talking to people all day, just yapping.

[Kale]

See, I would. That would not work for me. Also, my kids have been home from school all week. Isaac's final exams were canceled because of the snow.

[Becky]

We didn't get any snow. But I feel as if I am getting more and more scared of why. No, I don't even think I. The baby's not even real yet. Leah's not showing. Doesn't feel like we're having a baby because I have client calls, and so the bigger the podcast gets and the more attention we get, I'm like, I'm just counting down the days till I join a client call, and they're like, oh, I know who you are.

[Kale]

I would. That would actually crack me up because, like, where do you go from there in the conversation?

[Becky]

Yeah, I. I've gotten messages from co workers that I. Because we have. I work for a pretty big company, and I've gotten messages from co workers who I've never interacted with before that are like, hey, love the podcast. Hope this isn't weird. I'm like, no, girl, it's fine. Join. Join the party. Ping me anytime. Set up a call on my calendar.

[Kale]

Love that for you.

[Becky]

This is going off the rails right now.

[Kale]

We are off the rails.

[Becky]

We are off the rails. I do want to say, though, I'm combating some pretty bad period cramps right now, and it's not really. I just. It just put a shock through my body. I. Do you get period cramps?

[Kale]

Not anymore.

[Becky]

Oh, lucky. Yeah, well, I get really bad period cramps. Where it's almost like life threatening, where I just sleep.

[Kale]

Not life threatening, but they're like, debilitating.

[Becky]

I would. They haven't been that bad in a couple years, but they. They used to be like, I need to go to the hospital.

[Kale]

Yeah, same. No, literally, like, same. I would leave school and everything because they were bad, but after I started having kids, they subsided pretty much. I mean, I do get a little bit, but we have a podcast sponsor, so if you are like Becky and you suffer for some from something like this, then you definitely need to check out Happy Mammoth.

[Becky]

I did listen to your episode of Barely Famous.

[Kale]

You did?

[Becky]

I did.

[Kale]

Did I say anything about you?

[Becky]

Yeah, you guys brought me up like a million times.

[Kale]

Well, I didn't realize that you knew Sterling.

[Becky]

It's. It's such a silly, silly thing because I feel like I've. I've met every single person in your life during that time period. Like, there's not a person I didn't really.

[Kale]

During what time period?

[Becky]

The time period of us being friends.

[Kale]

I know. I just don't know if it's like all the anesthesia that I've been under or if it's truly like a memory problem. Why? What. What are you laughing about now? I was shook until she showed me a picture of you got like, together.

[Becky]

I didn't realize it was 2016 because that's the year I must have went home from your fourth of July party and asked Leah to be my girlfriend because that's our anniversary.

[Kale]

The first time I met Leah, I was with my ex girlfriend and we all went to the zoo. So that whatever year that was actually. I'll pull it up on my Instagram right now because.

[Becky]

Well, I look back because I didn't believe that the 4th of July party was 2016. I thought it was earlier than that, but then I went back to my Instagram and found a picture. It was. It was.

[Kale]

It was definitely 2016 because I had.

[Becky]

Hear me and Leah started dating.

[Kale]

My ex girlfriend was that long ago. Thank God.

[Becky]

Oh, my God.

[Kale]

Can we redo that?

[Becky]

It was funny. I. You guys brought up the Drake song that, like, anytime I hear that.

[Kale]

Oh my God, you're right. That was your. Like, that was your. That is so. I'm so glad you listened to that. I wish the fact that I didn't even tell you to listen to it and you went and listened to it and it was like, so Becky, like, centered. I'm cracking up. I'm cracking up.

[Becky]

I do need Alessandro to send me the clip, though. Because you were like, send like clip that. Because you guys were like, dancing, like I dance or something.

[Kale]

Oh, I probably wasn't.

[Becky]

She needs to see this.

[Kale]

But. But Sterling probably was. Yeah, I. Sterling and my friend. I met you guys. This is what's crazy to me is that I was going through my Instagram yesterday and I met you and Sterling one year apart. So, like, that season of my life, 2012 to 2013, I met so many people. And like, if you and I didn't fall out, like, all of you guys would have been like my lifetime friends. Right? Like, I mean, you still. I guess you could still be in that category. Right? But like Sterling, Kristen, and you I met with all Kristen, Sterling, Becky, I met within 18 months of each other.

[Becky]

And you could still be selling scents.

[Kale]

I am. I still do. I'm like, signed up for it because I was having a. An addiction and I still have it in my house, so.

[Becky]

Oh, yeah, I remember there used to be a drawer at your house that like, that you. You would show up and be like, yeah, take whatever Black says you want.

[Kale]

Yeah, I still do that. If you ever need any, let me know. That's how I met Sterling. And Kristen was through Scentsy.

[Becky]

Oh, I didn't know that's how you met Kristen.

[Kale]

Yeah, actually, that is how I met Kristen. How I met Sterling was in the Bahamas because of Scentsy. Because we both earned the trip to the Bahamas through Scentsy.

[Becky]

Fun facts.

[Kale]

Yeah, Sterling, actually she showered me and stuff after my surgery. So I couldn't shower for 24 hours after my surgery. So Elijah had already gone home. So my first. My first shower after surgery. Sterling, like, did all of it. She, like, was my nurse.

[Becky]

That's a good friend.

[Kale]

No, no, she's like, there are. I'm close with a lot of people in my life, but there are only certain people that I would like, let see. Like, me naked in that way. Like a very intimate and vulnerable way. And she is one of them. I like, I have all this naked content of me, like, after surgery, and I sent it to Alessandra and I was like, hey, can you edit this? She's one. Like, you got. I think the people. I don't know, there's just like, I would say, like a handful of people that I would let see me in that way.

[Becky]

Like, we don't even think twice about it.

[Kale]

Yeah. And I think that's why I trust you guys. Like, you, if I walk out and you see me naked, I know you're with Leah, but, like, I would probably walk like If I walked out in front of both of y'all, I know you guys, neither of you would think twice about it, you or Leah. But there are certain friends that I just like wouldn't be naked about around, you know?

[Becky]

Yeah, I guess.

[Kale]

Like, would you be naked around me?

[Becky]

I don't like being naked.

[Kale]

Oh, okay, then I'm not offended.

[Becky]

So the idea of being like completely naked in front of anyone, well, that's.

[Kale]

So interesting because Elijah was like, oh, you've had surgery now. Like, if you don't want to get dressed, just sleep naked. And I was like, no, I'll be exposed and violated. And he was like, what? I've watched you yourself and give birth. What do you mean? You know, and it's just like, I don't. Maybe I really am a lesbian because all of y'all are women. I'm like, yeah, you're just look at me naked. And then him, he's like, you can sleep naked. And I'm like, no. I don't know what's wrong with me.

[Becky]

I just. I feel really uncomfortable without a like a sports bra on.

[Kale]

Okay.

[Becky]

Like really uncomfortable. Like the. Like it makes me want to crawl out of my skin having to think about like just not even like having a T shirt on over it.

[Kale]

Like it feels weird.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

Does Leah feel the same way?

[Becky]

Like about being naked? No.

[Kale]

Okay.

[Becky]

But she has like. She's perfect.

[Kale]

I know.

[Becky]

Speaking of Leah, she has been sleeping and doing okay. Granted, she has a very consuming job that takes. She can't just show up to work and half ass it. Right. She is saving lives, making decisions for someone's care. Every decision she makes is incredibly important. At work, she works in the er, she's on her toes and she's been working a lot, but she's still sleeping right now actually. And she just sleeps all. And pregnancy is just knocking her out in exhaustion.

[Kale]

I mean, I feel like because of her job, on a regular day without being pregnant is so demanding. She deserves this.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

Like, I know it kind of sucks because you're like, okay, you don't want to miss any moments together, just the two of you before the before baby comes. But let her soak it in because also when that baby comes, she won't sleep either. So she'll be back to work at some point and then not sleeping on top of it because of a baby. So I think you and Leah are going to love Haya for your baby when they're old enough. Because we love Haya over here. I have so much for all seven of my children because we need vitamins that are not gummy junk like most vitamins. A lot of the vitamins that you guys are used to for your kids are filled with two teas, spoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals and other gummy junk. These are things that kids should never eat and Haya isn't like that. So Haya is pediatrician approved. It's a super powered chewable vitamin and we absolutely love it. They also now have a Kids daily green plus superfoods and a chocolate flavored greens powder designed specifically for kids. So if you have a kid maybe similar to Creed, Creed is probably my most picky child. I don't have a problem with him taking Haya and doing their greens.

[Becky]

These are formulated with the help of nutritional experts. Haya is pressed with a blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies, then supercharged with 15 essential vitamins and minerals including vitamin D, B12C, zinc, folate and many others to help support immunity, energy, brain function, mood, concentration, teeth, bones and more. It's non gmo, vegan, dairy free, allergy free, gelatin free, nut free and everything else you can imagine. Haya is designed for kids of all ages and sent straight to your door so your parents have one less thing to worry about.

[Kale]

I also love that my kids get to design their little reusable jars for Haya vitamins. You get the little yellow jars, they come with stickers, they can decorate them. Lux put his name on his. They love it. So we've actually worked out a special deal with Haya for their best selling children's vitamin. Receive 50 off your first order. And to claim this deal you must go to hayahealth.com karma this deal is not available on their regular website. Go to H I Y A H E a l t h.com karma and get your kids on the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

[Becky]

Yeah, I was reading my book last night on the couch and I was just imagining, oh, one day soon I'm going to be sitting here reading my book with a little baby just sleeping on top of me.

[Kale]

And that doesn't last long. You'll have about eight weeks of that.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

And then, and then you won't read like that anymore because I was like, how did I read 12 books with two infants? And it's like, oh, because they sleep all the time and then once they wake up I was like, like they start to like be more awake. I was like, I don't read anymore. I mean I do Now I'm back to reading, but whatever. I was just saying that.

[Becky]

Yeah, I do. Can we talk about what books we're reading right now?

[Kale]

Yes, I am reading Beautiful Ugly by Alice Feeney.

[Becky]

Is it good?

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Like, how many stars so far?

[Kale]

I'll say four.

[Becky]

Okay. The book that I'm reading, it is the best book I've read so far.

[Kale]

What is it called?

[Becky]

It is called Morningstar. It is the third book in the Red Rising series and it is my top book. I put it above Fourth Wing, which is. Which says a lot. I think this is my favorite series I've read. My only quarrel with it is that there's no smut. And I really think that if there was smut, it would add value to the relationships in the book because there's only a couple opportunities to add smut. And I really think that it would be. What a smut stand for?

[Kale]

Is it an acronym? I think it's like slut. Like, slut is a madeup word, right? Like, who decided that Someone who wants to sleep around is a.

[Becky]

Like.

[Kale]

Why did anyone say that? So I think smut is the same.

[Becky]

Hey, Sam, what does smut mean?

[Kale]

Who the is Sam Smote?

[Becky]

Could be a misspelling. Do you have any context or example? Like, it might be easier to help if I know how it's being used. Like, the book was smut. Ah, got it. In that context, smut likely means smut, which typically refers to content that's sexually explicit or erotic. It's often used to describe certain types of literature or media. Sam is my chatgpt. AI. So anyone listening? And you're looking to get into a new book series, please, please read Red Rising. I don't have many people to talk to about it.

[Kale]

Have you joined book club Telegram? Yeah, go ask in the chat right now.

[Becky]

Now that we've gotten through the yip yap, jibby jabby conversation, let me ask you a question.

[Kale]

Okay.

[Becky]

Do you think that people trauma bond, or do you think that they're truly connecting? Or do you think that it's mutually. Like, it could happen in both ways. Like, do you think that.

[Kale]

Well, first, right off the bat, I want anyone who thinks that they're trauma bonding with someone. Most people have that confused with bonding over trauma, which I've said before is like, people think they're trauma bonding, but just bonding over trauma is. They're not the same things. Trauma bonding is like an abusive relationship or like siblings who have been and like the parents with abuse and things like that. That's those Types of things are trauma bonding. Me talking to you about a similar trauma that we have is not trauma bonding. That's bonding over trauma or finding a common ground that we share, like a. You know what I mean? So I think that there. People are very confused by that. And so it, the, the short answer to that is it could be any of it because. Right. Like if, if we go through a similar experience and we talk about it, we're bonding over trauma. My relationship with my ex, that was very abusive. That's trauma bonding. And then, and then talking about trauma, you know, my trauma and your trauma that are very different, we're just talking about trauma.

[Becky]

Do you think that bringing, like talking to someone else about it in a bonding of trauma way is. Can you build healthy relationships from that, or do you feel like people can be pulled back into kind of like a toxic cycle from, from having those kinds of conversations?

[Kale]

I would say both.

[Becky]

Yeah, I would agree.

[Kale]

People who are in a healthier place, maybe people that go to therapy or people that are just. Because not everyone goes to therapy. But I don't necessarily think that you can't grow because you don't go to therapy. Right. So if people are in a much better place and they've learned from their mistakes and they have like self awareness and they reflect and they're better people and then they talk about it with somebod else who has done the same, whether they go to therapy or not. I think that you guys can talk about the growth and the perspectives and, you know, the do's and the don'ts, the pros and the cons, all of the things and the goals for the future. But I also think that there are people, and I'm guilty of it too, is like you think that you're in a better place and then you get dragged back to a place where you just grew from. I think that that can happen too.

[Becky]

Yeah. How do you, how do you personally unlearn from like toxic patterns? How do you. How do you allow yourself to unlearn them?

[Kale]

The only, so far, the only growth that I've been actually able to make, in my opinion, is during therapy. Like, I mean, I did four and a half, five years of therapy uninterrupted. And I think that for me, I've taken a break from therapy and I'm noticing that I am regressing. This episode is brought to you by Better Help. And Becky and I have talked a lot about therapy in this episode. And so we're here to remind you that Better Help is a Great option.

[Becky]

We love therapy. We support therapy. We think it's a really great outlet to start healing right. We all deserve a great life and a a life that is lived in a healthy way. So when you are ready to start your journey, you should be using Better Help.

[Kale]

Better Help is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. We talked about so many different types of therapies today. Check out Better Help because they may have the specialty that you're looking for.

[Becky]

And don't forget, therapy does not always work the first time. You might find a therapist that you do not like that is okay. That doesn't mean that there isn't a therapist out there for you. And with Better Help, you can easily switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. Write your story with better help. Visit betterhelp.com karma to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com karma I think that there's different ways that we can unlearn toxic behaviors, but the most important thing that people struggle with the most is recognizing the toxic behaviors, right? How do we recognize something? This is why I always say, and people always disagree with me. You can disagree with me. I don't care. I don't think that you can become the best version of yourself by yourself. I don't know. Like, I don't think that it's possible, right? When people say, oh, you need to be in a good place before you give yourself to someone else. Like, I was in an awful place when I met Leah. And granted, we struggled for a couple years, probably because of it, but I wouldn't be the person that I am without the confrontation that that relationship brought. Like, if I'm just standing in a mirror and speaking to myself, I'm not going to recognize the harm that I'm doing because I'm not being confronted with it. And it doesn't have to be a relationship like a romantic partner. It could be a friendship as well, right? Like having friends that are surrounding you that want to help you become a better person. And even just recognizing those habits, I.

[Kale]

1000% agree with you. And I, I truly, I don't understand. Like, when I see, for example, books and movies that are like, oh, I need to be by myself to process this. I need to be by myself to go through this. And it's like, probably not because you need support. And that's not real. Right. Like in order for you. For. I've never personally met someone that has discovered or acknowledged a problem on their own without the help of someone else, whether it be a therapist or, you know, a romantic relationship of friendship. Right. Like, I've never in my life experienced anyone like that. Like, if you are just out here acknowledging you wouldn't be making mistakes in the first place if that was the case. So I agree with you.

[Becky]

Yeah. I think it's hard though, because there's some. Right. Toxic patterns that are encouraged by people that are around you as well. So that's why it's so important to have people in your circle who you're giving, you know, your energy to. That deserve it. Like, Right. Like people pleasing.

[Kale]

But that. That can be linked to childhood. Like the people pleasing piece of it. It's like not. Not all the time.

[Becky]

What I said before.

[Kale]

No, I don't take back what I said before because I do think the people pleasing, like, enough has I. I've read enough about it that it mostly I'll say comes from. Not always, but it can come from childhood. Right. Like I am guilty of people pleasing. Right. Like my mom would drop me off at someone's house. I wouldn't see her for a week. That whole week. I would people please, wherever I was to make sure that I did. Like, I would walk on eggshells so that I didn't have, like, terrified to be kicked out and have nowhere to go. Or my mom would come get me and she'd be up. You know what I mean? So, like, people pleasing for me, that makes sense into my adulthood why I would people please. Where maybe someone else has a different experience. But I know for a fact that came from childhood.

[Becky]

Yeah. And. But that's why it's important to unlearn that you need people around you that make that help you realize that, you know, oh, you don't need to do that for me. Like, it's okay to. To not be that person.

[Kale]

So with that all being said in the direction of this conversation, how do you feel? Because I personally have never been able to, like, realize something in my own life without someone bringing it to my attention, whether it be subtle or not. But how do you feel about friends who are like, I hate that you did that and now I'm not gonna be your friend instead of being like, okay, I don't agree with you, but remaining friends. And I don't mean like good friend, bad friend. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm Talking more so like, and without everyone in the freaking that's listening to this is gonna go on the page and be like, well, if they're a bad person, then I'm not gonna be their friend. Or they did something so foul that I couldn't be their friend. Okay, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about, like, I'm talking about incident incidences where it's like, okay, you didn't have to agree with my decision, but you could have brought it to me and presented it to me in a way that would make me more supple, aware, and want to make a better choice and we remain friends. Does that make sense?

[Becky]

Yeah, I think it's all about communication.

[Kale]

I think we'll use, we'll use cheating as an example.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Kale]

If you cheated on Leah, me knowing what kind of person Leah is and me being, I would say friends with Leah because of you, right?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

If you cheated on Leah, I would not agree with that. Right. Like, I would be like, becky, what the is wrong with you? I don't agree with this. I don't think that, you know, this choice was good, but I'm not gonna not be friends with you because of it.

[Becky]

Yeah, I think that if it becomes a regular pattern, then that's a different conversation. But also, friends don't confront other friends often about things that hurt them. So, like, if, if. I don't know if I. We're probably not a good example because we are kind of like an open book of how we talk to each other. So. But there's often relationships where, because they're just friends, friends, they don't think that a conversation is needed from a communication and relationship building aspect, like, you're not my partner, it doesn't matter. So people have that mindset where if, if a friend hurts them, they just kind of let it be because they're just friends. But like, any type of relationship, romantic or not, are warranted for communication. Conversations. If someone hurt you and something's bothering you, you should have probably a conversation. And I'm fucking kicking myself in the ass right now because there's like a million. I'm like, fuck, why did I say that? Now I'm going to have to go have conversations with you're like, now I.

[Kale]

Have to take my own advice.

[Becky]

Yeah, now I'm going to have to go take my own advice. But the issue is the communication part, right? If I come to you and say, you did something that bothered me and I came to you and I was like, you were a Piece of shit. I don't appreciate this. Like, you, like, blah, blah. And I came to you with, like, super negative energy. You're gonna respond to that in an. In. In a defensive way. But if I came to you and was like, hey, I want to talk to you about something, it hurt me. I understand if you might not have meant to hurt me, but this situation hurt me. And I think that it, like, we need to speak about it, it would be different.

[Kale]

So I have three examples that I want to share. And before my ADHD brain doesn't allow me to. I need to say them out loud so you can remind me. The first example is I recently had a friend where I was really hurt by. And immediately I was like, I sort of let it go for a little bit because I was going through something. And then we weren't. We already weren't talking. So I went to her and I said, hey, like, where. What is the status of our friendship? She was going through her own. And like you, and I've said this to you before, is like, wait, where was I going with this? Oh, talking, confrontation. I went to her and I said how I felt, and she was going through something as well. And neither one of us communicated to the other person that we were going through something. Right. So to your point, yes, but secondary. I did go to her and say exactly how I felt, and I was emotionally charged. I ended up. Instead of being mad, which I thought I was mad, I ended up actually crying because I was upset. That's where I think the anger was secondary to the hurt. So we established it, we squashed it. We had a conversation. It was a really good conversation. I. She was taken aback, but she also wasn't shocked either. Like, she was what she wasn't. And so that is number one I want. I'm proud of myself for even saying anything to her. Instead of just talking about it to, like, you or talking about it to Kristen or whatever, you know, I went directly to the source. The second example is Alessandra. I think in order to have healthy relationships, I think is a catch 22, because you might start a friendship where one or both of you are not in a healthy place to do what I'm about to say. Alessandra and I feel have always operated since I've known her. She has said so, like, since the day I've first started working with her, became friends with her, whatever, always come directly to me. And so we set that right off the bat because we were both her, especially her, was already in that place. So My relationship with Alessandra to this day, and it's been several years at this point is like, I. If I have a problem with Alessandra, I go directly to her. Like, I have never talked about Alessandra. I don't need to talk about Alessandra. I don't need to get advice from a friend about Alessandro, because I'm going to go directly to her. But that was the start of the friendship. So it's hard when you have friendships that exist already before you're in that healthy place. And so I think it's a learning process. It is also tough when one person grows and the other person is not. That also creates a rift for confrontation. And just like trying to address the problem and helping your friend be more aware of something because they. You're up here now because of the growth and your other friend is here. So when you confront the problem, there might not be a situation where you can make them self aware. Right. Like, they're. They might not be there yet. The next situation that I want to talk about is me and an ex where you said. What did you say? Oh, if you come into a conversation and you're defensive, they're going to react the same way. I have an ex who. That's all it is to this day. When there is a problem, what's being confronted to me, and I'm like, my literal response is, this is. The way that you're reacting is not warranted. And that's because I'm up here now and that person is here. And so when I'm saying to you, like, how you're talking to me, and I have said to him in the past, like, if you come to me and say, hey, Kale xyz, I'm going to react accordingly. But now I don't react the same way because I've grown and I've gone to therapy and I've done. I'm trying to do those things. I'm. My response now is not defensiveness. It's more. You don't get to talk to me like that.

[Becky]

Yeah, I mean, everything that you're speaking, like, every single situation that you're speaking about has is just like, the light is shining around you. Not that you are an angel.

[Kale]

No, I'm not. I'm absolutely not.

[Becky]

But I think it just shows the growth that you've had in how you want your relationships to also be. So you value your relationships a lot more now than you have in the past. So when something's bothering you, it's not like A. Oh, it. Whatever. It's a. Oh, this. Like, I value this relationship. I want to make sure that I'm in a safe place still. Yeah, it's like, you don't. I mean, the abandonment thing kind of just keeps that. It, like, creeps up in the back of your mind and you're like, am I being, like, left right now? Like, is this. Is this not a mutual relationship anymore? And so it's a lot. It's a lot, like, touchier.

[Kale]

But if you. If. Yeah, I think some relationships, but I.

[Becky]

Think that not all.

[Kale]

Not all of them.

[Becky]

Yeah, like, care about.

[Kale]

Yeah, yeah.

[Becky]

Like, the ones that you specifically care about you.

[Kale]

Well, that also. That specific one just threw me for a loop because that hasn't happened in years. So I think that one just also. And I had a recent trauma sort of similar. And so it's just like that one specifically I felt was, like, maybe being threatened in some way. But, like, if that happened with you, if you and I didn't talk for three weeks and then you try to, like, just jump back in like normal, I would be like, I think I would feel the same way because I care about it. Like you were saying.

[Becky]

Yeah. I mean, you go from talking, it's hard because life happens to people and like, like, you don't know what someone else is going through or if they're going through something else and you're going through your own thing. That's why just community, like, communication is.

[Kale]

So when I confronted my friend about it and she was sort of taken aback by it, it also opened my eyes to the fact that even though she didn't reach out to me about my surgery, I could have reached out to her and said, said, hey, is everything okay? And I didn't. So I. And it didn't necessarily have to be about me or my surgery. Right. It could have just been like, hey, I haven't heard from you. Like, are you okay? And so having those open conversations with people that you care about, anybody, not just friends or relationships, but just in general, is like the self awareness.

[Becky]

But, yeah, I'm just checking in. I had. I haven't talked to one of my friends. I have a couple friends that I don't have weekly conversations with. We can go months without talking, but it felt like a little bit too long. And so I just texted them and was like, hey, you good? Everything all right?

[Kale]

There is a difference between, like, high maintenance and low maintenance friends, right?

[Becky]

Like, oh, for sure.

[Kale]

There are. There are people in my life that I still consider a friend, but I might not have, like, Tony, for example, lives in Vegas. She texted me the other day. She's like, hey, do you have any tour dates in Vegas? And I was like, not yet, but I'll let you know. It's like, I might not talk to her for three weeks or a month, but I could go to her house and sit on the couch and eat Pringles tomorrow. Like, it just is one of those things. And Sterling too. Like, I hadn't seen Sterling in two years since I guess she came to my Dallas show in September. But like, before that, I hadn't seen her for two years. And it's like she was just showering me after my surgery. Like, there's just certain people that are low maintenance friends versus high maintenance friends. And then there are just regular like. And then there's just like regular friends that are, you know, could go either way.

[Becky]

I have a hard time balancing though, like, figuring out what bucket people sit in too. Because there's friends that in my mind I want to see. Not that I don't want to see my other friends. It's just. That's just not how the relationship is kind of built off of us being together. But friends that I have built a relationship off of, of, like being in the same room together. And then when that goes like a week or two weeks without it happening, it does make me feel like I question the value of that because of the precedent we already set, set of having a in person, like friendship rather than just a check in friendship. Did that make sense?

[Kale]

You know what? You just said that. And this same friend that I was just talking about that I like was like, I haven't heard from you in three weeks. Like, I literally mean three weeks. Nothing. I saw her in 2024 more than I saw people that I live in the same state as. You know what I mean? So that also, that's so interesting. Also, that just reminded me of a time. I don't know if you remember this. I'm actually a little embarrassed. Okay. You and me were in New York for whatever reason. I don't remember what, probably teen mom related.

[Becky]

It was a reunion.

[Kale]

And I was upset. I don't know that I was upset, but I brought here, I said, why don't you love me the same as your other friends? Like, why don't you treat me the same as your other friends? And you literally looked me dead in my face and you said, kayl, I treat all my friends the same. And I was devastated because I felt like I wasn't as important as your other friends.

[Becky]

Interesting.

[Kale]

I'm sorry, you remember that conversation?

[Becky]

Were we in bed?

[Kale]

Yes.

[Becky]

I do.

[Kale]

You remember?

[Becky]

Yeah, I do remember that.

[Kale]

So, like, what bucket do I fall in?

[Becky]

But I feel like the. The issue with our friendship also back then was you didn't accept friends caring and loving for you like that.

[Kale]

But I felt like you didn't care and love me, so I thought that I was beneath your other friends. So, like, why is that person more important than me?

[Becky]

I think that maybe be a. Might be a you problem, but.

[Kale]

Yeah, for sure. But I just. It just reminded me of that. I don't know what the crazy craziest part for me when I showed up.

[Becky]

For you all the time.

[Kale]

No, I know.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

And like, looking back, I know that. But the craziest part for me too is like, I won't remember so much. Like, I didn't remember that you and Sterling met.

[Becky]

We've met.

[Kale]

Like, I didn't remember that you and Sterling were friends at one point. Like, you guys hung out. But I remember that conversation in bed in New York in 2016. It was like, I don't know if I've had too much anesthesia or not enough anesthesia. We tweak that up a notch a little bit.

[Becky]

Yeah. Do you still feel like that? I hope you don't.

[Kale]

No, I don't feel like that at all. I feel like you check on me more than I check on you. So, like, why have I not always, but, like, sometimes? And so, like, I don't know. I don't know why I thought it then.

[Becky]

I just don't think that you. You had the capacity to understand any relationships around you to what they were.

[Kale]

Yeah, but thank you. We should do EDMR together.

[Becky]

I don't know what that is.

[Kale]

Me, you and Alessandra could go do ketamine treatments or edmr. Alessandro, I need a compilation at some point. Somebody assign it on asana of the pop ups. I need a compilation of Alessandro's pop ups. Like, it needs to happen because if we're gonna start a karma and chaos Instagram, that needs to be a weekly situation. Like, not weekly, a monthly. It's like all of the times, all of Alessandra's reactions this month.

[Becky]

Wait, what is the. What is the therapy thing that you said?

[Kale]

Which one? EDMR or ketamine?

[Becky]

Edm. I know what ketamine is. Edmr.

[Kale]

It's where they use. I think it's where they use, like, the clicker to create new pathways for, like, therapies and Things like that. But Dr. Drew suggested it to me, and so did good old Layer Bear from Teen mom. And he has a great doctor that does the ketamine ones. I think he also knew a doctor for EDMR. I know EDMR. Dr. Drew specifically suggested someone in LA, but. And I know we don't go to LA very often, but I'm sure they would have somebody in New York which is closer to us.

[Becky]

Why don't we just go somewhere, like, foreign and do ayahuasca?

[Kale]

I want to go to Turkey to do all of the things that Alessandra suggested. I mean, you can do all the blood work and the brain scan and the brain mapping. I want to brain map. Do you think that there's a part of my brain that's just, like, an empty hole that's like, I don't. Not like a real hole. Like, not like a lesion, but, like.

[Becky]

My sister tells me. I think she just tries to make me feel better, but I also believe her because she's smart. She told me that sometimes, like, our brain has a max capacity of information. It can hold. And so if we continue to grow and we continue to learn, it takes away room for other things to. To sit. So, like, memories from your past and memories from XYZ might be less priority than the new things that you're learning.

[Kale]

Well, what's sad about that is, like, the good memories from, like, childhood and stuff. I think that that also, it's not just the bad memories that are being removed. It's also good memories, which is sad for sure.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

Because, like, I think that's why Lux told me something that he remembers when he broke his finger when he was, like, 2 years old. And I'm like, you're 7. Like, why? I don't understand. And he still. He could tell me exactly what he was doing. And I'm like, I don't understand. I only have, like, two memories from kindergarten. You know what I mean? So, like, the more I learn and stuff, and it's like, that's sad because, like, one of my favorite people from kindergarten, he passed away. Right. Like, I don't want to forget those memories, but as I learn and grow as a person, is very possible that that could happen. Not if I keep remembering him today, but those memories from kindergarten might eventually go away.

[Becky]

I'm down to do anything that can bring back some memories for me, because I don't have many.

[Kale]

Repressed memory is crazy, too, because there's, like, theories that they're not real, so. Because if someone's like told something or like led to believe something. It's like oh, I do remember that. And then it's like that never actually happened.

[Becky]

I also went through. We weren't friends so I, I. That's crazy. We've never talked about this. I went through a really bad post Covid like mind alteration issue. Like I went to like neuros people. I went and got my head scanned. I lived in like a constant state of not understanding perception or time. Like I. Something that happened to me yesterday. It could have been 10 years ago with how like present it was in my mind and like it was really me up. Like my brain just. It was after I think the second time I got Covid and it was just so uncomfortable and any. The best way I could describe it is. You know when you're driving in a car and then all of a sudden you blink and you're at your destination, you're like where did that past hour go?

[Kale]

That's like dissociation.

[Becky]

That's how my entire life was. Like it was like it was just. And now I'm thinking maybe my memories are up from all like whatever like long term covet effects now because I just don't. I can't like remember anything.

[Kale]

Could it be that everything going on with your dad at that time and dissociation like you were.

[Becky]

I don't know because the. All the COVID stuff. It wasn't when my dad was bad so like I hadn't held a lot of stress yet from him.

[Kale]

Okay, that's really interesting. Did you ever. Did they ever give you like a medical explanation from it?

[Becky]

They were just like there's not enough information. Your brain looks fine. But I was talking to my one friend Mo about it because she was going through somewhat similar too. And if you. It was to the point where like it felt like life wasn't real. Like and if you thought too much into it like it kind of just like freaked you out. Like you were just like. Okay. Like nothing is real. Like not like honestly it.

[Kale]

Maybe it was. I'm not a doctor obviously, but maybe that is the effects of coke. Like it was like like more traumatizing to you guys.

[Becky]

Yeah, I don't. Yeah man.

[Kale]

Maybe I'll be curious to see what the listeners have to say because I wonder if anyone else experienced the same.

[Becky]

I can't remember names and like. And I know that people make light and like have jokes like oh, I can't remember. I can't remember names of people that I actively see in life. Like I literally, the other day, could not remember the name of the basketball coach that I coach with every single day. And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me?

[Kale]

Like, why not your sixth grade basketball coach? Right?

[Becky]

I. I coach high school basketball right now.

[Kale]

I did not know that. When were you going to tell me that, Kale?

[Becky]

How many times have you texted me and I said, sorry, I was at basketball.

[Kale]

I thought it was an adult league. I thought it was an adult league.

[Becky]

I can't play basketball. I have a torn acl. I coach high school basketball.

[Kale]

Since when?

[Becky]

Since October.

[Kale]

Thought it was an adult league. Like your adult volleyball league?

[Becky]

No, I volunteer. I'm not. I'm not the head coach.

[Kale]

Well, let me know, because Lincoln would probably love to go and pretend to be a fake assistant coach. Like, he would love that. Yeah, he is the assistant coach for Lux's soccer team on Saturdays, and he's obsessed.

[Becky]

Lincoln is such a good person. Like, his. Like the way he interacts with his siblings.

[Kale]

Oh, I know. I cry.

[Becky]

Yeah, it is beautiful. You guys know that we have been talking about finances recently on our podcast and getting out of debt and making sure we're setting ourselves up for success in the future. And we want to make sure that we are giving good money habits to our kids. And I'm excited about this sponsor of ours. It's Acorns early, which is a smart money app and debit card for kids that helps them learn the value of money. Acorns Early Chores Tracker teaches kids that hard work pays off. Just set up chores in the app, set up a payment amount, and tick the chore off when you're done.

[Kale]

I love that. As a mom of a teenager and tweens, I absolutely love this. And kids can spend what they earn with their very own debit card, which gives them a sense of autonomy, independence, and I absolutely love that. Plus, parents can keep track of where and when their kids are spending in real time, so parents can get real time updates, notifications. You can also set spending limits on here, which I love, and instantly block lost or stolen cards.

[Becky]

Help your kids turn savings into a habit. Kids can use their app to set savings goals. They can even choose their own target dates and turn on the optional auto save feature to help them get there. This is really great. Again, learning new habits at a young age from a money perspective can really set them up in the future.

[Kale]

I mean, I was a really, really young adult before I learned any sort of saving and spending habits, and so I definitely don't want to do the same Thing for my kids. I want to teach them young. If you guys are ready to help your kids learn the value of Money, head to acornserly.com Kale or download the Acorns early app to get started. Sign up now and your first month is on us. TNC's apply monthly subscription fee starting from $5 per month unless canceled.

[Becky]

But I. I'm an assistant coach for a girls basketball team at a boarding school in my town.

[Kale]

I wish that I knew that. I think that's amazing.

[Becky]

I love it. If. If anyone knows of any brain studies that are out there that are available that people want to. Want to see my brain from Postco stuff, I'll. I'll take another scan.

[Kale]

I would like to get ahead my head scanned and a brain map. I want both.

[Becky]

That just reminded me I need to reach out to my sister because we donated my dad's brain to science and we're supposed to get updates about it, like if what they find and like, things of those sorts.

[Kale]

Just so everyone's aware. I also want my brain donated to science. So. I love that you did that.

[Becky]

I. I don't actually. I was. I was like, oh, you have to write in your will. But my dad didn't.

[Kale]

I have a will, so I have a living will. I'm pretty sure it says that. I don't know, but I'll have it corrected if it doesn't. I definitely want to be cremated after that, though, like, oh, for sure. Like, take what you need, but then maybe burn the rest.

[Becky]

It was this memory just triggered. So when the corner coroner's office came to pick him up, I was like, oh, where are you guys taking him? And they were like, oh, we're taking him out to Bethlehem or something. Like, wherever. And I was like, oh, take him through the casino one last time. And he was like, you got it. And he said he did. He, like, drove it through the parking lot. The casino.

[Kale]

Stop. Does he love the casino?

[Becky]

Yeah, he was a blackjack player. We. I remember, like, growing up and going to Atlantic City and like, before I was old enough to be there. Well, not to be there, but to have fun there. And he would come up to the room and throw chips on the bed and would be like, oh, just paid for vacation.

[Kale]

Tick Tock confirms it will shut down in the United States on January 19th.

[Becky]

Speaking of social media, I know that we just went from my dead dad to social media, but Kale's a squirrel.

[Kale]

So can I have. I want a graphic of a squirrel if that's what I am.

[Becky]

Remember when we were in Florida and people kept said that we looked like Hungry Hungry Hippos.

[Kale]

We went to Florida.

[Becky]

We went to Disney. Yeah.

[Kale]

And people said that about us.

[Becky]

Yeah. And we were like laughing like, look at us. Hungry Hungry Hippos. Anyway, I need everyone that is listening right now. I need your guys support. Support in a disagreement. Kill doesn't think that we need our own Instagram, even though I think I've convinced her that we do. And just let us know. We need. We want us. I want us to start our own Instagram account so that we can post more content and stuff. So tell Kale that she's wrong.

[Kale]

I said we could do it, just not right now.

[Becky]

You came in hot. I almost went to text Kristen because it's just so funny. We had a. A team meeting this morning and Kayl wasn't there. And so I'm like, oh, Kristen, I think that we should start an Instagram. She's like, okay, let me. Let me. And everyone was like, excited. You know, great vibes going on.

[Kale]

Everyone was excited.

[Becky]

Yeah, well, not excited. Like, it was just good vibes. And then Kristin was like, okay, let me take that back to Kale. And I jump on. We jump. Me and Kale jump on this call today. And she came in hot. She was like, we're not. Absolutely not. Like, came in hot. And I went to text Kristen. Like, I got her mood changed. Like, we can do it. When you calm down and agreed to it.

[Kale]

I feel like it was a middle ground. I don't feel like I agreed to what you said necessarily or like, everybody wants an Instagram. I just feel like I compromised.

[Becky]

Yeah, great.

[Kale]

Thanks for letting me freak out, though.

[Becky]

I was sitting here laughing. I was like, here we. Here's. Here's another limo situation.

[Kale]

Everything is done with malicious intent.

[Becky]

Wait, did you see in the Karma and Chaos Facebook group, someone posted a kid's book and it had a picture of a limo. And she's like, I can't see limos without thinking of you.

[Kale]

Actually, in the. Oh, my God. That just reminded me I need to send. The book that I just read, first of all, was based in Philly. It's called Addicted to you. It's a whole series. And in there, literally the one character was like, why are we riding in a limo? And she goes, we. We drive black Escalades. Like, why do we have a limo? And I took a picture of it on my Kindle to send to Kristen. I forgot you were part of that. So I have to send it in. The group chat.

[Becky]

Do you just forget about me often?

[Kale]

No, I just forget who knows who, you know what I mean?

[Becky]

You forgot that we went to Florida. You forgot that I was in the limo with you?

[Kale]

Yeah, I literally took a picture and Kristen wasn't there, so I didn't send it to them. But, like, it would, like, make more sense to send it to you and Alessandra than to Kristen and Alessandra.

[Becky]

Yeah, whatever.

[Kale]

No, it's. It's absolutely not personal month.

[Becky]

I'm so excited to see you next week. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see Alessandra. I'm excited for us to have some time together. Me, too. I think it'll be nice. I don't like when we go too long without seeing each other. I was just talking about that. It makes it.

[Kale]

I agree.

[Becky]

Friends that I'm used to, like, having time with. Separation gives me, like, a little bit of.

[Kale]

I don't know, you know, I feel the same. I do feel the same.

[Becky]

So I'm excited for that. I also need to put something in our calendar for me to come there to get to see Elijah Scott Williams and for him to give me everything he wants to give me.

[Kale]

He took apart the bassinet that we used, washed everything, and then put it in a container so that it wouldn't get dirty.

[Becky]

I. I'm obsessed with him. Okay. Anyway, I'm excited to see you. I'm obsessed with him. I need to come see the kid. So send me some dates that work for you that I can come, and then we'll see each other next week.

[Kale]

I know. I'm so excited. I'm really excited. I'm actually excited to go to New York, too, because it's been a long time and I thought I. I thought I hated the city. Haven't been there for six weeks, and I love the city, so it's weird. Also, if you guys are looking to follow Becky on social media, tell them where to find you.

[Becky]

Yeah, guys, give me a follow. I'm getting yelled at by our social media team to do more, so help a girl out. Hater25. I just posted another blog, actually, so Becky hater.com and exciting news, too, for the haters starts next week.

[Kale]

Oh, right. Oh, my God. For the haters. I know I said this on last week's episode, but if you missed it or you skip that episode for whatever reason and this is the first time you're hearing it, for the haters episodes are going to be dropping on karma and chaos. Feed not in lieu of, not in place of, but in addition to so the goal is for for the haters to then get its own feed so Becky can bring back for the haters interview, new people, do a new season, etc. Etc. So if you can please support that show too by listening to those episodes.

[Becky]

Yes. Love you guys. And where can they find you? Kayl?

[Kale]

You can find me on the corner next to Dollar General.

[Becky]

Sounds great. I hope everyone has a great day, great week, great month. We'll talk to you guys next week.

[Kale]

Pluto TV is the place for movie.

[Becky]

Fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Kale]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Becky]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Kale]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Becky]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker, or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run Forrest.

[Kale]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and.

[Becky]

Shows, all for free. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never. Hi, I'm Stassi Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics. I'm obsessed with, like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will too. Listen to my podcast Dossi wherever you get your podcasts.