
Loading summary
Tyler
Foreign.
Becky
Welcome back, everyone, to karma and chaos. Kale is still recovering. And so they were like, becky, choose another person that you want to come and do an episode with. And I was like, you think Ty would come on and do this with me? And they were like, yeah, why not? And I was like, I don't know. Maybe he's busy. You know, he's a husband, a dad, all the things. Has your own podcast. But he made time for me.
Tyler
Of course I will.
Becky
Becky, for those that you don't. Of you that might not know. Me and Ty have known each other for a while. Right? Like, it has been, like, 10 years, maybe.
Tyler
Yeah. But I met. It was very quick. It wasn't like, we have to, like, hang out back then when we first met. So I feel like this whole new, like, podcast thing kind of brought us.
Becky
Yeah. And so we've been growing and getting to know each other closer over the past year, I would say. When we have. I went on your podcast and we talked about my fertility journey, and I'm just. I'm excited to have you here because we get to. We get the banter back and forth. It's just the two of us.
Tyler
You know, the.
Becky
We got. The both of us have the black memo. We're.
Tyler
Look what's going on here, Dude?
Becky
I know. We're two peas in a pod today. So welcome. Tyler. How are you? What's going on?
Tyler
I'm great. I'm. You know, summer's coming to an end. Kids are getting ready to go back to school, so, you know, it's just chaos over here.
Becky
What grades are they going into?
Tyler
Okay, so Nova's going into fifth. Veda's doing kindergarten again. And then Raya's going, like, her first. Like, she's gonna be gone, like, five days a week. Full days. I'm freaking out because I'm like, it's my last baby, so it's like. It's just. It's a lot. We had three open houses the other day to go to all these different schools. And, yeah, it's. It's. It's crazy. It's wild.
Becky
So you guys will. No long. Like, is. Is it. Oh, do they, like, call it an empty nest for school, too? Like, you're going into that phase of not having kids in your house all day.
Tyler
Yeah. Which is, like. It's weird because I like you. You just think about a lot of. A lot. Like, oh, I can't wait for this day. I can't wait for this day. And then the day is coming, and I'm like, my baby's not gonna be here. Like, it's crazy. You get so used to, like, just seeing your baby every day. Breakfast, lunch, just the whole everything. And then now it's like you're gone for, like, five days or five hours out of the whole day. What? Like, so, I mean, and especially I think knowing that, like, Raya is my last one.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
Oh, God, it just kills me. Like, I. It's weird. I was talking to Kate the other day, and I'm like, am I crazy? Because I'll literally, like, count how many times I've held my kids today. Like, it's so weird. And I'm like, something's wrong with me. Like, I don't know, but I'll get, like, paranoid if it's anything less than, like, four times that I've actually picked up all my kids. And I'm like, I've only done it three times. Noah, come here. You know, why are you carrying me? I'm 10. I'm like, I don't know.
Becky
It's going to be like they're all. They're like senior high school, like, graduation. Just going to be carrying them across stage. What do you guys. What do you think you're gonna do with your time?
Tyler
Honestly, it's gonna be great for recording because obviously we can have more time to record and focus on that and then just get, like, little house, house project stuff finished. Like, I got a lot of basement work to do, you know, all that. All the boring stuff.
Becky
So homeownership is just never ending projects. Dude, It's.
Tyler
Oh, my God. People don't understand this too, because, like, a lot of people are like, oh, well, we're gonna. We're gonna get this brand new house. Even with a brand new house, you still have to do, like, I don't care. New build, you know, old fixer upper. Like, it's just. Homeownership is insane.
Becky
Yeah. Yeah, I would love. I know that you know that I'm a new parent. It's been a whirlwind of, like, crazy emotions. Just crazy. I know that hopefully we'll get together maybe in the fall and when you guys are next time in New York and we'll have you guys out here so you can meet Bex. I put together some questions that I wanted to ask you. It's just based on relationships because things change, right? Like, your life, like, completely just alters, and you are a veteran in the floor father world. And I'm. And I would love to pick your brain a little bit more I know I asked questions when we. I was on your podcast. I asked you, like, what a word of advice would be, and you gave, like, the best answer. And you. I can't remember what it was verbatim, but, like, you said something about, like, letting kids be kids and, like. Like, you know, if they're making a mess, maybe they want to be a scientist. Like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, let them be creative and let them, like, make, you know, messes and make it. As long as it's not hurting anyone or, like, making anything bad. I'll always remember that.
Tyler
So, yeah, every single thing. Like a little science experiment. Then it takes the stress out of it. Like, okay, there's spilled stuff, powder everywhere. But listen, they learned a little bit about how to make some dough or whatever the hell it is. Whatever. It's like, everything, like a science experiment, and it, like, kind of lets the stress away from me from freaking out about spill milk.
Becky
So, yeah.
Tyler
What.
Becky
What would you say? What. How would you describe your parenting style?
Tyler
Okay, so I guess my parenting style. I would be. It. It's very curiosity driven. I don't really, like, I'm not like, super. Obviously they have chores, like, come on, you know, load the dishwasher, that kind of stuff at Nova's age. But, like, I don't. I'm not really strict as far as, like, you know, you can't have sugar past eight. And, like, I don't know, I just feel like I let my kids drive the lessons, right? I mean, I'm not sitting them down in a school desk and saying, this is what we're. You know, it's. I'm just the parent, so. And I feel like I. My job is just to, you know, let them learn at their pace kind of thing and let their curiosity drive whatever lessons I can implement into that little, you know, curiosity window that they have. Because, honestly, dude, the kid, like, the other day, kids are like, oh, well, why can't boys have babies? And I'm like, well, they don't have a uterus, and beta's six. And she's like, what's a uterus? And I was like, well, this is what a uterus is. And she's like, oh, okay, cool, bye. And then she left. Like, it was like, so, like, you parents get so stressed out thinking, oh, my God, we're gonna get into this crazy thing. But kids are so fluid. They're just like, okay, cool. And so, like, you know, I don't know. I just kind of. I just let the Curiosity drive it. Really?
Becky
Yeah. I think that you're obviously, you are very self aware and know this, but your kids are in such a better place because they're surrounded by such free thinking and like the ability to be themselves. And there's no like I want like gender norms. Right. Like you have a very like fluid personality where like you aren't afraid to be emotional, you aren't afraid to like wear your heart on your sleeve and you show that love. And not all kids are able to grow up in that kind of environment. So I feel like just who you and KR as people is like setting these kids up for such like such success. Right. Like they just are in such like a loving place and that always makes me so happy. What do you say? I hope so. I thought.
Tyler
I hope so because I don't know. Listen, the thing about parenting is that you don't ever know if you've done a horrible job until it's too late to fix it. Because I tell you when they're like 19, hey, you totally my life up. And I'm like, well, I can't go back to when you were 7 and 8 and fix it all. So I guess, you know, parenting is one of those you just roll the dice, you know.
Becky
Yeah, I, I feel like there's just, oh like there's always going to be something. Like they're like kids are always going to remember something that you did that's just gonna be like haunting you for the rest of your life. Like you were mean to me in this, in this situation and I'll never forget that. And then they'll forget about like the hundred good things that happened that year.
Tyler
But I feel like that's kind of parent if you, I think a parent's gonna just accept the fact that you're inevitably going to them up in some way. Okay. You cannot escape it. It may be really small, it may be really big. We don't know. But you're inevitably going to shape this human being and you're going to make some mistakes along the way. And it's just, it is what it is. Like you just got to accept the fact that you're never gonna your kids up. It may be a big up or a small one, but it's gonna happen. So accept it.
Becky
Do you feel like you and K have like changed at all? Like, like how you parent from each child that you've had?
Tyler
Oh, yeah. Well, I kind of feel like, I feel like each kid gets a different parent because each kid needs a different style of parenting. Like Veda is completely different from Lenovo when she was younger. And so I find myself being super like, I like purposely kind of get down on my knees with Veda and like make her like, you know, face to face level and just explain stuff to her. Where Noble was very simple, I'd be, hey, put that over there. Okay. Like, she wouldn't ask questions a lot like that. So I mean, each kid and Rye is still so little that we're just kind of still doing the whole like, hey, pick up your toy, don't do that, whatever. But I feel like each kid, they get a different parent, like, you know, and I think if, I think it would be a lot more stressful on me if I try to do parent them all exactly the same way because it's just not gonna work. They're different kids, different personalities, you know, different tempers and all that kind of stuff. So, um, I don't know, I feel like it requires adapt. You gotta adapt. You have to adapt as they get older, you know.
Becky
You ever wake up after a night out and immediately regret, well, just about everything, like, who did I text, why did I dance like that? And where is my Advil? Yeah, me too. That's why I'm so into Willy's remedy right now. A THC infused social tonic crafted by the legend himself, Willie Nelson. It gives you this amazing euphoric buzz in about 15 minutes. No hangover, no regrets. It's got this mellow, tropical citrus flavor and you can shoot it up, sip it over ice, or mix it into a mocktail. I usually have one when I want to wind down after work or just vibe with some friends without drinking. It's low calorie, low sugar, and it actually works. A lot of alcohol alternatives say they'll chill you out. Willies delivers. And let me just say, this is not your sketchy college edible experience. Every bottle is third party tested for accurate doses, so you can trust what you're getting. Plus it's got thc, cbd, CBG and L thynine for this calm, happy, clear headed feeling. It's honestly the highlight of my evening routine. Willy sold out three times in the first six months with over 50,000 happy customers. And they just restocked. Willy ships directly to your doorstep in 40/states. Order now@drinkwillys.com use code karma for 20 off your first order plus free shipping on orders over $95. And enjoy life in the high country. You said. You mentioned chores. What kind of chores do you have for your kids?
Tyler
Dishes is one thing. Because I hate the dishes. I'm a good kid. Get to do the dishes. But Nova has she, like, two pets that she saved up money for, and she bought. She's got a bearded dragon, and now she's got a crested something gecko. I don't know what the hell it is. I'm not really into the whole lizard. But she's got. She saved up her money from doing chores and bought that kind of stuff, so she's taking care of those dishes. You know, I'll tell her, like, hey, the bathroom is Gotta. Gotta get it going, because the kids have their own bathroom downstairs. I'm like, I ain't touching it. I ain't touching it, so you better touch it. It's like, so little stuff like that. I mean, she's. She's getting to the point now where it's like, all right, do I, like, stop paying her? Because I'm like, wait a minute. Like, you can't get. Like, I don't get paid to do the dishes. You know what I mean? So I'm at this parenting crossroad. I'm like, wait a minute. I've given her money all the time for these chores. Like, what am I gonna do? Like, she's not gonna. I'm not gonna give you money when you're 16, 17 years old, kid.
Becky
Like, it's her. Like, is her future partner gonna have to give her money to, like, do this crazy for the rest of her life? Like, you have to sit them down. Like, hey, if you need something, you're gonna have to pay her to do it.
Tyler
Yeah. For real? I don't know. I mean, I. I. But I feel like with Nova, it's like, she's, like. She's pretty easy kid. She doesn't really, like, argue with me. And I always tell her, like, hey, listen, I know it seems stupid to do, but you have to do it. Like, it's just part of it. And I think doing boring stuff that doesn't seem important, it's just. It's part of life, and you just have to do it. So I try to instill it in her, but now I'm like, dang, this girl's gonna be spoiled, thinking she's gonna get money every time she mops her own floor.
Becky
Like, do you feel like she, like, is, like, growing to understand kind of money a little bit?
Tyler
Like, because honestly, we. Which was a huge thing, like being on TV and just getting, like, getting the money so quickly without ever having it growing up. Like, I. I thought in my head, I'm like, you have to know what things cost. And so that's why she wanted this, you know, gecko or this bearded dragon. I'm like, listen, this is how much the tank is. I went on Amazon, I said, It's 500 and just listed it all down. I said, this is how much money you're gonna, you're gonna have to make. And then I gave her the chore list. And I'm like, you're gonna get $2 to do this and $3 to do that. And so I felt like that was the best way to kind of like introduce her to, like, this is, you know, what, what it means. But then I also showed her like, what it, what it looks like to actually get a job. My niece was living with us for a while this last year to kind of get her on her feet and into adulthood. And so she got a job. And I was just explaining to her like, I was like, lex, can you tell Novo how much taxes got taken out? And like how. You know what I mean? Just kind of explain. And no was like, that's just crazy. But I know, dude. I said, he's lucky that your dad don't take taxes out of your damn allowance. Like, this is kind of how life is, but it's one of those things where it's like, you kind of get a little bit worried because, like, I don't want my kids to, to, to grow up thinking that like, money is just available to them at all times. And yeah, it's hard because we live in a world where it's like, I need something, I go on Amazon and it gets here the next two days. You know what I mean? It's different from when we were growing up. It was like, oh, like boom, boom, boom. That I'm like, dang. You gotta like pause and tell the kid like, hey, not everyone can just go on Amazon or use Instacart and get all their stuff because it's too much money. So I don't know, man. I feel like it's a, it's a, it's difficult to like raise them with that understanding because I feel like when you grew up in poverty, you already get it. You learn the lessons, you know, organically by not having stuff. And my kids have everything they want and need. So it's like, how do I balance that, you know?
Becky
Yeah, it's such like a, like double edged sword because you've worked and done the things that you have done so that they don't have to grow up like that either. Right? So like There shouldn't be any, like, not shame, but just like, why wouldn't you give them what they want and deserve? Because, like, you can afford to do that. But you're right. Like, how do you find that balance? Because it doesn't set them up for success in the future when they become an adult and start to. Because you want them to succeed in their own way. Like, you don't want to just like, kind of pave the floor for them and then expect them to want to work hard to, to get somewhere. But I, I mean, chores alone and allowances and like, making her pay for, like, that's basically things that you're doing, right? To make sure that she doesn't get that way. Yeah.
Tyler
Well, also, you gotta remember that, like, we have such a different, weird job. Like, I think it'd be different if Noble was watching me get up every day, you know, 7am, I'm not home till 6pm and like, you know, so trying to explain to her that, like, like when we go to all of her events at school and stuff, like, I always tell, like, you're really lucky kid. Like, very lucky, because me and mom got blessed the way we were with our, with our jobs and how we get money that we're able to be at all these events. Like, I didn't see my mom at anything, and I think it's hard to kind of even get the. Get her to understand that a full days of work is this much money because she sees us every. We don't, we don't clock it. We don't clock out. You know what I mean? So it's like, how do I even explain that to her where it's like, hey, when you get older, I hope you know, like, it ain't gonna be like this depending on what job you get. Like, it's. This is totally a weird, not normal reality that you're. That you're witnessing adults kind of navigate because we got so blessed. And so I make sure to always tell her, like, how blessed we are and how grateful we need to be and how, you know, And I always bring up stories about when I was younger. I'm like, talking about my mom having to work two jobs and just like never being home. And so seeing her face kind of like, oh, wow, so your mom couldn't go pick you up from practice, you had to ride your bike? I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's what I had to do because she had to go to work all day long. So I think even the job itself, separate from the financial Stuff, but the job itself is weird. Like, she doesn't see us clock in and clock out, and that's. That's kind of hard to, like, have her understand that.
Becky
And that just, like, made me think about. I wonder how they rel. Like, make relevancy between, like, presence and love, too. Like, how do you make someone understand that, like, other kids, while their parents aren't coming doesn't make. Make it seem like they love them less. Right. Like, work is taking them away. And that's not something that is a choice. Like, it's an obligation to be able to keep food on the table, keep a roof over their heads. Right. So you, like, not only is that presence something that she might not see from other people, but making sure that it's understood that the presence itself doesn't equate to love. Right?
Tyler
Yeah, no, I get exactly what you're saying, because I told. I told her that, like, listen, like, my mom worked at the bar for the weekends, and then she was, like. Worked at a mortgage company throughout the weekend. So I told her, I was like, listen, if. If my mom could not be at my practices or any of my stuff, because we wouldn't. We literally wouldn't have groceries that. That week. So, like, she had to go to the bar and she had. That was her money to eat. And she asked me why didn't her normal job make enough money for us to eat? And I said, well, that's a whole nother economic American. Well, you know, that's a whole different conversation. But it's. It. But it is the reality that, like, my mom would have loved to be there, but she couldn't. And so my. And my dad wasn't there either. So, yeah, it's finding that balance of, like. And I think it's also. It's also interesting because, like, I never, like, I had no one in my life that's ever, like, had their own hours. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I've never. I don't have anyone in my life growing up that they had their own business. They could just take a, you know, a week off and go on vacation and all that kind of stuff. And so how do I, like, even, like, raise her knowing that, like, this. Not everyone has this freedom and.
Becky
And like, this life is just so different than it is so different.
Tyler
And it's also kind of scary. Like, dang, I. I don't know how to, like, let her know that the world is real and it's harsh and. And it's difficult. And then also, you know, Like, I want you to have everything you want and you need. So it's just like a, it's weird to raise kids in this industry and with this kind of like weird job. I don't know, it creates like a hard, harder, like trying to teach them a whole world view is different.
Becky
Yeah, I just like, obviously I've been around Kale's kids since they were, since Isaac was 2. And so like I've seen Isaac becomes, or Elliot become such a profound like person who respects himself, who respects his like time and money and energy that it gives me hope around like, you know, your kids as well, that if he is becoming that person and like it's just possible with the right love and support around them. And obviously your kids are going to have friends, they're going to be able to see inside other people's lives. But it's, it's really kind of sweet. I see him wanting to like help his friends too because he has the ability. So it's not like he's selfish with his, with what he knows he has. He wants to like make other people as well, feeling like welcome and comfortable and just like know that they're at that same level. It's all, I think it's, I mean the two of you are very like level headed in that nature, right? Like you're not trying to show both.
Tyler
I try but like at the end of the day, like, I wonder. I almost wish Kale was here. I want to ask her like, when did she tell Isaac about his money? Like, I wonder when she actually like. Because I honestly, me and Kate were like, dude, I'm not telling them nothing for, for as long as I can. Like, I don't want them to know anything. I want them to like, because I don't know what to do. It's a lot of responsibility. I feel like on, on our end because it's like, I don't know what, like do I give it to them? Do I have an ultimatum? Like, you have to go to college, then you'll get it? Do I, do I save it for their first house? And I tell them like, I don't know what it's. The whole thing is so like it's, it's, it's like stressful.
Becky
I don't know if there's any answer to it though. All I know is that like Elliot has made himself career goals already. Like he's already aspiring to do things and to be things. And I think it like not every kid is going to be the same. So like you're like he's going to be fine regardless because he wants to do something for like for himself. And so whatever money there that there is will be able to support kind of that those choices, you know, going to college or. But I think it's like by kid because like every one of her kids is gonna be different, right?
Tyler
Like, like I don't know when to get like do I? I might, I might, I might never give your little asses this money until I figure out, until I know for a fact that you guys are doing what you're supposed to be doing. Because like dang, like life take such different turns. I don't know what to do. But I mean I think the house.
Becky
Is perfect though, right? Like things that are like that will help them in the long term. Like saving for things like that. Like, like I will help you with your first home. I'll help you with like things that, where it's not like just spending it on lavish vacations and blowing money on things that aren't going to help them in their future.
Tyler
Yeah, I think a house for sure. I, you know, I even told all my kids too. I'm like, listen, I'm not requiring you to go to college. I know it's not for everybody, but you always need a house. You always got to have a house. So. And if, and if I can get you out of having to have a mortgage and own it yourself right when you're start adulthood, then that's what I would love to do.
Becky
How much property do you guys have?
Tyler
6 acres.
Becky
You can just build a couple houses there for. Yeah. Yeah.
Tyler
Get a little commune.
Becky
Yeah, that's what I. Leo. It's Leo always talks about. She's like, he can live here forever. Like I never want him to live. I was like, okay, real talk. The newborn chaos hit our house like a freight train between having to change diapers, bottle milk and someone always forgetting something. Cooking an actual meal for ourselves was not happening. Then I found Tempo. Tempo delivers fresh protein rich meals that are ready in just three minutes. I'm talking delicious dietitian approved lunches and dinners that actually taste amazing and don't leave me hangry two hours later. They change up the menu every week so you're not just stuck eating the same thing on loop. And everything is made with real ingredients that you can pronounce everything on that label. It's perfect if you're juggling 9,000 things and trying to eat like a functional adult. I've been obsessed with their protein packed and calorie conscious options. Also, they're the official partner of the 2025 CrossFit Games, so, yeah, they're legit. For a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to Tempo meals.com Karma that's Tempo meals.com Karma for 60% off your first box. So let's just go there because nobody talks about this stuff, but we should. Vaginal health is real, and it gets affected by everything. Your cycle, your workouts, even what you wear. I found O positive 0 vaginal probiotic, and it has seriously changed the game for me. Yarrow is a blend of four powerful strains of Lactobacillus probiotics plus prebiotics, and it helps support a healthy vaginal phosphate smell and flora. You take two capsules a day, and a lot of women, myself included, notice results in a few weeks. What I love is how many women have said it has boosted their confidence and even improved their sex life. Honestly, same it's formulated by a woman's health company that really knows their stuff. Positive has the best sellers at Target and on Amazon. So this isn't something random on the Internet. Take proactive care of your health and head to opposite.com karma or. Or enter karma at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O P O S I T I V.com karma for 25% off.
Tyler
How is that going? How. How is all of it?
Becky
Like, I mean, I struggled a little bit in the beginning of. I, like, didn't have that instant connection, and it, like, like, scared me because, like, I didn't connect with him instantly when he was born. Like, I didn't feel this, like, overwhelming, like, love and like, wow, this is my child. Like, I'm so happy. I'm so excited for this new chapter, especially being an emotional person and being how excited I was, like, you know, during the pregnancy and just during the conception of everything. So when he got here, it was like, who is this stranger? And, like, why don't I love him yet? And I actually opened up about this on this podcast and was, like, really upset. And I went through, like, three weeks of just, like, just battling all these thoughts and feelings. And then when I opened up, it was like, yeah, a lot of people feel that way and, like, a lot of people don't have, like, those initial connections. And so once I remove those expectations of needing to feel a certain way, it's been, like, just so much better. Like, I've just been enjoying, like, the smaller moments. And Bex is, like, really a really Good kid. So we got, like, kind of lucky in that, right? We're not overwhelmed by screaming or crying. That's inconsolable. He, like. Well, he sleeps in his own bed in his room. We put him in there after four weeks, and, like, we'll put him down, and even if he's not asleep yet, he'll just lay there until he falls asleep. Like, he's. He's very.
Tyler
You guys got real lucky. You better count your lucky stars. That's crazy.
Becky
I think the universe knew that, like, I needed, like, to ease my way into it.
Tyler
I think it's interesting, though, because what you mentioned, it kind of reminds me of, like, not everyone. This love thing is not just so automatic in that you actually. And I think people, like, I made a comment a couple years ago where I was like, I'm so in love with Nova. And they're like, why would you say. That's so weird for you to say in love? And I'm like, really? I guess I never thought about it, but when you speak like that, it reminds me of, like, we do fall in love with our kids. It is like a. It is. It is a journey that you in every stage is different, so you, like. I don't know. I feel like it's not. You're not. But you definitely aren't alone and feeling that way, because I've heard that from a lot of people, and they get so, like, freaked out about the expectations and what you're supposed to feel like, and it's like, just take it out. It just. You're gonna fall in love with this kid. It's inevitable. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Becky
For sure.
Tyler
Yeah.
Becky
Yeah. I mean, like. And every day gets better, and, like, he's growing like he is his own little person now. And, like, he has, like, a little bit of a personality. And, like, I just. I know how I am. And so, like, moments that we get to actually, like, spend quality time together and start, like, teaching and learning, and, like, it's just all gonna fall right into place, how it. How it's supposed to be. We're actually. We're started restarting the process, too, for number two, so.
Tyler
Oh. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Right now, like, right now it's happening. Holy.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
So that's crazy.
Becky
Well, because we have two, you know, uteruses to play with, and we don't. So I'll be carrying next. I'll be carrying Leah's, hopefully. Right. Like, if. If I can get pregnant. We're hoping before the end of the year that's like, our goal. Yeah. That's intense, dude.
Tyler
Damn.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
Carry a baby, possibly. That's wild.
Becky
I've never in my life, like, wanted to be pregnant. And so not even when she was.
Tyler
Pregnant, though, you didn't, like, see her and be like, oh, I kind of wish I could feel that. Or.
Becky
No, no. Even now, like, it's like, like, if I never got pregnant, that would be okay. Like, I want to be pregnant because I think it would be like, how beautiful is it that I get to carry a piece of Leah? Like that, like, is just. You can't describe that. Right? Like, I get to carry her in a way that, you know, most queer people would never even, like, really conceptualize being able to have that connection. So that's what I'm. I'm ex. I'm so, so excited and I'm so excited to be able to, like, carry a piece of Leah and give, like, her dad a piece of them and, like, and, you know, and give that. Give that back. So that's what. That is where my excitement comes and why I want to do it. I've been taking a bunch of medicine, though, and I've been getting really nauseous, so I've been like, taking estrogen like, three times a day. And. Yeah.
Tyler
How does that work? Like, what do you have to do to, like, prepare, like, to like, how do you do that?
Becky
It's a lot. Like, so I'm not doing another retrieval, so I'm just prepping for a transfer. So, like, because Leah's embryo is already made with our donor. All the things. And so my body, like, they. I'm on like, 25 pills a day. It's crazy. I'm on two different shots. Yeah. Which is just wild to me that, like, I'm doing all of this to prep my body to be able to be pregnant. And like, straights are just raw dogging it through life. Like. Like, even when people are, like, having trouble conceiving, like, why don't people give them, like, progesterone shots to, like, try to help? Because that, like, it helps, like, make a place for a pregnancy to stick. And then I'm taking like, anti rejection stuff and like, estrogen to make all the things work. And it's. It's interesting that there aren't more things to try to help people that are struggling. And it's just automatically going into ivf.
Tyler
Like, is this all. Is this all through the fertility clinic, all this, like, pills. Okay. So, yeah, it's interesting because I wonder why people wouldn't Just take advantage of that resource.
Becky
Yeah. Like, why aren't there, like, simpler things that people can just try at home, like with these types of meds, before they have to, like, spend their life savings to go into infertility treatments? Because it's not cheap to. To have a. Have a kid. Medically or scientifically?
Tyler
Yeah, well, scientifically, that's. That's a whole different. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, that's wild, because I'm actually like. And also, like, how do you. Like, it's. It's also, I mean, what a crazy birth story that you're gonna have to tell the kids. Like, hey, like, you know, this is what happened. This is how you came into the world. It's way different from your friends, and it's gonna be, you know, it's a lot. That's a lot.
Becky
Yeah, we're. We're planned. They may. They have books. I definitely probably will read some. But we plan on just being super open. Right. Like, obviously there's a missing piece. Like, they didn't just come out of nowhere. And we're like, matt, our donor, is, like, gonna be active in our child's life. Like, they're gonna know him, and they're gonna know that he was the one that helped us build our family. And, like, it's just beautiful. It's like a beautiful. Like, that's why I talk about all the time, and I try to help promote the company we went through, because we went through, like, a private known donor matching company called Seed Scout. And it was just so beautiful that we got to choose someone to be a part of our lives that has such a good heart and, like, such a good person. And, like, we will live the rest of our life knowing that our kids, the other, like, biological half of them, is like this warm, welcoming place that they'll always have if they ever want to pursue learning more about it, which.
Tyler
Is also pretty rare. I feel like with a lot of donor conceived kids that they don't get that opportunity. And we actually find. I actually. I don't know if, you know, Laura High, she's a comedian and she's a donor conceived person, and she talks about it all the time, but she even mentions how, like, you know, it's. It's intense to, like, kind of have this piece of you that, you know, really, I mean, they could say, I don't want nothing to do. Just go and, you know, go to the sperm ring and do your thing. And it's like, for. For kids, it's hard. It's hard for Them to even, you know, to just navigate that yearning for something that you don't even really know that you want or that you need or whatever. And so I think that is just so cool that he's willing to be involved and how you guys were able to actually choose him based off of, like, his availability. I mean, it might have been different if he was like, I want nothing to do with this, whatever, you know what I mean? You guys might have been like, no, you know what I mean? Was that a big part of your, like, decision making?
Becky
Yeah, that's. And that's like, you found. We interviewed people making sure that we were both on that same page, making sure, like, we both had the same expectations and this both same expectations of involvement. It's very. It. Like, every step and everything is very intentional for us. And like you said, there's a lot more studies around donor conceived adults now that just show, like, there's more ethical ways of doing it. And quite honestly, and I'm sure you can kind of resonate with this, one of the biggest. When we were. Because we initially were just going through the cryo banks, like, going through anonymous donors, I couldn't get out of my mind because when you go through those situations, the file opens up at 18, so that at 18, the kid can go. Our kids can go and try to contact their other biological half. I couldn't get out of my mind the potential of that person living in a homophobic family that, like, would just, like, hate my child and hate how they, like, were put in that situation and then just met with. With so much hatred. And then there would just be this awful, just, like, situation that we were in that we would have to deal with. And it was just, like, playing over and over in my head that there was just, like, this guy out there who, who hates gay people who, like, is the donor for my child. And so thankfully, we found this situation and. And with that, like, donor conceived adults, also studies show that they wish they would have known their, like, half siblings earlier. They wish they would have had ongoing medical history of that. And so that's everything we're combating, right? Like, we don't have to worry about any of those things because of. Of going this route. If you've ever stared at a life decision and thought, why didn't someone give me a manual for this same. That's exactly why I love the Life Kit podcast from npr. Whether it's parenting, your career, your relationship, or just trying to build healthier habits, Life Kit offers real stories and practical strategies to help you actually move forward. I listened to an episode on Mental Burnout recently and found myself literally pausing it to write things down. It was full of real life examples, expert tips, and thoughtful questions that stuck with me way after even the episode ended. And it's not just fluffy advice or vague ideas. Life Kit breaks it down into steps that you can actually follow. Whether it's managing money better, navigating tough conversations, or finally getting serious about your fitness goals, they give you the tools to do it in a way that feels sustainable. I love how every episode makes me feel a little bit more equipped to handle whatever life is throwing my way. It's like therapy, a coach, and a pep talk all rolled into one. Listen now to the Life Kip podcast from npr. You know what kills my summer vibe? Getting slim with my wireless bill. Like why am I paying triple digits just to text the group chat back and scroll through TikToks? So I made the switch to Mint Mobile and I have not looked back. With Mint I get unlimited premium wireless for 15 bucks a month. I'm on the nation's largest 5G network using my same phone and number and saving a ridiculous amount of money. I used to dread checking my bill. Now I don't even think about it. And Mint doesn't hit you with surprise fees or overages. It's simple, fast and affordable. Honestly, if I needed wireless all over Again, this is 100% what I'd pick this year. Skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month@mintmobile.com karma that's mintmobile.com karma upfront payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month limited time. New customers offer for three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plans, taxes and fees. Extra cement mobile for details.
Tyler
Yeah. And so so Matt is the donor. So so. And there is he together with his person and then so they're got a family of their own.
Becky
So Matt's gay. Matt is married to Justin and they are starting their family building journey right now. They just found a surrogate. They have their own way that they're deciding to create their family and it's really beautiful and we're just. So Matt was actually here. He came here two weeks ago to meet Bex and it was just like such a beautiful and raw moment. Like it was just everything we could have hoped for. And Matt also has donated to two other families and so we get to know them and build A relationship with them. And we have decided to like, raise our kids like cousins and have family vacations together when we all have families so that they will all know each other. And it's like this, like, so cool. Yeah, it's like this family that we're.
Tyler
Building, it's crazy too, because I guess I didn't even think about that. Like, okay, Matt's gonna have more kids and then, you know, it's like, and then he's gonna donate to other people. They're gonna. It's like there's so many, like, wow. Like your, your. Your children are going to be surrounded by just so much awesome, so much.
Becky
Support and so much love. Right? Like when I, I made a post, like I posted about Matt coming to meet Bex and, and we like collabed on a post on Instagram and like, his post was filled with his family commenting on it, right? Like, welcome to the Toble family. Welcome to blah. And it was. And like, someone can take that the opposite way and be like, whoa, this is too much. But for us, like, if Matt's family wants to love our child like that he, which he is blood to them, like, who. Why would we stop that? Like, we're not, you know, like, as many people that want to love our kid and like you support our kid and want the best for our kid, we welcome that with, with everything, which.
Tyler
I think most people would agree with. It's just the other people who are like, what it. What if that involvement doesn't match up with our, you know, family morals or values, which is what you kind of were talking about. You're afraid of that maybe if we picked an anonymous person, that would be the worst case scenario to find out there's some homophobic crazy. So it's like even, you know, it brings up a whole other, like, kind of like hurdle to like navigate. Multiple different families, multiple different families who have different beliefs and, and, and all this, that, that's, it's. It's got to be really like, well thought out, prepared, talked about, open, honest, transparent. Because at the end of the day, it's the kids. And I also like think that, you know, we do have new studies that show the older kids getting older and the donor conceived kids talking about this is what would have made my life a lot better. This is what we wish we would have had. And I feel like as society and also as a next generation of kind of being involved in that family building process, you got to take that into consideration and just be smarter. You know what I mean? So I mean, I think it's awesome that his family's willing to just be involved in that. Like even talking about. I wasn't even thinking about him donating to other people. So like, holy. Now I got this whole other family. They got brothers and sisters and it's like, oh, big ass Thanksgiving.
Becky
Yeah, yeah, big ass holidays for sure. And, and like, you know, it's, that's why like I, it's so in like there's so much intent behind it and there's just so much intent for us to. It makes it easier be for Matt and Justin because Matt and Justin are also in the situation of creating a family in a unique way. Right. Like they also have to understand that someone's gonna have to donate to them to be able to create their family. So those complex feelings of family building that come from like a queer relationship or, or you know, someone deciding to become a start a family on their own, they already are going through. So they get it, they get that like someone else is going to be involved in their story. So it's not this just new idea. Like they're already going through the emotions, emotions of it. So it's just like this beautiful connection that we both understand and both respect. Right. Like Matt knows he's not going to be like a father to our kid, but like Matt also knows the complexity behind like all of those things that are happening.
Tyler
Well, it has to make it a lot easier because especially for you and you know, eventually and Matt and all guys talk with each other because now we like, you know, you went through this, I went through this. Like now we know. I feel like that has to create a lot more ease because I couldn't imagine like, you know, you know, what if, what if the donor person had a full biological kids and like, you know, they didn't have to go through the family building process that you did. It'd be hard to kind of relate and just talk about the, the pro. The issues that would come up. And I think it's just awesome that everyone's just coming together. I mean I think that's like you said, intention is everything. So I think the focus and the attention that you put in to make it happen this way and everyone's on the same page. That's a beautiful thing because I think what we see a lot of the times when it's older kids who are donor conceived or different, you know, family origin stories that they have a hard time with, with, with that divide between two different families and how we get. How does a child who didn't ask to be here and wants to protect this feelings, wants to protect that person. Like how do they navigate that? So the fact that you guys already have that like foundation is like, oh, sweet.
Becky
Yeah. And I try to be mindful, right. Like I respect and value any family that is being built. And honestly this known donor kind of situation is new. When you go to fertility clinics, all they offer is cryo banks, anonymous donors. They don't, they don't promote known donors, they don't promote anything of their sort. So I don't like, no one's at fault for choosing to build the family that the way that they are because this is something that is new and, and like these opportunities weren't always there, but I like to be vocal about it because they are there now. So people that are starting their family building journey, like always keeping these things in mind. I mean, you know, just adoption is like similar, right? Like adoption like that, the mentality behind it of just building families and being, being mindful of what we're doing to these people of like bringing these kids into the world and like having that support and being able to do it in the most like ethical and understanding way.
Tyler
Yeah. Because I feel like, you know, it's one of those things so where like when it comes to adoption, especially adoption agencies versus like going to like a franchise fertility clinic or whatever, like they, they, there is no expectation, there's no intention of like, hey, you guys are going to be sharing this child kind of in a way and you're going to be super involved. You know, I think with, with the, the way that you guys went about it, it's, it's a lot less, it seems to be more child centered in that regard because everyone's got a game plan of what they're going to focus on and how they're going to do it. With adoption, you get that messy part where it's like, here's the baby. Once the baby comes, there's no out. That's it, it's a wrap. Like, you know, they can choose to do whatever they want to do. And also, you know, with, with the adoption agency, it's like they, it is, we're, they're using it as a service for an adult. It's not for the child, which is what it was originally designed for. So do you feel like it's changing?
Becky
Do you feel like the adoption world is changing at all?
Tyler
Oh, it's changing. It's changing really quickly. And I think the agency, the, the, the industry really is, is, is scrabbling to kind of hone in and kind of bring it back because, I mean, women are just not relinquishing their children like they used to. And you know, the agencies have to get pretty like, creative with how they're gonna like get women in the door. And you find, you know, a lot of like 25% of their, their, their budgets are for marketing, which I thought was so weird because if you go into Google and type in pregnant, don't know what to do, scared, whatever, like, I'm pregnant as a young kid. I mean, sponsored, sponsored, sponsored. There's, you know, full adoption agencies that pop up.
Becky
Lee and I actually started our family building journey, thinking of doing adoption first. That was like, we had like gone down that route and we, we like had reached out to this agency and we were like thinking of doing international adoption. And it was just so crazy because most of the places we would have to pretend we were single adopting, we couldn't adopt together. And so like, that was just like a realization of holy, like, we're not building a family together. We're not like this. Like, how is it?
Tyler
Well, you're doing, you're doing it in a shady way. If I can't be fully authentic and transparent through this process, then what, you know what I mean?
Becky
Like, and like you're going as friends and like you're adopting singularly. Like, don't get married yet because like, you have to be single to be able to like, adopt and see.
Tyler
And that feels to me, that would make me feel, I would not feel good about it. I'd feel like.
Becky
And we didn't, we didn't feel good about it.
Tyler
That's what it feels weird. It feels like, it almost feels like you're, you're being shady. And why, what I think it comes down to is that the intention for, you know, wanting a baby, is it for, you know, is it really. Is this what it's about? Like, you to go through this process and have to like, lie about who you are in order to be a parent? Like, I don't know, that's just weird. That's so weird because a lot of the agencies are very faith based and so obviously, you know, that has a, you know, something to do with it. But yeah, I, I find I talked to a couple people who were looking to adopt and they actually left because the agency told them, like, hey, like, you know, you don't have to. You can agree to these things about open adoption and seeing pictures and letters, but once you get the baby, you can just, you know, and then the people are like, whoa, like I can't do this. Like you're literally as an agency, you're telling me that I have to pretty much lie for nine months and pretend that I'm gonna be involved and I can just cut them off and it's fine. And it's like, yeah. So yeah, the, the industry of adoption in America is, is, they're, they're scrambling hard to try to figure out how to keep it a multi billion dollar industry.
Becky
So yeah, unfortunately I love my morning coffee, but let's be honest, the jitters, the crash, the bloating, it was getting out of hand. Now enters Everyday Dose. It's coffee with benefits. This isn't your average brew. Everyday dose is 100 Arabica coffee plus functional mushrooms, collagen and nootropics. It gives you clean, sustained energy without the crash or the sketchy side effects. And it tastes so good. I'm on the bold blend which is full bodied but still super smooth. It takes me 30 seconds to make and it replaced like three other supplements I was trying to keep up with. It supports focus, brain health, even my skin and joints. I genuinely look forward to it every single morning. Get 45% off your first subscription order of 30 servings of Coffee plus or Bold Plus. You'll also receive a starter kit with over a hundred dollars in free gifts and including a rechargeable frother and gunmetal serving spoon by going to everydaydose.com karma or entering karma at checkout. You'll also get free gifts throughout the year. I'm curious. I like something Leah and I talk about often is just being a parent's hard right? Like being a new parent is hard. Being like bringing a child into this world is harder than one can even imagine. Your life completely changes. The life that you once knew is no longer kind of there. And we just, we're like, how can people who are in, you know, toxic relationships bring a child? Like, how is that even. Like, we, Leah and I have a really great relationship and like we even have our struggles of like what this past couple of years, months have looked like and we are a strong couple. Like there is nothing coming between us. And I'm just like for you, when you, when you guys, like, how have you kept your relationship so strong throughout this and like what intention things like were done to continue to build on your, like you and Kate's relationship?
Tyler
I mean, I think one thing that I think is, I mean it's a little different with me and her because we Had Carly when we were so young. And so we knew right off hand what that was like and how bad we wanted to be parents eventually and stuff. So I think we had a lot of intention building before, you know, we decided to raise Nova. But I think people are naive sometimes when it comes to the fact of, like, oh, it's. It's our beautiful relationship. We're just going to add a child. No, no, you. Everything changes. Communication, tempers, temperament changes.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
Scheduling changes, the environment, the vibe, the freedom change. Like you think bringing a kid in the little mix is gonna. We're just gonna add a little baby and it's gonna be what we had before. It ain't that. No, it's nothing like that. And I think people need to like really like, understand and just kind of just figure out like, hey, like, this is gonna change our whole life. Not just our life individually, but together as a couple. Like, it changes the relationship dynamic. And for people to believe that that's not the case, it's just. You're naive. It's going to change everything. Because I think one thing that me and Kate did though was that I constantly was. We constantly will check in and understand that, like, okay, listen, you've never done this before, and I have never done this before. And I think that helped us a lot with giving each other grace. Like, you know, you lose your temper, you do this or whatever. It's like, I know this is your first time. And so I think that we kept kind of telling each other that, like, you know, you're new, this is new to you. New to me. And so I think a lot of grace because I think people can get really caught up with like, that's not what I do. And, you know, warm the bottle for 30 seconds instead of 25 and all, you know, just like all the stupid little things that are so minor. Just understanding that we just kept giving each other grace, that like, this is new for you. And I think one thing that is important to realize is that you guys are going to grow together with. Throughout this whole parenting process. You're gonna change. It's inevitable. You're gonna change. It's inevitable. Like, it's just how it is. So constantly checking in, how is the change going for you? How are you feeling during this transition of the ch, you know what I mean? Just constantly asking how they're doing and just keeping like constant check ins and then giving them grace because this is the first time and it's scary and we're all freaking out, you know, like, yeah, you're freaking out. I think. I think we like to pretend that we like me and Kate. It's so funny because before Nova came in, we're like, we're gonna do all these crazy ideas. We're gonna have cloth diapers, and we're not gonna do pacifier past whatever the we said because we're stupid and we. Oh, we're gonna. Yeah, we need all the diaper genies and all these weird things. And it's like, dude, you just. And then the baby comes. You're like, cloth diapers. That's insane. And here's a pacifier. Go, go, go. Like, you know, take a nap. Like, so you have all these big, grand ideas of, like, how you're gonna be as a parent, and. And then reality just comes crashing through.
Becky
Right in the face.
Tyler
Yeah. So, I mean, I. I really think.
Becky
That'S the best thing, Leanna. Everyone was like, oh, did you read any books? Did you prep? And we were like, no. Like, literally. I think it's the best thing we could have done because we didn't have these expectations of what we should be doing. Like, we just kind of, like, went with it, and it made us a lot more lenient and, like, relaxed. Like, we just, like, took. We're smart people. So at the end of the day, we knew that he was going to be alive, healthy, and taken care of. And so, like, we just, like, winged it. And it's been. It literally has made it so much easier not having the expect expectations of, like, what we need to be doing what.
Tyler
I think, especially if you're going to have expectations as a parent, like, you're already setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment because that ain't gonna pan out how you think it is. And every kid's different. And, you know, you can have all these expectations you want, but I think the less expectations you have, the better, because life's gonna throw you a lot of curveballs.
Becky
I posted a video yesterday about, like, you know, when do you start having your kid on a sleep schedule? Do I. Am I intently looking to actually put my kid on a sleep schedule? No, but, like, it's a good discourse. Maybe I'll get some good info out of it. But, like, I posted it, and Lee and I were reading through the comments and stuff, and someone. Someone commented, there is only one driver's seat and you are not in it. Like, you're not. Yeah. Like.
Tyler
That'S actually great because that. That is so true, too, because you are. You ain't. You ain't. You better get get it? Get back in the back seat. Because this rides are going without you or not.
Becky
So. Yeah, it's like, oh, we have all these like, plans. And it's like, oh, actually you need to eat now. So we're not. No longer. Those plans are no longer ours.
Tyler
Yeah. Now would you say sleep schedule though? Like, what, What? Like, I mean, like, should we be.
Becky
Not like, like, should there be like a nap schedule? Like, should they be napping at the same time? And most of, most of what I saw in the comments was like, two months is a little too early to try to start having nap schedules. Like, it. That'll come a little bit later.
Tyler
Yeah, I was gonna say, because the newborn stage, like, I don't even know. I'm gonna say the first four months, it's like you're, you're just, you're just whatever happens that day, that hour that was doing it, like, you look tired. You're taking your napping here. I, I can't remember. I feel like, like, actually we all of our kids took naps up until probably like four, four or five years old. Once they started going to kindergarten. Then we kind of started like, not making it a thing. But I'm gonna tell you right now, my kids needed that. Like, once they get to a certain age, you're gonna know, oh, you need a nap. You need a nap, right? You are crabby as hell. And like, dude, like. But I feel like, yeah, two months, that's. Listen, you're still in the hole. You're still in the randomness stage of just like, whatever the happens happens.
Becky
I don't know if you'll know this answer, but this has been a debate in our house. There have been people that have told us their kid is sleeping through the night. Like, they're like, oh, yeah, they're sleeping through the night, but like, they are waking up to eat in the middle of the night, right? Like, do people and Alessandra chime in here too? Because people say that their kids are sleeping through the night, but they're waking up to eat and then go back to bed right after. Is that still considered sleeping through the night?
Tyler
That ain't sleeping through the night.
Becky
That's what I'm not sleeping through the night.
Tyler
That ain't sleeping through the night.
Becky
Listen, sleep through the night until they're at least two. And that's literally biologically developmental. Like, that's for their brain. It's not, it's not like, oh, they're gonna sleep on your schedule. They wake up through the night till they're two minimum.
Tyler
Yeah.
Becky
Why do people say they sleep through the night then when they aren't actually sleeping through the night? I think they mean, like, they're not having to put them back to sleep. Like, their baby isn't fully waking up. They're not getting worked up to the point where they have to, like, re. Rock them back to sleep. They have to, like, put them back down. Because there are some kids, when they wake up hungry, they're waking up and they're putting on a show, like, they're screaming. They're. They're getting very, very upset. And you have to, like, restart the going to bed process. And then some babies will wake up, make a little sound, give them their bottle, breastfeed them, and they're right back to sleep. So it just depends, I think.
Tyler
Yeah. See me, honestly, all. With all my kids, my whole thing was that they had a little nightlight in all their nurseries, but I never turn on any main lights. I'm like, listen, it's gonna stay dark. I'm gonna come in with the bottle. You're barely gonna open your eyes. I'm gonna rock you, and then you're gonna go to sleep. And a lot of the times, like, all my kids, like, they barely got through their bottles in the middle of the night because they just went back, right back to sleep. I'll tell you right now, any parent out there, swaddle, swaddle, swaddle, swaddle. Like, just swat those babies, bro. I'm telling you. Like, my. My. My cousin has had her first baby and she was freaking out. I'm like, listen, what's going on? She said, I don't know. If he's not sleeping, whatever. I'm like, do you swaddle him? She's like, ah, he doesn't really like it. I said, you ain't swaddling right then. Because they all love it. Okay? So, like, I'm like this. And then once I went there and gave her this little halo Velcro thing, that baby was out in two seconds. And like. Like, you know how, like, you ever see the baby like that? They get scared, Their arms go out.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
Because they don't want. They're so used to doing this that when they get freedom, they scare themselves or whatever. So I'm like, listen, just swallow. I mean, I swallowed my kids probably, like, longer than I should have, but they had the big old. I just bought the little sacks. Like, they only go up to, like a year old or whatever. Yeah. You know, it's velcro. Arm down. Arm down. But, man, I tell you what, man, I. Yeah, I had a rule.
Becky
We.
Tyler
No main lights turning on. We're gonna keep everything quiet. You're. And I don't go into the nursery either before that bottle is ready to go. Like, I'm not even sure I'm gonna, like, literally get you up and put the bottle in your mouth. That's it. Lights off and rock away. Yeah.
Becky
Yeah. So anyone listening that tells us that your child is sleeping through the night and. But actually they're not. It's deceiving and it's mean. It makes me feel like we're not doing something right. So stop saying it.
Tyler
Okay, well, wait. How many times is Bex waking up during the middle of night?
Becky
He wakes up, like, twice, two or three times. Like, to eat.
Tyler
That's normal.
Becky
But he goes right back to sleep. Like, he's not. He wakes up between 1 and 2 and then around 4 or 5, and then he'll wake up around 7 or 8.
Tyler
Yep. Does it not now? Is he up for, like, four hours then? Nap time or when he gets tired or. How do you just kind of.
Becky
He just sleeps whenever he's tired.
Tyler
Okay. There's.
Becky
There's no planning around it.
Tyler
That's awesome. I love it.
Becky
It's been. It's been fun. It's. It's been really enjoyable for me to see Leah because Leah's, like, blooming in motherhood. And that's, like, just a beautiful thing to say because you never know. You never know what, like, is gonna happen. And I'm excited to tell.
Tyler
Any, like, any. Any postpartum stuff. Any. Anything, like.
Becky
No.
Tyler
So good.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
Good.
Becky
Fingers crossed. Because it can come later, so you never know. But fingers crossed. Things have. Things have been going well for her and she's. She's kicking ass. She's kicking.
Tyler
Isn't it awesome to just watch? Like, it's so crazy. I. I always tell Kate, I'm like, man, one thing that sucks is that, like, which I didn't really realize that I would miss was just her being pregnant. Like, I'm never gonna be able to, like, hold your belly. I'm never gonna be able to, like, see you just, like, grow this.
Becky
Are you guys done? Done.
Tyler
Be snippety.
Becky
Snap.
Tyler
I'm all done. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. And this. Yeah. Nope. Nope. And it's crazy. I'm glad I did because me and her have crazy ass thoughts. We'll be sitting here and be like, oh, no. And I'm like, well, thank God I'm snip. Because we could have made a. You know, don't be impulsive with this, because the next two hours later, I'm like, God damn it, these kids. No, I'm snip. We're all done. But I'm telling you, that part I didn't realize I would miss so much was like, wow. I had to, like, grieve the loss of, like, seeing my wife pregnant with our baby. Like, that's. I didn't think it would hit me that hard, but, yeah, it's. It's crazy to see that, like, natural, like, maternal thing just turn on and it's like, yeah, it's awesome. I love it.
Becky
My Internet just went out in the middle of Thai speaking. Dude, I live in. I live on a mountain. I live on, like, in the woods, dude.
Tyler
I'm trying to come there. I want to come to the mountains. I want to go to the woods, dude.
Becky
I'm telling you, the next time you're in New York City, you have to make sure there's a day or two that you guys can come out here, because I'm only an hour and a half from the city, so it's not like a terrible, like, community, you know?
Tyler
Okay. We can record.
Becky
I'll have you on. I'll have you on for the haters.
Tyler
Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, give me on there.
Becky
You can have haters.
Tyler
I got lots of haters.
Becky
You can have some baby snuggle time.
Tyler
Oh, yes, please.
Becky
And it'll be a little boy, which you're not used to.
Tyler
Oh, man.
Becky
Do you jealous? Does it. Does ever make you sad that you never had a. Like, a little. A little tie?
Tyler
I actually. I think for first. So for the first couple years, like, after Beta, I was. I was like, yeah, when Beta first happened, I was like, dang, man. I think a part of me. Like, a part of me was like. I guess you get this idea in your head, like, I'm gonna have a boy. Like, you don't think. You're not going to. Because I knew I was gonna have more than one. One or two kids. But it's like, I think it. It just slowly went away. Once I. Once I just was surrounded by all the girls. I was like, man, I can now. I just can't even imagine. And also, I will say, being on the girl side, I'm gonna be involved in all the grandkids. Like, I'm not the baby daddy dad. You know what I'm saying? You know? So, yeah, I'm in. I'M in there because I know a lot of people that, like, it's, it's really unfortunate, but, like, you know, they're, they had a, they had a baby with this girl, and now she moved, and it's like, you know, the. They. Yeah, his parents can't get involved because he's not whatever. So I'm like, hey, I'm in. I'm in. You ain't kicking this grandpa out of nothing. I, I, honestly, I, I find a lot more beauty in it because I was raised with all women. And so I think in my head I'm just like, maybe it just what? Maybe I would have raised a really weird boy. Who knows? I don't know. But, like, it, it was, it's natural for me. And, and, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way because the girls are just so tender and they're loving. And when I think, like, even when I'm, like, you know, either upset or a little frustrated, like, they just had this way of just, like, dad, it's okay. And they're so soft, and I'm like, oh, so, like, I, I, I actually love it now, but there was a point where I was like, dang, I'm not gonna have a boy. Like, that sucks, but it is what it is.
Becky
You're a girl, dad. Through and through.
Tyler
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Can't escape it.
Becky
I do have. I, like, have this. We don't know. We're not choosing the gender for the next one. We're letting fate decide. And then if it's another boy, we'll probably try for a third and hopefully be able to test the embryos to see. What do you mean?
Tyler
Are you able to choose?
Becky
So we. Because Becks was my only viable embryo that came out of my retrieval, there was just a lot of chaos surrounding that transfer because we did a fresh transfer and not a frozen transfer. So in the chaos of it of transferring my embryo to Leah, we didn't test Leah's embryos because we were just having to make that decision so quickly. And so to be able to test her embryos, we would have to thaw them, test them, and then reprise them. And there's a chance of, like, losing some in that process. So for this second, it's not important to us. Well, it's not really important at all. But, like, the second one, we're going to let fate, I hope it's another boy. And then if we have another boy, we will test the rest to see if there's any girl embryos for A for a third.
Tyler
And so once you do that, so then you figure out, okay, we have so many girls, so many boys that go back in the. In the freezing bank or whatever. And then what happens? Like, how many do you. Like, what do you do with the extras? What happens?
Becky
So you can donate them to science. You could technically donate them to a couple that, like, is infertile. I don't know how that works, though, because it would have to be, like, I don't think we would do that because, like, you would have to have Matt's decision as well. It's not like, just mine and Leah's decision. Or you can just discard them or you can save them, I guess, technically, which is, like, I've never thought about technically, we could save them in case our kids are infertile one day and, like, they could use them. I've seen that happen. Like, people use, like, saved embryos from, like, the 1990s that are being used, like, now.
Tyler
Oh, what? Whoa. Day. That's a crazy birth story. Could you imagine? Hey, man, I'm technically older than you, but. Hey, that's right.
Becky
Yeah. I actually just saw a story. Like, there's a lot of laws and regulations around surrogacy. Surrogacy is actually wild. I don't know if you've, like, delved into it at all, like, a little bit. He's, like, illegal in most states, and then, like, there's all, like, a lot of restrictions around it. I just saw someone as a surrogate. And typically in surrogates, contracts, there's like, you're not allowed to engage in intercourse within a certain time before you do your transfer. Like, being a surrogate.
Tyler
Right.
Becky
And this couple, this woman is now pregnant with twins. One is biologically hers, and the other one is the one that they implanted. So she was pregnant, Like, Yeah. So she had gotten pregnant and then did a transfer and got. And so they're both in there. Like, not like. Yeah.
Tyler
What is that crazy? So. Wow. That is. Wow.
Becky
So it's twins birth to both, and then, like, keep one and the other one is for someone else.
Tyler
Oh, my. Okay, that's. That is. Wow.
Becky
It's actually pretty common for. Not pretty common. Like, it happens often, like, when two gay men have a surrogate. I've seen, like, it where they'll implant two embryos, both from, like, one of each of the dads, so that they're twins, but they're only technically half siblings.
Tyler
What the. Science is wild, dude. That is like. Whoa. Now, you mentioned something, though. So Wait a minute. So. So Matt would have a decision. So what, What. Where do you come into all that? How do you make sure you can make this? You know what I'm saying?
Becky
Matt would have a decision. What we do with the embryos. Embryo. I would think so, because, like, tech. Like, I don't know. I mean, we have to find all this legal paperwork, so I'm sure it's written out in there somewhere.
Tyler
But, like, how do you establish that as the person who's not caring? Like, you're, you know. So how do you establish. Like, like, like, is there a court? Do you sign off? Like, Matt goes, hey, yeah, we have all legal.
Becky
Like, we have contracts between us. We have contracts between. Like, I think we had to make it, like, if something happened to Lee and I, what would happen to the embryos? Like, like, if something happened to one of us, what would happen? Who would have responsibility for them? So we had to do all that legality stuff prior.
Tyler
And then you have to actually adopt because it's like, you have to.
Becky
I have to adopt Bex because Leah carried him. And so, like, birthrights go to the person carrying. So I still have to go through. I haven't done that. We haven't done that process yet, but I. We will have to.
Tyler
Yeah. Because I was going to say it's not really like an option. Like, you have to do it in order to protect the. The. The family presentation. Like, I have to adopt, Correct?
Becky
Yeah. So the way that it matters, like, we could go to our whole lives where it wouldn't matter, but, like, you don't ever want to be in a situation where it does matter and you didn't do it. So, like, New Jersey is typically a blue state, so we're typically safe here. But like, international travel or traveling to red states that don't recognize, like two same. Two of the same gender on a birth certificate, it could be a problem there. So you, you legally adopt. So when you're traveling or in a different state or something like that, there's no issues.
Tyler
Yeah. Which is crazy to think about adopting your own baby.
Becky
Yeah, that's biologically mine.
Tyler
Yeah. Right. That is like, that is. That is crazy. But I guess that kind of. That kind of brings up the whole, like, why surrogacy is. So how do you even. Surrogate surrogacy is wild. Yeah. Like, how do you establish this? Because when does a birth. When does a person have the birthrights and then when they don't, and it's like, dude, that whole thing is that's a lot.
Becky
There are something.
Tyler
Isn't surrogacy? Not really. Like, the world doesn't reckon. Like, I know in other countries they don't. You cannot do it.
Becky
Yeah. So, like, there's some states, like, you are contractually not allowed to travel if you're a surrogate into certain states. Because if, If. If I was a surrogate, say, for you, and like, I traveled. I don't know what state it is, but if I traveled to X state and I gave birth there, I have legal rights. Like, you have no rights. Even if it's not biologically, like, connected.
Tyler
To me, that is.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
Yes.
Becky
Surrogacy is wild.
Tyler
Yeah. Because someone actually brought up to me. They were. They were. You know, we were talking about the whole adoption thing and how important genetics is and how important genetic mirroring is growing up, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, well, if it's. So if biology is so important, then how do you. What do you talk about, like, surrogacy? And I'm like, well, I think what it comes down to is that biology matters up into a certain point, but the womb is the womb. So the baby who gets separated from the womb is that. I don't. The baby doesn't know that the womb isn't biologically related to that. They just know that. Carry me. And so they're talking about maternal separation trauma for. For babies who are. Who get relinquished and are actually taken in these maternity homes. They get the baby taken right away and they don't get time to, like, you know, the mom doesn't get to hold the baby and stuff. And how now we're learning with science that it's, you know, it's. It's preverbal trauma, blah, blah. So they were talking about genetics and how important it is, and I'm like, well, unfortunately, like, you know, with. With the womb stuff, it's like the baby doesn't know the difference. And so, yeah, there's gonna be maternal separation trauma even with surrogacy. It's just. It's just part of it. But I think, think instead of vilifying it, let's. Let's acknowledge that that's the reality, and then let's put some stuff in place to minimize that or eliminate it if we can. I think there's a lot of. It's a hot topic, obviously.
Becky
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we're in the conversation too. Like, Leah carried an embryo that genetically wasn't hers, and so she also had that concern of, like, am I going to feel like A surrogate. Am I going to give birth and not feel connected? And that was not the case at all. She is, like, chemically connected to this child. Like.
Tyler
Yeah, yeah. It's important for people to know that. Like, it's. The more we learn about how babies connect in utero with. With the mom is. It's, it's, it's. It's crazy stuff, but it's important that we talk about it because I think people, the more they know, the better decisions they can make. And, and, and, and so. But yeah, surrogacy is. It's a whole different. It's a whole different thing over there. Yeah, it's crazy.
Becky
So many wild conversations.
Tyler
Matt and Justin, they're gonna do circus that you said. Right? So that's.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
So you're.
Becky
And they've had just, like, a wild journey of figuring that out too. Like, it's. It is, like, so complex and, like, so expensive. Like, so expensive. It is wild. Like, you, like, no less than, like, 150K. Like, surrogacy is.
Tyler
Who gets 150K?
Becky
It's split between, like, agency fees and, like. And for the, like, surrogates make a lot of money, which rightfully so. Like, you're giving up nine months of your life to, you know, it's a lot, but. And there's a risk of complications, all the things. But, yeah, minimum, like 150k to, like, go down the surrogacy route.
Tyler
No, I think about that sometimes as an adult, and I'm like, I wonder what that would do to a young adult growing up knowing that, like, there was so much money invested in them. So, you know what I mean? Like, does that put. Does that put any kind of pressure? Like, damn, my mom. I paid a lot of money for me. I better make sure I get A pluses and graduate and become a doctor.
Becky
I guess it's how, like, the parent, like, like, you better act, right? You cost me 50k.
Tyler
Yeah, yeah. But that. I wonder what that. I wonder what that. What that. What that's like. I mean, on the other hand of it, though, how beautiful to know that you were so wanted. You know, you were so wanted and loved that and, you know, this is what we did to get you here. Yeah, that's. That's going to be interesting to talk to some of these kids when they're older.
Becky
Yeah.
Tyler
Yeah.
Becky
Well, we have been yapping for an hour, and I know that we could probably yap for another five hours, but. And everyone's probably like, no, keep going.
Tyler
Off your podcast.
Becky
I Appreciate comments on there.
Tyler
I can see the comments. Everybody. I see them.
Becky
Everyone's gonna love you. Everyone listening. Don't be mean or I'll. I'll fight you guys. All right.
Tyler
Yeah.
Becky
That's my boy. I appreciate you taking the time out to talk with me to fill in for Kale while she. She's. She chopped her chin off. I don't know if you know that.
Tyler
Okay. I mean, I. I saw something of it, but I don't know. I don't know.
Becky
She's recovering. Hopefully she'll be back next week. If not, we'll. Maybe. Maybe you'll come back. But I appreciate you. Tell Kate I said hi and I miss her. I can't wait for you guys to come out here and meet Bex. Any. Any last words for the. For the Karmarus.
Tyler
That's what we call them Karmaroos. Yeah, well, okay, Karmarus. Come on over to Kate and Ty. Break it down. Check it out, you know, see if you like it. I don't know. You know, we're all the same damn fam. So, like. Like Becky said, be nice, man. Be nice to me.
Becky
Make sure to follow Kit and Ty. Break it down on all social media. You can listen to them wherever you find your podcast. Make sure to listen to. For the haters. Come and follow me over at Hater 25 and that's it. Thanks, Ty. We will see everyone next week on Karma and Chaos.
Tyler
Thank you.
Becky
Foreign. Hi, I'm Lauren. And I'm Chandler. And we're the hosts of Pop Apologist podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip, Hollywood deep dives, Real housewives, drama, and anything and everything. Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that a listers might mean more to us than each other. Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for pop apologists. Pop Apologists, your new favorite sister and celeb podcast.
Tyler
Just when you thought summer couldn't get any hotter, Pluto TV is turning up the heat with thousands of free movies presenting Summer of cinema. Stream your favorite blockbuster films like Gladiator. I will have my vineyards. Good burger. This is what I do. Fast food, Beverly Hills Cop, the Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, and Julie and Julia.
Becky
Bon appetit.
Tyler
All for free on your favorite devices. Pluto tv Stream now pay. Never.
Release Date: August 26, 2025
Host: Becky Hayter (guest hosting for Kail Lowry)
Guest: Tyler (Ty) Baltierra
In this candid, humorous, and heartfelt episode, Becky Hayter welcomes Tyler Baltierra (her longtime friend and co-host of "Kate & Ty Break It Down") for a deep dive into real-world parenting, relationship dynamics, and the complexities of building families in 2025. With Kail Lowry out recovering, Becky and Ty share honest reflections on raising children, adapting to changing family structures, fostering independence in kids, and navigating modern parenthood within blended and queer families.
| Time | Segment | |----------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:38 | Becky & Ty share their history and podcast dynamic | | 01:43 | Ty on the emotional shift as kids start school | | 05:46 | Ty’s curiosity-driven parenting philosophy | | 08:55 | Each child requires a unique parenting approach | | 11:41 | Chores, allowance, and teaching kids about money | | 16:18 | Balancing privilege & gratitude with children | | 29:16 | Becky on IVF and reciprocal carrying | | 34:42 | Intentionality in donor choice and queer family building | | 38:58 | Their donor Matt, known donor relationships, and family blending | | 51:59 | Ty on how relationships are changed by having children | | 54:31 | Dropping expectations and “winging it” as a parent | | 57:59 | The myth of “sleeping through the night” and practical baby sleep advice | | 64:45 | Ty reflects on being a girl-dad and letting go of the 'boy' expectation | | 70:07 | Adoption, surrogacy laws, and legal complexity for nontraditional families |
This episode offers a refreshingly honest, down-to-earth look at modern parenting—no sugarcoating, just real talk. Becky and Ty blend humor with vulnerability, challenging stereotypes around parenthood, money, and family structures. They highlight the importance of openness, adaptability, and intention, especially as their unconventional families navigate legal, emotional, and social complexities.
Listeners leave feeling less alone, more seen, and maybe with a few practical tips for surviving the chaos—with karma intact.
Find Tyler:
Listen to Kate & Ty Break It Down and follow them on social media.
Find Becky:
Follow @hater25 and catch her on the next Karma & Chaos episode.