Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter

Episode: "Breakin' Down Parenting With Becky & Ty"

Release Date: August 26, 2025
Host: Becky Hayter (guest hosting for Kail Lowry)
Guest: Tyler (Ty) Baltierra

Episode Overview

In this candid, humorous, and heartfelt episode, Becky Hayter welcomes Tyler Baltierra (her longtime friend and co-host of "Kate & Ty Break It Down") for a deep dive into real-world parenting, relationship dynamics, and the complexities of building families in 2025. With Kail Lowry out recovering, Becky and Ty share honest reflections on raising children, adapting to changing family structures, fostering independence in kids, and navigating modern parenthood within blended and queer families.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rekindling Friendships & Podcast Crossovers

• Becky introduces Ty as an old friend and podcast collaborator. Their friendship has deepened over the past year via podcasting and life updates.
• [00:38] Becky: "Me and Ty have known each other for a while. Right? Like, it has been, like, 10 years, maybe."
• The episode features banter and warmth, setting a supportive tone for open discussions about parenthood and life in their 30s.

2. Parenting Milestones & "Empty Nest" School Days

• Both discuss how kids growing up and going off to school changes the household dynamic, especially for Ty whose youngest is starting full-time school.
  • [01:43] Ty: "Raya's gonna be gone five days a week. Full days. I'm freaking out because I'm like, it's my last baby… it just kills me."
• Ty admits to counting physical affection with his kids as a way to stay close as they grow up.
  • [02:44] Ty: "I'll literally, like, count how many times I've held my kids today... if it's anything less than, like, four times... I'm like, Noah, come here. You know, why are you carrying me? I'm ten."

3. Parenting Philosophy & Style

• Ty describes his approach as curiosity-driven, emphasizing free thinking and individuality over rigid rules.
  • [05:46] Ty: "It's very curiosity driven... I let my kids drive the lessons, right? ... My job is just to, you know, let them learn at their pace..."
• Conversations with his kids are frank and age-appropriate, letting children set the terms for deeper discussions.
  • [05:46] Ty: “Kids are so fluid. They're just like, okay, cool. And so, like, you know, I just let the curiosity drive it.”

4. Parenting Evolution & Adaptability

• Both discuss how each child needs a different approach and that parenting styles evolve over time.
  • [08:55] Ty: “I feel like each kid gets a different parent because each kid needs a different style of parenting.”
• Trying to parent all children the same way leads to frustration and doesn’t honor their differences.

5. Chores, Allowance & Teaching Kids About Money

• Ty details how chores and allowances are practical tools for teaching responsibility, gratitude, and financial literacy to his children.
  • [11:41] Ty: "Nova has two pets she saved up for... She takes care of those, dishes, the bathroom..."
• He grapples with the balance of financial privilege and teaching value, especially as his family’s lifestyle differs from his own upbringing.
  • [13:27] Ty: “When you grew up in poverty, you already get it. You learn the lessons, you know, organically by not having stuff. My kids have everything they want and need.”

6. Balancing Privilege, Presence, and Teaching Gratitude

• Becky and Ty reflect on the complexities of raising kids with more means than they had, and the importance of instilling gratitude and understanding.
  • [16:18] Ty: "We have such a different, weird job... So I make sure to always tell her how blessed we are and how grateful we need to be..."
• Presence at school events and life opportunities are contrasted with Ty’s own childhood.
  • [18:30] Ty: “If my mom could not be at my practices... we wouldn't have groceries that week.”

7. Family Building: IVF, Known Donors, & Queer Parenting

• Becky openly discusses her and Leah's fertility journey, including reciprocal IVF, embryo transfers, and intentionally choosing a known donor (Matt), who is actively involved in their growing family.
  • [29:16] Becky on carrying Leah’s embryo: “I want to be pregnant because...how beautiful is it that I get to carry a piece of Leah?”
  • [38:58] Becky: "Matt's gay. Matt is married to Justin and they're starting their family building journey now..."
• Both discuss the intentionality and ethics of known donors, sibling relationships, and breaking cycles of secrecy in donor conception.
  • [34:42] Becky: “We interviewed people making sure we were both on that same page...every step and everything is very intentional for us.”
• Unique legal issues arise, including parental rights, adoption within queer families, and the patchwork of surrogacy laws across states and countries.
  • [70:07] Becky: "I have to adopt Bex because Leah carried him...but, like, you don't ever want to be in a situation where it does matter and you didn't do it.”

8. Surrogacy and Family Law

• Deep dive into the logistical and legal complexity of surrogacy.
  • [71:30] Becky: “There are some states, like, you are contractually not allowed to travel if you're a surrogate into certain states. Because...you have no rights, even if it's not biologically connected.”
• Acknowledges the emotional weight and financial cost for queer families and intended parents.
  • [74:15] Becky: “It's so complex and, like, so expensive. Like, you, like, no less than, like, 150K. Like, surrogacy is...”

9. Adapting Couple Relationships Through Parenting

• Honest talk about how children change relationship dynamics, communication, and even planned routines.
  • [51:59] Ty: "Everything changes. Communication, tempers, temperament changes... You're naive if you think [bringing in a baby] is just gonna add to what you had before."
• Stress is placed on “giving each other grace” and checking in regularly.
  • [53:07] Ty: “I think we kept kind of telling each other that, like, you know, you're new, this is new to you. New to me. And so I think a lot of grace...”

10. Letting Go of Parenting Expectations

• Both share that the best (sanity-saving) approach is to drop rigid expectations and "wing it," especially in the newborn stage.
  • [54:31] Becky: "We didn't have these expectations of what we should be doing. Like, we just kind of, like, went with it..."
  • [55:12] Ty: “If you’re going to have expectations as a parent, like, you’re already setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment because that ain’t gonna pan out how you think it is.”

11. Real Talk: Sleep Schedules, Baby Myths & Practical Tips

• Debunking the sleep-through-the-night myth:
  • [57:59] Ty: "That ain’t sleeping through the night."
  • [58:48] Ty: “Any parent out there, swaddle, swaddle, swaddle...My cousin had her first baby and she was freaking out...once I went there and gave her this little halo Velcro thing, that baby was out in two seconds.”

12. Gender, Family Make-up & Acceptance

• Ty discusses being a girl-dad, letting go of expectations for a son, and the beauty he now sees in his family’s make-up.
  • [64:45] Ty: “I actually think for the first couple years, after Beta...I was like, yeah, I’m not gonna have a boy. Like, that sucks. But it is what it is...now, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Notable Quotes & Moments

• [05:20] Tyler: “Every single thing. Like a little science experiment. Then it takes the stress out of it”—Ty’s refrain for framing childhood messes as learning.
• [07:48] Tyler: “The thing about parenting is that you don't ever know if you've done a horrible job until it's too late to fix it.”
• [28:39] Tyler: "You’re gonna fall in love with this kid. It’s inevitable...and every stage is different."
• [49:55] Becky: "We're like, how can people who are in toxic relationships bring a child? ...being a parent is hard. Being a new parent is hard."
• [55:34] Becky shares a viewer comment: “There is only one driver's seat and you are not in it.” Ty agrees—kids run the show in newborn parenting.

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment | |----------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:38 | Becky & Ty share their history and podcast dynamic | | 01:43 | Ty on the emotional shift as kids start school | | 05:46 | Ty’s curiosity-driven parenting philosophy | | 08:55 | Each child requires a unique parenting approach | | 11:41 | Chores, allowance, and teaching kids about money | | 16:18 | Balancing privilege & gratitude with children | | 29:16 | Becky on IVF and reciprocal carrying | | 34:42 | Intentionality in donor choice and queer family building | | 38:58 | Their donor Matt, known donor relationships, and family blending | | 51:59 | Ty on how relationships are changed by having children | | 54:31 | Dropping expectations and “winging it” as a parent | | 57:59 | The myth of “sleeping through the night” and practical baby sleep advice | | 64:45 | Ty reflects on being a girl-dad and letting go of the 'boy' expectation | | 70:07 | Adoption, surrogacy laws, and legal complexity for nontraditional families |

Closing Thoughts

This episode offers a refreshingly honest, down-to-earth look at modern parenting—no sugarcoating, just real talk. Becky and Ty blend humor with vulnerability, challenging stereotypes around parenthood, money, and family structures. They highlight the importance of openness, adaptability, and intention, especially as their unconventional families navigate legal, emotional, and social complexities.

Listeners leave feeling less alone, more seen, and maybe with a few practical tips for surviving the chaos—with karma intact.

Find Tyler:
Listen to Kate & Ty Break It Down and follow them on social media.

Find Becky:
Follow @hater25 and catch her on the next Karma & Chaos episode.