Contouring And Crying

Summary

Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Episode: Contouring And Crying
Release Date: April 8, 2025

In this episode of "Karma & Chaos," hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter delve into a variety of personal and societal topics, blending heartfelt stories with humorous anecdotes. From navigating the complexities of medical residencies to handling flaky friendships and managing children's food allergies, Kail and Becky offer relatable insights into modern adulthood.

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1. Navigating Friendship Dynamics

The episode kicks off with Kail recounting a recent stressful week where she faced unexpected challenges, including a hair blowout and Taylor's maternity leave. Becky’s visit serves as a pivotal moment, providing Kail with a much-needed wake-up call.

Kail (02:43): "I was spiraling and I just need a minute. And like, the last thing that I needed, but also the most thing that I needed was a wake up call."

Becky emphasizes the importance of timely support among friends, highlighting how crucial it is to have someone who can pull you back when you're overwhelmed.

2. The Impact of Match Day on Medical Professionals

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around Match Day—the annual event where medical students are paired with residency programs. Becky shares her observations and insights from social media, questioning the fairness and effectiveness of the matching system.

Becky (05:34): "We don't need 90% of doctors to be plastic surgeons... it's about ensuring doctors are spread out across the country and specialties."

Kail responds with skepticism about the matching criteria, suggesting that a more transparent system where medical students can rank their preferences might be beneficial.

Kail (05:46): "What is the matching based on? If I went to med school and was matched to do colonoscopies, I don't know why they would select me for that."

The discussion highlights the emotional rollercoaster of Match Day, addressing both the excitement and the potential heartbreak when pairs don't work out as planned.

3. Exploring Body Image and Self-Confidence

In a lighthearted segment, Kail shares her newfound appreciation for Skims' Ultimate Bra after a recent breast reduction surgery, humorously connecting it to feeling like she had a boob job without the discomfort of traditional push-up bras.

Kail (46:54): "Skims gives me the perfect lift and cleavage and the technology is insane. It lifts my boobs and my mood. The second I put it on, I literally feel like the hottest mom I am."

Becky joins in, teasing Kail about her change in fashion preferences, which adds a playful dynamic to the conversation.

4. Managing Children's Food Allergies

Addressing a listener's concern, Kail and Becky discuss the challenges of raising children with food allergies. They empathize with the frustration and loneliness parents may feel while ensuring their kids' safety.

Becky (41:51): "It's overwhelming and honestly lonely... living in the tiniest town in Nebraska, driving over two hours to see a specialist."

Kail shares her own experiences with her nephew's allergies, emphasizing the importance of vigilance and proactive measures in preventing allergic reactions.

Kail (44:26): "At home, you have to completely alter everyone's diets to avoid cross contamination or something like that."

The hosts advocate for community support and the value of sharing experiences within their Facebook group to help families navigate these challenges.

5. Dealing with Flaky Friends

A listener message prompts Kail and Becky to explore the topic of flaky friendships. They discuss personal experiences, the impact of flakiness on relationships, and strategies to handle such situations effectively.

Becky (48:30): "If it's a consistent thing that they do, I have to distance myself from people that are too flaky."

Kail reflects on her journey from being unreliable to embracing honesty, highlighting the importance of setting realistic expectations in friendships.

Kail (49:40): "Instead of being flaky, I'm just honest. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna be somewhere if I'm not gonna be there."

The conversation underscores the necessity of mutual respect and honest communication to maintain healthy and supportive friendships.

6. Enhancing Vaginal Health and Hormonal Balance

Towards the episode's end, Kail introduces listeners to Euro, a vaginal probiotic, discussing its benefits and the importance of maintaining vaginal health.

Kail (35:25): "Research shows that these strains support healthy vaginal odor, vaginal pH, vaginal flora, and yeast balance."

Becky complements this by sharing her personal struggles and the role of hormonal balance supplements like Estro Control in managing PMS symptoms.

Becky (35:25): "Estro Control eases PMS by supporting the liver, where our hormones get processed."

These segments highlight the hosts' dedication to addressing women's health issues, providing listeners with practical solutions and promoting body positivity.

7. Listener Interactions and Community Building

Throughout the episode, Kail and Becky emphasize the importance of their community, encouraging listeners to share their stories and engage through their Facebook group.

Kail (53:04): "Don't forget to email us all your stories. Is it karma? Is it chaos?"

This community-centric approach fosters a supportive environment where listeners can connect over shared experiences, further enriching the podcast's relatability and appeal.

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Notable Quotes:

• Kail (02:43): "I was spiraling and I just need a minute... was a wake up call."
• Becky (05:34): "We don't need 90% of doctors to be plastic surgeons..."
• Kail (46:54): "Skims lifts my boobs and my mood."
• Becky (41:51): "It's overwhelming and honestly lonely..."
• Becky (48:30): "If it's a consistent thing that they do, I have to distance myself..."
• Kail (35:25): "Research shows that these strains support healthy vaginal odor..."
• Kail (02:14): "I was going through it."

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Conclusion

In "Contouring And Crying," Kail and Becky offer a blend of humor, vulnerability, and practical advice, addressing a wide array of topics that resonate with their audience. Their candid discussions about friendship, health, and personal growth provide listeners with both entertainment and valuable insights into navigating the complexities of life in their 30s.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Good morning, good evening. Good shut the up.

[A]

Welcome to Coffee Company. I mean, welcome to Carmine Chaos.

[B]

If it seems like things are off, it's because it is. Because Kale has woken me up from my slumber to watch her get ready.

[A]

You sleep like Sleeping Beauty.

[B]

It's funny because that sounds really nice, but the way that you delivered it sounded like you were gonna be mean.

[A]

Well, I am gonna be mean because nobody else I know on this entire planet sleeps as well as that. Like, you lay down on your back and you sleep peacefully the entire night and you don't move.

[B]

What's it like to be God's favorite?

[A]

Truly, I was tossing and turning all night long.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Every time. Did I wake you up?

[B]

No.

[A]

Every time I tossed, I woke up.

[B]

Because of the sirens outside, not because of you and the fighting.

[A]

There was fighting?

[B]

Yeah. There were people screaming outside our window. Anyway, so that is why things might feel a little funky. It's early. We have Stevie and Kristen here doing kills, makeup and hair shout out to the team for making her look presentable when otherwise she did not.

[A]

You. Why? No. Let me tell y'all a story. So I last week was in an insane week, Had a blowout. Taylor's on maternity leave. Get a blowout. Becky comes to stay with me and she's like, you need to wash your hair. And I go. So I shower, I wash my hair. And she goes, I'm so glad you washed your hair. I am spiraling and I just need a minute. And like, the last thing that I needed, but also the most thing that I needed that I needed really bad, was a wake up call. And that was it. But, like, I. There's a Time and a place. Rebecca Hater. And I was going through it. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I have a hard time finding those times and places. There's no better than. There's no better time than right now.

[A]

Yeah. So I washed my hair and it was always back to being great in the world.

[B]

Now she's a brand new person here at 8am in the morning. Coming at you live from New York City.

[A]

Off.

[B]

How many times are you gonna say that? You've never said that ever to me in an episode and now you've said it three times.

[A]

Well, when you've hit a nerve, I guess so.

[B]

All right, we're on our lesbian today.

[A]

With the boys, AKA the boys. So why would she say that?

[B]

I found something very interesting. I was reading on Tick Tock.

[A]

You were, you were educating yourself through Tick Tock.

[B]

So you know how it is. The season of Match Day.

[A]

Match.

[B]

It is the season of Match day where all the doctors get matched with their residencies.

[A]

Oh, cool. That's cool.

[B]

And so I think I saw that.

[A]

On Grey's Anatomy before.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Oh, somebody. I definitely have heard of it.

[B]

Yeah, it's. I mean, it's like a pretty big social movement on the interweb of people getting matched with where they're going to do their residency after they go through med school. Anyway, the. It was, it was interesting because I was reading the comments and someone made a comment like, you're telling me that these people spend X amount of years of their life just to not be able to pick what they go into. Like they get matched with the program and specialty that they go into. And I was like, wow, that's really fucked. And then someone commented, we don't need. 90% of doctors don't need to be plastic surgeons and match it. Like when it. It being chosen for them helps make sure that there's doctors spread out around the entire country equally and make sure that there's doctors spread out around the different specialties equally. And I thought that was very interesting.

[A]

I understand that, but I don't know. Like, I could like a certain. First of all, let me ask you this. What is the matching based on?

[B]

I have no clue. I didn't do that research because I.

[A]

Don'T know that if I went to med school and was mashed matched to do colonoscopies, I don't know why they would select me for that. Like, I feel as though you. There should be a new system where it's like, you're like, there are X amount of positions in each of these field, pick your first choice, your second choice.

[B]

I think that they do that.

[A]

Oh, thank God.

[B]

You give your choices. You like, kind of like military choosing. Right. Like, you give your choices of where you want to go.

[A]

Okay, that's fair. Yeah, that makes sense, because you do. We do need a number of.

[B]

Not even by, like, specialty, but also by location and skills to go into the middle of the country and live there. And, you know, but we need doctors.

[A]

I know that my. My aunt is a pathologist in Pennsylvania, and she was offered something in, like, Dallas, but she was able to turn it down or whatever.

[B]

That sounds like she was just offered a job.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So anywho, that is my fun fact of today, because I thought that was really interesting and mind opening, but it also makes me wonder the next time I go to the doctors, do they.

[A]

Really want to be here?

[B]

Yeah. Do they really want to be here?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or did they get forced here? Also, match day is really emotional because you have some people that are really excited about where they're going, and then you have others that are really sad, and then you have people that have formed, like, relationships and then they get split up.

[A]

Yeah, I could see that. But that's like any. So are you saying they get matched, like, around the country?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But then once they finish their residency, can they go back to wherever they're they want? Yeah. Okay. That's so fascinating to me. I'm not smart enough for med school, but if I was, I'd probably want to be a. I was gonna say an obgyn, but then I was like, I don't like kids that much.

[B]

Yeah. For real. Coming from someone with more kids than everyone combined in the room, I would.

[A]

Probably be a brain doctor.

[B]

Like a neuro. A neurosurgeon.

[A]

Yep. Nope. Just. Just checking it out. I don't want to do the surgeon part.

[B]

I think I'd be orthopedic.

[A]

Yeah, I could do orthopedic surgeon. I'd be a pediatric surgeon. I'd probably be a pediatrician.

[B]

When I. I'm definitely. I'm also not smart enough. I. I'm. I'm the person that had to really.

[A]

Try, you know, same.

[B]

And I. Leah is obviously in that profession. She's a physician assistant, which is basically. It's like in between a nurse and a doctor. Like, they can provide, they can prescribe. They just can't have their own practice. So we. I dated Leo while she was going through PA school, which, if anyone is dating someone going through med school, penns school, shout out to you. It is not for the faint of heart. It's hard time consuming. Anyway, shout out to all y'all and shout out to anyone going through it. Proud of you. But I remember I would stop there every once in a while to see her and she would always be studying and I'd watch her study and she'd read through an entire sheet of paper and she would memorize it after one passed through. And I said, what? Like, did you just memorize all that stuff? And she said, yeah. And I was like, I'm fascinated. I'd have to put a sheet behind the person in front of me just to remember everything.

[A]

It takes me a really long time to memorize things. Yeah, that's. That's fascinating. Does she have like photographic memory?

[B]

I think so. She's so smart.

[A]

That's really actually fascinating.

[B]

Yeah. And so Matcha, Gail, do you like Matcha? Yes, I do my thing with Matcha. I've tried it a couple times.

[A]

Stevie, what the are you talking about? Well, we were just talking about photographic memory. What are you saying?

[B]

I had nothing else to say there.

[A]

So there was. Do you have a transition? No, I was just gonna say like, people that are doctors probably have really high IQs and actually some of them don't have any common sense. Okay. My mom's brother is a doctor and I've heard he doesn't have much common sense. I'm not around him enough to know.

[B]

But I would also say Leah lacks a little bit of common sense.

[A]

That's so fascinating. Have we ever met like a well rounded doctor that has both skills, like street skills and smarts? Do you know what? I. I don't know that I have. I need to know what a street skill is. Street skill is. Street skills to me is you go out on the street and you know how to act like you know what you're doing on the streets. Like if someone was to come up to your car and say, get out, you're not gonna get out. You're gonna drive away. Like you're not gonna let your get our car jacked.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Like you're not gonna go in an open door or go down an alleyway, right? Yeah. Yeah, I bet there are a lot of people.

[A]

I'm not gonna get catfished by somebody, you know, asking to join a business with you. You're not going to. You know who didn't have street skills?

[B]

Don't even say my name.

[A]

You know who didn't have street skills?

[B]

Who.

[A]

When you and me went to you and I went to New York City. And the guy was riding dirty in the streets and gets out of his car stark ass naked, dick flopping all over the place and had socks on. That guy didn't have street smarts. No, we saw him, he got out of the car and I said, can I take a picture of you? And he goes, yes. And he was this clearly like. We came up with scenarios of this man who probably got caught on someone else and was kicked out. All his was in his car. He was start. Like when I tell you. Yeah, he had.

[B]

Yeah, no, he had socks and shoes on.

[A]

He got out of the driver's side of that car with his dick flopping. It was big. It was big. Hung like a horse. I said, excuse me. And he's just. Where. Why were we in New York?

[B]

We were in New York for Teen mom reunion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's when we met Colin Kaepernick.

[A]

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[B]

Can we talk about Matcha now?

[A]

Yeah, sure. Sure we can.

[B]

So I've tried it twice now and I am just so confused. Concerned for all of those Matcha lovers out there. It tastes like liquid with a little bit of grass and dirt.

[A]

No, not her calling you out right in front of your face tv.

[B]

Yes, it does. It literally has a little bit of flavor of a little bit of earth.

[A]

Can someone please order Matcha right now, please?

[B]

I. I like to like things that everyone likes and so it really saddens me when I can't be cool and apart then like trendy like Let me go get a matcha. It tastes like dirt.

[A]

No, it doesn't.

[B]

And like grass. Yes, it does.

[A]

Okay, can someone please place the order? That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. What. What's crazy?

[A]

I mean, you eat seafood and it tastes like the sea.

[B]

No, I don't really eat seafood like that. Because if it tastes seafood, I don't like it. Do you eat seafood?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, I don't like things that are fishy.

[A]

Well, you're in the wrong lane then.

[B]

Kale is on her lesbian. Anyway. And speaking about food, we haven't talked about this. I think it was my karma because I made fun of you for having food poisoning or the stomach bug, and I got food poisoning for the first time.

[A]

How was.

[B]

Was the worst experience of my life? I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I. I've never been so panicked not knowing where things were coming out of and having to.

[A]

That's awful.

[B]

It was so bad. Thankfully, it only lasted, like, 12 hours, but it was so bad, and I've never had that before in my entire life. Worst. Well, better case for me was that I was home when I had it. Worst case is that Leah had it when we were in the doctor, and that was really scary.

[A]

Yeah. And she's pregnant, so.

[B]

Yeah. That's why it was really scary.

[A]

Yeah. Well, going to the hospital. I mean, I told you my story already of Dominican hospitals.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, if you speak regular Spanish, it's fine. But Dominican Spanish is a. Is the next level. It's like AP classes, you know? Like, it's just. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know Spanish at all. Really.

[A]

I went to the medical, communicated with my nanny pretty well.

[B]

I know. I showed up here yesterday. I answered someone in Spanish, and I was like, damn, I've been at Kale's house too long.

[A]

Well, what's so funny? You said, kale trumpila.

[B]

And I said, what the.

[A]

So. So she. For anyone listening, my nanny, she's literally like a mother to me, but she speaks no English at all. I love her to absolute pieces. I love it so much because, as you know, we talked about last week is my kids go to Spanish immersion school, so it helps them out. But I posted a video of Valley taking her first steps, like, from her pov. And they're in. My nanny and her husband, who's like, my dad, are in the video speaking Spanish, and they're like, who's Hispanic? Like, what is going on? It's like, no, it's just my mom and dad.

[B]

Yeah. At home, Kale does speak Spanish to her but it's like broken Spanish.

[A]

Yeah, it's like.

[B]

It's like white people Spanish.

[A]

No, it's a little bit. It's like Spanglish. But I try to encourage as much as I can. Like, what I know I will reinforce. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. And honest, honestly, every year I go through it, I like want to learn Spanish and then I'll redownload duolingo and then I just.

[A]

Duolingo is. As much as I love the, the idea you can. Unless you're in it and you're around Spanish speaking people for a long, like long periods of time, it's just not helpful. Like, it's not gonna work.

[B]

I, I totally agree, but I always feel bad because she called me into the room and she kept saying bombardo. And I said, I don't know what you're saying. And she's going like this and like, like pointing because Isaac set off the fire alarm. And I was like. And so she got. Got out her phone and she looked it up and she was. And it means firefighter. And I was.

[A]

Where was I? Where was I? Where was I?

[B]

You were in. You were. We were going through all the kids clothes. You were in the bedroom.

[A]

Yeah. Isaac takes a mental health day the other day. His school, it has a two day mental health day policy. Like you. Each student is entitled to two mental health days. So he was like, can I take one saying all that so I don't get in trouble? Okay. He is cooking and sets the. He's cooking, right? Like baking and stuff. And he sets the fire alarm off. Well, because of the.

[B]

He was cooking me breakfast.

[A]

The, the security system that I have. You don't get to just turn them off. The fire department comes.

[B]

Yeah. So that's what she was trying to tell me. And I was like, oh, no, they're not coming here. I turned the alarm off fast enough and five minutes later there was a knock on the door from the fire department. So Bombero was right. Where was that? Right. Is that okay? Anyway, yeah, so that happened. I do have in New York City with me. My entire. Carol told me that I wasn't going to be able to fit everything, but I did.

[A]

I gave Rebecca Hater and Leah my entire. Like, we went through the baby's stuff. Like when I didn't. I'm not. We didn't just pick through it. Like, we emptied drawers, we emptied closets, we emptied rooms and just three large things, a bassinet extra. It was so much stuff, but it's packed to the brim. To the point that, like, it was.

[B]

All like below 12 months clothes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like clothes that don't fit your kids anymore.

[A]

Yeah, I never will. Well, we're retired from having babies. Round of applause. I was gonna have twins again. Absolutely not.

[B]

We all leave. So she didn't. She told me that I wasn't going to be able to fit everything. She always doubts me. She's never about me.

[A]

First of all, you're being way more dramatic. All I said was, I don't think this is going to fit. That's all I said.

[B]

That's what I just said.

[A]

No, you were. You're making it seem like I was like, doubting you. I didn't doubt you. I just was like, there's too much.

[B]

You said this isn't going to fit.

[A]

And then the things made sounds the entire drive here. And Becky was like, I can't do this.

[B]

I don't have seven kids causing chaos around me. I'm not used to sounds like I.

[A]

Can just tune out most of the time. Like, just like my kids could be doing the most wild. And I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. This. Something behind my seat was like, flapping or like making noise. And Becky was like, I don't think I can do this because you are some sort of a weird alien freak who drives in silence with your thoughts. Yeah. That's diabolical. That's unheard of. Like, I'm gonna drive home today.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And be crying in the club.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With my music.

[B]

We didn't listen to music on the way here.

[A]

No, we did not. And she almost downloaded fourth wing.

[B]

Yeah. I had her stuck in the car for three hours. So anyway, I have three bins to go through in my car. She gave me a bassinet. She gave me a. A wagon. And she also gave me. We were like going through stuff and there was like a brand new outlet and she was like, oh, do you want this? I was like, yeah, like, that is.

[A]

Expensive that I forgot that I even had. Oh, I know.

[B]

I helped clean out your closet.

[A]

That was so crazy.

[B]

Outlets are a little bit controversial. Controversial. But I've been on the side of tick tock where like, the outlet has saved the baby's life. So we're pro outlet for right now because I think that they've like, shown to like, leave marks or like brute or something or like, hurt.

[A]

Well, the thing is that Leah's a pa, so I think that she's gonna know not to put it too tight.

[B]

Is she? Yeah, she's not like a peds person. She works in the er.

[A]

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[B]

Anyhow, I meant to say this yesterday. Well, actually let me transition into relative to kids because to a couple episodes ago, we talked about my fears and how I'm really nervous about my kid getting told he can't talk about having two moms and what that looks like and navigating those conversations. And we got a lot of feedback around it. First and foremost, I want to say I love when people give feedback. I love when people give their own experiences. But what I need people to do is open up their mind that their experience isn't the reality of everyone else. Right. Like, a lot of people say, oh, that's not what happened to me. That's not going to happen to you. And that's just not the reality of life. Right. Like, I love and I'm glad that you like people that reached out. Don't think that my kid is going to go through something, but that's not the reality of life. And I hope to God or hope to whoever, Lady Gaga, that it is the case that he just, you know, skates by in life never having to get bullied for having two hot moms. And. And so I took some screenshots of some responses that I wanted to read through one, but there was one I didn't screenshot, but this per. Someone messaged me saying how there was two teachers in their school that were getting married and the whole entire school, like, threw them like a bridal shower. Oh, stop.

[A]

I'll cry right now.

[B]

I know. And so, yeah, it was really, like, just cute to see that a school like that was open to allowing that love to be shown in a public way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Secondarily, there was a lot of message. Messages about how, like, kids don't care and they don't.

[A]

Look at Creed. You literally talked about it last week. Creed literally said, can you get tattoos like my dad and be my dad? And then Lux is over here like, you could be our third mom. Like, they don't care. They just want someone to love them.

[B]

Yeah. And we get that. Right? That was a very common thread. Kids don't care. We get that. The people that don't get it are the people that are trying to control the narrative for children.

[A]

I just, I. It's so hard for me to understand and to wrap my head around the hatred surrounding the queer community. Like, I don't get it. I've literally seen queer couples be better parents than straight couples like what is going on?

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna read two different messages that I got. Actually, I. I just screenshotted one. I screenshotted one because this isn't a good one. And I wanted to screenshot it so that I could read through it of a real life scenario of what could happen, which is sad. Anyhow, so this is. I'm not going to say their name because I don't know if they want me to share it. Her son had to do a project where you had to draw your family. And he was so excited to share with the class that he had two moms, a brother and sister. A little boy called him a liar and said that there was no way that he could have two moms because he needed to have a mom and a dad. My son was so upset about it. We talked to him and let him know that not everybody is okay with our living situation, and that's okay. He went into fifth grade this year, and when asked to do the family project, he asked me if it was okay to only include his brother and sister.

[A]

Oh, my God, I'll cry.

[B]

My eyes are wet.

[A]

Mine too.

[B]

And myself. Because he didn't want anybody making fun of him for having two moms. Moms. It's a really sad world we live in. And my daughter was bullied in middle school. Someone started a rumor that since she had two moms, that she was also a lesbian. She dropped out of athletics for that reason. Girls would say. She would stare at them. Dressing. Kids can be so mean.

[A]

That's awful.

[B]

Awful.

[A]

That's horrible.

[B]

And like, that's just, like, the reality of leaving it up to. And I know that there's a lot of people that disagree, but leaving it solely up to parents to educate their children around different families. Education's all based on what's relative to someone like, a kid's age. Like. But I truly believe that it should be mandatory in schools for there to be children's books just read about different families. And not just queer families, families where, like, adopted families, families that have biracial parents, families where grandparents are raising. Because, like, that comment about it's, you can't have a family if you don't have a mom and dad. Also, it doesn't just hurt someone that has a mom and a mom. It hurts someone that might only have a single parent, might only have grandparents that raise them. So there's just a lot of different, I, you know, ways that family can be. Families can be built. And it's important that there is some exposure because if there Isn't. You get little pieces of that are gonna get beat up by me.

[A]

I. It's not the same. So I'm not comparing, but you just touched on, like, interracial or biracial. Lux and Creed are full siblings. Same mom, same dad, obviously. But they already talk about, like, the. Their skin color because how is Creed so white? And Lux is the complexion that his dad is and stuff like that. And Lux has certain things about, you know, you know, being black or being white. And, you know, Creed is. I worry for Creed because I'm like, he's not gonna feel black enough. He's not gonna feel white enough. He's not gonna feel Mexican enough. He's not gonna feel anything enough. And I should. I understand. Like, how do you fit into. And then, like, I created a really up dynamic with, like, all the. All the kids, dads, and, like, all the siblings and, like, half siblings not have siblings. You know what I mean? So, like, to your point, like, a family. Like, a family doesn't have to be, like, the traditional one that I guess the schools want to pretend all still exist. Like, all the families still look like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I. I've noticed that Lux really likes to identify creeds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whiteness. It sparks this memory in my mind on. For the haters I interviewed. Linda. And Linda was adopted. She was adopted by white people. She was half black, and she went through, like, an identity crisis of, you know, not being white enough. And then because she got outcasted by those people, she was. Tried to make friends with black people, like the black girls in her school. And then she was outcasted by them because she wasn't black enough. So they're like. That alone is education behind. Behind it as well. Like that your ability to welcome people into your friend group or welcome people into, you know, whatever that is, is also why it's important to talk about diversity and just inclusion and. And all the things.

[A]

So I agree. Isaac struggled with that. I mean, I'm not gonna say he struggled, but he used to be called white boy all the time by his family members, and it was like, not Spanish, not Hispanic enough, not white enough.

[B]

Yeah. For what make a kid feel like.

[A]

We have a lot of colorism and, like, racism within bipoc communities because the proximity to whiteness is important in our society. Society. So it's hard. There is a lot of levels to it.

[B]

Yeah. So thank you all. There was so many kind messages. There were so many people that sent me, you know, personal dms that were telling me stories of hope, of different situations and how things are getting better. While it might not feel like things are getting better, there is a lot of, like, really good that's happening. A lot of people, you know, on our Facebook group that pops off all the time. I'm gonna switch this conversation really fast because I was just thinking about our Facebook group and.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

As everyone knows, we keep talking about. I was at Kale's house, and I sent her a little voice note. A voice memo. I was laying in bed. I sent her a little voice memo, and I saw her the next day, and I said, did you listen to my voice memo?

[A]

I said, no.

[B]

She said, no. And I said, listen to that thing right now.

[A]

Can I play it?

[B]

You don't. You saved it.

[A]

No, I have my voice notes, like, saved forever kind of thing.

[B]

That's terrifying.

[A]

Do you want me to turn it off?

[B]

No, I don't care. You can play it.

[A]

Well, it's just like, what if you died? And I wanted to hear your voice one more time.

[B]

That's really cute.

[A]

Like, I don't care what you were saying or who you were talking about. I just wanted to hear your voice, you know?

[B]

Yeah. You're going to sleep. But there's someone in the Karma and Chaos Facebook group that's. That is asking to get a post to prove about them trying to find a third for their threesome. So I just wanted to wish you sweet dreams with that. Love you.

[A]

Bye. Like, what are you talking about? Did they find any prospects?

[B]

So I look at. And I didn't approve yet because I was like, I don't know if the. The whole team is going to down to clown like this. And so.

[A]

Down to clown.

[B]

And I said, can I approve it?

[A]

And I said, yeah, absolutely.

[B]

And she was like, yes. And so that was approved. And so essentially, we're now like, almost like a dating app on Facebook.

[A]

Chaos dating. Not legal. We're not dating and we're not pips.

[B]

Sorry. Sorry. Management hr. But I thought that was fun.

[A]

And I agree. And if they want to find another karmaroo to. To have some Karmaru fun with them. Yeah. Then I want to support that for them.

[B]

It was funny because I commented. I said, you know what? Hell yeah. And someone said, I knew you were going to be the first person to comment on this.

[A]

And I'm Becky, would you ever be willing to talk about your sexcapade?

[B]

Maybe when I retire?

[A]

Like, you don't want to talk about a foursome at any point?

[B]

No. Maybe when, like, because you retire me.

[A]

Okay, sounds good.

[B]

You know, so that is a fun story.

[A]

But it is a fun story. Okay, so you guys know what I don't miss at all? That vicious week before your period when you feel like crawling out of your skin. I don't have it anymore. Your skin's covered in pimples. Mind you, the cravings. You could literally eat your own hand if it was rolled and in batter and deep fried. Truly, now it's easier to manage PMS with Estro Control. Estro Control is a formula developed by Happy Mammoth. This is a supplement company dedicated to making women's lives easier. And Estro Control contains science backed herbal extracts that help support hormonal health, especially in women who suffer from pms. Becky and I have talked about this so much since we started podcasting, and the way that Estro control eases PMS is actually interesting because the ingredients help support the liver and that's actually where our hormones get processed. And I didn't know that before using this product, especially estrogen. So when the estrogen isn't processed well in the liver, women start having the PMS symptoms. Spots on their skin get cravings, and you feel low all of a sudden. Estro Control was created to help women feel like themselves all throughout the month. Because PMS can rob you of a week of your life every single month, and that's not fair. So Estro control is made specifically for women who are premenopausal, and it's perfect for women that haven't entered menopause yet. So actually, it's amazing for perimenopause. And when your hormones start to fluctuate and PMS can turn into a beast, we don't want that anymore. For a limited time, you can get 15 off your entire first order@happy mammoth.com. just use the code Karma at checkout. All right, let's talk about vaginal probiotics. Because until I met this product, I had never even known there was such a thing. And if you've had struggles with your vaginal health, maybe your periods have knocked you off balance. Sex knocked you off balance. That's definitely happened to me before with cheaters. I have tried everything. Right when I was with the serial cheater, it was rough. And since we love talking about this, this podcast, I had to tell you about Euro. So Euro is a blend of four strains of probiotics that target vaginal health. And research shows that these strains support healthy vaginal odor, vaginal ph, vaginal flora, and yeast balance. If you're sexually active and maybe you're concerned about your vaginal scent or maybe you feel vaginal discomfort or prone to vaginal imbalance. Euro is for you. They have over 5,000 five star reviews and it's a top selling product on Amazon and Target. And O Positive is on a mission to deliver innovative, clinically backed fun to take products that support women from their first period to well beyond their last. They're committed to breaking down stigmas and addressing the unspoken issues or elephants in the room. They help with issues that women experience like hormonal health, vaginal health, and menopause. Oh Positive's ability to create real, tangible results have made them a go to brand for millions of women. Take proactive care of your vaginal health and head to positive.com/karma or enter code karma at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. 25% is a big deal. That's O.P.O. s I T I V.com/karma for 25% off. Okay. I'm getting the dirt vibes. Did you mix the sweetener? No, I. I think I've been drinking fake Matcha my whole life.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

I've been drinking, like, something mixed with something green. Are you drinking Starbucks Matcha? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

That's not Matcha.

[A]

This tastes like dirt.

[B]

And everyone said that I was crazy.

[A]

I would love this if it had other things in it. But this is an earthy vibe. This is. Yes. I. You know what? The whole outfit that I'm wearing is green. So let's go ahead and take a moment. We'll take a picture of, like, all the green things. Because some re. For some reason, I keep doing green, knowing I'm gonna sit on a green couch. Green means money. And I'm about to come into some big dollars.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because that's what's gonna reach out to me and be like, I'm sorry for faking the business.

[A]

100. She is. She's gonna say, now we can get into real business.

[B]

Yeah. And then I'll give that money to you.

[A]

And this is the foreshadowing of me making a lot of money in 20, 25, period. I'll be able to re up my scholarship fund at my alma mater. So I have a scholarship fund there. I'll be able to put money in there. I'll be able to pay my kids more. I'll be able to just do a lot of things.

[B]

What about me?

[A]

You might get a raise. Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

All right.

[B]

It tastes like dirt, right? It does.

[A]

I was. I'm not. Well, the coffee you're gonna like is next to you. So drink that instead.

[B]

Here we go, people. We left off. We took a little bit of an intermission. So if things feel. Vibe feels different, it's because we did.

[A]

Take an intermission because Becky works a day job. Yeah, I was crying in the corner, so just both things can happen simultaneously.

[B]

What did you just say simultaneously?

[A]

Can you spell Simon simultaneously?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, yes. You said it wrong both times. I. We used to do these, like, promos for Teen mom that were, like, behind. Like, we would sit in front of a green screen, and they had us spell, like, the most crazy words, and mine was syphilis, and I got it correct. We should do a version of that. I'll find the video for, like, an example, and then we should do that. That would be so funny.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not partaking.

[A]

Coming at you in April, Becky. We're gonna force her to do it. That will be so fun.

[B]

I don't know how to spell. I'm literally the worst speller.

[A]

That's why it would be funny. Spell Kaya. It's the same front, front, and backwards, so.

[B]

All right, let me read this. I've been taking screenshots. She. My God, you're.

[A]

You're unwell.

[B]

I need to go home. Here we go. This is. Someone messaged me and said a topic I'd love for you guys to talk about. It's serious, so don't laugh. Is children and food allergies. Becky is going to have her first baby, and Kale has 7:12. Is this something y'all have ever experienced or have any insight? My middle child is six. He had. He has had food allergies since he was six months old and actually started reacting through my breast milk has been a journey, to say the least. And it's overwhelming and honestly lonely. So to talk about it and see if there's any other women that feel the same way would be nice to hear. I live in the tiniest town in Nebraska. There are cattle yards on all four sides of the town, and I drive over two hours to see a specialist.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Just to follow through completely, his allergies are peanut, pork, wheat, dairy, and eggs. Thanks for the wide range of topics y'all touch on. I appreciate the variety.

[A]

I, knock on wood, have never experienced food allergies per se. I will say that Creed suffers from eczema big time. And I've noticed that certain things do flare up. His eczema. And I mean, it's pretty. Like the eczema is pretty bad. It's not like. Like a mild Case of it. Eczema is an allergic reaction to what's going on inside your body, and I think that so many people don't recognize that. So it is your diet, but we have not been able to address this together. So it's like, whatever I do at my house doesn't happen over there. I know it's not the same thing, but. No, I. I don't have any experience with the food allergy portion of it necessarily, with, like, a specialist. I know that I took my nephew to Disney and he has food allergies. He's allergic to peanuts. Mike was there. He's nodding in the back of the room. We let Disney know, and they were highly accommodating and would literally prepare his meals in different room, like, different kitchens. I can imagine. And, like, I love my nephew to pieces. Like, I. I wouldn't. I do it ten times over, but I'm just like, I cannot imagine how lonely that must feel for parents and for the child as well, to constantly have to go through that. I wish I had more to say. I don't.

[B]

Yeah, I don't have any experience with, like, food allergies firsthand. I do know one of my good friends. I just saw. They just had a bit. Well, he's seven months old, but fresh.

[A]

Freshy.

[B]

He. He is allergic. Started showing signs of. Allergic to dairy, but it was through what she was eating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, she couldn't eat dairy because she was breastfeeding.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that scared me because I was like, holy. Your life could just completely change, like, and even, like, based on your child's needs. Right. And especially living in the States where, like, our food is just filled with so much, and you just have to, like, look so closely to see what it's filled in.

[A]

It sucks because I think about, like, when I think about Creed. How do we tailor everybody's meals to fit his needs? Because we're. That's what we need to do. And I would imagine for this listener who wrote in, it's the same way. Because certain things you can't. Like peanuts, for example, maybe you can have, like, your other kids eat, you know, something that has peanuts, contains peanuts somewhere else.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But at home, you have to completely alter everyone's diets to avoid cross contamination or, you know, an allergic reaction or something like that. So I. I can imagine how maybe we could start a thread in the Facebook group so that she. Because I don't have any thing to offer. Like, maybe there are other people in the Facebook group that would be able to be better Resources for her. And also I'll be following that post because I wonder how I can lessen the eczema flare ups. I know it's not the same, but for Creed I could at least implement some of those things.

[B]

Yeah. And if you hear anything, it's because I'm drinking coffee and I remember someone saying I'd rather just know what you're doing than hearing it. So I'm sorry. Secondarily to that is the education that you have to give behind your kids too. Like you have to trust a child and teach them if they have those types of allergies to make sure they're asking the right questions in any moment that they're like their parent is or in isn't around. So like right in school, going on field trips, going to friends houses, whatever that is. You know, they have to be able to like educate them to be able to ask the questions. They don't die for sure.

[A]

I. That was like what? I took my nephew to Disney. Like knew he was allergic. I think it was to bees, which I had an EpiPen because Lincoln's allergic to them. And then the peanut thing, which is big. Actually. Kaden, you know Kaden.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like he's allergic to so many things. He's allergic to strawberries. He's allergic to apples. He's allergic to peanuts. Like can smell peanuts from a mile away kind of thing. Like very, very allergic. Yeah.

[B]

Would our bodies just do that to us?

[A]

It's so interesting. Like, what about it is like your body doesn't agree with. It's so interesting. And like what did they do? Especially in the 1800s.

[B]

Especially because there's natural things.

[A]

Well, like they're coming over here by boat and having to eat like.

[B]

Like, yeah.

[A]

Secretions from the sea. What do they call it? Crustaceans. And they missed out on an opera. Secretions. Get it? Like they missed an opportunity here. I like, what did they died. Right.

[B]

Yeah. And that's crazy because like it's just a natural. Like it's like people are. I didn't even know people could be allergic to strawberries.

[A]

Oh yeah, anything. You could be allergic to water.

[B]

What? Swear on my life you could be allergic to water.

[A]

Yes. Sunlight. Grass.

[B]

Grass. I know, that's. Yeah. Wild.

[A]

I'm obsessed with the Fits everybody collection. Everything that I'm wearing right now, my shirt and my pants are skims. I'm obsessed. They everything is great. I thought my push up bra days were behind me, but I had been seeing the Skims ultimate bra all over my feed And I wanted to try it for myself. I love how it makes me look. And I did just get a breast reduction, so I like that I look like I also had a boob job. And other push up bras can be bulky and heavy and just super uncomfortable. But the one from Skims gives me the perfect lift and cleavage and the technology is insane. I'm so glad that I gave up on other push up bras because this one truly changed my life. It lifts my boobs and my mood. The second I put it on, I literally feel like the hottest mom I probably am actually. Shop the Skims ultimate bra collection and [e-mail] and skim stores. We're in New York, we're probably gonna stop by there. We love it. Alessandra and I have been there, got the full experience. If you're shopping online, after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. You can select Podcast in the survey and be sure to select Karma and Chaos in the dropdown menu that follows.

[B]

Next. Next topic. Someone sent me a message which is interesting because it aligns with something I did put in here, but it says, hi, Kaylan, Becky, can you guys please talk about flaky friends and how to deal with them? I have a friend that is flaky and I understand that she is busy, but so am I and I don't think she values my time. I have talked to her about it and she chalked it up to her being busy, but I'm still a little frustrated with her about it. I love listening to you girls every week.

[A]

This one's hard because you just never know. Like, I, I have gone through periods of time where I'm flaky. You know that.

[B]

I mean, yeah, I do know that. I've never been a flaky friend.

[A]

So I, I, it's hard because I go back and forth with it, like right now, and I've talked to you guys about it on this podcast is like, right now I want to see people. I just can't. Like, I literally can't.

[B]

And I think it's the reason for the flakiness too, right? Like, obviously, if you have kids and you have, you know, high intensity job or something like that, I know people that are flaky because that's just a part of their personality and I could never be that person. And it also makes me respect them and like them less as a friend.

[A]

I have since I went to therapy for like four years, like, back, like, straight, right? I have now, instead of being Flaky. I'm just honest. Yeah. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna be somewhere if I'm not gonna be there, and I know that I'm not gonna be there where before, I would tell people, oh, I'll be somewhere. I'll do something. And then, you know, I'm either overwhelmed and can't make it, or I forgot or whatever the reason was. I didn't want to go. I don't give people. I don't set the expectation that I'm gonna go.

[B]

Do you think that your nail tech listens?

[A]

Trina, I'm gonna be so honest with you. I couldn't make my nail appointment. I lied to you about my nail appointment yesterday. I told you the kids were sick.

[B]

I think it's fair to be frustrated.

[A]

Do you think that that lie was, like, appropriate? Yes, I did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was just like. Because you called me.

[B]

It was just really. No, it was just really funny. I think rare to be frustrated with people that are flaky. I think if it's a consistent thing that they do. I have to distance myself from people that are too flaky. I have to stop inviting them to do things because it hurts my feelings, you know? Like, I just don't. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone. Friendship, whatever. Like, with someone that doesn't value my time or doesn't value just being honest with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so, like, I don't really have. I don't have anyone that. In my direct circle of friends, I don't really have anyone that is flaky. I have a lot of people that are busy that I respect their busyness, and I just don't invite them to do things because it's just not worth it.

[A]

But when you say that, you. You feel like they're not, like, respecting or valuing your time. I have a friend that. That is always asking, like, oh, if you. Like, if you want me to come hang or, like, if you want to go do this or if you want to. And, like, I want to, but, like, I can't. Like, I don't have the capacity for it.

[B]

Yeah, you're different.

[A]

No, don't give me. Don't give me a pass, Becky.

[B]

No, I'm not. I'm saying you're. The people around you are different.

[A]

In what way?

[B]

I don't know how many people around you I don't know about right now, but historically.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know how many people around you are true friends to you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Right. So, like, if People want to just come hang out with you to spend time with you. Is that a mutual. Like, because you both feel mutually friends. Like, if I text you and we're like. And was like, I want to come sit on your couch just to spend time with you. Like, it's not something to double thing.

[A]

Right. I don't have to question your intentions of being my friend and wanting to come hang out with me. Where there are certain people who like.

[B]

Why does someone want to just come spend time with you if you're not really friends. Friends, you know.

[A]

Well, so let's talk about that. Because I've done it in my life and I'm sure that other people have done it too. Or like, you notice that, like, for me, we were just talking about one of my exes. I feel as though she placed a. She emphasized her place in my life. I've had friends that emphasize our friendship, you know, emphasizing your place in somebody else's life and like, that's how they feel about me. But that's not. It's not mutual. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's a real thing.

[B]

Yeah, I. I agree. I think I see that very often that that happens to you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so that's why I just think that your situation is a little different.

[A]

You should be careful also, because people will do the same too. I think you have a better to me. Yes.

[B]

I don't need any more people in my life, though. I'm good with my people.

[A]

I think you're a good judge of character and you can, like, sort of like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Feel out what someone's motives are. I'm not as good as that at that and I ignore that a lot. So just want you to be careful moving forward.

[B]

I should be telling you that.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I would agree.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[A]

Thanks for the TED Talk. Well, on that note, don't forget to email us all your stories. Is it karma? Is it chaos? We haven't gotten one in a really long time. No lie.

[B]

We do get them now.

[A]

We get them a lot and we have not read them. But we want to bring this segment back full time. So let's go ahead and email info @karma chaos podcast.com. we're looking forward to it. It is in the description of this episode. So if you ever can't find it and you're trying to email, feel free to click the link and I love you. Where can people find you?

[B]

I love you. Everyone can find me at hater25. I've been stepping my game up on socials, so please come follow me. Kale yelled at me and come along for Come along for the journey. Follow for the haters. Becky hater.com See ya love ya.

[A]

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[B]

Oh my God, I love it.

[A]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream now.

[B]

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