Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter

Episode: (ENCORE) Stever Beaver (Happy Holidays!)
Release Date: December 23, 2025

Episode Overview

In this festive holiday episode, hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter dive into their personal holiday traditions, the emotional complexities of the season, and the rekindling of their friendship. Recorded in Kail’s office in Dover, Delaware, the episode is a candid mix of laughter, warmth, nostalgia, and real talk about family, motherhood, sleep struggles, grief during the holidays, and friendship drama—plus some irreverent fun around limos, pajamas, and pop culture.

The mood moves seamlessly from joyful reminiscing to frank discussions on grief and loss, offering listeners a deeply relatable look into modern adulthood—with extra holiday cheer.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Traditions, Culture, and Family Dynamics (00:37–10:43)

• Cultural Traditions: Becky discusses her attorney’s Jewish traditions and curiosity about Greek Orthodox customs. Kail explains her background and how her family celebrated Christmas, mentioning Greek Orthodox midnight mass and the difference between Greek and standard Easter celebrations.
  • "I just grew up in a Christmas household.” – Kail (01:51)
• Matching Pajamas & Holiday Spirit: Becky adores Christmas and makes Kail wear matching PJs for the episode (02:00–02:17).
• Changing Family Traditions: Both hosts reflect on how divorce, custody arrangements, and shifting family dynamics changed the meaning and logistics of holidays as adults and parents.
  • Becky shares how her family stopped celebrating Christmas when she was 13 and the complicated logistics with extended family custody schedules. She explains preferring a quiet Christmas with movies and Chinese food—no guilt, just honesty. (05:50–06:50)
• Gift Anxieties & Sibling Dynamics: Kail discusses feeling traumatized as “the youngest of five,” receiving less exciting gifts once family traditions scaled down, and how her nieces helped her rediscover her love for the holidays through a child’s eyes (07:19–09:38).

2. Motherhood: Anticipation, Sleep, and Practical Challenges (02:28–05:49, 14:24–15:26)

• Sleep Regression at 34?: Kail candidly discusses her unexpected struggle with sleep as she prepares for motherhood, wondering if it’s hormonal, psychological, or related to starting a new medication (Manjaro/GOP-1) (02:54–04:26).
  • “Is there such thing as a sleep regression at 34 years old?” – Kail (02:54)
  • Becky reassures: “Yeah, it’s real. It just is. No explanation... that’s not science backed, but it is.” (05:37)
• Motherhood Sleep Deprivation: Both admit the “hell” of the first year as moms with little sleep; Kail shares her caregiving experience for her dad as a preview of what’s to come (04:45–05:37).
• Small Children at Christmas: Kail and Becky agree the burden should not be on families with young kids to travel for the holidays. (10:03–10:43)
  • “Like, we’re the one with the small children.” – Becky (10:39)

3. Holiday Joy, Grief, and Navigating Firsts (16:07–24:28, 25:57–28:12)

• Childhood Nostalgia: Kail fondly recalls the tradition of stockings placed at her feet on Christmas morning—even after a drunken night passed out in the bathroom (17:09–17:23).
• Simple Gifts & Memories: Their families focused more on thoughtful, simple gifts (often from the Dollar Store), not expensive presents, underscoring the importance of connection over consumerism (17:44–18:22).
• Finding the Holiday Spirit: Becky admits she no longer feels compelled to celebrate Christmas, weighing the sadness of forced traditions against the desire for meaning and connection.
  • “The sadness... does not outweigh the desire to do Christmas...” – Becky (18:31)
• Permission to Feel (or Not): Kail offers validation to listeners experiencing their first holidays after a loss, reminding them that “grief can sit in the back”—it need not dominate or ruin moments of joy. (23:17–24:13)
  • “You're allowed to enjoy life still... grief can sit in the back.” – Kail (24:01)

4. Friendship: Rekindling, Boundaries, & Shared Experiences (28:12–32:23, 33:04–38:38)

• Celebrating Together: Kail invites Becky to her family’s Christmas Eve in two years—a playful pact that both agree to (“If we’re still friends...”) (28:13–28:37).
• Reunions & New Partners: Becky describes her first meeting with Kail’s partner Elijah and the relaxed, equal feeling he brings, calling out how Kail has allowed herself to be happy. (28:49–30:23)
  • “...you are clearly happy. I felt the breeze of the eye roll from here.” – Becky (29:18)
  • Kail discusses feeling safe to let some control go in this partnership, which defies “gender roles” and feels genuinely equal (30:23–31:18).
• Reuniting with Kids: Becky warmly recounts reconnecting with Kail’s children and the joy of picking up bonds with them—especially Isaac—where they left off (33:04–34:47). Kail describes the comfort and pride she feels seeing this connection:
  • “When people recognize the relationship that I have with my kids... it just makes me feel...” – Kail (38:04)
• Motherhood Guilt & Intensity: Kail shares her guilt over travel (“Do you ever feel guilty because you leave your kids so much?”), how separations hit her emotionally, and why she cherishes any moment together, no matter how chaotic. (38:38–40:22)

5. Holiday Whimsy, Couple “Weirdness,” and Humor (41:23–44:16)

• Making Up Silly Songs: Discussion about singing to their pets (“Stever Beaver”) and the weird things partners do—often only in front of those closest to them. (41:23–42:38)
  • “Her dog’s name is Stevie...we’re like, stever beaver!” – Becky (41:41)
  • Elijah rates Kail “probably like, a four” on the weirdness scale, which shocks her (43:57–44:13).

6. Books and Pop Culture Rabbit Holes (45:03–50:20)

• What They’re Reading: Kail is reading “None Left to Tell” and just received “The Crash” by Frieda McFadden (45:06–45:22). Becky started the “Red Rising” series and feels betrayed for not being warned about the emotional first chapters (45:30–45:59).
  • “Y’all are freaking fake for not warning me about how sad it is...” – Becky (45:35)
• Book Recommendations: Discussion of fantasy/smutty books (“Fourth Wing” as “X-rated Harry Potter”), suggestions for reading as couples, and explanations for the uninitiated (48:47–50:20).
• Pop culture drama: Kail and Becky break down the fallout between podcasters Brianna Chickenfry and Grace O’Malley (“everyone is picking sides... both wrong in their own ways...”). They share lessons learned about handling friendship fallouts privately versus airing it out online, highlighting why their own public silence enabled them to rebuild. (51:10–57:38)
  • “You never did that to me once.” – Kail (56:46)

7. Listener Community and Podcast Purpose (60:48–65:07)

• Becky reads a message from a listener who connected with other grieving moms through their podcast community—a powerful testament to the podcast building real connections (60:48–62:16).
  • “You’re making a difference, even when it seems overwhelming.” – Listener (61:12)
• Both hosts express gratitude, set boundaries around responding to every DM, and encourage joining their Facebook group for more shared support (62:16–65:07).
  • “...even if we don’t respond, we do see so many messages from you guys. So many comments. Like, we see them, we value them, we love them...” – Kail (63:35)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Christmas Traditions:
  • "My favorite Christmases are the nights that I got drunk with my sisters and brothers... and I got to write a note from Santa." – Kail (09:11)
• On Sleep Loss & New Motherhood:
  • "Is there such thing as a sleep regression at 34 years old?" – Kail (02:54)
  • "That part of motherhood... it’s absolute hell." – Becky (04:45)
• On Grief During the Holidays:
  • “You're allowed to enjoy life still... grief can sit in the back.” – Kail (24:01)
  • “If you’re grieving, those feelings are valid as well. So easy on yourself. I see everyone that might be going through firsts or seconds or thirds or tenths that are still hard.” – Kail (24:14)
• On Friendship:
  • "If either of us talked about our fallout publicly, we wouldn’t be friends again." – Becky (54:23)
  • "You never did that to me once." – Kail (56:46)
• On Parental Guilt:
  • "Within 20 minutes of waking up in the morning, they could piss me off... but I would go through that, being irritated and overstimulated, 10 times over just to be with them." – Kail (38:38)
• On Relationship Equality:
  • "We don’t have gender roles. In all aspects of this household, we’re a united front..." – Kail (30:23)

Conversation Timestamps for Key Segments

• Holiday traditions & family backgrounds: 00:37–06:50
• Motherhood and sleep issues: 02:54–05:49
• Holiday grief & permission to feel: 23:17–24:28
• Friendship deals & reunions: 28:12–34:47
• Parenting & emotional connections: 38:38–40:22
• Pop culture updates & drama: 51:10–57:38
• Listener stories & community: 60:48–65:07

Tone & Style Reflection

The conversation is warm, irreverent, highly personal, and deeply relatable. Both hosts veil hard truths with humor and honesty, never shying away from tough topics, and frequently poking fun at themselves and each other. The episode balances vulnerability—especially on motherhood, grief, and friendship—with laugh-out-loud storytelling and classic “winging it” banter.

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Is Worth Your Time

Kail and Becky invite you into their private world, where the messiness of real relationships, parenting, and adult life is not only accepted but celebrated. Whether you’re navigating grief, rethinking holiday traditions, dealing with complicated family structures, or seeking laughter in shared memories, this episode offers comfort and connection. Their willingness to address hard feelings alongside moments of pure silliness makes “Karma & Chaos” a space of community and authentic sharing.

Happy Holidays from Karma & Chaos!