FOR THE HAYTERS S2E4 - The Selfless Act of Surrogacy

Summary

Podcast Title: Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Episode: FOR THE HAYTERS S2E4 - The Selfless Act of Surrogacy
Release Date: February 3, 2025
Host: Becky Hayter
Special Guests: Laura (Co-host/Writer), Shauna

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Introduction

The episode begins with an energetic introduction, setting the stage for an engaging discussion on surrogacy. Becky Hayter welcomes listeners back to the podcast and introduces Laura, the co-host and writer, and their special guest, Shauna (also referred to as Dre early on for a humorous touch).

Notable Quote:

• Becky [00:31]: "What's up, everybody? And welcome back to for the Haters podcast."

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Meet Shauna

Becky invites Shauna to share her background, providing listeners with context about her personal and professional life.

Key Points:

• Profession: Shauna is an esthetician, makeup artist, and bridal expert. She has experience in weddings and film projects.
• Personal Life: She is a mother of two and celebrates 14 years of marriage with her husband in July.
• Children:
  • Oldest Daughter: An aspiring chef with a YouTube channel named "Samara's Kitchen" and an Instagram handle matching the channel.
  • Youngest Daughter: A budding singer who creates songs about various topics.

Notable Quotes:

• Shauna [02:00]: "I try to make the world as beautiful as possible in any way I can."
• Becky [04:00]: "Your daughters are precious."
• Shauna [04:18]: "She's been cooking since she was like three or four. I know I brag about her all the time."

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Journey to Surrogacy

The conversation shifts to the core topic of the episode: Shauna's decision to become a surrogate. Becky prompts Shauna to discuss when and why she began considering surrogacy.

Key Points:

• Initial Considerations: Shauna contemplated surrogacy multiple times over the years, influenced by her family's experiences with fertility issues.
• Personal Challenges: Shauna faced cervical cancer twice, complicating her ability to conceive naturally. She was cleared of HPV and other related infections through extensive testing.
• Emotional Drive: The uncertainty surrounding her ability to have more children led Shauna to consider surrogacy as a meaningful way to help others while expanding her own family.

Notable Quotes:

• Shauna [06:06]: "I tossed around the idea a couple of times, like, over the years."
• Shauna [08:35]: "Most people are like, oh, you must love being pregnant. And I'm like, I hate being pregnant, but I'll do it."
• Shauna [10:15]: "I didn't want to be stuck... I didn't want to have any say in what happens in my body."

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The Surrogacy Process

Shauna delves into the practical aspects of becoming a surrogate, detailing the steps she took and the considerations involved.

Key Points:

• Agency Selection: Shauna chose to work with CSP Surrogacy, an established agency with a strong track record and expertise in surrogacy laws.
• Screening Process:
  • Medical Screening: Comprehensive health checks to ensure suitability for surrogacy.
  • Psychological Assessment: Shauna underwent a personality test and an interview with a psychologist to evaluate her readiness and emotional stability for surrogacy.
• Partnership with Husband: The decision was a mutual one, requiring support and understanding from her husband throughout the process.
• Agency Protocols: Shauna adhered to specific guidelines set by the agency, such as maintaining natural hair color and adhering to health and safety regulations during her pregnancies.

Notable Quotes:

• Shauna [09:54]: "I just wanted to make sure that I was protected, too."
• Shauna [10:15]: "I didn't want to go through that kind of trauma."
• Shauna [12:04]: "I agree for, like, that. I went back to my natural color, and I didn't color my hair at all for that year or so."

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Experiences and Reflections

Shauna shares her personal experiences and the emotional journey of being a surrogate, highlighting both challenges and rewards.

Key Points:

• Emotional Impact: The process of surrogacy involves navigating complex emotions, including the potential for attachment and the necessity of detachment once the baby is born.
• Support Systems: Having a supportive partner and working through the process with a reputable agency provided Shauna with the necessary resources and reassurance.
• Balancing Career and Surrogacy: Shauna had to adjust her professional life, such as refraining from dyeing her hair, to comply with agency rules and maintain a healthy pregnancy.

Notable Quotes:

• Shauna [13:01]: "It's like a dating service. So it's really funny because I got three profiles."
• Shauna [13:24]: "I had to take a personality test, which is really funny because it had, like, things like I can read people's minds and, like, things like that. I'm like, I kind of can."

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Conclusion

While the transcript provided cuts off before the episode's conclusion, the discussion thus far offers deep insights into Shauna's motivations, the meticulous process of becoming a surrogate, and the personal transformations she underwent. The episode emphasizes the importance of informed decision-making, mutual support in relationships, and the profound impact of surrogacy on both the surrogate and the intended parents.

Closing Remarks:

• Becky [14:51]: "Thanks for tuning in for the Haters is such a special part of my journey, and I'd love for you to hear the rest of this episode. Find us at for the Haters. Subscribe and join the conversation. Remember, you're not alone. Thank you for your continued support."

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Key Takeaways

• Informed Decisions: Shauna's thorough research and reliance on a reputable agency highlight the importance of understanding the legal and emotional facets of surrogacy.
• Mutual Support: The role of a supportive partner is crucial in navigating the challenges of surrogacy.
• Personal Growth: Shauna's journey underscores the balance between personal desires and altruistic motivations in the decision to become a surrogate.

Notable Quote:

• Shauna [10:15]: "I didn't want to have any say in what happens in my body."

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This episode of Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter offers a heartfelt and informative look into the world of surrogacy, blending personal anecdotes with practical advice for those considering this path. Through Shauna's story, listeners gain a comprehensive understanding of the complexities and rewards associated with the selfless act of helping others build their families.

Transcript

[Unknown]

For the haters. For the haters. Come on, do it now or later. It don't matter what your name is. Share your story. We'll be waiting for the haters woe.

[Becky]

Ready?

[Shauna]

Ready.

[Becky]

What's up, everybody? And welcome back to for the Haters podcast. For those of you new here, my name is Becky, and I will be your host. You also have Laura, who is our co host and writer.

[Laura]

Welcome.

[Becky]

And then we have our special guest, Shauna or Dre.

[Shauna]

You can call me whatever.

[Laura]

Dr. Dre.

[Shauna]

Well, yeah, maybe not.

[Becky]

Awesome. So I'm pumped to have you here. So I was looking up facts today.

[Shauna]

Okay.

[Becky]

I decided to do a little bit of research, and I found out that I am completely clueless about the. Well, I don't know why I wouldn't be, but about the process. So. Well, everyone, probably this is a really good tease.

[Laura]

No, no, I like this.

[Becky]

And I was just, like, mind blown. Right? Like, there's, like, laws and stuff. I'm just like, holy crap. Like this. Like, I couldn't. I was like, this can't be real. Like, how. And it is real.

[Laura]

I can attest to this. She was sending me things.

[Becky]

Yeah. Sending her, like, screenshots from articles. And I'm like. I was like, I didn't know this. I didn't know that. But before we get into that, why don't you tell us just a little bit about yourself, just to give people an idea of who you are, you know, where you came from, and just a nice, quick summary.

[Shauna]

Okay. Well, I'm an esthetician. Makeup artist. Bridal expert. No, I do a lot of weddings, and I've done film and things like that, but that's just my occupation. I try to make the world as beautiful as possible as any way I can. I guess I like to consider myself, like, a little bit of a humanitarian and stuff, but I need more fun for that. I'm a mom of two, a wife of one.

[Laura]

It's not Utah. You don't have to clarify that here.

[Shauna]

Yeah, you know, you never know.

[Becky]

You and your husband have been together for a while.

[Shauna]

Forever. No, a very long time. This July, we'll celebrate 14 years of marriage.

[Laura]

Of marriage.

[Shauna]

Marriage, yeah.

[Laura]

How long have you been dating? Or, you know, together in its entirety?

[Shauna]

I mean, I met him when I was, like, 17. Yeah. We weren't, like, dating dating until, like, really seriously, like, maybe, like, 18, 19. But he proposed to me shortly after we were dating, like, seriously. So, like, I've known in my whole adult life.

[Becky]

Right.

[Shauna]

Which is gross because, like, last this Last birthday, I was like, oh, my God, I officially know you longer than I haven't known you.

[Laura]

Right.

[Shauna]

That's sweet, though. No, I'm kidding. He knows I tease him all the time, and he'll probably kill me talking about years because he's, like, feeling it because he's older than me. But, yeah, we, you know, we live in Bethlehem and we've had this, you know, cute little life.

[Becky]

Yeah. Your daughters are precious.

[Shauna]

Thank you. I think so Most of the time. But. But yeah, my. My oldest is an aspiring chef.

[Becky]

Like, incredible. Like, it's crazy. Yeah.

[Shauna]

She has a little YouTube channel, shout out to Samar's Kitchen.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Shauna]

Okay.

[Becky]

What is it again?

[Shauna]

Samara's Kitchen.

[Becky]

Samara's kitchen, yeah.

[Shauna]

On YouTube. She also has the same handle on Instagram.

[Becky]

Give her a follow, guys.

[Shauna]

She's doing.

[Becky]

She's 13.

[Shauna]

Yeah. She's been doing, you know, like, stuff that, like, my friends that are chefs, like executive chefs have been doing, you know, for a couple of years. She's been doing that, like, you know, like fruit caviar, things like that. Yeah, seriously. You know, people like the Flavor Bible, which is like a author of, like, one of the biggest books, like, for cooking or following her, so.

[Laura]

Wow, that's precocious.

[Shauna]

Oh, my God.

[Laura]

I hope my kids aren't something like that.

[Shauna]

She's been cooking since she was like three or four. I know I brag about her all the time. And my little one, I think she's going to be a singer. She makes songs about everything, so that's sweet. How old is she? She's gonna be five soon, but she's like 15, you know, in personality. The other day, my. My oldest had to go to a formal, and she's like, I'm gonna steal that dress when I get older. But. But they. They both very different personalities, but they both light up my life.

[Laura]

Like, sound very inventive.

[Shauna]

Yeah, that's fun. I like to think that I'm part of the creativity you add to it.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Shauna]

So.

[Becky]

All right, so now that we have a nice little recap of you, I think that the best place to start is where the thoughts began. Right. Like, when did the thought process. So we're going to be talking about. If you haven't read the title, surrogacy, and you were a surrogate and, you know, when did you start thinking about going down this road?

[Shauna]

I mean, I tossed around the idea a couple of times, like, over the years. I have. I'm basically like my grandparents ninth child. My mom was a teen pregnancy So I was raised with my aunts and uncles, and she was, like, in the middle of eight children. So all my younger aunts and uncles are really close in age to me. My uncle had, you know, possible fertility issues. And, you know, I didn't want to pry too much, but I kind of, like, threw it out there and was like, well, if you need somebody to carry for you now, this was only after my first. I was like, you know, if you need somebody to carry for you, then, you know, I'll do it. I hate being pregnant, but I'll do it. And he, like, laughed it off. And, you know, I mentioned the same thing to, like, you know, a friend, and thankfully they didn't need me. And then I had my second. And it kind of was more of a yearning that I was thinking, because I was. Was told before I had my first that I was probably not going to be able to have children. I had cervical cancer twice. I'm one of the rare percentage of people that it kind of just like, manifests. We think we have an idea of why, but usually cervical cancer comes from hpv. And I was negative to all, you know, all the testing and everything like that. So knowing that, like, when I. When me and my husband were first talking about having children, having that in the back of my head, like, killed me. And that was just a thought. So fast forward to after I had my second, and I was just like, you know what? I'm good with two. You know, I'm good. I don't really want to have any more children for myself. So I looked at Brad and I was like, what if I'm. What if I become a surrogate? And he's like. I said, is that crazy? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, I kind of wanna. And he's like, are you sure? He's like, you are miserable pregnant. And I was like, yeah, I kind of. I kind of want to do it.

[Becky]

Yeah, I feel like that's like a. A pretty first question is like, did. Did you have good pregnancies?

[Shauna]

But, yeah, most people are like, oh, you must love being pregnant. And I'm like, I ha.

[Laura]

So what inspired you to do it then?

[Shauna]

So the fact that, like. And I even said that to my husband when we were kind of going through everything, there was a couple of times, because you have to go through, like, all kinds of screenings and all kinds of medical stuff. And he was like, is this really worth it? Like, are you. You know, are you. And I said to him, you know, and this was after we had already met the parents. I was like, remember when we were told that it was a 50, 50 shot? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, remember how bad I bawled and how, like, you felt like. And he's like, yeah. And I was like, he. And then he looked. Looked at me. And then he just, like, put his hands up and was like, it's okay. I get it. And then we pushed on.

[Laura]

Right.

[Becky]

Because it has to be a mutual thing, right? Yeah. When you're in a relationship, I would assume.

[Shauna]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, they have to. Your partner, whether you're married or not, has to go through the gamut as well. Like, so they get screened and they get. Yeah, so they. So you get background checks, of course, you know, for both of you. Right.

[Becky]

And you went through it. Did you go through an agency or was it private?

[Shauna]

I did. Okay. I just wanted to make sure that I was protected, too, you know, Like, I didn't. Not that I wouldn't love to raise another child, but, like, I didn't want to be, like, not stuck, but you know what I mean? I don't know what the word would.

[Laura]

Be left with a child that's not yours.

[Shauna]

Right, right. And I also didn't want it to be like, you know, I didn't have any say in. In. In what happens in my body. Like, you know what I mean? Because now I'm not here to say something about, you know, abortion for other people, but for me, I don't want. If I can help it. I didn't want to have an abortion. I just didn't want to go through that kind of trauma. So I wanted to make sure that I was covered in all those aspects. So when I did the research, I went with the oldest agency for surrogacy, and they have the best track record and everything like that. And I don't know if you know Bill Handel, like, Handel on the Law. He has his own, like, radio show and stuff like that.

[Becky]

It sounds familiar.

[Shauna]

He's really funny, and he, like, jokes and stuff. Well, anyway, he's the lawyer that started the surrogacy agency. So the surrogacy agency that I went through was csp, and they have an east coast and a West Coast. I think they have somewhere in the middle, too. But their east coast division is, like, in. Their headquarters is in Annapolis. But they know everything about surrogacy. Like, things that I didn't even think about. They knew. And that's when I knew that I had to go through an agency because I also didn't have somebody that I really wanted to do it for, you know?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Shauna]

And I think it was a blessing because if I did it for family or a friend, it might have been weird.

[Laura]

Like, you'd have less autonomy.

[Shauna]

Right. And also, like, I'd feel more guilty or, like, I'd be like, oh, my God, like, are they watching me drink this coffee right now? Like, you know, things like that.

[Laura]

Yeah, so. So they were not monitoring you virtually, to an extent.

[Shauna]

Okay. Yeah. They have contracts for me to basically, like, little things, like, oh, they didn't want me to dye my hair. Or if I was, like, in a nail salon for, like, an extended period of time, I should wear a mask or something like that. Which is funny because I'm in the beauty industry. And, like, there was things like, I was like, well, I am gray, like, and I'm in the beauty industry, so, like, I kind of have to color my hair. So. So I agreed for, like, that. Whatever. I went back to my natural color, and I didn't color my hair at all for that year or so, and they agreed to update me.

[Becky]

Do they pick you? Like, do they go through, like, a catalog?

[Shauna]

It's like a dating service. So it's really funny because, like, I got three profiles, and I'm assuming they got three profiles to start with. Yeah. Well, part of it is that you go down to Annapolis and you have, like, an assessment with a psychologist, and.

[Becky]

Do they pay for you to go down there?

[Shauna]

So that's kind of, well, the first initial meeting. Like, if you're going to be rejected or accepted by the agency, it. It's not. It's like, kind of on your dime. So we go down, they interview. Not now, this is after all the medical stuff has gone through, which I didn't think they were gonna accept me.

[Becky]

That's what.

[Shauna]

Yeah, that's what, like, So I was kind of like. And I even said that to my husband, like, what are the chances that they accept me? You know? And he's like, all right. You know, and then I think part of it was kind of like, he was like, yeah, you're not gonna get accepted. But their whole thing was, you carry two healthy ones to term, so we don't see a problem. And it's not like any of your hardware, except for the womb. So, you know, we're good. But we went down to Annapolis and I had to take a personality test, which is really funny because it had, like, things like, I can read people's minds and, like, things like that. I'm like, I kind of can. Like, are they gonna think I'm crazy? But. But yeah, it was, like, really random questions and then. Or what I think is to be random. And then you get interviewed by a psychologist who talks to you, and your husband asks you all the normal questions, like, why are you trying to do this? Whatever, blah, blah, blah. Just to kind of get a read on everybody.

[Becky]

Thanks for tuning in for the Haters is such a special part of my journey, and I'd love for you to hear the rest of this episode. Find us at for the Haters. Subscribe and join the conversation. Remember, you're not alone. Thank you for your continued support.