FOR THE HAYTERS S2E6 - A Life With Chronic Pain

Summary

Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter Episode Summary: FOR THE HAYTERS S2E6 - A Life With Chronic Pain Release Date: February 17, 2025

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In this heartfelt episode of Karma & Chaos, hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter delve into the profound and personal story of AJ, a guest who opens up about his battle with chronic pain following a life-altering car accident. This episode, titled "FOR THE HAYTERS S2E6 - A Life With Chronic Pain," offers listeners an intimate look into AJ's struggles, resilience, and the realities of living with chronic pain in today's society.

1. Introduction of the Guests and Purpose

The episode kicks off with Becky welcoming AJ to the podcast, setting the stage for a deep and meaningful conversation. AJ introduces himself and briefly touches upon his background, establishing a connection with the audience and co-hosts.

Becky [01:30]: "So if you want to, you know, I don't know how much leading up to when all this started is as important to you, but whatever you want to kind of just say about yourself and explain who you are."

2. AJ's Early Life and Interests

AJ shares insights into his upbringing in Harmony Township, a small town fostering close-knit relationships. His passion for sports is evident as he describes his involvement in soccer, basketball, and baseball, highlighting how athletics served as an outlet during his formative years.

AJ [01:31]: "I was a triathlete. I played soccer, basketball, baseball. And I did that up in. Through high school pretty much until, like, my."

Despite his active lifestyle, AJ's narrative takes a pivotal turn as he recounts the events leading up to his accident.

3. The Car Accident

At the heart of AJ's story is the traumatic car accident during his junior year of high school. He was about 16 or 17 years old when, shortly after obtaining his driver's license, he lost control of his car after slamming into a deer near Highway 519. The collision with a telephone pole resulted in severe back injuries, including a herniated disc that necessitated surgery.

AJ [05:15]: "Can I want to take this back for a second because I feel like we sped through that and I... Let's go back to the accident. You were how old you were in high school?"

AJ [06:04]: "I was like 17. And then like, I think it was probably four or five months after I got my license and literally just, you know, knee jerk reaction."

The accident not only impacted AJ physically but also marked the end of his athletic pursuits, compelling him to prioritize academics and personal recovery.

4. Post-Accident Life and Education

Transitioning from athlete to student, AJ discusses the challenges he faced in college. Pursuing a bachelor's degree in environmental biology, he found himself spending long hours seated, exacerbating his back issues and limiting his social interactions. Balancing academic rigor with his physical limitations became a significant hurdle.

AJ [03:26]: "You're reading a lot too. And with that."

AJ [07:36]: "I try to focus on Other ways, like I have a recumbent exercise bike now that I use that's it's low riding. So that way I'm not putting any stress on my low back and I can kind of just like pedal away."

5. Employment Challenges and Healthcare

Post-graduation, AJ's quest for employment underscored the complexities of seeking jobs that offer health benefits essential for his ongoing medical needs. He recounts taking up part-time positions at HR Block and Best Buy, eventually securing a full-time role at Best Buy. However, the reality of the job was less than anticipated, leading to store closure and job loss by 2018. AJ reflects on the difficulties of finding stable employment in the modern job market, especially with health insurance being a critical factor.

AJ [10:04]: "There's little opportunities, so you grab at what's available at the time, you know, which that's what I did because that's what I was told to do."

Becky [10:04]: "Having an injury that could lead to the unknown, you know, it can get better, it could get worse. You don't know."

6. Chronic Pain and Its Impact

AJ provides an in-depth explanation of his chronic pain, likening it to a constant sciatica that affects his lower back and legs. This pain has not only physical ramifications but also poses significant mental and emotional challenges. The persistent discomfort limits his mobility, necessitating the use of a walking stick and impacting his daily life and independence.

AJ [12:11]: "Sciatica is more or less a term for the feeling that I have. So if you were to say sciatica, that's more or less the pain that wraps around from the lower back down into the buttocks, down the thigh, down the leg, and then over top of the foot."

AJ [13:09]: "But this is just something that I have to live with as a permanent paper cut, so to speak."

7. Coping Strategies and Mental Health

Transitioning from despair to acceptance, AJ discusses the psychological journey of coming to terms with his chronic pain. Initially grappling with feelings of "why me," he gradually shifts towards acceptance, focusing on mental resilience and proactive coping mechanisms. AJ emphasizes the importance of maintaining an open mindset and finding alternative ways to stay active without exacerbating his condition.

AJ [14:26]: "It's the flower of life. It's for open mindness and trying to be a little bit more, you know, thoughtful of, like, you know, feelings that you're having and trying to think them out conscientiously."

Becky [14:50]: "I appreciate you listening. This far for the Haters is where we dive even deeper to hear the rest of this episode."

8. Closing Thoughts and Lessons

The episode concludes with AJ reflecting on his journey from an active high school athlete to someone navigating the complexities of chronic pain. His story underscores the importance of resilience, adaptability, and the need for supportive healthcare systems. AJ’s experience serves as a poignant reminder of the unpredictable nature of life and the strength required to overcome its challenges.

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Key Takeaways:

• Resilience in Adversity: AJ's journey highlights the importance of adapting to unforeseen circumstances and finding new paths forward despite significant setbacks.

• Healthcare Challenges: The episode sheds light on the difficulties of securing employment with adequate health benefits, emphasizing systemic issues in healthcare accessibility.

• Mental Health: AJ's transition from "why me" to acceptance underscores the critical role of mental resilience in managing chronic pain and life changes.

• Support Systems: The support from family and friends plays a crucial role in AJ's ability to cope with his condition, illustrating the value of strong personal relationships.

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This episode of Karma & Chaos offers a moving exploration of living with chronic pain, blending personal storytelling with broader societal issues. AJ's candid discussion provides valuable insights and fosters a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by those dealing with chronic health conditions.

Transcript

[Unknown]

For the haters. For the haters. Come on to it now or later. It don't matter what your name is. Share your story. We'll be waiting for the haters.

[Becky]

All right, what's up, everybody?

[Laura]

Sorry. One more time. Start again, start again.

[Becky]

What's up, everybody? And welcome back to for the Haters podcast. This is Becky, your host. We are also joined here by Laura, our co host and writer.

[Laura]

Hello, everyone.

[Becky]

And then today's guest is AJ what's up? If you want to just say hello to the nice people.

[AJ]

Hello, fellow haters.

[Becky]

I like that. Yeah. Cool. So I'm. I'm excited to kind of just jump right into things because there's so many layers to your story and, like, what comes from it that I think is super beneficial to have the conversation. So if you want to, you know, I don't know how much leading up to when all this started is as important to you, but whatever you want to kind of just say about yourself and explain who you are.

[AJ]

Sure.

[Becky]

And kind of why you're here.

[AJ]

Yeah. Well, like I said, my name's AJ And I grew up in a small town, literally right next to where Becky's from called Harmony Township. It's really nice people, everybody knew everybody. You know, we all got along small friends circle in school. But I also like to play a lot of sports, too, which was something that was kind of like my release growing up. And I was a triathlete. I played soccer, basketball, baseball. And I did that up in. Through high school pretty much until, like, my. Well, I played soccer up until about my senior year. And the other two I kind of, like, strayed away from just because one school was a little bit more important. And one, I only liked soccer more than the other two. So, you know, so it was a good time for me growing up as far as the childhood I had leading up into high school. But unfortunately for me, I was in a car accident, in which case I slammed into a telephone pole, which I passed coming here, by the way. It's still there. Memories day, you know, that's crazy. It always reminds me to just kind of slow down and just, you know, ease with caution, you know, looking around. But, you know, I was a rookie driver at the time, and I jerked from the deer with the steering wheel, and the car kind of 360'd in a telephone pole. And I really hurt. Herniated a disc bad in my back, in which case, you know, I kind of had to get surgery on. And then once I had surgery on it, I went to college. College was like real quick. You know, I had fun, but I also studied hard and got my bachelor's degree in environmental biology, which I'm very proud of. But for the majority of the time I was sitting, which was unfortunate, which also caused me a lot of discomfort as well, because one, I was very studious. You know, science, it's very, you know, dedicated. And you, your social circle really shrinks as far as, you know, that that goes.

[Becky]

You're reading a lot too. And with that.

[AJ]

Oh yeah, yeah. You know, all sorts of different, like chemistry, biology, you know, everything. So I'm sitting long periods of time. Classes are like three or six hours apiece. And you know, it was very uncomfortable up until, you know, I was like, I need to get a job, in which case I can walk around and kind of like, you know, not be in a sedentary position where I'm sitting for a long period of time. And you know, coming out of college I needed health care as well. So, you know, I was like, I need a job. So I quickly like grabbed two part time jobs to start making money at HR Block and Best Buy and then ultimately got a full time job the following year at Best Buy. In which case, you know, my problem started to progress a little bit more, which was, you know, unpredicted on my part because I thought it would be rather beneficial than negative. But it ended up kind of being a little bit of.

[Laura]

What do you mean by that? Like in the case that you're. You were having to stand for longer periods of time than you predicted or sit for longer periods of time.

[AJ]

I thought that I would be more or less able to kind of like free roam, like help people out, like walk around when there wasn't people in the store. But it ended up being like, you stand there and help that customer there and you stand there and greet customers there. And it's like, so I can't go around and learn a little bit about the stuff in the store that I'm selling or, you know, because we don't.

[Laura]

Even learn, just move.

[AJ]

Yeah. So like it was a very, like you stand there and you do this kind of job. And that's kind of what it became as far as how it developed from where Best Buy was when I came in about 2016 to where it ended up in 2018. So ultimately them closing the store and then losing our jobs there. So let's.

[Laura]

Can I want to take this back for a second because I feel like we sped through that and I. And you, I was trying to get Lagging. No, no, no.

[AJ]

This is me.

[Becky]

I appreciate that.

[Laura]

Okay, let's go back to the accident. You were how old you were in high school?

[AJ]

It was my junior year in high school, and I believe I was about 16 or 17.

[Laura]

Okay.

[AJ]

Like, just got my license. I was probably 17. And then like, I think it was probably four or five months after I got my license, which would have been. I got my license in June because that's when my birthday. The accident was like, I think around Thanksgiving time or like October. So it was like a few months after I got my license and literally just, you know, knee jerk reaction. Just cock the wheel too quick. And it was icy out.

[Laura]

Because you'd seen a deer.

[AJ]

Yeah. So it spooked me and I kind of just lost control on five, hundred and nineteen, which, you know, which was very. I was reluctant to have nobody coming opposite directions or anyone behind me because I literally lost control of the car and spun three, four times into a telephone pole. With that momentum, that could have been catastrophic. Yeah. The police officer said I could have been pretty severely hurt if it would have hit my door rather than the front fender.

[Laura]

Okay.

[AJ]

Because that's where it ended up colliding was the front fender there. And I literally was just like thrown into my steering wheel and the center console and stuff like that.

[Laura]

So you get into this accident and I would imagine all sports stop. Right. I mean, effective immediately.

[AJ]

That. Yeah, that's kind of why, like I said, sports kind of just, you know, shed it away because, you know, I wanted to focus more on my academics. One, because of that and two, I was like, I'm going to finish up soccer. Because I was so dedicated to for all those years. Though I didn't play as much my senior year, I was still part of it. You know, I traveled with the team. You know, I still felt like a member. Did see senior night and all that, but yeah, sports pretty much stopped after that. And, you know, though I did try to remain healthy as far as like exercise and things like that, it started to become a lot harder as the years progressed. So that's kind of why I'm at now is where I'm trying to like, implement a healthy me program for the situation that I'm in, you know, because it's very hard to do certain exercises when you're center of who you are is like your spine is messed up.

[Laura]

Right.

[AJ]

So you got to do bending, you got to do lifting in order to do those kinds of things. And I can't do those. So I try to focus on Other ways, like I have a recumbent exercise bike now that I use that's it's low riding. So that way I'm not putting any stress on my low back and I can kind of just like pedal away.

[Becky]

Yeah. So to kind of talk a little bit more about the result from, you know, you got hernia discs are pretty common and the level severity vary especially it depends what level it is and what discs are affected. So you had gotten surgery. Is that the only time that. Did you get another surgery after?

[AJ]

No, but I've had over 20 injections into my lower lumbar spine, which, like.

[Laura]

Cortisone injection, like what type of.

[AJ]

It's a steroid. You know, I'm not certain as far as what it was. You know, I wasn't told that prior to that. Was just saying this may or may not help. And ultimately it didn't.

[Laura]

So, you know, it didn't alleviate any pain.

[AJ]

No. If anything, it made things worse, which is what my general practitioner was telling me. He's like, you know, those are kind of like hit or miss as far as, like risks and, you know, the ultimate results for the person getting them. Like, it does help some people, like, don't get me wrong, but there are risks involved because they are injecting a long needle into. Into a groove of nerves that is being guided by imaging because they literally take image after image with markers to try to get the spot. So there were things that were messed up after one or two of those injections. So, like, it started to get worse after that versus, you know.

[Becky]

Yeah. And so in your life, when you graduated college, it was essential for you to get a job with benefits because you needed health insurance. Having an injury that could lead to the unknown, you know, it can get better, it could get worse. You don't know. So that's in your head. That's. Which is crazy. And we've talked about this before, like, that being a deciding factor of what we do is so limited. It limits, like what, you know, our future. It limits our creativity. It limits. I feel like a lot that we have the potential to do as humans because people settle for something because of health insurance.

[AJ]

There's little opportunities, so you grab at what's available at the time, you know, which is what I did because that's what I was told to do, because that's what everybody that was older than us did when they were our age. You know, it's like, well, do you know somebody that's working there? Well, ask them for a job. It's not that easy anymore. You know what I mean? You got to fill out the job application. You got to go through the interview process. You know, there's a lot more, you know, climbing to the top of that ladder than it was, you know, 30, 40 years ago, where it was just like, you know, somebody and you were there versus now, where it's like, well, and also back then, you would also go into the hospital, they take care of you. You know, you were sick, you go to the hospital, they take care of you until you're better. Nowadays, it's like, you don't have health insurance.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[AJ]

This is gonna cost you a lot. And I'm just like, oh, my God, like, why are we not taking care of the people that need most taken care of? Like, mostly like, in the fact that, like, in my situation where I'm trying to, like, get that healthcare so that I can take care of this injury, but it's, like, you know, limited. So I'm trying to, like, make life out of lemons without getting burned by them. You know what I mean?

[Becky]

Yeah. If you could talk a little bit more about actual pain. Right. That. The way that. And what the pain is and how it affects your life then. Your life now, and maybe even. I have another question. After you. After. After you answer that.

[AJ]

So, like, it's really. If you have ever thrown out your back. Sciatica is more or less a term for the feeling that I have. So if you were to say sciatica, that's more or less the pain that wraps around from the lower back down into the buttocks, down the thigh, down the leg, and then over top of the foot. So it's kind of like, have you ever had your foot in an ice bath? And, you know, that pain that kind of, like, starts to circulate after leaving it in there for too long, that's what my foot kind of feels like at all times, all the way up into my leg.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[AJ]

And then my back is kind of, like, a little bit more of, like, a creaky, like, you know, stiffness, where it's causing all that sensation down my leg. So it's very hard, and it's very debilitating because it's also causing me balance issues and weakness. Hence why when I'm standing for a long time or I'm walking for long distances, I bring a walking stick with me.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[AJ]

So, you know, it's. It's a. It's a tough pain to get over, and a lot of it had to do with acceptance. When I first started Getting into, like, you know, is this really happening to me? You know, you get into this, why is this happening to me? You know, you would. You don't want to accept it. And that's a big part of, like, the pain. It's like you need to accept the fact that this is part of who your physical being is. And then you move forth from there. Like, don't let it affect you mentally. And it did affect me mentally for a while. And, you know, if you had a paper cut that didn't go away, I'm sure it would drive you insane. You know what I mean?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[AJ]

So this is just something that I have to live with as a permanent paper cut, so to speak. And, you know, you grim and bear it. You try to distract yourself as best you can. You try to grab at new opportunities because, you know, reluctantly, for me, I have a family that's taking care of me in this whole process, which I love them dearly for. I love them dearly altogether. But it's just like the fact that you need to change your life in a sense where it was like 10 years. I see people posting these, oh, 2010, 2020. I'm just like, well, here's me as an athlet, me with a stick. But, you know, it's just. It's a hard thing to, like I said, accept. But after you accept it, it makes the pain much easier to deal with. So 2018 into 2019, very rough for me. 2020 is a real new me because a lot of it had to do with reconstructing my mind frame and the way I was thinking, because I'm coming from a why me to this is me. You know, it's kind of like you have to get over the why me? And get to the this is me to move forth from that. And that's what this necklace that I wear represents. It's the.

[Laura]

What does it say?

[AJ]

It's the flower of life. It's for open mindness and trying to be a little bit more, you know, thoughtful of, like, you know, feelings that you're having and trying to think them out conscientiously and, you know, not react in a sense that would be negative. You take it for what it is and you move forward.

[Becky]

Move forward.

[Laura]

I have the tree of life on my ring. I think we're in the same forest.

[AJ]

Heck, yeah. Heck, yeah.

[Becky]

I appreciate you listening. This far for the Haters is where we dive even deeper to hear the rest of this episode. Make sure to subscribe to for the haters. Remember, you are not alone. Your support means so much. Thank you.