Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter

Episode: Gap Years & Gut Feelings
Date: November 4, 2025
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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, Kail and Becky dig into the milestones and minefields of adulthood—especially the impact of college, gap years, and navigating family and friendship dynamics in their 30s. The hosts reminisce about formative college experiences, discuss raising independent kids, dive into book talk, get real about parenting worries, and pepper the conversation with their signature wit. Listeners will find laughs, vulnerable insights, and a few passionate rants about mayonnaise and student athletics.

Key Themes & Conversation Highlights

1. College Experiences, Gap Years & Parenting Decisions

[03:04 – 16:41]

• Is College Worth It?

  • Kail asks Becky whether she thinks her own son, Elliot, should go to college straight after high school, particularly since he's considering ASL certification instead.
  • Becky: "As a queer person especially, he should go to college and go somewhere out of state because … that's how I became who I am without going to college … it's the people I met and the exposure to the real world." [03:53]
  • Both agree college isn't for everyone, but if financial means allow, the formative experiences and networking opportunities are invaluable.

• College Friendships:

  • Becky and Kail agree that lifelong friendships often form in college. Becky cites examples: "I still have a group chat with my college friends. Some of the best parts of me are from my college experience." [05:23]

• Cost & Privilege:

  • Both stress that their advice is context-dependent—college debt isn’t worth it for everyone. Becky: "Don't go to some college that's like 100k a year—you know, that's just not worth it unless you're going for, you know, being a doctor, a lawyer..." [06:44]

• Gap Years vs. Going Straight to College:

  • Kail expresses her worries: "It sounds good to have a gap year … but my fear is that he'll be so far out of that mindset that he will not have the same college experience." [09:14]

2. Study Abroad & Growth

[09:32 – 11:47]

• Becky details her transformative experience studying abroad in Spain and Morocco:
  • "Traveling abroad was because I met so many people of different faiths… Europeans live in such a way that, like, life comes before anything..." [10:25]
  • She emphasizes the relative affordability and the life-changing perspective gained.

3. Student Athletics—The Hard Truth

[16:41 – 21:15]

• Becky pulls back the curtain on the politics of college athletics:
  • "Being an athlete in college isn't all that fun … You are of monetary value … you’re tradable." [17:13]
  • Coaches can cut players with scholarships in favor of new recruits; scholarships can be taken away for "justified reasons," but the justification is often shaky: "A coach could make your kid’s life hell where they want to quit." [18:51]
  • Kail is shocked: "I had no idea. That's why, like, you're owned." [21:15]

4. Parenting Updates & Kid Milestones

[19:31 – 21:15]

• Kail beams about her son Creed's maturity since starting kindergarten and his budding interest in football: "He told me last night … 'I'm 5 and 5 year olds don't need you to lay with them anymore.'" [20:14]

5. Food Obsessions & Lighthearted Riffs

[21:33 – 24:00]

• Kail raves about the new Ghost "raspberry cream" flavor energy drink.
• Becky shares her “chicken Caesar salad sandwich” obsession, complete with bread advice: "Get a freshly baked sourdough or some type of nice bed bread … slap on mayonnaise. Put it on, eat it." [23:13]
• Hilarious debate on the pronunciation of "mayonnaise":
  • Kail: "What the fuck is mayonnaise?"
  • Becky: "Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise."
  • Kail: "You're sick in the head." [23:46]

6. Book Chat & Reading Recs

[28:12 – 32:43]

• Kail and Becky swap book recommendations and vent about books that are mostly mediocre but redeem themselves at the end.
• Becky reflects on reading Crescent City by Sarah J. Maas:
  • "The first 80% of this book was not good ... but the last 20% was, like, mind blowingly good." [30:11]
• Both rate such books as “three out of five.”

7. Navigating Friendships & Setting Boundaries

[45:01 – 47:46]

• Listener Q: How do you deal with a friend who always complains but never takes advice?
• Kail: "That's someone who likes their problems. Some people like to like … Misery loves company." [45:39]
• Becky urges boundaries: "If you're not able to make that change for yourself, then you're gonna have to, like, say or do something … because that's draining. People like that are fucking … I hate it." [45:53]
• Both agree it’s about protecting your energy and possibly repositioning the friendship.

8. Parenting LGBTQ+ Teens: Safety, Inclusion & Sleepovers

[53:50 – 58:08]

• Listener Q: Mom of a lesbian teen wonders if she should allow sleepovers with straight friends, worrying about other parents’ reactions.
• Becky: "I don't think that we need to take the experience away from your kid. … Number two is opening that line of communication of I need to know if you feel safe … I'll make up an excuse that you have to come home." [55:43]
• Kail relates with her own experiences as a parent.
• Both stress communication, awareness, and respecting other families’ house rules while advocating for their child’s safety.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Power of College Exploration:

  • "That's how I became who I am … the people I met and the exposure to the real world … I wish it for everyone." — Becky [04:15]

• On Book Frustrations:

  • "The first 85% was mediocre at best, and the last 15% … still could tell you about it to this day, the best reading I've ever read." — Kail [30:16]

• On Setting Boundaries in Draining Friendships:

  • "You have to protect your peace. Like, you are who you surround yourself with and that can be so consuming. You have to create boundaries." — Becky [46:53]

• On Kids Growing Up:

  • "Mom, I don't want you to tuck me in because I'm big now. I'm 5 and 5 year olds don't need you to lay with them anymore." — Kail (about Creed) [20:14]

• Tackling 'Mayonnaise' Pronunciation:

  • "Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise." — Becky
    "You're sick in the head." — Kail [23:41-23:54]

• On Youth & Time:

  • "I literally feel like mentally I’m still before puberty." — Kail [34:30]

• Parenting LGBTQ Kids:

  • "I don't think we need to take the experience away ... but create one, awareness ... two, a safety net ... if at any moment you do not feel safe, I want you to let me know." — Becky [55:43]

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Timestamps | |---|---| | College, Gap Years, & Parenting | 03:04 – 16:41 | | Study Abroad Reflections | 09:32 – 11:47 | | Sports, Scholarships, Politics | 16:41 – 21:15 | | Food Faves & Banter | 21:33 – 24:00 | | Book Chat | 28:12 – 32:43 | | Draining Friends & Boundaries | 45:01 – 47:46 | | LGBTQ+ Teen Parenting | 53:50 – 58:08 |

Tone & Style

True to Karma & Chaos, the episode blends unfiltered honesty, relatable anecdotes, humor, and vulnerability. Kail is straightforward and candid, while Becky brings warmth, wit, and thoughtful perspective—making for an episode both real and reassuring.

For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is for anyone navigating tough decisions about kids, their futures, or their own lives. Kail and Becky offer practical wisdom, plenty of humor, and well-earned life lessons—from college choices, parenting LGBTQ+ teens, to just rolling with the chaos.