Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Episode: "In Our Depressy Era" - December 9, 2025
Episode Overview
In this candid, laughter-filled episode, Kail and Becky reconnect after a long hiatus, embracing the "depressy era" that defines their current mental state. They get real about mental health, the heaviness of modern adulthood, parenting struggles, and friendship dynamics. Humor, honest reflection, and a bit of chaos set the tone as the duo trade life updates, weigh in on pop culture pressures, and try to find pieces of joy amidst the messiness of adulting.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
Navigating Depression and “Heaviness”
- Setting the Tone: Both hosts express feeling “heavy” and “depressy”—a sense of emotional and physical exhaustion, not helped by societal expectations around the holidays.
- Becky: “I have been depressy. Like, I’m not gonna cry. I’m not gonna have a sob story this episode… these past couple weeks, I feel like I’ve had a layer of cement on my body.” [00:24]
- Kail: “I would agree with you though. I think it’s like holiday grief. It’s supposed to be like a happy time of year. And it just feels like… politically speaking, the climate, the economy, deaths… all kinds of things feel very heavy.” [01:46]
- A Word to Listeners: They both reassure the audience not to be fooled by curated, positive moments online—heaviness is a shared experience.
Coping Mechanisms: Microdosing, Self-Care, and Support
- Becky mentions considering another microdosing cycle to “boost morale.” [01:27]
- Both hosts confide that not taking care of their bodies exacerbates their moods.
Parenting Challenges: Illness, Co-Parenting, and the Logistics of Split Households
- Kail details the flu tearing through her house, the sleeplessness of caring for sick kids, and balancing comfort for her kids with her own exhaustion. [02:53]
- She describes the emotional and logistical challenge of driving her son Lincoln five-hour round trips twice a month to see his dad due to split custody arrangements:
- “At least once, sometimes twice a month, I’m doing the five-hour round trip twice… especially during this time of year when there are service days, holidays, school events… fitting in two five-hour round trips in my days has been really heavy.” [05:22]
- Becky offers empathy and shifts to light banter about audiobooks as a coping tool for long drives.
Audiobook Debates and Reading Habits
- The pair argue playfully over Kail’s reluctance to commit to long audiobooks, with Becky pushing “Fourth Wing.”
- Becky: “You talk about these five-hour drives… you talk about audiobook recs all the time… you can’t just bite the bullet?” [06:41]
- Kail: “My TBR is so long… three books in those 25 hours for one book stresses me out. Like, it stresses me out.” [07:00]
- Kail promises to use her drive time to finally listen to "Fourth Wing"—reluctantly. [07:47]
- They discuss preferred audiobook speeds (Kail at 1.25x, Becky at 1.7x), and how it shifts their perception of normal audio pace. [13:52]
Book Recommendations and BookTok Influence
- Kail celebrates that BookTok is reshaping experiences at bookstores, mentioning a reported Barnes & Noble plan to tailor locations to their communities (e.g., bars, playgrounds). [15:14]
- The duo trade recent book recs, with Kail naming “Atmosphere” and Taylor Jenkins Reid’s books as favorites.
- Becky’s approach: sharing books with loved ones to deepen relationships.
Updates on the Kids & Parenting Wins
- Kail shares positive updates on her kids:
- Lux's ADHD managed well with meds, academic improvement [17:51]
- Creed thriving in kindergarten, Spanish immersion a success—Lux confidently conversing in Spanish at home [18:21]
- Elliot’s recent play and a family outing to see “Wicked,” prompting Kail to consider a (controversial) flying monkey tattoo [19:08]
- Becky is joyfully called "Ducky" by Kail’s little ones—a sign of close extended-family dynamics [20:04]
Motherhood Joys and Struggles
- Becky reflects on her week in Florida:
- Traveling with their "easy," happy baby Bex, and feeling privileged by the child’s temperament [22:10]
- The joy of integrating the baby into daily adult life, rather than isolating family activities [28:03]
Screen Time & Parental Judgement
- Discussion around screen time, TV, and internet shaming:
- Becky defends letting her baby watch Ms. Rachel, calling out accusations of "lazy parenting" as unfair. [30:37]
- “She can do it better than I can. Like, I’m not a child educator, and I have no interest in being a child educator.” [30:44]
- Kail draws a distinction between TV and iPad/phone screen time, feels TV in moderation is fine, especially for busy households. [31:33]
- Kail’s Spanish immersion tip: Ms. Naina, a Spanish-language equivalent to Ms. Rachel. [34:42]
- Becky defends letting her baby watch Ms. Rachel, calling out accusations of "lazy parenting" as unfair. [30:37]
Podcasting & Recognition
- Both hosts are thrilled to see “Karma & Chaos” popping up on listeners’ Spotify Wrapped:
- Becky: “How cool is the Spotify wrapped? And, like, us being on people’s Spotify Wrapped?” [36:13]
- Signal Awards: The podcast won for both LGBTQ+ and “Buddy Podcast” categories. [36:49]
Authenticity, Social Media, and “Performative” Good Deeds
- They debate content creators who record good deeds, or stage scenarios for views:
- Kail: “I think that it’s really beneficial for us to see other people doing it so that it inspires us to do it…” [44:20]
- Both agree: Even if it’s “performative,” if someone is helped, that still matters. [45:37]
- Becky draws a distinction: Problematic only when acts are fake or harms someone (e.g., faked giveaways). [46:39]
Heartfelt and Hilarious Listener Stories
- The hosts read a “Karma or Chaos” story about a birthday Starbucks debacle—Becky calls it karma for not being grateful, Kail calls it chaos. Their first on-air disagreement.
- Kail: “Listen, it was chaos. And I don’t… it’s truly…”
- Becky: “I think this is the first one we disagree on.” [62:38]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Feeling Down:
Becky: “These past couple weeks, I feel like I’ve had a layer of cement on my body.” [00:24]
Kail: “Every little thing that would normally just be like a regular occurrence feels heavier.” [02:53] -
On Books and Friendship:
Becky (teasing): “You talk about audiobook recs all the time… you can’t just bite the bullet?” [06:41]
Kail: “It might take me two months to get through [Fourth Wing] though.” [08:22] -
On Parenting Difficult Kids:
Kail: “I have had happy babies and… a very difficult baby. As a mom of multiples… that will make a huge difference, because it just makes it easier to adjust the child to your lifestyle versus the other way around.” [23:04] -
On Social Media vs. Reality:
Kail: “We’re putting on a show for y’all right now.” [02:31] -
On Screen Time and Parenting Shame:
Becky: “She can do it better than I can. I’m not a child educator, and I have no interest in being a child educator.” [30:44]
Kail: “With that being said, my kids have pretty much unlimited access to television, but we’re so busy all the time… I don’t put any limitations on TV, and I don’t group that with screen time.” [32:54] -
On Performative Good Deeds:
Kail: “If it’s performative and someone’s kid is having a great Christmas, I don’t give a.” [46:13]
Becky: “If you’re doing a good deed… or if you’re doing… I don’t care.” [45:48] -
On Podcast Community:
Becky: “We love you guys.” [37:22]
Kail: “That is so fascinating… we’re part of people’s listening hours.” [36:38] -
On Listener Story Disagreement:
Becky: “That was pure karma.” [62:29]
Kail: “I think it was chaos… First time disagreeing on it.” [62:40]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Depressy Era & Mental Health Realness: [00:24–02:31]
- Parenting Through Illness & Logistics of Split Households: [02:53–06:27]
- Audiobook Debate & Book Recommendations: [06:41–17:00]
- Parenting Wins, ADHD, and Bilingual Households: [17:51–19:01]
- Becky’s Baby, Parenting Reflections: [22:05–24:09]
- Screen Time, Internet Shaming, and Ms. Rachel: [30:35–35:15]
- Podcast Recognition & Awards: [36:13–37:22]
- Performative Acts & Social Media Authenticity: [44:13–49:02]
- Listener “Karma or Chaos” Starbucks Birthday Story: [59:27–62:40]
Final Thoughts
This episode mixes heavy, real-life struggles with moments of levity, demonstrating Kail and Becky’s commitment to honesty and friendship—in all its imperfect, giggle-in-the-dark glory. Listeners are reminded that, beneath social media’s sheen, everyone feels the weight sometimes and that sometimes, the only way to make it through is with radical authenticity (and maybe a good audiobook for the drive).
Next episode: Tune in next Tuesday for more Karma & Chaos!