← Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
It’s All About the Village
00:56:47
This week on BMND, Vee shares highlights from her recent trip to New York City, where she and her family saw Wicked on Broadway, navigating the chaos of Times Square. She reflects on the importance of decompressing after busy trips and...
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- [00:00]
B. Rivera
Okay, so I know it's about to be that time where everyone comes out and they're like, new year, new me. But with Peloton, I think it makes it a lot easier to feeling motivated, getting into your fitness life. They have variety and flexibility that can be beat. Peloton honestly offers a wide variety of classes to fit every season of your life. So whether you're just starting out or looking for a challenge, you can train at home, at the gym, or wherever with your all access membership.
- [00:26]
Unknown Speaker
Each workout is a mix of fun and challenges. With strength, cardio and yoga classes, you'll always find something to keep you motivated. Plus lose yourself to the music that moves you. They have everything from reggaeton to merengue. And you know, the music says the vibe and the tone for us for everything. Especially when it comes to working out. They have really great instructors that keep you super pumped and motivated, which for me I need. I love working out with a trainer and Peloton is really great way to do that every day in your own home. Whether it's their playlist, classes taught in Spanish or personality, there's someone to match with whatever mood you're in. So whether you need 10, 20 or 45 minutes of of you time to sweat or get you grounded, Peloton provides flexibility with daily on demand and live classes that fit your schedule and life. So find your push, find your power with peloton@1peloton.com what's the five dollar meal deal at McDonald's?
- [01:11]
B. Rivera
You pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small.
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Unknown Speaker
Drink and a four piece McNuggets.
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B. Rivera
That's a lot of McDonald's for not.
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Unknown Speaker
A lot of money.
- [01:21]
B. Rivera
Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. Hello, baby mamas. It is I be Rivera. We just can't seem to get our together. Scheduling has been crazy, so I've been doing like some solo episodes just to ease the chaos. So I'm back and I have much to talk about. Y'all know I love to talk, so I'm here to do that. But I hope you guys are having a great start of your week. I know for you guys it's only Tuesday right now it is Monday for me. I recorded pretty late, but I had an amazing weekend. We actually went to New York City. Joe got BB tickets for her birthday to go see Wicked and she surprisingly has never been to Times Square in her life. Like she's been to New York and has been to like a. I think Jo took them to Like a museum one time for Isaac's birthday. But she's never been to Times Square. And she always told us that she wants to go and just like, explore New York, I guess, like a tourist. So I was like, you know what? As much as I really don't fuck with New York like that, because y'all know I'm from Jersey and I've been to New York so many times in my life. I used to go there like every weekend with my friends and stuff. And I'm just kind of over it. Like, it's just not for me anymore. But we knew that we wanted to take her, so he surprised her with tickets and it was so much fun. We stayed at a hotel pretty close to Times Square, and we were able to go. We actually went to Times Square twice. So she definitely got to take a lot of it in. And the one thing she noticed were the dead rats around, which is disgusting. And if you're from New York and you're a New Yorker, you know that it is absolutely gross. It stinks all the time. There's rats everywhere. People are shitting and peeing, you know, literally on the sidewalks and stuff. That's just how it is. But there are some amazing, beautiful things in New York, don't get me wrong. A lot of great things to see, a lot of great things to experience. So I will say Wicked was definitely a top tier play on Broadway. And I'm so glad we saw it. It was really cute. It was about basically how the wicked witch became wicked and her story. But it was more so about both of them, like the good witch and the bad witch. And I never knew that they were actually friends before. I loved how they incorporated the fact that they both had a relationship with each other and they weren't enemies. And I just thought that was so cute because I think realistically everyone just thinks that they're enemies, you know, because one is good and one is bad. But the wicked witch was not all bad, okay? Like, she definitely wasn't. So I a thousand percent recommend this play to all of you guys. Like, it was absolutely phenomenal. A couple other Broadway shows I've seen were the Lion King. That is a must see. Absolutely one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life. I. My jaw was dropped when we first went. And that was like, years ago, but I know it's still phenomenal till this day. And we also saw Joe took me to see. It's called An American in Paris. And it was like a really romantic, really cute musical that One was really nice. Like, I thoroughly enjoyed that play, like, was phenomenal. I don't know if it's still on Broadway, but it was great. So the kids absolutely loved it. I was able to bring my niece with me because, you know, my sister lives close to me now. It's been so great just to have her and to be able to just pick her up and take her with us, like, wherever. So she was able to come. And she had so much fun, too, and she loved it. I think it was their. It was definitely. It was Vivi and Ali's first time seeing a Broadway play. And Isaac has seen one. We. We took him to see the Lion King before, but it was nice to be able to experience it all together. And we did Dave and Busters out there, which is huge. Like, it's really cool. Obviously, everything was, like, in Times Square, so we just tried to do, like, a lot of things. We ate at some really fine restaurants. I was like, y'all are spoiled to tell. Like, y'all eating at these five star restaurants right now. But you know how it is in New York. They have the best food and stuff. So overall, it was a really great trip. And I'm happy. I'm just happy to be back because I cannot sleep when I'm away from my bed. Like, I just. I need my bed. I need my own space. Like, that's just how I am. I, like, going and trying new things and having fun. But then once I get home, oh, my gosh. Like, as soon as we got home, I just had to lie down. Like, I. I had to reset. I had to press that reset button, and it just feels so good. I had to. I kind of just like, shut down a little bit. I had to, like, shut down my body and just reset because having all the kids together, too, was, like, a lot. Like, they're very loud and they're very much all over the fucking place. And we were all in just one hotel room. So, yeah, it was a loss. As soon as I got home, I just had to, like, decompress. And then I went to my sister's house, had some dinner. We was looking for. We were looking. She had me looking for this fucking thing for her door because she bought, like, these scream decorations, and she was looking for it for, like, two days. And I went in there and found that, and she was like, oh, my gosh. I'm like, how did you not see this? It was so funny. Sometimes you just need, like, a different pair of eyes. But, yeah, so that's what I Did when I got back, and now I'm here and I'm recording. But. Yeah. So I just wanted to update you guys, like, what life has been like since my sisters moved. I also wanted to say thank you guys for all the kind words and all the DMS and messages that I got. Like, I can't even begin to describe how amazing you guys are and how supportive you guys always are of me. And I think a lot of, you know, like, how close I am to my family, and you see the dynamic and you're just, like, in awe of it. And that makes me super happy because family is, like, the number one thing to me. It's been nice, and it's been really cool to be able to, like, share that side with you guys. I know I don't, you know, like, open up about a lot of things when it comes to, like, my family. I just like to, you know, give my family and people the privacy and, like, you know, I don't like to talk about other people and things like that. But me and my family have always been super, super close. But ever since I've had my sister close by, it's like, I don't. It's still, like, an adjustment, I think. The other day we were talking and she was just. Like, it still feels so, like, unreal. Like, it just feels so surreal that we're still, like, that we're back together. And it's so funny because it's something that we've talked about for years, right? Like, it's been about eight years since we've been in the same state even. But I think because everything happened so fast, like, we just weren't as prepared for things to, like, just go that fast. Like, it just still feels really weird. Like, it just. I'm. Sometimes I just drive over there and I'm like, I really can't believe, like, I'm already. I'm able to just drive to my sister's house. Like, it's just weird, but in. In the best way possible. I don't even know how to explain it. Um, but it's definitely been so different. I think it's definitely helped me having her close by, because it just finally means, like, I have my village. Like, I have a little village. Like, when we left to New York this weekend, I came home and my whole house was clean. Like, and I don't know if she did that because I cleaned her house the other time, but she literally. I texted her and I was like, did you clean my house? And she was like, yeah, I'm guilty. Like, I cleaned your house. I was. She was like, I just wanted you to be able to home and, you know, just relax. Like, I know you need it to just relax. I didn't want you to have to worry about cleaning the house. And I was just, like, in awe of her, like, and I was just like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is what it's like to, like, have, like, a village, I guess, kind of you can say, like, finally have that feeling back. Like, I can depend on someone, like, other than, like, my husband, like, having just someone that can help us because, you know, when we're gone and stuff, and she took care of our animals and everything, and it was just phenomenal. So I don't know, it just feels so weird to kind of be able to let go of, like, that control. But I do find it a lot easier to be able to do that within family rather than friends. And I know that sounds. It's a little weird, but I guess because I just. I trust my sister and, like, my family to the death of me. So I think that's what give. That's what makes it a little bit easier for me to ask for help or to be able to, like, let my guard down and things like that. Because I feel like I've been let down so many times by, like, friends and, you know, not so much. I can't think about, like, my family that have ever let me down completely. So I think it just makes it so much more easier for me to ask for help. Like, I have no problem asking my sister for help, asking my mom for help. Like, if I need anything, I don't ever feel like a burden to them, but I think, like, to other people, I will. Like, it will. It will literally be in my mind all fucking day if I ask anybody for help or for. If I even open up and, like, I'm vulnerable, I immediately regret it. And I'm like, oh, my God, they're going to use this against me. Or, you know, I'm going to. Like, it's just not. This is just not a good thing. Like, And I don't know, I think that is definitely probably a trauma response. And I wish I didn't feel that way. But, you know, things have happened so much to me that that's why I do feel that way. But I. When it comes to, like, my sister and just family, my family, my close family in general, I'm able to, like, I guess you can say, relinquish that control. And it just feels so good. Like, I haven't felt this relieved. And, like, I almost feel like I have this weight off my shoulder. And I can't even tell you guys. So many things are just, like, falling into place, and it just feels great. It feels good to have support and someone that I can just run to other than my husband. Because as we all know, I know a lot of you guys are also married and that listen to the podcast and stuff, but sometimes I don't want to vent to my husband. I don't want to vent to him. I don't want, like, I need. I need my sister or I need my girlfriend, you know? Like, I need someone different. Like, because some of the times, like, the tea that I'm giving is like, he's the tea. Like, I need. I need to be able to, like, express how I feel and stuff. But, like, also just different things, you know? Like, I don't. Like, yeah, I have a very close relationship with him, and I tell him things, but there's just certain things that you just want to talk to, like, your sister about or your friends about that I just wouldn't talk to him about. Like, and I don't. Not that I wouldn't, but I just don't think he would understand on that level. So being able to just have that is, like, in and of itself, like, an amazing thing. And I have, like, my best friend that I talk to about everything. I have, you know, my sister as well. Like, I talk to her and I, you know, I've been. We've been doing pretty much everything together. It feels so good. The other day, she hit me up and was like, hey, let's go to Target. And I was like, okay, meet you there. And I, like, went there, and I wasn't having such a great day. But as soon as I, like, went to Target with her and we just linked up and had a good time, and I was able to vent to her and talk to her. Like, I just felt so much fucking better. And it's just better for your fucking mental health when you have someone and people around you who you can rely on, like, literally rely on, and they won't throw anything back in your face or, you know, just, like, make you feel, like, guilty even for, like, asking for help or anything. Like, it's just crazy. But I know in the last episode that I did. I did mention how, like, I have, like, that control issue a little bit. Remember when I said that it was. If someone did something nice for me, it was very hard for me to kind of accept and just take it in and be like, okay, this is a good thing, but, you know, and end up having to do it my way or being like, oh, God, like, now I have to do this over, or something like that. And I got so many interesting comments from you guys that was really eye opening. And someone did say that control is such a trauma response. And this is something that I didn't. I did not learn until I was actually in therapy. And I'm going to be honest with you guys. I have not been to therapy in a little while now because I kind of needed to take a step back. I feel like therapy is a. It's a process. It's a process. It's such a journey. And when you're in it, there's so much that you learn about yourself and you recognize about yourself and that you understand that you have to change about yourself. And I think for that, like, for someone like me, it can be very overwhelming. And the things that I, you know, was opening up about and was talking about and, like, going through it was something that I wanted to be able to take in. And then after letting it out and after learning how to cope and working through, you know, what tools I needed and what I needed to do, it's like homework, you know, like, you have to do the work. So, like, I had to, like, work on it. Like, I really had to take everything that I learned in at that point, work on myself. And then I know I was like, okay, when I'm. When I start doing that, then I can get back into it. But I felt really overwhelmed to the point where I had to kind of take a step back because it was hard. Like, it was taking a toll on my mental health because I don't know if I was, like, overthinking things, but it's just sometimes it's a lot to just handle all in one shot, I think. And my therapist said that was very normal, especially for someone who's never had therapy their whole life. Like, I had never went to therapy. I've never done anything like that in my whole life up until I was an adult. So she's like, you know, it's very overwhelming and it's a lot. So you have to process things at your speed, like your own speed. And it's okay if it's not happening right now, like you're working on it, you know, and then you can come back and we can reassess, you know. So that's kind of where I've been at. It definitely has helped me, and it's not a bad Thing, it's not a bad thing at all to like take a step back and then come back to it when you're ready. Um, I think that's the whole point, you know, is to be able to open your eyes and realize like, you know, I can take this in and process it at my own time and it doesn't have, you don't have to feel like bombarded with everything. So that was just a way that I was able to like process that and everything back to what I was saying about like control and everything. That is such a trauma response. And someone pointed out that, you see, because I screenshotted it in here because it was so powerful to me, they said that's a response to something you probably experienced often in your younger years. I guess it stems from feeling like the responsibility as the peacekeeper in your family. A general need to be the glue that keeps people and things together, even if it meant taking on more than your fair share of responsibility. Just thinking out loud, this is where I think it comes from for me, maybe it's similar for you. Either way, I get it. And the person that said that a thousand percent nailed it for me because this is something that I always felt like I needed to do and I needed to be that person my whole life. Like, I think everyone that knows me knows that I am someone that I feel like I need to keep people together. Like, I'm the one that, like, I want you guys, I want people to see there's so much more to life, you know, like there's like there's such bigger things out there. Like life is just too short.
- [17:12]
Unknown Speaker
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B. Rivera
You know, and I understand like, yes, like cutting toxic people off or toxic family members or friends and things like you that generally like do not serve you. I a thousand percent agree to that. But I don't know, it's just something about like wanting to be the glue that keeps certain things together. Especially like in my family, I always feel like that, like I love to be the one to like plan things and like make sure that we all spend time together. And that's something that I've always, I've always been like that and I've always done that since I was little. And I think it definitely has gotten more overwhelming as an adult because I do it even when I don't need to do it. Like, I don't need to. And I don't know, some people might see it as, like, oh, like, this is genuine and true. But some other people might see it, like, oh, like, she's doing too much or something. Or maybe she's like, I don't know, maybe they'd see it. Maybe they would see it in, like, a negative light, but it's. That's not where it's coming from. Like, I literally just want, like, I want everyone to, like, be able to, you know, like, keep together. And I definitely, like, take on a lot more than I need to sometimes. And I've learned now, like, I'm like, I just need to fall back. I need. Like, things sometimes are just not my place. I should not be putting in my input. Like, it is what it is. Like, I have to, like, not care anymore because just. Because my mental health, too. Like, it's not good to take on everyone else's stuff and, like, responsibility and stuff like that. Like, it's just not your responsibility to do that. So that's just something that I. I'm trying to work on, but it's hard when you've been like that your whole life. I think, like, when I was younger, I always felt like I needed to keep the peace between, like, my mom and my dad and just my family in general. Like, I was always just, like, I don't want anyone arguing or I don't want it. Like, I didn't want to feel that fucking stress. Like, I've had anxiety for a very fucking long time. Like, I've had it since I was young. I've had. I've suffered from anxiety. I've suffered from depression. Like, any little thing can trigger my mood and send me into a spiral. And I learned that really early on. So I feel like keeping the peace was something that, like, I always wanted to do, and it just. It's not. And that's not how it's going to be. Like, I've just learned that's just not how it's always going to be. Like, you have to take a step back. You have to just let things be sometimes, and that will be what it is, and that's it. You have to be okay with that. Like, just letting go of what you think things should be and letting them just be genuinely what they truly are. And that's something that I've had to learn. Another thing that I saw, I remember, if you guys remember, we had. We had shrink chicks on the podcast a while ago. And if you guys have never heard their podcast, it is absolutely amazing. They're two therapists, and they're also friends. They share an office and everything. We've podcasted with them a few years. I think it was, like, in our first year maybe, of our podcast. And they are just amazing. And I follow their Instagram, and I'm always getting inspired, and I'm always, like, finding new things, new, interesting things from them. So I recently saw something, and it was related to the whole control episode that I did. And it says, instead of saying to yourself, I'm a control freak. Because I say this to myself all the time. Like, I'm a control freak. Like, it's kind of like, I know this. Like, this is my flaw. Okay, I've come to terms with it, whatever. But if you reframe that to, I find a lot of peace and comfort in knowing how things are going to go. That is something that will change your whole mindset. And I just like your life. Like, I've noticed, like, just thinking that in general, like, I'm just like, holy shit. Like, no, I'm not a control freak. Like, I just truly enjoy, you know, I find peace in knowing how things are going to go. And I understand that that's not always realistic, but this is just truly how I feel. So I think just reframing it, like, that makes me feel a little bit better because I don't think anyone likes to admit that they're a control freak. And it was just also really eye opening to see how many of you felt that same exact way. Because in the moment when I was recording it, I was like, holy shit. Like, I just sound. I just sound like a spoiled fucking brat or I just sound like an ungrateful bitch. Like, that's how I felt. But so many of you DM me and, like, commented on that, that video, and we're like, yo, I feel the exact same. Like, I 100 understand, like, where you're coming from. And things like that just make me feel a lot better. Like, just sometimes having that validation from someone and saying, like, hey, I feel you, girl. Like, I go through this too. Like, that can just do wonders for you because you don't feel crazy and you don't feel like something is wrong with you. Like, I don't know, like, occasionally I'll just think, like, there maybe there's just something wrong with me. Like, maybe my fucking brain is just wired in a way that I'm never truly going to understand myself, and therefore others will never truly understand me either. And that scares the shit out of me. But, but when I do open up about things like this and you guys are receptive and also give me your feedback and are like, hey, I, I go through this as well and I can relate. It just helps me so much. This, this is like my own form of therapy. So thank you guys for like always being open and honest as well, because I think the more we do that and the more we're able to do that, like, there's just, you know, you just form community and you're able to talk about these things and it's so healthy and it's great for us, especially as women. Like, I feel like a lot of us, you know, feel like we have to be a certain way in society and things like that. And I know in the podcast we talk a lot about how, you know, we're all supposed to just be happy and you know, we're mothers and we're, you know, we're career driven and we're, we're this and we're that. But we talk about all the things that we are, but sometimes we don't talk about the things that we don't want to be or the things that we know that we do and we are like, we don't want to be that way, you know, Like, I think it's easier to talk about all the great things about yourself, but it's so hard obviously to point out those flaws although, or those things that need to be worked on. So I'm just here to do that with y'all together. Like, I hope we can all find comfort and just in each other, you know, and that's something that I truly love. That's just something that I think we all truly need and we deserve that. And that's where coming back to like being able to talk to my sister and my mom and things like that, like, I'm able to talk to them in a way where I know they're listening and they are. It's going through them and it's filtering through them with love and like compassion and empathy and like understanding. And it's not going through them with like, hurt or, or like resentment or anything like that. Because most, most people, and this is something that I actually just saw recently too, that really opened my eyes and it said most people see life how they feel inside. And that is such an eye opening statement because I think we've all been there. Like, I, I truly, genuinely believe this with my whole heart, that when you are going through something negative or something that's really affecting you. Any other situation or anything that anyone comes to you with, you're kind of filtering it. You're filtering that through with, like, your hurt as well. Like, not that you're not as open to understanding, but when you're in that mindset and you're in that space, it is a lot harder, you know? So when I am going through. This is why sometimes I also, like, distance myself. Because I know that if someone's coming to me with, like, anything, like, I'm gonna look at it through, like, the position that I'm in, which. Which is probably going to be, like, hurt, or if I'm feeling, like, resentful at the time, like, it's gonna. It's not gonna filter through me as great as when I'm happy and, like, healed a little bit and, like, through love and, like, understanding and stuff. And that is hard because I think we're genuinely. We're genuinely just always healing. Like, we're always going to go through things, and we have to heal through that and go through it, and it's just, like an ongoing journey. We talk about this all the time. But in the moments where I don't feel that way, I try and step back and take a step back. And if anyone needs anything from you, I'm like, listen. I. I'm here to listen, but I don't feel like I'm in a position where I'm able to, like, give you what you need right now. When I'm in a better headspace, I know that I genuinely will be. And I think there's power in being able to do that because you're doing yourself such a service and also that person as well. I loved, like, seeing that, and it kind of just, like, opened my mind to really realizing why, like, also just how you react to things and, like, just opening your eyes and being like, oh, damn. Like, that makes a lot of sense. Like, it truly makes a lot of sense to me. Like, when you're. You know, that's why I am such a big advocate for therapy and being able to, like, talk things out. Like, because I do feel like talking things out is a way of healing. Like, there's no way leaving things in or not talking about things and letting them fester. Like, it just. If that is not healing, I think that just causes a lot more damage, and I'm guilty of that. Like, I've learned that, and I'm still learning that, like, in adulthood, because there isn't a lot of people that I feel like I can trust and Truly talk to. So with that, I just, like, leave everything in, and I will, like, let it boil up and boil up until eventually it just, like, explodes. But I just, like. I've learned not to really do that anymore. But that comes with being. Having people, like, in my circle and being able to, like, open up about, like, things like that. So I just. It just all goes back, like, full circle to, like, having that village and, like, having those two people that you feel like you can be that person with and, like, be yourself with and be that healed version of yourself with as well. Because I truly feel like now, like, having my sister close to me almost feel, like, healed. Like, it's just so weird. Being able to have that has. Has been a blessing. And I just. Like I said, I just feel like, so much positivity and, like, love and greatness is, like. Is to come. Like, I just. I'm so overwhelmed with, like, love, and I'm just excited for the future. This weekend, me and Joe were, like. We had to do, like, a dinner. Like, just have, like, a nice family dinner. So I told my sister, like, Saturday, Saturday we're gonna go to the pumpkin patch. And Mike, my nephew's bringing his girlfriend and stuff, which I love, which I can't believe my nephew has a girlfriend. Like, it's insane. Like, these kids are growing so fast. Like, I just can't even grasp the fact that, yeah, he's, like, dating and. But we're gonna go to the pumpkin patch. And then I told them, like, come to my house. And me and Joe want to, like, have dinner. Like, do a nice little dinner with you guys. And I love posting. I don't know. Like, I love posting. Like, anybody. People are always welcome in my house. Like, I just love it. And then after that, we're gonna go to a haunted house and do some spooky. Because I feel like it's almost mid October, which is unbelievable, and I still have not done not one spooky thing. And I'm very, very, Like, I'm just. I'm mad at myself. Like, I'm so disappointed because y'all know I'm a spooky girl. I love spooky season. Like, Halloween is legit my favorite season. Can y'all believe I haven't even decorated yet? I have not decorated my house. I still have all my shit sitting in my bins. I don't know. I just have not had the energy to, like, decorate and, like, do all that shit. But I'm like, you know what? Maybe tomorrow I'll film Like a cute little video, like a real. And like, post it. Like me how I decorate the house and stuff. But I know I just been so busy and things have been so chaotic, so I haven't been. I haven't been thinking about it, but I'm like, by the time I decorate for Halloween, I'm gonna have to take it down and then start decorating for like, Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I was just like, the stores are filled with Christmas stuff already and I'm just not. I'm not ready. I'm just not ready. I think it's just going to be me and Jess. That's my sister's name, by the way. It's going to be me and Jess for Thanksgiving this year because my mom and my stepfather decided to. They're doing like an Airbnb situation with like, his family, my stepfather's family, and like some of our family from like, Puerto Rico and Florida and stuff. And they just got like this big ass Airbnb and they all decided to do Thanksgiving there. And I was just. I remember my stepfather told me about the idea like a couple months back and he was like, oh, would you want to do it? And I was like, yeah, just like, let me know the details. And then my sister randomly was like, yeah, mom and Jody are going to Florida for Thanksgiving. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, they didn't even tell me. Like, they didn't say they booked anything. They didn't ask me, like, what. They didn't give me any of the details. And she was like, yeah, I don't know. Like, they just did it. So I was like, oh, great. So they're like going out and doing their own thing and having fun. And I was just like, you know what? I'll stay back with Jess. Like, me and her will. We'll just have our own little Thanksgiving. Like, she's been a little overwhelmed since moving out here anyway. I don't think she wants to, like, travel and like, do anything crazy. So we're just gonna spend Thanksgiving together with the kids and that's it. I don't really do anything huge for Thanksgiving. Our Thanksgivings are pretty low key. I think, like, the whole big celebration is usually Christmas for us. Like, that's when we go all out and, like, the whole family's together. Well, we try and bring the whole family together and stuff. But yeah, no, I'm just excited to go to the fucking haunted house this weekend because I feel like I need to get the bejesus scared out of me. I just need a Like, rush. I need an adrenaline rush. I need to be scared shitless. I need to piss my pants. I remember last year, I think I went with Alessandra and like, one of our friends that we usually go. We usually go like, every year to a haunted house together. And we went to this new place in Maryland that I found. I think it's called the. What is it called? The Devil's Playground. And I highly recommend. So if you're in Maryland or Delaware, it's literally like 20 minutes from Delaware, at least from where I am. But it is phenomenal. It is so fucking scary. Like, it is a lot scarier than Frightland is down here. We have this place called Frightland down here that people really love. But I thought devil's playground was 10 times scarier. And I, we were in the middle of fucking cornfield. And I just remember hearing that saw like, that shit was just revving up. It was like, hauled ass. I can't even tell you I was a motherfucking track star the way I hauled ass out of there. There's no way you're not about to catch me dead in a fucking cornfield. Like, I just. I. These are real people. Like, let's not forget, these are real fucking people that are out there scaring us. Like, I don't know. I don't know this man. He could have been having a really bad day. And that was a old ass chainsaw. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Think of a time recently when you didn't feel like you could be your full self. Like you were hiding behind a mask. October is definitely the season for wearing masks and costumes, but some of us feel like we wear a mask and hide more often than we want to, whether it's at work, social settings around our family. Sometimes it's just so hard to open up and be yourself. And this is something that I've talked about a little bit on this episode. And therapy can help you learn to accept all parts of yourself so you can take off that mask and feel more comfortable. Because masks should be for Halloween fun, not for our emotions. We should not have to suppress our emotions for anyone. Therapy has so many benefits to it. It's helpful for learning positive coping skills, most importantly, how to set boundaries. And it just empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't just for someone who's experienced major trauma. Therapy can literally be a learning experience for everyone. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, designed to Be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So you guys can take off the mask with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.commamadrama today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.commamadrama hey girlies, I'm Cody Rigsby.
- [36:16]
Cody Rigsby
And I'm Andrew Chappelle. We're here to announce our brand new podcast, Tactful Pettiness. Now on Podcast one, we have a lot of opinions. Flip flops in New York City. You don't love yourself. If I'm not seated, I'm not tipping. Do I want to see a picture of your baby? No. If I have to scroll more than 10 seconds, he's not cute. Settling gets you an ugly boyfriend. So we're gonna help you out. We sure are, because we have the life expertise. We have mastered throwing shade with intention. We are in the business of helping you find and keep your man, and we're here to teach you the fine art of tactful pettiness. Join us each week as we traverse the world of pop culture, chat with our celebrity friends, and show you how to accept yourself without taking life too seriously. Get new episodes of Tactful Pettiness with me, Cody Rigsby, and me, Andrew Chappelle every Thursday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and anywhere you get your podcasts.
- [37:12]
Unknown Speaker
Stay Petty Bestie have you met All Modern? All Modern brings you the best of modern furniture. And right now through November 30, you'll score up to 70% off during their Black Friday sale. Prep your space for holiday hosting with deals on plush sofas, modern tabletop essentials, and more. All on sale at All Modern. Then get them delivered for free in days. You heard that right. Days. That's Modern made simple. Shop All Modern's Black Friday sale now through November 30th at allmodern.com target Black.
- [37:47]
Andrew Chappelle
Friday deals are here and with up to 50% off gifts, you can make so many wishes come true. There's up to 50% off tech, video games, toys, and board games for gifts filled with wonder. Plus up to 50% off small appliances, floor care, holiday trees, and so much more. You'll even save on all the essentials to get your house ready for the magic of the season. And there's free shipping when you spend $35. Save more on gifts with Black Friday deals. Happier holidays from Target. Restrictions apply.
- [38:25]
B. Rivera
So I'm just not beat. Like, the minute I hear that, I was like, no, I'm out of here. Like, that scares the out of me. And also, Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of my. That's, like, top on my scary movie list. Like, that's one of the ones that always made me really eerie inside. And, like, it's just so creepy. And the fact that it's like. I'm pretty sure it's, like, based on true events or something like that, like, it just always really got to me. So, yeah, that just scared the out of me and my friend. They were cracking the up. They're like, yo, like, we've never seen you, like, run so fast in our lives. Like, I was just like, bye. Like, y'all have fun. Like, I am out of here. Like, so I don't know. I feel like when we go, it's gonna be me, my sister, my nephew, and his girlfriend. So it's basically gonna be me, my sister, like, by ourselves, because they're gonna be together, like, coupled up. So I'm like, telling her, like, girl, you better hang on, because the minute my ass want to run, I'm gonna leave you. Like, I'm gonna leave you. Like, I am not a person that sticks together in a group. Like, I. My ass will fucking haul ass out of there so fast. Like, quicker than your. Than you can bleed. So. But I just feel like I need that. I need that, you know? Like, we just. We all need some scary. Some scaries in our lives every now and then. Like, it just makes me feel good. It's so weird, but I just. I love it. I'm super excited to do that. So that's where I will be this weekend. And then I have a. I have a wedding next weekend, which I actually was. Like, I haven't been to a wedding in so goddamn long. Like, I feel like, are people even getting married anymore? Like, what is going on? Because I just don't. I have not been invited to any wedding. And, like, God, like, it's been. I feel like it's been years. Like, it's really crazy. I haven't been to a baby shower in a really long time. And I'm like, jesus, what the fuck? I remember I was going to them all the time, but I guess because all the people in my inner circle and stuff, like, everyone's already married. Everyone has kids. Like, everyone's done that already. So I guess that makes sense. But I'm just like, I'm. I'm excited. I'm like, I haven't been to a wedding in so long. I'm excited to like go and like, eat good food and look cute and dress like, dress up and just dance. Like, I haven't done that in so long. So I'm really, I'm really excited for that. Like, I can't tell y'all how excited I am for that. So a lot of fun things coming up. We're gonna hop into some down in the DMS and let me get into it. Okay. So this is an am I the type situation. We love. We love some. We love an situation. Hey guys, I just want to start out by saying I love y'all and please keep doing what y'all are doing. So basically, I'm sorry, but this sounds just like my daughter. I. I don't know if y'all have little girls, but babies at that stage where she starts everything off with so basically. And it drives me crazy. It's so funny. So basically. Okay. My baby daddy, who I've been with for almost seven years, and I have a nine month old little boy I breastfeed and I worked so damn hard to get the supply that I have because trust me, it did not come easy for me. I feel that I had to strictly pump for the first two months until he learned how to latch. Now I only pump when I'm working and when I'm home home with him. I strictly nursed. I'd done the math and figured out how many ounces of milk I needed frozen in order to stop pumping early but continue nursing until 12 months. I reached my goal, so now I have over 800 ounces in my freezer waiting to be drank. Damn, girl. You go, girl. My boyfriend's sister has a two month old along with a four year old and a two year old.
- [42:03]
Unknown Speaker
Damn.
- [42:04]
B. Rivera
Okay. She had text me one night asking if she could have some of my frozen breast milk. But keep in mind her babies have all been formula fed. She said she was almost out of formula and wouldn't make it through the night with what she had. I tried explaining to her that I don't have any quote unquote extra milk and that there's no guarantee that her son would even take my milk considering he drinks formula. And also that I freeze my bags at 5 ounces and he drinks 6 ounces. So therefore she would have to unthaw two bags and give him more than 6 ounces. Since breast milk is thinner than formula, that would mean I would have had to give her several bags like 30 plus ounces. And this isn't just milk. To give away. This is milk that I worked so hard to get to, and it's for my baby so I can stop pumping early. Also, keep in mind that I'm weaning myself off the pump so I wouldn't be able to replace the milk that I give her since she didn't breastfeed. She doesn't understand that. She only knows that I have a freezer full of milk and is mad because I couldn't spare her some. She doesn't get the concept that the milk that my body made was specifically for my son's needs, and then I busted my ass in order to get it. She thinks it's free, quote, unquote milk, when really it's not. Y'all know how it is. You have to stay hydrated, you have to eat certain things. You got to be healthy, and you got to be consistent. It takes so much of your time and a little backstory. When she got off work, instead of going to the store to get her son formula, she went to her new boyfriend's house and then home knowing that she was almost out. I feel like it's fucked up how I. How I'm suddenly the bad guy for not feeding her son when it's her responsibility to make sure her kids are good. So am I the asshole for not giving her my personal milk? No, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. You are not the asshole. I think she is being really selfish right now and also very irresponsible. Like, like you said, instead of going to her boyfriend's house, she should have had a dad ass up in the fucking grocery store. She should have went to the fucking supermarket and got some formula for her babies. Like, that's what it comes down to. And also, as someone, and I know a lot of you that listen also have breastfed or are currently breastfeeding. It is fucking hard. I can't even sit here. Like, stories like this just make me mad because I feel like people who don't breastfeed just don't. They won't really understand, like, how you genuinely feel because it's. It's hard to put into words. Like, people do feel like, oh, it's just milk to them, and it's really not. Like, to me, I felt the same way. Like, I couldn't pump, like, milk to save my life. I had, like, the one boob that would pump a lot of ounces, and then my other boob would barely. I would barely get an ounce out. And I was lucky enough that I was able to stay with Vivi at least that first year that I did breastfeed, because I could not pump. Like, whenever Joe would want to take me out for a weekend, just us, I would have to prepare. I would have to know, like, at least a month in advance just so in that month I could try and get a whole supply for that weekend to send with her to my mom's house. Because. And even then, there was a time where I ran out of milk. Like, there was no more milk left. And I think she had to get, like, some type of formula or something because it just was not like she was drinking so much. And like you mentioned, breast milk is a lot thinner than formula. It's so thin. So it is a lot. Just. It's a lot of energy just planning that in your, like, just having a plan and like, knowing, like, oh, my God, I can't even explain. Like, it just makes me mad even reading this because I totally get it. Like, I get it. It's hard. And you had this. You had everything thought out. You were so thorough. And then now you feel. You feel like shit because you want to help her. But then you're also like, no, girl. Like, I truly. Like, this is a process. Like, let me tell you, like, I can't even begin to explain to you, like, how hard this is. And I want to stick to what I'm doing. And I have a plan. So I think you are. So you're okay. And if she doesn't understand that that's on her. Like, that is has nothing zero to fucking do with you and all to do with her. Like, as a mom, she should totally understand where you're coming from. But you know, they're always going to be those people who don't. So it is what it is. I don't think you've done anything wrong. And I just. I genuinely understand how hard it is to, like, keep up with your milk supply and everything when you can barely pump or when it's just hard or, you know, like, you're trying to wean. Like, I totally understand that. So if she can't understand that, then that's on her. You don't have to over explain yourself. You don't have to. You don't have to explain yourself at all. Like, no is a. No is a fucking whole sentence. Like, no, period. That's it. And if she can't get over it, like, just go to the store and get some formula. Like, it's as simple as that. Like, so I don't think you're the. In this situation. And don't think that you are okay. Hey baby mamas. I'm writing in with my spicy down in the DM submission. I was listening to an episode of your podcast from a few weeks back. It was the one where Kale and B. Were discussing the fact that they consider themselves to be bisexual. Or at the very least not all the way straight. Like quote unquote all the way straight. This is weird because I don't know, I don't consider myself bisexual. I don't know, it's just fucking weird. Like I just feel like maybe, maybe I could be open to stuff like that. Like if I was. I don't know, it's just like weird to explain. I also don't really like labeling things, so I don't fucking know how to even explain that. But didn't have the knowledge, language support, etc to vocalize and embrace this at a younger age. Now they are both with their long term partners who are men, and they are thinking about how things would have looked differently had they been open about their sexuality back then. This conversation relates directly to my life and my recent experience. In fact, I was at a bit of a crossroads and listening to that episode ultimately gave me the push I needed to go for it. Oh, I like that. Okay, I am a 33 year old woman. My husband, 36 year old man and I have been together for about 12 years, married for nine and we have our nine year old daughter together. Holy. This is literally like me and my situation that's in insane. Although we haven't been married for nine years though. No other kids from previous relationships. Okay, never mind. I have known I am queer since I was about 12, but have only been open about identifying as bisexual since I was around 26 years old. I was closeted for some time due to my conservative religious Catholic upbringing. At the first, at the time of first quote unquote coming out, I was already married to my husband, so it felt a bit at odds with my current life. After years of discussion and encouragement from my husband, we just recently decided to open up my side of the relationship and date slash pursue only women. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want to mess anything up with our relationship. But ultimately, after listening to that episode and other signs from the universe popping up left, right and center, I decided I needed to give it a try. I wasn't sure how things were going to go, but it's actually made my marriage way stronger. Holy shit. Our communication has never been better. The issues that have come up have actually been on my End of things in terms of dating dynamics because it's been a long time since I've been in the dating pool. After deciding to take the plunge, I reached out to a friend of mine who I know is a gay woman and we decided that we would transition from just being friends to having a sexual element to our relationship. Ultimately, it ended just yesterday with her after a very intense month or month or so. There was a whole ass other story there which I can tell and fill you in on if you would like a part two. Absolutely. I always want a part two, but I didn't want to make this longer than necessary. Off the hop. Although this first dip into the dating pool didn't work out the way I wanted it to, I'm still not regretful that it happened and I'm glad to have had this experience. I don't think I can go back to being monogamous after unlocking this part of myself, but I'm still figuring it out. I do feel very validated in my sexual identity and I appreciate and love my husband on such a deeper level than I imagined. I thought you guys might like to know that you have made a difference in my life and a pretty big one at that. I appreciate you guys talking about this because I think there are more people out there, specifically more bisexual women married to men who feel the same way. I don't feel as isolated in my experience after that, after that episode and I hope to someday find the women for me who can fit seamlessly into my life and family. This all to say not all bisexual women need or want to be polyamorous and bi people are still valid in their identity no matter the gender of their partner or partners. This is only my personal experience context for the story. I have known the friend, let's call her a for six years. Good friends, not super duper close. See each other a few times a year type of thing. She is seven years older than me and used to be my college professor. How we met? Oh my God. No, nothing happened at all when I was her student. I am not on any dating apps this far. No. My husband does not want to open things on his side. We have discussed it at length and he is happy being with just me. That is so interesting to me. We have done couples and our own therapy on and off since 2018. Okay. I think that's really healthy and that's really smart and I think that. I think with that that comes in why you guys probably have such great communication as well. Because I feel like I would need to do, like, therapy, just to even process, like, everything and, like, what the fuck I'm feeling. We have not made our daughter aware, as it has not been relevant to do so yet. We plan on telling her if I end up getting serious with someone. Okay, because this is something that I was thinking about with her situation too. I'm like, what is like. Like, the child going to think about that? Like, I feel like on. If I was to do something like that, which I am not, I'm not open to doing this. I'm very happy that this opened another door for her in her experience. Like, I'm truly. I love reading stories like this from you guys. I'm just not open to, like, doing that. But it would also concern me, like, what I would really tell the kids or like, just. I don't. I don't know. It's just, like, so tricky for me. She says. Now for the fluffy stuff. You ladies are incredible. Podcasters, entertainers, businesswoman, mothers. All the things you feel like, my friends. And you make my commute to work more joyful. You brought me lots of comfort and laughs over the last few years, as well as some insightful aha moments. Keep doing what you're doing. You guys rock. Okay, that was really cute, and I'm glad that we were able to do that for you. But no, I'm just. I'm happy as hell because I love. I just love reading stories like this from you guys. I love that you guys listen to the podcast and maybe can take something out of it, or in her case, have had a moment where it's just, like, eye opening or it's changed your life in such an, Like, a way that it's impacted you in ways that I can't even imagine. So I'm glad that this worked out for you, and I hope you do find someone that you can, you know, maybe do. Maybe get serious with. I would definitely love a part two, as you mentioned, because who doesn't love a part two? Um, but I don't know. This just makes me so happy because I feel like even in that episode, a lot of people said the same thing. Like, I think we're all just. When we were younger, it was always just either, you know, as a girl, you like boys, and as a boy, you're supposed to like girls. Like, that was just a way of, I think, our generation. Like, I wasn't. At least in my. In my little, you know, my little corner of the world, that's how everything seemed to me. I'm not going to speak on everyone else, because it's not like that wasn't a thing when we were growing up, but it definitely just wasn't. It was just very few and far between. I guess from where I'm from, I don't think I'm the type of person that would like to open up my relationship to anybody else. I just don't know how I would handle that. And even if it was just me and Joe was not open to it, I don't think. I still think I would be uncomfortable because I would just feel like. I don't know, I would feel like I was still doing something wrong to him. I don't know. That's just. It feels. That's just me. Like, it just feel. It would feel wrong to me. Like, if we were to do it, we would have to both do it. Like, that's how I have no interest in doing it. But if that. If it came down to it, like, I could. I just genuinely could not be the only one. I think it would just, like, eat me up alive. I would just feel like I'm cheating or something. I don't know. It's so weird. I would love to hear more stories about this and maybe if you want to send in like, a part two or if any of you guys have any of your stories on, like, how maybe you, you know, started really coming to terms with, like, what you like and your sexuality and maybe started to explore that, we would love to hear your stories and maybe if the podcast did wish you to, you know, explore that, that's even better and awesome to hear. So definitely send us your stories. You can send it to maybe Mama's no drama podcast, gmail.com, and I would love to hear that. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I know it's a little short. It's hard to record a solo episode sometimes. I'm literally just here talking to myself, so is really hard, as you can imagine. But I had fun and I hope you guys, you know, as always, I always hope that you guys take something from my episodes. And yeah, I'd be happy to come back next week for the Chief. May we can do. If you guys want to throw some topics at me or anything or, you know, for any other solo episodes I may have or anything like, that would be awesome if we want to discuss some pop culture moments we can get into, you know, we can get into the gossip and whatever. But I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your week. Truly enjoy what's left of October. I hope it's filled with nothing but love, abundance, blessings, literally everything. I hope y'all all just have an amazing month so I will see you guys soon. And I love y'all and by.
- [56:18]
Unknown Speaker
I love reality TV on Pluto TV Same.
- [56:21]
Cody Rigsby
And I love that it's free.
- [56:24]
Unknown Speaker
It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel.
- [56:27]
Cody Rigsby
I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club. I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day.
- [56:32]
Unknown Speaker
Survivor. I'm free all night.
- [56:35]
Cody Rigsby
With hundreds of free reality shows. You are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv.
- [56:40]
Unknown Speaker
Pluto TV Stream now. Hey, never have you met All Modern. All Modern brings you the best of modern furniture. And right now through November 30, you'll score up to 70% off during their Black Friday sale. Prep your space for holiday hosting with deals on plush sofas, modern tabletop essentials and more. All on sale at All Modern. Then get them delivered for free in days. You heard that right. Days. That's Modern made simple. Shop All Modern's Black Friday sale now through November 30th at allmodern.com target Black.
- [57:18]
Andrew Chappelle
Friday deals are here and with up to 50% off gifts, you can make so many wishes come true. There's up to 50% off tech, video games, games, toys and board games for gifts filled with wonder. Plus up to 50% off small appliances, floor care, holiday trees and so much more. You'll even save on all the essentials to get your house ready for the magic of the season. And there's free shipping when you spend $35. Save more on gifts with Black Friday deals. Happier holidays from Target restrictions apply.
- [57:49]
B. Rivera
You know that feeling when you're at Ross and you find the best gifts for way less, like brand name sweaters, the coolest kids toys and plush dog beds. Get that feeling with every gift and save 20 to 60% off other retailers Prices at Ross yes, for Less.
- [58:08]
Andrew Chappelle
This is the sound of your ride home with dad after he caught you vaping. Awkward, isn't it? Most vapes contain seriously addictive levels of nicotine and disappointment. Know the real cost of vapes brought to you by the fda?