Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter Episode Summary: "It’s All About the Village" Release Date: October 15, 2024

Introduction

In the episode titled "It’s All About the Village," host B. Rivera delves deep into her personal experiences, exploring the significance of having a supportive "village" in navigating the complexities of life in her 30s. The conversation touches on family dynamics, mental health, personal growth, and the challenges of maintaining relationships amidst life's chaos.

1. New York City Adventure

Exploring Times Square and Broadway

B. Rivera begins by recounting a memorable weekend trip to New York City. She shares the excitement surrounding Joe’s surprise birthday tickets to the Broadway show Wicked and the novelty of experiencing Times Square for the first time with her loved ones.

• Highlights of the Trip:
  • Broadway Shows:
    • Wicked: Rivera praises the play for its fresh take on the relationship between the good and bad witches, highlighting the theme of unexpected friendships. “I a thousand percent recommend this play to all of you guys. Like, it was absolutely phenomenal.” (Timestamp: 00:00-00:45)
    • The Lion King and An American in Paris: She lauds these productions for their brilliance and ability to captivate audiences of all ages.
  • Times Square Observations: Despite the vibrant atmosphere, Rivera doesn’t shy away from critiquing the city’s less appealing aspects, such as cleanliness and pervasive rat issues. “If you're from New York and you're a New Yorker, you know that it is absolutely gross. It stinks all the time.” (Timestamp: 02:30-03:15)

Reflection on Personal Preferences: Rivera contrasts her brother-in-law's joy in New York with her own fatigue of the city's relentless pace, underscoring the subjective nature of urban living experiences.

2. Embracing the "Village"

Reconnecting with Family: A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Rivera’s reunion with her sister, Jess, after years apart. The recent move of her sister closer by has transformed Rivera's support system, providing her with the "village" she deeply values.

• Importance of Family Support:
  • “Now I have over 800 ounces in my freezer waiting to be drank. Damn, girl. You go, girl.” (Timestamp: 10:00-10:15)
  • “Having my sister close to me almost feels like healed. It’s just so weird. Being able to have that has been a blessing.” (Timestamp: 12:50-13:10)

Shared Responsibilities and Mutual Support: Rivera emphasizes the tangible support her sister provides, from household chores to child care, highlighting how this close-knit relationship alleviates personal burdens.

• Example: Her sister cleaned her house unprompted, allowing Rivera to return home to a serene environment. “I was just in awe of her, like, and I was just like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is what it's like to, like, have a village.” (Timestamp: 07:40-08:15)

3. Mental Health and Personal Growth

Struggles with Anxiety and Depression: Rivera opens up about her long-term battles with anxiety and depression, linking these challenges to her role as the peacekeeper within her family.

• Understanding Control Issues:
  • “I think that is definitely probably a trauma response. And I wish I didn’t feel that way.” (Timestamp: 14:30-14:45)
  • She discusses how being the glue in her family has led her to overextend herself, often at the expense of her mental well-being.

Journey Through Therapy: The host shares her therapeutic journey, highlighting the overwhelming nature of confronting deep-seated issues and the importance of pacing oneself in the healing process.

• Insights from Therapy:
  • “Therapy is a process. It's such a journey. ... you can take everything that I learned at that point, work on myself.” (Timestamp: 15:10-15:55)
  • “It's okay if it's not happening right now, like you're working on it, you know, and then you can come back and we can reassess.” (Timestamp: 16:05-16:20)

Reframing Negative Self-Talk: Rivera discusses the power of reframing negative labels, moving from identifying as a "control freak" to recognizing the comfort she finds in structure and predictability.

• Positive Reframing:
  • “Instead of saying to yourself, I'm a control freak... I find peace and comfort in knowing how things are going to go.” (Timestamp: 19:00-19:20)

4. Relationships and Communication

Trust in Family vs. Friends: Rivera highlights the stark differences in her ability to trust and rely on family compared to friends, stemming from past experiences where friends have let her down.

• Quote on Trust:
  • “I trust my sister and, like, my family to the death of me. So I think that's what gives me the ease to ask for help.” (Timestamp: 09:00-09:15)

Balancing Personal Needs with Relationships: She reflects on the challenges of balancing her need for personal space with the desire to maintain strong familial bonds.

• Expressing Vulnerability:
  • “I need someone different, like, because some of the times, like, the tea that I'm giving is like, he's the tea.” (Timestamp: 18:30-18:45)

5. Upcoming Events and Personal Plans

Holiday Preparations: Rivera shares her excitement for upcoming events, including a haunted house visit and Thanksgiving plans, juxtaposing her love for spooky activities with her current lack of energy for decorations.

• Halloween Enthusiasm:
  • “I need to get the bejesus scared out of me. I just need a rush. I need an adrenaline rush.” (Timestamp: 25:50-26:05)

Thanksgiving Arrangements: She discusses plans to spend Thanksgiving with her sister and children, contrasting it with her stepfather’s extended family plans.

• Simplistic Celebrations:
  • “Our Thanksgivings are pretty low key. I think, like, the whole big celebration is usually Christmas for us.” (Timestamp: 27:30-27:45)

6. Listener Interactions and Feedback

Community Building: Rivera appreciates the feedback from her listeners, noting how sharing personal stories fosters a sense of community and collective healing.

• Validating Listener Experiences:
  • “We could talk about the gossip and whatever. But I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your week.” (Timestamp: 35:00-35:20)

Encouraging Open Communication: She encourages listeners to share their own stories, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and mutual support.

• Invitation for Stories:
  • “If you want to send us like a part two or if any of you guys have any of your stories... we would love to hear your stories.” (Timestamp: 30:10-30:35)

Conclusion

In "It’s All About the Village," B. Rivera offers a heartfelt exploration of the crucial role that a supportive community plays in personal well-being. Through sharing her own experiences with family reunions, mental health struggles, and the quest for balance, Rivera provides listeners with relatable insights and encouragement to cultivate their own "village." The episode underscores the importance of open communication, self-care, and the enduring strength of familial bonds in navigating the chaos of modern adulthood.

Notable Quotes

1. “Wicked was definitely a top tier play on Broadway. And I'm so glad we saw it. It was really cute.”
   — B. Rivera (Timestamp: 02:00)

2. “Having my sister close to me almost feels like healed. It’s just so weird. Being able to have that has been a blessing.”
   — B. Rivera (Timestamp: 12:50)

3. “Therapy is a process. It's such a journey. ... you can take everything that I learned at that point, work on myself.”
   — B. Rivera (Timestamp: 15:10)

4. “I trust my sister and, like, my family to the death of me. So I think that's what gives me the ease to ask for help.”
   — B. Rivera (Timestamp: 09:00)

5. “Instead of saying to yourself, I'm a control freak... I find peace and comfort in knowing how things are going to go.”
   — B. Rivera (Timestamp: 19:00)

6. “We could talk about the gossip and whatever. But I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your week.”
   — B. Rivera (Timestamp: 35:00)

Final Thoughts

Rivera's candid discussion in this episode offers listeners a genuine look into the interplay between personal responsibilities, mental health, and the invaluable support of close relationships. By sharing her vulnerabilities and triumphs, she fosters a sense of solidarity and encourages others to recognize and cultivate their own support systems.