Kail's Potato Party

Summary

Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter – Episode: "Kail's Potato Party" (Released March 18, 2025)

In the lively and heartfelt episode titled "Kail's Potato Party," hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter delve into a range of personal and societal topics, blending humor with profound insights. Joined by their friend Alessandra, the trio navigates discussions on branding challenges, parenting in queer households, emotional well-being, and more. Below is a comprehensive summary capturing the key points, notable quotes, and the essence of their conversations.

---

1. Becky’s Branding Challenges

Becky opens up about her struggles with directing her personal brands, Kale Lowry and Killer, seeking guidance and legitimacy from agencies.

• Becky [01:23]:
  "I have a lot going on, but it's like a little bit of focus on each thing. Not a lot of focus on one or two things. And so I'm having, I'm struggling with direction and like, where to take Kale Lowry, the brand and Killer the brand."

Kailyn empathizes, recognizing the difficulty of being taken seriously in the competitive branding landscape.

• Kailyn [02:06]:
  "I don't really know if I want to acknowledge the last two sentences, but you just want one person to take you seriously. As if people don't take you seriously."

The conversation underscores the challenges entrepreneurs face in branding and personal development, highlighting Becky’s desire for focused growth and meaningful opportunities.

2. Food Preferences and Humor

Shifting to lighter topics, the hosts engage in a spirited debate over dressing preferences for buffalo wings, weaving humor into their banter.

• Becky [03:11]:
  "The joke's on everybody. I just mute myself."

• Kailyn [04:00]:
  "I would bathe myself in ranch if I could, but I would die before I ate Blue cheese. Blue cheese is nasty."

Becky proposes a playful endorsement for homemade ranch, reflecting their camaraderie and the show's relatable content.

• Becky [04:37]:
  "Big old farmer Becky and ranch. That's the next brand endorsement for Becky is Becky's farmer Ranch."

3. Emotional Health and ADHD

The discussion takes a more serious turn as Becky shares her recent experience with ADHD stimulants, opening up about mental health.

• Becky [06:09]:
  "I started taking my... stimulants today for my ADHD. I started them this morning."

• Kailyn [06:19]:
  "You want to get everything done. I like that."

Kailyn reflects on her own emotional responses to societal struggles, emphasizing the vulnerability that comes with heightened empathy.

• Kailyn [06:36]:
  "I saw an old man using a magnifying glass on TikTok to see something and I was like, wow, that made me cry."

4. Concerns About Elderly Treatment in Society

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing the societal neglect of the elderly, sparked by a bus accident involving an elderly driver.

• Becky [07:27]:
  "There are people who are underpaid, overworked, overstretched... And then you have, you know, there's not a whole lot of funding in the schools already."

• Becky [20:17]:
  "I worry about that for someone who's not even in that situation."

The hosts express deep concern over the lack of support for the elderly, highlighting personal fears and societal shortcomings.

5. Parenting in Queer Households

One of the most poignant segments addresses the challenges of raising children in queer households amidst restrictive educational policies.

• Kailyn [18:50]:
  "I do want to open everyone's eyes a little bit. Right. I understand that there's a difficult conversation about when the right time is for people to tell their kids about different people and how they choose to spend their life."

• Becky [21:12]:
  "That's what I'm getting at is that for someone who has a child that comes home and talks about, like, you know, Sally was talking about her two moms, and it's like, if you don't agree with it, kids are resilient and you could just change the conversation and it'll be fine."

The discussion highlights the fear that children in queer households may face undue restrictions and the emotional toll it takes on parents, urging for inclusive education and societal acceptance.

6. Strategies and Solutions

Kailyn and Becky explore potential solutions to the issues raised, including homeschooling and advocating for inclusive curricula.

• Kailyn [22:35]:
  "Teaching your kids that there's different kinds of families, but that can only..."

• Becky [23:16]:
  "Like okay, so classes to schools that talk about different types of families, Is that what you're saying?"

The hosts emphasize the importance of structured education that fosters inclusivity, while acknowledging the systemic challenges in implementing such changes.

7. Listener Relationship Advice

Towards the end, a listener named Sierra writes in about her tumultuous marriage with a significant age gap. Kailyn and Becky provide thoughtful advice, drawing from personal experiences and recommended resources.

• Becky [55:04]:
  "First of all, read the Let Them Theory. That's my first and biggest advice."

• Kailyn [56:35]:
  "Just because the two of you are at different places in life doesn't mean that you can't grow by yourself inside of a relationship."

They discuss the importance of acceptance, personal growth, and the role of therapy in navigating complex relationship dynamics.

8. Upcoming Plans and Promotions

In a lighthearted conclusion, the hosts discuss their upcoming plans, including a "caviar night," vacation trips, and tease future podcast content. They also promote their other projects and encourage listeners to engage with their extended content on platforms like Patreon.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Becky [01:23]:
  "I'm struggling with direction and like, where to take Kale Lowry, the brand and Killer the brand."

• Kailyn [02:06]:
  "As if people don't take you seriously."

• Kailyn [04:00]:
  "I would die before I ate Blue cheese."

• Becky [07:27]:
  "There are people who are underpaid, overworked, overstretched..."

• Kailyn [18:50]:
  "I understand that there's a difficult conversation about when the right time is for people to tell their kids about different people."

• Becky [21:12]:
  "If you don't agree with it, kids are resilient and you could just change the conversation and it'll be fine."

• Becky [55:04]:
  "First of all, read the Let Them Theory."

---

Conclusion

"Kail's Potato Party" serves as a microcosm of Karma & Chaos, balancing light-hearted interactions with deep, meaningful conversations. Kailyn and Becky, supported by Alessandra, offer listeners a blend of humor, vulnerability, and thoughtful discourse on pertinent social issues. Their openness about personal challenges and societal concerns fosters a relatable and engaging listening experience, embodying the essence of modern adulthood amidst the unpredictable mix of karma and chaos.

Transcript

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[Kailyn Lowry]

What'S up, everyone?

[Becky]

Hi. Hello, Karma and Chaos.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Welcome back to Karma and Chaos. Good morning.

[Becky]

We all just jumped off one meeting and got onto this recording.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Good day, good night.

[Becky]

Don't start your shit.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, we did just jump off from one meeting to another.

[Becky]

I'm filming a day in the life because sometimes I wonder, like, do I have anything going on in my life? And then other days I'm like, I have too much going on in my life. So I'm documenting today's escapades.

[Alessandra]

You wonder if you ever have anything going on and there's nine people in your family and a million farm animals.

[Becky]

Well, so like, hear me out. Got on a meeting with an agency who was like, what do you have going on? Where can we help? Like, how, like, what do you see for 2025? Like, what, what do you want to do? Right, So I get on this meeting and I'm like, I have a lot going on, but it's like a, like, little bit of focus on each thing. Not a lot of focus on one or two things. And so I'm having, I'm struggling with direction and like, where to take Kale Lowry, the brand and Killer the brand. And, you know, where do I propel myself from here? Like, what is the launching point? What is the sequence of events? Like, all of these things. And so I just need one person to take me seriously and see the potential. But, like, what really is the potential? Do you know what I mean?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm just gonna. I don't. I don't really know if I want to acknowledge the last two sentences, but you just want one person to take you seriously. As if people don't take you seriously.

[Becky]

Think about agencies, brand deals, things like that. Because what happened, what I was running into is that teen mom, that, that little tagline right there and some of the things that ensued on said show. Right? Because it's not just the show itself that has created roadblocks. It's my actions as well. You know, I want to do, like, a full rebrand and, like, have new opportunities. Like, I'm doing book club. I'm doing karma and chaos. Like, I'm doing all of these things. And so to be taken seriously in a way that is worth someone giving me the chance to launch myself even further into whatever it is that I need to be doing next.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That's on growth, baby. I hope everything works out for you. I hope all your dreams come true.

[Alessandra]

I have to say, just because I'm eating too, by the way. But I just have to say that yesterday I was looking at the comments from the episode that went live, and they were like, finally, Kale wasn't eating during the episode.

[Becky]

The joke's on everybody. I just mute myself.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You must not be watching or munching down on things, talking about eating. I need to know this answer, and I think I know it, but I don't remember. Are you a ranch or blue cheese person?

[Becky]

Both. I love both for different things, for different reasons, for different activities. Okay, that's wild buffalo wings or like, buffalo related things. I'm going blue cheese. For barbecue wings or for pizza, I'm going ranch.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I would bathe myself in ranch if I could, but I would die before I ate Blue cheese. Blue cheese is nasty.

[Becky]

What brand of ranch, though?

[Kailyn Lowry]

You know, I really like homemade ranch because the best ranch is always like ranch that you get out at restaurants.

[Becky]

Housemade or homemade, like you made it at home?

[Kailyn Lowry]

What. What's the difference?

[Becky]

Like, when I think house made, I think it's like that particular establishment's housemade ranch.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. So any house that makes it is where I'm at.

[Becky]

When I'm thinking homemade, I'm thinking you yourself made it at your home. But like, house made would be like Texas roadhouses. Ranch, house made, ranch. Right.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Like, I've never made homemade ranch in my life.

[Becky]

Do you like buttermilk ranch?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, dude, I'll. I'll give any ranch a try.

[Alessandra]

You know, big old farmer Becky making her homemade ranch.

[Becky]

Big old farmer Becky and ranch. That's. That's the next brand endorsement for Becky is Becky's farmer. Ranch.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Ranch and carrots. I could live off ranching carrots. I also wanted to bring up a really great memory of mine that I thought about also having to do with eating. Leah was snacking on some goldfish the other night. We were laying there. She always has to keep snacks by her bed now, ever since pregnancy. And so she was snacking on goldfish and I was like, do you remember that time that I tweeted, wow, goldfish are so addicting. And someone responded to my tweet and said, yeah, I have six of them. It was just so funny to me. And I said, oh, yeah, like the ones you eat. Not like pet goldfish.

[Sponsor]

Person.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What?

[Becky]

Did you know that person?

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, it was probably one of your fans.

[Becky]

Oh, okay. Well, at least they have a sense of humor.

[Kailyn Lowry]

This was. Oh, it wasn't funny. It was not done in satire. It was like done out of seriousness. Oh, this was a long time ago. But I. I think about that constantly.

[Becky]

Like, that's your Roman Empire.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That. That is my Roman Empire.

[Becky]

I love that for you. Happy. Happy to contribute to your entertainment.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Thanks. What's new with you? What's going on over there?

[Sponsor]

Yeah, nothing.

[Becky]

I started taking my. What is it called again? Stimulants today for my adhd. I started them this morning.

[Kailyn Lowry]

How does it feel?

[Becky]

Cracked out.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You want to get everything done. I like that. Stanley. So I have been leaving my house a lot lately, right?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

And this has made me come to the realization that I am not strong enough to be in the real world.

[Becky]

What does that mean?

[Kailyn Lowry]

It means that I saw. I saw an old man using a magnifying glass on TikTok to see something and I was like, wow, that made me cry. And so I'm in Florida right now and I had to Uber places and it was all older men. And it made me really sad because, like, seeing people and how they have to live is not for me. It makes me so emotional. I am so weak willed to see people struggling that like I am need to be just secluded in my home and not see what the struggles are out there.

[Becky]

Okay, so you're just to summarize, to recap what you're trying to say. Yeah. You leaving your house causes you to see people struggle. And you're not built for that is what I'm get, is what I'm gathering. Okay.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm.

[Becky]

I'm tracking. That was a very big realization for me as well when I. When Isaac got into the bus accident a couple weeks ago because the bus driver was elderly. And I was highly concerned at the fact that. And obviously we don't need to go political with this, but it was really concerning to me that, yeah, I do understand that, like, older people want something to do, but like, if he's doing it for the money, that's a huge problem that he's, you know, having to drive this bus just to make ends meet and we're not taking care of the elderly. And so in that way, I would wholeheartedly agree with you. I don't want to live past 60, so I just am not built for life in general. And I am, you know, just take me out.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I can't wait for our, like, the karma and cast episode for your 60th birthday when we're just chatting away and, you know, you're. You're like, wow, I really made it. Maybe I do want to live longer than this.

[Becky]

No, definitely not. Especially after what you. You just said. You're telling me that you're in Florida, which is supposed to be retirement heaven for people before they go to heaven, and you're saying they're struggling. Like, I don't want to be a part of that.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I. It's God's waiting room.

[Becky]

That's what they call it for everyone or just the elderly.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That. Why is that such a shock?

[Becky]

Like, I have never heard that in my entire.

[Alessandra]

God's waiting room is Diabo. That's wild.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That's literally what it's called. Everyone's.

[Becky]

Who calls it that. The gay everyone.

[Kailyn Lowry]

The gay.

[Becky]

Like, I don't. I've never heard this.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think my sister's on a call right now, so I can't even phone in a friend right now.

[Becky]

Let me try to call.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Let me see. Let me see if Leah will answer real quick.

[Becky]

Why would.

[Alessandra]

The gaze is wild.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't know if she'll, like, pick up on the. Hello? Hey, Runs. Hi. I have a question question for you, and I really hoping you pull through for me here.

[Becky]

Oh, God. Nervous.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What is. What is like a funny term that people call Florida for, like, all the old people here know this.

[Becky]

God's waiting room. You made that up. You texted her ahead of time.

[Alessandra]

It's definitely the gays. That proves it's gays.

[Becky]

Is that right?

[Kailyn Lowry]

That is right.

[Sponsor]

Nobody calls it that.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I literally didn't text her anything.

[Becky]

Huh.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Thanks, Roan. My first instinct was sunshine state, but I let you keep going. I learned from tail's mistake. That was funny. All right, love you. Bye. I'm recording.

[Becky]

Can you talk about the nickname Roan's?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, I can. I. It just comes second nature. I don't even realize that I'm doing it. So it started out by Leah calling me Beccaroni, then.

[Becky]

So now you call her Roan's.

[Kailyn Lowry]

And then she calls me Roni. And then I started calling her Roni and then it's just Rhones. Amanda calls her Rhones too now. And it's really funny. She's like, is Rhones home? It's like terms of endearment I don't know. I love that girl so much. But it was so funny. I texted her. I texted her yesterday at one of our tiktoks, and she was like, that was so funny.

[Becky]

Which one was.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Was the one. The kayak one.

[Becky]

Lux saw us rating our fast food and wanted to do it with me. Yeah. So we're going to do that one. He loves, like, the rating things, but some of them are not appropriate, so I can't. Like, I have to, like, be careful.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. Wait. Oh, some of the rating things aren't appropriate.

[Becky]

Right? Like. Like the Kiss Mary Un Alive. That one?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. That one's not appropriate. Like, you should do the bed one with him, too. That would be funny.

[Becky]

Oh, my God. The snake one.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Which beds would you want to sleep in? I just want to also let you know. Speaking of Leah, we had agreed on a theme for the nursery, and it was really, like, kind of no theme. Like, when I spent all this time renovating the house, I renovated that room so we didn't have to do anything when we brought a child into this world. Leah's going through it. She decided that she wanted a whole new theme. She wanted to paint the whole entire room. I hate painting. Painting is, like, lowest level of things that I want to do in life. And so we got into. Into it a little bit. I said, I'm going away for a week, so if. If you want to do something, it better be done before I get back. Because she's also kind of person that starts something and doesn't finish it. And then I end up having to finish everything for her. So she called in the squad. Natasha's there. My mom's there.

[Becky]

Her mom's there because they're all gonna help her paint this room.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, she showed you?

[Alessandra]

She said, I'm even gonna roll mom into this.

[Becky]

She's like, your mom's coming? My mom's coming. Like, we're gonna get this shit done.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. So I'm gonna go home to a nursery.

[Becky]

I love that. That's exciting.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I guess.

[Becky]

Elijah has packed up all the stuff for you in boxes now. And I'm like, becky keeps asking when she can come. So, like, I don't know. He might have mailed it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, he didn't.

[Becky]

No, he might have. He asked me for your address on what day is today? Wednesday. Is it? I don't know. All I know is he asked for your address, so he may have me. May very well have mailed it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, I still want to come there.

[Becky]

Yeah, of course.

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[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Becky]

I actually had my skims on when you facetimed me last night.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You did?

[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

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[Sponsor]

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[Kailyn Lowry]

I still rave about the skims pajamas that I have. They are the best quality pajamas that I own. But whenever it's the new year, I always love buying all new underwear and refreshing my top drawer. I officially have the fits everybody. Cheeky brief in every color. I feel like when my bra and underwear match, I am unstoppable. I didn't know underwear could make me feel so comfortable, so confident and so powerful.

[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

I also have the Fits Everybody high waist thong. I was not wearing thongs for a long time.

[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

But now that I have Skims Fits.

[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

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[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

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[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

The drop down menu that follows.

[Sponsor]

Follows.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Everyone's like, how are you not nervous? How are you not, like, why are you not, like, worried? I'm just here for the, like, along for the ride, you know.

[Becky]

No, I, I hear you. I, it's, it's one of those things that like, no matter how prepared you are to have a baby, you're never going to be fully prepared. So I mean, being nervous I think is part of all of it. But also, like, being nervous isn't going to, being more nervous is not going to change anything.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Like, does anyone know what they're doing?

[Becky]

No. I mean, I was just having this conversation yesterday with Lindsay talking about how like the scariest part of all of this is that we won't even know if what we were trying to do was effective, impactful, beneficial, negative impact until they're adults. So, like being nervous now before the baby comes, Normal. Sure. Being nervous when the baby's here. Also scary because only now do I think about the implications of what, like, I have to raise these people to be good humans. You have like 18 years and really shorter than that because like things that impact them before they turn 18 is what is actually going to stick with them for life. Like that is the scariest part. Like 14 maybe they say like 0 to 8, 0 to 8 years old here.

[Alessandra]

Yep.

[Becky]

0 to 8 years old is what they're taking in and what they carry with them for the rest of their lives. Not saying that they can't add or they can't subtract certain things, but like those things that are happening within the home, right? Like with the nuclear family, husband, wife, wife, wife, dad, dad, whatever, whatever that looks like. Those sort of things in the home from 0 to 8 is what is carried with them. Obviously, like school and things beyond that is going to impact them in a different way. But like the things that, you know, lux is almost 8, so using him as an example, the things that Chris and I are doing right now, until next year are going to Stick with him forever. And that is scary.

[Alessandra]

It's this. It's your subconscious. That's what's being formed between 0 and 8. Because it's like, how you're learning to process and, like, view and go through the world and as an adult is like, I'll literally be 34 in a couple weeks. And I like, everything that I do can come right down to that point in my life. I 100% see it.

[Becky]

I have a little pressure. Becky, don't worry about it. No pressure.

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, I'm not. I'm honestly not worried at all. I like, dude, this kid has Leah as a mom. Like, Leah, 50 chance. It's gonna be perfect, you know?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. I mean, I'm not that too bad myself, but I got a little temper. I do have a little bit of a touchy subject that I want to bring up, though. It's not a touchy subject for you. It's a touchy subject in the world.

[Becky]

Okay, well, I'm ready.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So, like, speaking of kids, and I'm hoping maybe, because there's probably people that listen to this podcast that sit on the opposite side of the fence of that I do, and maybe it'll spark just some different conversations and some different Alice. Like, what is she gonna say?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, exactly. I'm waiting.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I promise it's fine. She's like, am I going to have to cut all this? So I saw this TikTok the other day, and it was a woman who is in a queer relationship, and the school told her that her kids aren't allowed to talk about having two moms at home. And so this is. That's, like, my biggest fear, right? Like, that's my biggest fear about raising kids in this society and raising, like, being queer and having. Bringing children into this world. Because the topic of conversation always is, you know, when is too young to bring up to teach kids about, you know, sexuality or whatever that looks like. Sexuality is such a triggering word. And, like, sexuality doesn't mean, like, sex, right? Like, it's. It's separated. So the school had to have a conversation with them because the kid was in kindergarten. And so it was raising questions for other kids about that. Them having two moms and.

[Becky]

Let me stop you right there. Is that even legal for a school to tell children that they can't talk about their family life like their. Their mothers?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think it was a private school. And yes, but I think, like, Florida.

[Alessandra]

Has a law that says you can't say gay, so does Arizona. Like, you're not allowed to.

[Becky]

If A child comes in and says, I have two moms. What is the punishment? The parent gets in trouble or the mother or the. What?

[Alessandra]

The teacher has to shut it down.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. And so I just want to open everyone's eyes a little bit. Right. I understand that there's a difficult conversation about when the right time is for people to tell their kids about different people and how they choose to spend their life. But in actuality, the conversation affects people like me and, like, my kids and their ability to just speak about having two moms. And that is terrifying to me. Like. Like, my biggest fear is my kid's going to go to school and I'm gonna be in a situation where they're like, you can't talk about your two moms because Johnny's parents don't want to talk to them about gay people.

[Becky]

You know, I just don't know what the solution is to that, because as someone who is in a heterosexual sexual relationship right now, it's man, woman. Like, I also won't stand for that. So I just don't know what to me, with my experience with kids and, you know, things that are said to them, like, they come home and they say certain things, and I feel like it's the parents job to monitor how they. Because, I mean, Lux just said titties for the first time, and I'm like, that is so inappropriate. Like, you're seven years old. Right. Like, but that's, like, my responsibility. He comes home, he says it to me, it's my responsibility to say, like, you know, whatever I'm gonna say.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That's terrifying, though, that, like, there's some parents that just don't think gay people should exist that are teaching their kids.

[Becky]

That's what I was getting at is that for someone who has a child that comes home and talks about, like, you know, Sally was talking about her two moms, and it's like, if you don't agree with it, kids are resilient and you could just change the conversation and it'll be fine. But, like, there are people who I. And I agree with you. I'm saying, like, that's terrifying for me as someone who's not even in that situation.

[Kailyn Lowry]

It's like, yeah, for kids are so innocent, too.

[Becky]

Like, and what is the solution to that? But also where. I don't know where.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Teaching your kids that there's different kinds of families, but that can only.

[Becky]

That only applies to the people who are willing to do so. Right. Like, that's why there's.

[Kailyn Lowry]

That's why, like, people Fight that there should be some type of education structured into like there should be courses structured into the education system that teaches just like the purview. Not like talking about sex or anything like that, but like just bringing different aspects of families. I mean it's not just queer people either, right? It's kids that might have be in foster care, kids that might be adopted, kids that might have a different kind of legal guardian and they don't have parents. It might be a kid that has a disability, a kid that looks different.

[Becky]

Like okay, so classes to schools that talk about different types of families, Is that what you're saying?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. And at like there's different everything, it should be set at that age. Right. Like how it's taught to them. It's not like you're going into a fourth grader and saying these two people can fall in love and have a family and have sex and blah, blah. Like you're just going to them and be like, oh, Johnny can have two moms, Johnny.

[Becky]

I think there's layers to it and I think before we could even get to that point, which it sounds like a no brainer, like just to have classes on this and I think it makes sense to describe it to the children at the level that they are at maturity wise or their age. But I think part of it is that on one side of the conversation we have, you know, the schools that are underfunded, the teachers who are underpaid, overworked, overstretched, etc, and then you have, you know what, you know, there's not a whole lot of funding in the schools already. So then adding the classes that would teach them stuff like this that I agree with you, like inclusion, equality, all of the things that's not going to be a part of the conversation I don't think for a long time and I think that's a big problem. But starting at the root of it is that like we can't even agree on what is going to be taught in schools, funding for the schools, teacher salaries.

[Sponsor]

I'm having a hard time with it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, I mean and any book that would teach this would be banned probably.

[Becky]

Oh for sure, 100% would be banned.

[Alessandra]

I'm wondering if we can have a child psychologist on here to talk about how to talk to your children about these things because I'm wondering if it's a conversation that you're going to have with Bex and your future children similarly to people who have children with like mixed children or like conversations Kayl's going to end up having to have with the boys as they get older about how the world treats them and how to, you know, react to those conversations and people who might not necessarily agree to keep himself safe and your children safe. And I know that that's a really hard thing to wrap, like wrap your mind around. I truly can't imagine as a mom or like becoming a mom, but I do think that that is unfortunately a conversation that children are having like with their parents a lot younger because of the world we're living in right now.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think that would be cool. I think that would be. I mean, it would be educational for me. There's a lot of things that I need to look into and read. I want to make sure that how I approach our situation is done with intention and done with education of, you know, introducing the term of a donor. Introducing, you know, my kid is going to have half siblings out there that aren't like raised with him as a sibling and things of those sorts. So there are definitely resources and books around that. So I would love to bring like a, like a professional on that could help us just learn the benefits of it. Like learn the, also the benefits of like having conversations with your kid.

[Becky]

But I've always, I don't, I can't. I don't want to say that I've had intentional conversations. I just. My kids have been exposed to a lot of things positive to positively and negatively. But gay couples, queer couples, people in the queer community have just been a part of my kids lives since they were born. And so it's really interesting when it's hard for me to understand the hate for the queer community when I don't.

[Sponsor]

Like, I have a really hard time.

[Becky]

With it because my kids have been exposed to, exposed to the queer community since birth. And there just has. Like my kids don't, they don't even really ask questions. It's just like a second nature. Like maybe Lux didn't understand what gay meant. He thought that meant twerking. And he asked me about it and I was like, so you, when you're gay, you twerk? And I'm like, no. Like that was the COVID that was the question that he asked me. But outside of that, like, they just know, like, it's just people living their life, like living their lives. I don't understand why we're even having to have like these crazy conversations. Like, I don't, I don't understand the hate. So that's really what all I'm.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, yeah, it's. There's a lot of. I would honestly Say, out of everything, bringing a child into my work, into this world, that's my biggest fear is like, whatever they're gonna have to deal with or whatever we're gonna have to deal with, just like, because of the person I chose to love or like fell in love with. I don't want to say choice because, like, well, love is a choice, but.

[Becky]

That'S a different conversation.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. Separate. Me loving women. Me loving a woman is not the choice. Me loving Leah is the choice.

[Becky]

Right.

[Kailyn Lowry]

And like, what's just so mind blowing.

[Becky]

To me, are you able to, like, look into the school systems near where you're at to see if they are, like, queer friendly?

[Kailyn Lowry]

I have friends that work. I have friends that work in this school system. And, you know, I think times have been changing a little bit for the better. I just don't.

[Becky]

Obviously it's not like, just like a problem solver and like, if it's queer friendly, that means there's never going to be adversities. Right. Like, that's not what I'm saying. I just wonder if there's a way, like, I'm thinking of the schools around here and their school choice. Right. Like, I have just by word of mouth understood, which schools are more queer friendly than others.

[Kailyn Lowry]

We don't have that choice here.

[Becky]

Right. But I'm just saying, like, for us.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Like, let me ask you a question. Do you think it would make this situation worse or maybe make this situation better if when we put Bex into school, I give out a book, maybe an educational. Not in class, but like, call them, like, reach out to the individual kid. Parents.

[Becky]

No, outside of it. I think they'll be worried that that.

[Alessandra]

Would potentially make him a target to the parents and kids that that are would have otherwise.

[Becky]

I'm so.

[Alessandra]

First of all, I'm sorry you even have to think about this, because it's sad.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah.

[Becky]

I worry that it would make him a target and you guys a target for somebody who otherwise wouldn't have thought twice about it. And now they're like, oh, she wants us to have conversations about, like, it would just be. I. Yeah, I worry about that.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. What if my biggest fear is like, they're like, not having protection? Well, not. I have a lot of fears, like, from like, even the teacher. If the teacher is someone that doesn't like that agrees with, it shouldn't be talked about too.

[Becky]

That's really scary.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm gonna homeschool.

[Becky]

I mean, we have a lot of.

[Alessandra]

Protections in New Jersey.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, thankfully. But sucks that you have to even.

[Becky]

Say it, it sucks that we even have to have this conversation that it's just not part of.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I just, I, you know, I know that I talk about mine and Leah's relationship quite often but like, it's just mind blowing to me that something that is just so full of just pure love.

[Becky]

Question targeted. Hated having anyone be concerned about your like you, I would go out on a limb and say that you have probably a healthier relationship with Leah than a lot of heterosexual couples that are gonna go to school with Bex.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So like I would guarantee that relationship than every single couple.

[Becky]

I would wholeheartedly that you guys have a healthy relationship with half of them. So like, yeah, what is the fear here? Your child being quote unquote exposed to, you know, a same sex couple, Same sex, you know, parents and a child. Like, what is the threat? I don't understand, I don't under, like, I don't understand it.

[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

It's home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%. Meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sal going. I can't wait to use Shopify for killer sports complex.

[Sponsor]

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[Becky]

Get the same checkout as places like skims. And sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com karma all lowercase go to shopify.com karma to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com karma.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What did you. What'd you just put in your mouth?

[Becky]

Neutral.

[Kailyn Lowry]

What's that?

[Becky]

Hair growth supplement.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Are they a podcast sponsor?

[Becky]

I don't think so. Not on this podcast anyway.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay. Yeah, so would love to hear. I mean, there has to be someone that listens to this podcast that might have been like on the fence of the topic or had, you know, what concerns from the topic. I'm curious to know other parents that are listening or maybe even if it's queer parents, what you've done or if you've been in a situation or I.

[Becky]

Would love to hear from, you know, anybody who is heterosexual.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Comment down below.

[Becky]

Like, let me know if your kids go to school with someone who has queer parents. And how did you handle questions? Yeah, I don't want to hear from people that hate the queer community.

[Sponsor]

I don't want to hear from them.

[Becky]

But like people who, you know, allies, anybody like that. You know what I mean?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, but I do want to, I don't want to hear from someone that hates me, but I do want to like, kind of be like, how can, how can I change your mind? How can I, how can I make you like me?

[Becky]

I think that's like human nature is like, we all want to be liked mostly, right?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Like, it's not, you know, it, it comes out of every. Like, I don't really care what people think of me, but I, I do care what people are going to do to my kid.

[Becky]

Rightfully so.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Speaking of overall growth and things, I saw this comment or a meme or a I don't know what it was, but it said, if you haven't recognized your progress, would you trade places with yourself from two years ago?

[Becky]

No.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Isn't that like a mind blowing thing though?

[Becky]

Like, I would not trade spaces. I would not trade places myself from two years ago. Absolutely not.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I wouldn't either. But that's what people. You can use that content to conceptualize and realize how much growth you've had. Like, sometimes it's really easy to just overlook the growth because you're just constantly hitting milestones, constantly reaching for that next target. Like Becky. Today is what Becky dreamed of five years ago, right? Like, but now I'm still like, what's next for me? Like, what? Like, not recognizing those kind of milestones that you hit.

[Becky]

I appreciate the circle of, like the circle of people that I have around me, including you, Alessandra. You know, there is a group of girls within us that I feel like are always looking for, like the next step. Like, where are we going from here? Where I think that the reason, part of the reason why I get a lot of hate. And maybe you've experienced this, maybe you haven't, but there are a lot of people who stay very stagnant in their life for whatever reason. And I'm not talking about financially reaching for the next thing. That's not what I'm talking about. I just mean, you know, maybe it's like, okay, I recent example, I posted a couple things, a couple. A couple weeks ago on my Instagram story. That was a regression in my progress, right? And that made me realize how far I've come. Wasn't worth posting, it needed to remove, it was deleted. Say all this to say, like, right, like there I want to get to a point where I'm not having regression on Instagram, right? Like, I don't want to go back to defending myself on Instagram because there was a world in which I did that and it never worked anyway. So now I just keep my mouth shut and I don't defend myself usually to anything, right? So, like, the next step in that. Now the next step in work is like, what direction is Kale going? What direction is killer going? Like, I'm always looking for the next thing that we're going to do. To your point, but there are people that I have in the past surrounded myself with that are just content with where they are and they are doing nothing. And I'm not trying to. I'm not talking about financially. So please do not twist this just.

[Kailyn Lowry]

From mental, like.

[Becky]

You know, in the workplace Better connections with people, you know, with. With more quality people. And I think that where I run into trouble with relationships in general and not romantic relationships, which is like, relationships in general with people, friendships, etc, is like, they are content not doing anything with their life. Like, they are literally content with where they're at. They don't see any, like, goals for their, you know, work. They don't see any goals for life. They're just content. And I don't know if that's like, a problem for me. And it's not a problem for. They're like the same people that will turn around and hate on things that I'm.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, I think it's subjective. I think that if someone is content with life and is okay and happy and, like, continues to try to grow as a person, I think that's fine. But if it's someone that, like, complains and also is just, like, not trying to make their lives better, but just complains about how shitty their life is, then it's. That's just. Just frustrating. Right?

[Becky]

I don't even necessarily mean people that are complaining, just that people that I have surrounded myself in the past with that are just. They don't do anything. Like, they literally don't do anything. They'll do whatever it takes to get by. Do you know what I mean? Like, they're like.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't know. I. I mean, if. If someone's happy and isn't. Isn't hurting anyone, that's their own choice. But I. I do feel like there's emotional growth that's still needed outside of. Outside of those other options. I. This is going to be. Be so off topic, but I just looked at myself and I'm pissed. You didn't tell me I looked tan.

[Becky]

No, why would I. I'm not. No. Why would I say something that's gonna.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Alessandra, Do I look tan?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, you look great, girl. And I'm freaking jealous. She looks good.

[Becky]

No, Leah and I told Becky that if she got tan, we would love her a little less. And then I agreed.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I tried. What?

[Becky]

I said Leah said it and I agreed.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, Leah said it and Kale agreed. I did try to get her to come to the doctor with us next week.

[Becky]

I'm going to Turks and Caicos for a vacation.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Look at us. Vacation girlies.

[Becky]

Vacation on two different.

[Alessandra]

Where am I gonna go? Damn.

[Becky]

Where are you at? Kentucky. The dirty South? Yeah.

[Alessandra]

I need to be somewhere tropical, but.

[Kailyn Lowry]

We should talk about that. You gonna Turks and Caicos or did you talk about it on one of.

[Becky]

Your other podcasts haven't talked about it at all.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Because it's a big deal. It's. Well, it's almost your birthday.

[Becky]

It's almost my birthday. It's also third three year anniversary sexiversary. Rather. Something came up on.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Okay. This is your first vacation with Elijah.

[Becky]

It's our first vacation together with no children.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. That's good.

[Becky]

We've been to Spain. We've been to Disney. Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

But that's a big deal.

[Becky]

Yeah. No, we're excited. It was. He has had Turks and Caicos on his bucket list for a really long time. Probably before I even entered the picture. And so it was a good opportunity to go for our. I'm calling it an anniversary. I don't know what it is. And my birthday. So it worked out.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Are you excited?

[Becky]

Yeah, I'm excited. I'm a little nervous just because there is so much that you have your two out, right? They're cut out. No chance of them growing back.

[Kailyn Lowry]

God. Yeah.

[Becky]

Thank God. I am a little nervous because there's just so many things that go on day to day. If I'm not here to like, oversee what's going on. Like, are people where they need to be? Are they getting to where they need to be on time? Things like that.

[Kailyn Lowry]

It'll be a good test. Thank God I'm out too. Because I don't want to know. I don't want to be around for the chaos of that.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm off the line.

[Becky]

You know, you're like.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Dnd I actually have another question for you.

[Becky]

Okay. I just never know where you're gonna go.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Well, it's something that I've been thinking about with your birthday coming up. I'm not a gift giver. Right. Like, I don't really like, buy gifts. My presence is normally the gift. Like I give people the gift of my time. Maybe it's because, like, gifting isn't something that's ever been important to me.

[Becky]

Not a love language of yours.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. But like, Spencer is a gift giver, but his parents are also gift givers. So like birthdays and stuff. Like, he always gives like really cute and thoughtful gifts.

[Sponsor]

Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I've just never been that person really with friends. Like, I just don't like. Is that okay?

[Becky]

Yeah, that's.

[Sponsor]

It's a.

[Becky]

They're all love languages. Right. Like gift giving to me and. And receiving probably also at this point is like, I have a problem. Like if you were to show up at my house empty handed, I would prefer that over you spending your Money on a gift that I don't want.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I. I hate bad gifts.

[Becky]

I don't, like, you don't know me at all if you're giving me a bad gift. So, like, to me, don't even waste your money. Just come hang out and spend time.

[Kailyn Lowry]

See? Okay, at least we're on the same page.

[Becky]

And that's coming from someone who. Gift giving is a. Yeah, love language of mine. So, like, I'm not gonna.

[Sponsor]

I.

[Becky]

We talked about this on coffee combos for, like, around Christmas time. It's like, please don't send my kids gifts. If you like, if you're just sending them just to send them and they actually like, it's. I would rather you not.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, like, I like gifts that, like, I look, if I. If I see something, I'm like, oh, my God, this reminds me of xyz, then I get it, right? Like, like, or a sentimental thing, like a picture or something like that. I don't know, Leah. I give really good gifts too.

[Becky]

Yeah, but that's different.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, that's different. But I think about it all the time because Spence. Spencey always gets me. Him and Amanda always get me something really cute for my birthday. Like, it's always like, something thoughtful.

[Becky]

I'm like, I told Elijah that I wanted to do a potato night, where it's all forms of potato. Like potato soup, baked potato bar, french fries, chips. Like, I love potatoes so much that I would just. I want a potato night.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I can't wait.

[Becky]

Tater tots. Loaded. Tater tots.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Cheese gets still going.

[Becky]

Like just all kind cheese fries. That would be a good one. Like the crinkle fries with cheese on them.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Like, I just had. Because I'm like a content person now. I just had the funniest thing that popped in my head of like, like you listing them all up and like, it just popping up as, like, you said.

[Becky]

Potatoes. We just want to do a potato day. Potato night. A potato.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Is that what you're gonna do for your birthday?

[Becky]

No, I'll be in Turks and Caicos. But if I were to ever have a celebration night, my kids, we're either gonna celebrate this weekend or the following.

[Sponsor]

Weekend after my birthday.

[Becky]

Because I don't. I wouldn't have the older kids on my birthday weekend anyway because it's just the way it fell. So we're gonna celebrate a different night. And I, I would love to do that because at least I know my kids also eat some form of potato as well. So, like, all bases are covered, right? Like, I get potatoes. They get potatoes. Potatoes they prefer.

[Kailyn Lowry]

You know, we all get potatoes.

[Becky]

We all get potatoes. Like, I just feel like that's so simple and, and easy.

[Sponsor]

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[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Kailyn Lowry]

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[Kailyn Lowry]

Us. I got some sleep sacks from Quint for my baby that is coming, so I'm excited about those. But Quint only works with Factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I love that. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with quint. Go to quint.comkarma for free shipping on your order and a 365 day return. That's Q U I N ce.comkarma to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comkarma what?

[Alessandra]

Our girl loves potatoes and deviled eggs. That's why I sent you baked potatoes.

[Becky]

Deviled eggs with potatoes is the meal of a lifetime.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I love deviled eggs.

[Becky]

Me too.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I could live off deviled eggs.

[Becky]

But we should do karma and chaos. Since we both love deviled eggs, we should do like a day of deviled eggs. Like, it should be like all the different types of deviled eggs. It's like the ones where it's like, does the deviling have mustard? Does it not? Does it have a pickle in it? Does it have relish? Does it. Are they deep fried? Wait, are they having.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Next time we're in New York, can we do something with deviled eggs?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, but the last day we leave because I'm not staying with y'all farting up a storm.

[Kailyn Lowry]

When are we in New York?

[Becky]

Next week, End of March. Okay, we'll be in.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So hear me out.

[Becky]

I'm listening.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I have a bucket list item that I really want to mark off my list. And I feel like you're the person that I could do this with.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I really want to try expensive caviar.

[Becky]

Okay. I mean, I've had caviar in Europe in 2018 and I've never had it again. So I would be willing to do it with you.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Haven't you seen like, Bethany Frankel, like, do all the caviar stuff stuff and then like Rihanna ate it with chicken nuggets? No, you're not on caviar side of tick tock.

[Becky]

Why would I ever like. What would possess you to even think that I would like? What is a caviar side of tick tock? What? How many sides of tick tock are there? Because I'm still stuck on Casey Anthony having a goddamn tick tock.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Wait, are you on the Amish girl side of tick tock?

[Becky]

No, I live in Amish country. Why would I go on Amish side of tick tock tock?

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, it's not. It's not Amish sided TikTok. It's a like a 10 year old girl who has decided she identifies as Amish. And it's so funny.

[Becky]

You know, we needed a chronically online person on this team, and you are that because. What the fuck are you talking about?

[Sponsor]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Alessandra]

I said we needed a chronically online gay, and we got one. The universe delivered us.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Alessandro, do you know about the girl that identifies as Amish?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, I do heard of her.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Say. Okay, so if we can everyone comment down below and tag Bethany Frankel for. That's how you say her last name, right?

[Sponsor]

Yes, yes.

[Kailyn Lowry]

To let me know which caviar that we should get with.

[Becky]

Who?

[Kailyn Lowry]

The caviar people. They do it on. On the line all the time. I've seen it on all over. Tick tock.

[Becky]

Okay, I'm down. What, are we gonna make an appointment or. Hit me on the list. Put me on this. What is it called? Because I'll text PR right now.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Caviar.

[Alessandra]

We'll figure it out, babe. We'll figure it out.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Offline, off the line. But the thing is, I'm pretty sure this is what I've heard, and you tell me if I'm wrong. Well, don't tell me if I'm wrong. Wrong, because I don't want your opinion. I heard that really good caviar isn't fishy, it's just buttery.

[Becky]

I disagree. Unless I had bad caviar because it was fishy. It was like, first of all, you think that they're like soft eggs. They're not.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I don't like fishy things, but.

[Becky]

And it's like a crunch, and then, like, the fishy oil comes out. Like, that is.

[Kailyn Lowry]

But I think you just didn't have good caviar.

[Becky]

Okay, then maybe I didn't. Maybe. And that's fair. That's a fair. That's a fair assessment. Investment.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah. See, everyone wants to know now. They already told me, but I. I do want to maybe do just, like, find the caviar that Bethany Frankel got, because then we could probably message her nuggets.

[Becky]

She follows me on. Tick tock. Hold on.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, yeah. Messenger say me and my friends want to do a caviar night. What's. Where? What's the best one that we should get?

[Becky]

Is she gonna know why I'm asking her specifically?

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yes.

[Becky]

Okay, wait.

[Alessandra]

I just love that you're like. You're like the chicken nugget nuggets. You're like. No, but like, the caviar has to be on the chicken nuggets.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, we have. But that's what. Because that's what Rihanna did, and she put it on the chicken nugget with a little creme fresh McDonald's yeah, well.

[Alessandra]

Rihanna is my deity. You know that. So I'll do it.

[Becky]

Yeah, I'm messaging Bethany Frankel right now. My friends and I want to do a caviar night to for people that.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Have never had caviar. They told me that you're the expert and to know what to get because she did like a whole a bunch of videos on like it's not worth spending over this money, like amount of money for it and xyz.

[Becky]

So should I say where do we go in New York?

[Kailyn Lowry]

No, I would say where's the best place to order from? Because it like we want to get it. Like do a whole setup so that we're not at a location.

[Becky]

We'll film it for Patreon.

[Alessandra]

So subscribe [e-mail] Kill Lowry thank you.

[Becky]

Okay, just sent it. Bethany Frankel will be waiting for your reply.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I'm surprised you haven't had her on the pod.

[Becky]

I think I tried. She probably didn't know who the I was. Now she will.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Now she will. Wow. You're making my dreams come true.

[Becky]

You're welcome. I just want to say that Alessandra did get people to submit stories today. So thank God we have a write in today. Thank you to anyone who was writing into karma and chaos. [e-mail] hey Kayla and Becky, longtime fan of you both and loving the new podcast. I know the topic of relationships, gay and queer relationships, age gaps have come up on the podcast and like you guys, I have all three. My wife and I have been separated for three years and there's a 25 year age gap between us right now. We are civil and we speak daily. We communicate about our shared nieces and nephews, friends, family, etc. And of course the topic of us getting back together is thrown in there a lot too. We have given it a go to our marriage a few different times, but we cannot seem to get on the same page. We cannot seem to put complete trust and faith in in each other again. And we crumble. And I'm always the one to leave. We come back together over and over and even if we say we're done speaking, need to move forward and file for divorce, We've been married five years this September together for 15. We have a great life together. We have good friends, a very blended family together and we have the same views politically, morally, parenting wise. All the things, things. But what drove me away was the inability to grow with her, the control she wanted and had over me and the manipulation that came with it. I guess I'm writing in to get your perspective and advice as I'm always so torn on what to do about my marriage file and be done or find someone who may or may not live up to my standards or work this out with someone who in the long run has already lived life when I'm just starting mine, but may be the only person to love and accept all of me to her core. Feel free to come back with any questions, comments, etc. I am open to you reading this on the podcast and an interview if you have more questions. Happy reading. Sierra. First of all, read the Let Them Theory. That's my first and biggest advice. Because while it seems so obvious and cliche, there are things that apply to this specific situation where it's like you're saying that she accepts you to your core, but she clearly doesn't if she is constantly trying to get you to change and grow. Unless both can be true. But you have to learn how to basically keep your mouth shut and accept them or you need to get out of the relationship to stop complaining kind of thing. But it talks about in that book. You can listen to it on audio too. It talks about how to apply it to a relationship like this in order to make it work.

[Kailyn Lowry]

There's a 25 year age gap between them. Right. And so the person that wrote in I don't. It's hard, dude. My eyes started like getting wet a little bit when you're talking about it, just because I just want people to be so happy and I want them to find a partner and that like can grow. 15 years is a lot of time to be with someone to, to not see if there's opportunity for growth. Because I'm not saying relationships aren't hard. Right? Like I've gone. Lee and I have gone through our own difficulties and our own growth areas. But 15 years is a lot of time to give someone the opportunity to kind of change. And if they're not willing to change at all, it doesn't really seem like that's it for me, you know?

[Becky]

Yeah, but I think it's easier said than done. And we could give you advice all day until we're blue in the face. But I'm telling you, the left theory will give you perspective on this. And no, truly, because it's one of those things. And I found myself thinking back to a relationship that I was always complaining about and then staying in is like, do you actually accept them for who they are? Because if you do, you have to learn to accept them where they're at and can either change yourself to influence them to do better, or you have to just fully accept them and basically stop talking about it. So it just gives you more perspective on that whole scenario.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Yeah, like, it's either you accept this and like, you made that decision and you have to kind of figure out how you're going to live with that. Or.

[Becky]

Yeah. Like Mel Robbins talks about in a section of the book that she gives. Mel Robbins happens, basically.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Why don't you have her on the podcast? She's on a podcast tour right now.

[Becky]

I'll try. She talks. She gives an example about her friend and her friend's husband who. The husband is like, sort of wanting to lose weight and like, get healthy and start healthier habits. And you cannot change people or, or. Or make them want something more than you do. And so in the. The. You have to get people to think it was their idea to change, to grow, to develop, to do whatever. Xyz. Right. In order to do that, you have to be the one to do those things to influence them, to make them believe that it's their idea, when in fact it's not. It's like a collective effort. But then also she talks about the husband and wife that she's friends with is like her husband. Her friend is never going to leave that husband no matter how unhealthy his habits are, because at the end of the day, she loves him so much so she had to change her own behavior to accept that she is going to stay with him no matter how unhealthy his habits are. But like, like stop bringing them to him if she's not going to leave him. So she just talks about that. And I know that that's not sort of the same exact scenario, but it does give perspective on how to handle it. And so that's why I'm saying, like, it would be worth a list. It's a really quick list. And I listened to it in a day. Like, you really could just listen to it and apply what you can.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I also want to say that just because the two of you are at different places in life doesn't mean that you can't grow by yourself inside of a relationship. I think that was a big struggle with my, like, Leah and I was like, she thought we couldn't grow together if we were at different places, which is not true. Like, you can grow differently inside a relationship. And so if you want to continue to live life a little bit, you don't need them to, like, be right by you doing that. You can do that by yourself and still stay in that relationship. So I think that's also an important thing to note.

[Becky]

I agree.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I think there's potential here, though.

[Becky]

Yeah, no, I do think there's potential here. I do think. I do Wonder though, like, 25 years is a long time. It's not like we're talking about a 10 year age gap, right? Yeah, 25 years is a big deal. So I think also you could, not to be cliche, but like, could benefit from therapy and getting a neutral perspective because obviously Becky and I are going to have our own opinions. But if you go to therapy and just like, let them hear you out. I also think that therapy is a good tool because you figure out how to work through things before the problem hits. And so you already have those tools to become second nature before the problem arises. And I think that's a common misconception about therapy is that like, people think, oh, we go to therapy, we talk about our problems and we leave. No, it's about gaining the tools and using them that become second nature so that you're able to tackle things head on when it arises. Right. Like. Like, I don't know. For me, it was like learning this. I. What you see, what you smell, what you hear in a scent in a state of like absolute chaos is like, have you heard that, Becky?

[Kailyn Lowry]

No.

[Becky]

So, like, when I was going through a really traumatizing time and I was like having a lot of stuff going on in my head, it was like, where am I right now? What do I see directly in front of me? What do I smell right now? What do I. To bring you back to right where you are? Right. Like, and you think that that is so corny and cliche and people say it all the time and you hear different variations of it. Like when you practice those things that you learn in therapy and you're Something like that happens. It got to a point where that is like my go to now when I'm in absolute chaos is like, those are the things that I remember to do because they became second nature. So I'm using that as an example. That doesn't apply to this situation, but therapy can help in that way. Follow the bouncing ball.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Preach.

[Becky]

I usually come full circle with most of my thoughts. I hope that was helpful. It maybe wasn't, but.

[Kailyn Lowry]

But I think it was helpful. And I think it also just. Just as important for someone who, if you're asking the question, you're willing to kind of explore different answers and explore just the thought. Even asking it in itself probably gives you like some opportunity to just look through a couple different lenses.

[Becky]

Yeah, love that. Well, thanks for chatting me. Yeah.

[Kailyn Lowry]

One more exciting thing that I want to bring up. Thank you. If you've made it this far in the episode, but we have new episodes of for the Haters releasing and I just want to say that it was really emotional for me to get back on this train and get back on this journey and I am so proud of the work that is coming out. So if you could go listen and subscribe, that would mean the world because.

[Becky]

Yes, just a reminder to anyone that's on Karma and Chaos, Apple, Spotify, anything like that, we should we do clips of for the Haters on here as drops, but it does have its own show through Spotify and itunes. So if you guys could go over to for the Haters and subscribe on that show specifically, that would be a huge help and just amazing in general. And we also have, have Becky has a For the Haters Instagram page, like specifically for the haters. You can find Becky on becky hater.com hater25. On all socials we have a Karma and Chaos Instagram.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Karma and Chaos Instagram is thriving. I just want you to know, and.

[Becky]

I'm giving all the credit to you. It's not to me. So we have a Facebook group, Tick Tock. Instagram for the Haters has its own socials and we just would love if you guys subscribe to.

[Kailyn Lowry]

All of them would love that. And one more thing quickly. We did decide on chapter seven book club that we're going to do Red Rising Book Club at the end of April. Okay.

[Becky]

All right, that is all. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Becky and Alessandra. We'll see you next week.

[Kailyn Lowry]

Bye.

[Caitlyn Bristowe]

All right, I may not be as funny as Nikki Laser.

[Kailyn Lowry]

I want to pitch a series of, like, calendars where men are just crying in a therapist's office or punching a pillow and working out their anger towards their dad.

[Caitlyn Bristowe]

But I do have my moments. I actually have full conversations with the moon. Yes, I try to keep it pretty balanced on this podcast. A little fun dance between comedy therapy, self medicating. Oh, and sorry if you haven't guessed. Hi, I'm Caitlyn Bristow, host of off the vine podcast, where we like to just keep things loose and keep them raw and keep them real. Like when. When we have listeners call in and give confessions.

[Becky]

And then that glass of wine progressed into me becoming a unicorn for them.

[Kailyn Lowry]

So.

[Caitlyn Bristowe]

But we do, and I promise you this, try to keep it honest and vulnerable. So jump on the wagon, not off. Grab your favorite bottle of wine, preferably spade and sparrows and join the vinos. Have yourself a time. The off the vine podcast is available wherever you get your podcasts.

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You can outrun this.

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