Kail's Potato Party

Summary

Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter – Episode: "Kail's Potato Party" (Released March 18, 2025)

In the "Kail's Potato Party" episode of Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter, hosts Kail (Amanda) Lowry and Becky Hayter delve into a blend of personal challenges, humorous banter, and poignant discussions about modern adulthood. Skipping over promotional segments, the episode navigates themes ranging from career struggles and personal growth to the complexities of raising children in queer families. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their conversation.

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1. Navigating Career and Branding Challenges

Amanda's Struggle with Focus and Direction

Amanda opens up about her recent meeting with a branding agency, expressing her frustration over the scattered focus of her various projects, including "Kale Lowry" and "Killer the Brand." She shares her struggle to find a clear direction and a launching point for her ventures.

• Amanda (02:36): “I just need one person to take me seriously and see the potential. But like, what really is the potential? Do you know what I mean?”

Becky responds supportively, acknowledging the difficulty Amanda faces and wishing her success in finding clarity.

• Becky (03:22): “That's on growth, baby. I hope everything works out for you. I hope all your dreams come true.”

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2. Light-Hearted Moments: Ranch vs. Blue Cheese

The conversation takes a lighter turn as the hosts engage in a playful debate over their preferred salad dressings. This segment showcases their chemistry and humor, providing a welcome break from heavier topics.

• Becky (02:45): “I would bathe myself in ranch if I could, but I would die before I ate blue cheese. Blue cheese is nasty.”

• Amanda (05:02): “…I have the Fits Everybody highway stong. I was not wearing thongs for a long time. I hated the feeling of them. But now that I have skims Fits…”

This exchange not only adds levity to the episode but also highlights their genuine personalities and relatable preferences.

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3. Emotional Sensitivity and the Real World

Becky shares a deeply personal realization about her emotional response to witnessing others' struggles. She recounts an encounter on TikTok that brought her to tears, leading to her contemplating seclusion to protect herself from the emotional burdens of the world.

• Becky (07:05): “Seeing people and how they have to live is not for me. It makes me so emotional. I am so weak-willed to see people struggling that I need to be just secluded in my home and not see what the struggles are out there.”

Amanda empathizes with Becky’s feelings, drawing parallels to societal issues concerning the elderly.

• Amanda (08:05): “... because older people want something to do, but, like, if he's doing it for the money, that's a huge problem that he's, you know, having to drive this bus just to make ends meet.”

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4. "God's Waiting Room" and Societal Reflections

The hosts discuss the harsh realities faced by the elderly, particularly in Florida, often dubbed "God's waiting room." This conversation reflects their concern over societal neglect of aging populations.

• Becky (09:01): “That is my Roman Empire.”

• Amanda (09:18): “That's what they call it for everyone or just the elderly.”

They ponder the implications of living in a society that marginalizes its aging members, highlighting a significant social concern.

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5. Challenges of Raising Children in Queer Families

A central portion of the episode addresses the difficulties queer parents face in raising children within a society that often ostracizes non-traditional families. Becky expresses her fears regarding schools restricting discussions about having two mothers, a situation that deeply concerns her about her children's acceptance and emotional well-being.

• Becky (19:20): “The school told her that her kids aren't allowed to talk about having two moms at home. And so this is like my biggest fear...”

• Amanda (22:20): “Women have just been a part of my kids’ lives since they were born. And I just don't understand why we're even having to have these crazy conversations.”

The conversation emphasizes the importance of inclusive education and the need for schools to adopt a more accepting stance towards diverse family structures.

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6. Listener Engagement: Sierra’s Marriage Dilemma

The episode features a heartfelt listener message from Sierra, who shares her tumultuous marriage involving a 25-year age gap. Sierra grapples with trust issues and the cyclical nature of her relationship, seeking advice on whether to pursue divorce or attempt reconciliation.

Becky’s Advice:

• Becky (58:15): “...because 15 years is a lot of time to give someone the opportunity to kind of change and if they're not willing to change at all, doesn't really seem like that's it for me, you know.”

Amanda’s Perspective:

• Amanda (62:43): “...therapy is a good tool because you figure out how to work through things before the problem hits.”

They recommend Sierra explore therapeutic avenues such as "Let Them Theory" (possibly referencing Mel Robbins' work) to gain perspective and tools to handle her relationship challenges effectively.

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7. Personal Growth and Reflection

Towards the end of the episode, Amanda reflects on personal growth, the importance of recognizing milestones, and the frustration with stagnation in friendships and workplace relationships. This introspective segment underscores the continuous journey of self-improvement and the desire to surround oneself with motivated, growth-oriented individuals.

• Becky (37:31): “...it's subjective. I think that if someone is content with life and is okay and happy and continues to try to grow as a person, I think that's fine.”

• Amanda (38:07): “I would not trade Places I would not trade places myself from two years ago. Absolutely not.”

They discuss the challenges of maintaining momentum in personal and professional lives, highlighting the need for constant evolution and the difficulty of dealing with complacent peers.

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8. Upcoming Plans and Community Engagement

The hosts conclude the episode by mentioning upcoming projects, including a "Potato Night" celebration and planning a "caviar night" inspired by a TikTok trend. They encourage listeners to engage with their content on various platforms and participate in future events like the "Red Rising Book Club."

• Amanda (46:25): “They have to be set at that age, right? ... Interested in listening to Shift by psychologist and bestseller author Dr. Ethan Cross?”

• Becky (55:38): “...but. You guys can upgrade your business and get the same checkout as places like Skims and sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comkarma.”

These segments reinforce their commitment to building a supportive and interactive community around their podcast.

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Notable Quotes

• Amanda (02:36): “I just need one person to take me seriously and see the potential. But like, what really is the potential?”

• Becky (07:05): “Seeing people and how they have to live is not for me. It makes me so emotional.”

• Becky (19:20): “...what's just so mind-blowing is that something that is just so full of just pure love.”

• Amanda (38:07): “I would not trade Places I would not trade places myself from two years ago. Absolutely not.”

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Conclusion

"Kail's Potato Party" offers a rich tapestry of conversations that blend humor with deep-seated personal and societal issues. Kail and Becky effectively balance light-hearted discussions with meaningful dialogues about personal growth, societal challenges, and the complexities of modern relationships. This episode not only entertains but also provides valuable insights and support for listeners navigating similar life experiences.

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Join the Conversation: Listeners are encouraged to share their thoughts and experiences on topics discussed, fostering a community of support and understanding. Upcoming segments and interactive events like "Potato Night" and the "Red Rising Book Club" promise continued engagement and enrichment for the podcast's audience.

Stay Connected: Follow Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter on Podcast Platforms and social media to keep up with new episodes, community discussions, and upcoming events.

Transcript

[Kale Lowry]

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[Becky]

What's up everyone?

[Amanda]

Hi. Hello.

[Becky]

Welcome back to Karma and Chaos. Good morning.

[Amanda]

We all just jumped off one meeting and got onto this recording.

[Becky]

Good day, Good night.

[Amanda]

Don't start your.

[Becky]

Yeah, we did just jump off from one meeting to another.

[Amanda]

I'm filming a day in the life because sometimes I wonder, like, do I have anything going on in my life? And then other days I'm like, I have too much going on in my life. So I'm documenting today's escapades.

[Leah]

You wonder if you ever have anything going on and there's nine people in your family and a million farm animals.

[Amanda]

Well, so like, hear me out. Got on a meeting with an agency who was like, what do you have going on? Where can we help? Like how? Like, what do you see for 20, 25? Like, what, what do you want to do? Right. So I get on this meeting and I'm like, I have a lot going on, but it's like a little bit of focus on each thing, not a lot of focus on one or two things. And so I'm having, I'm struggling with direction and like, where to take Kale Lowry the brand and Killer the brand. And, you know, where do I propel myself from here? Like, what is the launching point? What is the sequence of events? Like, all of these things. And so I just need one person to take me seriously and see the potential. But like, what really is the potential? Do you Know what I mean?

[Becky]

I'm just gonna. I don't. I don't really know if I want to acknowledge the last two sentences, but you just want one person to take you seriously. As if people don't take you seriously.

[Amanda]

Think about agencies, brand deals, things like that. Because what happened, what I was running into is that teen mom, that. That little tagline right there, and some of the things that ensued on said show. Right. Because it's not just the show itself that has created roadblocks. It's my actions as well. You know, I want to do, like, a full rebrand and, like, have new opportunities. Like, I'm doing book club. I'm doing karma and chaos. Like, I'm doing all of these things. And so to be taken seriously in a way that is worth someone giving me the chance to launch myself even further into whatever it is that I need to be doing next.

[Becky]

That's on growth, baby. I hope everything works out for you. I hope all your dreams come true.

[Leah]

I have to say, just because I'm eating too, by the way. But I just have to say that yesterday I was looking at the comments from the episode that went live, and they were like, finally, Kale wasn't eating during episode.

[Amanda]

The joke's on everybody. I just mute myself.

[Becky]

You must not be watching or munching down on things, talking about eating. I need to know this answer, and I think I know it, but I don't remember. Are you a ranch or blue cheese person?

[Amanda]

Both. I love both. For different things, for different reasons, for different activities.

[Becky]

Okay, that's vile.

[Amanda]

Buffalo wings or, like, buffalo related things? I'm going blue cheese for barbecue wings or for pizza, I'm going ranch.

[Becky]

I would bathe myself in ranch if I could, but I would die before I ate blue cheese. Blue cheese is nasty.

[Amanda]

What brand of ranch, though?

[Becky]

You know, I really like homemade ranch because the best ranch is always like, ranch that you get out at restaurants.

[Amanda]

Housemade or homemade, like you made it at home?

[Becky]

What. What's the difference?

[Amanda]

Like, when I think housemade, I think it's like that particular establishment's housemade ranch.

[Becky]

Yeah. So any house that makes it is where I'm at.

[Amanda]

When I'm thinking homemade, I'm thinking you yourself made it at your home. But, like, house made would be like Texas roadhouses. Ranch, house made ranch. Right?

[Becky]

Like, I've never made homemade ranch in my life.

[Amanda]

Do you like buttermilk ranch?

[Becky]

Yeah, dude, I'll. I'll give any ranch a try.

[Leah]

You know, big old farmer Becky making.

[Amanda]

Her homemade ranch Big old farmer Becky and Ranch. That's. That's the next brand endorsement for Becky is Becky's Farmer Ranch, Ranch and carrots.

[Becky]

I could live off ranching carrots. I also wanted to bring up a really great memory of mine that I thought about also having to do with eating. Leah was snacking on some goldfish the other night. We were laying there. She always has to keep snacks by her bed now, ever since pregnancy. And so she was snacking on goldfish and I was like, do you remember that time that I tweeted, wow, goldfish are so addicting? And someone responded to my tweet and said, yeah, I have six of them. It was just so funny to me. And I said, oh, yeah, like the ones you eat. Not like pet goldfish.

[Alessandra]

Person.

[Becky]

What?

[Amanda]

Did you know that person?

[Becky]

No, it was probably one of your fans.

[Amanda]

Oh, okay. Well, at least they have a sense of humor.

[Becky]

This was. Oh, it wasn't funny. It was not done in satire. It was like done out of seriousness. Oh, this was a long time ago. But I. I think about that constantly.

[Amanda]

Like, that's your Roman Empire.

[Becky]

That. That is my Roman Empire.

[Amanda]

I love that for you. Happy. Happy to contribute to your entertainment.

[Becky]

Thanks. What's new with you? What's going on over there?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, nothing.

[Amanda]

I started taking my. What is it called again? Alison stimulants today for my adhd. I started them this morning.

[Becky]

How does it feel?

[Amanda]

Cracked out.

[Becky]

You want to get everything done. I like that, Stanley. So I have been leaving my house a lot lately, right?

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Becky]

And this has made me come to the realization that I am not strong enough to be in the real world.

[Amanda]

What does that mean?

[Becky]

It means that I saw. I saw an old man using a magnifying glass on TikTok to see something and I was like, wow, that made me cry. And so I'm in Florida right now and I had to Uber places and it was all older men. And it made me really sad because, like, seeing people and how they have to live is not for me. It makes me so emotional. I am so weak willed to see people struggling that like I am need to be just secluded in my home and not see what the struggles are out there.

[Amanda]

Okay, so you're just to summarize, to recap what you're trying to say? Yeah. You leaving your house causes you to see people struggle. And you're not built for that is what I'm get is what I'm gathering. Okay. I'm. I'm tracking. That was a very big realization for me as well.

[Alessandra]

When I.

[Amanda]

When Isaac got into the bus accident a couple weeks ago, because the bus driver was elderly. And I was highly concerned at the fact that. And obviously we don't need to go political with this, but it was really concerning to me that, yeah, I do understand that, like, older people want something to do, but, like, if he's doing it for the money, that's a huge problem that he's, you know, having to drive this bus just to make ends meet. And we're not taking care of the elderly. And so in that way, I would wholeheartedly agree with you. I don't want to live past 60, so I just am not built for life in general. And I am, you know, just take me out.

[Becky]

I can't wait for our, like, the karma and cast episode for your 60th birthday when we're just chatting away and, you know, you're. You're like, wow, I really made it. Maybe I do want to live longer than this.

[Amanda]

No, definitely not. Especially after what you. You just said. You're telling me that you're in Florida, which is supposed to be retirement heaven for people before they go to heaven, and you're saying they're struggling. Like, I don't want to be a part of that.

[Becky]

I. It's God's waiting room.

[Amanda]

That's what they call it for everyone or just the elderly.

[Becky]

That. Why is that such a shock?

[Amanda]

Like, I have never heard that in my entire.

[Leah]

God's waiting room. Is Diabo.

[Becky]

That's wild. That's literally what it's called.

[Amanda]

Everyone's who calls it that. The gay everyone.

[Leah]

The gate.

[Amanda]

Like, I don't. I've never heard this.

[Becky]

I think my sister's on a call right now, so I can't even phone in a friend right now.

[Amanda]

Let me try to call.

[Becky]

Let me see. Let me see if Leah will answer real quick.

[Amanda]

Why would.

[Leah]

The gaze is wild.

[Becky]

I don't know if she'll, like, pick up on the. Hello. Hey, Runs. Hi. I have a question question for you, and I really hoping you pull through for me here.

[Amanda]

Oh, God. Nervous.

[Becky]

What is. What is like a funny term that people call Florida for, like, all the old people here know this.

[Amanda]

God's waiting room. You made that up. You texted her ahead of time.

[Leah]

There's definitely the gays. That proves it's gays.

[Becky]

That is right.

[Amanda]

Nobody calls it that.

[Becky]

I literally didn't text her anything.

[Amanda]

Huh. No, you didn't.

[Becky]

Thanks, Ron's that my first instinct was Sunshine State, but I let you keep going. I learned from Kale's mistake. That was funny. All right, love you. Bye. I'm recording.

[Amanda]

Can you talk about the nickname Roan's?

[Becky]

Yeah, I can. I. It just comes second nature. I don't even realize that I'm doing it. So it started out by Leah calling me Becca Roni, then.

[Amanda]

So now you call her Rhones, and.

[Becky]

Then she calls me Roni, and then I started calling her Roni and then it's just Rhones. Amanda calls her Rhones too now. And it's really funny. She's like, is Rhone's Home Terms of Endearment? I don't know. I love that girl so much. But it was so funny. I texted her. I texted her yesterday, one of our tick tocks, and she was like, that was so funny. It was the one, the kayak one.

[Amanda]

Lux saw us rating our fast food and wanted to do it with me. Yeah, so we're gonna do that one. He loves, like, the rating things, but some of them are not appropriate, so I can't, like. I have to, like, be careful.

[Becky]

Yeah. Wait. Oh, some of the reading things aren't appropriate.

[Amanda]

Right. Like. Like the Kiss Mary Unalive. That one?

[Becky]

Yeah, that one's not appropriate. Like, you should do the bed one with him, too. That would be funny.

[Amanda]

Oh, my God. The snake one.

[Becky]

Which beds would you want to sleep in? I just want to also let you know. Speaking of Leah, we had agreed on a theme for the nursery, and it was really, like, kind of no theme. Like, when I spent all this time renovating the house, I renovated that room so we didn't have to do anything when we brought a child into this world. Leah's going through it. She decided that she wanted a whole new theme. She wanted to paint the whole entire room. I hate painting. Painting is, like, lowest level of things that I want to do in life. And so we got into it, into it a little bit. I said, I'm going to. Going away for a week. So if. If you want to do something, it better be done before I get back. Because she's also the kind of person that starts something and doesn't finish it, and then I end up having to finish everything for her. So she called in the squad. Natasha's there, my mom's there. Her mom's there.

[Amanda]

Because they're all going to help her paint this room.

[Becky]

Yeah, she showed you.

[Leah]

She said, I'm going to.

[Amanda]

She's like, your mom's coming? My mom's coming. Like, we're going to get this done.

[Becky]

Yeah. So I'm going to go home to A nursery.

[Amanda]

I love that. That's exciting.

[Becky]

I guess.

[Amanda]

Elijah has packed up all the stuff for you in boxes now. And I'm like, Becky keeps asking when she can come. So like, I don't know. He might have mailed it.

[Becky]

No, he didn't.

[Amanda]

No, he might have. He asked me for your address on what day is today? Wednesday. Is it? I don't know. All I know is he asked for your address, so he may have me may very well have mailed it.

[Becky]

Well, I still want to come there.

[Amanda]

Yeah, of course.

[Alessandra]

This show is sponsored by Better Help and we talk about therapy all the time. And we can talk about numbers too. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to 250 per session, which adds up quickly. I know because I paid actually more than that. And Better Help. Online therapy you actually have, you're saving an average of up to 50 per session with better help. You pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you a bit on cost and lots on time. I cannot tell you how many times I've had to take therapy from my car car while I'm on hands free because I literally do not have time to like drive somewhere, get to therapy and drive back home or wherever I need to be.

[Becky]

Yeah, we love therapy here. If you aren't going currently and you are even thinking about it, they can help you find a therapist. And it should feel like therapy is accessible. Right? It's not a luxury. With online therapy, you can get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you with anything from anxiety to everyday stress. Whatever it is you're going through in life, therapy can help. Your mental health is worth it. And now it's in reach.

[Alessandra]

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[Amanda]

I actually had my skims on when you FaceTimed me last night.

[Becky]

You did?

[Alessandra]

Yes, I did.

[Amanda]

I wore my skims jammies. I love them. If you love comfortable clothing and undergarments like bras and underwear, skims will solve all of your comfort needs and problems. Because I have gone from being a bigger chested woman to now being A itty bitty titty committee member and I love it so much and skims has been there for me every step of the way.

[Becky]

I still rave about the skims pajamas that I have. They are the best quality pajamas that I own. But whenever it's the new year, I always love buying all new underwear and refreshing my top drawer. I officially have the Fits Everybody Cheeky brief in every color. I feel like when my bra and underwear are matte, I am unstoppable. I didn't know underwear could make me feel so comfortable, so confident and so powerful.

[Alessandra]

Well, I love that for you.

[Amanda]

I also have the Fits Everybody highway stong. I was not wearing thongs for a long time. I hated the feeling of them. But now that I have skims Fits.

[Alessandra]

Everybody high waist thongs, I absolutely am.

[Amanda]

Back in love with them. So if you guys want to shop the skims collection, shop Skims Best intimates including the Fits Everybody collection and [e-mail] and skim stores.

[Alessandra]

After you place your order, be sure.

[Amanda]

To let them know that we sent you select podcast in the survey and.

[Alessandra]

Be sure to select our show in.

[Amanda]

The dropdown menu that follows.

[Becky]

Everyone's like, how are you not nervous? How are you not, like, why are you not, like, worried? I'm just here for the, like, along for the ride, you know?

[Amanda]

No, I, I hear you. I. It's, it's one of those things that, like, no matter how prepared you are to have a baby, you're never gonna be fully prepared. So I mean, being nervous I think is part of all of it. But also, like, being nervous isn't going to, Being more nervous is not going to change anything.

[Becky]

Like, does anyone know what they're doing?

[Amanda]

No. I mean, I was just having this conversation yesterday with Lindsay talking about how, like, the scariest part of all of this is that we won't even know if what we were trying to do was effective, impactful, beneficial, negative impact until they're adults. So, like, being nervous now before the baby comes, normal. Sure. Being nervous when the baby's here. Also scary because only now do I think about the implications of what, like, I have to raise these people to be good humans. You have like 18 years and really shorter than that because, like, things that impact them before they turn 18 is what is actually going to stick with them for life. Like, that is the scariest part. Like 14, maybe they say like 0 to 8. 0 to 8 years old here. Yep. 0 to 8 years old is what they're taking in and what they carry with them. For the rest of their lives. Not saying that they can't add or they can't subtract certain things, but like those things that are happening within the home, right, like with the nuclear family, husband, wife, wife, wife, dad, dad, whatever, whatever that looks like. Those sort of things in the home from 0 to 8 is what is carried with them. Obviously, like school and things beyond that is going to impact them in a different way. But like, the things that, you know, lux is almost 8, so using him as an example, the things that Chris and I are doing right now until next year are going to stick with him forever. And that is scary.

[Leah]

It's this. It's your subconscious that's what's being formed between 0 and 8. Because it's like how you're learning to process and, like, view and go through the world and as an adult is like, I'll literally be 34 in a couple weeks. And I like, everything that I do can come right down to that point in my life. I 100 see it.

[Amanda]

I have a little pressure. Becky, don't worry about it. No pressure.

[Becky]

No, I'm not. I'm honestly not worried at all. I like, dude, this kid has Leah as a mom. Like, Leah, 50 chance. It's gonna be perfect, you know?

[Amanda]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Becky]

I mean, I'm not that too bad myself, but I got a little temper. I do have a little bit of a touchy subject that I want to bring up, though. It's not a touchy subject for you. It's a touchy subject in the world.

[Amanda]

Okay, well, I'm ready.

[Becky]

So, like, speaking of kids, and I'm hoping maybe, because there's probably people that listen to this podcast that sit on the opposite side of the fence of that I do, and maybe it'll spark just some different conversations and some different. I was just like, what is she going to say?

[Leah]

Yeah, exactly. I'm.

[Becky]

I promise it's fine. She's like, am I going to have to cut all this? So I saw this TikTok the other day, and it was a woman who's in a queer relationship, and the school told her that her kids aren't allowed to talk about having two moms at home. And so this is. That's like my biggest fear, right? Like, that's my biggest fear about raising kids in this society and raising, like, being queer and have it and bringing children into this world. Because the topic of conversation always is, you know, when is too young to bring up to teach kids about, you know, sexuality or whatever that looks like sexuality is Such a triggering word. And, like, sexuality doesn't mean, like, sex. Right? Like, it's. It's separated. So the school had to have a conversation with them because the kid was in kindergarten. And so it was raising questions for other kids about that. Them having two moms and right there.

[Amanda]

Is that even legal for a school to tell children that they can't talk about their family life like, their. Their mothers?

[Becky]

I think it was a private school. And yes, I think, like, Florida has.

[Leah]

A law that says you can't say gay. So does Arizona. Like, you're not allowed.

[Amanda]

So if a child comes in and says, I have moms, what is the punishment? The parent gets in trouble or the mother or the. What?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Leah]

Shut it down.

[Becky]

Yeah. And so I just want to open everyone's eyes a little bit. Right. I understand that there's a difficult conversation about when the right time is for people to tell their kids about different people and how they choose to spend their life. But in actuality, the conversation affects people like me and, like, my kids and their ability to just speak about having two moms. And that is terrifying to me. Like. Like, my biggest fear is my kid's gonna go to school, and I'm gonna be in a situation where they're like, you can't talk about your two moms because Johnny's parents don't want to talk to them about gay people.

[Amanda]

You know, I just don't know what the solution is to that, because as someone who is in a heterosexual sexual relationship right now, it's man, woman. Like, I also won't stand for that. So I just don't know what to me, with my experience with kids and, you know, things that are said to them, like, they come home and they say certain things, and I feel like it's the parents job to monitor how they. Because, I mean, Lux just said titties for the first time, and I'm like, that is so inappropriate. Like, you're seven years old. Right. Like, but that's, like, my responsibility. He comes home, he says it to me. It's my responsibility to say, like, you know, whatever I'm gonna say.

[Becky]

That's terrifying, though, that, like, there's some parents that just don't think gay people should exist, that teaching their kids.

[Amanda]

That's what I was getting at is that for someone who has a child that comes home and talks about, like, you know, Sally was talking about her two moms, and it's like, if you don't agree with it, kids are resilient, and you can just change the Conversation and it'll be fine. But like there are people who I, and I agree with you, I'm saying like that's terrifying for me as someone who's not even in that situation.

[Becky]

It's like, yeah, for kids are so innocent too.

[Amanda]

Like, and what is the solution to that? But also I don't know where teaching.

[Becky]

Your kids that there's different, different kinds of families, but that can only, that.

[Amanda]

Only applies to the people who are willing to do so. Right?

[Becky]

Like that's why there's, that's why like people fight that there should be some type of education structured into, like there should be courses structured into the education system that teaches just like the purview. Not like talking about sex or anything like that, but like just bringing different aspects of families. I mean it's not just queer people either, right? It's kids that might have, be in foster care, kids that might be adopted, kids that might have a different kind of legal guardian and they don't have parents. It might be a kid that has a disability or a kid that looks different.

[Amanda]

Like okay, so classes to schools that talk about different types of families. Is that what you're saying?

[Becky]

Yeah. And at like there's different everything, it should be set at that age, right? Like how it's taught to them. It's not like you're going into a fourth grader and saying these two people can fall in love and have a family and have sex and blah blah. Like you're just going to them and being like, oh, Johnny can have two moms, Johnny.

[Amanda]

I think there's layers to it and I think before we could even get to that point, which it sounds like a no brainer, like just to have classes on this. And I think it makes sense to describe it to the children at the level that they are at maturity wise or their age. But I think part of it is that on one side of the conversation we have the, you know, the schools that are underfunded, the teachers who are underpaid, overworked, overstretched, etc, and then you have, you know what, you know, there's not a whole lot of funding in the schools already. So then adding the classes that would teach them stuff like this that I agree with you, like inclusion, equality, all of the things that's not going to be a part of the conversation I don't think for a long time and I think that's a big problem. But starting at the root of it is that like we can't even agree on what is going to be taught in Schools, funding for the schools, teacher salaries.

[Alessandra]

I'm having a hard time with it.

[Becky]

Yeah, I mean, and any book that would teach this would be banned, probably.

[Amanda]

Oh, for sure. 100 would be banned.

[Leah]

I'm wondering if we can have a child psychologist on here to talk about how to talk to your children about these things, because I'm wondering if it's a conversation that you're going to have with Bex and your future children. Children similarly to people who have children with like mixed children or like conversations Kale's gonna end up having to have with the boys as they get older about how the world treats them and how to, you know, react to those conversations and people who might not necessarily agree to keep himself safe and your children safe. And I know that that's a really hard thing to wrap, like, wrap your mind around. I truly can't imagine as a mom or like, becoming a mom, but I do think that that is unfortunately a conversation that children are having, like with their parents a lot younger because of the world we're living in right now.

[Becky]

I think that would be cool. I think that would be. I mean, it would be educational for me. There's a lot of things that I need to look into and read. I want to make sure that how I approach our situation is done with intention and done with education of, you know, introducing the term of a donor. Introducing. You know, my kid is going to have half siblings out there that aren't like raised with him as a sibling and things of those sorts. So there are definitely resources and books around that. So I would love to bring like a, like a professional and that could help us just learn the benefits of it. Like learn that also the benefits of like having conversations with your kid.

[Amanda]

But I've always. I don't, I can't. I don't want to say that I've had intentional conversations. I just. My kids have been exposed to a lot of things, positive to positively and negatively. But gay couples, queer couples, people in the queer community have just been a part of my kids lives since they were born. And so it's really interesting when it's hard for me to understand the hate for the queer community, when I don't.

[Alessandra]

Like, I. I have a really hard.

[Amanda]

Time with it because my kids have been exposed to. Exposed to the queer community since birth. And there just has. Like, my kids don't. They don't even really ask questions. It's just like a second nature. Like, maybe Lux didn't understand what gay meant. He thought that meant twerking and he asked me about it and I was like, so you. When you're gay, you twerk? And I'm like, no. Like, that was the COVID That was the question that he asked me. But outside of that, like, they just know. Like, it's just people living their life, like, living their lives. I don't understand why we're even having to have like these crazy conversations. Like, I don't. I don't understand the hate. So that's really what.

[Becky]

Yeah, yeah, it's. There's a lot of. I would honestly say out of everything, bringing a child into my work, into this world, that's my biggest fear is like, whatever they're gonna have to deal with or whatever we're gonna have to deal with. Just, like, because of the person I chose to love or like fell in love with. I don't want to say choice because, like, well, love is a choice, but.

[Amanda]

That'S a different conversation.

[Becky]

Yeah. Separate. Me loving women. Me loving a woman is not the choice. Me loving Leah is the choice.

[Amanda]

Right.

[Becky]

And like, what's just so mind blowing.

[Amanda]

To me, are you able to, like, look into the school systems near where you're at to see if they are, like, queer friendly?

[Becky]

Because I have friends that work. I have friends that work in this school system. And, you know, I think times have been changing a little bit for the better. I just don't.

[Amanda]

Obviously it's not like, just like a problem solver and like, if it's queer friendly, that means there's never going to be adversities. Right? Like, that's not what I'm saying. I just wonder if there is a way, like, I'm thinking of the schools around here and their school choice. Right. Like, I have just by a word of mouth understood which schools are more queer friendly than others.

[Becky]

We don't have that choice here.

[Amanda]

Right. But I'm just saying, like, for us.

[Becky]

Like, let me ask you a question. Do you think it would make this situation worse or maybe make this situation better if when we put Bex into school, I give out a book, Maybe an educational. Not in class, but like, call them, like, reach out to the individual kid, parents.

[Amanda]

No, outside of it. I think they'll be worried that that.

[Leah]

Would potentially make him a target to the parents and kids that that are.

[Amanda]

Would have otherwise.

[Leah]

I'm so. First of all, I'm sorry you even have to think about this, because it's sad.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I worry that it would make him a target and you guys a target for somebody who otherwise wouldn't have thought twice about It. And now they're like, oh, she wants us to have conversations about like, it would just be. I. Yeah, I worry about that.

[Becky]

Yeah. What if my biggest fear is like, they're like not having protection? Well, not. I have a lot of fears, like, from like even the teacher, if the teacher is someone that doesn't like that agrees with it shouldn't be talked about too.

[Amanda]

That's really scary.

[Becky]

I'm in a homeschool.

[Amanda]

I mean, we have a lot of.

[Leah]

Protections in New Jersey.

[Becky]

Yeah, thankfully. But sucks that you have to even say it.

[Amanda]

It sucks that we even have to have this conversation that it's just not part of.

[Becky]

I just, I, you know, I know that I talk about mine and Leah's relationship quite often, but like, it's just mind blowing to me that something that is just so full of just pure love.

[Amanda]

Question targeted. Hated having anyone be concerned about your. Like you. I would go out on a limb and say that you have probably a healthier relationship with Leah than a lot of heterosexual couples that are gonna go to school with Bex.

[Becky]

So like, I would guarantee that. I would guarantee relationship than every single couple.

[Amanda]

I would wholeheartedly that you guys have a healthy relationship with half of them. So, like, yeah, what is the fear here? Your child being quote unquote exposed to, you know, a same sex couple. Same sex, you know, parents and a child. Like, what is the threat? I don't understand. I don't under. Like, I don't understand it.

[Becky]

We're on the same page here. You know, when you have a pet, you love taking care of them because in their own way, they take care of you. But even if you're the best pet parent in the world, unpredictable things can happen. Fortunately, you can always give your care a boost with ASPCA Pet Health Insurance. We are no strangers to pet and vet bills. I have six animals in my house and we are constantly having to go in and out of the vet. And the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program offers customizable accident and illness plans, making it easier for pet parents like you and me to help your pet get the care that they may need. They allow you to customize your plan, helping ensure that your pet's plan is as unique as they are. Because vet bills can really add up, especially when you're least expecting it.

[Alessandra]

The ASPCA pet health insurance program has been around for over 18 years, and they've helped more than 600000 pets during that time.

[Amanda]

It's simple.

[Alessandra]

Use their app to submit a claim and you'll receive reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly to your bank account and to explore their coverage you can visit aspcapetinsurance.com K that's ASPCA pet insurance.com Karma again aspca pet insurance.com Karma this is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Ltd. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.

[Becky]

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[Alessandra]

Nobody does selling better than Shopify.

[Amanda]

It's home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so.

[Alessandra]

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[Amanda]

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[Alessandra]

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[Amanda]

You guys can upgrade your business and get the same checkout as places like Skims and sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comkarma all lowercase go to shopify.comkarma to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.comkarma.

[Kaitlyn Bristowe]

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[Becky]

Angel Soft. Angel Soft.

[Unknown]

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[Amanda]

So it's simple.

[Unknown]

Pick up a pack today.

[Becky]

Angel Soft.

[Unknown]

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[Becky]

Simple. What did you just. What'd you just put in your mouth?

[Amanda]

Neutrophil.

[Becky]

What's that?

[Amanda]

Hair growth supplement.

[Becky]

Are they a podcast sponsor?

[Amanda]

I don't think so. Not on this podcast anyway.

[Becky]

Okay. Yeah, so would love to hear. I mean, there has to be someone that listens to this podcast that might have been like on the fence of the topic or had, you know what, concerns from the topic. I'm curious to know other parents that are listening or maybe even if it's queer parents, what you've done or if you've been in a situation or.

[Amanda]

I would love to hear from, you know, anybody who is heterosexual.

[Becky]

Comment down below.

[Amanda]

Like, let me know if your kids go to school with someone who has queer parents. And how did you handle questions? Yeah, I don't want to hear from people that hate the queer community.

[Alessandra]

I don't want to hear from them.

[Amanda]

But like people who, you know, allies. Anybody like that. You know what I mean?

[Becky]

Yeah, but I do want to. I don't want to hear from someone that hates me, but I do want to like kind of be like, how, how can I change your mind? How can I, how can I make you like me?

[Amanda]

I think that's like human nature is like, we all want to be liked mostly, right?

[Becky]

Like, it's not, you know, it, it comes out of every, like, I don't really care what people think of me, but I, I do care what people are going to do to my kid.

[Amanda]

Rightfully so.

[Becky]

Speaking of overall growth and things, I saw this comment or a meme or a. I don't know what it was, but it said if you haven't recognized your progress, would you trade places with yourself from two years ago?

[Amanda]

No.

[Becky]

Isn't that like a mind blowing thing though?

[Amanda]

Like, I would not trade Spaces I would not trade places myself from two years ago. Absolutely not.

[Becky]

I wouldn't either. But that's what people. You can use that content to conceptualize and realize how much growth you've had. Like, sometimes it's really easy to just overlook the growth because you're just constantly hitting milestones, constantly reaching for that next target. Like, Becky. Today is what Becky dreamed of five years ago, right? Like, like, but now I'm still like, what's next for me? Like, what? Like, not recognizing those kind of milestones that you hit.

[Amanda]

I appreciate the circle of, like, the circle of people that I have around me, including you, Alessandra. You know, there is a group of girls within us that I feel like are always looking for, like, the next step. Like, where are we going from here? Where I think that the reason, part of the reason why I get a lot of hate. And maybe you've experienced this, maybe you haven't, but. But there are a lot of people who stay very stagnant in their life for whatever reason. And I'm not talking about financially reaching for the next thing. That's not what I'm talking about. I just mean, you know, maybe it's like, okay, I recent example, I posted a couple things, a couple. A couple weeks ago on my Instagram story. That was a regression in my progress, right? And that made me realize how far I've come. Wasn't worth posting, it needed to remove, it was deleted. Say all this to say, like, right? Like, like there I want to get to a point where I'm not having regression on Instagram, right? Like, I don't want to go back to defending myself on Instagram because there was a world in which I did that and it never worked anyway. So now I just keep my mouth shut and I don't defend myself usually to anything, right? So, like, the next step in that now the next step in work is like, what direction is Kale going? What direction is killer going? Like, I'm always looking for the next thing that we're going to do to your point. But there are people that I have in the past surrounded myself with that are just content with where they are, are, and they are doing nothing. And I'm not trying to. I'm not talking about financially. So please do not twist this just.

[Becky]

From mental, like.

[Amanda]

You know, in the workplace, better connections with people, you know, with. With more quality people. And I think that where I run into trouble with relationships in general and not romantic relationships, which is like relationships in general with people, friendships, etc, is like, they're content not doing anything with their life. Life. Like, they are literally content with where they're at. They don't see any, like, goals for their, you know, work. They don't see any goals for life. They're just content. And I don't know if that's, like, a problem for me. And it's not a problem for. They're like, the same people that will turn around and hate on things that.

[Becky]

Yeah, I think it's subjective. I think that if someone is content with life and is okay and happy and, like, continues to try to grow as a person, I think that's fine. But if it's someone that, like, complains and also is just, like, not trying to make their lives better, but just complains about how shitty their life is, then it's. That's just frustrating. Right?

[Amanda]

I don't even necessarily mean people that are complaining, just that people that I have surrounded myself in the past with that are just. They don't do anything. Like, they literally don't do anything. They'll do whatever it takes to get by. Do you know what I mean? Like, they're like.

[Becky]

I don't know. I. I mean, if. If someone's happy and isn't. Isn't hurting anyone, that's their own choice. But I do feel like there's emotional growth that's still needed outside of. Outside of those other options. I. This is gonna be so off topic, but I just looked at myself and I'm pissed. You didn't tell me I look tan.

[Amanda]

No, why would I. I'm not. No. Why would I say something that's gonna.

[Becky]

Alessandra, do I look tan?

[Leah]

Yeah, you a great girl, and I'm freaking jealous.

[Amanda]

Shut up, Alessandra.

[Leah]

She looks good.

[Becky]

Good.

[Amanda]

No, Leah and I told Becky that if she got tan, we would love her a little less. And then I agreed.

[Becky]

I tried. What?

[Amanda]

I said. Leah said it and I agreed.

[Becky]

Yeah, Leah said it and Kale agreed. I did try to get her to come to the doctor with us next week.

[Amanda]

I'm going to Turks and Caicos for a vacation.

[Becky]

Look at us. Vacation girlies.

[Amanda]

Vacation on two different.

[Leah]

Where am I gonna go?

[Amanda]

Damn, you're. Where are you at? Kentucky. The dirty South? Yeah.

[Leah]

I need to be somewhere tropical, but.

[Becky]

We should talk about that. You gonna Turks and Caicos or did you talk about it on one of your other podcasts?

[Amanda]

Haven't talked about it at all.

[Becky]

Because it's a big deal. It's. Well, it's almost your birthday.

[Amanda]

It's almost my birthday also. Third three year anniversary sexiversary. Rather. Something came up on.

[Becky]

Okay. This is your first vacation with Elijah.

[Amanda]

It's our first vacation together with no children.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

That's because we've been to Spain. We've been to Disney. Yeah.

[Becky]

But that's a big deal.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, we're excited. It was. He has had Turks and Caicos on his bucket list for a really long time. Probably before I even entered the picture. And so it was a good opportunity to go for our. I'm calling it an anniversary. I don't know what it is. And my birthday. So it worked out.

[Becky]

Are you excited?

[Amanda]

Yeah, I'm excited. I'm a little nervous just because there is so much that you have your tubes out, right? They're cut out. No chance of them growing back.

[Leah]

Thank God.

[Becky]

Yeah, thank God.

[Amanda]

I am a little nervous because there's just so many things that go on day to day. If I'm not here to like, oversee what's going on. Like, are people where they need to be? Are they getting to where they need to be on time? Things like that.

[Becky]

It'll be a good test. Thank God I'm out too. Because I don't want to know. I don't want to be around for the chaos of that.

[Amanda]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Because you know, you're like dnd. I actually have another question for you.

[Amanda]

Okay. I just never know where you're gonna go.

[Becky]

Well, it's something that I've been thinking about with your birthday coming up. I'm not a gift giver. Right. Like, I don't really like, buy gifts. My presence is normally the gift. Like I give people the gift of my time. Maybe it's because, like, gifting isn't something that's ever been important to me.

[Amanda]

Not a love language of yours.

[Becky]

Yeah. But like, Spencer is a gift giver, but his parents are also gift givers. So like birthdays and stuff. Like, he always gives like really cute and thoughtful gifts.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Becky]

I've just never been that person really with friends. Like, I just don't like. Is that okay?

[Amanda]

Yeah, that's. It's a. They're all love languages. Right. Like gift giving to me and, and receiving probably also at this point is like, I have a problem. Like, if you were to show up at my house empty handed, I would prefer that over you spending your money on a gift that I don't want.

[Becky]

I. I hate bad gifts.

[Amanda]

I don't like. You don't know me at all if you're giving me a bad gift. So like, to me, don't Even waste your money. Just come hang out and spend time.

[Becky]

See? Okay, at least we're on the same page.

[Amanda]

And that's coming from someone who. Gift giving is a. Yeah. Love language of mine. So, like, I'm not gonna.

[Alessandra]

I.

[Amanda]

We talked about this on coffee combos for, like, around Christmas time. It's like, please don't send my kids gifts. If you like. If you're just sending them just to send them and they actually like, it's. I would rather you not.

[Becky]

Yeah. Like, I like gifts that, like, I look. If I. If I see something, I'm like, oh, my God, this reminds me of xyz, then I get it, right? Like, like, or a sentimental thing, like a picture or something like that. I don't know, Leah. I give really good gifts too.

[Amanda]

Yeah, but that's different.

[Becky]

Yeah, that's different. But I think about it all the time because Spence. Spencey always gets me. Him and Amanda always get me something really cute for my birthday. Like, it's always, like, something thoughtful.

[Amanda]

I'm like, I told Elijah that I wanted to do a potato night, where it's all forms of potato. Like, potato soup, baked potato bar, french fries, chips. Like, I love potatoes so much that I would just. I want a potato night.

[Becky]

I can't wait.

[Amanda]

Tater tots loaded.

[Alessandra]

Tater tots.

[Amanda]

She's still going, like, just all kind cheese fries. That would be a good one. Like, the crinkle fries with cheese on.

[Becky]

Them I just had. Because I'm like, a content person now. I just had the funniest thing that popped in my head of like, like, you're listing them all up and like, it just popping up as, like you said.

[Amanda]

Potatoes. We just want to do a potato day. Potato night. A potato.

[Becky]

Is that what you're gonna do for your birthday?

[Amanda]

No, I'll be in Turks and Caicos. But if I were to ever have a celebration night, my kids, we're either gonna celebrate this weekend or the following weekend after my birthday, because I don't. I wouldn't have the older kids on my birthday weekend anyway because it's just the way it fell. So we're going to celebrate a different night. And I. I would love to do that because at least I know my kids also eat some form of potato as well. So, like, all bases are covered, right? Like, I get potatoes, they get potatoes. Potatoes they prefer.

[Becky]

You know, we all get potatoes.

[Amanda]

We all get potatoes. Like, I just feel like that's so simple and. And easy.

[Alessandra]

So you know what I don't miss at all? That vicious week before your period when you feel like you're crawling out of your skin and your skin's covered in pimples and the cravings, oh my God, we could eat our own hand if we could. And now it's easier to manage PMS with Estro Control. We've talked about this before. Estro Control is a formula developed by Happy Mammoth, a supplement company dedicated to making women's lives easier. Estro Control contains science backed herbal extracts that help support hormonal health, especially in women who suffer from pms.

[Becky]

The way that Estro control eases PMS is quite interesting. The ingredients help support the liver and that's where our hormones get processed, especially estrogen. So when the estrogen isn't processed while in the liver, women may start having PMS spots on their skin. They get cravings and feel low all of a sudden. Estro Control was created to help women feel like themselves all throughout the month because PMS can rob them a week of their lives lives every single month. And that is not fair.

[Alessandra]

No, it's definitely not fair. But Estro Control is made specifically for women who are pre menopausal, so it's perfect for women that haven't entered menopause yet. In fact, it's amazing for perimenopause when hormones are starting to fluctuate and PMS can turn into an absolute beast. For a limited time you can get 15 off your entire first order@happy mammoth.com just use code Karma at checkout.

[Becky]

Who doesn't love the good things in life? Even though I enjoy a little luxury, it doesn't mean I can always afford it. Until I discovered Quince.

[Alessandra]

I love Quince. Quince offers a range of high quality items at prices within reach like 100 Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50, washable silk tops and dresses, organic cotton sweaters and 14 karat gold jewelry which I love. I currently have a down comforter by Quince on my bed right now. I can post a picture and then I also have have the towel set the slippers. I absolutely love Quince and by partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes.

[Amanda]

The savings on to us.

[Becky]

I got some sleep sacks from Quince for my baby that is coming so I'm excited about those. But Quint only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I love that. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quinn quints. Go to quince.comkarma for free shipping on your order and a 365 day return. That's Q U I N C E dot com karma to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comkarma.

[Unknown]

Try angel stuff for your tushy. It's made by angel. Angels Soft and strong. Budget friendly. The choice is simple. A roll that feels like paradise and always at a heavenly prize.

[Amanda]

Angel soft. Angel soft.

[Unknown]

Soft and strong.

[Amanda]

So simple.

[Unknown]

Pick up a pack today.

[Becky]

Angel soft.

[Unknown]

Soft and strong.

[Amanda]

Simple.

[Leah]

What our girl loves potatoes and deviled eggs. That's why I sent you baked potatoes.

[Amanda]

Deviled eggs with potatoes is the meal of a lifetime.

[Becky]

I love deviled eggs.

[Amanda]

Me too.

[Becky]

I could live off deviled eggs.

[Amanda]

But we should do karma and chaos. Since we both love deviled eggs, we should do like a day of deviled eggs. Like, it should be like all the different types of deviled eggs. It's like the ones where it's like, does the deviling have mustard? Does it not? Does it have a pickle in it? Does it have relish? Does it. Are they de ride? Wait, aren't they having.

[Becky]

Next time we're in New York, can we do something with deviled eggs?

[Leah]

Yeah, but the last day we leave because I'm not staying with y'all farting up a storm.

[Becky]

When are we in New York?

[Amanda]

Next week, end of March. Okay, we will be in.

[Becky]

So hear me out.

[Amanda]

I'm listening.

[Becky]

I have a bucket list item that I really want to mark off my list. And I feel like you're the person that I could do this with with.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Becky]

I really want to try expensive caviar.

[Amanda]

Okay. I mean, I've had caviar in Europe in 2018 and I've never had it again. So I would be willing to do it with you.

[Becky]

Haven't you seen like Bethany Frankel, like, do all the caviar stuff and then like Rihanna ate it with chicken nuggets? No, you're not on caviar side of TikTok.

[Amanda]

Why would I ever like. What would possess you to even think that I would like? What is a caviar side of to tick tock? What? How many sides of tick tock are there? Because I'm still stuck on Casey Anthony having a goddamn tick tock.

[Becky]

Wait, are you on the Amish girl side of tick tock?

[Amanda]

No, I live in Amish country. Why would I go on Amish side of tick tock?

[Becky]

No, it's not. It's not the Amish side of tick tock. It's a like a 10 year old girl who has decided she identifies as Amish. And it's so fun, you know, we.

[Amanda]

Needed a chronically online person on this team, and you are that because. What the are you talking about?

[Leah]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I said we needed a chronically online gay, and we got one. The universe delivered us.

[Becky]

Alessandra, do you know about the girl that identifies as Amish?

[Leah]

Yeah, I do heard of her.

[Amanda]

Say time.

[Becky]

So if we can everyone comment down below and tag Bethany Frankel for. That's how you say her last name, right?

[Alessandra]

Yes, yes.

[Becky]

To let me know which caviar that we should get with.

[Amanda]

Who?

[Becky]

The caviar people. They do it on. On the line all the time. I've seen it on all over Tik Tok.

[Amanda]

Okay, I'm down. What are we gonna make an appointment or get me on the list. Put me on this. What is it called? Because I'll text PR Right now. Now.

[Becky]

Caviar.

[Leah]

We'll figure it out, babe. We'll figure it out offline, off the line.

[Becky]

But the thing is, I'm pretty sure this is what I've heard, and you tell me if I'm wrong. Well, don't tell me if I'm wrong, because I don't want your opinion. I heard that really good caviar isn't fishy. It's just buttery.

[Amanda]

I disagree. Unless I had bad caviar because it was fishy. It was like, first of all, all you think that they're like soft eggs. They're not. I don't. Like, there's a crunch to them.

[Becky]

Like, fishy things, but.

[Amanda]

And it's like a crunch, and then, like, the fishy oil comes out. Like, that is.

[Becky]

But I think you just didn't have good caviar.

[Amanda]

Okay, then maybe I didn't. Maybe I. And that's fair. That's a fair. That's a fair assessment.

[Becky]

Yeah. See, everyone wants to know now. They already told me, but I. I do want to maybe do just, like, find the caviar that Bethenny Frankel got, because then we could probably.

[Amanda]

She follows me on Tick Tock. Hold on.

[Becky]

Yeah. Yeah. Messenger say me and my friends want to do a caviar night. What's. Where. What's the best one that we should get?

[Amanda]

Is she gonna know why I'm asking her specifically? Yes. Okay. Wait.

[Leah]

I just love that you're like. You're like the chicken nuggets.

[Amanda]

You're like.

[Leah]

No, but, like, the caviar is. Has to be on the chicken nuggets.

[Becky]

Yeah, but that's what. Because that's what Rihanna did and she put it on the chicken nugget with a little creme fresh McDonald's. Yeah.

[Leah]

Oh well, Rihanna is my deity. You know that.

[Becky]

So I'll do it.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I'm messaging Bethany Frankel right now. My friends and I want to do a caviar night to for people that.

[Becky]

Have never had caviar. They told me that you're the expert and to know what to get because she did like a whole a bunch of videos on like it's not worth spending over this money, like amount of money for it and xyz.

[Amanda]

So should I say where do we go in New York, Mark?

[Becky]

No, I would say where's the best place to order from? Because it like we want to get it. Like do a whole setup so that we're not at a location.

[Amanda]

We'll film it for Patreon.

[Leah]

So subscribe [e-mail] Kalery thank you.

[Amanda]

Okay, just sent it Bethany Frankel. We'll be waiting for your reply.

[Becky]

I'm surprised you haven't had her on the pod.

[Amanda]

I think I tried. She probably didn't know who the I was. Now she will.

[Becky]

Now she will. Wow. You're making my dreams come true.

[Amanda]

You're welcome. I just want to say that Alessandra did get people to submit stories today. So thank God we have a write in today. Thank you to anyone who was writing into karma and chaos. Info@karmakaya podcast.com hey Kayla and Becky, longtime fan of you both and loving the new podcast. I know the topic of relationships, gay and queer relationships, age gaps have come up on the podcast and like you guys, I have all three. My wife and I have been separated for three years and there's a 25 year age gap between us right now. We are civil and we speak daily. We communicate about our shared nieces and nephews, friends, family, etc and of course the topic of us getting back together is thrown in there a lot too. We have given it a go to our marriage a few different times, but we cannot seem to get on the same page. We cannot seem to to put complete trust and faith in in each other again. And we crumble. And I'm always the one to leave. We come back together over and over and even if we say we're done speaking, need to move forward and file for divorce, We've been married five years this September together for 15. We have a great life together. We have good friends, a very blended family together and we have the same views politically, morally, parenting wise, all the things. But what drove me away was the inability to grow with her, the control she wanted and had over me, and the manipulation that came with it. I guess I'm writing in to get your perspective and adv advice as I'm always so torn on what to do about my marriage file and be done or find someone who may or may not live up to my standards or work this out with someone who in the long run has already lived life when I'm just starting mine, but may be the only person to love and accept all of me to her core. Feel free to come back with any questions, comments, etc. I am open to you reading this on the podcast and an interview if you have more questions. Happy reading. Sierra first of all, read the Let Them theory. That's my first and biggest advice. Because while it seems so obvious and cliche, there are things that apply to this specific situation where it's like you're saying that she accepts you to your core, but she clearly doesn't if she is constantly trying to get you to change and grow. Unless both can be true. But you have to learn how to basically keep your mouth shut and accept them or you need to get out of the relationship to stop complaining kind of thing. But it talks about in that book. You can listen to it on audio too. It talks about how to apply it to a relationship like this in order to make it work.

[Becky]

There's a 25 year age gap between them. Right. And so the person that wrote in I don't it's dude, my eyes started like getting wet a little bit when you're talking about it just because I just want people to be so happy and I want them to find a partner and that like can grow. 15 years is a lot of time to be with someone to to not see if there's opportunity for growth. Because I'm not saying relationships aren't hard. Right. Like I've gone Lee and I have gone through our own difficulties and our own growth areas. But 15 years is a lot of time to give someone the opportunity to kind of change and if they're not willing to change at all, doesn't really seem like that's it for me, you know.

[Amanda]

Yeah. But I think it's easier said than done. And we could give you advice all day until we're blue in the face. But I'm telling you, the Let Them theory will give you perspective on this. And no, truly, because it's one of those things. And I found myself thinking back to a relationship that I was always complaining about and then staying in Is like, do you actually accept them for who they are? Because if you do, you have to learn to accept them where they're at and either change yourself to influence them to do better, or you have to just fully accept them and basically stop talking about it. So it just gives you more perspective on that whole scenario.

[Becky]

Yeah, like, it's either you accept this and, like, you made that decision and you have to kind of figure out how you're going to live with that. Or.

[Amanda]

Yeah, like Mel Robbins talks about in a section of the book that she. She gives. Like Mel Robbins, basically.

[Becky]

Why don't you have her on the podcast? She's on a podcast tour right now.

[Amanda]

I'll try. She talks. She gives an example about her friend and her friend's husband, who. The husband is like, sort of wanting to lose weight and like, get healthy and start healthier habits. And you cannot change people or, or. Or make them want something more than you do. And so in the. The. You have to get people to think it was their idea to change, to grow, to develop, to do whatever. Xyz. Right. In order to do that, you have to be the one to do those things to influence them, to make them believe that it's their idea, when in fact it's not. It's like a collective effort. But then also, she talks about the husband and wife that she's friends with is like her husband. Her friend is never going to leave that husband no matter how unhealthy his habits are, because at the end of the day, she loves him so much, so she had to change her own behavior to accept that she is going to stay with him no matter how unhealthy his habits are. But, like, stop bringing them to him if she's not going to leave him. So she just talks about that. And I know that that's not sort of the same exact scenario, but it does give perspective on how to handle it. And so that's why I'm saying, like, it would be worth a list. It's a really quick list. And I listened to it in a day. Like, you really could just listen to it and apply what you can.

[Becky]

I also want to say that just because the two of you are at different places in life doesn't mean that you can't grow by yourself inside of a relationship. I think that was a big struggle with my, Like, Leah and I was like, she thought we couldn't grow together if we were at different places, which is not true. Like, you can grow differently inside a relationship. And so if you want to continue to live life a little bit. You don't need them to, like, be right by you doing that. You can do that by yourself and still stay in that relationship. So I think that's also an important thing to note.

[Amanda]

I agree.

[Becky]

I think there's potential here, though.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, I do think there's potential here. I do think. I do Wonder though, like, 25 years is a long time. It's not like we're talking about a 10 year age gap, right? Yeah, 25 years is a big deal. So I think also you could. Not to be cliche, but, like, could benefit from therapy and getting a neutral perspective because obviously Becky and I are going to have our own opinions. But if you go to therapy and just like, let them hear you out. I also think that therapy is a good tool because you figure out how to work through things before the problem hits. And so you already have those tools to become second nature before the problem arises. And I think that's a common misconception about therapy is that, like, people think, oh, we go to therapy and we talk about our problems and we leave. No, it's about gaining the tools and using them that become second nature so that you're able to tackle things head on when it arises. Right. Like, I don't know. For me, it was like learning this. I. What you see, what you smell, what you hear, in a sense, in a state of like absolute chaos is like.

[Alessandra]

Have you heard that, Becky?

[Becky]

No.

[Amanda]

So, like, when I was going through a really traumatizing time and I was like having a lot of stuff going on in my head, it was like, where am I right now? What do I see directly in front of me? What do I smell right now? What do I. To bring you back to right where you are. Right. Like, and you think that that is so corny and cliche and people say it all the time and you hear different variations of it. But like, when you practice those things that you learn in therapy and you're something like that happens. It got to a point where that is like my go to now when I'm in absolute chaos is like, those are the things that I remember to do because they became second nature. So I'm using that as an example. That doesn't apply to this situation, but therapy can help in that way. Follow the bouncing ball.

[Becky]

Preach.

[Amanda]

I usually come full circle with most of my thoughts. I hope that was helpful. It maybe wasn't, but.

[Becky]

But I think it was helpful.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Becky]

And I think it also just, just as important for someone who, if you're asking the question, you're willing to kind of explore different answers and explore just the thought. Even asking it in itself probably gives you, like, some opportunity to just look through a couple different lenses.

[Amanda]

Yeah, love that. Well, thanks for chatting, baby.

[Becky]

Yeah, one more exciting thing that I want to bring up. Thank you. If you've made it this far in the episode, but we have new episodes of for the Haters releasing and I just want to say that it was really emotional for me to get back on this train and get back on this journey and I am so proud of the work that is coming out. So if you could go listen and subscribe, that would mean the world because.

[Amanda]

Yes, just a reminder to anyone that's on Karma and Chaos, Apple, Spotify, anything like that, we should we do clips of of for the Haters on here as drops. But it does have its own show through Spotify and itunes. So if you guys can go over to for the Haters and subscribe on that show specifically, that would be a huge help and just amazing in general. And we also have Becky has a For the Haters Instagram page, like specifically for the haters. You can find Becky on beckyhater.com hater25. On all socials, we have a Karma and Chaos Instagram.

[Becky]

Karma and Chaos Instagram is thriving. I just want you to know, and.

[Amanda]

I'm giving all the credit to you. It's not to me. So we have a Facebook group, TikTok. Instagram for the Haters has its own socials. And we just would love if you guys subscribe to.

[Becky]

All of them would love that. And one more thing quickly. We did decide on chapter seven book club that we're going to do Red Rising Book Club at the end of April. Okay.

[Amanda]

All right, that is all. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Becky and Alessandra. We'll see you next week.

[Becky]

Bye.

[Unknown]

All right. I may not be as funny as Nikki Laser.

[Becky]

I want to pitch a series of, like calendars where men just crying in.

[Kale Lowry]

A therapist's office or punching a pillow.

[Amanda]

And working out their anger towards their dad.

[Unknown]

But I do have my moments. I actually have full conversations with the moon. Yes, I try to keep it pretty balanced on this podcast. A little fun dance between comedy therapy, self medicating. Oh, and sorry if you haven't guessed. Hi, I'm Kaitlyn Bristow, host of off the vine podcast where we like to just keep things loose and keep them raw and keep them real. Like when we have listeners call in and give confessions and then that glass.

[Amanda]

Of wine progressed into me becoming a unicorn for them.

[Unknown]

But we do. And I promise you this. Try to keep it honest and vulnerable. So jump on the wagon, not off. Grab your favorite bottle of wine, preferably spade and sparrows, and join the vinos. Have yourself a time. The off the vine podcast is available wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Amanda]

Very cool.

[Unknown]

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[Becky]

You can't outrun this.

[Unknown]

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[Becky]

We got you.

[Unknown]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream. Now pay.

[Amanda]

Never.