Let's Compromise

Summary

Podcast Summary: Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter – Episode: "Let's Compromise"

Release Date: December 17, 2024
Hosted By: PodcastOne
Title: Let's Compromise

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Introduction: A New Orleans Reunion ([00:11]–[02:13])

In this lively episode of Karma & Chaos, hosts Kail Lowry (A) and Becky Hayter (B) kick off with a warm welcome from their current location in New Orleans. Their banter about pronouncing "New Orleans" sets a humorous tone for the episode. Becky shares her recent experience celebrating her niece's 21st birthday, highlighting the joy and chaos of family gatherings in their 30s.

Listener Mail: Navigating Unmarried Commitments ([02:14]–[07:05])

The focal point of the episode is a heartfelt listener email addressing the complexities of being in a long-term, committed relationship without marriage. The listener, Carmine Chaos, seeks advice on whether to issue an ultimatum to her partner regarding marriage, despite sharing lives and children together.

Becky Hayter (B) responds empathetically, asserting, "I'm sorry, but I'm telling you right off the bat, he doesn't want to marry you" ([03:22]). Both hosts delve into the dynamics of commitment, emphasizing that marriage should be a mutual desire rather than a concession.

Key Quotes:

• Kail (A): "If you wanted to, you would. If you want to marry this person, you're going to marry them." ([03:26])
• Becky (B): "Men, I think oftentimes men see marriage as more permanent than the children." ([03:41])

They explore the notion that some individuals prioritize autonomy over formalizing relationships through marriage. Becky shares her personal journey with her partner, Leah, explaining how they managed their differing views on marriage by committing to an engagement instead ([04:09]).

Personal Insights: Overcoming Self-Sabotage in Relationships ([05:05]–[12:12])

Kail opens up about his relationship with Elijah, revealing his past tendencies to self-sabotage by focusing on minor flaws in his partner. He recounts a pivotal realization: “I was making every single reason why I shouldn't be with him... and then I realized... he is the person I want to be with” ([10:00]).

Becky offers perspective on trauma's impact on relationships, noting how past experiences, such as witnessing divorced parents, can shape one's views on commitment and marriage ([04:34]).

Key Quotes:

• Kail (A): "We don't argue about anything. We're not fighting about cheating. He has nothing to hide." ([10:52])
• Becky (B): "People that are products of divorce often have a harder time believing that anything could be real." ([04:38])

The Importance of Compromise and Understanding in Relationships ([07:14]–[09:21])

The discussion shifts to the role of compromise in sustaining relationships. Becky emphasizes the need for mutual understanding and the dangers of ultimatums: "Ultimatums don't work" ([09:03]). The hosts advocate for open communication and therapy as tools to navigate differences in relationship goals.

Key Quotes:

• Becky (B): "My suggestion would be go to therapy and figure out what the hell's going on." ([07:46])
• Kail (A): "I'm going to send this to the group chat. We're going to circle back on this." ([09:21])

Expanding the Conversation: Lavender Marriages and Modern Relationships ([16:24]–[18:49])

Kail introduces the concept of lavender marriages, discussing their historical context and relevance in contemporary society. They explore how these marriages serve as a facade for concealing one's true sexual orientation, citing literature like The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.

Becky reflects on the evolving nature of marriage, arguing that it's no longer a one-size-fits-all institution: "Marriage is such a weird thing to me in general." ([18:37]). They debate the significance of marriage beyond legal benefits, considering personal fulfillment and societal expectations.

Key Quotes:

• Kail (A): "A lavender marriage is a male, female mixed orientation marriage undertaken as a marriage of convenience." ([16:24])
• Becky (B): "Marriage is such a weird thing to me in general." ([18:37])

Building and Maintaining a Supportive Village ([29:49]–[40:43])

Transitioning from romantic relationships, Kail and Becky delve into the importance of a supportive social circle or "village." They discuss the challenges of maintaining deep friendships amidst life's chaos and the impact of transient relationships.

Becky shares her strategy for curating meaningful connections, highlighting the value of mutual support: "If we ask for help more from those people, then it's a give and take." ([39:00])

Kail contrasts this with his experiences in the public eye, where maintaining a consistent village is more complicated due to external pressures: "I don't think I ever did. I think I've had a village, but they were very different people." ([40:20])

Key Quotes:

• Becky (B): "Life's fucking hard. It is." ([47:57])
• Kail (A): "I have actually felt more of a sense of, like, community and village in a village with consistent... my book club." ([48:16])

Conclusion: Embracing Growth and Companionship ([48:16]–[54:41])

In wrapping up, the hosts reflect on the transformative power of relationships and community. They encourage listeners to actively build and nurture their support systems, whether through book clubs, therapy, or honest communication.

Becky teases upcoming topics, including revealing the gender of her unborn child and expanding their book club, fostering a sense of anticipation for future episodes.

Key Quotes:

• Becky (B): "I just want that for everyone." ([47:54])
• Kail (A): "Like, you're friends with everyone, but you're not really... loyalty or commitment to any of those people." ([30:56])

Notable Highlights:

• Emphasis on Mutual Respect: Both hosts stress that major life decisions, like marriage, should stem from mutual desire and respect rather than pressure or ultimatums.
• Personal Growth: Kail's journey from self-sabotage to embracing a healthy relationship underscores the importance of self-awareness and intentionality in personal growth.
• Community Building: The conversation highlights the significance of building a reliable support system, especially in adulthood, where responsibilities and life changes can strain relationships.
• Modern Relationship Dynamics: Discussions around lavender marriages and evolving views on commitment reflect the changing landscape of modern relationships, emphasizing individuality and personal fulfillment.

Conclusion:

"Let's Compromise" is a deeply engaging episode that navigates the intricate balance between personal desires and relationship commitments. Through honest dialogue and personal anecdotes, Kail and Becky offer listeners valuable insights into fostering healthy, fulfilling relationships and the importance of a supportive community.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Kail (A): "If you wanted to, you would. If you want to marry this person, you're going to marry them." ([03:26])
• Becky (B): "Men, I think oftentimes men see marriage as more permanent than the children." ([03:41])
• Kail (A): "We don't argue about anything. We're not fighting about cheating. He has nothing to hide." ([10:52])
• Becky (B): "People that are products of divorce often have a harder time believing that anything could be real." ([04:38])
• Becky (B): "Ultimatums don't work." ([09:03])
• Kail (A): "I'm going to send this to the group chat. We're going to circle back on this." ([09:21])
• Kail (A): "A lavender marriage is a male, female mixed orientation marriage undertaken as a marriage of convenience." ([16:24])
• Becky (B): "Marriage is such a weird thing to me in general." ([18:37])
• Becky (B): "Life's fucking hard. It is." ([47:57])
• Becky (B): "I just want that for everyone." ([47:54])

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of the "Let's Compromise" episode, providing listeners and newcomers alike with a clear understanding of the discussions and insights shared by Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Karma and Chaos.

[B]

What's everyone?

[A]

What's up, everyone?

[B]

What's up, everyone? Welcome back to Karma and Chaos.

[A]

We're both in New Orleans. New Orleans. New Orleans.

[B]

Yeah. You're gonna get dragged for how you pronounce that.

[A]

New Orleans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it New Orleans? It's New Orleans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, but it's spelled New Orleans.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Anyway, this is my favorite place in the entire world. I do want to preface by saying I have been in New Orleans for.

[A]

Three days, and you sound like death.

[B]

And so if I sound hoarse, it's because I've spent the past three days celebrating my niece's 21st birthday.

[A]

Yes. And I love that for you.

[B]

I love it for me too.

[A]

I got to go see all of your family yesterday. And Leah. And learned that three of your immediate family members also share a birthday with Rhea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So everyone was having sex on Valentine's Day. On Valentine's Day, we're like, let's make fucking Scorpio.

[B]

Not a thought that I want to think of.

[A]

Well, that's what happened for you either. You don't picture me having sex?

[B]

No.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I don't know. Because you're, like, awkward.

[A]

Because I'm awkward?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not because you wouldn't want to see me naked?

[B]

I've never thought about it.

[A]

Well, why are you lying to these people?

[B]

Actually, it's not that I've never thought about it. So you had. No, because I've seen you. You're like, Opie's naked. There was left zero room for any type of imagination.

[A]

Imagination.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I got a call to do the Gypsy Rose podcast interview. And she lives here in Louisiana. Yeah. Oddly enough, Becky was like, hey, do you want to come to Louisiana to celebrate my niece's 21st birthday? And I was like, wait a minute. Let me check the dates here. So we checked the dates, and the trips overlapped. So that's how I ended up in New Orleans the same time as Becky.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so we're like, let's just podcast while we're here. So if you guys want to listen to that episode, it aired on Friday on Barely Famous. Okay. So this was a write in from a listener of Carmine Chaos, and this is the first time I'm reading it, so we're gonna be shocked Together. Maybe. Hey, y'all. So excited for this podcast. I have never heard this talked about on any of the podcasts I listened to. And not sure if you guys can even relate, but would love if you could talk about being in a committed Relationship of going on six years, live together for five and have two young kids, three and two and still not being married. Even though I have voiced many times I'm ready for the next step and them saying they want to marry me. But money is an issue. Even though we share a bank account. I see the money. I know that's not really an issue. Would love some insight on how to navigate this. Do I really just make an ultimatum of marry me by this day or I'm walking. Even though I'm not really ready to leave, but I am unhappy about the situation. Plus I have two kids I have to think about as well as what's best for them. I would just hate to look back and my kids be of middle school age and we're in the same spot as now, you know. Thanks for reading. Hope you guys maybe talk about this on the podcast. Love you both. I'm sorry, but I'm telling you right off the bat, he doesn't want to marry you.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's not even where my mind went.

[A]

You. If you wanted to, you would. If you want to marry this person, you're going to marry them. You already have two kids together. The kids are more permanent than the marriage. Just marry her if you want to marry her, but you don't. Men, I think oftentimes men see marriage as more permanent than the children.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, because it's like contractual. Right. Like.

[A]

But they're dumb because children are here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're alive. And they are 18 years plus college and even further beyond that. So to me, the fact that a man is willing to procreate with someone and not willing to marry this person is like, I would not want to be in a relationship because I've done it where they truly are showing me everything I need to know. But I'm ignoring it because I want them to say, yes, I'll marry you on this date. Ultimatums don't work.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's more so understand like if they're. If she's happy in her relationship. This really, I don't think would be as big of an issue. I spent the first six years of my relationship with Leah not thinking that we were going to get married.

[A]

But you were okay with that.

[B]

But I had to learn to be okay with that. Right. Like, I always wanted to get married. That was something that was always important to me. And that's what caused a lot of fights in our. In our younger days of our relationship.

[A]

Do you think that that came from her uncertainty at that Time.

[B]

She's just a product of divorce. I think people that are products of divorce often have a harder time believing that anything could be real.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If your parents can't do it, how could anyone do it? And so that's something she had to deal with. But then it was something that I had to accept. It was either accept that we would never get married at that time and which was something that I wanted to do because a relationship with her was worth it. It didn't matter about marriage in the end.

[A]

I just feel like there were certain times in my. In these three years with Elijah where I have said that I didn't want to get married. And that was purely out of me feeling like I was giving up my own autonomy, my own independence, my own everything. And so I was saying it because sort of. Sort of like uncertainty. Right.

[B]

Like. Mm.

[A]

But then I realized that Elijah doesn't make me give up any of those things or like, hold any of like those things against me. If I need my space, he gives it to me. And so I realized, like, I don't know, like, he is the person I want to be with.

[B]

I just.

[A]

I. I don't think that you should be with someone who you have to coerce into Marion.

[B]

I think it's more.

[A]

He doesn't want to marry her. He doesn't. Period, point blank.

[B]

And. Yeah, but. And so maybe find a compromise too.

[A]

There's no compromise.

[B]

My compromise with Leah was, um. But, you know, eventually it was, let's just get engaged. We don't ever have to get married. And engagement was enough for me because there was a sense of security. It gave me a little bit more not purpose, but just this sense of commitment. Um, we could have. We. We got married because we started talking about kids and that was.

[A]

We.

[B]

We were engaged for four years. But I think the converse is a bigger conversation about these people are not.

[A]

I love you. Thank you for listening. But like, this is. You guys are not being honest with yourselves.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not happy. You're looking. You're. You're looking for security, like Becky was just saying. And the kids clearly didn't bring that for you. So why would a marriage. For sure. And also the marriage is not going to be more secure than anything because you can get divorced.

[B]

Yeah. I just. I don't understand stand men in general. So I don't know how they're minds are wired to think. But if I am in love with someone and it's something that's very important to them, as this person was saying right she wants to get married. That's what like that's a part of her dream. I find it interesting that there's no respect to the want to.

[A]

That she needs to be with someone who's going to love her and her kids unconditionally and want to marry her. Because there will be someone who wants to marry you if that's what you want.

[B]

There's also people that marriage isn't a goal of theirs. Right. There's people that never get married that date for 30 years. It's just about finding a person that you share those same values and so.

[A]

What are you saying? She should leave them?

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

I am leave them.

[B]

I can't. I can't. You can't just tell someone to leave a six year relationship with two kids.

[A]

He doesn't want to marry her.

[B]

Yeah, but I. It's just a deeper conversation. My suggestion would be go to therapy and figure out what the hell's going on.

[A]

They already have two kids together. I know, I don't.

[B]

Men are weird though. With. With commitment.

[A]

No. A man will know so early on if they're going to marry this person or not.

[B]

I. Then I guess that's why I couldn't imagine just pouring every my entire being into the person I love. Right. Like whatever you want. Yeah, I'm in. I'm down.

[A]

Let me ask for a man's perspective. Let me send this to Eli.

[B]

We have a man right here.

[A]

Oh yeah. How do you. What do you think you're married. He wasn't prepared to come on the spot.

[B]

Go find a man in this cafe that we're in.

[D]

Heard that before. And like a different example, same scenario. And I feel the same. Like he doesn't want lack of commitment is there. Nothing's going to change contract like it doesn't commit. So you either feel comfortable with that moving forward or if it's a deal breaker. Like you mentioned, there's compromise. If you can't compromise in a marriage, there's the circles. Right. Some things to compromise, some are non negotiable. And if this is one of them, then think about it. Make a plan, wait it out. Take a decision. Because everything's got consequences, man.

[B]

Preach. That was great.

[A]

She just needs an expert. She needs to have a com. I don't think an ultimatum is going to work though. It's not the solution.

[B]

But you don't want ultimatums in any relationship, right? Like that doesn't ever lead to any type of success or growth or just any other happiness. Ultimatums just Put people in bad like there. You need to understand the root of why he doesn't want to get married before you're going to have a successful marriage.

[A]

I'm going to send this to the group chat. We're going to circle back on this.

[B]

Speaking of marriage, are you going to get married again?

[A]

I am.

[B]

To Elijah Scott Williams.

[A]

To Elijah Scott Williams.

[B]

Are you going to take his name?

[A]

Yeah, I am. I like dropped a bomb on Becky last night at dinner. I was like, I, by the way, I'm going to drop my middle name, add Lowry and then take on Scott. He doesn't know that yet. I haven't told him, but I know he's so excited and that I think.

[B]

Just like you said it, I could have. I probably had border in my eyes from you saying it because it's just really beautiful to see you in a committed relationship that you want to be in and that you're happy in.

[A]

But you know what's crazy is in the beginning of my relationship with Elijah was that I was trying to stop like self sabotage the relationship. Like would vent to someone at the time about every little thing that he did. Every little thing. He could have said something out of the corner of his mouth the wrong way. And I was like bitching about it. And then I thought about it and I'm like, all of the, none of these things are like, I was like making every single reason why I shouldn't be with him. And then something like a flip, a switch just like flipped for me and I was just like, what the fuck am I doing? It was the weirdest like realization that, I mean just everything. It was like, I don't think he's good with his money. I probably shouldn't be with him. Oh, I don't think he's good with this. I shouldn't be with him. He said something wild to me. I don't think I should be with him. Like, it was every little thing. And then one day I was like, we don't argue about anything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're not fighting about cheating. He doesn't worry about me going through his phone because he has nothing to hide. He works his ass off. He is just like a good person. He comes from a good family. So like all of these things, I was like, what am I doing?

[B]

And that's on growth.

[A]

But that's so weird. It's like, why would someone self sabotage? K, you have no. And you're like a walking self sabotager. I know, but like, have you ever done that?

[B]

Yeah. No. When? Because you come out of relationships, and you bring those, like, traumatic things from past relationships to the next relationship. We've talked about on this podcast before of. People who are used to chaos often find true, healthy love, like, boring because there's hot drama inside of it, right? Like, it's. It's.

[A]

Oh, I was creating safe.

[B]

So people like you who are used to trauma and dramatic and toxic and chaos, you were creating it for yourself because you felt like something was missing.

[A]

It's so weird. I never. I never really told him that in the. Once we had, like. Like, a really deep conversation about our relationship, I was like, hey, by the way, like, I used to vent to this person about, like, everything that you did wrong. And he was like, kill. What the fuck? I'm like, did you do that about me? And he was like, no.

[B]

Did you watch that TV show, that new Kristen Bel show on Netflix?

[A]

I could not tell you the last time I watched anything.

[B]

It just. You're. The exact situation is there's a scene in the show where he's like, this guy that she's dating says something weird, and she went on a spiral of, I need to leave him. I can't be with him.

[A]

That was me. Yeah, but it was every little thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was like, if he. There was a time where he, like, I'm a Wawa girly. And he was Royal Farms. And I told my friend in the title, I was like, he spends so much money at Royal Farms. And she was, like, egging me on, though. Like, she was like, yeah, that you can't be with him. Like. And she was dead serious. I never told him that. He's gonna hear this podcast. He's gonna be like, kale. What?

[B]

Do you hear yourself?

[A]

I know. Like, and I'm like, why would he spend his money there? Like, you don't even get rewards points. Like, we'll, like, zoom into his location, and he's like, at Royal Farms. Or like. Or, like, Tractor Supply. You'll be at Tractor Supply all the time. And I'm like, what the are you doing? And he's like, kill. I'm not cheating on you. Like, be happy. You know what I mean? He's like, I'm not tracker.

[B]

I'm gonna get that man royal gift cards for Christmas. And, like, Royal Farm.

[A]

Like, no, don't get commerce. I'm a Wawa girly.

[B]

Yeah, I'm getting him Royal Farms. Mer.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Better Help. Cannot stress to you guys enough what Becky had said last episode, which is that the holidays can be really, really difficult if you're navigating grief or a really hard time in your life. And that is where better help comes into play. Because this is a fantastic option to sort of just get your mind right for the holidays. It can be a tough time for a lot of people, but even if you're not going through something crazy, and we all know how life can throw curveballs, right? Like, we want to be prepared for those curveballs with therapy prior to them getting thrown at us. So this is a great option. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to fit your schedule. So if you guys are thinking about giving therapy a try, definitely try betterhelp. You just have to fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. This is something that I've experienced firsthand in my own life. I have had appointments with therapists that weren't necessarily a great fit for me, and then I've had to switch. And sometimes that's just the nature of the beast. But in order to get your mental health on track, it's definitely worth it. I want every everyone to find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com Karma today to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp H L P.com Karma I know everyone loves the holidays, but shopping for everyone can be so overwhelming. But I'm here to tell you that Skims launched their holiday shop. I finally started to get into the spirit. I know it's so not kale esque of me to get into the holiday spirit, but Skims is the best destination for all my gifts because there's a few pieces for myself that I want, but also everyone can get boxers, loungewear, pajamas, everything Skims for the holidays. But your favorite part of the holidays is probably when everyone can be together. Because that's how I felt growing up. And thanks to Skim's Holiday Shop. I love that I can match Elijah if I want to, even the kids and my dog. But I have the cozy robe, which is so comfortable and snuggly. I actually think I have three different Skims robes. And I'm not even kidding, but it's pieces like that that make these days so much better. I picked up my favorite soft lounge sleep set from Skims Holiday Shop and I'm absolutely obsessed. I'll post the pictures of everything that I picked, but these new seasonal colors are perfect. The holidays. I love wearing it around the House. Elijah likes seeing me wear it around the house and I have definitely bought a few people some of these pieces for the holidays. And you guys can shop skims holiday [e-mail] available in sizes for women, men, kids and even pets. And if you haven't yet, be sure to let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show Karma and Chaos in the drop down menu that follows. Wait. Okay, so speaking of marriages though, we have to talk about this because I learned about lavender marriages.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Have you heard of this?

[B]

No.

[A]

I don't know who brought this up, but. So a lavender marriage is a male, female mixed orientation marriage undertaken as a marriage of convenience to conceal the socially stigmatized sexual orientation of both or one partner.

[B]

I lied. I have heard of this.

[A]

So basically it would be like a lesbian, a very.

[B]

A man like being. Getting married for safety reasons and for like health insurance and what the benefits that you get from marriage and just having. They're. They're not in a relationship though.

[A]

I don't know if you've ever read the book Alessandra the Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Spoiler alert. There is a lavender marriage in Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. It's a really, really, really good book, but I didn't know there was a name for it. So like it was in the book and was just being described, but I didn't know what it was. And so someone had to me recently about a lavender marriage and I was like going down a rabbit hole.

[B]

I would imagine that they were more popular back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When it was a lot less safe to be gay. And so because it's obviously gay marriage is also legalized as of a few years ago. So it's not as popular. I think. I think like friend marriages would are probably pretty popular now more than they were. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Friends getting married. But are there benefits beside outside of health insurance?

[A]

Health insurance is a weird situation.

[B]

Like you have to be in a very specific place where taxes are beneficial.

[A]

Or just maybe they're scared of coming out and they want to keep that private and so they marry their best friend to. Or maybe to have a family. In the book that I read, it was like they had a family.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm all for it if.

[A]

That'S like I don't care. I just, I thought it was really interesting because I didn't know there was a name for it and I didn't know that that was something that people did. Like I knew it was. I guess I knew it was something that people did, but I didn't know there was a name for it. And like a community of people that are in lavender marriages. But I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, I'm all for it. If. If it's helping queer people feel like they're like, safe but also full conscious. Like. Marriage is such a weird thing to me in general.

[A]

It's just a contract.

[B]

Yeah. And it's just it, you know, it's. I don't know, for. There's so much built around the idea of marriage and we just align to.

[A]

And it's. So why'd you get married?

[B]

And Leah and I had a hard, like a lot of hard discussions around it. Right. Because a lot of things around weddings and marriage are very heterosexual. And so we. It didn't feel natural, like, for us. It didn't feel like it was built for us. Marriages were built from contractual situations, from families. Right. It was met like men selling their daughters. That's what marriage came from. And so it's just a very weird when you think too much into it. Same thing as, you know, girls taking a male. A man's man's last name. It comes from that contractual obligation. I got married because, I don't know.

[A]

It gave you a sense of security.

[B]

So I was fine with being engaged for the rest of my life, but having Leah as my wife is like the greatest gift that, like, I don't know, she's like my wife now. Not that a piece of paper really changed. I guess it did. I don't know. Marriage. Marriage changed for us. I think marriage opened up. It like closed doors of chapters from our younger years and marriage opened up these new, fresh doors for us to experience, which was just like a really beautiful thing for us. So that I was. I would have married Leah the day that I met her, but took us eight years.

[A]

You remember when we went to the zoo? We went to the zoo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's how. That's where I met Leah for the first time at the Philadelphia Zoo. Yeah. You're like, I have this girl. I really want you to meet her. And I was like, all right. And then I had my ex girlfriend with us. I think Leah's here.

[B]

She's sitting outside reading.

[A]

Hey, Leah.

[B]

Nope, she's scrolling, she's scrolling. I got Leah to read fourth wing.

[A]

You did?

[B]

I did.

[A]

Becky is going to run a fantasy book club for chapter seven. Book club in February after Onyx Storm comes out. So if anyone's listening to this and is into fourth wing, Iron Flame. Which one's first fourth wing, fourth wing, Iron Flame and Onyx Storm. Stay tuned and we'll post the date that Becky's going to lead the the live.

[B]

Yeah. I'm excited. I'm excited. Leah's reading it because we were at breakfast and there was like a dragon on the wall. And she was like, everything reminds me of the book. And I said, yeah, that's how I felt. And I was going through it alone, without you. I tried convincing her to read it before. I want you to read it too.

[A]

I will. I'll get to it. It's gonna go on my tbr. I actually also got Elijah to read while we were in Spain. He read eight books.

[B]

I love him.

[A]

Eight books.

[B]

I love him.

[A]

And he read way more than me. He finished all the books that I didn't read yet. And I was like, what the fuck is going on?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I got him a Kindle.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Yeah, I got him a Kindle and he asked for it before he left. And I was like, no, we have to film it. And he was like, oh, my God.

[B]

Everything's constant.

[A]

Well, because like the. The lighting, you can read it in the dark. And so he's only reading heart, like hard cut, like physical copies. And so he can't read that in the dark. And I'm like, I don't want the light on. So I was like, let me get him a Kindle. And then Isaac asked for a Kindle because he's reading Good Girl's Guide to Murder. Like the series. Yeah. And he came into my office yet two days ago, and he was like, I think I want a Kindle. And I was like, oh, my God. I love it. Because he's like, I'm not in the headspace to listen anymore. And I just love it. I'm like, we're going to be a reading family. We're going to do all the reading things.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

You should create a book for Leah as a gift. Or have you already done it? No. Oh. My ex girlfriend did it for me. She, like, created the story. Our love story. It's just like a lesbian thing. Like. Okay.

[B]

Because I also have one. I actually just found it the other day. It was from, like 2016. It was our, like, for 2017. Our first Valentine's Day together.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I. I like, put it on the bed. I was. It was for when I was leaving for la and I, like, put it on the bed. I was like, read this. It was cute.

[A]

That's cute. That's really sweet.

[B]

It's such a lesbian thing. Wow.

[A]

Speaking of marriages and things.

[B]

Yeah. Speaking of marriages and. Do you think that I have my own opinions on this but I'm interested to hear yours first. Do you think that you could be too honest in a relationship?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I had a recent situation where something was said to someone. I said something to someone and they shared it with their partner and it was not favorable. And he said. He told me that she read it. And I said, why would you. Why would you tell. Like, why would you let her read that? And he was like, because she's going to be my wife. And I said, I just don't think that, like there was a. If you were gonna tell her there was a different way to go about it. And I think that he could have, like, sugarcoat it a little bit. I do think certain things need to be sugarcoated. And I don't think you have to tell your spouse or your wife or your husband every single thought that you have. No. And it's okay to protect them from the harsh truths when it is appropriate.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

Everyone's agreeing in this room. So I feel validated.

[B]

I. Yeah. I feel like I don't agree with you often. So it's a nice way to just agree automatically. There's one thing that I learned. I used to have this 70 year old, like Israeli and woman or something that was my therapist. Like this thick accent. She used to talk so much shit to me and tell me to grow up. And it was the best therapist I ever had. But one thing that she said to me that I'll never forget was sometimes you don't have to. Like, sometimes you just have to say things, but they don't need to be said to the person that needs to hear them. 100 so I think that's very similar to the conversation around. Right. If Liz doing something that's upsetting me or something or if I'm upset, but I know that those words to her will hurt her, then I can say them to, like a friend or you can write them down in a journal when appropriate.

[A]

Obviously. Because people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Listen to what we're saying and twist it or make it into something it's not. But I agree, Like, Kale's trauma is coming up again. No, it is because I. It's truly like, people will say what we'll say. This whole. We'll have this whole deep conversation about something and they'll take one line out of it and be like, acting like that was the entire premise of the conversation. It's like, I. I do think like what I was describing before was, you know, I had said so and so doesn't like this person and I wasn't nice. I wasn't really nice about it. And why would you let her read my. Why would you let her read what I said to you? Like she didn't need to know. I think that was a conversation between us. I told him that doesn't like her and the way that I said it wasn't great. He let her read that. Why would you like. To me that is a conversation between you and she doesn't it. My intention was not to hurt her. Do you know what I mean? Like it was for sure to tell you something and even though it might hurt you and it might hurt her, like you don't need to go back to her and tell her that.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like he should have protected her from that.

[A]

Right. The same way that like instead of.

[B]

Fueling it when like it like obviously like it feels a lot more than just a simple message like that. Yeah.

[A]

And like, or if I see things that people say about Elijah, it hurts me and I don't tell him about any of it. I don't want to go back to and be like, oh, did you see what so and so said about you? Like, yeah, we don't need to be too honest. And if there's something that like Elijah really, really loves and I'm like, I cannot stand it makes me cringe. I don't always need to share that with him. Like let him be happy about whatever things make him happy. Do you know what I mean? Royal farms. Like, like royal farms. Like I didn't need to. I mean I didn't, I didn't tell him about it. So now he knows and I'm over it and it's okay.

[B]

Yeah, no, I agree. I think that being in a loving, committed relationship comes with sacrifices and comes with compromise and comes with protection. I, I don't think that you should be hiding things that like if you shouldn't be hiding something from your partner that you wouldn't want them to know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But protecting them and, and no, I don't think that you need to tell them every single word. If someone came up to me and I don't know why, but if someone came up to me and like said something about Leah that they didn't like, I'd be like, I'm not going to tell her that because that's going to hurt her friggin feelings. But I'd also probably tell them to fuck off.

[A]

I was just talking to someone about GLP ones. And I know that it feels like every celebrity has easy access to these right now, but what about everybody else, right? These weight loss solutions are not one size fits all. So everyone deserves to have a weight loss plan that is tailored to their specific needs. So if you're struggling with losing weight and need some extra help, it's time to check out hers. Hers is changing women's health care by providing you guys with access to affordable weight loss treatments. Their holistic program gives you access to personalized solutions like GLP1 weekly injections that have the same active ingredients as OIC, Amovi and oral medication kits. And hers connects you with the medical provider who will create a personalized treatment plan tailored to your needs, which is so fantastic. And through hers, weight loss plans are more affordable with compounded GLP1 injections starting at just $199 per month with a 12 month subscription paid upfront, no hidden fees, no membership fees, plus your personalized treatment ships directly to your door for free. So we love that. We love convenience. We love free. So if you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, it's definitely for you guys to find the best option that works for you. Start your free online visit [e-mail] Karma that's F O R H R S.com Karma for your personalized weight loss treatment options for hers.com Karma hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. We go and OIC are not compounded. I just had babies. I love a good baby monitor. My friends are getting pregnant left and right. I feel like everything all these babies are taking over. Nanit Baby monitor is the absolute best baby product. You don't want to look anywhere else. You don't have to look anywhere else. This baby monitor allows you to see your baby from anywhere, anytime, all from the Nanit app. So this is a high definition camera that captures every cute little moment. Not only will you guys know that your baby is safe and sound, but you'll also never miss a milestone. So if your baby starts rolling over in their crib, your nanite will catch it.

[B]

As Leah and I start to think about growing our family, it's really important for us to have the right tools in hand for when we do and are lucky enough to bring babies into the world. I'm excited about using Nanit because it can track your baby sleeping. It'll track its sleeping patterns, their breathing and developmental milestones. You can Receive personalized insights and get crystal clear video to view it all.

[A]

The Nanny baby monitor is the MVP of Baby gear. It's the one baby item you can't live without. And of course, we have a special offer just for our listeners. Get 20% off your first order with code DREAM20. That's D R E A M20NANIT.com now. N A N I T dot com. Right. Well, because you don't need to. You don't need to be that honest.

[B]

Speaking of that, actually that just triggered such a thought process about. I was thinking about friends and like fair weather friends and.

[A]

What is fair. Wait, what is fair weather friend?

[B]

Like someone that like just kind of comes in and out like someone that you don't have a full connected relationship with. They're here for like a good time and just come in and out like.

[A]

A surface level friend. You're not like, kind of.

[B]

Okay, yeah, but specifically like a friend to all. Friend those.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

Like a friend to all. Right, if so, someone that allows people to talk shit about your other friends to them. I have a couple people in my life that always come to me when people talk shit about me. And it's always just triggered in my mind, why are people so comfortable talking shit about me to you? You know what I mean?

[A]

So that's a fair weather friend or.

[B]

That'S a friend to all? Yeah, like a friend to all is a friend to none. Right. Taylor Swift. So then you're honest. You're literally just friends with everyone, but you're not really, you're not friends with any of them because you have no loyalty or commitment to any of those people. You don't have any friends like that, or you don't have any people in your life like that?

[A]

Do I have friends that flow in and out when it's convenient? Yeah, I think I, I've definitely been that friend in certain seasons of my life.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

I think I'm that friend sort of right now mainly because I don't have the time to commit to any of, like outside of my core people. You, Alessandra, Kristen, Lindsay, you know, my core people that I talk to almost on a regular basis. I don't have the capacity. So I think in that way I am the.

[B]

This is different. It's different, right? Like, it, it's as like, it's who someone is as a person. Not just like a season, like a season of. Yeah. Of your life. It makes me feel really bad for, for people that live a life like that. Right. That there's just something that. About someone talking shit on someone in a room that they shouldn't be allowed to talk shit. Right. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, I'm having. I don't. I'm not tracking.

[B]

It's like, if someone came up to you and started talking shit about me, you'd probably be like, okay, well, I hope you'd be like, all right. Not the person.

[A]

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, for sure.

[B]

And so there's people that need the feeling of being friends with everyone and being accepted in every room, that they don't hold any loyalty to any of their friendships. So it opens this door for any. You know. Why is someone so comfortable coming to you to talk shit about me? Because I like people in my life that were always the people coming to me and telling me that X, Y, and Z person was talking about me.

[A]

I don't have a whole lot of people that have ever really come to me and said so. And so is talking about you. I don't want to know. I don't give a fuck. Because I'm more self aware than anyone gives me credit for. Yeah, I know when I'm not being a great person. I know when I've made really bad choices. I don't need someone else to talk shit to you about my shitty choices. The chances of me already knowing are like, I already know. You know what I mean? Like, I don't give a fuck what that person's sick. Don't give. Don't come to me and tell me that's funny.

[B]

No, I just. It just triggered. I was thinking of it about it last night when I was in bed.

[A]

That's so interesting. I've never heard of these, like, types of friends, and now I want to, like, make sure I don't ever fall into those categories.

[B]

I don't think you do.

[A]

Last week we talked about friendships, and I said that I can easily end friendships when I feel like they've run their course. And I came across a TikTok with a similar sentiment and I wanted to get your opinion on her breakdown of why. It's important, I guess, or appropriate in some situations to cut people off without an explanation. So I feel like you and I cut each other off very quickly with no explanation, but we didn't need one. We. I think there was, like, an unspoken understanding that, like, we are done here and we're done. So here's the tick tock.

[C]

I silently cut off my best friend of seven years, and here's why I did it. I did it Because I discovered that she really didn't like me for real. There was something that she said that put everything into perspective for me. So much so that like the last seven years of us being together flashed in a blink of an eye. And I was sitting in a car with her and I was just like, oh. Immediately when she dropped me off, I went into my car and I feel like she knew that that was the last straw. She ended up like contacting me a couple weeks later, talking about, like, girl, are you ducking me? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And I never answered. And I never answered because you knew what the fuck you did. You knew what the fuck you say. So my behavior and course of action that I decided to take after you said what you said, like you should already know, like I'm not. And at that point in life, I was also in my cut out time, like anybody could get it. And it just took like one little thing. And she said that one little thing that put seven years together. And I was just like, huh, you really didn't like me? And I encourage anybody to go no contact and fully coach her young because people know what the hell they be doing wrong. Y'all grown.

[A]

Would you ever cut off someone silently or would you give an explanation?

[B]

I think it dep. It's situational. I think some conversations are warranted. But I let relationships fall out naturally for the most part because I'm very good at reading people's energy, reading people's intentions, just really understanding about them as people. And I've like we talked about on our last episode, just being very aware of where my time, where my energy, where my love is going. And I've done a really good job of curating the people around me. And I've also let people go that it wasn't either reciprocated or maybe just someone just didn't like me enough. Right. You deal with that a lot. People might not like you, but they want to be around you because of what they gain from being around you.

[A]

So Isaac, Isaac actually brought. He came to my room the other night and he was like, you never told me what happened with so. And so I was like, I. I can't really get into it. And then he asked me like, what? Like asked me about my fallouts because he saw a TikTok like someone pointed it out like he can't keep any friends. And I had to explain to him that there are different reasons, like they're not always one sided, right? Like it's not always because of me. And you know I could say this until I'm blue in the face, but there are some, you know, people that I didn't necessarily end friendships with, but we just don't. We're not aligned anymore. So, like, for example, I made a really core group of friends when Lincoln was playing football for three years. And that was something. That was a season of my life where I was at the football field and I was on the board of the football league. So I had those people. And then when Lincoln said he didn't want to play football anymore, it was like, okay. But I didn't necessarily have a fallout. We just don't align. I don't see you. I don't go to the football field. And so, you know, those don't. That doesn't mean that there's a falling out or that we're not friends. It's just like. It's not really fair weather, but it was just sort of. It just didn't align.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was like, oh. And then I had to explain to him that, you know, our life in the spotlight has impacted our ability to have certain people in our lives or not have them in our lives, because people do gain. And I gave him the example of, you know, when someone borrowed money and then they went on a cruise when they got paid, and, you know, they did this and they did that. And I had to explain that to. I didn't say who it was, but he was like, oh. And so it was really interesting to, like, hear it and have that conversation with, like, a teenager is. He'll experience it himself.

[B]

Yeah. And it's interesting that Isaac's gonna start seeing a lot more stuff of yours pop up in his life, like, from, you know, on socials and stuff. So that's a whole nother situation that you're trying to navigate?

[A]

No. Well, he explained to me already that someone did the same thing to him, like, used him because of who he was. And I was like. And now I understand. Like, he just.

[B]

I mean, he's going to have, for sure, have to learn how to navigate through those. But you guys have a really great relationship, or at least he's honest and having those conversations with you.

[A]

I'm just glad he came to me about it and asked me directly, because it could have been, like, going to, like, his dad or something. And, like, his dad can't really speak on that because I don't. I'm not super close with him, so he doesn't know the inner workings of, you know, my friendships and things like that. So I'm glad that he came to me and I love him so much. I know you guys are going to hang out this weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to send Lincoln with y'all too. I actually just got interviewed by Cafe mom about this and having a support system, and I. What's really interesting is that, like, all of the closest people in my life I now work with as well. So it's really weird to lean on them for, like, lean on some of you guys for support in that way when I'm working with you, because it further blurs the lines of, like, I don't know.

[B]

I mean, the question. And I think it's different. Right.

[A]

For everybody.

[B]

Right. I personally think that as a society, we've escaped and pulled away from this community aspect. And I think that community is what drives people to feel a sense of security. So for me, I know if anything happened to me, if I lost my job, if I got put in a situation that I needed support, I have people behind me to support me through those things. So it allows for me to live a. A more like, I guess, safe life because I can make decisions and do those things knowing that I have people around me that can support. When Leah and I got married, we got married and planned a wedding in three months. That week before our wedding was put together by our village. Like every. Like my sisters, my mom, like our friends. Every single person was there building things, doing this task, doing that task. We wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

[A]

I don't have that. I do not have that. And I don't think that I. I honestly don't think I ever did. I think I've had a village, but they. Every milestone will say they've been very different people. I've never had a consistent village with the same people that would. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

[B]

And like, the village needs to be consistent.

[A]

No, it does. Because they were all fair weather friends. Yeah, they were not.

[B]

That's a different conversation, though. But I think it's okay to have different villages at different times of your life.

[A]

None of them were like. I think what you're describing is more of like a consistent village. Whether they're like, depending on the season of life, but it wasn't dependent on that. It was just what could they benefit?

[B]

You feel like you have a village now?

[A]

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[B]

Yeah. Micro. Those conversations get very difficult because once you open that door a little bit, you can't.

[A]

Yeah. So I just. I don't. No, I don't believe that I have a village.

[B]

I think you can work on building one.

[A]

I don't. No, absolutely not. I don't. At this point, the village is Elijah and myself. And then we have, you know, our child care. I don't want to name them because I don't want to like, go stalk them. That's like my dad, like, he's like my dad and his wife is like a mom to me. And they're probably my. Like, that's. But you know what I mean? And I don't know if it was just like divine intervention that they can't. They are in our lives. But like, it's even scary to include them in something because I don't know if they're temporary, even though it feels like they're permanent.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like you probably have a harder time with the concept of building a village because of all of the abandonment that comes from your upbring. So you relying on anyone is.

[A]

I don't. I don't think it has anything to do with my upbringing. It has. I think it has everything to do with being on tv. That is where it comes from. Because actually during my childhood, I had so much of a village that took me in when my mom wasn't able to take care of me. And so they were pretty consistent. And they were consistent for long Periods of time. Right. Like even before, like when I would move around a lot, the years that I was in place, that was my village or when I moved, those were the people. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think that a lot of the apprehensive of nature is from, like, my. My time on tv, like during those years.

[B]

Yeah, but when something we've always consistently talked about is your time on TV and what that. The kind of people that it brought you like that surrounded you.

[A]

The group chat has answered about the. The results are in. The results are. I don't agree with what Elijah said. He said. I said he doesn't want to be with her. Correct. And Elijah says not necessarily. He might just not be the one for marriage. Possibly not where he wants to be financially. I know if she gives him an ultimatum, buddy, probably going to walk. And then Twiz said he wants to be with her. That's why he's been there for six years and two kids. More than likely he's there for the kids and not for her. They may have been good at a point, but she's probably. She's possibly unreasonable. She didn't say she pays the bills or contributes. I'm willing to bet there's another part to her truth in this. I don't agree with either of you, counsel.

[B]

Fine.

[A]

But he flat out doesn't want to marry her, period. That's my opinion.

[B]

She doesn't want to be with her.

[A]

He doesn't. He's literally waiting for the next best thing. He's waiting for the next person to come around, and that is better than the woman that he's with, because if he wasn't, he would marry her. That's what that is. He doesn't. The kids are not. It's not because he's staying for the kids. He's staying for the next woman that he wants to be with. That's. I mean, period.

[B]

Yeah. Because I guess, like, you have kids, that is.

[A]

You are committed. You are committed. You live together, you share a bank account. All of these things. But for some reason, some. Some men really think that the marriage piece of it is the most permanent. And it's just so weird to me.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, marriage is weird. Yeah. Anyway, I want to go back to the village thing because I think it's. It's an interesting conversation because I think that life is better with people around you that can support you and that you can kind of go through things with and try and allowing yourself to have that is also a huge step for a lot of people. Because a lot of people have issues with trusting other people or asking for help. But really, if we ask for help more from those people, then it's a give and take. The whole entire ride. Life's fucking hard. I've said this a million times. Like.

[A]

Like, went into all this deep conversation, and you're like, life's hard. It is.

[B]

It is. Like, life's hard, and my life is made better because of the people in my life.

[A]

100.

[B]

And I just want that for everyone.

[A]

I have actually felt more of a sense of, like, community and village in a village with consistent. Like, this is gonna sound crazy when I say this. My book club.

[B]

I thought you were gonna say may.

[A]

Oh. Like, the girls that. Like, the people who are in my book club every week, like, they're. They feel like a safe space.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Isn't that so crazy?

[B]

No, it's not crazy at all.

[A]

Like, they feel like they've been consistent, and it's, like, so crazy. And I'm like, this is so weird. Like, some of the girls that I talk to, I feel. They feel like friends to me. But then it's also weird because it's like, this parasocial relationship. So it's like, you have to be careful. I know, but it's just not like.

[B]

You'Re giving them your Social Security number.

[A]

And, like, I would trust some of them with it, if I'm being honest. There are a couple of them that I would trust with it.

[B]

It was really cute, though, when I joined because it, like, you were. You were talking to people and calling people by name. I don't know what I expected when I joined. Like, you forced me to join the book club.

[A]

Video fall.

[B]

The one time I was, like, sitting there.

[A]

I encouraged you. I didn't force you. Gun to your head.

[B]

Okay, okay. But I called. I joined in, and it was really cute how, like, you. Like, you sounded like you care. Yeah.

[A]

I just love them. Like, they're so fun and, like, we just have a good time and they. I feel like we're on FaceTime. I don't know. It's so weird. It's like, what is a village anymore?

[B]

Like, a village is what you make of it, I guess.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Love that. Love the village of book club. Chapter seven. Book club. Thank you so much, ladies. Only if you're willing to be a part of the village, you can join now at Patreon. Patreon Kit slash Kayl Lowry.

[B]

Is that how you join the book club? Yeah, if you. If you subscribe to your Patreon.

[A]

You get.

[B]

You know, because you're talking about this now. You're. My mom's probably gonna.

[A]

I hope she does. I hope she joins. Does she read books?

[B]

Yeah, she. We. I just got her to read 4th Wing.

[A]

Did she love it?

[B]

Yeah, she did. Oh, I love that she didn't like the smutty parts.

[A]

But I'm not a smut girly at all.

[B]

So Leah really liked the.

[A]

She's like this. Do you like. You. Do you like smut books?

[B]

I never read a smut book in my entire life. And Fourth Wing was the first book I read that had.

[A]

Was it like. It's like fantasy smut? Like cartoon smutty. Like, what is it? Shrek erotica? How is Shrek Erotica cartoons? Fantasy is cartoons.

[B]

No, it's not. It's like animated. Animated? No.

[A]

Oh, I didn't even think of that as a fantasy.

[B]

This is about a dragon college. It's like Harry Potter. It's like an X rated Harry Potter.

[A]

See, I never read Harry Potter in my life. I've only ever seen the first movie and then like piece bits and pieces of the other ones. So I don't. I'm not super familiar, but I did watch a portion or one of the movies, like portions of one of the Hunger Games, and I really liked it, but I never went back and watched the film. You really should read this book.

[B]

Book.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it was my first experience. I really enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I really hate the word.

[A]

Oh, it's. Don't ever read Archer's voice. I hate it. Archer's voice. Oh, wait, if. Leah. Leah, can you hear me? If you like smut, read Archer's voice. They use the word a lot. Okay, well then you'll love that book. She's like, that doesn't bother me. Like, pulsing cog is just so.

[B]

Warning next time. I hate it. And my brother's girlfriend last night told me that there's lesbian fantasy books.

[A]

Oh, I'm sure I gotta read that. Well, wait, lesbian fantasy?

[B]

Yeah, so like this kind of style book, but the main characters is queer.

[A]

Oh, I thought it was like straight people fantasizing about lesbians. Lesbian fantasy. Do you see how I got there, though? I don't know. I don't know how this turned into book club. We're happy to be here.

[B]

Yeah, we are happy to be here.

[A]

I'm going to go fight with the group chat here when we get off this podcast because I just need them to know my Perspective.

[B]

Also fun news.

[A]

Oh, what's the fun news?

[B]

We get to find out the gender next week.

[A]

Oh, that's so exciting. Yeah. What do you have? What does your gut tell you?

[B]

I think it's a boy.

[A]

I think it's a boy. What does Leah think?

[B]

Leah think?

[A]

Leah, what do you think? It's a boy. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I don't care either way. Obviously, healthy child is all we could ask for, but I do feel like there would be some symbolism in it being a boy with my dad passing away this year, so. And then I. We want to use. Well, I'm going to keep that to myself for now.

[A]

Yeah, the names.

[B]

Yeah. We're not keeping up. But we don't know what we're.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I.

[B]

You guys can send in names, though. If you have any really great names that you love. Send me some. Some names.

[A]

Was your dad's full name Larry?

[B]

Yeah. So we can't really use Larry.

[A]

I love Lawrence. Lawrence, I think, is a nice, strong name. No, Larry is like, why would you name your kid that?

[B]

I don't know. I could. I don't know. His middle name is Stephen. So.

[A]

With a ph or a V?

[B]

Ph.

[A]

Oh, interesting. Isn't Hooked on Phonics so weird? Like, why would you ever pronounce ph with a V?

[B]

Welcome to New Orleans.

[A]

New Orleans. Oh, same shit.

[B]

Thanks for joining this journey with us today. It was a little bit chaotic, but I've been drinking for the past three days, and Kale decided to make me work on my drinking vacation. My mind isn't fully, fully here, but another great episode.

[A]

Chaotic. If y'all want to participate in Shrek Erotica, Becky will be listing out some.

[B]

New books with a part space.

[A]

Of what? Shrek Erotica.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Look it up. Great.

[B]

I'm sweating.

[A]

Becky will be leaving Fantasy book club, and if you guys have any recommendations, please submit them to us. We love you guys. Don't forget to follow and subscribe on Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcast. You can join Patreon for full video [e-mail] KayLlowry and follow Becky on Instagram.

[B]

Yeah, follow me.

[A]

What's your at?

[B]

Hater25h a y t e r25.

[A]

And then don't forget your website, beckyhater.com.

[B]

And make sure to send some baby names.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, we should do that. We should definitely pick from hat. Yeah. All right. Love y'all. See ya.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

I love reality TV on Pluto tv. Same. And I love that it's free. It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club. I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day. Survivor. I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv. Pluto TV Stream now pay never. Hi, I'm Lauren. And I'm Chandler and we're the hosts of Pop Apologist podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip, Hollywood deep dives, Real Housewives drama, and anything and everything. Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that a listers might mean more to us than each other. Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for pop apologists. Pop Apologists. Your new favorite sister and celeb podcast. Glad Shrink Feeling Pun so fresh. Glad Stretch. Let's drink with scents that take you back. Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said get out the chat room and clean my head. Stretch Feeling pine Soul fresh. The Glad girl group coming at you with that throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring trash bags featuring Pine Sol original scent. And that's better than all good. It's all Glad.