Love & Marriage & IVF

Summary

Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter: Episode Summary – "Love & Marriage & IVF"

In the insightful episode titled "Love & Marriage & IVF," hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter delve deep into Becky's personal journey through infertility, marriage, and the intricate process of in vitro fertilization (IVF) as a queer couple. This episode offers a candid and heartfelt exploration of the challenges and triumphs associated with starting a family in their 30s.

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1. Introduction to Becky's IVF Journey

The episode begins with Becky opening up about her struggles in 2020, where she turned to microdosing mushrooms as a coping mechanism during a period of intense suicidal ideation and anxiety stemming from past traumas.

Becky [01:09]: "This is not medical advice to anyone listening. ... I do not condone this work for me."

Becky shares that her exploration into psychedelics was an attempt to find solace and reprogram her mindset towards the present.

---

2. Deciding to Start IVF and Marriage

The turning point in Becky's life came in early 2024 when she and her partner, Leah, began contemplating the idea of parenthood. Their decision to pursue IVF was solidified during a fertility appointment, which unexpectedly led to their marriage in July.

Becky [08:37]: "Everyone always says that there's never a right time to have kids, but I couldn't disagree more."

Kail and Becky discuss how the newfound stability and connection between her and Leah made them feel ready to embark on the journey of starting a family together.

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3. Navigating the Financial and Logistical Challenges of IVF

One of the significant hurdles Becky and Leah faced was the exorbitant cost of IVF treatments, which initially amounted to approximately $25,000 out of pocket for each of them. The lack of insurance coverage for their specific situation as a queer couple compounded the financial strain.

Becky [10:28]: "Because IVF is not cheap."

Determined to make IVF accessible, they explored various fertility clinics, ultimately discovering Seed Scout—a private donor matching company founded by a lawyer and pediatrician who empathized with their struggles.

Becky [16:04]: "It's like you're just a number going through their clinic. You're not like a human, really."

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4. The Reciprocal IVF Process

As a queer couple, Becky and Leah opted for reciprocal IVF, allowing both partners to participate actively in the conception process. This approach involved both Becky and Leah retrieving their eggs and carrying the embryos, fostering a deeper emotional connection to the journey.

Becky [31:01]: "How beautiful is it that we get to experience this together."

They emphasize the importance of mutual support and understanding, recognizing that undergoing IVF simultaneously strengthens their bond and ensures they are there for each other through every step.

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5. Selecting a Sperm Donor with Seed Scout

Becky discusses their unique experience with Seed Scout, where they had the opportunity to personally select and interact with sperm donors, as opposed to the traditional anonymous donor process. This personalized approach allowed them to form a meaningful connection with their chosen donor.

Becky [22:37]: "The first one we met with, it was just like this instant. It was an instant connection."

This method not only provided them with peace of mind but also aligned with their desire for a more transparent and relational donor experience.

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6. Embryo Retrieval and Transfer Experiences

The retrieval process was intense and emotionally taxing. Leah successfully retrieved 17 eggs, while Becky retrieved 10. The subsequent embryo transfer resulted in Leah having 12 embryos and Becky securing one high-quality embryo.

Becky [41:05]: "Yeah. And not for nothing, we have been doing hormone shots for the past two weeks."

Becky shares her emotional response to the limited success with her own embryo but remains optimistic due to the multiple embryos Leah produced, highlighting the unpredictability and emotional rollercoaster inherent in IVF.

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7. Coping with Emotional and Physical Challenges

Throughout the IVF process, both Becky and Leah faced significant emotional and physical challenges, including Leah's difficult recovery post-retrieval and the hormonal fluctuations that left Becky feeling like "a wreck."

Becky [34:07]: "No, not from the retrieval, just from the things changing."

They discuss the importance of maintaining mental health and the fear of postpartum depression, especially given their past experiences and observations of friends' struggles.

Becky [49:36]: "Postpartum scares me that much..."

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8. Future Steps and Support Systems

As the episode nears its conclusion, Becky and Leah prepare for upcoming pregnancy tests and discuss potential scenarios based on the results. They emphasize the strength of their support system and their readiness to handle any outcome together.

Becky [53:14]: "I like being open about it because ... made me feel so much better."

Their openness about their journey aims to provide comfort and guidance to listeners facing similar challenges, encouraging honesty and seeking support.

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9. Insights and Advice for Others on the IVF Journey

Becky offers valuable advice to listeners considering IVF, emphasizing the importance of early egg retrieval and the benefits of personalized donor selection processes.

Becky [60:38]: "If you are someone that wants to have kids in the future, freeze your eggs. Freeze your eggs."

She advocates for proactive decision-making and shares her realization of the lack of awareness regarding fertility preservation options.

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10. Conclusion and Moving Forward

The episode concludes with Becky and Kail expressing their excitement for the future and their hope to inspire and support others through their candid discussions about love, marriage, and the IVF process.

Becky [62:24]: "We're excited."

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Notable Quotes:

• Becky [08:37]: "Everyone always says that there's never a right time to have kids, but I couldn't disagree more."
• Becky [31:01]: "How beautiful is it that we get to experience this together."
• Becky [53:14]: "I like being open about it because ... made me feel so much better."
• Becky [60:38]: "If you are someone that wants to have kids in the future, freeze your eggs. Freeze your eggs."

---

This episode of "Karma & Chaos" offers a profound look into the complexities of navigating love and marriage while embarking on the challenging journey of IVF. Becky's transparency and willingness to share her vulnerabilities provide a relatable and inspiring narrative for listeners facing similar life decisions.

Transcript

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[Becky]

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[Becky]

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[Kayl]

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[Kayl]

Head to paramountplus.com to watch now. Welcome to Karma and Chaos. I'm Kayl.

[Becky]

I'm Becky.

[Kayl]

And we're still working on this intro. I don't know, I feel like that was pretty good though.

[Becky]

I do too.

[Kayl]

So are you going to talk about doing shrooms?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Okay, so start off strong. Tell me about the shroom.

[Becky]

Okay. So my. And this is not medical advice to anyone listening. This is a disclaimer. I am not a medical professional. I do not condone this work for me.

[Advertiser]

I'm just doing it.

[Kayl]

I don't condone this. I'm just doing it.

[Becky]

No. So what happened was in 2020 I wanted to take a dirt nap, so I left.

[Kayl]

Your life and you turned to drugs?

[Becky]

Yeah, essentially. So I got super suicidal and like super just not wanting to be here. And I was like, I was like, what? I need to do something or my life is not going to be here anymore. So I think that it was 2020 and so I think mushrooms were kind of starting to come in to play a little bit. Like I had seen people talking about it on social media and so I decided to give microdosing a shot. Do you know what microdosing is?

[Kayl]

Yes. I don't know how to do it. I just know about like of it.

[Becky]

So I decided to start dabbling in mushrooms microdosing. And I went on two different cycles and it was crazy because the first cycle I went on in microdosing I started getting so tired. Like I was going to bed at like 7 and like I'm a night person. So I reached out to like a medical professional that specializes in psychedelics.

[Kayl]

There's one of those.

[Becky]

Yeah. Mushrooms used to be used as a preventative for like ptsd, for addiction. For a lot of things.

[Kayl]

I had no idea.

[Becky]

Yeah, it was like the war on drugs kind of just like, blew everything up. And so, like, there's a lot of studies behind the benefits of using psychedelics.

[Kayl]

I had no idea. I knew ecstasy used to be, like, for couples therapy and, like, bringing people back together, but I didn't know anything about mushrooms.

[Becky]

Yes. So I was like, is there something wrong? Am I doing this wrong? And they were. And they essentially were like, well, are you noticing difference in your thought process and in your wellbeing? And I was like, yeah. They're like, you're exhausted. Your brain is completely, like, reprogramming itself. So my anxiety came from, like, just overthinking of past trauma, like, things that I went through.

[Kayl]

Timeout. So when you're taking the microdoses of mushrooms, are you wise?

[Becky]

No, no, no, no.

[Kayl]

Because that's, like, the whole thing. I don't like the feeling of being high. I used to smoke weed all the time, and I hate the feeling of being high. That feeling of, like, I just never liked it. I did it because, whatever, it was cool. I thought I was, like, a badass.

[Becky]

Yeah. I'm not a weed smoker.

[Kayl]

I don't like the effects of weed in any way, shape, or form. So the thought or the idea of me being high is not for me.

[Becky]

Yeah. No, I'm not. Like, I've never been a weed smoker. I don't like weed.

[Kayl]

So it doesn't give you that feeling?

[Becky]

No. When you microdose. So, like, say it takes, like, a handful of mushrooms to make you hallucinate. You're taking a little sprinkle of it.

[Kayl]

To microdose, and it does what? Nothing.

[Becky]

The way that I explain. Like, I explain it is like when you take a microdosing and you have to kind of play with it to make sure it's okay for, like, right for you. You're like, shoulders. The weight kind of evens out. Right. Like, life feels, like, livable.

[Kayl]

Do you think differently?

[Becky]

Yeah. So for me, when I microdosed, it, like, reprogrammed my mind to think very presently. So if I found myself thinking in the past from microdosing, it brought me very to the present.

[Kayl]

So why'd you stop?

[Becky]

Because it worked. You don't have to continue to do it. You can go on cycles. Some people, like, if I started feeling super depressed, I would probably be like, oh, maybe I should go on another microdosing cycle. But you can do a couple and then cycle. I did mine for a month on you do, like, four days on, three days off for a month, then take a month off, then do another month.

[Kayl]

So you spread so interesting. I've never. I have no idea. I've heard, like. I actually think companies of, like, shroom companies sent me products.

[Becky]

Yeah. Legal. It's like, you can legally buy it now in places, which is cool. It's coming back around. It's like weed. Like, it's becoming more recognized as not like some drug, like, interesting in the same group. Yeah.

[Kayl]

I love that. I mean, whatever. Whatever works for any. I don't care. I used to be like, oh, my God, she smokes weed. Or, oh, my God. And now I'm like, whatever works for you. That might not work for me is just perfectly fine. I'm not saying I would never try shrooms. I just don't know enough about it. And I didn't know that that's what it was used for. I thought people were microdosing for hallucinate, like, to hallucinogen. I was like, that's really cool.

[Becky]

There's the fun of that, though, too.

[Kayl]

Have you hallucinated? Like, have you taken enough to hallucinate or. No?

[Becky]

Yeah. Everyone experiences their reality different. So, like, some people have visuals, some different strands do, like, different things. I'm not, like, a mushroom expert either. So, like, I'm not going around doing mushrooms every day.

[Kayl]

If you were, would you tell me?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Would you talk about it on the podcast?

[Becky]

Yes. It was, like, three years ago. I would have been like, okay, yeah, I'm doing mushrooms all the time. I loved it. I went through. But I stopped drinking from doing them, too. Like, I had no interest in drinking.

[Kayl]

Do you drink now?

[Becky]

No. Like, I drink.

[Kayl]

Like, when I. When we broke up, our friendship broke up. You love drinking Crown apple.

[Becky]

I still do. I enjoy drinking in moments of really enjoying myself with my friends.

[Kayl]

Like social settings.

[Becky]

Yeah, but not just social. Like, if I'm with people, I don't know, like, I don't feel the need to drink to have fun. Like, I really enjoy drinking when I'm with my two best friends sitting at a dive bar, you know? Or, like, us sitting here just drinking and enjoying ourselves.

[Kayl]

Oh, right, right, right. Okay. No, that makes sense.

[Becky]

Like, I don't go. Like, even when I go out to dinner, I don't really feel unique. Yeah. I don't drink as much as I used to, but also, I feel like that comes with age.

[Kayl]

Does it? Because sometimes it gets worse.

[Becky]

But also, I did Manjaro.

[Kayl]

Yeah. For, like, weight loss.

[Becky]

Yeah. I lost, like, 40 pounds.

[Kayl]

Did you lose your hair?

[Becky]

No. I did this two years ago probably, and that made me stop drinking. Like, I essentially, like, became sober because of it.

[Kayl]

And you didn't lose your hair?

[Becky]

No.

[Kayl]

I heard. I've heard horror stories of people losing their hair. Like, any sort of, like, rapid weight loss. You lose your hair or something?

[Becky]

It wasn't like, rapid, though. It was like, over the course of a couple months.

[Kayl]

Really?

[Becky]

Yeah. It was great.

[Kayl]

I think I'm gonna get on Ozempic.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

I don't know how to get it, but I will.

[Becky]

I know how you can get it.

[Kayl]

Okay. Legally, you're like, we're going to the underground black market for something.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Anyway, so we were gonna talk about. Okay. The last episode that we recorded, we talked about your dad passing away and not making it to your wedding and life. And then we. I wanted to ask you questions about your IVF journey because I know that you've been pretty open about that on social media, and I. And only. We're only newly friends again. So I want to know where you're at in your journey. How did you get here? And then I have very, like, sort of invasive questions that I have for you.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Kayl]

So the first part is you got married in July.

[Becky]

I got married in July, yes.

[Kayl]

You started IVF when? February of this year. So for your personal decisions on how you came to those timelines, how did you get there?

[Becky]

In the beginning of this year, I think things kind of started changing for Leah and I. We started really enjoying the time together, ourselves and being home. And I think with that, it made us just start thinking about, you know, it feels right. Like, now. Like, everyone always says that there's never a right time to have kids, but I couldn't disagree more. Like, I really feel like right now is the best time for us to have kids. We're both out of. Well, Leah was little angel. She was never in that phase. But I was always just out and about. I was always in a different place every weekend. I was always out hanging out with friends. I was always out drinking, doing xyz. I don't regret it at all because I lived my life to the complete fullest in my 20s.

[Kayl]

Yeah.

[Becky]

But the beginning of this year, we were just like, we're ready.

[Kayl]

So before the wedding, though, like, you didn't care that you were.

[Becky]

Yeah. So it was funny because we didn't plan. We weren't getting married yet.

[Kayl]

Oh.

[Becky]

So we went to our first. We started in February, March. We went to our first fertility appointment.

[Kayl]

Time out. I need you to take me back. Why did you decide to then get married?

[Becky]

This is where it's coming from. We went to our first fertility appointment and the doctor was like, why aren't you guys married yet? And we just, like, started laughing. We're like, I don't know. She's like, oh, like, you guys should just get married, like. And we're like, yeah, okay. And so we went home and Leah was like, maybe we should just get married. And I was like, okay, I can plan a wedding. I was like, when do you want to get married? She's like, do it sooner than later. Maybe it'll help with the cost of ivf. So that's what it, like, came from. Was like, should we have a wedding? We've been to over 100 weddings in our life. Maybe we can recoup some of our finances. Because IVF is not cheap.

[Kayl]

Right.

[Becky]

And so I planned a wedding in three months.

[Kayl]

So you leave the appointment and you're like, we're gonna get married and this is when we're gonna get married.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

And then also your dad passes away in the middle of all of this.

[Becky]

Yeah. Which is just crazy. All of it. IVF is the most unpredictable. Nothing prepares you for what comes with ivf.

[Unknown]

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[Becky]

I have. Yes.

[Unknown]

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[Becky]

Yeah. And you know, as we age, everyone accumulates what we call senescent cells in their body. Senescent cells can also be known as zombie cells. They're old and worn out and not serving a useful function for our health anymore. But they're taking up space and nutrients from our healthy cells, which is not good.

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[Becky]

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[Unknown]

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[Kayl]

You don't want your kids to eat these.

[Unknown]

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[Becky]

Can't wait to use them.

[Unknown]

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[Kayl]

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[Kayl]

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[Kayl]

So when you started this process in.

[Becky]

February, we were ready to be pregnant in February.

[Kayl]

Okay, but so you started the process in February and now it's October. Yeah, well, now it's November.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

And you're just now transferring embryos. But so what is the process from February to now? October.

[Becky]

So what happened was we went to a fertility appointment. They essentially told us that it was going to be 25 grand out of pocket for each of us. And Leah and I were like, we don't have that to just frugally just spend. We could take out a loan, we could borrow money from our parents and then I Found out that IVF costs are subjective to the clinic. It is not like, a nationwide thing. Like, you have to, like, price shop for ivf.

[Kayl]

Are you serious?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Wait, are you being dead ass?

[Becky]

Yes. And so when it's not covered by insurance, because, like.

[Kayl]

And it's not covered by insurance at.

[Becky]

This point of life? No, not. Neither of us were covered by insurance.

[Kayl]

Okay.

[Becky]

And So I booked four other appointments with four other fertility clinics which cost, like $300 each time. You do it, too, for, like, the intro, just to get pricing from other clinics. And so the other two other three were kind of similar in that ballpark range, but the costs were just spread out differently. Like, it was weird. Like, they tried to make it seem like it wasn't, but, like, the costs were just spread out. And then the clinic we ended up going with was. Was a third of the cost. That's why we went with them.

[Kayl]

Okay. And what did they ever give a reasoning for why their cost was different?

[Becky]

The company was built on hoping to get IVF affordable for anyone. I think that.

[Kayl]

Does that scare you? That scares me.

[Becky]

Yeah. So they don't deny people. Right. So like someone who has preexisting conditions, someone that.

[Kayl]

Oh, I see. I'm not. My mind didn't go there. My mind went to, like, people who should not be parents just walking into this clinic.

[Becky]

No, no, no.

[Kayl]

Okay.

[Becky]

It's like, medical reasons. Right. So, like, people, like people above the age of 35 have a harder time getting accept. Like.

[Kayl]

Right.

[Becky]

Like, there's different, like, barriers for ivf, People that have certain past illnesses, people that have, like, just low blood count or like, other things that come into play. This place doesn't deny anyone. And so I think that's how they get away with. Because it's like you're just a number going through their clinic. You're not like a human, really, so you're not getting a personal experience, but.

[Kayl]

You went to them anyway.

[Becky]

Yeah, because it was a third of the cost. Like, I mean, like $7,000 each. You know what I mean?

[Kayl]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Luckily, my health insurance changed in July, so mine is covered, so we only had to pay Leah's.

[Kayl]

Okay.

[Becky]

Which was.

[Kayl]

Which is insane to me, Right. In and of itself, because she works in healthcare. Healthcare, yeah.

[Becky]

So the issue is that most people have IVF access and insurance, but the way that you get there is you have to have an infertility diagnosis. And so to get an infertility diagnosis, you either have to prove 12 months of naturally trying or go through 12 months of failed IUI. Cycles. And so as a queer couple, like, we're not infertile. We just don't have the other part to do it correctly.

[Kayl]

It's not correct. Is a bad word to do it traditionally.

[Becky]

Yeah, traditionally. So that's a lot of the issue that, like, healthcare is based on, like, a man and woman. So the infertile diagnosis is really hard to act to get that. So that's a lot of the barriers.

[Kayl]

So you started at the other one in February, and then you get. No.

[Becky]

So we ended up starting at the other one a couple months after because we went through months of kind of figuring it out. Figuring it out.

[Kayl]

So then the next. So when did you start that one with that clinic?

[Becky]

So, interestingly enough, we didn't really start anything until a couple weeks ago with that clinic.

[Kayl]

Okay.

[Becky]

Because we were having issues with our donor process.

[Kayl]

Okay. Which is an entirely separate process.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Okay. So you did not go to a sperm bank where you get to go anonymously select the sperm donor, and he doesn't know you. You don't know him.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

You just pick based on the profile. Essentially.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So you didn't go that route.

[Becky]

That was the only option given to us when we went to the clinic.

[Kayl]

The one that I described.

[Becky]

All of the clinics. Yes. All they do is give you this option of the cryo banks, which is fine. Like, if that's what you choose and that's what you want, a lot of people choose that route. You want an anonymous donor, great.

[Kayl]

Not for you.

[Becky]

It wasn't for us. We just. We didn't feel like it was a personal experience for us, and we wanted more of a personal experience. And so luckily enough, actually, this girl Danielle reached out to me on Instagram years ago and was like, hey, when you and your partner are ready to have kids, let me know. My wife and I hated our experience, and so we created a company.

[Kayl]

Wow.

[Becky]

For, like, a donor selection process.

[Kayl]

I thought you were gonna say. She reached out to me years ago and said that we have a donor for you. And I was about to be like, becky, if you chose that donor based on an Instagram message, highly concerned.

[Becky]

So she's a lawyer and her wife's a pediatrician.

[Kayl]

Wow.

[Becky]

Very smart couple. Like, they just didn't enjoy the donor process, so they created, like, a private donor matching company.

[Kayl]

Okay.

[Becky]

It's called Seed Scout.

[Kayl]

Okay.

[Becky]

And so they essentially, they wanted the ability to create a relationship with their donor in whatever capacity they wanted. And they wanted to give, like, open.

[Kayl]

Adoption, but, like, with this kind of.

[Becky]

Because everyone can choose Differently, Like I could have went into that, into the interview. Because it's an interview process. Like you interview people to be your donor. Yeah. It's crazy.

[Kayl]

So how many donors did you meet?

[Becky]

So you start with about 60 given to you in like a, you know, like a profile, which is cool because it has adult pictures, kid pictures, family pictures, all the things, all the. All history and stuff. And it's funny because you get this packet and it's just like model after model after. Like just the best looking people you'll ever see in your entire life. It's crazy. And then you limit it down to six based on your needs. If anyone's listening. Going through a donor process, make sure one of your requirements if you have animals. We forgot to ask. Was not allergic to cats. So like we were going through this list of 60 and it was like, this guy can't work this because they were all allergic to cats. Because like, what if.

[Kayl]

Cause you don't wanna have. You have five cats, you don't wanna be. Okay, wait, so did you and Leah pick the same ones or did you go through different.

[Becky]

We went through. We definitely went through like different a little bit.

[Kayl]

Also, you're Greek, so did you want any Greek donors?

[Becky]

Yeah, so we wanted. Our requirements was above 6 foot, dark hair, light eyes. And then obviously medical history had like something to do with it.

[Kayl]

So I don't know if you know this, but before I had Rio and the twins, but after Creed, I was going to go through the egg freezing process. So I had started that at Rad Fertility down in Delaware and I didn't have a partner at the time or I was like back and forth with whoever. And so I started the sperm donor process and the one that I went through did not, like they were required. The one that I specifically went through, they were required to have a bachelor's degree and they had to have like they were rejected based on any crazy like, medical history. Yeah. So was it the same for you or. No.

[Becky]

Yeah, you can't.

[Kayl]

There's certainty, like no history of mental illness that what they were aware of.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

And then also like, I guess anyone can lie at anybody, but like whatever they said. And then also like physical illnesses and everything else.

[Becky]

Yeah, yeah, there's definitely like minimum requirements for people, but.

[Kayl]

But you got to pick based on like their everything. That is so crazy. So did you pick a Greek donor?

[Becky]

No, we picked a. He is Italian and German, which is like essentially the same as my jeans.

[Kayl]

Okay.

[Becky]

But it was cool. So we went down to six and then we picked three or two that we interviewed with. We met with the first guy and we fell in love with him.

[Kayl]

The first one.

[Becky]

The first one we met with, it was just like this instant. It was an instant connection. It's hard to describe. We were just so thankful that we met such a beautiful human.

[Kayl]

So did you not even meet the other?

[Becky]

We did.

[Kayl]

Oh, okay. But you already knew.

[Becky]

Yeah, it met. Nothing compared. Like, nothing. Nothing compared. And the thing that's also beautiful is that most of the men a part of this are gay men. And so they're looking to help other queer families.

[Unknown]

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[Becky]

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[Unknown]

And Becky will be doing that with her growing family. Get yourself and your loved ones the best gift of all. The gift of cleaning with Branch Basics. For a limited time only, Your listeners get 15% off and free shipping on their premium starter pack. When you use code BMND at Branch Basics, that's 15% off your order at branch basics.com forward/bmnd with promo code BMND. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. Get your Branch Basics this holiday season because cleanliness matters.

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[Kayl]

Do you think that being gay is genetic?

[Becky]

No.

[Kayl]

In any way, shape or form?

[Becky]

No.

[Kayl]

Really?

[Becky]

I mean, I've never thought about it too much.

[Kayl]

Oh, I definitely think there's a. There can be a genetic component. Component. In my opinion.

[Becky]

I guess there has to be like. I guess it has to be some type of chemical something. Yeah, for sure. Like there has to be.

[Kayl]

I mean, it wouldn't matter. We'd love him anyway, so it doesn't matter.

[Becky]

I'll have to talk to him because I don't know what. I feel like he would come on the podcast. I feel like he would come on. So I'll have to talk to him to see if he'll open up about, like, why they decided to do it. Cause it's him and his husband. They both do it.

[Kayl]

They both do it.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Wait, what?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

For the same company.

[Becky]

Yeah. But they've maxed out, so you can't donate to more than three families. There's a capacity, like a limit to how many families.

[Kayl]

So you're his third and or collectively three families collectively. So between the two of them, you're the third or three each?

[Becky]

Three each, yeah.

[Kayl]

And so do they have maintain relationships with all of their sperm?

[Becky]

They do. And then we get relationships with the other. We get introduced to the other families as well.

[Kayl]

Wait, so, but do they have relationships with the kids, is what I'm asking.

[Becky]

No one has kids yet.

[Kayl]

Nobody has kids yet. So they all got picked, like, recently?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So, okay, so then you just did the transfer the other day, like, literally a couple days ago.

[Becky]

So what happens after is retrievals first.

[Kayl]

Right.

[Becky]

So first of all, we went through a nightmare of getting his donation into our clinic. There's New York state tissue laws that, like, prevented us. It was awful.

[Kayl]

Why? Why?

[Becky]

I keep saying his name, come up.

[Kayl]

With a code name.

[Becky]

I must have said another name. But that's his husband's name.

[Kayl]

Anyway, call him Mike.

[Becky]

Donor. Donor.

[Kayl]

Donor.

[Becky]

Our donor lives out of state, and so to ship sperm into New York, there's only, like, certain clinics in the country that can ship into New York. Okay, so he had to fly somewhere to donate for us.

[Kayl]

Did you have to pay for that?

[Becky]

He was going for work anyway, so.

[Kayl]

He is so weird. I'm so fascinated.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So you're like, okay, he's going for work. Perfect time for you to also come in a cup.

[Becky]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kayl]

Oh, okay.

[Becky]

He's, like, literally the best. Like, one of the best humans I've ever met in my entire life. And so, like, how lucky are we?

[Kayl]

No, this is so cool. Okay, so.

[Becky]

So it took months. Like, months for us to get his donation into our clinic. And we couldn't do our retrieval process until his donation was in our clinic.

[Kayl]

When he does the donation, do they already start the process of picking the healthiest sperm out of the bunch or. They don't do that.

[Becky]

They don't do that until it gets to our clinic. But other things we had to go through. We had to go through legal process. We had to go through psych evaluations. We had to go through genetic counseling. We had to go through gene screening, making sure that our genes don't.

[Kayl]

Did you. Do I forget what it's called? And I should know because I've done it 100 times. But when I found out I was pregnant with all. Not all my kids, half of my kids, they did this thing where the first half, I don't remember, where they basically test me for all of these genetic pos. Like genetic disorders or genetic.

[Becky]

Or you're a carrier. See if you're a carrier.

[Kayl]

Thank you. The genetic carrier of, you know, X, Y, and Z. And then they test Elijah I came back positive for. I want to. I want to say it's called AMS or something like that. Where mine specifically is. Cannot. Like, my kids would not have it unless Elijah also had it. He did not have it. So did they do the same thing for you guys and then they also do it for him? Did he already have those screenings prior to all of this?

[Becky]

No, he did them for this.

[Kayl]

So he has to do them three times over for each family.

[Becky]

He can use them for all three.

[Kayl]

Oh, got it.

[Becky]

Okay. Yeah. But Leah and I both had to do the genetic to make sure that neither. Because we're using both of our eggs, that neither of us were the carrier. Same carriers. He only had. Our donor only had one. He was the carrier of one thing, so their livelihood. I was a carrier of two things. I have to read what it is.

[Kayl]

Wait, I wonder if we have the same.

[Becky]

There's like 400, 500 different things. You can be a carrier of my thing that I was a carrier of. If I have it and the donor had it. There was a one in four chance if we had a. If I had a boy, that they would have a micropenis.

[Kayl]

You're lying.

[Becky]

I swear to God, it like literally says it in the. I was like, oh, I didn't even know.

[Kayl]

You're lying.

[Becky]

I'm not lying.

[Kayl]

That's not real.

[Becky]

Yeah, it is. I'll literally show you the.

[Kayl]

That's not real.

[Becky]

Yeah, it is.

[Kayl]

Wait, I mean, we need to go back because I also would love to know what the decision making process was for you and Leah to go through this at the same time.

[Becky]

Yeah. So a lot of people don't choose that and a lot. And honestly, my mind has, like, been different a million times throughout this process. I never intended to be pregnant ever in my entire life. That was never. I never felt called to do it. I never felt like I'd miss out if I never experienced it. But when we started this process and started speaking to it, the initial. The way that we were going to do it was I was going to get my. Like, use my eggs first, and she would carry. So she would carry my eggs first. And so when we got deeper into the process, she was like, but what if this is the only child I can carry? Like, what if something. What if something happens and this is the only child I can carry and then I'll never be able to use my eggs for anything. Which is valid, right? Like, yeah, you know, she's always imagined carrying her like her own, which I understand. So I was like, I'll carry yours. She was like, what? I was like, that sounds amazing. Like, I get to be a part of you. Like, that's like, I get to carry your egg. Like, I don't care about carrying my own, but carrying yours, like, that's an honor. Like, I would love to do that.

[Kayl]

She was saying that about your eggs.

[Becky]

I was saying that about hers. Oh, wow. Yeah.

[Kayl]

So you were like, I'll do it.

[Becky]

Yeah, I was like, I'll do it. And so that's where we. Like, that's the route we just kind of just started to go down.

[Kayl]

But then you also decided it wasn't like, okay, we're gonna retrieve eggs from you. Retrieve eggs from her, and then do the processes at separate times. You decided to also transfer the embryos at the same time.

[Becky]

We did everything at the same time.

[Kayl]

But what was the decision for that? Like, how did you get to that?

[Becky]

Well, in the eight and a half years, nine, whatever years we've been together, our periods have never matched up. We've never been synced. A couple months ago, our periods decide to sink. So IVF is very. Based on your. Like, your cycle. Your cycle. And so when. Right when our donor's shipment got there, we were able to schedule our retrievals. And our retrievals were. Our period was happening within two weeks, so everything just started happening really fast out of nowhere. So my period actually ended up coming five days early, which is crazy. And Leah's was supposed to come.

[Kayl]

It was wild, like, divine timing.

[Becky]

Yeah. I had to go out on birth control for two days, though, to slow my. To stop my period, to wait for hers. And then we were literally on the same cycle going to monitoring together. But no one prepares you for, like, the two weeks of shots, the two weeks of medicine, the two weeks of monitoring, the retrieval process, and then just, like, the emotional baggage. I don't even think I was prepared, and I'm a pretty prepared person.

[Kayl]

From in what way? You mean, like, you got really emotional? You got.

[Becky]

No, no, no, no. Not from the retri. Just from the things changing. Right. We went in for our retrievals, and we expected, you know, everything to go fine, and everything didn't go as planned. Leah had a really bad, like, recovery process after the retrieval.

[Kayl]

Because of the anesthesia or just in general?

[Becky]

No, she had, like, fluid buildup and was in, like, a lot of. And was in a lot of pain and, like, almost made me bring her to the hospital, like, afterwards.

[Kayl]

So y'all got put to sleep. Y'all both did the retrieval. She did not Handle that?

[Becky]

Well, no, she had a really bad recovery. And then the day after, you're coming down off of all of these hormones, and you're switching from these five medicines to these seven medicines or whatever it is. So you're switching from prepping your body for retrieval to prepping your body for transfers. So everything's just kind of out of whack. And so the next day, you find out how many eggs you get. And so that was. That was a really hard day for me because.

[Kayl]

And this was just a couple days ago, so. Like, within the last week.

[Becky]

Yeah. This was a couple weeks ago.

[Kayl]

No, well, in real time. It was a couple days ago. When you guys get this episode, it will have been a couple weeks ago, but in real time as I'm sitting with you on the couch. This happened last week?

[Becky]

Yes, this happened last week. And so the day after, we found Leah had how many? She had, like, 18. 17. 17 eggs.

[Kayl]

Y'all texted. You texted me saying 17.

[Becky]

She had 17 eggs, and I had 10 eggs, which weren't that bad. Like, that was fine. That was an okay. I was like, oh, you know, makes sense. Leah's five years younger. Blah, blah.

[Kayl]

What is a typical number of eggs?

[Becky]

I guess it, like, changes. Like, everything is, like, different. Like, there's no tell for how many eggs are gonna come.

[Kayl]

Oh, okay.

[Becky]

What do they look like?

[Kayl]

Did you see them?

[Becky]

No. They're, like, really tiny.

[Kayl]

Really?

[Becky]

Yeah. Like microscopic.

[Kayl]

No way.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Like, microscopic, though.

[Becky]

Yeah, they're really, like, you can't, like, see them.

[Kayl]

Do they look like, like fish? Like tad. Like, before tadpoles are born?

[Becky]

I don't think you can see them, like, with a bare eye.

[Kayl]

Really?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a [e-mail] mamadrama to get on your way to feeling your best self. We have cried a lot in the recordings of karma and chaos. And so we encourage you guys all to take a second and consider therapy, because we have both benefited from therapy in so many ways.

[Becky]

In my own personal journey through the darkest times of my life, I have always leaned on therapy to help me get through them. And I can't stress enough. If you are in the position of needing help, you should definitely give BetterHelp a try.

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[Kayl]

You just have to film out a.

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Brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if you're anything like me, you won't match with the first second or third one. Sometimes it just takes a chance to get to know your therapist and decide if it's a good fit for you. So you guys can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Let the gratitude flow with better help. Visit betterhelp.commamadrama today to get 10% off your first month. That's better. Help hp.commama drama uncover one of history's.

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[Kayl]

Okay, so you, you guys both go through it. She has a really hard time with the entire. The entire process of egg retrieval.

[Becky]

We were fine though, right?

[Kayl]

She gets 17, you get 10.

[Becky]

Yeah, we were fine. I don't want to scare people in. She had a bad like after the retrieval, but whole process would do it again. Right. Right. We were fine. We. We were fine together.

[Kayl]

Did you have to take Clomid before the. Or any sort of like egg like stimulator?

[Becky]

Yeah, we had to take a lot. We were taking like belly shots twice a day.

[Kayl]

Well, I gave you a shot. The shot that I gave you was.

[Becky]

Was to help prepare to stimulate for retrieval.

[Kayl]

Do they stimulate your egg making process before retrieval?

[Becky]

What do you mean?

[Kayl]

Like, do they. Because I think there's something called Clomid. When I was going through the process.

[Becky]

There'S a bunch of different meds.

[Kayl]

The one that they were going to give me, which I never started, was called Clomid and that was. I think that was to like produce eggs.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Or something so that they were able to retrieve more. So anyway okay, so you don't remember. And then you had the 10 eggs, and then what happens? So you guys recover the next day or two? Mostly, yeah.

[Becky]

So you recover the next day, actually. You find out how many eggs you have right after when you wake up, they tell you how many eggs they got, and then the next day they call and tell you how many embryos there are. And so that's when.

[Kayl]

So they already do, like, overnight, they're mixing the sperm with the egg right away?

[Becky]

Exactly, yeah.

[Kayl]

Okay, and then what happened?

[Becky]

And then. So Leah came back with 12 embryos, and I came back with one.

[Kayl]

12?

[Becky]

Yeah. She thought it was 10, but now.

[Kayl]

It'S 12 because they mature, some of them. Okay, so she's got 12.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So you had one out of one.

[Becky]

Yeah. And so I went through. I was, like, crying all day, and it was like, a weird feeling because I was just sad. I was sad that, you know, for the past eight, nine months, I was. That's what I thought of. Not that it was zero. I still had. I still have one chance, but what is the likelihood of that? And it was just a really emotional process for me because I had to change my thought process. Like, I had to change my mind.

[Kayl]

Like, you went from not really expecting to ever get pregnant in the first place to now you are going to go through this process to, you know, you didn't necessarily care if it was your egg. You just cared that you were going to carry Leah's eggs. And so then it. It was like, okay, well, now I do have a chance for my egg to go in Leah, but now I only have one. So I can imagine that the rollercoaster that. That puts you on.

[Becky]

Yeah. And not for nothing, we have been doing hormone shots for the past two weeks. So I was just. I was a mess. I was like a wreck. And then I just. Me and Leah spoke through it, and I just. I was. I just said I would have been happy with adopting a kid and I would have loved that child, like, no matter what. No matter what.

[Kayl]

Right.

[Becky]

So if we need to use. We have 12 healthy embryos that she produced. We're lucky. Right?

[Kayl]

So y'all both could carry them, essentially.

[Becky]

Yeah. But not for nothing, there's still the chance I produced one embryo. And it was a good graded embryo, too. It wasn't like, a bad grade. Embryos are graded after, like, in what way? So they're given a number and then two letters. So like A4AA, I think, is the best. It was A4BA, which is really good. So.

[Kayl]

Wow. That's very. I didn't know that that's how it happened. So are hers all good grade? Like, all of her?

[Becky]

No, no, she has a lot of good graded ones, but some of them are threes. Like, some. Like.

[Kayl]

So what does that mean? If you. If you transfer an embryo that is a three, does that just mean it's not as strong, or does that mean that there could be defects?

[Becky]

No, I think it's. It's just not as strong. Like, the viability isn't as high. I don't know, though. I could be wrong. I said that confidently, but.

[Kayl]

So you guys did the transfers this. This week?

[Becky]

We did them two days ago.

[Kayl]

Okay, so you guys did the transfer days?

[Becky]

We did transfers together. And so Leah transferred my singular. Hopefully a fighter embryo.

[Kayl]

Wait, but you still didn't give me. I still don't have my question answered. Why do this at the same time? Because my question to you the other day when you called me, I said, and this is just me being nosy. Like, I obviously don't care what y'all do with your lives. Like, I care. But in the best ways, what do you think that you could be there for Leah and Leah could be there for you if you guys are both going through the exact same thing at the same time? Right. Like, Elijah came to me the other day about something that was bugging him, and I said. I literally looked at him and I was like, I don't. I have so much on my plate right now. I don't have the capacity to be there for you the way that you need me right now. And in fact, this is actually adding something to my plate that I don't. I literally will have a menti. Be like, I can't handle this. And, like, we talked it out, and he was basically like, no, like, 100% get it. Where? Like, same thing for this. Like, yeah, if you guys handle this very differently or you both need something from the other. How do you get through this when you're both going through it at the same time?

[Becky]

Yeah, I think that if anyone can do it, it's. It's Leah and I. And if the past couple weeks or any defining moments of what the next nine months of our life might look like. Leah's been grumpy for the past three weeks, and I. We know each other. We communicate with each other, but you.

[Kayl]

Were just like, okay, fuck it. Let's just do it together. Yeah, I weren't like, okay, let me do it, and then you do it.

[Becky]

How beautiful is it that we get to experience this together. Like, how often?

[Kayl]

Okay, so then here's my next question. So say in a perfect world.

[Becky]

Yeah, we.

[Kayl]

You both are pregnant.

[Becky]

There might be a baby inside me right now.

[Kayl]

There is, technically, yeah. Say you both. What is it? Like, did the embryos take? Is that, like, the proper way to say it? Okay, so say both.

[Becky]

Wednesday, we get to do a pregnancy test.

[Kayl]

So say both of them take and you're both pregnant. And your due dates are the same, but you guys go into labor at different times. And so what do you do? Do you just get a baby for one of the babies, or do you take the baby with you to the hospital? Or, like, how does that work? Like, how do you give birth?

[Becky]

We have such. We wouldn't do that. We wouldn't be crazy enough to do this if we didn't have a support system.

[Kayl]

No. 100%. And I don't doubt that in a way. But I'm just asking, like, logistically speaking, I'm thinking, okay, I had to have someone come spend the night with me as soon as I found out I was in labor with the twins. Cause I went into labor with the twins. Naturally. Someone needs to come spend the night because of Rio. So, like, I'm just wondering how that you would just call.

[Becky]

I guess it depends. Depends on Ray. If maybe I'll still be in the hospital. I don't know. We don't know. What?

[Kayl]

Oh, my God. I didn't even think about the fact that y'all could really go into labor at the same time.

[Becky]

Yeah. So we just. We'll have our people that we call. We want bear with us. Right. Like, I'll call my sister. Leah will probably call her best friend.

[Kayl]

You wouldn't call your mom?

[Becky]

No, I would call my mom at some capacity, too. Like, she. Like, I would need her there, but I don't know. I feel. Yeah.

[Kayl]

What was everyone's reaction when you started this process? Like, what was everybody's reaction around you, your mom, your siblings?

[Becky]

I guess I'm gonna have to make sure I tell my mom before this comes back.

[Kayl]

Wait, why? What do you mean?

[Becky]

Like, we didn't tell them we did transfers. Yeah.

[Kayl]

What?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Wait, are you being for real?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Well, this is. You'll be telling them before.

[Becky]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll go.

[Kayl]

Oh, because you're going to surprise them by saying we're pregnant.

[Becky]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kayl]

So she doesn't know. Who knows?

[Becky]

Leah, me, you, Chandler, and probably like 10 of our closest friends.

[Kayl]

And that sounds like a lot, but it's not for them.

[Becky]

Oh, yeah.

[Kayl]

That's not a lot for them.

[Becky]

Well, the issue is they're all married. So, like, you tell one and it's two. We're best. Like, our best friends are all couples, so.

[Kayl]

Oh, oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying. So, like, do your siblings know?

[Becky]

No, I didn't tell them.

[Kayl]

Did they know that you were doing reciprocal ivf?

[Becky]

Yeah, they knew we were in the process. They knew we did retrievals. No one knows we did transfers.

[Kayl]

How do you think it's going to be moving forward if one of you ends up pregnant and the other doesn't? Will that be a super, super emotional and bittersweet moment, or do you think, okay, well, we have a few more embryos, and then at that point, it. If one of you does end up pregnant and the other one isn't, would you wait to do another transfer or do you think that you would do another one right away?

[Becky]

I think it depends who it is. Like, who would end up in that situation. We would be fine with enjoying one singular person being pregnant and moving forward with that. Like, we'd thankful that we have the opportunity to start our family and then we have time afterwards to continue to grow it. So that's also why we both did it, was if we just relied on one of us. And what if one of us had actual fertility problems that we're gonna take years to kind of mend to? Why not both do it and see kind of what happens from there?

[Kayl]

Wow, this is so interesting. I didn't realize that. You didn't. I thought everyone knew.

[Unknown]

No.

[Kayl]

I feel so special. I feel so special. So what was the trance? Did you stay awake so you go to sleep for the egg retrieval? Which I did know that I never made it to that part. Cause I ended up getting knocked up by hot neighbor. Never even made it to the hormone shots or anything. Yeah. And then. So you're asleep for that, and then for the actual transfer process, you're not asleep. You stay awake. Are you in the same room while you're doing all this?

[Becky]

In the same room?

[Kayl]

Shut up.

[Becky]

It was so cute. I got, like, emotional. I started, like, tearing up. It was really cute.

[Kayl]

That's really cool.

[Becky]

Yeah, it was just. And like, we're having fun with it now, even though it just happened, but, like, we're already making, like, embryo jokes and it's fun. It's really fun to do it together. It's like a really fun experience for us.

[Kayl]

Well, you'll be able to. You'll always be able to relate to the other person in this scenario, I feel like, because if one of you was having a harder time or was more emotional about something, you guys know exactly what the other one went through. So I think there are benefits to that.

[Becky]

Specifically, postpartum really scares me if hopefully everything goes as planned. We are both pregnant right now. We both have kids. I'm pretty good with my mental health and awareness and making sure that I'm doing things to actively take care of myself. Not that Leah isn't. I just know Leah has a harder time with. With dealing with it, which most people do, dealing with that. So that postpartum scares me quite a bit just because I have a lot of friends that have gone through the wringer with postpartum of, you know, being suicidal, like, wanting to kill their kids, wanting to kill themselves, like, oh, you.

[Kayl]

Know, people like that.

[Becky]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

All right. Across the board on all my podcasts, we talk about your cat, right? Like your vaginal health. Sometimes people, men, they really want to have sex after you've gone to the gym, but that's not, that's not fun time. And I want to make sure that myself and everyone else that is listening to this podcast has a balanced PH balance in their vagina. Right. So many factors. Sex, sweat, working out, hormones, periods. They can all disrupt vaginal health and lead to an imbalance in the vaginal flora and pH. Unhealthy odor, taste, abnormal discharge and discomfort. But that's where Euro comes into play. It's a blend of four strains of probiotics that target vaginal health.

[Becky]

Yeah. And for me, over the past couple of months, while Leah and I have been going through ivf, it's been important for us to make sure that our body has has been in pristine condition, especially in this case. So Euro has come in handy for us.

[Unknown]

Euro has over 5,000 5 star reviews and is a top selling product on Amazon and at Target. If you've had struggles with vaginal health or if your periods have knocked you off balance, sex has knocked you off balance. And I'm sure you guys have tried everything you can try. Euro Gyro is a probiotic for vaginal health that supports healthy PH balance and healthy odor. They're committed to breaking down stigmas and addressing the unspoken issues. Many women experience hormone health, vaginal health, and menopause.

[Becky]

Take proactive care of your vaginal health and head to opositive.com karma or enter karma at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O P O S I T I V.com karma for 25% off uncover.

[Advertiser]

One of history's greatest mysteries in Indiana Jones and the Great Circle, a first person single player adventure video game set between the events of Raiders of the Lost Ark and the Last Crusade. The year is 1937. Sinister forces are scouring the globe for the secret to an ancient power connected to the Great Circle. And only one person can stop them. Indiana Jones Adventure calls Indiana Jones and the Great Circle releases on December 9th on Xbox Series X&S Game Pass and PC Pre Order Indiana Jones and the Great circle now rated T14. Copyright and trademark 2024 Lucasfilm Ltd. All rights reserved.

[Billy Bob]

Hear that? It could be the sound of your phone dinging every time you sell a product with TikTok ads this holiday season. If you've ever thought about advertising your business on TikTok, now is the time to do it. You can drive more customers to your website, sell products right in the app, and you can even use TikTok's creative tools to easily make content and find creators to help sell your products for you. But you have to start now. So head over to getstarted.TikTok.com holiday24 and drive more holiday sales today.

[Kayl]

I had postpartum really bad. I can't say that I ever wanted to kill anybody, but I have definitely like just not connected right away. Baby blues. Postpartum depression. I even had perinatal depression, which is on the onset of the depression is when you get pregnant.

[Becky]

Whoa.

[Kayl]

That was easily the worst.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Part like I mean Rio's entire pregnancy. I would go take the kids to school, go home and go to bed. I did not show up to appointments. I barely showed up to where I needed to be on time. Like it was not great. And then I would pick my kids up for like the only thing that kept me going was like knowing that my kids needed to be somewhere.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Not to scare you. I don't mean to scare you. It's just that it's the reality. So many people talk about postpartum depression and not even enough. Like there's not enough enough resources and people having honest conversations about postpartum. So then where does that leave perinatal? So perinatal is while you're pregnant and once Rio was born, it was a completely different story.

[Becky]

Yeah. Women are fascinating.

[Kayl]

Like superheroes.

[Becky]

Yeah. The woman body and just mind and the powers that the capabilities that they have is just.

[Kayl]

A man could never. Chandler smiling like it's so. Okay. So you in one week from today we'll be able to test to see if you're pregnant.

[Becky]

Yeah. By the time this comes out, I guess Leah and I are gonna have to be prepared to just announce it to the world if we're not, which is gonna be fine. And if what happens in next week, if neither of us are, we'll prepare ourselves to do more transfers. We'll figure it out from there.

[Kayl]

So once you find out next Wednesday, you don't know if you'll even do transfers at the same time again or you would do a second round together.

[Becky]

So speaking hypothetically, because this isn't going to be what's happening because we are both pregnant, if it wouldn't have worked out that way, and neither of us were, I think that I would consider doing another retrieval before we did another transfer.

[Kayl]

Oh, okay.

[Becky]

Because I don't have any eggs left. I don't have any embryos left. This is, like my one shot.

[Kayl]

Oh. So, okay, so you would have a whole another transfer, but, like, say, next.

[Becky]

Week, it comes back that I am and Leah's not. I would give her the opportunity. I would give her the choice to try to do another transfer with her own embryos.

[Kayl]

Okay, so that was my.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So you would not be opposed to not doing another retrieval or you definitely want to do another retrieval?

[Becky]

No, I would if. Because we're both pregnant. I don't. I don't feel obligated to do another retrieval, but if, for whatever reason it's not like that, I would.

[Kayl]

Next steps. Pregnancy test.

[Becky]

Pregnancy test, then prepping for whatever's next. Babies.

[Kayl]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Yeah. I'm pumped.

[Kayl]

No, I'm so excited. I was telling Becky off camera before all of this, obviously. I know. I hate when people say things like, I hope it's a girl. I hope it's a boy. I hope it's this. I hope it's that. I hope this happens to you. But, like, truly, the bond that my twins have is something I've never seen before in my singletons, obviously, because they don't have someone to be bonded to unless you have, like, Irish twins. But I. If you.

[Becky]

I've never heard the word singletons.

[Kayl]

Oh. Well, I. I feel like I never used it until I got pregnant with twins.

[Becky]

Did you make it up? No.

[Kayl]

It's called a singleton. Once you find out you're pregnant, you'll know, because when you. When you're filling out paperwork and stuff or when you see your paperwork at your OB gyn, they will tell you singleton or multiple. So it's like, you know, multiples. Or singleton. You know what I mean?

[Becky]

Yeah, I get that, but I didn't know it was a thing.

[Kayl]

My. What would I call my solo babies? Like, what would I call them?

[Becky]

But that's how it's written on a medical form.

[Kayl]

Yeah. Single testing. Isn't that weird?

[Becky]

Yeah, that is weird.

[Kayl]

We need.

[Becky]

We don't have obs or anything.

[Kayl]

What? So wait, when you're going through all of that, so you can go through the entire fertility IVF journey and not even have an OB GYN picked out, don't you think you should look for them now? Yeah, I think you should start. I think you should maybe, like, early next week. You should probably call someone, because regardless, you're trying to get pregnant anyway.

[Becky]

At eight weeks is when they hand you off to an ob, so.

[Kayl]

But, like, you don't have a regular OB that you go to.

[Becky]

Yeah, but I don't know if it's a. It's a baby one.

[Kayl]

Oh, it's just a gyn.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So all the ones that I've ever gone to are always OB GYNs.

[Becky]

We need to find someone out of a certain hospital.

[Kayl]

Wow, this is so interesting that you don't already have one.

[Becky]

Yeah, it took me a while to start going to annual routine appointments.

[Kayl]

Because you weren't having sex with men.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So it's a little different. Wow, did you get pap smears?

[Becky]

I do now.

[Kayl]

This is so interesting that I had no idea that you could even do that.

[Becky]

I started when I started dating Leah.

[Kayl]

Okay, well, that's good. She's also in the health field.

[Becky]

Yeah. Cause she's a pa. She was like, you need to. You need to go. I said, okay. I hadn't gone when I started dating her.

[Kayl]

Interesting.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So have you ever been tested for STDs?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Like later on.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

But not earlier on.

[Becky]

No, I had a scare once.

[Kayl]

You did?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Wait, tell me about this. This is tea. What happened?

[Becky]

Apparently, I just am shitty at shaving.

[Kayl]

Okay, so Becky slept with more men than I have in my lifetime, so a proud moment.

[Becky]

Chandler. Sorry, I retired.

[Kayl]

She's tired with more men than me. And you had a scare and it was just razor burn. No, because ingrown hairs can look. Oh, you had an STD scare from a woman, which is even crazier.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So what did you do? Did you freak out?

[Becky]

I went to the doctor. Yeah.

[Kayl]

No, because ingrown hairs can be raised.

[Becky]

And they started laughing at me.

[Kayl]

No, they didn't.

[Becky]

Yeah, they said. Said, you need to get a better razor. And I said, okay, thank you.

[Kayl]

Anyway. Wow, this was so informative. So will you keep us posted?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Hopefully by add your comfortability.

[Becky]

Obviously. I, I, I like being open about it because even, even in like me being open about my retrievals and about my embryo, the responses from people who have been through this, it just made me feel so much better. Like I like it wasn't just some fluke happening that I was the only one that had that small of a success in creating embryos.

[Kayl]

Have people reached out to you saying that you.

[Becky]

Oh yeah. I've had so many people reach out to me.

[Kayl]

Did they say why? Like maybe just timing.

[Becky]

It could be anything. And not for nothing, I was sick for the past two weeks. I probably had Covid taking that birth control and my period being five days early. There's like a lot of fact. I'm 34, so.

[Kayl]

Okay, so it's possible that you could do. If you chose to go the retrieval route again, it's possible that you could have a better.

[Becky]

Yeah. The doctor said it's pretty common for people my age to have a lower rate, the retrieval rate the first time time.

[Kayl]

What's so interesting is that I had, so I'm 32. I had the twins when I was 31, which means I had Rio when I was 30, when I was 29. So Leah's age. And I went to the fertility clinic in Dover. The doctor told me not to. He said that he does not recommend me freezing my eggs at my age.

[Becky]

Why?

[Kayl]

He said that I was still young enough that it wasn't necessary.

[Becky]

That's crazy.

[Kayl]

And now that you say that, I like what you've experienced. It's really interesting to me. And that almost infuriates me because had I not had Rio and the twins and I did, and I listened to him because then I told him, I said, listen, I thank you for the advice, but like I still want to move forward.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

And I told him that and he was like, I guess he like wasn't thrilled about it.

[Becky]

That's crazy. That's something. Leah is not very a vocal person. But after I wrote a blog post about this and she was like, can you please add something about start. If you are someone that wants to have kids in the future, freeze your eggs. Freeze your eggs. If you're a queer person and you're in a long term, healthy, loving relationship, you don't want kids right now, you know, you want kids five years from.

[Kayl]

Now or even on the fence.

[Becky]

Even if you're on the fence, freeze your frickin eggs. Like do it now because we were ready to be pregnant in February.

[Kayl]

But also, keep in mind, and I don't know if it's changed since I went through it, and maybe you have a better idea is that there is a survival rate that you have to keep in mind. So when you freeze your eggs. So say, for example, you had 10 eggs, and then you go through the freezing and the thawing process.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

You can lose a significant amount of eggs just during that process. Process of alone. So just because you freeze them does not mean that they thaw and all survive. Yeah.

[Becky]

But you could do, like, three retrieval.

[Kayl]

100%. No, no, I totally.

[Becky]

Right. Yeah. That's not as high a success rate with frozen eggs as it is with fresh eggs and fresh transfers and all that stuff.

[Kayl]

But to have a better shot, go through a few rounds of retrievals before you.

[Becky]

Yeah, I wish I would have done retrievals early in my life, and then, well, in February, we could have been preparing for pregnancy and not for the whole process.

[Kayl]

Was there ever a reason that you didn't think to freeze your eggs prior to this?

[Becky]

I would have never known. No one ever told me.

[Kayl]

Really?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

So interesting.

[Becky]

Yeah, I would have. It would have never been, like, a thought process for me.

[Kayl]

So even with any of your ex girlfriends, y'all never had those conversations?

[Becky]

No.

[Kayl]

Interesting.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

Well, I hope that this is helpful to someone that's going through the IVF journey or infertility journey and let people know where they can find you.

[Becky]

Hater25 on all forms of social media. Follow me. Message me. Be nice or Leah will be sad.

[Kayl]

We're gonna make that a sticker. Be nice or Leah will be sad.

[Becky]

Yeah. And come along for the ride.

[Kayl]

Yeah.

[Becky]

We're excited.

[Kayl]

Yeah. I'm excited for you guys. I'm excited to hear about what happens next week.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kayl]

All right, y'all. We'll talk to y'all next week.

[Becky]

Thanks for joining. Thanks for listening.

[Unknown]

Karma and Chaos.

[Becky]

Karma and Chaos with Kale and Becky Kayl and Becky.

[Kayl]

See ya.

[Becky]

Bye.

[Stassi Schroeder]

Hi, I'm Stassi Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal, personal life. Chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics. I'm obsessed with, like, human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will, too. Listen to my podcast, Stasi, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kayl]

I love reality TV on Pluto tv.

[Stassi Schroeder]

Same and I love that it's free.

[Kayl]

It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault Channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club. I'm free for Jersey Shore Love and hip Hop. I'm free all day. Survivor. I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv.

[Advertiser]

Uncover one of history's greatest mysteries in Indiana Jones and the Great Circle, a first person single player adventure video game set between the events of Raiders of the Lost Ark and the Last Crusade. The year is 1937. Sinister forces are scouring the globe for the secret to an ancient power connected to the Great Circle Circle. And only one person can stop them. Indiana Jones Adventure calls Indiana Jones and the Great Circle releases on December 9th on Xbox Series X&S Game Pass and PC Pre Order Indiana Jones and the Great circle now rated T14 copyright and trademark 2024 Lucasfilm Ltd. All rights reserved.

[Billy Bob]

Hear that? It could be the sound of your phone dinging every time you sell a product with TikTok ads this holiday season. If you've ever thought about advertising your business on TikTok, now is the time to do it. You can drive more customers to your website, sell products right in the app, and you can even use TikTok's creative tools to easily make content and find creators to help sell your products for you. But you have to start now. So head over to getstarted.TikTok.com holiday24 and drive more holiday sales today.

[Kayl]

Pluto TV stream now pay Never.

[Stassi Schroeder]

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[Billy Bob]

Hear that? It could be the sound of your phone dinging every time you sell a product with TikTok ads this holiday season. If you've ever thought about advertising your business on TikTok, now is the time to do it. You can drive more customers to your website, sell products right in the app, and you can even use TikTok's creative tools to easily make content and find creators to help sell your products for you. But you have to start now. So head over to getstarted TikTok. Com holiday24 and drive more holiday sales today.