Podcast Summary: "Mixed Emotions" – Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter

Episode Details:

• Title: Mixed Emotions
• Release Date: November 19, 2024
• Hosts: Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
• Podcast: Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter

1. IVF Journey Update

Becky opens the episode by providing an update on her and Leah's reciprocal IVF journey. She shares both good and bad news, delving into the emotional complexities of their experience.

• Becky (01:22):

  "As of right now, on good news and bad news, I'll give the bad news first... Unfortunately, my transfer did not take, which is totally fine. And we can speak through kind of the emotional process that I went through with that."

While Becky faced a failed transfer, Leah succeeded, resulting in Leah's pregnancy. This dual outcome highlights the unpredictable nature of IVF treatments.

2. Emotional Impact of Failed Transfer

Becky reflects on the emotional turmoil caused by the failed transfer, emphasizing the importance of support systems during such times.

• Becky (02:13):

  "Leah is pregnant, which is crazy. And I feel like it hasn't hit me, right? Like I'm about to be a mom and Leah is carrying my embryo. And that is wild."

• Becky (04:11):

  "I can't stress enough. We need villages to get us through these dark times. And society puts this emphasis on women that they need to go through this alone so other people can't grieve with you."

Becky discusses societal pressures on women to keep pregnancies private until the 12-week mark, which can lead to loneliness during miscarriages or failed transfers.

3. Leah's Pregnancy Confirmation

The conversation shifts to Leah's successful pregnancy, celebrating the joyous news amidst mixed emotions.

• Becky (16:42):

  "We're all scared because Leah's emotions have been all over the place recently."

Becky recounts the anxiety and hope intertwined in receiving the pregnancy news, highlighting the rollercoaster of emotions both hosts experience.

4. Societal Expectations on Pregnancy Announcements and Grief

Becky critiques societal norms that discourage early pregnancy announcements, advocating for open conversations to normalize miscarriages and reduce the stigma around grief.

• Becky (04:48):

  "Miscarriages happen. It is very common. It's not talked about enough. And the more you talk about it, the more we normalize it, the less that we have to grieve in such an impactful, negative way."

She underscores the necessity of support from loved ones, arguing against the isolation often imposed by societal expectations.

5. Listener Story: Jamie's Grief and Questions

A heartfelt listener message from Jamie is introduced, sharing her grief over losing both her biological and stepfather within two weeks.

• Jamie’s Message (26:00):

  "In September 2022, I became a member of the DDC not once but twice. My biological father, who I had a mostly estranged relationship with, passed away two weeks later... How do I process the grief of losing them without minimizing or honoring the other?"

Kail and Becky respond empathetically, affirming Jamie's feelings and discussing the complexities of grieving multiple losses simultaneously.

• Becky (30:18):

  "For someone that has shown the growth and understanding this much, I think that it's naturally going to come in, in a way, and it just might take time."

• Kail (33:05):

  "Grief is weird... If she told me, my dad died, he was never a part of my life, and my stepdad died and he was the part of my life for me, I don't think that I would ever question why she's grieving the loss of her father."

6. Personal Reflections on Grief and Relationships

Becky shares her experiences caring for her father during his battle with dementia and Parkinson's, highlighting the emotional and logistical challenges faced.

• Becky (36:03):

  "We had to chase him that man down so many times... I had to restrain him because he was physically able to run."

She discusses the lack of adequate support systems for caregivers dealing with aggressive behavior in patients with dementia, advocating for better facilities and resources.

• Becky (43:00):

  "There isn't Many places facilities that are equipped to deal with anger from dementia or Alzheimer's... We struggle a lot finding the right care."

7. Coping Mechanisms and Support Systems

The hosts explore strategies for managing grief and caregiving stress, emphasizing the importance of open communication and financial planning for end-of-life care.

• Becky (58:34):

  "Our generation, the generation above us are more agreeable to going into assisted livings than our parents are."

• Kail (55:13):

  "I just cannot imagine a world where I... don't want my kids to have to take care of me."

They discuss the necessity of setting up care plans and financial strategies to alleviate the burden on future generations, encouraging listeners to seek professional advice.

• Becky (56:12):

  "There are certain life insurance policies that aren't necessarily a life insurance policy. It's a care plan where you're putting money into it in case they ever need medical assistance in the future."

8. Final Thoughts and Closing

Becky and Kail conclude the episode by reflecting on their personal growth through shared grief and the strengthening of their friendship. They encourage listeners to engage with the podcast and share their experiences, fostering a community of support and understanding.

• Becky (66:50):

  "Thanks for coming on this journey with us. Thanks for the feedback. It's been awesome to be back and I'm looking forward to having more conversations and hopefully not crying as much."

• Kail (67:01):

  "Cry with Kale. Five stars. All right, see ya."

The hosts emphasize the importance of vulnerability and emotional honesty in navigating life's complexities, reinforcing the podcast's mission to provide a relatable and supportive space for listeners.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Becky (02:13):

  "Leah is pregnant, which is crazy. And I feel like it hasn't hit me, right? Like I'm about to be a mom and Leah is carrying my embryo. And that is wild."

• Becky (04:48):

  "Miscarriages happen. It is very common. It's not talked about enough. And the more you talk about it, the more we normalize it, the less that we have to grieve in such an impactful, negative way."

• Becky (30:18):

  "For someone that has shown the growth and understanding this much, I think that it's naturally going to come in, in a way, and it just might take time."

• Kail (33:05):

  "Grief is weird... If she told me, my dad died, he was never a part of my life, and my stepdad died and he was the part of my life for me, I don't think that I would ever question why she's grieving the loss of her father."

• Becky (36:03):

  "We had to chase him that man down so many times... I had to restrain him because he was physically able to run."

• Becky (43:00):

  "There isn't Many places facilities that are equipped to deal with anger from dementia or Alzheimer's... We struggle a lot finding the right care."

• Kail (55:13):

  "I just cannot imagine a world where I... don't want my kids to have to take care of me."

• Becky (56:12):

  "There are certain life insurance policies that aren't necessarily a life insurance policy. It's a care plan where you're putting money into it in case they ever need medical assistance in the future."

• Becky (66:50):

  "Thanks for coming on this journey with us. Thanks for the feedback. It's been awesome to be back and I'm looking forward to having more conversations and hopefully not crying as much."

• Kail (67:01):

  "Cry with Kale. Five stars. All right, see ya."

Conclusion:

In "Mixed Emotions," Kerry & Chaos hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter navigate the intricate interplay of joy and sorrow within their IVF journey, personal loss, and the broader societal expectations surrounding pregnancy and grief. Through candid conversations and shared vulnerabilities, they offer listeners a heartfelt exploration of modern adulthood's unpredictable landscape, reinforcing the podcast's commitment to authenticity and relatability.