My Favorite Era of Life is..

Summary

Podcast Summary: Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Episode: "My Favorite Era of Life is.."
Release Date: December 3, 2024

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Introduction

In the December 3, 2024 episode of "Karma & Chaos", hosts Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter delve deep into the complexities of rekindling friendships, personal growth, and navigating the tumultuous emotions that come with life's transitions. Skipping the festive McRib jingle intro, the episode quickly transitions into heartfelt conversations, shedding light on the hosts' personal journeys and the challenges they face in maintaining meaningful relationships.

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Rebuilding Friendships and Personal Growth

[01:12] The episode kicks off with Becky expressing surprise and frustration over changes in their dynamic, highlighting the initial awkwardness between her and Kail. This sets the stage for a candid discussion about rebuilding trust and understanding after a period of distance.

Becky Hater shares:

"I was so scared that old Kayla's back," [09:21] reflecting her anxieties about past behaviors resurfacing.

Kail Lowry responds with empathy, acknowledging the mutual growth they've undergone:

"We're both the best versions of ourselves. We are both in a mindset of accepting our faults, moving forward with forgiveness, and continuing to heal those parts that we needed five years ago." [08:36]

This mutual recognition of growth underscores the episode's central theme: evolving individually to foster healthier, more authentic relationships.

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Navigating Grief and Loss

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around grieving lost relationships and the profound impact it has on personal well-being.

Becky Hater poignantly shares her struggle with past relationships:

"I used to lie about all the time. So it was like, I hate his guts. And then I would be secretly hanging out with him, and then I would have to lie." [10:17]

Kail Lowry relates by discussing his own experiences with grief:

"I talked about this on one of our last episodes. It took me like seven years to grieve the loss of a friendship... I hated myself. I hated everyone around me." [49:00]

Their shared vulnerability offers listeners a genuine look into the challenges of overcoming past hurts and the importance of seeking support during such times.

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Balancing Multiple Relationships and Responsibilities

Becky candidly discusses the overwhelming nature of managing multiple relationships alongside parenting:

"I'm spread so thin... I can't physically give the time and energy needed." [38:46]

Kail Lowry offers practical advice on maintaining connections despite a busy schedule:

"You could text someone right now and just be like, hey, you're on my mind. Sorry, my life is busy." [39:22]

This segment emphasizes the importance of intentionality in relationships and finding simple ways to stay connected without overextending oneself.

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Listener Engagement: Sharing Personal Stories

The episode features heartfelt messages from listeners grappling with grief and loss. One poignant message from a 19-year-old listener details the pain of losing a mother to overdose:

"I spent seven years of my life grieving a person who was still alive... I never want to go through that again." [52:07]

Becky Hater and Kail Lowry respond with compassion, offering words of comfort and understanding:

"You're not alone on your grief journey." [53:47]

Their empathetic responses reinforce the podcast's commitment to providing a supportive community for listeners facing similar struggles.

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Conclusion and Reflections

As the episode wraps up, both hosts reflect on their growth and the ongoing journey toward healing and meaningful connections. Becky emphasizes her commitment to being emotionally and mentally present for her children:

"I want to make sure that my relationships with my kids are all... I am physically, mentally, emotionally always present." [42:07]

Kail Lowry encourages embracing personal growth and being open to forming new, supportive relationships:

"It's never too late to form adult friendships." [50:57]

Their concluding remarks serve as a powerful reminder of the continuous effort required to maintain healthy relationships and personal well-being.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Becky Hater:
  "I'm spread so thin... I can't physically give the time and energy needed." [38:46]
  "I want to make sure that my relationships with my kids are all... I am physically, mentally, emotionally always present." [42:07]

• Kail Lowry:
  "We're both the best versions of ourselves. We are both in a mindset of accepting our faults, moving forward with forgiveness, and continuing to heal those parts that we needed five years ago." [08:36]
  "You could text someone right now and just be like, hey, you're on my mind. Sorry, my life is busy." [39:22]
  "It's never too late to form adult friendships." [50:57]
  "Life is better lived on the other side than it is in any kind of toxic relationship." [22:09]

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Key Takeaways

• Personal Growth: Emphasizing the importance of evolving individually to foster healthier relationships.
• Grieving Process: Acknowledging and addressing grief as a crucial step toward healing.
• Balancing Act: Finding ways to maintain connections without overextending oneself amidst multiple responsibilities.
• Community Support: Highlighting the value of shared experiences and mutual support in overcoming personal challenges.

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"My Favorite Era of Life is.." is a deeply introspective episode that offers listeners an honest look into the hosts' lives, tackling themes of friendship, grief, and personal development with authenticity and empathy. Whether you're navigating similar challenges or seeking inspiration for your own journey, this episode provides valuable insights and a sense of camaraderie.

Transcript

[Kale Lowry]

Lights are going up, snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing.

[Becky Hater]

McRib is here at participating McDonald's for a limited time.

[Kale Lowry]

Lights are going up, snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing.

[Becky Hater]

McRib is here, participating McDonald's for a limited time.

[Chrisley]

Welcome back to another episode of Karma and Chaos.

[Becky Hater]

What the fuck is up?

[Chrisley]

What are we, coffee combos now?

[Becky Hater]

Yeah.

[Chrisley]

What's up?

[Kale Lowry]

I'm Lindy.

[Chrisley]

Chrisley.

[Becky Hater]

You made. That's exactly how she would say it.

[Chrisley]

We're. We're basically like the same person.

[Becky Hater]

Absolutely not. Absolutely. You are nothing. Lindsay.

[Chrisley]

We are actually complete opposites.

[Becky Hater]

But I liked the dynamic of y'all together.

[Chrisley]

Let me tell you this. We. I want to kind of do like a regroup of just life and what.

[Becky Hater]

We'Ve been through, or just like a rundown.

[Chrisley]

Let's regroup.

[Becky Hater]

Okay.

[Chrisley]

You know, sure, hun. Okay.

[Becky Hater]

Here. I'll play the video of. Of Lux doing that so you can understand where it's from. It's not to be, like, condescending or anything like that, but this is the video. It's just Lux being Lux.

[Chrisley]

Someone called me sweetie yesterday, and Leo goes. I feel like people hate when people call people sweetie, but I love it.

[Becky Hater]

This is Lux. What did you just say to me?

[Chrisley]

That is so cute.

[Becky Hater]

So that's.

[Chrisley]

Where.

[Becky Hater]

Do you have a hickey on your neck?

[Chrisley]

No.

[Becky Hater]

Oh, okay.

[Chrisley]

I slept with you last night.

[Becky Hater]

I took a picture of our room with Becky in it. We have two separate beds. Just for those that are listening. Let's go back. Let's do a rundown.

[Chrisley]

So what I wanted to. To bring up, I think I was a little bit nervous to go to Tennessee because obviously Lindsay knows who I am and she was friends with you, and she's your ride or die. And so she probably had whatever feelings. And we talked about it on our podcast already because we had Lindsay on and I was hesitant to not hesitate. Like, I wasn't not going to come, but I was nervous to meet her because, one, I wanted her to like me, right? And I wanted to make sure, because in a world that she doesn't like me, this doesn't work out as successfully for us because I Think it's important for us to just operate together. It's important for us to kind of vibe together. And not that I was worried about me being able to get along with her, because I feel like I can.

[Becky Hater]

Get along with anyone.

[Chrisley]

Yeah. I was not expecting to love her as much as I did, and. And not in, like, a malicious or bad way. I just didn't. You know, we have zero things in common. We are completely different people. We have zero things. Nothing bridges our personalities. Right. Nothing bridges our lives together. Zero.

[Becky Hater]

But I think that's why Lindsay and I get along so well. I think I also had those same feelings. I was sort of worried about my relationship with her. But over the last 18 months, Lindsay and I have gotten closer than we have ever been since 2017. And honestly, if you would have met before our fallout, I don't think that you would feel the same way. And that's great for a plethora of reasons, but Lindsay and I right now, like, we're the closest we've. I am so glad that you guys love each other. And it was just so fun. Like, the amount of inside jokes that we made while we were in Tennessee that, like, just came about organically, and I don't know, I love it. I also. We grew up so differently, but we found that we do have a lot in common. But for you guys, I think that you are 100% spot on that you guys don't have not even one thing in common.

[Chrisley]

Not a single thing, like, at all. And I. I could sit on a couch next to her and we could just laugh at nothing.

[Becky Hater]

Yeah.

[Chrisley]

And my life felt, like, fulfilled in those moments. Like, I felt so happy to be in those moments, especially just us hanging out, you know, shooting the shit, doing nothing. It. It was so enjoyable for me because me being able to sit in a room with someone is so important. Right. There was. It was. It wasn't awkward. It wasn't.

[Becky Hater]

Right.

[Chrisley]

Well, uncomfortable.

[Becky Hater]

To your point, I think it's sitting in a room in silence or doing nothing. Right. Because I think there's a way for people in general, not just you, not just me, but just in general, for people to work in the same room as somebody or be in an event with somebody that they don't necessarily like, that's one thing. But to be able to sit in silence and do nothing with someone that you don't have anything in common. Yeah. I mean, that speaks volumes in and of itself, for sure.

[Chrisley]

I, like, I texted Leah, I texted my other friends so many times. I cannot believe how Much. I love Lindsey Chrisley.

[Becky Hater]

I love that so much. Lindsay is a hoot. She is one of a kind. I will say that.

[Chrisley]

She is one of a kind. And the thing, you know, I. I think there's something about people that haven't been peeled that fascinate me as well. Like Lindsay. Chrissy's layers have not been fully peeled back yet.

[Becky Hater]

No, she doesn't let anyone peel her layers back.

[Chrisley]

We got a little bit deep with her on.

[Becky Hater]

We did.

[Chrisley]

And that made me really happy. And I look forward to having more conversations with her, getting to know her a little bit more.

[Becky Hater]

I felt like I was sort of a fly on the wall in that episode with Lindsay on karma and chaos, only because I already knew some of those things. And so it was. I almost felt like I didn't belong as part of the conversation because you don't know Lindsay. And so that would have been a cool episode for you and Lindsay to get to know each other on a personal level. But sitting there listening to it from a. It's sort of like I'm listening to it from a different perspective because I know things about her as her friend, and I know things about her as her co host and a business partner. But to hear y'all do sort of like get to know each other in an interview, it felt different and it felt new. And I also have the world's worst memory. So if Lindsay told me something in confidence, most likely I forgot about it. And so when she was talking about things that felt new in that way, too, it was like, I forgot. Like, I knew that, but I forgot. I didn't expect for Lindsay to make me cry in some of the things that she said, because we can relate. But like, you, I don't know, it's just a really unique dynamic, I would say.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, you. We both cried a lot that day.

[Becky Hater]

That was a lot.

[Chrisley]

It was an emotionally draining weekend.

[Becky Hater]

I don't think I've ever seen you cry. That was the first time I had ever seen you cry, I think. And it was like a. It was like. Not just like a cry. It was like a sob. It was like a. It was like weeping. Do you know what I mean?

[Chrisley]

Yeah, I cry a lot in general. I'm a crier. I. I could cry right now. Thinking about something too. Too much. Yeah, I just tend to cry. I cry over happiness. I cry over sadness. My emotions just come through with tears. So I find it interesting that you've never seen me cry, but I guess I wasn't as soft then as I.

[Becky Hater]

Am now, we never really. Like, we knew each other on level, but not in the way that we were. Not in the capacity that we were in Tennessee. Like, we got deep that entire. I mean, I. That was an emotionally charged weekend.

[Chrisley]

Yeah. I will say for everyone that's listening, after that episode, you came up to me, and we had our own little kind of private moment after that episode, which is another sign of your own personal growth, I think, because you came up to me, gave me a hug, and you were apologizing for not being there. Like, I'll cry right now.

[Becky Hater]

Don't. I paid for this makeup today because I'm gonna tear up. Hold on.

[Chrisley]

But you did. You came up to me and you hugged me, and you said, I'm sorry that I haven't been there the past five years while you were going through this, but I promise, you know, I'm here for you moving forward. And even in that moment. Right. I started crying again.

[Becky Hater]

And just like, what are we doing?

[Chrisley]

But something like that. And throughout this rebuilding of our friendship, you have said things that five years ago, Kale would never have said. And I keep saying this, but I'm just so excited for what this brings because we are both the best versions of ourself. We are both in a mindset of accepting our faults, moving forward with forgiveness, and continuing to heal those parts that we needed five years ago.

[Becky Hater]

I don't know if I said this already again. World worth worse memory. Is that my fear is that if I up, it's like, oh, old Kayla's back. Like, that's what I'm scared of. Specifically from you.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Where? Like, I think Lindsay knows me well enough to know that, like, healing and. And things are not linear. And I know that you know that, but I feel like you telling me this is almost like I'm scared to.

[Chrisley]

Up, but don't be. Right. I mean, even yesterday, you were. You texted me and you said, becky, are you mad at me? And I said, kale, I'm not mad at you for things happening unexpectedly in your life.

[Becky Hater]

But previously, it would be more like. And then, like, last night, I was like, I ended up going to Lincoln's game because things got up. So I went to Lincoln's game, and then I left. And then I was like, oh, my God, she's gonna think that I was, like, lying or I was, like, manipulate. Like, I was. I have, like, PTSD from my own.

[Chrisley]

Actions from the way that you were. Which is fair.

[Becky Hater]

I mean, like, because at one point, I was. And you remember this. Like, I used to lie about all the time. So it was like, I hate his guts. And then I would be secretly hanging out with him, and then I would have to lie, and then you would catch me and lie. You were. I think you, Kristen, and I think Bone were like the three people that.

[Chrisley]

You would forget who you lied to. So we were around some. Or I was around so much that I saw you lying to different people and telling people different stories when I knew the truth, and then you would forget.

[Becky Hater]

Can we clarify? It wasn't stories about what was happening. It was about being with him.

[Chrisley]

Yes. Correct.

[Becky Hater]

Okay.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Becky Hater]

I wasn't lying about what was actually happening. No, no, no. Lying about where I was. Yes, I'm over here. But really I was hanging out with. In that moment or a thousand percent.

[Chrisley]

Yes.

[Becky Hater]

And. And that was really. I mean, I'm traumatized by my own behavior. Like, that is a real.

[Chrisley]

But it's apparent in your actions now that you're traumatized by your own behavior. And the issue is if you don't recognize that.

[Becky Hater]

And I don't want people to question whether or not that's why I said to you last night, are you going to say that? Are you going to think that I'm lying? And that's why I ended up telling you, like, I ended up going to Lincoln's game. Because I didn't want anyone to be like, question my whereabouts to, like, think that I should. I. I just want to heal and progress that I'm like, yeah, but you're.

[Chrisley]

Allowed to like, up still. It's not.

[Becky Hater]

I know, but it's just the capacity.

[Chrisley]

Of what that up looks like. Like, I don't want to be lied to again. Or like. Or I want to be trusted with the truth. Right. I can handle the truth.

[Becky Hater]

You want to be trusted with the truth?

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

So like.

[Chrisley]

Like.

[Becky Hater]

And don't give me an example.

[Chrisley]

Don't feel like you need to hide your life of something happening because the inconvenience it might cause my life.

[Becky Hater]

Okay.

[Chrisley]

Because we're only human and you have seven kids. Life.

[Becky Hater]

That's not an excuse for.

[Chrisley]

Yes, it is. Life is going to get. When I have a kid, when my child is born and we have something planned and my child gets sick, do you expect for me to not come to you and be honest with you in that situation of need, not being able to do something, or should I fear having to disappoint you? Like, that's just not the life that we want to live.

[Becky Hater]

I just want to say that I'm thankful to Be out of a situation where I felt like I had to lie about my, like, partner, my life, my. Just all of that. I don't feel like I'm in that place anymore. And so I'm just thankful to be out of that. And I think that does give me a little bit more perspective for, like, where you're coming from now. Because I think in the past, it was, like, just the constant fear and, like, the disappointment, and it was like I knew. I don't know. It's all of it.

[Chrisley]

And I'm sure that me being around again brings up old feelings. Right. It brings up old habits that you haven't had to really think about, because the people around you are new and not 100% are not products of that person that you were. And so I understand that. I recognize that. So there's going to be new things you kind of have to work through right now, which is totally fine. I'm here. Like, I'm back, you know? We're back, baby.

[Becky Hater]

We're back. Look at us.

[Chrisley]

Look at us.

[Becky Hater]

Somebody asked me last night. Not last night. Lux's game was Tuesday. We were at Lux's game, and they were like, becky with the bun. Becky is back. All the bees. And I was like, all the bees. All the bees.

[Chrisley]

Yeah. 95 of the people are happy I'm back. The other 5% haven't given me a chance to understand that our past relationship was just some facade built.

[Becky Hater]

It's just, like, playing, like, not a facade. Like, not a malicious facade.

[Chrisley]

No, it was, like.

[Becky Hater]

Like intentional. Like we were being funny.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Just like we slept in the same hotel room.

[Chrisley]

We did.

[Becky Hater]

We slept in the same room.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

This episode is brought to you by Better Help. I love therapy. I have would not be where I am today if it wasn't for four.

[Becky Hater]

And a half years of therapy.

[Lauren]

I have learned so much about accountability and just learning that progress is not always linear. And I think that that's something that I have struggled with because it's like, I would beat myself up over the fact that I'm in therapy, but no, I'm still human. I'm still going to make mistakes. But therapy does make things so much easier to handle. Curveballs that are thrown to you in life, because truly in life and as humans, like, you could never predict what's next.

[Becky Hater]

Right.

[Lauren]

So therapy will give you the tools necessary to thrive in all situations.

[Chrisley]

Yeah. And especially with the holiday season coming up, I think that there's a lot of ups and downs for people that might come with just trying to find moments for yourself in discomfort. And therapy can be a source of comfort that lasts long for even after this hard season ends. So getting help now can help benefit you in the future. It helps with building coping skills, setting boundaries, and grow into the best version of yourself, which is something that I like to see people thrive into. If you're thinking about starting therapy, Better Help makes it easy. It's entirely online, it's convenient, and it's designed to fit your schedule.

[Lauren]

And you guys can find comfort this December with better help. Visit betterhelp.com karma today to get 10%.

[Becky Hater]

Off your first month.

[Lauren]

That's betterhelp h e l p.com/karma spark.

[Chrisley]

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[Lauren]

And to get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com karma that's UncommonGoods.com karma for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods were all out of the.

[Becky Hater]

Ordinary.

[Chrisley]

Do you want to say? Because I think it's a really good point that you brought up around the person you were. Like, you're just happy you're not that person anymore. And I think myself, as someone who has been in a toxic relationship, knowing the things that happen in life, the things that you deal with, the things that you put up with. Right. You're blind to kind of the chaos around you. You're blind to the red flags. I think people need to understand that it's okay if you're in it right now, but it doesn't have to be like that. Right? There's a beautiful life waiting for you. You do not need to stay in A toxic.

[Becky Hater]

But the problem is, I think that the people that are in it don't necessarily see it, so they don't think anything is wrong.

[Chrisley]

Let's. Let's put a little test out there. Let's put a little test. Okay. I called you the other day and I said, me and Leah just had a conversation and I looked at her dead in the eyes and I said, someone could offer me $500 million. They could offer me $1 billion to leave you, and I could not do it. I would miss our life together. And there's no amount of money that could make me find this life again. Right. And so if you are in a situation that money can buy you out of your relationship, you're not in the right relationship.

[Becky Hater]

I would agree with that.

[Chrisley]

You could have paid me to leave my old relationships. I wouldn't have. I would have blinked and been like, okay, yeah, let me get the out of here. Because they were toxic.

[Becky Hater]

In hindsight, though, or while you were in it?

[Chrisley]

While I was in it.

[Becky Hater]

I think while I was in my other relationships, I could have been bought.

[Chrisley]

Out a thousand percent.

[Becky Hater]

I don't think I could be bought out right now. No, actually, I know I can't be bought out right now.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

And like, no amount of, like, I would rather be in a box on the side of the road with him than to be bought out of this. Like, the life that Elijah and I have created together is something that I. And I think it's just him. I don't think that I could have the same life that I have right now with somebody else and male, female, X. Because I think a lot of times on coffee combo specifically, I have talked about, you know, maybe hobby was right person, wrong time. I don't think that I would be able to have the life that I have now. Even if it was a different time, if it was the right time, I think I could still have been bought out. So I know that's when you brought that to me last night, I think it was.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Perspective, for sure.

[Chrisley]

And there's two other questions too, I always hear circulate on the Internet that you should ask yourself is if you were compared to your partner, is that something that you would be proud of? And could you ever, like, what can you. If you don't have kids, but.

[Becky Hater]

Or if you do, do you want a child to. To be like that person?

[Chrisley]

To be like your person, like your partner? Those two questions should answer the.

[Becky Hater]

Here's the thing with that one specifically, that scares me. And I think that this Is all about perspective, too. Is sometimes you truly don't know who someone is until you have a child with them. And I will say that in the past, you know, I. And the same could be said about me. So this is no shade to my kids. Dads. Right. Like, there are things that concern me now, and I only would have known that now after the.

[Chrisley]

Yeah. But even from a personality perspective. Right. If someone compared you to Elijah, would that hurt you in any way? If someone compared me to Leah, I would be like, she's a great person.

[Becky Hater]

That's a compliment.

[Chrisley]

Compliment I've ever heard in my entire life.

[Becky Hater]

Yeah.

[Chrisley]

You know, like, how could. Best top 10, at least, you know? And I mean, obviously I don't have to explain that I'm not in a toxic relationship, because I said I'm not. But those are questions to ask yourself. If you're listening, ask yourself those questions.

[Becky Hater]

Abby Jimenez has a book coming out called say youy'll Remember Me. And she sent me an art copy so I could start reading it. And they're. It's a rom com. I don't know if you're familiar with Abby Jimenez. Oh, you need to. You would love it. Like, I know that you're like a fantasy girly, but I also think that you should consider, like, specifically Abby Jimenez, because I'm not a romance girly, but Abby Jimenez, Chef's Kiss. So in this book, one of the main characters is being described, and it says your. Your other things. You're dependable, you're loyal, you're stable and hardworking and kind. You always do the right thing and have a ton of integrity. That's the stuff that matters. I highlighted it and I sent it to Elijah, and I was like, this is you. So if. If I was ever to be compared to Elijah in that way, like, truly.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Are you kidding me? Yeah. Love that.

[Chrisley]

And just another. Before we kind of change topics. Is.

[Becky Hater]

Are we changing topics?

[Chrisley]

Yeah, because I have.

[Becky Hater]

Are you also suffering from adhd?

[Chrisley]

No, I don't think I have adhd.

[Becky Hater]

Do you have any mental illnesses?

[Chrisley]

I don't think so. I've been depressed. I think I have anger issues. I had to go to anger management when I was a kid.

[Becky Hater]

Really?

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

I don't think I've ever seen you.

[Chrisley]

Mad, which is so funny to me. Anyway, what I'm gonna. I want to say, wrap up that conversation with is a lot of the time people in relationships that are toxic, they use change as an excuse. Like, how am I supposed to just start over new? And I've had this conversation with friends that have been in those relationships and I've been there and I know how hard it is. I've cut relationships from it. But there is never a time that it's not too late to start over. And I just want to give people the strength out there that's listening, that needs to hear this. You will be okay. And I promise that life is better lived on the other side than it is in any kind of toxic relationship.

[Becky Hater]

Unfortunately, I do think a lot of it is the financial side. Is having to feeling trapped in a relationship a toxic relationship because of financial reasons. And that to me is something that, you know, we have the privilege to say we're able to get out. Right. Like we'll.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

You know what I mean?

[Chrisley]

Yeah, absolutely. It is a privilege to leave in those situations. But I think that there's ways you can work.

[Becky Hater]

Listen, I don't know if this matters to anyone and I've talked about it before, it's not a secret. Like when I left Joe, I stayed in a homeless shelter. When I left Joe's parents house in eastern Pennsylvania, I literally went to a homeless shelter with Isaac.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

In eastern Pennsylvania. So I had a room at a homeless shelter. So I don't know if that matters to anyone but like, and, and I do think that it's a little bit different because he was at an age, he was an infant, so he wasn't even one yet. He doesn't remember that. And so for me it was okay to do that until I got on my feet. You know, if I was to go somewhere with seven kids, I think that would be a little bit harder.

[Chrisley]

And do it at your own safety too. Right. A lot of people are in unsafe situations. I know that there are resources out there to help.

[Becky Hater]

Know that there's, there's a lot of.

[Chrisley]

DV non profits that help women just get resources.

[Becky Hater]

But what about the ones that are toxic that are not dv? Like how do we get them out? I went to the homeless shelf. I mean I wasn't Joe. I wouldn't. Joe and I didn't have domestic violence.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, we can look up resources. I'm sure there's resources because emotional abuse is just as bad as.

[Becky Hater]

But you can't prove it in court. It does.

[Chrisley]

But we're not talking court, we're just talking resources to leave.

[Becky Hater]

Right, but that's what I'm saying. Like I just. Maybe people don't. Just like we're saying right now right here, we know that there is DV resources, but we don't even know where the resources is, so we can't expect someone who's in it to know.

[Chrisley]

We'll look it up.

[Becky Hater]

We'll look it up. We'll do the work. We'll. We'll figure it out. But also for reference, the National Domestic violence hotline is 800-799-7233. You can also text begin to 88788. And we will insert this on our socials wherever we can. Just for anyone that this organically came up, by the way, like, this wasn't something that we truly plan to talk about, but if it helps someone or you know, someone that this could help, please save this post, save this information. There are a couple things that I wanted to touch on from Facebook. In our Karma and Chaos Facebook group, a couple people had some questions for me. People wanted to. People brought up a screenshot of an episode of 16 and pregnant routine. Mom not sure of my mom's cat in the car. Cat's name was Salem. Did you see this? Salem was a cat. I don't truly know the story of how we even got that cat. Like, I don't know where the valid.

[Chrisley]

Question why there was a cat in your car?

[Becky Hater]

My mom was homeless.

[Chrisley]

Okay.

[Becky Hater]

So she was living out of a hotel and. Or other places. I truly don't know. And so the cat was in the car. And she picked me up from school on a filming day with the cat in the car. The cat lived in the car. Because I don't think when my mom was in the hotel, I don't think the cat was allowed in the hotel. I don't think the cat was in the hotel. I think the cat lived in the car. But like, I'm trying to think of a litter box. Yeah, that's where I'm like, I'm not entirely sure about that whole part of it because that cat was always in the car. Did you ever meet my mom? I guess not, right?

[Chrisley]

I don't know if I did.

[Becky Hater]

You would remember about your sister, did you?

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Really? Where?

[Chrisley]

Maybe I'm.

[Becky Hater]

Bookhead lunch party.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, I think I met her twice a couple times.

[Becky Hater]

You didn't meet my sister on tour?

[Chrisley]

On the book tour.

[Becky Hater]

I don't think I saw her.

[Chrisley]

We've definitely met more than once.

[Becky Hater]

Oh, the other thing that I wanted to talk about on this episode was that you. Someone asked you a question on your Instagram about what your favorite era or timeline, what your favorite era or period of your life was. And I, I really wanted to talk about that because they Feel like they always say, life gets better in your 30s. Life gets better in your 40s. So the question was, what age of life have you loved the most? I love you and Kale on a podcast. And your answer was, this is such a great question. I loved my 20s, but that also came with a lot of growth, pain, and poor choices. I'm loving my 30s. I've enjoyed seeing my circle get smaller and holding closer, more meaningful relationships I'm sharing. I'm cherishing the season of life with Leah. Things are slower, and I'm getting to enjoy life with her as we start our family. I absolutely loved that. And I think so many people, myself included, were in such a rush to grow up that I thought that the 20s, my 20s, was, like, the best I. Best time of my life. And there was so much pain and so much good in my 20s. But I. At 32. Not even 30. Not 31. 32. I'm still learning things that people have been trying to drill into my head for the past 10 years. So I think that 32 has been the start of, like, 20. 24 specifically, has been such a fantastic year for me.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, I would agree.

[Becky Hater]

And you just turned 34.

[Chrisley]

34, yeah.

[Becky Hater]

You're two years older than me. And Lindsay's 35. I'm the youngest.

[Chrisley]

Leah's the baby.

[Becky Hater]

Leah's the baby. No, Elijah is the baby. How old is 26. But he's truly like, this soul, though, is like a grandpa.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, that's how Leah is, too. I think the 20s is in. I think 20s is different for everyone because some people decided to get married and have kids early in their 20s, so they live a completely different life than I did. I lived my twenties to the fullest capacity of what someone in my position should live their 20s to. I traveled the world. I visited friends in a new city every single weekend. I was trapped. But that was fun for my 20s. I could never imagine doing that now because that's not what fills up my cup. And I. The 30s is the best. 30s is, like I said, life gets slower. Things start to be more meaningful. Relationships get more important to you.

[Becky Hater]

But why is that? Why is it not until our 30s.

[Chrisley]

Because people grow, that there's this growth that happens between 26 and 30 where you are becoming the person who you want to be for the rest of.

[Becky Hater]

Why does it take that long? Is. It's. But it. I feel like I struggle with it because I feel like my 20s was wasted time in some ways, because I'm like, if I would have Just known this sooner. If I would have just done this one thing sooner than I would have gotten, I would have arrived at this destination sooner, and I wouldn't have had to suffer in any, you know, all of. Do you get what I'm saying?

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

I don't know if what I'm saying is making sense, but it's like I get angry because I'm like, it has taken this long and I've gone through so, so much pain or put other people through pain. Truly, that's horrible.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

If you love the holidays and you want to match, you can do that with skims. But shopping for everyone can be less overwhelming because skims just launched their holiday shop, and I finally can get into the spirit, sort of. Y'all know I don't really do holidays, but we can still love the spirit of Christmas.

[Chrisley]

As you guys get to know me and learn about me, you'll know that my family is big on the holidays. And we. We do wear matching pajamas every single holiday season. I'm excited to bring skims to my family with our matching pajama sets. Leah and I have two that we are excited to try on. They're red, they're in the festive spirit, and we're just going to be matching girlies. With the skim set, I have two.

[Lauren]

Of the cozy robes, and they're so comfortable, they're so snuggly, and they just make everything feel so much better. So truly, whether you celebrate the holidays or not, you could be comfortable in your skims. I have the loft lounge sleep set, and I got this from Skims Holiday Shop, and I'm obsessed with it. These new seasonal colors are perfect for the holidays, and I love wearing it around the house. Like I said, the robe is perfect, and you can just throw some coffee in your mug, and it's like the spirit of Christmas every single day in your skims shop.

[Chrisley]

Skims holiday [e-mail] available in styles for women, men, kids, and even pets. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select Karma and chaos in the dropdown menu that follows.

[Lauren]

I got my period while in Spain. The same day I had strep throat. But you know what? I didn't have the vicious week before my period. So truly, it shocked me when it came because I wasn't covered in acne. I didn't have the cravings, and I wouldn't have eaten my own hand. But that's all thanks To Estro Control.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, you know what I don't miss is that week before my period when I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. But things are different now, thanks to Estro Control. Estro Control is a formula developed by Happy Mammoth, a sub supplement company dedicated to making women's lives easier. Estro Control contains science backed herbal extracts that help support hormonal health, especially in women who suffer from pms. It works by supporting the liver which is where your hormones like estrogen are processed. When that process is out of sync, PMS symptoms like skin issues, cravings and low moods can creep in.

[Lauren]

Estro Control is made specifically for women who are pre menopausal. So it's perfect for women that haven't entered menopause yet. And in fact it's amazing for perimenopause when hormones start to fluctuate and PMS can turn into a beast, which is where I think I'm at. And for a limited time you can get 15% off your entire first order@happy mammoth.com just use code Karma at checkout.

[Chrisley]

I think it's just because we're surrounded by people with the same maturity level and unfortunately everyone is immature in those age. People don't have the respons. You're people that have kids younger, it's different, right, because you have responsibilities, but you still are experiencing life at the maturity level as someone that doesn't have a kid. Like I don't know what I was doing, I didn't experience life, I didn't. You don't care as much you don't like the pain that you suffer through is brushed off more than the pain that you suffer through now. The pain that you go through now is thought about and intentionally healed. Right? You care if you hurt someone in your 20s. I don't know why. You just go through life willy nilly and just the next chapter is happening. People are coming in and out of your life so that it just feels normal to be able to do that. 30s, you don't have people coming in out of your life anymore, right? You got your people and those are, those are going to be your people. Of course you're going to go through, you know, some other friendship battles, but not like your 20s. People are, people are going, you know, getting careers, they're starting, they're meeting new people in the world, they're traveling, they're. You're growing, you're figuring out what person you are, what morals you want to hold.

[Becky Hater]

I think that that's a good point too because like, as you get older and like kids join sports and we've talked about this on other podcasts. But like, people always love to say that my friendships have fallen out or I've fallen out with xyz. Like you also have had that.

[Chrisley]

Everyone has. I mean, it's just a natural part of life. And we talked about this on one of our other episodes of Just outgrowing Friends. It doesn't have to be some traumatic thing. It's okay. People just grow in different directions. My. What I hold to me and my values are different than people I grew up with, you know?

[Becky Hater]

Okay, I love that. I mean, I don't love it, but like, I love the perspective for.

[Chrisley]

I mean, you can't meet one person that didn't have a falling out with a friend at some point of their life.

[Becky Hater]

Have you ever had a crazy friend?

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Tell me who it was.

[Chrisley]

Alessandro said, kel.

[Becky Hater]

Would you consider me.

[Chrisley]

A crazy friend five years ago? Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Really?

[Chrisley]

Kel, you were my only friend that I had any type of like toxic.

[Becky Hater]

Drama around because of me.

[Chrisley]

Because of your life.

[Becky Hater]

Okay, but they're different though.

[Chrisley]

I mean, you contributed to your life. So 100. You allowed for that to be around you. We talked about the only other crazy person I've ever really allowed into my life. Life was unwillingly and unknowingly. We talked about it last night. No.

[Becky Hater]

Oh, do you remember that crazy person that you dated and she didn't want us to be friends?

[Chrisley]

Yeah, I've dated a lot of crazy people. Unfortunately, I have a crazier ex than that too.

[Becky Hater]

Excuse me.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, I'm not giving her any shout outs cuz she doesn't deserve any type of.

[Becky Hater]

Is this someone that I don't know? I feel like I've known everybody.

[Chrisley]

I only dated her for a couple weeks.

[Becky Hater]

I need. I need background information later on when we get off this podcast.

[Chrisley]

It's scary to me when I meet people that can be so intentionally harming. Like the friend that I had over co that I met through other friends over Covid. Like it was so into her harm was so intentional and.

[Becky Hater]

But was it because the. What you were describing to me, a friend that does things like that to me has to be pathological.

[Chrisley]

I. I agree that there's some undiagnosed, but it's just impossible to be that intentional. Intentional and terrifying without a.

[Becky Hater]

Without a cause or a reason. Like, did she have brain damage?

[Chrisley]

I agree with that. I agree that there has to be some. Just maybe it is diagnosed and we.

[Becky Hater]

Just don't Know, I think going into your late 20s, early 30s, into your. We just have to be more careful. We have to be more selective. I'm a, I'm guilty of seeing red flags in people and ignoring them and hoping to give them the benefit of the doubt or hoping for them to prove me wrong. And I think that's across the board in friends, in people, in acquaintances, in relationships. That is my. One of my biggest things is ignoring red flags. And if I am a red flag in any way, shape or form to somebody else, they also need to steer clear. If you don't get a good feeling about me, then stay the away. Truly, it'll save us both a headache.

[Chrisley]

I get up and sprint out the door by Someone asked me a question relative to that on a different series. No, no, no. Relative to what you just said, not about you being a red flag.

[Becky Hater]

I'm like, can you, can we not.

[Chrisley]

They asked what I did to allow myself to grow from those moments. Like what have I changed in my life that has made my life better? And relative to what you just said is I was a lot more intentional with my energy, my time and my love. I spent a lot of my late 20s, you know, thinking about the hurt that people caused me and I spent a lot of my focus on those lost friendships when I had 10 more friends standing right in front of me that loved and cared about me so much. So I stopped focusing on people that hurt me. Even our relationship, right? Thinking about our lost relationship, what good did that bring me when I had people there? And so I worked on changing that mindset of regret, past decisions to let me build the relationships I have in front of me stronger. And that made a huge difference.

[Becky Hater]

I'm having a hard time with that, I think in real time right now because I have so many and I think I briefly touched on this before on coffee combos or just anywhere. But I think that just in terms of a more in depth conversation, conversation is that my immediate day to day life is 10 people right off the bat. So we're talking Elijah, seven kids. And then I have child care that comes to my house and then I have Alessandra and Kristen and Lindsay that I work with on a day to day basis. Plus you. That is already over 10 people that I have to invest my time and my efforts and my energy and intentionality. Is intentionality a word? If it is, I mean, you guys get what I'm trying to say. So when I like I read a post, a Facebook post the other day where someone that I consider A friend had said, like something along the lines of consistency in friendships. And while I do believe that you do make time for what's important to you, I think both can be true. I am spread so thin, I don't. I could have every intention of wanting to catch up with you, wanting to spend time with you, wanting to just anything. I, I physically cannot. Like, I can't. And so that's what I'm struggling with now is like pouring into those friendships who pour into me. They're able to pour into me because they have the ability and the capability and the bandwidth to do so. And it's not that I wouldn't reciprocate, but it's that I literally can't.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, but I think it's finding friends that understand that too. Right.

[Becky Hater]

But then even still, I think both can be true. They understand that, but at some level they have to draw the line because they're pouring into something that is not being reciprocated and the state. Do you get what I'm saying?

[Chrisley]

Yeah. Do you think that you have friends outside of those people that deserve more of your energy and attention?

[Becky Hater]

Yes, but I cannot give it. Like I've physically, mentally, am not capable of it. Like, I am not capable. It's not possible. Like, it's literally not possible.

[Chrisley]

You would be surprised how much just a text check in can go and.

[Becky Hater]

Just like, don't have the capacity.

[Chrisley]

I know, but you, you do, right? You could text someone right now and just be like, hey, you're on my mind. Sorry, my life is busy.

[Becky Hater]

And I can do that. And then a whole conversation starts that I cannot. It's like, hey, I'm thinking of you. You crossed my mind. I love you. I'm not forgetting about you. And then it becomes a whole conversation that I don't have anything to give because I'm either going, like, the other day I caught up with someone. I mean, we're talking a five minute text thread and I was like, hey, I'm going into recordings. Like, I. If there's gonna be a delay in response, I haven't texted back because I had. Even today.

[Chrisley]

Yeah, maybe it's just like a. So it's like different message that is. I still don't have capacity. Just want you to know I'm thinking of you.

[Becky Hater]

Okay. I mean, I could, I could try that. Yeah, I'll try that.

[Chrisley]

Don't have. I really just don't have time. I don't have time right now, but I just wanted you to know that.

[Becky Hater]

You'Re on my Mind fair. You know, I'll try it.

[Chrisley]

Don't open the door for conversation, but just let them know that you're.

[Becky Hater]

But like, is that fair?

[Chrisley]

Yeah. I mean, it could. If, if someone knows you and knows your life, they're going to respect that. They're going to understand that. I hope I don't talk to, I don't. I could go months without talking to some people who are the closest to me.

[Becky Hater]

I mean, that's how I feel. But some people are in a, in a place in their life where they need something and like they're going through a phase in their life where they need to lean on support, they need to leave, lean on a friend and.

[Chrisley]

And, and you don't have to be that person. I've.

[Becky Hater]

But what if I am?

[Chrisley]

You don't have to be. There has been. I am a person that. People come to me when they are in pain because that's the door that I've always opened. There have been times that I, I have said to my friends, I am not in a mental place to be able to be this person for you. And I'm really sorry and I love you. And if they can't understand that, then they're not really a friend. But like, I. You don't have to be. You have emotion, like an emotional space for people all the time throughout your life. It's, it's life.

[Becky Hater]

I just, it's. I think it sounds easier than it actually is. You know what I mean?

[Chrisley]

It could be. Yeah, you'll. You'll figure it out. You're still growing.

[Becky Hater]

I think as the kids get older and I structure, structure my day to day work schedule in a, in a more effective way. Moving into 2025, I, it will create more space for things in my life. But the way that things are operating right now, it's obviously not working.

[Chrisley]

Your life is insane right now. I've seen you more in the past month than I had in our five years or in the last three years of our friendship. And that's crazy because you have seven kids now and you're traveling, doing stuff with them, going to their sporting events, going, you know, being president in their lives as well.

[Becky Hater]

I just want to make sure that first and foremost, I'm not just physically present for my kids. I need to be emotionally and mentally there for my kids. And that's something that right now I'm being pulled in so many directions that I don't know that I'm doing my best at that. And I want to make sure that I make all changes necessary to be that. I don't want to be consumed by what's going on with work on my phone while I'm in the presence of my kids. Because I see TV shows, I see movies, I hear, you know, growing up, I remember kids that I was friends with growing up who had a parent or both parents not present because they were working or they showed up in a financial way, showed up in a way that they were physically present. But it was like, oh, I got to take this call. Oh, I got to take this meeting. And so you were there, but you're not actually there. And I want to make sure that that's not me. I want to make sure for all my kids, from teenagers all the way to infants, I am physically, mentally, physically, mentally, emotionally always present. And they're always at top of mind right now. The chaos that has ensued in the last six months, good and bad, has consumed me.

[Lauren]

So if you guys are anything like me and you walk into a store and you go to get a wine.

[Becky Hater]

Because you're bringing it to someone's house.

[Lauren]

And you don't want to show up empty handed, but you have no idea what wine to get, that's literally me every single time. But that's why I love our next sponsor, which is Naked Wines.

[Chrisley]

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[Lauren]

Elijah is a casual drinker from time to time, and we're still in Spain. He brought me a glass of Prosecco and I had no idea what's going on because I'm like you. I like Riesling and Moscato. I like the sweet, sweet. So if you are in the market for wines, Naked Wines has been around for over 15 years and funds over 90 independent winemakers around the world.

[Chrisley]

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[Lauren]

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[Chrisley]

But I think that because you're consciously acknowledging it is 10 steps ahead of anyone else that was in that situation, so you're intentionally accepting that right now is chaotic and planning to avoid that in 2025 and scheduling yourself better so that you can be more present. And that's all that anyone could ask.

[Becky Hater]

2025, if I'm with my kids, I'm not looking at my phone like, period, point blank. If I am in the physical presence of my children, I can't care if someone else is dying, period. No. Because truly having seven kids already is so manageable. And when you. I went back and I listened to when you said that all of your. You had. You were the youngest of five and the relationship with your parents, I, like, went back and listened to that. I don't remember what episode that was.

[Chrisley]

It was the first one. Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

I want to make sure that my relationships with my kids are all. They might be very different, but I want to make sure they're all equal. And I want to make sure that all my friends and family are getting the right everything that they need from me before anything else.

[Chrisley]

Girl, you are on the road to redemption.

[Becky Hater]

Let's bring it back to episode one, the road to redemption.

[Chrisley]

You are, though. Give yourself a little bit of grace. You have a lot of building and growing pains right now, and you're, you know, building a company or building a company that's growing. It's exponentially growing. And there comes sacrifices with that. And I think you're doing it right.

[Becky Hater]

These are some things that people have written to us if you want to go ahead and read. Are you not a good allowed reader?

[Chrisley]

Not making a face because I've read the second sentence already and I don't know if you're well. Okay. All right, here we go.

[Becky Hater]

Okay, I'm ready. Locked and loaded.

[Chrisley]

Hey, ladies. Becky, glad to have you back. Thank you. I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I lost my daughter last year at 33 weeks pregnant and delivered her sleeping. The grief of losing a child is like no other and has been a very difficult time for my husband and I. I had the best support system when I delivered her. I had both of my best friends and my friend's mom, who was like my mom as well as my husband, of course. Fast forward about 6 is 6 ish months later, I find out that one of my best friends is Pregnant. I was so happy for her, but my feelings were so conflicting and I didn't know how to navigate this situation. I was then pretty much cast, casted out and never allowed to come over unless I was alone without my kids, which had never been the case until now. It was acknowledged by her that they felt they were leaving me out. And when I asked why, they said they didn't know. There was so many other reasons that come into play with the decision I made to stop talking to her. I gave. I have two griefs to battle through, even though one is not a death. Maybe one day in the future we could rekindle, but right now we're just not doing anything for each other. Thank you for reading.

[Becky Hater]

That's absolutely heartbreaking.

[Chrisley]

What. What automatically comes to mind to me is I have a friend that went through an incredibly tragic event in their life. And the people that were around when that event happened left. They didn't know how to deal with it. They didn't know how to deal with something that happened to someone else in their own world. And not that it justifies any type of treatment that someone will give you, but sometimes people don't know how to handle someone else's grief.

[Becky Hater]

Here's the thing, though. Like, I don't know anyone that would volunteer that information. Like, I stopped being friends with them because, like, they're not pinpoint the person that leaves is not pinpointing that to be the reason why they left. There's always a different reason. So is it subconscious?

[Chrisley]

I don't know. For first and foremost, I. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. I have. That situation is something that's very close to me as well. And it's something that you never want to go through. And I'm. You know, I said that. Yeah, I don't. I'll start crying.

[Becky Hater]

That's horrible. No. Grieving the loss of someone that passed like that you carried, and then also grieving the loss of someone that's still there. That's both very, very hard things to.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

And I hope you're so close together.

[Chrisley]

I hope that in some capacity you can find your ability to heal the grief of your friend. Because obviously you're going to continue to grieve the other loss forever and you'll grieve the loss of your friend probably for a while. I talked about this on one of our last episodes. It took me like seven years to grieve the loss of a friendship, you know, with Dan. And I hated myself. I hated everyone around me. For a really long time from just grieving that friendship, like, alone. And so took me a long time to find, like, my own healing through that. And it's really important to. To heal because it can hold a lot of weight on your life. And I guess my question would just be, like, do you have anyone else around you that is there for you and. And love you that you can kind of just pour a little bit more into?

[Becky Hater]

It sounds like her husband is there, but, like, sometimes you do need someone other than your partner, for sure.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

And I'm the type of person that has to talk about it until I'm sick of hearing myself talk about it, like, like, in order to. That's like, my grieving process. And I know everyone around me is, like, probably sick of it.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Like, that is how I get through something is like, until I am sick of hearing myself say it.

[Chrisley]

And it's also never too late to make a new friend. I. You know, we talk about how close I am to my circle around me. Most of them have been in my Life for over 15 years, but Leah and I have two, like, a new addition to our. Our friend, our circle that came in two years ago. And we love them, and they have been there for us more than most people. And it's really never too late to form adult friendship. So if you don't have that now.

[Becky Hater]

Like, it's still possible.

[Chrisley]

It's a. That there's such good people out there. Man, this world is filled with good people. Like, you know, if you choose to.

[Becky Hater]

See it that way, not everyone. People are not ready for the conversation, that being angry and staying angry is a choice place. I think getting to a point where you're angry or being sad is okay, but, like, let's feel it. Let's let it go and move on. And I know that I have to get to a place where I choose the happiness and the good. And that's sort of what you're describing, I think.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Someone else wrote in and said, hi, Kayla and Becky. I never write in, but I have been a listener of all your podcasts, Kale, and I'm excited to be on this journey with you guys as you continue to grow this new podcast. Anyways, this might be long, so I'm sorry, but if by chance this does get read on the podcast, I'd like to be kept anonymous. I just wanted to write in because I felt like I related so much to both of you guys when you were talking about the grief. Similarly to you, Kale. My mom was in and out of my life. And when I was 9 years old, she left the state. For clarification, I'm 19 right now. She's a youngin. She had an addiction issue, and it altered everything in her life, which also altered everything in my life. In 2022, she passed away of an overdose, and it completely destroyed me. I spent seven years of my life grieving a person who was still alive. So I thought I would be prepared for the day that I actually lost her. But I wasn't. Our relationship wasn't great. Just phone calls here and there, but at the end of the day, she was my mom. As I'm gonna start crying, so hold on. So I always say that I will never be at my mom's funeral. I will not help plan it. I don't even care to have the call. As any young girl would, I yearn for that relationship. When she died, it finally hit me that I'd never get the relationship I wanted with her. Every day, I feel like I go through each day's stage of grief over and over. Anger for her leaving me with nothing, and sadness for what could have been. I feel so full of grief every day, and I'm stuck in a place in my life where it just feels like it won't get better. But I am trying anyways. There's so much more to the story, but I tried to keep it as short as possible. Thank you for reading, and I hope anyone who's listening knows they're not alone on their grief journey. I think the. The biggest thing for me is, like, exactly what she said is, like, I have. I haven't seen my mom in seven years, right? Like, February, we're in October, we're in November. February will be eight years. I have not seen, laid eyes on, held, touch, smelled nothing. My mom. So for me, I treat it as if she's already dead, right? Like, she's dead to me. And I. I don't mean that always. Sometimes I mean it in a way that is, like, I feel healed. And sometimes I say it in a way that is, like, painful. I feel the same. Like, I feel like. Like I'm prepared. I don't want to know if she dies because she's been dead to me for almost eight years. So what is the point? So I don't know what that's like, and I don't necessarily want to know what that's like. I'd rather just, like, not even know, to be honest. Like, I don't need to know. And everyone in my family wrote her off. She wrote everyone in my family off. So will we even know?

[Chrisley]

I have a hard time thinking about a 19 year old having to deal with this, but I also can't even understand a nine year old having to deal with a parent leaving them. And that's something I think that you understand a lot more than I do, unfortunately.

[Becky Hater]

And that is nobody's Talking about the 19 year olds, the 20 something year olds, the 30 year old, some things, or 30 something year olds that don't have a mom. Right. Like we should be over it by now. Like I don't think that people that have parents or even just any sort of relationship with their like at 32 years old, like it shouldn't bother us anymore. This is how we, this is how we've functioned for our entire lives. So like what you're 32, like she's 19. Like you get what I'm. Do you undertake? Like, do you get what I'm saying?

[Chrisley]

I don't, I get what you're saying and I, I think that there's a lot of healing conversations in the conversation you're having with yourself right now. That is going through your mind which like kind of tugs at every single part of my heartstrings because I think that you're con. The thing that's processing in your mind is trying to heal you at yourself at 19 too. Right.

[Becky Hater]

I just can't believe that she's like, she's 19 years old. Like she's going through what I'm going through as a 32 year old. I'm still struggling with it, but putting myself back to 19, like that breaks my heart for her.

[Chrisley]

Yeah. And I don't think that there's any answer to how you're going to handle grief or how anyone handles grief because you lost someone you wanted answers from and now you have to figure out how to live without those answers and how to live without that relationship. It's possible. Right. There's plenty of people out there that have to do it and it's okay to not know those answers. You shouldn't know any answers at 19, let alone these big life answers.

[Becky Hater]

So just, but it's just I, I feel like her going through this at 19 or even leading up until now is like this is something. No matter how healed she is, I don't know that you ever fully heal. Right. Like not something because her mom died.

[Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Becky Hater]

Because you don't feel like she's never.

[Chrisley]

Going to get those answers that she wants.

[Becky Hater]

Never. So like she has to come to terms with it. Terms with that and get comfortable in that and, and, and, and, and heal in that she will never have the answers. And that I think is harder than saying, oh, I can heal from this. I got the answers, I got the closure. This out. She won't have that. I won't have those things. And so it's just a different sort of grief. And I don't think it's, it's better or worse than any other kind of grief, but it's still grief and it's still painful and you can still yearn for that relationship with your parent.

[Chrisley]

I think it's accepting that it's okay that it's going to hurt and it's accepting that it's okay that you don't need to be okay for sure.

[Becky Hater]

And on that note, since I've cried my makeup off and I need to touch it up before my next interview. I love you. Thank you for doing karma and chaos with me.

[Chrisley]

I love you.

[Becky Hater]

You guys can follow us on Carmine Chaos Facebook group. We also have a tick tock called karma chaos pod. You can follow Becky Becky hater.com also@hater25. Follow me, Kale Lowry and we'll see you next week.

[Chrisley]

Thanks for listening, guys.

[Becky Hater]

See ya. Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's free. I love free. And I love Jersey Shore. For me it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, Criminal minds, solving crime after bedtime, whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Chandler]

Hi, I'm Lauren. And I'm Chandler. And we're the hosts of pop Apologist podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip, Hollywood deep dives, Real housewives, drama, and anything and everything. Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that a listers might mean more to us than each other. Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for pop apologists. Pop apologists, your new favorite sister and celeb podcast.