Still Learning Life Lessons

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Still Learning Life Lessons" – Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter

Released on February 4, 2025

In this heartfelt episode of Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter, the hosts delve deep into the complexities of modern adulthood, sharing personal anecdotes, offering insights on parenting, navigating grief, and exploring the nuances of addiction. Through candid conversations and relatable stories, Kail and Becky provide listeners with a genuine and engaging take on life's unpredictable journey.

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1. Navigating Unexpected Challenges

The episode opens with Kail recounting a particularly tumultuous day marked by a near-fatal car accident involving her daughter, Leah.

Kail (00:00): "I just bought 20 acres in 2024 and I like to just look through the Redfin app to get some inspo for my dream home... Redfin makes it fun to search all the homes for sale and apartments for rent in your neighborhood."

Although this segment initially appears to be an advertisement, it seamlessly transitions into Kail and Becky sharing their recent personal struggles.

Leah's Accident: Kail shares the harrowing experience of Leah being hit by a tractor-trailer while parked. The incident, though terrifying, resulted in Leah and the baby being unharmed.

Alessandra (Becky) (01:45): "Leah got into a car accident on Saturday. She is fine. Baby is fine... It's just been a little bit chaotic trying to figure out how to get places."

Kail emphasizes the emotional toll of the accident and the subsequent challenges in managing family logistics.

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2. Understanding Addiction and Its Complexities

One of the most profound discussions in this episode revolves around addiction. Kail expresses her struggle to comprehend addictive behaviors, seeking to understand the mindset of someone battling addiction.

Kail (08:42): "If we could get somebody who is a recovering addict on this podcast, I would love to pick your brain and try to understand an addict..."

Becky responds with empathy, sharing her experiences and the varied reasons individuals might fall into addiction, highlighting that it's not solely about having an addictive personality.

Becky (10:19): "I lost my best friend to addiction. I have friends that are recovering addicts actively... It's different for everyone."

This segment underscores the importance of compassion and understanding when addressing addiction, advocating for open conversations and resource sharing.

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3. Coping with Grief and Loss

Becky opens up about the emotional weight of celebrating her dad's birthday for the first time without him. She describes the overwhelming sadness that accompanied the day, contrasting it with the previous year where holidays were manageable.

Becky (11:03): "The first birthday is not easy and really... Grief was at a hundred percent that day."

Kail offers support, prompting a reflective dialogue on how personal loss affects individuals differently and the significance of maintaining family traditions as a coping mechanism.

Kail (12:04): "And it surprises me because again, I have no experience with this."

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4. The Role of Sports in Child Development

Transitioning to parenting, Kail and Becky discuss the positive impact of sports on their children's behavior and overall well-being.

Kail (17:22): "It's like a little soccer game maybe and do like a soccer... Because I'm a soccer mom."

Becky adds that engaging in sports not only fosters discipline but also enhances social skills and personal growth in children.

Becky (19:27): "Having a sport or it doesn't even have to be a sport, just an activity in general."

They reflect on feedback from listeners who share similar experiences, reinforcing the idea that extracurricular activities can be beneficial for children's mental and emotional health.

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5. The "Silver Spoon" Stigma and Privilege

A significant portion of the episode tackles the societal stigma surrounding privilege, particularly the derogatory term "silver spoon" used to describe children from well-off families.

Kail (21:01): "I never really thought about this part of motherhood until I see... I was the one that was probably calling people silver spoons."

Becky counters by emphasizing the value of providing safety and support without fostering entitlement.

Becky (23:25): "There's a lot of light into people's lives with social media... we're giving them the ability to experience things and not have regrets."

The hosts encourage listeners to recognize and mitigate the potential downsides of privilege, advocating for balanced upbringing that fosters gratitude and resilience.

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6. Book Discussions and Recommendations

Kail and Becky engage in an enthusiastic exchange about their current reading ventures, highlighting titles like "Onyx Storm" and "Throne of Glass."

Becky (42:44): "Just like Colleen Hoover does it, like someone that is handed a gift would open it."

They discuss the challenges of keeping up with dense narratives and the importance of choosing books that resonate personally. This segment not only promotes literacy but also fosters a sense of community among fellow book enthusiasts.

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7. Interactive Segment: Karma vs. Chaos Stories

In a compelling interactive segment, listeners submit their personal anecdotes to determine whether they were instances of karma or mere chaos.

Listener Story: One listener shares an experience where a coworker, Sarah, stole credit for Kail's work, only to falter during a crucial presentation using Kail's knowledge.

Kail (57:00): "Was this karma, or was it just pure, delicious chaos?"

Becky decisively labels the scenario as karma, reinforcing the idea that actions often have repercussions that restore balance.

Becky (58:31): "That was pure karma... There's a special place in hell for people that don't give credit where credit is due."

This segment not only entertains but also imparts moral lessons on integrity and the universe's way of leveling the playing field.

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8. Final Reflections and Community Engagement

As the episode wraps up, Kail and Becky emphasize the importance of community support and open dialogue. They encourage listeners to share their stories and engage with the podcast's growing community, fostering a supportive network where experiences of karma and chaos are shared and discussed.

Alessandra (Becky) (61:12): "That is karma and this is chaos."

The hosts sign off with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for future episodes, promising more relatable content and continued support for their listeners.

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Conclusion

In "Still Learning Life Lessons," Kail Lowry and Becky Hayter offer an authentic glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of navigating life in their 30s. Through personal stories, insightful discussions, and interactive segments, they create a space where listeners can find solace, understanding, and laughter amidst the chaos of modern adulthood. This episode stands as a testament to the enduring strength of friendship and the ever-present balance of karma and chaos in our lives.

Transcript

[Kayle]

All right, y'all, whether you're searching for your next place to buy or rent, I'm sure you just want to scroll through some dream homes. And I'm suggesting the Redfin app. I just bought 20 acres in 2024 and I like to just look through the Redfin app to get some inspo for my dream home. But also in case I decide I don't want to build and I want to buy again, I think it's amazing that they make it so easy. It's user friendly, especially because I'm not a tech savvy girly and I love how user friendly the app is. Redfin makes it fun to search all the homes for sale and apartments for rent in your neighborhood. You can filter for prices, beds, bath, square footage, and so much more. And if you find the place you love, Redfin makes it easy to go see it in person. You just schedule a tour right from the app, which is different from some of the other apps. Plus, if you're looking to sell, Redfin agents know how to get you the best price possible for your home. And that's because they close twice as many deals as other agents. With a listing fee as low as 1%, Redfin's fees are half of what others often charge. And that means that you'll have more money to put towards your next home, which is amazing. So whether you're looking to rent, buy or sell, Redfin's got you covered. Download the Redfin app to get started. Hi, honey bunny.

[Alessandra]

Hi. How are we?

[Kayle]

Good.

[Alessandra]

Nice to see you. It's been a to see you.

[Kayle]

Yeah, it's been a chaotic morning. I sent a voice note to Alessandra this morning and I said I'm going to be on edge for the next 90 minutes. So in case you are wondering, it's been an absolute chaotic 24 hours. And as for you, because you also have been shaken up a little bit.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, it's been. These past. The past week has been a little. Just heavy a little bit.

[Kayle]

So Leah's okay?

[Alessandra]

Leah is okay. Leah got into a car accident on Saturday. She is fine. Baby is fine. It could have been a lot worse. Her car is not fine. She was parked. This situation happened so much and I think that everyone can relate. Like when they're parked or stopped at a stop sign or stopped at a signal and a tractor trailer makes a turn to cut in front of them, you're always like, oh my God, are they going to hit me? Because they're turning so like close to you and that's what happened? So Leah's car, like, went under the tractor trailer, but it stopped. Thankfully, it stopped before the tires got to her car. If the tires would have gotten, you know, five more feet, it would have, like, went right over her, which is terrifying. Which is terrifying. Yeah. So, like, airbag didn't go off. She called me, like, hysterical, and I was like, I, like, jumped out of my seat and just got my car and just raced over there. But she's fine. Everyone's fine. Car's gonna get fixed or whatever. But her being fine is all that matters.

[Kayle]

No, truly, I just don't know how she, like, then went to work.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, they were like, do you want to go to the ER to get checked out? And she was like, I just left a 12 hour shift in the ER. I go back in six hours. Like, I don't need to go back. If anything, I'll get checked. And she did, like, an ultrasound herself there just to good hear everything. Yeah.

[Kayle]

Well, I'm glad everything's okay. The car situation obviously sucks. Flat out.

[Alessandra]

You don't realize how much you rely on your vehicles until you have one. I know that we're. We're lucky to have two cars. We have each have a car, but you don't realize. And even for me, I work from home. I don't use my car that much. Or at least I didn't think I did. But I go to the gym in the morning. I go and, like, go to basketball practice, and everything kind of just got screwed up a little bit. And so it's just been a little bit chaotic trying to figure out how to get places.

[Kayle]

Yeah, no, I hear you. You're like, do you want me to drop you off at work and then pick you up? Like, you know what I mean? So last week. I haven't talked to you, like, face to face in a long time. Last week, I took five kids to the dentist. And that's what I've been doing for the past, I don't know, seven years. Ever since Lux was going to the dentist, I was taking all my kids the same appointment because it's only one day off, and it's really only a half day because our dentist is a pediatric dentist, and he's super, just, like, quick and whatever. Thorough, effective. Whatever. Efficient. Efficient. That's the word I'm looking for. So I guess Elijah and I had a bright idea that Rio and the twins should also be seen in the same day at the same time. Not really thinking about the age difference, you know, so we could only take both of us would take like a couple hours out of our day to go do this. And it was the worst nightmare of my life. The twins have been very healthy and Rio's been pretty healthy outside of, you know, needing tubes. And they all decided to be kicking and screaming and they have upper respiratory infections. All three of them do. On top of this, just being for a physical for school. So this is. Was what was supposed to be a physical wellness check became a sick visit on top of that. And we thought that it was going to be a great idea to just have them all there and be done. And I could tell that the provider was very, very, very overwhelmed. And then we were also very, very, very, very overwhelmed. And there was two of us and we were like, okay. So when I scheduled their next appointments, they're not going together and I'm never going to do that again. So I will be until they turn five. When they're walking and talking and probably not having meltdowns, that's what we'll be doing. I'll be taking lots of time off for doctor appointments because I never want to experience that ever again.

[Alessandra]

You are still learning life lessons.

[Kayle]

Yeah, I just. You know what it was? It was. I didn't know until we knew. And then I had to go get something notarized. After I pull up to the place where I go get things notarized and I'm looking across the street and there's this woman nodding off in the parking lot. She's just straight nodding off, right? And I'm like, this is actually concerning because she was probably five feet from the highway. So I text Kristen and I'm like, what do I do? I'm like, can I call somebody? Like, I don't know if I'm abusing resources by like calling.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

So I call the non emergency police line and I'm like, hey, like, there's a woman five feet from the highway. She's going to get hit by a car or someone's going to turn into that parking lot and literally smack right into her. So they sent out officers. And I like, I was like, do I just like, sit here and wait until an officer makes contact? Like, what do I do? And she's like, if you want. She's like, you can. She's like, do you want to leave a number? And I was like, sure, hon. So I gave her my name and number and I'm like, wait until the police come. So the police are. They pull up. Literally, exactly what I said. If they would have not been looking for her, they would have hit her. You know what I mean?

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

It was like that. And it was two officers and two trucks. And I was like, oh, my God. And then there's nothing that sobers you up quicker than police officers. So I'm thinking, she's gonna get hit by a car. She straightens up, and she's yelling at them like she's pissed. And I call Kristen, and I'm like, I didn't even think about the fact that she could go to jail because I called. And that's not my intention. My intention was for her to be moved to a sidewalk, for her to be moved inside the hotel, because it was like a motel hotel situation. And I was like, somebody hates me now. And I put my name on the record. And now she's probably getting a fine that she can't pay.

[Alessandra]

I think your intentions were good. I would have done probably the same thing. But that also is what was going through my mind is I wonder what the laws are in Delaware, because I know some states have laws around. You could call in a drug situation where they won't get in trouble for the drug itself, but there's, like, help for them. I don't know what it is in Delaware. I think you're good, though. From. Don't like.

[Kayle]

No. Because she was pissed. She was.

[Alessandra]

I know.

[Kayle]

I was like, oh, my God. Like that. But then it's like, I don't like my. I know. I know where my heart was. Like, literally five feet. She would have been hit by a car if a car didn't fly in there. Right. So I know where my intentions were, but at the end of the day, like, it's not my business. And if she's pissed and goes to jail or gets a fine, like, that's not good either.

[Alessandra]

You did what you were supposed to do.

[Kayle]

It's been a stressful morning. That all happened in the course of three hours between the doctors. Doctor's appointments, and then. Oh, and Lux is off school today. All of my kids are off, except for Isaac. So also, that I think it's so.

[Alessandra]

Funny how we, like, avoid talking during the week, too, because we leave things to talk about on the podcast. So I'm. It's. It's like a surprise. I'm learning just as everyone else is learning of all the chaos that's in happening.

[Kayle]

I'm just like, what the fuck is going on? What is going on? I never know what's going on half the time. So that's all my updates for today.

[Alessandra]

Today and today only.

[Kayle]

Yeah. And Also, I just have a quick question. If we could get somebody who is a recovering addict on this podcast, I would love to pick your brain and try to understand an addict, because I just have such a hard time understanding it all. And I would love to understand from someone who has been. Who's in recovery. Yeah, if they're willing. I just. Because I don't have an addictive personality. Like, I've tried smoking weed. I've tried, you know, drinking a handful of times. I just don't. Like. If I were to try heroin, would it just. Would I just be hooked for life because of the drug, or does it have to do with, like, your addictive personality? I don't know. And then I see, like, my. But one of my best friends from high school sends me weekly videos asking for money. And, I mean, she's missing all her teeth. Like, I don't understand it. Do you know what I mean?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, I mean, I've had. I lost my best friend to addiction. I have friends that are recovering addicts actively. I've been fortunate. I mean, I've done and tried a lot of drugs, and I've never felt addicted or have been in the mindset, but I've never relied on drugs in, like, my worst times. So I think that might have something to do with it. I think it's different for everyone. And I think situations matter, too. If people are using drugs to, like, you know, to feel numb to pain that they're feeling, oftentimes it starts in a innocent way. I mean, drugs start with painkillers that are being given for a surgery. Right. And then totally. I get that, yeah, there's so many different situations, but it. It's never not good to speak and highlight resources and. And just insight into what, like, addicts go through. And.

[Kayle]

No, I guess more so. And like, that is a situation where I fully can understand how it happened. But when you talk about, like, doing drugs to cope, like, I have experienced a lot of shitty things in my life and a lot of grief and a lot of pain and a lot of. And I never was like, I'm gonna go get high. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think it's just weed or pills or anything. Like, I've never used those methods to cope. And so I would like to try to understand that thought process for someone specifically who has done that specifically.

[Alessandra]

For sure. We'll bring someone on. Yeah, I mean.

[Kayle]

I mean, yeah, let's try to find someone who's willing to talk about it. I also think it would be good to like you said, raise awareness and offer resources and things like that. I think that would be. That would be really helpful.

[Alessandra]

Oh, I did want to bring up because it was my dad's birthday this week or technique. It was last week. And so just speaking of heavy things, I did want to bring it up because obviously the holidays were the first without my dad here. And there wasn't an overwhelming feeling at all during the holidays. Like it was just. It was what it was and you kind of moved on. The first birthdays are heavy and I was not expecting like to feel such heaviness and such like overwhelming sadness that day or the night, the night before. And Leah's obviously emotional and pregnant. And the night before I was. I was putting together that video and the two of us were just laying in bed crying, like so overwhelmed. And then the next day it was. There was just so much heaviness. And I don't know, maybe people are used to that. Not used to it, but like experience it as well. But the first birthday is not easy and really. Yeah.

[Kayle]

And it surprises me because again, I have no experience with this. But it's not like it was your first birthday without him. It was.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

His birthday.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. And I feel like there hasn't been a time that I have been overwhelmed with that. Like just heaviness and that the whole day was just weird and off and just like sad and. Yeah. Grief was a. Grief was at a hundred percent that day.

[Kayle]

Were you able to lean? I'm not just Leah, but like your mom and your siblings, like, did you all kind of talk?

[Alessandra]

Yeah. So what we did was we went to the Moot. My dad before COVID I'm sure you remember, I used to bring him and my mom to the movies every Tuesday. And so that's what we. We like went to see a movie and my sister and my nieces came up and Le. Leah's dad came with us too. So it was. It was a nice, like, it was a great distraction of it and it was an enjoyable thing. But yeah, everything leading up to that was just heavy.

[Kayle]

What did you guys see?

[Alessandra]

We saw that new the Kiki Palmer movie with Sza.

[Kayle]

I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Alessandra]

Something a day. It's good. It's like a. It's like a funny comedy that is about them just having a super chaotic day. It would. I find it really hard to watch movies now ever since I started reading books. Like, I feel like I lack just depth of anything.

[Kayle]

Yeah.

[Alessandra]

And so I haven't watched a movie that I'm, like, over the moon about. But it was good. Like, I had no complaints. Like, it was a really good, just, like, comedy movie. It was one of those movies that everything goes wrong. So the second time you watch it is probably better because so you're not, like, stressed, you know, about what's happening. But it was funny.

[Kayle]

Good. I'm glad that you kept the tradition alive.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

Going to movies.

[Alessandra]

Yes.

[Kayle]

If I died, what would you do to remember me? Not about that.

[Alessandra]

Like, what do you. What do you want to be?

[Kayle]

No, seriously, would you do anything like that? I'm not your dad, obviously, Like, Larry is unmatched, but we know that.

[Alessandra]

I mean, I. Maybe I would try. It would be really hard.

[Kayle]

I started basketball, an annual basketball adult game in your honor, and that would.

[Alessandra]

Be fun and raise money for something. Yeah. I was thinking I would do, like, an annual trip with your kids, but in my mind, I'm like, how do I organize with your baby dads?

[Kayle]

You know, honestly, you could just kidnap them.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

Yeah. Go to jail. That'll. That would be a good way to remember me. Foreign this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. All right. We often hear about the red flags that we should avoid. But what if we're focused more on looking for the green flags in friends and partners? If you're not sure what these flags look like, therapy can help you identify the green flags and actively practice them in your relationships to embody the green flag energy yourself.

[Alessandra]

Ironically, that you bring that up, because my last therapy session, we did talk about green flags that Leah portrays in situations that could be maybe looked at as red flags. So it had. It did help me alter my mindset of discussions and conversations that could steer one way but then go to the other, and it's great. We are advocates here at karma and cast for therapy, and there's literally no better time than to start right now. Better help is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide. You have access to a diverse network with more than 30 credentialed therapist with wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapist anytime at no extra cost, which is really important because, as you know, we've talked about it a bunch of times that sometimes the first therapist isn't for you.

[Kayle]

I also agree with that. There's been actual times where I started therapy again and then I had to date around my therapist, kind of see which one worked and which one didn't. You guys can discover your relationship. Green flags with better help. Visit betterhelp.com Karma to get 10% off your first month. That's better. Help h e l p.com Karma it's.

[Becky]

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[Alessandra]

How would you want to be remembered? Would you want there to be like an annual event like for you?

[Kayle]

Yeah. Put everyone's kids in a soccer game maybe and do like a soccer.

[Alessandra]

A youth soccer.

[Kayle]

Yeah. Because I'm a soccer mom. You know what I mean? You get it?

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Speaking of being a soccer mom, we got a lot of really great feedback from last week and a lot of really great discussions from last week's episode. Just speaking about youth sports and stuff and people chiming in when we talked about that.

[Kayle]

Did I happen to mention. And you and Alessandro might know. Do you remember if I mentioned the night and day difference between creed when he has sports and when he doesn't? Did I talk about that at all? Because he hadn't started basketball yet. I think prior to this year he was not ready necessarily for sports. Like he's, he tried them and you know, flag football, he was great. Basketball was not so great. Soccer was sort of iffy this year when he's been ready for sports. The night and day difference of the nights that he does not have basketball versus the nights that he has basketball, he. And what's interesting is he's coming off of the day of in school all day. Right. You would think that he's sort of worn out and tired. Whatever. The nights that he has basketball, he is so much more well behaved. He has less meltdowns. He is excited about basketball. I know he's excited to play flag football in the spring and So I just wanted to add that. And I was talking to one of the moms last night and I was like, you know, she said that she was listening to the episode and she was like, I'm kind of right there with you. Shout out to Tiffany. And. And so I was like, I don't remember if I mentioned that, but his behavior is just so much better when he has like a sport or it doesn't even have to be a sport, just an activity in general.

[Alessandra]

I think that's a great missed point because we didn't talk about it. And that's bigger than an ath. Like a sport itself. Right. Like having a.

[Kayle]

And it has nothing to do with how good or bad he is, sport wise. Like how good or bad he is at the sport. He's just happy to be there. And then the behavior is so different. So I just wanted to throw that out there.

[Alessandra]

I think that that's a great addition.

[Kayle]

So what did the feedback say? Agree.

[Alessandra]

Everyone was just talking about the sports that they. I feel like there was an overwhelming amount that people just let kids play sports that they wanted. They didn't really put restrictions around it. And if they tried to, it kind of wouldn't go that way or they would just let the kid try it and then they would not like it themselves. Right. Like they would figure out that they didn't like it. And a lot of people just putting input of how it either and it was. There wasn't a direction that it went from. Some people had kids that hated sports and once they let them quit, they just didn't go into sports anymore. And that was fine. They were happier, they were healthier mentally. There was some people that disagreed, like, with their partners on sports. And so that was a bigger issue than the kid themselves. Of, you know, their dad wanted them to play football and the mom didn't want them to play football or things of those. I am really. There was a lot of people that are talking about their daughters and wrestling. And it makes me want to have a daughter so bad because, like, female wrestlers are just so badass and just so powerful. And I would love to experience that.

[Kayle]

Well, you could move to Delaware. There's lots of girls in wrestling in Delaware.

[Alessandra]

Moving to Delaware would not give me a daughter. But, like, there also is girls wrestling here.

[Kayle]

I was just saying there's a community of girls here that are wrestlers. That's all.

[Alessandra]

No taxes. That would be the reason I would.

[Kayle]

You're like, yeah, Kayla, buy your old house and you can build the new one. Perfect.

[Alessandra]

Like the one you're in. Maybe.

[Kayle]

Maybe. Okay. I saw this on a friend of mine's Facebook and I had to bring it up to you because you and I grew up very differently. And I would say that Alessandra probably also grew up very differently than us as well. And it was like a. I don't want to call it a meme because I don't think it was a meme, but it was like, it was a quote and it said, will call you silver spoon because your parents did their job. And I thought that was really interesting because I never really thought about this part of motherhood until I see, you know, my kids, peers having very different home lives than mine. And mine are sort of the silver spoons that they're referring to, I would say. And I was very much not the silver spoon. I was the one that was probably calling people silver spoons. I wanted to get your thoughts on the negative view, the negative stigma maybe of the kids who are. Grow up in, you know, pretty, pretty traditional homes or very comforting homes or, you know, things of that nature. And then the negative stigma that comes with that sometimes.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, I think that there's just an undervalue of safety above anything else. I think that safety goes a lot longer of a way than tangible things. So there's a. There is an aspect of kids who are given everything, but they don't have respect for what's given to them. I think in your situation, you have really great kids that value the things that they have and they don't expect anything. Right. Like you aren't doing those things because they expect it. And that's just based on the way that they're cared for, the way that they're loved and the way that they have safety. And I think the opposite side of that is kids being given everything and then they turn into people that expect that they should be given things. Right. Like, I mean, take Isaac for an example. He's working towards things that he wants and enjoys. He's working towards, he loves asl. He's putting effort and extracurricular effort into that. And so he could be given anything he wants, but he's working for it himself in a way that he's creating something that he loves and not really you don't like use it, having to use they. Your resources to kind of do that.

[Kayle]

But I guess what I'm sort of thinking of is like, other kids who may not have, I guess, those privileges that that lifestyle would call him silver spoon because they didn't. And so I'm Just wondering what your thoughts are here is like, is it misplaced anger, you think if the kid. Probably if a child grows up, I.

[Alessandra]

Mean, they do have silver spoons. It's not. That's not.

[Kayle]

Like, my kids are very privileged. They do have 100. But what I'm saying is, I guess, like, growing up, I was the kid that had the rough life. So I didn't. But I didn't look to my friends who had more and were like, it's so like, you're a silver spoon. Like, do you get what I'm saying? It was just like, we can still be friends. I have less than you and we're still friends. But I guess there's like, I don't. Has it always been that way, or is it just today is like, oh, your parents did your job. They raised you really well. You had X, Y and Z. Or maybe you didn't, but you. You had a good life overall. Are you silver spoon?

[Alessandra]

Well, I mean, there's a lot more light into people's lives with social media and a lot more light into other people's lives with social media. So I think that there's probably a level of expectation that kids hold on themselves of, like, what they're portrayed for. But again, I don't know, it's hard because why would I not give my kid anything that they wanted if I could? Right.

[Kayle]

Like, well, see that. And that's something that Lindsay and I talk about all the time is like, where is the line? Because I do have the resources to give my kids all the things, like, literally all the things. And I feel guilty sometimes for doing that.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, but you don't give above their. Like, you don't give. Give unnecessarily. Like, I don't know.

[Kayle]

You are not.

[Alessandra]

You have great kids, though. So it's hard.

[Kayle]

Like, yeah, I do. I just. The. The topic specifically when Lindsay and I talk about it is, is this life sustainable for them as adults? Can they keep this up when they are adults? We are giving them an unrealistic expectation for what life is going to look like when they're adults. And that is a fear of mine, is them thinking. Because Isaac told me he wanted to go to Greece. Great. We're gonna block off a week in the fall to go to Greece, and we're gonna do that. I would go on it. I would go out on. I would go out on a limb and say that 9 out of 10 families cannot do that, but I can make sure that happens. But is that setting him up for failure in Some ways, yes, it's an experience. And yes, money comes back, but time does not. But as an adult, will he be able to do that? And am I setting him up for failure?

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Do you want him to live his life thinking back to his childhood of not doing those things?

[Kayle]

You know, you don't miss something you never had. Yeah.

[Alessandra]

Like, he. You can give it to him so he can experience it. Right. Like, why not give it to him now, even? And so in the future, because he's a good kid. He's gonna look back and be thankful for those times. I know, and not regret it.

[Kayle]

But, like, okay, for example, I don't want to use my kids as an example because I, obviously, as their mom, hope that they're successful, healthy and happy. But you know, what if there's a kid that he's not really thriving academically and he maybe doesn't go to college and he doesn't have. He has some setbacks and it takes him a while longer, if ever, to have that sort of safety, financial safety net to be able to do those things. And so he's going to struggle a little bit more or she's going to struggle a little bit more. And that lifestyle is not sustainable for that child, specifically, as, you know, when they become an adult. Did I set him up for failure?

[Alessandra]

No.

[Kayle]

Okay.

[Alessandra]

I don't think so at all.

[Kayle]

Alessandra, what is your take on that, if you understand what I'm saying?

[Kristen]

I do. So a lot of my friends grew up really wealthy, and they're all really successful, thriving, smart people. I think it really is based on how their parents did it. They did teach them to value it and to know that this isn't everybody's experience. They're also very well informed, and they always have been. I'll think about my one friend, particularly has always had a really good grasp of how other people live. And I think that aspect of it is important so that they know that this isn't everybody's normal. So I think there is a way to do it. I will say that my friends who grew up the wealthiest will say that they have a problem with disappointment now, though, because there is kind of like, oh, well, I'm not used to this kind of deal. So I think, like, for example, when you're talking about, like, the Greece trip with Isaac, Isaac is doing great academically. He started that ASL club. He's doing great in school. He's, you know, thriving. But if he were not to be. And you said, hey, I need you to bring up your math grade from from a C to an A so that you can go to Greece. That's the way I think you do it. You know what I mean? Parameters. Teaching them how other people live. I don't think you have to deprive your kids, especially when you have the means. I really don't think you have to.

[Kayle]

Okay. I definitely think that. I also think it is age dependent too. Right? Like Lux and Creed might not understand necessarily the same way Isaac and Lincoln are just because of the age difference. But I just was wondering. We'll see how it goes. I guess we'll see when they are adults. We'll see how they turn out.

[Alessandra]

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

[Kayle]

I guess so.

[Alessandra]

Sit back and watch the show. Foreign.

[Kayle]

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[Alessandra]

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[Kayle]

Like people you know or both people.

[Alessandra]

I know people from that are listening in. Yeah, they've been sending books to us.

[Kayle]

Okay.

[Alessandra]

And I can't read them. I like start crying because you're grateful? No. Like the stories that they're trying to tell inside of them and like the words that are being said in these kids books. I just start my eyes are getting wet now thinking about it. So I'm like, okay, let me just wait till I read it to the kid. Maybe I'll not cry. But is that normal? Like do you like, do you cry when you read kids books?

[Kayle]

No, not necessarily. I can't say that I Have. Have you ever seen the. The giving?

[Alessandra]

Never. Never in your life have cried reading a kid's book?

[Kayle]

No, no, I'm not saying never in my life, but I also wrote a children's book. If you would like a copy, I'll send you one for. For Baby Vex.

[Alessandra]

I have it.

[Kayle]

Oh, well, I'm gonna give him one dedicated to him, written to him. Okay, I'm gonna give him one and then. I know Leah is a big fan of Halloween, you're right. So I have extra copies of Lance Bath's Halloween Trick or Treat on Scary Street. I have signed copies still, so I'm gonna give one to Bex.

[Alessandra]

He would love that.

[Kayle]

So I'm gonna save those for Baby Bucks. I'm gonna try to think of some books that will make you cry even harder because I just love that you're experiencing all the things, all the feelings. And there's a book. This is how much I love you. And it's these rabbits. Have you seen that one?

[Alessandra]

No, I haven't.

[Kayle]

I'll put together a baby book list and then you could at your baby shower, ask for books instead of cards.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, for sure, that's what we'll do. I just want. I want, like, personalized notes in it.

[Kayle]

Yeah, I love that idea. Also, you know Taylor.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

Her baby shower was unwrapped gifts. And so all the gifts were, like, displayed and you could see them. And I thought that was really cute.

[Alessandra]

I just don't know. I need to get stuff from you that you have set aside. I have some other friends arguing. I just don't know what we'll need. We haven't done registry or anything yet, so.

[Kayle]

Well, T, you could also talk to Taylor. She'll tell you. I just literally went through Valley's closet on Saturday and I picked out all the stuff that still had tags on it that I forgot to put on her. So I texted Taylor and I was like, hey, do you want these? It was for Valley, so she's having a girl. That makes sense. But I'm gonna go through first his stuff and I'll give them to you as well. I'll pick the good stuff, though. Like, not anything that has, like, stains on it. But I will help you with your registry. I could tell you what. What's worth it and what's not worth it. But I will say if you're gonna do a changing table, because everyone just changes their babies on the couch, if you do want a changing table, I suggest having one in the living room. Then, like, we will. I We do use our living room one, but, like, outside of that, you don't really need one. So don't listen to people who say you do.

[Alessandra]

Noted. We have decided we think we're gonna do a Montessori floor bed instead of.

[Kayle]

A crib, like always from, like, from birth.

[Alessandra]

Well, we'll use a bassinet for the first couple of months and then never transfer into a crib.

[Kayle]

Okay. Just be careful. You baby proof? Because your house is dangerous. Yeah, like, very dangerous.

[Alessandra]

Also, someone reached out to me about asking if they could create a custom embroidered onesie for baby backs. And they reached back out to me and they were like, hey, do you have any cards that, like, you has your dad's handwriting on them? And I was like, I think so. And I remembered I, like, I keep all of my cards and I don't know where they are. I thought they were in this box downstairs. And I went to look for them, and I couldn't find any of them. But I found one singular Valentine's Day card from my dad that had, like, love dad on it. So I was able to send that. They're gonna. I don't know how they're gonna use it, but they are going to use it. I'll cry again.

[Kayle]

I'll cry. I'll cry. Absolutely will cry.

[Alessandra]

So, yeah. And there is something else, but I'm keeping it a surprise because I'm getting it for someone else, too. Yeah, I could tell you, but maybe later.

[Kayle]

I'm just making a list to send. You put baby book list together. And what else did I say? Oh, versus clothes. Because they won't get passed down to anybody.

[Alessandra]

They'll get passed down to my baby.

[Kayle]

Yeah, but I mean, like, I'm not having anymore, so it's a really hard pill to swallow for me, to be honest, because I have, like, names that I want to use, and I'm like, get some dogs.

[Kristen]

Okay.

[Kayle]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

No, no, no.

[Kayle]

Because don't let anyone fool you. Dogs are harder than children. I don't want to hear it. I actually have been looking at monkeys, so.

[Alessandra]

Are you. Oh, you're serious? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Kayle]

Yep.

[Alessandra]

Cool.

[Kristen]

What happened to my cows? I thought you were gonna get me some Highland cows.

[Kayle]

I thought so, too. And then I was like, my friend is currently in North Carolina with a capuchin.

[Alessandra]

I sent him the tax thing.

[Kayle]

I just have to get the bank statement.

[Kristen]

I said, that monkey was terrifying. No, you need to send the video where the monkey is looking straight at the camera.

[Alessandra]

That seems, like, a lot difficult. Like, it. I don't think you need a monkey.

[Kristen]

That is a baby. That's why you want it. That's a baby. It's literally dressed as a viper.

[Alessandra]

What are monkeys? Life expectancy ages 20 years. Yeah, I don't think you need one.

[Kayle]

Well, it's an idea.

[Alessandra]

And all ideas don't need to come true.

[Kayle]

Well, I'm just happy to have baby backs. And then Taylor's having her baby, and then, you know, I think that'll be carrying baby fever for a little while.

[Alessandra]

I mean, hopefully forever. You don't have any tubes left.

[Kayle]

I know. It's a damn shame.

[Alessandra]

Oh, my God.

[Kayle]

Put them in a jar.

[Kristen]

Somebody on here to study Kale and her desire to have babies. I know.

[Kayle]

It's absolutely a mental illness. Like, no, Like, I'm not even trying to be funny right now. Like, me even thinking about more children is truly a mental illness. Like, what is it, though?

[Kristen]

I have no clue.

[Alessandra]

I also have no clue. Speaking of mental illness. No, I'm just kidding. They. Heather was trying to create a name for the listeners of Karma and Chaos.

[Kayle]

I love Heather so much. I just booked her on Barely Famous.

[Alessandra]

You did?

[Kayle]

Yeah.

[Alessandra]

And she was like, oh, you guys should be named Kermas because of you. Like, chaos. Yeah, Kerma and Cass. But I do feel like we need a name. I don't know if Karmas is it. We might have to take a vote. Or Karen's.

[Kayle]

Kermas and Karen's.

[Alessandra]

Kermas and Karens could be it.

[Kayle]

Oh, Gossip Girl. Xoxo.

[Alessandra]

There were a lot of people from. Obviously. We're super active in our Facebook group page and we love it there. There's a lot of people that sent in emails. I'm getting through all of them. As you know, we relaunched for the haters and we're recording for season three. There are so many good, like, stories of people that have submitted already. I just want to thank everyone because the feedback has been great. The people sharing their stories have been great. I'm really looking forward to recording season three. Just to make sure that we say this publicly. Is that. Make sure you're listening to the episodes on for the haters feed. I know that we're kind of teasing it on this feed.

[Kayle]

So, yeah, go over and subscribe to for the Haters on Spotify and Apple or wherever you listen to your podcast. Just so that we know who's headed over there, who's listening over there, I mean, things like that. I did see a comment that was like, why Was there only 15 minutes? And it's Just gonna make sure that, you know, Becky's able to branch off into her own, you know, her own feed in her own podcast and hoping that some of the listeners from Karma and Chaos do go over there, because that would be super helpful and just. Just great to have you guys over there, too.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. I freaking love, like, all these people in this community. I love it so much.

[Kayle]

No, they're great. They're pretty positive. I don't see a lot of hate. And when I do see people who disagree with us, I have noticed that it's more usually constructive than, yeah, it is to be hateful or mean. Even when they disagree, they're like, I don't love this, you know, but I'll keep. I'll keep trying or I'll give it a chance or whatever. And I. I do appreciate that, for sure.

[Alessandra]

I mean, for sure. I'm not. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I would think I'm most people's cup of tea.

[Kayle]

I'm everyone's cup of tea. And I'm not the problem ever. It's everyone else.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Speaking of not being the problem, we were talking about this before we jumped on about, is being gay genetic or what that looks like? What are your thoughts? I think that it was interesting because I think you've asked me this before, probably, and we talk. Like, my initial answer was just no, straight off the bat, like. But then. But then I was like, well, it is not like, I don't choose this. That's just who I am. So there has to be some genetic makeup to it.

[Kayle]

Have you ever met a family where all the kids are part of the queer community?

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

So you're telling me that that's just by chance?

[Alessandra]

Maybe. I don't. I get. I don't know.

[Kayle]

Tails, you're gay. Had your straight. You know what I mean?

[Alessandra]

I can tell you what, there's not going to be any studies of it done in the next anytime soon.

[Kayle]

I know. Terrifying. I think there can be a genetic component to it. I do think. I mean, right off the top of my head, there's three and a half people that are gay in my family. So, like my immediate family. So I'm not talking about, like, my household. I'm talking about, like, why did she pop in here like that?

[Kristen]

Well, what's three and a half mean? Half of a person. Oh, half gay. Okay.

[Kayle]

I'm the half. And I didn't choose it. Right. Like, I've actually been struggling with. I wouldn't say struggling with my sexuality. I just. I don't know what the to call it. And so I just don't know. And then there are at least three others that I know of that I'm aware of in my. On my mom's side. And so I just think that in order for that to be. I mean, whatever. I don't care. You know what I mean?

[Alessandra]

You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Kayle]

Well, do ya?

[Alessandra]

I guess so. I've never really thought about it.

[Kayle]

In your family.

[Alessandra]

I feel like everyone's a little gay. I don't know.

[Kayle]

Interesting. Just a fluke, like a. Not a fluke, like a. What's it called? Just by chance. You know what I mean?

[Kristen]

A lottery.

[Kayle]

Imagine. I mean, I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I'm being so serious. Like, do you think there could be. Let's talk about our periods because I have mine right now and I don't have the vicious week before my period anymore where I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. You know the one where you get like acne and the cravings and just wanting to eat everything in sight. I don't have that. And it's easier to manage PMS with Estro Control. Estro Control is a formula developed by Happy Mammoth. I posted it on Instagram. Stories. You guys can check out the Killer Instagram to see what I'm talking about. It's a supplement company dedicated to making women's lives easier. Estro Control contains science backed herbal extracts that help support hormonal health, especially in women who suffer with pms.

[Alessandra]

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[Kayle]

You need to read pictures of you.

[Alessandra]

Great time to bring up. I did finish Onyx Storm.

[Kayle]

You didn't even answer the question.

[Alessandra]

What was the question?

[Kayle]

Do you think there could be a genetic component?

[Alessandra]

Yes. Kale, for the love of God.

[Kayle]

All right, well, that's the. That was part of the conversation.

[Alessandra]

I feel like I did answer it.

[Kayle]

Onyx Storm. And you're running a book club? Online book club, Chapter seven book club. Sometime in February. You're running. You're running the book club for it for Onyx Storm.

[Alessandra]

Correct.

[Kayle]

I believe Kristen's husband's reading it. Corey's reading it.

[Alessandra]

I wanted to give people time to finish it because it's a little bit of a challenge to get through this one. There's a lot of names and, like, confusion around where characters come in.

[Kayle]

Would you rate it?

[Alessandra]

I rated it a four.

[Kayle]

Four.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. The ending really sucked me back in. It was. There were. There was just parts. I'm not someone that gets hung up on things, so if I don't understand it, I just keep going. It's just like if I don't remember a name, I'm just like, oh, whatever. I'll just keep, like, reading. It must not be that important. But there was a lot of names. Like, okay. There was a lot of new characters, a lot of new names. There's a lot of world building. It was a great. It's a great book. Book. There was just. There's just some things in it that feel juvenile in. In the writing style a little bit. And I just came off Red Rising, which is a lot like, more. I don't know, it's heavier written. So I came back to it. It was great. And then all of a sudden I was like, well, why isn't she just doing this? Like, what? Like, why. Why does she have this thing? And why is she not looking at it? Like, that makes. I'm trying not to give any spoilers. Like what? Like. Like this makes no sense. Like, someone that is handed a gift would open it. Like, they wouldn't just forget about it. And I'm just like, okay. And you don't. She doesn't open it until three chapters later. And I'm just like, what was the point?

[Kayle]

That was to build the hype. And it didn't work for you. Rebecca Yarros, that's who wrote it, right?

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

She writes such a variety of books that I just need to know how her brain works. So I really, really need to book her for Barely Famous because I'm more intrigued by her than I am the books. Because, I mean, she's writing things like the Last Letter. I think that's one of her books to, like, variation. And then she's Writing fantasy. And like when Colleen Hoover does it, people are questioning whether she actually writes her books. And she has a ghostwriter because why does she have Verity versus all these other books? Like they're like accusing her of like a ghostwriter. And then you have like Frida McFadden Fadden who only does thrillers. And so I just think it's so interesting like the spectrum that Rebecca Yaros writes. I'm more.

[Alessandra]

It is everywhere. And she announced that she's so Fourth Wing on Iron Flame. Onyx Storm is a five book series and she hasn't written the last two yet. And she announced that she's writing a different book before she starts working on book four.

[Kayle]

So it's gonna be like, I, I don't know. I must have watched a different part of that interview because I thought she said there wasn't going to be any more.

[Alessandra]

No, there's two more.

[Kayle]

So she must have been talking about something else because she. They were like, when's the next book? And she was like, never.

[Alessandra]

No, definitely something else.

[Kayle]

Okay, that's so interesting. I would love to have her on. I have a couple of her books. I'm looking at the. They're not on this shelf, they're over there.

[Alessandra]

Well, you should try to have her on. That would be awesome.

[Kayle]

No, I would love it.

[Alessandra]

I would look out over that. That would be so cool. What book are you reading right now?

[Kayle]

Pictures of you by Emma Gray. I just finished all the Colors of the Dark by Chris Whitaker and I listened to that one. I'm phys. Be reading pictures of you. I will say Chris Whitaker's. It was a good story. They have it listed as historical fiction, which I understand it's giving if you really liked. If anyone listening to this liked Firefly Lane by Kristen Hannah, you might like all the Colors of the Dark. However, for me specifically, I think it was entirely too long. I also got to chapter 43 which was four hours into the book and I started it over completely because I had lost, didn't retain any of the information, had no idea what was going on. Started over. I think it would be better in a movie or a TV show because listening to it just didn't do it for me. But Pictures of you is really good. It's a slow, slow, slow burn if you are into that kind of thing.

[Alessandra]

Are people into slow burns?

[Kayle]

Yes.

[Alessandra]

Interesting. I wonder if the day will ever come that we're both kind of reading the same because I still waiting for you to read 4th Wing. Anyway, I'm reading. I'm I haven't started. My next book is the Throne of Glass series. Same writer as Acotar. It's a different series. It's a lot more in depth and like, harsh, I think, than like, world building than Akatar is. Akitar is like, very, like, smutty.

[Kayle]

And I don't know, what about Divine Rivals? Have you read that?

[Alessandra]

But I did post on my Goodreads that I was going to start Throne of Glass and someone commented and says, said, this series, this entire series is my Roman Empire. It's going to absolutely ruin you.

[Kayle]

So I need to get on this fantasy train. I haven't yet. I. I actually, I don't know if I told you this before. I've never even read Harry Potter. Like, I never read Harry Potter. So I don't know anything about fantasy.

[Alessandra]

You need to read Fourth Wing. And I'm.

[Kayle]

Well, I'll get to it. I just don't know when.

[Alessandra]

Maybe I need to text Elijah Scott, William and just be like, hey, can you read this? Because maybe he'll encourage you to read it.

[Kayle]

Yeah, maybe he's into thrillers.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. So maybe that will work. But yeah, we'll let you guys know when I'm gonna do a. Spencer and I are going to host a book club around Onyx Storm, so.

[Kayle]

So funny. I just got a text from our book club. I have a book club chat and Nicole goes, kayl, did you get a chance to put your wish list together? Because they're telling me to do like a book wish list. And we all like. Well, they have already sent each other books and I just haven't done it. And Brenda said, start with Fourth Wing.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. I've been asking you to read Fourth Wing. It feels like months. And I just want to say also that all the people in the Facebook group have also started to read 4th Wing and everyone likes it. I think there was one person that didn't, which is fine.

[Kayle]

But that didn't like Fourth Wing.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

Yeah. I mean, some people love it and some people don't love that listener topic. You want to know what a listener topic? They said anti bucket list. Some things you would never do again.

[Alessandra]

But I would never do it.

[Kayle]

How about we would never do in the first place? Because a bucket list is typically something that you want to do. So a bucket list. Anti bucket list would be things that we would never do. Would you ever go skydiving?

[Alessandra]

I'm conflicted.

[Kayle]

Okay. I've done it like 10 times and I. 10 out of 10 recommendations.

[Alessandra]

It's just like, I Have a bum knee. So, like, I just. I don't know. Like, I would do it if someone told me I couldn't.

[Kayle]

But why does your bum knee have anything to do with, like, on the.

[Alessandra]

Landing if, like, I have to, like, I don't know.

[Kayle]

Okay.

[Alessandra]

I'm not. I would never go diving with sharks or be around a shark in my entire life.

[Kayle]

What if I paid you?

[Alessandra]

No, you would. You would have to pay me, like, a decent amount of money.

[Kayle]

A thousand.

[Alessandra]

No, I would not do it for a thousand dollars.

[Kayle]

It's literally one of the most incredible things I've ever done.

[Alessandra]

My. My blood pressure just started rising, thinking.

[Kayle]

I love swimming with shark cage free. Specifically. I used to dive. I dove a couple times in Hawaii with one ocean diving. I think that they're not the same company anymore. But Mermaid Kaylee, if you guys have followed her on Instagram or Tick Tock, she has, like, millions of followers. Mermaid Kaylee took me out on a dive and absolutely incredible. Specifically, cage free. The cages are, in my opinion, great.

[Alessandra]

I would never do it. You could, like, yeah, I'm, like, deathly.

[Kayle]

Afraid of shark pops off. I need this specific clip to go viral. And whatever money I make from that video, I will pay you to go shark dive.

[Alessandra]

I feel like I would. I want to cry from being so scared just thinking about it.

[Kayle]

Okay, well, there's no reason to be afraid. They don't want to eat you. I would never go bungee jumping because I don't want the whiplash.

[Alessandra]

Okay, I think that's fair. I think I would go bungee jumping.

[Kayle]

Oh, interesting. Okay, so I wouldn't because I'm scared of, like, you know, like, just having absolute hell of a pain for the rest of my life.

[Alessandra]

Would you do a bull run?

[Kayle]

Yes. My cousins did one in Spain.

[Alessandra]

I don't know if I would do that.

[Kayle]

Really? Yeah.

[Alessandra]

I got a bum.

[Kayle]

I would run out of the way, but I would do it.

[Alessandra]

Interesting. What else is there? Would you do, like, a big game hunt?

[Kayle]

No.

[Alessandra]

Me neither.

[Kayle]

I would not go on a big game hunt. Would you rob a bank?

[Alessandra]

No. There's no benefit from it. Like, there's not, like, fun for me. Right.

[Kayle]

If you told me I could get away with it, I would.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. But, like, I was thinking, if I you told me I only had a day to live, would robbing a bank beyond that? And I'm like, for what? Like, what does that do? Like, I don't know.

[Kayle]

Like, robbing a bank would have to be for the financial gain for, like, more.

[Alessandra]

But is it even a financial gain. Like, how much money does a bank hold? Is it fake money? Is it real money? Is there die insert in it is.

[Kayle]

Are those, like, real things? Yeah, like fake money in a bank?

[Alessandra]

Yeah. They'll put, like, trackable money that you just can't use, and they'll put, like, ink things in it so that if you try to open it, it'll splatter, and then that money becomes.

[Kayle]

Yeah, I'm never robbing a bank. That's my bucket list. Okay, Would you please wait? There's, like, no research surrounding that.

[Alessandra]

Would you join a cult? No, I think I could be persuaded to join a cult.

[Kayle]

I couldn't. Well, here's the thing. And Lindsay and I have gotten a lot of backlash on this because, again, it's sort of like the addiction situation. I can't wrap my head around it, so I have a hard time understanding it. I also have a hard time understanding. I know it can happen because I was in a really toxic relationship for five years, and I had to have been some level of brainwashed for that, so I. I could see how it happens. But I. Occult, specifically. Like, I had a falling out with a friend one time because she was in a cult, and I was, like, pointing it out to her, and she was upset. Do you know what I mean?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, I.

[Kayle]

All right, let's talk about skims. Alessandra and I went to the skim store in New York City while we were there for the last karma and chaos trip. And I got so many things. I'm so excited about it, and I've been raving about skims for forever. I get so many compliments on all of my skim stuff, but specifically their bras and underwear. Right now, I'm obsessed. My entire top drawer is filled with the most amazing stretchy and supportive fabrics, which is what I need because my body fluctuates. Also, I just had surgery, so I want to be in the most comfortable and flexible items. Intimates are the most important foundation of every outfit. We know this, and trust me when I say that everyone who has tried skims has been obsessed. I'm obsessed. Alessandra. Becky, I know you love skims.

[Alessandra]

I do. And Leah loves skims, too. She. I gave her matching sets the last time that we got some things, and she raves about how soft and smooth they are on her growing body. I reach for my own everyday razorback bralette almost every single day. And I. I have huge boobs, and I can't go braless, and I hate that. And I Hate the way that sports bras make me feel so flat chested. And these bralettes are a real game changer. I love the way I feel so supported and comfortable without even feeling suffocated. Big girl boob approved.

[Kayle]

I have the fits. Everybody scoop bralette. I wear it every day. I don't have huge boobs anymore, but it still works. I could go braless, but I love skim so much and I hate the way sports bras make me feel. You know the deal. Bralettes are a game changer. I love the way I feel. Becky said it too. You guys can get your own skims shop.

[Alessandra]

Skims Best Intimate, including the Fits Everyday collection and [e-mail] and skim stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select Karma and chaos in the drop down menu. And if you're looking for the perfect gift for Valentine's day or for yourself, Skims just launched their best Valentine's day shop ever. Available in sizes for women, men and kids. Oh. Would you try to survive in the.

[Kayle]

Wild alone, naked and afraid?

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

Yeah, I applied for that show. You know when they show the survival skills, like all the things that people wait in their like lives.

[Alessandra]

You should go on that show. I forget Amanda. Amanda and Spencer were watching a show, but it's like teams of people or House of Villains. It was like teams of people in the wild.

[Kayle]

Yeah. They had Naked and Afraid where you're like with a buddy.

[Alessandra]

No, no, this is different. I'll have to. You should go on that show.

[Kayle]

I'm gonna go on House of Villains. Traders.

[Alessandra]

You should go on Traders.

[Kayle]

I know, but they haven't reached out to me.

[Alessandra]

So would you go to like a controversial country, like I don't know, like I was. I was gonna say North Korea, but.

[Kayle]

Like that they would kick me out legal. Huh? They would kick me out so fast.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. What else is like a bucket list item? Would you do like a. Like would you a street race in a car?

[Kayle]

Yeah.

[Alessandra]

You would. Do you think that. You think you could beat me in a race?

[Kayle]

A car? Both physically running?

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

I can't even beat my 4 year old son in a race running, so. No, I have no confidence in that. In a. In a car? Yeah, I think I could beat you. Not in my truck. I would need to be in a sedan.

[Alessandra]

We need to start doing more. Like do you think that NASCAR would.

[Kayle]

Let us use there?

[Alessandra]

That's what I mean. We should do like A track. Go to a track. We should go to an indoor. Go kart racing.

[Kayle]

No, because those have a speed limit on them. I don't need to use, like, NASCAR's track and be like, hey, we'll advertise for you if we. You could let us do a drag race real quick.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, someone did give the. It just reminded me because I just saw you chomping on popcorn. Someone asked, if you're gonna eat, at least tell us what you're eating.

[Kayle]

Oh, it's popcorn. Yeah, I think Alessandra. I vote Alessandra to read us the. The karma or chaos story. Is it karma or is it chaos?

[Alessandra]

I vote too. And make sure you guys send in your stories of is it karma or is it chaos? It's our new segment.

[Kayle]

I'm ready for the story.

[Kristen]

Hey, Karma and chaos team, I need you to settle this, because I still can't decide if the universe was serving up karma or just stirring up chaos. So a few months ago at work, I was up for a big promotion. One I had been grinding for late nights, extra projects, jumping in to fix other people's messes. You name it, I did it. And just when I thought it was finally paying off, my coworker. Let's call her Sarah, swoops in and gets it instead. Now, I'm not saying she didn't deserve it, but here's the thing. She got the job using my work. Yep. She took credit for a project that I had spearheaded, presented it to our boss while I was out sick, and conveniently forgot to mention my name. I didn't find out until it was too late. I was furious. But instead of making a scene, I decided to play it cool. Fine, Sarah. Enjoy the stolen spotlight. And then the universe stepped in. A few weeks into her new role, she got put in charge of a massive client presentation. The kind of thing that could make or break your. Your reputation. Guess who actually knew the details inside and out? Me. Guess who didn't. Sarah. So she walked into that meeting all confident until the client started asking real questions. I sat there watching as she floundered, panicked, and completely crumbled. Our boss had to step in and try to salvage the situation, but the damage was done. Afterward, he pulled me aside and said, we might have made a mistake. So tell me, was this karma, or was it just. Just pure, delicious chaos? Because either way, I won't lie, I slept real good that night. Love the show. Can't wait to hear your thoughts. A hard working and slightly smug employee.

[Alessandra]

That was pure karma.

[Kayle]

Absolute karma.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, for sure. There's a special place in hell for people that don't give credit where credit is due. That coming from a corporate girly. Like, if you work on something or if someone does a good job at something, I'm, like, the first person to, like, ping their boss or email their boss and be like, hey, this person just did a phenomenal job in this meeting. This person just did a phenomenal job. Xyz, y'all gotta get that good juju back to you. Don't be Sarah.

[Kayle]

What's crazy about that is in certain industries, and I don't know if the laws have changed, but, like, book ideas, book manuscripts, TV show ideas, podcast ideas, none of that. That, like, if someone steals it. Like, if you pitch someone a TV show idea and they're like, I love this, but we can't do anything with it, and they turn around and they, like, produce the same exact idea. Like, there's nothing you can do about that. That sucks.

[Alessandra]

That's crazy.

[Kayle]

But, like, what happens in the corporate world if you steal someone's work, but it is not necessarily, like, a.

[Alessandra]

A lot of people get away with it.

[Kayle]

That's foul.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

I don't know how corporate works, but that's foul.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Sarah met that karma straight on. And that's why you don't steal people's work.

[Kayle]

People, I do have a question, and this is for you, for Alessandra, and also for our listeners. Say you have a thought, right? Like, you're like, I want. I want to put his phone number on the Internet.

[Alessandra]

He wants what?

[Kayle]

Say you want to put someone's phone number on the Internet.

[Alessandra]

Okay.

[Kayle]

And then you're like, no, I'm not gonna do it. It was just a thought. Is there karma for having the thought in the first place?

[Alessandra]

I think if you think about it too much, the universe is gonna. Something's gonna happen.

[Kayle]

Like, it's like speaking it into existence.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Kayle]

Because your intentions are up, right?

[Alessandra]

Yeah. I don't think all your thoughts turn into, like, repercussions, but.

[Kayle]

Right. Like, if you rebuke them in the name of Rihanna very quickly, you're like, it's canceled out.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. That just reminded me one time, my friend. My really good friend in college got into a fight with someone, and it really pissed me off. So I stepped in and, like, tried to handle the situation myself. And the person put my phone number on a free wood on Craigslist. It was like, free wood. Call this number. What a great, like, no harm, no foul situation, like, to really get back at someone because I was getting phone calls about free wood like, like a hundred times a day. And I was like, what? Yeah, I was pissed because it was so annoying. I was like, how do I get this taken down?

[Kayle]

But I. Someone put my phone number on the Internet as well on a porn website. So I. I understand why.

[Alessandra]

How do you. Why on a porn website?

[Kayle]

No clue. It was a picture of Janelle with my phone number.

[Alessandra]

So yeah, that is karma and this is chaos.

[Kayle]

Email us for submissions for topics for anything that you guys want us to answer at info@karma chaos podcast.com thank you so much. Don't forget to follow Becky on socials and Becky hater.com and you guys can listen to for the haters over on for the haters on Spotify, Amazon, Apple, wherever you get your podcast. We'll put it in the description of this episode and you know where to find us.

[Alessandra]

Thanks for listening as always. We love you guys.

[Kayle]

Bye, Karen.

[Alessandra]

Bye, Karen.

[Kayle]

See ya.

[Alessandra]

Bye, Kerma.

[Kayle]

Kermas.

[Chelsea]

Hey moms. Have you ever felt like there's more to motherhood than what we're told? Then you need to check out our podcast, Mom Moms Ask why. Hosted by Chelsea Jules and Brittany Whitney, Moms Ask why dives deep into the tough questions surrounding motherhood. Our mission? To educate, inspire, and empower moms like you to take charge of your children's health with real talk, expert insight, and actionable advice. This is the podcast every mom needs in her playlist. Because sometimes the best way to be a great mom is to ask why. Follow Rate Interview Moms Ask why now on Apple, Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.