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- [00:00]
Sponsor
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- [01:11]
Becky
Oh, that's who. That's the other lie I used to tell. Britney Spears is my sister and my mom is dating Billy Ray Cyrus.
- [01:19]
Leah
Welcome back to Carmen Chaos. Are we recording? Yep.
- [01:24]
Becky
Oh, welcome back. Hey, girl.
- [01:27]
Leah
Good morning.
- [01:28]
Becky
It was a very. It was a nice surprise.
- [01:31]
Sponsor
Good night.
- [01:33]
Leah
Go ahead.
- [01:34]
Becky
It was a nice surprise when you walked into my room this morning and I saw you and I was like.
- [01:37]
Leah
Oh, wow, she's here.
- [01:39]
Becky
We're back.
- [01:40]
Leah
She's a mom.
- [01:41]
Becky
She's a mommy. You're a mom.
- [01:46]
Leah
I am. I'm gonna give some.
- [01:50]
Becky
Tell us, give us an update on what it's like in the first couple weeks of life.
- [01:54]
Leah
Let me give a warning. Trigger warning. My brain is not fully functioning.
- [02:01]
Becky
Correct.
- [02:01]
Leah
Your girl's tired. It's from if things don't make sense. Leave me alone. Leave me the alone.
- [02:09]
Becky
Leave me alone. Leave me alone.
- [02:12]
Leah
Leave me alone. I don't know what's gonna come about in the next couple hours of what. What is going to be said. A lot, a lot of things have happened in the past couple weeks.
- [02:22]
Becky
Yeah. You had a literal human.
- [02:24]
Leah
I did have a literal human. One thing I. I will. Let me just start from the beginning, please. I am so happy that the labor experience happened the way that it did. I am so happy that I got to experience Leah's water breaking in the middle of the night. I've said that. I think I said this before, but everything was so calculated, so scientific, so matter of fact of our pregnancy. Like the conception of our pregnancy. Like everything. There wasn't many. Like obviously the gender was a surprise. But it's like 50. 50, right? Like it's going to be one or the other. It's not like a monumental thing. At least for me it wasn't. So being woken up abruptly in the night and Leah going, becky, my water just broke. And me being like, what? What does that mean? Yeah, like, what do we do? I'm like. And I said, are you sure you didn't pee yourself? She goes, I am in a puddle right now.
- [03:23]
Becky
Her water broke.
- [03:24]
Leah
And so it was midnight when her water broke. And it was just. That was a really cool experience for me because I got to do the running around getting things together, like, making sure. And we had just repacked our hospital bags that night too, so.
- [03:40]
Becky
Worked out.
- [03:41]
Leah
It worked out perfect.
- [03:42]
Becky
And then I got a FaceTime call.
- [03:44]
Leah
Yeah.
- [03:45]
Becky
And you were in the hospital.
- [03:46]
Leah
And then we were in the hospital. We ended up getting to the hospital. So Leah called the hospital, called the doctor and said, hey, my water broke. They took like 20 minutes to call her. So she was, like, doing her hair.
- [03:58]
Becky
Like, I take a shower.
- [04:01]
Leah
Yeah. To. To each their own, I guess. And so we ended up getting to the hospital. We stopped at the gas station and got some drinks and stuff to prepare us for whatever was coming next. Some. Why?
- [04:15]
Becky
Because it is my favorite part of giving, like, of the whole thing is like, the. Just the surprise of, like.
- [04:21]
Sponsor
And.
- [04:22]
Leah
And she wasn't having contractions. Like, she, like, was having one every hour. So, like, they weren't like. She wasn't really contracting, so we weren't rushing at all. And so we got to the hospital at 2am and she was 7 centimeters dilated.
- [04:37]
Becky
That's insane. I cannot even believe that they gave her an epidural when she was 7cm dilated. Like, that's insane.
- [04:43]
Leah
They were also surprised when they checked her and were like, you're good right now. And she's like, yeah, I'm fine. And then things escalated very quickly to. We got there at 2am I think it was around 3 or 4. She started getting really bad contractions. And when we went into the. We. She got transferred to the delivery room. And before you can get an epidural, you have to take a certain amount of fluid, like IV fluid. Like, they can't just give you an epidural. You have to take a full bag of fluid. And so during that moment of waiting, she started getting really bad contractions, like, back to back, to, like, no break in between them. It was for like an hour. In that moment, I thought to myself, wow, I feel so helpless right now. There's nothing I can do. I did. We brought a heated, Like a. What is it called?
- [05:38]
Becky
A Heating pad.
- [05:38]
Leah
A heating pad with us. That kind of helped her a little bit. The nurse gave her combs to squeeze in her hand. Like, combs?
- [05:47]
Becky
Never heard of that.
- [05:48]
Leah
Make your brain feel points of pressure somewhere else.
- [05:51]
Becky
Okay.
- [05:51]
Leah
And so that, like, helped a little bit, but for that hour, it was a. It was a lot. Before the epidural, before she could have the epidural.
- [05:59]
Becky
Have your feelings towards Leah changed? Like, did this birthing experience. Has it intensified how you feel about Leah?
- [06:08]
Leah
I don't. It's. It's really hard because I already had intense feelings about Leah. I've never. I've never felt I'm. My. I'm gonna cry.
- [06:19]
Becky
Her eyes are getting wet.
- [06:21]
Leah
I feel like my, like, my feelings towards Leah have always been, like, 10 out of 10. Right. But I think watching. Watching her, like, go through that.
- [06:37]
Becky
You're gonna cry?
- [06:37]
Leah
Just cry this whole time.
- [06:40]
Becky
Tissues are right there.
- [06:44]
Leah
I'm not, like, mad about crying. I just.
- [06:47]
Becky
You love her so much.
- [06:49]
Leah
No, I just. I actually haven't cried that much, which is wild. So many emotions.
- [06:59]
Becky
I feel like. I mean, I cry as much as.
- [07:01]
Leah
You do, so it's, like, hard to explain. Like, I was just so proud of her.
- [07:06]
Becky
Yeah.
- [07:06]
Leah
Like, she was just so strong and so, like, it was just such, like, a powerful moment to, like, watch her go through.
- [07:16]
Becky
Because I'm gonna start crying now, but I paid for makeup, so I'm gonna need you.
- [07:22]
Leah
So it wasn't. It wasn't like a. It wasn't like, an over overwhelming feeling of love because, like, I already love Leah with, like, every ounce of my being. It was like. It was just like this moment of, like, being so proud of her because, like, she went. Her. She mentally and physically just, like, was going through something that no one can possibly understand unless you go through it. And so, like, seeing her stre and, like, seeing her just, like, be so calm and just so, like, in the moment of whatever she was doing, making sure that she was okay, making sure the baby was okay, just, like, it was just so powerful. Like, the. Like, the female body is just insane. Like, I watched the entire thing, and it was the coolest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Like, I. No one can prepare you, and everyone can talk about it, everyone can say this and that, but, like, no one prepares you for, like, the beauty of it. Like, it was just so beautiful and, like, so. No, like, I didn't feel. I didn't feel some, like, extra level of love. Like, I just felt so much for her of, like, everything coming in at once I think, like. And yeah, like because. And like it'll be a different conversation but like I didn't feel this euphoric moment. Like I didn't feel this like automatic moment of love for the child or love for like the baby or love for this new life. Like that never came to me. And so it was always just like, just about Leah. Like oh my God, I'm gonna be crying this whole friggin episode.
- [09:24]
Becky
It's fine.
- [09:26]
Leah
And it's crazy because like I'm a crier. Like that's like who I am. I didn't cry until like two days ago.
- [09:35]
Becky
Like it was just like overwhelming.
- [09:38]
Leah
I. So I had therapy the other day and I think it was. There's just like a lot of layers to it. I think for the first two weeks you're obviously just tired and like just figuring out a new normal. Trying to keep. Why trying to keep a new human in your life alive and making sure that they're okay. One thing I do want to make sure that I talk about is I know for us it's hard for people to recognize and understand because like I'm also like a female. So people just associate me with the feelings of what like a mother feels. But like being a non birthing, being a non birthing parent is so different. And so like I feel like I relate so much to people in that situation and there's probably so many people that get like kind of left behind in it because like, I mean men are men in general. So like you don't question. I don't know, it's like I felt so alone and just oh my God, I felt like these fucking tears. I felt like so much more empty because of the expectations people think you should be having. And so when people constantly would be like, oh my God, isn't this the best day of your life? Are you just in this like bliss of like newborn? It's like, no. Am I supposed to like why, why do people make it seem like those are the feelings that you're supposed to have?
- [11:48]
Sponsor
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- [13:36]
Leah
It's been three weeks now. For the past two weeks, it was, like, hard. It was, you know, like, I don't feel connected to him. And like, not in, like, a scary way. It's just like, in a this is a stranger in my house way. And like, I didn't give birth to him. So, like, it's different. Like, Leah feels a connection to him where it, like, pains her to, like, leave him, like, physically. Like, if she, she had to leave the house the other day to go to work and like, it, like, it really doesn't even cross my mind, like, leaving. Like, I miss her and I miss, like, being with them, but it doesn't, like, alter my, my being of who I like who I am. So I say that all to say, the past, like, two weeks, three weeks have been just. It's a lot of learning. Like, I've learned so much, just about everything about life. About, like, the only reason I feel like I'm a human is because of Leah. Like, she checks in on me. She's making sure she can see, like, the struggles that, like, I'm experiencing. And, like, she just switched to breastfeeding, which made it, like, 20 times worse because, like, I'm really no longer needed to, like, keep the child alive. Do I, like, do I say the child like, he's not a human, but, like, to keep Bex alive? Like, like, I, I could step away and, like, I'm not a necessity for him now. And I know all the things. Like, I know everything will grow, even in the, like, weeks in the past week. Like, me and him having more moments of just, like, us too, and just things like that. Like, I can feel that relationship growing, but it definitely wasn't there in the beginning.
- [15:57]
Becky
I paid for this makeup.
- [15:59]
Leah
It's just been a lot. And, like, this is gonna be really up, too. I, like, spoke to my. I had therapy. I had a mental breakdown the other night. Me and Leah had, like, a crying fest. I think that. I think that there's some type of.
- [16:21]
Becky
You know, you're gonna help so many people by talking about this.
- [16:24]
Leah
I think that there's some type of barrier between me and the ex because of my dad.
- [16:34]
Becky
What do you mean?
- [16:35]
Leah
Like, I, like, I feel like there's some, like, so much a part of me that, like, misses my dad. And so I do so well. Oh, my God, I do so well at not missing him in, like, an emotional way. And so I feel like there's, like, a barrier to my love for Bex. Because, like, it's just, like. Just so, like, apparent. Like, it's just so very present that my dad's not here. And, like, that fucking sucks. And so, like, I now have to love him the way that, like, I'm missing that love for my dad. And it's just like, this weird, like. Like, when I see him, I kind of think of my dad, and not in, like, a good way. It's, like, in, like, a hurt. Like. Like a sad way. It's like. Like he should be here. Like, he should be enjoying this, too. And, like, I did not expect any of this. I expected for Leah to give birth and for me to have some type of euphoric moment of, like, this being the best time of my life, the best moments of my life. And, like, it's like, not. And it's fine. Like, I. It's not in, like, I don't think that this is ever gonna change. It's just in a. People don't talk about this enough type of way. Like, it's lonely. Like, Leah talks about how lonely pregnancy was. Like, she was. Felt so alone in it. And, like, I was excited because that's all I knew. But, like, no one talks about being an. And it could be the same thing as a birthing parent could go through it.
- [18:39]
Becky
Like, obviously, this is not to discredit anything that you're saying, but, like, if it is any consolation, like, I went through that, too with my Own and I birthed him. You know what I mean? So like, it does happen. But I think to your point about like, I don't know, like dads in general or like a non birthing parent, you can't expect them to feel the same thing because giving, physically giving birth creates something different. And it's, I don't think, obviously intentional, but.
- [19:08]
Leah
And the only reason, like, I've like, Leah's just been so great. Like, she's been like, is there anything I can do? Like, and we talk about it and like, and like I was trying to explain it to her of like, you know, especially with she bottled. We bottle fed the first three weeks. So the first three weeks felt like I, like I was giving something to like Becks that he needed. And then when she switched the breastfeeding, my responsibilities then went to like, changing him. And like, he doesn't necessarily like being changed. So I was never giving him something that like, brought him joy. Like, I was only giving him something that brought him discomfort. And like, that was a lot like that.
- [19:52]
Becky
Like, like you're doing the stuff that's like, not.
- [19:54]
Leah
Yeah, yeah. So like, I didn't get. And then obviously when babies switch to breastfeeding or breastfeeding in general and you hold them and they're just like looking for a boob all the time. And it like, I can't give that to him. So it's like, okay, here.
- [20:08]
Becky
Like I will say too, like, just speaking from a breastfeeding mom's perspective, that created resentment for me.
- [20:18]
Leah
Yeah.
- [20:18]
Becky
I don't know if any other Stevie's a mom that created resentment for me because I felt like I didn't get a break and so obviously don't wish that for Leah, but like, it might, if she's able to pump or something. Give you.
- [20:30]
Leah
She is. She's doing both. And like, we're definitely continuing to do both. But for her, like, breastfeeding has brought her so much comfort. Like, she loves being able to breastfeed him. And like, but we, like when we were having like this breakdown, she was like, I'll stop. Like, I'll figure out how to stop if that's what's best for you. And like, that's not what I want. Like, I don't. Like, I was like, I'll figure it out. Like, I'll figure this out. And that's kind of just what I'm doing. Like, I'm figuring out, like, what works best for us and like, how to like, be present but also just be okay with it. Not It's. It's really just the expectations that really just you up. Like, yeah. And you know when people ask, like, because like, that's the first thing people say to you is like, aren't you in newborn bliss? Like, are like, isn't this. Like, no, this isn't the best. Like, when I think of the best day of my life and Leah even agrees to the some sort because like, people say, oh, when I gave birth, she's like, labor was not the best day of my life. Like, literally one of the worst days of my life. Like, what the is wrong with people?
- [21:42]
Becky
Oh, I loved it.
- [21:44]
Leah
Oh my. Like, what the is wrong? Yeah, what the is wrong with you? Like, when I like, my wedding day was the best day of my life. Like, nothing will ever compare to that day.
- [21:54]
Becky
And so I wouldn't know cuz I wasn't there. Rub it in. Rub it in. Honestly, renew your vows.
- [22:07]
Leah
I would renew my vows every day for that girl.
- [22:10]
Becky
But like, stop.
- [22:11]
Leah
Y' all have been.
- [22:12]
Becky
How long have y' all been together? Nine years.
- [22:14]
Leah
Yeah, nine years.
- [22:14]
Becky
And you still feel that way about her?
- [22:17]
Leah
She leaves just the best. Like, she, like, she like, just is. I could, I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. Like, I couldn't because it's hard. And we like, laugh. Like, people have kids to try to save their relationship. Like, having a kid.
- [22:36]
Becky
No is the most.
- [22:37]
Leah
Like, it is the most challenging daily thing. And I know I've only been in it for three weeks, but, like, it is the most challenging thing that, like, we will probably go through as a couple of just if you can't communicate with your partner. I have so much respect for single moms. I have so much respect for people that go through parenthood by themselves. Like, it is. It's crazy. It's like, what, like, what do people do? Like, because me and Leah are a team. Like, we are through and through a team everything. If someone is falling, the other one is picking them up. And like, what? And like, I. And we both still feel lonely in our moments when we have the best parts of each other. So, like, what? Like, I just, I. I have so much empathy for those that like, have. Have to experience that themselves. And like, alone or with a bad partner, which I feel like is significantly even worse than doing it by yourself.
- [23:51]
Becky
Oh, doing it with a bad partner is worse than being a single parent? In my opinion. It's worse. Far worse.
- [24:03]
Sponsor
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- [26:40]
Leah
So past three weeks have been crazy. It's I like literally didn't cry for like for two weeks and just like I don't, I don't even know. I sleep deprivation too. And that's like, if I had to live the rest of my life in the way that we're living right now, like, that doesn't worry me, that doesn't bother me. Um, I just, I think that it was just such a huge hump for me to get over what people made it seem like I was going to feel in these moments. And some people do. And good for fucking them. Like, good for them. For like, even dads. Like dads that automatically have that switch or automatically. I'm happy for you, but I sure as want to make sure that if y' all are pregnant, I'm talking to whoever and you have a partner, make sure you remember you love them too. Because it ain't easy. And I, I understand. And I've said, like, I say this. Leah, I understand. She just went through the most life changing thing from a body perspective, a mental perspective of her life. Like, I'm not looking to consume her entire being and her entire energy, but like, like, I'm still here, right? Like, I'm like, I like have, like I want to be loved too.
- [28:17]
Becky
I think that's more common than anyone's willing to admit.
- [28:21]
Leah
If someone like me is going through this, who is like an overwhelming loving person who loves blindly, who loves without knowing, who loves with no barriers. Like, if it can happen to me, I mean, that shit can happen to anyone for sure. Like, that doesn't. And I'm emotionally intelligent to know, like, I know this isn't forever. I know this isn't how I'm gonna feel. Like I know the bond that me and Bex have, like, we'll continuously grow through moments that we have together. But I think that it's just important that people are more realistic about it, that it can happen so you don't feel like a fucking crazy person. Like, when it doesn't.
- [29:06]
Becky
The first entire year, you'll feel like a crazy person. To be honest, the first whole year is a blur.
- [29:12]
Leah
I know what life like, like I love him and I love this life that we're. Leah and I are building together with him. Um, it's just, I, like, I know that it's going to take moments that me and him are gonna go through for, for that bond to really start forming.
- [29:35]
Becky
It'll just look different.
- [29:36]
Leah
Yeah. Than her and that's okay. Like, I, like I'm emotionally intelligent enough to know that that's okay. My fear is that there's people going through what I'm going Through that don't know it's okay. Like, that scares the out of me because, like, my lowest points, I still know that I'm going to be okay because I'm going to get through it. Like, that's not forever. Like, obviously I'm actively in therapy too, and so that helps, like, my therapist help, like, talk me through this. But, like, some people think that there's something wrong with them because they're not feeling like, that they're not feeling instantly connected. Like, and that's like, that's so. Like, you have your entire life to. To grow with this child. Like, you have so much to give. And not for nothing, le. We have a good kid. Like, we have a real. Like, he doesn't cry unnecessarily. Like, he gets a little gassy, but that's okay. Like, he's not screaming where he's un. Like, inconsolable. Like, he just chills. He's a good kid. And adding those other, like, ailment or elements to it. I would make things so much worse. Like, if I just had a kid that screamed, that was colicky and screamed all the time, and I, like, didn't feel connected to him, I'd want to kill myself. Like. Like, I can completely understand the frustrations and that, like, being tired and, like, you have a stranger that you're taking care of now when you don't feel that connection. And it's just, you know, it's just not talked about enough. And some part of me, I'm happy it's happening to me because imagine if I just got on here and just talked about how good it, like, good things were, and then someone that's listening was how I'm actually feeling, and, like, that's all they get to hear is the rainbows and butterflies. That's it, right?
- [31:33]
Becky
Yeah.
- [31:35]
Leah
I've been talking for an hour. How long?
- [31:37]
Becky
It's okay. 28 minutes.
- [31:38]
Leah
Oh, my God. Jesus. Everyone's gonna be like, why didn't.
- [31:41]
Becky
No, no, I think people will. Will appreciate what you have to say. Yeah, a lot of people.
- [31:49]
Leah
So, yeah, that's what I've been doing the past three weeks. And that's what people are probably like. Why the. Does Becky have people at her house all the time? Why is Becky doing shit all the time? Because I'll take a dirt nap if I'm not. Like, having some. Honestly, working out has, like, saved me through this. Being able to get back into just having time in the gym, like, taking care of myself, like, emotionally as well.
- [32:14]
Becky
But you can only do that. If you have a good partner.
- [32:16]
Leah
100.
- [32:16]
Becky
If you don't have a good partner, that shit's out the window.
- [32:19]
Leah
And, like, it's not like I'm. I'm like, lee, I'm going to the gym at this time every single day. Every time I go to the gym, it's different time because I'm, like, going off of when things are settled at the house. Like, she does. Like, she's in a calm place, too. She's not overly exhausted from the night before. Because if she is, I'm not going to. Right. Like, I'm not leaving. Like, I wouldn't be here today either if there was any reason I thought I couldn't. Like, I would never leave her in a. In a position of, like, being in a place of exhaustion. Like, she's doing great. Lia's, like, thriving in motherhood. Like, she's having her own, like, struggles of figuring out what her body needs. Pumping wasn't working. She was, like, experiencing so much breast pain from just solely pumping. So she's going through the things that she. To figure it out. But she, like, she has that connection with him. Like, she loves him and, like, feels so connected to him, which is beautiful in itself. Right. Like, because obviously she's not biologically related, so it could have went the opposite direction way.
- [33:24]
Becky
Yeah.
- [33:26]
Leah
So, like, there's beauty in that, that she feels so powerfully connected to him, even though, like, she could have not. I don't know. And that makes me like, I'm. She's the best.
- [33:39]
Becky
Do you think that it's possible that she could feel the way you're feeling when you get pregnant?
- [33:44]
Leah
Maybe.
- [33:45]
Becky
I think you'll know how to comfort her.
- [33:47]
Leah
Yeah. But I think it's gonna be harder because she'll still, like, not harder. I think it's gonna be easier because she'll have Beck still to, like, like, she. She had the experience, so she knows. She has seen me go through this, so she'll know it's okay. She has the experience of. Of loving a child, giving birth. So she knows, like, what that feels like.
- [34:09]
Becky
Right.
- [34:10]
Leah
I think it just prepares us for whatever will come. If I, like, if or when I get pregnant. And who knows, I might go through this again when I give birth too. Maybe that, like, maybe motherhood is just a different. It's different for me, and that's fine. Like, I know that the relationship that I'm going to have with my kids is going to just continue to grow. Like, as they become people and have personalities and have moments, maybe I'm just not someone that I don't even know. I don't like, loves us. But I do love strangers. But most strangers have personalities.
- [35:01]
Becky
They don't. Honestly, the fur. I. I might get crucified for saying this, but the first year is not my favorite. I do not love the first year. And please don't rip my head off for saying that. But it's, like, not a fun time.
- [35:13]
Leah
Yeah, I mean, they're just like. And they don't even, like, laugh at your jokes.
- [35:16]
Becky
No, they don't laugh at your jokes. And if your hair was down, they'd pull it.
- [35:20]
Leah
Yeah. I mean, I say funny stuff and he just looks at me.
- [35:28]
Becky
Right? Yeah. He can't even see.
- [35:31]
Leah
I'm like. I'm like, what the are you even dreaming about? Like, you don't even, like, can't even see full objects yet.
- [35:36]
Becky
Like, he's dreaming about me.
- [35:38]
Leah
He's actually dreaming about Leah's boobs.
- [35:41]
Becky
He's not dreaming at all. Yeah, actually, he's not.
- [35:44]
Leah
Suck on him.
- [35:45]
Becky
And you don't.
- [35:46]
Leah
Yeah.
- [35:47]
Becky
Remember when you took a shot of my breast milk?
- [35:49]
Leah
I do.
- [35:49]
Becky
Are you gonna take a shot of Leah's?
- [35:50]
Leah
Yeah, I've already tried it.
- [35:51]
Becky
Oh. How is it?
- [35:52]
Leah
Hers is nice and sweet.
- [35:54]
Becky
Okay, that's good. That's really good.
- [36:00]
Leah
What?
- [36:02]
Becky
What?
- [36:03]
Leah
I don't know. The way you said it just sounded like.
- [36:05]
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- [36:06]
Leah
Right? Yes. Yeah, that was funny.
- [36:17]
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- [37:46]
Leah
I'm trying to think of what else like, like was emotionally charging for me.
- [37:54]
Becky
I feel bad because I feel like I asked you like, oh, are you so happy? Are you like, I was one that like perpetuated.
- [38:00]
Leah
That's like what everyone's like, that's like the thing to do. Like, that's. And that's what I mean. And it's not like I'm mad at people for asking me that. That's not how I feel. I'm not upset with anyone. It's just a weird question for me to answer. I kind of always get to skip like a.
- [38:21]
Becky
Did anyone prepare you for the first tar poop?
- [38:24]
Leah
No. So no. Here's a couple things no one prepares you for. If you're a first time mom, soon to be. No one prepares you for the first tar poop.
- [38:35]
Becky
It literally comes out like tar. Like it looks like black, black tar and it's sticky and gross.
- [38:41]
Leah
Specifically, I can't talk to having a girl because obviously I have a boy. I'm pissed at Kale because she did not prepare me for boners.
- [38:51]
Becky
Oh, shit. Sorry about that.
- [38:53]
Leah
Like, who knew a day old got boners?
- [38:58]
Becky
Well, it's just a blood flow.
- [39:00]
Leah
It's still a boner that like, I was like, leah, he has a boner right now. And she's like, no. And then she looked it up and infants have boners. I get pissed on four or five times a day. Yeah. And I. Everyone's like, oh, get a pt, ppt, whatever.
- [39:18]
Becky
A pptp. It's a teepee that goes over.
- [39:24]
Leah
It's the penis. I'm going to invent something because like you, if you put it on this puddle of pee just then forms and then it gets on the onesie and then you have to change them. I didn't know. I also didn't know to prepare for having to change outfits five to ten times a day.
- [39:41]
Becky
Correct. So you. Yeah. Like one outfit change is not enough.
- [39:45]
Leah
Was not prepared for that.
- [39:47]
Becky
Well, so the first year is going to be a lot more of that because it's going to be coming from both ends. Right. Like you're going to have shit and pee, but then you're also going to have the throw up and the drool.
- [39:55]
Leah
Cruel. Yeah.
- [39:56]
Becky
Because then they're going to be soaked from like their shoulder down. And then if you're anything like, if he's anything Like Lux, he'll be projectile vomiting everywhere, all the time. Not so yikes.
- [40:07]
Leah
Yeah. So we also weren't prepared with enough newborn stuff. We didn't have enough newborn onesies.
- [40:13]
Becky
I think the idea behind, like, nobody gets it because they're like, oh, it's gonna grow. They're gonna grow so fast.
- [40:17]
Leah
You need them for the first.
- [40:18]
Becky
You'll get it.
- [40:19]
Leah
Yeah, but you need them for the first two weeks.
- [40:21]
Becky
No, I know, but it's like somebody else will get it. You think that they're already covered. So everyone overlooks it. Those newborn.
- [40:27]
Leah
Yeah, we needed more newborn onesies. We had to order a bunch because he was changing five, five to ten times a day. And we needed onesies to just be able to switch him. Switch them in and out of. What else? The breathing. I don't think, like, people talk about baby breathing enough. Like, babies can stop breathing for a couple seconds and then, like start breathing again. They have very weird breathing.
- [40:50]
Becky
Well, the nanit is really good.
- [40:53]
Leah
Yeah, we have that.
- [40:54]
Becky
And banana works really well.
- [40:55]
Leah
We haven't used it just because he's been in the.
- [40:57]
Becky
Taylor was talking to me about it. She's a four month old and she was saying she absolutely loves it.
- [41:02]
Leah
I'm excited to use it when he's in his own room, which I feel like Leah's gonna give me a hard time about when he transfers into his own room. We'll see. I'll cross that bridge when it. When it comes. Also, when you have a boy and they're circumcised, they will get like a yellow film over their penis only while it's healing. Yeah, but as someone that's never seen it, I thought it was infected. I'm like, Leah, his.
- [41:30]
Becky
What about his belly button? Did anyone prepare you for how long the belly button stays on? Is his still on or did it fall off?
- [41:34]
Leah
Fell off really quick.
- [41:35]
Becky
Well, if you don't do it properly, they get so infected and they smell so bad.
- [41:39]
Leah
Yeah, his did start smelling bad. But like the. If you're having a boy and they have like a yellow film over their penis, it's fine. Like, that's. That's a normal thing. Yeah, but like, no one. All of these good thing for Leah. Leah is a provider in the er, so all of these things are things that people come to the ER for with newborns. And so she already knew a lot of, like, of those things that are, like, are not serious to, like, normal things.
- [42:11]
Becky
Did you say this belly button cord?
- [42:14]
Leah
No.
- [42:14]
Becky
Oh, did you eat your. Her placenta?
- [42:17]
Leah
No, I Would have. We just weren't prepared for anything.
- [42:23]
Becky
Well, I can send you a contact for your next baby so you all can eat it.
- [42:27]
Leah
Okay. Did you save their cords?
- [42:30]
Becky
I actually did art with mine. So we did like art painting.
- [42:35]
Leah
Yeah.
- [42:36]
Becky
And then put it in a blender, eat it, and then save the cord when it falls off.
- [42:41]
Leah
Yeah, we didn't do that. No shade to anyone that does. I just didn't feel really. I just. Because I. I didn't feel really connected to it. I have no quarrels with placenta at play. Oh my God.
- [42:57]
Becky
Copy.
- [42:57]
Leah
I almost spit all this white out.
- [43:01]
Becky
What the is placenta play?
- [43:03]
Leah
That sounds like a kink, I guess if you say it like that. But you said it like that, not me.
- [43:11]
Becky
Placenta play is crazy.
- [43:12]
Leah
But like, if you're right.
- [43:14]
Becky
No, everyone was like.
- [43:19]
Leah
Yeah. So a couple other things that we did that we liked. I know that obviously people meeting the baby is heavily discussed topic. Do whatever works for you. Don't listen to anyone. Whatever feels right. Don't let anyone to bully you thinking you have to do one or the other. We let a bunch of people come to the hospital, like our, like my mom, her parents, her brother. And we were so delusional in those moments that like they came, they met, they left. And then the first couple days home we kind of had by ourselves, which was so nice because no one was like bothering us to come because they had already seen him. So they gave us a few, like a few moments. So we really were happy that we let people come to the hospital because we were just like, it was so chaotic anyway. And of course Leah felt okay for them to come also. Second, no one prepares you for how much you need to take care of yourself after giving birth. So like Leah, the first week was, it was, it was a lot like, like tearing and all of that stuff. Like having to take care of yourself as a full time job.
- [44:37]
Becky
Yeah.
- [44:38]
Leah
Of like everything that you have to do for yourself. And I don't think she was prepared for that as much. Like she didn't realize how much it was going to be consuming, like just being able to care for her.
- [44:51]
Becky
Well, I think society today wants women to give birth and be back to work in 72 hours. Like they literally. Our society is not built for women or moms general. So yeah, we just have this like unrealistic expectation on ourselves as parents to like go home from the hospital after giving birth and like do all the things and like get other kids ready and cook and clean. And that's just not the case. It's exhausting.
- [45:16]
Leah
I can't even believe it. I go back to work this week, this week that this comes out. I feel comfortable going back to work because my decisions are not life or death saving. I could not imagine going back to a job that like takes my full mental capacity because my brain does not work anymore. Like from this like incremental amounts of sleep. We're sleeping two to three hour stretches. Regard. Like I wake up regardless of if.
- [45:47]
Becky
She'S gonna feed him or whatever.
- [45:48]
Leah
Yeah. Just. And it's not like wake up, I'm up. I'm like waking up to make sure that they're okay and then going back to sleep.
- [45:59]
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- [46:47]
Leah
Again.
- [46:48]
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- [47:10]
Leah
Leah technically is has paid time off from short term disability for six weeks.
- [47:16]
Becky
That's it.
- [47:17]
Leah
Yeah. She's taking the rest of of the three months unpaid.
- [47:20]
Becky
No, no. But it's only six weeks. Yes.
- [47:24]
Leah
And so if someone like Leah had to go back into the ER to make decisions on someone's health care, life or death. Right. That would be insane. Like she. Like that would. I couldn't even conceptualize her mind. Her body is not prepared to go back to work to make decisions like that. And the fact that if men had.
- [47:54]
Becky
To give birth and then go back.
- [47:56]
Leah
To work, we would live in a much different country.
- [47:59]
Becky
Yeah.
- [48:01]
Leah
Like no way. The expectation is six weeks. I feel comfortable going back to work and even my brain isn't functioning.
- [48:09]
Becky
But you're also working from home, so you, you have that in your favor. As well.
- [48:14]
Leah
100.
- [48:14]
Becky
But like, if you're on your feet all day in the ER and you're making life or death death decisions over someone's health care, that's not.
- [48:21]
Leah
That's also just crazy. And I'm sorry that people have to even have. Like, there's some people that don't get. Don't have the privilege that we do where she can take unpaid time.
- [48:34]
Becky
Right.
- [48:34]
Leah
Like, people have to go back to work right away. Yeah. One of the. Leah was speaking about, like, the. One of the coolest moments for her was when they first put Bex on her and she said, like, she could feel him kicking, but, like, it was no longer on the inside. It was like on the outside. And she said, like, that's one of like the biggest moments that like she remembers is like that feeling of, like feeling him like kicking from the outside and not. Not the inside, which is crazy.
- [49:08]
Becky
I love that.
- [49:08]
Leah
I couldn't even imagine. And now I'm just like, like, even like being like, oh, I'm a mom. I don't like, doesn't feel like I feel like I'm just taking care of people, Mommy. But I feel like I'm always taking care of people. So I know what the difference is. The other, the other thing is it's really true. I take so many pictures. Like, even though, like, I take so many pictures and is there like. Do you think people get overwhelmed if I, like, keep sending pictures? No, because I feel bad. I feel like I'm overwhelming people with pictures. Even like friends and stuff or like talking about him.
- [49:48]
Becky
No, it's exciting. It's an exciting time.
- [49:51]
Leah
Is it?
- [49:54]
Becky
You can send me all the pictures. Yeah. You can send me as many pictures. I might not respond to every single one, but I will love them.
- [50:00]
Leah
Yeah. Like, I have so many pictures of him on my phone.
- [50:04]
Becky
Yeah.
- [50:05]
Leah
It's crazy. It's a wild time.
- [50:08]
Becky
I know it.
- [50:09]
Leah
You know what? I was thinking about what I had because, like, you gave me our bassinet. Did you use that bassinet? Isn't it crazy that our kids slept.
- [50:16]
Becky
In the same bassinet? Yeah. So cute.
- [50:19]
Leah
Yeah.
- [50:19]
Becky
Actually Rio used it and then the twins used it.
- [50:21]
Leah
Yeah.
- [50:21]
Becky
So three of my kids and baby Becks. I'll save all of versus stuff to give to baby backs.
- [50:30]
Leah
Yeah, keep. Keep sending it my way.
- [50:33]
Becky
Oh my gosh. You're a mom.
- [50:35]
Leah
I am a mom. I'm a full on mother.
- [50:42]
Becky
I'm a mother. All right, so I have it. Is it karma or is it chaos? A while back I broke up with my ex. Just something in my gut didn't feel right. We were fighting, but there was this constant feeling that I couldn't trust him, even though I had no hard proof. A few weeks later, I found out through a mutual friend and some very messy Instagram stories that he had been cheating on me. And not just once. Apparently it had been going on for months with someone he told me not to worry about. It's always someone they tell you not to worry about. Oh, that's just my cousin's friend. The kicker. I never confronted him, never called him out. I stayed completely silent, blocked him, and kept it moving. Fast forward to a year. He texts me out of the blue saying he misses me and he finally understands what he lost. He tells me that his new girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend in his own apartment. I left him on red. Is the karma or pure chaos?
- [51:37]
Leah
I think that's karma for him.
- [51:38]
Becky
That's karma for him.
- [51:39]
Leah
Hell yeah. Just don't cheat, period. Yeah, break up with the person, do whatever. Like cheating leaves everlasting trauma. So that is karma for him. He deserved it.
- [51:58]
Becky
Agreed.
- [51:59]
Leah
And good for you for moving on. Keep on trucking. Don't look back. Leave that on red. And there you have it, folks. Thanks for listening to my cry shots. I swear to God, if one person is mean to me. Off. Just don't even read the comment. Or don't even stay. Just leave.
- [52:19]
Becky
If you guys have a karma and chaos story, you can write us at Karma Chaos Podcast. No, what is it? Info at karma chaos podcast dot com. Becky, where can they find you?
- [52:30]
Leah
25?
- [52:31]
Becky
I didn't finish my question.
- [52:35]
Leah
Don't be mean to me. She's gonna cry.
- [52:38]
Becky
Where can people find you? And where can people listen to for the haters?
- [52:42]
Leah
You can find me at hater25. And for the haters is for the haters. H A Y T R S like my last name minus the S. Well.
- [52:50]
Becky
You guys anyways, you can listen on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcast. You can also go to Becky Hater dot com.
- [52:57]
Leah
I just want to end the episode with saying that Bex was born on the 25th and that I love that hope that he would be born on the 25th. Cuz 25 is my number.
- [53:06]
Becky
Well, 25 is a nice solid whole number. You know what I mean?
- [53:10]
Leah
Yeah.
- [53:10]
Becky
Yeah, okay. Love you.
- [53:11]
Leah
Love you.
- [53:12]
Becky
See you.
- [53:29]
Leah
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Becky
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- [53:54]
Leah
Pluto tv Stream now. Pay Never.
- [54:01]
Becky
I'm Justin Sylvester. And I'm Blakely Thornton. Join us for Yesterday's the podcast where we we break down the most pivotal pop culture moments in history and give them the queer love that they deserve. The things that got us riled up during dial up, those makeouts that should have been breakouts and the drops that were cemented in pop. I'm talking Bennifer, Tyra versus Naomi, Tom Cruise jumping on that couch, and so much more. So please rate us, subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or anywhere you get audio related content. We also take Venmo and Cash, app ach or credit card number as well. We're malleable. We're gay today.