This Is How Rumors Start

Summary

Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter — “This Is How Rumors Start” PodcastOne | August 19, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt, humorous episode, Becky Hayter leads the show while Kail Lowry is out for surgery, joined by guest co-host Alessandra. The two reconnect over the chaos and joy of navigating their 30s, focusing on the real highs and lows of new parenthood, friendship, chosen family, social pressures, and building community. Raw and refreshingly candid, they discuss IVF, parenting struggles, support systems, societal expectations, and the importance (and difficulty) of staying connected as adults.

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Main Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Setting the Stage: "This Is How Rumors Start”

• Kail’s Absence and Rumor Joking
  • Becky opens with a tongue-in-cheek explanation for Kail’s absence: “Kayla and I got into a fight... she told me to do this episode by myself and told me to bring who I wanted.” (01:29)
  • Revealed that Kail is out due to surgery (“chin chopped,” “neck chopped off”) and can’t talk for two weeks, leading Becky to invite Alessandra. The pair laugh about whether Kail will follow her “no talking” recovery order (02:28).

2. Becky’s Family Update: Chosen Family, IVF & Donor Experience

• Introducing Baby Bex and Donor Matt (03:00–08:20)

  • Becky shares the backstory of her and Leah’s fertility journey, choosing a known donor via Seed Scout, and the special connection with their donor Matt and his husband Justin.
  • “Matt… is one of the most beautiful humans. The energy that he brings to a room is, like, tangible.” (03:17)
  • Matt and Justin visit, meeting baby Bex for the first time. Beck describes the emotional moment when Bex gives Matt his first genuine, awake smile.
  • They decide to include friends and family in their donor-matching celebration to show the love Bex will grow up around.
  • The extended “donor sibling” network: Matt has donated to two other families, and they all plan yearly family vacations so the kids (half-siblings) will grow up knowing each other.

• Reflecting on Modern Family Structures

  • Alessandra: “It’s such a testament to where we are in society. There’s just so many different ways to have a family. And at the end of the day, all that matters is love.” (08:20)

3. The Realities of New Parenthood

• Grieving Old Selves & Relationship Changes (13:42–19:49)

  • Honest talk about how having a baby transforms relationships, even in the healthiest partnerships.
    • Becky: “You have to be able to be okay with the chaos in that moment. Like we’re in a different season right now. Leah and I aren’t who we once knew.” (12:54)
  • Both share about the loneliness and grief that new parents can experience—missing the freedoms and fun of their pre-kid lives.
    • Alessandra: “There’s a lot of mourning there where you look back and it’s like, I didn’t cherish it as much as I thought I did.” (14:25)

• No Sugarcoating: Parenting is Hard

  • “There’s nothing fun about having a newborn. I don’t give a what anyone says.” — Becky (13:42)
  • They stress the need for honest conversations about postpartum realities and shifting support to include all parents, not just birthing mothers.

4. Social Media, Societal Pressure, & Life Milestone Narratives

• Addressing the Fake “Highlight Reel” (18:18)
  • “Social media is 100% fake. Like, please don’t believe literally anything you see.” — Alessandra (18:18)
  • The pressure to hit certain milestones by specific ages; questioning “and then what?” after those boxes are checked.
  • Why the declining birth rate may partly reflect a more clear-eyed understanding of what parenting really involves.

5. Co-Parenting, Marital Strain, & Relationship Intentions

• Discussing divorce rates after childbirth and the deeper work relationships require with the introduction of kids.
• “How lucky am I to create two of everything?... My life with Leah is significantly better than my life by myself.” — Becky (19:49)

6. Embracing Feelings, Not Hiding From Them

• “I think it’s really important to feel your way through the emotions and not block them out.” — Alessandra (22:20)
• Therapy, validation, and the benefit of sharing real struggles to help others feel less alone.

7. Parenting Logistics: Public Meltdowns, Mom Shame, and Real American Expectations (26:54–29:19)

• Becky asks listeners for tips on handling baby Bex’s crying in public, sharing her anxiety and physical response.
• Alessandra notes that Americans are especially harsh on moms, with high expectations for kids to be “seen and not heard.”
• “If you don’t want to be around kids that are crying, then you need to go to spaces that are just for adults only. Kids exist and they’re humans—they’re not second-class citizens.” — Alessandra (28:43)

8. Children’s Books: The Strange World of Bedtime Stories

• Mutual bemusement over bizarre and sometimes unsettling children’s books (30:39)
• Reading is valuable, but finding books that feel authentic and not overly weird is a challenge.

9. Planning for a Growing Family: Sibling Age Gaps & Irish Twins (33:23–42:45)

• Becky shares their plan for a second child close in age to Bex, discussing pros and cons of different spacing (Irish twins, two-year gap, etc.).
• Alessandra warns that having kids close together can be challenging, particularly with postpartum hormones and family dynamics.

10. Only Child vs. Siblings: No Perfect Answer (44:51–48:00)

• Both hosts weigh in on only-child vs. multiple-hild households, the pros and cons of each, and the emotional realities.
• "The one thing that I think about constantly about only having one child is... they have to deal with the death of me and my partner by themselves." — Becky (46:15)

11. Genetics: Who Does Baby Look Like?

• Becky and Leah compare baby Bex’s photos to baby pictures of themselves and Matt. Conclusion: He looks just like Becky, but genetics are “wild” (49:59–53:32).

12. Friendship, Community, and Adult Loneliness (54:04–62:58)

• Discussion of being “the connector” in friend groups, the joys and effort involved in building community, and how adulthood makes maintaining friendships harder.
• Becky’s story of making friends at a bar and staying with them in Amsterdam as an example of openness and connection.
• “In order to have a village, you have to be a villager.” — Alessandra (58:06)

13. Longing for "Third Spaces" and Adult Solitude

• Lamenting the lack of spaces in society for adults to gather, exist, and build community outside of shopping, eating, or drinking.
• Dreaming about building a commune or collectively owning a lake house with friends.

14. “Is It Karma or Is It Chaos?” (70:17–73:03)

• Listener writes in about whether her “high drama” step-parenting situation is karma for having had an affair.
• Becky: “You cheating and having an affair on your husband…You were gonna get karma somehow.” (72:10)
• Alessandra feels it’s a bit of both—karma and chaos—reflecting that co-parent and step-parent drama is often unnecessarily petty.

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Noteworthy Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Family Building:

  • “Matt… makes a room better just by being in it. And in that moment we felt so happy about meeting such a beautiful person that… we were just lucky to have met him and known him.” — Becky (03:17)

• On Parent Guilt/Social Pressure:

  • “There’s never a right answer, right? Just because this is how we’re building our family doesn’t mean that’s how everyone needs to do it.” — Becky (09:21)

• On Parenting Loneliness:

  • "There’s a lot of mourning there where you look back and it’s like, I didn’t cherish it as much as I thought I did." — Alessandra (14:25)

• On Social Media Facades:

  • "Social media is 100% fake. Please don’t believe literally anything you see. The ‘better’ is where you’re standing right now and whatever you’re watering." — Alessandra (18:18)

• On American Parenting Norms and Shame:

  • "If you don’t want to be around kids that are crying, then you need to go to spaces that are just for adults only. Kids exist and they’re humans, and they’re not second-class citizens." — Alessandra (28:43)

• On the Reality of Only Children:

  • "The one thing that I think about constantly about only having one child is… they have to deal with the death of me and my partner by themselves." — Becky (46:15)

• On Maintaining Friendships:

  • “In order to have a village, you have to be a villager, and you have to be intentional with it.” — Alessandra (58:06)

• On The Struggles of Connection:

  • “If I have friends that I have their location and I am—it could be two, three hours away that they live and I am down there for any reason, I will randomly stop by someone’s house. …I want to keep you in my life. I’m gonna be intentful with that conversation or visiting you or whatever that looks like.” — Becky (64:04)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:29 — Opening banter, joking about missing co-host and “how rumors start”
• 02:51–08:20 — Introduction of Becky’s IVF/donor journey, the beauty of chosen family
• 13:42–19:49 — Candid realities of new parenthood, grief, and changing relationships
• 18:18 — Social media pressures & expectations in your 30s
• 26:54–29:19 — Dealing with public baby meltdowns, mom-shaming, American parenting culture
• 33:23–42:45 — Family planning, spacing children, pros and cons of “Irish twins”
• 46:15–48:00 — Only child vs. siblings, grappling with long-term family impacts
• 49:59–53:32 — Genetics: Who does the baby look like?
• 54:04–62:58 — Friendship dynamics, adult loneliness, building community
• 62:58–66:58 — Dreaming about communal living, shared lake house fantasies
• 70:17–73:03 — Karma or Chaos: Listener dilemma about co-parenting and step-parent conflict

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Tone & Language

• Unfiltered, direct, and funny: The hosts are honest about struggles and joys, swearing for emphasis, and never sugarcoating challenges.
• Supportive and real: Even while joking, there’s empathy for the listener and a strong sense of building community through shared experiences.
• Open and relatable: Hot takes on parenting, relationships and adulthood, always rooted in personal experience.

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Takeaways for New Listeners

• This episode captures the essence of why "Karma & Chaos" resonates: honesty, laughter, and a willingness to tackle what real adulthood means—especially all the bits society and social media gloss over.
• Topics like donor conception, postpartum struggles, the difficulty of making and keeping friends, and social isolation are intertwined with humor and hope.
• The show’s community-focused yet no-nonsense approach makes it a must-listen for anyone in their 30s grappling with family, friends, or just figuring out their own grown-up path.

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Quote to Remember:
“In order to have a village, you have to be a villager, and you have to be intentional with it.” — Alessandra (58:06)

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Could you be more specific?

[B]

When it's cravinient. Okay. Like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at am, pm. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. pM.

[A]

I'm seeing a pattern here.

[B]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[A]

Crave, which is anything from am, pm. What more could you want?

[B]

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[A]

Hello, good morning, good evening, good day, good night to our Karmaruze. Thanks for being here. Hey, y', all, if you aren't watching and you're listening, you're gonna notice that there's an annoying sound that's not here anymore. I'm just kidding. Kayla and I got into a fight. She's questioning if she wants to continue with this podcast or not. So she told me to do this episode by myself and told me to bring who I wanted, and Alessandra is the person that I wanted to bring, so. Hey, Alessandra.

[B]

Hey, girl. Hey.

[A]

And this is how rumors get started. Kayl's getting her chin chopped so she can't talk, and I don't really know what's next for that, so we just wanted to get this episode recorded for you guys so you had something to listen to.

[B]

Yeah, Kel is literally getting her neck chopped off as we speak. And also can't imagine a world where Kale can't Talk for two weeks.

[A]

Do we think that she's going to follow protocol?

[B]

No, I just didn't try and talk. As soon as she gets out of surgery.

[A]

Like, well, we'll see what happens, but stick around. It's. You guys are in for a treat. Today we have a lineup of all the topics of just life that's been happening. Right.

[B]

Like, you just had a visitor.

[A]

I did just have a visitor. For those of you that are not chronically online and do not follow my life or haven't listened to past episodes, let me give a little breakdown. Leah and I just had a baby. We, in our fertility journey, decided to go with a known donor. We went through a company called Seed Scout that you interview people to see who you want to be your donor. And so within that process, we met Matt, who I can now vocally talk about because he is a public face. And we fell in love. I mean, it was fireworks the first time we met Matt. He is one of the most beautiful humans. The energy that he brings to a room is, like, tangible. Like, he makes a room better just by being in it. And in that moment, we felt so happy about meeting such a beautiful person that, like, we were just lucky to have met him and known him. And then we asked him if he would be our donor. And you, like, agree both ways? Because there can be, like, different requirements. Some people don't want to be involved. And all the things. Like, those are all things that you discuss. And so with that, Matt and his husband Justin came and visited last week and met Bex for the first time. That's so sweet. Speaking of, Leah's leaving, so she is saying goodbye, and so is Beck, so. Hi, baby boy. 11.4 pounds, I think, unless you're skilled as ounces.

[B]

My cutie. What are you doing? You going out on the town?

[A]

Are you leaving? Going for a rally.

[B]

You going out on a town, Sleepy boy? He's getting so big. He's, like, longer than you, Leah. Yeah, he, like, takes up your old torso. Yo, baby.

[A]

Because they won't stop eating good.

[B]

He's got that. He's. He knows what. He's got that good stuff. Yeah.

[A]

Just looking for a boob. No, he's. Baby, he's happy. And we're gonna have a nice car ride if you want to just tell the people while you're here, while we have you, what was it like for you having Matt meet Bex for the first time? Oh, it was really, really cute and special, especially because Bex released his first smile for Matt, his first awake Full. Yeah, you did.

[B]

Yup.

[A]

His first awake, genuine, not followed by a fart or a poop smile was for Matt. That's so sweet. And they're just like really, really wonderful people. We love them and we're really, really lucky. Yeah. It was like Bex will will be ragging on him for the rest of his life that his first smile was for the man that had to do.

[B]

The least, the least work. Like, seriously, he was.

[A]

I will send you the video to add into this clip. Like. Yeah, Bex, when. When Matt picked him up and held him, he like intently looked into his eyes and was like genuinely looking at him. And then like the biggest smile that we've ever like, ever seen, he gave him. And it was like multiple times. It wasn't just like a one off situation. It was beautiful. It was so he recognized him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like it was like almost he now. Right guys?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Did you know? Yep.

[B]

That's so special. Hi, bubby.

[A]

We're gonna get into the car seat before we freak out. He likes the water, so they're going for a ride.

[B]

Bye, cutie.

[A]

Bye. Bye. Bye.

[B]

Bye, honey.

[A]

So, yeah, beautiful experience. It was really cute. We had. We were like questioning if we wanted people to come because we wanted like, yeah, we wanted time just with them. So what we did was we had dinner with them and then told everyone that they could come after for dessert. Like our parents, some of our closest. And we weren't going to tell like some of our friends either, but we wanted to. We wanted them to see like how much love was around us and we wanted them to see the love that he was going to have outside of our family. And I'm really happy we decided to do that because like Tommy and Liz came by. Natasha was here, my sister came, my niece was here. And it was just like really beautiful, just them being able to meet him. My mom was here. Leah's dad came by. It was really cute. Leah's dad said something like, like, thanks for helping us create our family or something like that. And I had like have it on video too. It was just like so cute. Like everyone just. It just fit. Like everything just fit together. And then after I posted that video, I got like an influx of like Matt's family, like following me and I followed them back and it just kind of feels like we're like this one big family now. So I'm. Yeah, lots of words, but really exciting.

[B]

That's so special. And I feel like it's such a testament to where we are in society. That there's just so many different ways to have a family. And at the end of the day, all that matters is love. And Bex is so surrounded by so much love and like, uplifted by it. And he just knew, like, he instinctually knew that Matt was someone that was like, safe. And he, he gave him that smile and he's like, thanks for giving me to my moms. You know, like, he knew he had to have known. And I, I'm such a firm believer in like your chosen family. And like, oh, that's so special. And I just, especially right now when there's just. There's so many, like, negative things going on that like, anybody could be focusing on. But it's just really nice to have those moments and those stories to show that like, it's, it's possible. And I'm sure there's a lot of people listening to this that are going to embark on their own fertility journey or are thinking about it or that's coming down the pipeline. It's nice to show them like the light at the end of the tunnel because that's a hard journey to go for.

[A]

Sure. Yeah. And there's never a right answer, right? Like, there's no right answer. Like, just because this is how we're building our family doesn't mean that's how everyone needs to do it. But I just could never, I, I could have never predicted for how beautiful the. Just like everything is kind of shaping into. We had our. What Matt has donated to two other families and I've spoken to this and yeah, they're the one couple is current actively in their journey and their fertility journey. The other couple hasn't really started quite yet. They just got married, but they got us. I don't know if I said this on here yet, but they got us a present and we opened it and they got custom blankets made and it says shared roots on them on it with like the same like fabric that they got for their child as well. So it's just like, you know, it's like an ever growing family. Right. Like, we have decided with both of those families that we are going to like, try to do family vacations every year. Our children are technically going to be half siblings. And we want to make sure that, you know, they grow up knowing each other because, like it's. That's something that's important to us. And so we get, we get to continuously just build on this family. And Matt's like kind of at that center of it, which, I mean, what better person can you pick to be at be at that center. And Matt and Justin are also starting their family building journey. They found a surrogate and they're know going through that as well. So it's just beautiful life. Life and family can be really beautiful and really intentful. So after Leah had the baby, I was on a mission to find her something that actually made her feel good. Because let's be honest, postpartum is rough. Everything feels weird, your body's healing, and the last thing you want to deal with is an uncomfortable broad digging into your side while you're trying to survive sleep deprivation. That's when I introduced her to skims. I told her, we're not doing this sad nursing bra anymore. We're getting you something that actually supports you and makes you feel like a person again. We got her the fits, everybody scoop bralette. And she was like, wait, why is this actually comfortable and cute? Total game changer. Supportive, soft, no wires. Basically perfect for the chaos of that newborn life because every new mom deserves a little something that makes her feel like herself again. If you are someone you love, just had a baby, or honestly, even if you didn't go grab some skims, you won't regret it. Go to skims.com Karma and after your order, select podcasts and choose Karma and Chaos in the dropdown so they know that we sent you. Imagine being on a vacation for a very long time. Now imagine saving money nightly while you do it. Sounds pretty great, right? With vrbo's long stay discounts, you can stay longer and save more. Our customers save an average of 10% when they book select properties for a week or longer. Just in case you needed another reason to extend that vacation, book the perfect summer getaway today with VRBO Private Vacation Rentals. Your future self will thank you later. Lee and I talk about this very often. I've said that. I think I've said this multiple times here too. Like, I don't know how people freely just are allowed to have kids. Yeah, it is a wild journey. It is hard. And I don't know how people that have broken relationships have kids because it's hard. It is hard. Like, you go through a lot of like, loneliness and like, changes here. Even, even a good relationship or is being tested. You have to be able to be okay with the chaos in that moment. Like, we're in a different season right now. Like, Leah and I aren't who we once knew. It's a lot like you mourn like I'm more in our relationship prior to a kid and I know that there's going to be beautiful, like, a beautiful life ahead. There's nothing fun about having a newborn. I don't give a. What anyone says.

[B]

Oh, yeah, like the. I mean, I love. Like, it's. You have to be realistic about it. Right? Like, they have no personality, yet they need you for literally everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They are pooping and sleeping and crying. That's really all they do. You know, they're awake so little during the day, and you're exhausted. And I think no matter how stable you are, no matter how prepared you are, no matter how many people around you will tell you or you've witnessed it, I don't know that you can ever fully understand how much life. Your life changes until it happens to you.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

It's a hard time to mourn because there's a lot of grief there. I talk about that a lot with my friends. I have one friend in particular who is like the first friend who's married and has kids in our friend group. And that was really hard for her to watch us continue to live our lives that she used to be able to live and not be able to partake in it. And she would say all the time, you know, it was really lonely. She loves her life. She doesn't regret it. But there's a lot of mourning there where you look back and it's like, I didn't cherish it as much as I thought I did. Even if you did, even if you lived every moment, it's so fleeting, and your life will never be the same. It's something that Billy and I actively talk about. And, like, the days that I'm bored or, like, I'm stressed out, I just remind myself that I'll never have these moments to be selfish or, like, have my own time again. So just to just enjoy them and not wish them away. Because, I mean, and you're right, not everybody deserves kids and not everybody should have kids. And if you're doing it correctly, in my opinion, your life changes 100% because it's 100% around your kid. Like, regardless of how much you're pouring into yourself, obviously you need your own individualism. But most of the time, a parent's life, no matter what, is revolved around their child. And I just think. I don't know. It's something I always talk about and I'm always afraid of. And I've seen it. I've witnessed it firsthand. I helped families through it. I. And I still am afraid of it every single day. And that's even with good partners.

[A]

For real. That's like, even with good. I was talking. I was talking to my therapist. I had therapy, I think, yesterday, and I was talking just like, to her about it how, like, nothing can prepare you for parenthood or like, being in newborn. In the newborn trenches until you're in it. Like, there's literally nothing that can prepare you for it other than just being okay with, like, the bare minimum expectations. Like, that's like setting yourself up for success, I think, but, like, not. And then you're in it. And I just. I. My feelings have changed a little bit of, like, I feel a little bit more. I feel thankful that I've gone through this in the way that I have, because I think it makes me a lot better suited to be there for a lot more people that. In a more realistic way. Right. Like, all of my friends either have kids or are currently having kids. And I feel like I have historically always checked in on my birthing parent person, right? Like, yeah, always checked in on them. Not in like a, how are you doing with a baby? It's like, how are you doing mentally? Be. Just because of my experience with friends that have gone through postpartum depression, but I've never really checked in on my guy friends that have, like, had kids or like, in that, you know, of what I am now realizing that I went through to that. So I feel like it makes me a better person. It makes me a better friend because of the things that I've gone through in these past couple or past two months almost now, which is crazy. That's crazy. And I. And now that I'm kind of not. I'm not out of it, but I've gotten through, I think the worst part of it. I feel a little bit more thankful for those. For those moments because I would have felt so guilty. I guess I wouldn't have known any better. But, like, imagine if I went through this and it was like, literally perfect, right? Like, and if I just experienced this perfect life and just portrayed that life of. And I. I just can't imagine how sad that would make people feel. Like, seeing that not, you know, not being able to see the kind of. The other side. So I spoke to my therapist a little bit about that. It was a good conversation.

[B]

I think that I was just talking about this. My friend Corey yesterday, like, I tell her all the time, like, social media is 100% fake. Like, please don't believe literally anything you say. There is no better. Like, the better is where you're standing Right now and whatever you're watering and not like whatever somebody else is doing. Because like, I think especially in our 30s, you get caught up in, I'm.

[A]

Supposed to be married by now, I'm supposed to own property by now, I'm.

[B]

Supposed to have kids by now. I'm supposed to be doing X, Y and Z by now. And once you get there, I always talk about like, and then what the goals, if your goals are to become a parent or to have like property or to get married and then what? Like, that's only such a small part of your life. There has to be more to it. And just enjoying what you're like watering and doing now is so important. And I wish I could go back in time and tell my 25 year old self, like to calm down and not stress out about it because it really is not that big of a deal. And I thought I would have like five kids by now, truly, and be married by the time well before I was 30. And I'm grateful every day that that's not my reality. So I just think, and social media plays a really big part in it, so it is important to talk about the actual real side of parenting. And I think that's why the birth rate is going down, because women are going into it with way more understanding and their eyes wide open of what parenthood really is.

[A]

Yeah. And, and my therapist was saying, I think like, like some crazy percentage of divorces happen within the first five years of having or marriage or having a kid. And I could understand and see why. And, and that's another area that like I'm starting to like empathize with too, is just like, what does the intention of like our relationship look like? Right. Like the relationship I have with Leah is, it's. A lot of relationships are work at bare minimum, but adding a kid to it, it, it adds a lot more tiredness, a lot more like lack of energy to give to a person when you're giving to another person and you know, all the, all the things. But I did see some. It was something online that like slapped me right in the face. And it was just like, how lucky am I to create two of everything? Right? Like when I'm making meals or like, because you're. My life with Leah is significantly better than my life by myself. And so it's just, it's reminding you in those hard moments that like, you know, how lucky are you if you're loading dishes and you just feel overwhelmed and exhausted? But like, how lucky am I to be loading dishes for two people and now three people, which is. That still does not feel real. I just would like it. Like, I. It feels weird that I can say that I have a son. Like, it doesn't. It doesn't feel like, can the. The lines aren't coming together right? Like they're. They're going past each other a little bit. So still.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure it takes a really long time to get used to literally any change. Like, even when I get a fucking tattoo, it takes me three to six months to be like, okay, that it's permanent. I can't imagine with a child. Like, I look at it and I'm like, oh, my God, that's permanent. So you look at your kid and you're like, jump scare. And it. I think that comes with. That's a part of getting used to some. That your life is changing, that your life has. Is ever changing, because that's what parenthood is, from what I've witnessed, but also that it's never going to be the same. And I think there's a lot of mental, not gymnastics, but there's a lot that goes into it that I think people avoid that part of it. They avoid actually grieving their life, and then it takes a hold of them later. I think it's really important to feel. I think you and I are very feeling people. We're very emotional people. And I just think. I think it's really important to feel your way through the emotions and not.

[A]

Like, block them out a hundred percent. This podcast is sponsored by nurture life. It's 2025. Are you still feeding your kids like it's 2005? Nurture life is a meal delivery service that makes nutritious meals and snacks your kids actually want to eat while giving parents the support they need to nurture. Life's whole menu is perfect for kids ages 10 months to 10 years old. Their fresh meals and snacks are delicious, nutritious, and fully cooked. That means they are ready to serve in just one minute. Nurture Life lets kids enjoy a healthy, nutritionally balanced diet while still eating all of their favorites, like Mac and cheese, spaghetti and meatballs. And much more. So parents can be sure they're always the healthy meal that their little ones will love. My kid isn't quite ready to chew your food stage yet, but let me tell you, I've seen it in action with my friends who have toddlers. And the difference it makes insane. Their kids actually like the food. Honestly, I'm jealous of their kids meals. And the best part, the meals are fresh, not frozen, nutritionally balanced and perfect for ages 10 months to 10 years. That's why Nurture Life is the top meal delivery service for babies and kids. They even have allergy friendly options and cute little on the go snacks. I'm already planning to use it the minute we're past the puree phase. So how does Nutri Life work? It's simple. Choose from more than 50 varieties of nutritious, balanced meals on their menu. From finger foods for babies and toddlers to kids meals for older kids, the Nutri Life does the cooking for you and the fresh meals are delivered straight to your door in refrigerated packaging. Plus, along with full meal options, the Nutri Life menu includes ongo snacks and superfood smoothies so kids can eat well no matter what they're in the mood to eat. So head to nurturelife.com Karma and use code Karma for 55% off your first order plus free shipping. That's right, 55 off plus free shipping. Once again, that's nurturelife.com Karma and make sure you use promo code Karma. Okay, what are your current struggles as a parent? For me, it's switching between mom mode and work mode and trying to focus in the middle of chaos. That's why I'm obsessed with Brain fm. Brain FM is an app built for anyone seeking to boost productivity, aid sleep, reduce stress and more. They use science backed music that syncs with your brain to help you focus, relax and fall asleep faster. It's the only music company supported by a National Science foundation grant. They even published a study in Nature showing it works for people with ADHD symptoms. I use the deep work mode all the time. And my favorite part? It can help kids too. Sleep music that's not just white noise and focus tracks that don't over stimulate like regular playlists and everyone in this house can chill out when it's on. Unlock free access to all your Brain FM for 30 days by going to Brain FM Karma. That's Brain FM slash Karma for 30 days free. If you're listening right now, I do have a question for the listeners. If you're listening and you have kids and you've gone through all the things, I'm the one thing I am having a difficult time that I need to. Well, not one thing. There's many things. But one thing that is top of mind that I'm trying to learn how to handle a little bit better is when we're in public and Bex will start crying like not fuss crying like I need to be fed right now. Crying basically I get so overwhelmed that like my body shuts down. I get like, I feel embarrassment, I feel like overwhelmed. I feel over stimulated. I don't physically have the ability to help him. And Leah sometimes isn't as quick to want to whip out her tight or like for whatever reason like has to. Yeah, we went to dinner. We did bring a bottle with us. That helped because like I could just instantly just pop a bottle in and he was fine. But any other tips and tricks from listeners list that are listening that have helped you just prepare for that. I'm terrified of my first flight with Bex and like what might come from that. I know that I'm, I give grace to people with kids on flights, especially screaming kids. Like I have noise canceling headphones, don't care. But I was not prepared for that. Like overwhelming like embarrassment of just dreading and like my body like shuts down. It's crazy.

[B]

And it's like why like babies cry. They can't talk to you so like they need to eat. So they're signaling to you that they need to eat or that they just themselves or that they're tired or that they're like imagine having an itch and you can't tell somebody. It's like itchy. Like of course they're going to cry. That's what kids do. Do you know what I mean? Like they can't communicate to you so like of course they're gonna cry. And that's a very just like American thing. Europeans are not like that. Nobody looks at you. There's like way less mom shaming. And I think that's where it comes from is that we are so hard on mom, parents in general, but like mom specifically, we're so hard on them that the expectations are higher because I bet you if you asked a dad, they don't feel that like shame or urgency. They're like whatever. My kids crying, like what am I going to do about it? I, I, when I was nanny I always take the kids out and I nannied from infants to toddlerhood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And toddlerhood, it is terrifying at times. Like they are terrifying sometimes and they just throw tantrums. And a lot of the times there's nothing you can do. And it might seem like, oh, you can control this little child. Oh no, no. They turn into 300 pound men when they're throwing tantrums. They're strong. Like you can't just like pick them up and calm them down. So I think it's Just a matter of like, I think it's just practice, honestly, because they're gonna cry. Like kids cry.

[A]

That's what they do.

[B]

And most people don't care. And if you care, you're an asshole. Like if you don't want to be around kids that are crying, then you need to go to spaces that are just for adults only. Because kids, kids exist and they're humans and they're not second class citizens. They don't have to just shut up because you're, you know, uncomfortable. That's something again, that's very American to just like think and that's where it comes from is that kids should be quiet, like seen and not heard. And that's just not true. There are people too, you know.

[A]

Not true at all. I can tell you that after my seven weeks of being a parent.

[B]

X is very vocal.

[A]

Yes. That child is sleeping in his own. I think I said this before. He's sleeping in his own crib. Yeah, vocal, vocal kid. But boy, has he found his voice. When he screams, he is loud. It is frightening how loud these babies can be.

[B]

I know. It really is.

[A]

It is. I do want staying on the kids topic. I. We've been reading Beck's books. Thank you to every single person that is listening that has sent us a kids book. Love you. We read a book to him at night when he's going to bed while he's taking his nighttime feeding. Children's books are weird. All of them. I have yet to read a children's book that doesn't make me go, what the? Like, it's like even how they're written is like the. It's weird. They're all weird. It doesn't sound like it's written for a child. It doesn't sound very like intent. Full. I've yet to read a book that doesn't make me question why I'm not just a children's book author. Because I feel like I could do a ten times better job.

[B]

They're weird and if you. Some of them are really weird and it makes you wonder like, what was your intention behind writing this book in general? Like, you weirdo.

[A]

I read, I read. We read something last night about the Great Barrier Reefs and I was just like, what is this? Like, it was. It didn't even feel warm and fuzzy. It just like was so like, maybe it was because it's a little bit educational. I don't know. It just.

[B]

Maybe you need to get like, maybe it's the age too. Like, maybe that book is for like an Older kid who's like, interested in fish. Because that's another thing that kids love to do is they hyper fixate on things. So, like dinosaurs, fish, dogs. So they'll like, have different bugs for, like, their levels. But they are weird. And a lot of them are very like, like, mommy loves you, like, mommy's watching you, like, mommy will protect you. And like, to some degree I understand, but that's also weird too. That's a little weird.

[A]

Yeah, like that good. Whatever. That one book that everyone talks about, I can picture them and it's like the mom climbs to the window to snuggle her grown son. And I'm like, this is so weird.

[B]

Or Goodnight Moon. Have you bought into Goodnight Moon yet?

[A]

No, we haven't. Is it weird?

[B]

I mean, yeah, sometimes it's like, good night, kittens with your mittens. It's like saying good night to everything in the room, which is kind of cute.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like that's kid appropriate.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think maybe we need to do some like. You got it. There's a book, a children's book, like, subscription service that I got my friend for her kid's birthday. And they'll, like, send it to you every month, like, depending on their age. And they'll like, change it up. You can, like, change it every three months. Every six months. Months. I have to. I'll send it to Lyssa to link on the account because I'll forget. I forget the name of it now, but I'm, you know, I will not get into it. But, you know, I'm how I am about the reading and the kids not being able to read. And people might say it's dumb to read to Bex because he's a newborn. No, it's not. Reading to kids is so beneficial to them and talking to them like, this is really beneficial to them.

[A]

That's what, like, you can tell. Like, you can tell he wants to be talked to. And Leah's like, I don't know what to say to him. So that's why, like, reading books is nice. Giving you, like, the words to. To like, to actually talk.

[B]

And sometimes it's weird because, like, when I nanny this, and this was a part of the reason why I stopped nanny, because I was going, like, literally stir crazy because I would only see adults maybe like four hours of my day. So I'm with a baby. And a lot of the times until they were toddlers, they couldn't talk back to me. So I'm just talking to myself or to them a lot I listen to a lot of podcasts, but kids, they want that like one on one connection, even if they don't know what the hell you're saying.

[A]

Yeah, I give so many props, like I know that I could not be a stay at home mom because I just don't have it in me to like entertain a child like that. And I give so many props to people that work with children and care for children and like are present with children all the time or people that don't have the choice to, to do that either because that is hard as hell. We are, it's very intentional. Why and everyone has opinions of like kids and stuff, but we, we are intent intentionally having a child very close to Becks. And so, you know, we're starting that, the whole IVF process, not the whole process because we already have embryos, but we want to have like another kid close in age so that we can help with bonding them having that like bonding relationship. I also, I have a front row seat to what it is like to have a newborn and a 2 year old because our best friends are in that situation right now and a two year old is really hard to have a newborn with. Like a two year old is hard by themselves. And so I feel like a 1 year old would be, and I don't know, I could eat my words in whenever that happens, but I feel like a one year old and having a newborn would be easier than having a 2 year old than having a newborn. Because 2 year olds like they are a person now. They have thoughts, they have feelings, they have, like they're very mobile, they're very needy in attention. And so we are hoping to, we don't know when, but hoping before the end of the year to, to get pregnant. We'll see. That's so exciting.

[B]

My friend did Irish twins by accident. And I think it just depends on also like mom's hormones. Right. So if you're dealing with like a lot of postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety and it's nice that you guys can take turns like, of who can be pregnant because it takes so much time for your hormones to level out that I think it's different. That's what plays a very big role into people having Irish twins is that there's a lot that goes into your hormones. And I think if you already don't have that foundation the way that you and Leah do, because you guys are a team, I've always said that like you got, you can see that you're a team, you guys communicate well, even if you're not vocally communicating, you can see what the other needs. Your team, you don't already have that foundation. I think just adding anything, another of anything is going to make it harder. But I agree with you 100% because now she has a newborn who was born like literally a week apart from Bex and she has a three year old and a two year old and that is so hard. It's really hard for them to adjust like at that age because they're more aware. So the eldest daughter, she wasn't as aware when the middle baby was born, so she was fine. They're like, like they are so close, very bonded. But now she's very aware that there's a new baby in the house and that's a problem. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

100%. I could literally could. I couldn't even imagine. Like, like, no. So let's talk about the subject that it seems like the world wants us to ignore our hormones. What if one scoop could fill in the gaps and keep you feeling your best? Would you give it a shot? That's why I recently started using Glow by Beam. It's a once daily hormone balancing blend for women that has made a huge improvement on my life and you guys. I actually feel like myself again. It's daily hormone balancing powder with 18 active ingredients that support energy, sleep, metabolism, even skin and added electrolytes for a hydration boost. And you need to try it too. I found Glow to be the simplest way to keep up with my hormones, hydration and everything in between. Simply mix one scoop with 8 ounces of water, shake, stir or froth and you're good to go. My favorite flavor is blue raspberry. It tastes so good I forget it's actually good for me. I've noticed less bloat, better sleep. It's like my body finally exhaled. Over 40, 000 women have trusted Glow by Beam to support their hormone health. And now it's your turn. GLOW is here to help you bring back to your balance. Because balance isn't a luxury, it is essential for a limited time. Beam is offering our listeners up to 35% off Glow. Just visit shop beam.com karma and use code karma at checkout that shop be a M.com Karma and don't forget to use code Karma for your exclusive discount. You may have heard of hellofresh. They send chef crafted recipes and fresh ingredients right to your home. But this summer they made their biggest menu upgrade yet. This isn't the hellofresh you remember. They've doubled the menu. Now there are 100 recipes every week with big portions, high protein and veggie packed options, seasonal produce and even three times more seafood, all for no extra cost. I've been using it to get out of my dinner rut and now I actually look forward to making dinner. It's all pre measured, super fresh and I can eat healthy, delicious meals on the table with way less stress. 91% of customers say that they feel healthier eating with HelloFresh and 9 out of 10 say dinner is more delicious. And I agree. The best way to cook just got better. Go to hellofresh.com karma10fm now to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life. One per box with active subscription free meals applied at discount on first box. New subscribers only, varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com karma10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life.

[B]

The first family I ever nannied for was in college and they had Irish twins and mom was a school teacher. So in the summer, like during her maternity leave I would come, I would get there at like 7am and she would just calm down and the baby was very colicky, so that was rough too. She would come down, just hand me him and go upstairs and go back to sleep. So I had both babies and there were times that I called my mom like, I am never having kids. Like, I don't know how people do this. They're both screaming. They're both screaming at the same time and I don't know how people do this and I don't know how people do it alone. And she's like, you're good, you'll be fine. And I'm like, I just, I think everything is hard, but I think that that bond that you have when your kids are so close in age I think is helpful. And again, you guys can take turns getting pregnant, which is really helpful.

[A]

Yeah, I definitely think, well, hopefully I can with, with, I don't know, you.

[B]

Are, you're gonna get pregnant.

[A]

But obviously that like, because we are fortunate to have two sets of ovaries that we can work with. And I think that because we have that opportunity, it does make a huge difference. Like, it's not, I'm not, we're not relying on Leah to like have her body go through this all again. And even after going through everything we've been through, it's been almost two months of having Bex. I, I like, I feel like we could, we could do this again. Like, it doesn't feel like end of world. We also, he's a, he's a good kid. So I. Obviously that's helpful that we're not like completely traumatized by everything, but I do feel like you already have one. Like adding another is just adding another again. I might eat my words.

[B]

I think everybody's experience is different. I truly do. I do. You think that, like, the way things turned out with Leah getting pregnant and you guys not being pregnant together worked out for you?

[A]

I think it, it worked out for us for the better. I think we would have been fine. We would have figured it out if we both had gotten. I think it would have been so cool, like for us to have had two right away. I think it would have been chaotic. It would have been really hard. It wouldn't like, I don't think we would be doing as quote, unquote, well as we are right now if it would have happened. It would have been a really great story. But I do think that it worked out the way that it did. I, I would be lying if I didn't say that I have fears if I do get pregnant that it's not going to feel as, like, special. Even though it's my first time being pregnant. Just like having a newborn, having like all, all this new chaos around. Like, I'm gonna have to go to appointments by myself. Like everything we did with Leah, we did, you know, together. So I definitely have like some hesitate, not hesitation, just some concerns around what it's going to be like for me if, like if or when I get pregnant. But that will be a bridge. I will cross it when it. Or if it happens.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just because. And it's no one's fault. Right. Like, it's not Leah's fault that, like, we have a newborn and she can't. Like, we can't just bring a newborn into all of these appointments with us. If it's a 10 minute appointment. Yeah. Or just like things of those sorts, is it gonna feel as, like, exciting? Right? Like, it will.

[B]

I don't know. I think it will. Like, my friend who just had her baby, she just kept saying, like, there's nothing more special than like this, this newborn bubble, this like, time in your life. Like, not. You can't recreate it. Not. It will always. It's. Every baby's different. Every experience is different. But that feeling, like that haze of like, love is the same for her. She said, and she actually said it's hard for her because you don't get as much excitement for the third as from other people as you would for the first. So she's like, I feel bad because, like, I feel like this is just as special as the first one. And I don't feel like everybody else does. They just expect me to go along with my life as if I just didn't have another baby, you know?

[A]

Sure. Yeah. I. And that's. That brings up another thing. Like, people often talk about not wanting a second kid because they don't want to take away all the first from the first. Right. Like, they want to experience all these things with just that one in mind. But it's interesting to me because no one else gets that. None of your other kids will get an alone first of things. So, like, why? Why? And maybe there's an answer. I. I just don't know, like, why I'm not worried about not having those moments with Bex and just him. Because that, like, it's not realistic for everyone else. And maybe it's because I'm the. I'm the youngest of five. Like, I'm not an only child. I wasn't like, so all I've known was sharing experiences with my siblings. But I just, you know, there's a lot of talk when people talk about having a second. It's like, oh, I want to enjoy this with one and all my. All my attention here. And then it's like, oh, like this. But the second never gets any of your full attention. So it's just an interesting, interesting thought. I've, like, I have been thinking about.

[B]

I think it's more about the parent than the kid. You know, I think it's more about them, like, trying to probably come to terms with the fact that they still have a kid. Or, like, I think people process it very differently and it takes them a little more time. So it's probably more underlying them saying, like, yeah, I need to enjoy, like, my first time being a parent before I add more to it. But for me, it's more like, you're just building a family, so the family is experiencing it. Because that's the point. I have talked about that. I think I probably will only have one kid. I mean, I never know. You never know what's going to happen. But Billy and I talk about it a lot, and I get, like, mixed opinions. A lot of people are like, I was an only child. They hated it. Or other people are like, I was an only child. I loved it. I only got the attention. I was lonely. I wasn't lonely. I had cousins. I don't. I think there's. I think with anything that you do. There's pros and cons. There's pros and cons to a three year gap. There's a pros and cons to Irish twins. There's pros and cons to only kids. There's. There's pros and cons to everything. And I think everyone's experience is so different and I think it more comes down to what your capacity is. And that's why I think more people shouldn't be parents than should. Like, I, I genuinely believe that. And like I wish there was a way because I don't believe in a ton of government oversight. I wish there was less, but I genuinely wish there was a way to make sure that people did not have a bunch of kids that they could not support or were not emotionally or mentally equipped to handle.

[A]

I could not agree more. The one thing that I. This is really morbid. The one thing that I think about constantly about only having one child is like if I only had one kid, then they have to deal with the death of, of me and my partner or my, you know, wife by themselves and they don't have like a sibling to kind of nurture them like through that with or someone that understands with. That's, that's like the biggest thing that goes in my head. I never, I never ever thought that I would only have one kid. But. And I don't bat like if that's what someone wants to choose to do. But that's, that's the one thing that goes through my head is like, oh, like that one child is gonna have to like deal with all funerals and like figuring out life. But then again it, you could have a sibling that where you don't get along and it turns into a fight. Like there's, there's no right answers.

[B]

There's no guarantee. Yeah, that's the thing. Like people are like, I'm one of six. I don't talk to any of my siblings and it's like, okay, I don't that worse or better. But that is something that somebody said was like, I was fine until now where I'm alone. Like both of my parents are gone and I had to deal with that alone. And now I have no other family and I feel like orphaned. And then that made me sad and I was like, but I've always talked about potentially adopting or fostering. So I just think there's again to go back to what we said in the beginning. There's so many different ways to have a family and the older I've gotten the more I've come to terms with that and accepted the fact that like families come in all different ways and that whatever, I get to have a fit, however I get to have a family, I'm happy. I already feel like I have a family. Like I have a fiance and a dog. Like we're family, you know?

[A]

Yeah, 100%. Are you tired of waking up hungover and worrying about what happened last night? Shame. That's why I made the switch to Willy's THC infused social tonic. Honestly, no regrets. Willy's is a premium THC infused social tonic crafted by the legendary Willie Nelson. It's low calorie, low sugar alcohol alternative that gives you fast acting, euphoric social buzz without the headaches, bloat or bad decision. One shot of Willies helps you relax, unwind and distress. It kicks in in around 15 minutes and it's perfect for winding down, getting creative or hanging out with friends. And you don't just have to guess what you're getting. Every bottle is third party lab tested for accurate dosage so you can trust your experience. It comes in 5mg or 10mg doses. Tastes amazing, like subtle tropical citrus. And you can sip it, shoot it or mix it into a mocktail. Willie sold out three times in the first six months with over 50,000 happy customers. And they just restocked. Willy ships directly to your doorstep and 40/states. Order now at drink willys.com and use Karma for 20 off your first order plus free shipping on orders over $95. And enjoy life in the high country. Speaking of family, but we the Internet has been a little bit divided ever since I posted Matt about like who Beck looks like. And Leah sent me, I don't know if you saw, I posted this the other day. Leah sent me a picture of Bex of her holding him in the hospital when he first was born. And I put it next to a baby picture of me. And if like the me and Bex are literally identical.

[B]

Yeah, like I do see Matt, which is the weird thing.

[A]

I know but like you know, we're identical there which was birth. And then here's, here's a little like updated one too. Like yeah, but who knows?

[B]

They change so much too.

[A]

Yeah, constantly is changing. But listen, when I look at Becks, I see myself. I'm like, this is crazy. Like this, this child looks like my family. So yeah, not that I would care if he looked like Matt. Matt is a very attractive person, as you all now know, but your family.

[B]

Has really Strong genes. Yeah, really strong genes that. I mean, one time I was looking at a picture of my mom, she was a toddler, and I was like, why the is this picture of me in black and white? My mom's like, you dumbass, that's me. And I'm like, wow, we are twins. Like, like identical. And we look a lot alike now, but it is more like in the ages, if you put a picture of us from high school next to each other, we look more like me at 30, her at 30. We look more alike than we do now, obviously.

[A]

Yeah. Genetics are wild.

[B]

I know, it's. I always talk about that with Billy. I. Oh, God, my poor kids. Like, they are gonna be add up. Like, just. Oh, God. That's another reason I'm like, maybe I can only handle one.

[A]

All the things. My sister is due very soon and I'm excited to see. Her and her husband are both very attractive people, but I'm. I'm excited to see his genes are very strong too. So I'm. I'm excited to see who wins that battle. All I know is their kid is gonna have the most beautiful eyes.

[B]

Does she have lighter eyes?

[A]

Alex has green eyes. I'm pretty sure Derek has like piercing blue eyes, but dark hair. Alex has blonde hair, so I'm excited to see. Could be.

[B]

Truly could be anything.

[A]

Like, oh, imagine ginger.

[B]

Well, they could. Well are. You are pure European, right? Yeah, like Mediterranean. Which, like, could be.

[A]

Well, my dad's north western European.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, my dad was like, Irish English.

[B]

Well, yeah, then totally could. I mean, my genetics are so weird and I mean, it goes into like, Puerto Ricans being truly just like everything. But I. My dad was like a red headed toddler and he's like, Puerto Rican. Fully Puerto Rican. I have like red streaks in my hair. My brother has like red beard hair. It's just like genetics is the craziest thing. I have a cousin that's really light, lighter hair and she's full Puerto Rican. I have cousins who are black. I have cousins. Like, my brother is a lot darker than I am. Genetics are just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So weird to see how they pop up. My friend's babies. The first two look like her husband, of course, and then I think the last one looks more like her, which is nice.

[A]

We'll see. There's one thing I do know. Bex will be going gray very early. I went. I started going gray at 18. I don't know when Matt started going gray, but he has like salt and pepper hair too. Like, coming. How old is He, Matt is 38.

[B]

Oh, okay. He looks young. I need a skincare.

[A]

The jeans.

[B]

Yeah. And that's really what it comes down to.

[A]

Skincare routine for him.

[B]

I'm like, give me the skin and carrot.

[A]

It was so cute though. They, when they came here, they brought a friend with them too. They were, they had a friend that was visiting from New York with them and he. I like, loved him. I'm like, I can't wait to hang out with you. The next time we go to New York to shoot, I'm going to invite him over. You guys would love him.

[B]

He was like, you're always making friends. I was just talking about you to my friend Corey yesterday because I think every friend group has the connector.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I would not have any of my friends in our friend group if it wasn't for Corey. Like it was just her birthday and we, every time we go to her birthday, birthday, it is mind blowing. How many people are there? Like 30 people, 40 people. And I'm like, I don't even think this many people will be at my wedding. Like, there's just some people that are just the connectors and they just like have a lot of friends. That's how Corey is. And I was telling her that's just how you are. And I'm like, you would immediately love Becky. Like the second she meets you. She just wants to connect with you. And that's. I, I think it's really special. I used to be like that. Not anymore. Not anymore. The older I get, I think it's harder.

[A]

It was funny that you bring that up because I went golfing the other day and Greg asked how Billy was doing because Billy came golfing with us and Greg was explaining to the two new people we were golfing with. He was like, Becky's just is an interesting person. Like she. Because he was like, she brought Billy, who she's never hung out with by herself. And like, like, she'll just do that. She'll like invite you. And I was like, why not? Like, why? Like, he said he wanted to golf, so why wouldn't I bring him golfing with me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, people just don't do that. Like, people just don't like, invite, like follow through on invites. And I was like, that's silly. What an awful way to live life. But which brings me to. I'm. I think you saw my post on Tick Tock, but Lee and I go frequent our diner often. Like, we love going to, to the diner and we hadn't been there since Bex was born just we could obviously. Well, we went there once, but it was during the week, so not our regular time. And so I went in yesterday or two days ago to buy a shirt, and the. The lady who's normally our waitress, one of the two of them saw me walk in and she, like, lit up. She was like, I've been waiting to see you. And like, like, ran out to her car and then had this, like, cute wrapped present for us. And thank you. Thankfully, Liam, Bex were with me in the car and she, like, came over and she was, like, so excited to, like, see Bex and like, see Leah and I and give us. Give us the present. And I. I think that is, like, a testament to just like. We just, like, really love, like, meeting people and try to make a connection with anyone and anywhere. That's kind of. We talked about it on here, but someone was like, like, how do you have 100, 200 people that you could call? I've lived so many lives, like, an insane amount of life.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Like, have I ever told the story about my friends in Amsterdam?

[B]

No.

[A]

I've lived so many different lives. Right, so just follow the bouncing ball here. Being an athlete, going to college, just moving, traveling. Someone invites me to do something, and I've met them once. I'm going to stay with them and do that thing with them. Right. And so me and my sister used to do this thing when we would visit my grandparents in Florida over Thanksgiving break. We would sit at a bar, a packed bar, but we would leave a gap between us so that someone had to come between us to order a drink. And while they were ordering drink, we would talk to them and, like, get to know them and, like, just make conversations. And in that moment, one of those times, we met this couple from Amsterdam and we ended up hanging out with them the rest of the time. I have visited them and stayed with them in Amsterdam since then, multiple times. Right. When they come into the States, I see them. Leah has, like, stayed with them in Amsterdam and they show us around. So, like, that, I think is a prime example of how do I know so much many people is because in any situation I have an opportunity if you're a good person. And, like, I can feel that, like, I want to, like, I want to keep you in my life. Like, I'm gonna be intentful with. With that conversation or visiting you or whatever that looks like.

[B]

So, yeah, I think. And it's sad that that's rare because I do feel like that's rare. I feel like it's few and far between that people are like that. Because I think that most people are really lonely. And I think it's really hard to put yourself out there. Like you say, leaving a gap in between. Like, that is my worst nightmare. Like, I am, like, closing that gap. Like, don't even look at me. Why are we at the bar? I'd rather be in my house. But that's a problem, right? Like, I should be more social. I think the pandemic did that a lot to people, too. It definitely affected me. And then going just like, working from home, too, that, like, wrecked my social ability, I feel like. But I think, like, people, we have such, like, an individualistic mentality in our society and like, in our country specifically. And you have to be there for people. Like, you owe people. There's constantly, like, I don't owe anybody. Like you do. You owe people kindness, you owe them generosity, you owe them trust, you owe them second chances. Like, we owe people. And you've said it on here, in order to be a villager, you to want. I mean, in order to have a village, you have to be a villager, and you have to be intentional with it. And it's like, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I had a bad day, but it's my friend's birthday and I'm gonna show up for them. And I think that a lot of people remove that. There's a lot of, like, self centered around it where it's, oh, but I'm feeling like this. Well, you kind of sometimes have to swallow that. And I think that's easier said than done. And it needs to be put more in practice. But it's very shocking to me how people interact even in their own families. My mom and I often talk about, like, if I. When I got my tonsils taken out, my entire family was waiting in the waiting room. Like, you know, and I. I feel like. I hear people are like, oh, my. My dad's in the hospital for two days. He's got, like, surgery. I went to visit him once and I'm like, what are you talking about? I can't imagine that. And it's sad. It makes me really sad. I think that's why people are really lonely.

[A]

You have to also be okay with uncomfortable situations, right?

[B]

Like.

[A]

Like, I'm okay knowing that if I'm put in, like, an uncomfortable, awkward social situation, like, I'm going to be fine and I'm gonna survive it. And I think that a lot of people fear that, right? Like, having to make small Talk, having to have conversations, showing up early, and you're the only one there. And like, that. Those types of things, like, don't bother me because I know that I can make kind of like, a situation. At least it used to not. Right. Like, they. I used to just. Just go and be everywhere. I'm a little bit more intentional with my time and, like, energy just with age. But, like, I lived my entire life just if you literally, if you invited me somewhere, I was there. Like, I think that's actually now why, like, I have such a hard time with life in this season of life. Not specifically having a kid, just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With age is. I don't get invited to do things, like, at all. So I don't see people unless I'm the one inviting them to do things. And that is a very hard pill to swallow. Right. Like, if I. And I've stopped inviting people, like, certain people to do things because I. I, like, just started to see. Like, I didn't see them unless it was me. And I just didn't feel like the friendship was mine to hold that way and mine only. So age does. Age. Age does funny things to you.

[B]

Yeah, it's hard, too, because, like, my friendships, I've had, like, my group of friends for over a decade now, so we've seen each other through, like, so many different phases of life. And at one point, we saw each other three, four times a week. Right. Like, we were seeing each other constantly, and now just in adulthood, we see each other maybe once a month. Sometimes it can be twice a month with just, like, kids, you moved a little further away. Everyone's burnt out, they're tired, they're traveling, whatever. Whatever the case may be. And I. That's really hard. Sometimes I think that all. There's grief in that too. You don't have to just become a parent to agree and, like, mourn your old life. Like, I. I think about that a lot. I used to spend a lot more time with my friends, and I do miss that. I really appreciate my solitude more now, too, as an adult. So I try to, like. Like, reframe it, that I get to have that time by myself. But I think. I don't know, I wish there was more. That brings me to wishing there was more third spaces. Like, I talk about Billy, like, with that. With Billy all the time on the weekends. Like, I want to go somewhere where I can read my book and I'm not like, shopping or I have to drink an alcoholic beverage or, like, okay, I guess I could go eat, but, like, what are my options? I'm going to a bar, a restaurant, or I'm shopping. Like, what are your op. Like, where do people go? Like, is it just me? Like, that struggles with that? Because I really struggle with it.

[A]

Like, you just want a space that you can be and like, not have to do anything else. But, like, you can also maybe have the options to like, do those things. Yeah, it's. I mean, our society isn't built for community. Right. Like that. I mean, there's some areas that do we just like. I'm not living in it. A commune is my dream. I wish when I win the lottery, because it's going to happen. I just don't know when I don't play it. So like, I like, I guess I start. But when I win the lottery, like, I'm building a commune, building houses for all my friends if they want to live with on it. Fantastic. That is like, my dream is just to have like a community center and houses and just be able to stop, not buy my friends anytime, anytime I'd like. That's why I'm trying to get all my friends where. Sam. That's also another thing. I am the person like you, my friend, my one friend. Danny. Did you meet Danny and Ashley? Yeah, Danny and the one that looks. Has a bun like me.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yep. Yep.

[A]

Like, if I have friends that I have their location and I am. It could be two, three hours away that they live and I am down there for any reason, I will randomly stop by someone's house. Like, I will pop up.

[B]

You're just gonna pop in.

[A]

I. People hate to see me coming. Like, I've. I've randomly stopped at Danny's house and she lives two hours away because, like, I have other things that I do. It's in that, like, red bank area and like, just like, hey. And I'll just say hi and leave and like stay for 10 minutes and just. I'll drive 30 minutes out of my way. If I know a friend lives in the vicinity of a place that I'm like, at that further away too. But commune. If you want to live on it, you're more than welcome to.

[B]

I've been literally saying it for a decade that, like, my dream is to build a commune. I have it planned out in my head. Like, how nice would it be? Like, you have to go to dinner. You and dinner. You and Leah want to go out to dinner, right? And like, you just get to drop the kids off at like, their friend's house and then they're all Hanging out in the backyard. And then at night, if I want to, we can meet up and drink a glass of wine, and then I can go home.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, I get to choose when I want to be around. That's an option. I know.

[A]

That's why I'm looking forward to living in a nursing home at some point for that.

[B]

Yeah. Forced community. See, for me, that's a little, like, I need, like, space. Like, I don't want to see my neighbors through my house.

[A]

Like, it's all my friends to move to the same.

[B]

To the same community center.

[A]

Like, 55 in all their community in Florida. Yeah.

[B]

Driving their golf carts around. That's truly my dream. My friends, I mean, some of them are into it, but they're not as gung ho about it as I am. And so lately I've been trying to sneak in the idea, like, look, like, slightly about, like, a lake house. Like, why don't we go in on a lake house together? Then we'll. We'll try the commune there. You know, sharing a lake house is perfect.

[A]

I couldn't agree more. I need a lake house.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I told Gene that Bex wants a lake house, and so maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't. But, like, I've also tried convincing my friends. I've. I need to find new friends because convincing Spencer, Luke, and Ryan to open a bank account together where we each put 50 bucks a month, 100 bucks a month, something that we can't spend until we're 50 or 60 years old, and then we can either decide to take that money and buy a vacation home that we all get to use or that we all. That's our vacation fund. Yeah, that's what I've been trying to tell them and put it into where it's growing somewhere, you know, nobody's listening to us. I want a lake house.

[B]

I want a lake house. How perfect is that? You go in with your friends, you. Your family gets a week. You guys can be together, and when you're not using it, you Airbnb it out.

[A]

Yes. Yes. That is the dream. There's some, like, if you live in the vicinity of Warren County, New Jersey, and you're a realtor and you know of a lake house person email. Because I want a freaking lake house, and I will do anything I need to to get a lake house.

[B]

I used to want a beach house, but I think lake is better. Waterfront.

[A]

It needs to be waterfront, though.

[B]

Yeah. And that's hard in Jersey because a lot of it is familial. Property so it gets get passed down.

[A]

I'm fine with Pennsylvania.

[B]

Oh, me too.

[A]

So yeah, find me a lake house, people.

[B]

Guys, get us the lake house. Also go to Patreon. Download this episode. Download the show on Spotify and Apple so we can have a leak.

[A]

Yeah, go listen to for the haters.

[B]

Go listen to for the haters download.

[A]

Lake houses.

[B]

We need lake houses. The more lake houses the better. I also want a boat. I did not know how expensive boats were.

[A]

Expensive.

[B]

Listening to this right now.

[A]

Listen. I'm not going to be totally selfish about this. If you listen to this right. If you're listening right now, go listen to for the haters and continue to listen for the haters. And that me and when I get my lake house, I'll do retreats at the lake house that you guys can come to.

[B]

Now you really have to get us lake house.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You guys, I just need it. That's my dream. Like imagine just a nice night on the lake. I don't have to put my YouTube background anymore. I could just look out my window.

[A]

What a life that we would live.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Buy us a lake house.

[B]

Hey, Kale.

[A]

Yeah, she's probably having a listen her.

[B]

Anesthesia we call her and we're like, hey, how about a lake out? Kristen is gonna kill us.

[A]

Yes. Yes. Well, this has been a lot of fun.

[B]

Yeah. I love chatting with you. Should I pull a music card? Matters the chaos. Okay. We are gabbers. I feel like you know, that's an.

[A]

Hour goes by fast, people. I hope you hope you guys sticked around for it. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Reach out, interact.

[B]

Tell us about your lake house. Because I'm sure somebody listening to this.

[A]

Invite me to your lake house and I'll come hang out at your lake house too.

[B]

You know Becky will come if you invite her. She will come. I won't. I'll FaceTime in. But Becky will come.

[A]

I will come.

[B]

Becky will be there.

[A]

Let me just run it for the weekend. Give it to it. And Lee and I will come with facts.

[B]

I just love lake Menopause Society. No way. Dear exhibitor slash sponsor. The Menopause Society Annual Meeting 2020 2025. Attendee contact details are now ready. You can connect with them to explore potential business opportunities. The Menopause Society.

[A]

I don't think I'm close to that bad.

[B]

How old do they think we are?

[A]

It's a gray hair. People ask me all the time. People think I'm old.

[B]

You don't look old. You look younger than you are.

[A]

It's a hair.

[B]

I know, but like, that's silly. You started growing at 18.

[A]

Yeah, that's when I started dating girls.

[B]

Well, not trash.

[A]

All right, on this week's is it karma or is it chaos? Good morning, ladies. I have felt like this has been my karma all along for the past eight years, but I'm interested in what you think. I had a three. Oh my God. I had a three year long affair. I finally divorced my husband and moved out and bought a house with my boyfriend. We later got. We later on got married and had our IVF baby. No fertility issues. I was pressured by my ex to tie my tubes after our daughter was born when I was 25. Shortly after I moved out, my ex husband met his girlfriend on Tinder. We never got along from the be and we never got along from the beginning. I believe she had jealousy issues as I was the ex wife and baby mama. She has been the absolute worst high conflict stepmom to deal with. My ex and I have two kids together, then 6 and 2. Now they're 14 and 9. I can't help but feel like she's my karma for cheating on my husband. Eight years later, we still don't get along and our co parenting relationship is non existent. Is it karma or is it chaos? Love you ladies and look forward to listening every two years that it's karma.

[B]

You think it's karma? Yeah. Oh, I think it's a little bit of both. Because I think that this, I think a lot of times like step parent drama is ridiculous. Like it's very immature and that people need to like, get their shit together for the kids. When there's kids involved, you need to kind of like suck it up and grow up. And I've just seen a lot of dynamics where like the stuff that people are doing to cause chaos in the other person's life is so, so minuscule and petty. The reasons are so unnecessary that I'm like, I put a little of blame on the stepmom too, you know, but.

[A]

You cheating and having an affair on your husband.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gives you like you. You were gonna get karma somehow. Yeah, I think it definitely is a little bit of both. But that could have been. That's if you didn't have anything else bad happen to you. That was definitely your karma.

[B]

Although we didn't have the affair.

[A]

She probably have a little bit of sympathy for you because of the whole tube tying thing. That's, that's really up.

[B]

Yeah. 25 is really young to make a decision like that.

[A]

I feel like at least maybe if you had a shitty relationship. I don't know. Hard to say. Need more details, but I'm like anti cheating, so.

[B]

Oh yeah, I think.

[A]

And on that note, thank you all for listening. We love you. We're happy to have you. We're working on merch to get to you. Alessandra, where can they find you?

[B]

You can find me at Vibing with abg on Instagram. You can listen to Vibing and kind of thrive in on all podcast platforms. And you can find me here too, most of the time.

[A]

And you can find me at haydur25 or for the haters.

[B]

Either place, download the episode so we can get a lake house.

[A]

Please, please.

[B]

Love y'. All.

[A]

All right, love y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Bye. Hi, I'm Lauren.

[B]

And I'm Chandler.

[A]

And we're the hosts of Pop Apologist podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip, Hollywood deep dives, Real housewives, drama, and anything and everything. Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that a listers might mean more to us than each other. Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for pop apologists. Pop Apologists, your new favorite sister and celeb podcast.

[B]

Just when you thought summer couldn't get any hotter, Pluto TV is turning up the heat with thousands of free movies presenting Summer of cinema. Stream your favorite blockbuster films like Gladiator.

[A]

I will have my vineyards.

[B]

Good burger. This is what I do. Fast food. Beverly Hills Cop, the Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, and Julie and Julia. Bon appetit. All for free on your favorite devices. Pluto tv Stream now pay Never.