Wandering Eye & Smaller Boobs

Summary

Karma & Chaos with Kail Lowry & Becky Hayter
Episode: Wandering Eye & Smaller Boobs
Release Date: January 7, 2025

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1. Personal Life and Friendship Dynamics

The episode opens with Becky sharing a heartfelt moment about her son Elijah showing concern for her presence, highlighting the deep familial bonds she cherishes. Becky recounts how Elijah inquired, “[00:25] …he was like, when is Becky coming here? We have so much baby stuff to give her…” illustrating the supportive environment surrounding her.

Kail reflects on their friendship and the importance of staying connected, emphasizing community engagement. Kail mentions, “[07:05] I also … we've been … building communities,” showcasing her commitment to fostering meaningful relationships within their listener community.

2. Reflecting on the Past Holiday Season

Both hosts discuss their recent Christmas experiences, with Kail expressing mixed feelings due to Leah's absence. She shares, “[02:42] …first holiday, first Christmas without my dad… we enjoyed it,” providing insight into navigating significant life changes during the holidays.

Becky adds depth by acknowledging the emotional complexities of welcoming a new child into the family, stating, “[03:08] …add a child. I have seven kids…” highlighting the ongoing challenges and joys of expanding her family.

3. Cosmetic Surgery and Body Image

A significant portion of the episode delves into the topic of cosmetic surgery and body image. Becky candidly discusses her journey with surgery and the emotional toll it has taken. She confesses, “[08:20] …I just want to feel good when I look close,” revealing her struggles with societal pressures and personal self-image.

Kail complements this discussion by sharing her own experiences with weight management and body positivity. She admits, “[14:19] …own body. I love myself…,” emphasizing the importance of self-love irrespective of physical appearance.

4. Mental Health and Emotional Well-being

The hosts openly address their mental health challenges, advocating for the normalization of seeking therapy. Kail introduces the topic by explaining her participation in a “crying wrap up,” stating, “[17:52] …I started January 1st this year…,” illustrating her proactive approach to emotional well-being.

Becky reinforces this sentiment by sharing her vulnerability, saying, “[08:12] …being actively engaged with our community helps.” Their honest dialogue encourages listeners to prioritize mental health and seek support when needed.

5. Relationship Dynamics and Communication

Kail and Becky explore the intricacies of maintaining healthy relationships, particularly focusing on differing productivity schedules and expectations. Kail discusses feeling out of sync with her partner Elijah’s cleaning habits, mentioning, “[38:02] …elijah is scrubbing the floor…,” which leads to a broader conversation about balancing individual needs within a partnership.

Becky echoes these sentiments, explaining, “[34:24] …exactly what Elijah and I go through,” illustrating common challenges couples face in aligning their routines and supporting each other’s productivity.

6. Society’s Toxic Norms and Personal Boundaries

The episode shifts to a critical analysis of societal norms that perpetuate toxic behaviors. Becky raises concerns about the normalization of overconsumption and unrealistic body standards, stating, “[40:47] …over consuming and over and girl bossing are two things that really piss me off…,” critiquing the relentless pursuit of productivity at the expense of personal well-being.

Kail adds to this discussion by questioning the ethical implications of certain societal practices, emphasizing the need for introspection and change.

7. Navigating Personal Interests and Boundaries

A lighter segment features the hosts discussing their personal interests and boundaries, particularly around sensitive topics like porn consumption. Becky shares her discomfort with certain genres, saying, “[43:19] …cartoon porn…,” while Kail maintains her stance by stating, “[44:28] …I’ve never watched lesbian porn in my life…,” highlighting the diverse perspectives within their relationship.

8. Engaging with the Community and Future Plans

Towards the end of the episode, Kail and Becky engage with their audience by addressing listener interactions and promoting community involvement. Kail encourages listeners to share their experiences, “[07:05] …let us know how you learned…,” fostering a sense of belonging and support among their audience.

Becky hints at upcoming personal developments, including a tattoo commemorating a late friend, adding a personal touch to the conversation: “[55:03] …getting a tattoo designed right now…,” which resonates with listeners who appreciate the hosts' authenticity and vulnerability.

Concluding Thoughts

Kail and Becky wrap up the episode by reaffirming their commitment to discussing real-life challenges and fostering a supportive community. Their blend of humor, honesty, and relatability provides listeners with valuable insights into navigating modern adulthood with its myriad of karma and chaos.

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Notable Quotes:

• Becky on Elijah’s Concern: “[00:25] …when is Becky coming here? We have so much baby stuff to give her…”
• Kail on Community Building: “[07:05] …building communities...”
• Becky on Cosmetic Surgery: “[08:20] …I just want to feel good when I look close.”
• Kail on Self-Love: “[14:19] …I love myself…”
• Kail on Mental Health: “[17:52] …I started January 1st this year…”
• Becky on Overconsumption: “[40:47] …over consuming and over and girl bossing are two things that really piss me off…”

This episode of Karma & Chaos offers a candid and comprehensive exploration of personal growth, relationships, and societal pressures, making it a relatable and insightful listen for anyone navigating the complexities of life in their 30s.

Transcript

[Becky]

Foreign Chaos is a producer on this recording. So if we are talking to somebody, it's her back.

[Kale]

Happy New Year. Good morning, good evening, good day, good night, whenever you're listening.

[Becky]

So originally, we had toyed with the idea of doing this episode in person. And so when Elijah didn't know what was going on, he was like, when is Becky coming here? We have so much baby stuff to give her, and what kind of car does she drive? And I was like, I don't know. And I also don't know. Just like. And he's like, well, she needs to come get this. And I was like, okay, I'll let her know and we'll figure it out.

[Kale]

That makes me want to cry. That's so nice of him.

[Becky]

He literally opened the door in the office and was like, when is she coming?

[Kale]

And I was like, I love him so much.

[Becky]

Oh, my God, he's a mess. We got in a fight this morning because I had the surgery, right? And I have, like, this compression thing. And so I was, like, trying to, like, pull it up, but it's, like, hard to pull up because I'm swollen. And then he takes a phone call in the middle of, like, trying to pull this fucking thing up. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, are you. I'm struggling. I'm sweating profusely. And you just, like, chilled and just took a second. And so I texted his best friend, and I was like, listen, I'm sorry, but I was just in the middle of a work.

[Kale]

We unintentionally matched today. Number one. Number two, Elijah Scott Williams. If you're listening to this, I drive. We. Lee and I both drive kios. We have a Seltos and a Sento.

[Becky]

Okay, so Becky, I'm texting him right now that drives. Which one do you drive? A Kia.

[Kale]

I drive the smaller one, but I feel like the bigger one will be used for kids because it's safer. Right? It's like an suv.

[Becky]

Are they, like, crossovers? They're cute. They're both really cute.

[Kale]

The Seltos is smaller. I love. I love that car. I love Leah's car. Yeah, I love Leah's car more. The Sorento.

[Becky]

So will you get one, like, when you get a new one?

[Kale]

No, because I think it might be nice to have a smaller car that's, like, lower on gas, just easier to use. That might be a better car for Leah to commute to work in.

[Becky]

Oh, true.

[Kale]

The Sorrento has the third row bucket seats.

[Becky]

Third row bucket seats.

[Kale]

No, second row is Bucket seats, third row. We have a third row in that car, though. It's the step before the Telluride. Oh, I have so much to like there. I have so much to talk about. I have, like, a full list of things. First of all, Christmas. Hope everyone's holidays were great. We haven't caught up since then.

[Becky]

Yeah, it's been a long time.

[Kale]

Christmas was. Wasn't the best, but wasn't the worst.

[Becky]

What do you mean, wasn't the best? What could have gone wrong?

[Kale]

Nothing went wrong. Leah wasn't here. Leah worked this Christmas, and so that took a. Like, I didn't realize how important her presence was. Well, I guess I always recognize how important her presence was, but I don't know. I, like, didn't feel fully holidayish without her.

[Becky]

I also just, like, off the top of my head is like, this was your last Christmas, just the two of you. So I could. Imag was probably a little bit emotional and like, obviously bringing a new life into the world is going to be something that, I mean, you guys definitely, like, planned and prayed and did all the things for this, but also, I mean, your entire life will change once you add a child.

[Kale]

Sure. Yeah. But my sister Alex was here, and so that was, like, my silver lining because, like, all my siblings were here. So that was. That made me really happy. And everyone was good. Like, there was no. And obviously it would have been warranted if it happened, but, like, my mom was good. First holiday, first Christmas without my dad. Like, it wasn't something that. It wasn't a cloud that kind of stood over us. We enjoyed it. Right. It was enjoyable to spend as a family. And, yeah, I just missed Leah a lot. But I did want to say, I don't know if you saw this, but we've been. On the last episode, I talked about how my favorite tradition was the stocking at the end of my feet. And I had. That hasn't. We haven't done it in years. Probably like 10 years. And I woke up Christmas morning with a stocking at my foot that Leah put there.

[Becky]

Did she listen to the podcast or you guys talking?

[Kale]

I had. I had been talking about it, like, irl too, with her. Just I. Because she asked how the podcast went, and I told her what we talked about. So that was really cute and emotional for me.

[Becky]

I feel like that's something only women do in relief. Like, those types of things. Like, a man couldn't. Let me not say a man could never. Most men, I would say few, very few, and far between would pick up on Something like that. And do it. You know what I mean? Like, that's very lesbian. Like women. Women.

[Kale]

Yeah. Speaking of that, on my list of I start taking notes of things I want to talk to you about.

[Becky]

I'm scared of that. But I'm scared of that.

[Kale]

No, this. It's relative to what you just said. It was watching a TikTok and it was two girlfriends and the girlfriend recorded her for Christmas. She recorded her own personalized audiobook of a book they were going to read together. That like, was her, like, her top favorite book.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Kale]

And so she recorded it in her voice, like she read the book for her. It was like a 14 hour audiobook that she gave to her for Christmas.

[Becky]

That's kind of incredible, though.

[Kale]

That is beautiful.

[Becky]

Like 14 hours. Like, she dedicated time to that.

[Kale]

Yeah. To read the entire book. So her girlfriend had her own audiobook of her reading it.

[Becky]

And Alessandra wrote, this is how, you know, it's not a choice to be gay men. Literally. But if I even spent 14, probably more than 14 hours recording that, Elijah would not listen to it. And he loves me and he wouldn't listen to it. You know what I mean? He'd be like, maybe if I died. I actually asked him the other day, I said, I. I actually. When I die, because I want to die young. I told him, I said, why are you shaking your head? This is a real thing. So I said, I want you to suffer when I die. I want you to miss me because. Because you are happy after I die. At any point, you're gonna get buried next to your new wife and not me. Do you know what I mean?

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

So I feel like for that reason alone, it's valid because you want me to. You want me to die alone. You want me to be buried by myself because you won't be buried next to me and my ex husband won't be buried next to me. So you want me to be buried solo. Dolo.

[Kale]

I feel like, hypothetically speaking, if Leah died, right, and I remarried after her, I would find someone that would agree to be buried with Leah together.

[Becky]

Like, you're like, I love you, but I did love Lifetime. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's fair.

[Kale]

I also. But before we change topics, not that, like, we're not controlling this ourselves, but I posted on the Karma and chaos Facebook group for everyone to share their Christmas holiday photo. Did you see that? And everyone shared like it was. There's probably like 500 comments. I don't. Maybe I'm being exaggerated, but, like, People were just posting their family photo is so cute.

[Becky]

I didn't see it.

[Kale]

It's such a good thread. Like, it's a thread. I said, drop your, like, family, like, holiday photo. And everyone, like, was, like, sharing their holiday photo.

[Becky]

Stop that. So I actually want to say thank you to you because I see how active you are in all the karma and chaos groups, and I love that so much because I've always been more active. And then when I went under for surgery, I have been on drugs for a lot of days and have not been coherent. Some. I saw a post that said, like, kale, we've missed you on our timelines, but I do want to say thank you for doing that because I see. I think I see more of your posts than anyone else, like, you asking questions or making comments or whatever. And I'm like, I just love that.

[Kale]

I like to follow up after every episode with a question that comes from it to. To see. Catch people's vibes. Right.

[Becky]

Or also, it might help people listen to it because they're like, oh, wait, I didn't listen to this. They want to, like, go circle back for sure. So I do appreciate that.

[Kale]

Well, thanks. I appreciate being here, and I like, I appreciate that connection with people, too. So it's not like I do it out of necessity. I do it out of, like, because I care. Like, I enjoy what people are saying, the community. I like building communities. It's fun.

[Becky]

No, I definitely. I don't think that it. It doesn't feel out of obligation in any way.

[Kale]

I don't think I do things out of obligation. I feel like you get.

[Becky]

I mean. Yeah, I just. I look crazy. I can't. I still can't wash my own hair by myself. It's a lot. You know what I mean?

[Kale]

Yeah, I do know what you mean. I did start going back to the gym. So I will say that I've gone. I went every day this week. Before the new year even started with my sister, we went. So I'm hoping to continue that. And I wanted to touch. We kind of talked about this in our personal conversation. Not on karma and chaos, but I did want to bring it back up because both of us have, in the past couple weeks, decided to go a certain route of making ourselves feel more comfortable in our body. I went back on shots. I'm going back on shots for the next couple months just to get back to kind of where I was, because after all the IVF treatment, I had gained a bunch of weight, and it made me really unhappy. And so that's how I chose. And obviously you got surgery. And we just talked about how, like, sad it makes us that we feel like we have to do that. And I wanted you to kind of talk about what you were talking about a little bit, because I think people resonate.

[Becky]

So I forgot that we were going to talk about this because we did talk about this. Just to preface anyone listening, we talked about this in real life. And then I had said, one of us had said that we should talk about it on the podcast. And then I forgot that we said that. So I'm glad I didn't wear makeup today. Alessandra actually edited a video that I took while I was getting ready the other day. It was the first time I was getting ready since surgery. And I. I'm no stranger to cosmetic surgery, right? Like, I've done mommy makeover in the past. I think it was 2016. I've done lip fillers, I've done dysport. I've done all that, right? Like, I've done cosmetic proced seizures this time around, I went to go get a breast reduction, but then decided that I'm already there, right? Like, so let's do lipo and let's do, you know, let's do a tummy tuck revision so that my C section scar could be with my tummy tuck scar. And so it'll be lower and less visible and less scars and be cuter and I'll be skinnier. And, you know, with a tummy tuck, you already get lipo360. So that's not like I was like, oh, I'm. The goal wasn't necessarily that I need to be skinny was just like, I'm already going under the knife, right? I was. It was an am so desperate. I feel like, to be skinny that I am in so much pain and discomfort two weeks later that I got so upset. And I was just like, I looked at Elijah the one day and I said it again when I was getting ready. But, like, I never want my kids to feel like that they would go to these lengths to, like, mutilate their bodies to be skinny or look a certain way. Because at the end of the day, like, I don't care if my. If my daughter is, like, overweight or she's skinny or she's whatever she like, I'm still gonna love her. She's my daughter, right? Same for my son. I think that in saying my daughter, I was like, well, you know what? I think that if girls go through it, I'm sure men go through it too. They just don't talk about it. And so I was thinking about my sons and I say all that to say we live in a really up society where like, it's like nothing is ever good enough, especially our weight. And I also wanted to go on GLP ones. I also want to go to the gym, which they did build a new gym by my kids school. So like the goal for me right now is like you, if I get in a couple times a week when I drop the kids off at school, run to the gym really quick before I come home, fingers crossed in the new year that that's what's happening. Because I do want to, like I did go through all of this to look a certain way and there's no way to maintain it unless I fucking do the work, which is like eating right and going to the gym. I just think it's a combination of things. So it's rough out here.

[Alessandra]

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. We've talked about a lot of things and if you're in a relationship where you're not really sure whether you should continue the relationship or maybe break up with them, maybe you have, you're very unaligned or you have very different perspectives of the relationship, maybe you could try better help before you make that decision.

[Kale]

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[Alessandra]

And if you're like me and your resolutions start to fade by February or March, but you want to do better to stay on track with your goals for 2025. You can do that with therapy.

[Becky]

You think of, you can think of.

[Alessandra]

Therapy as your editorial partner, helping you write new chapters and create meaningful stories. You want to live a meaningful, intentional life. And I feel like BetterHelp is a great option because like Becky said, you can do it from anywhere and you want to write your own story. So do that with better help. Visit betterhelp.com karma to get 10% off your first month.

[Becky]

That's better help.

[Alessandra]

H E L p.com/karma.

[Kale]

Yeah. And I was just going through lack of sleep I think from this shot. And I was like, why am I doing this to myself? Just to be skinny and. But I've been thinking about it. It's not even, it's not even about for me, it's not even about being skinny. It's just feeling good about myself where like I love myself and I guess that's just a mindset of that I need to work on is loving myself regardless of what I like appear to be.

[Becky]

Your clothes don't fit right or you can't things because of it or. And like that's where it's so tricky because it's like I don't necessarily care about being skinny. I just care about clothes. And I want to, I want to feel good when I look closed. And so it's like this whole like never ending cycle. And it's like just do the work in the gym, do the work in the kitchen. Okay, that sounds in theory. Right, But. And you'll know when you have a newborn. It's like I have seven kids and four of them are in sports and extracurriculars. Where the do you think I have. I don't have a private chef. Oh, it is so good.

[Kale]

Yeah. And weight's weird too. I try not to. I mean, we're both thick girls. We're both like, I, I probably weigh. I'll just be transparent because I think it's good for everyone. I, I mean we weigh the same, right? Like, I probably weigh around 200 pounds right now. My heaviest was probably 242 30. And in the beginning of this year before my dad passed away, I was doing really well. I was like at like 185 and I felt so good about like, I just felt like hot. Right. And so that's where I'm trying to get back to. And me at 185 isn't even. I wouldn't even say skinny. Right. Like I'm just a thick. I'm built. I'm muscles. Yeah. But that's what I'm trying to get back to. I think that's my, that's my goal. But if I live the rest of my life like I am now, I would be happy. I have to tell my like, you.

[Becky]

Know, I'd say 100, 175 is like my goal weight, but toned 175.

[Kale]

I don't even know what I would look like at 175.

[Becky]

I don't know either, but I'd be good with it.

[Kale]

Alessandra said, it's rewire rewiring. Truly positive self talk while you're going through the transformation. Yeah, that's what I'm working on is love. Because Leah loves me. Regardless. We always look at pictures from when we were like, big because Leah, like, was a little heavier too. Lee was always skinny, but we're just like, look at us.

[Becky]

I will say they told me they could not do my double chin because it's skin and not fat. So they could not lipo it. So he said he literally goes. And Alessandra was there for this. He's like, I hope this inspires you to work out. Like, what about my arms? And I was like. And right here. And he was like, he like felt it. He's like, that's skin. So I was like, so I need like a, a lower facelift, like this is or whatever. And he was like, your arms.

[Alessandra]

I don't know.

[Becky]

He's like, if you want to come back in six months, I can do like an arm lift. I'm like, I'm going to try the gym first. That's.

[Kale]

I'm going to start with, girl, just try to take care of yourself a little bit before you come back.

[Becky]

My advice, after going through this a second time, my advice to anyone that wants cosmetic surgery, yes, if that's what you want to do, by all means. I cannot be a hypocrite and tell you not to. However, the recovery is so bad. It's so bad. I've cried most days and I definitely think just you could cry at the gym. You know what I mean? Like to get.

[Kale]

So speaking of crying, someone tagged me in a tick tock and said, like, you should do this. And it was one of those crying wrap ups, like, of the year. And so I started it. I. I was like, hell yeah, this is such a good idea. But I'm already four out of five days I've cried. So of the new year. And so you track every day that you've cried and you put like the reasons behind it.

[Becky]

Okay, wait, so you say that again.

[Kale]

So people on Tick Tock do like dating wrap ups or crying wrap ups, like the year for the year. And so they put together a PowerPoint presentation of how many times they cried that year, how it breaks up. No, happy and sad.

[Becky]

So would you do a crying wrap up this year of like, you've cried every day?

[Kale]

Yeah. So I'm, I'm starting. I started January 1st this year and at the end of this year, I'm gonna do a Crying wrap up.

[Becky]

Okay. I love that for you.

[Kale]

Yeah. You. You put I. And if anyone's listening has any recommendations, but I put this is what I have so far. I have the date, I have, if it was happy or sad, why I cried, and then the location. Like, I was home, I was out, I was somewhere. Like, any other categories that I should add to my list?

[Becky]

I feel like I have not cried enough in the past six months.

[Kale]

Really?

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

I've seen you cry so much.

[Becky]

Yeah. And those are the only times I've cried. You think we're okay? I don't know if we're okay. Also about. No, absolutely not. Okay.

[Kale]

I did. I did have a mental breakdown this past weekend, so that. Yeah, every. It happens every couple times of year. I'd say maybe. Maybe twice a year, it happens. There'll be an event that just triggers me into a spiral of negative thoughts. And so how do I explain this? So there'll be, like, an event that triggers me into thinking about all of the relationships in my life and where I stand in people's lives versus where they stand in my life. And then I go through a series of events of questioning if I'm someone's choice as a friend. And then I get really sad and I cry a lot. And then I just like them. What?

[Becky]

Like, without. You get upset and cry without talking to them and.

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Even though they. You might be wrong.

[Kale]

Yeah. Yeah. I like.

[Becky]

Oh.

[Kale]

I was thinking that we need to bring back MySpace top eight just so I can know.

[Becky]

Literally, no. Literally, no.

[Kale]

Because then I don't have to question it. You know, it's hard. It's. It's hard. I was just talking to my sister about this. It's hard being the glue friend. Right. Or the glue family member. Because without, like, I'm the person that brings my family together. Right. Like, I'm the person that hosts everything. I'm the. Even with my friend groups, I'm the one making plans. I'm the one, like, bringing people together and doing things. And so being that person, it makes you question if I. Not my family. Because that's. That's different. If I stop doing this, will I see people or will people reach out to me to do xyz, Right.

[Becky]

Or life? I feel like. Yes. But I'm an outsider, so I don't know. Sure.

[Kale]

But I feel like it's really hard. It's hard because there's a difference. There's friends of mine that, like, I will only see if I ask them to do something.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Kale]

That. But they're just not doing anything else. Right. But then there's friends of mine. I only see that if I ask them to do something. But they are more than able to are asking other people to do things. But I'm just never on that list. You know what I mean?

[Becky]

I'm shocked that that's something that you struggle with.

[Kale]

Girl. It comes with like. I just love and care for my friends so much and I think they feel.

[Becky]

Most of them feel the same way about you.

[Kale]

I think I have PTSD just from like being treated poorly upfront by people and like. And feeling used and so like, I feel used in the sense of I'm here when someone needs it or I'm here. I was always the fun friend too. Like, when someone wanted to have fun, they like it was with me. It's a lot of years of trauma, I think around that.

[Becky]

I'm shocked by this actually. And this is something I don't think I've ever really thought about is the word. It's not chore. The obligation. Not the obligation. Just like the weight that you are explaining that you carry to be that person. Like, I just. I thought that people that are that person, the fun friend, the friend that always reaching out, like, I just thought that that was just in your nature. You just do it and like, if somebody doesn't, I don't know why. I never thought that you would be hurt. For you specifically, I just thought that all of your friends were immortal. Yeah.

[Kale]

Is that the right word?

[Becky]

No, Invincible.

[Kale]

Immortal is the right.

[Becky]

Immortal is like live forever. I thought.

[Kale]

Yeah, you think I'm just like, nothing can hurt me.

[Becky]

Yeah. Impenetrable.

[Kale]

I don't like that.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

I had a full. I. It was bad. I was. I was not well and it was just like a lot. And I just spoke. I spoke to my sister about it and I spoke to Leah about it. And that makes me. Leah understands me quite a bit because she knows like the fallouts I've been through and the weight that they carry. But she also sees. Leah's a very optimistic and positive person. So obviously I'm blessed with friends, the friends that I have in my life and I have a multitude of them. So she struggles with my own. She struggles when I'm upset too. She doesn't want to like, see me in pain, but she tries to make me feel better.

[Becky]

I feel like you're. You're. You talked to Alex about it or Kim.

[Kale]

Yeah, she was here. She stayed with me for two weeks.

[Becky]

I feel like what I know about Alex is that she's very voice of reason and would give a very objective.

[Kale]

Alex's perspective doesn't have a lot of friends though. So it's like she's very self sufficient in her own world. I don't know. It was nice to be able to express that even to you even talking about this because people just assume that the type of friend that I am, that we're always just okay we because we're always the one asking to do things. Always the one like putting that putting efforts in, I guess. I don't know.

[Alessandra]

I just want to say that I saw your picture with Leah in your skims matching pajamas and I thought it was the cutest thing I've ever seen.

[Kale]

My skims were so comfortable. I've never had something like that touch my skin in my entire life.

[Alessandra]

No, I put them on.

[Kale]

I said this is quality, quality. I literally walked around my house and made everyone feel them.

[Alessandra]

Okay, you need to try their intimates.

[Becky]

Because they do have really, really good.

[Alessandra]

Bra, underwear, boxers, all of those things. And I don't know about you, but I like to get new underwear in the new year. So I officially have the Fits Everybody cheeky brief in every single color and I feel like when my bra and underwear match I'm unstoppable. So now that I have smaller boobs I had to get all new stuff and you know I shopped all the skim stuff. I'm flat chested now so you know I'll be in everything skims. I'm going to post pictures once I.

[Becky]

Heal up all the way.

[Alessandra]

But this Fits Everybody scoop bralette is super, super cute and you guys can shop skims Best intimates including the Fits Everybody collection and [e-mail] and skim stores which Alessandra and I are going to the Skim stores store in New York City next week and I'm so pumped about it.

[Kale]

After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and make sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Karma and chaos.

[Becky]

I do have a question about Alex. Does she still not give a about her phone and just leaves it wherever and she could not have it for five days and it wouldn't bother her? Yeah, I just wasn't sure.

[Kale]

Shout out to everyone that's reached out to her too because a lot of people have been asking from our last episode about financial coaching and stuff and there's been quite a few people that have reached out to her looking for advice. So that's been cool. Yeah.

[Becky]

So is it like a service that she provides?

[Kale]

Yeah, and it's pretty inexpensive too. I think it's like affordable. I think it's like 100 bucks a month for. Yeah, like very affordable. All like considering of the help that she gives. And it's not just for debt, obviously. That's a lot, like I'm in debt, for instance, that she helps with making that manageable. But it's also for people that aren't in debt that have no clue how to set themselves up for retirement.

[Becky]

Yeah, that's definitely something that people should do that. I mean, I think that we just don't think about it.

[Kale]

Well, we're the. We're a product of our parents not setting themselves up. And that was a huge thing with my dad's end of life care.

[Becky]

Oh, okay.

[Kale]

Not having. Yeah, like, I read a quote somewhere. Listened. I read it somewhere. I probably saw a tick. It was just saying the worst thing that you can. The worst thing you can do as a parent. Like the most selfish thing that you can do is. And I think I might have said this on here is not have like a, like not being. Being prepared for end of like care when you're older, like, and just relying on your kids to take care of you.

[Becky]

100. Yeah, we definitely sort of talked about that because I said I don't want my kids to have to take care of me.

[Kale]

Do you think that I have a. Does it look like I have a lazy eye?

[Becky]

No.

[Kale]

Okay.

[Becky]

Why. Why would you have a lazy eye? Did she. Did Alessandra tell you?

[Kale]

No.

[Becky]

And he's like, Alessandra's like, Kale's not here yet to record, but like, what's up with your eye?

[Kale]

You know, in the snippets of the last of Whenever record on Riverside, my, like I. Does something weird and I.

[Becky]

Did something happen to it or has it always done that?

[Kale]

No, I've never noticed it until this friggin podcast.

[Becky]

Someone said it.

[Kale]

No, I said it. No one else said it.

[Becky]

Well, now they're going to be like, oh, there it goes.

[Kale]

Don't. I'm. I'm a sad person. You don't have. You don't have to edit it out.

[Becky]

This is called Becky's Wandering Eye. I look like my boobs are smaller.

[Kale]

Yeah, you look great.

[Becky]

Thanks. I'm really excited about the smaller boobs. I actually had my nipple. My left nipple got hard last night. So I have a feeling that I might feel like I'm gonna get my feeling back. You know what I mean.

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

So one of the things is with a reduction lift, any sort of augmentation, sometimes you can lose sensation, Sometimes you get it back, sometimes you don't. I got a tummy tuck in 2016. I've never been able to feel below my belly button to my vagina for 10 years. So I. When my nipple got hard, I was so excited. My kids looked at me and they were like, what is going on? Like, they, Isaac and Lincoln were mortified. Like, I'm looking directly in Elijah's eyes, like just daggers into his soul. And I was like, listen, I have feeling and sensation in my left nipple.

[Kale]

I'm proud of them.

[Becky]

But now my boobs are going to be like this instead of like this. You know what I mean?

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

So be able to do like a one hand or like a one mouth, one titty kind of thing instead of trying to be like, you know.

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

It's really interesting.

[Kale]

I don't know if I should say this, but I'm going to. But like, Leah walked into the bedroom last night and was like, these boobs deserve to be leaked on the Internet because like.

[Becky]

So like, are they like, looking great right now?

[Kale]

Yeah. Like with the pregnancy, they deserve to be leaked on.

[Becky]

Yeah, they deserve all the credit that they need. You know what I mean? Yeah, I understand.

[Kale]

It was really funny. There was one other thing I wanted to touch on though, with the friend thing. It's really funny because anytime my. Anytime I get asked to do something, even by like my best friends, like if spent Spencer asks me to do. Speaking of, Spencer's actually here.

[Becky]

Hey, Spencer.

[Kale]

He's reading in the other room. We woke up this morning in like, we're reading.

[Becky]

Like, who would have thought in our 30s and reading. That's it.

[Kale]

Yeah. But any. It feels like I'm getting picked first in gym class. So when Spencer like asked if me and Leo if we wanted to hang out last night. And Leah, when I saw her when she got home before, she was like, how excited are you? Like, spend the rest of you to hang out? And like, he's my best friend. Like, are you excited? Yeah. And I was like, yeah. Like, that made me so happy. That's what I mean. Like when people choose me, it makes it like puts like serotonin in my head.

[Becky]

What? Okay, so do you. Are you somebody who, even if you can't make it and people know you can't make it, you still want to be invited?

[Kale]

Yeah, for sure.

[Becky]

And like, it would still make you happy even though you couldn't make it.

[Kale]

Yeah, I have this really good app idea, and I'm not gonna say it. I'll tell you offline because I don't want anyone to steal it. Anyway. I finally caved in and I ordered a Kindle last night.

[Becky]

You did? I did, because Elijah Scott Williams.

[Kale]

Oh, nice. What'd you get, the paperweight or what?

[Becky]

What is paper? White.

[Kale]

That's what Spencer said. I got it because Spencer told me that Onyx Storm will release at 1201 on it, period.

[Becky]

And you need to get. You need to read it as soon as it comes out.

[Kale]

I was thinking about taking off work, but then I don't want to, like, rush through it and not enjoy it and then, like, be sad when it's over. But then I don't want to, like, see anything online and have something ruined for me. I might have to stay offline until I finish it.

[Becky]

So get it at 1201. The Kindle is fantastic. You can also. When you. I didn't. I just figured this out. Maybe other Kindle girlies already know this, but when you're on your Amazon app and you want something on your Kindle, you can do it app on your phone or the app or like, on the website on your computer, and it'll automatically go to your Kindle. I thought this whole time you had to go to the Kindle store through your Kindle, but you absolutely do not.

[Kale]

I don't know anything about it.

[Becky]

And also I have all these, like, Kindle inserts that you put in the case so you can, like, decorate them or like, a wavy one, a regular one.

[Kale]

I got a case that looks like an old leather book.

[Becky]

Okay, so you don't actually. Alessandra got a really cool one that has her initials on it, and I'm like, I need it. Look, look, look, look, look. And it has AG at the bottom. Isn't that so cute?

[Kale]

I did try to read through on the Kindle, though, and I don't know how I feel about it yet, but I'm gonna persevere.

[Becky]

Give yourself a week and you'll be obsessed. You won't want to go back to people then.

[Kale]

Really give it a shot.

[Becky]

Yeah, you should get Leah one for her birthday.

[Kale]

I asked her.

[Becky]

You don't have to ask her.

[Kale]

I actually know I want to do for her for her birthday, and I don't think she listens to the podcast, so I could probably say it. No, I'm not going to. Maybe I'm not going to risk it. I'll text it to you.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Kale]

I'm really excited. I, like, thought about it. Anyway, speaking of Leah, there is another. I feel like we're bouncing topics. But all of these topics are really important because they're just life, you know, so important. Lee and I struggle with understanding that we. Or I. Let me say I struggle with. Well, we both struggle with it. Understanding that both of us don't need to be productive at the same time. Our work schedules are completely different. So her days off are like, during the week and stuff, and my days off are on the weekends. So my productive days normally come on the weekends. And her productive days could come on a random Thursday. And so I'll get off work on a Thursday. This is what happened. And I'll lay on the couch. And then she's in cleaning mode and, like, cleaning all around me, cleaning. And I feel guilty because I don't have the energy to want to help clean. But I could tell she's stressed. And then it puts me in a bad mood because she's stressed. And then I feel like a piece of shit because she's like, folding laundry, doing laundry and cleaning. But Thursday isn't. Thursday night isn't my productive day. Right. Like, I just got off of. Work's been really busy, and so we kind of have to figure out how to. Does that happen to you at all? Like, do you guys have production now.

[Becky]

That you say that? I didn't know what was happening because, like, Elijah is the laundry. Like, he does all the laundry, right. So today he actually was. Yesterday he was doing laundry and I was just like, not.

[Kale]

You don't want it. You, like, didn't even want to have to think about it.

[Becky]

No. Yeah, absolutely don't. And I'm not a lot. I'm never gonna do laundry again. So, like, if he's not doing it, I'll H someone. But, like, just for the sake of the example is like, exactly what you're saying is exactly what Elijah and I go through. And it's just like his productive times and days and whatever is absolutely not my product today's ever. We never let me text him that, actually.

[Kale]

And I talked to. Because she came home, right? So yesterday I woke up. Leah worked all day. This happened on Thursday, or it was actually Friday. I think that it happened. And I felt really guilty. But in my mind I was like, oh, I have nothing to do Saturday. I'm going to be productive Saturday. And so she worked all day and I woke up and I cleaned the entire house. I took down all of our Christmas decorations, something she had been dreading to do, like, cleaned everything. And so she came home to, like, a clean house. Every single thing was done. And I enjoyed having a productive day by myself. Like, it. It didn't bother me that I was doing it. I was actually enjoying it. But the night before when she was productive, I was miserable. I was so miserable. And, like, it just irked me that she was doing laundry, like, right in front of me, unfolding, because, like, how am I just supposed to. Who am I to let my pregnant wife sit there and fold and me relax on the couch? So we need to figure out how to be okay with being productive at different times.

[Alessandra]

Becky does a lot of my website stuff, and we love Shopify, so that's why we're here to talk to you about all the benefits of Shopify.

[Kale]

Yeah. The best time to start your new business is literally right now. And Shopify makes it simple for you to create your brand, open your business, and get your first sale. They're the best kind of e commerce platform out there, and I have used it hundreds of times.

[Alessandra]

I've done merch in the past, and I absolutely love doing that through Shopify. It's a new year, 2025, and you're thinking you want to make a difference in your year, build through Shopify. Right? Shopify is how you're going to make it happen.

[Becky]

And let me tell you how Shopify.

[Alessandra]

Makes it easy to manage your growing business. They help with the details, like shipping taxes, payments from one single dashboard, allowing you to focus on all the important stuff, like growing your business. Shopify's powerful social media tools let you connect all your channels and create shoppable posts and help you sell everywhere people scroll.

[Kale]

Yeah. And with Shopify, your first sale is closer than you think. Established in 2025. That has a really nice ring to it, doesn't it? Set up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/karma. All lowercase go to shopify.com/karma to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com/karma.

[Becky]

I just texted Elijah and I was like, do you just think that we're not aligned on our productive times? Elijah, the other day it was like, maybe four days ago. I'm on the phone with Kristen, so Kristen can attest to this. I walk in the house and Elijah is scrubbing the floor on his hands and knees. And I go, it's not time for that. And he looked at me and I looked at him and I'm like, what are we not. This is not time to scrub on your hands. And knees on the floor. But like, for him, nobody was in the house. Like, everybody was gone. So for him, he was like, yes, it is. You know what I mean?

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

And then I think it was New Year's Eve. He brings in all these totes for me to go through all the stuff. And I'm looking at him like, it is New Year's Eve. This is not time for that. But for him, the kids are asleep.

[Kale]

It was his productive time.

[Becky]

Yeah. I mean, it was only me and Isaac. And so for him, it was like the perfect timing.

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Wow.

[Kale]

Frustrating. Get it?

[Becky]

How do we learn? Do we need to go to therapy for that? I'm calling better help me be okay with Elijah's cleaning schedule.

[Kale]

Yeah. I tried having a conversation with Leah about it because I like, just instantly recognized it because I had such a great day cleaning by myself. I didn't mind cleaning the whole house. It was fine. But if you would have asked me to do something the night before, I like, I was like, almost in tears of frustration just watching her do laundry because I felt like a piece of. For not helping. But, like, I just want to. Like, I didn't want. Like, no part of me felt. And it's for no other reason than I had a long day of work. Like, I didn't want to do that. I knew I could have a productive day the next day. It's not like I'm not a productive person. You know what I mean? It's not like I'm not able to do things so well.

[Becky]

I asked him, I said, do you think our productive times are just not aligned? And he said, what do you mean, productive time? I said, like, you will cook and clean and I'm not. And then when I'm healed and I want to do things and you're not in that headspace. Like two nights ago, I was ready to change the sheets and he was just like, we're not doing this right now. Like, and I can't move around as easily as I, you know, when I'm healed. I, like, I needed his help. He said, oh, and he put the crying, laughing face. And he said, I mean, it's just really. It really just depends on the kids schedule, honestly. And that's how we based our productive. That's how we base our productive time. I just, I get it. Like, that is.

[Kale]

I think it's learning though, being okay. Of having separate productive times. Like, just because. And that's comes from yourself too, right? Like, just because I'm feeling productive, don't assume that your Partner feels productive as well.

[Becky]

I was like, Saturday, we're organizing every single book that I have in this office in alphabetical order. And he looked at me and I think if looks could kill, I wouldn't be here right now. But he did help me, so that was nice of him. We're not done yet.

[Kale]

Foreign. We're not done here. I'm so happy. I. That was like, I have like seven things on my list and we got to talk through all of them.

[Becky]

My only question to you that I had was just, what is society normalized? Like, what are toxic things in society that we need as a society normalized? That was my only thing that I had. I was trying to be deep and.

[Kale]

Like, basically, what are things in society that are toxic? Men.

[Becky]

Okay? It's toxic behavior. So society has normalized and then each of us would come up with a list, right? So one of them might be porn, one of them might be, I don't know. I'm trying to think like, what is another toxic. Over consuming and over and girl bossing are two things that really piss me off because I'm like, you do not get paid more for working 40. Like most people are not getting paid more to go the extra mile and do all the extra, extra work. And like you're working yourself to death to the point that you don't have a life and you're having a mental breakdown. Like, that is not cutesy. That's not demure. My husband just said that my Romanasy books are smut, that I'm reading corn AKA porn. And because of that he should be able to read what is what. Hente, this is a big no in our relationship. We don't look at any visual porn. I read books along the lines of Sarah, Sarah J. Moss, Red Queen, Fourth Wing, Match the Selection Light Lark. Would we consider any of these smut or just some of the few spicier parts? What would you do? I invited him to read the books because the spicier parts are not why I'm reading them. Here's the thing that I have like a big problem with here is like I do think an over consumption of porn is a problem. And Alessandra also opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of porn is, is unethical. So it's just not what you think. It's not people, you know, choosing to participate in it. There are porn sites and a lot of porn consumption that is people doing it against, against their will or they don't know about it, or X, Y and Z. Yes. We know that there is a community of like, healthy, consenting adults that are in porn, but when you're talking about books that you're reading and some of these spicier parts are maybe five pages long or a couple pages throughout the entire book, If Elijah came to me and said that I could not read this. We're not gonna be together because you're weird for that.

[Kale]

Can someone explain what Hente is?

[Becky]

I don't know what he is. And I'm scared. I'm gonna Google it. I'll google it. Oh my God. I googled.

[Kale]

I can't google it on my computer.

[Becky]

I googled Hente and it immediately comes up on pornhub X videos. Like, I should have just googled definition. Because if someone comes and looks at this.

[Kale]

God, yeah, this is porn, though. Like, this isn't reading like this. Like, she's right in like saying that this isn't relative to like fourth wing or smut books at all.

[Becky]

Okay, here's my thing. I might get canceled for saying this. When I think of cartoon. This is for me only. But when I think of cartoons, I think of children. So any. And I understand that there are adult cartoons. Like, I get that. But for me, I think of children. So when I think of anime and porn and as Alessandra was saying before is like schoolgirl style anime characters that are having sex, that to me is very. There is a line that I feel like should not be crossed. And I also just think that this niche type of porn is not the same as reading whatever few smut pages because some people are turned on by that and some people are not. So if I read smut, I'm not. I'm not getting off on that in any way, shape or form. If you're watching or reading or indulging yourself in Hente, that's a completely different scenario.

[Kale]

Yeah, I agree. That's different. And I. I think that smut is different. I do feel like. I don't know. The smut parts are pretty wild of books. But I. I don't know. I don't. I don't know because I'm not in a. I'm not. I'm also not like a porn person, so.

[Becky]

Okay, but here's the thing. In a book where there's smut, like we have. We. We have sex in real life as adults, right? So if you're reading a book that is describing a short, it's more like a movie, right?

[Kale]

It's more like watching a movie that has a sex scene in it. Than it is porn.

[Becky]

I just can't. Because if you're reading about someone's life, like I read Archer's Voice. Right. Like that was about a relationship and this, that and the third, and they have sex in the book. Like. Like it's almost like hearing about someone's life or like what someone lived through. And I just feel like sex would be a natural part of that. So there's nothing wrong with that to sit there and say, and like, maybe you like fantasy. But the smart part of it is like, not. I just feel like he. He's a man trying to justify wanting to watch porn.

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Cartoon porn at that. And I am judging.

[Kale]

Yep. But like, you should. If. I don't know if you have a healthy relationship with actual porn too. There should. Shouldn't be an issue with that in gen. Like separately. Like, are they not. Is he not allowed to watch porn either? I don't know.

[Becky]

Yeah, it says. That's what it said in it.

[Kale]

Yeah. So why. He probably watches it anyway.

[Becky]

Lindsay and I have talked a lot about that on coffee combos. There's just her and I have very different views on porn. And you know, I was telling her kind of recently, like over the last six months, I told her about how I knew of someone who was like, would go into the bathroom and like open the. Open the shower curtain to just randomly on a whim to make sure that her husband wasn't jerking off.

[Kale]

Just like, jerking it.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Kale]

That's weird.

[Becky]

Can we just get a video of Alessandra popping in and out?

[Kale]

Yeah, for sure. Leave it in.

[Becky]

Compilation of all of her reaction. I just. I don't know.

[Kale]

There's a line of like, what's healthy and what's not too.

[Becky]

There's a. I. Everything is not black and white. I feel.

[Kale]

True. But there's a line for each relationship. That line's different for everyone.

[Becky]

No, and I agree. But I think this one for this topic that we're talking about is like, that's going from spicy scenes in a book to full on anime porn. They're not the same and they cannot be.

[Kale]

No, I don't think that the same at all.

[Becky]

If Leah likes smut books, would you care?

[Kale]

No, that helps me.

[Becky]

I just don't. I don't know. The whole thing is so weird. And I'm also not a fan of censorship. Like, that's why you guys should read.

[Kale]

Fourth Wing together so that it helps your relationship. So you're both getting worked up at the same time.

[Becky]

I mean, that. That is a solution. I feel like she should consider that.

[Kale]

It says that she tried to get him to read it, but he's.

[Becky]

It's his way or the highway, it sounds like.

[Kale]

Yeah, I don't know. Hetero relationships aren't for you? Well, not. I just don't understand them fully.

[Becky]

I'm in one and I don't fully understand it either. Like, I will say that. Like, I would. I. I'm gonna ask Elijah, like, what is your level of. Like, what's the relationship here with porn? I don't know what kind of porn he watches. I have no clue. I've never asked him. We've never talked about it. I don't know when he watches it. I don't know if he watches it. You know what I mean? Like, I have no clue. When I go out of town for three days. Like, do you. You watch porn? I don't know and I don't care.

[Kale]

Yeah, I mean, if porn has never been brought up where it affects your relationship, then why never?

[Becky]

But I also, like, he's never even asked me, oh, do you watch porn when you go on work trips and you're in your hotel alone? Like, he's never asked me that. Like, so clearly he doesn't give a either. You know what I mean? Yeah, but like, what if there's an underlying problem? What if we both have secret porn addictions? I don't know. Foreign.

[Alessandra]

You know what I don't miss at all? The week before your period when you feel like you're gonna crawl out of your skin. I had that. Along with being covered in acne and the cravings, I could have eaten my own hand if it was rolled in batter and deep fried. You can manage your PMS better now with Estro control. This is a formula developed by Happy Mammoth, a supplement company dedicated to making women's lives easier. Estro Control contains science backed herbal extracts that help you support hormonal health, especially in women who suffer from from pms. So the way that Estro control eases PMS is actually interesting. The ingredients help support the liver and that's actually where our hormones get processed. I didn't know that before this and especially estrogen is processed there. So when the estrogen isn't processed well in the liver, women may start having PMS spots on the skin and they get the cravings and they feel low all of a sudden. None of us want to feel like that anymore.

[Kale]

Estro control was created to help women make them feel like themselves throughout the month, because PMS can rob them a week of their lives every single month. And that is certainly not fair. I know this all too well. Estrogen control is made specifically for women who are pre menopausal, so it's perfect for women that haven't entered menopause yet. In fact, it's amazing for pre menopause when hormones start to fluctuate and PMS can turn into a freaking beast.

[Alessandra]

For a limited time, you guys can get 15 off your entire first order@happy mammoth.com. just use code Karma at checkout.

[Becky]

Out.

[Kale]

Do you watch a lot of porn?

[Becky]

I don't. I don't watch a lot of porn. I am reading a book called Addicted to you. One of the. So there's two main characters. One is an alcoholic and one is a sex addict. And they pretend to be in a relationship to basically enable each other's addictions. And what's interesting is the girl is the sex addict and the guy is the alcoholic. And it's just. It's fascinating to. To see. To read, rather, you know about it, but I just don't. I don't know. Elijah and I are fighting more about our productive days than anything else, so I don't.

[Kale]

Did you know that a large. That there's, like, a large percentage of hetero women that watch male gay porn?

[Becky]

No, I didn't. That's not my genre.

[Kale]

Oh, it's not mine either, but that's, like, very common.

[Becky]

I think I might have mommy and daddy issues because the only porn I've ever watched is lesbian porn, obviously, but it has to be realistic. I don't like the fake ones. Like, the really, really fake ones. I hate it. And also gang bang. So those are the two genres I've ever. I've never been. Just. Just for, like, clarity's sake. I've never been gang bang, but. And I don't have a fantasy of it, but I just. Those are the only two. You know what I mean?

[Kale]

I've never watched lesbian porn in my life.

[Becky]

She's like, no, I don't know what you mean.

[Kale]

No.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Kale]

I'm a simple gal.

[Becky]

Anywho, Becky and Kale, not like us together. I just mean, talking about it, we.

[Kale]

Did get offered a lot of money to do one.

[Becky]

Okay. Yes. A lesbian porn. Five kids ago, I might have done it. That was before Leah. Was that before Leah?

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

We're like, should we do it now? To do the app, it's like, Caitlin, Becky, all are still there. Becky had sex to develop this app, so y'all better download this. The other day, my friend was here we did a book content shoot. Was, like, all about books. And I looked at my friend Emily, and I. I said, just so you know, I'm high. Like, I'm. I'm high.

[Kale]

No. Not knowing something.

[Becky]

I would. Knock, knock. No one's home. I have weaned off the narcotics since then.

[Kale]

Nice.

[Becky]

Yeah. I don't. I. The doctor called to check on me. I was like, my mom's. I overshare. Adhd, overshare. I was like, my mom's an addict. Well, first he said, are you off all of the narcotics? And I said, well, I'm almost off. You know, my mom's an addict, and I don't want to become an addict. And he's like, yeah, I can appreciate that. And I. He wasn't in the mood to hear about that. But I was just. I don't know. And Alessandra met him. He's like this short doctor. He's like this short little man. Like, he's just like a cute little doctor. And he was just, like, not in the mood to hear that, but you.

[Alessandra]

Know what I mean?

[Kale]

I do. Do you. Do you want to pull a question from the friendship deck?

[Becky]

Yes. Let's pull. Let's pull a question from the friendship deck. Let's do it.

[Kale]

It's the friendship deck. And so it's to. It's to. It's good to know, to be known by your friends. There's different levels of questions in here. Level one is. Let's start off light and easy. Level two is get ready to go a little deeper. Level three is nervous. So there's different levels of questions. It's. It's meant to be, like, conversation starters and getting to know your friends a little bit deeper. I love this kind of shit, so.

[Becky]

Well, let's fucking do it then.

[Kale]

All right. Let's do an easy one. That's so weird.

[Becky]

What is it?

[Kale]

That's so fun. I think I've actually pulled the hard one and not an easy one. But it says, have you ever questioned if you belonged in this group? If so, share more. If not, share why it's a place you feel you belong. And I was just talking about this today.

[Becky]

That is so weird. Should we put a different one?

[Kale]

Yeah, let me pull an easy one. But I do like that. That would. I'd start crying automatically. Group question. How did you learn about the birds and the bees?

[Becky]

I started having sex on a sidewalk. I was like, oh, so a man's penis goes inside me in this hole. Got it. He did put his shirt. His black T shirt down on the sidewalk. On the concrete, though.

[Kale]

Was it daylight?

[Becky]

No, it was dark. It was like 9pm I don't know. But that's how I learned. I was like, wow, this is intense.

[Kale]

I had a different experience.

[Becky]

What was yours?

[Kale]

I think I just learned in. I have no clue. I don't remember.

[Becky]

You don't remember? So what did you.

[Kale]

No, I don't know.

[Becky]

So when you had sex for the first time, you knew what was going to happen? Like, you knew that a penis was going to go inside you?

[Kale]

I. Yes, but, like, maybe health class. I was older when I first had sex, so, like, I don't know. Movies. I. I think I have trauma that I've never dealt with because, like, I don't remember earlier than high school, and even some of high school, I don't remember.

[Becky]

I still remember in kindergarten when my friend Michelle Pascarello got upset with me because I was playing with somebod else on the outside playground at Storbridge elementary in Honesdale, Pennsylvania.

[Kale]

I literally couldn't tell. Some guy came up to me this weekend on Sunday. I was golfing. It wasn't Sunday. It was during the week was whatever day it was. I went to a golf simulator. And this guy was so excited to see me, and he was like, oh, I coached you in basketball in sixth grade. And I was like, great is crazy. I couldn't tell you a single person that coached me prior to high school. Not a single person.

[Becky]

So what did you say to him? Did you pretend like you knew who he was?

[Kale]

Yeah, I did.

[Becky]

Oh, my God. It's so good to see you. I can't believe you remember me. Oh, my God. That is insane.

[Kale]

Yeah, I. I think that. Anyway, so if you're listening, let us know how you learned. And the bees. I want to let you know I'm gonna get a tattoo soon. I'm getting it designed right now, and I'm excited about it.

[Becky]

Well, what is it?

[Kale]

So my best friend Mike, that passed away in 2016, one of the last conversations that I had with him was about his tattoo that he had just gotten. He was so excited about it. And I had always planned to, like, get a memorial tattoo incorporating his tattoo that he had, and it just never happened. Like, I just, you know. But Dan reached out to me. My friend Dan, we were always supposed to get a tattoo together, right? Mike was like, it was three. Dan, Mike, and Eric. Like, it was the four of us. And then obviously, me and Dan had a falling out the same year that Mike passed away. So that Was it, like, stopped? And then he reached out to me saying that the. His mic, we had gotten bracelets that it broke. And I said, looks like Mike is giving you a sign that this is going to be your year. And he was like, looks like it's a sign for us to get a tattoo. And so part of me healed in that conversation of. Of that. And then I'm having one of my friends at work design it for me, so I'm excited.

[Becky]

That's. You should be excited. We're gonna get it. Where are you gonna get it at?

[Kale]

Like, place wise? I don't know if anyone is from New Jersey. No.

[Becky]

On your body?

[Kale]

Oh, either here or my forearm. I don't know.

[Becky]

I don't like your bicep better. It's so funny that we. We are very similar in weight, but, like, our builds are so different. Like, I have no upper body strength at all, and you have all the upper body strength.

[Kale]

Yeah.

[Becky]

Like, I still can't do a push up at 32 years old, so.

[Kale]

You can't?

[Becky]

No, I've never been able to do one. Not a single one. We should.

[Kale]

We should work on that.

[Becky]

But I can deadlift about 215 pounds.

[Kale]

That's great.

[Becky]

But that's not upper body, lower back you got there.

[Kale]

But I do. If someone's listening from New Jersey. I live in New Jersey. Willing to travel. Try tri state area.

[Becky]

He's in Pennsylvania.

[Kale]

But I. It's a very. I want fine line tattoo. This is the style. Let me show you the style of what? Like, it's gonna be very similar to, like this.

[Becky]

Okay. All right, well, I'm gonna go pick up my kids from the mall. And I loved chatting with you. I'm a little disappointed that you didn't tell me what type of porn you watch, but outside of that, I'm like. I feel fulfilled.

[Kale]

I need to leave some type of. Like. What is the word?

[Becky]

Like, leaving things up.

[Kale]

Guessing. I wonder what people think. I wonder what people think. I watch.

[Becky]

So this is what you meant when you said that I am not a challenge because I give all of the information. I leave nothing to the imagination. I did try to give Elisha a blowjob the other day because I couldn't. I haven't. You know, I've been out of commission for several weeks. Right. It was a disaster. But I digress. I hope you have a great week. I hope you have a birthday. I was scared to scrape him. You know what I mean? Like, I was scared because it's.

[Kale]

I don't know. What you mean?

[Becky]

I forgot about that.

[Kale]

I retired in 2009.

[Becky]

Well, so I was, you know, I was on narcotics, and I was like, if I don't. First of all, nobody talks about how dry your mouth gets when you're on narcotics.

[Kale]

Hot in mouth.

[Becky]

Yes.

[Kale]

Pretty. It's pretty known. There's a literal word for it.

[Becky]

Eye. Mouth is the worst thing I've ever experienced. So I'm like, oh, I can't have sex with him. Let me give him a blow job. And then I'm, like, trying so hard not to scrape my teeth. I don't know what's going on. I have cotton mouth. I'm like, this is the word. Like, I honestly just. If you're getting surgery, this is just a psa. Like, don't try to give a blowjob.

[Kale]

Noted. I'll keep that right here.

[Becky]

Yes, you're welcome.

[Kale]

But thank you, everyone, for the continued support, the continued enjoyment of listening to us yap back and forth.

[Becky]

And thank you, Alessandra, for editing out all of the that we spew on this podcast.

[Kale]

Yeah. New app coming to you soon. Make sure to follow us on karma and chaos TikTok. If you know someone that works at Facebook, let us know.

[Becky]

Email at info@karmakaya spodcast.com you can find Beckycky hater.com tell them about your blog.

[Kale]

Becky hater.com I put. I think I just said that right. I post a blog. I also. Yeah, haydar25 on all social medias. Give me a follow. I need to be more active on TikTok. I got a message from our social media team that I need to do a day in the life that I'm dreading. So give me some support because maybe.

[Becky]

That'S the aspect of. It is like trying to be active on TikTok and you're dreading it. Also, would love to just remind everybody that for the haters, which is Becky's original podcast is coming to the Karma and Chaos feed as bonus episodes starting this month. So when you see that drop on your feed. No, it's not replacing Karma and Chaos. Yes, this is. It is. It is. In addition to. So feel free to subscribe if you have not heard of it yet.

[Kale]

You're the best.

[Becky]

All right, goodbye. Love y'all.

[Kale]

Love ya. Bye.

[Stassi Schroeder]

Hi, I'm Stassi Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics I'm obsessed with, like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will, too. Listen to my podcast, Stassi, wherever you get your podcasts.