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- [00:00]
Kale
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- [01:31]
Becky
Good morning, good evening, good day, good night.
- [01:34]
Kale
I have so much to like, just update you with. Wow.
- [01:41]
Becky
So nice to see you.
- [01:44]
Kale
It's so good to see you. I. There's a lot going on over here.
- [01:49]
Becky
Well, first and foremost, welcome back everyone, to karma and chaos.
- [01:54]
Kale
Welcome to karma and chaos. I'm happy to be sitting in front of you today.
- [02:00]
Becky
I'm also happy to be sitting in front. I do have actually a fun announcement.
- [02:04]
Kale
What is it?
- [02:05]
Becky
My sister had her baby.
- [02:07]
Kale
Boy or girl?
- [02:08]
Becky
Girl.
- [02:09]
Kale
What did she name her?
- [02:12]
Becky
She didn't name her yet.
- [02:14]
Kale
Fair. I did that with luck. 63 days. Like, I get it. Sometimes you have to learn their personality with how they look like you really have to feel. Because, like, I get it, some people name their babies before they're born. And people you have a name like for Creed was like Canon Creed. Canon Creed. Canon Creed. Like, I kept going back and forth between Canon and Creed and then like Romello came up and I was like, I just need Romello to be his first name. But then the double L with the middle name and whatever else. So I love that. Congratulations to your sister.
- [02:44]
Becky
Congrats. She is so cute. Big Alex had an unmedicated birth, which is just crazy.
- [02:53]
Kale
Love that.
- [02:55]
Becky
And they're both doing great.
- [02:57]
Kale
I love that. How do you feel?
- [02:59]
Becky
It's so. I think I talked about this. Like, it is Alex, my sister, who's closest to me, the one that is my financial advisor, she lived most of her life not wanting kids. And then that changed when she turned 35. Her and her husband decided that they actually, they did want to have children. And, like, were set on not having kids until 35. Like, definitely did not want. And then they. Their minds change. And then, you know, so I lived my entire life not thinking that I was going to have kids with my sister.
- [03:34]
Cynthia
Right.
- [03:35]
Becky
Like, that was just never, like. And she is closest to me. Like, she's my best friend. And so it's just been a really beautiful experience that we had kids what, three months apart from each other now.
- [03:48]
Kale
And that is literally so perfect. But it's so interesting that that happened because I wanted to tell you that I met my niece for the first time. I met her as an infant. Like, an infant infant at my sister's mom's funeral.
- [04:03]
Becky
Yeah.
- [04:03]
Kale
I was trying to explain to my friend the other day, I'm like, I. The, like, instinctual, natural, like, pull that I had with my niece, it was so, like. I don't know if it's because it's blood, if it's nature. I didn't know what it was, but, like, like, this, like, clicked. Like, that's my girl. Like, my niece is my freaking girl. I love her so much. She's so funny. And like, how do, like, do you think it's nature? Like, is that nature to like, have that, like, sort of, I guess, love, but also.
- [04:38]
Becky
Yeah, I think. I think maybe it's a little bit of both. I feel that way with certain. Certain friends, kids and my sibling and my siblings, kids.
- [04:49]
Cynthia
I think it's because not all children.
- [04:51]
Kale
Give me that feeling, though.
- [04:52]
Becky
No, it's not all children, but I think there's just some sort of, like, you have this, like, love for your sister too. And so, like, that, I think, plays a role in it.
- [05:04]
Kale
Okay. Right. I just was shot. Like, I didn't know how. I'm not good with kids, so. Because I'm not good with other people's kids. No, no. Like, try to follow the Bouncing ball here. Like, I grew up not wanting kids either. So like your sister, I never wanted, I really didn't want kids. But then once I had one and I, I hated being an only child, I had to have more. But that being said, like, I'm only good with my own kids. I don't know how to interact with other people's children. And because I don't, I'm so awkward and like, don't know how to interact with them. I always say I don't like them. It's not that I don't like them, I just don't know how to interact with them. And so I thought that was going to be how it was with my sisters. Yeah, I was like, oh, like this is.
- [05:42]
Becky
How old is she?
- [05:43]
Kale
I think she, she's six or seven. I think she either she either turned six in March or she turned seven in March, but she's a year younger than Lux and a year older than Creed. So I guess she's yeah, six or seven. I don't know. And so it was just so weird. Like, I just feel like this, like it's almost like a magnetic pole. I don't even know how to describe it.
- [06:06]
Becky
How was the time getting to see your sister?
- [06:08]
Kale
It was good. We, my sister, we had fell out for some time. We talked about it and the best relationships too. Yeah, we fell out for, for some time and then we talked about it and I don't know, it just was like we picked up where we left. Like, I feel like if I ever was in Texas, like I would just hang out with my sister. Feels like we grew up knowing each other forever, which is also weird because I don't, I didn't grow up with her. Like we grew up so, so differently. And my dad was like, I never thought that I would see you guys in the same room. I did talk about this on coffee combos already. So I, I was in Texas when I recorded with Lindsay. So naturally I was just like telling her, but I didn't get to tell you any of it yet. But I went in there angry and sort of not really open minded, just more so doing it because everyone told me I would regret it. And I had conflicting feelings. Pulled into the driveway saying my dad could kiss my ass and I'm gonna tell him how I feel to getting to the door. From the time I got out of the car to the time I got to the front door, I was already crying. So I've already, I was already like softened up a bit and then just like hearing his I don't want to call it, like, side of the story, because he didn't really tell a story, but it was like, he let me ask every single question I had. And I don't think I showed Lindsay this so you could leave it in this episode. This was my notes, and I literally titled it deathbed questions. So I had notes. He let me ask every single question that I had. And at the end of it, he was like, do you have any more questions? So he was really.
- [07:50]
Becky
He was able to talk and, like, answer.
- [07:52]
Kale
Yeah. Like, he was having a good day. He did have his oxygen on. He couldn't. Like, you could tell he was getting pretty winded. For the longer answers, I also made. I filmed everything from my point of view. You could hear his voice, but you can't see him.
- [08:10]
Becky
Yeah.
- [08:11]
Kale
Which I think will be good. I'm gonna post them because I really think that this could help somebody. Like, my sister was even, like, kill. You need to go find your mom now. Like, go find your mom so you can get the full trifecta.
- [08:25]
Becky
Did you. I'm assuming you found out information that you didn't know, like, was.
- [08:29]
Kale
I did find out when my mom shut off my cell phone to go to Texas when I was 17. If it wasn't for the film crew, I don't know how I would have gotten from Philadelphia airport, because that was only my second time flying in my whole life. And my mom shut off my phone, so I didn't have phone service, nothing. Joe's parents overnighted me a phone, and then my mom actually called my dad. So my whole life, my mom said, I don't know where he is. He just. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. My mom had his phone number the whole time. My mom was in contact with him the whole time and in fact, called him while I was there and said, so what do you think?
- [09:11]
Becky
Oh, Susie.
- [09:13]
Kale
So I was like, cool. Love that.
- [09:18]
Becky
So my biggest. My biggest question to you is, do you feel lighter?
- [09:26]
Kale
Yes, I feel lighter. I feel. And when I left, it was so interesting because he was like, you still look mad. And he looked at my sister, and he was like, she don't look mad. You look mad. And I was like, no, it's just, like, a lot. Like, I spent essentially 30 years of my life being so angry and so mad that, like, it's not gonna go away overnight.
- [09:50]
Becky
Yeah.
- [09:50]
Kale
However, I've been home. I visited him, I guess, five days ago. I Have no regrets. There are no questions. I wish I asked. Like, I wish I asked that. I didn't ask. There was no answers that I wasn't satisfied with. There was no. I feel lighter. I feel more at peace. I feel forgiveness for him. I'm gonna cry. I feel forgiveness for him. I think all my anger was very misplaced, and he did what he could for what he had, but he didn't have a whole lot. So, like, I can't. Like, my mom's family, like, was rallying around her to make sure that I was good. Right? Like, my dad didn't have that. My dad was by himself, and he was trying. Like, he. After going there, learned that he went to every single court date regarding me for the first two years, and then he got a final order that said that he had to stay away from me. So, like, what did I. Like, I didn't know that. I didn't know he had. I didn't know it was a court order to stay away. So, like, at that point, it's like, what could he do? Like, he couldn't. Yeah, maybe he could have called, but my mom moved around so much as possible that she had his phone number, but he didn't have hers. Like, that's very possible. He said he tried calling my grandparents, and if I remember correctly, I did ask about that. He said he called my grandparents. I can't remember if he said they hung up or they wouldn't give him any information or whatever. And it's like, you know, I was expecting him to do what he could with today's technology when that wasn't the case in the 90s. So I think, overall, I'm so glad that I went. I'm glad my sister was willing to go. I'm glad my aunt was able to coordinate the visit. I'm. I have no regrets at all, and I. I hope to be able to go see him one more time before he dies. Like, I really do.
- [11:40]
Becky
Yeah. I'm sure that there's, like, a lot of emotions, too, that come up for you in a way that you empathize with him because, like, you also lived a lot of your life not having people in your corner and, like, not having family to support you in literally all of, like, the trials and tribulations that you've been through. So kind of putting that perspective where, like, he was you in a lot of situations probably helped helps, like, allow for that forgiveness. Because you know what it's like, right? Like, you know what it's like to be the person without Family.
- [12:16]
Kale
I'm so glad I went. I'm so thankful for every single person, whether I was friends or acquaintances, that you, Alessandra, Chris, everyone in my life and online who suggested that I go. Because, like, I was like, why? What? He doesn't deserve this. Like, he doesn't deserve it. But I just think that he sort of became a victim of his circumstances. Yeah. And obviously not everyone's gonna have the same mindset I do. My aunt did share with me that he also has a birth injury. I think it's called, like, when you have an injury at birth or you have, like, what is it? Like, like, brain damage from birth. So I thought that was interesting. And I think that plays into his, like, sort of nonchalant. What is the word? Like, demeanor, I guess, like the way that he goes about life. It was like I asked him, do you have any regrets? And he's like, no. He's like, what? He's like, you can't change anything, so what's the point of regretting it? Kind of deal. So. And I. I literally looked at my sister, I said this. His personality is going to be my entire personality when I leave from here on out. Because he is so nonchalant about everything.
- [13:30]
Becky
Yeah.
- [13:30]
Kale
To the point where there's. Surely he doesn't suffer from anxiety because he just doesn't give a. And I aspire to be like that for the rest of my family.
- [13:38]
Becky
He doesn't know what Lexapro is.
- [13:41]
Kale
I was shook because I was like, did you love. I hope I got it on camera. I hope I did. Were you in love with our moms? Yeah.
- [13:52]
Becky
What'd he say?
- [13:53]
Kale
Yeah, just like that. Yeah. Like, did you want to divorce my mom? No. Why don't you divorce her? She wouldn't stop partying. Psych. Okay. So, yeah, I hope to go down before he dies again. So that's. That's the story.
- [14:15]
Becky
I was thinking about you the whole time. I was obviously giving you space and not trying. Like, I knew we would catch up and talk about it at some point, but I just knew that you deserved a part of you to heal just from, like, not even your own upbringing experience, but, like, I'm sure a lot of, like, your anger for him translates over into, like, your anger also for your kids, fathers a little bit because, like, you hate what he did to you and like, you what. Whatever the circumstances are. So there's just a lot of positive nature that can come from the conversation of just, like, healing those parts of you.
- [14:55]
Kale
So one more thing. I didn't Say, I don't think I said it on coffee combos. He did take the DNA test, so I had him do Ancestry DNA and 23andMe. He was a little apprehensive, but he did it. So I mailed them out yesterday. And.
- [15:16]
Becky
Could you. Could you have more siblings? Like, half siblings?
- [15:20]
Kale
So I'm a little irritated about that, because when I met him when I was 17, I was. It was 2009, so 2009, he told me I had siblings in the Philippines. When I went to him on Monday, he said, I was just joking. Everyone in the military says that. And I said, I don't. I literally said, I don't think everyone says that. That's not something everyone says. And he's like, well, I say it. And I'm like, I don't know what's going on.
- [15:49]
Becky
You've been running around your whole life telling people you have siblings in the Philippines.
- [15:53]
Kale
I'm like, ever since the day you told me that, I've been, like, spreading that rumor. So now I need to confirm or not. That's basically. That's how I was like, let me just confirm. Why don't you go ahead and take these DNA tests so I can just confirm? And he was like, oh, my God. Okay. So then he did it, and he said that he was really glad that we did it. We didn't hug him or anything, just like, kind of like an awkward goodbye. But he did say he was glad that we did it. So that was my week.
- [16:23]
Becky
What a week to have.
- [16:24]
Kale
Yeah. You know, your pet is part of the family. You'd pretty much do anything for them. And I can agree. But those vet bills can add up quickly and quicker than you think. To be honest, Buddha actually has to have a tumor removed pretty soon. And I just say that because you just never know what's going to pop up unexpectedly. And that's why it's worth checking out ASPCA pet health Insurance. Pet insurance can help manage the vet bills so you can focus on what really matters, which is making sure your pet gets the care they need when they need it. And a little bonus, there's a perk for enrolling. These days, we insure just about everything, right? Cars that lose value the second we drive them off a lot. Phones we trade in every two years and trips that we haven't even taken yet. But our pets, who are truly irreplaceable, often go unprotected. And with ASPCA pet health insurance, you can get help with unexpected vet bills. I can speak for Becky When I say this, her dog unexpectedly tore her ACL and had to have the ACP ACL repaired, which is devastating as a dog mom. So I completely understand that, especially with Buddha's situation right now. ASPCA Pet Health Insurance. You can get help with that. And when you're looking out for them, there's a little extra something in it for you, too. Life with a pet is full of surprises. A shoot of socks for the moment, adventure on unexpected acl, torn, unexpected tumor. All the things right? And that's why ASPCA Health Insurance Pet Health Insurance is worth checking out. When you enroll in ASPCA pet health insurance, you could get a $25Amazon gift card. It's a little treat for you while you're doing something great for your pet, obviously. And the program offers customizable accident and illness plans, making it easier to get your pet the care they may need. It's been around for almost 20 years and has covered nearly 1 million pets in that time, which is amazing. 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- [20:58]
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- [21:46]
Kale
So yeah, but your sister had a baby. I went and connected with my dad. What else?
- [21:51]
Becky
You came to visit.
- [21:52]
Kale
You met that oh we didn't talk about it.
- [21:54]
Becky
No.
- [21:55]
Kale
Oh, my gosh. I just watched the video again because it's the cutest video of Creed walking with flowers and a pumpkin to your house, like, down the little walkway. And I just think it was the cutest thing the way that he's like. You know how toddlers like bop. And so like, the flowers are like, oh, my God, it was so cute. I am so glad that we came and I wish that we had more time there. I definitely. I think if the way that the kids schedules work out in my head, if they play out the way that they're in my head, there's no sports from December to March, so I'm hoping that we could come again maybe.
- [22:31]
Becky
And that's on weekends.
- [22:32]
Kale
Yes. Because I'm really hoping. I'm hoping December to March is like, not going to interrupt. But the combo. Is it looking better? Like, are you.
- [22:44]
Cynthia
Yeah, we're seeing this side. Relax a lot more as you're talking. It's looking like. It's looking so much.
- [22:49]
Becky
It does.
- [22:50]
Kale
I don't know if it's from the dysport I got on this side, but I'm gonna. Speaking of that, while I was in Texas the night before we left, I.
- [22:59]
Becky
Didn'T mean to derail.
- [23:00]
Kale
I just know it's good because I you not. I've never been more suicidal than. Than Sunday night in my entire.
- [23:06]
Cynthia
I got it. I get it. I mean, it's your face and like, yeah, your job. You're seeing yourself, like, on a million different accounts every time you pop on your phone. I'm sure you're seeing yourself at every different angle. So it's hard. Like, people don't understand that part of it is like, I feel like people are like you. And, you know, I'm about it too. I'm like, we are going to up your confidence. And I do want that. And I think that's a big part of it. But I don't think people understand what it's like to watch yourself all the time. It's very jarring. And you start picking up on things that you never would have otherwise been insecure about. And then also people tell you things about yourself that you wouldn't be insecure about otherwise if they didn't point it out. Then you're looking in the mirror and you're like, oh, great. Another thing for me to hyper focus on. So it's a lot. When you have to look at yourself 24 7. It's a lot.
- [23:53]
Kale
Oh, I think that's the part that people are missing. Oh, stop getting surgery. Stop getting surgery. Stop getting surgery. But this is one GENETIC two. I watch myself on account, like, I come up with my own for you page because I have so many accounts and businesses. So when I'm coming up on my for you page, and then I have one stupid ass baby daddy talking about she cut off her gobble neck. Like, why are you doing this? Like, please, like, you're a bully. Like, stop bullying me. Stop bullying me. Jesus.
- [24:21]
Cynthia
Then we like, yeah, please just stop bullying for people's looks. Like, hello.
- [24:26]
Kale
If you can't help it. It's not like I can help it. You can help that you're a. I can't help that I have double chin. Like, no amount of working out is gonna make my extra skin just magically go away. I also wanted to say that I became the Labubu plug over the last couple weeks. So I have. And I have a meeting about my excessive spiraling purchases for the extra dopamine hits that I've been doing. I'm looking at all my laboos. I came home to two packages of Labubu. So I had sent some to my niece and then I sent one to Sterling's daughter. So if anyone, you know, needs a Labubu, just hit me up.
- [25:06]
Becky
Don't hit her up. Anyway, to come back to the original conversation, you. You coming to my house, I want to talk about it a little bit more. A couple things. If you guys do not know Kayl. Kayl doesn't like doing things if she's uncomfortable. Like, she just doesn't like doing things if she's uncomfortable, if she doesn't, like, feel peace where she is, which I get. But, like, like, I'll do uncomfortable things because, like, that's just part of my personality. But, like, she'll say she'll do it, but then won't do it because, like. Like she doesn't want to do anything other than her comfort zone of things. So getting her to my house was a feat in itself because I don't. I live far. She has a lot of kids. It's a lot of things. But I. I feel, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like it was a really good weekend of just, like, relaxation. And like, even you saying you want to come back is huge.
- [26:04]
Kale
Because I like going. It's comfortable for me when I can go to someone's house and we don't have to do anything, I think. And I know that sounds weird and, like, lazy, but, like, my brain has 50 things going on at one time. And then at home, there's 50 things going on at one time. I like when I can go to someone's house and it's low maintenance and we don't have, like, I. You're not gonna. You don't feel like you have to entertain me. I don't have to get ready. We could sit on the couch and just couch rot all day. Like, that's what I want to do when I go somewhere. Just because the older I get, I don't want to go out. So I'm pretty fair.
- [26:42]
Becky
You can't do that at a lot of places. You don't have the. Like, that's not.
- [26:46]
Kale
Yeah, yeah. And, like, you know, at our age, with certain people's houses and stuff, like, you can't always do that. Like, they have stuff going on. We have stuff going on. So it's nice when I can just like, go somewhere and just. Just literally sit there.
- [26:58]
Becky
Yeah. And the kids had fun.
- [27:00]
Kale
I wish we had more time because we could have not even left your property. Like, we could have just gone outside and, like, look for rocks or leaves or, like, look at. I don't know, go for a catwalk. Like, little. Little. So next time we come, I hope that there's more times we could do that.
- [27:16]
Becky
We can do all those things. It was so fun. And we had. We were. If you follow me on social media, you know, I love Tacos Chicas, which is the taco place down. Down the road. And I brought Kale there, which was exciting because I got to introduce her to my favorite food. But on the way home, Kayl had to go to the store, and the boys were with me. Besides, Creed. Creed was with you. So it was Lux and Lincoln with me, and they were boxing in my living room. And I felt like I was just, like, seeing into my future of, like, what. What my house was gonna be. It was just so, like, it was so nice seeing them have fun and enjoy the time. Even they were comfortable at my house. And that made me feel really happy. Right. Like, we were. We were sitting down to watch a movie, and I was like, oh, do you guys need anything? And they were like, yeah, can I have snacks? And so it was like, okay, let me make different snacks for each kid. But, like, I like, that brought me so much happiness because it was like, this is, like, my heart is so full of just having this moment and, like, having you guys here and having. Just doing nothing.
- [28:30]
Kale
I loved it. And like, I said, I wish there was more time. If Creed would have asked me one more time when we were going to your house. I was going to ship him to your house and leave him there because he just over and over and over and over when we go into Becky's house. And he. He really loved it. If you have time at any point, and obviously, I know you have a baby now and you're busy, but.
- [28:54]
Becky
They.
- [28:54]
Kale
Are playing flag football right now, soccer. So anyways, I say all that to say if you ever have time and you're coming, you could come to one of their games or something. There's always something going on.
- [29:07]
Becky
Yeah, I definitely want to. I want to come to their games. I want to come for, like, a weekend with Leah, too, and Bex and so that we can record in person at your office.
- [29:18]
Kale
Also, we didn't even touch on the fact that we go to Salem, Massachusetts, next week. Next week.
- [29:23]
Becky
I know. Let me just say this before we talk about Salem, because it's closing out the weekend. I want to say my birthday dinner was so nice. I invited, like, specific people of who, like, not that I didn't disinvite people. Like, I only invited people that I had talked to in that month. Like, if you reached out to me for any reason for a conversation, like, I was like, oh, do you want to come to my birthday dinner? You know, like, it was very purposeful and wasn't crazy. It was like. Like, it was at Tacos Chica's, wasn't at my house. It was just really perfect. And I also want to call out Alessandra because she gave me a really thoughtful birthday gift. She, like, pet. Like, did a whole ramen. Like, ramen bowls, ramen. Like, to build your own ramen kit at home. And all of this.
- [30:12]
Kale
Like, when you showed me, I was actually jealous that I never, like.
- [30:16]
Becky
Yeah.
- [30:17]
Kale
Or, like, looked for anything like that. Like, that is so thoughtful and intentional.
- [30:21]
Cynthia
I have to fill it. Props, too. It's started with him wanting to get you ramen bowls. And I was like, okay, let's just do a whole kit.
- [30:27]
Becky
I've used those bowls so many times.
- [30:29]
Kale
I love a good bowl. Becky took me to my first ramen, like, bar, like, Ramen restaurant in 2018 in eastern Pennsylvania.
- [30:41]
Becky
Mr. Lee.
- [30:42]
Kale
Huh?
- [30:43]
Becky
Mr. Lee, is it? That's also a really good ramen place.
- [30:45]
Kale
Is it still there? Oh, yeah. Okay. So we're going to a ramen bar in November. But I. We're. I have been dying to go to Salem for so many years, and everyone's like, you have to book the year before. And I would forget. Like, I just like life lifes, and I would forget. Well, me, Becky and Alessandro were together somewhere at some point, and I was like, oh, my God, I'm booking it now. So I booked it to go to Salem. I thought that I had Lux and Creed that weekend. I actually don't have them that weekend. So Lux or Creed are not coming, which is fine because I'll get one on one time with. With Elliot and Lincoln. But I said that to say that Kristen called me this morning and was like, where were you when you booked this? And I said, I have no idea. But I know that I'm driving. I'm gonna drive on Friday and go up there. Because whenever I looked it up, it said six hours. That's drivable to me. No, ma'. Am. No, ma'. Am. It's like. It's like eight hours.
- [31:43]
Becky
Are you gonna fly?
- [31:44]
Kale
So we're flying now. If it wasn't for such a short time, I would have driven anyway. But because it's only such a short time, I also. Someone tagged me in a Labubu decorating situation in Salem. So you, like, put costumes on them, like Halloween costumes and stuff like that, Where I booked an appointment. So I'll be doing that at some point.
- [32:09]
Becky
Nice. There's a food truck festival.
- [32:14]
Kale
No, we have to do that. And we need to, like, vlog it. We need to do content. We need to do all the things. Because I don't do holiday stuff. This is, like, the closest I'm gonna get to Halloween. And I don't have any of the kids for Halloween this year, so I need. This is like me and the older kids Halloween.
- [32:32]
Becky
We definitely need to do a walking tour.
- [32:38]
Kale
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- [35:39]
Becky
Before I forget, there was two other things from my birthday that I wanted to mention. One, I had mentioned dispenser that I had really just been enjoying potatoes lately. And he. He brought me homemade twice, twice baked potatoes for my birthday. And that was also thoughtful gift. Also people sent me birthday cards. Listeners, Karmaroos. Love you guys. Two people sent me stamps.
- [36:06]
Kale
I love that. I love that. I love it so much.
- [36:10]
Becky
How nice is that?
- [36:11]
Kale
No, I love. So were they from like different states?
- [36:14]
Becky
Yeah, the one stamp was from like the island of Men or. I forgot what it was. It was. Was something you very unique, like a. A small island in the uk. So it was like stamps from there. And then someone else sent me like a bunch of stamps because they're. They also collect stamps. So they like sent me like a envelope of a bunch of stamps from a bunch of different places.
- [36:34]
Kale
I think at this point you need to go ahead and do a stamp tour video for the karma and chaos accounts.
- [36:43]
Cynthia
They're gonna ride it. They're gonna. You don't.
- [36:45]
Kale
They're gonna anything.
- [36:47]
Becky
Okay.
- [36:48]
Kale
But put on your stamped shirt when you do it.
- [36:51]
Becky
Yeah, okay. Yeah, I will.
- [36:53]
Kale
But that's your homework for this weekend.
- [36:55]
Becky
Okay. Dude, I've been slacking on my video. Things are thinging over and life's lifing over here. Therapists should probably be paid extra the past two weeks.
- [37:05]
Kale
Yeah, I would agree with that. I would agree with that.
- [37:08]
Becky
That is what I have to say. I will. I. I had a new friend of mine that I've recently started spending a lot of time with. She was at my birthday and she had mentioned something about like just having high, high value connections with people. Like every time she meets someone that I introduce her to, she's just always so impressed by the quality of a person that they are. And I just want to call out all my friends for being such good people.
- [37:39]
Kale
Yeah, I love that. That. I mean, can't say that I am, but everybody else, I feel like you do have quality people.
- [37:45]
Becky
I feel like you're a high quality person.
- [37:47]
Kale
Okay.
- [37:50]
Becky
You. You are really good at making people feel seen and important when you talk to them. Like, you actually show interest in like whether it's authentic or not.
- [38:03]
Kale
No, it is.
- [38:05]
Becky
You too.
- [38:05]
Kale
I just feel like I'm such an authentic, awkward person just in general. Like, I don't really know.
- [38:11]
Becky
I don't know.
- [38:12]
Kale
I'm looking at this sticky, this sticky note on my desk right now and I have no idea what it means. Like, what is. I don't. My meds are not met. I'm on 10 milligrams. I went to my follow up appointment today and she's like not gonna up your meds to the 20. The 20 milligram dose. We're gonna keep you on 10 for the next month. Yesterday I went to my office and I said, well, on the way to the office. Went to the post office. Get to the office. Hey, Rebecca, do you have to go to the post office today? Yeah. Okay, can you take the CNA kits? And then someone else was like, kill you already dropped those off. Oh, okay. An hour go by. Hey, does anyone have to go to the post office? Can someone mail out these DNA kits? Kill. You already did that. You already went to the post office. That happened three times. And now I'm looking at this goddamn sticky note and it says green signs women's plus children 1992. No prep a phone number. Option one, 45 minute appointment. I have no idea what this means. No clue. Can't be sure because I don't see the pad anywhere. Like this is just once. Like, I don't see the pad for it. So like I don't know what's going on.
- [39:27]
Cynthia
But I will say two things, maybe the audience will disagree with me. One, I think that you're a little more on track with the conversation. This recording due to your meds. A little more. I didn't say a ton. I said a little more. And my meds took me three months to get acclimated to. And for the first three months of being on ADHD medication, I wanted to crawl out of my skin and I was so anxious. So it kind of makes sense that you're kind of like, you know, like scattered in that way because the anxiety I feel like gets really high end.
- [40:00]
Kale
Because it's a upper. I did tell what my anxiety and depression has skyrocketed with my untreated adhd. So I'm hoping that the anxiety and depression will subside when everything balances out. I don't know what is going on with me and it's like concerning. And then we went to go, we went to Home Dep. Home Goods. We have some that we got to buy for the content house. And I'm like trying to talk and I'm forgetting it While I'm saying it and I'm like, this is so one concerning. But two, frustrating because I'm like, I'm trying to have a conversation and I don't even know what I was about to say.
- [40:38]
Becky
That is frustrating.
- [40:40]
Kale
But it's like happening so often. Like it's multiple times a day with different conversations. And I'm getting so flustered because I'm like, I know this was important and I can't get it out.
- [40:51]
Becky
To be fair, you have a lot going on and a lot of things to think about all the time.
- [40:59]
Kale
I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it's a little exaggerated.
- [41:02]
Becky
I don't think so, but.
- [41:03]
Kale
So, yeah, there's just been a lot going on lately and I'm. I'm excited because I love fall weather. I'm excited for fall things, and I'm excited for to see you next weekend.
- [41:13]
Becky
I'm so excited. I also am excited. I saved myself like seven grand. So I have a pool and I needed a new pool cover. And so the place quoted me like seven to ten grand for a new pool cover because it's like a custom in ground pool, blah, blah, blah. And so I was like, that's ridiculous. I'm gonna get a standard pool cover and just put the mounts, new mounts in for it. And they were like, you can't do that. And I was like, why? And they were like, because it makes it unsafe. Like it's not like certified safe then. And I was like, well, I'm not. I don't have seven grand, so I'm not paying for a new pool cover. So I bought a 500 cover off the line and I installed it and I saved myself seven grand and it looks great.
- [42:11]
Kale
That's so weird though, that you like, can't do that.
- [42:15]
Becky
Tomato, tomato. I guess, I don't know, someone on here will probably tell me I'm endangering something. But also, if there's any female general contractors listening, I'll pay for your flight here if you want to come help me build my office above my garage.
- [42:31]
Kale
Female.
- [42:32]
Becky
Yeah.
- [42:33]
Kale
Oh, speaking of, remember how we always talked about female sports? You're talking about female contractor.
- [42:40]
Becky
Yeah.
- [42:41]
Kale
I purchased the Caitlyn Clark.
- [42:44]
Becky
I saw it. I was like, wow, that's so sick.
- [42:47]
Kale
Caitlin Clark. And I love that it looks like it's like dripping water. Yeah, this came yesterday. It's the Caitlyn Clark.
- [42:54]
Becky
That is really cool.
- [42:55]
Kale
And it's the leak proof one. So if anyone is listening and saying.
- [43:00]
Cynthia
That they leak, they don't imagine it Just.
- [43:04]
Becky
We both did it, and it just spilled all over.
- [43:06]
Kale
I had water on top of it, and it, like, dripped, but it. Then it didn't. So I was like, okay. So, yeah, I got the Caitlin Clark because I was like, I'm out here. Support. I want to support the women, the girlies.
- [43:16]
Becky
Also. One other thing that I didn't realize that I would be thinking of as a new parent. A couple of parents, a couple of parental things. Now, number one, had a really good couch rot day the other day with Leah and Bex. Bex decided to give us a full day on the couch. That was the first time in three months. Like, we literally just hung out. So.
- [43:40]
Cynthia
Great.
- [43:41]
Becky
Second, I didn't realize how important back vents are in cars. And I'm annoyed and pissed off that more SUVs don't have them. Like, our Kia, we have a Sorento, and it doesn't have a back vent, like, above the back seats. Like, a vent up. Because Becks gets hot, so he, like, needs airflow. So we have a fan. I was. I visited Morgan Morgan in Delaware this past weekend. I was in her car, and they had back vents and a different control for it that would. That was right on the baby, and it was amazing. Is that crumble cookies? So I'm pissed. And I really love Kia's, but they need back vents. They need back air vents added.
- [44:35]
Kale
Does it scare you that the baby won't be able to catch his breath.
- [44:39]
Becky
Without the back air vents?
- [44:41]
Kale
No. With the air vent on him?
- [44:43]
Becky
No.
- [44:44]
Kale
I feel like, so. Oh, I have to update you on something, too. It's really sad. When I do my setting spray in my make for my makeup.
- [44:57]
Becky
Yeah.
- [44:57]
Kale
I use my hair dryer to dry it with on the cool setting. So I put it on cold, and then I do this, and I. Every time. You know what I mean? Like, I can't catch my breath because it's blowing. Like, I. And I, like, mentally know, like, okay, don't go around, like, do this instead of, like, this. But so I said that to say, like, if you have a vent blowing on Becks in the back seat, like, is he gonna have a hard time catching his breath?
- [45:24]
Becky
No. The kid is used to having a fan blowing in his face. I. I find it very concerning that, as an adult, you still do that. Are you okay?
- [45:41]
Kale
Someone argued that I'm not.
- [45:42]
Becky
Yeah, no. Because he always has research police can police me, but there are studies out there that show that fans in a room decrease the chance of sids. So we have our fans blasting in every single room.
- [46:01]
Kale
That means Leah's a pa. I trust y'. All. Like I was just saying, I have a hard time with it, so I didn't know this fall is in full swing and it's the perfect time to refresh your wardrobe with pieces that feel as good as they look. Luckily, Quint makes it easy to look polished, stay warm and save big without compromising on quality. Quint has all the elevated essentials for fall. Think 100% Mongolian cashmere from $50 washable silk tops and skirts and perfectly tailored denim all at prices that feel too good to be true. I've been talking about quints for forever and I'm eyeing their wool coat this season. They look designer level but cost a fraction of the price and the quality is just as good, if not better. By partnering directly with ethical top tier factories and cutting out the middleman, Quince cuts out the middleman to deliver luxury quality pieces at half the price of similar brands. And it's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that feels smart, stylish and effortless. Keep it classic and cozy this fall with long lasting staples from quince. Go to quince.com Karma for free shipping on your order and 36065 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Karma to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Karma this episode is sponsored by Better Help. And I need to tell you guys that I had a really hard conversation with someone today and I literally looked at him and I said I've not talked to my therapist today, okay? Because I need to weigh all my pros and cons, all my options and just have someone neutral who's not around my life give me a listening ear, right? And it took me a long time to find the perfect therapist for me, but I absolutely love her. And that's why I'm telling you guys about better help. Becky and I are huge proponents of mental health therapy, all the things. And BetterHelp is a great option, especially if you do not have the time to drive to someone's office and drive back. Because I understand that between the time in the car, the appointment itself, we're talking about two hours every single week. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't sound big. But when you're working nine to five or whatever hours you work during the week, that's hard to fit in. Now you can eat your lunch and talk to someone with better help and I promise you, it's so worth it. They have quality therapists. Better Help therapists work according to strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US So that's amazing. They have a therapist match commitment which better help. Does the initial matching work for you so that you can focus on your therapy goals? A short questionnaire helps identify your needs, needs and your preferences. And then 10 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate means that they typically get it right the first time. But if they don't, you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. And this is flexible because it's entirely online and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to and switch therapists at any time too. So I don't know about anyone else. I did take about a year off of therapy between 2019 and now, but I do love to say that I'm back in therapy and I'm giving it my all. And so I so for that one year I needed to take time off. I had other things going on. You guys can do that too, which makes it less scary, I guess, of a commitment. And it's convenient. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life so you don't have to worry about the drives and how you're going to get off work or whatever that looks like. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with better help. Our listeners get 10 off their first month@betterhelp.com Karma that's betterhelp.com Karma I'd also like to say that my favorite chicken in the whole world has, has gone missing.
- [49:39]
Cynthia
Are we sure that they didn't get kidnapped again?
- [49:42]
Kale
I'm not sure that she didn't get chicken napped, but chili is my most favorite chicken. She's the most friendly. I pick her up, she jumps on the stroller, the wagon, whatever. We love chili. I have like the. You would think she's the only chicken I have. If you see my camera roll of photos of chickens, it was really devastating. She's been missing for a few days and she doesn't seem like that. She doesn't. She wouldn't have gone above the fence. Like what is they. They call it like flew the coop. She definitely didn't do that. But she's gone and I'm devastated if, if she's not stolen. I'm thinking because it's like fox season or whatever, like maybe a predator got her. But I Would think if a predator got her, there would be, like, guts and stuff everywhere, but if it was like a.
- [50:34]
Becky
Would be feathers.
- [50:35]
Kale
Like a hawk, like, grabbed her and brought her up. Maybe not, but I'm. I'm really upset, but I'm like, chili's so smart. People underestimate how smart chickens are. Chickens are, like, they are comparable to toddlers, like human toddlers. They're intelligent. They can do math.
- [50:55]
Cynthia
What?
- [50:56]
Kale
Chickens can do math.
- [50:57]
Cynthia
Who told you that?
- [50:59]
Kale
No, I'm so serious.
- [51:01]
Becky
I am.
- [51:02]
Kale
Listen.
- [51:02]
Becky
Speechless.
- [51:03]
Kale
No, no, let me read it. I'll read it to you, I promise you. Chickens can do math. I swear to God. Chickens.
- [51:10]
Becky
Chickens are not smart.
- [51:11]
Cynthia
She just said chickens are.
- [51:13]
Becky
Chickens are so dumb that they, like, will poke their heads out, get taken by a raccoon, and then the rest of them will follow suit, and then they'll.
- [51:20]
Kale
All chickens are much smarter than commonly believe, displaying sophisticated cognitive abilities such as numerical understanding, complex memory, self awareness, and problem solving skills. Okay. Young chicks can perform basic arithmetic and understand quantities, a skill in humans that develops in humans much later. Chickens can remember up to 100 other individual chickens and recognize human faces. Okay. Problem solving chickens demonstrate local reasoning, can learn complex tasks and understand concepts like object permanence. Okay, listen, just wait, wait.
- [52:00]
Cynthia
No, I fear she's correct.
- [52:03]
Kale
They're so smart. They, like, know if A is greater than B and B is greater than C, then A is greater than C. Like, they know that. Like, they understand. Understand that.
- [52:13]
Becky
No, they don't.
- [52:14]
Kale
Yes, they do.
- [52:16]
Cynthia
Researchers in animal cognition have tested this by showing chicks groups of objects like balls or dots, and then hiding some behind a screen. When the screen is removed, the chicks show surprise or confusion if the number of objects doesn't match what they expected. That suggests they can mentally keep track of additions and subtractions at a very basic level, Sort of like counting one more or one less. They recognize numbers up to five, and they can quickly recognize small quantities without counting. Welcome University.
- [52:47]
Kale
Kayl, just part of something. Like, my chicken toddler is missing.
- [52:56]
Becky
Well, I think you need to ask the neighbors.
- [52:58]
Cynthia
Yeah, I agree.
- [53:00]
Kale
Those. Okay. I mean, I'll post on Facebook. They don't want to talk to me. And if they have it, they're not giving it back. They're gonna say they don't have it. What?
- [53:09]
Becky
Why would they want it, is my question.
- [53:11]
Kale
Because I posted that video knocking on their door, and so they hate my guts. Okay, well, let's do. Is it karma or is it chaos?
- [53:19]
Becky
Hello. I need some advice. I recently had plastic surgery on my face. And I'm dealing with some lingering paralysis and I need to hear that it's not my fault. Did you write this in?
- [53:31]
Kale
I did not write this in, but it is. I. This is exactly what I needed.
- [53:37]
Becky
I am the mother to, yes, seven kids. Yes, seven. I have had.
- [53:42]
Kale
Wait, what?
- [53:44]
Becky
I've had plastic surgery in the past. Very recently I had a breast reduction and a tummy tuck and the recovery was rough. I cried a lot and questioned my choices. I hate my insecurities and I never want my kids to think they need any sort of surgery. But I live in the spotlight and sometimes the negative self self image gets the best of me. Here's the thing. I'm beautiful. Like really stunning. And I just don't see it. My eyes are so pretty, my smile is perfect. I have amazing hair and skin and my laugh is infectious. Thousands if not millions of women are obsessed with me, but I still can't see that my see myself the way they see me. I'm a boss. I come from a fuck. From fucked up beginnings. And I took the inch I was given and I turned it into a goddamn marathon. I own a business. I employ others. I support my kids. I own property. I am a CEO and a bestseller.
- [54:40]
Kale
Someone wrote this about me?
- [54:42]
Becky
No. I'm a CEO and best selling author and I am damn good mother to all seven of my amazing kids. My kids love me. I just need to learn to love myself more. I'm trying to believe that this slight paralysis is temporary, but I'm wondering if it's possibly karma from resorting to surgery again and not loving myself enough to accept myself as is. So please tell me this loud and proud. This is not karma. I deserve to have whatever I want for myself and my body. I can have surgery and also teach my kids about confidence and self worth. I can keep being a fucking boss, running my empire, and raising my tribe to be amazing little humans. I will continue to work on my own negative self talk and I will cut myself some slack. I will continue to hold my head proud, balancing my boss crown that I fucking earned. Say it with us, Kale. I am a fucking boss.
- [55:42]
Kale
Why would she do that? Why would she do that?
- [55:46]
Cynthia
Because he needed to hear it.
- [55:48]
Kale
Sunday. Sunday night, I was literally like, I just need to. I just want to end it all here. Not even just the live. I love my sons and I don't want to be compared to Avery Woods. When I say this Sunday night that like two things were. Two things just kept repeating in my head was like, my daughter needs me right Like, I know my sons need me, obviously, but my daughter heals a different part of me because of little Kale, basically. Right. But then the other part is, like, would want nothing more than for me to just take a dirt nap. I was having a really rough time. It's been rough. And then the lip thing, I'm like, I don't know. Like, it's so hard because I just look at myself and I only see, like, I would see the double chin and I would see the jowling here. And I'm like, I. Like, I. I don't want my daughter or other people to feel like they have to get surgery to feel good, but, like, I don't know how to get out of it. And, like, my therapy can only help so much. Like, you're like, therapy can't really. They, like, what is the. Like, what is the solution? Just to not look online at myself? Like, I don't know what the solution is.
- [57:02]
Becky
I mean, one place to start is changing how you talk about yourself. And it feels like. It feels like it's forced or, like, not natural, but that's kind of how everything starts. Until it feels that way. So you could look at yourself in the mirror every morning and give yourself a compliment and continue to do that.
- [57:24]
Kale
It's rough. It is. People are. It's so easy for people to get online and be like, oh, stop getting surgery. And then the. This one troll T page or whatever was like, kale knows it's a mental illness. She keeps talking about that she knows it's a mental illness, but then she does it anyway. And I'm like, because it's mental illness. Like, I'm aware and I do it anyway.
- [57:44]
Cynthia
But you're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't. Right? Because you're acknowledging that I. It's mental illness. Talking about actively being in therapy, being aware that it's an issue and trying to work on it, and that is not going to happen overnight. This is learned behavior. And I think even if you're not somebody who is in the public eye as women, you can understand that society has made us feel like shit about ourselves since the moment we had any consciousness. And it's not easy. And instead of dog piling on someone because obviously their insecurities are running the show in that moment, how is that helping? Helpful? How is that helpful?
- [58:18]
Kale
It's not.
- [58:19]
Cynthia
And you're like, also, is it not a consideration that bullying, it can push somebody into doing something like this? And when people are also harping on the fact that you are being open and honest about where your mental health is. We might make. Make jokes. I think everybody can recognize that you have dark humor. You make light of situations. It's the way that you cope. I like. I think it's really important to acknowledge this. She's not saying it, like, haphazardly. And to think that it's so casual and not see the true underlying struggle there is truly what's wrong with, I think, our society, and I think we can all recognize that within the last few weeks, and I think it just does more good. And I really wanted you to read this. I think there are so many people who silently support you, and the hate is really. It's really rings loud. But the things that you're going through and the way that you talk about it is so realistic, and you're not alone in that. And to recognize and acknowledge that, yes, it is a mental health issue, but that's not going to get fixed overnight. And you're working on it.
- [59:20]
Kale
You're working on it. Yeah, I. And I also think that me going unmedicated from February till now on, my ADHD also inflames depression or anxiety or whatever. So I don't have. I'm not depressed all the time, and I'm not on meds for it. But, like, going untreated from something like ADHD causes anxiety, which then causes high anxiety, can then cause depression. So, like, I'm working on it.
- [59:45]
Cynthia
I just think everybody heard what we were saying, and, like, we might again joke about it. But I do think, like, confidence is a learned behavior. It really is faking it till you make it, like Becky said, and changing how you speak about yourself because it's not easy. And 90% of confidence truly is just fucking faking it. And I think you can understand that from, like, a work perspective. Right? I think, like, you go into things scared about work, but know that, like, you're just gonna get it through because you're faking that confidence, right? Faking whatever it is to get you there. It's the same thing with appearance. But also, none of us grew up in the most formidable times of your consciousness on tv. And I can't imagine what that does to someone's self image. So if you're not listening to Kale, listen to the. To me. Like, give her a break, dude. Like, mental health is so real, and harping on it is just. It's not helping. It's not helping.
- [60:40]
Kale
No, no. And it's like, it sounds good for everyone to be, like, for anybody, not just my situation, like, just go get help or just talk to somebody or just this or just that.
- [60:49]
Becky
But like, it's a choice every day. Like you have to make a choice every day to like, alt, like, change that energy that you're putting into the world. Like, it's. And it's hard. So.
- [61:04]
Kale
Well, after I was talked off a ledge on Sunday, I said that I'm gonna make a conscious effort to not say certain things. Like, even if it's like, meant to be funny, whether you're joking about it or not, like, you're speaking it, you're putting it out into the universe. And so.
- [61:24]
Becky
Leah had that conversation with me one time. Like, you really need to stop, like, saying you want to kill.
- [61:29]
Kale
Yes. That's basically what it. I, like, yeah, it's crazy because it was like two in the morning and I'm having like a crazy mental breakdown. And since I've been home, because I've been home a couple days, my kids said something to me and I said, I'm gonna try not to talk like that anymore. Like, don't say that. I'm not gonna. I'm. I. Mommy doesn't need to talk like that anymore. So I need to just make a very, very intentional and conscious effort to. Because I think half the people I know that I envy for their confidence are faking it till they make it or they had to fake it until they actually made it. Do you know what I mean? So I want for sure, just take that into consideration. But yeah. So after this recording, I'm going to take Rio to his little appointment for. For his tubes. I don't know if they're going to take them. They're like, starting to come out of his ears. I don't know if they're going to put them back in or if they're going to try to take them out and see what happens. But that's what I'm doing. And what are you doing for the rest of the day?
- [62:28]
Cynthia
And that's a compartmentalization.
- [62:34]
Becky
I have basketball practice. Basketball, fall ball. And then I'm going to. To spend some time with my family.
- [62:43]
Kale
I love that. I hope you have a great weekend.
- [62:47]
Becky
I hope that you have a great weekend too. You need to put some sticky notes around your house.
- [62:55]
Kale
Okay, well, I'm gonna send it.
- [62:58]
Becky
Because I'm gonna send Natasha to your house. We have sticky notes all over our house from when she cleaned and stuff when we were in the hospital with Bex. And it's like, you're doing great. Like it's like positive affirmations of sticky notes all over the house. And we left them up because they're just really nice to say if they.
- [63:15]
Kale
Don'T say Green signs, women and children, 1992. No prep. Like, as long as they're not like that. Sure.
- [63:22]
Becky
Actually, I have one here. She left this on my desk. It said what? Like, it's hard. It probably is, but you are crushing it, period.
- [63:30]
Kale
We love that. Natasha, we need more of you in this world. And Cynthia, Cynthia, you made me cry, so I'm mad for a little bit.
- [63:37]
Becky
Cynthia, let me know if you're a general contractor and want to come spend a week with me. I'll let you guys stay in my house for a week. So if you know how to build, give me a call. Thanks for listening, guys. And also, final call out. I had a bunch of people reach out to me after last week's episode or two weeks ago, asking if I was okay because my energy was off in the episode. I appreciate y'.
- [64:01]
Kale
All.
- [64:01]
Becky
I was fine. Just, you know, sometimes you have an off day.
- [64:04]
Kale
Yeah, definitely. Today's my off day. Okay. Love y'. All.
- [64:07]
Becky
Love ya.
- [64:08]
Kale
See ya.
- [64:25]
Pluto TV Announcer
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- [64:29]
Kale
I'm coming in hot.
- [64:30]
Pluto TV Announcer
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- [64:57]
Lauren
Hi, I'm Lauren. And I'm Chandler. And we're the hosts of Pop Apologist podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip, Hollywood deep dives, Real housewives drama, and anything and everything. Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that a listers might mean more to us than each other. Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for pop apologists. Pop Apologists, your new favorite sister and celeb podcast.