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- [00:01]
Blaine Anderson
Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.
- [00:03]
Cat Zamuto
Zoe, this thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.
- [00:06]
Blaine Anderson
Santa.
- [00:07]
Cat Zamuto
Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you britches. I'm not.
- [00:10]
Blaine Anderson
Of course he did.
- [00:12]
Cat Zamuto
Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus?
- [00:26]
Blaine Anderson
I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch, so you can keep your old phone or give.
- [00:33]
Cat Zamuto
It as a gift.
- [00:33]
Blaine Anderson
And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.
- [00:37]
Cat Zamuto
Nice. My side of the tree is slipping.
- [00:39]
Blaine Anderson
Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier accounts financing agreement 256 gigs, $830 eligible board in a new line, $100 plus a month plan without our PayPal taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.
- [01:00]
Cat Zamuto
Visit t mobile.com Here we go. New week, new episode of Cat on the Loose. Sex, dating and relationships. 100% organic. Never edited. And for those of you who are new to Cat on the Loose, welcome to our fast growing worldwide cat kingdom where we can speak freely about sex, dating and relationships with no judgment, no filters. This podcast is a little bit different than your usual podcast because like I said, it's 100% organic, meaning we do not add our interviews at all. It's never scripted. It's a very real conversation and it's not always in studio. Many times we record in real life, sometimes at the homes of our guests, sometimes in places where we interact with our guests such as events, restaurants, etc. It is truly a window into our lives and it is meant to open up conversations and invite everyone to join in. We have 24, seven open lines of communications for you you guys via WhatsApp 13053320338 via email, contact cat on the loose.com and of course on social media at real Cat on the Loose and my social media Instagram Cat Zamuto Z A M M U T O so please feel free to chime in anytime. I love, love, love to hear from you Guys, and this is really for you. We have audiences now in over 47 countries and growing. So, so thank, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, every single one of you guys, for listening. I love you and I really hope you guys enjoyed this episode. My guest today, Blaine Anderson, is the number one dating coach for men. So guys, I hope you're listening cuz this is really, really cool stuff. She has helped over 3,000 men build confidence, escape the friend zone and land awesome girlfriends. Millions of guys each month tune for her free advice on Instagram and her her work has been featured in several publications such as the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Psychology Today. Blaine is awesome. I really enjoyed my conversation with her and I hope you guys really enjoyed this episode. But before our super fun episode with the fabulous Blaine Anderson, I want to introduce you guys to a company that I love very much here in Los Angeles. Gold Standard Builders, your one stop shop for remodeling needs serving the greater Los Angeles area. So if you're sitting at home or in traffic now during rush hour and you've been thinking, wow, I think I should redo my kitchen. Maybe you have an old bathroom that needs some uplifting after all the torrential rains we've had here in la. Maybe your driveway needs some fresh paint. Or maybe you want to get your backyard fabulous and ready for the summer, whatever it is that you're dreaming to do. In terms of home renovations, Gold Standard Builders takes care of everything. Super fair prices. And they're licensed, of course, which is super important. Bonded and insured. The owner is incredibly hands on in all of the projects he does, and that's why their clients keep going back for more. So give them a call today for your free estimate. 1-800-469-9189. If you want to check out their beautiful projects, go to the website Gold Standard Builders and Instagra the same thing. Gold Standard Builders, for sure it's someone you can rely on because I know in this industry it's hard to find someone that you really, really trust. These guys are incredibly great. Do amazing, amazing work. Very, very fair prices. And you guys are gonna love the end Results. Gold Standard Builders.com Big shout out to the Burrata House, one of my favorite casual dining places in the heart of West Holly. Make authentic, delicious, fresh Italian food, sandwiches, pasta, salads with the delicious, delicious, fresh burrata on Top on 161 South Crescent Heights. So if you're looking for a place that you can have a quick bite for lunch, dinner takeout for your family, this is it. And I love, of course, supporting local businesses. So if you guys are in the Los Angeles area, West Hollywood, go check out the Burrata House. If you guys want to see pictures, buratahouse.com on Instagram. Buratta House. I love, love, love their food so much. Everything is really, really yummy. Blaine, thank you so much for being on Canada. I'm so excited.
- [05:59]
Blaine Anderson
Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
- [06:02]
Cat Zamuto
I truly, truly love your work because usually we see dating coaches talking to women and try to teach women how to date. So when I found out about you, I was really excited because, like, okay, this chick is super intelligent, she's gorgeous, and she's trying to tell men how to date us. And I love your approach. So for my audience, people who don't know you, can you tell us really quickly how you got into that? How did you decide to do what you do?
- [06:33]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. So my name is Blaine. You can find me on social@datingbyblane. So I had always been interested. I love talking about relationships and dating and love. Like, it's something I have always loved, you know, even when I was younger, like on the playground, it's like, who likes who? You know, how it goes. And then after college, I moved to New York City, and it was right. I was in 2012, so it was right when dating apps were kind of getting going. And so it was very new to everyone. People were very confused how to use them. And I mean, they still are, you know, a decade later. But at that time, I would see my guy friends dating profiles, and they would be awful. Like, they just didn't do them justice. I was like, I know you. I know you're a great guy, but this profile looks really bad, so let me fix it up. And so I'd fix up my guy friends dating app profile, and then they'd get way better results because they had good pictures, engaging prompts, and that sort of thing. And then they'd ask me other questions about their dating life. So I was working in the travel industry when the pandemic hit. And so my business then essentially, you know, vanished overnight. And so I thought, okay, like, I loved giving a dating. Giving dating advice. What if I put it together, all the things I've been telling all of these guys, and I put it together into one course so they could have access to all of it and, you know, without having to work with me one on one, which requires is a higher price point. So that was really where my course was born from. In 2020.
- [07:56]
Cat Zamuto
I love that. And it's still a big problem to a lot of guys, right? Like the dating profile. Cuz we all complain about it. Like we look at the dating profile and a lot of dating coaches say that like, maybe we would meet this guy in person, but we swipe left because the dating profiles are so crappy. Why do you think so many guys have such problems figuring out the photos?
- [08:20]
Blaine Anderson
I, you know, it's in part it's not their fault. Like I don't think, you know, we weren't born knowing what makes a good photo of us and how to authentically market ourselves in 150 characters. Like that is challenging. It's not something that is done in school and for men, it's not something that, like girls, they already, we already know how to take good pictures of ourselves. We're on Instagram, we're practicing our angles, you know, from the time we're young, for better or worse. But for men, that's just not part of it. And so they just don't know how to. I think they oftentimes their prompts also lack effort or specifics and also need improvement. But the photos especially, like, if you don't have a good photo, it doesn't matter how good the rest of your profile is, you're not going to get matches. And so part of my job is not only telling them how to get photos, but then I also help them pick their photos because it's funny, like sometimes like they'll be like, this is a good photo of me, right? And I'm like, are we looking at the same photo? No. You know, I agree. Like a woman's eye.
- [09:18]
Cat Zamuto
Let's get this one out of the way. How about all these dudes that put the photos with the fish and the end, like, what's, I, I, I, I just immediately I'm like, okay, get out of my way. I don't want to see dudes, I don't care how nice you are. I don't want to see pictures of you with your fish.
- [09:37]
Blaine Anderson
What's your, I'm curious from your opinion, like, what is the, the turn off about the fish?
- [09:42]
Cat Zamuto
It's so cheesy. Like, I don't know, it's like, look at my fish. Like, come on, can you do a little bit? Or like the fish and the selfie at the gym?
- [09:52]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [09:52]
Cat Zamuto
To me they're like the two turn offs. Like, oh, look at me at the gym. Look at my feet. Like, why don't you have anything better? Like, just show me.
- [10:00]
Blaine Anderson
No. And that's I mean, that's the problem. A lot of these guys don't take pictures. They literally don't have anything better. It's like, let's just. Let me just find six pictures of myself. Not like, oh, let me find six photos that, like, accurately represent how I look and how I spend my time. That's like, not how they're thinking about it. For the fish photo, what I tell guys, I'm like, listen, if you're an avid fisherman and you're fishing all the time, and that's something, like, it's important to sure include a fish photo because it's actually a good thing for her to know. But if you just, like, have a fish photo, especially because it has become, like, the joke of the Internet. Like, the guy's like, look, I'm a provider. I can catch a fish. Like, skip it, because you're just gonna end up in, like, a meme, you know, on Instagram.
- [10:39]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, exactly. I'm like, any animal. I've seen the craziest shit I see. I've seen a guy with a raccoon on top of his head, like, ser. I see the craziest. I'm like, no animals. At least in my opinion. I'm not an expert, but, like, I.
- [10:52]
Blaine Anderson
Think it should be.
- [10:52]
Cat Zamuto
It should be simple, right? For guys and girls.
- [10:56]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. Well, so I definitely think you should have some simple photos that are just clearly showcasing what you look like. But then you don't want just all head shots either. You need to have some photos that show how you spend your time, like, your. Your hobbies, your interests, traveling. Like, you want to paint a picture that's like, oh, this guy looks like I want to spend time with him in the photos that he's doing. So it's like, yeah, don't put a photo someplace that she wouldn't want to go. But if you have, like, a photo of your trip to Barcelona or you're, like, at a sports game or you're on a camping trip, and those are things that you like. Like, absolutely include those.
- [11:32]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. Great. I agree, because I want to see the guy's lifestyle. Now. This is my question to you. I live in. In California, Beverly Hills. And this is my opinion about guys around here. But in general, all my girlfriends kind of agree with me. Do you think most guys are shy when it comes to approaching women in public?
- [11:55]
Blaine Anderson
Here?
- [11:56]
Cat Zamuto
Yes. You agree, because here, like, we will literally go to bars, events, whatever it is, like, pickup spots, and they will look at us, like, from outside the bar, and they'll like, be staring all night, and that's it.
- [12:13]
Blaine Anderson
I know. It's really sad. So I actually, because of this. Because this is something I'm literally hearing from my girlfriends. I conducted a survey of 13,000 women in the US and the UK and asked, like, do you want to be approached more? And I figured the answer was yes, but the answer was actually 98, which is crazy. Of women, of single women said they wish they were approached more often.
- [12:37]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [12:37]
Blaine Anderson
And then guys just. They don't know how to do it. They are too shy. They feel insecure. So I actually created a course called Approach Academy that literally is just teaching guys how to approach girls.
- [12:49]
Cat Zamuto
And why do you think that is, though? Do you think it's because the dating apps made it more like it? It made people unlearn social skills?
- [13:01]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, I think there's a few things. I think the pandemic was really rough. People were isolated. They. You weren't literally allowed to talk to people within six feet for a while. Like, that just got everybody really out of practice and into bad habits. Then we have technology. Everyone is really used to living behind their phones, being able to do everything from behind the phone. I'll talk to guys, and they're like, oh, I met this girl in person. Then I sent her an Instagram DM asking her out, and I'm like, like, oh, you know, they want to rely on that screen, that barrier, because they are insecure. And then there also has been bad press, bad publicity. Like, the MeToo movement was very important and something that needed to happen. But it also has made some nice guys who aren't the problem more scared about putting themselves out there with women and taking risks because they don't want to be perceived as creepy or do something wrong.
- [13:50]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. It's interesting I said that because I have a really good, good guy friend, and he's super successful, super handsome. He wants to find a relationship. And he said that to me the other day. He was like, you know, I. Sometimes I'm afraid of approaching a girl at a bar because usually they turn me down and they're like, kind of like, not rude, but they're like, you know, standoffish or that I call, just go away. And because of the. This. Me too, and all this situation, I don't know if they're gonna feel like I'm harassing them or sometimes they have an attitude. So he. He. That's what he tells me, that a lot of guys nowadays, they're. They're almost afraid because girls are being. Even if you're not interested in the guy. They're like, almost being rude. I don't know if rude is the word, but like, yeah, yeah.
- [14:40]
Blaine Anderson
So I think because I hear this from guys all the time too. It's like, I'm worried about being sorry, I'm about to sneeze.
- [14:48]
Cat Zamuto
Bless you.
- [14:49]
Blaine Anderson
Oh, I'm worried about, like, I'm coming off as creepy or harassing her. It's like, listen, harassment means you're not taking no for an answer.
- [14:56]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [14:57]
Blaine Anderson
So if she says she's not interested, if she's giving, if she's being bitchy to you, if she's giving you signals of even, like, not encouraging conversation, closed off body language, walk away. And if you do that, you're not going to be perceived as creepy or harassing. Yeah. Here's the thing. Bars can actually be trickier places to meet women than I think people assume they are. It's like, oh, I'm gonna go out on the weekend and go to this bar and pick somebody up. It's like, well, what do you actually have in common with this person who's just at a bar? The only thing you have in common is you're both physically at the location. It doesn't tell you you share values. It doesn't tell you you have common interests. It makes it way harder to spark up a conversation because there's nothing inherently there to just, like, go off of and talk about. So rather than trying to approach women in drinking situations, I really recommend guys develop hobbies and activities that they do that they enjoy. They're doing these things for themselves, not just to meet women, but also where women spend time and then just get to know women. Because, like, you've already said single women want to meet awesome single guys.
- [16:01]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [16:02]
Blaine Anderson
But they don't want to be hit on when they're out with their girlfriends necessarily. And they don't want to be approached by someone who doesn't know anything about them. But if you're at your favorite smoothie bar and that's like your neighborhood spot because you're, like, really into health food, or you're at yoga class, or you're at your pottery class, or you're at your book club, literally anything, and there is a guy who shares that interest and just talks to you like a human being to get to know you and understand if you have things in common, women aren't going to be mad about that, but they might not be interested in you romantically, but that's just part of the game. That's just dating.
- [16:33]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [16:33]
Blaine Anderson
Not Everybody is going to be interested.
- [16:35]
Cat Zamuto
In you, but it's.
- [16:35]
Blaine Anderson
You have to develop a thick skin.
- [16:37]
Cat Zamuto
I completely agree with everything that you're saying, but most guys will not come and say anything and it's insanely frustrating. I wish every guy in the world took this course that you're talking about and I'm gonna tell my guy friends about it because, yeah, like you said, like the local health store, the gym, everything that we do and we, and you know, the guy is looking and you're looking and, and then, okay, they walk away and there is still stigma. Right. If the girl approaches first, we don't approach first.
- [17:09]
Blaine Anderson
Well, even like go back, going back to evolutionary biology, like take this back like a couple hundred thousand years or look at any other species. The man is the pursuer. And like, you know, I can get into like why that is. But it's literally biology that it is more natural for the man to pursue the woman. It has to do with women taking on more risk in a romantic relationship. Eggs are a scarce to resource. Sperm is not. It is ingrained in us. So to think like guys say all the time in my comment section on Instagram, like, well, why wouldn't a girl just approach me? It's like she can. And girls do sometimes approach. I approached guys when I was single, but it's not the norm. So you can either complain about how women don't approach you or you can learn how to approach yourself and get a hot girlfriend. Like, the choice is yours.
- [17:54]
Cat Zamuto
I agree. I think, well, men are hunters, right? It's, it's nature. It's, it's the game. For me, if I approach a guy, it's because I want to have him as a friend. Like, I, I cannot imagine approaching a guy like, oh, yeah, I want to date this guy because I want to be pursued like most women. Right?
- [18:14]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [18:14]
Cat Zamuto
I don't know if I guess most girls are like me. A year and a half ago, I did an experiment with a friend of mine. I want to ask your opinion about it. I know it was extreme, but it worked. So I want to ask what you think and if there maybe there is something that we can come up with for God, for, for girls to do to help guys. That is not that extreme. My friend is a public figure. She works on tv, so she's zero shy and she said the same thing. Guys are so shy in public approaching girls. Therefore, if we go out holding like a very weird, unusual object, it will break the ice and they will come and talk to us. So it was like Just before holiday season on Beverly Hills Rodeo Drive, you know, like, there was hundreds of people out on the street. We went, like, to the busiest bar in town called Wallies. And she decided, and we're dressed, like, super sexy, super beautiful, and she was holding a plunger. Of course. It was extreme. Yeah. We did, like, a video episode on my podcast. Oh, my God. It got, like, hundreds of thousands of views. And sure enough, like, the minute we walked inside Wallies with the plunger, I'm not kidding you, all the dudes at the bar, like, turned and stared at us and started talking to us, like, what are you guys doing? And we started asking them, do you guys think we're too crazy? And they're like, no, this is so much fun. What are you girls doing? And he broke the ice, and they bought us drinks. And before you knew, everybody was laughing. And one of the guys bought me a drink and invite me on a date that same night. So it worked for us.
- [19:58]
Blaine Anderson
Like, I love that.
- [20:00]
Cat Zamuto
I ended up dating him for, like, over a year, so I swear to God. So her experiment and I did an episode. It's called Two Girls and a Plunger. Obviously, very few girls. I got hundreds of messages like, I'm not gonna walk around my hometown with a plunger. This is crazy. But maybe. I guess the point of the story is maybe as women like, my question to you is we could do something to help break the ice, to have them approach us.
- [20:29]
Blaine Anderson
Yes. So I think, first of all, I love that. And obviously, like you said, that's a more extreme version. What I tell in my course and what I tell my clients to look out for is just look out for eye contact. So as a woman, make eye contact with guys, smile at them. Like, give them that little extra help because they are shy and they are insecure. So. So if you want to be approached, make sure your body language is open. Make sure you're looking around, making sure, making eye contact, smiling. Then I love the idea of bringing out a prop. Something to talk about, something to connect over. That could be your dog. It could just be like a volleyball, because you play volleyball. It could be wearing a T shirt that says something like, funny on it. Anything that's going to allow, like, for conversation, I think is great.
- [21:11]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, I love those ideas. The dog, I think, is a great idea. Every time I go out with my dogs, more men approach me than if I'm alone. I love that because you're.
- [21:21]
Blaine Anderson
You're giving them, like, the tea. The tea up. Like, it's hard, you know, if there's nothing to type. There's not anything that's like standing out or unique. Like it's on him to now come up with this. Like, I mean, I don't think he needs a creative thing to say. I think it's like fine to just be direct. But lots of guys feel like they need that. So then they're struggling, like, oh, what can I say to her?
- [21:40]
Cat Zamuto
You know, I love that. Now this is a question that, that tons and tons of girls send me and I don't know the answer. Maybe you do since you're the expert. Is there a sure fire way to identify a man who is ready for a relationship? Because all of them say I'm ready, right? Right when they want to date you from a guy who is always going to be a player. Because nowadays with dating apps, a lot of them literally, they will lie, right? They say I'm ready for a relationship, I'm ready for a relationship. But they're not. Do you know any tricks?
- [22:13]
Blaine Anderson
So there's no changing somebody like or convincing somebody from what they already are. So really your goal is just to determine like are they telling the truth? Do. And that the easiest way to do that is do their actions match their words? Okay, great. He says he wants a relationship, but is he going out with his boys like every Friday and Saturday night until 3 in the morning? He's not ready. Actions speak louder than words. So pay attention to what he does rather than what he says.
- [22:39]
Cat Zamuto
Do you think? So let's say this guy that is going out with his friends every night and, and it's hot and cold, hot and cold, hot and cold. Do you think it's possible to change that guy to a relationship ready guy eventually or that guy will never change.
- [22:58]
Blaine Anderson
So it's not possible for the woman to change him. He has to change himself. He has to decide that he is ready for that relationship and ready to be like the man that you know is like fitting of being a husband or a good partner. I think trying to force somebody to change is like a surefire way to waste your time and you know, not get what you want. I think you're more. I say this, I think this goes both ways. If someone is like hot and cold with you pulling and holding tighter, is it just gonna push them away where actually if you walk away and you truly move on, that is going to give you the best possible shot of them being like, oh, like I'm actually really interested in this and I want to make it work. So walking away and actually moving on is really what's going to give you the best bet. It doesn't mean it's going to work, like, don't do that as a strategy to get them back, but it is what gives you the best shot at it.
- [23:54]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, I know. I completely agree. And I see so many women making this mistake. Right. They go after guys. Go after guys. Now you. You are an expert when it comes to dating for men. Do you see that pattern a lot? Like, even with your clients, do they com. Do they make this comment like. Because I think this is a typical behavior. And I'm not going to say all. Every woman does it, but it's a typical behavior that a lot of women do. They. They insist and insist and insist and they go after the guy, and they go after the guy. Even if the guy, like you said, they. They show signs that they're not into the relationship, and they show signs that they're not ready to commit. And they're pressuring and pressuring and pressuring. And like you said, the more you pressure, the more the guy, like, wants to pull away. Do you see that? Because all my guy friends mentioned that, like, the more the girl insists, like, the more they're gonna pull away.
- [24:47]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. So I think that's just human nature, both directions. You want, you don't want someone who needs you. You want someone who wants you and who has their own life and is happy on their own. So if it feels like either person needs the other person for validation or to feel complete, like, that is a turn off. But what I will say is my clients aren't the player types. Like, you know, I've worked with literally thousands of guys, and they don't tend to be. I'm making generalizations, but they don't tend to be the avoidance. They aren't the ones who are not wanting girls. Like, they're actually. They're more of the anxious, attached. They are the ones who want the relationship. But because they don't always set boundaries and have the. They don't always market themselves well, they end up being either the guys who always end up in the friend zone or always are like, you're really nice, but I just don't feel the romantic connection. So I'm literally teaching them how to create romantic connections, authentically market themselves, have boundaries. It's like, people are like, oh, girls like bad boys. And it's like, maybe. But, like, part of that is like, because there are bad boy traits that are inherently attractive. They stand up for themselves. They do what they want. They have boundaries, they Respect themselves. They put themselves first. Going back to evolutionary biology, like, put yourself in caveman days. Do you want the caveman who's like, I'll do anything for you? Like, what do you want me to do? Or do you want the caveman? He's like, I'm going to get the food. Like, I'm like taking control here. Like, you want the one who's like, gonna show some leadership. Yes. So putting that into modern day terms, like, guys do need to, you know, have a backbone, stand up for themselves, have standards. But I really, my advice for women is like, give the nice guy a shot. It's really easy because we have social media and we have dating apps. Oh, I have a queue. Every girl is a queue of 50 guys that she could go out with. So it's really easy to go on one date with a guy and be like, I didn't really feel the spark. Like, he was, like, he was too shy. Like, and guys are shy. They're reserved. Sometimes they're, they feel they're introverted. So if someone seems like a nice person, like, I really, really encourage you, give it another shot. This goes for men and women. Let that chemistry build. First dates are awkward, especially if you meet on a dating app. Expecting fireworks isn't realistic.
- [27:06]
Cat Zamuto
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Plus, with over 300 million active users on Spotify, your podcast has the potential to reach a million, a massive audience, and everything is free. No catch. I love this word free. So if you're a podcaster looking to take your show to the next level, or if you are a beginner that just wants to give it a try and start your own podcast, give Spotify for Podcaster a try. Trust me, you will love it. And yes, best of all, it's completely free. All you have to do is download the app and get going. No need for complicated podcasting equipment. Nothing at all. Just come up with the team and get going. Let's get those downloads and streams up. Good luck. Have fun. I like. Yeah, it makes sense. I think what you're saying is very. It's a very different approach because you are right. And let's talk about dating apps for a second. My opinion is that obviously the good side side about dating apps is that they give us a huge amount of opportunity. They let us meet people that otherwise we would never cross paths with for sure. However, my experience is that a lot of people are literally just like endlessly swiping. They're ordering each other. I always joke on the podcast like, like Door Dance Dash. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Even like mature, successful men in their 40s, in their 50s, in their 60s, they can't resist the urge. I talked about it on past podcasts. I had a boyfriend that I thought, oh, wow, okay, that's it. Because he looked me in the eyes, he convinced me he was ready for relationship. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Months down the line, I found out he was still on Bumble because he told me, oh, it feeds my ego looking at all these women. I know, I wish people could see your face right now. That's the face I made. Like, I wanted to puke. He was like, oh, I don't want to go out to these women. But all these options, it feeds my ego knowing that these women want to go out to me. Like, what an immature a hole. Yeah.
- [34:58]
Blaine Anderson
That is not a mature.
- [34:59]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, like in your 50s. Like, okay, go do push by. But so I see that a lot and I think it's a problem that a lot of girls see. Like these dudes tell you they are ready for a relationship and then when they. You put the perfect girl in front of them, they're like, oh, wait a minute. But maybe there's something better out there.
- [35:23]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. And I think that's a problem with social media and dating apps. It's like the dopamine hit.
- [35:27]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [35:27]
Blaine Anderson
Is this same as social media is like getting the like or getting the view or getting like the dm? Like you're like, oh, it like gives you the little dopamine rush. Like dating apps are designed to do that. It's like a little high. So you really have to like. And again, I don't think you can. Like, if that's how he feels, like that's in his. That's a problem that he needs to like work through in his psyche, in his head, like with therapy. Because he's chasing validation and ego and like, like, you know, you don't want to be involved with somebody like that. But I do think because these apps are designed to do that, you have to be. You have to have self discipline. I think for men and women with how you use them and when you get off them and take breaks, don't rely on that as your ego boost. Like pick up a hobby, get good at something.
- [36:15]
Cat Zamuto
No, I totally agree with you. I think if you're looking for that, for validation, like you said, maybe you need therapy. Maybe you need to work on, on other issues. You're not ready for a relationship. Now let's talk about high value men for a second the other day. And I have a lot of friends here in Beverly Hills who Are high value because they're very successful, very wealthy. They have the whole thing going on. They're handsome, they're good looking, they have it all. And. And they want a relationship. And one of them is a really good friend of mine. So like, two months ago, he was like, I'm ready for relationship, blah, blah, blah, I want to get married. I don't have kids. You know, the whole stuff. And. And he's very particular. Right. Because the more, I guess, I don't know. Tell me if you agree with me. The more you accomplish in life, the pickier you get when it comes to choosing a partner. Right?
- [37:12]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [37:12]
Cat Zamuto
High value. Want a high value partner. So he had all these boxes that he wanted to cover when it came to finding a partner. So I was like, okay, I think I have the perfect girl for you because she's just like you. It was like, yes. So they met and, yeah, you know, it was like, boom. The perfect connection. They clicked on every box. Sparks flew. They went on all these incredible dates. He texted me, like, oh, my God, I think I just met my wife. I can't believe it. We click intellectually. Physics. After a bunch of days, they spend Christmas together, New Year's together. All of a sudden, after all of that, he disappeared. He literally. He literally ghosted her. And we. And of course, she was so shocked. She was so hurt. I was so embarrassed. I was like, I can't believe he did that to her. And we were cracking our brains. We were like, what the fuck? What the. Yeah. So my question, I'm guessing, I was like, I think sometimes these guys, they dream like this. I want this woman, this perfect woman. And when you put this woman in front of them, sometimes they can't handle it because this woman is, like, so intelligent or as intelligent as they are, or as accomplished as they are, or everything that they dreamed, and they're like, whoa, it's too much. I'm not ready to handle it. Yeah. Do you or do. Do you see that ever with this high value dudes? Because it's not the first time I see that happening.
- [38:50]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that just comes down to, like, a lot of people just don't have the capacity to have healthy relationships, you know, I don't know if you're familiar with attachment styles, but, like, an avoidant attached person is somebody who, once things get really good, the closer you get and like, oh, you know, this is getting to the next level. They freak out often and then break it off or run away or do something to sabotage their own Relationship, Obviously I can't speak to like this one guy, but it's like maybe deep down he doesn't feel worthy of her, you know, and he doesn't feel or like he is deserving or that he can keep up whatever it may be. But I think you see that I, I see that with, you know, of course, in both directions. I'm lucky. Where at least the guys I work with, they really are ready for the relationship. And a lot of them have done a lot of the self work, have done the therapy, have done the readings and they're ready to find their partner. So I don't know if your girlfriends are looking for guys. Tell her to check out my followers.
- [39:55]
Cat Zamuto
Totally. Yeah. I'm gonna hook you up. I'm in line too.
- [40:00]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, yeah.
- [40:01]
Cat Zamuto
Oh my God, yeah. No, because I don't know if it's a Beverly Hills problem and we can ask you that question too, because that's like a huge debate on Cat on the Loose. So a lot of my guests come here and they like, oh, it's geography. Dating in LA is so harder than dating everywhere else. And I don't know if dating has anything to do with geography. Do you think it's. It's an issue?
- [40:22]
Blaine Anderson
I think it does. I think there's some truths to that. I think in la, LA attracts people who are in often, oftentimes like trying to climb the entertainment ladder. Sometimes have more. Not always. Again, these are generalizations, but more superficial tendencies because of, you know, the industries that are there. Modeling, acting, a lot of emphasis put on superficial things. A lot of people, you know, trying to get to the next level. And I think that I don't know, at least my friends and what I've seen complain about like lots of Peter Pans, like guys who say, like what you described, say they want to grow up, say they're ready for the real thing, but then choose to go out and like hang out with younger models or whatever all the time. So I do think geography plays into dating. And like, I mean, just case in point, if you live in a small town, you have a lot less options. You also have a lot less temptation. Although I guess, like Instagram is changing that with globalizing the dating market. But, but I don't think that. I think that's a fair statement.
- [41:21]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, I don't know, because I lived in Miami and I thought Miami was a total shit show. And I have friends in New York that complain like that I have single girlfriends in New York who are desperate. Like, they want a partner, they want to get married. And they're like, oh my God, it's so tough dating in New York. So I have girlfriends in Canada. So I'm like, I honestly don't know if like moving changes the dating game. And I think if somebody wants to cheat on you and if somebody wants to be dishonest, they're going to do it anywhere. So I'm not really sure for sure.
- [41:55]
Blaine Anderson
Like it has, I don't think the per, like the location of like if a guy's going to cheat, he's going to do it in LA or you know, like, like any other random town, like he could be in. But I think certain places attract certain types of people. And I also, I get guys asking me all the time like, hey, I live in a small town or I live here, like, should I. There's not that many women, should I move? And it's like, if dating or finding a partner is something that's important to you, like I don't think it's crazy at all to consider moving or putting yourself around people who are more like minded to give yourself a better shot.
- [42:29]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, no, I agree. If you meet someone and it's the love of your life, I agree. You should consider moving for love. Right? I mean I, I've done it before, I don't know if I would do it again. But the dating pool here in Beverly Hills is very tiny. Very, very, very, very, very tiny. Now this is a tough one. Do you think most men are intimidated by successful women? Women with strong personalities, women who have successful jobs?
- [43:09]
Blaine Anderson
I wouldn't say most men, but certainly some men. You know, everyone has their preferences. And it's like I tell guys, they're like, oh, she doesn't good. Girls don't like me because I'm shorter than her. And it's like, well, yeah, some girls don't and that's her preference. So like focus on the women who do like you for who you are and your height. And I think that goes for. Not all men are gonna have the confidence to be comfortable around strong women. So avoid those type of men. Don't, don't change yourself because there are going to be men out there who are going to appreciate and admire you for your strength and your drive and your confidence. It's just about finding the right one. No matter who you're seeking. You're way better off just being your authentic self and putting that out there to weed out the people it's not going to work with than trying to change who you are because then you end up Having to fake it. And that's. That doesn't work for long, and it definitely doesn't lead to happiness.
- [44:01]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. Oh, my God, I love that because. But. But a lot of guys, they tell girls in the beginning that they are comfortable. They're like, oh, I love what you do. I respect your work. I'm proud of you. But then as the relationship progresses, they admit that, you know, maybe they're intimidated because she makes a lot of money or because whatever. So this is. It is a tough one that I think a lot of successful girls face when it comes to dating.
- [44:31]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps there's like. And again, that's just like looking at his actions rather than his words, especially early on. Like, you can say one thing, but does he try and hold you back or does he, you know, like, guilt trip you if you're, like, picking work over him? Like, there are usually signs.
- [44:49]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. Do you. What do you have, like, a number one complaint, like, when you. You're talking to your clients, your new clients, when it comes to the world of dating and dating apps and meeting girls? Do you have like a top complaint that guys say to you about something that girls do in general when it comes to dating?
- [45:09]
Blaine Anderson
I think with my clients, the thing that the guys would say the most or most common is like, like, I wish girls would, like, give me more of a shot because these are the guys that are hearing, like, oh, you're. I just really see you as a friend or, you know, you're really nice, but I don't see you as a romantic partner. And they say to me, like, I just wish, like, we could go on one more date because, like, I was nervous, you know, Like, I wish, like, we could, like, give it another shot. Like, I would have gone for the kiss. And it's like, you can't ask for that because then you come off as, like, needy. Like, all you can do is take that, that like, feedback and learn for it in next time. But that's like, really where my guys struggle is like, knowing how to create chemistry and make it feel, like, sexy and romantic because romantic because that's ultimately like, women want that.
- [45:54]
Cat Zamuto
What do you think about kiss on the first date?
- [45:57]
Blaine Anderson
I'm pro if the vibe is right, you know, but again, the vibe has to be right. I tell my guys all the time, it's like the first time you touch her shouldn't be when you go for the kiss. You to need to lay the groundwork. Touch her knee while you're talking, help her with her jacket so you can touch her shoulders, like, escort her to the table. Touch her hands while you're talking. Like that all leads up to make the kiss not feel random.
- [46:20]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, I, I personally, it's just my personal opinion. I don't like kissing on a first date. I don't know why. Because I like developing a mental connection with the guy. And it has been a deal breaker for me in the past because I've, I've been on, on super nice first dates. And then at the end of the date, like, the guy kind of came like to kiss me and maybe pushy and I just felt pressured and I don't know, just for me, it can, I can feel like a little too rushed. But that's just my personal opinion.
- [46:54]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, well, and I think that goes back to like, he needs to read the room.
- [46:59]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah.
- [46:59]
Blaine Anderson
Like, stand close, talk like, talk close. Look into your eyes. Like, are you. Take a step backward. Okay. Don't go for the kiss. Or I'm also, you know, I don't think there's anything wrong with like asking like, I had a great time with you. Can I give you a kiss for the road and then that gives you the opportunity. I'm actually not a first date kisser. Like, let's save it for another time or whatever. And then it's like, okay, no problem. You know, if. So if you're unsure if the mood, like, guys, I always hear like, oh, it like totally ruins the mood. And it's like, like, it's better to ask them to like, go for something physically that you're not sure she wants.
- [47:30]
Cat Zamuto
You did a video that I really liked and you talk about first dates, so I want to talk a little bit about that because I think it's so important to so many girls. So I have a massive male audience, so I hope you guys are listening. And you mentioned like, how a guy should plan the first date. And I completely agree. I think that that's crucial. Like, to me, it's a huge turn off if I agree to go on a date with a guy and he's like, oh, what do you want to do?
- [48:01]
Blaine Anderson
What do you want to do? Can you.
- [48:03]
Cat Zamuto
I'm like, oh, so can you talk about like what you said to guys on your video about that?
- [48:09]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. So you want to, like, it even goes back to what I was saying before. Like, you want to be the leader. You want to show you have opinions. You want to show that you, like, know how to do this, this. So it's like, make a suggestion. Say, like, okay, I like, and sell it a little too. It's like, I know the best Italian spot downtown. They have the best rigatoni I've ever had. Let's go there on Thursday at 7, whatever, you know. Or like I know this great rooftop bar with froz. How about Friday, you know, at 3 or whatever it is. And then she says yes. You want to give her the time, you want to give her the place, you want to sell it a little, Just be assertive and lead. That's like really just what she wants to see.
- [48:47]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. And in my book has nothing to do with money, but I think pay, just pay right. To me, that's not like a, an argument, like just pay the bill.
- [49:01]
Blaine Anderson
I feel the same way, you know, and guys are sometimes like, well, it's not fair, you know, feminism. And, and what if she asked me on the date and it's like, okay, listen, I'm not here talking about what's was fair and like the semantics of it. It's just like I'm telling you what to do to have the best outcomes. You want to have better outcomes with on your dates. You want women to want a second date. Pay for the day. She wants to know you're able to.
- [49:20]
Cat Zamuto
You know, what do you think about coffee dates?
- [49:24]
Blaine Anderson
So here's the thing. Like if you met this person online and this is a stranger, I'm all about a really lightweight first date. This is just a vibe check and it should go both directions. We just want to see if we vibe and get along. Why did should either person want to sit down for a multi hour dinner with somebody that they don't know if they have a connection with yet? The problem with coffee, I'm not against coffee dates, but the problem with beginners, I think on coffee dates is it's hard to set a romantic tone. So I don't have a problem. So if you do a coffee date, you want to make sure, like what's special about the spot? How is it going to stand out? Is it, you know, like, is it your favorite coffee spot? Because that's like an amazing view of the ocean and like the best croissants in la or like they play really good music. Like that's cool. But Starbucks, like, I know that's so lame. Like you're not gonna stand out. She can get Starbucks like any day of the week. So I don't like when girls like, I don't want coffee. Like you need to like spend more because I think that's like also silly. It's like, are you looking for a partner? Are you Looking for, like, a sugar dad, you know? And if you're looking for a sugar daddy now, that's fine. I don't actually have a problem with that either. But then just be upfront about it. So I think it's kind of like. It just is very dependent.
- [50:37]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. No, I love that you said that. I. It's not my favorite thing in the world, but. Yeah. If you are gonna pick a coffee shop, pick something cute. Right. Something adorable, neighborhood special. Yeah. At least put some thought into it. One thing that means a lot to me, and tell me your opinion in regarding any date. I really like when the guy offers to come to my neighborhood.
- [51:03]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [51:03]
Cat Zamuto
Like, especially in la, but a lot of cities. Right. The distances are really long. I don't like when the guy is like, oh, let's meet halfway or come to the. Some dudes actually have the balls to tell me, oh, can you come to me? Come to the beach? I'm like, no, I'm the girl. I work super hard. I'm insanely busy. I think it's so classy. If the guy's like, oh, I'll make a reservation near you, I think that's like, major gentleman. He wins a lot of points. Do you agree?
- [51:30]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, I totally agree. I tell all my clients that you want to make it easy for her to say yes. So what's gonna make it easy for her to say yes? Sell the date a little. Pick someplace close to her. This isn't forever, you know. It's not like you are always gonna have to do that, but for the first date, absolutely.
- [51:46]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. Before I let you go, I have to ask you the. The famous sex question. In terms, do you think that makes a difference? It's a big debate, right? You're dating someone, you meet them, you really like them. Do you really think it matters for the guy in terms of developing a relationship? Like if you withhold sex, if you have sex on the second day, the third day, the fourth date.
- [52:09]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. So listen, there are happily married couples who had sex on the first date, and there are happily married couples who waited till they were married to have sex. And then there's everything in between. The most important thing is that you do what you are comfortable with. I think where it gets tricky, and I think this actually goes for both men and women, is when you have sex before, there's an emotional connection. It's really easy to then be like, oh, like, it wasn't that good, or like this awkward thing happened, or like, kind of. I kind of regret that. And like, then not proceed. Whereas if you. Or like from a guy's perspective, perspective, like their mind even is just like, oh, like, okay, like kind of like been there, done that. Whereas if you form both directions, if you form the romantic connect or the, excuse me, the intellectual, the emotional connection first, I just think it gives you a better shot at a long term relationship if that's what you want. Again, I don't care if you don't have sex for fun on a first date or not on a date, then like by all means. But I think if you are seeking a romantic long term partner, you just increase the odds by waiting until there's like some sort of emotional connection established.
- [53:13]
Cat Zamuto
I love that answer and I could not agree with you more. Now for the guys out there listening that agree with you. Oh my God, I get so nervous on the first date. Any tips for not getting so nervous on the first date so they can actually enjoy it a little more?
- [53:31]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, I think it's like, well, one practice, you know, don't wait, don't only talk to women on dates. Like become the type of person who talks to a lot of people. Talk to girls in line talk. It doesn't mean you're hitting on them, it doesn't mean you're asking, asking them out. But you're just practicing developing conversations because it will help you remember, like, this is just another person. And that goes for men and women. This is literally just another human being. And instead of going, okay, how can I make them like me? Think about, let's change, flip the script here. How do I determine if this person is a good fit for me? You know, and I think that can be really helpful looking for that instead of worrying about whether or not they like you. Because if they don't, if they like you or not really isn't your business like that will, you know, it'll either lead to another date or it won't. So try and focus on whether you like them. And if you need more help, then get in touch with me because I have a whole course on how to be better on dates.
- [54:24]
Cat Zamuto
I love that we can all use all the help we can get. Blaine, you are awesome. Thank you so much. Tell everybody again, how do they get in touch with you?
- [54:33]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, you can find me across all social media at Dating by Blaine or dating by blaine.com.
- [54:38]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah, guys, go follow her because her videos are adorable, she's gorgeous, and her advice is right on point. I love your work. Thank you so much. It was such an honor to have you and thank you. Hopefully we'll find Mr. Right.
- [54:50]
Blaine Anderson
Yes.
- [54:51]
Cat Zamuto
Never give up on love, right?
- [54:53]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. I'm rooting for everyone out there. Yes.
- [54:55]
Cat Zamuto
Yeah. Blaine, thank you so much. Was such a pleasure having you. Thank you guys. See you very soon. Bye. Bye. Last but not least, before I let you go, those of you that know cut on the loose know that one of my of my favorite places to shop for casual cozy everyday wear is girly a la mode. Building a worldwide community for body positivity, self love and inclusion. Hashtag Everybody is beautiful. The love Collection out now with a bunch of cozy sweatshirts, hoodies, beanies. One of my favorite pieces is the organic reusable tote. So many nice gifts for you, for everyone you love and the name of the collection is the love collection. So many beautiful adorable things. Go check it out. Girlyalamode.shopping girlyalamode.com on Instagram girlyalamode G I R L I E a la mode and let's spread some love.