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Every day the world gets a little weirder and a lot more awesome. Cool Stuff Daily takes a look at.
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Everything from mining in space to the latest in the fight against cancer to how AI is basically changing everything. It's all the cool stuff you didn't know you needed to know.
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Join us for Cool Stuff Daily as.
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We take a quick look at science tech and the.
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Wait, what stories that make you sound way smarter at dinner. Subscribe to Cool Stuff Daily now because the future's happening fast and it's way too fun to miss.
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Early birds always rise to the occasion.
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For summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action.
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So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $530 on week long stays. Average savings $550. Select homes only minimum 7 day stay required. Steve, welcome to the show. It's such an honor having you.
- [00:55]
A
Hi, thanks for having me, Kat. It's an honor to be here.
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B
I have to say when I found your videos on social media, I was like, oh my God, you know, I gotta have him on the show because I've been wanting to do an episode about safety forever because interestingly enough, it's such an important issue, but not a lot of people talk about it. It's like unbelievable, right?
- [01:19]
A
Yeah, it's not one of the spaces you see a lot. Even on, on social media there's a few people who are, you know, squarely in the women's and children's safety space. And I found that when I kind of dipped my toe in there, you know, from my, my former law enforcement perspective.
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B
Yeah.
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A
That I was able to generate a lot of content that people seem, it seemed to resonate with people. So it's been fairly successful and I'm glad that it gives me the opportunity to have conversations like this.
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B
Yeah. And I'm so glad you're putting it out there because guys, if you have not found his work online, I'm going to tell you where his social. But you are a retired FBI agent, so I mean, very few people must know about personal security as you do.
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A
Yeah, I spent a lot of time both in the FBI and previous law enforcement experience before that being around bad people. And I think that's, you know, I'm not a, I'm not a trained personal security expert. I didn't do close personal security or anything like that, like former Secret Service or something. But part of the experience that you get and knowing how to be, to deal with bad people is just being around a whole lot of really Bad people. And between my drug and gang background and some of my street law enforcement background, I spent a lot of time around just shitty human beings. And you learn what they like and what they don't like.
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B
Yeah, I can only imagine. So let's rock and roll, because I have a million questions I want to ask you.
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A
Okay.
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B
First, because it's, you know, a lot of people are on vacation this time of the year, beginning of a new year and all of that. You did a video that I think you got, like more than 10 million views about that, women traveling alone. And I thought that was very interesting because I actually just did that for the first time in my life this year. I decided, I said, you know, I had to go to Europe for work, and I decided I'm gonna give myself a vacation. It was actually the first time I was traveling. My husband died in 2018. I'm sure you don't know that. And I haven't done anything ever since then. So I thought, you know what? I want to do something by myself because I think it's very empowering. But you are right. At the same time, I was always thinking about safety. How am I going to feel checking in all these hotels by myself? La la la la. So I want to talk a little bit about that. Do you have any easy, most important tips for anybody traveling alone, but most importantly for women that want to travel on for the first time?
- [03:51]
A
Yeah, I think if you look at my stuff, whether I'm talking about hotel safety or parking garage safety or safety anywhere, the thing that I preach before anything else is awareness. I. I want people to put their phones down. I want people to have their head on a swivel. And when I say people, in this case women, I don't want them to be paranoid, but I do want them to be aware of their surroundings, and I want them to be able to pick up on something before it happens. Awareness buys you time, and time buys you options. And if you're aware, you're more likely to avoid a situation. And avoiding a situation is what we really want to do. So I started off this particular video, the one I think that caught your eye. You know, I said, it starts before you even check in. It just amazes me the number of people who will park around the side. The back alleys of these hotels because they like the convenience of just going in and out the side entrance. And they'll request a room at the end of the hallway, and you can go up the stairwell. Well, now you're in a dimly lit side Entrance and a stairwell, which is two things that predators just love. And maybe if you're some big strong guy, you know, packing a gun or whatever, I, I guess maybe I get that, you know, if you're almost daring somebody to, to, to make your day, so to speak. But if you're a woman, if, if, if you're traveling by yourself especially, I can't imagine why you wouldn't just avail yourself of everything that the front entrance of that hotel offers. It's, it's lighting, it's more cameras. If there's a security guard on duty, that security guard is probably somewhere around the front entrance. It's the 24 hour presence of the night desk clerk or the night auditor. Sometimes they call them in the hotel business. And it's just having someone you can see every time you go in and go out. And generally speaking, and I know there are some cases where this is not the case, but generally speaking, the people working in the hotels, they have your best interests at heart. Unless they're a really bad nefarious person and they've got something plotted, which is exceptionally rare, it's in their best interest that you have a safe stay in their hotel.
- [06:05]
B
Yeah, but, and I, I want to talk, talk for a second about this word awareness. Whether we are traveling or not. I kind of agree with you. Because this day and age, everybody's glued to their cell phone, right? And even when we're walking around or walking around at night, like I have dogs and I go walk around my dogs and I, and I see girls with their tiny dogs like this, you know, And I'm thinking you should not do that even when you're walking around because it means you're not paying attention. It's so much easier for someone to come and rob you, attack you, kidnap you, do whatever it is. Do you agree?
- [06:41]
A
Yeah. And if you can think of it in three different types of zones, is a way to think of this. A white zone, a yellow zone and a red zone. And there's actually much more complicated ways to look at this. I'm going to offer you and your listeners probably the easiest one. The white zone, is that zone that most of us walk around in all day. We have no idea that anyone might be watching us, might be planning something against us. We're looking at our phone, we're rummaging through our purse or through our pockets. We're telling the kids, no, you can't have a candy bar. Our attention is diverted to everything except our own personal safety. A yellow zone is sort of an Elevated state of awareness, a state of consciousness where we realize, oh, I'm, I'm in a bad neighborhood. Oh, I'm in a dark parking garage. Oh, I'm walking by myself out to the car. And I parked, you know, 60 rows out from the mall. And it's, it's 10 o' clock at night, and all of a sudden now we've got our head on a little bit of a swivel and we're looking around and we're, we're, we're, you know, we've got our hands on. If we've got a defensive weapon, we've maybe got our hands on our defensive weapon because we've kind of elevated ourselves into that yellow zone. The red zone is the fight or flight or freeze that comes when all of a sudden, now someone is attacking you. A threat has presented itself and now the adrenaline is coursing through you and you start to lose control of things like your fine motor skills. And we want to stop from getting into that red zone. So if people could find a spot somewhere in the high white, maybe the low yellow zone, where they're walking around not asking anybody to be paranoid, but asking people to just see if you can identify a potential threat and see if you can put space between yourself and that threat. It's a. Something pretty simple. You can try it while you're walking through a shopping mall.
- [08:37]
B
I think it's. Look, you said paranoid, but I'm not sure if it's because I know I'm always in the yellow zone because I was married to a PI for 15 years. My husband was a private investigator. And then he started his own company. And he used to always say to me that victims are 99.9%. Someone that is victim of the circumstances is someone who was distracted and wasn't paying attention. So from that I always, I'm always aware, you know, no matter where I am, I'm always kind of like paying attention. I always have pepper spray with me. I want to talk about all of that, but do you think, like, being aware is being paranoid? I don't think so. I think it's important that everybody should be. Especially nowadays, because the world is getting crazy and crazy and crazy. I think it's better to be more on the yellow zone when you're out in public than just be like, oh, whatever, you know.
- [09:32]
A
Yeah, a couple of things there. And I actually preach, I preach you're not. I'm not asking anybody to be paranoid. I'm asking you to be aware. The reel that I think Got your attention. Between TikTok and Instagram, it got over 20 million views. And I was shocked, and my wife was shocked too, by a lot of the comments from people, usually men, who were saying, oh, you're just being paranoid. You're just doing fear for clickbait. You know, you're just trying to get views and get engagement by making women feel scared when they don't need to be. And nothing could be further from the truth. I don't want anybody to walk around in a perpetual state of fear, but I do want you to. And if you look at the things that I talked about, even in this one reel, we're not talking about really big major heavy muscle movement exercises here. We're talking about simple stuff. Look around while you're getting your room key. Make sure somebody isn't scoping out. Treat it like the same as you would being at an atm. Don't get on the elevator with strangers. These are things that I learned as a child. These are not. This is not cutting edge 2025. Look what this retired FBI agent guy came up with. This is stuff. Stay out of dark alleyways. These are things my parents taught me.
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B
Yeah, totally. I think you, that's what I mean. I don't think this is paranoia. I completely agree with you. And I'm saying that especially for women because even when we watch this crime shows and everything, usually the woman that got raped, the woman that got kidnapped, the one that got murdered, was a woman that wasn't paying attention at all. Unfortunately, like most of the time.
- [11:06]
A
Yeah. And I want to, I want to tread real, real carefully on that. And I know you do too, because obviously we don't want to, we don't want to victim blame here. We don't want to sign any respons to the victim. But I will say that when predators choose their targets, it's not random and it's not by accident. They're looking for people who are not paying attention. They're looking for people who they can overwhelm. They're looking for people who will not put up a fight. So yeah, and, and these are just some ways to level the tables in, in, in your own direction. I'm sure as we, as we move along through the conversation, we'll probably talk about defensive weapons. We can talk about those. We can talk about guns. If you want to talk about guns. I'm a, I'm a big proponent in women carrying guns. As long as they're qualified to do it and as long as they're not. As long as they're capable of not having the gun taken from them and use as a weapon against them.
- [11:59]
B
Yeah, it's really important that you said that because I remember my husband trained me to shoot guns because of course he had a gun license. And I remember saying that if you're going to have a gun, make sure you get the proper training because you need to be able to use it and you need to be able to control the weapon. Right. So we're not just saying like, go and get a gun if you decide to go that route. That's a whole other conversation. You need to get very well trained.
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A
Right.
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B
To carry and to have a gun at home. Right, Steve?
- [12:25]
A
Absolutely.
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B
So, but before the.
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A
Not only at home, but. But even a more difficult circumstances, carrying it on you carrying it in your car.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Traveling with it, you know, if you want to travel to another state and you're flying, you know, of course you can do that. You just have to check the gun with the airlines. But yeah, it becomes this long list of, of requirements that. And you have to know the laws before you just, you know, strap a gun to your hip and head off into the, into the wild, wild west.
- [12:53]
B
Yeah, totally. But before the gun, something easier that I do for myself. And I want to know your opinion about it because I tell all my girlfriends about it. I carry pepper spray with me when I walk my dogs because I go to the dog park, 6am and it's still kind of dark when I go by, I go out by myself. I always have the pepper spray in my purse or in my jacket, my coat. I found this one that I love. I don't know if you've ever seen it. It has a. When you spray, when you touch it, it has the loudest freaking siren. Like the noise is like you go deaf. And this is why I love it because. And I think doesn't matter what somebody's trying to do to you, it will rattle you. By the way, if you guys are listening to the audio episode, go to YouTube to watch the video so you can see it because I'm holding it in my hand. What is your opinion about caring pepper spray? Have you ever heard of this one with the crazy loud siren? And I know you mentioned this one in one of your videos that I also use that I love. It's a dog horn. It's basically a super loud horn. Like here in Beverly Hills we have coyotes. So I bought that because the coyote. But I also think it's great if somebody's coming to assault you or do something to you because it's so loud, it will at the very least distract them. What is your opinion about these tools?
- [14:12]
A
Yeah, so if the one in your right hand, if the white one, if that sprays and makes noise at the push of one button. Yeah, that wouldn't be my favorite. And if I was, if I was designing one and I wanted to make a million bucks, and who knows, maybe I still will, I would design one. Or with one hand you can have the loud siren in one, in one push of one button, and with the push of the other button, you can deploy the chemical spray. What I've recommended is the ABCs, the awareness, blaring noise and chemical defense. I think it's important if you have an opportunity, if someone just comes rushing at you showing clear, ominous, criminal intent, let them have it with the pepper spray or the pepper gel right in the face. If you're getting the feeling, though, that somebody is following you, you've kind of given them the stink eye over your shoulder a couple of times. You've turned around and stared at them and said, hey, you got a problem, Back off. And they don't back off. I would rather see just some blaring noise at that moment because that's going to do a couple things that's going to, first of all, draw everybody's attention to you. It's going to make them very, very uncomfortable because they want to operate in the shadows and they want to operate in silence. The other thing it's going to do is it's going to let you know if they're serious about trying to make physical contact with you. Because I'll tell you right now, if I. And I have no malicious intent towards someone. But if I'm walking behind a woman, and let's say it was late at night, I'm walking through the streets of Beaufort County, South Carolina, which is kind of odd because we roll up the streets here at about 9:00'. Clock. But let's just say for argument's sake that we didn't. And I was walking behind a woman and she turned around and I'm a good guy and I know that. And she said, hey, creep, get away from me. And I just said, you know, lady, what's your problem? And she turned around. If you blare that noise at me, I'm going to put my hands up. I'm saying, okay, okay, okay, okay, I'm leaving. If I keep coming at you now, it's time to let them have it in the face with the pepper spray.
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B
So this one, by the way. Yeah. See, there is, like, a little thing here. Yeah. If you just pull this down, it's just the noise.
- [16:30]
A
Perfect.
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B
And it's ins. Actually, one time I had it in my purse, and I was sitting at the bar of a restaurant with a friend of mine, and I touched by mistake, and the entire restaurant stared at me until I could shut it because it's so insanely loud. Like, this is why I love this one, because it's very easy to, like, use it in two seconds. But, I mean, I'm sure there are better options there. But in general. So you do think it's a good idea that everybody carries something around with them.
- [16:59]
A
Yeah, I think it's a good idea to be able to make noise and then to respond with some sort of a chemical defense weapon. And we can have the discussion about pepper gel versus pepper spray or mace or, you know, some. Or, you know, some people.
- [17:13]
B
Yeah.
- [17:14]
A
Favor bear spray, which I think is a little bit. Probably a little bit overkill. I've had people who. I've had people in my. My reels who've commented that they just buy the big can of wasp spray because, you know, those. The wasp spray. Those are meant to shoot, like, 60ft.
- [17:29]
B
So you love that.
- [17:30]
A
You got a walk. You got a wasp nest way up in your. Yeah, but the can is, like, this big, and I don't know if that's going to fit in somebody's purse.
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B
Don't give me ideas.
- [17:40]
A
Yeah. So I think the main thing for me is I would want what we call a standoff distance, probably at least 12 to 15ft. I do not want somebody to. So if something just shoots like a little fog or a mist, I'm not. I'm not a favor in favor of that because I want something where I can engage them from 12 to 15ft away. They're out of arm's length, and. And we want to keep them out of arm's length.
- [18:05]
B
I hear you. So you. I want to move on because I have 10 million questions. You. You. You did another video that was so important. You're like, the most dangerous place is for a woman. And you said, sadly, the first one is her home. And I was like, wow. Because, of course, I always think about me and millions of women out there like me. I live alone. Luckily, I have a dog that barks like he's gonna murder you.
- [18:31]
A
So.
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B
So that makes me feel safe. And then I always same. I sleep with the pepper spray near my bed. You know, I do a few things. I always leave lights on in My house. But I don't have guns these days, ever since my husband died. But since you said that, can you explain why you said that? Because I'm sure a lot of women will be like, what? I think I'm so safe at home. And any steps that we can take to. To be safer at home.
- [18:59]
A
Yeah. So when I was talking about the home, I was not talking about intruders. I was talking about the statistical fact that more women are assaulted by their domestic partner in the home than any other type of assailant or any other type of a location. So really, what that comes down to is that is a one strike. That is a one mistake or whatever you want to call it, that one strike and you're out. Anybody who raises their hands to you, to a woman, first of all, if he's raising his hands to you, it's probably not the first time he's raised his hands to a woman. And if he's raising his hands to you is not the last time he's going to raise them to you. So I have three daughters. They are all grown. They all know my feelings on this, and that is that they're, you know, two things that are absolute deadly sins. Beating and cheating. And they're one strike, zero forgiveness. You're done.
- [19:59]
B
I love that you said that because you probably don't know my story, but I was married for 15 years, like I told you, and my husband, the more money he made, he started drinking, he became an alcoholic, and then he became very abusive. And like 99 of the time he was verbally abusive, but sometimes he was physically abusive. And I, at the time, I did not know how sick serious that was. And it literally took me 15 years to get out of that situation. So I, I'm so happy you brought this up because a huge part of why I do the show is to raise awareness. And I always tell women, it's never okay if they touch you once. You need to get out. You need to, to put yourself first because like you said, very likely they're going to do it again. So I'm so glad you brought that up. Yeah.
- [20:49]
A
And very likely, unless, you know, we're talking about, you know, a couple of high school kids, Very likely he's done it before. Yeah, this is, it's, it's not. They're not their first time raising their hands to a woman. And that, that is the reddest of the red flags. Get out.
- [21:04]
B
Totally. But so now since I brought it up, the things that I do because I live alone and, you know, I'm always in the yellow zone. Do you have any tips for women that live alone to feel safe at home? I mean, nowadays, the world is going crazy. I don't know if you guys watching the news, like, people are literally robbing homes in la. Like daytime. There was this morning in the news, like, this lady was coming home and her mom was calling her because she saw three dudes trying to break into their house with kids inside. I mean, the world is getting crazier, right? Do you have any suggestions that we can do to feel safer?
- [21:44]
A
Yeah, I think one of the things that I, I've had one for probably 20 years now. I don't know why anyone would have a home without some sort of a monitored alarm system at this point. And I, I used to, I, I tell this story in 2008 when I was still living in the Atlanta area, I had an alarm system and it came with the house, and I just never got it monitored or anything like that. And we got robbed. Not while we were in the house. We were at work and a couple, couple truckloads of young men came up and emptied the house out and got away. And it made a little beep when they opened the door, but it wasn't monitored anywhere, and there was nobody to dispatch anything. And the only reason that we got any of our stuff back was a neighbor took down the license plate of one of the vehicles. So we were able to find them. But I don't know in this day and age why anyone would. And I'm not going to recommend any. There's plenty of them out there. They're all wireless these days, all the different alarm systems, they're very easy to install. My current wife, before she met me, she installed one. And she's not particularly. She's not an electronics whiz or anything like that, but you pull these things out of the box and there's a YouTube tutorial that'll walk you through the entire thing, and then you have it centrally monitored. So that's, that's probably step one, and then I think step two. I think that you have to have some kind of an idea in the house, like, what's. What's my fallback room with that? If that, you know, we're back to awareness again. All right? And if so, if my front door comes crashing in in the middle of the night, or I hear somebody beating on my front door, where am I going and what am I going to do when I get there? Okay, Am I going to go, Am I going to activate, you know, Activate the panic alarm. All right, get that going. Make some noise. All right, we'll say, okay, they're still coming. Now what am I going to do? Am I going to take a weapon with me? Is it going to be a lethal, lethal force weapon? Is it going to be a less than lethal force weapon? You know, usually people who are going to break into your house that brazenly in the middle of the night, let's say two o' clock in the morning or something like that, yeah, they're usually bringing some kind of a weapon with them. So I think that, I think that people probably need to decide, all right, if this is my last, if this is my last stand, so to speak, how am I going to defend myself? And then also you need to ask yourself something that I address in another, another real. And that is if, if a predator attacks you, they want one of two things. They want you or they want something you have. If it's something you have, give it to them. And like, I don't care if it's the engagement ring that your great grandmother passed down, you know, I don't care what it is. If it's your phone, if it's, give it to them. If it's you. Well, now you're in a fight for your life and everybody has to decide how they're going to fight that fight. Some people I know are just deadly opposed to weapons, especially lethal, lethal force weapons, guns. And they just, they don't feel comfortable around them and there's no amount of training that's going to make them comfortable. It's okay to feel that way, but you still have to have a plan. If you live now, if you live in a secured high rise building with, you know, security and card keys for the elevators and you know, you're, you're, you're probably pretty safe. But if you're living in some of these neighborhoods like you were talking about out in, whether it's parts of California or here in South Carolina or anywhere in between, you need to have a plan.
- [25:37]
B
Yeah, I agree. I think even when you're home, like you were talking about awareness. I'm not saying, I'm not telling anybody be paranoid. But I'm like, be ready. For example, make sure your phone is charged, right? If you need to call 911 if you have pepper spray, spray, it should be within reach because in, in the dark at night, there's no point. If you're in your bedroom and the pepper spray is in the kitchen, I think it's like small things like that that could make a huge difference between, like you said, taking action or being caught completely off guard, Right?
- [26:13]
A
Yep. And I'll tell you real quickly, it's funny now, it wasn't funny at the time when we got robbed, but I'll tell you the. The two most important things I found out that are absolutely useless when you get burglarized. Number one is an alarm system that is not monitored. And number two is a safe that is not bolted to the floor because we had a bunch of jewelry and important papers and what have you in one of these great looking fire safes. And I think a couple of them just picked it up and took it with them.
- [26:44]
B
Yeah. Actually, I gotta tell you something, Steve. I was born in Brazil, right? And I grew up traveling with my. My parents. I. I was here. I went to college in California, and when I was just starting College, I was 19. I went down to Brazil to visit my parents. And I actually have a boyfriend. I had a boyfriend from Switzerland at the time. First time the guy goes to Brazil. And I remember my dad got his watch and dollars and everything and said, let's put it in the safe. My parents lived in this really fancy apartment building with security and everything. Cutting the story short, some guys were able to lie to the security guard, got in with guns. I was on my way down the elevator with my boyfriend. Like a bunch of dudes, like five dudes, put guns in our heads and everything and took us up to the apartment. And they spent three hours, like, you know, just taking everything from the apartment. They put a gun to my father's head and they were like, open the safe. Right? And it's what you just mentioned before. If you're alive, if people are pointing guns to you, don't try to fight it. Don't argue. I know the only reason why we left alive is because my mom was so calm and so was my dad. And they were like, we will just do everything you guys want. And, you know, at the end of the night, luckily, you know, they. They locked us in the bedroom and they left. And nobody died, nobody got kidnapped because they were debating if they should kidnap someone. And these times it's very hard for people to get calm. But. And I mean, I don't. I'm sure you'll probably agree with me. When you get guns pointed at your head, it's an experience you're never going to forget, like, for the rest of your life. I remember him. I remember Kim Kardashian was just talking about her robbery in Paris, and she's like, oh, it was seven years ago, but I still feel like was today. And I'm like, oh, my God. Mine was decades ago. And I still remember every minute of it because it's so traumatizing.
- [28:41]
A
But I was this Sao Paulo by any chance?
- [28:43]
B
Yes, it was.
- [28:44]
A
Yeah. So the robbery crews in Sao Paulo are no joke. They're like. They're like professionals.
- [28:48]
B
Oh, my God.
- [28:49]
A
When I was in the FBI, I spent a period of time as a. As a. As a bomb technician, and I went down to actually work with the national police, the federal police in Brazil. We went to Sao Paulo and we were talking about what their biggest explosive issues were. And I was always used to whenever we went somewhere, well, it's this terrorist group or that terrorist group. He said, no, it's criminals. And what they're doing is they blow up the ATMs with the. Them that you can get the cash out of the ATMs with their bombs.
- [29:15]
B
And this is the thing in Brazil, right? Nobody gets caught, so they don't care. They were literally laughing, doing cocaine, playing Russian roulette with their guns, and talking to us like, oh, this is so easy. La, la, la, la. They don't care because, you know, it's a whole other story down there. Unfortunately, at least here in the United States, I think we are luckier in the sense that most people do get caught. Yeah, right. But anyway, that's the story about. I. I got sidetracked. I remember that story. But that's why you said, like, if somebody. If you're ever in that situation, getting guns pointed at your head, just. I don't think anything material is worth risking our life for.
- [29:54]
A
It's not.
- [29:55]
B
Right. I think you agree with me. I want to ask a few questions since Cat on the Loose about dating and relationships, you know, the dating world, because I get questions from women all the time. I mean, there's dating apps and la, la, la, la, la. But I mean, you're still going out there and you're meeting strangers a lot of the time. Do you have any tips? And, I mean, I always say, I hope everybody does their due diligence and Google someone before you just go meet. But it's unbelievable how many people don't they just go to a bar or to a restaurant and meet a total stranger? Do you have any tips in terms of dating that women should do to be safer?
- [30:35]
A
I should probably start. I should probably start by saying I'm, like, the worst guy to ask about dating advice ever. I was married for 30 years. 30 years. Got divorced And I was only single for like 3 years before I remarried, so my dating. My dating experience is actually pretty low. That said, you know, criminals are criminals, con artists are con artists, and artists are artists. Right. So I think if you start with the, with the idea that everyone is, is probably putting up, you know, their best photo, the best information about themselves, if they've got some nefarious intent, obviously they're not going to talk about that. I don't even know the apps, to be honest with you. But I think the best, the best idea is probably, again, the most common sense. Meet in a, a public place. Meet in a place where you have an out. Insist on driving separate cars. Don't let them come. Don't let them send somebody to pick you up. Don't let them pick you up. You meet them there. I think that it's a great idea for a, A woman especially to. Yeah. Have. Have your wing girl, if that's what a wing does. A wingman. A wing girl. Is it your wing woman? What. What is, what is a wingman? What's a female wingman?
- [31:55]
B
I guess it could be wing girl. Yeah.
- [31:57]
A
Okay, so have your wing girl call you an hour. An hour in. Or something like that. Oh, sorry, got to take this. And you can either. By then you should have gotten the vibe. You can either bug off and say, ah, sorry, you know, mom's in the hospital, gotta go, and, and, and then ghost him from there. Or, you know, you can have a code word with her where, yeah, he seems cool. We're gonna, we're gonna proceed on with the date.
- [32:22]
B
What do you think about, for example? Because I see so many women doing that, and it's something I personally never do. Like, on a first date, the guy tells you, okay, you, You Google him, Nana, he seems nice. So he's like, oh, I'm gonna pick you up at home. And then you go inside the car, the stranger. And I tell all these girls, like, why would you do that? Because a lot of serial killers, I always remember Ted Bundy. I'm like, a lot of serial killers look good. Once you're in the car with a stranger, you're much more vulnerable.
- [32:52]
A
Hold on, though. Cat, back it up. Forget about the car. You just told him where you live, right? Invited him to your house. Way, way, way too soon for that. And I know not everybody's got the same set of filters. I worked for seven years in Abu Dhabi and I had a female co worker over there, quite good looking, very great personality. She was single. She got on well with Guys, guys enjoy spending time with her. And I asked her what she did one weekend and she had gone out and there were some Russians that had a boat and they had a big 65 foot yacht and she met them at a bar and she just went out sailing with them for the weekend. Know, sailed around the Gulf of, Gulf of Arabia. And I said, you know, that's how people end up getting sex trafficked, right? You do you understand that, right? And to her it was never a big deal. I don't think to this day it's ever registered, but it, it really should if you don't until you know somebody and until you know them well. Yeah, the more cautious you are, the better.
- [34:01]
B
I am so glad you're saying that because you know now, like for example, Miami there is obviously, it's one of the largest sex trafficking rings in the world, right? And that's how these dudes lure these girls like with this parties and fancy cars and yachts like you just mentioned. I don't think you should be excited about this lifestyle and go into somebody's boat or even apartment or anywhere before you really know that person very well. Right, Stephen?
- [34:30]
A
I mean, does the name Natalie Hollowell still, still resonate with anybody, you know?
- [34:34]
B
Right?
- [34:35]
A
Does that, does that name still resonate with anybody? You know, if this young lady had told me that, what she was about to do, I would have looked her right in the face and said, there's a 50, 50 chance I ever see you again.
- [34:45]
B
Oh my God. Can you refresh our memory? I know she's the girl that ended up getting murdered in an island, right? I. She was in Aruba, right?
- [34:53]
A
Yeah, she was in Aruba. And we're never, we're never going to be entirely sure it was this guy, Yoran Bondersloot, who I think was a, a Dutch national. She ended up going and drinking and partying with him and his friends. And at some point, to hear him tell it, when he finally did come clean, she, she rebuffed his, his sexual advances and he got mad and hit her in the head with a rock and disposed of her body at sea.
- [35:19]
B
But again, that's so sad.
- [35:21]
A
People, People you don't know, people you don't know.
- [35:24]
B
So I think we should pace ourselves a little more, right? Getting to know someone before putting ourselves in these types of situations with the person.
- [35:34]
A
Let people know where you're going and if. And find somebody you trust or one or two people that you trust and I mean you really, really trust and share your iPhone location with them or Share your phone location with them so that they can always go, like, all right, find Kat. And I can say, okay. Kat is. Yep. She's where she said she was going to be. She's okay.
- [35:58]
B
So let me ask you, and I think you did a video about that. Let's say someone is feeling unsafe. Like you said. The. The yellow zone, almost the red zone. You're not comfortable anymore in that situation, and you cannot just, oh, I'm gonna walk away. Like, you're not sure what's going on. Any tips on how you can turn the game around or how you can get out of it?
- [36:24]
A
Yeah, I mean, first of all, you have to abandon your comfort level. I think, like, if someone, let's say you're on a bad date. You know, I've heard people say this before, too. They're on a bad date and they're in a restaurant, and, you know, the guy's kind of being a jerk, and he's being a little bit pushy. He's trying to push her into doing something she doesn't want to do, and she doesn't really want to hurt his feelings. Can I say, please?
- [36:47]
B
Anything.
- [36:48]
A
Fuck his feelings. Okay. You walk up to the bartender. You walk up to the manager. You walk up to somebody and say, hey, I need. I'm feeling really unsafe right now. I'm on a first date with this guy, and I. I. And let me tell you, every single bartender out there, every single server out there, every single restaurant manager out there is going to be on your side. So I. I think the. The first thing has to be that you don't just kind of. Don't try to think of some surreptitious sort of slippery way. No, absolutely. Right to his face. F you. Go away. Leave me alone. Don't make me call the cops. This is over. And I'll be blocking you from tonight on.
- [37:32]
B
Yeah. Safety first, right? Safety first.
- [37:35]
A
Yeah. Because we're talking about two different kind of things. We're talking about getting kind of that ick vibe from a guy, right? Like, I do not want to leave this restaurant or this bar or this club with this guy. You're getting that ick vibe, right?
- [37:47]
B
Yeah.
- [37:48]
A
So there's that. And there. You just have to be assertive. You have to be aggressive, and then you have to find somebody to say, hey, will you walk me to my car? Or will, you know, and. And. And, you know, now is not the time to. To say, I'm a strong woman. I can. I can handle it. Now's the time to ask Somebody for some help. But then the other one is, you know, the stranger, the, the complete stranger that's just following you on the street and that, that, you know, that, that escalates a whole lot faster and you go into just pure self defense mode a lot faster in a situation like that.
- [38:23]
B
What do you think when we go to bars and restaurants because of the, the date rape drug, right, that people put on your drink and all that stuff? Do you think it's a good idea? Like I see a lot of people do on TV and stuff you to put a napkin or something on your drink or ask the bartender to watch your drink or ask your friend to watch your drink or you think that's a little paranoid or does that work at all? You know, like literally cover your drink before you go to the bathroom.
- [38:52]
A
I'm starting to feel like, like the old, the old iPhone ads, there's an app for that. Hey, there's a reel for that. I actually did one on drink safety probably about two years ago. And my rule is this. And this is the same thing I would tell any of my grown daughters. If you leave your drink, and I mean, I don't care if you put one of those drink condoms on top of it or the top with the straw. I don't care if you leave it, if it leaves your, your view for more than just a second or two, you throw the drink out, you get another one. I'm not saying that bartender. And I know I just said you can trust a bartender, but there have been situations where bartenders have been in on the, you know, they've been paid to slip something into the drink themselves. So there have been those situations. I don't think it's all that prevalent, but it's not something I would risk. I think, I think it's really, really, really important. And I, again, I don't know too much about dating.
- [39:50]
B
But you know a lot about safety.
- [39:52]
A
I know a lot about being married. A lot of right and a lot of wrong.
- [39:57]
B
We can do a whole other episode about that because I'm sure the guys need some pointers.
- [40:01]
A
I was, I was, I was listening to your friend the other day that had been married three, four times. It reminded me of something Dr. Phil said one time. He said, you got to learn to quit saying two things. I love you and we're through.
- [40:15]
B
Yeah.
- [40:18]
A
But no. What were we just talking about?
- [40:22]
B
You talk about the drink. The drink, the drink. Drink safety.
- [40:27]
A
Yeah. So do women even go to bars alone?
- [40:32]
B
Yeah. Yes. Yes, I have. Single. Yeah, look, I have Single girlfriends, they, well, they go to bars alone or they go to bars with another girlfriend. But what always surprises me is how little awareness they have at a bar, at a restaurant, like I said, they start dancing with a stranger. And I'm not judging them for hooking up with a stranger. I'm not judging anybody. If you want to do a one night, understand. But it always surprises me how they just let all their guard down. And I'm thinking, well, it could end up well, but you can end up in the wrong hands and in a lot of trouble, you know?
- [41:09]
A
Yeah. And I, I, you know, again, I would tell my daughters and that that's kind of how I'm coming at this. Like, I have three grown daughters, they're all in their 30s. You know, what would I tell my daughters? I would tell them, don't go to a bar alone. Don't go. Take a friend with you, a guy friend, a girlfriend, I don't care. But take somebody with you who's got your interests. So you're not a. You're not subject to all the random pervs and the predators inside the bar. But also when you leave, predators are watching for people. They're looking to see just how loopy you got inside the bar. They're looking to see if your guard might be down. Just have you had enough to drink? I mean, they're assessing this cat. Have you had enough to drink? To where you're a softer target for me if I approach you. A, to where you won't see me and B, to where if I do engage you physically, you're going to be so out of it that you're going to be an easy mark.
- [42:05]
B
Yeah, totally. Look, another one that. Oh, my God, there's so many. I'm going to have to invite you to come back for part two. But I want to squeeze this in another thing, because you talk about safety at home and one thing that you saw another place, you said the gas station. The gas station is so vulnerable for people, predators. Right. And I'm always surprised. I go to the gas station like once a month because I barely drive. But every time I go to the freaking gas station, I'm not kidding you, there is some girl there pumping gas and with her phone, like, whatever. And I almost want to go and say, lady, please don't do that. Because like you said on your video, that's a lot of predators lurk on gas stations, right?
- [42:49]
A
Oh, yeah, They, I mean, they, they know several things. You have to stop your car, you have to get out of Your car, you have to pull a credit card out of your wallet or your purse in order to pay. Your attention is going to be diverted. And yeah, you're right, a lot of people do that. All that while they're sitting there watching their phones. So then we get back to again, if someone does approach you at a place like that, what do they want? They want something you have or do they want you? Give them everything you have if that, if that'll make them leave you alone, but don't give them you. I, I preach that on, on a, on yet another reel. And that is if they try to take you to a second location, you can never, ever, ever it. If someone says get in the car and drive, or if someone says get in my car and they're going to take you to a second location, there's a 90% chance that you're not coming back. So the term I like to use there is at that point, you need to start fighting like you're the third monkey on the ramp to Noah's Ark. And it's starting to rain. Okay.
- [43:58]
B
I love that. Scream, kick, scream, yeah, pepper spray, you know, scratch their face. But I agree.
- [44:04]
A
Eyes, feet, don't go. I mean, just go at them. Just go at. You might as well. You might as well make your last stand there because if you go to that second location, you're not coming back.
- [44:16]
B
Like the word you just said, you very likely are, right?
- [44:19]
A
Pretty much.
- [44:20]
B
But okay, so a few pointers for safety in the gas station. Mine is. And I think that's like, it should be the easiest freaking thing in the world. Don't keep your tank like running on empty if you know you're gonna go out at night. Hello. How about you fill up the tank Saturday lunchtime in the morning? Like, I have girlfriends. They're like, oh yeah, I gotta stop at the gas. I'm like, why are you doing that? 9:30 or 8:00pm at night. That's my tip. And go to a gas station, hopefully in a safe area during the day. But can you give people a few more like that? I read that I saw from the.
- [44:57]
A
Video, there's no better one than that one. And I even say that in the real. Don't let your tank get so low that you have to stop at 10 o' clock at night in Sketchville, USA. You know, the next one. And by the way, that gas station one that I shot was shot in Colleton county, which is one county over from me. I purposefully shot it at a sketchy mom and pop store and that's the county where all the. Where the Murdoch murders occurred.
- [45:24]
B
Oh, my God.
- [45:24]
A
So I live. I live about 20 minutes from where the. Where Alec Murdoch murdered his family. Oh, wow.
- [45:30]
B
I live about one mile from where the Menendez. Broadest part of them.
- [45:36]
A
Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah, but, yeah, so do not let your tank get so low that you have to stop. Absolutely. Use the big places. And one of the biggest comments I see is people who use Costco, and I'm not trying to sell Costco memberships here or anything like that, but anywhere where it's well lit and there's always an attendant on duty. I also get all the people who say, well, I live in New Jersey. We don't pump our own gas in New Jersey. And my response to that is, yeah, but you live in New Jersey. So. Not trying to. Not trying to piss off all the Garden State people here, but I. I spent a year in New Jersey one weekend.
- [46:12]
B
So, yeah, there you go. But just be safe, right? Don't do it at night. Don't put yourself in a position that you're gonna go out of your garage with an empty tank at night. Hello. Right.
- [46:25]
A
And don't sit there twiddling your phone with your. Your Rolex or your Cartier gleaming in the moonlight. This is. This is not the. This is not the time to look like a, you know, to look like a. Like a fashion model. It's the time to just get out. I actually recommend. I really do recommend getting back in and locking the door while the gas is pumping. Yeah, it. I get all these people who say, well, static electricity. I'll tell you what, buddy. You find me a story about somebody blowing up from static electricity, and I'll find you 100 stories about people getting robbed at gas stations, all right? And you can decide which is the bigger danger for you.
- [47:02]
B
I love that so much. Great advice before I let you go. I mean, from your long, long FBI career in law enforcement, any last minute, fantastic advice for everyone out there listening in terms of being safer and not being a victim of a crime?
- [47:23]
A
I mean, anything I missed out, it sounds terrible. And I think most people want to always see the good in everybody else, you know, especially this time of year. You know, we're all in a festive mood and we. We feel like everybody's been sort of filled with the Christmas spirit. And my gosh, no, no. Shitty people are shitty people year round. There's more of them out there than you think. If you rode the bus this morning or if you, you know, ordered a breakfast at a McDonald's, you were probably in a space. You were probably at some point about five or six feet away from somebody who is holding a horrible, horrible, dark secret they don't want you to know about. The best way to keep from being their next horrible, dark secret is to just avoid them all together. I guess the last thing I'll say is a lot of people seem to bring difficulty on themselves by just getting involved in things out in public. And I have kind of a strict policy where someone's being loud, someone's doing something stupid, someone is making an ass of themselves, someone is, you know, yelling at the. At the gate agent at the airport. I don't say anything. I just leave it alone. And I'm capable of defending myself at a number of different levels, but I just don't want the aggravation. And a lot of life's aggravation really can be avoided if you just kind of stay to yourself and mind your own damn business.
- [48:52]
B
Oh, my God, I love that advice. I always say, like, say, stay away from troublemakers. Stay away. I love that. Mind your own business, guys. I want you to have the most wonderful year ahead. Of course, we want you to go out, date, have relationships, enjoy yourselves. But I also want everyone to be incredibly safe. So I hope this episode helped everyone raise awareness. Go get your pepper sprays, your horn, your. What do you call the dog horn, whatever it is, but be safe. Thank you, Stephen was such an honor having you on the show. And I'm sure I'm gonna get 10 billion million trillion questions for you, so I'll definitely invite you to come back so we can do part two.
- [49:32]
A
Well, I just hope you get 10 billion downloads.
- [49:34]
B
So, yeah, so do I. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're amazing. Happy New Year to you.
- [49:40]
A
Thanks, Kat. Nice talking to you guys.
- [49:42]
B
Be safe out there. I love you. I'll see you soon.