Kat on the Loose – “CHOOSE BETTER MEN WITH WESS MERHI”

Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Wess Merhi
Release Date: February 25, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of Kat on the Loose dives deep into modern dating standards, gender roles, and how women can set higher expectations in relationships. Kat is joined by Wess Merhi, known for his unapologetic advocacy for women and traditional masculinity online. Together, they explore what it means to be a provider, why standards matter, and practical red and green flags for identifying good partners. Expect frank, raw talk about paying for dates, “cupcake” men vs. real men, the role of instinct in dating, and the importance of style and confidence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Wess Speaks Up For Women (00:09–02:16)

• Wess’s Motivation: Wess was inspired to take a public stand after witnessing rampant “50/50” discourse on social media, where men expected women to split bills and pick up traditional “male” responsibilities.
  • “Is this really happening in the US?” (00:34, Wess)
• Provider Instinct: Wess explains his beliefs are not strictly from Middle Eastern tradition (he’s Lebanese), but mostly from instinct. He draws a parallel between the maternal instinct in women and the provider instinct in men.
  • “When I say the word men, I’m talking about the actual guys that believe in the provider…” (02:16, Wess)
  • Refers to non-provider men as “cupcakes.” (02:46, Wess)

2. The Provider Debate: Paying for Dates (02:16–06:47)

• Kat’s Viewpoint: Echoes Wess, arguing paying isn’t about money but about the gesture and dynamic.
  • “I want to feel I’m dating … a man. I don’t want to feel like I’m out with one of my besties.” (01:57, Kat)
  • Adds Brazilian and Latin American context—traditional masculinity is not only cultural.
• Character & First Impression: Wess says paying for dates signals character and intent to lead, not just protect.
  • “Women are not going to follow if you’re not leading.” (05:00, Wess)
• High Standards: Both stress the importance of setting and upholding personal standards in how you’re treated.

3. Can Men Change? Who Sets the Standards? (06:47–09:57)

• Wess: Improvement is possible but “it starts with women,” as many women enable poor behavior by accepting or expecting 50/50 scenarios.
  • “Don’t enable men, otherwise they’re going to keep doing it.” (07:21, Wess)
• Advice for Women: Research men before dates, look for “clues” about their mindset, and if a man fails on basics (like paying or behaving respectfully), leave and don’t look back.
  • “I would say pay the whole bill and just never talk to him again, honestly. Keep your pride.” (08:35, Wess)

4. Boy vs. Man – The Quick Test (09:57–12:44)

• Notable Quote:
  • “A boy is a burden ON you; a man meets ALL needs.” (10:48, Wess; 10:50, Kat)
• Kat: Age is irrelevant; behavior and attitude define maturity.
  • “You gotta pay attention on how they act, right?” (11:08, Kat)
• Wess: These values are genuine, not just social media posturing.
  • “Everything that I post, it’s not for … Because I’m fake. This is exactly how I am in person.” (12:06, Wess)

5. Feminine Energy & the Need to Lead (14:58–16:14)

• Kat insists women, even successful ones, want to be in their feminine energy—able to “let go” and feel cared for, not act as the provider or “babysit” men.
  • “I want to let go, you know, I want to be able to be with a man that is behaving like a man and taking charge.” (15:03, Kat)
• Both agree: If women accept poor treatment, they're signaling those standards are okay.

6. Setting Boundaries – Learning from Experience (16:15–20:20)

• Kat shares a story of dating a wealthy man who still wanted to split costs, which felt emasculating and diminished her attraction.
  • “I don’t want to be providing these experiences for this dude…” (18:00, Kat)
• Wess emphasizes: It’s not about being rich, but about living within your means and never expecting a woman to cover bills—even small ones.
  • “Never allow her to pay … She shouldn’t even know what your bills are.” (19:12, Wess)
  • “Don’t date while you’re broke.” (21:22, Wess)

7. Red Flags & Green Flags in Men (21:44–29:01)

• Three Red Flags (as per Wess, 21:55–23:33):
  1. Broccoli hairstyle: Associated with Gen Zers who promote 50/50 dating (22:07, Wess).
  2. Vaping: Immediate turn-off, says more about maturity and priorities (22:50, Wess).
  3. 50/50 mentality: No high-value woman will tolerate this (23:33, Kat).
• Three Green Flags (24:32–29:01):
  1. Long-term friendships: Proves loyalty and consistency (24:44, Wess).
  2. Non-gossipy nature: Men shouldn’t gossip; it’s perceived as unmanly (26:31, Wess).
  3. Small, thoughtful gestures: Planning dates, opening doors, basic manners—“bare minimum stuff” (27:50, Wess).

8. Exclusivity, Relationships & Polyamory (29:55–31:49)

• Wess notes that Middle Eastern men often provide equally for multiple wives, but acknowledges this is not the norm or a desire in the U.S.
  • “You’ll be surprised how many women are OK with it … but not here.” (30:36, Wess)
• Kat and Wess agree: Most women want exclusivity and to “belong” to their man.

9. Sex & The Chase (34:11–38:16)

• Should women wait to have sex? Wess says yes, as men “love the chase.” Withholding sex too soon may reduce a man’s interest.
  • “Try to play the game. OK? Because men love the chase.” (34:59, Wess)
• Life Lessons: If you misjudge, it becomes a life lesson—move forward, not backward.

10. Strong Women & Strong Men (38:16–39:52)

• Only strong men can handle strong, successful women. Weak men will feel intimidated and become dependent.
  • “A weak man is going to constantly make excuses … and is going to depend on you for nurturing, lifestyle, for money.” (38:57, Wess)
  • Encourages women to seek out men who support their ambition.

11. The Importance of Style in Masculinity (40:02–43:31)

• Kat: Applauds Wess’s “killer” style and wants more men to put in effort.
• Wess: Style is teachable, not innate. Dressing well is essential to confidence and respect.
  • “I don’t think you can walk into a room with confidence by wearing a hoodie... you need to dress the part.” (41:29, Wess)
  • He runs a TikTok fashion page for men’s style tips.

12. Wess’s Relationship Status & Personal Story (44:10–46:34)

• Wess announces he is newly engaged; they met through friends and his fiancée “played the game” by not responding immediately.
  • “She played the game. Yes. There you go. And that's that's how I continued to try to pursue her.” (44:42, Wess)
• He notes a significant age gap that makes their dynamic “challenging and interesting.”

13. Advice for Women Looking for Provider Men (46:01–47:12)

• Wess jokes that Kat (and her listeners) should look for Lebanese men—particularly in Dearborn, Michigan, which has a large Lebanese community with traditional values.

14. Final Thoughts: Hold Your Standards, Seek Real Connection (47:35–47:58)

• Kat: “Please do open a dating academy … because you are fantastic.”
• Wess: “I’ll work on it.”
  Both reiterate the importance of raising standards in love and life.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Women are not going to follow if you're not leading. And I think part of leading is having a provider mindset." – Wess (05:00)
• "A boy is a burden ON you; a man meets ALL needs." – Wess & Kat (10:48)
• "Don't enable men, otherwise they're going to keep doing it. So it starts with women." – Wess (07:21)
• "Even successful women like myself in our relationships, we want to be able to be in our feminine energy." – Kat (15:03)
• "Never allow her to pay anything at dinner, anything like that ... As long as, at the end of the night, I provided for this woman, I can go home." – Wess (19:12)
• "Providing for a woman, opening doors ... these are basics for me." – Wess (28:12)
• "Don’t date while you're broke." – Wess (21:22)
• “Only a very strong man can handle strong women... a weak man will always say, ‘she has an attitude, she’s difficult, she’s toxic.’” – Kat referencing Wess’s post (38:16)

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 00:09: Wess’s motivation for his online persona
• 02:16: Provider instinct and paying for dates
• 06:47: Can “cupcake” men change?
• 08:27: Advice for women: How to handle “pay for sex” scenarios
• 10:48: “Boy vs. Man” memorable quote
• 14:58: Feminine energy & the importance of standards
• 16:15: Kat’s “cringe” story about splitting costs with a wealthy man
• 21:22: “Don’t date while you’re broke”
• 21:55: Wess’s red and green flags
• 29:55: Polygamy vs. exclusivity
• 34:59: "Sex & the chase" advice for women
• 38:16: Only strong men can handle strong women
• 40:02: The role of style in masculinity
• 44:10: Wess’s personal relationship status reveal
• 46:01: Where to find more “provider” men

Summary Takeaway

This episode is a candid, deeply practical guide for anyone wanting to “choose better men.” Both Kat and Wess stress that standards, instinct, and behavior matter far more than money or cultural background. With actionable advice—from recognizing red flags to embracing personal style—the conversation empowers women to demand more, and challenges men to embrace genuine, proactive masculinity.

Follow Wess Merhi:

• [Instagram link in audio episode description]

Stay tuned for future episodes and join Kat’s global conversation on love, empowerment, and self-worth.