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- [00:00]
A
Book a loved by guest property with VRBO and you get a top rated vacation rental that's loved for all the right reasons.
- [00:06]
B
Ugh. I love my VRBO for the location.
- [00:08]
A
Good reason.
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B
Oh and for the pool cause pools are cool. I feel the love.
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A
Book a VRBO that's loved by guests. If you know you've this podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. November is Men's Health Awareness Month. So Talkspace wants guys to know that being prepared for life's biggest challenges and opportunities means prioritizing mental health too. Talkspace can help you go beyond fine tuned workouts, supplements and productivity hacks. Talkspace can help you fine tune your inner life so you can succeed in being the best version of yourself in any situation. And with Talkspace, you can get therapy from anywhere and on your time. You can even text your therapist between sessions. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or just need a little extra one on one support, Talkspace is here for you. Plus Talkspace takes most insurance and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. Men's Health Awareness Month is the perfect time to reach out to TalkSpace. Now get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you Talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist today at Talkspace.com and save $80 with code SPACE80@Talkspace.com that's Talkspace.com promo code SPACE80.
- [01:15]
B
Corey, welcome to Cut on the Loop.
- [01:17]
C
Thank you for having me. Happy to be here too.
- [01:19]
B
I'm so honored because you live in Miami, you only have a few days here in la, so thank you for your time. Of course, I appreciate you. So I found you on TikTok and I think your videos are really, really good.
- [01:31]
C
Thank you.
- [01:32]
B
So I have a lot of questions, a lot of things I want to talk. Let's rock and roll. Okay, let's do this Fast and furious. First. I was saying your tagline is really, really good. Tired of getting played? I'll teach you the game. So is dating a game? Is it really a game that we have to play?
- [01:51]
C
I think that a lot of it is rooted in fear. I think men and women play the game because they are afraid of being played. Right?
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B
Yeah.
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C
We have all had negative experiences. Dating experiences, relationship experiences. Some people choose to learn from these experiences and grow. Others choose right to allow these experiences to make them angry and bitter and cynical. That influences the way that they approach dating and the way they treat other people. So it depends on which side of the fence you're on.
- [02:17]
B
Yes, 1 million percent and I believe that the universe keeps sending us the same type of person, the same lesson over and over and over again until we're like, okay, I had enough. Do you agree?
- [02:33]
C
I absolutely agree. Yeah. I mean, I've personally, I mean, I've experienced it personally.
- [02:37]
B
Same.
- [02:37]
C
And what will happen is you'll receive the same lessons and it's up to you to implement. Right. Whatever lesson you've gained, whatever experience and knowledge you've gained, it's up to you to apply that knowledge and make better choices moving forward. Right. A lot of people tend to make the same mistakes. Because if I'm being honest, if chaos and dysfunction is your comfort zone, and for many people it is, if you've been through a string of hectic, sort of turbulent relationships, eventually you get to a point where that's all you know and you don't want to step out of that territory because it's unfamiliar to you. So a lot of people will remain in that sort of dysfunctional toxic atmosphere because it's consistent with what they know and they're not prepared to grow. Right. And step out of it. So it just depends.
- [03:27]
B
Oh my God, you're so right. That's my case. You probably don't know my story, but I was in a very abusive marriage for 15 years. My husband was super controlling. It was horrible. And when I left that marriage, I had a pattern of dating men that were kind of mistreating me in either they were calling me names as well, or cheating on me or lying to me, taking advantage of me or the narcissist. It took me a long time, like it took me a bunch of relationships to say like, you know, what is enough? You know, I, I deserve better. I think for me, the game changer was when I learned about self love, putting myself first. Like, they're making a list of non negotiables.
- [04:10]
C
I agree. I think self love is very important. The problem is that so many men and women particularly feel like if they don't have a man or if they don't have a relationship or marriage, they feel like a piece is missing.
- [04:24]
B
Yes.
- [04:25]
C
And that's the problem. I agree. Like a man is the missing piece.
- [04:29]
B
Yeah.
- [04:30]
C
This is what happens when you finally, let's say a man comes and enters your life and you feel like he's the missing piece, but you're at his mercy because anytime he decides to walk away, well, that feeling. Right. Of lack comes all over again. Right. It repeats itself. So it's important for a woman to be complete, to feel whole. And that man should really just be. He shouldn't be the missing piece. He should be something that adds to whatever you've already built.
- [04:56]
B
Bravo. I think there's a big difference between wanting a relationship and, like you said, said, needing a relationship. And I think a lot of people, especially men, they kept. Because so many women are needy, because they're afraid of being alone. And I think men kind of capture that vibe and that energy.
- [05:14]
C
Absolutely right.
- [05:15]
B
And it's just a bad idea to be in that place.
- [05:18]
C
We'll take advantage of it because we know. So if a man has the impression that he can get away with murder, no matter what he does, you're not going to walk away. Well, that gives him all the power. You're relinquishing your power in that situation when you don't have the strength, the courage to walk away. That is your greatest power, to walk away from a situation that doesn't suit you. But when you continue. Right. To tolerate poor behavior, when you continue to tolerate inconsistency, Right. A man who isn't showing up for you, who isn't treating you the way that you deserve, well, you're telling that man, hey, I'm not going anywhere no matter what you do to me. There's a lack of structure, there's lack of boundaries. There are no standards. Right. Clearly there's a lack of self respect, self esteem. And when a man realizes that, well, if he's a bad man, it depends, right. He's going to take full advantage of it. He's going to drain you for everything you got.
- [06:11]
B
And I think I forgot where I read this phrase the other day. Somebody on social media wrote, if you're enabling someone to treat you poorly, which is what you just said. Like, if somebody cheats on you or lies to you or they're hot and cold, hot and cold, hot and cold. At the end of the day, you're enabling that behavior. So I think it's self respect. Starts with us, like, self respect. Right. If somebody mistreats you, that should be a deal breaker.
- [06:38]
C
Yes, absolutely. Again, though, some women don't feel like they deserve better.
- [06:44]
B
Yeah.
- [06:45]
C
And it's because they haven't experienced better. They don't know the difference. And some women feel like, oh, well, he may not be treating me well, but at least he's here. At least I have someone. And so it's like for them, the fear of being alone, Right. It supersedes the respect that is lacking. Right. So it's like, I may not feel good in this relationship. I may not be Treated the way I want to, but at least I have someone. And that matters to a lot of women more than, you know, integrity, self respect. Right. Dignity. A lot of women will forego. Right. All of that.
- [07:22]
B
Yeah.
- [07:23]
C
Just to have a man around.
- [07:24]
B
No, listen, you said it all. I think one of the best, most important lessons for men and women is that we need to learn how to love our own company. You have to be happy by yourself. You can't be expecting. Like you said, this person needs to make me happy, this Prince Charming person. I'm completely unhappy. I'm miserable. If you learn how to be happy on your own, I think that's a really powerful, empowering lesson.
- [07:54]
C
Absolutely. And you have to learn how to do that. And it does require some isolation.
- [07:58]
B
Yeah.
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C
You can't be afraid of it.
- [08:00]
B
I agree.
- [08:01]
C
Some time to reflect, Take inventory of the things that you want. Right. I tell women this all the time when they come to me. And I get calls four, five times a day of women with the same problems, women all over the world. Right. And I say, hey, look, if you can imagine what your life would look like five years from now, who would you be? What type of life would you want for yourself? What would you be doing? Right. If you can get a genie in bottle, right. And you can create that life for you right now, what would that look like? Right? Let's think of the best version of yourself that you could possibly imagine. Okay? Now, what type of man would be compatible with her? Ask yourself that question. And the type of man that you can imagine yourself having at that point, Are you taking the right steps to become the type of woman that he would want?
- [08:44]
B
I love that. I love that. I always say that. And I know it's controversial because when I put videos about that on social media, a lot of people, I get a lot of backlash. But I think whatever you want in a partner, it starts with you. Like, for example, you know, a lot of women say, I want to have a very rich man. I want to marry a millionaire. I married a millionaire, by the way. And the main reason why he loved me, he chose me, is because I had a job. I had a lot going on when I met my husband, like, I was in my early 20s. I was not like a sugar baby, you know, I was not a Playboy bunny. I had so much going on that it was like, huh, she's different. So anyway, I think you have much better chances of finding what you want if. If you have that. Like, if you want somebody in great shape like you, if you're in better shape, they're much more likely to attract a guy like you. Right.
- [09:37]
C
For sure. I think. You know what's funny about gym guys is that we actually don't prefer women who are in. Like, we. We like you to be in shape. Okay, but like, I have the hard body. Right. I don't want your body to be hard. No. I want you to be soft. It has to be like a contrast.
- [09:53]
B
So you'll notice a woman that takes care.
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C
Absolutely.
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B
Right.
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C
But you'll notice a lot of gym guys, their girlfriends aren't as fit as they, in many cases. Right. Aren't as fit.
- [10:01]
B
But why? Because you don't want them to outshine?
- [10:03]
C
No, it's because we like the softness of a natural woman. Right. And so if you have hard arms and shoulders and a hard, fat, flat stomach. Well, I'm thinking about, like, intimacy. It's like two bricks smashing together. Nobody wants that. That's. That's what I'm saying. It's okay to be firm and toned. That's fine. But when you're as hard as I
- [10:23]
B
am, you're a personal trainer. Right. Like, you're. You're huge.
- [10:28]
C
Thank you.
- [10:28]
B
But I'm saying, like, if you want a guy. Oh, I want a guy that is in great shape, has rock hard abs. Okay, great. But probably that guy wants a woman that looks good.
- [10:40]
C
Yeah. And for us, it's really about discip. Right. And so it gets. It's funny. Like now, I think in the 90s, like, muscular men were more respected and revered. I think things have changed. We're living like this body positivity era where, like, if you go to the gym now, people feel like you're sanctimonious, like you think you're better than ever, really. So we get judged for being in shape now It's a totally different atmosphere, I believe. So you think about this. Back in the 90s and 80s, you had people like Schwarzenegger. You had people like, who's Rambo?
- [11:14]
B
He's doing. He's in his, like, 70s.
- [11:17]
C
All of these really muscular, masculine men. Right? These action heroes, right? They were revered.
- [11:24]
B
Yeah, right.
- [11:24]
C
Okay. How many of those guys you see now in movies other than the Rock?
- [11:29]
B
I think most of us agree that starting a business can feel, honestly, terrifying. Although what ifs start creeping in? What if I fail? What if no one buys? What if I don't even know where to start? I remember feeling exactly like that when I launched my body positivity brand, Girly Alamode. But then I found Shopify and everything Changed. Shopify made it so easy to actually build my brand. They have hundreds of beautiful ready to use templates so your store instantly looks elevated and on brand without needing to be a tech expert. And it's not just about design. Shopify really is all in one business partner. From managing inventory to international shipping, to processing returns, they handle all, all of it. One of my biggest fears was what if nobody finds my brand? But Shopify helps you reach your audience with super simple email and social media campaigns. And if you ever feel stuck, they got 24, seven award winning customer support. Like you're never doing this alone. The best part, everything lives in one place. Inventory, payments, analytics, no juggling a million platforms. It just makes running your business so much smoother. So you've been sitting around with an idea wondering what if? It's time to turn those what ifs to real sales. Sign up for your $1 a month trial today at shopify.com cat that's shopify.com Kat K A-T shopify.com Kat True, but you still see people talking about, right, living a healthy lifestyle, drinking less.
- [13:10]
C
But it's more of like a feeling now. It's like a lifestyle.
- [13:13]
B
Yeah.
- [13:13]
C
So even with women that I train, what I notice is in many cases as a personal trainer, it's not necessarily the vanity. Right. That's an element of it. But a lot of women just want to feel better. Feel good.
- [13:29]
B
Yes. Health, health, aging well.
- [13:31]
C
Exactly. It's about how you feel and that boosts your confidence, which is another ingredient. I tell women this all the time. It may sound vain, but if you are lacking self confidence, one of the most, I would say transformative things you can do is go to the gym. I agree. Get in shape, eat right. So that when you look in the mirror you will like the way you look.
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B
Yes.
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C
You can be proud of how you look and that is a confidence booster. I'm telling you, if you are. I'm speaking to women right now. If you're lacking self confidence, go to the gym. I agree with you. Get yourself in shape. You'd be surprised by how much better
- [14:09]
B
you'll feel and how much less BS you are going to accept in your life. Because I think as your confidence grows, your self love grows, your self esteem grows and the level of BS you accept in your life is like less and less. Less.
- [14:25]
A
Right.
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C
Tends to be that way. It tends to be that way. But of course you have to do the physical work and the emotional work.
- [14:30]
B
Oh yeah, of course. No, you got to take care of your Mind as well. For sure.
- [14:33]
C
Absolutely.
- [14:33]
B
Now, let me ask you a tough question. Nowadays, with the dating apps, right. I do think they're necessary evil because, like, busy people like me, where are you going to meet someone you could meet the right person for you that you would otherwise never cross paths with. However, it create a culture of, you know, especially men, they're like ordering women like doordash. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes.
- [14:54]
C
No.
- [14:54]
B
Quantity. La, la, la. But it. In your point of view, is there a way that we can differentiate the players from the serious guys?
- [15:07]
C
Yeah. And it has nothing to do with dating apps at all, because I can put my best foot forward on a dating app. Right. I've seen. I've talked to women. Oh, well, you know, I saw his profile. I thought he was, you know, thought he was great, amazing. And then when I saw him in person, he didn't look anything like his picture. His picture was 20 years old.
- [15:27]
B
Yes.
- [15:28]
C
So a lot of guys will post old photos. And of course, men, women too. Women too, as well. In the lighting, the angles, you may not get who you think you're getting. Then also, beyond that, it's the descriptions. A lot of men on these apps know what women want to read, what they want to hear, and so they will portray themselves as being a certain woman. In actuality, they're totally different. Right?
- [15:48]
B
True.
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C
And so a woman will get emotionally attached to the idea of a man and what he presents at the beginning. When he switches up, it'll be hard for her to walk away because she's still attached to what she meant at the beginning. Absolutely. I run into it all the time with women where they're holding on to hope that the man they met at the beginning will return. And I tell them it's fool's gold. It's an illusion. He presented himself that way to you intentionally to hook you to reel you in.
- [16:14]
B
For me, honestly, it doesn't hook me. And I know a lot of women are like me if you portray something on a dating app. And, well, first and foremost, I do something that I think everybody should do. Ask for a video call. Because like you said, so many people fib the. I don't understand. Why would you put a picture from 20 years ago? Because you hope when I meet you, you like me for what I look like today. Right. So I think that's a huge waste of time. But since so many people do that, I always ask for a video call previous to the date. However, if we go on the date and the person is very different, like, for example, did you, you probably know the number one small white lie that men tell is their height.
- [16:56]
C
Yes.
- [16:57]
B
Like, why would you do that if you're short? Just own it, right? It's like, women, why would you lie about your age? I think that's so stupid. Like, it's exhausting. But if I, I meet someone and I see massive differences, to me, it's like I'm a turn off.
- [17:13]
C
You've been manipulated. Well, I'm not talking. What I mean is a lot of men will play a role, right? When you first meet them. It could be on a dating app. You can meet them in person and they'll play a role for you. Right. And a lot of men can play that role for weeks or even months. And what happens is you fall in love with that version, Right. Or you fall for that version. And when he flips the script, right. When he switches up, well, it's hard for women to break away from that and detach because they're still connected to the man that they first met. And so my challenge when I'm speaking to many of these women is making them realize, hey, the man you met at the beginning, that was not real. The man who you're dealing with now, that's the real version.
- [17:57]
B
That's the guy that's the real version.
- [17:58]
C
The man who isn't showing up for you. The man who's not showing you the consistency and the commitment that you want, that's the real version of him that you have to accept and walk away from. But doing that requires a lot of discipline, right, Obviously. And a lot of emotional work that women are choosing not to make because they would rather deal with the devil they know than the devil they don't.
- [18:17]
B
I know, but that's so bad. That's so bad. I think. Tell me if you agree with me. I always say when you meet someone, the first 90 days, the first 120 days, don't say, like, oh, my God, a medline love. She's the woman of my life. He's the, you know, he's the man of my dreams. Because that's the, the minimum amount that you really like. You said the real person comes out of the shell. Do you agree?
- [18:45]
C
Usually I think it takes. I don't think men can go more than six months, you know, playing that game.
- [18:51]
B
They can go more than, I feel like three months.
- [18:53]
C
I've seen, I've seen, you know, where it's like, we'll go three to six months, we'll meet in the middle. I don't think that after A three to six month period that a man can continue playing you like that. Eventually the true colors reveal themselves.
- [19:05]
B
Yeah.
- [19:06]
C
And when that happens, you have to accept what you see.
- [19:08]
B
Yes, I agree.
- [19:09]
C
The writing's on the wall. You have to look at it and believe it. Yeah, but again, they hold onto this hope, right? That things may change. And the one thing a woman that you can't do is think, if I love him harder, if I do more, he'll eventually recognize my value and my worth and he'll treat me differently. No, you'll be giving more of yourself to that man, and you won't be getting anything in return. I compare it to gambling because I used to gamble. I'm not gonna lie to you. And what happens is, let's say you lose 100, 200 bucks gambling, right. On the low end. Now, the smart thing to do would be to walk away from the table.
- [19:44]
B
Yes.
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C
Right. Okay. But you're thinking, I can win this money back. Especially if you win the money back and you keep going. And before you know it, you're down $3,000, right?
- [19:54]
B
Yes.
- [19:55]
C
You want to return on that investment. Well, I gamble all of this money. I'm not leaving this table until I get the money back and then some. Before you know it, you're completely empty. That's what women do with men.
- [20:04]
B
So how do you break that pattern for all the girls out there listening? I used to be like that, I admit. The way I thought, for me, the way I broke the pedals. The day was I looked at myself in the mirror, like, wait a minute, I deserve better. Why are you putting up with this? And then I literally wrote a list on a piece of paper. I wrote a list of non negotiables, like, non negotiables. There are certain things in my life that I will never, ever put up with again. So if I meet someone and any one of their behaviors is on this list, I'm like, okay, bye. That worked for me. But what is your suggestion?
- [20:37]
C
I like the list, like, whenever you get the urge, because it's an addiction. Right. And so whenever you get the urge or the impulse to text, to call, or if he calls or texts you and you're trying to break that attachment. I like the idea of reading a list of reasons why you shouldn't be with that man. It reminds you of why you're not with him. But beyond that, cutting someone off cold turkey is very difficult to do. Do. It's very difficult to do. And so when I talk to women, I say, look, I don't expect you, right, to cut him off completely right now. When you have to start, you're very nice.
- [21:11]
B
You're nicer than me.
- [21:13]
C
You got to start taking small steps in the opposite direction. It's a process. It's a marathon, not a sprint. And so you have to. In the time that you're taking. Right. To move on, you have to start doing the inner work. And the most important thing is what I say, because we're having down to managing and center yourself. Right. Your nervous system, especially when you're anxious over a man not calling or texting you. Right. He's mistreating you. The way that you can calm yourself is by doing productive things.
- [21:46]
B
Yes.
- [21:47]
C
So when you get the urge to call or text or see him, go to the gym, go for a hike, write in a journal if you have clothes, if you have folded, stay busy and do things that are going to make you feel like you're growing and evolving. Right. Do things like that, that make you feel, give you a sense of accomplishment, sense of achieve and fulfillment. When you do these things. Right, it'll curb that Appetite to shift 1 million percent.
- [22:11]
B
Prioritize yourself. I learned. Like I just said, I learned. The way I learned is when I started focusing on me and building the life that I love. I am so busy and I am so happy. I don't have time for bs.
- [22:24]
C
Exactly.
- [22:24]
B
So if a guy goes hot and cold, hot and cold, or goes. I'm like, whatever, dude. I don't have time for this shit. You know, I don't have time for drama.
- [22:32]
C
And it's easier said than done. And the men and women, it's not
- [22:36]
B
easy to do it.
- [22:37]
C
It's not.
- [22:37]
B
It's a process.
- [22:38]
C
That's what I'm saying. It's easier said than done. And a lot of men and women play the hot and cold game. And what you don't want to do is condition yourself to accept the bare minimum.
- [22:48]
B
I agree. Set your standards.
- [22:50]
C
You have to. I want them to be realistic, but they certainly shouldn't be, you know, at the bottom. Right?
- [22:55]
B
Yeah.
- [22:56]
C
It's like this. If a man's giving you crumbs. Right. If you accept crumbs, eventually. Right. You'll be conditioned to accept crumbs. And every now and then, what a man will do is give you a little more. And that little more will feel like so much to you.
- [23:13]
B
Yeah.
- [23:14]
C
And technically, that little more is just the bare minimum. It's nothing.
- [23:16]
B
I agree.
- [23:17]
C
And that's what he's conditioning you to accept. Right. So it's like this. If he's not calling and texting you consistently, if he never planned states, if he never takes you out, if he's not showing you any effort, right? And then suddenly he takes you out on a Saturday to dinner, right? And dancing. You're thinking, oh, my God, we're making progress. Yeah, but this man is turning the corner. But you're not. He's doing the thing that he should have been doing from the beginning.
- [23:38]
B
Yeah. So let's talk about the weekend for a minute, because I want to know if you agree with me. We are recording this episode on a Friday. I always say always, if you've been dating someone, like the beginning, okay, 1, 2, 3, dates, whatever. I think if the person doesn't make plans with you for the weekend by Wednesday, I would say don't accept it. And most importantly, I personally think your plan B, like, if the dude calls you on Thursday or Friday, like, hey, what are you up to? What's up? Do you want to hang out? Do you want to go out? I think you are a plan B for that person.
- [24:15]
C
Definitely your backup, for sure. I tell women this all the time. He has to earn your presence over the weekend that starts Monday.
- [24:21]
B
Bravo. Can you repeat that, please?
- [24:23]
C
He has to earn your presence. He has to earn your presence.
- [24:26]
B
Girls, take notes. Take notes.
- [24:27]
C
Do not let that man call you on a Saturday night. Hey, what's going on? What are you doing? What are you up to? Right? No, that's not. Because what you're doing now is you are creating a dynamic where he gets to pick you up and put you down like a pair of shoes. You don't want to be that for a man. Right? So throughout the week, Monday through Friday, he's calling you, he's texting you. He's showing interest in you and your life. That's what you should require. Not only expect, but require. If he wants your time, if he wants access to you on the weekend, he has to work for it during the weekend. If he's not willing to work for it, don't give it to them.
- [25:03]
B
Yeah, 1 million. I agree with you. Plus, and I know you did a bunch of videos about that, and I completely agree with you when a man is interested because I'm a firm believer in nature. I think men are hunters, they're lions. I don't care. Anybody says they will pursue that person. If a man is interested in you, you will know. They're gonna tell you, baby, I want to see you on Friday. We're gonna go out Saturday. La, la, la. La la. If you are not getting that vibe that. All right.
- [25:35]
C
That's all the clarity you need. A lot of women are, like, looking for clarity. Oh, my God. I want answers. No, that's your answer.
- [25:40]
B
That's your answer? Yeah. If somebody's. Especially nowadays, we are glued to our cell phone. We are glued. You can be the busiest man on the planet. You have your cell phone with you. So there's zero excuse. If someone is not texting.
- [25:54]
C
And it takes five seconds to respond to a text message. Doesn't take you long. Right. If I can't get to you, if you call me and I say, hey, you know what? I'm busy right now, but I'll get right back to you. Yeah, right. I'm thinking about you. I'll talk to you soon. That took five. Probably took less than five seconds. If you can't take five seconds to text you back, that's clarity right there for you, and you have to accept it. So I think for men, you're right. When we want you, you will know. There will be no confusion at all. We make it very clear. And the older we get, and I'm not saying that age and maturity go hand in hand, but generally speaking, as men get older. Right. We know even faster.
- [26:36]
B
Yeah.
- [26:37]
C
When we want you short term, long term, and our actions reflect that.
- [26:41]
B
Yeah, I totally agree with you. But I. And I would also add that I think there is nothing worse. And of course, I've been guilty of doing that. I think probably every woman on the planet, there is nothing worse. If a guy is not texting you, he's not making plans with you. He's not, you know, showing you that he really is interested in you. You keep going after him.
- [27:02]
C
Yeah.
- [27:03]
B
Like, hey, what's up? You call me. What's wrong with you? I think that's the mo. I, I, I cringe when I see girls do that.
- [27:10]
C
That's what Carrie Bradshaw did in Sex in the City.
- [27:13]
B
She did that big.
- [27:14]
C
Didn't want her. Like, he was giving her the hot and cold.
- [27:16]
B
Yeah, he was hot. Oh, my God. I'm obsessed.
- [27:19]
C
In the City. If you honestly, if you want to know what not to do.
- [27:22]
B
Yeah. He was hot and cold with her for years.
- [27:25]
C
Yeah. Watch the first couple seasons of Sex in the City and Carrie will show you everything not to do. Right. When it comes to a man. He was hot and cold on her.
- [27:34]
B
Yeah.
- [27:35]
C
Simple. But she kept pursuing him, trying to force the issue, and it never worked.
- [27:40]
B
She was pursuing him.
- [27:41]
C
I don't remember.
- [27:41]
B
Let's rewatch.
- [27:43]
C
If you watch it, you'll see that he was clearly, he had other things, other priorities. His career.
- [27:48]
B
He was dating all the women. Right. She was like, kind of like a whatever, you know? Yeah.
- [27:53]
C
And his career was more important. Right. So she was put on the back burner. And instead of accepting it and finding someone who would give her what she wanted, she tried to force it with Big, and it didn't work out. She was disappointed time and time again, and it made her look crazy, honestly. Because you're trying to make something work that simply doesn't.
- [28:11]
B
Yeah.
- [28:12]
C
And you know what the saying is? You know, you're doing something over and over again, expecting a different result. That's insanity. Right. So we have to stop.
- [28:18]
B
Oh, my God, I'm so glad you're saying that. And I also think that men smell desperation, and I say that to women all the time. A lot of women, probably because of what you said at the beginning, they're afraid of being alone. So they're so hungry. I hear girls, they send me messages and they're like, I need a man. I want a man. I have to get married. And. And I think men notice that. And most guys get really turned off by that.
- [28:46]
C
We get turned on or like something clicks and we're like, oh, I can definitely take advantage of her.
- [28:51]
B
This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. IQ Bar protein Bars, IQ Mix hydration mixes and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious, low sugar brain and body fuel you need to in your day. All IQ Bar products are clean, label, certified and entirely free from gluten, dairy, soy, GMOs and artificial ingredients. Plus, they're packed with clean, delicious ingredients that keep you physically and mentally fit, such as magnesium lions mane and more. There are plenty of flavor combinations to choose from across all IQ Bar products, from mint chocolate chip protein bars to blueberry pomegranate hydration mixes to vanilla spice coffee. I love this one. With over 20,000 5 star reviews and count counting, more people than ever are fueling their busy lifestyles with IQ Bars products. IQ Bar has definitely become part of my daily routine. Whether it's starting my morning with IQ Joe, refueling with IQ Mix in my water after a workout, or grabbing an IQ Bar for a healthy snack. The chocolate sea salt one tastes like a delicious candy bar, but it's actually packed with brain nutrients and only 1 gram of sugar and 12 grams of protein. And right now, IQ Bar is offering our special podcast list listeners 20 off all IQ Bar products, including the Ultimate Sampler Pack plus free shipping together 20 off. Text cat KT to 64000 text cat to 64000 that's K80 to 6464000 message and date resume applies in terms of details. Text cat to 64000 and get 20 off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping.
- [30:31]
A
This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. November is Men's Health Awareness Month. So Talkspace wants guys to know that being prepared for life's biggest challenges and opportunities means prioritizing mental health too. Talkspace can help you go beyond fine tuned workouts, supplements and productivity hacks. Talkspace can help you fine tune your inner life so you can succeed in being the best version of yourself in any situation. And with Talkspace you can get therapy from anywhere and on your time. You can even text your therapist between sessions. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or just need a little extra one on one support. Talkspace is here for you. Plus Talkspace takes most insurance and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. Men's Health Awareness Month is the perfect time to reach out to TalkSpace. Now get $80 off your first month with promo code space80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com and save $80 with code space80@talkspace.com that's talkspace.com promo code space80.
- [31:31]
B
Take advantage.
- [31:32]
C
But.
- [31:33]
B
But usually not in, right? Take advantage. But most guys don't like that kind of.
- [31:37]
C
Yeah, we don't, we don't like the vibe. It'll run us away. Or if he's a womanizer, right. If he uses women like that's his specialty, well then you become a prime target because he knows that you'll accept almost anything because you're desperate for male companionship. And if I know that and if I'm, you know, have, let's say, nefarious intent, right. My objective is to use you. Well, then I'm going to take advantage all of your insecurities and use them to my advantage.
- [32:02]
B
Yeah. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Now this is a tough one, but I want to know your opinion. What do you think? Because you know, I've had dozens and dozens of different matchmakers, relationship experts, la la. On the show, the five years we do the show and they all have different opinions about that. Having sex too soon, like on the first date, second day, third day. Do you think it changes the way men look at a woman if she does that? I've had some Experts that came to the show and said, withhold sex for like 90 days, don't do it. I don't think it should be that radical. I also, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do that too soon. What's your take on it?
- [32:40]
C
Let me tell you what happens over those 90 days.
- [32:42]
B
Yeah.
- [32:42]
C
If he has motion at all, if he has options while you're withholding sex. Right.
- [32:48]
B
He's gonna have sleeping with someone else. I agree. I agree.
- [32:52]
C
Simple. I can wait. Because my appetite is being met by other women.
- [32:56]
B
Yes.
- [32:57]
C
And so when you finally give it up, if I. Here's the thing. If he has good intentions for you, those intentions won't change. If you sleep with him on the first or the second date, right?
- [33:05]
B
Yes.
- [33:06]
C
If he has poor intentions for you, but it doesn't matter how long you make him wait, eventually he's going to dog you out, if that's who he is. Withholding sex doesn't change a man's nature, his character? Absolutely not. So within that 90 days, trust me, he's sleeping with other women, waiting for you to finally cave. And when you do, he most likely disappears.
- [33:26]
B
So what's your suggestion in terms of that? You just gotta feel the vibe.
- [33:30]
C
I think that sex is a factor, but I think more importantly, it's being cognizant. Right. Of how a man shows up for you on a daily basis. Right. And holding him to a standard that is consistent with your values. Right. And your belief system. So if. If sex for a lot of people will cloud a woman's judgment and they. According to a study. Right. You know, sex will bond a woman to a man.
- [34:02]
B
Yeah.
- [34:02]
C
On the same level. I swear to God I saw this. It bonds a woman to a man almost at the same level that a mother is bonded to her newborn child.
- [34:11]
B
Yeah. That's how it is.
- [34:13]
C
Right. Okay. And so you're having to break that attachment, especially if the sex is good. Now, if the sex is bad. Bad, you might be able to walk away from that.
- [34:20]
B
But, you know, sex is kind of like pizza, Right. Even when it's bad, it's good.
- [34:24]
C
Oh, no, I can't. Can't agree. No, agree with that. When it's bad, it's bad, and when it's good, it's.
- [34:30]
B
It's a deal breaker. The sex is bad for me with someone I'm dating, it's a massive deal break.
- [34:36]
C
Yeah, well, it depends. Because sex can get better. Right? If a man is coachable, if a woman is coach.
- [34:40]
B
But if you don't have chemistry. I think it doesn't. You don't even have to go to the sex. For me, like, the kids kiss.
- [34:46]
C
Yeah.
- [34:46]
B
If you kiss someone and it's not great, I would not even waste my time going further because I think usually the rest is not going to be good.
- [34:54]
C
It depends on how you view intimacy. Right. So if, for example, me, I'm a passionate person, so. Yes, I agree with you. The kiss has to be on point because when I'm in the moment doing my thing, there's kissing throughout the whole thing. Right. If the kiss is terrible, I'm not going to be into it.
- [35:10]
B
Same.
- [35:10]
C
But for some people, people, they aren't prioritizing intimacy. They're prioritizing the intercourse. And so if intercourse is the priority. Right. If intimacy, if foreplay, if these things don't matter to you, well, then what does the hell does a kiss mean?
- [35:24]
B
Yeah.
- [35:24]
C
Just trying to get, you know, penetration.
- [35:27]
B
That's a fair. But that's not. I'm talking about people that you. I mean, you need to have intimacy to build a relationship.
- [35:33]
C
Yeah. If you're trying to build closeness. Yeah. Sexually, well, then the intimacy is important. Important.
- [35:38]
B
Yeah.
- [35:39]
C
Foreplay is essential. I also read another report that 65%, maybe 60% of women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration. They can only orgasm from, like, direct corporeal stimulation. Right. That means that if you're a man, you're gonna have to use your mouth to do certain things to get your woman to the finish line. A lot of guys are just. That's what they do. It's all intercourse, it's all jackrabbiting. And they're wondering why they're. Women aren't satisfied. They might, you know, pretend to be satisfied. But I've talked to so many women who are sexually frustrated in their relationships, for sure. Just because they're dealing with men who have been using the same formula since high school. And women haven't had the courage to say, hey, man, you suck. Right. And so they're thinking, oh, I must be great at this. No woman has ever complained about it.
- [36:26]
B
I think communication is key as well. Right. Every step of the way. And this is why I say, when you're dating someone on, don't really pay attention to the rumors or, I mean, like, you know, what you think is happening or try to guess what they're doing. Ask. Talk.
- [36:45]
C
Yeah, you have to.
- [36:46]
B
You have to talk.
- [36:47]
C
If a man is open, right. To coaching, he's open to guidance and instruction, then you might have something. A lot of men feel like oh, well, I know what I'm doing. And so when you tell them, hey, well, you can do it a little better, I'd like you to do it like this and make this adjustment of that adjustment. It might frag, it might bruise his ego. It's fragile. So it depends on the type of man that you're dating. But I will say this. The men who have a bunch of one night stands, right, Those are typically the men who aren't very good in bed. Because if you're good in bed, then you have repeat customers. Women who come back from work.
- [37:16]
B
Oh, my God. Yeah.
- [37:17]
C
So if you are going through one woman after the other, right, and they aren't calling you back, I have some friends where they've been sleeping with the same woman for years. She can't get enough because he knows what he's doing and that connection is not there. But if you're a man, you've had a bunch of one night stands, it's actually not a feather in your cap. That just means that you really aren't very good at it. Because if you were good, then you'd have the same five women coming back to you.
- [37:39]
B
Yeah.
- [37:40]
C
For years.
- [37:40]
B
I hope you guys are listening now. Another tough one. What do you think about the famous first date? Who pays? I personally think a man should pay for dates. And this has nothing to do with money. I keep making these videos and these guys are like, it's, it doesn't matter to me. Like if a woman has millions of dollars in her bank account. I think men should just be a gentleman. It's the gesture. Because most women are like me. I don't want to date somebody that I feel like is my buddy. I, I split bills with my girlfriends, with my friends, clients. When I'm on a date, I want to feel like, you know, my man is taking care of me.
- [38:18]
C
Absolutely.
- [38:19]
B
How do you, what's your opinion on that one?
- [38:22]
C
Well, it's like this. You saw her at the grocery store, you saw her at Starbucks, you saw her at the gym. You entered her life. You're trying to occupy space in her life. The least you can do is buy a meal. Come on, man, you know, if she has kids, she has to pay for childcare. And then a woman gets all dolled up in makeup.
- [38:39]
B
It's very expensive.
- [38:40]
C
That's what I'm saying. She's putting herself together to see you and she's not obligated to. That's the whole thing. Right. She didn't put a gun in your head. You went to her you saw her and wanted her number. You've been texting, calling her. This is your, in my opinion now responsibility to make sure that the experience is enjoyable. And that's on you. And part of that is footing the bill. If you think that she should split it. To me, that's so backwards. If you're in a relationship with someone, it's different. Like if you two, let's say you guys are locked in.
- [39:13]
B
Yeah.
- [39:14]
C
Every now and then, if she offers to be pay. Okay, that's great. I think men, we appreciate a woman, I agree to invest in us too. Yeah, it's a two way street. But if it's at the beginning and you're expecting her to pay half, I think that's totally backwards.
- [39:25]
B
I totally agree with you. And listen, most women want to feel the vibe, you know, like that the man is taking charge, right. That the guy is in control of the date. And I mean, a lot of guys complain, especially here in Beverly Hills, like, oh, I'm not gonna go and pay $200. Like, okay, okay. If $200 is too much for your budget, go to a cheaper place. It could be a pizza, it could be pasta, it could be anything, you know?
- [39:49]
C
Well, see, here's the thing. What men don't understand is that buying some woman lobster and wine isn't going to ultimately lead to her bedroom.
- [39:59]
B
Yeah.
- [40:00]
C
What men have to understand, which they shouldn't assume that.
- [40:02]
B
And they shouldn't assume that.
- [40:03]
C
Right. The thing is, a lot of men are focused on the cars, the money, the clothes. All of it is very superficial. Right. Surface level.
- [40:14]
B
Yeah.
- [40:15]
C
But can you hold the conversation? Do you have a sense of humor? Are you interesting when you finally get her out? Are you going to give her a memorable experience? Can you stimulate her in other ways? That's what's going to get you to the desired results. If you think that paying for a meal is it, you're going to be in for a rude awakening. Because there are plenty of men who can pay, pay right for me.
- [40:36]
B
No. And a lot of women like, I can pay for my meals. So it's not about the money. I can go to any restaurant I want, but it's, I want to see how you treat me.
- [40:45]
C
And that's my thing. I tell men all the time, if you can make her laugh, you can probably kiss her.
- [40:49]
B
Yeah, you can probably do so.
- [40:51]
C
But see, a lot of you have
- [40:52]
B
a lot going on here.
- [40:53]
C
Exactly. The problem with a lot of men is that we are encouraged to go out and acquire as many things as we can. Get right as much money, the best cars, the most jewelry story. And we think these things right. Will ensure us opportunities with women. Right. But that's not always the case. You might get an occasional gold digger, someone who's into that kind of stuff. But if you are sitting in front of a woman and she doesn't feel anything, well then chances are there won't be a second date. She might give you another chance. But even on that second date, if you haven't developed your personality.
- [41:29]
B
Yeah.
- [41:29]
C
Well, most likely there won't be a third. So I encourage men. Hey, you have to go deeper than just buying her dinner. You have to go deeper than just having a flashy car, nice clothes. You have to be able to bring more to the table. And if you can't, you're going to continue to be on social media, complain about how women ain't. Well, they ain't. Because you suck. You're boring. You have nothing to offer. Like work on yourself, step your game up and then maybe you might have more success.
- [41:57]
B
Oh, you are really, really good at this. Let me tell you.
- [42:00]
C
I appreciate it. You're gonna call me a simp for this?
- [42:02]
B
I know you're. I know you're a personal trainer, but I mean you are fantastic dating and relationship advisor.
- [42:10]
C
Thank you. Appreciate it.
- [42:11]
B
I Please keep putting videos out. I wish we had like three more hours. But I'll definitely invite you to do another episode because I think everything you say is very rich of information and really on point and I, I mean I hope you are teaching us how to play the game a little better.
- [42:26]
C
Thank you.
- [42:27]
B
I think the bot is self respect, self love first and foremost. Right Corey?
- [42:32]
C
Absolutely, absolutely. If you love yourself then you won't depend on someone else. Right. To love you.
- [42:38]
B
Bingo. What's your you? I'm putting the link to his social media here guys. On the audio episode. And if you're listening to the audio episode, don't forget to go to YouTube cat on the Loose show so you guys can see the videos.
- [42:49]
C
Please watch. Absolutely.
- [42:50]
B
Yes. And tell us the the tick tock for the people listening. The link is here, guys.
- [42:54]
C
It is Corey talks now.
- [42:56]
B
I love Corey talks now.
- [42:58]
C
C O R Y talks.
- [43:00]
B
You need to have your own show.
- [43:01]
C
I'm going try. I'm trying to get there. We'll see. You know, I'm trying to set something. What I would like to do is like you interview people who are experts in their field.
- [43:11]
B
Yeah.
- [43:11]
C
So we can have real conversations.
- [43:13]
B
Let me tell you something. I've been doing this for five this is the sixth year. Right. So five and a half years. You'll be shocked. A lot of experts, the BS that comes out of their mouth.
- [43:22]
C
Okay.
- [43:23]
B
You are actually better than most. Because a lot of experts, even that I interview, I go like, I.
- [43:28]
C
Because they're trying to intellectualize things.
- [43:30]
B
Exactly. I'm like, oh, my God, Really? So. But you are right on point. And I hope girls listen to everything he said. Rewind, listen again, take notes.
- [43:42]
C
Thank you.
- [43:42]
B
And I'll definitely invite you back. It was such an honor meeting. Thank you so much for your time and for coming here, guys. Be safe out there. There. Thank you so much. Corey, this is amazing.
- [43:51]
C
I loved it.
- [43:52]
B
Yeah.