Kat on the Loose: "Divorced and Destroyed: How the System Fails Women"
Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Sandra ("Sandy")
Date: November 12, 2025
Episode Overview
This raw, revealing episode of Kat on the Loose dives deeply into the realities faced by everyday women in the American divorce system—especially those without money, fame, or powerful connections. Host Kat Zammuto invites Sandra onto the show, a longtime social worker and single mother of three, to share her harrowing, ongoing six-year battle for divorce in a system that, they argue, repeatedly fails women.
By spotlighting Sandy’s lived experience, Kat seeks to illuminate the ways legal processes can be manipulated to control, deplete, and emotionally exhaust women, while pledging to provide a voice for millions in similar positions.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
Introduction: Breaking the Silence on Everyday Women's Struggles
- [00:37] Kat stresses that Sandy represents “millions of women out there every single day that go through a similar situation: a really tough, absurd, unfair divorce in a very broken system.”
- The lack of celebrity or wealth makes Sandy’s story particularly poignant and representative.
Sandy’s Background: Marriage, Work, and Reasons for Divorce
- [01:52] Sandy was married for 18 years, with three children (all now in college), and has worked as a social worker for 25 years.
- “You make a decent salary, but it’s not a fortune.” (Kat, [03:21])
- [02:32] Reasons for divorce: infidelity, substance abuse, being left to manage family life almost entirely alone.
- “Raising three children, working full time … prioritizing my children’s emotional, mental well-being, it was beyond too much.” (Sandy, [02:32])
- Sandy comes from an immigrant, working-class Colombian family, while her husband was raised in privilege.
The Divorce Process: Five Years and No Resolution
- [02:19] Sandy’s divorce has been ongoing since 2020, unresolved after nearly six years.
- The main complicating factor:
- Sandy’s husband refuses to grant the divorce as a means of “control.”
- “When I decided to stop this and make a change and begin to voice my voice, which is very hard… I was the ideal wife, mother … but I was culturally conditioned.” (Sandy, [05:10])
- Her husband leverages his wealthy family’s resources to extend and complicate litigation.
Legal System Abuse and Financial Manipulation
- [06:11-08:41] The process has included:
- Four to five mediations, multiple settlement conferences, two courthouses, two judges, and repeated legal stalling (via continuances, non-submission of documents).
- Sandy was left solely responsible for mortgage, bills, property taxes, and all child-related expenses.
“He found a very creative way to abuse me emotionally and mentally was by using the judicial system and constantly requesting continuances.” (Sandy, [07:36])
- [09:32] When court-ordered to pay child support in 2023, Sandy’s husband quit his job (allegedly laid off) to avoid payments, then filed to make her pay him child and spousal support instead.
“He found a very creative way to get out of paying child support… by being unemployed.” (Sandy, [09:46])
The Home and Watts Credit Catastrophe
- [13:06-16:00] Despite Sandy paying all home-related expenses and the down payment, the court awarded her ex 100% Watts credit (a calculation based on the rental value of the home), requiring Sandy to pay him approximately $300,000 and sell the home.
“I am now ordered to pay him about $300,000 in Watts credit. And I was ordered by the court to sell our home—this was our children’s home.” (Sandy, [14:08])
- Sandy was denied Epstein’s credit (intended to reimburse the spouse who paid to maintain the home).
- “There’s not one case in California … where one spouse receives 100% of the Watts credit…” (Sandy, [14:52])
Systemic Injustice: Gender and Legal Representation
- [17:09-23:42] Unable to afford further legal representation, Sandy (representing herself “pro per”) was ordered to pay $20,000 for her husband’s attorney fees.
- “You were the first one in the whole state of California…So he’s given 100% Watts credit…and everyone says there’s no way he’s gonna order you to pay attorney fees. Don’t worry about it… but he did.” (Kat, [36:26])
- Despite holding 73% physical custody, Sandy was ordered to pay child support as her children aged out of eligibility.
- “I am now ordered to pay him child support. Even though I have 73% … custody.” (Sandy, [23:42])
Immigration, Cultural Norms, and Leaving
- The host and Sandy emphasize the cultural conditioning (especially in Latin culture) to “not rock the boat”—to prioritize marriage and “shut up” rather than leave, regardless of abuse or neglect.
- “You’re supposed to get married really young, you’re supposed to have kids, and you’re technically not even supposed to work.” (Kat, [29:20])
- Both share their struggle to find courage to leave unhappy, controlling marriages.
- “It took me three years to have the courage to file for child support… exactly 10 years to have the courage to leave.” (Sandy, [31:09-31:20])
Emotional Toll, Resilience, and Support
- Both agree that women need support systems, even if it’s “just one person” or a therapist—not necessarily family.
- “My therapist. She was great.” (Sandy, [33:31])
- Kat and Sandy stress that leaving and rebuilding are possible—and that the sooner you leave, the sooner you can heal.
“The sooner you get out, the sooner you can start rebuilding. The sooner you can start healing.” (Kat & Sandy, [35:10])
Holding onto Hope and Looking Forward
- Despite her suffering, Sandy remains resilient and positive.
- “Sometimes we have to just be grateful for what we have, you know…in the midst of all this, don’t get me wrong, it’s been very challenging.” (Sandy, [41:46])
- Kat encourages Sandy—and listeners—by insisting that material losses do not define the future: “At least, thank God you’re young, you’re healthy, you’re gorgeous. And I believe in karma.”
- Sandy: “I have to rebuild, one brick at a time.” ([44:23])
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Control and the System:
- “He found a very creative way to abuse me emotionally and mentally was by using the judicial system.” (Sandy, [07:36])
- On Court Orders:
- “I am now ordered to pay him about $300,000 in Watts credit. And I was ordered by the court to sell our home.” (Sandy, [14:08])
- “You were the first one in the whole state of California…So he’s given 100% Watts credit.” (Kat, [36:26])
- On Support:
- “You don’t need a divorce on paper to move forward. You’re already moving forward.” (Sandy, [45:36])
- On Courage and Leaving:
- “I hope to God no woman out there takes as long as I did to leave…It took me 15 years.” (Kat, [31:00])
- “It took me three years to have the courage to file for child support… exactly 10 years to have the courage to leave.” (Sandy, [31:09-31:20])
- On Women’s Experience in Court:
- “I don’t know how a judge like that sleeps at night…doing that to a woman.” (Kat, [22:37])
- On Rebuilding:
- “I have to rebuild, one brick at a time.” (Sandy, [44:23])
Important Timestamps
- [02:19]: Divorce process ongoing for 5+ years
- [05:10]: On cultural conditioning and control
- [07:36]: Manipulation of the legal process (continuances)
- [09:32]: Ex quits job to avoid child support
- [14:08]: Court awards 100% Watts credit to ex-husband; Sandy must sell home
- [17:09]: Sandy must represent herself, ordered to pay ex’s attorney fees
- [23:42]: Child support ordered despite majority custody
- [31:09/31:20]: Years required to find courage to leave
- [41:46]: Sandy maintains positivity and hope
- [44:23]: Commitment to rebuilding life
Final Message
The episode closes with Kat rallying listeners to find strength, seek support, and not be afraid to leave unhappy relationships—even when the system seems rigged against them. Both women stress that, while the process is grueling, it is possible to move forward, heal, and ultimately rebuild—even if that means starting over from scratch.
“One step at a time, right? Baby step. But it’s one baby step at a time, unfortunately. It is heartbreaking how broken the system is.” (Kat, [45:21])