Kat on the Loose – EZ Dating Coach Mike Goldstein

Air Date: February 8, 2024
Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Mike Goldstein (EZ Dating Coach), with additional guest matchmaker “Nellie” (later in the episode)

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the realities of modern dating with insights from Mike Goldstein, widely known as the EZ Dating Coach. Kat and Mike discuss why dating is rarely “easy”, the science and strategies behind successful online dating, emotional readiness, the male and female dating mindset, and the complicated terrain of modern relationships—especially from a woman’s perspective. The episode is candid, unscripted, occasionally humorous, and packed with real-life anecdotes, tactical advice, and powerful takeaways, making it valuable for anyone navigating the world of dating and relationships.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Is Dating Ever Easy? (06:08)

• Kat probes Mike about his platform’s branding (“EZ Dating”) and asks if dating is ever actually easy.
• Mike: “I think it’s freaking hard.” (06:37)
• Even with a coach and strategic help, dating remains a challenge.

2. Mike’s Approach: Strategy, Not Self-Help (07:02)

• Goldstein clarifies he’s a “strategy guy,” not a “self-work” coach.
• Quote: “I take women that have already done self work and just want to be put in front of a lot of good men through an online dating system. For me, it’s like a science experiment.” (07:02)
• His approach leverages partnerships with major dating sites (Match, OkCupid, eHarmony) and is numbers-driven.

3. Why Do People Stay with the Wrong Partners? (11:08)

• Kat recounts a personal story of staying with a cheating ex, seeking Mike’s insight on why so many people, especially women, stay in dysfunctional relationships.
• Mike: “When we enter the relationship, we didn’t do enough work on ourselves. When you like yourself, you like this life, then you get in partnership—the moment it’s not better than your single life…, you just go back to your single life.” (11:08–12:02)
• Both admit to past issues with boundaries and people-pleasing.

4. The Science of Matching: Data vs. Human Connection (13:36, 15:18)

• Mike shares his system’s origin: adapting and optimizing a method from a successful acquaintance, then validating it with data shared by companies like eHarmony.
• Recognizes that while science and algorithms help, chemistry and emotional connection remain unpredictable: “It’s a crapshoot.” (15:18)
• Kat and Mike criticize app algorithms for mismatches.

5. Mike’s Method: Numbers Game & Platform-Specific Strategy (16:03–18:38)

• For women 45+: Focus on Match.com for quality and more detailed profiles; send 50 messages asking men out, then pick candidates from the 12 or so responses.
• For younger clients: Hinge is favored for those seeking real relationships, as it skews more intentional than other dating apps.

6. The Problem with Dating Apps and Male Behavior Change (18:38–21:19)

• Kat describes how dating apps often cause men—even mature, successful ones—to behave immaturely, overwhelmed by endless options.
• Mike agrees but says with good strategy, you’ll quickly know if someone is serious.

7. Physical Intimacy: The Role of Oxytocin and Timing (21:44–29:57)

• Mike explains the science of oxytocin in bonding during sex and how it affects decision-making—equally produced in men and women, but men’s higher testosterone blocks bonding effects.
• Advises women to delay sex to ensure their judgment isn’t clouded by hormones and to confirm genuine male intention.
• Kat debates, citing male friends who treat the “chase” as a game.
• Mike’s personal anecdote: With his current girlfriend, they waited to have sex, dialogued openly, and built up anticipation. This deeper communication and pacing helped their bond (26:22–28:16).

8. Matchmaker Nellie Joins: Emotional vs. Physical Intimacy (34:19–47:24)

• Nellie advises: “The key is to establish emotional intimacy before physical intimacy… for some, that might be two dates, for others, two months” (35:19)
• Both experts agree—while timing of sex varies, emotional connection is essential for building a lasting relationship.
• Nellie and Mike discuss the myth that men will change for the right woman (46:36): “98% he’s not changing, and don’t think you’re the two percent… Everyone thinks they’re the exception.” (46:36–47:00)

9. How Men Decide: “First Prize is Falling in Love” (41:07)

• Mike: “Most men…first prize is falling in love. Second prize of getting laid, that’s a decent second prize.” (39:03–39:46)
• Both Mike and Nellie challenge the narrative that men are always just after sex.

10. Geography & Dating: Where You Live Matters? (42:29–44:38)

• Mike shares data: In NYC, single men have the advantage (4:1 ratio of educated women to men); LA and San Diego favor women.
• Nellie adds: big cities breed a “fast food” dating mentality—abundance of options creates “paradox of choice” and sometimes more superficial dating.

11. Can You Change a Commitment-Phobic Man? (44:38–47:24)

• Mike and Nellie: No, don’t bank on a guy changing his fundamental intentions.
• Nellie: “If you are dealing with a man who has commitment issues… ask yourself why you are attracted to that dynamic.” (47:52)

12. Non-App Strategies for Meeting Partners (51:18–53:12)

• Mike recommends practicing in-person “friendly waving” as an ice-breaker in public spaces like Whole Foods, parks, or bookstores—a low-pressure way to gauge interest (52:44–53:04).
• Nellie: “The key to dating is almost the same as the key to investing, diversification… Plant yourself in social environments that match your goals and interests.” (53:12)

13. Online Dating Profiles: What Actually Works (55:07–59:06)

• Mike: “Take the picture out of your decision making… Make the profile 85% of your decision.” (55:07)
• Both coaches stress quality photos, concise, inviting bios—not rigid lists or “tough” language.
• Kat confesses her profile is “very tough” to weed people out; Mike cautions that this approach turns off the best relationship-minded men: “They don’t want to compete and they feel like they have to compete with you.” (58:47–59:01)

14. Mike’s Personal Story: Meeting His Girlfriend on Hinge (61:06)

• Despite living only 100 feet apart for years, Mike and his girlfriend met through Hinge.
• They’re now traveling the world together.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mike: “I think it’s freaking hard.” – On whether dating is ever ‘easy’ (06:37)
• Mike: “When you like yourself, you like this life, then you get in partnership—the moment it’s not better than your single life, you just go back…” (11:08–12:02)
• Mike: “My friend was the director of analytics at eharmony… he came up with, basically, it’s 50/50. You could use our system or you could not. It’s a crapshoot.” (15:18)
• Kat: “Dating apps have transformed a lot of men… into immature men that are behaving like teenagers again… swiping girls like they’re ordering pizza on DoorDash.” (18:38–18:51)
• Mike: “If a guy really likes you, you could have sex on the first date, and you guys are going to be together forever if it’s meant to be.” (29:37)
• Nellie: “If a man can consistently show up and take a woman on six dates plus without him getting laid, most of the time, he likes you.” (36:24)
• Mike: “98% he’s not changing, and don’t think you’re the two percent… Everyone thinks they’re the exception and not the rule.” – On whether men change for women (46:36–47:00)
• Mike: “First prize is falling in love. Second prize is getting laid… men are more excited about an opportunity of first prize.” (39:03–39:46)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 06:08 – Is dating ever easy? Mike’s honest take.
• 11:08 – Why do women (and men) stay in unhealthy relationships?
• 13:36/15:18 – The science vs. human connection dichotomy.
• 16:03 – Mike’s original “numbers game” system.
• 18:38 – How dating apps affect men’s behavior.
• 21:44–29:57 – Sex, oxytocin, and when to get physical.
• 34:19 – Matchmaker Nellie joins.
• 39:03–41:07 – Men: “First prize is falling in love.”
• 44:38 – Can you change a man?
• 51:18–53:04 – Non-app ways to meet people.
• 55:07–59:06 – Real talk on building an effective online profile.
• 61:06 – Mike’s personal story: Meeting his girlfriend.

Final Takeaways

• Dating is hard, even with expert help.
• Emotional readiness and self-worth are crucial.
• Don’t expect to fundamentally change a partner—know your own value and standards.
• Online dating success grows with strategy: focus more on profiles, less on pictures; update photos; keep bios welcoming—avoid “tough” language.
• Emotional intimacy should ideally precede physical intimacy, but every timeline is individual.
• In-person opportunities still work—try low-risk, friendly interactions in public spaces.
• Abundance of options in apps (and cities) can make commitment tricky—know what you want and stick to it.
• Never give up on love, but stay smart and grounded in your approach.

For more of Mike Goldstein’s advice, visit EZDatingCoach.com, find him on TikTok and YouTube, and check out his new book “Successful Dating for Women Over 50.”