Kat on the Loose – "HILY DATING APP" (October 1, 2025)

Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Dr. Mindy DeSoto, Sexologist & Hily Advisor

Episode Overview

In this episode, Kat Zammuto dives into the world of dating apps, focusing on Hily (Hey, I Like You), which boasts millions of users and a mission to "date as you are." Joined by sexologist Dr. Mindy DeSoto, Kat explores how Hily distinguishes itself with features emphasizing consent, authenticity, safety, and genuine connections. They also discuss the modern dating landscape, frustrations with existing platforms, and offer candid, actionable advice for singles seeking love—or at least a better online dating experience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Dating App Dilemma (04:18)

• Dating Fatigue: Both Kat and Dr. DeSoto acknowledge widespread frustration with traditional dating apps.
• Authenticity Over Perfection: Dr. DeSoto highlights Hily's culture: "The culture of Hily is weeding all that out and it's encouraging people to be who they are straight in the app so you get a better sense of...do I want to meet up with this person for a date or do I not?" (04:49)
• Kat’s Perspective: “I don’t think it’s a good idea to start any kind of relationship with little white lies, BS photos from twenty years ago, all the little things that people do, right?” (05:34)

2. How Hily Encourages Authenticity (06:08)

• Safety in Vulnerability: Dr. DeSoto compares dating to "the law of probability," emphasizing that vulnerability and honesty upfront save emotional (and financial) investment later.
• Deeper Conversations: Early prompting for users to share hobbies, interests, and values right away.

3. Consent Guard – Fighting Unsolicited Content (07:50)

• Technical Solution: Hily’s AI-driven "Consent Guard" detects potentially explicit messages or images and asks the recipient for consent before revealing any content.
• Empowering Users:
  • Quote (Dr. DeSoto): “If you kind of want to heat things up...Hily's AI will pick it up and it will send a message to the receiver—are you going to consent to this? ...You’re really taking out almost that traumatic surprise that you weren’t expecting.” (08:00)
  • Kat celebrates this as a critical shift in user control and online safety: “It makes me feel like I’m in a safe space.” (19:32)
• Universal Problem: Both men and women are affected by unsolicited nudes, making the feature inclusive.

4. Healthy Boundaries & Early Intimacy Online (10:32)

• Taking It Slow: Kat prefers baby steps—moving from chatting to phone/video calls before in-person meetings and expresses discomfort with escalating intimacy too soon.
• No Pressure Environment: Dr. DeSoto explains, “You can easily decline it or you can just ignore it and continue typing about your day...Pridefully say ‘no thank you’ right now.” (11:27)

5. Sexting: When Is It Too Soon? (12:01)

• Accelerated Timelines: Dr. DeSoto comments that apps often speed up courtship, sometimes to the detriment of genuine connection.
  • Quote: “If you go too soon into the sexting, you miss the whole courting process and that is like foreplay too.” (12:35)
• Red Flags: If someone repeatedly pushes for explicit exchange early, it’s a red flag—especially if boundaries are ignored (13:56).

6. Who Uses Hily? Crowd & Purpose (16:34)

• Intentional Users: Hily’s central audience is singles looking for genuine relationships, not just casual hookups.
• Global Reach: Over 39 million downloads worldwide.
• Authenticity Quiz & Compatibility Score: Upon signup, users take an “authenticity quiz” to better gauge matches based on personality and interests, aiding in deeper connections from the start.

7. Combatting Dating App Burnout (18:25)

• Avoiding Fatigue: Inappropriate interactions and lack of meaningful matches lead users to abandon dating apps. Hily aims to retain users with protective features and prompts for better engagement.
• Control & Safety: The Consent Guard and conversation prompts give users more say in their experience.

8. Profile Authenticity & AI Limitations (23:06)

• Real Photos & Bios: Both agree photo authenticity and self-written bios are critical. Overly staged or outdated photos damage trust.
  • Kat: “Why would you waste somebody’s time like that? ...Don’t you want they like you for you?” (21:42)
• No AI for Bios: Dr. DeSoto discourages using AI for profile writing. “Don’t ever go to AI to write your bio. Write your bio—authentically.” (23:06)

9. Red Flags & Dating Safety (25:26)

• No Bio = Red Flag: Men especially often skip bios; both stress this is a sign of minimal effort and a warning signal.
• Due Diligence: Research matches outside the app (LinkedIn, social media) and don't meet anyone unwilling to share basic references.
  • Kat: “If somebody’s withholding all information about themselves, that's a red flag right?” (33:33)

10. Sex & Dating Timelines: The Expert’s Take (29:23)

• No Magic Number: Dr. DeSoto challenges prescriptive dating timelines (e.g., “don’t have sex before date three/90 days/exclusivity”), urging listeners to tune into their feelings and values.
  • Quote: “Throw the number out, throw the parameters out. Pay attention to your morals and values, but most importantly: How do I feel right now?” (29:23)
• No Games: Both oppose relationship “games” or rules that feel manipulative. If the chemistry feels right, timing becomes a personal (not prescribed) choice.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [04:49] Dr. Mindy DeSoto: “The culture of Hily is setting a culture of be authentic, be vulnerable...date as you are.”
• [08:00] Dr. Mindy DeSoto: “Hily’s AI will pick it up and send a message to the receiver—are you going to consent to this?...You’re really taking out almost that traumatic surprise that you weren’t expecting.”
• [12:35] Dr. Mindy DeSoto: “If you go too soon into the sexting, you miss the whole courting process and that is like foreplay too.”
• [13:56] Dr. Mindy DeSoto: “If they're pushing you when you're also trying to set these boundaries—yeah, red flag.”
• [23:06] Dr. Mindy DeSoto: “Don’t ever go to AI to write your bio. Write your bio—authentically.”
• [29:23] Dr. Mindy DeSoto: “Throw the number out...Pay attention to your morals and values, but most importantly: How do I feel right now?”
• [31:08] Dr. Mindy DeSoto: “Don’t play games and don’t test your partner...get rid of all that. It just creates drama and honestly, what if you want it now? Why are we denying ourselves?”
• [33:33] Kat: “If somebody’s withholding all information about themselves, that's a red flag right?”

Useful Timestamps

• 04:18: Why are dating apps so exhausting?
• 07:50: How Consent Guard works to prevent unsolicited nudes/sexting.
• 12:01: Discussion about sexting and boundaries.
• 16:34: Who is the Hily userbase? Intentions and compatibility features.
• 23:06: Importance of authentic bios; downsides of staged photos and AI.
• 29:23: Sex on the first/second/third date? Dr. DeSoto’s professional advice.
• 33:33: Safety, red flags, and investigating new matches.

Final Advice & Takeaways

• Hily is designed for singles seeking genuine, safe, and authentic connections, using features like an authenticity quiz, compatibility scoring, and Consent Guard.
• The hosts urge listeners to keep giving online dating a fair chance, show up authentically, respect boundaries, and always prioritize safety.
• Both advocate for discarding rigid rules or manipulative tactics in dating, instead urging authenticity, honesty, and self-awareness.

For more about Hily, visit:
Hily.com
Available in app stores worldwide.

“Give it a good honest shot...put your best face forward, be who you are.”
– Kat Zammuto (35:10)