Podcast Summary: Kat on the Loose

Episode: How to Get What You Want IN BED with Dr. Tara
Host: Kat Zammuto
Guest: Dr. Tara (Kinsey Certified Sexologist, Professor, Author)
Release Date: October 8, 2025

Episode Overview

This lively, candid, and empowering episode dives into how to advocate for your sexual needs and desires—especially in relationships—while stripping away shame and stigma around open sexual communication. Kat and renowned sexologist Dr. Tara tackle questions on normalizing sexual conversations, reigniting long-term desire, trying new things, the importance of masturbation, and finding confidence in the bedroom. Filled with actionable strategies and unfiltered real talk, the episode encourages listeners of all backgrounds to claim their pleasure boldly.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Normalizing Sex Talk and Breaking Taboos

• Sexual Communication and Education

  • Dr. Tara highlights the power of education in fostering sexual liberation. Without education, talking about sex feels uncomfortable for many.

    “Education is the path to liberation. There’s no sexual liberation if we can’t talk about it.” – Dr. Tara (03:39)

  • Family sex communication largely shapes sexual confidence in adulthood, with taboos breeding anxiety and dysfunction.

    “When you grow up in a family that treats sex as a taboo...you develop sexual anxiety as a young adult.” – Dr. Tara (05:13)

• Advice for Parents

  • Both Kat and Dr. Tara stress that open conversations should start at home and be approached without shame.

    “Talk to your teenagers about it… Sex is the reason why they’re here!” – Dr. Tara (06:41)

2. Addressing Sexless Relationships and Infidelity (08:25)

• Why Sex Sometimes Stops

  • Dr. Tara explains that waning sex is rarely about the act itself; it mirrors deeper relationship or personal issues.

    “Sex is never just about sex. Sex is about everything else outside the bedroom… Not having sex is just a symptom of a bigger problem.” – Dr. Tara (08:25)

• The Three Causes of Infidelity

  1. Personal insecurities
  2. Relationship issues outside the bedroom (communication, respect, affection)
  3. Lack of novelty or boredom

• First Step: Macro Sexual Communication

  • Partners should openly investigate what’s really going on, since superficial fixes won’t work.

    “You have to engage in what I call macro sexual communication. Check in to the true reason why you’re not having sex.” – Dr. Tara (10:07)

• Fixing Boring Sex

  • Most people fall into sexual routines. Dr. Tara suggests seeking out “erotic solutions” (creative, non-penetrative activities) to revive excitement.

    “If you have a boring sex life, you need erotic solutions.” – Dr. Tara (11:18)

3. Reigniting Desire and the Importance of Novelty (12:52)

• Sex Drives Over Time

  • Initial passion tends to fade, especially by year two or three—natural human psychology.
  • Women often get bored faster than men if novelty isn’t introduced.

    “Research found that women get bored of their partner faster than men do.” – Dr. Tara (13:13)

• Understanding Novelty

  • Novelty doesn’t mean outside partners. It means new experiences together within the relationship; there are hundreds of sexual activities to explore.

4. How To Suggest Trying New Things (Kink, Bondage, Etc.)

• Overcoming Shame and Starting the Conversation (14:22)
  • Many struggle to admit their desires.

    “Sex is very vulnerable and sexual fantasies and kinks are really hard to say...” – Dr. Tara (17:24)

• The 'Media Mention Method' for Ease (14:30)
  • Instead of saying “I want to try X,” reference media:

    “Hey, babe, today I listened to this episode on Kat on the Loose and they were talking about bondage. Have you ever tried that before? It’s so interesting.”

    • This opens dialogue without putting either partner on the spot.

    “It starts a conversation—it’s so effective.” – Dr. Tara (15:32)

5. Responding to Your Partner’s Fantasies (17:43, 21:13)

• Encourage curiosity, not judgment:

  “Your first reaction to anything your partner says should be curiosity, not judgment.” – Dr. Tara (18:00)

• When you’re not ready for something, say:

  “I’m not ready for it.” – Kat/Dr. Tara (21:44)

6. Exploring Bondage and Vulnerability (22:45)

• Dr. Tara recounts a personal experience with shibari (Japanese bondage), describing total surrender and trust as both erotic and liberating.

  “I make a lot of decisions... I don’t want to be boss bitch all the time. And for that one hour that I wasn’t, it actually was liberating.” – Dr. Tara (25:56)

• Advice for Beginners
  • Start with safe, easy tools (e.g. fluffy handcuffs)
  • For serious experiences (rope, suspension), see a professional.

7. The Broader Benefits of Good Sex (27:32)

• Fulfilling sex lives are linked to better mood, relationships, and even career/business success.

  “A good sex life contributes to like better business, more money coming in, better skin, better hair…” – Dr. Tara (27:32)

8. Dirty Talk: A Beginner’s Guide (28:38)

• Both love dirty talk; silence in bed is “boring.”
• Simple Starter Phrases:
  • “I want you.”
  • “Do you want me?”
  • “Do you want me to come for you?”

  “Use words of desire… little things turn them on so hard.” – Dr. Tara (29:28)

• Confidence is attractive!

  “When guys say words of command, it’s really hot...” – Dr. Tara (31:06)

  • Examples: “Come for me,” “Turn over,” “I want to do this to you.”

9. Debunking the 'Wait for Sex' Myth (34:33)

• No one-size-fits-all rule:

  “Don’t listen to experts that give you a prescription. Everyone is on their own timeline.” – Dr. Tara (34:46)

• Outlines two schools of thought:
  1. Sexual restraint (wait for emotional connection)
  2. Sexual compatibility (test for chemistry early)
• Dr. Tara: “I subscribe to the sexual compatibility school… If the chemistry is strong, I will have sex on the first date. And so far they all wanna marry me!” (36:03)
• Kat: “If it feels right for you, just freaking do it. No games.” (38:43)

10. The Power & Positivity of Masturbation (42:40)

• Masturbation is self-care!

  “When you masturbate and when you orgasm, you release dopamine and oxytocin and serotonin, which is great for your physical health, mental health, and sexual health.” – Dr. Tara (43:12)

• Emphasize to women: Buy a vibrator; don’t wait for a partner. No shame, all gain.

11. The Book: "How Do You Like It?" (44:53)

• Now available for pre-order; releases October 21.
• Aimed at helping readers learn about themselves, build language for sexual wants, and deepen their understanding of their partners.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On education and liberation:

  “Education is the path to liberation. There’s no sexual liberation if we can’t talk about it.”
  – Dr. Tara (03:39)

• On sexual problems in relationships:

  “Sex is never just about sex. Sex is about everything else outside the bedroom.”
  – Dr. Tara (08:25)

• On fixing boring sex:

  “If you have a boring sex life, you need erotic solutions.”
  – Dr. Tara (11:18)

• On curiosity toward fantasies:

  “Your first reaction to anything that your partner says should be curiosity, not judgment.”
  – Dr. Tara (18:00)

• On sexual compatibility:

  “I subscribe to the sexual compatibility school… If the chemistry is strong, I will have sex on the first date. And so far they all wanna marry me!”
  – Dr. Tara (36:03)

• On the myth of withholding sex:

  “Sex isn’t something you give away. Sex is something you enjoy with a partner that respects you.”
  – Dr. Tara (37:58)

• On masturbation and self-care:

  “When you masturbate and orgasm, you release dopamine and oxytocin and serotonin, which is great for your physical health, mental health, and sexual health.” – Dr. Tara (43:12)

Practical Tips & Takeaways

• Normalize sex talk by modeling open, judgment-free conversation both at home and with partners.
• Investigate sex problems at their root; don’t assume it’s “just about sex.”
• Keep things fresh with novelty—creative activities and regular communication.
• Use the media mention method to suggest new experiences without pressure.
• Respond to fantasies with “I’m not ready for that” (not judgment).
• Masturbate for health and happiness—no shame in the game!
• Follow your own sexual timeline—don’t stick to rigid, externally-imposed rules.

Where to Find Dr. Tara

• Instagram: @lovebites
• Book: How Do You Like It? A Guide for Getting What You Want in Bed (pre-order available now; ships Oct 21)

Closing Tone

RAW, EMPOWERING, and INCLUSIVE:
Kat and Dr. Tara create a safe, judgment-free space to explore pleasure, and urge all listeners to own their desires, be curious, and never settle for less than joyful, communicative sex lives.

Jump to Key Segments

• [03:39] – Breaking sexual taboos
• [08:25] – Causes of sexless relationships
• [14:30] – Media mention method
• [17:24] – Responding to partner fantasies
• [22:45] – Shibari/bondage experience
• [27:32] – Sex and overall wellbeing
• [28:38] – Dirty talk for beginners
• [34:46] – The truth about “waiting for sex”
• [42:40] – Masturbation and self-love
• [44:53] – About Dr. Tara's book

For more insight and strategies, listen to the full episode and follow Kat and Dr. Tara for ongoing, fearless conversations on sex and empowerment.